Speaker 1: So I've been talking about aboarding dates because I've aboorded
Speaker 1: multiple dates, and I've been talking about this on social media,
Speaker 1: and later I'm going to get into the stories. But
Speaker 1: the databoard is about cutting your losses. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: just being afraid and running into your cave. It means
Speaker 1: doing a little bit of due diligence and trusting your
Speaker 1: gut and your instincts and if something feels bad in
Speaker 1: your body, not going. So you got to find that
Speaker 1: line between being scared and just not wanting to put
Speaker 1: yourself out there and in something not feeling right in
Speaker 1: your body. And sometimes something doesn't feel right in my
Speaker 1: body and it feels like a pink flag, and I'll
Speaker 1: go and I'll do a deeper dive as a result
Speaker 1: of that. And it's left me inside someone's divorce agreement,
Speaker 1: finding out that their ex wife supports them and that
Speaker 1: they were lying about how much they make. It's left
Speaker 1: me finding out that someone was lying and pretending they
Speaker 1: live in a certain area that they don't, that they're
Speaker 1: hanging out with a certain wealthy person that they're not.
Speaker 1: And it's left me realizing that a person wouldn't give
Speaker 1: me their last name, and I could have mistakenly met
Speaker 1: with them and put myself at risk, Like dating is
Speaker 1: also a risky business, and so I've aboarded multiple dates.
Speaker 1: And it's not because I think I'm better then. It's
Speaker 1: not because I will never be happy and I can't
Speaker 1: be alone and I just have to wait.
Speaker 2: I'm not ready. It's not because of any of those things.
Speaker 1: It's because I don't want to go out on a
Speaker 1: date with someone who is supporting a woman who asked
Speaker 1: me to pick them up on the way to the date.
Speaker 2: I don't feel good about it.
Speaker 1: And one thing I talk a lot that comes up
Speaker 1: in every time I talk about a dat aboard, I
Speaker 1: don't like how it makes me feel. I don't like
Speaker 1: how this is making me feel like you're allowed to say.
Speaker 2: That, you're allowed to be that.
Speaker 1: I had a guy on a text very early in
Speaker 1: I don't know this person, I've never met them. Start
Speaker 1: judging the fact that I'm friends with a married couple
Speaker 1: and go to dinner at their house and we'll sit
Speaker 1: next to the man in the married couple because he's
Speaker 1: a business minded person and we talk about business. And
Speaker 1: I had a guy say to me like, don't tell
Speaker 1: me that he wouldn't want to fuck you. I'm like,
Speaker 1: excuse me. He's like, yeah, your friend is comfortable. I
Speaker 1: don't know this guy. I'm like, are you okay? I go,
Speaker 1: I don't like how this is making me feel. Please
Speaker 1: don't call me again. Like there's a strength in that.
Speaker 1: There's a strength and a dat aboard. There's a strength
Speaker 1: in saying I don't like how you're making me feel.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you have to say that sentence,
Speaker 1: it's probably somebody. It's something you should abort. You should
Speaker 1: be like, please don't call me again. If you get
Speaker 1: to that point, like it means if someone's like texting
Speaker 1: you back and forth a little much, but if they're
Speaker 1: being a little sleazy and you don't feel the way
Speaker 1: that someone's texting you or something, or the way someone's
Speaker 1: talking to you on a day, like oh maybe it
Speaker 1: shouldn't have worn panties tonight on the first day, people
Speaker 1: go slease And I don't know how you feel about that,
Speaker 1: but for me, am I judging you. If someone is
Speaker 1: gonna go sleez like go and people go sleeze early.
Speaker 1: I've had someone say oh yeah, like something like that. Wow,
Speaker 1: I like, if you wore a shorter skirt or I
Speaker 1: have about not wearing one pieces, Like I've had people
Speaker 1: go sleez and I'm like, yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I don't do sleazy.
