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Speaker 1: Left you a little something before the show started.

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Speaker 2: Daniel, Oh, that's lovely. I can't wait to hear it. Hi, everybody,

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Speaker 2: how are you very well yourself? You don't have Joel today,

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Speaker 2: She's no Joel.

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Speaker 1: Who am I going to talk about Ahsoka with? I

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Speaker 1: thought today was the day, Daniel.

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Speaker 2: You really have to raise the bar today. You have

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Speaker 2: to be all things Joel and all things Daniel. Oh goodness,

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Speaker 2: what a high bar. But I will do my best,

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Speaker 2: I promise. Do you feel confident speaking for the lgbt

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Speaker 2: Q community.

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Speaker 1: You have already failed, Daniel as.

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Speaker 2: Joel sounds like no, sounds like no. Daniel Donald, you're

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Speaker 2: finally I think this is our first podcast since you're

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Speaker 2: allowed to talk about whatever bullshit Star Wars ship you

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Speaker 2: want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Well, first of all, eat these bulls.

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Speaker 2: Eat these balls, Zach.

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Speaker 1: It is first of all, there's that. But second, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: What do you love Ahsoka?

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Speaker 1: I do love Ahsoka. I'm not gonna lie. I loved

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Speaker 1: it so much that I still watch it now. I've

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Speaker 1: watched every episode except for the first two. The first

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Speaker 1: two is backstory. I didn't need to necessarily know what

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Speaker 1: everybody else did. But I'm one who kept up with rebels.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that Sabine and Ahsoka were, you know,

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Speaker 1: training as Padawan and master master in Padawan. But you know,

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Speaker 1: I didn't need all of the we've got a map

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Speaker 1: to find as a story. Fuck that shit, let's get

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Speaker 1: right into it. Let's go get this boy.

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Speaker 2: Could someone watch this show if there don't know Star Wars,

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Speaker 2: all the different chapters and lore.

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Speaker 1: If you like Star Wars, this is the show for you.

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Speaker 1: If you're somebody that's like, I don't give a shit

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Speaker 1: either way, this isn't for you. But what I'm.

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Speaker 2: Saying, if I haven't watched everything, and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna try Ahsoka, I don't know the whole everything

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Speaker 2: that's happened.

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think these people exist. This person that

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Speaker 1: you're talking about right now, well, it's me exist.

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Speaker 2: It's me. I don't watch all the time. There's I

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Speaker 2: know Vader, sorry spoilers, I know Vader was Luke Skywalker's father.

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Speaker 1: Okay, what else? Do you know? What?

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Speaker 2: I know that they can they have powers, and they

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Speaker 2: can make like like a storm tuber. Go, these aren't

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Speaker 2: the droids I'm looking for, right?

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Speaker 1: Do you know about any systems that you want to

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Speaker 1: talk about.

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Speaker 2: The Dagaba system there, I see. We were in Vegas

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Speaker 2: this weekend and I was asking Donald what is the

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Speaker 2: way I was trying to ask him some trivia. I said,

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Speaker 2: which planet has the most Star Wars action taking place

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Speaker 2: on it? What was your tattooing?

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Speaker 1: It's in everything?

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Speaker 2: And then I asked him if they ever revisit the

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Speaker 2: one of the Ewoks because I like that planet. It

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Speaker 2: was very pretty indoor And you said, no, they don't

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Speaker 2: go back to Endoor. Well, you know what, these are

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Speaker 2: the questions I was asking as you walk to the in.

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Speaker 1: The Rise of Skywalker, the planet that they're on, where

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Speaker 1: the death Star is in the water, that's in the

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Speaker 1: that's in the same system as Indoor. Obviously, because I'm.

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Speaker 2: So proud of your knowledge. It's in the same system.

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Speaker 1: Right, Well, it's I don't know if that was indoor,

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Speaker 1: but it's definitely in the same system.

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Speaker 2: Because I just like saying Digabo system.

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Speaker 1: I know you love that word a little. The Dega system.

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Speaker 1: And my jetpack is out of juice.

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Speaker 2: Donald and I went to F one in Vegas. It

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Speaker 2: was a lot of fun.

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Speaker 1: Were allowed to talk about the things that we witnessed

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Speaker 1: this weekend cars.

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Speaker 2: Who we met? Would that be a secret? Who we met?

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Speaker 2: Who did you meet? Do you want do you want

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Speaker 2: me to be the one to tell them?

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Speaker 1: You tell this?

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Speaker 2: I want to make Daniel jealous. Tell I'm already John.

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Speaker 2: I saw the Instagram stories.

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Speaker 1: I was like, of course, tell you tell the story

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Speaker 1: of who we met. You tell the story you you

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Speaker 1: already met the person, and then who we ran into well,

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Speaker 1: and then who he ran to the time.

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Speaker 2: I'm friends with Jared Land, who created the Red Camera.

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Speaker 2: This man is a brilliant mind. And for those who

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Speaker 2: don't know, the Red camera is one of the most

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Speaker 2: common cinema digital cinema cameras that's that's used. Some directors

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Speaker 2: swear by it, like like David Fincher for example, and

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Speaker 2: it's a it's a brilliant camera. I own a low end,

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Speaker 2: small version of it called the Red Kimodo, and there's

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Speaker 2: all different levels of the Red It's really amazing camera. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: I'm lucky enough to be friendly with Jared Land, who

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Speaker 2: created And he was at F one and he said,

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Speaker 2: come by, We're in this suite and I knew who

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Speaker 2: he was with, and I said, Donald, come with me,

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Speaker 2: I have a little surprise for you. And Donald was

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Speaker 2: coming back from the bathroom. He's like, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: I said, just follow me, oh man. And we went

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Speaker 2: to this suite and it was in a really good

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Speaker 2: location for watching it.

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Speaker 1: It was like pod racing, man for real, for real.

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Speaker 1: That ship I got there right away. When the when

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Speaker 1: they take off the first lap is some bullshit. I

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Speaker 1: guess it's the pole position. Let's get into position.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I think it's a heating up the tires. Donald, they.

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Speaker 1: Whatever that ship is.

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Speaker 2: You didn't like that. You didn't like the formation.

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Speaker 1: That was exciting.

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Speaker 2: It's meant to be exciting. It's not the start of

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Speaker 2: the race. It's not the start of the race.

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Speaker 1: But the start of a race right away. Accident boom

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Speaker 1: right away?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right away.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I felt bad for that guy.

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Speaker 1: We were at the start and the finish. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We were right above where they do all the you know,

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Speaker 2: where they where they pull into what do you call it,

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Speaker 2: the pit stop? We were right above the pits, which

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Speaker 2: leads me to the end my next story. So we

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Speaker 2: walk and we go to the suite and we come

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Speaker 2: around bend and my friend Jared is very tall and

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Speaker 2: he's in a pink hoodie. So I see him and

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Speaker 2: he's let's.

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Speaker 1: Talk about how we First they wouldn't let us into

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Speaker 1: the suite first.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because he was like, he was like, just

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Speaker 2: come here and just get in. I go, am I

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Speaker 2: gonna get it. It's like the owner's suite. He's like,

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Speaker 2: he's like, you guys are famous. She'll be fine. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that's gonna work. So at first

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Speaker 2: we walk up and because we had a we were

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Speaker 2: there with T mobiles, we had T mobile IDs and

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Speaker 2: they were like no, no, no, you can't get in here.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, was also sponsoring the race, right,

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Speaker 2: but anyway, So so then another woman who worked there

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Speaker 2: came up and she did recognize Donald and I and

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Speaker 2: she was like told the other woman like, no, no, they're fine,

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Speaker 2: they're fine. She said, who are you looking for? I said,

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Speaker 2: I'm looking for my friend. Uh. He's in a He

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Speaker 2: just told me that he's in like a hot pink hoodie.

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Speaker 2: And I was like okay. So she helps us look him.

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Speaker 2: We can't find and we're looking around. Go outside. We

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Speaker 2: come around to Bend and there in the corner waiting

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Speaker 2: for Donald and I is David Fincher and Brad Pitt? What, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: watching the race? Ready to watch with Donald and me?

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Speaker 2: It was cool, right, Donald, Donald? Donald. I was worried

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Speaker 2: because on the way there Donald's and like, if Brad

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Speaker 2: Pitt's really there, I might ask for a selfie. And

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Speaker 2: I go, no, I did not say that. You did

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Speaker 2: say that. You said you may have been kidding. You

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Speaker 2: may have been kidding when you're like, I'm asked for

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Speaker 2: a selfie for Casey, and I go, I didn't say that,

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Speaker 2: You're right, And I go, I go, don't you dare

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Speaker 2: ask for a selfie. That's gonna be embarrassing. I was like,

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Speaker 2: and then you held it together. You didn't ask for

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Speaker 2: a selfie.

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Speaker 1: I kept it together very well. Actually I was on

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Speaker 1: my best behavior.

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Speaker 2: So then we come around the bend. There they are

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Speaker 2: and Donald.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a good time in my life where where

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Speaker 1: Zach and I met someone where we were like, holy shit,

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Speaker 1: he looks just like he does in the movies and stuff.

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Speaker 1: And it was when we met Benjamin Bratt. And this

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Speaker 1: is back in the early days of Scrubs. I think

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Speaker 1: this is season one, and we got invited to a party.

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Speaker 2: But this was really cooler. No offense to Benjamin Bratt.

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Speaker 1: Ben but love you, bro. But even though I called

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Speaker 1: you Emilia once accidentally, I love you, bro.

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Speaker 2: Friend of the show. Uh No, it was cool man

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Speaker 2: and and and Brad is just as handsome in person

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Speaker 2: as I met him a long time ago. But he's

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Speaker 2: he was.

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Speaker 1: So looks like he does in the movies.

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Speaker 2: Man, he does.

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Speaker 1: The wife was like my wife. When I told Casey

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Speaker 1: about it, she was like, he's handsome many.

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Speaker 2: And by the way, he looked so cool, like he

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Speaker 2: wasn't like, you know, it wasn't in a hoodie. He

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Speaker 2: had like a fucking fit on. He looked cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Then and Finchered also, man, that was awesome.

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Speaker 2: And Fincher was awesome and he and I got to

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Speaker 2: tell him I loved his new movie, which I did.

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Speaker 2: I recommend seeing The Killer. It's really cracked on Netflix.

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Speaker 2: And uh and then Donald and I just acted cool,

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Speaker 2: like we were chilling with the three of them for

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Speaker 2: a little bit, right, Donald, we held it together.

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Speaker 1: We did we talked shit, you know, we found out

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Speaker 1: why they were there and what they were doing.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, you know, it was cool.

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Speaker 1: It was it was really awesome.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then Zack's like, yo, look man, we're going out tonight.

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Speaker 1: And this is around what's around midnight?

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Speaker 2: It was probably around eleven eleven thirty midnight.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, I want to gamble, bro let's

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Speaker 1: go play. Let's go play the tables. He's like, nah,

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Speaker 1: let's go out. And we're hanging out with Common, We're

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Speaker 1: hanging out with the head of t Mobile. We're in

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Speaker 1: the suite with all of our people.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's cool that you missed Donald was Ryan

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Speaker 2: Klugman's there.

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Speaker 1: Uh, Clugman's there, Entrepreneur's there, like, all of our people

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Speaker 1: are there. We're like amongst our family, right, like our crew.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like and Zach's like, they're like, let's go here.

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Speaker 1: And Zach's like, no, we're gonna go here. And I'm like, dude,

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Speaker 1: but with the posse, and he's like, no, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go here.

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Speaker 2: And he's insistent, Well, like we were gonna go We're

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Speaker 2: in Vegas, right, and we had already I had already

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Speaker 2: been crushed at Blackjack. Like I don't know Donald, if

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Speaker 2: you want or not, but I got fucking crushed.

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Speaker 1: I didn't win anything. Yeah, I know what I want.

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Speaker 1: I want to know, I want a nice little guccio.

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Speaker 1: That's wheah I want.

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Speaker 2: Well, I got crushed at Blackjack, so I was like,

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Speaker 2: let's go to one party and we went. It was

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Speaker 2: so crowded, so we'd like stayed for like twenty five minutes.

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Speaker 2: It was so packed. It was uncomfortable. But we had fun. Man,

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Speaker 2: we had a good time, didn't we. And and you know,

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Speaker 2: F one is awesome, but it really the funny thing.

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Speaker 2: And I'm know I'm not the only one who says

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Speaker 2: this is it's cool to go watch them go but

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Speaker 2: you really have to watch it on TV. Everyone's in

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Speaker 2: the suite watching it on TV.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well I liked watching them go by to

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Speaker 1: zip zipping by, watching the car zip by in front

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Speaker 1: of a monitor with Brad Pitt and and and Fincher, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and Jared Land. That was the dopest part. Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was cool of anything. And and I didn't mind them

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Speaker 1: just zipping by for that brief.

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Speaker 2: Well, what's also cool is that Brad is in I

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Speaker 2: call him Brad now, Brad is in that F one movie.

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Speaker 2: So he was like saying, like insider shit because he

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Speaker 2: knows it all because he's you know, making an F

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Speaker 2: one movie that was Wow, that's say cool, you know what?

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Speaker 3: You know what being there does show you when the

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Speaker 3: cars are just zipping by. When you watch it on TV,

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Speaker 3: it really makes it seem like people are closer than

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Speaker 3: they are. But when you're watching the race live, you're

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Speaker 3: really like, wow, Max for Staffing is really far.

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Speaker 2: Ahead of everybody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just like zips by, and then fifteen seconds later

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Speaker 3: someone else zips by.

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Speaker 1: It's like oh wow, yeah on TV. On TV, it

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Speaker 1: seems like they're or they're closer, I guess, but it's

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Speaker 1: not that it's not that far away. Like when you say,

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Speaker 1: like he's that much ahead, it's like tenths of a second. Though,

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Speaker 1: it's like bim, don't, don't go, bil't.

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Speaker 2: But you have no context when you're there. If you're

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Speaker 2: just watching, you have no context of what's happening like

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Speaker 2: you need. Actually, when we went to with Fincher and

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Speaker 2: Pitt and Jared, they had the perfect setup because they

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Speaker 2: were outside on on you know, of the suite on

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Speaker 2: a ledge. But then they just had a monitor right

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Speaker 2: there so you could you could easily watch both. It's

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Speaker 2: most people go out and like check it out for

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Speaker 2: a second and then you go in the suite and

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Speaker 2: watch it on TV, because otherwise you have no idea

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Speaker 2: what's going on. It was cool.

