1 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio Podcast. 2 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,200 Speaker 2: Your girls looked beautiful? How are they? Is it so hard? 3 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 2: I feel like that age. I'm just like scared of. 4 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: Be very scared. Yeah, the girls are doing good. And 5 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: so you saw my two girls at jingle Ball. Remind 6 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: me the ages again, sixteen and thirteen. 7 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,959 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm just I remember what I was like at 8 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,159 Speaker 2: that age when my parents got divorced, and even so 9 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 2: I just fear that age because of just that age 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 2: and social media and everything else. 11 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 3: All of the above. 12 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting you brought that up, though, because when 13 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: I announced my divorce, you were literally one of my 14 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: first friends that texted me and you were like, you 15 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: got this. And I remember saying to you at the 16 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: time that she was fifteen at the time and now 17 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: she's sixteen. 18 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 3: Stella. 19 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: She was having a hard time. Didn't want me to 20 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: talk about their lives. And it is interesting because Billy's 21 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: held seven. 22 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: She's going to be nine in January nine. 23 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,400 Speaker 3: Yeh, god, wow, I got that wrong. Oh, because my 24 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 3: son's seventh. 25 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 1: Sorry, we have eight kids between the two. Yeah, it's like, gosh, oh, 26 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: so you're about to hit that song. 27 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yeah, but she but yeah, she didn't 28 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 2: want you talking about it. 29 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: And and you sent me a voice text that really 30 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: helped me get through it because it was like, you know, 31 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: I know, you know this world, and there's not many 32 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: of my friends I can turn to to say, Hey, 33 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: it's our lives are public, whether we talk about it 34 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: or not, it's out there. And it's the same with you. 35 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: And you know, she was like very much, So why 36 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: do you have to do this podcast? You know, she 37 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: was fine with nine O two one OMG, but misspelling, 38 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: why do you have to do that? Because that's talking 39 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: about our lives and in her mind it was perpetuating it. 40 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: And and you said something valuable. You were like, you know, 41 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: this is you have to work for a living, and 42 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: this is your work and this is what you do. 43 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: And if you know, you don't say your narrative, someone 44 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: else will create a false narrative. And you said, be 45 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: strong and thank you for that. Sorry I sound like 46 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: a stocker friend. 47 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 2: But no, of course, I think it's one of those things, 48 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 2: too is and I still have to find my footing 49 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 2: with it. And I've been you know, three half almost gosh, 50 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 2: how many years divorced now like almost four, but was 51 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 2: it three and a half? I don't know. But where 52 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 2: I even still have to remind myself that my truth 53 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 2: is okay to share. Now. Some of it I don't 54 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 2: share to protect certain areas for the kids, but other 55 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 2: areas I need to for not only like I want to, 56 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 2: you know, because I know I'm not alone in it 57 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 2: and you're not alone in it. And so I think, 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 2: and yes, it is like this. You have a podcast. 59 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: I have a podcast, and that is ways of supporting 60 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 2: our children, but also owning your truth is such a 61 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 2: valuable thing, and especially in this day and age, like 62 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 2: it's a beautiful thing to be sharing now, you know. 63 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 2: And I think, and I think, I said, like, your 64 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 2: daughter will she will recognize that. Maybe not now, but 65 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 2: she will. 66 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: Yeah you did one day. Yeah, And I go with that, 67 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: I really do. But it's hard, and of course i'm 68 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: the same. There's so much I don't share, you know, 69 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: and I know we're on the same page. There's there's stuff, 70 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: you know, if people knew, it's like they'd be like 71 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: and you're still standing. You're like, yeah, not just stand 72 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: and walk and running. 73 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 2: Right through it all. 74 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, but it's very challenging and I got to 75 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: meet Alan. 76 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 2: Yah, You're gonna find that happy ending too. I promise you. 77 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: I know you will if you want it. If you 78 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 2: want that, like if if love is the if that's 79 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 2: what you you know, if you want if you want 80 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 2: to have that again. Some people are totally fine, and 81 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 2: then they don't, they don't want that anymore. 