WEBVTT - The unMIStakable Jana Kramer (Part 1)

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<v Speaker 1>Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Your girls looked beautiful? How are they? Is it so hard?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like that age. I'm just like scared of.

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<v Speaker 1>Be very scared. Yeah, the girls are doing good. And

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<v Speaker 1>so you saw my two girls at jingle Ball. Remind

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<v Speaker 1>me the ages again, sixteen and thirteen.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm just I remember what I was like at

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<v Speaker 2>that age when my parents got divorced, and even so

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<v Speaker 2>I just fear that age because of just that age

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<v Speaker 2>and social media and everything else.

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<v Speaker 3>All of the above.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's interesting you brought that up, though, because when

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<v Speaker 1>I announced my divorce, you were literally one of my

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<v Speaker 1>first friends that texted me and you were like, you

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<v Speaker 1>got this. And I remember saying to you at the

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<v Speaker 1>time that she was fifteen at the time and now

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<v Speaker 1>she's sixteen.

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<v Speaker 3>Stella.

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<v Speaker 1>She was having a hard time. Didn't want me to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about their lives. And it is interesting because Billy's

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<v Speaker 1>held seven.

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<v Speaker 2>She's going to be nine in January nine.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeh, god, wow, I got that wrong. Oh, because my

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<v Speaker 3>son's seventh.

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, we have eight kids between the two. Yeah, it's like, gosh, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>so you're about to hit that song.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, yeah, but she but yeah, she didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want you talking about it.

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<v Speaker 1>And and you sent me a voice text that really

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<v Speaker 1>helped me get through it because it was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I know, you know this world, and there's not many

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<v Speaker 1>of my friends I can turn to to say, Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>it's our lives are public, whether we talk about it

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<v Speaker 1>or not, it's out there. And it's the same with you.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, she was like very much, So why

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<v Speaker 1>do you have to do this podcast? You know, she

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<v Speaker 1>was fine with nine O two one OMG, but misspelling,

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<v Speaker 1>why do you have to do that? Because that's talking

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<v Speaker 1>about our lives and in her mind it was perpetuating it.

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<v Speaker 1>And and you said something valuable. You were like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>this is you have to work for a living, and

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<v Speaker 1>this is your work and this is what you do.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you know, you don't say your narrative, someone

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<v Speaker 1>else will create a false narrative. And you said, be

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<v Speaker 1>strong and thank you for that. Sorry I sound like

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<v Speaker 1>a stocker friend.

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<v Speaker 2>But no, of course, I think it's one of those things,

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<v Speaker 2>too is and I still have to find my footing

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<v Speaker 2>with it. And I've been you know, three half almost gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>how many years divorced now like almost four, but was

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<v Speaker 2>it three and a half? I don't know. But where

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<v Speaker 2>I even still have to remind myself that my truth

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<v Speaker 2>is okay to share. Now. Some of it I don't

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<v Speaker 2>share to protect certain areas for the kids, but other

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<v Speaker 2>areas I need to for not only like I want to,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, because I know I'm not alone in it

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<v Speaker 2>and you're not alone in it. And so I think,

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<v Speaker 2>and yes, it is like this. You have a podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a podcast, and that is ways of supporting

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<v Speaker 2>our children, but also owning your truth is such a

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<v Speaker 2>valuable thing, and especially in this day and age, like

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<v Speaker 2>it's a beautiful thing to be sharing now, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think, and I think, I said, like, your

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<v Speaker 2>daughter will she will recognize that. Maybe not now, but

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<v Speaker 2>she will.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah you did one day. Yeah, And I go with that,

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<v Speaker 1>I really do. But it's hard, and of course i'm

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<v Speaker 1>the same. There's so much I don't share, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know we're on the same page. There's there's stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, if people knew, it's like they'd be like

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<v Speaker 1>and you're still standing. You're like, yeah, not just stand

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<v Speaker 1>and walk and running.

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<v Speaker 2>Right through it all.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, but it's very challenging and I got to

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<v Speaker 1>meet Alan.

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<v Speaker 2>Yah, You're gonna find that happy ending too. I promise you.

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<v Speaker 2>I know you will if you want it. If you

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<v Speaker 2>want that, like if if love is the if that's

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<v Speaker 2>what you you know, if you want if you want

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<v Speaker 2>to have that again. Some people are totally fine, and

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<v Speaker 2>then they don't, they don't want that anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I'd like to find love. And you said to

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<v Speaker 1>me Friday night, are you doing? And I think the

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<v Speaker 1>one thing I said to you is I said, I'm lonely?

