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Speaker 1: I still feel so good in this filter. Whenever I

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Speaker 1: opened up my zoom, I was like, oh there, I kind.

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Speaker 2: Of forgot that it stay the setting stay.

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Speaker 1: I didn't because it adjusted. It made my skin look smoother.

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Speaker 1: If you guys want to see go watch us on YouTube.

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Speaker 1: And you really should watch this part because I feel

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Speaker 1: like Chip is about to lose his shit? Is that right?

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Speaker 1: I can't.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I kind of lost it already. I can't

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Speaker 2: believe that I didn't notice. It's been there for a day.

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Speaker 2: I didn't notice until right now.

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Speaker 1: I oh my, do you want to tell the listeners closed?

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Speaker 2: I mean, Dax Shepherd liked my comment. I don't even

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Speaker 2: know what else to do.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so you commented on one of Dax's pictures, and

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Speaker 1: if anybody is new to the podcast, there has been

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Speaker 1: a long term obsession for Chip. With Dak Shepherd, you

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Speaker 1: were the probably number one fan of the armchair iPhone chair.

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Speaker 2: I'm an arm cherry.

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Speaker 1: An arm cherry, yeah, I don't even know the name. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he was definitely an arm arm. I can't say that

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Speaker 1: word armchair. Arm cherry. And you have always had kind

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Speaker 1: of like a friend crush. I would say, it's not

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Speaker 1: even like it's not like you like have a crush

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Speaker 1: crush on Dax. No, I mean his friends.

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Speaker 2: I want to be his friend so bad. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: he'd look, they bought property. They have a house in

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Speaker 2: like Hendersonville. I think now like they've spent a lot

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Speaker 2: of time in Nashville this summer.

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Speaker 1: Me and all the old listeners know because you've been

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Speaker 1: talking about.

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Speaker 2: But they're finally here. And he keeps posting stuff. But anyway,

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Speaker 2: he posted a photo the other day of they had

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Speaker 2: Shack on their podcast, and it's a photo of him,

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Speaker 2: Monica and Shack. And you know, Dax is a big dude.

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Speaker 1: Shack is a giant.

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Speaker 2: He makes he makes Dax look like it's his little son,

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Speaker 2: and then Monica looks like a Shack's holding a doll

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Speaker 2: and and I just commented, I'm going to tell my

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Speaker 2: kids this is a I.

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Speaker 1: Like, do you think it was him or do you

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Speaker 1: think someone would do social media?

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Speaker 2: Okay, I think it's him. I believe it's him.

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Speaker 1: Have you gone and seen if he likes everyone's.

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Speaker 2: He does not like everyone?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? So what's next for you? I mean,

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Speaker 1: what's next?

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Speaker 2: Oh? I already taught so his Kristen's publicist. I know

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Speaker 2: because he works in music stuff and I've told him

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Speaker 2: about my man crush and he was like, oh, next

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Speaker 2: time they're in town and I'll introduce y'all. And I

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Speaker 2: haven't taken him up on it, but like I might

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Speaker 2: have to send send and be like I've already done it.

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Speaker 2: You were friends.

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Speaker 1: Services will no longer be needed. Yeah, that actually introduced me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I like, let's make it happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, maybe you're just laying the groundwork, because, like

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes if someone hits you up on social media,

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Speaker 1: you don't know if you can trust if they're not

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Speaker 1: like a freak or a weirdo or a stalker or something.

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Speaker 1: But like you're laying the ground where so maybe he'll

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Speaker 1: notice you and then a friend can comment and introduce you.

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Speaker 2: Guys, he'll be like, you're the dude that made the

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Speaker 2: AI comment.

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Speaker 1: That was for sure he'll remember daxcellent is However, many

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Speaker 1: comments a day followers, Yeah, that was the funniest comment

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Speaker 1: I've ever read.

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Speaker 2: Ever.

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Speaker 1: Ever, it only.

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Speaker 2: Has one like to like No, none of the other

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Speaker 2: people that follow him have liked it.

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Speaker 1: But it only has the most important like do you

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Speaker 1: care about anyone else.

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Speaker 2: Isn't it funny that like the seratonin that just him

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Speaker 2: like hitting somebody, probably not him. Maybe it's highly likely

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Speaker 2: that it's not. What that does to us.

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Speaker 1: The hit, Yeah, they like, we'll talk us through it.

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Speaker 1: What's happening to you right now?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just excited. I was like, holy shit,

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Speaker 2: you know, like and obviously I work in this industry,

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Speaker 2: so I get it too, and I really truly like

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Speaker 2: believe it. Probably it might not be him. It's probably

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Speaker 2: a social media person doing right. But I did notice

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Speaker 2: I look to see if it's like every comment and

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Speaker 2: it's not. But that doesn't mean it's him. I just

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Speaker 2: want to believe that it's him.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you already look immediately deflated as you.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I think it's harder for like someone

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Speaker 2: who is just like a fan of whatever celebrity, whether

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Speaker 2: it's a singer or whatever, to believe that it's not them.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well it was so interesting to me, Like back

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Speaker 1: when I was like way more active on social media

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Speaker 1: and I was on the show and stuff, like people

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Speaker 1: would always say, I know, you're never gonna see this

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Speaker 1: in your DMS, and I was like, I can see everything.

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Speaker 1: I see it, I don't like, I don't know, and

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Speaker 1: I mean I don't have millions of followers obviously, but

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Speaker 1: like if you're actively because I had a blog at

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Speaker 1: the time too, so like you are engaging with people constantly.

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Speaker 1: And yes, I had an assistant that helped me run that,

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Speaker 1: but for the most part I saw pretty much everything

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Speaker 1: like you're you see the comments coming in and the

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Speaker 1: DM's coming in. Some of them you're not able to

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Speaker 1: respond to you But like you don't miss stuff as

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Speaker 1: much as I think people think you do.

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Speaker 2: I always check my random requests, not like I'm not

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Speaker 2: constantly checking them, but the program knows the difference between

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Speaker 2: like a legit message and hey, by my yarn, you know,

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Speaker 2: like the weird They separate those out, so you know,

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Speaker 2: I take the time to like look for this for

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Speaker 2: people that are just sliding in ship. I might meet

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Speaker 2: my husband that way.

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Speaker 1: Well, look, your best.

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Speaker 2: Liked my comment, So why is my husband responding.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, he's next, He's next to kill it. Maybe Dax

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Speaker 1: will introduce you to somebody. Maybe that would be a

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Speaker 1: full circle moment.

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Speaker 2: God, and then Zach's could Dax can marry us?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god?

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Speaker 2: He's speaking things into the universe.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well there you go. Anyway, Chips Day is made.