82 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: No, I'd like to find love. And you said to 83 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 1: me Friday night, are you doing? And I think the 84 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: one thing I said to you is I said, I'm lonely? 85 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:30,480 Speaker 3: M h. 86 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 2: And what did I say? 87 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 3: I'm blanking? What'd you say? 88 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 2: I said, there's a beauty in the loneliness, like you'll 89 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 2: find like you find yourself in the loneliness. Like that's 90 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 2: where I learned to really love myself in the loneliness. 91 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 3: It's not funny. I said the word. 92 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 1: I said that to you out loud, and then I 93 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: just froze and shut down in my brain. 94 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to keep hearing that. Yeah. 95 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 1: And everyone says, you know, be alone, be with yourself, 96 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: and I always think, gosh and so o way, I 97 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: have been with myself and been alone for fifty one years. 98 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 2: Well, and I just want to say this too, but 99 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 2: like don't you feel I don't know if you felt 100 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,839 Speaker 2: the same way, But when I think back in my 101 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 2: marriage of infidelity, I felt more alone in that marriage 102 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 2: than I did post divorce, because it's such a lonely 103 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: existence being with someone that isn't respectful to you in 104 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 2: a marriage, and that makes you feel really lonely in 105 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 2: a marriage, where it's like which one's worth worse being 106 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 2: lonely in a marriage or being lonely outside of a marriage, 107 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 2: like which evil is worse? And to me, it's staying 108 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 2: with a man that doesn't respect me that to me 109 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 2: is more lonely. 110 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 3: It's true, but it was. 111 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 1: And I mean, you knew that I wanted to leave 112 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: years before I left. I think we had this conversation 113 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: when I did your podcast going now, like it was 114 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,040 Speaker 1: it two years ago and afterwards we had wine. 115 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 2: Talked us three years ago or something years ago? 116 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah it was. 117 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,039 Speaker 2: And you're like, I want to get out. I'm like, 118 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 2: then get out, like you can do it, and you're like, 119 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm I guess you can, which was 120 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,040 Speaker 2: like I was actually happy for you, isn't that morbid? 121 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 2: Like I was happy for you when I found out 122 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 2: the US, because I'm like, that's what your soul in 123 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 2: heart really wanted. It's hard, but like I was so 124 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 2: excited and like, finally you can like start over. 125 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,839 Speaker 1: You know a lot of people were happy for me 126 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,239 Speaker 1: and nothing against my ex. 127 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 3: It's just it wasn't right. 128 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: But going back to being disrespected in a marriage when 129 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: there's infidelity, it's interesting because you know what I don't know, 130 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: I don't know, but what I do know because there, 131 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,360 Speaker 1: you know, there was the major infidelity that we had 132 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: in our marriage that was made public. Not my choice, 133 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: my choice are his. But I chose to stay and 134 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: get past it and work on the relationship. But I 135 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: don't know how much I didn't value the respect at 136 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: the time that I was disrespected that that wasn't good 137 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: for me. 138 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 3: I just was so focused on making sure. 139 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: The family stayed together that I don't think I ever 140 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: from that moment on healed and that was gosh in 141 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: it was twenty fifteen. So then we stayed together, which 142 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: I'm happy we stayed together because there would be no Bo, 143 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: who is my seven year old. 144 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 2: Sure, and I feel the same way about my little jas. 145 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 2: I'm like I would never have had Jase, you know, 146 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 2: like what a blessing those little babes were for us? 147 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: Right, So in some way, and I don't really believe 148 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: in regrets. It's all a learning journey, but yeah, I 149 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: never I guess that's the part I don't look back 150 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: on and think like, oh, I was disrespected even now 151 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: during my healing process until you brought that up. And 152 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: I guess that's the part that I don't know how 153 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: to connect with a partner because on some level, I 154 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: think in relationships my entire life, I was disrespected, if that's. 155 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 3: How we want to put it, in fidelity. 