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<v Speaker 3>M h.

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<v Speaker 2>And what did I say?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm blanking? What'd you say?

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<v Speaker 2>I said, there's a beauty in the loneliness, like you'll

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<v Speaker 2>find like you find yourself in the loneliness. Like that's

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<v Speaker 2>where I learned to really love myself in the loneliness.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not funny. I said the word.

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<v Speaker 1>I said that to you out loud, and then I

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<v Speaker 1>just froze and shut down in my brain.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to keep hearing that. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And everyone says, you know, be alone, be with yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>and I always think, gosh and so o way, I

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<v Speaker 1>have been with myself and been alone for fifty one years.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, and I just want to say this too, but

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<v Speaker 2>like don't you feel I don't know if you felt

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<v Speaker 2>the same way, But when I think back in my

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<v Speaker 2>marriage of infidelity, I felt more alone in that marriage

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<v Speaker 2>than I did post divorce, because it's such a lonely

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<v Speaker 2>existence being with someone that isn't respectful to you in

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<v Speaker 2>a marriage, and that makes you feel really lonely in

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<v Speaker 2>a marriage, where it's like which one's worth worse being

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<v Speaker 2>lonely in a marriage or being lonely outside of a marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>like which evil is worse? And to me, it's staying

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<v Speaker 2>with a man that doesn't respect me that to me

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<v Speaker 2>is more lonely.

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<v Speaker 3>It's true, but it was.

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<v Speaker 1>And I mean, you knew that I wanted to leave

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<v Speaker 1>years before I left. I think we had this conversation

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<v Speaker 1>when I did your podcast going now, like it was

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<v Speaker 1>it two years ago and afterwards we had wine.

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<v Speaker 2>Talked us three years ago or something years ago?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah it was.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're like, I want to get out. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>then get out, like you can do it, and you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I'm I guess you can, which was

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<v Speaker 2>like I was actually happy for you, isn't that morbid?

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<v Speaker 2>Like I was happy for you when I found out

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<v Speaker 2>the US, because I'm like, that's what your soul in

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<v Speaker 2>heart really wanted. It's hard, but like I was so

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<v Speaker 2>excited and like, finally you can like start over.

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<v Speaker 1>You know a lot of people were happy for me

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<v Speaker 1>and nothing against my ex.

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<v Speaker 3>It's just it wasn't right.

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<v Speaker 1>But going back to being disrespected in a marriage when

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<v Speaker 1>there's infidelity, it's interesting because you know what I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, but what I do know because there,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, there was the major infidelity that we had

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<v Speaker 1>in our marriage that was made public. Not my choice,

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<v Speaker 1>my choice are his. But I chose to stay and

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<v Speaker 1>get past it and work on the relationship. But I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know how much I didn't value the respect at

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<v Speaker 1>the time that I was disrespected that that wasn't good

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<v Speaker 1>for me.

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<v Speaker 3>I just was so focused on making sure.

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<v Speaker 1>The family stayed together that I don't think I ever

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<v Speaker 1>from that moment on healed and that was gosh in

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<v Speaker 1>it was twenty fifteen. So then we stayed together, which

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<v Speaker 1>I'm happy we stayed together because there would be no Bo,

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<v Speaker 1>who is my seven year old.

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<v Speaker 2>Sure, and I feel the same way about my little jas.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like I would never have had Jase, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like what a blessing those little babes were for us?

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<v Speaker 1>Right, So in some way, and I don't really believe

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<v Speaker 1>in regrets. It's all a learning journey, but yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>never I guess that's the part I don't look back

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<v Speaker 1>on and think like, oh, I was disrespected even now

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<v Speaker 1>during my healing process until you brought that up. And

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<v Speaker 1>I guess that's the part that I don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>to connect with a partner because on some level, I

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<v Speaker 1>think in relationships my entire life, I was disrespected, if that's.

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<v Speaker 3>How we want to put it, in fidelity.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know that part of finding a partner

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<v Speaker 1>and needing respect, if.

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<v Speaker 3>That makes sense.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you talked about because I haven't listened well, but

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<v Speaker 2>have you talked about dating yet?

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<v Speaker 3>Not really? No, okay, but you may.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like, well, I'm just curious, like, have you

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<v Speaker 2>because because of what you just said, like if you

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<v Speaker 2>have started dating again, have you noticed that you were

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<v Speaker 2>picking the same person or are you trying to find

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<v Speaker 2>like is there similarities or Because I realized once I

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<v Speaker 2>got I did this thing at a place called on Site,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was probably the best healing work I ever did.

