1 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: So I've been talking about aboarding dates because I've aboorded 2 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: multiple dates, and I've been talking about this on social media, 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 1: and later I'm going to get into the stories. But 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: the databoard is about cutting your losses. It doesn't mean 5 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: just being afraid and running into your cave. It means 6 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: doing a little bit of due diligence and trusting your 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: gut and your instincts and if something feels bad in 8 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: your body, not going. So you got to find that 9 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: line between being scared and just not wanting to put 10 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: yourself out there and in something not feeling right in 11 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 1: your body. And sometimes something doesn't feel right in my 12 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: body and it feels like a pink flag, and I'll 13 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: go and I'll do a deeper dive as a result 14 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: of that. And it's left me inside someone's divorce agreement, 15 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: finding out that their ex wife supports them and that 16 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: they were lying about how much they make. It's left 17 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 1: me finding out that someone was lying and pretending they 18 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: live in a certain area that they don't, that they're 19 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: hanging out with a certain wealthy person that they're not. 20 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: And it's left me realizing that a person wouldn't give 21 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: me their last name, and I could have mistakenly met 22 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 1: with them and put myself at risk, Like dating is 23 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: also a risky business, and so I've aboarded multiple dates. 24 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: And it's not because I think I'm better then. It's 25 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: not because I will never be happy and I can't 26 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: be alone and I just have to wait. 27 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 2: I'm not ready. It's not because of any of those things. 28 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,400 Speaker 1: It's because I don't want to go out on a 29 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: date with someone who is supporting a woman who asked 30 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 1: me to pick them up on the way to the date. 31 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 2: I don't feel good about it. 32 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 1: And one thing I talk a lot that comes up 33 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: in every time I talk about a dat aboard, I 34 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: don't like how it makes me feel. I don't like 35 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: how this is making me feel like you're allowed to say. 36 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,480 Speaker 2: That, you're allowed to be that. 37 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 1: I had a guy on a text very early in 38 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: I don't know this person, I've never met them. Start 39 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,120 Speaker 1: judging the fact that I'm friends with a married couple 40 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: and go to dinner at their house and we'll sit 41 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: next to the man in the married couple because he's 42 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,360 Speaker 1: a business minded person and we talk about business. And 43 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: I had a guy say to me like, don't tell 44 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: me that he wouldn't want to fuck you. I'm like, 45 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: excuse me. He's like, yeah, your friend is comfortable. I 46 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: don't know this guy. I'm like, are you okay? I go, 47 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: I don't like how this is making me feel. Please 48 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: don't call me again. Like there's a strength in that. 49 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: There's a strength and a dat aboard. There's a strength 50 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: in saying I don't like how you're making me feel. 51 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 2: Now. 52 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: By the way, if you have to say that sentence, 53 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 1: it's probably somebody. It's something you should abort. You should 54 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,799 Speaker 1: be like, please don't call me again. If you get 55 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: to that point, like it means if someone's like texting 56 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: you back and forth a little much, but if they're 57 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: being a little sleazy and you don't feel the way 58 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: that someone's texting you or something, or the way someone's 59 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: talking to you on a day, like oh maybe it 60 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: shouldn't have worn panties tonight on the first day, people 61 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: go slease And I don't know how you feel about that, 62 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: but for me, am I judging you. If someone is 63 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: gonna go sleez like go and people go sleeze early. 64 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: I've had someone say oh yeah, like something like that. Wow, 65 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 1: I like, if you wore a shorter skirt or I 66 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: have about not wearing one pieces, Like I've had people 67 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: go sleez and I'm like, yeah, I don't like that. 68 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:15,800 Speaker 2: I don't do sleazy. 