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Speaker 1: I had the perfect setup and it was right in

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Speaker 1: front of the pit intended that's what you hear.

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Speaker 2: Literally anyway, I was trying to say Donald the night

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Speaker 2: before you came, Ryan Tedder sang in the suite and

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Speaker 2: he did this medley of his songs and I had

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Speaker 2: no idea how many fucking hits he's written?

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Speaker 1: Too late to apologize?

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Speaker 2: Do you know that he wrote Halo for.

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Speaker 1: Wow? I did not know that. Remember these walls Tumbling?

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Speaker 2: And he wrote a song he wrote one of A

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Speaker 2: Dell's mega hits. He wrote, I mean he wrote so

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Speaker 2: many A Miley hits, like he's got so many guns.

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Speaker 1: What's the one he had for top Gun? That was

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Speaker 1: a hot one? Yeah, one that was hot for the summer.

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Speaker 2: And he wrote as it was as it was. It

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Speaker 2: was the guy's a hit machine and it's just to

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Speaker 2: say yeah. And he was really super sweet. And you

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Speaker 2: know what he said to me, what do you say?

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Speaker 1: You mean?

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Speaker 2: The best soundtrack of all time? Ah Art degree, so

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Speaker 2: Art degree. I liked him even more after he said that.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say he made the best mixtape of

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Speaker 1: all time.

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Speaker 2: Why do you gotta fucking well it is? I mean,

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Speaker 2: I don't know I'm about to defend that. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: a mixtape.

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Speaker 1: Compliment you could give it. That was the dopest mixtape ever.

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Speaker 2: All right, Well, today on the show list of.

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Speaker 1: What type of music you listen to, you find something

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Speaker 1: on there. Not a lot of hip hop, not a

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Speaker 1: lot of hip hop, actually no hip hop.

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Speaker 2: But hey, no, you know, we had the surge in

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Speaker 2: general and talking about loneliness, and I thought it was

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Speaker 2: a good segue into having someone on to talk about relationships,

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Speaker 2: because a healthy relationship can be one of the things

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Speaker 2: to contribute to you getting out of your loneliness, one

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Speaker 2: getting out of their loneliness. I have thoughts, Yeah, you're

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Speaker 2: gonna have lots of thoughts. But this woman, Jillian Tareki,

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Speaker 2: has a podcast and she's really incredible person, and we

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Speaker 2: asked her to be on and she said yes right away,

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Speaker 2: and I think she's gonna give us some insightful things

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Speaker 2: on relationships, both if you're in a relationship and like

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Speaker 2: Donald Faison and Daniel Goodman is that your last name? Nelton?

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Speaker 2: And also those people out there who are looking to

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Speaker 2: be in a healthy relationship. I recommend following her on

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Speaker 2: Instagram because she she drops a lot of knowledge, lots

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Speaker 2: of good quotes, and lots of good little sound bites.

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Speaker 2: And I found that, you know, I have a friend

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Speaker 2: who's going through a tough time with dating, and I

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Speaker 2: just I found that I was sending her so many

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Speaker 2: of these quotes, and I said, I should we should

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Speaker 2: try and have this woman on because she just really

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Speaker 2: says some very insightful things about dating. So we're lucky

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Speaker 2: that she's here. Daniel, is she here?

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Speaker 1: She is here?

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Speaker 2: Okay, how about we accounted.

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Speaker 1: Stories that show?

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Speaker 2: We made about a bunch of.

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Speaker 4: He said, he's the stories next.

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Speaker 2: Ye, Daniel. Do you feel that you're being your full

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Speaker 2: Joel at this moment so far on the show. I

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Speaker 2: made sure you guys count in so so far? Yes, Okay, Hey,

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Speaker 2: how are you guys? So nice to meet you.

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Speaker 4: Nice to meet you too.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on our show. I really appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: I was just saying before you came in the room

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Speaker 2: that I have a friend who's going through a really

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Speaker 2: tricky dating time and I have just been blasting her

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Speaker 2: with your quotes on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: You're just so I love the way you phrase things.

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Speaker 2: And we just had the Surgeon General on a couple

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Speaker 2: weeks ago and he was talking about loneliness and I

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Speaker 2: thought a good segue after loneliness would be to have

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Speaker 2: been a relationship expert on because I just think some

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Speaker 2: of the things that you say your videos, they're just really,

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Speaker 2: really helpful, and I'm just so glad that you said

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Speaker 2: yes to joining us.

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Speaker 4: Well, I appreciate the compliments and the kind words, and

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Speaker 4: I appreciate the invitation.

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Speaker 2: So it's a big.

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Speaker 4: Giant love fest.

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Speaker 2: Can I play one of your audio clips to start

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Speaker 2: us off? Do you mind if I do that?

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, Yeah, that's all right.

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Speaker 2: Everyone should follow Jillian Tareki on Instagram and here's one

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Speaker 2: of her pinned top videos. Let's see if I can

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Speaker 2: manage the audio of this.

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Speaker 1: Well enough.

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Speaker 4: Relationships rarely end because of a lack of love. They

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Speaker 4: more commonly end because of a lack of connection. And

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Speaker 4: it's in the absence of connection that people's motivation to

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Speaker 4: meet each other's needs fates. And what causes this lack

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Speaker 4: of connection. Well, it's not so common that it's a

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Speaker 4: big thing, a big event that causes the rupture in

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Speaker 4: a relationship. What's much more common is these little things

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Speaker 4: that get stacked up over time. It's the little micro

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Speaker 4: rejections that happen in a given day or over weeks, months,

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Speaker 4: and years. It's the consistently always looking down at your

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Speaker 4: phone when your partner is trying to tell you a

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Speaker 4: story or vice versa. It's the not the one time

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Speaker 4: you didn't care about their feelings, it's the several times

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Speaker 4: you didn't care about their feelings. It's not the one

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Speaker 4: time that they didn't listen to us. It's the consistent

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Speaker 4: times that we've tried to share something with them and

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Speaker 4: they didn't listen. It's these little micro rejections that stacked

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Speaker 4: over time that really hurts the most and causes the

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Speaker 4: most disconnection.

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Speaker 2: I thought that was great, it's true, So tell us

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Speaker 2: about that. It's so darn hard out there. Let's just

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Speaker 2: use that as a jumping off point.

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Speaker 1: It's darn hard in here too, man, it's right there.

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Speaker 2: Of course, love is so vulnerable, whether you're in a

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Speaker 2: relationship or you're not. But I just want to use

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Speaker 2: that that that video quote of you as a jumping

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Speaker 2: off point. Tell us about that. So it's what you're

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Speaker 2: kind of saying there to me, is that relationships and

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Speaker 2: or fall apart, not because necessarily some major thing happened,

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Speaker 2: although of course that does, but a sort of micro

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Speaker 2: erosions of the relationship.

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Speaker 4: Can you speak exactly. Yeah, that's a good way to

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Speaker 4: put it.

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Speaker 1: What were you saying before we before we go forward?

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Speaker 1: But then, aren't all relationships doomed to fail? Because don't

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Speaker 1: we in some ways settle for certain things in people

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Speaker 1: that were like that that I can live with that,

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Speaker 1: But then over as time, as time goes on, doesn't that.

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Speaker 2: But Jillian's going to tell us that we have to

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Speaker 2: do we have to communicate and do repairs in our

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Speaker 2: relations I don't.

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Speaker 4: Think really all relationships are doomed to fail. I mean,

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Speaker 4: if you go into a relationship with that belief, yes,

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Speaker 4: your relationship is doomed to fail. But the truth is,

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Speaker 4: I mean think about your own lives and you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm sure that you all you both have been in

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Speaker 4: many relationships. I'm assuming maybe not but a few.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, one, no, many, many, many, both of us have

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Speaker 2: been many. But just for context, Donald is very happily

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Speaker 2: married and I'm single, So you have both you have

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Speaker 2: both sides.

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Speaker 4: Okay, great, So just look back at your past. Have

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Speaker 4: you ever broken up with someone or a relationship ended

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Speaker 4: regardless of who initiated it, and you still love the person?

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Speaker 1: Yes, of course.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, So it's really it's rarely like people rare

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Speaker 4: end their relationships because they don't love each other anymore.

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Speaker 4: They really end it because they don't feel connected to

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Speaker 4: each other. And it's the lack of connection that leads

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Speaker 4: to also a lack of passion. So it's not just

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Speaker 4: it's yes, so it's part of attraction, but it's it's

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Speaker 4: like when we don't feel connected to each other, we

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Speaker 4: don't feel as motivated to do the things that we

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Speaker 4: did in the beginning of the relationship. We don't feel

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Speaker 4: as motivated to show up, we don't feel as motivated

415
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Speaker 4: to communicate, we don't even feel as motivated to have sex.

416
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Speaker 4: I mean maybe, but not often. Like that goes downhill too,

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Speaker 4: and that is just a symptom of the fact that

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Speaker 4: there isn't a connection. And the thing is that everyone's

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Speaker 4: primary aim in a relationship has to be how can

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Speaker 4: we remain connected through all the vicissitudes of life and

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Speaker 4: all the craziness and all the what and it could

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Speaker 4: be ruptures that are in the actual relationship itself, or

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Speaker 4: just the fact that life fucking happens. Sorry, I'm sorry, I.

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Speaker 2: Have a putty curt like that curve.

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Speaker 4: Like a truck driver. You know that life happens, right,

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Speaker 4: And so how do we stay connected through that? And

427
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,719
Speaker 4: oftentimes we will feel disconnected from ourselves. We're going through

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Speaker 4: our own shit when we're feeling disconnected from self, and

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Speaker 4: we're bringing that to the relationship. So it really is

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Speaker 4: it's not about a lack of love, it's how do

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Speaker 4: we stay connected and being aware of the fact that, like,

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Speaker 4: it is really easy to reject the person who you

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Speaker 4: love unconsciously. So it's like every time you look at

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Speaker 4: your phone when they're actually trying to connect with you,

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Speaker 4: there's a rejection there. And look, sometimes we're going to

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00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 4: do that. Our phones are very addictive, but we don't

437
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 4: want to make a habit of it. Or it's just like,

438
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 4: you know, a really common thing is we get stressed out.

439
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 4: And when we get stressed out, we get in our heads.

440
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 4: And the more we live in our heads, the more

441
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 4: we are emotionally unavailable to our partner. And then a

442
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 4: really common scenario is one person's in their head a lot,

443
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 4: and the other person's like, what's wrong? And then the

444
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 4: person who's in their head is like starting to get defensive,

445
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 4: like why do you keep asking me what's wrong? Because

446
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,719
Speaker 4: we get protective of our own bullshit, We get protective

447
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 4: of our own stress, we get protective of being in

448
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 4: our heads all the time, when really, what this person

449
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 4: is doing, what your partner's doing, what your lover is doing,

450
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 4: is trying to connect with you. And so it does

451
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 4: take a tremendous amount of self awareness to make a

452
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 4: relationship thrive. And I think that it is incumbent upon

453
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 4: all of us to rise to that challenge because that

454
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 4: is what helps us grow.

455
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 2: Is the secret sauce communication.

456
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's a huge secret sauce is communication.

457
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:15,120
Speaker 4: But the other secret sauce, which is just as important

458
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 4: as accountability, I would say.

459
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 2: That that really is Wait, speak more to that, how

460
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 2: do you how do you mean?

461
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 4: Because we have to be responsible and accountable for the

462
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 4: amount of dysfunction that we bring to our relationship. So

463
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 4: people like to play the blame game, and if we're

464
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 4: feeling disconnected, we like to create a story about how

465
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 4: it's the other person's fault and how it's not our fault,

466
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 4: and there is like there is a magic. It's like

467
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 4: the person the people who are so free with their apology,

468
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 4: not in a people pleasing way, but just really like,

469
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 4: oh my god, I got to own the fact that

470
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 4: I just hurt you. I got to own the fact

471
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 4: that I've been in my head. I've got to the

472
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 4: fact that, like, I haven't been as great of a

473
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 4: partner to you as I really should be this week.

474
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 4: Those are the people who do very well in relationships.

475
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: Wow, I like that.

476
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 2: Taking responsibility.

477
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 4: It's very important. That is the secret sauce.

478
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: It's hard for a lot of people to do that too.

479
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 4: It's exactly, it's hard.

480
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 1: It's usually a one way street when it comes to that. Yes,

481
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: it's rare that that's a two way street. Someone has

482
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: to be reminded or someone has to be told, hey,

483
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of lopsided. From my personal point

484
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: of view, it's kind of lopsided, and then all of

485
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: a sudden, somebody realizes, oh shit, maybe it was lopsided. Yeah.

486
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: And also, what I've noticed is that sometimes it's you know,

487
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: when it is lopsided, it's because someone else feels like

488
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: the community. It feels the exact same way the other person,

489
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: does you know what I mean?

490
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 4: Yes, Yeah, they feel I don't know, betrayed or just

491
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 4: unheard or unseen, all of those.

492
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 1: Things, you know what I mean? And yes, it's two

493
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: people with the same uh, with the same conversation, but

494
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: for some reason there's a barrier in between and they

495
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: can't get through it. It's the crazy.

496
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, that barrier is called the ego.

497
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: There it is the right.

498
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 2: But yeah, what happens if you're you feel like you're

499
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: in the relationship, but you're the one who's always taking

500
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: responsibility for everything.

501
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:27,959
Speaker 4: You know, that's a problem.

502
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, you would say when you're like, when you feel like,

503
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 2: in order to end the argument, I'm I he or

504
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 2: she is always the one who's like, Okay, I just

505
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 2: want this argument you over. I'm sorry, I take responsibility

506
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 2: and they feel like gosh, and the only way out

507
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 2: of this is if I take responsibility.

508
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 4: That's a problem. Then it then it warrants a conversation.

