Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, we're brow this should.
Speaker 2: This is and this is ambition.
Speaker 3: Hey manja, hey beautiful, how are you stunning? And that
Speaker 3: lightning and the and the glow. I can't let me
Speaker 3: tell you something.
Speaker 4: So I already have a brown boost, so you know
Speaker 4: we're not gonna okay.
Speaker 3: But you have boosted your lashes like twice.
Speaker 2: Yes, I wouldn't say that these lasses. I don't have
Speaker 2: born like just brows and lasses.
Speaker 4: And what I love about it is that like, well
Speaker 4: one like you know, this is place that I found
Speaker 4: that like it's like for a hundred bucks for the month,
Speaker 4: you can get like your.
Speaker 2: Lashes done twice, you know.
Speaker 4: So I was just let me try it, and so
Speaker 4: you know it makes me feel like a little we
Speaker 4: know me. I'm trying to get my girly on after
Speaker 4: after years of being.
Speaker 2: Mail and I'm not just saying, I mean like I've
Speaker 2: been such a tomboy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, you know, at age forty four, I think it's
Speaker 2: what I'm ready.
Speaker 3: You need it a lot, but you just you look
Speaker 3: like you with like a little shine, you know.
Speaker 2: What I mean.
Speaker 3: I'm about what are you up to? Where are you
Speaker 3: at you're not in your usual office.
Speaker 2: I am not I am in A, I am d
Speaker 2: in DC.
Speaker 4: I was in Atlanta last week because I took the
Speaker 4: team on the team or annual team retreat right, which was.
Speaker 2: Awesome, soul walks.
Speaker 4: My favorite day was we did a We did some
Speaker 4: community service as some place called the Gateway Center where
Speaker 4: we it's like a transitional housing place but also resources
Speaker 4: for people who are currently unhoused. And it's that that
Speaker 4: place is specifically for men, and so we got to
Speaker 4: learn more about like the work they do because Atlanta,
Speaker 4: you know, because we I don't know.
Speaker 2: Did we chat about it on the podcast.
Speaker 3: Mid Yeah, did you already have that plan before you
Speaker 3: went to the A or did you plan it because
Speaker 3: of like what you were saying?
Speaker 4: No, No, we had a like before like so we
Speaker 4: worked with this mother daughter black. I have to find
Speaker 4: the name of their team. I'm gonna FINDCAU. I don't
Speaker 4: want to shot them out of their team that like
Speaker 4: planned our trip. This is their second year planning our
Speaker 4: trip for us, and community service is something that we
Speaker 4: wanted to add in UH this year.
Speaker 2: So it's PTE.
Speaker 4: I don't even know child oh Prime Time Events planning
Speaker 4: and concierge. It's this amazing black mother and daughter who
Speaker 4: do like events or what. They're out of Chicago, but
Speaker 4: they will fly over anywhere. So they did New Orleans
Speaker 4: for us amazing, and they just did Atlanta for myself
Speaker 4: and the team. And so yeah, we we had this
Speaker 4: community service project and we bought lunch for about one
Speaker 4: hundred men that were you know, staying there, and it
Speaker 4: was just so great to just talk and you know,
Speaker 4: you learn so much about like, you know, some people
Speaker 4: who are in house are really like the working poor.
Speaker 4: Like there was a guy there dressed in this nice suit.
Speaker 4: He was a limo driver, but it just didn't pay
Speaker 4: enough for him to be able to, you know, to
Speaker 4: have a safe place to live. So while he was here,
Speaker 4: you know, they're looking to for him to find him
Speaker 4: more permanent housing. But he was there in the meantime.
Speaker 4: So it was just an amazing experience. And we had
Speaker 4: so much pizza leftover that we were able to like
Speaker 4: kind of leave the center and also like serve some
Speaker 4: people who were just kind of like in front. So yeah,
Speaker 4: it was just like the it you know, I did.
Speaker 4: We did our normal We always do a SPA day
Speaker 4: we always do.
Speaker 2: Like we did, we made.
Speaker 4: This called thing called is it called Skintology Skintimacy black
Speaker 4: owned women brand where we made our own lotions and
Speaker 4: things we always try to support, like black owned our
Speaker 4: chef chef Todd Black Chef. It was a blackly black
Speaker 4: black like a week so which is awesome. But I'm
Speaker 4: also glad that we were also able to like serve
Speaker 4: and give back. And so yeah, I was there and
Speaker 4: then amazing and now I'm in DC, like because you
Speaker 4: know it's book tour time. Honey, wait till you know
Speaker 4: a Maid Whole comes out soon?
Speaker 3: And so yeah, which is the companion to kick with money?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Where can the girls find out more about this companion book?
Speaker 2: Well, they can go to Maid Whole workbook dot com.
Speaker 4: I do you know, me order there, but I would
Speaker 4: wait a little bit because we're getting the pre order.
Speaker 4: There are bonuses that we're gonna be able to give
Speaker 4: people who pre order, so and then like Bible mm hmm,
Speaker 4: they'll be able to go heavy.
Speaker 2: But I mean they'll see all the posted all that stuff.
Speaker 4: But when I take you, I'm tired girl, you gonna
Speaker 4: see my my my, my break is gonna be I
Speaker 4: mean Yeah, I'm just really tired. But I'm just glad
Speaker 4: to like, you know, be sett in some place. Yeah,
Speaker 4: what about you?
Speaker 2: What have you been up to?
Speaker 3: Uh? You know, fun stuff? Aging myself. Yeah, it's been
Speaker 3: a real shit couple of weeks. I'm not gonna lie
Speaker 3: I was. Yeah, where do I even begin? Well, I
Speaker 3: don't want to get like two into the personal stuff.
Speaker 3: But my dad has been sick, and like, do I
Speaker 3: go to Atlanta right now? On a plane sick? And
Speaker 3: I ended up choosing to not go to Atlanta because
Speaker 3: I have my two kids and the babies that are
Speaker 3: quit on me, and it's just like when it rains,
Speaker 3: it pours ever since that biblical flood that week of
Speaker 3: the flood, you know, and also I guess it flooded
Speaker 3: again while I was gone. But anyway, a lot's been
Speaker 3: going on. My dad has been sick, and in my family,
Speaker 3: my parents are no longer together and my dad did
Speaker 3: not remarry, and you know, he's in his sixties and
Speaker 3: my brother and I are it as far as like
Speaker 3: his close his inner circle, and you know, I'm the
Speaker 3: eldest and my little brother is like five years younger,
Speaker 3: and we're figuring out our dynamic as siblings, like caring
Speaker 3: for our dad who's sick, especially given that I am
Speaker 3: here in New York and he is there in Atlanta,
Speaker 3: but obviously has a gajillion thing is going on. If
Speaker 3: you guys heard my interview with Alex, you know, he's
Speaker 3: got a lot going on. And that has been difficult,
Speaker 3: you know, to figure out that dynamic. And we've never
Speaker 3: been put in that situation before. And like, you know,
Speaker 3: my usual support system, my mom, my sister, they can't
Speaker 3: really support me because there's a lot of you know,
Speaker 3: not great stuff there. So it's really like, oh, you're
Speaker 3: on your own, kid, you always you always have been.
Speaker 3: So I decided not to go, which I was fine
Speaker 3: with that decision. And then my grandpa passed the day
Speaker 3: that my dad got was sent home from the hospital.
Speaker 3: My grandpa, who was eighty six, Thank you, my dad's dad.
Speaker 3: He died. He was sick for a long time. We
Speaker 3: could do a whole episode on how these chronic illnesses
Speaker 3: are like killing black people. Yeah, I mean, it's we
Speaker 3: talk about the healthcare system. But yeah, I have a
Speaker 3: lot to say after this past few days in Atlanta
Speaker 3: and just learning more about my family history and all
Speaker 3: of that, but shout out to Grandpa Shirley Roy Woodruff
Speaker 3: the og I because of my dad's family dynamic, I
Speaker 3: actually didn't know him very will And then I have
Speaker 3: cousins like my cousin Anna, who you guys have heard about.
Speaker 3: She's like, that was her grandpa, you know, the whole thing.
Speaker 3: So I, in order to sort of process what was
Speaker 3: going on, of course, I flew home. I took Remy
Speaker 3: with me, my little doll baby, my little emotional support baby.
