Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and date. Turmano and Gay. We want to send
Speaker 2: you off instart. We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 3: With Karen and Chris? Hello, you're listening to do you
Speaker 3: need a ride? I'm Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: I'm Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 3: We are driving towards l A X, just past Jefferson Bolivar,
Speaker 3: very famous president named after that street, and we are
Speaker 3: picking up Greg Fitzsimmons. That's right, Greg fitz Simmons, famous comedian,
Speaker 3: terrific person.
Speaker 1: Huge fan of Jefferson, the president.
Speaker 3: And Venice's resident. We are hi, Karen, How are you hi?
Speaker 1: Chris Fairbanks haven't seen you until long. I've missed you.
Speaker 3: I've missed you as well. I'm going to turn down
Speaker 3: our turn down the appreciation.
Speaker 1: Now, you know what, let's knock it off. I not
Speaker 1: like each other that much public I have.
Speaker 3: Been seen you in a long time. I went, I
Speaker 3: went to England.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about your England trips. So you did.
Speaker 5: You were there to do some stunt driving, because now
Speaker 5: you're you're a stuntman.
Speaker 3: I was in a commercial for a car. I'm not
Speaker 3: supposed to talk about that part. That was just a
Speaker 3: generic car that.
Speaker 1: Goes, Yeah, don't worry about what kind of fucking car
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 3: Everybody, Yeah, why are you asking so many questions? Hey,
Speaker 3: get off my ass?
Speaker 1: Hey, hey think Tracy is dick Tracy? A person asked
Speaker 1: a lot of questions.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Why don't you quit dictating into your giant
Speaker 3: future watch and listen? Just relax, Yeah, don't get your
Speaker 3: big yellow zoot suit and a bunch. I was the
Speaker 3: only actor in it. They were all UK kids other
Speaker 3: than me, so we showed up. They all said they
Speaker 3: could drive a stick but none of them could do
Speaker 3: it with the right hand, so I became the driver.
Speaker 1: Wait, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: They were all left handed the steering wheels on the
Speaker 3: other side.
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Yes, and no one heard of that. No one thought
Speaker 3: of that in the uh in that had anything to
Speaker 3: do with making the commercial, which was frustrating.
Speaker 5: Well, that's that's very short sighted, being that they lived
Speaker 5: in England, are from there, and they know what side
Speaker 5: the stick is on.
Speaker 3: Oh no, that the people actually making the commercial were big,
Speaker 3: big time la assholes.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, then just one's okay. Then that's a totally
Speaker 1: valid excuse.
Speaker 4: They had me.
Speaker 3: At one point, I was driving repeatedly over and over,
Speaker 3: oh while a bike race was going on that they
Speaker 3: didn't know about. So I was weaving around old men
Speaker 3: without helmets trying to win a race. So they weren't.
Speaker 3: They were ignoring the roadblock and just riding through. So
Speaker 3: they would suddenly come up and I'd pull over. They go,
Speaker 3: why'd you stop driving? I'm like, oh, I didn't want
Speaker 3: to kill an old englishman. I had to skid to
Speaker 3: a stop sideways in front of a camera that cost
Speaker 3: more than my life and land on a little taped
Speaker 3: mark in the rowed two feet from the camera and
Speaker 3: three people standing behind it over and they were yelling
Speaker 3: at me when I went.
Speaker 5: Over it afoot, Well, what the fuck to every piece
Speaker 5: of information you just gave me?
Speaker 1: The answer is what the fuck?
Speaker 3: What the fuck is wrong with me?
Speaker 4: What is right? I mean?
Speaker 3: I don't know what I was thinking.
Speaker 1: Well, but no, I'm not really, I'm not blaming you.
Speaker 1: It's I love that.
Speaker 5: It's like we're big time LA commercial producers and yet
Speaker 5: the basics.
Speaker 1: Are not covered.
Speaker 3: It was amazing. I'm starting to worry that on any level,
Speaker 3: people don't know what they're doing.
Speaker 1: No one knows what they're doing.
Speaker 3: No one knows what they're doing in the world.
Speaker 5: That's kind of why I'm so thrilled that my mother
Speaker 5: raised me with this level of a healthy amount of
Speaker 5: disrespect for most people, because when you come at everything
Speaker 5: of like, yes, daddy, you tell me what to do,
Speaker 5: it's like you're always disappointed.
Speaker 4: You're right.
Speaker 3: I was raised that way too, with low expectations.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you just kind of like you prove it to
Speaker 5: me me that you're supposed to be telling me what
Speaker 5: to do. I read, I heard I read a really
Speaker 5: good thing. Someone said, never take it. I went to
Speaker 5: a reading of a thing.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love reading.
Speaker 1: I think it was a reading of a pinterest and.
Speaker 3: We're going to follow this yellow traditional taxi.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 3: Other than the fact that's a prius, that's breaking.
Speaker 1: That's becoming traditional these days, it is it is.
Speaker 5: Here's the saying I read never take the answer no
Speaker 5: from a person who can't say yes, who can't give
Speaker 5: you a yes, which means like, if they're not powerful
Speaker 5: enough to make it happen, then don't let the don't
Speaker 5: let them tell you no.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, does that make sense?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1: I think it means.
Speaker 5: It means like, don't ask the person that's the mid
Speaker 5: level in charge and taken no answer from them if
Speaker 5: they if they can't make it happen, then they can't
Speaker 5: tell you you can't.
Speaker 3: Do that happened. That's the problem with this thing. It
Speaker 3: was ten different people that appeared to be in charge.
Speaker 1: It was many hooks and how many finn scarves were there?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 1: How many what finn scarves?
Speaker 4: Oh? You know what?
Speaker 3: A lot of the crew and everyone they were British
Speaker 3: people and they were just nice and we sweatshirts. But yes,
Speaker 3: the la and the German people had many Yeah. I
Speaker 3: had eight walkie talkies in the car, all on different channels,
Speaker 3: and they're all screaming at me while there's other actors
Speaker 3: in the back and I'm supposed to make casual like hey,
Speaker 3: we're all buddies driving around in a car. Meanwhile, I'm
Speaker 3: grinding my teeth and back sweat flying down my back.
Speaker 1: They sound like consummate professional.
Speaker 3: And they all had fin scarves, yes, all finn scarves.
Speaker 1: Short hair, short on the sidelong on the top, I
Speaker 1: imagine for the men.
Speaker 3: They had. Actually, you know what I approved. That's the
Speaker 3: only thing I approved of was their haircuts.
Speaker 1: They had good hair.
Speaker 3: They all had nice haircuts.
Speaker 1: Okay, did they look like John L.
Speaker 5: Sullivan boxers, like that kind of hipster where it's like presentational.
Speaker 1: Facial hair. Yes, that's kind of shit.
Speaker 3: The the American people did. Yes, they were very it
Speaker 3: was and the wardrobe people very presentation facial hair.
Speaker 5: Very very outfit based. Living already at Lax. That is
Speaker 5: the beauty of the fact that you live down here.
Speaker 3: I'm so we love I love Venice living, and I
Speaker 3: know you're jealous of it.
Speaker 1: I'm very jealous.
Speaker 3: Greg lives in Venice. We're all just gonna be talking
Speaker 3: about the benefits of Dogtown.
Speaker 1: Yo word.
Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah sorry.
Speaker 1: Let's go empty a pool and fucking thrash.
Speaker 3: Like locals like locos.
Speaker 5: Get some four loco and just do it on a
Speaker 5: Sunday afternoon. Oh look at we're back at LAX.
Speaker 1: Chris.
Speaker 3: Oh god, yeah, you never realize how much you missed
Speaker 3: this grace cement.
Speaker 1: Look at it so beautiful.
Speaker 3: Now, if do you have your phone handy son?
Speaker 5: As he said, I'm gonna text him and say text
Speaker 5: me when you land. Okay, cool, that'll or text me
Speaker 5: or you know, like, hey, I'm just gonna text him
Speaker 5: and be like you up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's cool? Right, yeah, you up?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Even though it's before noon, you should booty call.
Speaker 4: This.
Speaker 5: This podcast is uh gonna be getting to spawn the
Speaker 5: spin off my podcast called you up? Or I just
Speaker 5: booty call people alone silently, but you just you get
Speaker 5: to listen to me do that.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that are into that.
Speaker 3: I think that's a really good idea. Okay, okay, we
Speaker 3: almost got him. How could you almost side swipe us?
Speaker 3: And then that tickles your fight?
Speaker 1: She's like, I can't believe that I'm some kind of
Speaker 1: a driver of any kind.