509
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 4: It warrants a conversation. Look, the important conversations and the

510
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 4: hard conversations that happen that have to happen between two

511
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 4: people who are either in a relationship or plan to

512
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 4: sleep with each other, or who are sleeping with each other, Like,

513
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 4: you have to have these difficult convers I mean, most

514
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 4: people who are just sleeping with each other don't have

515
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 4: the hard conversations. Most people who are in full blown

516
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 4: relationships and marriages don't have the important conversations. But you

517
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 4: have to be willing to have these conversations. They're not easy,

518
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 4: they're hard. I know I would rather not have them.

519
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 4: But you have to just suck it up and put on,

520
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 4: you know, your grown up pants whatever and show up

521
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 4: and lead with love and vulnerability. And you would say

522
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 4: something like, hey, I love you. Sometimes I feel like

523
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 4: I'm the only one taking responsibility and it's starting to

524
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 4: make me feel unloved, unseen, unheard, whatever. Get the vulnerability out.

525
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 4: And if that person is just defensive, then you have

526
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 4: what you would call a deeper problem in the relationship

527
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 4: that would need to be addressed, maybe with the third party.

528
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 4: I don't know, but these are the things.

529
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: You know.

530
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 4: How a couple deals with conflict, yeah, really determines the

531
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 4: quality of their relationship. Like that's it.

532
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what you're so one would be

533
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 2: so wise to figure that out early right, I tell people,

534
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think a lot of people you know,

535
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 2: get involved. You know, my friends that I see, and

536
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 2: of course I'm sure myself and relationships is you get

537
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 2: so you're so high on the newness of it and

538
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 2: the excitement of it and the titillation of it and

539
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 2: the lust of it that you just go, oh, the

540
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 2: tough conversations, fuck it, fucking fucking I'll deal with that.

541
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you're in something and

542
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: you're stucked, and you're fucked because you never you never

543
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 2: said how are we going to communicate? How are we

544
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 2: going to argue? How are we going to That's why.

545
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: Those are the relationships that end very very quickly.

546
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 2: Well they don't, but I disagree, Okay, oh yeah, no,

547
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 2: I hear what you're saying about the one your marriage scenario.

548
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 2: But I also think there's people who just get stuck

549
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 2: in something and then they're just kind of buried and

550
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 2: they don't know how to. They don't know how to, like,

551
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 2: how do I have the conversation now? Like I guess

552
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 2: we could try couples therapy if the person's open to it,

553
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 2: but they they you know, it's almost like there should

554
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 2: be and it's you know, it's funny. We had a

555
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 2: sex therapist on and she was talking about these guides

556
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 2: that people, you know, the stuff you never knew about

557
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 2: sex and that you should know about you know, about

558
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 2: men and women and other stuff, and it's and it's like,

559
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: I didn't know there's there's there's books about it, but

560
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 2: there should be a thing you go through, like, Okay,

561
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: let's go through this checklist. This is how we're going

562
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 2: to argue. This is how we're going to communicate. This

563
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,479
Speaker 2: is how we're going to bring up the cringiest thing

564
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 2: that we don't want to talk about, because you don't.

565
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 2: If you don't do that, then you're then you're you're

566
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 2: you're in too deep and it's so much harder, right Yeah, I.

567
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 4: Mean what you're describing as foundation, I've definitely been in

568
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 4: situations before where you're in really deep and because of

569
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 4: all that lust and you know that tittle is tittlization,

570
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 4: what is it?

571
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 2: Because it has titty in it?

572
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 4: But exactly it's a good one. All the stuff, Like,

573
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 4: so there's two things that lust and stuff in the

574
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 4: beginning is I mean, we know why it's addictive. It's

575
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 4: incredibly it's incredibly fun. It reminds us that we're alive.

576
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 4: And then you throw in the fact that maybe you

577
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 4: may feel a little bored or unfulfilled in life, or

578
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 4: maybe a little bit lonely, and then someone comes into

579
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 4: your life and then all of a sudden, you're reminded

580
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 4: that you still have a beating pulse. You're reminded of

581
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 4: something inside of you that reminds you of when you

582
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 4: were fifteen years old, and that aliveness is what we

583
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 4: are all seeking on a conscious and unconscious level, and

584
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 4: this person brought it to you. But the truth remains

585
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 4: that part of at least my message is that if

586
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 4: you're dating, you have to really make sure that you're

587
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 4: not a teenager dating. So when you are really enthusiastic

588
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 4: about someone, you've got to process that enthusiasm and you

589
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 4: have to go slow, don't play house with the stranger

590
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 4: and start to like and you have to build a foundation.

591
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 4: And that's the foundation. So yes to what to your point,

592
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 4: a lot of people will go really quickly, and then

593
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 4: they'll realize, oh my god, we have no foundation because

594
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 4: we're fighting, and our fights like we have nothing to

595
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 4: return to. There's no security, there's no safe haven. To

596
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 4: return to. But we're so attached to each other and

597
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 4: we don't know where to go from there, and it's

598
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 4: very hard to move to to look back and and

599
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 4: not and then have to build a foundation when you're

600
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 4: already a year into the relationship. It's hard. Yeah, well

601
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 4: a lot of those relationships fail.

602
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, man, I was just about to say that.

603
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 1: I said, it sounds like I want to say it

604
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 1: sounds like you're just describing a failed relationship. You know

605
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: what I mean? Anytime you am.

606
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's straight up, but maybe a really important lesson.

607
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 4: So you know, it's however which way you look at it,

608
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 4: So it's a relationship that's not gonna last, but it's

609
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 4: is it a failure? Well one way it is. In

610
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 4: another way, hopefully it's a really valuable lesson.

611
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 2: Okay, We're gonna take a quick break and we come back.

612
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 2: I want you to tell us because I'm sure lots

613
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 2: of people are listening and they go, Okay, I I

614
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 2: what do I do next time? How do I start

615
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 2: the conversation? I like someone, I'm so turned on by them.

616
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 2: It's fun, but I've fucked it up so many times.

617
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 2: What do I do this time? All right, we'll be

618
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: right back and we're back.

619
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: We're all right.

620
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 2: So for those who agree with everything you said and

621
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 2: are sitting listening to this, going mm hmm, amen and preach,

622
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 2: what do you say?

623
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: All right?

624
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: Someone listen. They're starting something new, they really like the person,

625
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 2: the sex is great, like they want to continue, you know,

626
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 2: progressing with it. What do they do to build that

627
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 2: foundation or community?

628
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 4: Municate? Communicate and go slow? So let me let me

629
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 4: describe a little bit more what I mean by that.

630
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 4: So too many people are willing to get naked with

631
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 4: strangers but not have important conversations.

632
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: I love that. That's so true.

633
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: There's two things that she said that are so true.

634
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: Playing house with the stranger, getting naked with the stranger. Yeah, no,

635
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: within within weeks, within days of days meeting ways, listen, listen,

636
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I met someone at a club

637
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: and within that, within two days after that, it seemed

638
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: like we were living together and we're having sex without condoms,

639
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: like just doing crazy dumb ship like you must go.

640
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 2: I know you said that. Really landing with me is

641
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 2: that as humans were so more readily ready to be

642
00:32:55,280 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: physically intimate than we are to be intimate with our hearts. Yes,

643
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 2: And it's and our vulnerability.

644
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 4: And our vulnerability which is interesting to me because look,

645
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 4: obviously there are people who can more easily detached emotionally

646
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 4: from intercourse than there are others. But the reality is,

647
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 4: if you're a man, you're a woman, you get attached

648
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 4: after sex. You don't get attached after sex. There is

649
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 4: a reality that we cannot deny, which is that sex

650
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 4: complicates feelings.

651
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: It does.

652
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 4: It adds a dimension that complicates things. And I think

653
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 4: that people really get into trouble when they bring sex

654
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 4: to the table and they haven't had the conversations about, hey,

655
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 4: what are our expectations around this, because a lot of

656
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 4: people will have sex and their expectation is now we're

657
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 4: in a relationship where someone else is like, no, you know.

658
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 4: And I think that that's really, really incredibly important. So

659
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 4: to answer your question, is like someone who just moved

660
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 4: quickly all the time in the past and they want

661
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 4: to do things differently, go slow. Wait, I really believe

662
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,280
Speaker 4: and this is this is has zero to do with morality.

663
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 4: Everyone can do with their bodies what they want to.

664
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 4: But for the people who have had the kind of

665
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 4: crash and burned relationship before, and they've gotten hurt before,

666
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 4: and they want to do things differently, like they really

667
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 4: do wait to have sex and have the important conversations

668
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 4: about expectations, about boundaries, about about feelings and about you know,

669
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 4: where you want things to go. I think this is

670
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 4: what I want to impart so badly on people. It's

671
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 4: so incredibly important. You can only good things can come

672
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 4: out of that, and a lot of bad things can

673
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 4: come out of doing the alternative.

674
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 2: You also have the person's attention, because the other person

675
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 2: in the who might not be initiating this, wants probably

676
00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 2: to have sex with you, and and so you've got

677
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: their ears, you know what I mean. I can be like, hey,

678
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 2: I'm attracted you to you know, blah blah blah, but

679
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 2: I'm not doing that anymore without without getting to know someone.

680
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 2: So what let's let's have just let's have a little

681
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 2: bit of a chat about what you expect from this

682
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 2: and and what.

683
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,959
Speaker 1: All this stuff would have been helpful as a youth,

684
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, this conversation, all of these

685
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: conversations when I first moved to Hollywood, when I first

686
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 1: was starting to have sex, all of these things would

687
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: have been you know, what I mean, hindsight is definitely

688
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 1: twenty twenty when it comes to how you take care

689
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: of yourself and other people's feelings and emotions, and you.

690
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 2: Know, and that's not to say that you that there's

691
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: anything wrong with having casual sex if that's what's on

692
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 2: the what's on the program, but but what sounds like

693
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 2: what you're saying is at least acknowledged that, right.

694
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 4: I think there has to be acknowledge. I think there

695
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 4: has to be a discussion about expectations and look, you know,

696
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 4: I'm all for we're responsible for ourselves. But you know,

697
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 4: I have just worked with so many people, and there

698
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 4: are so many people out there who are in these

699
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 4: I remember I was like, I was interviewed for a

700
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 4: podcast and the first question was, like they asked me,

701
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 4: is are you in a relationship? Are you single? Or

702
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 4: is it complicated? And my answer was I would never

703
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 4: be in something complicated in the past when I was younger,

704
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 4: but in today the last several years of my life,

705
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 4: like I would not, And I want to help people

706
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 4: not be in something complicated because it takes I've seen

707
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: people completely fuck up their lives being with the wrong person,

708
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 4: being with someone who who doesn't treat them well being

709
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 4: in the it's complicated scenario.

710
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 2: And so.

711
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 4: I think that if you are someone who wants just

712
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 4: casual sex, that's fine, but you have to be really

713
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 4: honest about it. And I do think and this is

714
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 4: this would be an interesting thing. I'd love to know

715
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 4: both of your opinions on this. Is if you know

716
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,240
Speaker 4: that you want casual sex and then you meet someone

717
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 4: who you know they want more, but they're telling you no, no,

718
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,759
Speaker 4: it's okay because they don't want to lose you. You

719
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 4: can tell you could so easily tell yourself the story

720
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 4: while they're responsible for them and they've told me that

721
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 4: they're okay with it, but deep down you know that

722
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 4: they are compromising themselves in some way emotionally by staying

723
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 4: in a physical relationship with you. At what point does

724
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 4: it become your responsibility to be like, you know what,

725
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 4: I really like you, but we can't see each other anymore.

726
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, Okay, I think right away. I think

727
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: the moment that as.

728
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 2: A girl can't be no no no, no no no,

729
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 2: you can't be answering as a married guy with you

730
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,959
Speaker 2: got to answer as when you were single.

731
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: And no, that's impossible man, Come on, man, I was

732
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: led by my penis.

733
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 4: I wasn't led by my right I know exactly exactly.

734
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 2: But I'm saying you got to give you as a

735
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 2: married man of all these years.

736
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: Now is going to be like, why do you give

737
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: both perspectives as a married man as someone If if

738
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: my wife came to me and said, I want to

739
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: see other people in but it does. I don't want

740
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: it to be public, but I want to have an

741
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: open relationship. But I still love what we have going on,

742
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: but physically I'm not getting what I need or you know,

743
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and she would see in my face,

744
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: I'd be like, fuck that hurts. Uh, this is what

745
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: you want for real?

746
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 5: Uh?

747
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? You know I love you too, obviously, and you

748
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 1: know yeah shit fuck yeah, you know what because of

749
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: our love, go for it. You know. Wow, it's a lot.

750
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: That's heavy, but you know what, I love you. And

751
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 1: she couldn't tell that I'm fucked up right there, and

752
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 1: she just lets it go at that moment in time.

753
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: She doesn't love me, and she was bullshitting and she

754
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: just wants to go out and have casual sex with someone,

755
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 1: and I need to ask.

756
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 4: She definitely didn't love you. If she just wanted to

757
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 4: have casual sex with you anyway.

758
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,479
Speaker 1: Well, no, what someone else I'm talking about?

759
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 4: Right?

760
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? She wants to go and

761
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: have casual sex with someone else, she's already she's probably

762
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: already done it already. Yeah yeah, felt guilty and now

763
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: it's like, oh shit, yeah right, she's been out of

764
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: the relationship for a while, and I've been oblivious to

765
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: it right now. In my single days, if I went

766
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 1: to a young lady and was like, listen, we've been

767
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: dating for a few months. I go to the club

768
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: with you every night, so you see what's out there too.

769
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 1: I really do enjoy I really do enjoy our relationship.

770
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: I enjoy the conversations we have. I am being led

771
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: by my penis right now, though, and I need to

772
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: have so much sex it's impossible for me to just

773
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: I don't think you can handle where I'm at right now.

774
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: And she was like, yes, I can. I can. I

775
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 1: swear I can. Just don't leave me, just stay. We

776
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: can do this. I can. I can. I promise you

777
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: I can. I probably be like, okay, right right.

778
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people those are funny extreme

779
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 2: Donald examples, but on a more day to day thing.

780
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 2: What you're saying is, if you're having casual sex with someone,

781
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 2: the odds are that one person in that relationship wants

782
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 2: something more and at a certain point you're you're not

783
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 2: being a good person by allowing it to continue, Right, I.