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<v Speaker 2>And I love my therapist and who I just still

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<v Speaker 2>go to her. She's fantastic. But there's this place that

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<v Speaker 2>just really like restarted me. And after that is when

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<v Speaker 2>I started to have a different picker, I would say,

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<v Speaker 2>because I had a different respect for myself. You text

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<v Speaker 2>me done in book it is. I mean, I'm telling

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<v Speaker 2>you what. It is the most healing place ever and

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<v Speaker 2>I've and I ended up doing there's like group settings,

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<v Speaker 2>but you can also do one on ones and it

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<v Speaker 2>is one on one with the one that I did

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<v Speaker 2>was one on one with a therapist and you're in

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<v Speaker 2>a room for eight hours, and I mean it is

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<v Speaker 2>like it's called experiential therapy, but it is the most

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<v Speaker 2>groundbreaking therapy work. And I mean that was that for me.

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<v Speaker 2>When I left on site, it was the start of

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<v Speaker 2>like actual true I mean it was there was so

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<v Speaker 2>much healing that and again I love my therapist and

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<v Speaker 2>there's such good healing work that happens there. But like

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<v Speaker 2>this is just like eight years of therapy in three days.

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<v Speaker 2>Like that's how like deep they go and how you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I think that experiential work and just working through like

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<v Speaker 2>childhood stuff to you know, to then you know the

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<v Speaker 2>men that you've dated, and then you know what you want,

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<v Speaker 2>and so there's just like a full circle and then

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<v Speaker 2>when you leave, you just have this like weightlifted that

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<v Speaker 2>you're able to really know exactly who you are and

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<v Speaker 2>what you want. And I mean it was I will

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely text you the infote, but it's just such it

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<v Speaker 2>was such a godsend for me post divorce that I

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<v Speaker 2>just am always like tell people all the time, like,

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<v Speaker 2>go to onsite, go to onsite.

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<v Speaker 1>I would like to try that. Since Dean and I split,

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<v Speaker 1>I have dated just one person. And that experience was

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<v Speaker 1>okay with my kids because it was someone that was familiar, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>someone that they knew that we were already friends, and

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<v Speaker 1>the kids be divorced, the kids are friends, so that

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<v Speaker 1>was okay with them, and he's still in my life,

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<v Speaker 1>but in the future.

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<v Speaker 3>My sixteen year old did say the.

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<v Speaker 1>Other day that you want me to date anyone else?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, but that's also oh you know, I'm gonna say

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<v Speaker 2>to that. Yeah, Wait, what's her reasoning?

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<v Speaker 1>My six year old Mastella is the best and worst

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<v Speaker 1>parts of me. She's so clever and so smart and

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<v Speaker 1>so ahead of her time. And she's sixteen, so in

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<v Speaker 1>the family, she is like the second mom. Sorry, she

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<v Speaker 1>is like the second mom, and she helps raise everyone

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<v Speaker 1>and do it with me and she knows my buttons though,

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<v Speaker 1>And she said to me, you have so much going on,

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<v Speaker 1>you have such a full plate, you work so much,

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<v Speaker 1>and because of that, we've just been going in the

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<v Speaker 1>last couple of years, and you don't always have enough

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<v Speaker 1>time for us. So we would not be okay with

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<v Speaker 1>you having time for someone new.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you think that?

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<v Speaker 1>And I said, well, but you're okay if I'm dating

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<v Speaker 1>this other person that you're familiar with that you like,

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<v Speaker 1>and she.

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<v Speaker 3>Said, yeah, that's okay.

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<v Speaker 1>And I got frustrated and I said, well, I hear you,

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<v Speaker 1>and I really am trying hard to balance everything and

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<v Speaker 1>it's not easy, and I'm struggling between five kids, being

0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:25.160
<v Speaker 1>a single mom.

0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 3>Working, it's all a struggle.

0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.800
<v Speaker 1>But there has to be me time as well, which

0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.520
<v Speaker 1>is something I never focused on even when I was

0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:35.199
<v Speaker 1>with your dad.

0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:37.320
<v Speaker 3>So this is new to you, guys.

0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.680
<v Speaker 1>And this other person, when I did start dating him,

0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.240
<v Speaker 1>I said, if you recall, you weren't happy about that either,

0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.719
<v Speaker 1>and she goes, well, we'd rather you be with him

0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.480
<v Speaker 1>because we know him and we're all friends. Than someone

0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.800
<v Speaker 1>just completely knew. And she even said, like, I wouldn't

0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.880
<v Speaker 1>want you to go on a dating site and someone

0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.000
<v Speaker 1>knew come pick you up to go on a day?

