Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Your girls looked beautiful? How are they? Is it so hard?
Speaker 2: I feel like that age. I'm just like scared of.
Speaker 1: Be very scared. Yeah, the girls are doing good. And
Speaker 1: so you saw my two girls at jingle Ball. Remind
Speaker 1: me the ages again, sixteen and thirteen.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm just I remember what I was like at
Speaker 2: that age when my parents got divorced, and even so
Speaker 2: I just fear that age because of just that age
Speaker 2: and social media and everything else.
Speaker 3: All of the above.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting you brought that up, though, because when
Speaker 1: I announced my divorce, you were literally one of my
Speaker 1: first friends that texted me and you were like, you
Speaker 1: got this. And I remember saying to you at the
Speaker 1: time that she was fifteen at the time and now
Speaker 1: she's sixteen.
Speaker 3: Stella.
Speaker 1: She was having a hard time. Didn't want me to
Speaker 1: talk about their lives. And it is interesting because Billy's
Speaker 1: held seven.
Speaker 2: She's going to be nine in January nine.
Speaker 3: Yeh, god, wow, I got that wrong. Oh, because my
Speaker 3: son's seventh.
Speaker 1: Sorry, we have eight kids between the two. Yeah, it's like, gosh, oh,
Speaker 1: so you're about to hit that song.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yeah, but she but yeah, she didn't
Speaker 2: want you talking about it.
Speaker 1: And and you sent me a voice text that really
Speaker 1: helped me get through it because it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I know, you know this world, and there's not many
Speaker 1: of my friends I can turn to to say, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's our lives are public, whether we talk about it
Speaker 1: or not, it's out there. And it's the same with you.
Speaker 1: And you know, she was like very much, So why
Speaker 1: do you have to do this podcast? You know, she
Speaker 1: was fine with nine O two one OMG, but misspelling,
Speaker 1: why do you have to do that? Because that's talking
Speaker 1: about our lives and in her mind it was perpetuating it.
Speaker 1: And and you said something valuable. You were like, you know,
Speaker 1: this is you have to work for a living, and
Speaker 1: this is your work and this is what you do.
Speaker 1: And if you know, you don't say your narrative, someone
Speaker 1: else will create a false narrative. And you said, be
Speaker 1: strong and thank you for that. Sorry I sound like
Speaker 1: a stocker friend.
Speaker 2: But no, of course, I think it's one of those things,
Speaker 2: too is and I still have to find my footing
Speaker 2: with it. And I've been you know, three half almost gosh,
Speaker 2: how many years divorced now like almost four, but was
Speaker 2: it three and a half? I don't know. But where
Speaker 2: I even still have to remind myself that my truth
Speaker 2: is okay to share. Now. Some of it I don't
Speaker 2: share to protect certain areas for the kids, but other
Speaker 2: areas I need to for not only like I want to,
Speaker 2: you know, because I know I'm not alone in it
Speaker 2: and you're not alone in it. And so I think,
Speaker 2: and yes, it is like this. You have a podcast.
Speaker 2: I have a podcast, and that is ways of supporting
Speaker 2: our children, but also owning your truth is such a
Speaker 2: valuable thing, and especially in this day and age, like
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful thing to be sharing now, you know.
Speaker 2: And I think, and I think, I said, like, your
Speaker 2: daughter will she will recognize that. Maybe not now, but
Speaker 2: she will.
Speaker 1: Yeah you did one day. Yeah, And I go with that,
Speaker 1: I really do. But it's hard, and of course i'm
Speaker 1: the same. There's so much I don't share, you know,
Speaker 1: and I know we're on the same page. There's there's stuff,
Speaker 1: you know, if people knew, it's like they'd be like
Speaker 1: and you're still standing. You're like, yeah, not just stand
Speaker 1: and walk and running.
Speaker 2: Right through it all.
Speaker 1: So yeah, but it's very challenging and I got to
Speaker 1: meet Alan.
Speaker 2: Yah, You're gonna find that happy ending too. I promise you.
