WEBVTT - The Magic Words that Change Minds, Win Arguments, and Gain Influence! 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:10.760 No, really, really no real Hello, and welcome to really 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.520 know really with Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden, who are 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.520 using the magic word to ask you to please, please, 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:21.520 pretty please subscribe. Speaking of magic words, you'll discover that 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:25.400 there are actual magic words that salespeople use to convince 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:29.120 clients to buy, the customer service reps used to increase satisfaction, 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.440 that lawyers used to persuade juries, and that you can 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:35.720 use to motivate people to do things they otherwise wouldn't do. 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:40.559 Really no Really. Our guest doctor Joonah Berger is a 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:44.839 Wharton School professor, best selling author, and world renowned expert 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:48.639 on word of mouth and consumer behavior. He discusses how 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:52.000 his cutting edge research revealed the six types of words 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.640 that can increase your impact in every area of your life, 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.800 and how by simply altering your words, you can increase 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:02.840 your persuasiveness by thirty Now here are two guys whose 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:06.119 words have persuaded me to look for other employment. Jason 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:06.520 and Peter. 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:13.119 First, only, if you're watching on video, it's like we've 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:18.839 traded souls. Suddenly. You used to have the long hair 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:23.560 and the beard, and I was clean and bald. I'm 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:27.280 I'm still managing bald. But what's there is long and 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.600 I have this Tavia beard going. You're clean shaven. You 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:34.919 took a flow be to yourself. You look you almost 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:37.600 look dare I say young? 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.039 Oh no, oh no, that means you have cataract and 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.920 you should check with your doctor. You look very thank you, 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.880 thank you, you're very smart. Look very you look Smi'm 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:50.560 very tedd You're very tell how's it going? 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:54.480 Who's the show going? We just opened. The reviews are spectacular. 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.160 Show seems very good. You sold out. Very proud of you. Man, 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:00.240 it's a magnificent show. It's a great company. You know, 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.560 if you're an actor, you got DNA for this stuff. 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:08.000 So it it. It does make you rise to the 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:08.919 occasion as. 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.680 You as you get all speaking of it older and 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:12.160 we looking younger? 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:18.799 Or is it hard? Do you find all the It's hard, 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.600 you know, I'm sixty five years of stuff hurts. This 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:23.959 is a role that you know, if you crunch the 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:28.360 numbers internally, the guy should be forty really yeah, And 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.400 it's been played by actors in their late forties and 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:35.240 then their fifties, but the ages rapidly. Yeah, but no, 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.480 it's all good. It's all good. It's all good, and 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:45.160 today we're talking about you weird magic words. I got 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:46.960 excited because I thought it was going to be, oh, 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:51.520 the derivation of alec exam and abra cadabra, and that's 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.760 a college street credit course. No, this is magic words. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:56.240 I read it wrong. You know me. 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.160 I'm looking at stuff all the time, and I see 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:01.640 the magic words that you can use to get people 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.240 to do what you want. So I check this professor out. 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:07.920 He's been called a persuasion expert. What to say to 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:11.800 get people to give you your way? What are those words? 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.280 And I started watching some of his stutis can I 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:15.320 guess sat unseen? 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:18.720 Can I guess? No? Please, You'll never know wrong? May 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:23.280 not wrong? Should I wrong? With a cherry wrong? 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:25.600 What you find out is you change one word in 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.120 a sentence when you're writing or asking. 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:30.040 Some of my agency has magic words. You didn't get it. 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:32.000 Those are the four magic words. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:35.360 So there are ways to change one word or part 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.680 of a phrase to get a thirty percent increase in 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:39.720 people responding. 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:43.720 And really you want, let's open with that every episode. 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:47.240 So this is used in sales, it's used in politics. 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.720 It's also used for scammers. They know how to manipulate 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:53.320 words to motivate people to do things. 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:59.480 So where we could we could be unintentionally yes, enhancing the. 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:01.600 Life of a He's also written books by the Way 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.400 Magic Words. What to Say to Get Your Way is 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.960 his newest book. He also wrote Why Things Catch On. 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:10.960 He's an expert on why things get sticky and why 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:14.920 why contagious stuff spreads like on the internet, Why things 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:15.120 take on? 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.120 I don't know why. This reminds me of the books 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.400 we came up with for our motivational character. I know 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.680 more than you, well you know more than you, so 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:22.680 we don't always know more. 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:24.960 We didn't prep. We didn't prep. We didn't get the 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.919 prep like we always do. The bit I wanted to 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:32.480 do with you with him is the five I think 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:34.560 one of these sort of like the five magic words 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:36.960 to get you anything you want. I was we were 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:38.720 going to write the new book titles with five more 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:42.720 magic words, three magic words. I forgot three secret magic words. 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.440 Oh look, there are more words like the series of 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:48.320 books that we can do that with him anyway. 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:51.520 But that's we would have prepared. Sure, yes, that would 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:55.720 have been that would have been comedy, would have but 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:57.920 we we didn't do it because you had the rest 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:02.560 of your voice to play this thing. It now all right? So. 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:06.080 Professor Jonah Berger is a Wharton School professor, internationally best 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:10.360 selling author of Magic Words, Contagious, Invisible Influence, The Catalyst, 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:15.280 world renowned expert on word of mouth, social influence, consumer behavior. 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:19.200 He's published over eighty articles in top tier academic journals. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:22.159 Teaches one of the world's most popular online courses. One 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:25.560 of the world's most popular online courses, obviously bigger than 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:27.760 the Taylor Swift Course. I think it's pretty It's right 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.840 up there with Doublin. The most created people in business 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:33.760 by Fast Company. He works with Amazon, Microsoft, Facebook, the 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:36.680 Gates Foundation, and now really. 