Speaker 1: And maybe you just have to get yourself through the
Speaker 1: check and get through the date, Like maybe it's not
Speaker 1: bad enough that you're gonna get up and walk out,
Speaker 1: which I would absolutely do too, but I don't like
Speaker 1: how this is making me feel. And I've done it
Speaker 1: where someone has been so different than what was supposed
Speaker 1: to be set up with and you feel enraged and
Speaker 1: you gaslight yourself where you feel like a bad person
Speaker 1: that you want to get up because the person didn't
Speaker 1: present is who they are. The person presented a certain way,
Speaker 1: you know, on their profile or in their picture or
Speaker 1: was described a certain way, and then you see somebody
Speaker 1: totally different, and now you are gaslighting yourself because you
Speaker 1: feel like you're being superficial because you thought the person
Speaker 1: was tall and they're short, because you thought something and
Speaker 1: it's something else, and.
Speaker 2: You feel guilty.
Speaker 1: And that's sort of like you're gaslighting yourself because the
Speaker 1: person intentionally or unintentionally kind of duped you. Like you
Speaker 1: need to look like what you've presented as, you need
Speaker 1: to be what you've presented as. And I'm sorry if
Speaker 1: this is going to be a hardcore business, because it is.
Speaker 1: But I have been out and I've gotten up and
Speaker 1: I've said I'm so sorry. I don't think this is
Speaker 1: a fit because I'm not leaving my house and leaving
Speaker 1: my child and leaving my dogs and getting duped, which
Speaker 1: is why you must FaceTime. You must FaceTime. If you're
Speaker 1: meeting people on apps, like it's not a discussion, you're
Speaker 1: not going out and getting dressed and taking that risk.
Speaker 1: It's gonna make you feel bad. And you don't want
Speaker 1: to risk how something's gonna make you feel, because if
Speaker 1: it makes you feel bad, it's going to deter you
Speaker 1: from wanting to go when it's gonna be good, and
Speaker 1: then you'll get full and feel bad about yourself and
Speaker 1: not want to go because you're defeated. So you've got
Speaker 1: to really treat your time wisely. So when people are
Speaker 1: thinking I'm being too precious about it, someone was like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe they're busy and their text game is off or something.
Speaker 1: Because someone that I made a date with weeks before,
Speaker 1: on the day of that I text in the morning
Speaker 1: by eleven thirty. I feel like a loser. I don't
Speaker 1: like how it's making me feel that I don't know
Speaker 1: where we're going. And if we're still even on and
Speaker 1: I've blocked out that night, I text the person. They
Speaker 1: don't text you back within a couple of hours like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we don't have to go, It's okay, we'll do it
Speaker 1: another night. Why Because I don't like how this is
Speaker 1: making me feel like as a woman, you've got to
Speaker 1: be strong enough to say that, and that's your intuition,
Speaker 1: that's your gut, and you could say the words out loud,
Speaker 1: or you can know the words and back out. Quality
Speaker 1: over quantity. This is not a volume business. This is
Speaker 1: a patient business. So that's how I feel about aboarding dates.
Speaker 1: Absolutely something I completely condone. I don't care what the
Speaker 1: person is going to think about. You do it nicely,
Speaker 1: be confident. If someone's being a sleeze bag, also do
Speaker 1: it just confidently and emphatically and block. It's my opinion
Speaker 1: that when you're dating, you should have a dating board
Speaker 1: of advisors, and that means some trust.
Speaker 2: People.
Speaker 1: Could be someone you work with, it could be a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: it could be a guy.
Speaker 2: Whoever it is.
Speaker 1: It should be a group that you can go ask questions,
Speaker 1: tell them the situation. Everything doesn't have to be somebody
Speaker 1: you want to marry. It could be someone you're just dating,
Speaker 1: and then you're going to give them the context to
Speaker 1: be able to be honest with you about who's paying.
Speaker 2: Do I go on this trip? Do I have sex?
Speaker 2: Do I not?
Speaker 1: Does it matter? Does it matter that he goes to
Speaker 1: church twice a week? Does it matter that he has
Speaker 1: four kids? Does it matter that his kids are young? Like,
Speaker 1: have a dating board of advisors that are not going
Speaker 1: to be yes, people that are going to push back
Speaker 1: and then crowdsource. I'm a big crowdsourcer of opinions with
Speaker 1: business and with personal and then I ultimately make a
Speaker 1: good decision. But that does reflect the advice I've gotten.
