Speaker 1: Oh god, we have such exciting news.
Speaker 2: Ship findly ship I ship out of my ass, y'all.
Speaker 2: It was fucking brutal.
Speaker 3: Drew boots Gods, no more worries, no more comments suggesting
Speaker 3: fiber and water, y'all were although coming from the right place,
Speaker 3: it was very much giving.
Speaker 1: Why don't you just smile?
Speaker 2: Yeah, drink more water and smile and you.
Speaker 1: Want to be like, wait, just like eat a green
Speaker 1: like get it moved, Drew, you do.
Speaker 4: Look a lot prettier when you smile.
Speaker 2: I'll actually, no, don't do that. That's my thing. You
Speaker 2: don't get to hit him a thing, Yeah, you don't
Speaker 2: get to hit him.
Speaker 1: So oh did the shit just fall?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, guys, I finally shit. Well shit, when I
Speaker 2: was back in Texas, this was like almost two weeks
Speaker 2: at this point, like a week. Yeah, I had twenty
Speaker 2: six days of turds inside of my body, y'all. I
Speaker 2: don't think you can fully grasp and comprehend how horrible
Speaker 2: that is, Like, of course, like a little here and there,
Speaker 2: but like for the most part, like legitimately twenty six
Speaker 2: days of shit like inside of which is like genuinely ridiculous.
Speaker 2: And I know, I know, I could have died. I know,
Speaker 2: I know, I know, and who knows, maybe I wanted
Speaker 2: to die full of shit, Like maybe that was like
Speaker 2: my plan the whole time.
Speaker 1: I wait, that's actually so embarrassing, because when you die,
Speaker 1: don't you like release everything.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but that shit was not releasing. That
Speaker 2: was going to be stuck inside of me forever. Bro Yo.
Speaker 1: The poor people at the fucking morgue who would have
Speaker 1: had to.
Speaker 2: Like go through the bond in my autopsy and they
Speaker 2: found out my toxic mega colon is like the clos Yeah, well,
Speaker 2: twenty six days of not shitting. What finally did it
Speaker 2: was I ordered colonoscopy prep from my internest and it
Speaker 2: was on it. It was like really easy to get.
Speaker 2: And then when I told him how long it had
Speaker 2: been since I shit, he like kind of did a
Speaker 2: double taken here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was like he was like, waituh how many days?
Speaker 1: Andrew like, yeah, like at that point you had called
Speaker 1: him when you were like, it's like seventy days in
Speaker 1: and even then he was like, oh, how are you feeling?
Speaker 1: Like it literally felt it was the equivalent of when
Speaker 1: we went to the personal trainers and the guy took
Speaker 1: my heartbeat, and he was just like, are you okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What And he was like your heart beat is so
Speaker 1: low and I was like I'm fine. He was like,
Speaker 1: you had coffee or something today. I was like, yea,
Speaker 1: I had coffee and a Celsius and he was like,
Speaker 1: do you feel the way?
Speaker 4: I mean, You're incredibly healthy though.
Speaker 2: That's what it means. Having a low resting heart rate
Speaker 2: is good. I have a restling heart rate of one
Speaker 2: hundred and eight permanently, which is really dark.
Speaker 4: Your heart rate when you're in bed on your phone
Speaker 4: is like two.
Speaker 1: No. Literally a heart rates like my double my heart
Speaker 1: rate and pass it on to Drew because that's literally
Speaker 1: what we have going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then when I stand up, it spikes to
Speaker 2: like one for every time, and I almost pass out
Speaker 2: in the kitchen. I can make it from my bedroom
Speaker 2: to the kitchen, and then I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna die. I'm actually gonna die. But anyways, twenty
Speaker 2: six days of shit. I weighed myself before and I
Speaker 2: have a picture of me on the scale. I weighed
Speaker 2: one fifty seven and I typically, like on average way,
Speaker 2: like I fluctuate between like one forty four and one
Speaker 2: forty eight, Like typically at one forty four, Like that's
Speaker 2: that's like my baseline. I can get to like one
Speaker 2: thirty eight if I'm like really depressed or some shit,
Speaker 2: but like one forty four is like my base weight.
Speaker 1: It's the base weight, y'all, or you're always trying to
Speaker 1: be and like gain weight above that.
Speaker 2: How much shit was inside of me? I forgot how
Speaker 2: many pounds you.
Speaker 1: Went from one fifty seven to one forty two, So
Speaker 1: it's like fifteen pounds.
Speaker 2: I had fifteen pounds of shit inside of me, y'all.
Speaker 2: Fifteen fucking pounds of shit inside of my body. That
Speaker 2: is straight up I wonderful. How much like your.
Speaker 1: Body wasn't even digesting anything, Like it wasn't like taking
Speaker 1: I guess it had to have been taking in the nutrients.
Speaker 2: That's the problem. That's the problem is it was just
Speaker 2: like lodged in there, so it was just like sucking
Speaker 2: it dry until it was literally like fucking bricks inside
Speaker 2: of my body, y'all. I'm gonna actually I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: spare the details. I'm gonna go all the way in.
Speaker 2: Like I drank it around nine am because I was
Speaker 2: like I want to be shitting. I don't want to
Speaker 2: be shitting throughout the night. Whatever. At nine am was
Speaker 2: the most nauseous I've ever been in my entire life.
Speaker 2: My mom popped into the room because I was just
Speaker 2: like so sick, and she was like, I literally thought
Speaker 2: I was gonna have to take you to the hospital
Speaker 2: because you were clear. I was like, she was like
Speaker 2: freaking me out, and I was like, I feel like nauseous,
Speaker 2: but I don't feel terrible. And she was like, no,
Speaker 2: you looked horrible. Well like no shit, nothing, just like horrible,
Speaker 2: horrible gut pain all day long until like eight pm,
Speaker 2: and me and my mom were sitting on the couch
Speaker 2: and she was like, do I think it's time to
Speaker 2: go to the er? And I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: think you're right, and she I was like, let me
Speaker 2: let me rest for like two more hours, and I
Speaker 2: swear to God at ten pm if I don't shit,
Speaker 2: I'll go to the hospital.
Speaker 1: Wait, you took it at nine am and you still
Speaker 1: had it shit by like ten.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like all it was all day, like
Speaker 2: it was melting away in my body. Well, I'm laying
Speaker 2: in my parents' bed. It's like nine ish in their
Speaker 2: room and I'm just like we're watching whatever. I'm like
Speaker 2: on the edge of their bed, and then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, I'm like, oh my god, it's happening, and
Speaker 2: I like sprint to the bathroom across the house and
Speaker 2: I sit under broke Yes, my water literally broke. I
Speaker 2: get to the bathroom and I pushed for about like
Speaker 2: three seconds and then t M I but I'm not kidding,
Speaker 2: A cannon ball sized shit like this big I'm guessing
Speaker 2: like shot out of my ass at mock speeds, hit
Speaker 2: the toilet bowl and exploded into like shrapnel, and like
Speaker 2: I literally was like in so much pain. I wish
Speaker 2: I could describe you the pain I felt, well.
Speaker 1: The way you described it to me and John just.
Speaker 2: Wait, I'm gonna get there. It literally it was fucking horrible,
Speaker 2: Like it was the worst pain I'd ever felt in
Speaker 2: my entire life. And then right after, like right after,
Speaker 2: I proceeded to become the most euphoric, like what I
Speaker 2: remember like pain killers feeling like when I was abusing them,
Speaker 2: like I straight up felt like genuinely fork. I felt
Speaker 2: like God was looking the inside of my skull in
Speaker 2: my body, like it was crazy, like it was so
Speaker 2: I wish everyone could feel the relief I fucking felt
Speaker 2: in that moment, and.
Speaker 1: It was like you felt the joy only felt by
Speaker 1: somebody like Frankie Grande feels on it.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly Frankie Grande on the Wicked carpet with that
Speaker 2: fucking hair bruh. But I didn't realize like how much
Speaker 2: pain I was in day to day. Like it was
Speaker 2: like in that moment, I realized and I started crying
Speaker 2: because I was like, oh my god, Like I was
Speaker 2: hurting so bad and now I feel so fine. But like,
Speaker 2: just like I guess, over time, it just like gradually, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you like acclimated. Every day the pain would build
Speaker 1: up a little and by the end of the day
Speaker 1: you were like, this is just my new pain.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I might have set a fucking world record.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you looked up to see what the longest,
Speaker 1: like somebody's ever been concan.
