WEBVTT - Navigating Grief And Finances (Ep 380) 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:19.160 Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, we're brow this should. 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:21.439 This is and this is ambition. 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:27.360 Hey manja, hey beautiful, how are you stunning? And that 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:31.920 lightning and the and the glow. I can't let me 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:32.400 tell you something. 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:34.400 So I already have a brown boost, so you know 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:35.760 we're not gonna okay. 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:37.519 But you have boosted your lashes like twice. 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:40.519 Yes, I wouldn't say that these lasses. I don't have 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:42.720 born like just brows and lasses. 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:45.840 And what I love about it is that like, well 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:48.040 one like you know, this is place that I found 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:49.800 that like it's like for a hundred bucks for the month, 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:50.880 you can get like your. 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:52.519 Lashes done twice, you know. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.720 So I was just let me try it, and so 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:56.560 you know it makes me feel like a little we 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.480 know me. I'm trying to get my girly on after 0:00:58.680 --> 0:00:59.959 after years of being. 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.160 Mail and I'm not just saying, I mean like I've 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:04.319 been such a tomboy. 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:05.920 Yeah, so like I'm. 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:07.440 Like, you know, at age forty four, I think it's 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:08.080 what I'm ready. 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:12.160 You need it a lot, but you just you look 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.720 like you with like a little shine, you know. 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:15.080 What I mean. 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:17.320 I'm about what are you up to? Where are you 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.000 at you're not in your usual office. 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:20.960 I am not I am in A, I am d 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:21.800 in DC. 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:25.679 I was in Atlanta last week because I took the 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:29.280 team on the team or annual team retreat right, which was. 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:30.280 Awesome, soul walks. 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:34.679 My favorite day was we did a We did some 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:38.240 community service as some place called the Gateway Center where 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:41.559 we it's like a transitional housing place but also resources 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.679 for people who are currently unhoused. And it's that that 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:47.800 place is specifically for men, and so we got to 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.880 learn more about like the work they do because Atlanta, 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:52.640 you know, because we I don't know. 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:54.320 Did we chat about it on the podcast. 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.600 Mid Yeah, did you already have that plan before you 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:58.279 went to the A or did you plan it because 0:01:58.280 --> 0:01:59.240 of like what you were saying? 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:01.040 No, No, we had a like before like so we 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.760 worked with this mother daughter black. I have to find 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.200 the name of their team. I'm gonna FINDCAU. I don't 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:08.760 want to shot them out of their team that like 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:10.720 planned our trip. This is their second year planning our 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.760 trip for us, and community service is something that we 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:15.720 wanted to add in UH this year. 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:17.440 So it's PTE. 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:20.440 I don't even know child oh Prime Time Events planning 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.880 and concierge. It's this amazing black mother and daughter who 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:26.720 do like events or what. They're out of Chicago, but 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.880 they will fly over anywhere. So they did New Orleans 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.720 for us amazing, and they just did Atlanta for myself 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.600 and the team. And so yeah, we we had this 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:38.560 community service project and we bought lunch for about one 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:40.680 hundred men that were you know, staying there, and it 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.920 was just so great to just talk and you know, 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.520 you learn so much about like, you know, some people 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:47.520 who are in house are really like the working poor. 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:49.960 Like there was a guy there dressed in this nice suit. 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.280 He was a limo driver, but it just didn't pay 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:54.800 enough for him to be able to, you know, to 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.200 have a safe place to live. So while he was here, 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:00.200 you know, they're looking to for him to find him 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.120 more permanent housing. But he was there in the meantime. 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:06.679 So it was just an amazing experience. And we had 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.720 so much pizza leftover that we were able to like 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.720 kind of leave the center and also like serve some 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.799 people who were just kind of like in front. So yeah, 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:16.600 it was just like the it you know, I did. 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.399 We did our normal We always do a SPA day 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:19.040 we always do. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:20.360 Like we did, we made. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:26.360 This called thing called is it called Skintology Skintimacy black 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.960 owned women brand where we made our own lotions and 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.160 things we always try to support, like black owned our 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.880 chef chef Todd Black Chef. It was a blackly black 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:38.600 black like a week so which is awesome. But I'm 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:40.440 also glad that we were also able to like serve 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:42.800 and give back. And so yeah, I was there and 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:45.760 then amazing and now I'm in DC, like because you 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.720 know it's book tour time. Honey, wait till you know 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:50.280 a Maid Whole comes out soon? 