Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow from New York City,
Speaker 1: the only city in America. It's the shows and he
Speaker 1: new it's The Daily Show with your host Marlon Wayans.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Daily Show. I am your host, Marlon Lands.
Speaker 1: I know you're asking yourself, how did I become the host? Well,
Speaker 1: they fund the wheel with all the Lands name on it,
Speaker 1: and it landed on me. That's like, as you know,
Speaker 1: my entire families in the business were like the Trumps,
Speaker 1: except my dad doesn't want to be my sister. All right,
Speaker 1: let's get into headlines. It was a great weekend for
Speaker 1: comedy specials. I know my brother Chris Rock had his
Speaker 1: thing and I also had a new special come out,
Speaker 1: God Lovely, available right now on HBO Nax Brothers. You
Speaker 1: can't bootleg streaming, but you can't share passwords high But
Speaker 1: let's be real. The funniest comedy special last weekend was
Speaker 1: the Sea Pack, or as I like to call it,
Speaker 1: Crazy White People. If you don't know about it, it's
Speaker 1: an annual event with all the Karen's and then husbands
Speaker 1: come together and they complain about the rest of us,
Speaker 1: the Karens and the Darns, and we watched it so
Speaker 1: you didn't have to. The Boden administration sucks. This can
Speaker 1: never be said at a Democrat gathering. Look at all
Speaker 1: the beautiful women here. Wokeness is a virus more dangerous
Speaker 1: than any pandemic, hands down. We will support baby boomers,
Speaker 1: and we will support the baby bonuses for a new
Speaker 1: baby boom. How does that sound? That sounds pretty good.
Speaker 1: I want a baby boom. To use a strong couple
Speaker 1: of words, insane asylum. Insane asylum. That's where anybody sees
Speaker 1: silence of the lamb. That's where they come from. Check
Speaker 1: under your seats. If there happens to be a gold
Speaker 1: chocolate bar underneath there, that's a VIP. Oh, I'm not joking.
Speaker 1: That's a VIP ticket to my father's reception tomorrow at Seapack.
Speaker 1: What though, is with his fingers? Why does he have
Speaker 1: hot dogs fingers from everything everywhere, all at once. It
Speaker 1: looks like ten limping dicks playing piano. I like how
Speaker 1: Donald Jr. Is always like Democrats are pedophiles. Anyway, if
Speaker 1: you come with me, I'll give you a chocolate. But
Speaker 1: you know what, I like to invite everyone here to
Speaker 1: look under their seats. Please go ahead and look under
Speaker 1: your seats. Look, does anyone see my AirPods? I've been
Speaker 1: looking all over for them. I hate those little tricky
Speaker 1: white bitches. The worst part about the stunt is that
Speaker 1: Trump was leaving chocolate bars on the floor. You know
Speaker 1: who's gonna find that A rat? A rat is gonna
Speaker 1: show off and be like Donald. I got ideas, man
Speaker 1: bought the wall. We need a ball the maize and
Speaker 1: they get past that bam, sticky pads bitch. But it
Speaker 1: wasn't just Don Junior. All these people are wilding. Some
Speaker 1: of those guys were throwing shots too. It went from
Speaker 1: Seapoc to Tupac real quicker. They were like, first off,
Speaker 1: pronouncing the agenda, your claim and some of that ship
Speaker 1: make no sense at all. Like Nicki Harley said, wokeness
Speaker 1: is more dangerous than a pandemic. I never had to
Speaker 1: miss two weeks of work because of wokeness. And I'm
Speaker 1: damn sure Herman Kane didn't die because he walked into
Speaker 1: a gender neutral bathroom. Now let's move on to sports.
Speaker 1: We all know the NBA stop calling players for carrying
Speaker 1: a long time ago, but apparently you can still get
Speaker 1: in trouble for carrying a gun. Memphis Grizzly standout point
Speaker 1: guard John Morant is facing scrutiny after appearing to flash
Speaker 1: a gun in a video shared on his Instagram Live.
Speaker 1: The Grizzlies announcing the All Star will be sitting out
Speaker 1: at least two games as the NBA conducts an investigation
Speaker 1: of what he did live on Instagram. You've seen here
Speaker 1: showing off a gun at a nightclub hours after his
Speaker 1: team lost Friday night. Morante has sense apologized, saying in
Speaker 1: a statement, I'm going to take some time away to
Speaker 1: get help and work on learning better methods of dealing
Speaker 1: with stress and my overall well being. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: that don't look stressed at all. Look at all the
Speaker 1: stress on this face. I've never seen somebody so stressed.
Speaker 1: It is a stressed How is that even an explanation?