Speaker 2: They're all dead, They're all dead. I went the longest
Speaker 2: and survived, y'all.
Speaker 4: Wait, so the colonoscopy prep worked, it worked down. See,
Speaker 4: this is why people say prep is so important.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's like no, they mean huh,
Speaker 2: like prep like.
Speaker 4: The drug Like oh, okay, I'm the medicaid. I'm trying
Speaker 4: to do the work.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Respect, respect, You're learning something, but slowly, but surely.
Speaker 2: I shit. I proceeded to ship all day or the
Speaker 2: rest of the night into the night, woke up the
Speaker 2: next day, was supposed to get on a flight. Canceled
Speaker 2: that bitch because I was like, I cannot get on
Speaker 2: a oh bitch.
Speaker 1: If I got a light and you were sitting next
Speaker 1: to me and like getting up all the time, I
Speaker 1: bet you started to smell like shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I probably did. It was coming out of
Speaker 2: my pores like it was straight up was horri well.
Speaker 1: No, the thing the way you described it to me
Speaker 1: and Josh was you said it felt like a foam
Speaker 1: football coming.
Speaker 2: Out of your mouth. That was the ship that I
Speaker 2: had here. Oh here, I'm regular now. And I hadn't
Speaker 2: shipped for like four days after that, and I was
Speaker 2: getting worried and then a foam football shot out of
Speaker 2: my ass. But and then I was like, oh wait,
Speaker 2: I'm regular for it.
Speaker 1: And it looked Me and Josh were saying, like it
Speaker 1: is so jarring, how like most people just poop and
Speaker 1: you get it over with, like I am blessed with
Speaker 1: like a body that just like does its job, and
Speaker 1: I poop all the fucking time, so like there's not
Speaker 1: really much to describe, Like it's it's every few months
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh my god, this is like a
Speaker 1: describable moment I must tell the world, the world being
Speaker 1: running to your room and telling you about it, or
Speaker 1: it is it saying you for your chat. But you
Speaker 1: since like pooping is such a miraculous event for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's literally it is the equivalent to climbers who finally
Speaker 1: get to the top of Mount Everest. Your descriptors are
Speaker 1: so insanely detailed. Now, I can think of multiple poops
Speaker 1: you've had, like they will live on my mind like memory, and.
Speaker 2: I describe them like perfectly. That's the craziest thing now.
Speaker 2: And I sit there and I'm like, that was a
Speaker 2: film football coming out of my ass, or that was
Speaker 2: like a softball shooting out at much.
Speaker 1: Or you say it's a chicken nugget, but you just
Speaker 1: I which fast food chain? That is not real?
Speaker 4: Every advertiser just bailing on the show.
Speaker 1: That is not real.
Speaker 2: Groom, it's real ship water for straight up, Like I'm
Speaker 2: not kidding, Like seven seconds, I mean I.
Speaker 1: Believe you, because when Drew came back from Texas, every
Speaker 1: time we would be talking, he was like, hold on,
Speaker 1: I have the fart, so I'm gonna go to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: and he would run to the bathroom to make sure
Speaker 1: he didn't ship his pants. Oh my god, I have
Speaker 1: no I can't, like, I seriously can't. As much as
Speaker 1: we talk about poop and stuff like it literally like
Speaker 1: I don't, like, I really am not down with the
Speaker 1: scat ship like y'all is scat the thing like like
Speaker 1: poop Like we're like worst low.
Speaker 2: Key sat After I shit, I sent a picture to
Speaker 2: KaiA of my back and I had welts all over
Speaker 2: my body.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say you had shit shot
Speaker 1: off your path.
Speaker 2: It exploded out of my diapers.
Speaker 4: There's like a soundboard on here. We could load that up.
Speaker 1: We should load it up with your poop sounds. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: that is amazing.
Speaker 2: It was iconic. It truly was genuinely like what I
Speaker 2: imagine like an opum den for three days feels like
Speaker 2: like I for real felt like like I was I
Speaker 2: had the zuomis after like I was running around the
Speaker 2: house like I didn't know. I couldn't run like I
Speaker 2: didn't know. I wasn't like performing well at the gym, Like.
Speaker 4: Oh, you're feeling the beauty of giving birth.
Speaker 2: No, exactly, that's genuinely in the moment, I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I just gave birth to like a
Speaker 2: seven pound baby out.
Speaker 4: Have you experienced any postpartum depression? U?
Speaker 2: Yes, I miss I miss being pregnant with fifteen pounds
Speaker 2: of shit. I miss being able to talk about it
Speaker 2: because I won't be able to talk about it.
Speaker 1: Now you have nothing to complain now. Drew's nu kaplay
Speaker 1: is like I just feel like shit. Like it's just
Speaker 1: literally like just starting like my body.
Speaker 2: I just feel my But I love basketball at least.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I was watching a movie last night
Speaker 1: and I, like Josh and Drew were hit it in
Speaker 1: the room. I was sitting on the couch watching a
Speaker 1: movie and I paused for a second to look at
Speaker 1: my phone for my interlude. It's kind of like at
Speaker 1: the opera when they let you go out and breathe
Speaker 1: a fresh breath of air.
Speaker 2: Can't You can't finish a whole movie without looking at
Speaker 2: it without loud like I simply.
Speaker 1: Must, so I pause, and when I pauses exactly when
Speaker 1: I heard Drew stop talking. And I hadn't heard Drew
Speaker 1: alive all day. He's been he was in his room
Speaker 1: all day and the only thing I heard was I
Speaker 1: just love basketball. Like that was all I heard. Was
Speaker 1: just like the whole time was like like them talking
Speaker 1: back and forth, and Josh wasn't really saying much. She
Speaker 1: was like, oh what, Like that's crazy, and like Drew
Speaker 1: is doing the thing where he just like starts shooting
Speaker 1: facts at you and then he goes, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just love basketball. And then I heard his door close.
Speaker 2: I really do. It's like my lifeline. I truly think
Speaker 2: it's the only reason why I'm alive. And I got
Speaker 2: compared to Read Shepherd on my Drew's Lookalikes account. He's
Speaker 2: just a rookie for the Rockets this year. Yeah, no period.
Speaker 2: But everyone was saying, this is what Enya saw and Drew,
Speaker 2: I mean, if you want to see him, Oh I
Speaker 2: saw that. Yeah. I didn't think he really looked like
Speaker 2: me that much. But he's the same battie. He's the
Speaker 2: safest rookiing. I was a battie.
Speaker 1: You know, Now you're how you were, Maddie. Now you're
Speaker 1: hot we talk about this all the time. Drew will
Speaker 1: randomly just be like, I'm ugly, and then I get
Speaker 1: offended because I've multiple times told Drew that if I
Speaker 1: saw him, like my vibe of Drew is if I
Speaker 1: didn't know Drew and I was at a party and
Speaker 1: he came into the group, I would try to make
Speaker 1: him laugh for his attention, but I would never pursue. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's I think the highest form of compliment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you're too hot. I don't read.
Speaker 2: Drewsha called us models, and I'm not kidding. I looked
Speaker 2: in the mirror after I heard that clip, and I
Speaker 2: was like, wow, I am pretty, but I'm hot in
Speaker 2: the mirror. But in real life and in photos, I'm
Speaker 2: really scared. That's not true.
Speaker 4: Like, that's that's I wouldn't work on this podcast if
Speaker 4: he has ugly.
Speaker 2: Straight up honestly, I agree.
Speaker 1: I literally agree. Like I can't say.
Speaker 2: That I was it that loud. We've been trying to
Speaker 2: fix it and now it's louder.
Speaker 1: No, it's louder. Also our heater. I turned it on
Speaker 1: yesterday and it was buzzing really loud, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, all of my fears of the house
Speaker 1: exploiting are gonna come to fruition. So I turned it
Speaker 1: off and I just suffered in the freezing cold.
Speaker 2: Yeah, our house is fucking freezing.
Speaker 1: It is constantly, without the fail, the sixty six degrees
Speaker 1: in the house at every waking fucking.