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Speaker 1: Maybe week, maybe life, maybe year. I don't know all

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Speaker 1: of the things you were. We were text a lot

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Speaker 1: today and obviously we talked earlier because you did go

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Speaker 1: listen to the Bonnie Hammer podcast and if you guys

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Speaker 1: haven't listened to the Wednesday podcast yet, I had former

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Speaker 1: vice chair of NBC Universal, Bonnie Hammer on. She was amazing,

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Speaker 1: Like I learned so much. I was kind of geeking

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Speaker 1: out because she got on the podcast and she obviously,

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Speaker 1: like I was on a show that was under an

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Speaker 1: NBC Universal umbrella, and so we did a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff with them, like I would go do different events

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that, and she knew who I was

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Speaker 1: from the show, and she actually gave me really good

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Speaker 1: feedback because you know, like when you're on a reality

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Speaker 1: TV show, I don't think that you feel all the time.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's me because I know so much of the

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Speaker 1: backside of the entertainment industry, Like I didn't necessarily feel

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Speaker 1: like that was the most respected industry within TV. You know, like, right,

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Speaker 1: does that make sense? Like there's a big actors and

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Speaker 1: movie people and producers and all these things, and sad

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Speaker 1: reality TV can sometimes look at as like you're sort

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Speaker 1: of like do they respect me at all? That just

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Speaker 1: was so validating to me because that experience. Obviously I've

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Speaker 1: had not the most positive feedback or like, I don't

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Speaker 1: speak about it as positively, and I've always kind of

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Speaker 1: looked at it as, oh God, that really was not

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Speaker 1: the right move, but had taught me so much. After

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Speaker 1: my conversation with her, I was like, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: no mistakes in life, Like then, the things that happen

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Speaker 1: in our careers and our lives and our relationships, they

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Speaker 1: do all lead you to the next thing if you

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Speaker 1: use them for growth. And that was such a growth

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Speaker 1: moment for me on all kinds of different levels. And

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Speaker 1: I can look at it now and say that, and

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Speaker 1: then having that feedback from her, a person who I

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Speaker 1: was just kind of in awe of honestly, like I

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Speaker 1: kind of was geeking out. It's kind of funny who

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Speaker 1: will really like shock me and make me nervous to

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Speaker 1: talk to, But she was one of them. And it

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Speaker 1: was because I just respected her career so much, and

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Speaker 1: then after our conversation I even loved her even more.

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Speaker 1: So what did you take from the conversation.

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Speaker 2: First of all, I kind of expected her have lived

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Speaker 2: in Los Angeles, but she's in New York her just

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Speaker 2: because I can envision the NBC Universal building in Studio City,

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Speaker 2: So I was thinking she was LA based. But then

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Speaker 2: I'm listening to her, and she reminded me so much

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Speaker 2: of my first boss, whose name was Vicky, at Atlantic

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Speaker 2: Records in New York, and she was a New Yorker.

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Speaker 2: And Vicky had been at at the time I started

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Speaker 2: working at Atlantic in ninety four. She had been working

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Speaker 2: at Atlantic at the point at that point for twenty

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Speaker 2: some years and had come up in that business. And

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Speaker 2: she was like a tough cookie, like a lot of

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Speaker 2: people were really scared of her. But like I was

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Speaker 2: her assistant, so I got to know her really well

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Speaker 2: on a personal level too, and there was a sensitive

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Speaker 2: side to her that I got to see. I don't

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Speaker 2: know that it was as thought out as the way

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Speaker 2: that Bonnie talked about it, because you know, Bonnie said

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Speaker 2: on the in the podcast that she the pandemic happened,

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Speaker 2: she had a lot more free time because she wasn't

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Speaker 2: commuting four hours a day, and that gave her the

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Speaker 2: opportunity to write the book because she had the time

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Speaker 2: to think about it, and it was a really it

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Speaker 2: was she wrote it from a more reflective place. Some

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Speaker 2: of the stuff that she learned, she didn't realize she

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Speaker 2: had learned until she sat back and reflected. Yeah, so

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Speaker 2: I think that's probably the case with Vicky too, Like

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Speaker 2: she didn't know exactly why she was operating the way

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Speaker 2: that she was operating. But I think she operated similarly

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Speaker 2: as Bonnie did. Yeah, as a leader, I mean it

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Speaker 2: was like she was tough, you wouldn't cross her, but

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Speaker 2: she also was sensitive. She cheered us on like a

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Speaker 2: win for me was a win for her. She promoted

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Speaker 2: me several times, like when someone tried to poach me,

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Speaker 2: she wouldn't let me like. She made me feel really important.

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Speaker 2: She made me feel seen. I mean, I call her

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Speaker 2: my second I'm still friends with her. I called her

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Speaker 2: my second mother. Yeah, we still text and share memes.

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Speaker 2: And I think my career would be very different if

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Speaker 2: it weren't for her. So listening to the Bonnie thing,

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Speaker 2: it made me love and miss Vicky and fall in

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Speaker 2: love with Bonnie. And you know, it's like I've had

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Speaker 2: a lot of I know that the book is specif Women,

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Speaker 2: and she said that she wanted it to be more broad,

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Speaker 2: but her publisher was like, we have to market this,

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Speaker 2: so it's like, you make it about women. But I've

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Speaker 2: had a lot of female leadership in my career, so

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Speaker 2: I can't speak that strongly to like what it's like

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Speaker 2: to have a male leader, because most of my bosses

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Speaker 2: have been female. And even when I was at Atlantic,

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Speaker 2: most of the department heads were female. Like the c

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Speaker 2: suite was all men, but like the all the SVPs

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Speaker 2: were women, which was really interesting. That is because at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, they're the run ones. The

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Speaker 2: SVPs are the ones running the show. You know, the

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Speaker 2: C suite is making a lot of the decisions that

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Speaker 2: inform them on how to run the show, but like

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Speaker 2: the day to day operations are happening from the the

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Speaker 2: SVPs down and so I, you know, I have a

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Speaker 2: ton of respect for women in power. I've learned a

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Speaker 2: lot from them. So it was awesome to hear Bonnie's

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Speaker 2: journey in her evolution and what she's leaned from that.

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Speaker 2: So I really liked her. Like I texted Kelly this

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Speaker 2: morning and I was like, you should ask her to

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Speaker 2: be your mentor.

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Speaker 1: I mean that would be a dream truly. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I just have so much respect for her and the

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Speaker 1: same that you're saying. I learned so much just in

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Speaker 1: that conversation in general, one from the perspective of how

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Speaker 1: she got to where she was and just the striving

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Speaker 1: and having to you know, kind of develop that tough skin.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's a mixed bag these days because

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Speaker 1: there's so much going on with HR. We were talking

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Speaker 1: about this a little bit on the podcast. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you heard her say that, but like in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, obviously you can't get away with a

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Speaker 1: whole lot like saying the things that we used to

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Speaker 1: hear all the time, or acting the way that we

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Speaker 1: used to act or be treated. And that's good on

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Speaker 1: so many levels, Like there were things that needed to

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Speaker 1: be put into place, and there is this other part

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Speaker 1: of it that's like, well, people are getting so soft

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Speaker 1: that everything offends everybody, you know, and we have we

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Speaker 1: don't know how to take constructive criticism anymore. And in

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Speaker 1: Bonnie's explanation of that, I actually realized that, you know,

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Speaker 1: I've faced a lot of those kind of bosses in

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Speaker 1: my younger days or even like my basketball coach when

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Speaker 1: I was in high school, and it did help me

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Speaker 1: to really kind of get more disciplined, learn, you know,