69 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: And maybe you just have to get yourself through the 70 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: check and get through the date, Like maybe it's not 71 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: bad enough that you're gonna get up and walk out, 72 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: which I would absolutely do too, but I don't like 73 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 1: how this is making me feel. And I've done it 74 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: where someone has been so different than what was supposed 75 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: to be set up with and you feel enraged and 76 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: you gaslight yourself where you feel like a bad person 77 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: that you want to get up because the person didn't 78 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: present is who they are. The person presented a certain way, 79 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: you know, on their profile or in their picture or 80 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: was described a certain way, and then you see somebody 81 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: totally different, and now you are gaslighting yourself because you 82 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: feel like you're being superficial because you thought the person 83 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: was tall and they're short, because you thought something and 84 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: it's something else, and. 85 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 2: You feel guilty. 86 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: And that's sort of like you're gaslighting yourself because the 87 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: person intentionally or unintentionally kind of duped you. Like you 88 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: need to look like what you've presented as, you need 89 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: to be what you've presented as. And I'm sorry if 90 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: this is going to be a hardcore business, because it is. 91 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: But I have been out and I've gotten up and 92 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: I've said I'm so sorry. I don't think this is 93 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 1: a fit because I'm not leaving my house and leaving 94 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: my child and leaving my dogs and getting duped, which 95 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: is why you must FaceTime. You must FaceTime. If you're 96 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: meeting people on apps, like it's not a discussion, you're 97 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: not going out and getting dressed and taking that risk. 98 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: It's gonna make you feel bad. And you don't want 99 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: to risk how something's gonna make you feel, because if 100 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: it makes you feel bad, it's going to deter you 101 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: from wanting to go when it's gonna be good, and 102 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: then you'll get full and feel bad about yourself and 103 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 1: not want to go because you're defeated. So you've got 104 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 1: to really treat your time wisely. So when people are 105 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: thinking I'm being too precious about it, someone was like, well, 106 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: maybe they're busy and their text game is off or something. 107 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: Because someone that I made a date with weeks before, 108 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: on the day of that I text in the morning 109 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,479 Speaker 1: by eleven thirty. I feel like a loser. I don't 110 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: like how it's making me feel that I don't know 111 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: where we're going. And if we're still even on and 112 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: I've blocked out that night, I text the person. They 113 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: don't text you back within a couple of hours like, yeah, no, 114 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: we don't have to go, It's okay, we'll do it 115 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: another night. Why Because I don't like how this is 116 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 1: making me feel like as a woman, you've got to 117 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 1: be strong enough to say that, and that's your intuition, 118 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: that's your gut, and you could say the words out loud, 119 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: or you can know the words and back out. Quality 120 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: over quantity. This is not a volume business. This is 121 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: a patient business. So that's how I feel about aboarding dates. 122 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 1: Absolutely something I completely condone. I don't care what the 123 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 1: person is going to think about. You do it nicely, 124 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: be confident. If someone's being a sleeze bag, also do 125 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: it just confidently and emphatically and block. It's my opinion 126 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,679 Speaker 1: that when you're dating, you should have a dating board 127 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: of advisors, and that means some trust. 128 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 2: People. 129 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: Could be someone you work with, it could be a girlfriend, 130 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: it could be a guy. 131 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:05,719 Speaker 2: Whoever it is. 132 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: It should be a group that you can go ask questions, 133 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,919 Speaker 1: tell them the situation. Everything doesn't have to be somebody 134 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: you want to marry. It could be someone you're just dating, 135 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: and then you're going to give them the context to 136 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,679 Speaker 1: be able to be honest with you about who's paying. 137 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 2: Do I go on this trip? Do I have sex? 138 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 2: Do I not? 139 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: Does it matter? Does it matter that he goes to 140 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: church twice a week? Does it matter that he has 141 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: four kids? Does it matter that his kids are young? Like, 142 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: have a dating board of advisors that are not going 143 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: to be yes, people that are going to push back 144 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: and then crowdsource. I'm a big crowdsourcer of opinions with 145 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: business and with personal and then I ultimately make a 146 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: good decision. But that does reflect the advice I've gotten. 