Speaker 2: The first thing Inya says when she wakes up every morning,
Speaker 2: she walks at her door and she's like, oh, it's
Speaker 2: so cold without fail every.
Speaker 1: Because every morning it shocks me because I got a
Speaker 1: heated blanket, which has genuinely.
Speaker 2: Changed shifted that I like sleeping in your bedroom.
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with the heat blanket. I am still fearful
Speaker 1: that it's gonna cook me in my sleep. But I
Speaker 1: found out this morning that it turns off automatically after
Speaker 1: three hours, so that's good. But then I wake up freezing,
Speaker 1: Like you're.
Speaker 2: Gonna get those like, uh skin veins.
Speaker 1: That I honestly don't give a fuck. I'll just get
Speaker 1: like permanent air brushing on my legs. I was thinking
Speaker 1: about that the other day, like, I have no plans
Speaker 1: on ever getting surgeries, especially in my like younger years.
Speaker 1: I'm untouched, okay.
Speaker 2: Like right, yeah, and he's untouched.
Speaker 4: You both have gotten so much work done. I know
Speaker 4: you irresponsible to say.
Speaker 1: I just can't stop getting work done. I just can't stop.
Speaker 2: I just can't stop coming. I don't think people know
Speaker 2: that reference, but I say it all the fucking time.
Speaker 2: I've said it multiple times on a stage in front
Speaker 2: of a bunch of college students. What we're referencing when
Speaker 2: we just when we say I just can't stop coming
Speaker 2: is like about five years ago, Nikokado Avocado posted an
Speaker 2: IG story promoting his only fans where he scribbled out
Speaker 2: like maybe forty percent of it and you could fully
Speaker 2: see his like wiener on hard coming and he literally
Speaker 2: just like was like, I just can't stop coming. I
Speaker 2: don't know, it's just like so funny.
Speaker 1: This is the craziest thing ever, if you know what
Speaker 1: it is. It's the first time I've heard a man
Speaker 1: say something like that's equivalent to like what they have
Speaker 1: camgirls saying, yeah, like it's such a chatterbait ass.
Speaker 2: Ad of like I just can't stop coming.
Speaker 1: But what was I gonna say? Oh, yeah, I haven't
Speaker 1: gotten any work done yet. That is what I want
Speaker 1: to profess yet, trust and believe the second I turn fifty,
Speaker 1: I'm going fucking banana.
Speaker 2: And the work is gonna be so good.
Speaker 1: I know by then it's gonna be unseen. Y'all are
Speaker 1: gonna have to Like I mean to be fair by fifty,
Speaker 1: I quite literally don't think anybody will give a single
Speaker 1: fuck about it.
Speaker 2: So the world will be on fire.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we won't make it that far with climate change
Speaker 1: and everything, so whatever, but if we do, I will
Speaker 1: be getting surgery, and they will maybe be like one
Speaker 1: or two of you who remembers that I exist, and
Speaker 1: you'll go through and find my ig where I'm getting
Speaker 1: like one like in a comment from a family member,
Speaker 1: and it's just me looking exactly like this. Still, it's
Speaker 1: like the Christina Aguilera.
Speaker 4: Thing like that. Shit is crazy.
Speaker 1: It's very creepy. It is very very weird.
Speaker 2: But I'm respecting the substance, babe, She's respecting the balance.
Speaker 1: I The thing is, I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to go that crazy like. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: want to go that crazy like. I don't want to
Speaker 1: look twenty five. I just want to look fifty.
Speaker 2: But kind Yeah, well, I would never touch my body
Speaker 2: this sis.
Speaker 1: No one else would either. It's not true, Drew, What's
Speaker 1: crazy as you're wearing that poop hat. And I almost
Speaker 1: didn't realize it because it just looks like your hair.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because it looks like shit.
Speaker 2: Oh well, I got a shot collar.
Speaker 1: Oh is that because we were talking about that way?
Speaker 1: Does it vibrate or shock?
Speaker 2: Vibrates and shocks and I thought we could try it
Speaker 2: for the first time on here, but I felt it
Speaker 2: shocked my finger, and I think it actually might stop
Speaker 2: my brain in heart.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know, but if it's if it's.
Speaker 2: Kind of like do.
Speaker 4: You put on your nuts after.
Speaker 2: Huh what?
Speaker 4: I didn't say anything?
Speaker 2: All right, Wait, be careful because it's on or maybe
Speaker 2: it's not. But I'm so scared. I don't know if
Speaker 2: I can do this.
Speaker 1: Actually, oh, it's just it's vibrating. No, it's it's vibrating. No,
Speaker 1: this one chocks.
Speaker 4: Okay, bark for me, Drew.
Speaker 2: No, I actually I can't do it. I don't think
Speaker 2: it's not on my skin yet. Wait. I don't want
Speaker 2: you to do it.
Speaker 1: Wait, I'll put it down. Wait, it's like literally not
Speaker 1: letting me put it down.
Speaker 2: You have to click the top button in and then
Speaker 2: I'll do very vivid and Westwood like I don't think so,
Speaker 2: wait's chill, chick.
Speaker 1: I want it's a force.
Speaker 2: I know it's not on my skin yet, but like,
Speaker 2: I don't trust you.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, look level one.
Speaker 2: My hair won't let me tighten this ship.
Speaker 1: Level one.
Speaker 2: Okay, but wait, it's not on my skin yet. What
Speaker 2: the was that you could do?
Speaker 1: Sounds too This is just abuse.
Speaker 2: I'm like, actually gonna have a conniption fit. Fuck.
Speaker 1: Did y'all want walkie talkie's really bad as kids?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Everybody wanted like a really good walkie talkie so fucking bad. Like, wait,
Speaker 1: we should get walkie talkies because we text across the house.
Speaker 2: That would be fun. Wait, something just did a turd
Speaker 2: fall down my shirt?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Did a turdfall?
Speaker 4: Of turd fall?
Speaker 2: There?
Speaker 4: They're all falling down honestly, fu.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm like actually losing my mind.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's like it's like rolling down the wall.
Speaker 2: What song did I sing earlier? I made a joke
Speaker 2: early about falling.
Speaker 4: Oh it was really linger.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know. We all have a rizzler.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna do one.
Speaker 2: Is it shocking?
Speaker 1: No? No?
Speaker 2: Oh, vibrating? I don't care about that. Literally feels like nothing.
Speaker 1: Should I bump it up?
Speaker 2: I mean, the vibrating is not gonna hurt at all.
Speaker 2: You're supposed to like scare me. But wait, why is
Speaker 2: it like actually like like it doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1: Okay, hold it away from you because I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Do you gotta squeal like a pi.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, this is level one.
Speaker 2: I actually don't know if this is a good idea.
Speaker 1: Just touch it.
Speaker 2: I didn't it hurt so bad?
Speaker 1: One?
Speaker 2: Yes, it felt like I was being like stabbed by
Speaker 2: a bee.
Speaker 1: Okay, then maybe we shouldn't play with this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want you to get hurt.
Speaker 2: Actually, wait, hold on, I keep feeling things. I'm like, literally,
Speaker 2: you're going crazy.
Speaker 4: Okay should I go?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh it's like it's not that bad.
Speaker 1: It's like the sound you made was crazy.
Speaker 2: No, if I go any higher on might like actually
Speaker 2: stop my heart? Oh fuck?
Speaker 1: Really? Yes, I guess dogs have like fur and like
Speaker 1: other things. It's like straight to the source with you.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I pulled it away. I was too scared.
Speaker 2: It's not on me yet. Wait turned it up to
Speaker 2: ten ten.
Speaker 1: I don't think for shock, just shock. It goes to
Speaker 1: level ninety A hazard sign.
Speaker 4: You were on one out of ninety nine.
Speaker 2: Wait do ten?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, what is happening. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: F three, F four. Oh no, that's for the.
Speaker 2: Sound frequency food. Okay, I'm ready.
Speaker 4: Oh and ya, what did you put it to?
Speaker 1: I didn't it's at ten, is it that?
Speaker 4: Are you sure it's at ten? And on one hundred
Speaker 4: because he just pissed himself. He pissed his pants.
Speaker 1: Good, this is what you get when you fuck with me, bitch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how are you still bruised from the cupping?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You still have the spots from the cupping.