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Speaker 1: how to keep going with my drive to really stand

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Speaker 1: in my truth on certain things. And so there is

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Speaker 1: sort of this thing to say for the tough boss

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Speaker 1: that's going to challenge you. I guess I've posted something

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Speaker 1: today even about her talking about that piece of it, like,

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Speaker 1: if you just have just the cheerleader, it's not always

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Speaker 1: even to your benefit, because you need feedback, you need

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Speaker 1: constructive criticism, you need all of those things. And so

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Speaker 1: I loved hearing about her journey through that with her mentor,

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Speaker 1: but then also her reflection back after being a leader

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Speaker 1: for so many years, and how so much of what

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Speaker 1: she ended up ending her career with was kindness, empathy,

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Speaker 1: the team mentality, you know, wanting to work together and

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Speaker 1: build each other up, giving constructive feedback, but also making

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Speaker 1: sure to also honor and value the people and what

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Speaker 1: they were giving to the team, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: just think that's such a holistic approach to leadership that

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Speaker 1: is very difficult to find but also very difficult to

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Speaker 1: encompass as a leader.

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Speaker 2: Totally. Yeah, Yeah, I mean I loved the moment that

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Speaker 2: she said something about for the women on her team.

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Speaker 2: She let that if they had kids, they didn't have

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Speaker 2: to come into the office on Friday. Yeah, and you no,

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Speaker 2: it was just like in general, like if you had children,

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Speaker 2: you did not have to work on like you had

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Speaker 2: to get your work done. Also, she was like, if

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Speaker 2: you need to go to a soccer game, go to

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Speaker 2: the soccer game and don't feel like you need to

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Speaker 2: lie to me and act like you're in a meeting. Right,

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Speaker 2: tell me you're going to the soccer game, but get

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Speaker 2: your work done. And it fostered like she was like

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Speaker 2: that didn't scare people away, it actually made them want

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Speaker 2: to stay. And you know, because that falseter's a team mentality.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's like, if your goal as a leader

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Speaker 2: is to only have your team be successful when they're

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Speaker 2: in your building, you're not looking at them as human

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Speaker 2: human beings. You're not looking at them as whole human being.

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Speaker 2: You're looking at them as an ingredient to get your

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Speaker 2: goals done. And I think if you shad a point,

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Speaker 2: if you can think of them as a whole human

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Speaker 2: being that needs to show up and be excited to

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Speaker 2: be there and be excited to be a part of

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Speaker 2: your team and to help you succeed by them succeeding.

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Speaker 2: Then that sounds like a ship that rises with the tides,

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Speaker 2: you know, Like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it probably depends on the kind of person

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Speaker 1: you are, though, because if you're a workaholic who just

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Speaker 1: only cares about work, who doesn't have a family, who

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to do anything but build the business, that's

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Speaker 1: probably what you're going to expect from the people who

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Speaker 1: work under you. But if you want to be treated

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Speaker 1: as a whole person, then you do have to kind

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Speaker 1: of take that into consideration with your employees. But it's hard,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's hard. We were talking before the podcast

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Speaker 1: and and when I've had assistance who work for me,

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Speaker 1: or the team that was running the Velvet s Edge

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Speaker 1: blog with me, and stuff like, it is very difficult

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Speaker 1: because as the leader, you have so much more on

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Speaker 1: your plate than anybody realizes, and you're managing people, and

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Speaker 1: you're managing all of like those factors that you just mentioned,

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Speaker 1: like if somebody gets sick or whatever, all the responsibility

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Speaker 1: falls on you. So I just remember feeling like, wow,

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Speaker 1: this is a lot harder to balance being kind, being considerate,

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Speaker 1: of another human being and also getting my needs met

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Speaker 1: that I need them to do from their job, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, and what I needed off my

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Speaker 1: plate so that I could do my part of the job.

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Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, when you're in

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Speaker 1: the leadership position, you do get a lot more praise maybe,

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Speaker 1: but also so much more falls on you. So it's

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Speaker 1: like I see the hard line, and like, I think

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Speaker 1: her mentality of the team winning is probably helpful for

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Speaker 1: even that piece that I just said, because then maybe

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Speaker 1: people want to work a little bit harder or make baby.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to get all the praise or the

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Speaker 1: detriment stuff, do you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Like I mean, it's kind of like, you know, to

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Speaker 2: give it a sports analogy, because you know, everyone knows

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Speaker 2: I love sports ball. It's like if the quarterback only

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Speaker 2: wanted to run the ball all the time and didn't

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Speaker 2: throw it to anybody. It's like if the quarterback only

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Speaker 2: wanted to run the ball all the time, it didn't

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Speaker 2: throw it to anybody, right, you know, like that was

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Speaker 2: his tactic to win every game, versus being like I've

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Speaker 2: got an amazing defense, I've got an amazing offense, and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to let all of them work to the

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Speaker 2: best of their ability so that I can be the

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Speaker 2: best quarterback I can be. Then it's exciting because everyone's

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Speaker 2: contributing to the win and.

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Speaker 1: At the end of the game, everybody, everyone gets celebrated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know it's it is true. Analogy it

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Speaker 2: could be can you believe that you're a quarterback?

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Speaker 1: I mean a new quarterback probably because you probably do.

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Speaker 1: They're cute, but I'm like you, I love their uniforms

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Speaker 1: and that was a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, it's like I'm sure most people have

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Speaker 2: had that fucking asshole boss that you work for that

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Speaker 2: you just do because you don't want to put up

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Speaker 2: with their reaction to anything. And when I think back

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Speaker 2: to those moments, if I'm placating a boss because I'm

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Speaker 2: scared of a reaction, I am just going to get

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Speaker 2: it done, but I'm not going to do it to

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Speaker 2: the best of my ability. I'm going to get it

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Speaker 2: done so that I don't have to deal with a

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Speaker 2: negative reaction. But I would much rather have someone look

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Speaker 2: at my work and be like, holy fucking shit, you

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Speaker 2: knock this out of the park. And in order for

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Speaker 2: me to do things at the best of my ability.

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Speaker 2: I have to rely on my teammates because I can't

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Speaker 2: do everything myself and any and sort of in any situation,

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Speaker 2: so I would have to have have relied on everyone

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Speaker 2: and help to manage everybody to like get this thing

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Speaker 2: to be amazing. So then the boss freaks out and

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Speaker 2: then it is a team win. Yeah, Whereas if you're

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Speaker 2: dealing with that asshole, I'm like, I'm just gonna get

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Speaker 2: this fucking done and move on, and then where's the

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Speaker 2: heart and that that's not success.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you remember this part,

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Speaker 1: but she was talking about her mentor I cannot remember

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Speaker 1: his name, maybe Barry.

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Speaker 2: Barry Diller Diller, okay, yes, And.

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Speaker 1: He was talking about a show she presented about the

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Speaker 1: psychic medium John Edwards, who I also love. I'm dying

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Speaker 1: to get him on the podcast. Maybe I'll get Bonnie.