Speaker 3: She was just like, I'm as I'm as, I'm I
Speaker 3: think I'm as ridiculous as you think I am. She
Speaker 3: really seemed delighted. Anyway. I don't know if you missed that,
Speaker 3: but we almost got side swiping guys a commercial fan, We.
Speaker 1: Almost get sideswiped every time we come here. I think
Speaker 1: it's part of it.
Speaker 3: I hope it's not. Oh, I don't know, inevitable right.
Speaker 5: That we're just stuffing our chances every time, the odds
Speaker 5: of us getting sideswiped by a budget rent a bus.
Speaker 1: We're just upping the odds every time we come. Delta
Speaker 1: he is delta, which gets you there or takes you there.
Speaker 3: They get you there with care.
Speaker 1: It's Southern hospitality.
Speaker 3: Does anyone else want to hear airline jingles from the eighties? Well,
Speaker 3: look at that. It's our little side sidekick, that backseat mouse.
Speaker 3: I'm having trouble talking.
Speaker 1: Have you notice that it's what we always do?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I start a word and then I abruptly
Speaker 3: stop thinking, Wait a minute, that's not English, But it is.
Speaker 4: It was, it.
Speaker 1: Was and always will be English.
Speaker 5: I like to listen to our podcast after we do them,
Speaker 5: and notice how many times I say om uh, I
Speaker 5: laugh minacally at everything all the time, and.
Speaker 1: Often tell stories that go nowhere. That's that's what I
Speaker 1: bring to the table on this.
Speaker 5: So you're high, Yeah, I guess I'm always high.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're take We're tay. We got a little spooks
Speaker 3: there with that van. I'm not gonna lie. Oh this guy,
Speaker 3: uh huh, Hey, I just want This is a little
Speaker 3: shout out to the parkingspot dot com get new drivers.
Speaker 3: Let's do the opposite of get sponsors. Let's just call
Speaker 3: people out.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 1: Let's get people fired. That's the opposite.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's let's uh hold a mirror.
Speaker 1: Up to the man.
Speaker 5: Well, we're gonna have to go around again because we're
Speaker 5: already past delta, but at least we know.
Speaker 1: Where it is now.
Speaker 3: We do a lot of people don't have the cajones,
Speaker 3: if you will. Sorry, I just did some international traveling
Speaker 3: to do a podcast in a car, but also specifically
Speaker 3: do it while looping around l a X most fender
Speaker 3: bender heavy. Oh I bet you can get in there.
Speaker 3: I bet you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's back there. Oh okay, we're well pasted.
Speaker 1: Oh no, it's right there. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Well, I know it's right, but I didn't want to.
Speaker 3: I'm not here to naysay, even though I really respect.
Speaker 1: That you didn't. Immediately I was bit back at me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but we haven't got word from old fits here.
Speaker 5: I was just trying to text him while I was
Speaker 5: driving and avoiding being Oh he is at curb.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, terrific.
Speaker 3: Hi, you're about to get him in the car. This
Speaker 3: is going to work out terrifically. You know, it seems
Speaker 3: to always come together, it really does. We're very lucky,
Speaker 3: we are. I think we're blessed. I think we're technically
Speaker 3: what they call blessed in the business. Are you talking
Speaker 3: hashtag blessed? I find that. Uh yeah, we have yet
Speaker 3: to have a horrible delay. Right, that's a thing. Right,
Speaker 3: we haven't picked up someone who's you know, oh I
Speaker 3: had a layover. You know that's also a delay. Just
Speaker 3: different reasons for delays.
Speaker 1: Well, let's name all the different kinds.
Speaker 3: Of had someone that's had a heart attack while on
Speaker 3: the plane and shut up deceased. We haven't hat so
Speaker 3: we show up and go, you know what, never mind
Speaker 3: and just get in another podcast car.
Speaker 1: That would break my heart.
Speaker 3: It would hurt my heart.
Speaker 1: We haven't.
Speaker 5: We haven't had someone get lost while they were trying
Speaker 5: to get their baggage right and never come out of
Speaker 5: the terminal.
Speaker 3: Right that that, and we haven't had someone uh, forget this,
Speaker 3: I can see me doing that. Forgot I was supposed
Speaker 3: to and instead I got in a cab and pretended
Speaker 3: that was a podcast.
Speaker 1: I tried to talk to the guy.
Speaker 3: I feel like fit Simmons. He's going to be wearing
Speaker 3: a flat hat of some kind.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's going to.
Speaker 5: Be wear like a like a little golfer's hat, s
Speaker 5: hat my dad wears all the time.
Speaker 1: He said he's gonna look like a soccer coach, a
Speaker 1: black hoodie.
Speaker 3: Those were his words.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, I'm not putting words into his mouth right now,
Speaker 5: this is really what he told me.
Speaker 3: Well, uh, I'm gonna ras him with a with a Really.
Speaker 1: This is the rudest thing I've ever seen. Look at this.
Speaker 3: Oh, just hazards on diagonally.
Speaker 5: That's ridiculous behavior, ridiculous.
Speaker 3: Oh, she couldn't even look at you.
Speaker 1: No, she wouldn't look at me.
Speaker 3: He couldn't even that.
Speaker 1: Of course, it was a white Mercedes.
Speaker 5: It is blocking two lanes of traffic as they put
Speaker 5: their friends bags in their.
Speaker 3: Back, and just some white lady in or white Mercedes
Speaker 3: would be dazzled, short.
Speaker 1: Sweat, white, white white. That's the problem here.
Speaker 3: I don't see any power in that. We got a
Speaker 3: white that was a very vague white power joke.
Speaker 1: Didn't Oh, I didn't I see.
Speaker 3: I didn't see that. What I was saying is it
Speaker 3: was anti Oh there he is soccer coach. Another one
Speaker 3: he's doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Speaker 3: You can't do that. You can't just do that.
Speaker 1: You can't just go perpendicular with this ship.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, this is an extra stressful beginning there.
Speaker 1: Look at him. I spotted him so early on.
Speaker 3: Hi Greg, Hey, Greg Fitzsimmons.
Speaker 4: Hi, Hi, he sees us.
Speaker 3: He's walking over.
Speaker 1: Get in here.
Speaker 3: Oh we're being directed otherwise do it. He's getting in
Speaker 3: the car working. Oh that guy's on the right. Okay, Jesus,
Speaker 3: did it work?
Speaker 4: Sorry?
Speaker 3: Hi there, mad?
Speaker 1: He's mad? Are you mad? You put a sheet on
Speaker 1: the back seat? Dog Hair's sir?
Speaker 3: Ye, light down here, so I keep it on the
Speaker 3: floor next to the reserve dog hair. Hi Greg Simmons,
Speaker 3: by Greg Fitzsimmons.
Speaker 4: Hello, Chris and Karen. How are you well? I'm excited,
Speaker 4: feel like I'm hosting a game show with this microphone.
Speaker 3: Oh please do we We're happy to see you, and
Speaker 3: we're glad that you told Karen that you would be
Speaker 3: dressed like a soccer coach. And then you followed through.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I spotted you from fifty yards away.
Speaker 4: Here's do you have a microphone?
Speaker 3: I do have a love She has a lava leer
Speaker 3: mic made popular by a lot of Shakespeare productions.
Speaker 4: Right, well, let me explain the outfit. There's a Sunday morning.
Speaker 4: Here's my regiment. Saturday night. Get paid the second I
Speaker 4: walk off stage and try to get to the hotel
Speaker 4: room with a sleeping pill inside of me within minutes.
Speaker 1: I like that immediate sleeping pill.
Speaker 4: There is uh, the suitcase is packed before I leave
Speaker 4: in Saturday night show, So I get back watch a
Speaker 4: House of Cards or what have you?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 1: What about how the lies?
Speaker 3: Not as popular? Not as fun to watch?
Speaker 4: What's house of Lies?
Speaker 1: It's what are you doing? Leave it to it's it's
Speaker 1: just another house.
Speaker 4: Think you're yelling at me for not knowing.
Speaker 1: That's how it is.
Speaker 3: What are you doing?
Speaker 1: Keep telling the story?
Speaker 4: Great?
Speaker 1: What are you doing?
Speaker 3: Come on, get out of the way and finish the story. God,
Speaker 3: damn out back. That's part of it, me calling him
Speaker 3: an outback.
Speaker 4: You can't see she's giving me the finger. Yeah, So
Speaker 4: then I wake up as close to if my flight
Speaker 4: is like this morning, My flight was eight forty five.