147 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: Nothing's worse than getting advice from people and then realizing 148 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: you're just asking them to hear your self talk like 149 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: You've got to be a person that is willing to 150 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,919 Speaker 1: validate and take other people's opinions and criticisms and in 151 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: your minds assigning who those people are. It doesn't mean 152 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,520 Speaker 1: it's not an official board. It's ridiculous, But people that 153 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: also feel like they're part of it and you're including 154 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: them and you're validating and thanking them. You got to 155 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: thank them, thank you so much. Like it's a lot 156 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: of work to be on that board. If someone's in 157 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 1: the dating process, then they're not. But sometimes they're entertained 158 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: by it. Sometimes they're married they find it fun. I 159 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: have you know a major guy who's very successful and 160 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: his wife that are on that board of mine that 161 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: I'll ask questions and you would be shocked at the 162 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: perspective you get. One person gave me the perspective of, 163 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: don't you know, go away with someone for more than 164 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: two nights. It's going to be too much, too much 165 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: of a good thing. Somebody else was like, yes, stay 166 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: in a hotel or don't sleep with them on the 167 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: first night. Everyone's going to have a different opinion. And then, 168 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: like in business, you're going to ultimately make the decision yourself. 169 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: But I think a dating board of advisors is extremely valuable. 170 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: And you could have one of your kids on the 171 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: dating board of advisors, Like if your child is at 172 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: a certain and including them is maybe helpful, maybe makes 173 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: them feel like they're not left out, or they may 174 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: know you better than you know yourself because they live 175 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: with you. I mean, there are many different ways to 176 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 1: go about it, but I think it's a good practice. 177 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: So dating is like fishing, and fishing is a patient game, 178 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: as is golf, as is anything to be good at. 179 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: It's not something where you expect a fish to jump 180 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: right on the line the second you sit down. You 181 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: could have a really bad day. You could go out 182 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: for hours. I'm allergic to fish, incidentally, but I am 183 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: aware of what the sport is like or the hobbies like, 184 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,599 Speaker 1: and it takes a lot of patience. It takes understanding 185 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: the process. It takes appreciating the reward, and it does 186 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: take sort of not like just settling and not just 187 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: you could be frustrated. You could go home frustrated, and 188 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,520 Speaker 1: you also could be and I go, I'm gonna go now, 189 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: say fishing and hunting, because you could be a big 190 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: game hunter and you're not going to settle for something 191 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: that's less than what you deserve. And if you kind 192 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: of fold before the big fish comes on your fishing rod, 193 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: you could be doing yourself a disservice because if you 194 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,719 Speaker 1: get nervous and you sort of choke and like, then 195 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: you just accept like something that in your mind is 196 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: dating down or a smaller fish. You're being impatient and 197 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: you're expecting it just to come on a silver platter. 198 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 1: That means that you're not trusting yourself enough to wait 199 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: for the good thing to come. And we've all done that, 200 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: like we all have done that where you've like convinced 201 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: yourself and then you end up settling. And it's not 202 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: just that you end up settling and you get less 203 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: than what you deserve, which is the worst thing. It's 204 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: that you end up settling and then you take up 205 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: that time block and maybe if you just went a 206 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: little longer, if you just sat a little longer with 207 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,359 Speaker 1: the fishing rod, would you come with a great, amazing fish. 208 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: So I think you have to be patient and you 209 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: have to go through the frogs to get to the prince, 210 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: you know, I really do think that. 211 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 2: And that's where people fold. 212 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: That's where people you know, that's where you separate the 213 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: men from the boys, the women from the girls. Where 214 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: if you're willing to wait, and you're confident enough in 215 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: yourself and in being alone, then you might be willing 216 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,559 Speaker 1: to wait for something great because you'd rather be alone 217 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 1: than be with something mediocre in any situation. I'm like 218 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: that with food, with anything, I'd rather not go if 219 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: it's not going to be great, and i'd rather not 220 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: eat if it's not going to taste great, and I'd 221 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: rather not date if there's not the potential of something 222 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 1: being amazing. 223 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 2: I'd rather be home with my dogs and my daughter.