Speaker 1: Nothing's worse than getting advice from people and then realizing
Speaker 1: you're just asking them to hear your self talk like
Speaker 1: You've got to be a person that is willing to
Speaker 1: validate and take other people's opinions and criticisms and in
Speaker 1: your minds assigning who those people are. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it's not an official board. It's ridiculous, But people that
Speaker 1: also feel like they're part of it and you're including
Speaker 1: them and you're validating and thanking them. You got to
Speaker 1: thank them, thank you so much. Like it's a lot
Speaker 1: of work to be on that board. If someone's in
Speaker 1: the dating process, then they're not. But sometimes they're entertained
Speaker 1: by it. Sometimes they're married they find it fun. I
Speaker 1: have you know a major guy who's very successful and
Speaker 1: his wife that are on that board of mine that
Speaker 1: I'll ask questions and you would be shocked at the
Speaker 1: perspective you get. One person gave me the perspective of,
Speaker 1: don't you know, go away with someone for more than
Speaker 1: two nights. It's going to be too much, too much
Speaker 1: of a good thing. Somebody else was like, yes, stay
Speaker 1: in a hotel or don't sleep with them on the
Speaker 1: first night. Everyone's going to have a different opinion. And then,
Speaker 1: like in business, you're going to ultimately make the decision yourself.
Speaker 1: But I think a dating board of advisors is extremely valuable.
Speaker 1: And you could have one of your kids on the
Speaker 1: dating board of advisors, Like if your child is at
Speaker 1: a certain and including them is maybe helpful, maybe makes
Speaker 1: them feel like they're not left out, or they may
Speaker 1: know you better than you know yourself because they live
Speaker 1: with you. I mean, there are many different ways to
Speaker 1: go about it, but I think it's a good practice.
Speaker 1: So dating is like fishing, and fishing is a patient game,
Speaker 1: as is golf, as is anything to be good at.
Speaker 1: It's not something where you expect a fish to jump
Speaker 1: right on the line the second you sit down. You
Speaker 1: could have a really bad day. You could go out
Speaker 1: for hours. I'm allergic to fish, incidentally, but I am
Speaker 1: aware of what the sport is like or the hobbies like,
Speaker 1: and it takes a lot of patience. It takes understanding
Speaker 1: the process. It takes appreciating the reward, and it does
Speaker 1: take sort of not like just settling and not just
Speaker 1: you could be frustrated. You could go home frustrated, and
Speaker 1: you also could be and I go, I'm gonna go now,
Speaker 1: say fishing and hunting, because you could be a big
Speaker 1: game hunter and you're not going to settle for something
Speaker 1: that's less than what you deserve. And if you kind
Speaker 1: of fold before the big fish comes on your fishing rod,
Speaker 1: you could be doing yourself a disservice because if you
Speaker 1: get nervous and you sort of choke and like, then
Speaker 1: you just accept like something that in your mind is
Speaker 1: dating down or a smaller fish. You're being impatient and
Speaker 1: you're expecting it just to come on a silver platter.
Speaker 1: That means that you're not trusting yourself enough to wait
Speaker 1: for the good thing to come. And we've all done that,
Speaker 1: like we all have done that where you've like convinced
Speaker 1: yourself and then you end up settling. And it's not
Speaker 1: just that you end up settling and you get less
Speaker 1: than what you deserve, which is the worst thing. It's
Speaker 1: that you end up settling and then you take up
Speaker 1: that time block and maybe if you just went a
Speaker 1: little longer, if you just sat a little longer with
Speaker 1: the fishing rod, would you come with a great, amazing fish.
Speaker 1: So I think you have to be patient and you
Speaker 1: have to go through the frogs to get to the prince,
Speaker 1: you know, I really do think that.
Speaker 2: And that's where people fold.
Speaker 1: That's where people you know, that's where you separate the
Speaker 1: men from the boys, the women from the girls. Where
Speaker 1: if you're willing to wait, and you're confident enough in
Speaker 1: yourself and in being alone, then you might be willing
Speaker 1: to wait for something great because you'd rather be alone
Speaker 1: than be with something mediocre in any situation. I'm like
Speaker 1: that with food, with anything, I'd rather not go if
Speaker 1: it's not going to be great, and i'd rather not
Speaker 1: eat if it's not going to taste great, and I'd
Speaker 1: rather not date if there's not the potential of something
Speaker 1: being amazing.
Speaker 2: I'd rather be home with my dogs and my daughter.