Speaker 1: I pulled the gun out because I was stressed. So
Speaker 1: is that like an emotional support gun? Like? Who grabs
Speaker 1: a gun because you're stress? You never heard a camera meal.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I think mental health issues have been
Speaker 1: too destigmatized. Even guys trying to add gangs, They're like, y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you off because my therapist says, this
Speaker 1: misplaced angry. I need to go home and unpack these
Speaker 1: shit on me. I assume some accountability for the smiths fail,
Speaker 1: but also, what's up with the tiny gun? It's so
Speaker 1: tiny it looks like a gun that the sexy Russian
Speaker 1: lady pulls out in the Bond movie. He went to
Speaker 1: the gun store and asked for pussy galore. I've never
Speaker 1: seen a man pull out a gun and be less threatening.
Speaker 1: We got beer. How you are your gun like this?
Speaker 1: The gangs in West Side Story were more threatening than that,
Speaker 1: and they were singing show tunes. And finally, let's move
Speaker 1: on to a lighter subject, slavery. Most people now agree
Speaker 1: that slavery was wrong, but apparently California is the only
Speaker 1: one that feels bad about it. California will soon decide
Speaker 1: whether or not to give reparations to its black citizens.
Speaker 1: Right now, the California Task Force is meeting in Sacramento
Speaker 1: to assess how much each citizen might receive. One consideration
Speaker 1: is roughly three hundred sixty thousand per eligible residents. The
Speaker 1: task forces still working to determine what it believes reparations
Speaker 1: should involve, which could include cash payments, grants and tuition assistance.
Speaker 1: There's only one thing that would stop our children from
Speaker 1: busting into these liquor stores and grocery stores, stealing jump
Speaker 1: food and still in different things, and that's reparations. There's
Speaker 1: only one query that would stop our kids from busting
Speaker 1: into these jury stores, still in watches and jury, and
Speaker 1: that's reparations. Darren, I agree with the monopoly man. We
Speaker 1: need to let black people pass go and collect two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. It's time for some free parking, damnit. I
Speaker 1: just love how he was getting more threatened than that
Speaker 1: he was talking. We need reparations otherwise we're gonna rob
Speaker 1: liquor stores and jewelry. Bitch. I stole this mother watch.
Speaker 1: You can see all the black folk behind them, like, oh,
Speaker 1: was this the best guy we could get to represent us.
Speaker 1: He looks so sophisticated with the little hat on, and
Speaker 1: you see in the watch. It was nice till I
Speaker 1: found out he stole it. I don't know where they're
Speaker 1: getting the money from, but I know where they should
Speaker 1: get it from. Fruit of the loom. They're always saying
Speaker 1: that shit is one hundred percent cotton. Pay up, bitch,
Speaker 1: and they said every black person is gonna get three
Speaker 1: hundred and six the thousand dollars. What if you mixed,
Speaker 1: you only get half? So Zinn Dyer is only good
Speaker 1: for one hundred and eighty k So what does hit
Speaker 1: Hens get? Sucking your mama stick and put your granny breath.
Speaker 1: That wiger gotta be worth at least twenty five grands
Speaker 1: from all these reparations. We go to roy Wood Junior.
Speaker 1: What's say, Yeah, I homie, what's cracking? What's cracking? Homie? Marl,
Speaker 1: I'm good to see you. What's set with side? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why are you talking like that? That's how we always
Speaker 1: talk out here in Kylie in the Bay Area. You
Speaker 1: smell me west Side, then nas chicken and waffles, too short,
Speaker 1: serfs up, snowfall Franklin saying, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: matter of fact. Let me put all my authentic Kylie
Speaker 1: had see see boom see now I look like a homie.
Speaker 1: I look just like a homie. Here, Cally, I'm from college.
Speaker 1: Stop it, you're from Alabama. Stopped talking like that. You
Speaker 1: shot like chet Hanks shot He'll hate nass up and
Speaker 1: play along. Black people from all over about to start
Speaker 1: claiming California I'm trying to get mine first, mister black
Speaker 1: bull Rush, he's trying to get paid. You know, I
Speaker 1: won't say I'm surprised that out of all the states,
Speaker 1: it is California that's proposing reparations. Oh, definitely, definitely. It
Speaker 1: is a big surprise. You know, you gotta give props
Speaker 1: to California, my home skate, for doing this. You know,
Speaker 1: they did it before Alabama, before Georgia, before South Carolina,
Speaker 1: and California was a free state. Most of the slaves
Speaker 1: in California was just people playing slaves in movies, Jamie Fox,
Speaker 1: LeVar Burgen, Sythy or Revo Alma Stott. You mean Jigman Hansu.