Speaker 3: He was everyone's emotional support. What I tell you, I
Speaker 3: felt like I brought one of those golden retrievers that
Speaker 3: they bring to, you know, people after they've gone through
Speaker 3: some kind of trauma. I was like, here's the baby
Speaker 3: who needs a hold, who needs a smile. Remy's so social,
Speaker 3: He's so like just so you know, happy, and you
Speaker 3: know he'll smile at anyone. So I know he definitely
Speaker 3: did wonders for my dad's health while he was there.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I took Remy, so it was just me
Speaker 3: and Remy and we went down. But even in the
Speaker 3: days leading up to the funeral, I did it so
Speaker 3: to put my like just there was so much anxious energy.
Speaker 3: I was really like, should I up my med should
Speaker 3: I talk to my therapist? I ended up sending her
Speaker 3: a twenty minute voice note just to like get it
Speaker 3: off my chest what I was saying, what I was feeling,
Speaker 3: because it was so much. I mean, I think a
Speaker 3: lot of folks around me who seem You're like, wow,
Speaker 3: you have so much going on. I don't know how
Speaker 3: you do it, And usually I do it fine. And
Speaker 3: I wasn't fine yeah for a minute there. But for me,
Speaker 3: I put I decided I'm going to give myself a
Speaker 3: task with this funeral because I couldn't figure out my
Speaker 3: feelings about everything. So I took on the responsibility of organizing,
Speaker 3: like being my dad's brother who was organizing everything, being
Speaker 3: his deputy, so ordering the food because you know, I
Speaker 3: know how to put on a nice buffet. He went
Speaker 3: to my wedding, got it catered, put on the food.
Speaker 3: Track down. When I tell you, Shirley Roy Woodruff was
Speaker 3: a he was a rolling stone. He actually had a
Speaker 3: career in radio that I never knew. Oh really, Yes,
Speaker 3: he had a gospel radio station in Gainesville, Georgia for
Speaker 3: years and years and years. I mean up until like
Speaker 3: maybe fifteen years ago. So in the two thousands, even
Speaker 3: he was doing this radio and I never knew.
Speaker 2: And like, look at me, I know, I love that.
Speaker 3: And he was a musician and a traveling minister, which
Speaker 3: is one of the reasons why his relationship with his
Speaker 3: children was so varied, because a lot of them didn't
Speaker 3: see a lot of him. He won that's that song.
Speaker 3: Papa was a rolling stone. Yeah, Grandpa Roy was a
Speaker 3: rolling stone, genuinely. And when I was I spent a
Speaker 3: lot of time talking. I called up so many of
Speaker 3: my elders, people I hadn't met my whole life, but
Speaker 3: who knew about me through my dad, like woodruffs down
Speaker 3: the line, just trying to get a picture of this man,
Speaker 3: and finally was able to track down some really cool
Speaker 3: pictures of him and got those printed up and made
Speaker 3: for the memorial table, just like you know, put my
Speaker 3: put my energy into something. And because I'm sure as
Speaker 3: hell can't control my dad, let me tell you what,
Speaker 3: even being there in person, Oh, I see where I
Speaker 3: get my stubborn friend. And to any you know, adult
Speaker 3: out there who's having to well not even having to caretake.
Speaker 3: He didn't ask me to caretake, but like try, I
Speaker 3: just try, and like Hey, maybe don't you know, eat
Speaker 3: bacon right now in this moment after you've been told
Speaker 3: to lower your sodium intake. He's like, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't won you biking that much. It's just in
Speaker 3: the fridge. Don't let this man. He will not waste food.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, you need to have a you know
Speaker 3: how they have garage sales, he needs to have a
Speaker 3: deep freezer sale. Like, get rid of this stuff. None
Speaker 3: of it's good for him. He needs to get rid
Speaker 3: of it. But yeah, it was a lot, but at
Speaker 3: least so in a like a roundabout way. The funeral
Speaker 3: was sounds so fun, not to say it was good
Speaker 3: for my mental state because it gave me like a
Speaker 3: i don't know, like something a stake of, like something
Speaker 3: to tie me to the ground, to stop me from spiraling,
Speaker 3: you know, because I really was like a whirling not
Speaker 3: even a whirling dervish, but like just like Tasmanian devil
Speaker 3: over here. I came home and I saw my not
Speaker 3: even I put this like big I write out my
Speaker 3: to dooos when I have so many, and I put
Speaker 3: like this big piece of paper on the fridge and
Speaker 3: it was like, get your shit together list and I
Speaker 3: came back and I was like, wow, the mental state
Speaker 3: of that girl. So anyway, it's been a long it's
Speaker 3: been a yeah, it's been a shitty couple of weeks,
Speaker 3: but the only way out is through. I'm just like,
Speaker 3: at this point, it's like one hour at a time,
Speaker 3: one yeah, day at a time.
Speaker 4: And I know that, like, you know, especially you know,
Speaker 4: as our parents' age, the conversations about like what a
Speaker 4: state planning and stuff looked like looks like and that's
Speaker 4: not easy because you know, I know, like it literally
Speaker 4: took for Gerald to pass away, that my dad to
Speaker 4: finally agree to like update his will that had me
Speaker 4: at age.
Speaker 2: Ten in it. I was like, Daddy, you are in
Speaker 2: your eighties. He's like, oh yeah, one day, one day.
Speaker 4: I'm like, at this point, like, you know, seventy five
Speaker 4: plus they said the average age of you know, of
Speaker 4: you lived to seventy five, and so that means any
Speaker 4: year after that it's literally a blessing. And so if
Speaker 4: you get to your eighties, it's like a super blessing.
Speaker 4: And I was like, there is no one day, it's now.
Speaker 4: And so I was finally able to get his will,
Speaker 4: his living will, his health care like all of that
Speaker 4: stuff signed, notarized and done.
Speaker 2: You know. Were you like, did you have to have
Speaker 2: those hard conversations with your dad while you were there?
Speaker 3: Yes? I did, well, actually I started the conversation. So
Speaker 3: one of the things since I was here in New
Speaker 3: York when my dad was sick in the hospital, that
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I can do this is I
Speaker 3: got in touch with Helen, who's my financial planner, and
Speaker 3: she can do She can do estate planning for people
Speaker 3: like my dad whose finances are not super complicated. Isn't
Speaker 3: own any business, you know, all that, everything's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 3: He owns a home, et cetera. So I got in
Speaker 3: touch with Helen, I scheduled a call with her and
Speaker 3: we and she really understood where I was coming from.
Speaker 3: She also is she's from Georgia. She lives in Georgia. Okay,
Speaker 3: so and her family lives close to where my dad lives.
Speaker 3: So she was like, I can see him in person.
Speaker 2: But that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm taking care of that. But that looks
Speaker 3: like for us because my dad's never had anything like
Speaker 3: that before. It looks like she sent me. I think
Speaker 3: there's three documents in her email to me my brother
Speaker 3: and my dad. She was like, this is a questionnaire
Speaker 3: to get the conversation started. But I'm not just going
Speaker 3: to show up to your house and start out. It'll
Speaker 3: take hours. You probably you need to work through these questions. Yes,
Speaker 3: So she sent us that those questionnaires, and I haven't
Speaker 3: opened the attachments yet. I don't think any of us has.
Speaker 3: My dad does not enjoy talking about it. He's a
Speaker 3: strong willed independent. He's a damn Rowland stew himself, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. Like, I see so much of
Speaker 3: my grandpa's traits in him in every area except as
Speaker 3: a father, because he did not roll away at any
Speaker 3: time from us. He's always committed. But yeah this, we're
Speaker 3: getting that state planning done hopefully soon. And then sig notarized.
Speaker 5: Yeah jazz, Okay, yeah, big girl, shit, I know this
Speaker 5: is the part, Like you know, when you're a kid
Speaker 5: and you want to be a grown up, it's just
Speaker 5: because you want to get candy at the park at
Speaker 5: the store.
Speaker 4: Right, that's what grow to be like, Oh, I can't wait,
Speaker 4: I can buy whatever I want from Target this right,
Speaker 4: And then you realize you're like, wait, is this what
Speaker 4: adult thing is like?
Speaker 3: And you buy the things from Target so that you
Speaker 3: can dull the pain of what adult that is like
Speaker 3: and you binge eat you know, a pint of ice
Speaker 3: cream in the car and the grocery store parking lot,
Speaker 3: not that I have any idea what that feels like.
Speaker 3: And if you were at stopping shop last week on
Speaker 3: Thursday night and you saw a car parked over there
Speaker 3: and a girl just like crying into her you know what,
Speaker 3: I don't know her. I don't want to tell you.