784
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 4: Think it's about defining what integrity means for you and

785
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 4: really defining the kind of person that you want to

786
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 4: be and having your values and your principles. Uh, penetrate

787
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 4: I use that word deliberately based on our conversation, but

788
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 4: penetrate every every aspect of your life. So you I

789
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 4: think you just have to ask yourself, like, am I

790
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 4: into in? Am I behaving and acting out in integrity?

791
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 4: By staying in this relationship that is that is clearly

792
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 4: not balanced Like I'm running, I'm running the show. They

793
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 4: clearly want more and it's it's imbalanced. And yes, it's

794
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 4: the balance. The scale is tipping towards my favor. But

795
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 4: am I is this who I I want to be

796
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 4: is a kind?

797
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 2: It's not kind.

798
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 4: I don't believe it is or mature. I think it's

799
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 4: just a maturity, that's what it is. Yeah, it's a

800
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 4: maturity thing.

801
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: That's why it's the answer is, if you're young, you're

802
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: not living off of your mind, going off your hormones

803
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 1: and the dope through your body and stuff like that.

804
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 4: It's hard, but there are a lot of middle aged people,

805
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,359
Speaker 4: you know, people over the age of thirty five who

806
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 4: really should know better, who are still doing that. And

807
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 4: I think that at least part of the work that

808
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 4: I do is just trying to wake people up to

809
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,399
Speaker 4: ask themselves questions so that they can show up as

810
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 4: just people who they can be proud of.

811
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: I know, listen, I want to just you just led

812
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 2: me to one of your banger quotes that I love

813
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 2: because you guys need to follow follow Jillian Tareki t

814
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 2: U r e c k I on Instagram because you

815
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 2: have so many amazing quotes. And not to diss you,

816
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 2: but sometimes I'm like, oh, who said that? Where did

817
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 2: she get that from? And it's her?

818
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's all original content.

819
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 2: No, you're great. You see really say things. I've sent

820
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 2: so many of your things to people that need to

821
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 2: hear it. Here's what I liked, and it was once

822
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 2: you decide that you're available, ready to let love in

823
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 2: and committed to building a meaningful relationship with someone, you

824
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 2: will no longer pursue the attention of someone who isn't

825
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 2: available to you.

826
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,919
Speaker 4: That is true, That is very true.

827
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,760
Speaker 2: How do we get out of that cycle of pursuing people?

828
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,919
Speaker 2: You know, there's a classic line in any Hall where

829
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 2: he's scandal noted, but he's quoting we stole that from

830
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: p Holmes.

831
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 4: It's funny.

832
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 2: He's quoting Groucho Marks, I believe. But the line in

833
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 2: any Hall scandal noted is I would never want to

834
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 2: be a part of any club that would have someone

835
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 2: like me as a member.

836
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 4: Yes, I know that quote.

837
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 2: Well, so how do we get out of that trap

838
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 2: of of It's like, it's like when someone likes us

839
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 2: for like, oh, what's wrong with them? I have to

840
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 2: go after the person that doesn't want me. That's so unhealthy,

841
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 2: But it also feels such a part of the human condition.

842
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 4: So there's a couple of things here. One is there's

843
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 4: a self esteem issue if you are if one is

844
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 4: constantly pursuing people who they have to chase, yeah, because

845
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 4: it's very different than And then there's also an ego thing,

846
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 4: which I think is something that men feel more, which is,

847
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 4: you know, I'm going to chase this woman and I'm

848
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 4: going to get her, you know, I'm going to woo her,

849
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 4: and I'm going to be the hero, and so I

850
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 4: think that's that's different. I think pursuing someone is different

851
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 4: than chasing someone. When you're chasing someone, they're running away

852
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 4: from you, and you're not reading the room and chasing,

853
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 4: you know, like pursuing something like there's it's really an attractive,

854
00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 4: sexy thing when you're pursuing someone and they're open to

855
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,919
Speaker 4: you pursuing right, They're receptive, and that's the dance. That's

856
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 4: the courtship.

857
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: I know that courtship very well. That's how my wife

858
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: got me. She did the push you away, but come here.

859
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: It's a very confusing thing. But if you're open to

860
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: playing that dance, it's like a tango. If you're open

861
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: to the pool yes, and the pushing, the pull. If

862
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 1: you're open to it, it's less fine.

863
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 4: It's very fun, but it's a fine line between it

864
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 4: being fun and being just like hell right and not

865
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 4: really going run anywhere and then starting to feel like,

866
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 4: I mean, at some point you just have to like

867
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 4: grow up and be like, this person is playing games,

868
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 4: they're playing hard to get and I think, you know,

869
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 4: I tell because women have this this conditioned belief if

870
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 4: I play hard to get, then my value goes up.

871
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 4: It's like, no, you just have to be harder to get.

872
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 4: Meaning if you know your value and you're then you're

873
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 4: just not giving your heart. And this goes This is

874
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 4: not just women, but women have been conditioned to believe

875
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 4: that you have to play hard to get. But everyone

876
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 4: has to know their value enough that they're not just

877
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 4: going to give their heart to anyone who's available to them.

878
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 4: So the distinction between chasing chasing is the person is

879
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 4: really not giving you anything. Maybe they're giving you a

880
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 4: little bit of crumbs, but they are not receptive to

881
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 4: you and they're just you know, like the movie said,

882
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 4: like they're just not that into you, and you keep

883
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 4: chasing them. So why do we do that? So that

884
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 4: definitely comes from low self esteem. It definitely comes from

885
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 4: the ego trying to you know, we play this game

886
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 4: with ourselves. If I just got this person to love me,

887
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 4: then I'm validated, then I'm significant, or if I could

888
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 4: be you know, a lot of people will go for

889
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 4: the very troubled person. They'll go for the person with

890
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 4: a really big problem, like a drug problem, for example,

891
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 4: and they think and their pattern is and this is unconscious.

892
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 4: If I can be the reason for this person's change,

893
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 4: then I am worthy. And a lot of people think,

894
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 4: you know, and this is deeper stuff. They believe unconsciously

895
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 4: that they don't really even deserve the love that they

896
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 4: really want or it wasn't modeled for them, Like they

897
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 4: don't even in their belief system. Nowhere is there? Yeah,

898
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 4: Like it doesn't actually have to be so hard. When

899
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 4: you like someone and you choose someone, they should be

900
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 4: choosing you back. And that's how it goes. But for

901
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 4: the person who's not attracted to someone who's emotionally unavailable,

902
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 4: they got a little work to do on themselves. They

903
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 4: have to ask themselves. They're really hard questions, like why

904
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 4: am I? Why is this amazing creature before me? Who

905
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 4: wants me? I don't want them. I want the person

906
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 4: who's like, not actually that amazing, but I've projected this

907
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 4: whole idea onto them, and I want them. You got

908
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 4: a little work to do, Yeah, what is that?

909
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 2: So you're saying, just just just extrapolate on that a

910
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 2: little bit more, because you're saying that's a self esteem issue.

911
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 2: So are you implying that the person is lusting or

912
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 2: wanting for someone who doesn't want them and has made

913
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 2: up a story in their head that they're that person.

914
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 2: When they get them will make them a better person

915
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 2: and they don't feel whole without them.

916
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 4: Well, there's a few things. So there's one thing, which

917
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 4: is what you're saying, is that you know a lot

918
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 4: of people we fall in love with our unconscious projections,

919
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 4: you know, like a really immature which you know, I've

920
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 4: been this, so it's not it's not to miss anyone.

921
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 4: But an immature approach to love is you meet someone

922
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 4: and you project an entire ideal onto them. You're like,

923
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 4: this is the one. She's great, he's great, you know,

924
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 4: my life is going to be so amazing, and still

925
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 4: instead of actually seeing the actual person who's in front

926
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 4: of you. And that's really immature, and that's what a

927
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 4: lot of people do. And then there's the a lot

928
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 4: of people who will chase the unavailable. There is this

929
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 4: sort of and and even be repelled by like the

930
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 4: amazing person who is available. There's an unconscious narrative that

931
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 4: says what's wrong with them that they would be into me.

932
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 4: They literally think there's something wrong with the person who's

933
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 4: actually into them, and they will be repelled by that person.

934
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 1: Got a little work to do, That's that's Yeah, it's deep,

935
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: it is deep.

936
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 4: But it's over You can overcome it with work, you

937
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 4: really can.

938
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: But that's the thing, it's work. And a lot of

939
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: people don't necessarily want to work on relationships, not at

940
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: a young age at least. It's way easier to be like,

941
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm good.

942
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:54,919
Speaker 4: But people want to be out of pain.

943
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking to people. We're talking to lots of people.

944
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 2: But I think we want to address the person who

945
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 2: is over that and does want to overcome that. And

946
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 2: Jillian is going to solve all of their problems the

947
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,399
Speaker 2: second they get back from this commercial break right back.

948
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 2: And so what kind of work does that person do Jillian?

949
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 2: They want to find love, they don't they You keep

950
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,320
Speaker 2: saying it's a self esteem issue. Obviously, I imagine this

951
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 2: would help with a therapist, but maybe some people can't

952
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 2: afford therapy. They can afford self help books maybe, but

953
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 2: we also have better help. As a sponsor, you can consider,

954
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,439
Speaker 2: But what work do they need to do? If you're

955
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 2: if you're having that self esteem issue?

956
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 4: Well, so if you're someone who consistently goes for the

957
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 4: people who reject you and you're not open to the

958
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 4: people who actually want to love you. Then it starts

959
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: with asking yourself, It starts with curiosity. I think that

960
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 4: people need to just, first and foremost become self aware.

961
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 4: And so the first step, really honestly is just being

962
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 4: aware of your pattern. Oh that's my pattern, Like what

963
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 4: is that all about? And then getting really curious about

964
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 4: it about what you know. One thing that you could

965
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 4: do is think about all your past excees that may

966
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 4: or the people even if they weren't even totally your exes,

967
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 4: but all the people you've chased in the past, whether

968
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 4: they turned out to be relationships or not. What do

969
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 4: they all have in common? What do they all have

970
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 4: in common? What is is there a certain quality in

971
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:44,919
Speaker 4: them that you are really attracted to? Because and I'm

972
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 4: sure that the two of you can attest to this,

973
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 4: we cannot deny the influence that Hollywood has had on

974
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 4: our conditioning when it comes to dating and relationships. It's

975
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 4: like Hollywood tells us how love is supposed to be,

976
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 4: or we'll have you know, will have a crush on

977
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 4: an actor or an actress and We'll think that's the

978
00:52:07,239 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 4: person that I want, you know, and then and then

979
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 4: we get we get very stubborn about it. We have

980
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,399
Speaker 4: our blinders on and we think I want this person.

981
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 4: I got to get this person again, the projection of

982
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 4: the ideal. So there's a conglomerate influence. As it could

983
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 4: be that you didn't get the love and the attention

984
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 4: that you deserved when you were a child, But it

985
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 4: starts with asking yourself these questions.

986
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's another version of that. I am well aware

987
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: that Hollywood has made me very, very attractive to women,

988
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 1: and that the level of because before I became famous,

989
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 1: the people that were attracted to me were not necessarily

990
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 1: the people that are attracted to me now. Like my

991
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 1: I did move it, Like I remember going to clubs

992
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 1: and wanting to dance with young women and those young

993
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: women would be like, now I get the fuck out

994
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,280
Speaker 1: of here. Clueless came out, and then all of a sudden,

995
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 1: those women wanted to dance with me and wanted to

996
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 1: do more things with me. So I'm well aware of

997
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: the glow up that Hollywood gives you when you know

998
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 1: it wasn't the ugly duckling thing. I'm well aware of

999
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: how how you know when you're perceived to have a

1000
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 1: little bit of money, or you're perceived to be a

1001
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 1: little bit cooler, or if Stacy Dash played your TV

1002
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: or your your your movie girlfriend. I get how that

1003
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 1: can freaking make a bunch of people be like, Oh,

1004
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: he's kind of cute. Yeah, that shit is That shit

1005
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 1: is real. That's the other version of it though, too,

1006
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's like, all right, what

1007
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 1: if you're out there and you're successful, you have a

1008
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:46,280
Speaker 1: lot of things going for you, and you run into

1009
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: there's games in Hollywood, there's you know what I mean,

1010
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: This is.

1011
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 4: The time I'm gonna tell you exactly what I'm gonna

1012
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 4: tell to this. So to the celebrity or the rising

1013
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 4: celebrity who's single and is looking for someone, go for

1014
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 4: the person who actually would does not want to date

1015
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 4: an actor celebrity, and go for that person who's extremely

1016
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 4: skeptical about dating you because of your celebrity.

1017
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:17,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, Donald, for when you're back out there on the market.

1018
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,439
Speaker 1: I'll never be back there on the market, I hope.

1019
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 2: Listen, you just said the case he's shopping around for

1020
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 2: booty calls.

1021
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 4: So is your wife a celebrity?

1022
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: My wife was a celebrity at once.

1023
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 2: Well, she's kind of a celebrity.

1024
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: Okay, my wife was a celebrity at one point, and

1025
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 1: she claims that she's not anymore. I still think she is.

1026
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 4: Oh, well, of course she'll always be a celebrity in

1027
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 4: your eyes, but so or you can go for another celebrity.

1028
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 4: But if you're going to go for a non celebrity,

1029
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 4: go for the one who's just like, yeah, I don't know,

1030
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 4: like the fact that you are famous might be a

1031
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 4: problem for me.

1032
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 2: All right, let's get off fame because most of our

1033
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 2: listeners are not famous.

1034
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,919
Speaker 1: Are not famous, I'm going to let's just talk about

1035
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: Brad Pitt listens to our fucking other than Brad Pitt

1036
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: and David Fincher. Who Okay, let's let's not let's not Harry.

1037
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 2: Can I drop another Jillian Tureki quote that I like, Sure, Okay,

1038
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 2: you want a relationship. You meet someone you feel connected

1039
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 2: to and compatible with. They tell you they think you're great,

1040
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:22,320
Speaker 2: but they can't be in a relationship. Right now, you say, okay,

1041
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 2: I understand, you still continue to date them. This is

1042
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 2: what self abandonment looks like.

1043
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,319
Speaker 1: How are you in a relationship with someone who says

1044
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 1: they don't want to relate, I don't understand how that works.