156 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: So I don't know that part of finding a partner 157 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: and needing respect, if. 158 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,239 Speaker 3: That makes sense. 159 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 2: Have you talked about because I haven't listened well, but 160 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 2: have you talked about dating yet? 161 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 3: Not really? No, okay, but you may. 162 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 2: I feel like, well, I'm just curious, like, have you 163 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 2: because because of what you just said, like if you 164 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 2: have started dating again, have you noticed that you were 165 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 2: picking the same person or are you trying to find 166 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 2: like is there similarities or Because I realized once I 167 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 2: got I did this thing at a place called on Site, 168 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 2: and it was probably the best healing work I ever did. 169 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 2: And I love my therapist and who I just still 170 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: go to her. She's fantastic. But there's this place that 171 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 2: just really like restarted me. And after that is when 172 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 2: I started to have a different picker, I would say, 173 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 2: because I had a different respect for myself. You text 174 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 2: me done in book it is. I mean, I'm telling 175 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 2: you what. It is the most healing place ever and 176 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 2: I've and I ended up doing there's like group settings, 177 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 2: but you can also do one on ones and it 178 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 2: is one on one with the one that I did 179 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 2: was one on one with a therapist and you're in 180 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 2: a room for eight hours, and I mean it is 181 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: like it's called experiential therapy, but it is the most 182 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 2: groundbreaking therapy work. And I mean that was that for me. 183 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 2: When I left on site, it was the start of 184 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 2: like actual true I mean it was there was so 185 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 2: much healing that and again I love my therapist and 186 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 2: there's such good healing work that happens there. But like 187 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 2: this is just like eight years of therapy in three days. 188 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 2: Like that's how like deep they go and how you know, 189 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 2: I think that experiential work and just working through like 190 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 2: childhood stuff to you know, to then you know the 191 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,199 Speaker 2: men that you've dated, and then you know what you want, 192 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 2: and so there's just like a full circle and then 193 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 2: when you leave, you just have this like weightlifted that 194 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: you're able to really know exactly who you are and 195 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 2: what you want. And I mean it was I will 196 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 2: absolutely text you the infote, but it's just such it 197 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 2: was such a godsend for me post divorce that I 198 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 2: just am always like tell people all the time, like, 199 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,359 Speaker 2: go to onsite, go to onsite. 200 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 1: I would like to try that. Since Dean and I split, 201 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: I have dated just one person. And that experience was 202 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 1: okay with my kids because it was someone that was familiar, Okay, 203 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: someone that they knew that we were already friends, and 204 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: the kids be divorced, the kids are friends, so that 205 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: was okay with them, and he's still in my life, 206 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: but in the future. 207 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,559 Speaker 3: My sixteen year old did say the. 208 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: Other day that you want me to date anyone else? 209 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: Okay, but that's also oh you know, I'm gonna say 210 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 2: to that. Yeah, Wait, what's her reasoning? 211 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: My six year old Mastella is the best and worst 212 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,680 Speaker 1: parts of me. She's so clever and so smart and 213 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,559 Speaker 1: so ahead of her time. And she's sixteen, so in 214 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: the family, she is like the second mom. Sorry, she 215 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: is like the second mom, and she helps raise everyone 216 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: and do it with me and she knows my buttons though, 217 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 1: And she said to me, you have so much going on, 218 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: you have such a full plate, you work so much, 219 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 1: and because of that, we've just been going in the 220 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,080 Speaker 1: last couple of years, and you don't always have enough 221 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: time for us. So we would not be okay with 222 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: you having time for someone new. 223 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 2: What do you think that? 224 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,840 Speaker 1: And I said, well, but you're okay if I'm dating 225 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: this other person that you're familiar with that you like, 226 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:07,839 Speaker 1: and she. 227 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 3: Said, yeah, that's okay. 228 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: And I got frustrated and I said, well, I hear you, 229 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: and I really am trying hard to balance everything and 230 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: it's not easy, and I'm struggling between five kids, being 231 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: a single mom. 232 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 3: Working, it's all a struggle. 