Speaker 2: I see that used to be me and pizza, Like
Speaker 2: I would just get there was like my favorite pizza
Speaker 2: place I would go and I would just like gorge
Speaker 2: in the car and just cry and eat pizza, you know,
Speaker 2: and then hide the box and stuff later like everything's fine.
Speaker 3: When I tell you, I've never been happier that our
Speaker 3: nest cam on the driveway like went could put because
Speaker 3: I just was able to get out of the car
Speaker 3: and just like sneak that into the Yeah.
Speaker 2: Same, I'm like, nobody needs to go that I had
Speaker 2: a full pizza for myself.
Speaker 3: I asked or something. But you know, we cope in
Speaker 3: our own wads. Okay, yeah, yeah, just yeah, adulting big
Speaker 3: time but also feeling it was only a matter of time, right,
Speaker 3: I mean, and it's here now and me and it doesn't.
Speaker 3: I'm learning a lot about our family dynamic. Myself. My
Speaker 3: vibe is very different than my brothers, and there's you know,
Speaker 3: I tend to try to keep things light and funny
Speaker 3: and like he does, sometimes not in the mood for
Speaker 3: the shuckinin cha anyway. Anyway, One other thing I will
Speaker 3: say about this time that I've left sort of more
Speaker 3: clear about is, you know, my family is far flung.
Speaker 3: You know, I have relatives in Atlanta, I have my
Speaker 3: mom in Missouri, my sister's in Wisconsin, and got really
Speaker 3: good friends in California. And I really got clear with
Speaker 3: and I was talking to my mom and my sister brothers.
Speaker 3: I'm like the intent, Like we have to be more
Speaker 3: intentional about scheduling visits. Yeah, like not just on a
Speaker 3: whim or not just Christmas, Like that's not enough. And
Speaker 3: usually it's like the finances that stopped a lot of
Speaker 3: people from traveling. And I'm like, listen, a few hundred
Speaker 3: dollars for a flight, that's what it costs, you know,
Speaker 3: to get from most places to where we are. If
Speaker 3: we just commit to you know, no brunch November, you know,
Speaker 3: and save that money. We can make this a thing
Speaker 3: like we can travel more to one another. And I
Speaker 3: think I'm gonna I'm definitely going to be doing more
Speaker 3: of that. Yeah, and Remy's down because he is a
Speaker 3: vessel travel buddy. I think there's going to be a
Speaker 3: baby boom at the Atlanta air If you were at
Speaker 3: the Atlanta Airport on October eighth, I would just like
Speaker 3: to stay in advance. Name your child after Remy because
Speaker 3: this baby. Every woman we passed was like baby.
Speaker 4: He is such a I know, I know, I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's just crazy how I mean, you know, we grow up,
Speaker 4: but then you start to realize, wow, your financial life
Speaker 4: also grows up with you, you know, and you know
Speaker 4: the thing like I what I don't want is like,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't want to leave. I want to
Speaker 4: minimize the complications when I'm not here. You know, you know,
Speaker 4: I might be one hundred and two when I'm pass away,
Speaker 4: but I want that when I'm not here. Of course,
Speaker 4: you're never gonna get every single thing, but I don't
Speaker 4: want to leave stuff that I could have gotten done
Speaker 4: done just because you know, I know firsthand what it's
Speaker 4: like to have some things undone and then having to
Speaker 4: navigate that, you know, the family having to navigate that,
Speaker 4: and sometimes at leads for like you know, hurt feelings
Speaker 4: and anger and bitterness, and you know, no, this is
Speaker 4: not what you're like. You know, but it's like like
Speaker 4: I said, I mean, I know I have not probably
Speaker 4: crossed every tea as much as I know to cross.
Speaker 3: You know, you're also so young that like in another
Speaker 3: ten years you mentioned updating your dad's will. It's not
Speaker 3: like a one and done thing.
Speaker 2: Nope, yep.
Speaker 3: So you have to make the commitment to keep coming
Speaker 3: back to it.
Speaker 4: Yes, because thinking like for example, I got I have
Speaker 4: my trust, but then you know, I recently bought the condo,
Speaker 4: so I'm like, oh, that's right, I gotta when I
Speaker 4: get back home. One of my homeworks is I got
Speaker 4: to go to the title company to tell them I
Speaker 4: don't want the title to be Undertivity's name.
Speaker 2: It should be under the trust name. You know, because
Speaker 2: something would have happened.
Speaker 4: Me today, then the way my family would inherit the
Speaker 4: property would lead them open for the for like a
Speaker 4: tax gramifications that was unintentional.
Speaker 2: You know. It's things like that that's like I'm.
Speaker 4: Always thinking, like, you know, if something new comes up,
Speaker 4: Look what if I start another business? What if I
Speaker 4: you know, like you know, I don't know if there's
Speaker 4: just as your life changes, you know, like keeping up
Speaker 4: with those things. It's not really easy, but that is
Speaker 4: definitely one of my homeworks. It's like, Tiffany, like, what
Speaker 4: else do I need to put into this trust?
Speaker 2: Or there's no point to it.
Speaker 4: Tony told me that the number one mistake people make
Speaker 4: when she like Tony is my attorney, that people make
Speaker 4: when estate planning is not signing and fully transferring funds.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: So she's like, because a trust takes months, if not years,
Speaker 4: Like it took over almost a year for like all
Speaker 4: the pieces of my trust to come together.
Speaker 6: Really, yes, because there's so many nuances.
Speaker 4: You know, you're like, oh my god, I never thought
Speaker 4: about that, and then it's a lot to think about.
Speaker 4: So finally it was done. It was like done, da
Speaker 4: da da dah. And then it's like, oh, but the
Speaker 4: trust is empty. You have to sign your home over
Speaker 4: to it, your bank accounts, your retirement accounts, and I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, so, like I literally have a meeting
Speaker 4: with Angelie, my financial advisor, I want to say, like
Speaker 4: later on this month, where she's going to be like, Okay,
Speaker 4: here are the accounts I'm transferring over to your trust.
Speaker 4: And for those of you who are listening, the difference
Speaker 4: between like a will and a trust. A will kind
Speaker 4: of says this is what happens to my stuff about
Speaker 4: from the moment you pass away to about six months later.
Speaker 4: You know, like it's instant, like a will is like,
Speaker 4: and there's no real financial protections in the will. It's
Speaker 4: just more so my wishes. This is where I want
Speaker 4: to have my stuff immediately. A trust allows you to
Speaker 4: reach further into the future and say for my assets.
Speaker 2: So for I'll give you an example.
Speaker 4: One of my trusts is that, like my nieces and
Speaker 4: my nephew, I'm leaving assets for them. But right now,
Speaker 4: the oldest roman is eight, so I don't want him
Speaker 4: to inherit whatever that's going to look like for him.
Speaker 4: So instead I want it like I have it that
Speaker 4: like he gets first payment right after high school and
Speaker 4: that's to go to college if he wants to go
Speaker 4: to college or not. If he doesn't want to go
Speaker 4: to college, it gets pushed out to like twenty one.
Speaker 4: I think I have like a twenty one year old payment,
Speaker 4: like a twenty five year ol paomanent, a thirty year
Speaker 4: old payment for all the kids. You know, because I've
Speaker 4: seen like you know, like for example, Alyssa, which makes
Speaker 4: me a little nervous. You know, she's got her the
Speaker 4: policy that her dad left her, but because she's under age,
Speaker 4: the state holds onto it and says, when you turn eighteen,
Speaker 4: we're going to turn it over to you. And I'm like, like,
Speaker 4: I know she's already like eh, I'm like so if
Speaker 4: you could have seen me, I'm like popping my back,
Speaker 4: like you know. So thankfully, you know, Alyssa has myself
Speaker 4: and her mom to guide her. So we're meeting with
Speaker 4: Angelie to map by a plan because she just turned
Speaker 4: seventeen October first, to map by a plan to say
Speaker 4: this is what you know ought to happen. I mean,
Speaker 4: ultimately she can make whatever decisions she wants, but you know,
Speaker 4: with us here to be like, you know, here's you know,
Speaker 4: we're gonna set aside this amount of money so you
Speaker 4: can't get that car, and then this is going to
Speaker 4: go to this and this is gonna go to that.
Speaker 4: And so watching that process of what happens when a
Speaker 4: kid is left money, maybe say eighteen is too young.