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Speaker 2: To call your mentor, Bonnie, I know.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, so I think that she was talking about

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Speaker 1: she had brought the show idea to him with John Edwards,

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Speaker 1: and he challenged it. And what I liked about that,

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Speaker 1: in correlation to what you just said, is him challenging

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Speaker 1: her and then her standing up for it gave her

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Speaker 1: more investment in it.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: I find that I'm more motivated if I feel really

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Speaker 1: invested in something and if I feel like I'm just

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Speaker 1: going through the motions to please another person. Like you said,

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me to find as much passion, excitement,

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Speaker 1: drive because you're just full it's a paycheck then, you know,

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Speaker 1: whereas like if you feel some ownership to it at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, there's so much more connection.

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Speaker 1: You're so much more passionate, you give so much more

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Speaker 1: of yourself, your energy, all of the things, and then

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Speaker 1: it's so much more satisfying at the end too. And

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Speaker 1: I felt like she really kind of had learned the

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Speaker 1: ways to get that herself, but also to give that

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Speaker 1: to her team, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And I also think too, like if the first

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Speaker 2: way that you look at something is the only way

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Speaker 2: that you're willing to do go about doing it, whether

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Speaker 2: it's a television show or writing a script or baking

403
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Speaker 2: a fucking pie, Yeah, then you're probably not looking for

404
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Speaker 2: the full experience of like learning through your experience of

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Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're doing, because you're not willing

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Speaker 2: to be challenged. And that's where you learn and grow

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Speaker 2: is when you hit a wall and you're like, wait, oh,

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Speaker 2: I need to think about this differently, or I need

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Speaker 2: to look at it from another side, or maybe this

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Speaker 2: isn't the right fit or whatever it is, because otherwise

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Speaker 2: you're just looking for the easy out on everything and

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Speaker 2: that's no fun, you know, like right, well, at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, of course, we want our lives

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Speaker 2: to be easy, but like challenges are not necessarily a

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Speaker 2: bad thing. It's like where we get better.

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Speaker 1: I think we get a little off with work. Is

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Speaker 1: like I remember when I first remember when I first

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Speaker 1: graduated college. You know, I think you're in college and

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Speaker 1: everyone's kind of like pumping you up, like oh, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be so great at that or you you know,

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Speaker 1: have all these wins, and by the time you graduate,

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Speaker 1: there's all these people under you too. And I was

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Speaker 1: in a sorority, so you kind of like are the

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Speaker 1: mentor for the younger kids. And I remember like getting

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Speaker 1: to Nashville and being like, why does nobody give a fuck?

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Speaker 1: Like what like I'm amazing guys, don't you know.

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Speaker 2: You know, like I have a little sister.

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Speaker 1: But then I think it's like we have this expectation

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Speaker 1: when we're younger that you're just gonna walk in and

430
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Speaker 1: know how to do every thing and like be as

431
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Speaker 1: amazing as you were at school and in these smaller ponds,

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Speaker 1: and then you get out into the big pond and

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Speaker 1: you realize, like the order you get you start to

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Speaker 1: kind of go, I don't know shit, you know, Like

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Speaker 1: I just that has been the biggest helper in my

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Speaker 1: life is to realize that life is this ever evolving

437
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 1: wheel that we're on and you're just kind of always

438
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: growing and always learning, and you're never going to know everything. Also,

439
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: like you're not expected to as much pressure as we

440
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: put on ourselves. Like that wouldn't be right either. So

441
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: I guess where I was going with that was just

442
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: to say that if you can't take constructive criticism, then

443
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 1: you're never going to grow, and also like you're only

444
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 1: holding yourself back from where you want to go, probably

445
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 1: if you can't look at it that way. But what

446
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 1: I do really believe is that there's a difference between

447
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: like an abusive environment and constructive criticism. So and that's

448
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,399
Speaker 1: what's weird about this time frame where it's like in

449
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five you can't say anything, but back in

450
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: the day you could probably say too much. So I

451
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't really know which one's better. I

452
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: wish we could find some middle ground somewhere.

453
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 2: Well, I mean it's just as simple as like you idiot,

454
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: Like that is a dumb idea would never fly today, you.

455
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 1: Know what I mean? Should That's like, if anyone's giving

456
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 1: an idea, is that actually helpful feedback? Probably not? No,

457
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: But I also think finding the holes in it?

458
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I also think too that like that is

459
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 2: also just a very easy, like first way to phrase

460
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,679
Speaker 2: something like that's stupid, like let's let's look at it

461
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 2: this way also does not mean like you're stupid, see stupid? Yeah,

462
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 2: and look, trust me, I probably would too. But I'm

463
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 2: you know, thinking back to like the way that people

464
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 2: used to talk and the way that people talk now.

465
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: I survived that, you know, like it's not and it doesn't.

466
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 2: It didn't breed that in me. I would never use

467
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:57,360
Speaker 2: that language. I also have, you know, prided myself while

468
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 2: not being stupid. I also have suffered from like wanting

469
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,880
Speaker 2: people to think that I know how to do everything

470
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 2: or that I know everything. And I hate the feeling

471
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 2: of not knowing everything, even though I know it's realistic

472
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 2: to not. But yeah, I mean the whole hr piece

473
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 2: of it is really interesting because I do think it

474
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 2: is forcing people to be different, a different kind of

475
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: leader now, and it's breeding softness in the workplace. I mean,

476
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 2: I I used to fear getting fired every day, and

477
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 2: I don't know why I don't have that fear now,

478
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 2: but as a younger person, and I think maybe it

479
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: was because, like I was doing exactly what I knew

480
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 2: I wanted to do, so it was like the idea

481
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 2: of like losing the opportunity was what drove me to

482
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 2: try and be excellent.

483
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: Well, you're also at a different stage of your career though,

484
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 1: because now that is true established so like if you

485
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: lost this job, you would have connections I would find

486
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 1: out there, whereas back in the day you don't. You

487
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: probably like that was your one shot, right, oh right.

488
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: I just think there's a balance, Like I think it's

489
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: as a leader, what I really grow from is someone

490
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 1: who has high expectations of me, that does have that

491
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 1: gives me feedback when I don't meet the expectations, but

492
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 1: also values me enough and I know it, so they're

493
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: telling me also when it is you know, you're getting

494
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: the positive feedback as well, or the value is shown

495
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: to you in some different kind of way, like you're

496
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: acknowledged in some sort of way. Like I think we

497
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 1: all need that, like we need to feel seen and appreciated. Yeah,

498
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: but I do think we're still kind of sorting out

499
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 1: I think what the line is because I think it's

500
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: like we've swung to this opposite end of the pendulum

501
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: right now, and we need to kind of figure out

502
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: how are we going to benefit ourselves the most with growth,

503
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 1: with actually like getting the job done, and with not

504
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 1: just being totally abusive to people so that they're insirable

505
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: state in their life.

506
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 2: Well, really, truly constructive criticism would be delivered in a

507
00:24:54,680 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 2: way that recognizes that you're capable of actually doing they're

508
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 2: asking you to do. You just haven't done it yet,

509
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 2: So you know, it's not like that's why I'm Constructive

510
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 2: criticism wouldn't be like you fucking idiot, you're never going

511
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 2: to do this, get out of my way, Like that's

512
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 2: not constructive. But to be like that's stupid. Why don't

513
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 2: you think about it this way? It's not necessarily an insult,

514
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 2: it's just the wrong choice of words.