1045
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 4: So there's this term that is frequently used in the

1046
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 4: zeitgeist right now, and I kind of love it because

1047
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 4: I think that it describes things pretty well. It's called

1048
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 4: a situationship. And remember earlier I said about being in

1049
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 4: something complicated, and these are This is usually a relation relationship.

1050
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 4: I put this in quotes between two people where it's

1051
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 4: very imbalanced. Basically, one person wants more and the other

1052
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 4: person wants less. But because they're not communicating, and because

1053
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 4: you know, they're not able to let go of whatever

1054
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 4: attachment they have to each other, they continue on.

1055
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 2: They're in a situationship.

1056
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:16,719
Speaker 4: And that really is to recover from that is pretty hardcore,

1057
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 4: because then you really are a compromised. Look, here's the thing.

1058
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:25,439
Speaker 4: The fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear

1059
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 4: of not being enough, the low self esteem stuff. These

1060
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 4: are all things that we all grapple with. That's all

1061
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 4: part of the human condition. But when it really takes over,

1062
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 4: when it becomes part of our narrative, maybe that is

1063
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 4: something from childhood. Maybe that's something that happened because of

1064
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 4: something that happened later in life, what you start to

1065
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 4: and if you can be tricky, because you can have

1066
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 4: a lot of you can have a lot of confidence

1067
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:50,919
Speaker 4: in certain areas of your life, but when it comes

1068
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,720
Speaker 4: to love, you see it go down. But the reality

1069
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,840
Speaker 4: is is that this is when people are gambling away

1070
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:02,640
Speaker 4: their principles, their boundaries, values, just so that they can

1071
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 4: either be in a relationship because they feel really lonely,

1072
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 4: coupled with the belief system that there's no one else

1073
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 4: better out there, and then they stay in something because well,

1074
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:15,919
Speaker 4: it's better than being alone, or you know, it's better

1075
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 4: than nothing.

1076
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 2: Or they're eventually going to change their minds, or they're.

1077
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 4: Exactly or they're eventually going to change their mind And

1078
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 4: that is the biggest lie ever.

1079
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're not going to change their relationship for a

1080
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 2: decade over yeah, or I can change them. Yeah, they're

1081
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 2: not going to change.

1082
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 4: No, they're not. And you shouldn't be with someone with

1083
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,960
Speaker 4: whom you think that, with whom you believe they should change.

1084
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 4: You have to love people for who they are. I

1085
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 4: think that the I think it's a fair expectation if

1086
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 4: you are someone who values growth, that you be in

1087
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 4: a relationship with someone who values growth as well, who's

1088
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,120
Speaker 4: going to take a look at their own stuff, who's

1089
00:57:57,160 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 4: going to get help, who's going to want to be

1090
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 4: a better person. And and you can't shame. You can't

1091
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,920
Speaker 4: get into a relationship with someone and fundamentally want to

1092
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 4: change who they are. You either love them all or

1093
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 4: you shouldn't be with them.

1094
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:14,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, I think that that's a crucial thing,

1095
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 2: right there is is not projecting onto someone who you

1096
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 2: think they're going to be. That's your meeting and talking

1097
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 2: with who they are and that and and and you

1098
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,040
Speaker 2: choose that or don't choose that, But don't get into

1099
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 2: something where wow, they're great. Here, I'm gonna it's gonna

1100
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 2: lead me to another Jillian quote. Uh, it dovetails perfectly

1101
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 2: with this one, which I love. When you fall in

1102
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 2: love with someone's potential instead of where they legitimately are.

1103
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 2: Now you'll become their coach, their therapist, their healer, and

1104
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 2: ultimately their parent. You don't want this, and they don't

1105
00:58:56,160 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 2: want it either. Yeah, don't preach.

1106
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 1: Hm.

1107
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,160
Speaker 4: It's a really common pattern.

1108
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 2: That's fucking really a good one because I think so

1109
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 2: many people listening are going right now, whether.

1110
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 1: They're checking themselves, or they're or they're the or they're

1111
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: the person that dad. They're just checking yourself right now.

1112
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: That's what when you go, you're checking yourself right then

1113
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: and there.

1114
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,520
Speaker 2: Right. So, if you're starting something new, if you're if

1115
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 2: you're let's say you're listening and you're in something new,

1116
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,640
Speaker 2: or or thinking about getting out of something, I think

1117
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 2: that's really important to look at, like, assume this person's

1118
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 2: not going to change.

1119
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 1: Do you want this?

1120
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 2: You're not signing up to be someone's coach therapist. They

1121
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 2: don't want that. You don't want that exactly.

1122
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 4: It's a really common pattern where people will date projects

1123
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 4: instead of people, and there's a lot that goes into that.

1124
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 4: One is if someone if you can change them. Okay,

1125
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 4: so let's say, like I said earlier, if you have

1126
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 4: a habit of dating someone who dating people who always

1127
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 4: have like a really big problem, you get a lot

1128
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 4: of significance being the sane one in the relationship, and

1129
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:31,120
Speaker 4: so you can be like the healer or the coach,

1130
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 4: and then that boosts your ego because you're like, well,

1131
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 4: I'm the person who knows what's up they're not. And

1132
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 4: not only that, if you don't feel enough as you are.

1133
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 4: You will get into relationships where you fulfill a role

1134
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 4: that might be very similar from childhood, like being the fixer, pleaser, helper, healer, coach,

1135
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 4: and you think this is how I'm needed. Because if

1136
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 4: you don't believe that you could really be loved for

1137
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 4: who you are, you will figure out a way to

1138
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 4: be needed in a relationship and it becomes a thing

1139
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 4: where two people sort of find each other, the broken

1140
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 4: bird and the healer whatever, the fixer, and they sort

1141
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 4: of build a relationship based on this dynamic, but neither

1142
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 4: one really ends up feeling very fulfilled.

1143
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, those relationships into yes, or they last forever. No,

1144
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:35,400
Speaker 1: they last in a really really long time. And then

1145
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 1: when they break up and everything like that, everybody everybody's like,

1146
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:41,520
Speaker 1: you two were miserable for so long.

1147
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 4: So miserable yea, yeah, And you know, look, I mean, hm,

1148
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 4: I don't know. Some relationships. It's like, here's the reality.

1149
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 4: The truth is there is some relationship that we could

1150
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 4: look at from the outside looking in and say, oh

1151
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 4: my god, I wouldn't I don't want that relationship, But

1152
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 4: for some reason it works for them. It works for them.

1153
01:02:11,360 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 4: It's not something that you would ever choose. So it's

1154
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 4: kind of mysterious. But you know, I think at the

1155
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 4: end of the day and all roads of our conversation

1156
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 4: lead to this, who you choose matters. Yes, Like, there's

1157
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,000
Speaker 4: two things. It's who we are in a relationship, how

1158
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:32,240
Speaker 4: we show up, and who we choose. Those are the

1159
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:32,880
Speaker 4: two things.

1160
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, Because let's be honest. I'm sorry this is going

1161
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 2: to be generic, but do people really change that much?

1162
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 4: Well? This is a pretty deep This is a deeper

1163
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:49,400
Speaker 4: philosophical conversation than you might think. On the one hand,

1164
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 4: we're always changing, we're always evolving, and on the other hand,

1165
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,400
Speaker 4: there's a lot of people who don't change much at all.

1166
01:02:57,920 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 2: I don't mean to say that people can evolve and

1167
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:02,160
Speaker 2: work on themselves and get better, of course I believe

1168
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:05,680
Speaker 2: in that, But I'm saying you really need to choose

1169
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,880
Speaker 2: the person for who they are when you meet them.

1170
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 2: Because in the macro that's here's another quote. It's not yours,

1171
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,480
Speaker 2: but it's one I like to The same red flags

1172
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,360
Speaker 2: you ignore in the beginning will be the same reason

1173
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 2: that's you. Yes, God, you're fucking amazing. This one didn't

1174
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 2: even have your name on it, and I loved it

1175
01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 2: all right, I take it back. Here's another one from

1176
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 2: Jillian the same by the way, people are fucking stealing

1177
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 2: your quotes, the same red flags you ignore in the

1178
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 2: beginning will be the same reason it all ends.

1179
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't. I think my words were a little

1180
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 4: bit different. But the reason, the same red flags that

1181
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:44,960
Speaker 4: you ignore in the beginning will be the reason why

1182
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 4: the relationship ends.

1183
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1184
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 2: So I mean that says it all kind of like

1185
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:53,840
Speaker 2: it does. You have to choose. You have to choose

1186
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 2: what you want, not a project, not someone you're going

1187
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 2: to change it at all, and assume they're not going

1188
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 2: to change.

1189
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 4: Yes, And and because I think that we can hold

1190
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 4: two truths at the same time. If you're going to

1191
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 4: be in a marriage or a relationship that's going to

1192
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 4: span many, many years and decades, you also have to

1193
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 4: get comfortable with the different versions of who that person

1194
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 4: will become. There is a beautiful quote, this is not mine,

1195
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:25,000
Speaker 4: and I'm the author of the quote, is escaping me,

1196
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 4: which is tragic, but it's not mine, but it's But

1197
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 4: it says to love someone long term is to attend

1198
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 4: one thousand funerals of the person they used to be.

1199
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:41,680
Speaker 4: And so I think that it's it's both. Yes, you

1200
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:46,200
Speaker 4: have to when you're dating if you can't say this

1201
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 4: person could never change, and that is okay with me,

1202
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 4: Heidi preed. Yeah, so thank you.

1203
01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: So I know that quote.

1204
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,600
Speaker 2: Well, actually it's a beautiful life them in the chat

1205
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 2: Donald and try to act like you know it's true.

1206
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I think that on the one hand, we're

1207
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 4: going to go through, you know, many different variations of

1208
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:17,439
Speaker 4: who we are. But yeah, I think that for those

1209
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 4: who are dating and are think are considering taking their

1210
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 4: relationship to a more committed stage, you have to ask yourself,

1211
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 4: if this person were never to change, do I accept them?

1212
01:05:29,440 --> 01:05:34,959
Speaker 2: Holy yes, And don't take on don't and and don't

1213
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 2: take on a project that's going to involve trying to

1214
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 2: turn them into something that they're not.

1215
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's it's a lot of people do that. A

1216
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 4: lot of people do that. Yeah, And a lot of

1217
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:50,000
Speaker 4: people try to change each other all the.

1218
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:56,959
Speaker 2: Time, and that ends in tears always. Jillian, this has.

1219
01:05:56,880 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 1: Been very important. Let's talk about it. We can. How

1220
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:05,520
Speaker 1: important is sex and relationships and what is sex in

1221
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:09,440
Speaker 1: a relationship after a relationship has been when sex is

1222
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 1: when sex is still fun and you still enjoyed and

1223
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 1: everything like that. But at some point sex becomes an

1224
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:19,760
Speaker 1: appointment depending on what your relationship is, and that's not

1225
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 1: always fun at some point. In some points, it's not

1226
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 1: as spontaneous, it's not as exciting to me, Yes, that's

1227
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:30,280
Speaker 1: the word I'm looking for. It's not as exciting as

1228
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 1: it used to be, and stuff like that. But you

1229
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,880
Speaker 1: still want to do it, and you still want to fulfill,

1230
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 1: and you still want to give, and you still want

1231
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,560
Speaker 1: to you know what I mean? In relationships how important?

1232
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: Like I feel it's very important. That's me personally. Well,

1233
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:49,720
Speaker 1: my wife feels it's very important as well, you know

1234
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 1: what I mean.

1235
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:52,480
Speaker 4: That's good that you're on the same page.

1236
01:06:53,120 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 1: But you know that, but that's but there's that also,

1237
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 1: what is the same page? How do you get on this?

1238
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like when I want it necessarily,

1239
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 1: when I want it isn't necessarily when she wants it,

1240
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,040
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I just heard this

1241
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:11,200
Speaker 1: for the first time, sex and tell me if this

1242
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 1: is you. Also, when you get in a relationship from

1243
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:17,360
Speaker 1: your spouse, it's not that they're saying no to you.

1244
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 1: They're saying no, I don't want it necessarily at this

1245
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:24,160
Speaker 1: time or that type of sex right now.

1246
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 2: Okay, so you just ask her like forty questions.

1247
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:31,480
Speaker 1: But listen, listen, I had I've been holding it in.

1248
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:34,080
Speaker 1: I've been trying. I've been waiting to ask this question.

1249
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 2: You've been waiting to ask a sex question. All right,

1250
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:37,560
Speaker 2: go ahead, Jillian.

1251
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:45,800
Speaker 4: So it depends on the couple, right, Like three times

1252
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:48,960
Speaker 4: a week for one couple could be a lot, and

1253
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,520
Speaker 4: for another couple it's not enough. So it really depends

1254
01:07:51,560 --> 01:07:56,560
Speaker 4: on the couple, not everyone. Sex doesn't carry the same

1255
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 4: meaning for everyone. Again, it depends on the couple. I

1256
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:05,320
Speaker 4: think that though overall sex is a very important part

1257
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:08,960
Speaker 4: of a relationship, I think it needs to be discussed.

1258
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:12,480
Speaker 4: I think it needs to be given freely. And I

1259
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:16,639
Speaker 4: think that look, the sex in the first six months

1260
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 4: of a relationship is obviously not the same sex six

1261
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:24,280
Speaker 4: years in, but in some ways it could be better.

1262
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:29,400
Speaker 4: Like you could do workshops together about like really connecting

1263
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:33,840
Speaker 4: emotionally and eye gazing and do There's so many like

1264
01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 4: fun erotic things that you can do. I think that

1265
01:08:37,600 --> 01:08:44,840
Speaker 4: people get bogged down with stress and they stop doing

1266
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:47,520
Speaker 4: the things that they did in the beginning of the relationship,

1267
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:51,639
Speaker 4: and a really important part of relationship that I think

1268
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:56,360
Speaker 4: goes hand in hand with sex is playfulness and like

1269
01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 4: continuing to be playful. And what gets in the way

1270
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:01,559
Speaker 4: of playfulness our stress.

1271
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: It's giving playfulness.

