Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Hi, Hi. How's everybody doing good?
Speaker 1: You know what?
Speaker 2: I actually saw our friends Allison and Darling in.
Speaker 3: New York last week. Oh did you, I said Darling. Yes,
Speaker 3: they're taking the town by storm. Everyone who's listening, please,
Speaker 3: this is a reminder that if you tag me when
Speaker 3: you're watching my special, my new special, The Feeling on Netflix,
Speaker 3: where I wear my gold one piece, which is my
Speaker 3: golden anniversary year. I had no idea between Gold Bond
Speaker 3: that I was wearing gold gold bathing suit and then
Speaker 3: my special, which I taped way before I turned fifty.
Speaker 3: I was wearing my gold jumpsuit and this is my
Speaker 3: fiftieth year, so everything is gold and that's your golden anniversary.
Speaker 1: So it's my anniversary with myself.
Speaker 4: I love that, I know.
Speaker 3: So please tag me for the special because I get
Speaker 3: so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting
Speaker 3: as many about my special, and my special is the
Speaker 3: newest thing out, so I want to make sure all
Speaker 3: my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me, and
Speaker 3: I'll repost you.
Speaker 1: And yes, it's called The Feeling.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 2: And Chelsea, we also went to ask for more couples
Speaker 2: and duos to call in or to write in for
Speaker 2: many sods.
Speaker 3: Yes, if you're having a even if it's a friendship
Speaker 3: like kind of disagreement or a relationship disagreement, we want
Speaker 3: you guys to call in for couples advice. We're going
Speaker 3: to do that on our minisodes as well too. And
Speaker 3: also everyone can check out my European dates. I start
Speaker 3: in Rekuvic mid May and I end in Lisbon, Portugal
Speaker 3: at the beginning of June. So come see me in
Speaker 3: Europe if you're one of our European fans. Also, if
Speaker 3: you guys want another inspiring book to read, I am Maria.
Speaker 3: But Maria Shreiver just came out and it is beautiful.
Speaker 3: It's a book of poetry. I'm not really but it's
Speaker 3: not your traditional poetry. It's like stream of consciousness poetry.
Speaker 3: And there's a forward by her about everything she's experienced
Speaker 3: in her life that is so moving and it just
Speaker 3: blew me away. I read the entire book last night
Speaker 3: on my sofa.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I just finished Dilan Mulvaney's new memoir.
Speaker 1: Yes, I've read that of course for our new guest,
Speaker 1: I mean guest.
Speaker 2: It's so I mean obviously. You know, we read a
Speaker 2: lot of celebrit memoirs on the show, and I think
Speaker 2: it's one of my favorites that I've ever read. Like,
Speaker 2: it's so beautiful, it's funny, it's light, it's refreshing, like
Speaker 2: it's honest.
Speaker 4: It's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a great read, just like Dylan herself. She's
Speaker 1: a great read.
Speaker 2: And her brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, just launched.
Speaker 2: I actually worked on it. It was so much fun.
Speaker 2: It has amazing episodes. It's so fun and kitchy. It's
Speaker 2: really fun to watch on YouTube also because it's like
Speaker 2: sixties themed and it has a whole pink set and
Speaker 2: it's really sweet. I would start with either like the
Speaker 2: Norri Read episode. It's really really fun. There's an episode
Speaker 2: with her dad that's really.
Speaker 4: Touching and really fun.
Speaker 2: She's got an episode with Glennon Doyle. Go check it
Speaker 2: out The Dylan Hour, which it.
Speaker 1: Brings us to our guests. Please welcome Dylan mulvaney. Oh
Speaker 1: look at you. Look at how you handled that microphone. Dylan.
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm a podcast throw Wow back by popular demand.
Speaker 1: Wow, by very popular demand, is our favorite.
Speaker 3: Our favorite transgender woman, our favorite transgender person.
Speaker 1: Dylan mulvaney is back.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 3: We have a lot of catching up to do, have
Speaker 3: a lot to talk because you've been hanging around with
Speaker 3: a lot of my friends. I saw Alan Cummings. You
Speaker 3: posted a picture of you guys last night.
Speaker 5: I'm like, where well? I More importantly, the last time
Speaker 5: was on this podcast. The last thing I asked you.
Speaker 5: I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and I
Speaker 5: was like, should I do it? And you were like, yeah,
Speaker 5: hurry the fuck up. Yeah, And I did accomplish a
Speaker 5: lot of that.
Speaker 4: So you last saw each other.
Speaker 5: But what I'm about to show you is very important
Speaker 5: because I was in Paris and this was Alan Cumming
Speaker 5: was included in this evening and I went clubbing with
Speaker 5: a bunch of people from a conference and I left
Speaker 5: the club looking like this. And I just wish that
Speaker 5: for our audio listeners that they would really get to
Speaker 5: see this.
Speaker 4: But can you describe what you see?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 3: We can hold it up. Can I hold this up
Speaker 3: to a camera? Can you see that this is Dylan.
Speaker 4: That's me leaving the club.
Speaker 3: Look, I'm like a whore on the loose. This is
Speaker 3: what I would call summer whore. When you have a
Speaker 3: hot pink lipstick. It's all around.
Speaker 4: Her once like maroon, and then it went, it's giving clown.
Speaker 4: This is ridiculous. Basically I went into the club.
Speaker 1: And sucked face with everyone you saw.
Speaker 4: And just one, just one, and he really did a
Speaker 4: number on my makeup.
Speaker 3: Your face looks like my head right now. I thought
Speaker 3: I had a pimple on my forehead morning.
Speaker 4: Are you saying my face looks like a pimple.
Speaker 1: In that picture? It looks like a big pimple that
Speaker 1: pops right now. That one.
Speaker 4: We got a big problem. What I'm walking around like
Speaker 4: all the time.
Speaker 3: I thought I had a pimple on my forehead this
Speaker 3: morning in my hotel room, and I went in after it,
Speaker 3: and then as I was trying to squeeze it and
Speaker 3: nothing was coming out, I realized it's a fucking mosquito bite.
Speaker 1: Oh so I basically attacked myself.
Speaker 3: It adds character, and I went and it's like a
Speaker 3: knot on my head right now.
Speaker 1: I got into my car this morning.
Speaker 5: We're a New York cartoon with like a fucking piano
Speaker 5: dropped on your head, New York.
Speaker 1: And my driver's like, what's he goes, what's wrong with
Speaker 1: your head? That's what he said to me.
Speaker 3: Rapa, he can say that thoughways been my driver for
Speaker 3: a long time. Okay, So, Dylan mulvaney, the last time
Speaker 3: we spoke, you were I mean, first of all, I
Speaker 3: don't even know where to begin.
Speaker 5: You've been very busy, been all over. But I was
Speaker 5: going through the ringer right when I saw you.
Speaker 1: That was because you were getting you were getting a
Speaker 1: lot of.
Speaker 5: Back a lot of backlash. And now that's just seems
Speaker 5: to be the trend of my life.
Speaker 3: And so let's revisit what was happening. It was the
Speaker 3: beer commercial.
Speaker 5: There was a beer situation, and it felt like the
Speaker 5: whole world was after me. And now I've really learned
Speaker 5: how to not give a fuck, and I think I
Speaker 5: learned that's kind of from you. And I also just
Speaker 5: now know to roll with the punches, because if this
Speaker 5: is going to be my life, then I think that's
Speaker 5: kind of just comes with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we do our best.
Speaker 3: I think it's very important to build resiliency as soon
Speaker 3: as you possibly can, because if you're going to be
Speaker 3: in a public, if you're going to be in the public.
Speaker 1: There is no way that you're going to get out.
Speaker 3: Of this unscathed being a public personality, there's just no way.
Speaker 3: So when people are really sensitive and they can't deal
Speaker 3: with it, I mean, it's a natural reaction to have,
Speaker 3: but eventually you have to toughen up a little.
Speaker 5: Were you ever fragile? I kind of the way I've
Speaker 5: read your stuff, like, it doesn't seem like that.