515
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean like stupid, though, what

516
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: do you keep going back?

517
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: I don't know, like you.

518
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: Really want to get in idiot and stupid somewhere so

519
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: we see them on a box.

520
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 2: I've been called that at some point. I don't know.

521
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 1: Well, I think you can give feedback in the ways,

522
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: like challenging is not bad, especially if you if you're

523
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: in a leadership position, like if you've been in the

524
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: business longer than me and you see a hole in

525
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: something I'm doing, I do appreciate that, Like I actually

526
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: appreciate feedback. But I'm a person that also really wants

527
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: to grow and so like if there's something you see

528
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: that I could do better, I always want to know,

529
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: Like that's just how I've been wired forever. But when

530
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: I don't understand and you're just being a dick about it,

531
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: that's when it's like, what does this help anybody? Because

532
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: then I get too scared to show up at all,

533
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: Like it's like I can't.

534
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 2: Oh, that's so funny. All, yeah, that brings up. I

535
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: just started watching do you know the show the Rehearsal?

536
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: I do not.

537
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 2: Okay, it's a second season is on HBO Max. I

538
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 2: just started watching it last night. I couldn't watch the

539
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 2: first season. It's it's with this comedian named Nathan Felder.

540
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 2: The second season it is very different. The first season

541
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 2: was each episode was about a specific subject. This one

542
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 2: is he studied airplane crashes throughout history, and he noticed

543
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 2: from the data and the flight recordings that the thing

544
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: that they all had in common was that the co

545
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: pilot was too scared to speak up to the captain.

546
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 2: And it's so interesting, like apparently he like gets his

547
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 2: pilot license throughout this whole season. But he found this

548
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 2: guy that used to run the NTSB and it has

549
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 2: gotten him and he's like an older gentleman and he

550
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 2: says something to him and he was like, Yeah, I

551
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 2: think that there there's a lack of training in the

552
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 2: I don't know, pilot school or whatever it is where

553
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: these people are in the shit that they don't focus

554
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 2: enough on the co pilot also being in command on

555
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 2: the plane. Yeah, And I mean they they have tapes

556
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 2: where they listen to like what was happening in the

557
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 2: cockpit before these crashes, and like some of them are

558
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, a male captain and a female

559
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 2: co pilot where he's like saying things that are really

560
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 2: like out of line, and it's diminished her to wear

561
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: the fact that she's too scared to say something when

562
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: her fucking life is on the line.

563
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: That's insane, it's crazy. I get it. I mean, I

564
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,239
Speaker 1: do believe that it can be crippling when you're That's

565
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 1: why I'm saying the words like the words idiot and

566
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:49,719
Speaker 1: stupid are probably not right.

567
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that.

568
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it just like that would make someone feel

569
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: like I don't want to speak up because I'm going

570
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: to be reprimanded in this way that makes me feel

571
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: so terrible, Like why would I want to keep walking

572
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: into the fire, you know. So I think anyway, I

573
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 1: think all of this is way trickier to navigate than

574
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 1: we're making it sound right now, which is why I

575
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: had so much respect Just to circle back to Bonnie

576
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 1: for her, like, I have so much respect for someone

577
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: in a leadership position who is a great leader, because

578
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: I think that is such a high skill set that

579
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: not everyone can do. I really do, Like, yeah, it's

580
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 1: it's very admirable to me to see a really great leader.

581
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:33,959
Speaker 1: So she was one of them.

582
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 2: Also, it also sounded like, you know, when Barry would

583
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 2: challenge her, he didn't always win, like.

584
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: Well, challenge if the challenge wasn't.

585
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 2: Just to be challenging, it was because he saw holes,

586
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 2: and then it would take It would mean that she

587
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 2: would have to go think about her position and she

588
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 2: could come back and challenge him. And there were definitely

589
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: times where she won the.

590
00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: Fight absolutely, And I think that's that's the important piece, right,

591
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: Like if in your copilot analogy or story, it's like

592
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: if the co pilot had spoken up and Ben had

593
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 1: positive feedback from that sometimes or it had been the

594
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: right thing and they said, yeah, thanks for saying that

595
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: you're right or whatever. That's the thing that then when

596
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: the shit hits the fan or they're noticing something that

597
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: could actually be potentially dangerous, they would then have the

598
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: confidence to stand up.

599
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 2: Right.

600
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: So anyway, it's a fine line to walk. If anyone

601
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: out there is listening that's in this leadership position, mad

602
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: respect to you. I think that it's a huge, huge

603
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: position and it's a lot easier said than done. So

604
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: Bonnie is amazing. If you do, you want to go

605
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: check out that podcast that was up on Wednesday. She

606
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: wrote a book called Fifteen Lies Women Are Told at

607
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: Work and the Truth We Need to succeed. And I

608
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: love the way she structured this book. I mean, we

609
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: talked about it a little bit on Wednesday, and I

610
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: gave you the you guys, the one example, But Chip

611
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 1: and I went through all fifteen and we picked our

612
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: two top favorites each because I want you to see,

613
00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: first of all, how she structured this book, so you

614
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: can know what the layout is. But these things wrung

615
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: so true to me because they are so easily said

616
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: in our world, like they're just common phrases that we

617
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: hear all the time and don't even notice we're hearing them.

618
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: And I think she is so right that they're inaccurate often,

619
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: you know, so she kind of busts the myths and

620
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: then she comes in with these truths. So I want

621
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: to know, Chip, what were the two that really stood

622
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: out to you, because let's talk about them.

623
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: First of all, all of them rang true, okay, But

624
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 2: the number six is fake it till you make it,

625
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 2: And the truth to that is face it till you

626
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 2: make it, okay. And the reason why that one spoke

627
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 2: to me was because I am a people pleaser and

628
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 2: I often catch myself faking it until I make it.

629
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: So saying yes me.

630
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 2: Yeah. I even will catch myself in a conversation where

631
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 2: someone's like, you know, blah blah blah, Linda Johnson, you

632
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: know Linda, right, and I'll be like, yeah, I don't

633
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: know fucking Linda, Like I don't know why I said yeah,

634
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like it makes no sense

635
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 2: to me. But then I'll go fucking google Linda Johnson

636
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 2: and figure out who she is. Linda. I'm like, good

637
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 2: old Linda. I love that curly hair, and they're like

638
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 2: she's bald. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I catch myself

639
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 2: faking it until I make it, and it has worked

640
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: for me in the past. But I also think that

641
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 2: I can see how in those moments, I'm not growing

642
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 2: like it doesn't I'm avoiding the uncomfortable of just being like, no,

643
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: I don't know who's Linda, and because it makes me

644
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: look like I don't know something and like, of course

645
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 2: I can't know every person in the world. So I

646
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 2: loved seeing this because it's like I feel like I

647
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 2: got a lesson from it, like face it until.

648
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: You make It's what's because it's like what.

649
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 2: Good is faking it? Like even in my example with

650
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: Linda Johnson, like so then now i go away from

651
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 2: the conversation and I've learned who Linda Johnson is, Like

652
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 2: what's the value in that? You know?

