Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
Speaker 1: My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Wait a minute,
Speaker 1: why do I sense that you're waiting for permission to
Speaker 1: be great? You're waiting for permission to go and execute
Speaker 1: those goals. You're waiting on somebody's permission, You're waiting on validation,
Speaker 1: You're waiting on acceptance. You guys, My mission on the
Speaker 1: show is definitely to help create an amazing foundation for
Speaker 1: your mental health, but also something that can go and
Speaker 1: work and congrue with your mental health. Like I just
Speaker 1: want everybody to be out here and be in their bag,
Speaker 1: not only me in my candy corn bag, but I
Speaker 1: want you to be in your bag of fulfillment, your
Speaker 1: bag of being healthy, whole, prosperous, successful, good love and joy. Well,
Speaker 1: I've got a friend of the show who is unapologetic
Speaker 1: about helping leaders. He's unapologetic about helping people maximize their
Speaker 1: God given passion. Coming up next on Checking In, y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm excited about this episode. I know you're gonna judge
Speaker 1: me because you say, Michelle, you say that every episode,
Speaker 1: but each episode goes higher and higher and higher. I
Speaker 1: am excited to have with me today someone named Stephen Chandler. Like,
Speaker 1: who was Stephen Chandler. Well, he is the lead pastor
Speaker 1: of Union Church, five locations d C. Charlotte, Columbia, and
Speaker 1: a couple other places. Yes he's pastor, Yes he has
Speaker 1: that title. But what he's doing even outside of that role,
Speaker 1: to me, it doesn't matter about your title. It's how
Speaker 1: you're serving outside of the role as a husband, a father,
Speaker 1: a friend, and um, someone who inspires thousands of people.
Speaker 1: So our mutual friend of our ours was like Michelle
Speaker 1: get into Stephen Chandler. Have him on and y'all. He's
Speaker 1: the author of a new book that blessed me. It's
Speaker 1: called Stop Waiting for Permission, Harness your gifts, find your purpose,
Speaker 1: and unleash your personal genius. Y'all. Please welcome to checking in.
Speaker 1: Stephen Chandler. Come on, I am honored, honored to be here,
Speaker 1: and uh it's your interview, but I'm gonna jump ahead first.
Speaker 1: You are one of my heroes, and you may hear that,
Speaker 1: but I don't think you've heard it like this before. Obviously,
Speaker 1: what you've accomplished, your success as known by the world.
Speaker 1: But never have I seen somebody with that level of
Speaker 1: success in your level of transparency and your level of
Speaker 1: helping and heart for other people. And you have no
Speaker 1: idea how much your story and your journey has impacted
Speaker 1: my home and people that I care about dearly. So
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you do. Wow,
Speaker 1: thank you for that. Thank you. I appreciate those words,
Speaker 1: I really really do. I'm excited to get into this book.
Speaker 1: But before we get into this book, for my listeners,
Speaker 1: they're like, Okay, Michelle, you said he's a pastor. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: he's got some locations, so y'all that are in some
Speaker 1: of those areas, get your hinds to one of those locations.
Speaker 1: But give us a snippet of your background, maybe before pastoring. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I grew up in a pastor's home. My dad
Speaker 1: was a pastor, pastor long they've been alive. I'm one
Speaker 1: of five children, so the house was always packed, always crowded,
Speaker 1: always loud. And then my parents were immigrants that came
Speaker 1: from the island of Barbados. I was born in Maryland.
Speaker 1: When I'm an island boy, and just that that that immigrant,
Speaker 1: that minority, that pastors home. I just grew up where Listen,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be successful, like you go, you're gonna do
Speaker 1: something with your life, or you're not gonna live here, like,
Speaker 1: go make something of yourself. And because my dad was
Speaker 1: a pastor, I was just like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do that. Like I saw the challenge, the dealing with
Speaker 1: people and all that, and my goal was to be
Speaker 1: filthy rich. I'm like, I'm gonna start a business. I'm
Speaker 1: getting really rich. And I was like, I'll give money
Speaker 1: to the church. That would be my like you know,
Speaker 1: Christian give back. And other than that, I'm good. The
Speaker 1: other side of me and it's a you know, different
Speaker 1: sized story, but I just dealt with such insecurity. I
Speaker 1: was a super introvert, little socially awkward, and I had
Speaker 1: an older sister that I mean, this girl was the
Speaker 1: most gifted, talented person on planet Earth, classical pianists, gotten
Speaker 1: all these Ivy League schools and all that, and I
Speaker 1: just so comparing myself to her, thought I had nothing
Speaker 1: to offer. I thought that there was nothing special or
Speaker 1: unique about me, and not give the whole story. But
Speaker 1: fast forward twenty some years. God is using me to
Speaker 1: influence people and to have an impact that I never
Speaker 1: thought possible. So that that that's cliff loads. Why is
Speaker 1: it that a lot of amazing speakers and authors, speakers
Speaker 1: to thousands of people, entertainers, two thousands of people answer
Speaker 1: me this, Why is it a common threat of being
Speaker 1: an introvert? I would never think that. Now I'm an introvert,
Speaker 1: and I've gona become an introvert advocate because I'm here
Speaker 1: for it. Here, here's here's my theory. I think, at
Speaker 1: are you an introvert? I feel I'm like I've been
Speaker 1: an introvert all this time, okay, because I gotta make
Speaker 1: sure I don't I'm about to bash extraver. But now
Speaker 1: I've become an extrovert after I've come to know you
Speaker 1: and your family and dogs exactly. Which is introvert? So
Speaker 1: here's here's what they say. They said, extroverts have a
Speaker 1: million relationships that are at inch deep. Introverts have like
Speaker 1: five relationships that are a mile deep. Like we don't
Speaker 1: connect with a lot of people, but the people we
Speaker 1: connect with, it's like family. And I think an introvert
Speaker 1: strength and every everything's great. Everybody's personality has a strength
Speaker 1: and it has a weakness. As introverts, our strength is
Speaker 1: connecting with people on a deep level. So of course,
Speaker 1: as you're writing books, as you're preaching, communicating from a platform,
Speaker 1: as you're performing. One of the biggest factors from a
Speaker 1: platform is can you connect with people on a deep level.