Speaker 3: I don't know if fragile would be the word, but
Speaker 3: I've been knocked down a lot. Yeah, I've been knocked
Speaker 3: over and down and thought, oh fuck, maybe I should
Speaker 3: just disappear. Maybe everyone's sick of me, or maybe this
Speaker 3: or that and that. You know, you think that those
Speaker 3: moments are temporary. They're not permanent. And I deal with
Speaker 3: a lot of people that come to me who are
Speaker 3: fragile and want to know what to do.
Speaker 4: I think we're attracted to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe a magnetism because it's like, oh you're okay.
Speaker 3: But but that becomes a lot to handle too. Like
Speaker 3: I remember this was just last week. I was like,
Speaker 3: I had so much of my own shit to deal with,
Speaker 3: and then I had like four or five people coming
Speaker 3: to me about how to deal with their shit, and
Speaker 3: I remember thinking, I don't have the fucking time for this,
Speaker 3: I'm not a counselor. But then I'm like, no, you
Speaker 3: are a counselor. That's actually what you like enjoy doing.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you want to help people.
Speaker 4: So it's easier to look in rather than into yourself sometimes.
Speaker 3: Have you met anyone that you're interested in, like more
Speaker 3: long term? Are you just having fun with strangers?
Speaker 4: You know in Paris bars that'll do it?
Speaker 5: Oh? Oh my god, You're gonna die. I can't believe
Speaker 5: I'm telling you this on air. I did hook up
Speaker 5: with my room service waiter in Paris also this weekend.
Speaker 1: I've always dreamt about.
Speaker 5: Actually I left that that picture moment, and I went
Speaker 5: back to the hotel and then I got a charcoonery
Speaker 5: board and the waiter was so hot chelse and and.
Speaker 4: He went Savah and I went Sava.
Speaker 1: And then does that mean suki? Suki? What is something?
Speaker 4: How are you? I think? And I said how are you?
Speaker 5: And somebody else is gonna quote me that was incorrect.
Speaker 5: Then we started making out and it was amazing.
Speaker 1: I love that these things.
Speaker 3: You were making out with your room service attendant. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that was legal.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm trying to kind of pivot because I went
Speaker 5: on a date a few weeks ago where the person was, well,
Speaker 5: I was on a date with a woman and she
Speaker 5: was like She first asked me, She's like, are you
Speaker 5: into me? And I was like, yeah, I'm into you.
Speaker 5: And then I was like are you into me? And
Speaker 5: she's like well, and I was like what does that mean.
Speaker 5: She's like, You're kind of like the baby bird and
Speaker 5: I'm the mama bird. And I don't know if I'm
Speaker 5: allowed to fuck the baby bird. And I'm like, you
Speaker 5: can fuck the baby bird. And I'm just sort of
Speaker 5: now trying to figure out how to take myself out
Speaker 5: of the cute to fuckable category, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: So, dear Chelsea, how do you go from cute to fuckable?
Speaker 1: I think it's a natural progression and it's gonna happen
Speaker 1: very naturally.
Speaker 3: And what I see with the room service waiter, and
Speaker 3: it starts with sucking off the room service waiter. No,
Speaker 3: I don't think you sucked out.
Speaker 4: I didn't do it.
Speaker 6: I don't.
Speaker 3: Okay, good good, because I just yeah, yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: you can. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I
Speaker 3: don't know what goes on in France, but it sounds wonderful.
Speaker 3: This is like when messuses go.
Speaker 1: Down on you.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I've had a lot of massages and that's
Speaker 3: never come up.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say you did say it though, like
Speaker 4: that was a frequent Like.
Speaker 3: I would like I would love a messuse to go
Speaker 3: down on me, to get on grinder. I well, but
Speaker 3: I want to just have a mesuse offer it, Like
Speaker 3: why not. I'm relaxed, I'm not gonna fight you. You can
Speaker 3: go down on me, finger blast me. That's the perfect
Speaker 3: setting for me to get figure blasted is while I'm
Speaker 3: lying down half hour for you too. I know so,
Speaker 3: and I hear all these stories. I even went to
Speaker 3: this hotel that I heard, Yeah, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh, I guess. And my
Speaker 3: friends like, you're just too intimidating. I go while I'm
Speaker 3: getting a massage. To intimidate, you have to go.
Speaker 5: In full glam. You get full glamm done. We get
Speaker 5: Jamie makeup in here just to really beat your face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been hanging out with Jamie makeup.
Speaker 4: I love that woman vibe so fun.
Speaker 1: I know, she's so fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to keep the good ones around.
Speaker 3: I told her she's a personality higher. You need her personality.
Speaker 3: I was like, forget about your makeup skills. Your personality
Speaker 3: is where it's at.
Speaker 4: That's how I feel about myself too.
Speaker 1: Okay, so tell me about your life. I want to know.
Speaker 3: So you left here and you had a lot of
Speaker 3: drama with the beer, and then that subsided.
Speaker 5: And then we started Marco polowing in you because we
Speaker 5: found that I don't like to text, you don't like
Speaker 5: to do facetimes or phone calls. So it's like this
Speaker 5: walkie talkie app and I asked you about ayahuasca. Went
Speaker 5: to do that down in by myself. Yes, And that
Speaker 5: really made me willing to do life again. It was
Speaker 5: like a lot of great things came up. And then
Speaker 5: I came back to the States and finished up my book.
Speaker 5: I've got my podcast.
Speaker 1: It's the podcast call.
Speaker 4: It's called the Dylan Hour.
Speaker 1: Oh I love it.
Speaker 5: And it's sort of like to serve a podcast thank you.
Speaker 5: It's like sort of this nineteen sixties flare, you know.
Speaker 5: I love to live in the eras. And what it
Speaker 5: originally came from was that there was I was getting
Speaker 5: so much hate from these like conservative extremist, like right
Speaker 5: wingers all had all these podcasts, and I was like, well,
Speaker 5: what the fuck, I want one? And and so it's
Speaker 5: not targeting those people at all. It's just kind of
Speaker 5: a celebration of femininity. And the important part is that
Speaker 5: we get to drink alcohol on it. Which do you
Speaker 5: ever do that on here?
Speaker 3: I don't, not on my podcast, but I did Burt
Speaker 3: Kreischer's podcast, and it was around It was at noon,
Speaker 3: and I had.
Speaker 1: Two vodka OJ's. Oh and it was a two hour podcast.
Speaker 3: And I think that's pretty much how all podcasts should
Speaker 3: be conducted.
Speaker 1: It's just a very loose.
Speaker 3: Format, and people are more relaxed, and it's just easier
Speaker 3: to drink and talk about yourself.
Speaker 4: And in they'll tell you more things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't need alcohol to open me up,
Speaker 3: you know. I mean I already have a problem with
Speaker 3: my mouth. I gave away way too much information.
Speaker 4: If you were gonna come on my pod, what do
Speaker 4: you think we would drink? Like, what's your go to?
Speaker 1: I was drinking gin for a while. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: engine you'll get there, honey.
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit in gin. And then I'm kind
Speaker 3: of pivoting back to vodka. Now, vodka was brushing me
Speaker 3: out for a while because it tasted like it started
Speaker 3: to taste like gasoline. But whenever you overdo anything, it
Speaker 3: starts to taste disgusting.
Speaker 4: You ever tried to ever clear?
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's really gasoline.
Speaker 4: I like that.
Speaker 1: That's like rubbing alcohol.
Speaker 4: That'll get you.
Speaker 1: What are you drinking?
Speaker 4: I love vodka. I love an espresso Martina.
Speaker 1: Oh I had one of those yesterday.
Speaker 4: I will keep you up. And I love oh dirty
Speaker 4: Shirley Temple. You've ever had one of those? What's surety
Speaker 4: temple with vodka? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Or an aperol sprits? Yeah, that's very my York of eyes. Yeah, my,
Speaker 5: orca very my or so you'll.
Speaker 4: Come on my pod one day of course, okay, talking
Speaker 4: about how to drink.