Speaker 2: I know you will if you want it. If you
Speaker 2: want that, like if if love is the if that's
Speaker 2: what you you know, if you want if you want
Speaker 2: to have that again. Some people are totally fine, and
Speaker 2: then they don't, they don't want that anymore.
Speaker 1: No, I'd like to find love. And you said to
Speaker 1: me Friday night, are you doing? And I think the
Speaker 1: one thing I said to you is I said, I'm lonely?
Speaker 3: M h.
Speaker 2: And what did I say?
Speaker 3: I'm blanking? What'd you say?
Speaker 2: I said, there's a beauty in the loneliness, like you'll
Speaker 2: find like you find yourself in the loneliness. Like that's
Speaker 2: where I learned to really love myself in the loneliness.
Speaker 3: It's not funny. I said the word.
Speaker 1: I said that to you out loud, and then I
Speaker 1: just froze and shut down in my brain.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to keep hearing that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And everyone says, you know, be alone, be with yourself,
Speaker 1: and I always think, gosh and so o way, I
Speaker 1: have been with myself and been alone for fifty one years.
Speaker 2: Well, and I just want to say this too, but
Speaker 2: like don't you feel I don't know if you felt
Speaker 2: the same way, But when I think back in my
Speaker 2: marriage of infidelity, I felt more alone in that marriage
Speaker 2: than I did post divorce, because it's such a lonely
Speaker 2: existence being with someone that isn't respectful to you in
Speaker 2: a marriage, and that makes you feel really lonely in
Speaker 2: a marriage, where it's like which one's worth worse being
Speaker 2: lonely in a marriage or being lonely outside of a marriage,
Speaker 2: like which evil is worse? And to me, it's staying
Speaker 2: with a man that doesn't respect me that to me
Speaker 2: is more lonely.
Speaker 3: It's true, but it was.
Speaker 1: And I mean, you knew that I wanted to leave
Speaker 1: years before I left. I think we had this conversation
Speaker 1: when I did your podcast going now, like it was
Speaker 1: it two years ago and afterwards we had wine.
Speaker 2: Talked us three years ago or something years ago?
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah it was.
Speaker 2: And you're like, I want to get out. I'm like,
Speaker 2: then get out, like you can do it, and you're like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm I guess you can, which was
Speaker 2: like I was actually happy for you, isn't that morbid?
Speaker 2: Like I was happy for you when I found out
Speaker 2: the US, because I'm like, that's what your soul in
Speaker 2: heart really wanted. It's hard, but like I was so
Speaker 2: excited and like, finally you can like start over.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of people were happy for me
Speaker 1: and nothing against my ex.
Speaker 3: It's just it wasn't right.
Speaker 1: But going back to being disrespected in a marriage when
Speaker 1: there's infidelity, it's interesting because you know what I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but what I do know because there,
Speaker 1: you know, there was the major infidelity that we had
Speaker 1: in our marriage that was made public. Not my choice,
Speaker 1: my choice are his. But I chose to stay and
Speaker 1: get past it and work on the relationship. But I
Speaker 1: don't know how much I didn't value the respect at
Speaker 1: the time that I was disrespected that that wasn't good
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 3: I just was so focused on making sure.
Speaker 1: The family stayed together that I don't think I ever
Speaker 1: from that moment on healed and that was gosh in
Speaker 1: it was twenty fifteen. So then we stayed together, which
Speaker 1: I'm happy we stayed together because there would be no Bo,
Speaker 1: who is my seven year old.
Speaker 2: Sure, and I feel the same way about my little jas.
Speaker 2: I'm like I would never have had Jase, you know,
Speaker 2: like what a blessing those little babes were for us?
Speaker 1: Right, So in some way, and I don't really believe
Speaker 1: in regrets. It's all a learning journey, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: never I guess that's the part I don't look back
Speaker 1: on and think like, oh, I was disrespected even now
Speaker 1: during my healing process until you brought that up. And
Speaker 1: I guess that's the part that I don't know how
Speaker 1: to connect with a partner because on some level, I
Speaker 1: think in relationships my entire life, I was disrespected, if that's.