Speaker 1: And we use that ability in our communication. Now, when
Speaker 1: I get off the platform, leave me alone, I want
Speaker 1: to talk to you. And it's not that you're being
Speaker 1: mean or stand office and it's something to work through.
Speaker 1: It is, it is. It is. People don't realize it
Speaker 1: is something to work through. But you know, I've got
Speaker 1: a handful of folks who listened to this episode, my
Speaker 1: episodes every week, and they know when I see them
Speaker 1: out in public or out and about, they know it's
Speaker 1: all love. So yeah, I found that. I find that
Speaker 1: fast fascinating to hear that coming from you. I want
Speaker 1: to get right in. Can we get right in to
Speaker 1: this book? Stop waiting for permission? So I gave you
Speaker 1: a little bit of my story that's forward and it's
Speaker 1: a long story. But I'm twenty six years old. I've
Speaker 1: been pastoring my church for three years. At the time,
Speaker 1: it was two thousand. All the dates and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: The church is about four people and it had not
Speaker 1: grown in three years. And if you asked my wife,
Speaker 1: she would say I was depressed. Nope, I think I'm
Speaker 1: I was discouraged, strongly discouraged for a long time. Now
Speaker 1: wait a minute, now, wait wait, wait, you're gonna give
Speaker 1: me a tupic. Go a head, go ahead. I was depressed. Now,
Speaker 1: But what's the cliche that we hear. In order to heal,
Speaker 1: you must reveal absolutely. And what happened was I just
Speaker 1: couldn't deal with the fact that my dream was not
Speaker 1: coming to pass and I didn't know how to get
Speaker 1: out of the rut that I was in. And Michelle,
Speaker 1: I tried to give the church away. I was looking
Speaker 1: for an exit. I'm like, how do I get out?
Speaker 1: I went to the church, you know, down the street
Speaker 1: and like, hey, you want our building? Can can you
Speaker 1: take over? Or and it was God, But I couldn't
Speaker 1: get out of it, like you know, you've got a
Speaker 1: bad church, but you can't even give it away. Nobody
Speaker 1: wanted it. And what happened was because I couldn't get
Speaker 1: out of it, I'm like, well, I gotta figure this out.
Speaker 1: And probably one of the things that I did right
Speaker 1: was I started getting around people that were ahead of me,
Speaker 1: people that were further down the road that had walked
Speaker 1: that journey before, and I began to realize that there
Speaker 1: was some specific things that they were doing that I
Speaker 1: was not doing. And I'm like, Ah, maybe it's not
Speaker 1: me that I don't have what it takes. Maybe I
Speaker 1: just don't know what I'm doing. Long story short, About
Speaker 1: five years later, Union Church was named the fastest growing
Speaker 1: church in America. That was in two thousand twenty. We
Speaker 1: have more than doubled since then. We have thousands of
Speaker 1: people that are coming to the church across four almost
Speaker 1: five different locations. And to look back and to think
Speaker 1: all of that potential was in me when I was
Speaker 1: getting ready to quit and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 1: And the whole heart behind this book is there's a
Speaker 1: couple that's getting ready to quit on a marriage because
Speaker 1: they don't think that marriage could ever become what they dream.
Speaker 1: There's a parent that's getting ready to quit on really
Speaker 1: investing in their kids. Somebody's getting ready to quit on
Speaker 1: a business, or maybe even quit on their faith because
Speaker 1: they don't realize that everything they need to build the
Speaker 1: dream in their hearts, it's already inside of them. We
Speaker 1: just need some practical action steps of how do I
Speaker 1: get from where I am to where I dream of being?
Speaker 1: And that's really what the book is. So I'm privy
Speaker 1: to the first chapter of this book and it is
Speaker 1: speaking to me even after what God has blessed me to.
Speaker 1: Do you dig it to the point like, have I
Speaker 1: reached the ceiling? Is there more? Then my heart goes
Speaker 1: out to the person that feels like this is all
Speaker 1: God has for them. I know there is more. I'm
Speaker 1: walking in it. Then there's somebody who feels like okay.