Speaker 1: Also, I like didn't have a good reaction because I
Speaker 1: actually thought I just killed you, So like that silence
Speaker 1: was me actually being like my first thought was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I need to leave soon, like and I just killed Drew,
Speaker 1: so I can't leave. And I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to text everyone I know. Well, because I was well,
Speaker 1: I was like reorganizing my plans. I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: I can't leave. I have to take Drew to the hospital.
Speaker 1: And then I was like would I be able to
Speaker 1: make that? I was like, no, I have to be
Speaker 1: in the hospital.
Speaker 4: Why are you a woman? Getting her bag and being
Speaker 4: into padany exactly.
Speaker 2: I just died.
Speaker 1: You actually didn't bitch your dramatic horror slut.
Speaker 2: You're fucking slush all right, you're turning you.
Speaker 1: Hell no, no, no, I'm actually scared.
Speaker 4: Of any pain.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna say something that's really going to strike
Speaker 1: a chord with a lot of people, because I know
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that a lot of people in
Speaker 1: our audience are just going to feel attacked by this.
Speaker 1: I fear that Legos are just a Stanley type finesse,
Speaker 1: and everyone who is involved with being obsessed with Legos
Speaker 1: you have accidentally joined a cold. Legos are not that interesting.
Speaker 1: They're also like the craziest plastic machine I've ever seen,
Speaker 1: and it just reminds me of Stanley. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I saw a Lego wreath, like a Lego Christmas wreath.
Speaker 1: Get a fucking no.
Speaker 2: The flowers are so cute.
Speaker 1: The flowers, I'll let slide. But now they're doing everything.
Speaker 1: Everything is Lego everything, the core line house I haven't seen.
Speaker 2: The cat cats are so cute.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a fucking plushy like the Lego.
Speaker 2: No, the building is like the part of it that's fun.
Speaker 1: I just can't get with the Legos. And to me,
Speaker 1: I literally see it like the people who collect Stanley cups. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't like. Legos don't strike a chord of
Speaker 1: joy for me.
Speaker 2: Let the Lego cats vote, well.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. That's a good one. I like
Speaker 1: the og little just like regular Legos. This grand scheme,
Speaker 1: it literally feels like so Mary Kate and Ashley not
Speaker 1: Mary Kayan and Ashley. Uh Mary Kate makeup like it
Speaker 1: feels like that. To me, it feels very avon. It
Speaker 1: feels very culty. It feels like at one point someone's
Speaker 1: gonna start knocking on my door and asking if I
Speaker 1: want to buy like my Lego voting ballot, my Lego
Speaker 1: absentee ballot. Like it's just bleeding into everything. Everything is
Speaker 1: Lego and I don't like it. I just don't like it.
Speaker 2: I have to disagree, but we can agree to disagree.
Speaker 2: I think Legos are goats. I think they're the go
Speaker 2: Like the Dune Lego set is so fucking cool, like hello.
Speaker 1: To me, Legos are like my puff bar. I look
Speaker 1: at this, I'm like, how many of these are sitting
Speaker 1: in landfills? And then I look I feel really bad,
Speaker 1: and then I remember that there are people who buy
Speaker 1: a Lego set a month mmm, and there's eight million
Speaker 1: pieces just everywhere on the planet, and it makes me
Speaker 1: feel better.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I think, what the fuck? Where are my dad?
Speaker 2: What my dad texts me some weird shit. Well, people
Speaker 2: who think being gay is a choice are actively choosing
Speaker 2: not to be gay.
Speaker 1: So you're gay.
Speaker 2: So that's a gay tendency. I love gay tendencies, Like
Speaker 2: eating kiwis, that's gay tendencies.
Speaker 1: Eating kiwis? What else is a gay tendency?
Speaker 2: I guess riding passenger while your girl is driving that's
Speaker 2: gay tendencies.
Speaker 1: Watching music videos to wind down for the night is
Speaker 1: definitely gay tendency.
Speaker 2: Shing Men play football as gay tendencies. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: I got a rooting for a football team.
Speaker 1: I literally got a football at it fire and although
Speaker 1: it was moving. I will still never partake in the
Speaker 1: consumption of sports because it actually means nothing to me,
Speaker 1: Like it should be illegal to record the losing team,
Speaker 1: like seriously, they just fucking lost, Like now you're gonna
Speaker 1: put a camera on their face, And there's always the
Speaker 1: compilation of.
Speaker 4: The team, Like the best is when it's like the
Speaker 4: Confettio's colored like the other team why they're.
Speaker 1: Just like walking through and it's like they're just Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the more I think about it, I don't know
Speaker 1: what brings me joy.
Speaker 2: You're vape me my heated blanket, Your heated blanket. No,
Speaker 2: And I'm not kidding. I was laying in bed a
Speaker 2: couple of nights ago thinking about like what I am
Speaker 2: truly passionate for and like what I would do for
Speaker 2: the rest of my life like and enjoy it, and
Speaker 2: I have nothing. Nothing.
Speaker 1: I I like, well, okay, that's I think that is
Speaker 1: the scam. And this is gonna sound so Tumblr Twitter
Speaker 1: brain coded. But something I try to remind myself is
Speaker 1: being such a sad, sad, sad child who went through
Speaker 1: harsh things. I always had this very grand idea of
Speaker 1: what happiness was, and I thought when I had it,
Speaker 1: I would know it and I wouldn't second guess it.
Speaker 1: But literally, at this point, I feel like happiness is
Speaker 1: a construct that is being sold to us so that
Speaker 1: we never stop in the hamster wheel that is life,
Speaker 1: and that we keep keep keep just destroying ourselves and
Speaker 1: trying to search for that. But yeah, it literally is
Speaker 1: not this big thing. Happiness is just us sitting on
Speaker 1: the couch with Josh and like eating our favorite food
Speaker 1: and watching a fucking TV show or watching stupid YouTube videos. That,
Speaker 1: to me now I can accept that is the peak
Speaker 1: joy I will ever feel, because it's like.
Speaker 2: Being on my la phone for fourteen hours a day.
Speaker 2: That is pure happiness. Like yeah, I'm not even joking,
Speaker 2: like I love being on my phone. Right now, it's
Speaker 2: like really bad. But then there will be moments when
Speaker 2: I'm like two hundred videos deep on this random person
Speaker 2: from like Arkansas's TikTok account that has two hundred followers,
Speaker 2: and I like know everything about their life and I
Speaker 2: knew what like fucking donuts they ate in the morning,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, actually, like what am I doing?
Speaker 2: Like truly, and I'll like actually launch my phone across
Speaker 2: my room. Like if you ever hear something like hit
Speaker 2: the floor in my room, it's my phone flying across
Speaker 2: because I like literally can't just lock it and set
Speaker 2: it down. I have to like physically launch it out
Speaker 2: of my hand.
Speaker 1: I know I've seen you do it, and I remember
Speaker 1: one time you did it and just saw I was
Speaker 1: like oh and went and picked it up and gave
Speaker 1: it back to you, and you were like, no, I
Speaker 1: need for a back You were like okay, like dramatically, yeah,
Speaker 1: We'll come into my room and be like, I need
Speaker 1: to detox from my phone. I'm getting off my phone,
Speaker 1: we need to leave the house. And I'm like okay,
Speaker 1: and I'm sitting there like on my phone or doing
Speaker 1: something in my room, and two seconds later, who goes,
Speaker 1: I'm withdrawing. I really want to look at my phone
Speaker 1: right now, bitch. It's been like second year with a human, right.
Speaker 2: I legitimately get iPhone withdrawals, Like I need to go
Speaker 2: to rehab for my fucking phone. But back to the
Speaker 2: happiness conversation, life is only suffering from the second year
Speaker 2: born to the second you die. You will suffer every
Speaker 2: single day period. That's the end of it. I'm fucking kidding,
Speaker 2: and I mean it is, it really is. I'm about
Speaker 2: to start crying because everything bad that can happen to
Speaker 2: me has been happening to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just excited for this year to get wrapped up,
Speaker 1: although next year and the year after that and the
Speaker 1: year after that and the year after that doesn't seem
Speaker 1: like the most promising. Next few years.