Speaker 4: So for me, I was like, let me, if you're
Speaker 4: going to school, a third of what I've left you,
Speaker 4: including Alyssa, can go to school. If not twenty one,
Speaker 4: you get first payment twenty five and then hopefully by
Speaker 4: thirty you have some real sense. So you see what
Speaker 4: I mean, And so I trust you like reach deeper
Speaker 4: into the future. And also too, because I won't own
Speaker 4: the assets anymore. The trust will own the assets, and
Speaker 4: then I have the beneficiaries of the trust, so it's
Speaker 4: almost like we are currently joining jointly owning the assets
Speaker 4: while I'm still alive. Although they're quote unquote mind they
Speaker 4: really belong to the trust. When something happens to me
Speaker 4: when I'm ninety one hundred whatever, They're not going to
Speaker 4: inherit my homes or my assets because they already own
Speaker 4: the now. So there is you get to lower the
Speaker 4: tax burden that inheritance yields.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know that's the loan that the bout.
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, So that's why they tell you that
Speaker 4: if you have assets of a half a million dollars
Speaker 4: or more, you might want to look into a trust
Speaker 4: which in New Jersey, that's.
Speaker 2: A house, you know, like when New York, New Jersey.
Speaker 4: You know, because if something many families will inherit. Let's
Speaker 4: just say, like you know, your paup Paul bought a
Speaker 4: house for you know, fifty thousand dollars fifty years ago,
Speaker 4: and like that house is now worth six hundred thousand,
Speaker 4: just because that's just the way, you know, and in
Speaker 4: you inherit that because you know, something happens, he passes away,
Speaker 4: then you potentially can be on the hook for what
Speaker 4: taxes inheriting six hundred thousand dollars or seven hundred thousand
Speaker 4: dollars would look like. So what often happens is the
Speaker 4: family has to sell the property just to get the
Speaker 4: tax money, and it defeats the purpose of growing this
Speaker 4: generational wealth. And it's like ugh, you know, and so
Speaker 4: but with the trust, my hope is that i have
Speaker 4: set aside money for taxes. But I've also set aside
Speaker 4: like you don't have to you're not inheriting the homes
Speaker 4: or whatever my assets are because you already kind of
Speaker 4: they're already in the trust and you're already a part
Speaker 4: of the trust now, you know. Plus the trust will
Speaker 4: allow you not to have to go to probate cord,
Speaker 4: which is like basically ringside seats to all your business,
Speaker 4: you know, where everybody can kind of know like all
Speaker 4: that I owned and everything else. And then you have
Speaker 4: you know, predators coming out, you know, trust everything kind
Speaker 4: of say blocked in secrets.
Speaker 2: So these are things as we get older, you know that.
Speaker 4: They're not easy, but you want to start to have
Speaker 4: the conversation now with like yourself, your your partner, your
Speaker 4: parents of what does that look like because death is
Speaker 4: the most common, uncommon thing, you know, Like we know
Speaker 4: people die literally every minute of the day, but it
Speaker 4: doesn't feel like they guarantee yes, but it never's like
Speaker 4: not my people, not our people, but one day it
Speaker 4: will be. And so what can we do to minimize
Speaker 4: the financial I guess hard to during that time, you know, and.
Speaker 3: My dad's family, the mortality is. So it's like with
Speaker 3: us at the dinner table, you know, because there's just
Speaker 3: so much chronic illness and you know and almost those
Speaker 3: you know, just generational trauma and the weight of that
Speaker 3: as well, like just it probably wasn't good for the
Speaker 3: mental health. But I steep myself in a lot. I
Speaker 3: was like I just talked to everybody and I was like,
Speaker 3: how we understand, you know, you kind of go through
Speaker 3: life and like, oh, yeah, I don't talk to him,
Speaker 3: I don't talk to her, but I wonder what what happened,
Speaker 3: And just writing to the funeral with my dad and
Speaker 3: his half brother and they, I tell you, those grown
Speaker 3: assmen bickering like eight year olds. No, you should know
Speaker 3: you should have would you say, oh, so what I said? I,
Speaker 3: you know, trying to get.
Speaker 2: What's happening.
Speaker 3: I was, and the drama with like you know, and
Speaker 3: even though my my, my, my grandpa did have a lot,
Speaker 3: he had everything sort of like settled and figured out,
Speaker 3: and he you know, was well organized. Honestly, in the
Speaker 3: end there was there was still that sibling dynamic, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, we need to make sure why sibling
Speaker 3: relationships are. I think the best thing you can do
Speaker 3: as a parent almost is not just leave your estate,
Speaker 3: but leave your kids in shape, like leave them with
Speaker 3: strong relationship with each other. And that's easier said than done.
Speaker 3: But it made me completely just like, oh, we're going
Speaker 3: to figure this out because we got to be we
Speaker 3: got to be on the same page, We got to
Speaker 3: be you know in lockstep my brother and I because
Speaker 3: it's it's nasty. I don't want to, you know, end
Speaker 3: up in a space where my kids are fighting, you know,
Speaker 3: when we should be just all that. It's just messy.
Speaker 3: It's messy. I know, it's so common, like not especially
Speaker 3: the funeral people. When I was calling, like, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't know how to explain this, but like so
Speaker 3: and so's name is the obituary. It's like, not okay,
Speaker 3: but like, you know, the person who said admitted it
Speaker 3: to you didn't let her view it. And they're like, say, less,
Speaker 3: we know how to deal.
Speaker 2: We got it. Honestly.
Speaker 4: When I went to the funeral home for for Jirell,
Speaker 4: the lady could not believe one She's like, you're so calm,
Speaker 4: and I was like, girl, tama right, but also too,
Speaker 4: she was like, cause I went. I came with you know,
Speaker 4: Jirell's twin and Fatima, and she was like, I don't
Speaker 4: know that I've ever seen such a peaceful you know, weah,
Speaker 4: you know, at least at that time, but we were,
Speaker 4: you know, but at that time, like and I didn't
Speaker 4: realize just how tumoual tumochual tumochual tumultuous, tumultuous. I did
Speaker 4: not realize how crazy that time normally is because state
Speaker 4: she couldn't believe.
Speaker 3: She was like, is this real?
Speaker 4: You know, we had our stuff later, but at that time,
Speaker 4: you know, you know, I just think they were just all, like,
Speaker 4: you know, in shock.
Speaker 2: But yes, it's a it's a really really really.
Speaker 4: Hard time, and people navigate grief differently, and sometimes they
Speaker 4: need a punching bag, and sometimes you know they're going
Speaker 4: to check out, and sometimes you know they're just in consultant.
Speaker 2: Like grief is like such a crazy thing and what
Speaker 2: it brings out of people. So yeah, so I'm just,
Speaker 2: you know, sorry for your loss, but I'm glad that
Speaker 2: you were able to bring the baby for some joy
Speaker 2: that people got to absorb.
Speaker 3: You know, he really carried a lot. And I'm going
Speaker 3: to go to Georgia next June because I found out
Speaker 3: there's a family reunion in Carrollton, Georgia, where my people are. Y.
Speaker 3: I love that my dad's people are from Carrollton and
Speaker 3: I have never been. I think I went once when
Speaker 3: I was a little girl. All I recall is seeing
Speaker 3: an outhouse and being like a board, get me out
Speaker 3: of there. I don't want to live in this time.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I'm like, we're bringing the family and
Speaker 3: distant distant relatives are organizing it and I can't wait.
Speaker 3: I'm excited.
Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, not to be Debbie down ears back.
Speaker 2: You know this is important conversation studies we had. You
Speaker 2: want to take a break?
Speaker 3: Yes? Please? All right guys, right after break?
Speaker 6: Yes, and now we are back and now it's time
Speaker 6: to boost up, bring up, boost up, break up, boost up.
Speaker 2: Break up, boost. Oh you're gonna boost? Are you gonnaupbreak?
Speaker 2: What you're gonna do? What you long take?
Speaker 4: So it's booster breaking if you haven't been here, if
Speaker 4: you're new, we do something called brown boots brown break,
Speaker 4: where if we're gonna boost, we say something really great
Speaker 4: that we want more of, give.
Speaker 2: Me, gimme, gimme and break and we're like, uh, we're
Speaker 2: good on that. Yeah, let's just so, do you want
Speaker 2: to go first? Second? How you how you feel it?
Speaker 3: I'm good with going first. I feel like, okay, ask
Speaker 3: me means I have to No, No.
Speaker 2: I'm good either way because I'm breaking. You know, I
Speaker 2: hardly have a break. Oh, but I'm breaking on today.