Speaker 1: For instance, Shaka Khan during Essence Festival year, she had
Speaker 1: this program for women in the city of New Orleans
Speaker 1: and something that spoke to me. Stephen was a young
Speaker 1: lady who was a made at a hotel because her
Speaker 1: mother was a made. Her grandmother was a made and
Speaker 1: that's all she knew. Well, with this program, somehow she
Speaker 1: got exposed to a job at city hall. And I
Speaker 1: think so many people feel like, well, because my grandfather
Speaker 1: worked a blue collar job. By the way, nothing is
Speaker 1: wrong with the blue collar job. My dad worked a
Speaker 1: blue collar job and that's what put food on the table.
Speaker 1: But when you see that and you don't go outside
Speaker 1: of your environment, you don't know that there's more or
Speaker 1: I can and I and how do I say this
Speaker 1: about saying because you have a blue collar job, you're
Speaker 1: not great because it is stopped waiting for permission, you know,
Speaker 1: be great? You know, the first chapter was like you
Speaker 1: do have permission to dream it, to even think about greatness?
Speaker 1: Is it because of us as a people, black people
Speaker 1: from no matter what country you come from, you have
Speaker 1: to have this posture of we just gotta do what
Speaker 1: we gotta do to pay the bills. Yeah, it's one
Speaker 1: exposure because you really don't know where you are or
Speaker 1: who you are, how much you have in you until
Speaker 1: you see what other people do. Now, here's the problem.
Speaker 1: If everybody around you is in line with you, you
Speaker 1: may feel like this is good, this is happiness, food
Speaker 1: on the table, I'm good to go, all that other
Speaker 1: good stuff, And you've got to do the work to
Speaker 1: get out of that environment, even if it's just through
Speaker 1: a podcast, even if it's reading a book, or there's
Speaker 1: ways to be exposed to worlds that you don't walk in.
Speaker 1: Here's the other side, and here's the danger. A lot
Speaker 1: of us. Our goal in life is to be one
Speaker 1: step better than our parents. So Mama drove this, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get me one of these. Our daddy lived
Speaker 1: in this neighborhood, and now I'm gonna get to live
Speaker 1: in that neighborhood. And you know, well their marriage, they
Speaker 1: stayed married, but boy did they hate each other. So
Speaker 1: my marriage is gonna be here. And oftentimes when we
Speaker 1: get one step ahead of our comparison, we're good, not
Speaker 1: realizing that good is not great good. Maybe I'm doing
Speaker 1: better than I used to be. Here, I'm doing better
Speaker 1: than somebody else. Great is I have maximized all the
Speaker 1: potential inside of me. And in this situation, here's what
Speaker 1: greatness is. My life this year doesn't look like my
Speaker 1: life last year. That's all all greatness is is one
Speaker 1: step forward. My marriage is better this year than it
Speaker 1: was last year. My money is better this year than
Speaker 1: it was last year, my health or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: And then here's what you find. There's no finish line degree.
Speaker 1: It's not when I hit my first million, then I'm great,
Speaker 1: or then when I'm known, or when this happens, when
Speaker 1: that happens, it's I'm only great when I'm taking one
Speaker 1: step forward, and I'm doing a little bit better this
Speaker 1: year than I was last year. Wow. The question I
Speaker 1: have then, is it God given? Like does God require? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's actually in this book. I was just trying to
Speaker 1: act like I know, I like the alley right now.
Speaker 1: So obviously I'm a pastor of a person of faith.
Speaker 1: I know everybody who's listening it is not necessarily a
Speaker 1: person of faith. But you got Steven Schandley, So here
Speaker 1: we go. I believe that we were made in the
Speaker 1: image of God, and this is one made an image
Speaker 1: of God. God is a great God. You're talking about,
Speaker 1: creator of the universe, maker of heaven and earth. If
Speaker 1: we were made in his image, it is impossible for
Speaker 1: a great God to make insignificant people because if we
Speaker 1: were insignificant, we would not be made in his image.
Speaker 1: And simply by the fact that he's great and we
Speaker 1: were made to be like him, there's greatness inside of us.
Speaker 1: So I mean, and He didn't make nothing to be small, insignificant, purposeless, lifeless.
Speaker 1: God don't make no junk. That's what the mothers say.
Speaker 1: That's what the mothers and the old deacons would say. God,
Speaker 1: everything God made can be used. Absolutely, I'll even go
Speaker 1: this far. I believe every single person on earth is
Speaker 1: God's solution to some problem here on earth. There is
Speaker 1: a problem here on Earth that you are the only
Speaker 1: person that will be the solution to that problem. And
Speaker 1: I'll even say it this way, and God does not
Speaker 1: have a plan B Like, either you step into your
Speaker 1: divine role or there will be a vole in the
Speaker 1: earth where your gifts, talents, personality, and ability was supposed
Speaker 1: to fill. What's your answer to the person that's saying, yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but my mom did this to me. Yeah
Speaker 1: but I was born into poverty. Yeah but I was
Speaker 1: born with drugs in my system. Yeah, but I'm still
Speaker 1: in an abusive environment. First off, my heart breaks for you.