Speaker 4: I will wake up at seven point thirty exactly, go
Speaker 4: straight and get an a taxi. You get to the airport,
Speaker 4: give myself about forty five minutes. Pass has been printed
Speaker 4: the day before. Follow and then the I wake up,
Speaker 4: and the and the soccer coach outfit is put on sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirt,
Speaker 4: baseball cap, whistle, whistle.
Speaker 1: Clipboard, orange slices to press on packets.
Speaker 4: It gives me a license to yell at kids on
Speaker 4: the plate. H and I basically sleep, and I will sleep.
Speaker 4: I want to be completely packed because with the sleeping pill,
Speaker 4: I'm not very clear in the morning, right, So my
Speaker 4: ship has to be completely packed up. The only thing
Speaker 4: that's out is my toothbrush and toothpaste, which I very
Speaker 4: often leave behind.
Speaker 3: I already can tell you have a much more successful
Speaker 3: routine than me. I wake up, I don't.
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 3: My only routine is well, why bother sleeping? I'll just
Speaker 3: stay up and then yeah, I leave my charger and wall.
Speaker 3: I forget to even brush my teeth. Everything's haphazard, so
Speaker 3: you stay up the entire stut. It's im I should
Speaker 3: do what you do, go home.
Speaker 4: Most comics do what you do, and I fight, I
Speaker 4: think because I have kids. Yeah, My whole mo is
Speaker 4: that I try to get the first flight out on
Speaker 4: Sunday morning so I can actually see my children on
Speaker 4: the weekend. And uh, and so I can't. I can't
Speaker 4: do it. I can't do the stay up all night
Speaker 4: or I show up and I'm messed.
Speaker 5: But isn't a big part of this staying up on
Speaker 5: not too the fun of drinking, like drinking with the
Speaker 5: staff after you're done with your week, and like if
Speaker 5: you don't drink all that kind of it's like you're
Speaker 5: not gonna stand around and.
Speaker 4: Chit chat, right, Yeah, where you guys haded?
Speaker 1: Hey guys what?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Uh, you got a few DVDs left? Hey, where
Speaker 4: are you guys? Had it? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Where's the staff going after this? You know it's the
Speaker 3: last show because I'd love to talk. Yeah, you know what,
Speaker 3: that's a fantasy. Now I don't. I don't go out
Speaker 3: with the staff anymore. I go back to the hotel and.
Speaker 4: The staff at this club. I just worked at the
Speaker 4: good Night's Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is
Speaker 4: just no longer.
Speaker 3: They dropped the Charlie on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they grot They dropped the Charlie Good Knights.
Speaker 3: It's just good.
Speaker 4: It is as good of a room physically as there
Speaker 4: is in the country.
Speaker 3: Is that not run by the Helium people?
Speaker 4: Now it's booked by it, and I guess run by it,
Speaker 4: but they it's just it's always been a great room.
Speaker 4: And you and you're shocked because you think you're in
Speaker 4: North Carolina. But it's actually very progressive. I did my
Speaker 4: whole fresh abortion chunk and they were, they were on board.
Speaker 3: Is that just a chunk fresh abortion.
Speaker 4: It's just a chunk of I know, it's called step
Speaker 4: cell research. By the way, part of my retame when
Speaker 4: I get in on Sundays is.
Speaker 1: To abortion.
Speaker 4: First and foremost, whether I need it or not.
Speaker 1: Just get one ship.
Speaker 3: Preemptive abortions for men are away in the future.
Speaker 4: Good Morning after abortion. The UH is My wife usually
Speaker 4: picks me up with the kids and the dogs. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and then we stop at to get a fish talk
Speaker 4: going to Pete's coffee, so we is that part of
Speaker 4: the UH. I figured you wanted the exact what is
Speaker 4: this podcast?
Speaker 5: Nothing?
Speaker 4: This is.
Speaker 1: It?
Speaker 3: It's chaotic but dangerous.
Speaker 4: But I don't know if you wanted to recreate the
Speaker 4: comics actual experience.
Speaker 1: No, we don't care about your experience.
Speaker 3: We'll ask about it. We'll ask about it, but that
Speaker 3: will change the subject.
Speaker 5: Can we get Yes, absolutely, we can do whatever you want.
Speaker 5: Because also you're so close that this we don't want
Speaker 5: it to be so short.
Speaker 4: That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1: Also, I love it.
Speaker 4: We've got a stretch.
Speaker 5: But we also didn't want to keep you up. It's
Speaker 5: like keeping you away from home and awake, you know,
Speaker 5: we just wanted to do what was.
Speaker 3: That's the one flaw with our with our podcast, just
Speaker 3: all people want to do is get home, and we're
Speaker 3: driving them around near their neighborhood trying to get some
Speaker 3: get some yuck, saying.
Speaker 4: Well, it's almost like a comedians drinking coffee cars, except
Speaker 4: that it's comedians who actually need a ride home.
Speaker 1: Right, there's a there's a lot more need.
Speaker 4: Who can't afford a limo.
Speaker 1: I think that's more interesting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And every time we're just in a Honda Fit.
Speaker 1: Yeah car, this is my antique car.
Speaker 3: It's the most dangerous vehicle I've ever been rear ended in.
Speaker 3: I was almost killed in a fit and so every
Speaker 3: time I get into this one, you know, there's little
Speaker 3: to this way.
Speaker 4: Much safer with all the recording equipment and microphones.
Speaker 1: It's it's kind of well, you know what this is.
Speaker 3: I think when his life's in danger, like you, he'll
Speaker 3: just start lasting. Yeah, that's what's happening right now. He
Speaker 3: is not at all comfortable, and so he can't.
Speaker 4: Let me just read back the text as they're trying
Speaker 4: to get you idiots to fine me. I text you
Speaker 4: that I'm at the curve. Yeah, and this is when
Speaker 4: I get back, uh, at the curb at delta and
Speaker 4: I texted and I get text me when you next
Speaker 4: text h l l l oh.
Speaker 1: I was trying to say hi, no, no, that's high
Speaker 1: up that high at all caps.
Speaker 5: And then and then great writes to meet three question
Speaker 5: marks and then did you just crash while texting? I
Speaker 5: was podcasting, driving trying to get away from the budget
Speaker 5: shuttle and text you back.
Speaker 1: So kill me.
Speaker 3: Oh it is difficulty. The logistics of our podcast need
Speaker 3: some work. I don't know if we need a little assistant,
Speaker 3: but then you'd get some Yah, who's sitting next to you?
Speaker 4: You don't want some?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll be comfortable.
Speaker 4: I like the way it is.
Speaker 1: This is good.
Speaker 4: Did so how many of you done.
Speaker 1: Oh, number eight, this is number eight.
Speaker 4: And who else have you had on?
Speaker 3: Let's see, we had James, I don't. I'll do it
Speaker 3: in order from Julian call O, James Adomian robbed Delaney.
Speaker 3: I already messed up the order. Baron Vaughan. We had
Speaker 3: the terrific Well a couple of them didn't work out
Speaker 3: because but the card was full. But we haven't told
Speaker 3: them yet.
Speaker 4: Uh the card was followed.
Speaker 1: Are you using a machine? We don't.
Speaker 4: I have that same machine.
Speaker 1: Oh can we talk about how it works?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, okay, because I I've had that happen I
Speaker 4: think three times where I did. But I've been doing
Speaker 4: it for five years twice a week so so still
Speaker 4: hasn't too bad.
Speaker 3: And I was I was emptying the cards. We'll talk
Speaker 3: shop later.
Speaker 4: Here's what you have to do when you empty the card.
Speaker 4: You have to empty the trash on your computer when
Speaker 4: you empty the card. It's the craziest thing in the world. Otherwise,
Speaker 4: but Mike Gibbons did me the same thing. Because I
Speaker 4: did it and the card didn't get empty. You have to,
Speaker 4: for whatever, drag and drop the files out of the
Speaker 4: card into your trash and then empty your.
Speaker 3: Now I'm going to start laughing maniacally because I'm a
Speaker 3: little worried that that hasn't been done.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 1: I definitely, I definitely deleted them all.
Speaker 4: Recording.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're not We're in the We're in the yellow
Speaker 3: Welcome back to.
Speaker 4: Tech Talk with Andrew Sampson.
Speaker 1: I actually maybe who gives a ship?
Speaker 3: I have a custom leather.
Speaker 4: Here's the peetz you got to pull into this. So yeah,
Speaker 4: let's go to pet Do you guys like fish tacos?
Speaker 1: Nope, you missed it here. I didn't want to get him.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, God here going to be like Tracy Morgan.
Speaker 1: He he's in critical condition.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well, I don't know why. Relief just washed
Speaker 3: over me.