Speaker 3: How we want to put it, in fidelity.
Speaker 1: So I don't know that part of finding a partner
Speaker 1: and needing respect, if.
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: Have you talked about because I haven't listened well, but
Speaker 2: have you talked about dating yet?
Speaker 3: Not really? No, okay, but you may.
Speaker 2: I feel like, well, I'm just curious, like, have you
Speaker 2: because because of what you just said, like if you
Speaker 2: have started dating again, have you noticed that you were
Speaker 2: picking the same person or are you trying to find
Speaker 2: like is there similarities or Because I realized once I
Speaker 2: got I did this thing at a place called on Site,
Speaker 2: and it was probably the best healing work I ever did.
Speaker 2: And I love my therapist and who I just still
Speaker 2: go to her. She's fantastic. But there's this place that
Speaker 2: just really like restarted me. And after that is when
Speaker 2: I started to have a different picker, I would say,
Speaker 2: because I had a different respect for myself. You text
Speaker 2: me done in book it is. I mean, I'm telling
Speaker 2: you what. It is the most healing place ever and
Speaker 2: I've and I ended up doing there's like group settings,
Speaker 2: but you can also do one on ones and it
Speaker 2: is one on one with the one that I did
Speaker 2: was one on one with a therapist and you're in
Speaker 2: a room for eight hours, and I mean it is
Speaker 2: like it's called experiential therapy, but it is the most
Speaker 2: groundbreaking therapy work. And I mean that was that for me.
Speaker 2: When I left on site, it was the start of
Speaker 2: like actual true I mean it was there was so
Speaker 2: much healing that and again I love my therapist and
Speaker 2: there's such good healing work that happens there. But like
Speaker 2: this is just like eight years of therapy in three days.
Speaker 2: Like that's how like deep they go and how you know,
Speaker 2: I think that experiential work and just working through like
Speaker 2: childhood stuff to you know, to then you know the
Speaker 2: men that you've dated, and then you know what you want,
Speaker 2: and so there's just like a full circle and then
Speaker 2: when you leave, you just have this like weightlifted that
Speaker 2: you're able to really know exactly who you are and
Speaker 2: what you want. And I mean it was I will
Speaker 2: absolutely text you the infote, but it's just such it
Speaker 2: was such a godsend for me post divorce that I
Speaker 2: just am always like tell people all the time, like,
Speaker 2: go to onsite, go to onsite.
Speaker 1: I would like to try that. Since Dean and I split,
Speaker 1: I have dated just one person. And that experience was
Speaker 1: okay with my kids because it was someone that was familiar, Okay,
Speaker 1: someone that they knew that we were already friends, and
Speaker 1: the kids be divorced, the kids are friends, so that
Speaker 1: was okay with them, and he's still in my life,
Speaker 1: but in the future.
Speaker 3: My sixteen year old did say the.
Speaker 1: Other day that you want me to date anyone else?
Speaker 2: Okay, but that's also oh you know, I'm gonna say
Speaker 2: to that. Yeah, Wait, what's her reasoning?
Speaker 1: My six year old Mastella is the best and worst
Speaker 1: parts of me. She's so clever and so smart and
Speaker 1: so ahead of her time. And she's sixteen, so in
Speaker 1: the family, she is like the second mom. Sorry, she
Speaker 1: is like the second mom, and she helps raise everyone
Speaker 1: and do it with me and she knows my buttons though,
Speaker 1: And she said to me, you have so much going on,
Speaker 1: you have such a full plate, you work so much,
Speaker 1: and because of that, we've just been going in the
Speaker 1: last couple of years, and you don't always have enough
Speaker 1: time for us. So we would not be okay with
Speaker 1: you having time for someone new.
Speaker 2: What do you think that?
Speaker 1: And I said, well, but you're okay if I'm dating
Speaker 1: this other person that you're familiar with that you like,
Speaker 1: and she.