Speaker 1: The reality is every single person is born into a
Speaker 1: world that's painful and full of adversity. And it may
Speaker 1: not be that I was molested as a child, and
Speaker 1: maybe that I had leukemia when I was thirteen, or
Speaker 1: it may be that I grew up in an a
Speaker 1: poverished area, or I grew up with dyslexia or whatever
Speaker 1: it may be. Every single person, Listen, every single person
Speaker 1: has adversities that you would never know about that they
Speaker 1: have to fight through and that just the painful part
Speaker 1: of life. But here's something that It may not be
Speaker 1: very encouraging, but it's so true. Your pain is also
Speaker 1: your greatest asset. Because the pain that you've experienced has
Speaker 1: given you an experience on life, then nobody else is
Speaker 1: going to have. So nobody else is going to be
Speaker 1: able to write a book from your perspective, approach that
Speaker 1: business from your perspective, approach faith from your perfect sitting
Speaker 1: from your perspective, whatever your passion, gifting, area of influence
Speaker 1: is going to be, you are going to be the
Speaker 1: only person with that story and that journey, and your
Speaker 1: pain is gonna be a blessing to so many other people.
Speaker 1: And your pain is going to turn into profit. It's
Speaker 1: gonna make you money because you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: speak to people that can connect with you and your
Speaker 1: I've heard it say people may be impressed with your successes,
Speaker 1: but they connect with your pain. That is the great equalizer.
Speaker 1: If you start really talking about what you've been through.
Speaker 1: I felt like Michelle, if you really go deep into
Speaker 1: what you've been through, you might lose some folks. But
Speaker 1: that wasn't true. It wasn't true. I'm thinking, we'll know
Speaker 1: people aspire to be like me, but if they find
Speaker 1: out what I've gone through, They're gonna be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm good, I might as well stay where I am.
Speaker 1: But it was like, that's not true. That is not true,
Speaker 1: and it's not like people and that's not what I do.
Speaker 1: But there are people who purposely they're not trying to
Speaker 1: make money from their pain. I think there could be
Speaker 1: a word for that, which it would be gross. But
Speaker 1: there becomes opportunities where you get a chance to share
Speaker 1: your story with the world. Yeah, now let's go to
Speaker 1: this word permission. Stop waiting for permission. You A. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this was amazing. When it comes to greatness, some people
Speaker 1: are full of potential but short on drive. Others are
Speaker 1: driven but lack direction. Still others have direction but also
Speaker 1: have debilitating fear and doubt. Many people I meet have potential,
Speaker 1: drive in direction, but for some mysterious reason, they're still
Speaker 1: waiting around for greatness to just kind of happen. Maybe
Speaker 1: they feel they don't deserve it, maybe they think there
Speaker 1: isn't room for them at the table. One of my
Speaker 1: most favorite paragraphs in the book short on drive or discipline,
Speaker 1: because I'm wondering, when you have discipline, do you stay
Speaker 1: driven or the discipline keeps you driven, You're not gonna
Speaker 1: feel like wanting to do it all. Who wants to
Speaker 1: feel like eating right all the time? Who wants to
Speaker 1: work out? Nobody? I don't, but I like how it
Speaker 1: makes me feel like. I'm like, man, you should have
Speaker 1: been doing this all the time. You never get that way, Like, Man,
Speaker 1: if I should have just been doing this, I would
Speaker 1: have been a body builder by now. I mean not me,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure other people feel like that. Ok. It
Speaker 1: was something that you were that you found out with
Speaker 1: drive and you became great at Yeah. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: so I went to school University Maryland College Park shout out,
Speaker 1: and uh, I was an average student. I mean I
Speaker 1: did enough to pass the class. And I always say,
Speaker 1: it's not until I graduated and got into my life
Speaker 1: and career and all that that I realized that I
Speaker 1: was actually intelligent and when I find myself and put
Speaker 1: effort and all that other kind of stuff that I
Speaker 1: actually got great results. And with that came overwhelming guilt
Speaker 1: because I'm like, man, imagine if I did this all
Speaker 1: the time. Imagine if I had started the sixteen or
Speaker 1: fifteen or fourteen or where would I be if I
Speaker 1: had been more disciplined and all that other good stuff.
Speaker 1: And two things I realized. One hopefully this helps people.
Speaker 1: For of all, you know, your grandma us just say,
Speaker 1: it makes no sense crying over spilt milk. Like, listen,
Speaker 1: we all make mistakes, we all have seasons where we
Speaker 1: lack drive, black discipline, black vision. Don't live your life
Speaker 1: looking backwards, live your life looking forward and whatever was is.
Speaker 1: But hey, I'm going after all that God has for me.
Speaker 1: The other thing is, as I look back, why did
Speaker 1: I not have drive and discipline in college? It's because
Speaker 1: I didn't have any vision. Oh I did. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get in trouble with Michelle. I'm getting big trouble now.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna read the book when they find out
Speaker 1: what my g p A was. But I had I
Speaker 1: had a two point nine g P I was still
Speaker 1: mad about that point for sent like making a three
Speaker 1: point ooh, but at two point nine g p A
Speaker 1: in college. When I graduated college, I'm going to apply
Speaker 1: for jobs, right. I get a job and they offered
Speaker 1: me my salary and I'm like, well, I know somebody
Speaker 1: else who got this job and they got fifteen thousand
Speaker 1: dollars more than me. I want that fift K, and
Speaker 1: they said, no, you needed a three point oh or above.