1272
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:08,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, or you can learn from your kids about what

1273
01:09:08,160 --> 01:09:11,320
Speaker 4: play really is and adopt that into your lives. Sure,

1274
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:15,040
Speaker 4: I understand that it gets difficult with kids, but you

1275
01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 4: just have to make it a priority. You have to

1276
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:22,040
Speaker 4: make connecting a priority, and and you have and like, honestly,

1277
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:25,120
Speaker 4: there's so many women who have affairs. There's more women

1278
01:09:25,160 --> 01:09:27,160
Speaker 4: who have affairs who cheat on their husbands.

1279
01:09:26,840 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 1: In the other I was going to say this too.

1280
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,040
Speaker 2: Really I didn't know that.

1281
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:34,120
Speaker 4: But this is important. What is the woman missing She's

1282
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:35,600
Speaker 4: missing the romance.

1283
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:38,080
Speaker 1: Right whatever, But that's important.

1284
01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:40,679
Speaker 4: But this is hard you ask a question about.

1285
01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:44,080
Speaker 1: But I know, he's a tool, he's a fucking dickhead.

1286
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:47,479
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you fucking asshole, I'm going to

1287
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 1: ruin you. You're dead, you're over. But but at the

1288
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:52,960
Speaker 1: same time, she could have been doing it the whole

1289
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:54,120
Speaker 1: time behind his back.

1290
01:09:54,680 --> 01:09:57,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know there's a lot of infidelity. Yeah, there's

1291
01:09:57,439 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 4: a lot of infidelity, But you know, I I think

1292
01:10:00,439 --> 01:10:04,679
Speaker 4: that for play is really really important. I think staying

1293
01:10:04,840 --> 01:10:08,120
Speaker 4: connected is really important. I mean, these are the things

1294
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:12,000
Speaker 4: that kind of build up sexual energy. And I think

1295
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:13,960
Speaker 4: that it's important. If it's a man and a woman

1296
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,560
Speaker 4: who are in a relationship together, there has to be

1297
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:20,600
Speaker 4: communication because what is going to satisfy the man is

1298
01:10:20,640 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 4: not necessarily what's going to satisfy the women. Most women

1299
01:10:23,439 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 4: want the romance, they want they want to feel connected.

1300
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:32,120
Speaker 4: You know, they can't just very few women can consistently

1301
01:10:32,479 --> 01:10:35,600
Speaker 4: just do the deed and feel fulfilled by that. So

1302
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,880
Speaker 4: it's all a conversation. But yeah, I think sex is

1303
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:39,960
Speaker 4: a very important part of a relationship, and I think

1304
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,120
Speaker 4: it's something that you have to pay attention to when

1305
01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 4: you're in a long term relationship.

1306
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 1: I think it's that's where a lot of work has

1307
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:49,360
Speaker 1: to be done also in relationships, also the communication about

1308
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:53,080
Speaker 1: what you have because that evolves. Also that's not the

1309
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:57,559
Speaker 1: only thing that evolved. You know, people's desires and wants

1310
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:02,320
Speaker 1: evolve and you have to be open to hearing it

1311
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:04,840
Speaker 1: and you have to be open to saying what you

1312
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:09,000
Speaker 1: want also, and uh, you know, I think I think

1313
01:11:09,160 --> 01:11:11,439
Speaker 1: I think that's just as important. That's what I was

1314
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:15,440
Speaker 1: trying to say I I I believe. I believe communication

1315
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 1: in all aspects of your relationship. If that's the if

1316
01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:23,840
Speaker 1: your relationships, the universe, the planets are little pockets of

1317
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:29,320
Speaker 1: communication that need to continuously be uh visited.

1318
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:33,439
Speaker 4: Hundred.

1319
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:37,160
Speaker 2: I want to just end with one quote. I don't

1320
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,000
Speaker 2: know if this is yours, but I like this what

1321
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:41,560
Speaker 2: a lot, and I want to know your thoughts on it.

1322
01:11:42,479 --> 01:11:45,560
Speaker 2: The best piece of dating advice I've ever received is this,

1323
01:11:46,360 --> 01:11:50,360
Speaker 2: If they like you, you'll know, If they don't, you'll

1324
01:11:50,400 --> 01:11:55,559
Speaker 2: be confused. Honestly, it's all you need to know. Yes,

1325
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:58,600
Speaker 2: not my quote, but that's pretty great, right, don't you

1326
01:11:58,600 --> 01:11:59,599
Speaker 2: think that's good advice?

1327
01:12:00,520 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 1: Yeah? If I think you'll like you, you'll know.

1328
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:05,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're confused, if you're if you're listening to

1329
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:08,840
Speaker 2: this right now and there's a person you're pursuing, or

1330
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:10,800
Speaker 2: you're hanging out with, or you're hooked up a few

1331
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:14,840
Speaker 2: times and you and in the text conversation and you're confused,

1332
01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:18,000
Speaker 2: that's all you need to know, right, I mean, that's

1333
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:18,280
Speaker 2: all you.

1334
01:12:18,280 --> 01:12:20,519
Speaker 4: Need to know. But I would always I always encourage

1335
01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:23,479
Speaker 4: people to communicate. I always say, you know, if you're confused,

1336
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:26,519
Speaker 4: bring up, say hey, I'm confused, like, are you into me?

1337
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:29,759
Speaker 4: Are you into this? Because it does it would seems

1338
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:30,479
Speaker 4: so as though.

1339
01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 2: You're not right before you before you go, I'm out

1340
01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:37,640
Speaker 2: communicate because I think that there's so many people. I

1341
01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:39,200
Speaker 2: mean obviously young kids.

1342
01:12:39,680 --> 01:12:39,840
Speaker 1: You know.

1343
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:42,639
Speaker 2: I used to think that like only kids and twenty

1344
01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:46,720
Speaker 2: somethings and teenagers played games. That shit happens till you die.

1345
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:50,240
Speaker 2: I assumed, because I mean, my stepmother's dating in her

1346
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:52,519
Speaker 2: eighties and she'll tell me about games people are playing.

1347
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:55,960
Speaker 2: No way, really, Yeah, you know they're just not being

1348
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:56,920
Speaker 2: they're not communicating.

1349
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 1: Clear games are, but don't all games? Aren't all games

1350
01:13:00,160 --> 01:13:02,200
Speaker 1: played for sex? Though? Isn't that with that?

1351
01:13:02,439 --> 01:13:03,960
Speaker 2: No, No, I'm talking I'm not talking about sex. I'm

1352
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:07,160
Speaker 2: talking about you're pursuing someone and when they if they

1353
01:13:07,439 --> 01:13:10,680
Speaker 2: like you, there they'll communicate and and you'll know if

1354
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:13,639
Speaker 2: they if there's games being played, and there's and you're

1355
01:13:13,680 --> 01:13:19,719
Speaker 2: confused what Jillian is saying, Step one, openly communicate. I'm confused,

1356
01:13:19,800 --> 01:13:23,760
Speaker 2: are you into this or not? But then if it continues,

1357
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:25,479
Speaker 2: you have all the knowledge you need.

1358
01:13:25,960 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to be out. Never chase, never ever

1359
01:13:30,080 --> 01:13:35,360
Speaker 4: ever chase No, and never change yourself creepy.

1360
01:13:35,960 --> 01:13:38,040
Speaker 2: Like what she said. I like what she said. If

1361
01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:40,320
Speaker 2: you're chasing, If you're chasing, they're running away.

1362
01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:43,920
Speaker 1: From the running, then they're running. The definition of chasing

1363
01:13:44,320 --> 01:13:46,800
Speaker 1: is that you're the person that you are trying to

1364
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:48,479
Speaker 1: get to is trying to.

1365
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:51,679
Speaker 4: Try to get away exactly.

1366
01:13:51,960 --> 01:13:55,360
Speaker 2: It's confusing though, because that person running away will still

1367
01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:57,479
Speaker 2: turn around a couple of times and give you like

1368
01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:58,800
Speaker 2: a little kiss and.

1369
01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:02,320
Speaker 4: Then But if you know who you are and you're

1370
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:04,880
Speaker 4: so clear in your center and you're so clear about

1371
01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:08,439
Speaker 4: what you want, that game, if when it's really played,

1372
01:14:08,479 --> 01:14:12,679
Speaker 4: you're going to be like, yeah, I'm bored. I'm bored

1373
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:16,120
Speaker 4: because in order for the for the the the dance

1374
01:14:16,240 --> 01:14:19,320
Speaker 4: to be fun, you gotta be like you got to

1375
01:14:19,360 --> 01:14:22,160
Speaker 4: be getting something. You got to be getting something, otherwise

1376
01:14:22,640 --> 01:14:24,160
Speaker 4: you're not creating anything. I know.

1377
01:14:24,280 --> 01:14:26,280
Speaker 2: But I think that there's part of that game is

1378
01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:29,280
Speaker 2: that the person doesn't just ghost you ers and just disappeared.

1379
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:31,840
Speaker 2: They throw little breadcrumbs that are confusing.

1380
01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:36,080
Speaker 4: Walk away from that, walk away from that, because they

1381
01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:38,240
Speaker 4: walk away everyone.

1382
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:40,200
Speaker 2: You hear that Ji is telling you, this is a

1383
01:14:40,280 --> 01:14:42,080
Speaker 2: message of intervention for you that need to hear.

1384
01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:46,519
Speaker 1: Walk away the tent will become very clear though if

1385
01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:52,639
Speaker 1: they if they were throwing bread crumbs, they'll say, but could.

1386
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:55,360
Speaker 2: Be more bullshit games bro that the same thing.

1387
01:14:56,680 --> 01:14:59,400
Speaker 4: But we all do though. It's like, let's get close. No, no, no,

1388
01:14:59,520 --> 01:15:02,000
Speaker 4: not too close. Let's get close, not too close. And

1389
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:04,000
Speaker 4: I think that this is something that a lot of

1390
01:15:04,120 --> 01:15:07,639
Speaker 4: us do, and it's it's it's we have to become

1391
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 4: aware of it. Never accept crumbs and convince yourself it's

1392
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:11,799
Speaker 4: a meal.

1393
01:15:12,000 --> 01:15:15,960
Speaker 1: Yes, preach you walk away at the end. They might

1394
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,920
Speaker 1: even present the meal. They might even be like, wait,

1395
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:22,080
Speaker 1: hold on, I was trying to lead it. It is no,

1396
01:15:22,479 --> 01:15:23,400
Speaker 1: and here's the pie.

1397
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:25,200
Speaker 2: But that's just games, so they can keep you in

1398
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:26,680
Speaker 2: their fucking stable, in their QUI.

1399
01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:29,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very very true.

1400
01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:34,719
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's all right to be a hoe. All right, listen, how.

1401
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:37,240
Speaker 2: Did you get to somebody's how did you get to

1402
01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:40,360
Speaker 2: that conclusion? And therefore it's okay to be a hoe?

1403
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:41,080
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

1404
01:15:41,160 --> 01:15:45,439
Speaker 1: Because sometime listen, sometimes listen, I'm all about I'm all

1405
01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:49,960
Speaker 1: about enjoying yourself and experiencing your life and everything like

1406
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:56,560
Speaker 1: that and getting out there. I feel I feel in

1407
01:15:56,720 --> 01:15:59,200
Speaker 1: your youth or in your I don't. I don't judge

1408
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:05,360
Speaker 1: anybody when it comes to how you are sexually. But

1409
01:16:05,479 --> 01:16:07,840
Speaker 1: when it comes to the mind and it comes to

1410
01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:11,360
Speaker 1: the brain and playing games with that, I have a

1411
01:16:11,439 --> 01:16:15,080
Speaker 1: real hard time with That's that's trust issues and I'll

1412
01:16:15,120 --> 01:16:18,240
Speaker 1: be ready to fight somebody right. Yeah, when it comes

1413
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:21,559
Speaker 1: to the sexual games, please play on player.

1414
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:22,760
Speaker 4: No.

1415
01:16:22,960 --> 01:16:26,160
Speaker 2: But what Jillian is saying is just communicating. There's nothing

1416
01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:29,040
Speaker 2: wrong with casual sex. If everyone's down with the program

1417
01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:32,720
Speaker 2: and there's communication, of course, go nuts. But it's when

1418
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:36,519
Speaker 2: you start misleading people and not being authentic and not

1419
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:37,920
Speaker 2: having integrity that.

1420
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:42,360
Speaker 4: Or lying to yourself, lying to yourself saying it's okay

1421
01:16:42,479 --> 01:16:44,679
Speaker 4: when it's really not. Because you're desperate.

1422
01:16:45,960 --> 01:16:50,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, and recognizing that you're desperate. That's something that a

1423
01:16:50,520 --> 01:16:51,400
Speaker 1: lot of people can't do.

1424
01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:54,400
Speaker 4: Also, it's very taboo, and I think that, you know,

1425
01:16:54,800 --> 01:16:57,400
Speaker 4: I want to I try to tell people, you know,

1426
01:16:57,760 --> 01:17:03,360
Speaker 4: we have to. Everyone has felt desperate before. Everyone desperate

1427
01:17:03,439 --> 01:17:05,160
Speaker 4: And what is it desperate for love?

1428
01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:06,679
Speaker 1: Attention?

1429
01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,639
Speaker 4: Connection, touch?

1430
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:15,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, it spooning, to be heard, to be heard.

1431
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:19,559
Speaker 4: But when our desire for love is stronger than our

1432
01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:23,200
Speaker 4: self respect, that's when we really will betray ourselves and.

1433
01:17:23,240 --> 01:17:25,799
Speaker 1: That's when we look foolish, We look like freaking the joker.

1434
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:28,479
Speaker 1: What was that that picture of Joaquin Phoenix in the

1435
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:32,040
Speaker 1: suit with the with the with the with the clown

1436
01:17:32,120 --> 01:17:34,640
Speaker 1: face on. It's the meme that's out there and at

1437
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,840
Speaker 1: top of it is like when she said she'll be

1438
01:17:36,960 --> 01:17:40,320
Speaker 1: ready in fifteen minutes and it's already been two hours

1439
01:17:40,479 --> 01:17:43,679
Speaker 1: and you're still waiting and he's the clown soon.

1440
01:17:46,479 --> 01:17:48,879
Speaker 2: All right, Jillian, this has been amazing. Tell our listeners

1441
01:17:49,600 --> 01:17:52,600
Speaker 2: how they find you and you're name of your podcasts?