653
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: Also, you're setting yourself up for so much embarrassment later

654
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,959
Speaker 1: because what if that person goes to Linda and they're like, oh,

655
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: you know chip doors and they're like, oh yeah, so you.

656
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 2: Know, I do think the moral of that Linda Johnson's

657
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 2: story is like it is okay to not know everything.

658
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: You do not have to know everything.

659
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 2: You don't have to fake anything. You can be I mean,

660
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 2: it's like there was a time when I didn't know

661
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: how to walk, I didn't know how to ride a bike,

662
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't know how to wipe my own ass. Yeah,

663
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 2: and that's fine. You learn these things and if you

664
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 2: face things, you can face them with curiosity and passion

665
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 2: and zest and actually like walk away learning something rather

666
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 2: than just faking your way through a conversation just to

667
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 2: feel comfortable.

668
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: Yes, And like it's so interesting because as you were talking,

669
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: I was thinking about people that I respect in business

670
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: in general, and they are the most curious people. Consistently

671
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: across the board, the people that I respect the most

672
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: stay curious, so they're always learning, They're always willing to

673
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: learn more, and that comes from asking questions. And it

674
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: also it's like that doesn't have to mean either that

675
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: you're bad at your job. Like if there's certain things

676
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: that you don't know, you can say I don't know that,

677
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: but I'm going to go research that and get back

678
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: to you or like that was one of the tricks

679
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 1: somebody taught me along the way, was just to say

680
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to go look it up and I'll get

681
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 1: back to you. Like, we don't have to do everything

682
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: with such urgency all the time that I think we

683
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: feel pressured too, So like it was helpful to me

684
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: to have that little saying kind of in the back pocket,

685
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: because yeah, you don't want to look stupid or that

686
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing. I'm like that because like,

687
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: for instance, with my job with hair and makeup, there

688
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: is a new makeup product or a new hair product.

689
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: I mean every fucking.

690
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 2: Day, right one, There's a million every day.

691
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: There's just so many, and so it's impossible to keep

692
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: up with all of the new products that come out

693
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: all the time. But I used to feel like if

694
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: I didn't know every single one in someone especially someone

695
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,240
Speaker 1: like not in the business, Like just a regular person

696
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: that wears makeup would bring something up to me about

697
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: how much they love it, and I didn't know what

698
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 1: it was. I was like, oh my god, that would

699
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: show that I am not good at my job or something.

700
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 1: But the reality is, it's like I have now been

701
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: doing this job so long that I have found so

702
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: many of my favor products.

703
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 2: Does that work for you?

704
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: Yeah? And like the truth is is, like recently even

705
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 1: this has come up with some people in my agency,

706
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 1: like cause we'll be co collaborating on something like working

707
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: together on a job, and they'll ask me questions about

708
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: my mixtures and I was like, oh my god, I

709
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 1: created my own fucking makeup, so right, It's just crazy

710
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: that I would let that make me feel so down played,

711
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, instead of being like, oh, I've

712
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 1: actually made my own concoction that I love using on

713
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: guys and this is why, and then talking about it

714
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: from that experience or learn thing about something new that

715
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: might do the same thing as this concoction that I created,

716
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: you know, like it's just this ever evolving thing. And

717
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 1: I think the more that we can feel confident in

718
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: our own skin and stay curious to keep learning more

719
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: because every job is ever evolving as far as I know,

720
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: at least in this age. It is then yeah, like

721
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 1: just what does she say, face the what is it?

722
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: Face it until you face it.

723
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 1: Until you make it. I just love that because it's

724
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: like very I think that's a very inspirational way to

725
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, what's your other one?

726
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 2: My other one is myth number nine, which is good

727
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,720
Speaker 2: things come to those who wait, Okay, And the truth

728
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 2: to that is great things come to those who act.

729
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 2: And I can from experience say that that is just

730
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 2: the truth. There is the truth. I mean, I was

731
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,800
Speaker 2: just a little kid in Personet's Virginia who had a

732
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,959
Speaker 2: dream of working in the music business. And I didn't

733
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: know how to do that. And that's funny because she

734
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 2: talked on the podcast about follow your dreams, but she

735
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 2: said the truth that is follow your opportunities, right, And

736
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 2: I had a dream, but I had no idea how

737
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 2: I was going to make it happen. And then I

738
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 2: met somebody who opened a portal and I followed the opportunity.

739
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 2: So that one really rang true to me. But this

740
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: is also it plays into that because I could have

741
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 2: just met that person and not. You know, she said, hey,

742
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 2: do you want to do this thing for me? And

743
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, I'll do that. And I was willing

744
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 2: to do anything I could for free. I took action

745
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: to make my dream come true, and then suddenly it

746
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,160
Speaker 2: wasn't a dream, it was a reality that I then

747
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 2: had proven to myself that action makes things happen, right,

748
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,719
Speaker 2: And so now I live a life of action when

749
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 2: it comes to my work. Like I mean, it's if

750
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 2: there's a client that I want to sign or work with,

751
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 2: like I can't just sit there and wait for them

752
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 2: to discover me. I'd have to go after them. Or

753
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: if there's an opportunity that I want for one of

754
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 2: my artists, I can't wait for that opportunity just to

755
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 2: come to the artist. I have to go make that happen,

756
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 2: whether that's through relationship building or force. And so it

757
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 2: is funny to think that like we sit back and

758
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,720
Speaker 2: say good things come to those who wait.

759
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 1: I know, I wonder who created that.

760
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 2: I mean, that is the most bullshit line I've ever

761
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: heard in my life. And you know how many times

762
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 2: I've probably said it, you know, just as like aquip

763
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 2: to say, like you know, someone will be like I

764
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 2: never thought I would get married at fifty six. I'm like,

765
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 2: good things come to those who wait, No.

766
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: Because you could have you don't have a journey before

767
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: that that's not heard to that place or him to

768
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: that place or whatever. I think, Yeah, I think good

769
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: things come to those who wait. Could be a good

770
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: mentality if you are working really hard on something day

771
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: to day and it's not quite clicking at first, right,

772
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,879
Speaker 1: you know, like keep going and see but it's.

773
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 2: But that's action, that's not waiting.

774
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,800
Speaker 1: Exactly, That's what I'm saying. It's like I just don't

775
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: know that. Like you can ever sit back or sit

776
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: on your couch and just think something's going to PLoP in.

777
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: It's like we used to say this about dating apps.

778
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 1: Remember it was like none of us really wanted to

779
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 1: be on dating apps, But how else do you meet

780
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: people nowadays? And if you're just sitting at home bitching

781
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: about not being in a relationship, like that ain't the

782
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 1: way you're going to find it. What do you think,

783
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 1: like some stork is going to come drop off Prince Charming,

784
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: like that's how this works.

785
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:15,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

786
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: No, I really like that too, And I've had a

787
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: very similar experience in my life, and I love what

788
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: you mentioned, like the working for free, being willing to

789
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 1: show up and do the hard work, because I think

790
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: that's how we came up in the industry. And that's

791
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 1: a bit different now too, Like there's an expectation that

792
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: you should just rise to the top because you can

793
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 1: go viral on TikTok these days, you know, And like,

794
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of playing out interestingly though, because

795
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's it is backfiring in a lot of situations.