Speaker 1: I had a two point nine. I didn't as a
Speaker 1: freshman in college have a vision that my discipline today
Speaker 1: is going to affect my life five years from now.
Speaker 1: And because of that, I was lacking drive. And a
Speaker 1: lot of people, hey, where do I get disciplined from?
Speaker 1: Where do I get drive from? It starts with having
Speaker 1: a vision of what could be and man, if I'm
Speaker 1: disciplined for the next three years, if i'm if I'm driven,
Speaker 1: I can be in this place. And because i want
Speaker 1: to be in this place, I'm willing to say no
Speaker 1: to hitting snooze on my phone, or I'm willing to
Speaker 1: put that extra effort in or or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: So it's vital. But don't beat yourself up over not
Speaker 1: having driver or not having disciplined. Get you a vision
Speaker 1: that is worth driving after and is worth saying no
Speaker 1: to your desires. And a lot of people that are
Speaker 1: listened into this. Again, the book is called stop Waiting
Speaker 1: for Permission. A lot of folks are waiting because of
Speaker 1: the fear. This is a true fear, folks, because you're
Speaker 1: actually going to be the first to do it in
Speaker 1: your family. And you also talk about that in the book, like,
Speaker 1: sometimes when you're the first to do it, ain't nobody
Speaker 1: done it around you, You're gonna be shunned, rejected. Talk
Speaker 1: about that a little bit. Oh my goodness. So I
Speaker 1: became the senior pastor of my dad's church when I
Speaker 1: was twenty three years old. My mom had been battling
Speaker 1: cancer for the last thirteen years, and my dad came
Speaker 1: to me said, man, I really feel like it's time
Speaker 1: for me to step away from the church and care
Speaker 1: for your mom. How do you feel about becoming a
Speaker 1: senior pastor? And uh, you know, bought it to the
Speaker 1: board of directors and they all approved it, and I
Speaker 1: just paralyzed in fear. I'm like, I'm young, I've never
Speaker 1: been a seminary, I'm not married. Like that's three strikes
Speaker 1: and you're out. And I was like, I don't have
Speaker 1: what it takes. But even in that I was a
Speaker 1: little bit of a creative of Maverick. So I got
Speaker 1: rid of the three piece suits. I took down all
Speaker 1: the flags of the nations around the church. I threw
Speaker 1: the ferns out, I put some jeans on, got some
Speaker 1: led lights and They're like, well, if we're gonna do church,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do church for millennials. And oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: did people start to talk. Oh that that God, this
Speaker 1: has never been done before. Black people ain't gonna go
Speaker 1: to church like that. I mean just everything you can imagine.
Speaker 1: And for a while it shook me because it's like,
Speaker 1: do you see anybody else doing this that's successful at this?
Speaker 1: And I'm like no. All I know is that as
Speaker 1: a twenty three year old, none of my friends are
Speaker 1: coming to this church unless I changed. Don't change the gospel,
Speaker 1: don't change the message. But it can't be three hours.
Speaker 1: It gotta be gotta be a little short into three hours.
Speaker 1: And uh, they don't have three piece suits, so I
Speaker 1: can't get up there in a three piece suit. And
Speaker 1: you feel dumb for a while doing something that hasn't
Speaker 1: been done before. And there's this almost stabilitating fear of failure.
Speaker 1: What if they're right? What if there's egg on my face?
Speaker 1: What if I don't accomplish this and everybody knows that
Speaker 1: I tried and I failed. I'm not trying to put
Speaker 1: myself up or this is just kind of how Stephen
Speaker 1: was wired. I had a bigger fair than failure. And
Speaker 1: the fear for me was being average. And I knew
Speaker 1: so many people who were average, and they were miserable.
Speaker 1: They didn't have bad lives, they were just unfulfilled. There
Speaker 1: was so much more in them than they were living out.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I may fail, I may be
Speaker 1: a laughing stock. People might laugh and hey, he failed truck.
Speaker 1: But when I'm not going do is I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be miserable and average. But what they can say is
Speaker 1: you tried versus not doing it at all. Absolutely, and
Speaker 1: you've got to get to a place where you're just
Speaker 1: fed up with where you are. Look, my marriage and
Speaker 1: gonna be where it is one day longer. My money
Speaker 1: is not gonna be here, my kids, I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna be here one day longer. I may fail,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna try something different and I'm gonna move
Speaker 1: forward because average is unacceptable, unacceptable. Wow, But Stephen, it's comfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable here. And if you would be honest, you're
Speaker 1: comfortable and you're miserable because you that's called spade is pain.
Speaker 1: You know how to make the right Instagram post and
Speaker 1: you know how to laugh right with your friends, but
Speaker 1: when you get off by yourself, you're miserable. How do
Speaker 1: I know that? Because God made us to be miserable
Speaker 1: with anything less than the potential he placed inside of us.