0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:10.920
<v Speaker 2>What's a split between you and Dean with the parenting time?

0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:16.000
<v Speaker 3>They live with me? Okay, so they are with me.

0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:20.320
<v Speaker 2>That's hard, and that's hard. That's and he sees them, yeah.

0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 3>He does.

0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, we do school drop off and pickups together

0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:26.520
<v Speaker 1>and and right now we have a situation where he's

0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:30.000
<v Speaker 1>very open to you know, when they want to come over,

0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:30.800
<v Speaker 1>he's open to it.

0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:32.120
<v Speaker 3>It's not like a hard.

0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:35.440
<v Speaker 1>Rule like split weekends. He wants them to go at

0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.080
<v Speaker 1>their own pace. And you know, some are open, some

0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:44.439
<v Speaker 1>are not at this point. And yeah, it just it

0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.840
<v Speaker 1>was odd to me because I said, okay, what timeline is,

0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.640
<v Speaker 1>like fine, like five years from now? Are you okay

0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 1>with me? And she's like, I guess so. And I

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.560
<v Speaker 1>was just like, oh, man, like why am I even

0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:01.000
<v Speaker 1>saying that? I shouldn't have even said five years? Like eventually,

0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:03.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, what we hope as parents is we do

0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:06.079
<v Speaker 1>the best we can with our little birds, and one

0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.720
<v Speaker 1>day they fly the nest and then they're out there

0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.400
<v Speaker 1>doing their thing and I'm like I did say to her,

0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.040
<v Speaker 1>I call her buggy and I said, Buggy, I know

0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 1>you don't want this, and I don't want to suddenly

0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.160
<v Speaker 1>be seventy and be alone. And then I'm like, oh man,

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.400
<v Speaker 1>it's too late to find someone. And she's like, no, no, no,

0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't want you alone. I just think right now,

0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:31.640
<v Speaker 1>for now, we wouldn't be okay with you going on

0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:36.560
<v Speaker 1>a date with anybody else. And that hit me me

0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:40.000
<v Speaker 1>hard because I was like, Okay, well this one other guy.

0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:43.760
<v Speaker 1>Hope he comes through, because great, I'm not allowed to

0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:45.000
<v Speaker 1>date anybody else.

0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.520
<v Speaker 2>I think, and I'm not. I am like, obviously I don't.

0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:52.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm not a therapist or whatever. But the thing that

0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.480
<v Speaker 2>I hear is like remembering, like who's the parent in it?

0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:59.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, like you are their mom. You know, at

0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.200
<v Speaker 2>the end of the day, you know what's best, and

0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:03.160
<v Speaker 2>it's hard to juggle all the things. But if you

0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.200
<v Speaker 2>want to go on a date with someone that you

0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.800
<v Speaker 2>are excited about or that you meet, you are the

0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.120
<v Speaker 2>parent you can that's those are your choices. They can't

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:15.400
<v Speaker 2>dictate what you do as an adult. And when they're

0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:17.640
<v Speaker 2>given that control, I feel like there's and again I

0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:19.600
<v Speaker 2>don't know the ins and outs of it, but like

0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.200
<v Speaker 2>I feel like if they're given that control, then they

0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 2>think that they can just puppet string you. And it's

0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.080
<v Speaker 2>like no, no, no, like you are in control of

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:29.960
<v Speaker 2>your own puppet strings, you know. And yes, our kids dictate,

0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:33.480
<v Speaker 2>like my kids dictate my schedule. My kids, you know,

0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:35.200
<v Speaker 2>but that's because you know, I want to go to

0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.840
<v Speaker 2>their sports and this, that and the other, and you

0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.720
<v Speaker 2>know that's the I shouldn't say dictate, that's not the

0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:44.120
<v Speaker 2>right word. But you know, my world revolves around my kids.