Speaker 3: Oh, Okay, I'll let you finish on because it sounds
Speaker 3: like you got something. Yeah, I see the glints in
Speaker 3: your eye and like it was gonna be a good one.
Speaker 3: I want to do a boost because I have I
Speaker 3: think I'm the last person on earth to read this
Speaker 3: book called Attached. I don't want to have you heard
Speaker 3: of Attached? No, okay, so I'm the second to last
Speaker 3: person on earth. But shout out to Morgan Debon, who's
Speaker 3: a frequent Brand Ambition guest and the CEO of Blabberty
Speaker 3: Blaberty Blavity, because I was listening to her podcast and
Speaker 3: she mentioned it in one of her shows. She started
Speaker 3: to comment on someone's house. Someone was talking about a relationship,
Speaker 3: and she was like, oh, your anxious attachment, you know,
Speaker 3: And then she recommended this book. And it came at
Speaker 3: such a perfect time, the mention of the book, because
Speaker 3: I started to I started to read up on the
Speaker 3: concept of it, which is about four different styles of attachment.
Speaker 3: And you're a preschool teacher, so you probably remember like
Speaker 3: this is often how you like talk about children and
Speaker 3: their attachment to their their parents. And because of your upbringing,
Speaker 3: like you have a certain kind of attachment and this
Speaker 3: neuroscientist and psychologist. He combined. He took this the same
Speaker 3: the same principles and applied it to all relationships. So
Speaker 3: your attachment style in romantic relationships, as a boss, as
Speaker 3: a friend, and kind it's just like and it's why
Speaker 3: it's kind of cracked open my my how I how
Speaker 3: I like what I understand about myself and beyond all
Speaker 3: the therapy I've taken, it's just like really like an
Speaker 3: aha moment, is how I am an anxious attachment person.
Speaker 2: Okay, what are the four what are the four attachment styles?
Speaker 3: The four attachment styles? I didn't I don't want to
Speaker 3: go deep into it because obviously I'm not this person,
Speaker 3: and I think y'all should read the book for yourselves.
Speaker 3: But there's four there's and they're not I want to say,
Speaker 3: it's been in advance. There's no bad attachment style. This
Speaker 3: is like the Actually, if you want a quick little
Speaker 3: primer on it, listen to the NPR podcast Life Kit,
Speaker 3: because the author was interviewed. It's like a twenty minute
Speaker 3: show and he kind of lays it out. Anyway, anxious attachment, Okay,
Speaker 3: avoidant attachment, anxious avoidant, and the fourth one is secure.
Speaker 3: It may sound like the secure ones and one you
Speaker 3: want to be, but they're they're not like it's not
Speaker 3: like a wrong way, it's it's just the way you
Speaker 3: are because of your childhood and on other things. And
Speaker 3: the great thing about the book is that when you
Speaker 3: understand your attachment style, you can help your partner, your friends,
Speaker 3: your family understand your attachment style and they can understand
Speaker 3: how to support you and treat you as an individual
Speaker 3: because of your unique attachment style. So I'll give you
Speaker 3: an example as an ancient and ancient as an anxious
Speaker 3: attachment person, Tiff, I thought about you with this too,
Speaker 3: because you may not know this. Sometimes I after you
Speaker 3: and I talk, I feel like I've done a couple
Speaker 3: of times.
Speaker 2: I'll like the day.
Speaker 3: The day will go by and I'll be like, wait
Speaker 3: a second, was she offended that I said that she
Speaker 3: she gonna be mad at me? And I'll call real
Speaker 3: quick and just be like, I just want to be
Speaker 3: sure that you weren't upset when I said da da
Speaker 3: da da, And you're like, what, No, But I have
Speaker 3: an anxious attachment style where I need a lot of
Speaker 3: like reassurance from the people that I am in relationships with.
Speaker 2: I'm over here, order on. I got seven credits ordered seven.
Speaker 3: I'm surprised because you read a lot of audio books.
Speaker 3: My husband downloaded this morning too, because I was like,
Speaker 3: we really need this because I am married to an
Speaker 3: avoidant and that can be it's quite common for those
Speaker 3: two types of attachments to be attracted to each other.
Speaker 3: As what I gather anyway, I'll get into that, but anyway,
Speaker 3: so my attachment style is that I really need, like, uh,
Speaker 3: the reassurance yes, like hey I got to work, okay, Hey,
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about you. Hey, I love you.
Speaker 3: You know. There's like these memes about being a wife
Speaker 3: who's like, hey, I just like, I don't know, I
Speaker 3: just left a big mess in the kitchen. Do you
Speaker 3: still love me?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And you kind of roll yourize like yeah, but if
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: If I was a worm, would you love me?
Speaker 3: Those are the most exactly if I gave five hundred pounds,
Speaker 3: if I ended up a quadriplegic, you know, would you
Speaker 3: still love me? Or Also this you came home late
Speaker 3: is something the matter isn't mean? You know? Is this
Speaker 3: a sign? Or we got into an argument? Oh are
Speaker 3: we gonna get divorced? Is this is over? Are we
Speaker 3: wrong for each other? Questioning? Questioning, questioning, poking, poking, poking,
Speaker 3: anxious attachment style. I could be.
Speaker 2: Okay, I can't wait to readcause I'm like, there's I
Speaker 2: feel like I sometimes can feel like that, but sometimes
Speaker 2: quite the opposite. Because I'm Jiroll was like that, I
Speaker 2: can understand. I'm like, oh my god, he'd be like,
Speaker 2: when you land, let me know when you when you're
Speaker 2: in the plane, when you're when you're you know, And
Speaker 2: every time I remember, he'd like, you have a business
Speaker 2: trip in a hotel, like with somebody. I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: But now I'm thinking like, oh, was he an anxious
Speaker 2: attached you know?
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I'm I will say that. My
Speaker 3: favorite feature on the iPhone is you can share your
Speaker 3: location with people. And I'm like, I think I know
Speaker 3: why because I like, I will I know that people
Speaker 3: are where they say they are. I track just a
Speaker 3: few people and most of them know I do no
Speaker 3: but honestly, but just to make sure, oh they're they
Speaker 3: got to work okay, Okay, I feel better now they
Speaker 3: don't need to like, I don't need to text them like,
Speaker 3: oh they're there, They're where they said they were going
Speaker 3: to be, Oh, no, they whatever, and I and I
Speaker 3: really want to and I want to urge y'all to
Speaker 3: just don't judge what you know, because I think that
Speaker 3: there's don't judge the attachment style, and you have to.
Speaker 3: My approach is going to be understand it and start
Speaker 3: speaking to that start changing your response to that person
Speaker 3: so that you can honor their attachment style. And it's
Speaker 3: already it's already changing the dynamic of my marriage, and
Speaker 3: I imagine my friendships and my family too. But I'm
Speaker 3: very early into it. But yeah, Attached is the book.
Speaker 2: I love that, Thank you.
Speaker 3: I love the good books.
Speaker 2: Somebody actually just gave me a book today since we
Speaker 2: talked books like.
Speaker 4: She didn't give it to but I a friend of
Speaker 4: mine was telling me because she's like looking at getting
Speaker 4: like a different job.
Speaker 2: Let me see in my library.
Speaker 4: I just put it into wish lists and it is
Speaker 4: called necessary Endings. You know, as I'm making this transition,
Speaker 4: remember we talked about that, and so it says necessary
Speaker 4: endings the employees, businesses and relationships that all of us
Speaker 4: have to give up in order to move forward.
Speaker 3: I was like, ooh, I love that girl.
Speaker 2: Literally like it's everything I've been talking about it.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god, so that's another book
Speaker 4: by doctor hen Cloud. So that's in my whistless tune
Speaker 4: I've been so yeah, I'm like, my my two hour
Speaker 4: walks will be filled with like listening to these two.
Speaker 2: I was looking for like two new books.
Speaker 3: So this is great, perfect, all right, I'm eager to
Speaker 3: hear your breaking.
Speaker 4: My break is United Airlines. If you was a girl,
Speaker 4: I'll kick your ass.
Speaker 3: That's like thinking about that is the Jersey Airport that
Speaker 3: is I mean.
Speaker 2: So let me tell you.
Speaker 4: I am a premiere one K customer, which is like
Speaker 4: I think the only thing above that is like Global something.
Speaker 2: But it's like, you know, meaning like you fly a lot. Sis.
Speaker 2: I'm very loyal to.