233 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: But there has to be me time as well, which 234 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: is something I never focused on even when I was 235 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 1: with your dad. 236 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 3: So this is new to you, guys. 237 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: And this other person, when I did start dating him, 238 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: I said, if you recall, you weren't happy about that either, 239 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,719 Speaker 1: and she goes, well, we'd rather you be with him 240 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 1: because we know him and we're all friends. Than someone 241 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: just completely knew. And she even said, like, I wouldn't 242 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: want you to go on a dating site and someone 243 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: knew come pick you up to go on a day? 244 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 2: What's a split between you and Dean with the parenting time? 245 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 3: They live with me? Okay, so they are with me. 246 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 2: That's hard, and that's hard. That's and he sees them, yeah. 247 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 3: He does. 248 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: You know, we do school drop off and pickups together 249 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: and and right now we have a situation where he's 250 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: very open to you know, when they want to come over, 251 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 1: he's open to it. 252 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 3: It's not like a hard. 253 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: Rule like split weekends. He wants them to go at 254 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: their own pace. And you know, some are open, some 255 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:44,439 Speaker 1: are not at this point. And yeah, it just it 256 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: was odd to me because I said, okay, what timeline is, 257 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: like fine, like five years from now? Are you okay 258 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: with me? And she's like, I guess so. And I 259 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, man, like why am I even 260 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: saying that? I shouldn't have even said five years? Like eventually, 261 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: you know, what we hope as parents is we do 262 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,079 Speaker 1: the best we can with our little birds, and one 263 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 1: day they fly the nest and then they're out there 264 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: doing their thing and I'm like I did say to her, 265 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: I call her buggy and I said, Buggy, I know 266 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: you don't want this, and I don't want to suddenly 267 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: be seventy and be alone. And then I'm like, oh man, 268 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: it's too late to find someone. And she's like, no, no, no, 269 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: I don't want you alone. I just think right now, 270 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: for now, we wouldn't be okay with you going on 271 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: a date with anybody else. And that hit me me 272 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: hard because I was like, Okay, well this one other guy. 273 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: Hope he comes through, because great, I'm not allowed to 274 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: date anybody else. 275 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 2: I think, and I'm not. I am like, obviously I don't. 276 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 2: I'm not a therapist or whatever. But the thing that 277 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 2: I hear is like remembering, like who's the parent in it? 278 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 2: You know, like you are their mom. You know, at 279 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 2: the end of the day, you know what's best, and 280 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 2: it's hard to juggle all the things. But if you 281 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 2: want to go on a date with someone that you 282 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 2: are excited about or that you meet, you are the 283 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 2: parent you can that's those are your choices. They can't 284 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 2: dictate what you do as an adult. And when they're 285 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 2: given that control, I feel like there's and again I 286 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 2: don't know the ins and outs of it, but like 287 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 2: I feel like if they're given that control, then they 288 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 2: think that they can just puppet string you. And it's 289 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 2: like no, no, no, like you are in control of 290 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 2: your own puppet strings, you know. And yes, our kids dictate, 291 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 2: like my kids dictate my schedule. My kids, you know, 292 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 2: but that's because you know, I want to go to 293 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 2: their sports and this, that and the other, and you 294 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 2: know that's the I shouldn't say dictate, that's not the 295 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 2: right word. But you know, my world revolves around my kids. 296 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 2: Having said that, I also have to take care of 297 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 2: myself too. I have to. I have to, you know, 298 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: make sure that my husband and I have For example, 299 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 2: you know, we stayed in Nextra day in Los Angeles 300 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 2: instead of going home because I'm like, we don't ever 301 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 