Speaker 5: Honored to be on your podcast, and yeah, it's sort
Speaker 5: of just like a celebration of femininity in giving me
Speaker 5: a chance to get off, you know, the internet so
Speaker 5: much and kind of get in front of somebody else
Speaker 5: because so much of what I was doing online was
Speaker 5: just me in my bedroom, and I was like, I
Speaker 5: haven't talked to someone in five days, so it's time
Speaker 5: to sit down and shoot the shit.
Speaker 1: And are you still living in your same house.
Speaker 4: I live in the cute house.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I didn't know if you had to move because we'll
Speaker 3: worried about all the back That was scary.
Speaker 4: But we're okay now now.
Speaker 1: Everything's good, So that's great. I'm glad to hear that.
Speaker 1: What other backlash have you been facing?
Speaker 4: I released a song called Days of Girlhood. Did you
Speaker 4: hear about that one?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I heard about that, but I did not hear
Speaker 1: about the backlash.
Speaker 5: So I put this song out sort of as like
Speaker 5: you ever heard of Rebecca blacks Friday, Yeah, or like
Speaker 5: Paris Hilton stars are Blind. You know. I wanted one
Speaker 5: song to give the gaze, you know, if I was
Speaker 5: going to go at any moment, just to remember me
Speaker 5: and and so I basically put the most sort of
Speaker 5: just like still tereotypical, silly feminine things into one song.
Speaker 4: I did not think I was singing fucking you know.
Speaker 5: I didn't think I was Chaikowski or anything when I
Speaker 5: went into writing this. And wow, the Internet just roasted
Speaker 5: me because it first started with the turfs, and it
Speaker 5: started with you know, women who were so deeply offended
Speaker 5: that I would be singing about.
Speaker 4: Womanhood or girlhood.
Speaker 5: Wait, what's the turf trans exclusionary radical feminists. So a
Speaker 5: feminist that doesn't include trans people, okay, copy like as
Speaker 5: jk Rowling, Yes, right, but this song gave them kind
Speaker 5: of like this perfect sort of like, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: be sad on the internet to talk about how much
Speaker 5: this song, you know, made them so upset. And then
Speaker 5: my audience had already decided that it was a bad song.
Speaker 4: But the thing about gen Z is they.
Speaker 5: Will ride hard, and so when they found out it
Speaker 5: was getting hate, they were like, well, now this is
Speaker 5: my favorite fucking song I've ever heard. But yeah, I
Speaker 5: don't think I meant for I don't think the music
Speaker 5: industries for me. How about you?
Speaker 1: No, No, I don't have any I can't sing and
Speaker 1: I have no rhythm.
Speaker 4: I can't go to karaoke.
Speaker 1: I don't do karaoke, Dylan, are you not hearing me?
Speaker 1: I cannot you want to hear me saying I.
Speaker 3: Do Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you?
Speaker 4: Like that's it good?
Speaker 1: No, that's not good. I know that's not good. And
Speaker 1: I'm not taking voice lessons. What you think I need
Speaker 1: to add that to my repertoire.
Speaker 4: I don't know it sounds like, you've got two months
Speaker 4: in my Orca to fucking.
Speaker 3: I find one month in my Orca and I'm not
Speaker 3: fucking and I'm not recording an album.
Speaker 1: You want me to come out with a song so
Speaker 1: I can get more hay than you got.
Speaker 2: So you can do you can be like, look you
Speaker 2: you see this one.
Speaker 3: We should we actually I should record a song and
Speaker 3: then we release it together called you thought I was
Speaker 3: an asshole?
Speaker 4: Watch this feat. I'm gonna be pictured on it. Catherine,
Speaker 4: do you sing?
Speaker 2: I do I do sing?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: Hell yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so you know I'll sing on the on
Speaker 2: there with you as well.
Speaker 1: Catherine sings when she talks sometimes and I have to stop.
Speaker 3: Chelsea's like fuck, I'm like, yeah, Catherine, that does not
Speaker 3: go with this podcast.
Speaker 2: I can't help it.
Speaker 4: I have a song, and Mines is not a musical
Speaker 4: theater podcast. Minus get Ready.
Speaker 3: I want to talk about some heartfelt moments that you've
Speaker 3: had with like fans and people that have reached out
Speaker 3: to you, because that must feel really good and meaningful,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 1: Know that you have them.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 5: Every day I think, like so often the internet feels
Speaker 5: like the most toxic place. And then I'll open up
Speaker 5: like a DM from like a girl that just went
Speaker 5: to college that's getting her bottom surgery, or a parent
Speaker 5: that like they watched my videos together and like that
Speaker 5: to me is worth it. Like I think so often
Speaker 5: I feel like social media and content creation, it's so
Speaker 5: can feel really icky. Sometimes it can feel like it's
Speaker 5: either selfish or that you don't know if it's actually
Speaker 5: helping anyone, or that it's potentially hurting you know, Like
Speaker 5: I'd never want to put something out there that's about
Speaker 5: representation of the trans community. But then when you've got
Speaker 5: the dolls surrounding you and rallying behind you. And that
Speaker 5: was my big takeaway from the backlash at beer Gate
Speaker 5: was like, oh I got so burned, and the trans
Speaker 5: community and the queer community were the ones waiting to
Speaker 5: pick me back up. And I think that just told
Speaker 5: me like, Oh, that's who I want on my side,
Speaker 5: That's who I want my audience to be. And because
Speaker 5: I tried so hard to be palatable for so long, to.
Speaker 3: Be and feeling to all these people, right, Yeah, we
Speaker 3: were talking about that with my book title. They were like, oh,
Speaker 3: well this is going to exclude men, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: but what straight men are reading my books. Like, let's
Speaker 3: be honest, I'd rather home in on the people that
Speaker 3: are my audience, all the people who feel like I do,
Speaker 3: who don't want to have children, who are single, who
Speaker 3: is you know? Who care about being a woman and
Speaker 3: being a sister and all of those things. It's better
Speaker 3: to focus and home in on your audience instead of
Speaker 3: trying to appeal to everyone.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 5: In my show that I'm doing is called fag Hag,
Speaker 5: and a lot of people go, oh my god, can
Speaker 5: I say that.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't know, can you? I've seen have
Speaker 4: a bag hag?
Speaker 1: I know, I know, like I do. I love ga.
Speaker 1: I went out last night.
Speaker 3: I tried to set my two gay guy friends up
Speaker 3: and my one gay friend got so fucking wasted he
Speaker 3: was such a mess at dinner. And then I had
Speaker 3: my other friend at dinner. She was got off a
Speaker 3: plane from Paris, and so I'm with this guy that
Speaker 3: I know, trying to set him up with this guy
Speaker 3: and my other friend and they're not making any sense,
Speaker 3: the two of them.
Speaker 1: It was like being out with three year olds.
Speaker 4: So did they like each other? Yeah?
Speaker 3: They ended up hucking up so great turn Well, I
Speaker 3: don't know you know, because you like men and women,
Speaker 3: so it's hard for me to focus on which one.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 5: It's funny though, because when I'm on Riah and I'm
Speaker 5: looking for your men, it's a lot of these guys
Speaker 5: that'll say like mutual, you know, mutual and common Chelsea Handler,
Speaker 5: and it's usually you know, it's usually the men over
Speaker 5: forty and and I'm like, do I want to be
Speaker 5: do I want to be sisters with her on this one?
Speaker 5: And then I sometimes I'm like should I text Hervey?
Speaker 5: And I'm like, he's not hot enough to really go
Speaker 5: to bat for this one? Yeah, right, but I will
Speaker 5: start vetting through you.
Speaker 1: If yeah, just send me a screen.
Speaker 3: They always say no, you can't take a screenshot, but
Speaker 3: I do it all the time.
Speaker 1: I do it. You're not spurt, They're not going to bandy.
Speaker 1: If they haven't banned me by now, they're not gonna
Speaker 1: ban me.
Speaker 3: And sometimes I need to take a screenshot because I'm like, wait,
Speaker 3: I don't know if I've already met this person.
Speaker 5: Sometimes they'll be like really hot, and I'll be like,
Speaker 5: good for Chelsea, and I can only assume, you know,
Speaker 5: maybe it's like your fucking pool boy.