0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:46.480
<v Speaker 2>Having said that, I also have to take care of

0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.120
<v Speaker 2>myself too. I have to. I have to, you know,

0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:51.920
<v Speaker 2>make sure that my husband and I have For example,

0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:54.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, we stayed in Nextra day in Los Angeles

0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.720
<v Speaker 2>instead of going home because I'm like, we don't ever

0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.680
<v Speaker 2>get time to ourself. We need time to ourself, or

0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.640
<v Speaker 2>like we are the thing that needs to stay steady

0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:06.240
<v Speaker 2>for our kids and you know, for you know us

0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:08.480
<v Speaker 2>as our marriage, like we need this time together. So

0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:12.880
<v Speaker 2>like you also as a single mom, you need your

0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.000
<v Speaker 2>night out by yourself, whether that be with a man

0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.720
<v Speaker 2>or by yourself or with your girlfriends. Like they cannot

0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:23.240
<v Speaker 2>control what you do for your self, heeling journey, for yourself,

0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.320
<v Speaker 2>or for anything else. Like And the thing is is

0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:29.600
<v Speaker 2>like you shouldn't be made to feel bad about the

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.640
<v Speaker 2>choices that you make because you're always putting your kids first.

0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:34.280
<v Speaker 2>That's what we do as moms. We're always going to

0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:37.560
<v Speaker 2>put our kids first. But I'm sorry, We're going out

0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.160
<v Speaker 2>for one night to go either have a nice meal

0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.600
<v Speaker 2>that someone cooks for us or that someone pies for us,

0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.360
<v Speaker 2>like as a single mom, like whatever, go out, you know, like,

0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 2>don't let them pull those strings. I don't know, maybe

0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:49.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna get shit for that, but.

0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.960
<v Speaker 1>I know no, you're right, You're right. See I'm hearing you.

0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:57.720
<v Speaker 1>But I'm just like, my mom.

0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:00.000
<v Speaker 2>Guilt is totally I get it.

0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:01.960
<v Speaker 3>And I didn't put the I turned on.

0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 2>Movies because I'm like, I don't want to like be

0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:05.960
<v Speaker 2>away for an extra two weeks, you know what I mean. Like,

0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:08.159
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, I, Kasha, why didn't I do that

0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:10.359
<v Speaker 2>movie this year? I could have easily done it, and like, yes,

0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:11.800
<v Speaker 2>my kids would have missed me, but you know what,

0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.760
<v Speaker 2>they also I'm also here ninety nine percent of the time,

0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:16.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, when I'm not filming or doing something, so

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:21.679
<v Speaker 2>like we we we shouldn't feel guilty about doing things

0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:23.879
<v Speaker 2>that we need to do for us and also to

0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:28.080
<v Speaker 2>support our kids. I agree, and remember who is the

0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:31.520
<v Speaker 2>adult you are it it's we.

0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:35.840
<v Speaker 1>Move like such a unit now, you know. I came

0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:39.720
<v Speaker 1>into my marriage with Dean from him and I both

0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:43.920
<v Speaker 1>coming from other marriages. We were both married when when

0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 1>we met, which you know, I got a lot of

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.680
<v Speaker 1>shit for that, like a homewrecker, you know. And then

0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.600
<v Speaker 1>when he did end up, you know, cheating on me,

0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:56.720
<v Speaker 1>and people were like, well, you reap what you sow

0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.119
<v Speaker 1>and so what you reap what? Yeah, they were like,

0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:03.560
<v Speaker 1>well karma, you know, and it's.

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.720
<v Speaker 3>Like it was so it was hard.

0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:13.439
<v Speaker 1>Because I went into the marriage with him wanting to

0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:18.560
<v Speaker 1>He had a son who was seven at the time,

0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.120
<v Speaker 1>which is the age of my youngest now that I'm

0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:23.360
<v Speaker 1>going through a divorce with Dean.

0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:25.560
<v Speaker 3>I was very mindful. You know.

0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Everyone said, don't try to be the parent, don't you know,

0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.679
<v Speaker 1>and I said no, no, no, and tried to have a

0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:36.679
<v Speaker 1>really good relationship with his mother. I feel like I

0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:39.520
<v Speaker 1>did all the right things. And then when Deane and

0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:44.280
<v Speaker 1>I started having kids together, I just, you know, I

0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:48.040
<v Speaker 1>really tried to create that fairy tale.

0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:50.600
<v Speaker 3>I guess that I.

0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:53.239
<v Speaker 1>Thought they needed, they wanted that I had hoped they

0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:57.600
<v Speaker 1>would have, and pulled it off for a really long

0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:03.800
<v Speaker 1>time until I couldn't control the outside world, I couldn't

0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:07.760
<v Speaker 1>control what he did on the outside world, or it

0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:11.720
<v Speaker 1>kind of caving in on us. And when that happened,

0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I had to let go of everything

0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:18.480
<v Speaker 1>and just kind of And that's when, if people look back,

0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:24.600
<v Speaker 1>my narrative really changed, you know, because I did go

0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 1>into the marriage with Dean believing in true love, and

0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.000
<v Speaker 1>I still believe in true love. That hasn't swayed me.