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:54.200 And so yeah, which is the companion to kick with money? 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:55.040 Yeah? 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:58.000 Where can the girls find out more about this companion book? 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.560 Well, they can go to Maid Whole workbook dot com. 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:07.400 I do you know, me order there, but I would 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.080 wait a little bit because we're getting the pre order. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:11.640 There are bonuses that we're gonna be able to give 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:15.080 people who pre order, so and then like Bible mm hmm, 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:16.159 they'll be able to go heavy. 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:17.919 But I mean they'll see all the posted all that stuff. 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:19.920 But when I take you, I'm tired girl, you gonna 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.080 see my my my, my break is gonna be I 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:25.239 mean Yeah, I'm just really tired. But I'm just glad 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:27.600 to like, you know, be sett in some place. Yeah, 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:28.240 what about you? 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:29.000 What have you been up to? 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:34.360 Uh? You know, fun stuff? Aging myself. Yeah, it's been 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.600 a real shit couple of weeks. I'm not gonna lie 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:39.920 I was. Yeah, where do I even begin? Well, I 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:41.880 don't want to get like two into the personal stuff. 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:45.039 But my dad has been sick, and like, do I 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:48.400 go to Atlanta right now? On a plane sick? And 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:53.960 I ended up choosing to not go to Atlanta because 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:57.440 I have my two kids and the babies that are 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:02.159 quit on me, and it's just like when it rains, 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:05.279 it pours ever since that biblical flood that week of 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:08.279 the flood, you know, and also I guess it flooded 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.520 again while I was gone. But anyway, a lot's been 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.760 going on. My dad has been sick, and in my family, 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:17.840 my parents are no longer together and my dad did 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:22.279 not remarry, and you know, he's in his sixties and 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.560 my brother and I are it as far as like 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:30.359 his close his inner circle, and you know, I'm the 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:33.279 eldest and my little brother is like five years younger, 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.680 and we're figuring out our dynamic as siblings, like caring 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:39.640 for our dad who's sick, especially given that I am 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:42.400 here in New York and he is there in Atlanta, 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:45.680 but obviously has a gajillion thing is going on. If 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:47.880 you guys heard my interview with Alex, you know, he's 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:53.160 got a lot going on. And that has been difficult, 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.240 you know, to figure out that dynamic. And we've never 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.039 been put in that situation before. And like, you know, 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.559 my usual support system, my mom, my sister, they can't 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:04.880 really support me because there's a lot of you know, 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.719 not great stuff there. So it's really like, oh, you're 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.040 on your own, kid, you always you always have been. 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.159 So I decided not to go, which I was fine 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.920 with that decision. And then my grandpa passed the day 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.000 that my dad got was sent home from the hospital. 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:25.680 My grandpa, who was eighty six, Thank you, my dad's dad. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:29.599 He died. He was sick for a long time. We 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:33.599 could do a whole episode on how these chronic illnesses 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:37.440 are like killing black people. Yeah, I mean, it's we 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:42.919 talk about the healthcare system. But yeah, I have a 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.600 lot to say after this past few days in Atlanta 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:48.960 and just learning more about my family history and all 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.880 of that, but shout out to Grandpa Shirley Roy Woodruff 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:58.359 the og I because of my dad's family dynamic, I 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:02.560 actually didn't know him very will And then I have 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.159 cousins like my cousin Anna, who you guys have heard about. 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:08.640 She's like, that was her grandpa, you know, the whole thing. 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:14.440 So I, in order to sort of process what was 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.640 going on, of course, I flew home. I took Remy 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:22.400 with me, my little doll baby, my little emotional support baby. 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:26.080 He was everyone's emotional support. What I tell you, I 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.160 felt like I brought one of those golden retrievers that 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.160 they bring to, you know, people after they've gone through 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.320 some kind of trauma. I was like, here's the baby 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:36.720 who needs a hold, who needs a smile. Remy's so social, 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.520 He's so like just so you know, happy, and you 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.160 know he'll smile at anyone. So I know he definitely 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:47.960 did wonders for my dad's health while he was there. 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.400 But yeah, I took Remy, so it was just me 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:54.000 and Remy and we went down. But even in the 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:59.600 days leading up to the funeral, I did it so 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.920 to put my like just there was so much anxious energy. 