796
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 1: So just being willing to like follow what opportunities come

797
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: your way is very That's one of the biggest pieces

798
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: of advice. I would say, Well, I.

799
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 2: Think anything, any successful business or you know, effort, whatever

800
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 2: it is, has to be built on a strong foundation.

801
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 2: Things that happen really quickly tend to be fleeting. And

802
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 2: that's not to say, like, look, if something great starts happening,

803
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 2: don't lean into it, but know that like along the way,

804
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 2: you have to like think about what the foundation is. Yes,

805
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 2: whether it's a career, it's a piece of art, a relationship,

806
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 2: you know, like how many times have we fallen in

807
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 2: love the first love at first sight? Like yes, but

808
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 2: if you if you just lean into that and don't

809
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 2: like put anything underneath that it's not going to be

810
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: a long term relationship.

811
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, the foundation has to be there. I

812
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: agree with you, Okay, mine where myth number two says,

813
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: don't just know your worth, the truth being work on

814
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 1: your worth. I find that to be really helpful because

815
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: people say that's like one of those flippant statements. Right,

816
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: it's just like, well you got to know your worth,

817
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: and it's just like what does that even fucking mean? Like, right,

818
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: what does it mean? And do I not have my worth?

819
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 1: Like I just remember back in the day like well

820
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: I know my worth, you know, or I whatever. But

821
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 1: the truth was is like I didn't really I didn't

822
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,280
Speaker 1: really have like a true sense of confidence and worth.

823
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I operate and under this kind of

824
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 1: false confidence or whatever like you were talking about even

825
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: with acting like you know everything, you know, like all

826
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: of those things are fleeting and they're not real, and

827
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: so if they get challenged, it can break you. Whereas

828
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 1: if you're working on your worth and looking at that

829
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 1: as something that's ever evolving as well, Like you know,

830
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: there's times where it's just like you're so full and

831
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:38,840
Speaker 1: confident and you know deep in your bones your worth,

832
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: like you just know it and you're not going to

833
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: sway from that. And then life happens and that can

834
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: change and challenge that, and you've got to keep working

835
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: on it. And that's for me, it's a daily thing,

836
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 1: like I start every morning with these certain affirmations that

837
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: I do, and that's been so helpful for me and

838
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: I needed it. Like it's not like I just wake

839
00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: up every morning just loving myself easily like that is.

840
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 1: It's a challenge for me sometimes and so and I

841
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,759
Speaker 1: think people are always surprised to hear that, but I

842
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: think it's just like that we're all human and we

843
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: all have you know, in my astrology that makes sense

844
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,280
Speaker 1: if anything about your Kirn wound.

845
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 2: But I also think too, it's like I don't think

846
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 2: that we can just know our worth, Like I think

847
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 2: you have to literally work at everything and take note

848
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 2: of your worth along the way, because if it's as

849
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: flippant as like know your worth, then if you can't

850
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 2: describe what you're worth, like why you are worthy in

851
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: certain situations, then you don't know your worth. And if

852
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 2: you've worked really hard at your worth and continue to

853
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 2: like grow your worth, then you'll be able to be

854
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 2: like you need me for these reasons.

855
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: Yes, And also it's not necessarily because of the accomplishments

856
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: or the job title or the blah blah blah, like

857
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: the external thing, Like your worth comes from such a

858
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 1: deeper place inside and it's because you fucking woke up

859
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: in the morning and your name is Chip, like that

860
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: makes you worthy. But you have to believe that, like

861
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 1: you have to know what you bring as a human

862
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: being and what your insides are and what you can

863
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: offer someone else. And then yes, like you're saying, if

864
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: someone asks you, you can tell them all the ways.

865
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 1: But it's also like it doesn't matter if they agree

866
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: with it or not, because you're so worthy within yourself. Yes,

867
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 1: but I used to think that if I built up

868
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: all this stuff, then I would feel worthy.

869
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 2: That was that was it.

870
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 1: If I could just get to this place, then I

871
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 1: would feel like I belonged or I would feel like

872
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 1: I was worthy of being here or whatever. And you know,

873
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: just like the more imposter syndrome type feelings. And now

874
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 1: it's like I think when you if you lose things

875
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: or you do that, and then it goes away, Like

876
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: I think everyone probably experienced a love of that during COVID.

877
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: I know we all did, because it was like your

878
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 1: identity was challenged when your work goes away, It's just

879
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 1: like who am I then? Because I've been defining myself

880
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:14,240
Speaker 1: by all these things, and so that was a big

881
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: time where I had to really start working on my

882
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: worth because I couldn't build it from external validation, like

883
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: the worth had to come from within. And so anyway,

884
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 1: that to me, that one was a really good one

885
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: because it's just said so flippantly, and I just don't

886
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: think that we can just poof know our worth like

887
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 1: it's a day to day thing and you just work

888
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 1: on it and it ebbs and flows throughout your life,

889
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 1: and there's gonna be highs of it, and there's gonna

890
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: be loads of it. There's gonna be days where it's

891
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: easy and days where it's hard, and that's normal.

892
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: You know what. And sometimes you might not be worthy

893
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 2: of that moment and that's okay.

894
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh you're saying like if you got an opportunity.

895
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 2: Or whatever that moment is, you know, it's like there

896
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 2: are going to be moments where it's like you aren't

897
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 2: worthy and recognizing the fact that you aren't worthy probably

898
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 2: is to say.

899
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: Say that though it's not that you're not worthy, because

900
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: you're always worthy. Like worth to me is something of

901
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: like a not external thing. But maybe you're not the

902
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 1: right fit, or you're not that's not the right position.

903
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 2: Or you might not feel worthy, And I think it's

904
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 2: important like to recognize that so that you know that

905
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 2: you're making the right decisions for you, not because you

906
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 2: want external validation from something. It's kind of what I

907
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,800
Speaker 2: was getting at, Yeah, because that does like that shows

908
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 2: that you recognize your worth to be like, I really

909
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 2: appreciate the offer, but that's not for me. You know,

910
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 2: that's knowing your worth, and it might be like that

911
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 2: I'm in over my head there. I don't want to

912
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 2: do that.

913
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 1: When I started dating after not the current relationship I'm in,

914
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: but like after the last relationship I was in, I

915
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 1: had hit such a bad low, maybe the lowest I've

916
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 1: ever been in my life after that relationship because it

917
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 1: was so toxic for me. But I remember going into

918
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: dating and there was this guy who was so perfect

919
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: on paper, Like any girl that met this guy would

920
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 1: just be like, oh my god. He was very handsome,

921
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: he had a really great job, he was so nice

922
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: to me, He was funny, he was like easy to

923
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: talk to. Everything seemed like it was there, and I

924
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: could not click with him like in me, like I

925
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,720
Speaker 1: think he clicked with me, but and it's like on paper,

926
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: we should have clicked perfectly, but I didn't feel the thing,

927
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 1: you know. And I remember that being such a moment

928
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: of worth for me to know that I was worthy

929
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: enough to walk away from this guy who everybody would

930
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: probably be like, what the fuck You're gonna walk away

931
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 1: from that?