Speaker 1: That's nice and he's alive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Thought that relief that I stopped doing that bit? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 3: Did I cut you off?
Speaker 4: Was that a bit I was gonna do? My Let
Speaker 4: me show you my set list. It's an abortion chunk
Speaker 4: Tracy Morgan reference.
Speaker 3: Just riff it, just feel it.
Speaker 4: Listen to them.
Speaker 1: Wait are we gonna pause it for a second? We're
Speaker 1: not taking these in?
Speaker 4: We should take it in.
Speaker 1: That's so nerdy, is it?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: I mean the we're all going to be.
Speaker 3: Well now that we've said it, we have to do it.
Speaker 3: We have to do it now that like this, How
Speaker 3: are you gonna hate it?
Speaker 4: I know I do too.
Speaker 5: But if I go in and get everything and you
Speaker 5: guys keep talking, I swear to god.
Speaker 1: This reminds me of sh I have to do, like
Speaker 1: theater class, where it's like, come on, we'll do a
Speaker 1: fake parade. It's like, no, I really don't.
Speaker 3: Want to know. It doesn't expansions.
Speaker 1: The four of us.
Speaker 4: Pretend we're in a car. We'll go down fifty seconds freeze.
Speaker 1: People will love it, and if they don't, they're then
Speaker 1: they're square. No, all right, pete coffee.
Speaker 3: Let's get let's I'm gonna pause it logistically with the cables.
Speaker 1: Is gonna happen to us right now, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: and pause.
Speaker 3: Okay, we got our scones, We got this piece of coffee?
Speaker 4: Is good? Is it good? This podcast brought to you
Speaker 4: by Yeah, the dry scones and hot coffee the piece.
Speaker 3: And earlier we passed Jefferson Boulevard and then uh, you
Speaker 3: were just saying.
Speaker 4: That looks like the worst Thomas Jefferson this way, Yes, yeah,
Speaker 4: and then left. Thomas Jefferson would while sitting president, which
Speaker 4: is a weird description of the verb to describe the
Speaker 4: busiest man in the world.
Speaker 1: It did, it accurately described taft though I don't know.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 3: It was great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've really got it. I'm gonna be on new
Speaker 1: faces this season.
Speaker 4: This this that was a real at midnight.
Speaker 1: Kind of Oh do you think I had picked?
Speaker 3: I don't know. Let me see how many followers you have? No, No,
Speaker 3: got to have more than that.
Speaker 1: Am I going right again?
Speaker 3: We are going right here?
Speaker 4: So uh. He used to sit and answer letters for
Speaker 4: two hours every morning. Like you could mail a letter
Speaker 4: to the president and expect a reply.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's amazing personal personally and not like a one line.
Speaker 4: It's not like a text or an email like thanks
Speaker 4: a lot, you would mail thanks a lot.
Speaker 3: I remember I remember my mom getting something from Bill
Speaker 3: Clinton and it was.
Speaker 4: A real A lot of women got something.
Speaker 3: And it was still wet ink. I'm not sick. I
Speaker 3: shook you shook your finger in my face.
Speaker 5: Were you gonna say Bill Clinton and add no, no,
Speaker 5: you go I was. I met him once and I
Speaker 5: did care about him before, and it was when we
Speaker 5: did uh. We did shows in New Orleans on Ellen
Speaker 5: and she interviewed him and the old George Bush, and
Speaker 5: he on the way out shook my hand and said,
Speaker 5: you people are doing a great job. And I almost fainted.
Speaker 5: It was like, and I don't care about I certainly
Speaker 5: don't care about politicians, but most celebrities don't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're dottering just talking about it now.
Speaker 1: I really got my cheeks are red. I wish I
Speaker 1: had a fan because I think I have the vapors driving.
Speaker 3: Curb curb curb.
Speaker 1: His hand was humongous. It was just crazy.
Speaker 4: I've heard that every single person I've ever talked to
Speaker 4: about Bill Clinton had that same experience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's magical.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know who else like that? When I was
Speaker 4: at Allen, I sat in Ellen's dressing room with her
Speaker 4: and Tom Cruise for like thirty minutes. One time he
Speaker 4: stopped by. None of the guests used to stop by
Speaker 4: her dressing room, right right, he came by. That's the
Speaker 4: kind of guy he is. He just came by and
Speaker 4: scientology ed it up for like thirty minutes with us.
Speaker 4: And let me tell you something, I had a man
Speaker 4: crush on him for three weeks. Yeah, he's like electric.
Speaker 3: Ye does he exude just this electricity?
Speaker 4: That's uh, well, you know what he has does is
Speaker 4: they lock in and listen to you, and they make
Speaker 4: you feel like you're the center of the universe.
Speaker 1: Yes, they make you feel like they went out of
Speaker 1: the way because they needed to talk to you.
Speaker 3: To keep that up. I mean, I can do that
Speaker 3: for like an afternoon, after all, and it has to
Speaker 3: be one person at.
Speaker 5: A time, probably a deep, a deep seated need for
Speaker 5: love and acceptance something like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I guess I can do That's why podcast.
Speaker 4: I can do it for about an hour.
Speaker 3: It's funny because in the beginning of that story, I
Speaker 3: thought you were going to say Tom Cruise has giant hands,
Speaker 3: and I was gonna just say, no, there's no way
Speaker 3: that he does.
Speaker 4: What's that?
Speaker 3: Sh oh shit? You like that damn city bus bus
Speaker 3: right now? Fucking big blue Oh that that engages you
Speaker 3: and makes you feel good about yourself.
Speaker 1: Vince Vaughn was like that when I'm him.
Speaker 3: Really he was mean and made fun of me. It's see,
Speaker 3: there's different experiences people.
Speaker 5: Yes, I think it's a girl boy thing. Probably because
Speaker 5: he was he he made me think. I think Vince
Speaker 5: Vaughn might have a crush on me. It was almost
Speaker 5: like how waiters do that, where you're like, this waiter
Speaker 5: is into me, but it's purely because.
Speaker 3: You know this will sound funny because he's less of
Speaker 3: a star than the two people you talked about. But
Speaker 3: our sinio all made me feel really good about myself
Speaker 3: and spring springing my step.
Speaker 1: It's a good canceled.
Speaker 3: Ah, that's too bad.
Speaker 4: Well there was. There was too many black shows on
Speaker 4: the air.
Speaker 1: They get a balance, it back out. But Tyra's coming back,
Speaker 1: so that that doesn't hold up that argument.
Speaker 4: Queen.
Speaker 1: Give it to him, Queen, you got it.
Speaker 4: I got it. Here's what I love. Sorry, Kate, Kate
Speaker 4: shelling Back, who started as a research running I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: I've got so much food in my mind.
Speaker 3: That's okay, it's fun.
Speaker 4: It's real. Kate shelling Back, who was All Star researcher
Speaker 4: on Allen, has gone on to become a big producer
Speaker 4: and TV original member of the Beastie Boys.
Speaker 1: And drummer for Luscious Jackson, drummer.
Speaker 4: For Luscious Jackson and just around.
Speaker 3: So everything to do with Delicious Vinyl. See I come
Speaker 3: in with those kind of observations.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, record what your guys relationship was.
Speaker 3: I come in with both.
Speaker 4: I come in from the side with the zing.
Speaker 3: And then I pull out. Well, the conversation happens. Carry on,
Speaker 3: but go ahead about skate selling bok.
Speaker 1: It's better pay off.
Speaker 4: I love the fluidity of your interviewing skills. Carry on
Speaker 4: and gut and go again.
Speaker 3: I'll be over here.
Speaker 4: Are we gonna edit that out? And what we say?
Speaker 4: I get an email from somebody asking me if I
Speaker 4: would recommend her for a job on Queen Lativa and
Speaker 4: You're like, he already do this, yea thousand times and
Speaker 4: very It's just amazing at this, wint, Why are you
Speaker 4: asking me? I'm I have nothing to do with that.
Speaker 4: She's way better than that.
Speaker 1: So did you take that opportunity to be like, I
Speaker 1: don't think so.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So we're going up towards my house. Now, this
Speaker 4: is a part of Lincoln that has become very gentrified.
Speaker 4: Venice has spread. You know, Abbot Kenya's right down there right.
Speaker 4: So this used to be all ship.
Speaker 3: This used to look like wow, I really know it's.
Speaker 4: Suddenly you're going to start to see like on the left,
Speaker 4: their fancy building going up new restaurants, cute little restaurants
Speaker 4: popping up.