Speaker 1: God set it up that the only thing that will
Speaker 1: fulfill us is when we are walking in the purpose,
Speaker 1: the destiny, the potential that He's placed inside of us.
Speaker 1: And you may be comfortable, but you're miserable. So even
Speaker 1: the being miserable. We might be speaking to someone who's
Speaker 1: been feeling like who could say, Michelle Stephen, I have
Speaker 1: been I've been feeling miserable or I've been feeling uneasy,
Speaker 1: like I know I'm supposed to be doing something now.
Speaker 1: Without giving away stuff in your book, how does a
Speaker 1: person I d what is holding them back? First of all,
Speaker 1: that misery could come with guilt because you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: miserable with where I'm in life, but I don't really
Speaker 1: have anything to complain about because my life is so
Speaker 1: much better than other people. And we first have to
Speaker 1: settle in our hearts. Comparison is not the game. It's
Speaker 1: not the goal to be better than somebody else. The
Speaker 1: goal is to fulfill all that God is placed inside
Speaker 1: of me. Once I've got that brought to a place
Speaker 1: of peace, then I need to figure out what's the
Speaker 1: next step. Oftentimes we get so fixated on the finish
Speaker 1: line and we know where we want to be five
Speaker 1: years from now, and that's great, but I just need
Speaker 1: to know what I need to do five minutes from now. So,
Speaker 1: for example, you need to build a foundation that greatness
Speaker 1: can be built upon. So you know this. You can
Speaker 1: be outrageously talented, but if you don't have a work ethic,
Speaker 1: if you don't have discipline, if you don't have consistency.
Speaker 1: Part of your foundation is your mental health. If you
Speaker 1: don't have peace internally, you won't be able to maximize
Speaker 1: your potential. So for some people, your first step is
Speaker 1: I need to go to a counselor. I needed do
Speaker 1: what Stephen won't do. I need to admit that depression
Speaker 1: is a part of my life. It's not just discouragement.
Speaker 1: That I need to get some professional help. There's no
Speaker 1: shame in it. And that's my first step towards maximizing
Speaker 1: the greatness that's inside of me. So first, I need
Speaker 1: a solid foundation. A second, and I'm not gonna give way.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, he's giving us to come on.
Speaker 1: I need to find out what sets me apart. A
Speaker 1: lot of people don't realize this. I call it your
Speaker 1: unique genius. Everybody just just trust me on this one.
Speaker 1: Every human being on Earth, you have something about you
Speaker 1: that is your advantage on this planet. For one person.
Speaker 1: It may be their athleticism for another person, and maybe
Speaker 1: their ability to connect with people for another person. And
Speaker 1: maybe the fact that their mind is just analytical and
Speaker 1: everything you see you break it down into bite size
Speaker 1: pieces or whatever it may be. And if you don't
Speaker 1: find out what your unique advantage is, you'll never be
Speaker 1: able to maximize your potential. So how do I find
Speaker 1: out what it is? Well? Start asking some questions. One
Speaker 1: question is what do people always want from me? Well,
Speaker 1: one of the words that we call is what's your gifting?
Speaker 1: What's your gifting? Well, what's a gift? A gift is
Speaker 1: something you give away. How valuable is my gift? Well?
Speaker 1: How excited are people when I give it away? When
Speaker 1: Michelle won'tium sings, millions of people come flocking when Steven sings,
Speaker 1: dogs howl, that's not well, that's how you know the
Speaker 1: only people that like to hear me sing is my
Speaker 1: grandma and me. That's how you know. She'd be like,
Speaker 1: take your time, baby, take your time. Amen, Amen, I
Speaker 1: they're gonna help me. So what do people flock to
Speaker 1: me for? What do people ask for more and more
Speaker 1: and more? What do I do that when I put
Speaker 1: in the same effort as somebody else, I get exponentially
Speaker 1: better results. All those are clues of what you're gifting is.
Speaker 1: Think about your gifting as the key to a car.
Speaker 1: It does not matter how strong the engine of that
Speaker 1: car is. If you don't have a key to turn
Speaker 1: that engine, it's not moving. It doesn't matter how big
Speaker 1: your dream is or how amazing your potential is. If
Speaker 1: you don't discover what your unique advantage is, you're gifting
Speaker 1: the key to your destiny. You're not gonna make progress.
Speaker 1: So to the person that's feeling like they don't fit,
Speaker 1: that's there's something unique all the awkward people. There's something
Speaker 1: unique that does not allow you to fit in. Something unique.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine like everybody looking the same, dressing, the
Speaker 1: same talk, and the same, but when you step on
Speaker 1: the scene, everybody is like wait a minute, yea. Even
Speaker 1: though they're like wait a minute, they still won't let
Speaker 1: you in because they know it's something different about you,
Speaker 1: So embrace that unique. You may spell it you in
Speaker 1: I qu e. But I'm going to go even further.
Speaker 1: Why o you that you need that? You think, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that is your God given advantage to set you apart.
Speaker 1: Not everybody will stand on the platform, but nobody should
Speaker 1: be invisible. Everybody should have has something about them that
Speaker 1: just sets them apart. And you've got to identify that
Speaker 1: in yourself. Here's here's the thing. Other people will often
Speaker 1: identify it you before you can identify it in yourself.