Speaker 2: It's always unstable. You really never know.
Speaker 1: You just don't know.
Speaker 2: And I'm seventeen next year. We all I know about
Speaker 2: the seventeen Club. People die when they're seventeen, and who knows,
Speaker 2: maybe I'll die.
Speaker 1: Do you think they're gonna penalize Chapel Roone for contributing
Speaker 1: to population.
Speaker 2: Decline penis lies because she's a lesbian mm hmm hopefully,
Speaker 2: Because I.
Speaker 1: Was watching SNL and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love her so much, She's so awesome. And then
Speaker 1: I really like, I was rewatching it a few days
Speaker 1: after the election, so I was really really spiraling because no,
Speaker 1: I just was, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what if we get to a point that she like
Speaker 1: gets like fined for saying that women are better than
Speaker 1: men on TV? Which, guys, it's not gonna happen. Seriously, Okay,
Speaker 1: we need to move on because I'm actually gonna start
Speaker 1: freaking out.
Speaker 2: Well, Australia's PR team is a fucking shit show because
Speaker 2: I literally haven't seen a single positive thing about living there,
Speaker 2: like not one. There's a hole in the ozone layer
Speaker 2: that's melting people's fucking skins off. There's spiders, everywhere, like
Speaker 2: literally eating people alive. There's like the most poisonous snakes
Speaker 2: in the world.
Speaker 1: Just like living like an inhabitable.
Speaker 2: You shouldn't be there. It's inhospitable. It's literally you should
Speaker 2: not be there. Like I think there's like something like
Speaker 2: three cities where like ninety nine percent of the population lives,
Speaker 2: and then the rest is just like literally like mad
Speaker 2: Max level of desert where it's just like literally you
Speaker 2: can't survive out there. And then also, don't even get
Speaker 2: me fucking started about the goddamn flies, bitch. You have
Speaker 2: to wear like fucking fly hats because these flies are
Speaker 2: like attracted to the co two leaving your body, so
Speaker 2: they just like attack your face and try to get
Speaker 2: in your nose, out, eyes, mouth, and ears. So you
Speaker 2: have to wear these hats like when you just go outside.
Speaker 2: And then also those fucking birds, the magpies, like the
Speaker 2: fucking magpies. If you ride your bike down the road,
Speaker 2: magpies will swoop down and try to mag No, they
Speaker 2: try to eat your eyes out of your skull. I'm
Speaker 2: not kidding, Like they literally there's videos of people like
Speaker 2: where magpies are just like fucking attacking them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've seen a girl walking, Like there's this girl
Speaker 1: who runs and she always is trying out new hats
Speaker 1: to see if she gets attacked. I'm like, at what costs?
Speaker 1: Why do you live there?
Speaker 2: Like I don't have understand I mean, honestly, how are
Speaker 2: they going to get out? Because like every flight is
Speaker 2: literally twenty four hours away.
Speaker 1: Like it's also eight thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, but the surfing's nice. Let's say a couple
Speaker 2: of nice things.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about Australia.
Speaker 2: It's probably easy to tand.
Speaker 4: I think they're economy is strong. I heard that.
Speaker 2: Strong economy weird accent.
Speaker 4: But what I don't like about Australia is that Australian
Speaker 4: guys are always tall and strong and they'll beat me up,
Speaker 4: like Australian person i've ever met. Yeah, as like pull
Speaker 4: my pants down and fucking like beat me up and
Speaker 4: humiliated me.
Speaker 1: How often do you meet guys from Australia.
Speaker 2: I saw Jordan Barrett once.
Speaker 1: Who's Jordan Barrett the moder?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh.
Speaker 1: The scary guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's Australian. Yeah, he got caught stealing cigarettes.
Speaker 1: Anothery're mad pr stunt from Australia.
Speaker 2: He got caught stealing cigarettes and he got casted for it.
Speaker 1: Oh when he was younger, I thought like now because
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, why are you stealing cigarettes? Now?
Speaker 1: Now you're just bored.
Speaker 2: No is the weirdest and I'm.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I like, i'd like God bless.
Speaker 2: But like, No, PSL is different from appeal.
Speaker 4: He is. He is weird looking, but I do. I'm like,
Speaker 4: I look so much like him that maybe I'm just projecting,
Speaker 4: like that is your that is your that's.
Speaker 2: Kind of my that was your twin.
Speaker 1: I would be grossed out, like, No.
Speaker 2: You're You're more like cheeko twin codedbes. He's like appeal
Speaker 2: versus like Jordan Barrett's PSL Chico's appeal.
Speaker 1: You know what I just thought of When we were
Speaker 1: at the store and you were like, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: cheat code and the girl thought you said.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that is We were at the store
Speaker 2: and his girl like knew who we were and she
Speaker 2: worked there. And if you're listening to this, I fucking
Speaker 2: loved your energy. You were a fucking vibe, like you
Speaker 2: were late and she was just like chatting us up
Speaker 2: and we were just like talking about like what we
Speaker 2: had been up to and she was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: y'all were like randomly in fucking Arizona for the urban
Speaker 2: outfitters thing. Like I went there and I had friends
Speaker 2: there and they saw you and it was all it
Speaker 2: was fucking crazy. And then I can't remember how it
Speaker 2: got there. I think she was like talking about like.
Speaker 1: People go to the school to like go to a party. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you could like get a scholarship and then just
Speaker 1: go fuck off.
Speaker 2: And like party yeah, and get a that's Chico. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, yeah, that's a cheap code.
Speaker 4: I do not look like this guy.
Speaker 2: I know you don't.
Speaker 4: I don't all I fucking wish.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't look like him at all. Kind of
Speaker 2: this is appeal.
Speaker 4: This is so handsome makes me depressed.
Speaker 2: Like this is their other God, I hate men who
Speaker 2: look like that. I think he's so cute looking, but
Speaker 2: I would never I need like a forty six year old.
Speaker 1: Like if I'm going to find a man attractive, he
Speaker 1: has to have like a bit of character to his face.
Speaker 2: And look like I scars.
Speaker 1: I can't stand like a roadblocks like dressed to impressed
Speaker 1: looking motherfucker. I can't stand it.
Speaker 4: Well, me and Drew are obsessed with looking like that,
Speaker 4: so and we'll.
Speaker 2: Do whatever crazy I'm gonna get. I've been bone smashing.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say Guasha is the girl equivalent to
Speaker 1: bone smashing, because I saw a girl on my timeline
Speaker 1: who had Guasha so hard all her blood vessels had
Speaker 1: popped and all the comments were like, girl, really bad.
Speaker 2: Chill the fuck out. But anyways, this girl was like
Speaker 2: or I was like, oh, like, that's such a cheat code,
Speaker 2: like a cheat code to a video game, and she
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, that's so Chico. And then I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a cheat code and I like enunciate and she's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that is so Cheico.
Speaker 1: Like when we were laughing so hard because I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what would that even imply? I don't want to know
Speaker 1: what it would imply. But also just the idea that
Speaker 1: like Drew Phillips is in a store saying that's so.
Speaker 2: Cheap, we need to make cheeko. I'm assuming she had
Speaker 2: like a friend named Chico, where there's like a legend
Speaker 2: Chico Legend at the campus or something, or maybe she's
Speaker 2: a member of Mogwarts Mogwarts Academy.
Speaker 1: You have your Harry potter hat on. Isn't that the
Speaker 1: hat that like chooses people.
Speaker 2: The distorting hat? What are you? I feel like you're
Speaker 2: slithering Slytherin, I'm slither bone.
Speaker 4: What what slither bone?
Speaker 1: Making you laugh? Sod? It's crazy?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Right? Well, I think I've decided that somebody saying something
Speaker 1: is fascinating is the most condescending thing ever, Like it's
Speaker 1: interesting in movies where they're like fascinating, okay, bitch, because
Speaker 1: one it's not. Two you're being as fuck. And like
Speaker 1: if I told my story, like a story to somebody
Speaker 1: and all they were to say in reply.
Speaker 2: Was that's fascinating, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1: I would fucking hit them fascinating to me as a
Speaker 1: fight word, like, oh that's fascinating. I'm so fucking sure
Speaker 1: that's fascinating to you. Like it literally just sounds so demeaning.