Speaker 3: Said, yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1: And I got frustrated and I said, well, I hear you,
Speaker 1: and I really am trying hard to balance everything and
Speaker 1: it's not easy, and I'm struggling between five kids, being
Speaker 1: a single mom.
Speaker 3: Working, it's all a struggle.
Speaker 1: But there has to be me time as well, which
Speaker 1: is something I never focused on even when I was
Speaker 1: with your dad.
Speaker 3: So this is new to you, guys.
Speaker 1: And this other person, when I did start dating him,
Speaker 1: I said, if you recall, you weren't happy about that either,
Speaker 1: and she goes, well, we'd rather you be with him
Speaker 1: because we know him and we're all friends. Than someone
Speaker 1: just completely knew. And she even said, like, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want you to go on a dating site and someone
Speaker 1: knew come pick you up to go on a day?
Speaker 2: What's a split between you and Dean with the parenting time?
Speaker 3: They live with me? Okay, so they are with me.
Speaker 2: That's hard, and that's hard. That's and he sees them, yeah.
Speaker 3: He does.
Speaker 1: You know, we do school drop off and pickups together
Speaker 1: and and right now we have a situation where he's
Speaker 1: very open to you know, when they want to come over,
Speaker 1: he's open to it.
Speaker 3: It's not like a hard.
Speaker 1: Rule like split weekends. He wants them to go at
Speaker 1: their own pace. And you know, some are open, some
Speaker 1: are not at this point. And yeah, it just it
Speaker 1: was odd to me because I said, okay, what timeline is,
Speaker 1: like fine, like five years from now? Are you okay
Speaker 1: with me? And she's like, I guess so. And I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh, man, like why am I even
Speaker 1: saying that? I shouldn't have even said five years? Like eventually,
Speaker 1: you know, what we hope as parents is we do
Speaker 1: the best we can with our little birds, and one
Speaker 1: day they fly the nest and then they're out there
Speaker 1: doing their thing and I'm like I did say to her,
Speaker 1: I call her buggy and I said, Buggy, I know
Speaker 1: you don't want this, and I don't want to suddenly
Speaker 1: be seventy and be alone. And then I'm like, oh man,
Speaker 1: it's too late to find someone. And she's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want you alone. I just think right now,
Speaker 1: for now, we wouldn't be okay with you going on
Speaker 1: a date with anybody else. And that hit me me
Speaker 1: hard because I was like, Okay, well this one other guy.
Speaker 1: Hope he comes through, because great, I'm not allowed to
Speaker 1: date anybody else.
Speaker 2: I think, and I'm not. I am like, obviously I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not a therapist or whatever. But the thing that
Speaker 2: I hear is like remembering, like who's the parent in it?
Speaker 2: You know, like you are their mom. You know, at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you know what's best, and
Speaker 2: it's hard to juggle all the things. But if you
Speaker 2: want to go on a date with someone that you
Speaker 2: are excited about or that you meet, you are the
Speaker 2: parent you can that's those are your choices. They can't
Speaker 2: dictate what you do as an adult. And when they're
Speaker 2: given that control, I feel like there's and again I
Speaker 2: don't know the ins and outs of it, but like
Speaker 2: I feel like if they're given that control, then they
Speaker 2: think that they can just puppet string you. And it's
Speaker 2: like no, no, no, like you are in control of
Speaker 2: your own puppet strings, you know. And yes, our kids dictate,
Speaker 2: like my kids dictate my schedule. My kids, you know,
Speaker 2: but that's because you know, I want to go to
Speaker 2: their sports and this, that and the other, and you
Speaker 2: know that's the I shouldn't say dictate, that's not the
Speaker 2: right word. But you know, my world revolves around my kids.