Speaker 1: So you just kind of got to start paying attention.
Speaker 1: So I said, my dad was a pastor. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be a pastor just because I saw all
Speaker 1: that he'd been through. When I was sixteen years old,
Speaker 1: I had my first job was at a sneaker store,
Speaker 1: and it was the worst job ever because I give
Speaker 1: my entire paycheck right back to them. My shoe game
Speaker 1: was fly, but I was broke. But I'm sixteen years
Speaker 1: old working at a shoe store, and my twenty six
Speaker 1: year old manager would just bring all of her life
Speaker 1: problems and I would sit in the back room and
Speaker 1: just what, man, first, you got to do with this
Speaker 1: and then you gotta unpack it. Now, you don't let
Speaker 1: that person push you around. Speak up? And and I
Speaker 1: didn't know what I was sixteen. I was pas stirring her.
Speaker 1: Why would a twenty six year old come to a
Speaker 1: sixteen year old for advice? Because she saw something in
Speaker 1: me that I didn't even see it myself. And then
Speaker 1: I go to the next place, and this fourth year
Speaker 1: old man is, hey, you got time to talk? And
Speaker 1: and then this this person and they saw a gifting
Speaker 1: to leave people of peace and purpose that I didn't
Speaker 1: even see in myself. So start just take notes. What
Speaker 1: what do people come to me for? What do people
Speaker 1: constantly celebrate me for? Chances are seclude towards my unique genius?
Speaker 1: The question that comes all the time, how do I
Speaker 1: find my purpose? How do I find my passion? How
Speaker 1: do I do this? This is a perfect couple of
Speaker 1: steps that you've given us. Like you said, what do
Speaker 1: people most come to you for? Can I give you
Speaker 1: one more? Are you serious? You gotta this is an honor.
Speaker 1: You can't shut him preachure up. I'm truly humbled. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is like five steps almost He's given us. Oftentimes,
Speaker 1: your greatest frustration is the problem that you've been placed
Speaker 1: on earth to be the solution to. So a lot
Speaker 1: of times I'm so frustrated whatever, I'm just making stuff up.
Speaker 1: But just think about the person who invented, you know,
Speaker 1: fast food restaurants, and there's no going to be a line.
Speaker 1: You just walk up to the different registers. That started
Speaker 1: out as a person that was frustrated and standing in
Speaker 1: long lines at restaurants and said, wait, why don't we
Speaker 1: just kind of put seven registers so you could just
Speaker 1: walk up to anyone you want and it can move fast.
Speaker 1: Their frustration actually pointed them to the impact that they
Speaker 1: were going to have on an industry. What makes you mad?
Speaker 1: What frustrates you? What do you notice every time you
Speaker 1: walk in a room? What irritates you? Chances are that
Speaker 1: is a problem that God created you to solve. Come on,
Speaker 1: that's so good. That's so good. People been like, why
Speaker 1: are you always fussing because I feel something I need
Speaker 1: to change? Yeah, come on, that is so so, so good.
Speaker 1: So stop waiting, stop waiting for permission. Stop don't even
Speaker 1: don't even ask for permission to be great, Like you said,
Speaker 1: greatness don't mean million dollar eight vehicles any designer dud
Speaker 1: and shoes and clothes. That's not what we're saying. Now,
Speaker 1: if you do right and you know you get a
Speaker 1: coin for it, then you know stewarded. Well, then you
Speaker 1: go ahead and do it, Go ahead and get go
Speaker 1: out and live your life. Go ahead and go forward.
Speaker 1: But we I don't want anyone to feel like they've
Speaker 1: got They might say, hey, I just want to help people.
Speaker 1: I just want to love on people. I just feel
Speaker 1: called to to help people. And you don't feel like
Speaker 1: you gotta be on the cover of blogs and news
Speaker 1: and that could come with it because most times people
Speaker 1: they're they're out here minding their business, and then that's
Speaker 1: how their business gets spotlighted on the news or on
Speaker 1: the podcasts. You know, it's when you're out here being great,
Speaker 1: somebody picks that up. So I get what a lot
Speaker 1: of people are saying, Michell. I don't want that type
Speaker 1: of greatness. I'm not saying you do. But it's okay
Speaker 1: when it's spotlighted and when you're thrust into another stratosphere
Speaker 1: and the money comes and the sponsorships come, the endorsements come,
Speaker 1: that help you propel your vision even further. Can I
Speaker 1: say something about money for half a second. That might
Speaker 1: get me in trouble. But I was reading a book
Speaker 1: by Jewish rabbi about shot prosper Rabbi Lapping, and he said,
Speaker 1: here was the Biblical and the Jewish mindset about money.
Speaker 1: Money is how people say thank you for the blessing
Speaker 1: that you've been to them. It's not about greed, it's
Speaker 1: not about I'm trying to take advantage of people. Let
Speaker 1: let me give you an example. I don't know something extreme.