Speaker 3: Isn't it interesting that you and I have always been
Speaker 3: in the same neighborhoods. It's not common for a comedian
Speaker 3: to live over on the West Side.
Speaker 4: No, but but there's a lot of comics on the
Speaker 4: West Side now.
Speaker 3: But they always end up being surfers or something.
Speaker 4: Right, You've got like Daniel Tosh, Oh, what a body
Speaker 4: on that guy? He should show it more on his program.
Speaker 3: Surprisingly soft in the mid section, though, is he?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I mean the guy could stand to do some core work, Yeah,
Speaker 3: some some core truth work. Yeah, he needs to look well,
Speaker 3: any chance of me opening for him again this year
Speaker 3: just flew out the goddamn window.
Speaker 1: Never gonna hear this.
Speaker 4: He might.
Speaker 3: He might suddenly be like, hey, I wonder what Fairbanks
Speaker 3: has been doing since I stopped bringing him on my
Speaker 3: little jem with me, And then listen to this and
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, soft in the middle.
Speaker 1: Sure, it's the ultimate revenge.
Speaker 5: So someone that's the warning to anyone else wants to
Speaker 5: bring Chris Fairbags on a jet he stopped doing it,
Speaker 5: they'll be hallipage.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's gonna be the wrath of an overhead right podcast.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you tune into it, and I'm like, lady arms,
Speaker 3: kind of a.
Speaker 5: Handsome face, weird lips that blend into skin that's like
Speaker 5: you were burned.
Speaker 3: Doesn't have a defined lip color. Yep, it blends too much.
Speaker 1: It's all one thing. Looks like a doll that hasn't
Speaker 1: gone through the lip painting.
Speaker 3: Were you born in a bonfire? A barn fire bonfire?
Speaker 3: I forget it. I'll be over here, you guys.
Speaker 4: He's gotten so much angry since Jess Lick came on
Speaker 4: the air.
Speaker 3: He was mad about like that's me, he's ten years younger.
Speaker 3: He was really mad about that. Really, yeah, I asked
Speaker 3: about but I knew he was really mad because a
Speaker 3: calm went over him and he was like, no, I'm
Speaker 3: I wish everything well for that young man. Like got all, wait,
Speaker 3: do you start?
Speaker 1: Do you remember Bradford Blowski from Ellen.
Speaker 5: Naturally Blowski look exactly like Anthony. Yes, I was backstage
Speaker 5: with Everyone calls him Jeselnik, but I think that's weird
Speaker 5: and I don't know him enough. I was backstage at
Speaker 5: Largo with Anthony Jeselnick, and I turned around and I
Speaker 5: thought Bradford had come.
Speaker 1: To visit me and I was like hi, and then
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, hi, nice to meet.
Speaker 5: Then he treated me like a fan and I got
Speaker 5: super mad. No, I honestly thought it was my friend.
Speaker 5: And then he didn't know who you were.
Speaker 1: Well, we'd never met before.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've only met him very briefly a couple of times.
Speaker 3: He's an okay guy. It's he's actually really nice. There's
Speaker 3: a lot of those comics.
Speaker 4: Trying to get back on a jet.
Speaker 1: Is there a jet to be had in this digen
Speaker 1: I've jet.
Speaker 4: You just passed my street, but we have time to
Speaker 4: kill Okay, good, We'll go to Ocean Park.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I missed this.
Speaker 3: I missed this guy. I used to see him all
Speaker 3: the time. Margueritea Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 4: By the way, this, this section of Lincoln is called
Speaker 4: Happy Ending Boulevard. There's like jack shacks every seventh fear kidding.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how am I not ever noticing them?
Speaker 1: That's total jack shack.
Speaker 3: That's so funny. See, that's where I come in with
Speaker 3: the juvenile juvenile, and then I'll pull out. And then
Speaker 3: I did another one when I said that what.
Speaker 4: I call my jokes. They're all little happy endings.
Speaker 1: Except for the abortion chunk. Do you want to talk
Speaker 1: about that abortion chunk?
Speaker 4: Bit? Like, well, I just you know, here's what I say, Karen,
Speaker 4: as I say to the women in the audience, are
Speaker 4: you are you pro choice? And then most of them
Speaker 4: will clap, and I say, and how many of you
Speaker 4: have had an abortion? And they won't and they won't clap.
Speaker 4: This is a this is a device comedians will use
Speaker 4: where you anticipate the reaction action of the crowd, right
Speaker 4: and uh, And then I say, so, let me get
Speaker 4: this straight. So you'll you'll clap excitedly about the fact
Speaker 4: that you have a right to do something, but then
Speaker 4: not admit that it ever happened. I said, you're gonna
Speaker 4: lose that right. You know, you should be you gotta
Speaker 4: own it. You gotta be pre you should have like
Speaker 4: you should see vans Mini vans with like the little
Speaker 4: silhouettes of the family members in the back window, but
Speaker 4: just an X through one of them. It's not a
Speaker 4: good time.
Speaker 1: Ship, bro. That's uh, how did that go over in
Speaker 1: North Carolina?
Speaker 4: Went over extremely well?
Speaker 3: But you got it.
Speaker 4: Here's what you do is you slip it in after
Speaker 4: you've just done a real good fart, chunk, in.
Speaker 1: Oh, so they have no It's like you soften, soften, soften,
Speaker 1: and then they have no defense.
Speaker 4: Just a spoonful of sugar helps the abortion joke go down.
Speaker 3: The only abortion joke I have is a visual an
Speaker 3: animation that I haven't done yet, where a little baby
Speaker 3: is in the fetal position, but he's wearing a top
Speaker 3: hat and he's tap dancing and going like this with
Speaker 3: his little hat and maybe singing a song, and then
Speaker 3: at the end of it, a bamboo can and pulls
Speaker 3: him off stage. So it's like, and that's the show,
Speaker 3: but I haven't done it yet.
Speaker 1: Get out there, Simmons can do it. You can do it.
Speaker 4: I'm breaking down barriers for all of us.
Speaker 3: Look at that ass on that.
Speaker 4: Really.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I don't want to put out any mixed messages,
Speaker 3: but that guy was a fucking physical specimen.
Speaker 4: Go around the block, please, no soft midriff over there.
Speaker 3: You could bounce a quarter off his army bunk like apps.
Speaker 1: Great, God, what do you miss the most when you're
Speaker 1: on the road, Creek your family?
Speaker 4: I don't miss anything because I just go into a
Speaker 4: complete emotional shutdown. I just I literally, it's just all business.
Speaker 4: I just get I write, and I get my emails done,
Speaker 4: and I tape my sets and listen to them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's important.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you call me, we have nice conversations.
Speaker 4: I don't call you, I don't call anybody. I barely
Speaker 4: call it. It's actually a sure to call my family
Speaker 4: because I'm not emotional. I'm a soldier at war, and
Speaker 4: so I can't even relate to them on the phone,
Speaker 4: like I can't be like, hey, I miss you because
Speaker 4: I don't because I'm not feeling anything.
Speaker 1: You can't access that part of it.
Speaker 3: So when you're on the phone, you become RoboCop.
Speaker 4: Yes, I just I give my coordinates and you know,
Speaker 4: and I asked them about their days. But kids are
Speaker 4: shitty at telling you about what's going on in their life.
Speaker 1: They take forever.
Speaker 4: So what's going on? Nothing? What are you doing? Nothing?
Speaker 4: And I just want to go, hey, I don't want
Speaker 4: to be on this call either.
Speaker 1: Daddy doesn't want to talk to you, so.
Speaker 4: And then I can. I'm home. And that's why this
Speaker 4: ride home is actually a big deal for me, because
Speaker 4: they do show up and the dogs and I completely
Speaker 4: just thaw instantly.
Speaker 3: Yeah back, well, that's terrific.
Speaker 1: We're a pre thought for you.
Speaker 4: So, oh no, I'm totally thought. Are you going? Can't
Speaker 4: you tell the difference? I mean I was a little
Speaker 4: out of it when I first got in the car.
Speaker 1: I think, well, that's travel.
Speaker 3: I think that's I want to say anything. But you
Speaker 3: seem to little out of it.
Speaker 1: We thought you were high on pills.
Speaker 4: And also I wear I wear a patch for my
Speaker 4: ADHD and it's a it's a riddle in slow release
Speaker 4: riddling patch. You're lying, I swear to Christ. For about
Speaker 4: seven years, I didn't know that I slapped. I slap
Speaker 4: it on my ass every day, and so I have to.
Speaker 4: I had to very gingerly pull my pants down on
Speaker 4: the plane to put my patch on.
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 4: And it hadn't completely kicked in. Now it's really kicking in.