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.760 I was really like, should I up my med should 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.600 I talk to my therapist? I ended up sending her 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.960 a twenty minute voice note just to like get it 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.480 off my chest what I was saying, what I was feeling, 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:16.280 because it was so much. I mean, I think a 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:19.080 lot of folks around me who seem You're like, wow, 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:20.400 you have so much going on. I don't know how 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:22.880 you do it, And usually I do it fine. And 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:28.200 I wasn't fine yeah for a minute there. But for me, 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.200 I put I decided I'm going to give myself a 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.360 task with this funeral because I couldn't figure out my 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:38.199 feelings about everything. So I took on the responsibility of organizing, 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:42.720 like being my dad's brother who was organizing everything, being 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:46.600 his deputy, so ordering the food because you know, I 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:49.120 know how to put on a nice buffet. He went 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:54.040 to my wedding, got it catered, put on the food. 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.079 Track down. When I tell you, Shirley Roy Woodruff was 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:01.040 a he was a rolling stone. He actually had a 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:04.360 career in radio that I never knew. Oh really, Yes, 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:07.840 he had a gospel radio station in Gainesville, Georgia for 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:09.960 years and years and years. I mean up until like 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.520 maybe fifteen years ago. So in the two thousands, even 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:15.440 he was doing this radio and I never knew. 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:18.080 And like, look at me, I know, I love that. 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:24.560 And he was a musician and a traveling minister, which 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.200 is one of the reasons why his relationship with his 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.800 children was so varied, because a lot of them didn't 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.040 see a lot of him. He won that's that song. 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:36.480 Papa was a rolling stone. Yeah, Grandpa Roy was a 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:41.640 rolling stone, genuinely. And when I was I spent a 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.080 lot of time talking. I called up so many of 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.959 my elders, people I hadn't met my whole life, but 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.800 who knew about me through my dad, like woodruffs down 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:54.360 the line, just trying to get a picture of this man, 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.880 and finally was able to track down some really cool 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:00.880 pictures of him and got those printed up and made 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:05.280 for the memorial table, just like you know, put my 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:09.520 put my energy into something. And because I'm sure as 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:11.960 hell can't control my dad, let me tell you what, 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.720 even being there in person, Oh, I see where I 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:21.040 get my stubborn friend. And to any you know, adult 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.280 out there who's having to well not even having to caretake. 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:26.920 He didn't ask me to caretake, but like try, I 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.960 just try, and like Hey, maybe don't you know, eat 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:35.400 bacon right now in this moment after you've been told 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:39.160 to lower your sodium intake. He's like, oh, you know, 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.160 I don't won you biking that much. It's just in 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:43.240 the fridge. Don't let this man. He will not waste food. 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:45.760 So I'm like, you need to have a you know 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:47.760 how they have garage sales, he needs to have a 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:51.040 deep freezer sale. Like, get rid of this stuff. None 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:52.760 of it's good for him. He needs to get rid 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:54.440 of it. But yeah, it was a lot, but at 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:58.480 least so in a like a roundabout way. The funeral 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:02.640 was sounds so fun, not to say it was good 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:04.960 for my mental state because it gave me like a 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:07.920 i don't know, like something a stake of, like something 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:12.000 to tie me to the ground, to stop me from spiraling, 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.040 you know, because I really was like a whirling not 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:17.040 even a whirling dervish, but like just like Tasmanian devil 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:21.679 over here. I came home and I saw my not 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:24.200 even I put this like big I write out my 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:25.760 to dooos when I have so many, and I put 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:28.960 like this big piece of paper on the fridge and 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:30.960 it was like, get your shit together list and I 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.080 came back and I was like, wow, the mental state 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:38.640 of that girl. So anyway, it's been a long it's 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.800 been a yeah, it's been a shitty couple of weeks, 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.320 but the only way out is through. I'm just like, 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:46.360 at this point, it's like one hour at a time, 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:48.559 one yeah, day at a time. 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.280 And I know that, like, you know, especially you know, 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.360 as our parents' age, the conversations about like what a 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:57.080 state planning and stuff looked like looks like and that's 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.240 not easy because you know, I know, like it literally 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:03.199 took for Gerald to pass away, that my dad to 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.840 finally agree to like update his will that had me 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:07.720 at age. 