Speaker 2: Having said that, I also have to take care of
Speaker 2: myself too. I have to. I have to, you know,
Speaker 2: make sure that my husband and I have For example,
Speaker 2: you know, we stayed in Nextra day in Los Angeles
Speaker 2: instead of going home because I'm like, we don't ever
Speaker 2: get time to ourself. We need time to ourself, or
Speaker 2: like we are the thing that needs to stay steady
Speaker 2: for our kids and you know, for you know us
Speaker 2: as our marriage, like we need this time together. So
Speaker 2: like you also as a single mom, you need your
Speaker 2: night out by yourself, whether that be with a man
Speaker 2: or by yourself or with your girlfriends. Like they cannot
Speaker 2: control what you do for your self, heeling journey, for yourself,
Speaker 2: or for anything else. Like And the thing is is
Speaker 2: like you shouldn't be made to feel bad about the
Speaker 2: choices that you make because you're always putting your kids first.
Speaker 2: That's what we do as moms. We're always going to
Speaker 2: put our kids first. But I'm sorry, We're going out
Speaker 2: for one night to go either have a nice meal
Speaker 2: that someone cooks for us or that someone pies for us,
Speaker 2: like as a single mom, like whatever, go out, you know, like,
Speaker 2: don't let them pull those strings. I don't know, maybe
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get shit for that, but.
Speaker 1: I know no, you're right, You're right. See I'm hearing you.
Speaker 1: But I'm just like, my mom.
Speaker 2: Guilt is totally I get it.
Speaker 3: And I didn't put the I turned on.
Speaker 2: Movies because I'm like, I don't want to like be
Speaker 2: away for an extra two weeks, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I, Kasha, why didn't I do that
Speaker 2: movie this year? I could have easily done it, and like, yes,
Speaker 2: my kids would have missed me, but you know what,
Speaker 2: they also I'm also here ninety nine percent of the time,
Speaker 2: you know, when I'm not filming or doing something, so
Speaker 2: like we we we shouldn't feel guilty about doing things
Speaker 2: that we need to do for us and also to
Speaker 2: support our kids. I agree, and remember who is the
Speaker 2: adult you are it it's we.
Speaker 1: Move like such a unit now, you know. I came
Speaker 1: into my marriage with Dean from him and I both
Speaker 1: coming from other marriages. We were both married when when
Speaker 1: we met, which you know, I got a lot of
Speaker 1: shit for that, like a homewrecker, you know. And then
Speaker 1: when he did end up, you know, cheating on me,
Speaker 1: and people were like, well, you reap what you sow
Speaker 1: and so what you reap what? Yeah, they were like,
Speaker 1: well karma, you know, and it's.
Speaker 3: Like it was so it was hard.
Speaker 1: Because I went into the marriage with him wanting to
Speaker 1: He had a son who was seven at the time,
Speaker 1: which is the age of my youngest now that I'm
Speaker 1: going through a divorce with Dean.
Speaker 3: I was very mindful. You know.
Speaker 1: Everyone said, don't try to be the parent, don't you know,
Speaker 1: and I said no, no, no, and tried to have a
Speaker 1: really good relationship with his mother. I feel like I
Speaker 1: did all the right things. And then when Deane and
Speaker 1: I started having kids together, I just, you know, I
Speaker 1: really tried to create that fairy tale.
Speaker 3: I guess that I.
Speaker 1: Thought they needed, they wanted that I had hoped they
Speaker 1: would have, and pulled it off for a really long
Speaker 1: time until I couldn't control the outside world, I couldn't
Speaker 1: control what he did on the outside world, or it
Speaker 1: kind of caving in on us. And when that happened,
Speaker 1: I feel like I had to let go of everything
Speaker 1: and just kind of And that's when, if people look back,
Speaker 1: my narrative really changed, you know, because I did go
Speaker 1: into the marriage with Dean believing in true love, and
Speaker 1: I still believe in true love. That hasn't swayed me.
Speaker 1: I've never given up on love. I just feel like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I really wanted to be everything to everyone,
Speaker 1: and then when it just was slipping away, I just
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I have to open up and kind
Speaker 1: of share this because there was no other option at
Speaker 1: that point, because other people were creating the narrative, and
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, no, So I have to
Speaker 1: share my story. And that's when I feel like, you know, publicly,
Speaker 1: things drastically.