Speaker 4: United Airlines because quite honestly, their their hub, one of
Speaker 4: their major hubs is Newark, and I live in Newark
Speaker 4: and and so like it's just you know, convenient.
Speaker 2: Plus, you know, if you're gonna when it comes.
Speaker 4: To the airlines, if you fly a lot, it behooves
Speaker 4: you to kind of pick a specific one because they're
Speaker 4: just benefits, like you know, being able to a board early,
Speaker 4: you know, not having to pay for baggage. So they're
Speaker 4: supposed to benefits. I can't tell, but they're supposed to benefits.
Speaker 2: And like I said, Premi.
Speaker 4: York one K is like really one of their top
Speaker 4: top because I've you know, I've flown hundreds of thousands
Speaker 4: of miles in United so and I've never really had
Speaker 4: an issue, you know. I mean I've flown other airlines too,
Speaker 4: because sometimes it's just way cheaper, or maybe like a
Speaker 4: brand wants to fly me somewhere and they're flying me
Speaker 4: on whatever. So I know that I'm very well aware
Speaker 4: that delays and cancelations. They happen, you know, I mean,
Speaker 4: it happens. But the last three flights home there have
Speaker 4: been delayed, delayed, delayed, cancelation, and I've never seen anything
Speaker 4: like it. So I'll give you the first time. So
Speaker 4: I went to Nashville in June July or July or
Speaker 4: something like that or June for this author conference. Flow
Speaker 4: to Nashville, no problem, you know, it was great. I
Speaker 4: get a text like the day before, oh, your flight
Speaker 4: has been your flight for tomorrow has been canceled. And
Speaker 4: I said, I wasn't even mad because I was, like,
Speaker 4: I wasn't in a rush to get home, and I
Speaker 4: was like okay, They're like, we'll fly you out the
Speaker 4: next day.
Speaker 2: I said, you know, no problem, you know.
Speaker 4: And then the next day it was like your fly
Speaker 4: that also flight has been canceled.
Speaker 2: We'll fly you out like two days from now. I said,
Speaker 2: you won't because do I live in Nashville? Is it
Speaker 2: crack and smoking? I called them, was like, no, are.
Speaker 3: You crazy to let you get a different airline?
Speaker 2: Girl, a hotel and all that. They didn't. They gave
Speaker 2: me such a like.
Speaker 4: So I called and I'm like, you know, no, you
Speaker 4: have to get me on another flight and they were like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is the best we could do two days out.
Speaker 4: So where will I stay? What will I eat?
Speaker 2: And I'm still fighting for my money back.
Speaker 4: So I ended up having to I call my friend Cabra,
Speaker 4: who travels way more than me, and he flies with Delta.
Speaker 4: He's a Diamond member, which is like the top top
Speaker 4: top top, you know, and so like he always so
Speaker 4: when he calls, they picked up like hello, mister Cabrel.
Speaker 4: So he got me a ticket. I had to It
Speaker 4: was like seven hundred dollars I had to pay, you know,
Speaker 4: because then I did actually have to get home so
Speaker 4: I had to pay at a pocket seven hundred dollars.
Speaker 4: I flew home and I've been fighting and I did
Speaker 4: for my money back ever since.
Speaker 2: So that was strike. Strike took too, was y'all know.
Speaker 4: I took baby girl Alissa sixteen for her sixteenth birthday.
Speaker 4: She just turned seventeen, but this is and I took
Speaker 4: her in August to London, Paris and near Mafi Coast
Speaker 4: for her sixteenth birthday, you know, because I told her
Speaker 4: no more gifts every year. You just we pick a
Speaker 4: place you want to go and we go in that
Speaker 4: summer the following summer.
Speaker 2: So she picked that and.
Speaker 4: We went, had a great time, you know, and you
Speaker 4: know she's got a little antique. You know, she missed
Speaker 4: her mama. Of course, you know, she's still a kid.
Speaker 4: So imagine my dismay when you wake up that morning,
Speaker 4: you know, getting ready to pack, and it's like, oh,
Speaker 4: your flight has been canceled.
Speaker 2: I said, wait a minute.
Speaker 4: Minute, not just canceled, but we rebooked you three days
Speaker 4: from now.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm in Italy. What and we've also booked
Speaker 2: you and Alyssa on two separate flights.
Speaker 4: I said, you know what, No, I called up, and
Speaker 4: I was like, literally, I got the text and I
Speaker 4: called within like because sometimes you know, like there might
Speaker 4: be only two seats left somewhere.
Speaker 2: And I called and at first they were like, oh,
Speaker 2: there's nothing we can help you with.
Speaker 4: And but Cabrol taught me to say, can I speak
Speaker 4: to a lead or supervisor? Because a lady on the phone,
Speaker 4: you know, she did her best, I guess, and so
Speaker 4: I got a leader of supervisor on the phone. I said,
Speaker 4: I am currently in Italy. I do not live in Italy,
Speaker 4: and for us one to be leaving three days from now,
Speaker 4: I can't even guarantee the hotel it's gonna have space
Speaker 4: for us, because that's not how that works, yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: And two, I mean, I'm in a really.
Speaker 2: Expensive hotel which I paid for points, you know, so
Speaker 2: I'm like, so for me to stay, ain't no more
Speaker 2: points left.
Speaker 4: I don't remember if there wasn't that, but it was
Speaker 4: not inexpensive. It was like, you know, the hotel that
Speaker 4: we chose. I chose a fancy one because we used points.
Speaker 4: It was like seven eight hundred dollars a night something crazy,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 2: But I was like, I don't care. I'm using my
Speaker 2: MX points.
Speaker 4: And so, but I had exhausted them for the trip,
Speaker 4: and so I was really really pissed and so and
Speaker 4: I was like, and you have me on a separate
Speaker 4: flight than my stepdaughter, who is a minor. This is
Speaker 4: her only her second international flight because the first one
Speaker 4: brought us here, you know, and so you know, so
Speaker 4: I listen looking like I'm flying by myself.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, we're not. That's crazy.
Speaker 4: So thankfully the supervisor was able to get it. We
Speaker 4: got on a flight the next day, and we were
Speaker 4: able to come home. But I'm still fighting again for
Speaker 4: the for the money back from you know, like cause
Speaker 4: I had to spend then extra night in a hotel.
Speaker 4: He had a pocket, you know, and so that was
Speaker 4: not my fault, that's your fault.
Speaker 2: And now this is my third trip in like three months.
Speaker 4: I go to Atlanta because I'm speaking at the A
Speaker 4: three C conference, which is this like tech entertainment and
Speaker 4: financial conference, which is great, and then I stayed because
Speaker 4: I had the team trip. Now I had to come
Speaker 4: back home to speak at Culture Con, which is this
Speaker 4: huge like huge, I mean, everybody was it if you
Speaker 4: were black and like well known.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize how big it.
Speaker 3: Was I've every time the culture con happened, something happens
Speaker 3: and I'm not here.
Speaker 2: I mean every time, and that was not I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna lie. I was nervous. I said, oh god, so
Speaker 2: I booked.
Speaker 4: My flight was booked, but I said, oh god, I
Speaker 4: just got a weird feeling. I was like, you know,
Speaker 4: United the last three times I couldn't get home. So
Speaker 4: I get there first. I get the first text, which
Speaker 4: says your flight has been delayed. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: no no no. I get there early. I get to
Speaker 4: the airport, like three hours early, I said. I told
Speaker 4: the gate agent, I said, can you put me like
Speaker 4: on an earlier flight because this flight. She's like, it's
Speaker 4: not gonna be canceled and it's been delayed, but i'll
Speaker 4: put you on standby in the earlier flight. I said, okay,
Speaker 4: stand by didn't work, I said, but she said, you
Speaker 4: sed toll have a seat on this flight.
Speaker 2: I said, well, what if it gets canceled. She said,
Speaker 2: it's not be positive and I was like, that's what
Speaker 2: she said, I think positively. I said, all right, girls,
Speaker 2: I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting.
Speaker 4: It seems great. Ten minutes to board, We're like, okay, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry, guys. Flight has been canceled. The flight,
Speaker 4: the airplane never left Newark. Now here's the thing. Right now,
Speaker 4: it's nine pms. And when a plan has not left
Speaker 4: you knew that, So why would we not tell told
Speaker 4: ahead of time? So now you have hundreds of people
Speaker 4: scrambling to plug in holes other places. So instantly I called,
Speaker 4: of course United, there's nothing we can do. They're calling
Speaker 4: Delta to see if they can get me on a
Speaker 4: Delta flight. But also I called Cabrel again to you
Speaker 4: to his diamond status to get me on the flight.