Speaker 3: I know, I know, I use RYA a lot when
Speaker 3: I'm and yeah, in spurts are periods of my life
Speaker 3: where I am all about ryacause it's just so fun
Speaker 3: when you're in a different city and you're just wanting
Speaker 3: to hook up and nothing more serious.
Speaker 5: It's perfect tool, oh the best, and you can like
Speaker 5: I've seen guys from high school that like I had
Speaker 5: a crush on, or I've seen like my favorite actors
Speaker 5: and that it's it's good.
Speaker 3: On that note, we're gonna take a break, Dylan, and
Speaker 3: we'll be right back with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
Speaker 2: your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.
Speaker 2: But this week we're especially looking for questions about parenting.
Speaker 2: So if you are a parent and have problem children,
Speaker 2: please write in and tell us your story at Dear
Speaker 2: Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Dylan mulvaney. Catherine, are we ready
Speaker 1: to rumble today?
Speaker 2: We are so ready to rumble. We've got our callers
Speaker 2: hanging out, We've got questions, and our first question comes
Speaker 2: from Audrey, I think this fits very much into what
Speaker 2: you were talking about with dating and dating guys are girls, so,
Speaker 2: Audrey says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a twenty two year old
Speaker 2: trans woman from the South.
Speaker 4: I have a doozy for you.
Speaker 2: I've been with a man for four years and we
Speaker 2: got together a couple months into my transition. I love
Speaker 2: him and he is my best friend, but I've recently
Speaker 2: come to the realization that I'm attracted to women. I
Speaker 2: think I just made myself believe I was attracted to
Speaker 2: men because I liked how validated and feminine it made
Speaker 2: me feel to dat man. But I've come to realize
Speaker 2: my femininity is just as valid being with a man
Speaker 2: or a woman. After thinking about all of this, my
Speaker 2: attraction to men has gone way down. It's like once
Speaker 2: I discovered the truth, my brain wouldn't let me see
Speaker 2: men the same. My attraction for women is now greater
Speaker 2: than it is to men. Should I tell him I
Speaker 2: want to experiment with women. Should we break up? I
Speaker 2: don't want to hurt my best friend that I love
Speaker 2: so much, but I want to make some changes. Audrey
Speaker 2: Dylan Well.
Speaker 5: I think it's very common for trans people to expand
Speaker 5: their sexuality, you know, after a gender identity shift, because
Speaker 5: I think once you unlock one part of yourself, you're like,
Speaker 5: oh my gosh, there's this Why would I limit myself?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 5: It's like I think we put sort of parameters on
Speaker 5: ourselves and once you open one floodgate, you're like, fuck it.
Speaker 5: And I think that's kind of what happened with me,
Speaker 5: is like as far as like, oh, why am I
Speaker 5: limiting myself? But I also think and it sounds like
Speaker 5: it's more so just based on her attraction women in
Speaker 5: less of like her disdain for men, because I more
Speaker 5: so I'm like, Wow, this grass isn't greener because I
Speaker 5: had never been with straight men before and now I
Speaker 5: have and it's actually not the it's not amazing.
Speaker 3: Yes, gay men, I knows, it's not amazing, And that's
Speaker 3: why so many women are becoming la.
Speaker 4: Life lesbian friends make that change.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's totally normal.
Speaker 5: And then like in getting really serious really fast, which
Speaker 5: they getting really serious with women, And I think for
Speaker 5: Audrey it sounds like maybe if there's nothing going on
Speaker 5: with the relationship that feels toxic or unsafe and she
Speaker 5: still really does enjoy this person, it sounds like maybe
Speaker 5: an open relationship might yeah, the option.
Speaker 3: If he's if he's going to be open for that,
Speaker 3: But I really don't think you have a choice. Like,
Speaker 3: when you love someone and you respect them, it is
Speaker 3: really kind of imperative that you are honest with them. Oh,
Speaker 3: absolutely so, Like either way, I mean, if he's not
Speaker 3: open to it, you'll find out right away. But either way,
Speaker 3: you need to be honest about your desires and see
Speaker 3: how and give him the opportunity to say yay or
Speaker 3: if he rejects it, and.
Speaker 5: Then you have a decision to make right Catherine, did
Speaker 5: she write specifically that she's met another woman that's kind
Speaker 5: of interesting to her yet? No?
Speaker 2: Huhuh, just I think in general.
Speaker 5: Well, that's a good timing situation. You know, it sounds
Speaker 5: like a conversation with the boyfriend or you know, the
Speaker 5: man friend that to see how he feels, you know,
Speaker 5: about what this relationship could look like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you should definitely address it.
Speaker 4: Though.
Speaker 3: It's good practice to address these uncomfortable conversations as early
Speaker 3: as you can because life is filled with them, and
Speaker 3: the better you are at being honest and upfront and
Speaker 3: direct without it being acrimonious or screaming or yelling, like
Speaker 3: the more evolved you become and the better skilled you
Speaker 3: are to actually handle difficult situations.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, Audrey is only twenty two, so
Speaker 2: like very young, just starting to experience these things. And
Speaker 2: she also mentioned best friend a couple of times, and
Speaker 2: there's maybe some examination there of you know, our relationships
Speaker 2: change over time, and maybe you do feel about this
Speaker 2: guy more than he's a friends than a real partner, right,
Speaker 2: you know, or maybe the romantic feelings of shit and
Speaker 2: gen Z.
Speaker 5: Is so fluid with their with everything, And I think
Speaker 5: that my advice to her would be, like, don't try
Speaker 5: to put a label on what this attraction is for
Speaker 5: you until you do a little experimenting and you put
Speaker 5: your you know, like you might like being with women
Speaker 5: more than you expected, or it might not. But I
Speaker 5: think in the meantime, having this conversation with the guy
Speaker 5: and going from there, because I don't think anyone in
Speaker 5: that age group is going to be judgy.
Speaker 3: I also think it's a great time in your life
Speaker 3: to be experimenting with your femininity. Like I liked what
Speaker 3: you said in her letter about like she's realizing that
Speaker 3: her femininity isn't reliant upon a male presence.
Speaker 4: I did get a little nervous.
Speaker 5: I thought about, you know, being with the woman, would
Speaker 5: that make me feel like I had to like step
Speaker 5: up and put on sort of these like masculine qualities.
Speaker 5: But it's never been that way. And I think that
Speaker 5: as long as it's giving you dysphoria, it can be
Speaker 5: really beautiful because a woman honoring a trans woman's existence,
Speaker 5: like in a romantic relationship, is really special.
Speaker 1: What ended up happening with you and this older woman
Speaker 1: or this this woman, you were just the mama bird,
Speaker 1: the mama bird.
Speaker 4: Sorry you did not we kissed, but then I think
Speaker 4: it was then you were urgitated. Well, then I asked you.
Speaker 5: I asked her. I was like, well, how do we
Speaker 5: go from cute to fuckable? And she was like, you
Speaker 5: need to have more sex? And I was like, how
Speaker 5: do you know I'm not having more sex? And she
Speaker 5: was like, well are you? And I was like no.
Speaker 5: And so I think it was kind of like doctor's
Speaker 5: order situation. And then I'll circle back, you know.
Speaker 3: With like SOD two weeks after you've told me some
Speaker 3: it sounds like your your pairing skills are great.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I've been on a roll late. I
Speaker 1: mean I've hoped up, I've made I've actually set three
Speaker 1: people up in the last six months.
Speaker 4: Maybe find me. I could go with the man, Okay, but.
Speaker 1: Like I gotta think, I gotta start thinking.
Speaker 4: Gety to sixty, thirty to sixty, yeah kind of range.
Speaker 1: Is that way older? Though I like older too.
Speaker 4: I want somebody very sure of themselves, successful tall.
Speaker 1: I could see you with an older man.
Speaker 4: Actually, first I'm the first wife. No, I'm third wife vibes,
Speaker 4: and then he's my first.
Speaker 1: Husband, especially with like, what's the way you're vibing?
Speaker 7: Now?
Speaker 1: I know you're dressed to go to the theater, right.
Speaker 4: No, I wear this all the time.