0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:35.560
<v Speaker 1>I've never given up on love. I just feel like,

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, I really wanted to be everything to everyone,

0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:46.119
<v Speaker 1>and then when it just was slipping away, I just

0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:48.040
<v Speaker 1>was like, Okay, I have to open up and kind

0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:50.760
<v Speaker 1>of share this because there was no other option at

0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:54.280
<v Speaker 1>that point, because other people were creating the narrative, and

0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, no, no, no, no, So I have to

0:19:56.080 --> 0:20:01.240
<v Speaker 1>share my story. And that's when I feel like, you know, publicly,

0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:03.520
<v Speaker 1>things drastically.

0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.119
<v Speaker 3>Changed in my life. You know, I was, you know,

0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:07.360
<v Speaker 3>Dean and I were.

0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.480
<v Speaker 1>Like this perfect couple in people's eyes, and we had

0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:14.520
<v Speaker 1>this adorable, perfect family, and we had this reality show

0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:19.479
<v Speaker 1>where while it was all super real, it was you know,

0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:23.440
<v Speaker 1>light and bright and fun and people I would meet

0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:26.840
<v Speaker 1>fans all the time that say, I hope I meet

0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:31.159
<v Speaker 1>a Dean and I knew the truth behind stuff, and

0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:35.320
<v Speaker 1>I was like, yeah, because there are great qualities about Dean.

0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:37.600
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't have been with him to begin with. There

0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.600
<v Speaker 1>warn't I wouldn't created these five children with him. But

0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:44.639
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't my truth and I couldn't completely speak it.

0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.560
<v Speaker 1>And I hope I have your life. I hope you

0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:49.879
<v Speaker 1>know you have the perfect relationship. And it was so

0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:51.200
<v Speaker 1>far from perfect.

0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:54.080
<v Speaker 3>And you know, I.

0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:56.720
<v Speaker 1>Had all you know, the brand deals and all the

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.520
<v Speaker 1>things like it all looked perfect on paper to the

0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.480
<v Speaker 1>outside world and everyone. And then when it fell apart,

0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:07.159
<v Speaker 1>it like really fell apart. And it's interesting because you know,

0:21:07.200 --> 0:21:10.800
<v Speaker 1>this world, when it falls apart, people love when it

0:21:10.840 --> 0:21:16.760
<v Speaker 1>falls apart, and the media loves to grasp onto that.

0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:20.119
<v Speaker 1>And then it just got perpetuated to this point where

0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:23.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, my daughter was reading things like toy spelling

0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:25.959
<v Speaker 1>and her kids are homeless living in an RV, you know,

0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:29.879
<v Speaker 1>and we were on vacation. It was like so many

0:21:30.000 --> 0:21:32.639
<v Speaker 1>It's like, now, you know, toy is a mess, and

0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:35.199
<v Speaker 1>it's like I talk about my life being messy, but

0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:38.439
<v Speaker 1>you know, am I literally a mess?

0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:38.960
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:42.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing really, I'm doing a damn good job considering

0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:47.320
<v Speaker 1>what we're going through. But it's interesting how the media

0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:50.000
<v Speaker 1>just picks up on something and goes with it, and

0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:52.040
<v Speaker 1>it's like, does that ever come back around?

0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:55.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like, like you said, they love to they

0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:57.959
<v Speaker 2>love it when people are in their downfall, you know,

0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:01.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean the monath times that I'm like cool. They

0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:05.359
<v Speaker 2>never talk about anyone super in love or happy. It's

0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:07.240
<v Speaker 2>only usually the bad stuff.

0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:11.280
<v Speaker 1>Which is really unfortunate. And I know, you know it's

0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:15.840
<v Speaker 1>not a headliner. It's not grabbing. You know, I'm well

0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:19.600
<v Speaker 1>aware that you know when this podcast airs that the

0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:21.800
<v Speaker 1>media will grab the little bits you and I are

0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:25.640
<v Speaker 1>talking about out of context and grab that and make

0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:30.000
<v Speaker 1>it a headline. That seems terrible, but I don't know.

0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:32.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm grateful for the podcast world, as I know you are,

0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:39.040
<v Speaker 1>because we can change the narrative and speak our truth.

0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I have a question where I mean, now you have

0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:51.760
<v Speaker 1>three kids and Roman, oh my god is one now

0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:52.640
<v Speaker 1>he's one?

0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:53.000
<v Speaker 3>Ye?