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.760 Ten in it. I was like, Daddy, you are in 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:11.760 your eighties. He's like, oh yeah, one day, one day. 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:15.320 I'm like, at this point, like, you know, seventy five 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:18.280 plus they said the average age of you know, of 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.040 you lived to seventy five, and so that means any 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.280 year after that it's literally a blessing. And so if 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.240 you get to your eighties, it's like a super blessing. 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.559 And I was like, there is no one day, it's now. 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:30.640 And so I was finally able to get his will, 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:33.760 his living will, his health care like all of that 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.679 stuff signed, notarized and done. 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.680 You know. Were you like, did you have to have 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.640 those hard conversations with your dad while you were there? 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:44.000 Yes? I did, well, actually I started the conversation. So 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:45.600 one of the things since I was here in New 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:48.320 York when my dad was sick in the hospital, that 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:49.800 I was like, well, I can do this is I 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:52.760 got in touch with Helen, who's my financial planner, and 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.360 she can do She can do estate planning for people 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.160 like my dad whose finances are not super complicated. Isn't 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.760 own any business, you know, all that, everything's pretty straightforward. 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.200 He owns a home, et cetera. So I got in 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.319 touch with Helen, I scheduled a call with her and 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.040 we and she really understood where I was coming from. 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.760 She also is she's from Georgia. She lives in Georgia. Okay, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.320 so and her family lives close to where my dad lives. 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:20.120 So she was like, I can see him in person. 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:21.800 But that's awesome. 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:24.880 Yeah, so I'm taking care of that. But that looks 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.160 like for us because my dad's never had anything like 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:31.080 that before. It looks like she sent me. I think 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.800 there's three documents in her email to me my brother 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:36.280 and my dad. She was like, this is a questionnaire 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.000 to get the conversation started. But I'm not just going 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:40.600 to show up to your house and start out. It'll 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.760 take hours. You probably you need to work through these questions. Yes, 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.560 So she sent us that those questionnaires, and I haven't 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.560 opened the attachments yet. I don't think any of us has. 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:56.040 My dad does not enjoy talking about it. He's a 0:13:56.080 --> 0:14:00.680 strong willed independent. He's a damn Rowland stew himself, you 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:02.240 know what I mean. Like, I see so much of 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:06.200 my grandpa's traits in him in every area except as 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.560 a father, because he did not roll away at any 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:13.000 time from us. He's always committed. But yeah this, we're 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:17.840 getting that state planning done hopefully soon. And then sig notarized. 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:24.640 Yeah jazz, Okay, yeah, big girl, shit, I know this 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:26.960 is the part, Like you know, when you're a kid 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:28.080 and you want to be a grown up, it's just 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.280 because you want to get candy at the park at 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:30.880 the store. 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:32.280 Right, that's what grow to be like, Oh, I can't wait, 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:34.680 I can buy whatever I want from Target this right, 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.160 And then you realize you're like, wait, is this what 0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:38.320 adult thing is like? 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.080 And you buy the things from Target so that you 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.080 can dull the pain of what adult that is like 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.280 and you binge eat you know, a pint of ice 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.880 cream in the car and the grocery store parking lot, 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.520 not that I have any idea what that feels like. 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.680 And if you were at stopping shop last week on 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.000 Thursday night and you saw a car parked over there 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.360 and a girl just like crying into her you know what, 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.480 I don't know her. I don't want to tell you. 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.320 I see that used to be me and pizza, Like 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.480 I would just get there was like my favorite pizza 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:09.480 place I would go and I would just like gorge 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:12.640 in the car and just cry and eat pizza, you know, 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.000 and then hide the box and stuff later like everything's fine. 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.640 When I tell you, I've never been happier that our 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:23.360 nest cam on the driveway like went could put because 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:24.640 I just was able to get out of the car 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:26.480 and just like sneak that into the Yeah. 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:28.640 Same, I'm like, nobody needs to go that I had 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.280 a full pizza for myself. 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.920 I asked or something. But you know, we cope in 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:39.080 our own wads. Okay, yeah, yeah, just yeah, adulting big 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:44.680 time but also feeling it was only a matter of time, right, 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:49.560 I mean, and it's here now and me and it doesn't. 