Speaker 5: You never know what's sixty year old man you're gonna
Speaker 5: meet on the streets of New York on his way
Speaker 5: home from Wall Street.
Speaker 1: On his way home from his podcast, think about.
Speaker 4: What Wall Street was? Oh God, that's my one condition.
Speaker 5: No men podcast unless it's something really boring talking about
Speaker 5: money management.
Speaker 1: Okay, Catherine, money man.
Speaker 2: Our next color is Jerry Jerry?
Speaker 1: Is is it Jerry Seinfeldt?
Speaker 2: It's not Jerry Seigne.
Speaker 1: He's always calling in.
Speaker 2: I can't keep him off the long No Jerry is
Speaker 2: calling in from Chicago, and Jerry uses pronouns fave M.
Speaker 2: You're Chelsea. I'm a forty two year old non binary
Speaker 2: gender queer person and assigned mail at birth. But if
Speaker 2: you knew me in my day today, you would only
Speaker 2: know this from my stand up. That's because certain open
Speaker 2: mics are the only place I feel safe dressing or
Speaker 2: acting feminine, probably because I can claim that I'm just joking.
Speaker 2: I don't enforce my pronouns at work because after numerous attempts,
Speaker 2: I've lost hope. When I see a cute blouse, I
Speaker 2: will always talk myself out of buying it, and when
Speaker 2: I do muster the courage to wear quote women's clothes
Speaker 2: out of the house, part of me still feels a
Speaker 2: little strange. My stand up hobby has been a great
Speaker 2: way to cope. I joke that I've always looked like
Speaker 2: a daddy but talk like a mommy, and how it
Speaker 2: unnecessarily confuses people. But I know this is just a
Speaker 2: band aid on the real problem. I hate to admit it,
Speaker 2: but I'm so ready to give up and conform again.
Speaker 2: Ever since I had to I don't know, ever since
Speaker 2: I had to stop being a lawyer for my health.
Speaker 2: Confronting anyone about any issue, big or small has triggered
Speaker 2: my fight or flight response, and mine is usually freeze.
Speaker 2: And I feel so lonely because the only people my
Speaker 2: age coming out as non binary are celebrities like JVN
Speaker 2: or Sam Smith. If when you wore a jumpsuit in
Speaker 2: one of your specials, Chelsea, I bought a jumpsuit tour
Speaker 2: to my open mics. Everyone who went up after me
Speaker 2: made fun of it, and I didn't even care because
Speaker 2: I kind of felt like I was channeling your confidence.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm hoping you can work your magic on this problem.
Speaker 2: I honestly don't see a solution to You're devoted, but
Speaker 2: not in a creepy way. Fan Jerry Vevam hi je
Speaker 2: Jerry will join us here perfect.
Speaker 1: Oh what a conundrum it is really just it's just
Speaker 1: brutal hew in these streets, I know.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's just so hard to even be what
Speaker 3: people expect of you, and then you want to be
Speaker 3: something that people don't expect, and then you have to
Speaker 3: con You're consumed with what other people think, and I
Speaker 3: hate that. I hate that everyone is so consumed with
Speaker 3: what other people think and how they're going to view
Speaker 3: them and how you get rid of that. People are
Speaker 3: always like, how are you so confident? I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't feel like I'm that confident, but I just I'm
Speaker 3: not interested in negative opinions about me.
Speaker 4: Do you ever feel like you might have a sheathe
Speaker 4: in your bio?
Speaker 1: Something like that is happening? Wow, something like that.
Speaker 4: Coming out episode? Hi, Jerry, Oh, I love you already.
Speaker 4: I'm Dylan, by the way.
Speaker 1: Dylan Mulvaney's our special guest.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm familiar. I've seen your your videos
Speaker 8: on TikTok and really moving.
Speaker 1: Okay, talk to us.
Speaker 3: So you're feeling pretty like low and not able to
Speaker 3: express yourself.
Speaker 8: I can't enjoy being feminine because there's just always like
Speaker 8: a fear attached to it.
Speaker 5: And you did say, you know, you wore that jumpsuit,
Speaker 5: which I'm so obsessed with already, But you said that
Speaker 5: other people commented negatively about it.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, But I.
Speaker 8: Mean that wasn't so much generated so much as like,
Speaker 8: oh yeah, or you off to like construction work or something.
Speaker 4: I think it's iconic.
Speaker 5: My worry for you is that I don't want you
Speaker 5: to use stand up as a way to self deprecate
Speaker 5: about yourself, because I think a lot of comedy can
Speaker 5: go in that direction, and especially if the crowds you're
Speaker 5: performing for are more of the straight or taurus crowd.
Speaker 5: What I really want you to try to focus on
Speaker 5: is finding those like specifically queer or trans or non
Speaker 5: binary open mics, because that's where you can make, you know,
Speaker 5: light of a situation without having to be the butt
Speaker 5: of every single joke. And I got back in a
Speaker 5: stand up recently since I had, you know, transitioned, and
Speaker 5: I found myself in these rooms where they were only
Speaker 5: laughing when I was putting myself really down or you know,
Speaker 5: referring back to myself as a gay man or what
Speaker 5: like it. And I think, as much as it might
Speaker 5: feel good to get that laugh, I just don't want you,
Speaker 5: especially in such a sensitive time where you are truly
Speaker 5: finding your true self, and I don't want it to
Speaker 5: hinder that in any way. I want you to protect yourself.
Speaker 5: And I also I went by day then Pronounce for
Speaker 5: about a year and three months before I fully transitioned,
Speaker 5: and I just wanted to confirm with you, like it
Speaker 5: can be so lonely because people some people just don't
Speaker 5: get it.
Speaker 4: What do you think.
Speaker 1: I think that you have to I understand and I can't.
Speaker 3: You know, I haven't been through this myself, but I
Speaker 3: think it's really important to have strong conversations with yourself
Speaker 3: every single day about who you are and what you're
Speaker 3: putting out there, you know what I mean, so that
Speaker 3: you have confidence in your decision making and that other
Speaker 3: people aren't having such an impact on the way that
Speaker 3: you feel about yourself. You're not looking for their validation.
Speaker 3: You have the desire to express your feminine side that
Speaker 3: has nothing really to do with any of them, and
Speaker 3: if they don't like it, that's also not your problem.
Speaker 3: You need to go where the light is, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, like the people that love you, the
Speaker 3: people that understand you, and when you're on stage. I
Speaker 3: agree with what Dylan said, Listen, a lot of comedy
Speaker 3: is self deprecating. I'm self deprecating, but I think it's
Speaker 3: important to recognize the difference between making fun of yourself
Speaker 3: to fit in versus making fun of yourself because.
Speaker 5: You already love that part of yourself and it's safe
Speaker 5: territory to make light of.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like you're missing a chunk of self love,
Speaker 3: and if I were going to give you any advice,
Speaker 3: I would say to fill yourself up every single day
Speaker 3: before you leave the house, whether that's with like affirmations,
Speaker 3: a gratitude journal, or looking in the mirror and telling
Speaker 3: yourself that you're a fucking rock star, that you're beautiful,
Speaker 3: that you're kind, that you're capable, and that you're intelligent.
Speaker 3: And keep having these ongoing conversations with yourself because I know, Dylan,
Speaker 3: you had to do that for a very long time too.
Speaker 5: Oh, it can be so lonely and still, you know,
Speaker 5: Like I think what was sad was when I did
Speaker 5: transition back onto the binary. In some ways, it was
Speaker 5: like a little bit of relief because people at least
Speaker 5: knew where to put me or what you know, where
Speaker 5: to slot me. And just don't give into that pressure
Speaker 5: right now, because I want you to put yourself in spaces,
Speaker 5: whether that's queer bars or open mics or meetup groups,
Speaker 5: activities that like you know one hundred percent that the
Speaker 5: people there are going to honor your puns, They're going
Speaker 5: to complement your fun, feminine outfits. Find someone to go
Speaker 5: shopping with that you feel really safe and is going
Speaker 5: to like make you feel euphoric. I know dating can
Speaker 5: also be really tricky, but you've got to oh my gosh, honey,
Speaker 5: I don't I fucking know it. And you have to
Speaker 5: right now prioritize your identity and not your comedy career,
Speaker 5: not relationships, not And this is your time to really explore,
Speaker 5: because if you don't go all the way into whatever
Speaker 5: it is you're interested in or what you are looking
Speaker 5: to find, you might shut yourself off from a lot
Speaker 5: of beautiful things.