2: get time to ourself. We need time to ourself, or 302 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 2: like we are the thing that needs to stay steady 303 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 2: for our kids and you know, for you know us 304 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 2: as our marriage, like we need this time together. So 305 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 2: like you also as a single mom, you need your 306 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 2: night out by yourself, whether that be with a man 307 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 2: or by yourself or with your girlfriends. Like they cannot 308 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 2: control what you do for your self, heeling journey, for yourself, 309 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 2: or for anything else. Like And the thing is is 310 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 2: like you shouldn't be made to feel bad about the 311 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 2: choices that you make because you're always putting your kids first. 312 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 2: That's what we do as moms. We're always going to 313 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 2: put our kids first. But I'm sorry, We're going out 314 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 2: for one night to go either have a nice meal 315 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 2: that someone cooks for us or that someone pies for us, 316 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 2: like as a single mom, like whatever, go out, you know, like, 317 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 2: don't let them pull those strings. I don't know, maybe 318 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 2: I'm gonna get shit for that, but. 319 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: I know no, you're right, You're right. See I'm hearing you. 320 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 1: But I'm just like, my mom. 321 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: Guilt is totally I get it. 322 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 3: And I didn't put the I turned on. 323 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: Movies because I'm like, I don't want to like be 324 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 2: away for an extra two weeks, you know what I mean. Like, 325 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 2: and I'm like, I, Kasha, why didn't I do that 326 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 2: movie this year? I could have easily done it, and like, yes, 327 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 2: my kids would have missed me, but you know what, 328 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 2: they also I'm also here ninety nine percent of the time, 329 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 2: you know, when I'm not filming or doing something, so 330 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:21,679 Speaker 2: like we we we shouldn't feel guilty about doing things 331 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 2: that we need to do for us and also to 332 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: support our kids. I agree, and remember who is the 333 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 2: adult you are it it's we. 334 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: Move like such a unit now, you know. I came 335 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 1: into my marriage with Dean from him and I both 336 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: coming from other marriages. We were both married when when 337 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: we met, which you know, I got a lot of 338 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,680 Speaker 1: shit for that, like a homewrecker, you know. And then 339 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 1: when he did end up, you know, cheating on me, 340 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: and people were like, well, you reap what you sow 341 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 1: and so what you reap what? Yeah, they were like, 342 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: well karma, you know, and it's. 343 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 3: Like it was so it was hard. 344 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:13,439 Speaker 1: Because I went into the marriage with him wanting to 345 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: He had a son who was seven at the time, 346 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,120 Speaker 1: which is the age of my youngest now that I'm 347 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: going through a divorce with Dean. 348 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 3: I was very mindful. You know. 349 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: Everyone said, don't try to be the parent, don't you know, 350 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: and I said no, no, no, and tried to have a 351 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 1: really good relationship with his mother. I feel like I 352 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: did all the right things. And then when Deane and 353 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: I started having kids together, I just, you know, I 354 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: really tried to create that fairy tale. 355 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 3: I guess that I. 356 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,239 Speaker 1: Thought they needed, they wanted that I had hoped they 357 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 1: would have, and pulled it off for a really long 358 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: time until I couldn't control the outside world, I couldn't 359 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 1: control what he did on the outside world, or it 360 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: kind of caving in on us. And when that happened, 361 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: I feel like I had to let go of everything 362 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 1: and just kind of And that's when, if people look back, 363 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 1: my narrative really changed, you know, because I did go 364 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 1: into the marriage with Dean believing in true love, and 365 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: I still believe in true love. That hasn't swayed me. 366 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: I've never given up on love. I just feel like, 367 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 1: I don't know, I really wanted to be everything to everyone, 368 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: and then when it just was slipping away, I just 369 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,040 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I have to open up and kind 370 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: of share this because there was no other option at 371 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: that point, because other people were creating the narrative, and 372 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, no, So I have to 373 00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: share my story. And that's when I feel like, you know, publicly, 374 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 1: things drastically. 