0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:55.639
<v Speaker 2>How did that go so fast? I mean so fast,

0:22:55.760 --> 0:22:56.440
<v Speaker 2>it's crazy.

0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:58.000
<v Speaker 3>Oh my gosh.

0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:02.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he's I haven't met him in person, but obviously

0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:04.400
<v Speaker 1>I see him every day on your socialism.

0:23:04.400 --> 0:23:08.800
<v Speaker 3>It's so cute, yummy, And you know what I love.

0:23:09.040 --> 0:23:13.680
<v Speaker 1>I love seeing photos and I guess being now a

0:23:13.720 --> 0:23:15.960
<v Speaker 1>single mom and looking for that like what will be

0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:21.760
<v Speaker 1>my next I love pictures of seeing the three kids

0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:25.000
<v Speaker 1>and you and Alan and Alan's arms around the kids

0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:26.159
<v Speaker 1>and Jason.

0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:28.320
<v Speaker 3>Julie seems so happy with.

0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Him, and that it's like there's hope, there's there can

0:23:33.560 --> 0:23:37.040
<v Speaker 1>be acceptance having a stepparent.

0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:43.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, Alan is he's an incredible stepdad and

0:23:43.520 --> 0:23:47.920
<v Speaker 2>then obviously father to Roman, but but he really I mean,

0:23:48.680 --> 0:23:52.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean the kids. His birthday is this week, so

0:23:52.359 --> 0:23:54.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to post like some photos of I I

0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:56.879
<v Speaker 2>was pulling together some photos to post and I'm like,

0:23:57.320 --> 0:23:59.960
<v Speaker 2>they're always just on top of him and like either

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.360
<v Speaker 2>just so sweet and like they just they love him

0:24:02.400 --> 0:24:06.160
<v Speaker 2>so much. And it's it's beautiful because my kids, I mean,

0:24:06.440 --> 0:24:08.920
<v Speaker 2>they're around him more than my ex husband because we

0:24:09.440 --> 0:24:12.120
<v Speaker 2>have them. My ex only has them like eight days

0:24:12.119 --> 0:24:15.720
<v Speaker 2>a month, so you know, we have seventy percent at

0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:19.320
<v Speaker 2>the time. So I mean, like, Alan's how he you know,

0:24:19.440 --> 0:24:22.639
<v Speaker 2>treats and treats me. Not only is beautiful because the

0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:25.080
<v Speaker 2>kids see how it should be. You know. I think

0:24:25.119 --> 0:24:29.320
<v Speaker 2>back to some pretty volatile fights that Jolie had to witness,

0:24:29.359 --> 0:24:32.719
<v Speaker 2>and it's like, oh, like I just it's I'm glad

0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:36.280
<v Speaker 2>that she's able to see, Okay, this is how, this

0:24:36.359 --> 0:24:37.919
<v Speaker 2>is how this should look, and this is how a

0:24:37.960 --> 0:24:41.720
<v Speaker 2>man should treat, you know, his wife. And and yeah,

0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:45.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean and Alan's just I mean he's the best chef,

0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:50.040
<v Speaker 2>best dad and they love him. So that's that's really

0:24:50.040 --> 0:24:52.239
<v Speaker 2>beautiful in the end. And for me, it's like, I

0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:54.600
<v Speaker 2>hope it gives people hope because I was also that

0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:57.280
<v Speaker 2>person in bed crying post divorce, saying no one will

0:24:57.320 --> 0:25:00.119
<v Speaker 2>love me. My past is so you know, bad, and

0:25:00.160 --> 0:25:01.960
<v Speaker 2>people are going to just think, you know, that I'm

0:25:01.960 --> 0:25:04.560
<v Speaker 2>the common denominator and everything else that I've been told

0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:07.919
<v Speaker 2>from my past, people that I was the problem. You know.

0:25:08.000 --> 0:25:12.040
<v Speaker 2>I just thought that I was so unlovable, and then

0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:14.760
<v Speaker 2>I found a man who loves every single part of me,

0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:18.000
<v Speaker 2>the good and the bad. So it's out there, you know.

0:25:18.040 --> 0:25:19.320
<v Speaker 2>But I had to do a lot of work to

0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:21.560
<v Speaker 2>get to that point to even think that I deserve that.

0:25:22.520 --> 0:25:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh, two things. So you're saying Julie saw symbolical fights.