Speaker 1: Do you have a small community there in Chicago that's
Speaker 1: separate from your work?
Speaker 4: Not really, I need to look harder.
Speaker 5: Right I think it can be expensive, but I know
Speaker 5: Second City and the Groundlings, and you know, there's a
Speaker 5: bunch of comedy theaters there that have a bunch of classes,
Speaker 5: and I imagine that they attract some queer folks. And
Speaker 5: although that's not, you know, necessarily a queer meetup by
Speaker 5: any means, I do think that there might be some
Speaker 5: really cool, safe people there to get to know, and
Speaker 5: especially like you might not need group therapy, but I
Speaker 5: think a group laugh can be a great thing.
Speaker 2: I would like to ask one piece of advice on
Speaker 2: behalf of Jerry, so as far as like the outfit
Speaker 2: goes right, Jerry is you know, channeling Chelsea and while
Speaker 2: wearing like a Chelsea type outbit with the jumpsuit. But
Speaker 2: is there a way that Jerry can preempt those sorts
Speaker 2: of jokes when they do come up and sort of
Speaker 2: like talk about how they look fabulous, like before anybody
Speaker 2: else comes up and makes a big deal about it.
Speaker 3: I have a friend, a comedian friend named Michael Folk
Speaker 3: who dresses like he likes to dress like a woman,
Speaker 3: and he goes by they them he's non binary, and
Speaker 3: he sometimes wears dresses sometimes.
Speaker 4: They like to wear dresses.
Speaker 3: They like to wear dresses, Thank you. They like to
Speaker 3: wear dresses, and they have a great attitude about it
Speaker 3: because it's just part of who they are. They're not
Speaker 3: ever explaining themselves, and if anyone does probe or lean in,
Speaker 3: they're just like there's no question, Like there's such a
Speaker 3: confidence about what they're doing that there's no question And
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter because you can't be doing this looking
Speaker 3: for everybody's approval. It's outside of a lot of people's
Speaker 3: comfort zones. Again, that is not your problem. That is
Speaker 3: their problem. That is their issue. Let people figure out
Speaker 3: how they're going to talk to you, you know, and
Speaker 3: you can't expect everybody to like fall in place with
Speaker 3: what you know how you want to identify, because it's
Speaker 3: so out of touch with them.
Speaker 1: But you have every right to identify however you want.
Speaker 3: So you've got to like really instill in yourself whatever
Speaker 3: confidence you were able to come up with, to say,
Speaker 3: this is who I am, this is what I'm gonna do,
Speaker 3: and you're gonna either love.
Speaker 1: Me or you're gonna hate me, and neither one of
Speaker 1: those things are my problem.
Speaker 4: Amen.
Speaker 3: And I think when you really do lean into who
Speaker 3: you are and what your desires are, there is a
Speaker 3: magnetic field that you kind of create around you that
Speaker 3: attracts like minded people because you're living out loud in
Speaker 3: a brave way.
Speaker 5: Yes, And when you start vetting some of those people out,
Speaker 5: I think that makes room for the good ones to
Speaker 5: come in because what I did early on were I
Speaker 5: could you can sometimes just tell when people you know
Speaker 5: are if they're not catching up with your pronouns after
Speaker 5: you know, months of years of knowing you, or if
Speaker 5: they're making snide comments about your outfits or whatever that
Speaker 5: might be. That's when you start hitting the sort of
Speaker 5: do not disturb button on that friendship because that then
Speaker 5: expands for more people to come in.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I believe that to be true for sure. It's
Speaker 3: about creating your own magnetic field. And the more you
Speaker 3: are true to yourself, the more you shine, the more
Speaker 3: abuiliant you can be. I know I had to throw
Speaker 3: that in there because it's really the right descriptor. You know,
Speaker 3: you want to be a ball all of light, like.
Speaker 4: Teach people how to treat you right.
Speaker 5: Even I remember with my family, you know, we took
Speaker 5: a little bit of time. I'm a part and I
Speaker 5: had to have some real tough conversations, but they got
Speaker 5: it when they realized how important these things were.
Speaker 3: To huh and again, and this is repetitive, which I'm
Speaker 3: very good at. You can't rely on other people's reactions
Speaker 3: to you to fill your cup up. That is not
Speaker 3: how you get your cup filled. That is an inside job.
Speaker 3: You have to fulfill yourself. You have to fill yourself up.
Speaker 3: I mean sometimes you can have somebody fill you up.
Speaker 3: Hopefully one day's time that will happen for you. And
Speaker 3: I love to get filled up. But on this notion,
Speaker 3: it is it is a you know, it's your self employed.
Speaker 3: You have to take care of your own happiness, and
Speaker 3: once you have that, then nobody can take that from you,
Speaker 3: no matter what their reactions. Do you are and no
Speaker 3: matter what their judgment is. And the more comfortable you
Speaker 3: are with yourself, the more uncomfortable people become around you.
Speaker 3: What she said, Okay, problem solved. Problem solved.
Speaker 2: Well, we have another color joining us shortly, and we
Speaker 2: had a bit of a curveball. This coller is l K?
Speaker 1: Is that el King? Is she calling in again from
Speaker 1: her last episode?
Speaker 2: I mean, I wouldn't put it past her.
Speaker 3: I love el King. She and I have been texting,
Speaker 3: have you? Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like her attitude. She's
Speaker 3: a country so she was on the podcast last year.
Speaker 2: Elk says, I'm a thirty seven year old divorce This
Speaker 2: takes a turn, so stick with me here. I'm a
Speaker 2: thirty seven year old divorce lesbian living in Alabama. I've
Speaker 2: managed Mede, a lovely woman by Happenstance, who is in
Speaker 2: all regards a ten. We've become fast friends and I'm
Speaker 2: digging the friendship. But damn am I into her? I
Speaker 2: find myself stumbling over my words and acting like a
Speaker 2: child with a crush. This is not normal territory for me.
Speaker 2: I'm usually much more confident and direct, but this woman
Speaker 2: is special. I know she had a tough breakup and
Speaker 2: maybe the last year, and I also know when we
Speaker 2: met in February she mentioned she hasn't been interested in
Speaker 2: dating since the breakup. What do I do continue building
Speaker 2: the friendship or make my intentions known while I ruin
Speaker 2: the friendship? If I tell her my feelings and she's
Speaker 2: not feeling it, I just don't know what to do.
Speaker 2: And then so el K reached out today and said
Speaker 2: she's had a bun stuff kind of come up in
Speaker 2: therapy and this is like still sort of a part
Speaker 2: of her story, but is taking a bit of a
Speaker 2: back seat. So I thought we could talk a little
Speaker 2: bit about multiple things kind of going on in our
Speaker 2: lives at once. But Elk says, I wrote in about
Speaker 2: having a crush and I looked forward to talking to
Speaker 2: you about that. However, since first writing in, I've had
Speaker 2: some major developments in therapy, one of them being a
Speaker 2: slow uncovering of childhood trauma. I've lost both my parents
Speaker 2: since twenty twenty, and my last grandparent passed last month.
Speaker 2: I'm unsure if part of me was protecting the elders
Speaker 2: in my life. But it seems something in my brain
Speaker 2: unlocked after my grandmother passed. How do I maintain my job,
Speaker 2: myself and my sanity as I work through these muddy waters.
Speaker 2: Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Elka, so a
Speaker 2: lot to unpack.
Speaker 1: Hi father, Hi ay, Hi cutie?
Speaker 4: How are you fucking handler?
Speaker 1: And good are you.
Speaker 4: Fucking lover?
Speaker 1: This is Dylan mulvaney, our special guest today.
Speaker 4: Ah Hi Lka nas, nice to meet you.
Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. What a beautiful big smile
Speaker 3: you have on your face. I love it.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: First of all, what's going on with the girl? Are
Speaker 3: you still just totally took a back seat.
Speaker 6: I mean she's a friend and I was looking forward
Speaker 6: to talking to you about that. I was kind of
Speaker 6: in that like giddy, like you know, I felt like
Speaker 6: a little kid, like just kind of tickled. And then
Speaker 6: it was like I'm in therapy, like working on some
Speaker 6: stuff and just like out of nowhere, therapy just like
Speaker 6: hit me like a truck and was like, no, you
Speaker 6: got more important things to think about.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well this is all good, okay, because this is
Speaker 3: all good.
Speaker 1: It's better that therapy took a front seat.
Speaker 3: That's a good sign because it is it needs to
Speaker 3: take a front seat before any real, normal, healthy relationships happen.
Speaker 3: Therapy is the is what you do to have normal, healthy,
Speaker 3: happy relationships. Especially well, let me say this, I think
Speaker 3: that when you're with the second question you asked, which is,
Speaker 3: how do you remain connected to your work and be
Speaker 3: productive and and be engaged in all the things that
Speaker 3: life requires from you while you're going through therapy. And
Speaker 3: the answer to that is easily, because you are doing
Speaker 3: the work that that is going to make you an
Speaker 3: even more whole person and an even more healthy person.
Speaker 3: So all of these things that you have going on
Speaker 3: while you're going to therapy actually complement your therapy because
Speaker 3: you're doing it while you're facing all of your responsibilities.
Speaker 3: And while so all of it is good, you can
Speaker 3: do all of it at the same time. Therapy is
Speaker 3: not meant to like you're supposed to take two years
Speaker 3: off from life. I mean only people can do that,
Speaker 3: you know, like I did that because you know why.
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, that's not really nice.
Speaker 3: That's awesome, but yeah, not relatable, not relatable at all.
Speaker 3: But really, but but the other great thing about going
Speaker 3: to therapy while you're living your life is that you
Speaker 3: can integrate your therapy and what you learn into your
Speaker 3: life in real time. Whereas I took two years off
Speaker 3: just to go to therapy and travel.
Speaker 1: So when I was.
Speaker 3: Done with therapy, I'm like, how do I match all
Speaker 3: of this stuff into my life when I'm working? So
Speaker 3: you actually have an advantage that you don't even really see, sure,
Speaker 3: because you're going to be incorporating the things you learn
Speaker 3: as you're living your life in a real way.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure going to therapy weekly? Like yeah, do miss right? Well,
Speaker 1: no don't you shouldn't.
Speaker 3: I mean hopefully you know you'll go and then at
Speaker 3: a certain point you'll be like, Okay, you know, I
Speaker 3: can take a break or I'm ready for a relationship.
Speaker 3: It also sounds very healthy that you recognized that this
Speaker 3: crush you had is not as important as you dealing
Speaker 3: with your childhood issues.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's healthy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you were more still focused on that
Speaker 3: while you were doing this, it would mean that you
Speaker 3: had your priorities a little bit out of whack.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 6: I was focused on the kind of the stuff that
Speaker 6: was coming up, and I was like, oh, ships talked
Speaker 6: with Chelsea Handler about a crush. I don't want to
Speaker 6: come out to Chelsea, but it doesn't feel as important
Speaker 6: to talk about.
Speaker 3: I think sometimes people make up problems to call in.
Speaker 3: They're like, uh, what color should I paint my I'm
Speaker 3: like what?
Speaker 4: And did you do? You just lost some loved ones too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I lost my mom in twenty twenty and my
Speaker 6: dad in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 5: I think that thank you know, while you're navigating the
Speaker 5: grief and the new sort of therapy of it all,
Speaker 5: I still want you to be able to find the joy,
Speaker 5: because sometimes we go zero to one hundred, especially in
Speaker 5: something that's so intense as mental health can be, and
Speaker 5: we go in that direction, we forget to be silly,
Speaker 5: we forget to be in love, we forget to treat
Speaker 5: ourselves to the frivolous things. So I actually am kind
Speaker 5: of pro you still, you know, maybe not as heavily
Speaker 5: engaging a crush, but sometimes having a crush is really
Speaker 5: fun and can kind of help you take your mind
Speaker 5: off serious things and not to disassociate and put all
Speaker 5: your eggs in that basket. But I like to think
Speaker 5: of dating kind of as like an iPhone game, well
Speaker 5: because so much of it is, you know, swiping, but
Speaker 5: you know, just that thing that I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 5: don't have that much. You know, i already did my
Speaker 5: therapy for the day, I've already had a good cry.
Speaker 5: What can we do next? Let's try to fuck someone.
Speaker 5: But I actually wanted to ask you. I wanted to
Speaker 5: ask you about this friendship thing because I've been in
Speaker 5: that situation too, where you know you're you're friends with
Speaker 5: someone and you think, oh, maybe this could be more,
Speaker 5: but it can be a little awkward about trying to
Speaker 5: get there. Do you think there's are you the kind
Speaker 5: of person that would be willing to, you know, say something,
Speaker 5: or do you think you would need a really clear sign?
Speaker 1: I think I would need.
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't have any problems being direcked. But
Speaker 6: at the same time, it was the first time, like
Speaker 6: in my adulthood, where I got kind of like like
Speaker 6: that giddy just like kind of stupid.
Speaker 3: You know, the best, the best feeling in the world
Speaker 3: is that is really truly just like.
Speaker 6: I am now, I'm just bumbling over my words, just
Speaker 6: like I.
Speaker 4: Don't know you don't want to. You don't want to
Speaker 4: ruin the friendship. So what do you what do you
Speaker 4: say to somebody who like, well, what is the what
Speaker 4: is the vibe?
Speaker 3: Break it down a little bit more specifically, what has
Speaker 3: been been the vibe of late?
Speaker 6: We don't live in the same town, so I haven't
Speaker 6: hung out with her in person, and so I mean
Speaker 6: it's a newer friend. I don't think she doesn't strike
Speaker 6: me as really interested in anything right now, not just
Speaker 6: with me, but like in general.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I'm reading that wrong or not.
Speaker 3: Well, I think that I think the important takeaway from
Speaker 3: this is you're getting yourself healthy and you're creating like
Speaker 3: a better version of you that that will be like
Speaker 3: the a net result after this therapy. It's gonna make
Speaker 3: you sexier, it's gonna make you everything better, and you're
Speaker 3: gonna and then you're gonna be in a better place
Speaker 3: and maybe she'll be in a different place and you
Speaker 3: can pursue that down the road. But I think your
Speaker 3: focal point should just be you right now. And it
Speaker 3: sounds like you're doing that and that's that's only good.
Speaker 3: That is only good. Nothing bad is going to come
Speaker 3: out of that you're gonna get through your therapy sessions.
Speaker 3: Some are going to be true and some are gonna
Speaker 3: be less tricky, but you're gonna go through the gamut
Speaker 3: of emotions and when you come out on the other side,
Speaker 3: you're gonna be a better person. You're gonna be a better,
Speaker 3: fuller version of yourself. And and I love that you
Speaker 3: said you're direct. Most people can't fucking be direct, so
Speaker 3: great you have that advantage too.
Speaker 1: I'm an m eatee too, so you could just.
Speaker 3: Go up to her and be like, I like pussy?
Speaker 3: Do you like mine? You know, it's simple when the
Speaker 3: time is right.
Speaker 4: You ever said that to someone?
Speaker 1: Do I like pussy? Do I? Do you like pussy?
Speaker 4: Do you like mine? Said very I said it like
Speaker 4: it wasn't the first time.
Speaker 5: It's all I'm saying, Okay, you want pussy, go get it.
Speaker 4: Oh fuck, my mom can't listen to this one.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about my sisters. I was like,
Speaker 1: they're gonna be anyway.
Speaker 3: You're a You're a love, You're a joyful and happy
Speaker 3: and I'm happy for you and you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: And yeah, keep doing what you're doing.
Speaker 6: Thanks Chelsea, Love you Okay, love you, thanks so much.