Speaker 1: I broke my leg and there's a doctor who resets
Speaker 1: it and and sets me up for healing. I'm giving
Speaker 1: money up man, thank you for bringing healing to the
Speaker 1: brokenness and my life. I'm so grateful without your gifting,
Speaker 1: without your skill set, I would be in pain for
Speaker 1: years and years and years. And when when a school
Speaker 1: teacher is paid that money is thank you for educating
Speaker 1: my child, thank you for helping my kid discover their gifts,
Speaker 1: their their ability and all that other good stuff. We
Speaker 1: have this mindset that money is like bad, or it's evil,
Speaker 1: or it's manipulous or whatever. We're not going after the money.
Speaker 1: We're going after impacting people and being a blessing to people.
Speaker 1: And if you're enough of a blessing to people. They
Speaker 1: will respond by saying, Hey, here's how much of a
Speaker 1: blessing you've been to me that I'm a you know
Speaker 1: everything that you sold, or I'm gonna invest in your business,
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna give a grant to your nonprofit or
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. So sometimes we feel guild Ah,
Speaker 1: money shouldn't be coming into my life. No, No, that's
Speaker 1: indication of how much of a blessing and an impact
Speaker 1: you're being too. People. Right, well, I'm stop declining coins.
Speaker 1: At times, I'm just Waingchell. It's their way of saying
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, I got it. Okay, did y'all get
Speaker 1: that too, listeners, did y'all's family? Did y'all receive that? Now?
Speaker 1: People are going to be like, wait a minute, is
Speaker 1: some money? I want to go and get back. I
Speaker 1: want to let them say thank you so so good. Well,
Speaker 1: we thank you so much for joining us and for
Speaker 1: writing this book that, like I said, y'all, it began
Speaker 1: to just free me just within the first chapter. I
Speaker 1: cannot wait to get my hands on it now. In
Speaker 1: the back, is that a work book or something that
Speaker 1: comes with it? Yeah, So there's actually two books that
Speaker 1: are coming out. It's the Stop Waiting for Permission, which
Speaker 1: is the one we've been talking about. And then there's
Speaker 1: actually a study guide, a completely different book that runs
Speaker 1: in concert with the book. And here's my goal. You know,
Speaker 1: you read some books and they inspire you, and then
Speaker 1: you put it down in three weeks later you didn't
Speaker 1: forgot everything were inspired about. I want people that their
Speaker 1: life is further ahead six months after reading the book
Speaker 1: then when they first laid eyes on it. So that workbook,
Speaker 1: it walks you through some of those questions. Here's how
Speaker 1: you find your gifting. Here's questions to ask yourself. Hey,
Speaker 1: here's how I can figure out what my first step is,
Speaker 1: second step. Here's how I can figure out if my
Speaker 1: motivation is off, if it's selfish, if it's greed, or
Speaker 1: if it's passion and it's a purpose. So the study
Speaker 1: guide kind of unpacks the concepts in the book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so good. When we stop Waiting for Permission, you
Speaker 1: never know when you get out of fear or procrastination.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you it's gonna be that one move that
Speaker 1: unlocks so much for you, your family, your seat down
Speaker 1: the line. So I'm so thankful that you wrote this book.
Speaker 1: You guys, please please get this book and get this
Speaker 1: study guide. I know that it's gonna go deep with you.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get it and I'm going to get
Speaker 1: the study guide and I'm gonna have him back. Maybe
Speaker 1: we could do a personal processing, because people don't even
Speaker 1: know what it's like to unpack stuff live or in
Speaker 1: front of somebody. They get fear to get counseling or something.
Speaker 1: So I cannot wait to get my hands on the
Speaker 1: book and do the study guide, and I want to
Speaker 1: process it with you a little bit some more. Let's
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, thank you for checking in. Okay, y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I can't wait to have someone so
Speaker 1: on because I know my guests are gonna love them.
Speaker 1: But then I get as much teaching as you guys do.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm a student right with you, guys. I'm
Speaker 1: learning so much, I'm getting inspired so much, and so y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm not waiting for permission from nobody to continue walking
Speaker 1: in purpose and walk in greatness. Now, what greatness is
Speaker 1: for you is different, So don't let anybody even define
Speaker 1: for you what greatness is or what success is don't settle.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to settle, and I don't want
Speaker 1: you to be comfortable and be mediocre. Those are different things, Okay.
Speaker 1: Another nugget from his book, he says, wounds from trauma
Speaker 1: are real, but they don't have to define you. To
Speaker 1: shoot for greatness, the first thing to do might be
Speaker 1: to seek healing from the wounds that hold you back. Brilliant.
Speaker 1: He also says, take a minute to reflect on the
Speaker 1: ways you've allowed or not allowed yourself to even desire greatness.
Speaker 1: Why don't you even desire more? Assess the following areas relationships, career, finances,
Speaker 1: and family, and as you consider the last five to
Speaker 1: ten years, think about the ways you aimed for greatness
Speaker 1: or settled for average. All right, do a quick check in.
Speaker 1: He even says it, let's do a quick check in.
Speaker 1: So he's challenging our thoughts about why we don't even
Speaker 1: desire or why you don't even desire more for yourself
Speaker 1: in your life. I just want you to go and
Speaker 1: get the book. Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting, y'all,
Speaker 1: stop waiting. Go out there, go get it. Checking In
Speaker 1: with Michelle Williams is a production of I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.