Speaker 3: Changed in my life. You know, I was, you know,
Speaker 3: Dean and I were.
Speaker 1: Like this perfect couple in people's eyes, and we had
Speaker 1: this adorable, perfect family, and we had this reality show
Speaker 1: where while it was all super real, it was you know,
Speaker 1: light and bright and fun and people I would meet
Speaker 1: fans all the time that say, I hope I meet
Speaker 1: a Dean and I knew the truth behind stuff, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, because there are great qualities about Dean.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been with him to begin with. There
Speaker 1: warn't I wouldn't created these five children with him. But
Speaker 1: it wasn't my truth and I couldn't completely speak it.
Speaker 1: And I hope I have your life. I hope you
Speaker 1: know you have the perfect relationship. And it was so
Speaker 1: far from perfect.
Speaker 3: And you know, I.
Speaker 1: Had all you know, the brand deals and all the
Speaker 1: things like it all looked perfect on paper to the
Speaker 1: outside world and everyone. And then when it fell apart,
Speaker 1: it like really fell apart. And it's interesting because you know,
Speaker 1: this world, when it falls apart, people love when it
Speaker 1: falls apart, and the media loves to grasp onto that.
Speaker 1: And then it just got perpetuated to this point where
Speaker 1: you know, my daughter was reading things like toy spelling
Speaker 1: and her kids are homeless living in an RV, you know,
Speaker 1: and we were on vacation. It was like so many
Speaker 1: It's like, now, you know, toy is a mess, and
Speaker 1: it's like I talk about my life being messy, but
Speaker 1: you know, am I literally a mess?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: I'm doing really, I'm doing a damn good job considering
Speaker 1: what we're going through. But it's interesting how the media
Speaker 1: just picks up on something and goes with it, and
Speaker 1: it's like, does that ever come back around?
Speaker 2: I mean, like, like you said, they love to they
Speaker 2: love it when people are in their downfall, you know,
Speaker 2: I mean the monath times that I'm like cool. They
Speaker 2: never talk about anyone super in love or happy. It's
Speaker 2: only usually the bad stuff.
Speaker 1: Which is really unfortunate. And I know, you know it's
Speaker 1: not a headliner. It's not grabbing. You know, I'm well
Speaker 1: aware that you know when this podcast airs that the
Speaker 1: media will grab the little bits you and I are
Speaker 1: talking about out of context and grab that and make
Speaker 1: it a headline. That seems terrible, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the podcast world, as I know you are,
Speaker 1: because we can change the narrative and speak our truth.
Speaker 1: I have a question where I mean, now you have
Speaker 1: three kids and Roman, oh my god is one now
Speaker 1: he's one?
Speaker 3: Ye?
Speaker 2: How did that go so fast? I mean so fast,
Speaker 2: it's crazy.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's I haven't met him in person, but obviously
Speaker 1: I see him every day on your socialism.
Speaker 3: It's so cute, yummy, And you know what I love.
Speaker 1: I love seeing photos and I guess being now a
Speaker 1: single mom and looking for that like what will be
Speaker 1: my next I love pictures of seeing the three kids
Speaker 1: and you and Alan and Alan's arms around the kids
Speaker 1: and Jason.
Speaker 3: Julie seems so happy with.