Speaker 3: That's phenomenal. Now we're saying, yeah, I love because the
Speaker 3: riddle and I've taken just uh, you know, for for
Speaker 3: shits and giggles. Another problem I have. Oh, come on,
Speaker 3: I think I need it. I think I have that.
Speaker 3: I think I'm ADHD too. You don't know, and then
Speaker 3: you take something just to wake you up, and all
Speaker 3: of a sudden you feel normal for the first time, right,
Speaker 3: that's not a good sign.
Speaker 4: Well, if you feel jacked up on it, it means
Speaker 4: you don't have ada. Oh and I just feel normal
Speaker 4: on it.
Speaker 3: I feel like I can concentrate for the first time. Right, Okay,
Speaker 3: the first.
Speaker 5: Time I took xanax, I realized what a total lunatic
Speaker 5: I was, because you know, xanax just makes you have
Speaker 5: no feelings whatsoever?
Speaker 4: Oh does it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Just it's like you're just kind of in the world,
Speaker 1: but you have no you don't care about anything at all.
Speaker 5: Right, and I it just made me go, oh no,
Speaker 5: I'm like completely, I have so many cares and worries.
Speaker 3: Are we gonna want to take it right here?
Speaker 4: Can make it right here?
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's do the right I liked it.
Speaker 4: We've taken this route because no, if somebody was like
Speaker 4: had to map out and they were trying to trace
Speaker 4: hat where my house is, the we've completely thrown them all.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we would think they think we were trying to
Speaker 3: shake their their homing device.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is like a meeting with al Qaeda.
Speaker 3: He's trying to shake us. Who else does figure eights
Speaker 3: through the city.
Speaker 5: We really should talk about the bombs we're gonna build, though.
Speaker 5: I mean at some point during.
Speaker 4: I ships and giggles. I've never really understood I do
Speaker 4: it for ships and get what does that mean? Like
Speaker 4: you do something that's so fun that you take a ship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and while moniacally laughing, you're just describing a crazy
Speaker 3: person who's yelling at a parking meter.
Speaker 1: It kind of feels good to take a ship though,
Speaker 1: so I think it's.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it does. It doesn't make you giggle though,
Speaker 3: you're that's you don't know me.
Speaker 4: I would say that when I'm on the road and
Speaker 4: taking a ship is with not kidding, is like the
Speaker 4: highlight of my day. That's how mostly shut down I am.
Speaker 3: It's the only thing that you like, the being on
Speaker 3: stage part of course, right, No, that's it, but that's business.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm in it, right, I mean, I just I
Speaker 4: just have so much fun performing. It's true. It's like
Speaker 4: Dommy Rares thing they pay. They don't pay me to
Speaker 4: do stand up. They pay me to travel, right, and uh,
Speaker 4: it's it, but it's good. I don't do it as much.
Speaker 4: I go, uh, less than less than half the year.
Speaker 4: How long have you been doing the road regularly, I
Speaker 4: would well, I've been doing stand up twenty five years
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 3: I got to guess twenty.
Speaker 4: Five and uh, the first I would say the first
Speaker 4: five or six, I wasn't really on the road per se.
Speaker 4: Sure I was in Boston where you could just kind of,
Speaker 4: you know, travel to New Hampshire and Connecticut and Rhode
Speaker 4: Island and be home every night base.
Speaker 1: Right, did you when you were starting in Boston? Was
Speaker 1: Tom Kenny doing it?
Speaker 4: No? He left before me. Oh okay, it was like
Speaker 4: when I came up, it was David Cross, Louis c
Speaker 4: k was kind of still there. He had just kind
Speaker 4: of left, Bill Burr, Joe Rogan.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah. There was a lot of good comics, very diverse
Speaker 4: types of comics because it was every different kind of room,
Speaker 4: you know, like Cross would play Catch Rising Star, which
Speaker 4: was very esoteric, and it was like him and how
Speaker 4: you can make it right here? Okay, Paul Kazlowski and
Speaker 4: you know that whole like did you hear a Cross comedy?
Speaker 4: So it was all those guys Maarn and Laura Heilinger,
Speaker 4: Sam Cedar, Sam Cedar, David Waterman, why do I know that?
Speaker 4: John Benjamin Kerry prusso yep r.
Speaker 1: They used to love to talk about carry. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was everybody's hero.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was great, and I mean I would imagine
Speaker 4: Tom Kenny, if he was ever in town, would have
Speaker 4: been a part of that. But he was in a
Speaker 4: would do it. Sometimes.
Speaker 3: I wonder how wealthy he is from being SpongeBob.
Speaker 4: He's extremely well.
Speaker 3: I gotta get we gotta get one of those commercial
Speaker 3: voice games. Do you do any commercial voice? Yeah? That was,
Speaker 3: of course a famous bird from the movie Valiant, The
Speaker 3: Biggest Lies.
Speaker 4: I am so bad at voy it's through the fact
Speaker 4: that I used my voice for my living.
Speaker 5: I was.
Speaker 4: I did an episode of Space Goes Coast to Coasts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a great show.
Speaker 4: Didn't air mine? I recorded it. I did an episode
Speaker 4: of Jonathan Katz to show doctor Katz professional therapy. Remember,
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, didn't air. Yeah, I'm I'm a disaster with voiceovers?
Speaker 1: Do you just get self centered?
Speaker 4: Guys?
Speaker 1: Walked straight toward the front of my.
Speaker 5: Caring we're playing chicken with a family of three, go
Speaker 5: back to Persia.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they all turned around. That was hilarious. Let's that
Speaker 1: was so weird. They were stearing me down and walking
Speaker 1: straight up the street. It looked like something from Hang
Speaker 1: Them High. Which where do I go?
Speaker 4: Like it should have been in slow motion.
Speaker 3: They weren't even trying to veer away from the tier
Speaker 3: the center of the fucking road.
Speaker 1: No, they were. They were, they were going to walk over.
Speaker 3: Give my car, let's go back, let's go back. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna feed that guy's mustache the boots.
Speaker 4: Maybe he maybe this used to be a farmer's market
Speaker 4: street and he discontinued it.
Speaker 5: Maybe there that was like an Armenian march against the genocide.
Speaker 3: Just a three man march, just slow and sad, but
Speaker 3: with a bunch of fresh cucumbers.
Speaker 4: It looks like the Egyptian election line. Oh my god,
Speaker 4: three people, the only one stupid enough to show up.
Speaker 3: Oh it's it's only offensive if we show you a
Speaker 3: picture of them. They were a family. I just don't
Speaker 3: understand that behavior.
Speaker 1: Very strange.
Speaker 3: So everything you've done voiceover wise, it just it never worked.
Speaker 4: Why do you know that's not true? I did. I've
Speaker 4: done voiceovers for commercials and those those aired. Certainly.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm a good actor.
Speaker 4: No, I don't believe. So you do you I do?
Speaker 4: I do? Yeah, And and that's it.
Speaker 1: But I think, uh, I think that's plenty.
Speaker 4: I think me is a lot.
Speaker 3: Let other people play me, I say, and your pa
Speaker 3: has to be this canary yellow all American American flag riddled.
Speaker 4: Prefab white picket fence.
Speaker 3: Right here, plastic pickets, which one? Right right here, we're
Speaker 3: gonna run into that family again.
Speaker 4: And right here this is where we're really serpentining to
Speaker 4: lose anybody who might have still sort of had a range.
Speaker 4: And then you're gonna make a left. See the silver priest.
Speaker 4: It's mine because I care. Right yeah, after their care
Speaker 4: on the left is my house.
Speaker 3: Oh god, if this was your lawn, I was going
Speaker 3: to be very upset. What's have you ever talked to
Speaker 3: the neighbor about the lawn?
Speaker 4: I know, no, there is uh, there's methamphetamines involved next door.
Speaker 4: Oh you're kidding now, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: Are all covered up?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like that all the time. I never see them.
Speaker 4: And when I see the guy, why do you park
Speaker 4: on the sidewalk in front of my house in case
Speaker 4: that family comes up? Why do you think people in
Speaker 4: my neighborhood have to walk down the middle of the street.
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Aren't problem?
Speaker 3: Now you're good? Now you're in this in this city
Speaker 3: it's illegal.
Speaker 4: Park on the see the House of fun. We've got
Speaker 4: basketball two stories.
Speaker 3: Your kid has a homemade go cart.
Speaker 4: You and my son built that together.
Speaker 3: Horrific. I always wanted my dad to do that with me. Mayah,
Speaker 3: I know he didn't. You knew that I wanted that
Speaker 3: from me.