1442
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:56,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, so my podcast is Jillian on Love. You can

1443
01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:59,640
Speaker 4: get it, you know, basically anywhere Apple, Spotify, and my

1444
01:17:59,840 --> 01:18:06,479
Speaker 4: name Jillian tarekis. You can find me Instagram, Jillian Tareki, TikTok, Twitter, threads,

1445
01:18:06,920 --> 01:18:09,200
Speaker 4: you know, my website Jilliantreki dot com.

1446
01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:12,120
Speaker 2: All right, great, thank you. You're so helpful and and

1447
01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,519
Speaker 2: I love your quotes. I think they really you know,

1448
01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:17,040
Speaker 2: sometimes you stumble across a good quote and it's everything

1449
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:19,280
Speaker 2: you need to hear that day, and so thank you

1450
01:18:19,439 --> 01:18:21,240
Speaker 2: for sharing that with the world.

1451
01:18:21,960 --> 01:18:23,560
Speaker 4: I appreciate that very much. Thank you.

1452
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:26,200
Speaker 1: All right, Thanks, I appreciate you for being on the show.

1453
01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:28,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too, Thank you so much.

1454
01:18:29,040 --> 01:18:29,759
Speaker 4: Thank you guys.

1455
01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:32,840
Speaker 2: That was great. By the way, it was what I

1456
01:18:32,920 --> 01:18:36,839
Speaker 2: heard was amazing. She just she just really drops knowledge

1457
01:18:36,920 --> 01:18:39,720
Speaker 2: that people need to hear, and I certainly need to hear.

1458
01:18:40,320 --> 01:18:41,040
Speaker 1: Let's take a break.

1459
01:18:41,120 --> 01:18:43,920
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after these fine words.

1460
01:18:46,439 --> 01:18:52,240
Speaker 1: That This segment of Fake Doctor's Real Friends is brought

1461
01:18:52,280 --> 01:18:55,520
Speaker 1: to you by T Mobile five G Home Internet, protecting

1462
01:18:55,560 --> 01:18:59,280
Speaker 1: you from exploding bills with the price locked guarantee. Visit

1463
01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:03,840
Speaker 1: T Mobile slash Zach to check availability.

1464
01:19:04,360 --> 01:19:07,519
Speaker 2: One day they'll make a Donald one for you. All right, Joelle,

1465
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:09,600
Speaker 2: go ahead with the letter that you have.

1466
01:19:10,240 --> 01:19:12,400
Speaker 5: Hi, Joelle, I hope that you are doing wonderfully. I

1467
01:19:12,439 --> 01:19:14,800
Speaker 5: would like to express my appreciation for Fake Doctors Real

1468
01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:16,960
Speaker 5: Friends and share an idea for the next iteration of

1469
01:19:17,040 --> 01:19:20,639
Speaker 5: Fake Doctor's podcast. Thank you to Daniel, Zach and Donald

1470
01:19:20,720 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 5: for bringing fans of the podcast immeasurable joy since twenty twenty.

1471
01:19:24,280 --> 01:19:28,559
Speaker 5: Donald's legendary voice, even while yelling Zach's passion, your infectious

1472
01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:30,200
Speaker 5: laugh and animals humility helped me endure some of the

1473
01:19:30,280 --> 01:19:32,439
Speaker 5: hardest days and nights with my teenage son, who has

1474
01:19:32,439 --> 01:19:35,240
Speaker 5: a chronic pain condition. My partner and I both work

1475
01:19:35,280 --> 01:19:38,040
Speaker 5: and care for our two boys, full time, every day, always.

1476
01:19:38,080 --> 01:19:40,280
Speaker 5: We are one hundred percent dedicated to our boys, but

1477
01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:42,840
Speaker 5: there is very little time for ourselves individuals or as

1478
01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:45,840
Speaker 5: a couple. Scrubs continues to be my favorite comedy and

1479
01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:48,360
Speaker 5: it is a delightful listen to stories and interviews with

1480
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:52,439
Speaker 5: cast members. Bill Lawrence's friendly quote takeovers of the podcast

1481
01:19:52,479 --> 01:19:54,760
Speaker 5: are so hilarious. Sometimes I cannot believe how hard I

1482
01:19:54,800 --> 01:19:57,920
Speaker 5: am laughing while listening. I just really appreciate you all.

1483
01:19:58,320 --> 01:20:00,519
Speaker 5: I imagine you have an amazing idea for what happens

1484
01:20:00,560 --> 01:20:04,640
Speaker 5: after the rewatch of season eight is complete. Yes, my

1485
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:08,599
Speaker 5: idea is six degrees of Scrubs or something along those lines.

1486
01:20:08,600 --> 01:20:10,599
Speaker 5: The idea centers around the notion that we are all

1487
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:13,719
Speaker 5: connected by six degrees of people. Zecond Donald could interview

1488
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:18,240
Speaker 5: really anyone family, friends, doctors, actors, performers, directors, musicians, producers,

1489
01:20:18,520 --> 01:20:22,439
Speaker 5: crew artists within six degrees of Scrubs that could explain

1490
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:25,599
Speaker 5: the connection and jump in the interview. For instance, Terren

1491
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:29,320
Speaker 5: Kellum played Jimmy the overly touchy Orderly. Terren guested on

1492
01:20:29,360 --> 01:20:31,679
Speaker 5: How I Met Your Mother with Jason Siegel, who starred

1493
01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 5: in Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Kristen Bell. So Christy can

1494
01:20:34,400 --> 01:20:36,400
Speaker 5: be your guest on six Degrees of Scrubs with Doctor

1495
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:39,120
Speaker 5: Friends with z econ Donald's best switches to you all

1496
01:20:39,200 --> 01:20:39,920
Speaker 5: with appreciation.

1497
01:20:40,160 --> 01:20:43,439
Speaker 1: Laura se I like this because then it could even

1498
01:20:43,479 --> 01:20:46,639
Speaker 1: be like, you know, the person who fixed my leg

1499
01:20:47,040 --> 01:20:53,440
Speaker 1: slash his You know, he's one of the biggest surgeons

1500
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:58,040
Speaker 1: in California, in the world. Actually, Neil Alatrosh he did.

1501
01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:01,439
Speaker 1: He did my knee, he does he did Kobe's me,

1502
01:21:01,560 --> 01:21:03,600
Speaker 1: he did every Lebron, he did everybody. You know what

1503
01:21:03,600 --> 01:21:03,840
Speaker 1: I mean.

1504
01:21:03,920 --> 01:21:05,599
Speaker 2: So what you're saying is this gives us a reason

1505
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:07,559
Speaker 2: to have Lebron on the show because we're two degrees

1506
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:09,120
Speaker 2: from Lebron exactly.

1507
01:21:09,479 --> 01:21:11,920
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. Yes, that's how it works.

1508
01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:15,000
Speaker 2: That is a good idea. That is a good idea.

1509
01:21:15,479 --> 01:21:16,120
Speaker 1: I like that.

1510
01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:18,280
Speaker 2: I also love what we're doing. I mean, we're we're

1511
01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:22,280
Speaker 2: having interesting people on of all types.

1512
01:21:22,360 --> 01:21:25,240
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's all the same thing though, the surge in general.

1513
01:21:25,320 --> 01:21:26,479
Speaker 1: I'm sure we can find the.

1514
01:21:26,960 --> 01:21:29,559
Speaker 2: Sixth bombs so we can get Obama. He's two degrees

1515
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:30,680
Speaker 2: from Obama.

1516
01:21:30,600 --> 01:21:32,200
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I'm sure we can find

1517
01:21:32,280 --> 01:21:36,840
Speaker 1: the dots that connected. That's such a great idea. What's

1518
01:21:36,880 --> 01:21:39,640
Speaker 1: her name? La, Laura, Laura C.

1519
01:21:40,560 --> 01:21:43,519
Speaker 2: Thank you love your idea, great idea, Thank you, Laura C.

1520
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:45,560
Speaker 2: I mean, well, well we will pursue that. I just

1521
01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:50,559
Speaker 2: saw Tarran, by the way, in Spam a Lot, Dude, he's.

1522
01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:54,360
Speaker 1: He's in that with Jimmy Schmagoula. Jimmy Schmagoula, I see

1523
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:56,759
Speaker 1: you in Spam a Lot baby doing it big.

1524
01:21:56,840 --> 01:21:59,800
Speaker 2: And Michael Yuri and Chris Fitzgerald and lots of people.

1525
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,560
Speaker 2: It's very funny. If you're in New York. I recommend it.

1526
01:22:02,800 --> 01:22:06,639
Speaker 2: They're not in the both Michael Yuri and Tarn Aren't

1527
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:09,320
Speaker 2: it very long because Michael's going back to the hit

1528
01:22:09,439 --> 01:22:14,120
Speaker 2: show Shrinking. But go check out Spam a Lot.

1529
01:22:14,400 --> 01:22:17,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, with my good buddy Jimmy Schmagoula. Me and him

1530
01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:19,400
Speaker 1: have known each other since we were kids.

1531
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:22,960
Speaker 2: All right, and Jimmy Schmagoula great.

1532
01:22:23,120 --> 01:22:23,240
Speaker 1: Ya.

1533
01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:25,519
Speaker 2: Thank you for your letter and please continue to write

1534
01:22:25,560 --> 01:22:28,880
Speaker 2: his letters you might be chosen to be read on

1535
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:34,520
Speaker 2: this very podcast. And Joelle, thank you for booking Gillian Tareki.

1536
01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:39,720
Speaker 2: She was perfect. Thanks to Mobile. If you're over exploding

1537
01:22:39,880 --> 01:22:43,439
Speaker 2: internet bills, visit t mobile dot com slash Zach and

1538
01:22:43,600 --> 01:22:46,639
Speaker 2: find out how new and existing customers get T Mobile's

1539
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:56,479
Speaker 2: price lock guarantee for home Internet. You know, I do

1540
01:22:56,640 --> 01:22:59,920
Speaker 2: have to give T Mobile a genuine shout out right now, please, yes,

1541
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:04,040
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'll tell you something. The weekend, bro Oh,

1542
01:23:04,200 --> 01:23:07,360
Speaker 2: T Mobile solved something. And it's always annoyed me on

1543
01:23:07,479 --> 01:23:09,760
Speaker 2: it whenever I'm on an airline, and now it's been

1544
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:13,160
Speaker 2: two airlines in a row, both American and Alaska, and

1545
01:23:13,280 --> 01:23:16,040
Speaker 2: you're trying to get on the Wi Fi and it's

1546
01:23:16,080 --> 01:23:18,880
Speaker 2: always I never remember my password and the shit never

1547
01:23:19,080 --> 01:23:23,639
Speaker 2: works and it's always a fee. Yeah, and then it's

1548
01:23:23,680 --> 01:23:26,680
Speaker 2: just it's always annoying. Team Mobile has this new thing

1549
01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:29,880
Speaker 2: on lots of airlines, including Daniel can look up which ones.

1550
01:23:29,960 --> 01:23:32,559
Speaker 2: But I just flew. I fly American all the time,

1551
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:34,640
Speaker 2: and I just flew Alaska. And literally, if you're a

1552
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:36,599
Speaker 2: T mobile customer, the second you get on the plane,

1553
01:23:36,680 --> 01:23:38,679
Speaker 2: all you do is put in your T Mobile phone

1554
01:23:38,720 --> 01:23:41,920
Speaker 2: number and then Wi Fi's on. It's free. I mean,

1555
01:23:42,080 --> 01:23:44,519
Speaker 2: I said to the guys when we saw them this weekend,

1556
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:46,479
Speaker 2: I go, that is such a smart thing to do,

1557
01:23:46,880 --> 01:23:49,799
Speaker 2: because you've taken something that's so annoying a little pestery,

1558
01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:52,599
Speaker 2: annoying thing, and you've solved it instantly and it makes

1559
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:54,160
Speaker 2: customers like me very happy.

1560
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:58,200
Speaker 5: Your airlines are Alaska, American, Delta, and United.

1561
01:23:58,479 --> 01:24:00,639
Speaker 2: There you go, all those airlines. If you're a team

1562
01:24:00,640 --> 01:24:03,320
Speaker 2: old customer, you just go on and put in your

1563
01:24:03,320 --> 01:24:05,320
Speaker 2: phone number and it's free and that's all you have

1564
01:24:05,400 --> 01:24:05,560
Speaker 2: to do.

1565
01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:06,320
Speaker 1: So there you go.

1566
01:24:06,439 --> 01:24:06,880
Speaker 2: There's a team.

1567
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:09,719
Speaker 1: I was also saying. I was also saying, how wonderful

1568
01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:12,720
Speaker 1: the weekend was. You know, we had such a great time,

1569
01:24:12,800 --> 01:24:15,280
Speaker 1: and the race was sponsored by T Mobile and Heineken.

1570
01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:18,400
Speaker 1: I just want to shout out Team Mobile for one

1571
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:22,439
Speaker 1: bring Zach and I down there, but also bringing calming

1572
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:25,800
Speaker 1: down in making it so. I had the opportunity to

1573
01:24:25,880 --> 01:24:28,720
Speaker 1: meet Brad Pitt and David Fincher.

1574
01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:29,840
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Like we were one day,

1575
01:24:29,880 --> 01:24:32,000
Speaker 2: we're one degree away from Brad Pitt. Now he can

1576
01:24:32,040 --> 01:24:34,280
Speaker 2: come on the show thanks to the new rules of

1577
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:37,519
Speaker 2: the show. Yeah, joy, you missed that up top they

1578
01:24:37,560 --> 01:24:38,920
Speaker 2: met David Fincher and Brad Pitt.

1579
01:24:39,479 --> 01:24:41,240
Speaker 1: What Yeah, yeah, just this.

1580
01:24:41,320 --> 01:24:43,160
Speaker 2: Weekend happen when you come late to the show.

1581
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 1: You this weekend alone in Vegas. I don't know if

1582
01:24:48,080 --> 01:24:49,680
Speaker 1: you could hear it in my voice. But I am

1583
01:24:49,800 --> 01:24:52,000
Speaker 1: the high drated.

1584
01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:53,880
Speaker 2: And you didn't get that.