932
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 2: Right?

933
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:40,359
Speaker 1: But that didn't mean that I was like that I

934
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough or I was messed up or whatever.

935
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: It just wasn't the right fit. And like I didn't

936
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: let it challenge who I was. We were just on

937
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: different journeys in life, you know, Like does that make sense?

938
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: Just that was just That's been one of my big

939
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: experiences in dating, is like just really understanding like I'm

940
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 1: worthy of the greatest love of all time just because

941
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: I'm me and you are too, just because you're you.

942
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 1: And we don't have to like compromise or not listen

943
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: to ourselves, go against whatever because the external forces are

944
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 1: there that would make us be like, oh, you got

945
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: to do this. You can't walk away from that, You're crazy.

946
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: And then now, look, I'm in the happiest relationship I've

947
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 1: been in, So it was the right move. There you go,

948
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,719
Speaker 1: which kind of leads me to my next one, which

949
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: is trust your gut is the myth, and then the

950
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:32,959
Speaker 1: truth is check your gut. And I love this one

951
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: because I think it gets thrown around so often. And

952
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm such a big talker about intuition. You guys know this,

953
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: but like, there's so many things when you're learning how

954
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: to trust your intuition that can be factors. And the

955
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 1: more I've learned about trauma and triggers and all of

956
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: these pieces that come into our brains, like psychologically, it's

957
00:46:53,640 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: so easy to confuse intuition and like a traumatic trigger, right, So,

958
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,439
Speaker 1: I think it's thrown around in our culture so often

959
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: while I'm just just trusting my gut, I'm just gonna

960
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: follow my gut, And you're not always operating from a

961
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: sound place, like if you haven't done a lot of

962
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: your work, or even if you have, like we're all

963
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: so human that sometimes there can be these things coming in,

964
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 1: like old narratives you didn't know you still believed, or

965
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 1: a past experience could have gone terribly with something similar,

966
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:28,280
Speaker 1: So you're acting out of that place because your body

967
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: hasn't you know, released that trauma and that's not actually

968
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 1: what's happening in this situation. And so I always have

969
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: found it to be so helpful as a part of

970
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 1: like since I've been working on myself journey, which is

971
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: I don't know, over a decade now, of like the

972
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 1: therapy and doing twelve step work and stuff, but like

973
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 1: checking myself with someone like that, like checking yourself with

974
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:53,279
Speaker 1: someone who you trust, who is a safe place, who

975
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 1: you can run by you know what your gut is

976
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 1: really screaming at you, and then make the decision. Like

977
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 1: I just really found that to be such an important

978
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:05,279
Speaker 1: part of my life and my journey. And I think

979
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 1: so often if we're just operating in a silo, we

980
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: are gonna make some decisions that are led by false narratives,

981
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: by trauma from the past, and it's going to fuck

982
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 1: up current situations. And I've been on the other side

983
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 1: of that too, and that is a wild experience because

984
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: you're like fighting a demon that isn't even there for you,

985
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

986
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 2: Totally well, also too. Let's not forget that, like fear

987
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,959
Speaker 2: and excitement feel the same thing in our gut, and

988
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: so sometimes when we think that something really scary is coming,

989
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 2: it's actually excitement, but we are talking ourselves out of

990
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 2: it because we don't think we're worthy or whatever it is.

991
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 2: And so you have to check your gut because you

992
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 2: can be like, wait a minute, why is my body

993
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 2: telling me not to do this, or is my body

994
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 2: telling me to do this? Exactly that point when I

995
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 2: read it, like, it didn't hit me really until you

996
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: started talking about and I was like, oh, no, it's

997
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 2: really fucking clear, like because I do think that, like

998
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 2: there are a lot of people that would just like

999
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 2: feel their gut and be like, no, I can't do that.

1000
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,240
Speaker 2: It's I'm not good enough, I'm not smart.

1001
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: Enough, i don't know enough, which is the narrative. Yeah,

1002
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: that's not it's not reality, and it's yeah, so it's

1003
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 1: just helpful. I will say it's very very important to

1004
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: make sure you have a safe person though, because I've

1005
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 1: also been in the scenario where you're running things by

1006
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: someone who has a motive and real that isn't obviously

1007
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 1: going to be good for you and your gut can

1008
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: be saying something else and you're like, well, who do

1009
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 1: I trust and whatever, and like it is important to

1010
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,399
Speaker 1: be able to trust yourself. And then also the more

1011
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 1: I've practiced this, obviously, like I can kind of recognize

1012
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 1: the difference now more, you know, like I just think

1013
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 1: you can. You can start to really trust yourself a

1014
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: lot more the more practice you do. But yeah, I

1015
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 1: just find I found that to be a really good

1016
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: point of not just blindly trusting your gut all the time,

1017
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: because sometimes you could be operating from a place of

1018
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:04,840
Speaker 1: narratives and old triggers or things like that. So yeah, anyway,

1019
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: Bonnie Hammer was an amazing guest. The book is called

1020
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 1: fifteen Lives Women are Told at Work and the truth

1021
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 1: we need to succeed. I also am like Bonnie and

1022
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:16,360
Speaker 1: believe that men could benefit greatly. You really enjoyed the podcast,

1023
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 1: so I'm assuming you would really enjoy the book as well.

1024
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 1: So this is not just for women. We're saying men

1025
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: and women can go read. I think she just speaks

1026
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: from the perspective of a woman obviously, and like she said,

1027
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: her publisher wanted to market it more so. But you

1028
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 1: guys can reach out to us at the Edge at

1029
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,240
Speaker 1: velvetedge dot com. You can hit me up on Instagram.

1030
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,319
Speaker 1: I'm at Velvet's Edge, Chip, I'm at chip Doors.

1031
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 2: It's Chip d r scch.

1032
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: And did you notice that I got the velvest Edge

1033
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 1: podcast Instagram up?

1034
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 2: I sure did.

1035
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 1: We are up and running, so go check us out there.

1036
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 1: It's going to be a lot more intensive with just

1037
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 1: more information about the podcast. So about each podcast, We're

1038
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 1: gonna have like different prompts for you guys on there,

1039
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: different things that you can kind of work with, like

1040
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 1: tangible tools that we get. You know, I love a

1041
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: tangible tip. I'm always saying that on the podcast. So

1042
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: those will also be on that social media, just to

1043
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 1: make it more streamline, make it more easy for you

1044
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 1: guys to access and to keep up with us and

1045
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 1: this podcast and to engage with us, Like we just

1046
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: need a space that we can all talk to each other.

1047
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:23,359
Speaker 1: I feel so at Velvet Edge podcast is that Instagram

1048
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: and go follow and talk to us and message and

1049
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: let us know what you guys are thinking and feeling

1050
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: and living and yeah, okay, I'm going to stop now

1051
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: here and all the things as you guys go into

1052
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 1: the weekend and you're living on the edge. I hope

1053
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 1: you always remember too.

1054
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 2: A casual I'll bye.