Speaker 4: Everything is they've already plugged people into like the few
Speaker 4: seats that were left over in another airline, And I
Speaker 4: was like, I need to I'm doing it. I'm doing
Speaker 4: a I'm speaking on the main stage at Culture Con.
Speaker 4: These people have paid me not only for Culture Con
Speaker 4: but Patreon. I had a breakout session with them. I
Speaker 4: was doing that too, and I was just like, I
Speaker 4: have to get home and I have to be on
Speaker 4: stage by nine thirty am. And so we tried everything.
Speaker 4: I mean, Cabrell did give me a flight to Philly. He'said,
Speaker 4: I'll pick you up in Philly. This is what best
Speaker 4: he's to be doing. He said, I'll get you a
Speaker 4: flight to Philly. Booked it seven hundred and something dollars
Speaker 4: and I was like okay, but I because I never
Speaker 4: checked bags, but of course I checked the bag. So
Speaker 4: I had to leave, you know, like the gate and
Speaker 4: then check back in, which was a nightmare because I
Speaker 4: have clear I have TSA pre check. But by then
Speaker 4: it was like ten o'clock at night. Nothing was open,
Speaker 4: so the normal general like you know, boarding was a nightmare.
Speaker 2: Then TSA the machine broke and I literally was like
Speaker 2: police pleicly. I literally was like police place, plic plicy.
Speaker 2: If I could just get at the Atlanta Airport, yes,
Speaker 2: which is an huge Yes, Yeah, it's a nightmare that
Speaker 2: in Orlando are the two worst airports I've ever been
Speaker 2: on as far as like chaos.
Speaker 4: And I was a police but I still had time.
Speaker 4: I was like a police pit, police plice. I remember
Speaker 4: there was a pilot he saw me like welling up.
Speaker 4: He was like, get her bag out of them, so
Speaker 4: they gave me my bag. I run to try to
Speaker 4: make my gate and I see them closing the door
Speaker 4: you should have seen me many.
Speaker 2: I was like what. I literally am like yelling.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, and we're closing.
Speaker 4: The door and they're like, how's the police with police
Speaker 4: and he was like, no, we've already given your seato
Speaker 4: win because you know, like because you know, like that's
Speaker 4: what standby is when I tell you the boohoo who
Speaker 4: boo who.
Speaker 2: I felt like, like, you know, like when you see
Speaker 2: like these these like stories about like I don't know
Speaker 2: about war and your husband is going off to work.
Speaker 2: I was at the guest.
Speaker 3: I feel I've been there later at night.
Speaker 2: Girl, the way I slid to the ground, but at
Speaker 2: the time, you know, the way they came up to me.
Speaker 4: They were like what's happening? Because I was like, it
Speaker 4: was already so much. And I was like, and then
Speaker 4: you're not. It told me they can't get me on
Speaker 4: a flight that would land me out of seven thirty.
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, I can maybe make that work.
Speaker 4: Of course, then they they but they they couldn't seven
Speaker 4: thirty in Philly, Yeah, no, seven thirty like in New
Speaker 4: York the next morning, Okay, but then they couldn't.
Speaker 2: And I just was like I just didn't know what
Speaker 2: to do. I was like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 3: What is going on with them?
Speaker 4: Cabra was like, well, if you could drive to South Carolina,
Speaker 4: there's a flight.
Speaker 2: I said, I'm not driving because then that's twenty four
Speaker 2: hours no sleep. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 4: I mean we looked at Washington flights, we looked at
Speaker 4: you know, flights to like I mean, I.
Speaker 2: Looked at every airline.
Speaker 4: This is because by then it was like ten thirty
Speaker 4: at night, so it's like you're you know, it's just
Speaker 4: limited and what you can do.
Speaker 2: And I just was like, what is going on with United?
Speaker 2: So finally I called United to be like just book
Speaker 2: me on whatever. I'm just not going to make my thing.
Speaker 2: And they're like, well, as soon as we can get
Speaker 2: you home. It's like nine pm tomorrow. I'm like, is
Speaker 2: it crack and smoking?
Speaker 4: So then I had to I just booked with Delta
Speaker 4: and got home at twelve thirty in the afternoon, and
Speaker 4: so I had called you know, United, well, so yeah,
Speaker 4: I booked with Delta and they were like that this
Speaker 4: is the earlies, we can get you back. So I
Speaker 4: emailed the culture Con team. I was like, here's what's happening.
Speaker 4: I'm in the airport for six hours. I did you
Speaker 4: know they canceled my flight, they delayed it.
Speaker 2: You know, I laid it all out.
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't I will land in JFK,
Speaker 4: not even Newark, my original, but I'll land in JFK
Speaker 4: at twelve thirty.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know what else to do? Is there?
Speaker 2: Like I don't.
Speaker 4: I'm you know, I'm open to suggestion because I don't
Speaker 4: want to miss speaking, you know.
Speaker 2: And they were like, okay, we could push you to
Speaker 2: four o'clock. I was like, okay, okay, we're waging it.
Speaker 2: Huh oh no, okay. So I land at something I
Speaker 2: told you.
Speaker 3: I very anxious lately, right because this isious. I don't
Speaker 3: have any of my tools for my exact right now, but.
Speaker 4: I leave something, said my check bags. They were just like, Tiffy,
Speaker 4: don't worry about it. They're gonna be retagged. You're flying
Speaker 4: on delta, right. I said yes, And they were just
Speaker 4: like I said, but are you sure?
Speaker 3: Because I just.
Speaker 2: They're like no, no, no.
Speaker 4: And the guy was like, if you do feel really
Speaker 4: anxious about it, you're like, right before you board, there's
Speaker 4: like a delta bag. Like I was first one on line,
Speaker 4: and it was a nice older lady there, and she
Speaker 4: was like, I don't see it in the system, but.
Speaker 2: It should be retagged. You should be fine.
Speaker 4: I was like, I just need the bags because as
Speaker 4: a device. Now I am wearing, you know, like my
Speaker 4: airplane clothes. I literally had some birkenstocks on with socks
Speaker 4: and like you know, like sweatpants and like a T shirt.
Speaker 2: I was like, so I don't really need my bag
Speaker 2: things and she was like, no, no, don't worry. Don't you worries.
Speaker 2: Don't you worry?
Speaker 4: And I said, okay, so I land and of course
Speaker 4: my bags are lost, all my things. I was like,
Speaker 4: but thankfully, the one shining shining little like I guess
Speaker 4: that this was going to be a boost. You know,
Speaker 4: this is a break for United Damn Airlines, is that
Speaker 4: I had the air tag on my bag. So apparently,
Speaker 4: although I didn't make it to Philly, they did send
Speaker 4: my bag to Philly when they weren't supposed to. So
Speaker 4: you know, theyre supposed to pull your bag when you're
Speaker 4: out on the plane, you know. So I was showing
Speaker 4: the leady. I'm like, my back is in Philly. She's like, no,
Speaker 4: and the system is saying Atlanta. I was like, well,
Speaker 4: I don't know air tag, but I'm pretty sure they're
Speaker 4: not lying to me.
Speaker 3: Go I have to start doing that when I travel.
Speaker 3: I don't know why all.
Speaker 4: So I was like, you know, She's like, okay, well
Speaker 4: you could try to call Philadelphia. Like but and then
Speaker 4: and so the second this is what I will say,
Speaker 4: AirTag all your bags. And then the thing that really
Speaker 4: saved me was so low tech.
Speaker 2: So you know, like the luggage tag that you write
Speaker 2: your name, you know, like hardly anybody does it. I
Speaker 2: when I.
Speaker 4: Bought my luggage from Away, they like gifted me two
Speaker 4: leather luggage shags, you know, because when you spend a
Speaker 4: pallion dollars on stupid luggage, they give me these luggage tags.
Speaker 4: And I'd never used a luggage stag before, but I
Speaker 4: got I was like, you know what, I'm gonna put
Speaker 4: my name my email cause I felt off fancy. I
Speaker 4: had these nice, nice luggage and my phone number. My
Speaker 4: luggage tech click click. That is the only thing that
Speaker 4: saved my bag because it was just these two random
Speaker 4: light light bags sitting in Philadelphia airport.
Speaker 2: The lady looked at the luggage.