1585
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,360
Speaker 1: Hammered no, and I didn't get that. I kept it

1586
01:24:56,400 --> 01:25:00,200
Speaker 1: together because I rolled with a sober lad nowadays, you

1587
01:25:00,280 --> 01:25:02,120
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And so I can't get two

1588
01:25:02,160 --> 01:25:04,960
Speaker 1: shit faced because the last thing I would want is

1589
01:25:05,040 --> 01:25:07,519
Speaker 1: to have to have my friend carry me out of

1590
01:25:07,600 --> 01:25:09,360
Speaker 1: a club because I'm too wasted.

1591
01:25:09,640 --> 01:25:12,479
Speaker 2: It's nice to wake up in Vegas completely with no hangover.

1592
01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:16,719
Speaker 2: It's not something I did until this age. Facts nice.

1593
01:25:17,960 --> 01:25:20,600
Speaker 1: You know what else is nice in Vegas? Winning? It

1594
01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:21,639
Speaker 1: doesn't happen often.

1595
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:23,880
Speaker 2: Oh, we were getting crushed. We were at this table

1596
01:25:23,960 --> 01:25:27,799
Speaker 2: and this dude had, this dealer had such a winning streak.

1597
01:25:27,920 --> 01:25:29,640
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'd never seen anything. If this

1598
01:25:29,760 --> 01:25:31,640
Speaker 2: dude had was betting his own money, he would have

1599
01:25:31,760 --> 01:25:34,000
Speaker 2: just like bought a new house. He was on fire.

1600
01:25:35,120 --> 01:25:36,519
Speaker 2: And Donald and I are just sitting there with that,

1601
01:25:36,680 --> 01:25:38,559
Speaker 2: but just never heads one.

1602
01:25:40,520 --> 01:25:43,439
Speaker 1: You get twenty, he got twenty one, You get twenty one,

1603
01:25:43,560 --> 01:25:47,080
Speaker 1: he got twenty one. Yeah, you got nineteen, he got twenty,

1604
01:25:47,720 --> 01:25:51,880
Speaker 1: You get eighteen. Guess what he got nineteen? Yeah you could.

1605
01:25:51,960 --> 01:25:54,200
Speaker 2: We couldn't win. Head couldn't beat him, and he never

1606
01:25:54,280 --> 01:25:56,360
Speaker 2: took a break. I was like, aren't you due for

1607
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:56,719
Speaker 2: a break?

1608
01:25:58,840 --> 01:26:01,840
Speaker 1: And it's not me. It's the box. It's not me,

1609
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:03,320
Speaker 1: it's the computer in the box.

1610
01:26:03,439 --> 01:26:05,439
Speaker 2: What's happening in that box? Let's talk about it.

1611
01:26:07,560 --> 01:26:09,200
Speaker 1: One. Why did we change the odds?

1612
01:26:10,080 --> 01:26:12,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, the black check, unless you're betting

1613
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:15,080
Speaker 2: in a certain room over a certain amount, it doesn't

1614
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:16,000
Speaker 2: pay out what it used to.

1615
01:26:16,840 --> 01:26:18,320
Speaker 1: Why don't really odds changed?

1616
01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:18,599
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1617
01:26:18,600 --> 01:26:19,240
Speaker 1: What is it? What is it?

1618
01:26:19,320 --> 01:26:21,000
Speaker 2: Donald? I don't understand the wording of it. It's like

1619
01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:25,360
Speaker 2: five to six now, Oh, it used to be three

1620
01:26:25,439 --> 01:26:26,559
Speaker 2: to two? Is that correct?

1621
01:26:27,200 --> 01:26:27,800
Speaker 1: Two to three?

1622
01:26:28,280 --> 01:26:29,559
Speaker 2: I don't know how to I don't know what even

1623
01:26:29,640 --> 01:26:31,200
Speaker 2: that means. It doesn't pay out what it used to

1624
01:26:31,240 --> 01:26:31,599
Speaker 2: pay out.

1625
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it means it means if you bet five, it

1626
01:26:34,040 --> 01:26:35,960
Speaker 3: pays six when it used to be you pay two

1627
01:26:36,280 --> 01:26:37,160
Speaker 3: that it gives you three.

1628
01:26:37,720 --> 01:26:37,840
Speaker 1: Right.

1629
01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:40,560
Speaker 2: Well, they just suddenly changed that. They just changed that,

1630
01:26:40,680 --> 01:26:42,240
Speaker 2: by the way, I didn't even know that, but they

1631
01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:44,720
Speaker 2: decided they found a way to make more money and

1632
01:26:44,800 --> 01:26:47,040
Speaker 2: then just changed that. They just changed that rule of

1633
01:26:47,320 --> 01:26:49,040
Speaker 2: you have to be in a certain room. I think

1634
01:26:49,080 --> 01:26:52,240
Speaker 2: it was betting over three hundred a hand to get

1635
01:26:52,320 --> 01:26:54,280
Speaker 2: the better odds. That's crazy. Well, they got they got

1636
01:26:54,360 --> 01:26:57,320
Speaker 2: to pay for that sphere somehow, so they do.

1637
01:26:57,479 --> 01:26:59,400
Speaker 1: All of the owners of the casinos have to pay

1638
01:26:59,479 --> 01:26:59,960
Speaker 1: for that spear.

1639
01:27:00,479 --> 01:27:03,400
Speaker 2: But the sphere is I heard some insane figure like

1640
01:27:03,520 --> 01:27:05,880
Speaker 2: the sphere would have to sell out every night for

1641
01:27:06,040 --> 01:27:08,680
Speaker 2: like thirty five years to make its money back.

1642
01:27:09,120 --> 01:27:11,160
Speaker 1: Damn what you know what they should do?

1643
01:27:11,320 --> 01:27:12,760
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's true, but google it, like

1644
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:15,479
Speaker 2: the sphere is. The sphere is amazing and it's so cool.

1645
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:18,200
Speaker 2: It's crazy. But I think it costs way more money

1646
01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:20,439
Speaker 2: than they ever thought it would because this is just

1647
01:27:20,520 --> 01:27:22,400
Speaker 2: anecdotally I heard. I don't know if it's true, So

1648
01:27:23,200 --> 01:27:25,800
Speaker 2: Joe take it for what it's worth. Joe can google it.

1649
01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:30,240
Speaker 2: But they they didn't account for the heat of Vegas,

1650
01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:33,560
Speaker 2: so all of those sensors, all of the LEDs on

1651
01:27:33,600 --> 01:27:37,280
Speaker 2: the outside have to be cooled all the time, and

1652
01:27:37,520 --> 01:27:41,560
Speaker 2: so I think the cost got so astronomical that the

1653
01:27:41,720 --> 01:27:45,000
Speaker 2: thing is never going to recoup what it costs.

1654
01:27:45,240 --> 01:27:49,439
Speaker 1: That's what I was, Yes, sir, speaking of spheres, The

1655
01:27:49,520 --> 01:27:52,679
Speaker 1: answer is yes. Can we talk about Ahsoka?

1656
01:27:52,760 --> 01:27:55,519
Speaker 5: Now, oh, we were not talking about saying I thought

1657
01:27:55,520 --> 01:27:57,080
Speaker 5: you're talking about Beyonce coming to the sphere. I was like,

1658
01:27:57,080 --> 01:27:58,080
Speaker 5: I'm getting my money ready.

1659
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:05,240
Speaker 1: Well, shoot, I'm talking about the volume. I'm talking about

1660
01:28:05,760 --> 01:28:08,559
Speaker 1: how it was not used that much in Ahsoka because

1661
01:28:08,600 --> 01:28:14,000
Speaker 1: they went on location. I'm talking about lightsaber battles with

1662
01:28:14,280 --> 01:28:22,320
Speaker 1: Balen's skull and Shin I'm talking about I'm talking about Ahsoka,

1663
01:28:22,439 --> 01:28:29,680
Speaker 1: Tano and Sabine Wren. Yeah, spoiler alert, can she use

1664
01:28:29,800 --> 01:28:30,400
Speaker 1: the force?

1665
01:28:31,800 --> 01:28:35,799
Speaker 2: I'm talking about four listeners care about this. We should, that's.

1666
01:28:35,720 --> 01:28:38,439
Speaker 1: Bullshit, But there's a whole bunch of people right now

1667
01:28:38,479 --> 01:28:40,600
Speaker 1: who have been waiting to find out what me and

1668
01:28:40,760 --> 01:28:42,040
Speaker 1: Joel think.

1669
01:28:42,760 --> 01:28:44,760
Speaker 5: If we can keep it under two minutes, we'll keep

1670
01:28:44,880 --> 01:28:49,400
Speaker 5: very tight. I'll say Episode five legendary love seeing Ahsoka

1671
01:28:49,520 --> 01:28:51,960
Speaker 5: back with her guy fighting.

1672
01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:58,240
Speaker 1: Episode three and on baby from the one, the one

1673
01:28:58,280 --> 01:29:01,280
Speaker 1: where we flyed and we fly now, oh my god,

1674
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:04,800
Speaker 1: when they're flying with the pergo, oh my god, Oh

1675
01:29:05,000 --> 01:29:10,840
Speaker 1: my god. The soundtrack, Oh my goodness.

1676
01:29:10,560 --> 01:29:13,599
Speaker 5: Gracious Heaven kind of really showed up this thing.

1677
01:29:14,360 --> 01:29:16,800
Speaker 1: If you're a Star Wars fan, this show is for you.

1678
01:29:17,439 --> 01:29:20,000
Speaker 1: If you're not a Star Wars fan, you know, I

1679
01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:23,160
Speaker 1: don't care. I really don't care. If you have problems

1680
01:29:23,240 --> 01:29:25,519
Speaker 1: with it, or if it doesn't mess, if you're upset

1681
01:29:25,560 --> 01:29:29,000
Speaker 1: about it, I don't care. But that ship was fire,

1682
01:29:30,080 --> 01:29:30,680
Speaker 1: hit hit.

1683
01:29:30,800 --> 01:29:33,000
Speaker 5: I really enjoyed the majority of that show.

1684
01:29:33,320 --> 01:29:34,440
Speaker 1: She's a majority.

1685
01:29:34,600 --> 01:29:38,479
Speaker 2: That's our Star Wars. Round up, everybody. I'm so glad

1686
01:29:38,560 --> 01:29:44,400
Speaker 2: that we had it. Apparently it's fire. Apparently they don't

1687
01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:47,360
Speaker 2: use the volume that much. They go to location.

1688
01:29:49,120 --> 01:29:49,719
Speaker 1: Good recaps.

1689
01:29:53,320 --> 01:29:55,640
Speaker 2: God, the volume got canceled real quick. That was like

1690
01:29:55,720 --> 01:29:58,439
Speaker 2: the it's like the backlash to the backlash to the

1691
01:29:58,520 --> 01:29:59,280
Speaker 2: thing that just begun.

1692
01:30:00,160 --> 01:30:02,240
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's gotten canceled yet. I think no.

1693
01:30:02,320 --> 01:30:04,439
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just funny, like it happened and it

1694
01:30:04,520 --> 01:30:07,000
Speaker 2: was so cool and everyone's like, ohly shit, this is revolutionary,

1695
01:30:07,040 --> 01:30:09,599
Speaker 2: and everyone's like, oh, not another show in the volume.

1696
01:30:09,640 --> 01:30:12,800
Speaker 5: That just I think committing an entire series to the

1697
01:30:12,880 --> 01:30:15,000
Speaker 5: volume is going to end.

1698
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:17,880
Speaker 2: I think start using let be used for special things.

1699
01:30:17,960 --> 01:30:21,320
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, all right, fans, listeners, we love you, thanks

1700
01:30:21,400 --> 01:30:24,960
Speaker 2: for tuning in, And we're gonna start talking about Scrubs again.

1701
01:30:25,280 --> 01:30:25,519
Speaker 5: Yay.

1702
01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:28,600
Speaker 1: I'm really soon. You might get one this week, how

1703
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,599
Speaker 1: about that, you'll get one next week.

1704
01:30:30,800 --> 01:30:31,920
Speaker 2: No, you're gonna get it next week.

1705
01:30:32,160 --> 01:30:33,240
Speaker 1: Oh you don't want to do it. I thought we

1706
01:30:33,320 --> 01:30:35,000
Speaker 1: were going to do a special Thanksgiving drop.

1707
01:30:35,520 --> 01:30:37,719
Speaker 2: No, no one's going to listen on Thanksgiving.

1708
01:30:37,800 --> 01:30:39,200
Speaker 1: Bro, how much do you want to bet they do?

1709
01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:44,120
Speaker 1: I bet they won't. Very low listening, Yeah, because you

1710
01:30:44,160 --> 01:30:46,040
Speaker 1: guys don't know nothing about analytics like me.

1711
01:30:48,160 --> 01:30:50,240
Speaker 2: I think Jambel and Dale will probably know more about it.

1712
01:30:50,560 --> 01:30:52,360
Speaker 1: Guys, you know very little about analytics.

1713
01:30:52,400 --> 01:30:54,479
Speaker 2: I don't think you've ever seen have you ever seen

1714
01:30:54,600 --> 01:30:57,280
Speaker 2: a podcast listening graph? Donald?

1715
01:30:57,840 --> 01:31:00,519
Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, all the time in my mo indad,

1716
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:04,439
Speaker 1: in my mind, I have I have seen a graph

1717
01:31:04,520 --> 01:31:06,600
Speaker 1: in my mind and we're all the ways on.

1718
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:10,400
Speaker 2: We're always on top, all right on my graph, Daniel,

1719
01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:14,080
Speaker 2: since you were were Joel today, we're gonna let you

1720
01:31:14,200 --> 01:31:17,639
Speaker 2: count out because what you we're gonna get you. We wanna,

1721
01:31:17,720 --> 01:31:21,680
Speaker 2: we wanna do something about honoring you. You honor you,

1722
01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:24,479
Speaker 2: You you honor me, so you truly do honor me.

1723
01:31:24,600 --> 01:31:32,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. Seven stories not show we made about a

1724
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:36,640
Speaker 1: bunch of talks and nurses. Sana I said, he's a

1725
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:44,120
Speaker 1: story next as no so ganda around you here YadA,

1726
01:31:44,920 --> 01:31:46,880
Speaker 1: here me show