Speaker 4: I knew that. I can tell just by that.
Speaker 3: Look at that, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah. We took it down this hill. We built that
Speaker 4: from our old house. We we had renovated. This is
Speaker 4: all this extra wood and I don't know anything about building,
Speaker 4: So I just bought some tools and I started figuring
Speaker 4: it out, and we took it down this hill and
Speaker 4: it just flipped pretty fast. Injured. I was see the
Speaker 4: back has a little it's like a loge thing where
Speaker 4: you jump in the back after you push. I was
Speaker 4: back there and.
Speaker 3: Feet were in there.
Speaker 4: That's crazy, I know. And we flipped and we both
Speaker 4: went flying through here. Say, weighs about one hundred and
Speaker 4: eighty pounds, and uh.
Speaker 3: It's been there.
Speaker 1: And he broke the bones and he like.
Speaker 4: I think I broke a small bone in my hip
Speaker 4: and he had like that. He was bleeding out of
Speaker 4: his elbow.
Speaker 1: Bleeding out of his elbow.
Speaker 4: Oh my God like my dog and the wain. I
Speaker 4: see how excited he is. He knows I'm out here.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, right, yeah, that's what a dog it is? Yes, angle, yeah.
Speaker 3: From here it looks like a hologram.
Speaker 4: But I believe that's a real lossop.
Speaker 1: So oh remember when you guessed the kind of dog
Speaker 1: I got?
Speaker 4: Oh? Did I?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 5: I was like, I got a dog and you're like
Speaker 5: golden lamp. Really and you said it like that, like,
Speaker 5: here's what you Karen, here's what you're like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's get let's get up with three questions. Okay
Speaker 4: that I'm gonna know about Karen.
Speaker 3: Give me three questions, and you want Karen to answered.
Speaker 4: Now, like like if she were to say, what kind
Speaker 4: of dog do I have? And I will oh, right, right,
Speaker 4: right right, So give me three other ones. Let's this
Speaker 4: is called do I know Karen?
Speaker 3: Okay? Does Karen park her car in her garage or
Speaker 3: use it? Or does she use it for storage?
Speaker 4: No? Storage?
Speaker 3: Yep, that's okay.
Speaker 4: This car has never been I just based on the cleanliness.
Speaker 4: I don't think the car.
Speaker 1: It is a filthy car.
Speaker 3: She laid down a blanket.
Speaker 1: More everything in the backseat is covered with dog it's
Speaker 1: just this dog. This car belongs to my dogs. I
Speaker 1: just drive it.
Speaker 4: Essentially, they don't even want to be in the house
Speaker 4: at night. Can we go in the car?
Speaker 3: Okay? Does Karen lounge by her pool or is it
Speaker 3: always covered and not used?
Speaker 4: It is basically a it's It's like when when the
Speaker 4: earthquake hits and people looking for resources, Karen's pool will
Speaker 4: be where people go because they'll know that it's it
Speaker 4: hasn't been touched by humans.
Speaker 3: So it also is used for storage.
Speaker 1: I sometimes put my feet in it.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: I remember when you got that house that we're so
Speaker 4: exciting and it's got a pool, and I was like, yeah, you're.
Speaker 3: Not laps and laps and laps.
Speaker 1: You don't know what I could do in the future.
Speaker 4: You don't know.
Speaker 1: You don't know.
Speaker 3: And what's another one that I ask, the one that's
Speaker 3: not yes or no, that's like, oh, of course, of course,
Speaker 3: let's see does does Karen or Karen? Why don't you
Speaker 3: ask him one? Or does that work?
Speaker 4: I don't know? Maybe some about your keys. Let's see
Speaker 4: show me your keyching? Why do you have? You have
Speaker 4: a leather whip coming off of your keecha?
Speaker 3: It is Karen into weird key bondage.
Speaker 4: Or is it he's like your graduation tassel I wish.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I saw that, and I have to
Speaker 4: guess what what you have many keys? You let me
Speaker 4: see them. Keys you have? I have to guess what
Speaker 4: they're for?
Speaker 3: Three?
Speaker 1: Uh, there's six.
Speaker 4: One is for your dead balds. One is for the
Speaker 4: door hand exactly, one is for your storage in your
Speaker 4: back the garage, that's right. And one is for your
Speaker 4: pool cover.
Speaker 1: No, there's there's no pool cover.
Speaker 4: One do you have an office or something?
Speaker 3: What's that long one?
Speaker 4: Do you have a key? You have a key for
Speaker 4: your mailbox? No? What's that big heavy one?
Speaker 1: It's for it's for some job that I had, probably
Speaker 1: four years ago. I just never get the key answer.
Speaker 3: The question is, was Karen ever a janitor?
Speaker 4: I'm always curious if you have more than two keys,
Speaker 4: because most people you have the padlock, and you have
Speaker 4: your you're not key, right, But you've got like six.
Speaker 5: There's the garage is one, and then there's the back fence,
Speaker 5: which I think they some people at some point may
Speaker 5: have used as a driveway.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: And then that one, yeah, this I think this could
Speaker 1: get me into NBC.
Speaker 4: Just in general.
Speaker 3: Let's go trip.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, I've got some ideas. Now meet me in
Speaker 1: this conference room.
Speaker 3: And how did you get in here?
Speaker 4: The conference room? We can't get in there? Well, now,
Speaker 4: yes you can.
Speaker 5: And that's one of the many things that you get
Speaker 5: when you hire Karen killed Carol.
Speaker 4: Anybody want to take a dip in a pool? Not me?
Speaker 3: Please?
Speaker 1: Do you have a pool?
Speaker 4: Greg?
Speaker 1: In this beautiful home?
Speaker 4: We have a hot tub? Yeah, which is all you
Speaker 4: really need, it really is. Yeah. We spend a lot
Speaker 4: of time in the hot tub. We go back there,
Speaker 4: we play charades. We play hot tub charades. Oh fun,
Speaker 4: and you have to go underwater while you're thinking of
Speaker 4: what you're like. As soon as you guess, it's your
Speaker 4: turn next to give the clue. But we don't like
Speaker 4: the games drag, so as soon as you guess, you
Speaker 4: have to immediately go under water and you can't come
Speaker 4: up until you.
Speaker 1: Have the next clue, just to keep things moving. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1: Do you guys ever do game nights?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think we should do a game night.
Speaker 4: Let's do a game I love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, I think that all the games you play
Speaker 3: should also involve potential drowning. Yeah, hold your under get
Speaker 3: under the water until clue. You don't come up till
Speaker 3: you have a clue.
Speaker 4: And if they come up and they don't have a clue,
Speaker 4: you plunge their heads back and.
Speaker 1: Go right back down.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they learn.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like Navy seal training. That's what they
Speaker 1: also do.
Speaker 3: You want to go back in the homemade card, take
Speaker 3: another cement, dive, get underwater. He's not at all abusive.
Speaker 4: I'm don's very very nice, but I live on the
Speaker 4: edge with my children. I want to rough them up
Speaker 4: a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, it's like my son's supposed
Speaker 4: to have mowed the lawn while I was going to
Speaker 4: clear really did not.
Speaker 3: So there's gonna be someone's gonna get a little wall
Speaker 3: to wall counseling. No, I don't know. It's something my
Speaker 3: fireman brother used to say when there's a domestic dispute
Speaker 3: and that came to a house. Oh, like they're bouncing
Speaker 3: them off that it was a lighthearted way of them
Speaker 3: dealing with how sad it is that the families sometimes.
Speaker 1: Ye more funny.
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have outed. He doesn't joke about those things.
Speaker 1: It's too late already know he thinks domestic violence is funny.
Speaker 3: He doesn't.
Speaker 1: He just deals.
Speaker 4: You have to deal.
Speaker 3: If you're a fireman, you have to find ways to
Speaker 3: deal with it.
Speaker 4: Right. You have a fireman family, right, you would think
Speaker 4: I would being all irish and I know that, Karen,
Speaker 4: You've got your dad, I have very much a fireman,
Speaker 4: very much a fireman. You literally, if you were to
Speaker 4: put him in a line up with a hundred other firemen,
Speaker 4: people would still pick your father first.
Speaker 1: Really, he looks like a cartoon of a fireman.
Speaker 4: As the handshake of a fireman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's got big put your mid up.
Speaker 5: He gets mad at people don't shake hands correctly. And
Speaker 5: my favorite thing is my sister and I love to
Speaker 5: call him America's hero. Literally after nine to eleven, the
Speaker 5: total like glorification of firemen in this country, Like anytime
Speaker 5: he would be being an asshole or anything would be
Speaker 5: like America's heroes having a hard time. That's the way
Speaker 5: we had this new edge over him of how to
Speaker 5: give him shit.