375 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:06,119 Speaker 3: Changed in my life. You know, I was, you know, 376 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,360 Speaker 3: Dean and I were. 377 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: Like this perfect couple in people's eyes, and we had 378 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: this adorable, perfect family, and we had this reality show 379 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:19,479 Speaker 1: where while it was all super real, it was you know, 380 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 1: light and bright and fun and people I would meet 381 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: fans all the time that say, I hope I meet 382 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 1: a Dean and I knew the truth behind stuff, and 383 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, because there are great qualities about Dean. 384 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been with him to begin with. There 385 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: warn't I wouldn't created these five children with him. But 386 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 1: it wasn't my truth and I couldn't completely speak it. 387 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: And I hope I have your life. I hope you 388 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,879 Speaker 1: know you have the perfect relationship. And it was so 389 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: far from perfect. 390 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 3: And you know, I. 391 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: Had all you know, the brand deals and all the 392 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 1: things like it all looked perfect on paper to the 393 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: outside world and everyone. And then when it fell apart, 394 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:07,159 Speaker 1: it like really fell apart. And it's interesting because you know, 395 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: this world, when it falls apart, people love when it 396 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: falls apart, and the media loves to grasp onto that. 397 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,119 Speaker 1: And then it just got perpetuated to this point where 398 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 1: you know, my daughter was reading things like toy spelling 399 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,959 Speaker 1: and her kids are homeless living in an RV, you know, 400 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 1: and we were on vacation. It was like so many 401 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,639 Speaker 1: It's like, now, you know, toy is a mess, and 402 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,199 Speaker 1: it's like I talk about my life being messy, but 403 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 1: you know, am I literally a mess? 404 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 3: No? 405 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,640 Speaker 1: I'm doing really, I'm doing a damn good job considering 406 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: what we're going through. But it's interesting how the media 407 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 1: just picks up on something and goes with it, and 408 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: it's like, does that ever come back around? 409 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 2: I mean, like, like you said, they love to they 410 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,959 Speaker 2: love it when people are in their downfall, you know, 411 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,120 Speaker 2: I mean the monath times that I'm like cool. They 412 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 2: never talk about anyone super in love or happy. It's 413 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 2: only usually the bad stuff. 414 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 1: Which is really unfortunate. And I know, you know it's 415 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: not a headliner. It's not grabbing. You know, I'm well 416 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: aware that you know when this podcast airs that the 417 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: media will grab the little bits you and I are 418 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 1: talking about out of context and grab that and make 419 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: it a headline. That seems terrible, but I don't know. 420 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the podcast world, as I know you are, 421 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 1: because we can change the narrative and speak our truth. 422 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: I have a question where I mean, now you have 423 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 1: three kids and Roman, oh my god is one now 424 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:52,640 Speaker 1: he's one? 425 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 3: Ye? 426 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 2: How did that go so fast? I mean so fast, 427 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:56,440 Speaker 2: it's crazy. 428 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. 429 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's I haven't met him in person, but obviously 430 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 1: I see him every day on your socialism. 431 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 3: It's so cute, yummy, And you know what I love. 432 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 1: I love seeing photos and I guess being now a 433 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: single mom and looking for that like what will be 434 00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: my next I love pictures of seeing the three kids 435 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: and you and Alan and Alan's arms around the kids 436 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,159 Speaker 1: and Jason. 437 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 3: Julie seems so happy with. 438 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: Him, and that it's like there's hope, there's there can 439 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: be acceptance having a stepparent. 