Speaker 1: Him, and that it's like there's hope, there's there can
Speaker 1: be acceptance having a stepparent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, Alan is he's an incredible stepdad and
Speaker 2: then obviously father to Roman, but but he really I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean the kids. His birthday is this week, so
Speaker 2: I'm going to post like some photos of I I
Speaker 2: was pulling together some photos to post and I'm like,
Speaker 2: they're always just on top of him and like either
Speaker 2: just so sweet and like they just they love him
Speaker 2: so much. And it's it's beautiful because my kids, I mean,
Speaker 2: they're around him more than my ex husband because we
Speaker 2: have them. My ex only has them like eight days
Speaker 2: a month, so you know, we have seventy percent at
Speaker 2: the time. So I mean, like, Alan's how he you know,
Speaker 2: treats and treats me. Not only is beautiful because the
Speaker 2: kids see how it should be. You know. I think
Speaker 2: back to some pretty volatile fights that Jolie had to witness,
Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, like I just it's I'm glad
Speaker 2: that she's able to see, Okay, this is how, this
Speaker 2: is how this should look, and this is how a
Speaker 2: man should treat, you know, his wife. And and yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean and Alan's just I mean he's the best chef,
Speaker 2: best dad and they love him. So that's that's really
Speaker 2: beautiful in the end. And for me, it's like, I
Speaker 2: hope it gives people hope because I was also that
Speaker 2: person in bed crying post divorce, saying no one will
Speaker 2: love me. My past is so you know, bad, and
Speaker 2: people are going to just think, you know, that I'm
Speaker 2: the common denominator and everything else that I've been told
Speaker 2: from my past, people that I was the problem. You know.
Speaker 2: I just thought that I was so unlovable, and then
Speaker 2: I found a man who loves every single part of me,
Speaker 2: the good and the bad. So it's out there, you know.
Speaker 2: But I had to do a lot of work to
Speaker 2: get to that point to even think that I deserve that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, two things. So you're saying Julie saw symbolical fights.
Speaker 1: That definitely makes me sad that the last memory that
Speaker 1: the kids have of my soon to be ex and
Speaker 1: I together were those fights. And I never wanted them
Speaker 1: to witness anything. Yeah, I never wanted them to witness anything.
Speaker 1: And it's it got to the point where I couldn't
Speaker 1: keep it from happening, and it was happening so often.
Speaker 3: And I remember.
Speaker 1: Who's now thirteen, saying to me before Dean and I split, Mom,
Speaker 1: what would it look like if you found someone who
Speaker 1: treated you right?
Speaker 3: What would it look like?
Speaker 1: She was presenting it to me in that way, and
Speaker 1: she was scared to ask me because I think she
Speaker 1: didn't know if I want it out, And I said
Speaker 1: at the time, I said, I made excuses. You know,
Speaker 1: your dad and I fight. And Dean is now sober,
Speaker 1: and I'm always defending everybody. Sorry, but it's and I'm
Speaker 1: very proud of the hard work he's done. And I
Speaker 1: hope he stays with it, and I believe he will
Speaker 1: this time. We've gone through it before in our relationship
Speaker 1: with him. Sober not sober, But it meant so much
Speaker 1: when your daughter sees that, because I'm like, no, this
Speaker 1: is imprinting on them.
Speaker 3: And while I.
Speaker 1: Have three boys, it specifically spoke to me on a
Speaker 1: level that the girls like, they see this and I
Speaker 1: don't want this to be imprinted, that this should be allowed.
Speaker 3: The disrespect.
Speaker 2: Well, I think one thing though, from my childhood was
Speaker 2: very volatile. I saw a lot of fights. What my
Speaker 2: mom did wrong in that, and she did what she
Speaker 2: could at that time, but she stayed. So what I
Speaker 2: learned was that was what was acceptable. The difference with
Speaker 2: you and me as we left, we're showing so they
Speaker 2: might have yes, witnessed, and so this is where I'm like,
Speaker 2: I has helped me not have the shame piece of
Speaker 2: letting my daughter see some not good fights, But like,
Speaker 2: if this might help you too, is that we're breaking
Speaker 2: the cycle by choosing not to allow that anymore, and
Speaker 2: so that they know that that's not acceptable. They saw it,
Speaker 2: they witnessed it, and now they know that's not acceptable,
Speaker 2: so when that happens, they'll leave too. What happened with
Speaker 2: me is that I just thought I deserve that, which
Speaker 2: is why my mom stayed, which is why I stayed
Speaker 2: in my other previous ones. You know, so at least
Speaker 2: you're breaking, so give yourself some credit for that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a little sooner would have been better.