0:25:29.200 --> 0:25:36.040
<v Speaker 1>That definitely makes me sad that the last memory that

0:25:36.080 --> 0:25:39.399
<v Speaker 1>the kids have of my soon to be ex and

0:25:39.480 --> 0:25:44.120
<v Speaker 1>I together were those fights. And I never wanted them

0:25:45.440 --> 0:25:50.119
<v Speaker 1>to witness anything. Yeah, I never wanted them to witness anything.

0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:53.240
<v Speaker 1>And it's it got to the point where I couldn't

0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:56.840
<v Speaker 1>keep it from happening, and it was happening so often.

0:25:57.440 --> 0:25:58.920
<v Speaker 3>And I remember.

0:26:00.760 --> 0:26:07.720
<v Speaker 1>Who's now thirteen, saying to me before Dean and I split, Mom,

0:26:07.720 --> 0:26:11.440
<v Speaker 1>what would it look like if you found someone who

0:26:11.520 --> 0:26:12.280
<v Speaker 1>treated you right?

0:26:13.480 --> 0:26:14.919
<v Speaker 3>What would it look like?

0:26:15.280 --> 0:26:17.560
<v Speaker 1>She was presenting it to me in that way, and

0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 1>she was scared to ask me because I think she

0:26:19.880 --> 0:26:26.760
<v Speaker 1>didn't know if I want it out, And I said

0:26:26.760 --> 0:26:30.119
<v Speaker 1>at the time, I said, I made excuses. You know,

0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:33.600
<v Speaker 1>your dad and I fight. And Dean is now sober,

0:26:34.160 --> 0:26:38.840
<v Speaker 1>and I'm always defending everybody. Sorry, but it's and I'm

0:26:38.960 --> 0:26:41.199
<v Speaker 1>very proud of the hard work he's done. And I

0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:45.200
<v Speaker 1>hope he stays with it, and I believe he will

0:26:45.240 --> 0:26:48.560
<v Speaker 1>this time. We've gone through it before in our relationship

0:26:48.600 --> 0:26:52.600
<v Speaker 1>with him. Sober not sober, But it meant so much

0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:56.320
<v Speaker 1>when your daughter sees that, because I'm like, no, this

0:26:56.520 --> 0:26:58.440
<v Speaker 1>is imprinting on them.

0:26:58.800 --> 0:26:59.920
<v Speaker 3>And while I.

0:26:59.880 --> 0:27:03.040
<v Speaker 1>Have three boys, it specifically spoke to me on a

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:06.600
<v Speaker 1>level that the girls like, they see this and I

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:10.160
<v Speaker 1>don't want this to be imprinted, that this should be allowed.

0:27:11.160 --> 0:27:12.000
<v Speaker 3>The disrespect.

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:16.119
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think one thing though, from my childhood was

0:27:16.240 --> 0:27:18.520
<v Speaker 2>very volatile. I saw a lot of fights. What my

0:27:18.640 --> 0:27:21.639
<v Speaker 2>mom did wrong in that, and she did what she

0:27:21.880 --> 0:27:24.679
<v Speaker 2>could at that time, but she stayed. So what I

0:27:24.800 --> 0:27:27.959
<v Speaker 2>learned was that was what was acceptable. The difference with

0:27:28.000 --> 0:27:32.000
<v Speaker 2>you and me as we left, we're showing so they

0:27:32.080 --> 0:27:34.399
<v Speaker 2>might have yes, witnessed, and so this is where I'm like,

0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:38.199
<v Speaker 2>I has helped me not have the shame piece of

0:27:38.280 --> 0:27:41.159
<v Speaker 2>letting my daughter see some not good fights, But like,

0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:45.000
<v Speaker 2>if this might help you too, is that we're breaking

0:27:45.040 --> 0:27:49.080
<v Speaker 2>the cycle by choosing not to allow that anymore, and

0:27:49.119 --> 0:27:51.919
<v Speaker 2>so that they know that that's not acceptable. They saw it,

0:27:52.280 --> 0:27:55.040
<v Speaker 2>they witnessed it, and now they know that's not acceptable,

0:27:55.040 --> 0:27:58.199
<v Speaker 2>so when that happens, they'll leave too. What happened with

0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:00.680
<v Speaker 2>me is that I just thought I deserve that, which

0:28:00.720 --> 0:28:02.600
<v Speaker 2>is why my mom stayed, which is why I stayed

0:28:02.720 --> 0:28:05.600
<v Speaker 2>in my other previous ones. You know, so at least

0:28:05.600 --> 0:28:08.520
<v Speaker 2>you're breaking, so give yourself some credit for that.

0:28:09.040 --> 0:28:11.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, a little sooner would have been better.