Speaker 2: It's it's like the same as someone describing like a
Speaker 2: food as interesting, like I know you hate it, and
Speaker 2: I know you don't like it, Just say you don't
Speaker 2: like it the flavor is interesting, Like you literally don't
Speaker 2: like it. Like that's me to Macha, Like I don't
Speaker 2: like Macha, I never will. It tastes like I'm fucking
Speaker 2: drinking like cow chewed grass like and that's why I
Speaker 2: love machao.
Speaker 1: I love that bitter taste, like I can't stand to Macha.
Speaker 1: A lot of y'all don't even fuck with Macha, Like
Speaker 1: I understand Macha's all the rave right now, but a
Speaker 1: lot of y'all don't fuck with Macha the way I
Speaker 1: do and me and my girls do, because why the
Speaker 1: fuck are you adding blueberry raspberry like all these things? Also,
Speaker 1: actually we need to talk about that audio. A lot
Speaker 1: of y'all are adding like raspberries to your coffee. What
Speaker 1: the fuck are we talking about? Like even the banana coffee,
Speaker 1: you're pushing it, Like covering the coffee is pushing it.
Speaker 2: But they put bananas in the coffee.
Speaker 1: Yeah, some people make bananas syrup, which I will say,
Speaker 1: actually does sound delicious for two SIPs, and then it
Speaker 1: sounds like it would give me an insane.
Speaker 2: I really can't eat bananas.
Speaker 1: It would give me heartburn.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I get like welts on my tongue and throat
Speaker 2: when I eat bananas, not in like a crazy way
Speaker 2: like eating oyster's muscles clams would, but like i'd literally
Speaker 2: like the enzymes or some shit like melt my tongue away.
Speaker 1: I want, I really want the Banana Fortnite crocs.
Speaker 2: I was just saying that, literally, the Banana Fortnite crocs,
Speaker 2: the Battlebus crocs, the pink ones are the most horrifying
Speaker 2: piece of clothing I've ever seen created.
Speaker 1: I mean to be fair, all of them are like terrifying.
Speaker 2: But the banana ones are like terrifying.
Speaker 1: Oh, I should tell my parents to get me that
Speaker 1: for Christmas. Wait, I need to send that to them. Also,
Speaker 1: a zool is kind, and don't fuck with a zool
Speaker 1: because I randomly looked up how much a zool costs.
Speaker 1: I found a zool on the street. And a Zul
Speaker 1: is like a paid experience of a cat. He's the
Speaker 1: dumbest cat I've like ever interacted with, dude a soul randomly. Also,
Speaker 1: if you don't know, because I feel like I've never
Speaker 1: talked about Azool anymore, Azula is my fucking cat. She
Speaker 1: has like become obsessed. Actually, what's weird? The older a
Speaker 1: fool gets, Yeah, the older Zul gets, the more like
Speaker 1: a boy he starts to act to me. So now
Speaker 1: he's like kind of just been a boy for the
Speaker 1: past year because he has become obsessed with cardboard boxes.
Speaker 1: Not in the way most cats are, where they get
Speaker 1: in it and they play and they're cute. Azul takes
Speaker 1: out this aggression that I've never seen an animal do.
Speaker 1: He doesn't eat it. He doesn't like swallow the cardboard,
Speaker 1: but he very meticulously. It's like he's a little Amazon worker.
Speaker 1: Like he goes up to it and he's.
Speaker 2: Like like he just bites it and spits it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he just bites it and spits it out and
Speaker 1: then plays with the cardboard pieces and then just like
Speaker 1: circles around it like he killed something and walks away.
Speaker 1: And there's a cardboard box under my bed because I
Speaker 1: have all his canned food like shoved in this box
Speaker 1: under my bed. I'll be laying in bed and I
Speaker 1: just wake up to like under my bed and it's
Speaker 1: like a thumping sound, and I go under my bed
Speaker 1: and it's just a zoul with two paws in the
Speaker 1: box and then his like all the rim of it
Speaker 1: is plastic and chewed up cardboard. Also, he has started
Speaker 1: to eat my vinyl record, so he literally, yeah, he
Speaker 1: literally goes to like I have all of my records,
Speaker 1: like leaned up against my desk. He goes and he
Speaker 1: it literally feels like he's picking something out, which I
Speaker 1: should start playing the records he pulls out and see
Speaker 1: if my cat can be smart. But that's not the case.
Speaker 1: He just yeah, he shows Evangelist. And then the other
Speaker 1: one was what's yo la tengo?
Speaker 2: Also he chewed a hole in an air mattress, Like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: like a dog.
Speaker 1: We can't have air mattresses in the house because the
Speaker 1: zool finds them.
Speaker 2: And he finds them and he eats them like a munch.
Speaker 2: Is thet Yeah, it's an animal.
Speaker 1: I was looking at a today and I was like,
Speaker 1: it is so funny how we just picked this animal
Speaker 1: to be like the animal like cats and dogs are Like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think that. I think they chose us. They
Speaker 2: could control us. I truly do think that, Like I
Speaker 2: really that fucking parasite study is crazy and I know
Speaker 2: we all got But I love cats in the craziest way,
Speaker 2: like I send it. I send at least three cat
Speaker 2: videos a day, like to my friends and family. I
Speaker 2: fucking love cats.
Speaker 1: The most beautiful Pat is so cute, is beautiful and
Speaker 1: when he looks at me with this face.
Speaker 2: I'm like, this cat has nag.
Speaker 4: Have you seen the kitten that says hello?
Speaker 2: No, let me show you hold that hell up because
Speaker 2: I need to see that.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love azool bro.
Speaker 2: If you look up there, I found an azul whisker.
Speaker 1: Oh really yeah? Whoa, it's long as hell?
Speaker 4: Oh, this is it? This is it?
Speaker 1: I think this is a whisker.
Speaker 2: I'm w a kitten sometimes.
Speaker 1: Oh I know. Sometimes I feel like a Zoel can
Speaker 1: say hello. And I'm not kidding because sometimes he does
Speaker 1: this very specific me out only when I'm in the
Speaker 1: bathroom and he's standing out he wants to get in.
Speaker 2: He does not like the bathroom door close because anytime
Speaker 2: I'm in there, he comes up and the outs at
Speaker 2: it and then like he knows it's me, like a
Speaker 2: Ziel doesn't give a fuck about me. Actually, as look,
Speaker 2: he loves me.
Speaker 1: He just hates the bathroom door closed. Not that he
Speaker 1: likes to hang out in the bathroom, but he likes
Speaker 1: the option of going into a room where one of
Speaker 1: us is in there, like he doesn't like to be
Speaker 1: closed off. And I love him so much. He is
Speaker 1: so cute and he loves the heated blanket. Like usually
Speaker 1: he lays up here and sleeps next to my shoulders,
Speaker 1: but since I have the heated blanket now, he'll like
Speaker 1: scrounge around and like lay half on me, half off me.
Speaker 1: And I love when I'm playing Fortnite and he comes
Speaker 1: and he lays across my lap like a little loaf.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I literally, you've grown up so much in the last time.
Speaker 1: I know, if when Azul dies, I think I'm gonna
Speaker 1: kill myself.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I'm gonna kill myself.
Speaker 2: Would you kill yourself if I died?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, good, I mean it doesn't take much.
Speaker 2: Well. The last thing I want to talk about is
Speaker 2: family data plans. Did y'all have those?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Yeah, bro, Oh my god, Like I forgot about the
Speaker 2: trauma that a family data plan caused me as like
Speaker 2: a kid that was obsessed with the Internet. I know,
Speaker 2: every single month, three days in four days in our
Speaker 2: family would get a text in the family group chat
Speaker 2: saying that we've used ninety percent of our data plan.
Speaker 2: And then my fucking sister figured out a way to
Speaker 2: fucking call on her iPhone to see by number who's
Speaker 2: using the data and every single time without fail. It
Speaker 2: was me using ninety percent of the data before anybody could.
Speaker 1: But it was also like it felt like it took nothing.
