1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful 4 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:23,920 Speaker 1: with a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This 5 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: tip comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: and Why it Matters. In this book, author Pria Parker 7 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: provides eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a 8 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: few of these principles today, but I recommend reading the 9 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: whole book. The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences 10 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: designing gatherings of all sorts, from international peace talks to 11 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: baby showers. Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the 12 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: way for meaning. Most people don't think about this. Parker 13 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: accuses us of fussing over the crudy days and hoping 14 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: for the best when it comes to the human beings. 15 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: But really, gatherings are about people and relationships, and here's 16 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: how you can use that insight to take your holiday 17 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 1: parties to the next level. Parker's first principle is, in 18 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: her words, decide why you're really gathering because it's Christmas 19 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: or because it's New Year's is not in itself a reason. 20 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: These are categories of gatherings, not their purpose. What is 21 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: the real why? Deciding this is essential because the purpose 22 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: of your gathering, according to Parker, is a tool, a 23 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: filter that helps you determine all the details, grand and trivial. 24 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: For example, if you want to build relationships across generations 25 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 1: of your family, you might not want to have an 26 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: adult's table in the dining room and a kid's table 27 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: in the kitchen. If your purpose is to have lighthearted 28 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: fun with your team before a demanding season at work, 29 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: you might be better off at a bowling alley than 30 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: in a stuffy restaurant. The purpose of your gathering shapes 31 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: every other element of planning and execution. Also essential to 32 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: your gatherings how they begin, and I don't mean when 33 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: guests show up. The real beginning happens at what Parker 34 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: calls the moment of discovery, when your guests first learn 35 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: of the gathering. One of the first ways of priming 36 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: your guests for what's ahead is in your naming of 37 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: the event. Rather than just a New Year's Eve party, 38 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,519 Speaker 1: you might invite friends to raise a glass to the 39 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: joys and learnings of a cookie swap could become a 40 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: time to share cookies and stories, emphasizing the relationship building 41 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: aspect of the gathering, not just the cookie part. When 42 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: you let your guests know about your gathering, you can 43 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: also ask them to begin preparing. Parker points out that 44 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: we're comfortable asking guests to bring a bottle of wine 45 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: or a dessert, so we should feel equally at ease 46 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: asking people to contribute in ways that connect to an 47 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 1: events purpose rather than its logistics. For example, she describes 48 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: a gathering when the host asked everyone to send photographs 49 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: of happy moments from the past year. The host then 50 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: printed the photos, cut them out in circles, and placed 51 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: them on the Christmas tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived, 52 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: they were immediately drawn together in delight as they shared 53 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: stories of the year and learned about what constituted happiness 54 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: for each of them. Just as you're intentional about how 55 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 1: you begin an event, Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your 56 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: gatherings too. Now, in most cases people just start drifting out, 57 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: but this is a missed opportunity, As she explains, a 58 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: strong closing has two phases, corresponding to two distinct needs 59 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: among your guests looking inward and turning outward. Parker continues, 60 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: looking inward is about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, 61 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: and reflect on what just transpired, and to bond as 62 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: a group one last time. She describes this experience as 63 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: having an affirming moment of recalling not what we did here, 64 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: but who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering 65 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: your family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas 66 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 1: carol before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home. 67 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where 68 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The 69 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward, 70 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: preparing to part from one another and retake your place 71 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,679 Speaker 1: in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes, 72 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 1: is helping your guests find a thread to connect the 73 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: world of the gathering to the world outside. One way 74 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: to do this is by giving your guests a party 75 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No, 76 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in 77 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can 78 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 1: I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into 79 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house 80 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 1: with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments. 81 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new 82 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: year and share your hopes for you give your friends 83 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 1: a little notebook for recording their joyful memories in the 84 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukkah dinner, you give 85 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for lacas, written 86 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,280 Speaker 1: out in your own handwriting, a memento of the night 87 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: that they'll pull out years from now when they're hosting 88 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 1: dinners of their own. This holiday season, here's to paying 89 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: less attention to the crudy days and more attention to 90 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: the people, so that our gatherings make a difference in 91 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 1: our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime, 92 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making 93 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 94 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 95 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, 96 00:05:55,600 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: and Instagram at before Breakfast pod that's B the number four, 97 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me 98 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com 99 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. 100 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch. 101 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. 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