Speaker 3: Right, that's great.
Speaker 4: Well, I have a friend funny nine to eleven story. Finally,
Speaker 4: my friend Sean Bergoyn, who's from Belfast and Northern Ireland,
Speaker 4: and he's one of these guys that like, uh oh,
Speaker 4: FITZI would have some bears and like he rugged became
Speaker 4: a New York City firefighter really so he could go
Speaker 4: to bars and talk about being a fireman and like
Speaker 4: the whole like telling people back in Ireland that he's
Speaker 4: a fireman and in South Bronx. So anyway, he goes off.
Speaker 4: He takes a month off from firefighting after like three
Speaker 4: years to go like do this thing in Appalachia where
Speaker 4: they're helping people, and he misses nine to eleven and
Speaker 4: it killed him because that would have been the story
Speaker 4: that would have been no matter what bar he's in
Speaker 4: in Ireland. Yeah, he can he can talk about how
Speaker 4: he was there at nine to eleven and he was
Speaker 4: and it was it was tragedy.
Speaker 1: It was tragedy.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I bet a lot of firemen thought that if they
Speaker 3: weren't around for whatever reason.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: You know it's funny though, and maybe it's a general
Speaker 5: racial thing, but my father, like when the San Francisco
Speaker 5: earthquake happened, my sister and I lived in Sacramento.
Speaker 1: We were both at college at the time, so we
Speaker 1: ninety one. Uh yeah, I think so or eighty nine,
Speaker 1: eighty nine, I think, yeah.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: We called my dad and we're like, are you gonna
Speaker 1: go into the city because he wasn't retired yet. We're
Speaker 1: like and he's like, hell, no, I'm not going in there.
Speaker 1: It's a mess.
Speaker 5: Everybody has this idea that they're like, you know, first responders,
Speaker 5: like they want to and my dad was like, oh, let.
Speaker 1: The young guys do it. I'm not doing and he
Speaker 1: literally like avoided it until they made him go.
Speaker 4: You want to say this on the podcast, he could
Speaker 4: lose all his benefits.
Speaker 5: I don't think so now because because of that job,
Speaker 5: he can't hear and he's had like seventeen different hips.
Speaker 1: Like it's really it's a very high impact job.
Speaker 3: No it is.
Speaker 4: I just did a benefit for the fireman and they
Speaker 4: came out and I swear to god, they are so nice.
Speaker 4: I got it. Oh, I should give you the book.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm gonna give you this book to give to
Speaker 4: your father. And it's but but they were like so
Speaker 4: grateful that you were helping them out, because they really
Speaker 4: their benefits are not as good as they should be
Speaker 4: considering they put their lives on the line.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean I don't really know.
Speaker 4: It depends.
Speaker 1: I also, I think they used to be good. I
Speaker 1: think my dads are pretty good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it seems you know a lot in law doesn't
Speaker 4: really get that rotation with his hips going though. He
Speaker 4: slices everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta have a part.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to edit out here. Be live it
Speaker 1: if you heard that more angry than me saying fuck
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 4: Karen, I'm okay with the abortion junk.
Speaker 1: It's so weezy on the golf swing.
Speaker 3: We both know I have a hook. Thanks for doing ours.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: What if our new podcast is called sitting in Gregs Driveway?
Speaker 3: You wouldn't mind, right, I like it.
Speaker 4: Watching our meetians have to walk into the street because
Speaker 4: you're on the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: That is like a zombie invasion, but just three people.
Speaker 4: You know. The great part about partying with you is
Speaker 4: that you just turned the air conditioning off, and then
Speaker 4: it becomes like doing a podcast in a sauna.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like a hot yoga situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, how come your family hasn't come out.
Speaker 4: I don't see the car.
Speaker 1: I think they're down at Wahoo's Fish Tacos.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: No, everyone that comes.
Speaker 3: In the door. They forget what he looks like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they must not be here. Yeah, the car would
Speaker 4: be in the driveway. Poor dog, yep, look at him.
Speaker 4: He will not leave that spot on his little friend.
Speaker 4: Hannah's right next to him, but he's the alpha, so
Speaker 4: that he gets the window spot.
Speaker 1: We left the spot.
Speaker 4: There's Hannah. All right, I'm gonna get that book for you.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, thanks Greg, Thank you guys.
Speaker 4: I love you too. I appre I just worked out
Speaker 4: really easily. You just asked me to do it, and
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, pick me up tomorrow. Perfect.
Speaker 3: That's how it's been every time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right. Can I plug my dates? Of course?
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 4: I was just in Future Comics in Connecticut, fox Woods
Speaker 4: next week, and then Addison, Texas because who knows? Oh
Speaker 4: no is this? Just go to fitzdog dot com dot
Speaker 4: listen to the podcast Fitzdog Radio.
Speaker 1: It's a good podcast.
Speaker 4: And then my one hour special Life on Stage is
Speaker 4: on Netflix.
Speaker 3: Oh that's great. I'm gonna watch that, thank you. I
Speaker 3: haven't seen it yet.
Speaker 1: I don't think I will.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna i'll tell you about it. I tell you
Speaker 3: my favorite parts.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, you just tell me. That's probably the.
Speaker 4: Better parent's seen it in seven minute chunks throughout the
Speaker 4: last ten years.
Speaker 1: I had it when you were on stage at the
Speaker 1: on Cabaret.
Speaker 5: We just did the On Cabare together and you were
Speaker 5: talking about you said something about nine to eleven, and
Speaker 5: I wanted you to talk about you and I playing
Speaker 5: ping pong so bad because we at Ellen, Like the
Speaker 5: first year they set up at ping pong table, like
Speaker 5: what a fun office we are, but no one played
Speaker 5: it except for me and Greg because it.
Speaker 4: Was directly outside of Ellen's offic.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's like you had to have the biggest
Speaker 5: balls to play in the middle of the work day
Speaker 5: and could just go down and play some ping pong.
Speaker 1: But of course we did it. The writers did it
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 5: And when the score was nine eleven or eleven to nine,
Speaker 5: we had a whole song that we would.
Speaker 4: Sing nine eleven, don't ever.
Speaker 5: Forget, always remember, And then we go and like dang
Speaker 5: paddles on the table screaming nine eleven, screaming in the office,
Speaker 5: like and remember the time Geiger got up and slammed
Speaker 5: her door shut.
Speaker 4: It was just keep in mind, this was three two
Speaker 4: years after the real nine to eleven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was this was this was super freshed.
Speaker 3: That's terrific.
Speaker 1: We had a good time.
Speaker 3: Did she never came out and scolded you.
Speaker 4: No, no, because it would have made it. It would
Speaker 4: have been an admission that things were not as fun
Speaker 4: as they looked. Yeah, And so we used to do
Speaker 4: ship like I would slam it and then as Karen
Speaker 4: went to get the ball, I'd go, that's it, walk
Speaker 4: over there, go get it over so angry.
Speaker 1: To get up, Greg would go he would hit it.
Speaker 1: He would like ace it off and it would go down,
Speaker 1: and then I would turn to go get it and
Speaker 1: he'd go, go get it.
Speaker 4: And that was it makes me good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you had I had no choice, but that
Speaker 1: was his He's got a really good psychological game. It's
Speaker 1: not just the skill, the basic skill.
Speaker 4: Well that's been my m for life. I make up
Speaker 4: for all my shortcounting to trash talk. Go get it
Speaker 4: all right? All right, thank you, thank you, God bless America.
Speaker 3: Yay.
Speaker 4: Do you guys have a little sign off thing that
Speaker 4: you say every time?
Speaker 3: And that's the podcast now I tried that one out. No,
Speaker 3: you don't have, no we have what do you think
Speaker 3: of what?
Speaker 4: I don't know why but I started saying, God bless America.
Speaker 4: People don't know what to make of that. They don't
Speaker 4: know if I'm being sarcastic whatever. So you need one
Speaker 4: for you guys?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we could go.
Speaker 4: You should honk the horn or something.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, like we go, h Since where do you
Speaker 3: need a ride? So should we go? We should go?
Speaker 1: D d y n a R.
Speaker 4: And it's.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're doing okay, So that's been d y n
Speaker 3: a R.
Speaker 4: All right? Done it?
Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way?
Speaker 2: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 2: you claim and give us time and a terminal and gage.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off instil.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her?
Speaker 3: Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now? Porn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need.
Speaker 3: With Karen and Cress
Speaker 4: M