Speaker 1: I genuinely remember getting being in school and it would
Speaker 1: be like the day after the VMA's and I need
Speaker 1: to see what people tweeted, and I'm on my phone
Speaker 1: just looking at Twitter and even just seeing gifts and
Speaker 1: fucking picture replies would take up so much of it
Speaker 1: and it would destroy it. Also, did you ever have
Speaker 1: to like go in and check how much like of
Speaker 1: the data you've used like all the time, Like I
Speaker 1: would do it all the time, and it literally felt
Speaker 1: like undoing a bomb every time I was doing that,
Speaker 1: because even that felt like it was using data. Like
Speaker 1: everything on my phone remember minutes.
Speaker 2: Yes or I no no no no no. I never
Speaker 2: had minutes. I mean like I did have minutes, but
Speaker 2: like I'd never use the phone.
Speaker 1: Oh I had minutes, but there was like minutes.
Speaker 2: And then there were something with with like.
Speaker 1: Texting too, like there was only a certain amount of
Speaker 1: like text send and oh my god, I my lgen
Speaker 1: that like not being able to reply to my crush
Speaker 1: because I used up all my shit and I would
Speaker 1: just have to go to school and be like sorry,
Speaker 1: I couldn't reply, Like I.
Speaker 2: Literally sorry, I couldn't play twenty three questions with you.
Speaker 1: That's why Kick was so popular, because it was like
Speaker 1: before like Messenger I got oh duh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about the experiences I
Speaker 2: had from fourteen to seventeen, even eighteen.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are going to jail. A lot
Speaker 1: of people.
Speaker 4: Wait, so these experiences happened like the first couple of
Speaker 4: years of the podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like two years ago, three.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that you were going through that. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I would.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was not even that big of a deal.
Speaker 2: He's being so yeah, I'm being dramatic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, chill out, dude.
Speaker 2: Okay, wait, what is this?
Speaker 1: If you if you had to accept an award, do
Speaker 1: you think you would be like BuzzFeed like think you
Speaker 1: humans whatever? Or do you think you would be like
Speaker 1: very serious?
Speaker 2: Uh, I'd probably take my shirt off.
Speaker 1: I think I would want to hopecore edit so I
Speaker 1: would drop an insane amount of lore and I would
Speaker 1: trauma up. I'm like, we need someone to do that.
Speaker 1: We need somebody to get up on that stage and
Speaker 1: accept a Grammy and just.
Speaker 2: Trauma doze and just like say like the worst thing.
Speaker 1: To destroy the vibe. Oh my god, yesterday I had
Speaker 1: the saddest experience in the fucking dispensary and it was
Speaker 1: genuinely like, oh my god, it was so jarring. I
Speaker 1: pulled up and this person, this guy parked right in
Speaker 1: front of me and walked in before me. And as
Speaker 1: I'm heading in, it's all glass windows, and I see
Speaker 1: him talking to the girl and I just see him
Speaker 1: like drop his head and start like sobbing. And the
Speaker 1: girl comes around who is helping him, who worked there,
Speaker 1: and hugged her, uh, hugged him, and he was just
Speaker 1: like when I came in, somebody else had to help
Speaker 1: me check my ID because he like immediately Also it
Speaker 1: was like I'm so sorry. I genuinely think this person
Speaker 1: was going through it, and I did feel so much empathy,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't help but find the humor and the
Speaker 1: fact that he was like sobbing so hard, and he
Speaker 1: was like, I'll take a this disposable pen the one
Speaker 1: cram and like was crying. I was like, this is
Speaker 1: such a crazy vibe, but it was really really sad,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to say something to him because he
Speaker 1: was having the kind of sob that I was like,
Speaker 1: this has to be somebody who's greeting somebody, and like
Speaker 1: there had to have just been like a word exchange,
Speaker 1: like maybe he hasn't seen anybody. And I felt so
Speaker 1: bad because he kept saying sorry, which also to hear
Speaker 1: a man say sorry so much, I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: like there are one good one one, but like it
Speaker 1: was really jarring. But I need somebody to do what
Speaker 1: that guy did in the dispensary and like how he
Speaker 1: shifted the mood in there. I need somebody to do that.
Speaker 1: Just literally get up on sage. This be so much
Speaker 1: to be because.
Speaker 2: I think I was gonna say, I think I might
Speaker 2: just scream into the mic, like consume it and scream,
Speaker 2: like you remember what you used to do on like
Speaker 2: Xbox or like when you had to use wired headphones
Speaker 2: and you could put the mic in your mouth and
Speaker 2: scream into it and it would be the most deafening sound.
Speaker 2: That's my acceptance.
Speaker 1: I still do that to my friends on Fortnite. I
Speaker 1: will literally just like join a party, put the like
Speaker 1: I have the five as five really, so I just
Speaker 1: will put the controller into my mouth. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like not plunching on the box and then I'll just like,
Speaker 1: but I think it peaks out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it peaks out because there there's certain microphones that
Speaker 2: people have found that are better for screaming screaming into
Speaker 2: and it's like those ones that are like an earpiece
Speaker 2: right here that go those always, Yeah, those are like
Speaker 2: the goad of like screaming.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that guy, uh was really scary. It made
Speaker 1: me sad and I wanted to say something, but I
Speaker 1: was like, Honestly, the last time I spoke to a
Speaker 1: stranger who I thought was crying, it was embarrassing for me.
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2: You know, this guy is obviously he'd probably follow you home.
Speaker 1: The other Yeah, that was the other things. I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't talk to this man because sadly can be
Speaker 1: nice to me. He can be nice to a man
Speaker 1: because he's gonna think that he's gonna marry you.
Speaker 2: Well, I think the worst thing that's ever happened to me,
Speaker 2: worse than my brother dying, worse than my grandpa and
Speaker 2: grandma dying as COVID fumbling me? Who fumbled you?
Speaker 1: You fumbled me because I wanted you, And then you
Speaker 1: were like no, no.
Speaker 2: No, no, you fumbled me.
Speaker 4: But look at me, you and look at me hello,
Speaker 4: and just imagine me.
Speaker 1: We should if they start doing it so that we
Speaker 1: could have a baby and like it would be in
Speaker 1: a test tube and not a surrogate.
Speaker 2: I would genuinely do that with you. I think we
Speaker 2: could probably figure that out. Yeah, I mean we could
Speaker 2: probably combine our DNA in a test tube and then
Speaker 2: implant it in someone to carry it.
Speaker 1: I just don't want someone else to carry my baby.
Speaker 4: So did you rather just fucking get pregnant to have
Speaker 4: a baby then?
Speaker 1: So that's all you think women are good for life? Wow?
Speaker 4: Not at all, Not at all. That's one of the
Speaker 4: many things that I celebrate women doing.
Speaker 2: Hi, you're crazy for that.
Speaker 1: I saw like discussion unfolding because of everything happening where
Speaker 1: it was talking about how so many people in this
Speaker 1: generation feel lost because the women aren't having kids and
Speaker 1: just by human nature, we're supposed to have kids. First
Speaker 1: of all, kill yourself, that's it exactly.
Speaker 2: I mean, we should collapse the population because like there's
Speaker 2: not going to be fucking evil people to be in power.
Speaker 2: But whatever. Worse than Trump getting re elected, uh, worse
Speaker 2: than my bug dying and you're killing my bug. Murdering
Speaker 2: it in cold blood is coming home from the drive
Speaker 2: through and not checking your bag before and realizing there's
Speaker 2: no sauce in that goddamn bag. I swear to God
Speaker 2: that will quite literally ruined my week. Like that ruins
Speaker 2: my the sauce. Yes, someone out there relates, Like the
Speaker 2: most important part of a meal to me is buffalo sauce.
Speaker 2: If I don't get buffalo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess cause you're just somebody who you use
Speaker 1: food as a vehicle for condiments. Yeah, you're not like
Speaker 1: eating food for this the like flavor of the food.
Speaker 1: You're eating it to ranch or buffalo or like QUP
Speaker 1: mayo because everything Drew eats he slathering.
Speaker 2: Ranch, Buffalo and QB mayo. Though I could literally survive
Speaker 2: on just those three.
Speaker 1: The thing is Ranch alone kind of grosses me out.
Speaker 1: Like Ranch, there's like a very specific like the ranch
Speaker 1: in the bottle from the salad for salads that ranch.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you something what I went into the
Speaker 2: refrigerator like three days ago and there was a cup
Speaker 2: of ranch in there and I literally drink it likeically
Speaker 2: and from wingstuff.