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:53.320 I'm learning a lot about our family dynamic. Myself. My 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.360 vibe is very different than my brothers, and there's you know, 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:59.120 I tend to try to keep things light and funny 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:04.480 and like he does, sometimes not in the mood for 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:12.400 the shuckinin cha anyway. Anyway, One other thing I will 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:17.120 say about this time that I've left sort of more 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.680 clear about is, you know, my family is far flung. 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.600 You know, I have relatives in Atlanta, I have my 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:28.280 mom in Missouri, my sister's in Wisconsin, and got really 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:32.040 good friends in California. And I really got clear with 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:33.680 and I was talking to my mom and my sister brothers. 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.280 I'm like the intent, Like we have to be more 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:42.120 intentional about scheduling visits. Yeah, like not just on a 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:45.240 whim or not just Christmas, Like that's not enough. And 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:47.440 usually it's like the finances that stopped a lot of 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.200 people from traveling. And I'm like, listen, a few hundred 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:51.640 dollars for a flight, that's what it costs, you know, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.520 to get from most places to where we are. If 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:59.720 we just commit to you know, no brunch November, you know, 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:02.680 and save that money. We can make this a thing 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.560 like we can travel more to one another. And I 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.840 think I'm gonna I'm definitely going to be doing more 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:10.919 of that. Yeah, and Remy's down because he is a 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:15.320 vessel travel buddy. I think there's going to be a 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:16.840 baby boom at the Atlanta air If you were at 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:21.600 the Atlanta Airport on October eighth, I would just like 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.640 to stay in advance. Name your child after Remy because 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:28.920 this baby. Every woman we passed was like baby. 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:37.400 He is such a I know, I know, I feel like, yeah, 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:41.160 it's just crazy how I mean, you know, we grow up, 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.720 but then you start to realize, wow, your financial life 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:47.240 also grows up with you, you know, and you know 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:51.679 the thing like I what I don't want is like, 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:55.240 you know, I don't want to leave. I want to 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:58.600 minimize the complications when I'm not here. You know, you know, 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:00.960 I might be one hundred and two when I'm pass away, 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.760 but I want that when I'm not here. Of course, 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:06.440 you're never gonna get every single thing, but I don't 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.800 want to leave stuff that I could have gotten done 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.560 done just because you know, I know firsthand what it's 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:15.480 like to have some things undone and then having to 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.919 navigate that, you know, the family having to navigate that, 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:22.399 and sometimes at leads for like you know, hurt feelings 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.520 and anger and bitterness, and you know, no, this is 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:27.439 not what you're like. You know, but it's like like 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:29.440 I said, I mean, I know I have not probably 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:31.240 crossed every tea as much as I know to cross. 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:34.359 You know, you're also so young that like in another 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:37.719 ten years you mentioned updating your dad's will. It's not 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:38.800 like a one and done thing. 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:39.760 Nope, yep. 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:41.800 So you have to make the commitment to keep coming 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:42.400 back to it. 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.480 Yes, because thinking like for example, I got I have 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:49.000 my trust, but then you know, I recently bought the condo, 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.240 so I'm like, oh, that's right, I gotta when I 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:53.240 get back home. One of my homeworks is I got 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.119 to go to the title company to tell them I 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:57.719 don't want the title to be Undertivity's name. 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:00.000 It should be under the trust name. You know, because 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:01.080 something would have happened. 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:06.040 Me today, then the way my family would inherit the 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:09.639 property would lead them open for the for like a 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:11.480 tax gramifications that was unintentional. 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:13.879 You know. It's things like that that's like I'm. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:15.439 Always thinking, like, you know, if something new comes up, 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:17.240 Look what if I start another business? What if I 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:20.120 you know, like you know, I don't know if there's 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.199 just as your life changes, you know, like keeping up 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:25.080 with those things. It's not really easy, but that is 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:27.560 definitely one of my homeworks. It's like, Tiffany, like, what 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:29.679 else do I need to put into this trust? 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:30.760 Or there's no point to it. 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:33.080 Tony told me that the number one mistake people make 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:36.520 when she like Tony is my attorney, that people make 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:42.520 when estate planning is not signing and fully transferring funds. 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:43.600 You know. 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.159 So she's like, because a trust takes months, if not years, 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:48.360 Like it took over almost a year for like all 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:50.760 the pieces of my trust to come together. 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:54.040