Speaker 1: His name ain't Almos Scott. I guess there's always black
Speaker 1: history months. I'll learn something new. Roy. One reason why
Speaker 1: I know you're not from California is because you think
Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty grand can take you far. It
Speaker 1: may take you far in Alabama, but not LA. That's
Speaker 1: gonna dry up real quick after rent, gas and cocaine. Okay, okay, true, true,
Speaker 1: you're right, you're right. So then how about this, How
Speaker 1: about this instead of splitting up the reparation money, you know,
Speaker 1: a months, all the black folks all right, into every
Speaker 1: black person into a reparation's lottery, and one person gets
Speaker 1: all the bunny Like. It's like powerball, but for slavery.
Speaker 1: You all do something. I like that black power ball,
Speaker 1: yes exactly. But a lottery, man, that's a dumb idea
Speaker 1: for reparation. You think it's done. You think a lottery
Speaker 1: a bunch of black people, you think that's dune. You,
Speaker 1: of all people, should support a lottery mala statistically speaking
Speaker 1: to all talk, is that the winner gonna be a Wains.
Speaker 1: It's fifty eighty yard last our child. It's like seventy
Speaker 1: three Wains. You know what? Now, don't you put them
Speaker 1: like that? I liked this lottery idea, but aren't you
Speaker 1: gonna be mad if someone else gets all that money? No,
Speaker 1: I ain't tripping if another black person win the money.
Speaker 1: Whoever wins the Black lottery, I'm just gonna borrow the
Speaker 1: money from him because he's my cousin. But you don't
Speaker 1: know who it is. It don't matter. Once they win
Speaker 1: the money, they're gonna be my cousin. Speaking of which,
Speaker 1: is it too late to become a Wins? All right?
Speaker 1: Roy Wains Junior every ward. I'm gonna give it up,
Speaker 1: give it up blood time once, but don't go away.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the daily shelf my guests tonight is
Speaker 1: one of the stars of the Scream movie franchise. He's
Speaker 1: reprising his role as Chad in Scream six. Please welcome.
Speaker 1: They say you do it the going for adadness all
Speaker 1: my good. I am jealous you. You are buffo stopping
Speaker 1: it's the girl and said, you hook me up with
Speaker 1: your dealer? When did you steal um Deadpool's Boddy. You
Speaker 1: got the Ra's hilarious, like you're about to fight the
Speaker 1: rock No. I um, it's funny. When I was a kid,
Speaker 1: I was a big fan of oreos at night time.
Speaker 1: So I gained a little weight pretty quickly. And my
Speaker 1: mom and dad rug, listen, if you want, we can
Speaker 1: kind of hook you up with something that'll keep you
Speaker 1: able to defend yourself. So I took up boxing. Oh
Speaker 1: I thought they replace your steroids. Put some steroids and
Speaker 1: it's lucky charms. Um, congrats man. I hear great things
Speaker 1: about the movie. I hear you're heading for a record
Speaker 1: opening in the whole franchise. Goal brother getting money, money,
Speaker 1: so can you can you tell me anything about the movie,
Speaker 1: you know, anything that happens, any spoilers, anything that I
Speaker 1: could possibly put in scary movie six Well, that was
Speaker 1: the goal. I might might need to hook you up
Speaker 1: from my personal game. I can tell you it takes
Speaker 1: place in the good city of New York. These moved
Speaker 1: now to college, so we're a little bit older, little wiser, hopefully,
Speaker 1: and we're trying to put what happened to us in
Speaker 1: the past. Since the fifth movie, sixth movie is now
Speaker 1: trying to up the anti making it more violent, more
Speaker 1: scary ideally, and then I think I'm shirtless of the movie.
Speaker 1: See how I just threw that in. Just think my
Speaker 1: out for half seeing it too. It's good to see
Speaker 1: you because I know your father. Yeah, that's so crazy.
Speaker 1: Like I know in Cuba so long, like Cuba's good
Speaker 1: and Junior Amazing Academy Award when they're after I always said,
Speaker 1: you know, he's the only black guy that I know
Speaker 1: that gets white guy wasted when he when Cuba dranks
Speaker 1: you this here, he pulls his titties out. What's going on?
Speaker 1: But he's so much fun. I actually we was at
Speaker 1: an Oscar party and he's so funny. I walk out
Speaker 1: to him, I go, hey, what's up. He has a
Speaker 1: bucket of chicken. He just puts it on the top
Speaker 1: of his head. I think I got a picture of him.
Speaker 1: That's out an oscar party. That's dad. That's Dad. It's
Speaker 1: something to look just taking his stride. And you know,
Speaker 1: if I tried to keep up with him and his persona,
Speaker 1: I'd fail absolutely everyone. So I took the option end
Speaker 1: of the route. I read books on Friday night. Its beautiful.
Speaker 1: Caught with my dog and I and then his own device. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, good luck with this man. Make that money
Speaker 1: so we can party. Thank you, thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1: Screen ticks, you'll be in deadness. Watch out. Okay, I
Speaker 1: want to take a quick break. Let me right back. Brothers,
Speaker 1: all right, that's our show for tonight. Explore more shows
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