Speaker 1: That is crazy. Like the thing is everybody knows online.
Speaker 1: It's like the ranch from Wingstop is goaded, but I
Speaker 1: don't think people are consuming it the way You've taken
Speaker 1: it to a level that it's.
Speaker 2: Genuinely like it's really it's I mean really.
Speaker 1: Like licks the bowl like he literally gets mad when
Speaker 1: I'm about to throw away, like this level of ranch
Speaker 1: away after you. Oh my god. The other day I
Speaker 1: got a swing stop and he's like, they only gave
Speaker 1: us two things of branch. As if that's not enough,
Speaker 1: you get three fucking tenders, like you just want to
Speaker 1: drink the ranch. It's so weird. And then it's like
Speaker 1: I feel like most people order the big tub and
Speaker 1: it feels wasteful because you get the big tub and
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm not using all this ranch. I literally
Speaker 1: watched Drew, like you know the muckbanger girls who like
Speaker 1: dunk it in and do it to like for the
Speaker 1: visual like nasty effect. Drew does that un ironically without
Speaker 1: camera so far his fingers get coated and then I
Speaker 1: lick my fingers clean.
Speaker 2: Oh, Buffalo sauce too.
Speaker 1: Bubble sauce is very good.
Speaker 2: It does like don't love sauce to me?
Speaker 1: Tastes like what when I know it is summertime, I
Speaker 1: get like a certain kind of sweat that comes out
Speaker 1: of my body. Buffalo sauce smells like that, like that
Speaker 1: very specific, like like spiked sweat stench.
Speaker 2: So body odor.
Speaker 1: Yeah is what buffalo sauce is like, but in a
Speaker 1: really good way.
Speaker 2: Umm, buffalo sauce. But if you haven't tried it, do
Speaker 2: not fucking try it, because you will live your entire
Speaker 2: fucking life chasing that goddamn high. Like the first time
Speaker 2: I had it, I knew a switch flipped into my
Speaker 2: brain and I was like, this is what's gonna kill me.
Speaker 2: It's like straight up my haroin, Like I'm not kidding,
Speaker 2: like it really like I'm chasing the magic dragon.
Speaker 1: You don't like buffalo sauce the way I do because
Speaker 1: I use the buffalo wings from seven Lot.
Speaker 2: You don't know nothing about me in my buffalo sauce.
Speaker 1: I will say, you have to put me on sauce
Speaker 1: like I wasn't. Like I wasn't like a sauce connoissewer
Speaker 1: like that before I met you. Also, U saying the
Speaker 1: kouchie thing made me think of this.
Speaker 2: Wait wait wait wait wait wait. Elon Musk's body looks
Speaker 2: like an autopsy.
Speaker 4: Was that a SiO no.
Speaker 2: I saw someone comment that on TikTok and I thought
Speaker 2: it was quite literally the funniest thing I've ever to
Speaker 2: the email too. Oh really, it literally is what his
Speaker 2: body looks like an autopsy.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's our curse of the week. Goes out
Speaker 1: to Elon Musk. Head On, you will wake up from
Speaker 1: a ferocious dream where you were on fire, only to
Speaker 1: wake up and realize you actually are on fire and
Speaker 1: you were paying in real time for all of the
Speaker 1: sins against humanity you have created, and you will be
Speaker 1: dying soon. So count your fucking days if I put
Speaker 1: a curse on you, bitch, or not fucking make it.
Speaker 1: And I'm putting the curse on you. Elon Musk, you
Speaker 1: will perish. Elon Musk, you will perish. Elon Musk, you
Speaker 1: will perish.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's so fucking nasty. He's clear. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, it's clear. He's fucking clear. Bro Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm moving on Drew Cia. I hate when motherfuckers say
Speaker 2: shit like it's a quarter till nine, bitch, just say
Speaker 2: it's eight seventy five. Goddamn y'all stupid. I'm like shaking.
Speaker 2: That riled me up. That really got me going.
Speaker 1: It's okay, I cursed him. He's not gonna make it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we should buy everybody if we all bought Etsy Spells. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm done, I'm done.
Speaker 4: I'm done.
Speaker 2: Another night, no sex. I feel like an inmate. Out
Speaker 2: of the eight dudes you're talking to, why do you
Speaker 2: gotta tell me your hungry? Oh? Wait, no, no, fuck,
Speaker 2: I read that wrong. Out of the eight dudes you're
Speaker 2: talking to. Out of the eight dudes you're talking to,
Speaker 2: why do you have to tell me you're hungry?
Speaker 1: You did read it like that the first time. That
Speaker 1: is exactly how you're at it the first time. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: you just added a verbal comma this time.
Speaker 2: Hill, don't give me a kid. I'm gonna name that
Speaker 2: bitch Spinach Wheel.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna name my kid Bethany, Mota Bro.
Speaker 2: My kid's names, I have them. I'm gonna have two girls,
Speaker 2: one boy, Karma, Karma Mantis. What's what's the boy's name?
Speaker 2: Karma Mantis, Orchid orchid Orkid Karma Manton is an orchid, Orkie.
Speaker 1: Or I'm gonna name my kid mythic item booky Bomb
Speaker 1: Gold Scar Gold scar. Yeah right, there's definitely somebody who's
Speaker 1: asked chat GBT what they should name their baby, and
Speaker 1: they named the fucking baby that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so far, and they buy Tesla cars. I can't
Speaker 2: read right now. I'm actually having a trouble reading.
Speaker 1: A trouble reading.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can read for you.
Speaker 1: Why are you, as a man getting up early, rise
Speaker 1: and grind? The fuck are you grinding on us?
Speaker 2: Grinder?
Speaker 1: Old people at weddings always poking you, saying you're next,
Speaker 1: So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Speaker 1: I'm going to hell. Bruh. That's a good one. Marriage
Speaker 1: is a death sentence.
Speaker 2: Who sent those?
Speaker 1: Right? There's more? I know people be talking about me.
Speaker 1: It's okay, though, because I talk about y'all too, and
Speaker 1: I'm way funnier. Sometimes the person you want isn't most,
Speaker 1: isn't one you need you want?
Speaker 2: Sometimes the person you want isn't most. Isn't you one
Speaker 2: need you want? The is one emoji? Huh huh Susan.
Speaker 2: Shout out Susan, Oh my god, shout out Susan, and
Speaker 2: shout out Madeleine, and shout out Kelly h.
Speaker 1: Kelly. Eight. Okay, My media of the week is I'll
Speaker 1: tell you now, Lindsey Buckingham, can't stop loving you, soul dog,
Speaker 1: make love to me, Carrie Cleveland and expecting to fly
Speaker 1: Buffalo Springfielday. And then for movies, I watched Moonstrock with
Speaker 1: Nicholas Cage and Chair and it was so good. It
Speaker 1: was just a hoot and a hauler and it was
Speaker 1: so charming. I missed when movies were charming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I miss like old rom coms. It was cute.
Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a cinophile.
Speaker 1: We really need to change that word.
Speaker 4: When you like, are really excited about feet.
Speaker 2: Pedophile it is?
Speaker 1: Is that really what it is?
Speaker 2: P E d I ped.
Speaker 4: I didn't think that you were actually gonna follow through
Speaker 4: with that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Wait, hold on, wait is that actually
Speaker 2: what it is?
Speaker 4: That's what I was setting him up for, But I
Speaker 4: thought he was gonna say something else. It has to
Speaker 4: be a different word.
Speaker 2: It's gotta be. It's gotta be. But ped is like
Speaker 2: the word for foot.
Speaker 1: There's an old zeno grossing meal zin.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Like the stains, I I know what the stains
Speaker 2: in this house Shaw, if you could see, if you
Speaker 2: could see the squalor we fucking live in, it's really
Speaker 2: nasty and I don't have media.
Speaker 4: I have media. Uh, it's real, it's real media. Micro
Speaker 4: Cosm by Veronica Everheart and I love that song. Really,
Speaker 4: She's gooded micro Cosm by Veronica Everheart and rock Solid
Speaker 4: by two Shell.
Speaker 2: Well cheap a Matto, Sure, Moonchild, Like, what the fuck
Speaker 2: do you want?
Speaker 1: Bye,