440 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, Alan is he's an incredible stepdad and 441 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 2: then obviously father to Roman, but but he really I mean, 442 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 2: I mean the kids. His birthday is this week, so 443 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,679 Speaker 2: I'm going to post like some photos of I I 444 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 2: was pulling together some photos to post and I'm like, 445 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 2: they're always just on top of him and like either 446 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,360 Speaker 2: just so sweet and like they just they love him 447 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,160 Speaker 2: so much. And it's it's beautiful because my kids, I mean, 448 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,920 Speaker 2: they're around him more than my ex husband because we 449 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,120 Speaker 2: have them. My ex only has them like eight days 450 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 2: a month, so you know, we have seventy percent at 451 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 2: the time. So I mean, like, Alan's how he you know, 452 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 2: treats and treats me. Not only is beautiful because the 453 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 2: kids see how it should be. You know. I think 454 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 2: back to some pretty volatile fights that Jolie had to witness, 455 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,719 Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, like I just it's I'm glad 456 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 2: that she's able to see, Okay, this is how, this 457 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:37,919 Speaker 2: is how this should look, and this is how a 458 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 2: man should treat, you know, his wife. And and yeah, 459 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 2: I mean and Alan's just I mean he's the best chef, 460 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 2: best dad and they love him. So that's that's really 461 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,239 Speaker 2: beautiful in the end. And for me, it's like, I 462 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 2: hope it gives people hope because I was also that 463 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 2: person in bed crying post divorce, saying no one will 464 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 2: love me. My past is so you know, bad, and 465 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 2: people are going to just think, you know, that I'm 466 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 2: the common denominator and everything else that I've been told 467 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 2: from my past, people that I was the problem. You know. 468 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 2: I just thought that I was so unlovable, and then 469 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 2: I found a man who loves every single part of me, 470 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 2: the good and the bad. So it's out there, you know. 471 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 2: But I had to do a lot of work to 472 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 2: get to that point to even think that I deserve that. 473 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, two things. So you're saying Julie saw symbolical fights. 474 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: That definitely makes me sad that the last memory that 475 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 1: the kids have of my soon to be ex and 476 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:44,120 Speaker 1: I together were those fights. And I never wanted them 477 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: to witness anything. Yeah, I never wanted them to witness anything. 478 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: And it's it got to the point where I couldn't 479 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: keep it from happening, and it was happening so often. 480 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 3: And I remember. 481 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 1: Who's now thirteen, saying to me before Dean and I split, Mom, 482 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,440 Speaker 1: what would it look like if you found someone who 483 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: treated you right? 484 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 3: What would it look like? 485 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: She was presenting it to me in that way, and 486 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: she was scared to ask me because I think she 487 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 1: didn't know if I want it out, And I said 488 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: at the time, I said, I made excuses. You know, 489 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: your dad and I fight. And Dean is now sober, 490 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 1: and I'm always defending everybody. Sorry, but it's and I'm 491 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,199 Speaker 1: very proud of the hard work he's done. And I 492 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 1: hope he stays with it, and I believe he will 493 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: this time. We've gone through it before in our relationship 494 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 1: with him. Sober not sober, But it meant so much 495 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: when your daughter sees that, because I'm like, no, this 496 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,440 Speaker 1: is imprinting on them. 497 00:26:58,800 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 3: And while I. 498 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: Have three boys, it specifically spoke to me on a 499 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 1: level that the girls like, they see this and I 500 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: don't want this to be imprinted, that this should be allowed. 501 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 3: The disrespect. 502 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 2: Well, I think one thing though, from my childhood was 503 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 2: very volatile. I saw a lot of fights. What my 504 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,639 Speaker 2: mom did wrong in that, and she did what she 505 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,679 Speaker 2: could at that time, but she stayed. So what I 506 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,959 Speaker 2: learned was that was what was acceptable. The difference with 507 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 2: you and me as we left, we're showing so they 508 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 2: might have yes, witnessed, and so this is where I'm like, 509 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 2: I has helped me not have the shame piece of 510 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 2: letting my daughter see some not good fights, But like, 511 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 2: if this might help you too, is that we're breaking 512 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 2: the cycle by choosing not to allow that anymore, and 513 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,919 Speaker 2: so that they know that that's not acceptable. They saw it, 514 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 2: they witnessed it, and now they know that's not acceptable, 515 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,199 Speaker 2: so when that happens, they'll leave too. What happened with 516 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 2: me is that I just thought I deserve that, which 517 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: is why my mom stayed, which is why I stayed 518 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 2: in my other previous ones. You know, so at least 519 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 2: you're breaking, so give yourself some credit for that. 520 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, a little sooner would have been better.