Speaker 4: Tag and saw my name my adjes saw my phone
Speaker 4: number and called was like, Hey, is this Tiffany from
Speaker 4: you know, Newark?
Speaker 3: I was like yes.
Speaker 4: She was like, we have your luggage here. I was
Speaker 4: like yes, and she was like, I don't see you
Speaker 4: on the manifest. I was like yes because I missed
Speaker 4: the flight. She's like, they weren't supposed to send I'm like,
Speaker 4: I know. She said, we can put it on the
Speaker 4: next flight to Newark and you can pick it up
Speaker 4: for Nork Airport. So the silver lining is is that?
Speaker 4: Like so if like the like I'm literally taping with
Speaker 4: like a borrowed mic from a friend of mine because
Speaker 4: I'm in DC and I don't have my headphones.
Speaker 2: I don't have did you make Colchra con girl now?
Speaker 2: Because I didn't have any cloths? Like that's the thing, like,
Speaker 2: you know, I wasn't you know.
Speaker 4: And it was such a huge event and they were
Speaker 4: so nice to say it's so combinating, but you know,
Speaker 4: there was this lesson because I felt like it was
Speaker 4: the end of the world.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie because I've.
Speaker 4: Never The only other time that I missed the speaking
Speaker 4: engagement is when Durrell passed away, because he always said
Speaker 4: he wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to be on
Speaker 4: the stage for Chase, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 4: but Jerrell was the type to just be like, oh,
Speaker 4: I stuped my to I'm going to a doctor, but
Speaker 4: something was like, no, go to the hospital. And I'm
Speaker 4: so glad that I did, because that was the last
Speaker 4: time I saw him like alive and speaking and you know,
Speaker 4: relatively happy despite his head pain. And so I'm so
Speaker 4: glad that I did. And you know, but that's the
Speaker 4: only time I've never missed a speaking engagement, so I
Speaker 4: I couldn't. I don't know, like it's like I was
Speaker 4: really do almost anything, and I'm almost there's this part
Speaker 4: of it was like Tiffany, it's okay, like you're not missing
Speaker 4: it because you're like, I don't feel like it. But
Speaker 4: I really had a hard time letting go of the
Speaker 4: fact that like this thing beyond my control, you know,
Speaker 4: was not a letting allowing me to move forward. I
Speaker 4: just I felt so bad as if like I purposefully
Speaker 4: maybe I shouldn't have went on the team trip, like
Speaker 4: what are we saying? You know what I mean, like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you know, And I just felt really really bad. And
Speaker 4: but the lesson for me was that like the worst
Speaker 4: case scenario of that situation, cause that's what I was
Speaker 4: worried about this happening.
Speaker 2: It happened, and look at you. You're okay, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like that was like so you know, it was like
Speaker 4: you missed it, you missed Culture Con. Okay, Okay, like okay.
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: So I was like that was the part that it
Speaker 4: was like, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. There's still
Speaker 4: like it's underlying like anxiety and anxiousness about it.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, Tiffany, you're okay. I mean you miss
Speaker 2: Culture Con.
Speaker 4: You didn't you know, you didn't miss your wedding, you
Speaker 4: didn't miss the birth of your baby, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean? Like what you missed a conference because you're
Speaker 4: not at multiple airlines? You know.
Speaker 2: It was raggedy, but you know, and you're okay.
Speaker 4: So it was like, I think it's like a lesson
Speaker 4: that I needed that I'm still processing, but like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I just but honestly, so I called my admin, Rose,
Speaker 4: and I said, Rose.
Speaker 2: What do we like what can we do to avoid this?
Speaker 4: She's like, you know, what if it's imperative that you
Speaker 4: must get somewhere, then we don't fly United because.
Speaker 2: This is the third time, because it's crazy.
Speaker 4: It'd be one thing if I was like, oh, United's
Speaker 4: not flying and nobody else is flying. Every other airline
Speaker 4: is getting people to destinations, and I'm paying out of
Speaker 4: pocket to literally arrive at the same destination that you're not.
Speaker 4: For whatever reason, your raggedy airline is not doing. Yeah,
Speaker 4: And so like now I know, if I have to
Speaker 4: be somewhere, I cannot fly United because it's just not
Speaker 4: worth it, which is so stupid, because what is the
Speaker 4: point I'm back and a lady, what's the point of
Speaker 4: being one k if I don't get any sort of
Speaker 4: like help rebooking. And I said, I'm still fighting all
Speaker 4: for the last three and you know, like missings, like
Speaker 4: you know, I mean, you won't even give me my
Speaker 4: money back from the mistakes.
Speaker 2: You guys are making.
Speaker 4: So it's just yeah, So I don't know, like honestly,
Speaker 4: I might consider like moving over to Delta, but it's
Speaker 4: just the issue with Delta is that like their hub
Speaker 4: is not Newark, and so you know, but I'm gonna
Speaker 4: look because I'm like I have to, like I travel
Speaker 4: a lot for business, and for pleasure, and so getting
Speaker 4: to a destination and a timy manner is critical.
Speaker 3: What is it that they don't have enough crew?
Speaker 4: Is it?
Speaker 3: Because I feel like that's often it's like a crew
Speaker 3: shortage or something that is.
Speaker 4: I don't know, you know, they're never truthful. Sometimes they're like,
Speaker 4: it's weather. I'm like, if it's weather, hack, come so
Speaker 4: no other planes.
Speaker 2: Are because they want to say that, because if they.
Speaker 4: Say it's weather, then you quote unquote you know, and
Speaker 4: I'm like that of God, Yeah, no, it wasn't like
Speaker 4: you know, And like I said, it's one thing.
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 4: Things happened. They're giving people time to adjust. You can't
Speaker 4: tell me ten minutes before the flight never left Newark
Speaker 4: because it was supposed to have left Newark. Then two
Speaker 4: hours ago. You could have told me two hours ago
Speaker 4: and I could have adjusted. That's the thing, you know.
Speaker 4: So yeah, but I'm gonna do a whole rant and
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go on social media and I'm gonna drag
Speaker 4: on for filth because you know, they don't listen to me.
Speaker 4: They don't listen when you like hello, like customer support
Speaker 4: or whatever. I'm still make it for my money. I'm like, well,
Speaker 4: then y'all need to be dragged publicly and so this is,
Speaker 4: this is dragging number one United.
Speaker 3: Counter your days and this is and you're not one
Speaker 3: to rant and be like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: So when you said airline, I was almost like, oh,
Speaker 3: something really bad must have happened because you're not exactly
Speaker 3: one to like let little stars go. I mean to
Speaker 3: let it like become this big. But that sounds so
Speaker 3: busted and so stressful, and I'm sorry you went through that.
Speaker 3: And yeah, the the mention about like the coping strategy
Speaker 3: and like the minds that the mind work to get
Speaker 3: through a moment like that, That is maturity. That is girl.
Speaker 4: I took everything. I mean, that's to like I'm telling you.
Speaker 4: Like one of my friends I called him. I called him,
Speaker 4: he was like just relax. I almost murdered him through
Speaker 4: the phone and he realized. He was like, I feel
Speaker 4: like that's the worst thing I could have said. I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm weeping at the airline right now, and I know
Speaker 4: that like the.
Speaker 3: Dating pool, is it about to get drowned in the
Speaker 3: dating pool? Say relaxed? Oh my god.
Speaker 2: It was like my dad, I was like, don't tell
Speaker 2: me to.
Speaker 3: You're like, oh, but see, you needed a punching bag.
Speaker 3: So you're like, well, thank you for volunteering.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, but you know, like it all worked out.
Speaker 4: I'm here, I went to DC the next day. I'm
Speaker 4: here and like, you know, making it work. So but yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean, and I mean now I see, like, Okay,
Speaker 4: it was fine, you know, and things typically are for
Speaker 4: the most part, but you know, in the moment sometimes
Speaker 4: it's just hard to process.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, sorry that sounds hell stressful. But I'm
Speaker 3: glad that you're you went through it. I mean, I'm
Speaker 3: glad that it's over now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's over now.
Speaker 3: So and you know, guys, that is cute. I'm just saying, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, hopefully you guys will listen on Friday to
Speaker 2: our b a q A. If you have questions, we
Speaker 2: have answers, and we'll see you in a few days.
Speaker 3: We'll see you soon.
Speaker 4: But now if you're fighting United, because we'll never see
Speaker 4: you because you'll never get on hold and I'll just
Speaker 4: jok