Speaker 1: Oh cute. Her accent reminds me a fortune themestir.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we can wrap
Speaker 2: up with a quickie.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, take a break and we'll be right back
Speaker 3: to wrap up with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2: And we're back, are back, So one last little question
Speaker 2: to wrap up. Kara is in her thirties and she
Speaker 2: writes in and says, Dear Chelsea, A situation I've been
Speaker 2: dealing with lately is one of my best friends is
Speaker 2: single and longing for someone special. I'm newly married, so
Speaker 2: it's difficult for me to give dating advice without sounding
Speaker 2: lame and tone deaf. I remember being the only one
Speaker 2: of my single friends before I met my now husband,
Speaker 2: surrounded by married friends constantly hearing don't worry, you'll find someone. Honestly,
Speaker 2: it got annoying after a while, and it didn't help.
Speaker 2: I do not want to come off that way to
Speaker 2: my friend and want to support her in any way
Speaker 2: while she looks for quote the one my friend is
Speaker 2: one of the coolest people I have ever met. We're
Speaker 2: both out doorsy and she does pottery and other art
Speaker 2: and is incredibly talented. Most importantly, she has a huge
Speaker 2: heart that I know would be appreciated by the right person.
Speaker 2: She's been going on dates that seem promising at first,
Speaker 2: and then after a couple dates, they end up acting weird,
Speaker 2: and I think it's discouraged her quite a bit. She
Speaker 2: always asks what's wrong with her when it isn't her
Speaker 2: at all. It's just men being men. It takes everything
Speaker 2: in me to stop myself from finding these men and
Speaker 2: beating the shit out of them for being so stupid
Speaker 2: and hurting one of the best people I know. I
Speaker 2: don't want her to give up when I know she
Speaker 2: wants a partner for life and a family. If any
Speaker 2: of your listeners happen to be a straight man who
Speaker 2: loves art, the outdoors, and who isn't an asshole, then
Speaker 2: do I have the woman for you? Until then? What
Speaker 2: advice would you give my friend if you were me, Kara.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be that kind of pat that's
Speaker 3: so meaningless to be like, you're going to find your person,
Speaker 3: You're going to find someone.
Speaker 1: There's so nothing in that.
Speaker 3: What I think is is just to keep motivating your
Speaker 3: friend to keep trying to keep going out there. To
Speaker 3: meet men that you might think are appropriate for her,
Speaker 3: or if you do meet a guy that you're like,
Speaker 3: oh wait, actually do it and encourage your other friends,
Speaker 3: if you have other friends in your friend group, to
Speaker 3: do the same for her in supporting her to meet
Speaker 3: that guy. I know, whenever my friends try to set
Speaker 3: me up, I find I'm I well, actually, let me
Speaker 3: take that back. Some of my friends when they want
Speaker 3: to set me up my good, close friends, then that's
Speaker 3: okay because they know me well enough and they are
Speaker 3: close friends, and you have every right just to be
Speaker 3: as encouraging and as uppy as possible about it.
Speaker 5: And I loved that she even pitched her friends, you know,
Speaker 5: her friend to people. She's like, if anybody's looking, now,
Speaker 5: that's a cool friend, right, that's so.
Speaker 4: That right there is the energy.
Speaker 5: My favorite thing when like a friend of mine, I
Speaker 5: don't love the whole you're gonna find someone.
Speaker 4: I love the how the fuck are you still single?
Speaker 4: Like that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 5: I like when there's sort of this energy of like, well,
Speaker 5: that's just fucking why, Like because I do that a
Speaker 5: lot with them, my other single friends, where.
Speaker 4: It's like how is this possible?
Speaker 5: Like we're so hot and fun and so maybe kind
Speaker 5: of like leaning into that a little bit, you know,
Speaker 5: build her confidence up in herself, in her personality and
Speaker 5: her looks, and make her feel like the fullest version
Speaker 5: of herself as a friend, rather than putting so much
Speaker 5: emphasis on the what she's.
Speaker 4: Going to be like when she has a relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and and making it dating fun and being an
Speaker 3: energetic Like when you look at the subject matter of dating,
Speaker 3: it can be depleting if you have that attitude, it
Speaker 3: can be exhausting, right, or it could be fun and
Speaker 3: hopeful and happy. And I think as a friend, you
Speaker 3: sound like you really care about your friend. So you're
Speaker 3: the person to keep her bolstered up, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, keep her going and and be energized when
Speaker 3: she's on a date. And if it's disappointing, okay, that's okay,
Speaker 3: Well that's out of the way.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the next one.
Speaker 3: The more people she says no to or that say
Speaker 3: no to her, the closer she is to finding the
Speaker 3: person that she is going to want to spend more
Speaker 3: time with. So I think she's very very lucky to
Speaker 3: have a friend like you, and you can just be
Speaker 3: an even better friend by helping her through this and
Speaker 3: not looking at her being single as some sort of
Speaker 3: losing a game. There's benefits to being single and being
Speaker 3: in this phase looking for your love too. This is
Speaker 3: an exciting part while you're looking. It's like, you know,
Speaker 3: enjoy the journey, not the result of the journey. That's
Speaker 3: kind of hard to do when you don't understand or
Speaker 3: you haven't been through it and understand. Oh yes, it
Speaker 3: is about the way that you're getting there. It's not
Speaker 3: always about the end result.
Speaker 5: So or give them, you know, a constructive piece of
Speaker 5: advice of like how you found someone or what worked
Speaker 5: for you, or you know, like back in the day,
Speaker 5: however long ago that was.
Speaker 4: I think that can be.
Speaker 5: Like my my best friend Lily will often you know,
Speaker 5: give me Like we'll go out and you know, I'll
Speaker 5: start talking someone's ear off that I think is hot,
Speaker 5: and she's like, pull back, pull back, and like.
Speaker 4: That kind of stuff. I think that's fun. I think
Speaker 4: that's what I'd like to hear.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I want to watch you on a date
Speaker 1: and see what happens.
Speaker 4: The car and it goes it gets in a wreck
Speaker 4: real fast, right into a base. Oh I do have
Speaker 4: a place though I like to go dance to get
Speaker 4: Davey Wayne's Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Oh Davy Wade' I haven't been there, And I point.
Speaker 5: To the hottest person the dance floor. We just make
Speaker 5: out to Abbits. You're gonna love it.
Speaker 4: Watch out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Chelsea. I love what you said about, like not
Speaker 2: the person you're gonna wind up with, but the person
Speaker 2: you want to spend more time with. Like I love
Speaker 2: looking at it that way. It's just about finding somebody
Speaker 2: you like being around. And I think also like, don't
Speaker 2: forget for caraa like, don't forget to like go out
Speaker 2: and be girlfriends together, Like did your husband go do
Speaker 2: some fun things together? And also like maybe read her
Speaker 2: this beautiful letter that you wrote about her and how
Speaker 2: much you love her. That will be a shot in
Speaker 2: the arm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Yeah.
Speaker 3: That Dad wraps up our episode of Dear Chelsea. Next
Speaker 3: up is Dylan's podcast called One Hour with Dylan An
Speaker 3: Hour with Down.
Speaker 1: Dylan Darwin Darwin or Dylan Darwin The Dylan Hour.
Speaker 4: Chelsea Handler will be singing.
Speaker 1: On it, and I'll be there performing live music.
Speaker 4: I can't wait to ask you your favorite Broadways show.
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't wait to tell you I love you,
Speaker 1: Dylan mulvaney, I love we love you. Thank you everyone.
Speaker 3: Do do do do drum roll, Catherine please, Chelsea Handler abroad.
Speaker 1: Abroad is my European tour.
Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.
Speaker 1: I need to get.
Speaker 3: The help out of this fucking country and it's not
Speaker 3: as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvic,
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
Speaker 3: coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm
Speaker 3: coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.
Speaker 3: I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.
Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 7: I know I want to go see me abroad and
Speaker 7: there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth,
Speaker 7: July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty nine at
Speaker 7: the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
Speaker 2: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
Speaker 2: producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our
Speaker 2: merch at Chelseahandler dot com