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:41.360 No, really, First of all, do you prefer doctor Burger 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:43.279 or Jonah? How should we? This will tell me a 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.960 lot about the words how he answers this question. Look, 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.360 do you preferred doctor Burger A Jonah? 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.360 Absolutely, no preference. Whatever, whatever you want to do is fine. 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:55.159 I like I like he's playing you see what he did. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:06:00.200 He lured me write in Jonah, what led you to 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.080 the revelation of these sort of magical words that you 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:03.800 talk about? 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:07.680 You know, it's so interesting, almost everything we do, it 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.400 involves language. Right, You and I are talking right now 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:12.880 using language. At the end of this, if you press 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:16.520 a magic button, it might stript out transcript and written language. 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.760 Language is how salespeople sell, or how leaders lead, the 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.360 how teachers teach. We'd read newspapers using language, we watch 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.919 movies using language. All these things involve language. And I 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.359 slowly started realizing, Wow, you know, while we think a 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.560 lot about the ideas we want to communicate, right, what 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:33.640 are the big picture things I want to get across, 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.240 we think a lot less about the specific words we 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:40.599 use when we communicate those ideas. And I started realizing, well, 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.560 that's unfortunately mistake, right, because subtle shifts in the language 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:47.280 we use can have a big impact. We had a 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:50.159 young son and he would often use the word pease 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.000 peas meant please. He didn't have his l's yet, trying 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:56.040 to figure it out, and so he'd say, for example, 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:57.839 he'd want a certain food, so we'd say, you know, 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:01.600 peace whatever food or peace browbear, which was his brown bear. 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:03.920 And what I started realizing is, wow, this is the 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:05.599 first time he rised that. He realized, you know, if 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:07.760 I asked for something and you don't give it to me, 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.840 and then I say please, I'm more likely to get 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.520 it right, I'm more likely to get what I want. 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:15.920 And so we realized language has power. And I think 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.280 we all at some point in our lives have realized 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.520 language has power. And I became interested in, well, what 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.120 are those powers, what are those magic words? And how 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:24.520 can we take advantage of that power? 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:28.000 And one of the areas which is really really interesting 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:32.920 is words that attach you to an identity and how 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.400 they work better. One of the examples was you get 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:39.080 a thirty percent better response rate when you present something 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:40.880 a certain way as opposed to another. 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:42.520 So why do you talk about that? 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.200 So let me tell you got a great old research 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:47.120 study that was done and this is out in California 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:48.960 a number of decades ago, and they went into a 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:51.560 local preschool and they were trying to get kids to 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:53.960 do something kids don't want to do is clean up. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.120 And so for some of the kids, they said, hey, 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.560 can you help clean up? It's a mess, Crayon's on 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:00.640 the floor of their blocks everywhere, can you help me up? 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:03.000 But for a different group of kids, they try to 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.120 subtle but importantly different strategy, said hey can you be 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.680 a helper, not can you help clean up? But can 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.200 you be a helper? Now, the difference between help and 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:13.120 helper is really small. It's only a couple of letters 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.560 adding er to the end of help. Yet that led 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:18.480 to about a thirty percent increase in kids cleaning up 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:21.480 the classroom. And you could say, well, that's cute, but 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:23.560 those are just kids, like why don't we care about 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:26.120 cleaning up? What about bigger, important things with adults? And 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:29.000 so more recently someone did a study applying these ideas 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.200 to voting. So for some people they sent them a 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:34.360 note saying, hey, please go vote, and for other people 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:37.160 they said, hey, please be a voter. And again the 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.480 difference between vote and voter is even smaller. It's only 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.640 one letter there, right, adding an R to the end 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.320 of vote. Yet that led to about a fifteen percent 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:47.760 increase in people's likelihood of turning out polls. And so 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.760 you might ask, well, why, right, why is helper more 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.880 impactful help? Why is voter more impactful with vote? And 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:56.040 it turns out it comes down to the difference between 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.560 actions and identities. Right, we all know that we should 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:02.680 do certain things. We should exercise, and we should read 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:05.160 the news, and we should eat healthy, and we should vote, 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.320 and we should help, but we're busy, we don't have 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.080 the time, right, But we care more about than certain 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:13.160 actions are holding desired identities. We all want to see 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:16.120 ourselves as smart, knowledgeable, and at least maybe a little 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:18.960 bit athletic, and all those different things, and so we 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.040 engage in actions to support those identities. I want to 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:24.000 see myself as athletic, I better go for a run. 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:26.080 If I want to see myself as healthy, I better 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.480 eat salad once in a while. And so if we 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:32.720 turn actions like voting into identities like being a voter, 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:37.080 it makes people much more likely to take those actions. Right, voting, Oh, 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:38.600 I know I should do it, but I'm busy. But 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.959 hold on. If voting is an opportunity to be a voter, now, 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.080 I'm much more likely to do it. And so by 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.600 turning those actions into identities, we can make people more 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.640 likely to take the desired actions now. 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:54.000 And John, we really we avoid politics on the show 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.440 pretty stringently, so I'm not trying to get us into 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.720 a political conversation. I'm just fascinated based on what you said. 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:05.360 By changing your language of invitation to identify with a 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:09.120 group or to self identify you're able to create an action. 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:13.400 Do you feel that it is then possible. I'm going 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.480 to keep it in the voting world, that language alone 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:20.679 could have made a voter identify with a particular party, 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.280 or a particular cause, or a particular candidate. Are we 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:28.280 that malleable and susceptible to language that you could take 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:29.160 it a step further? 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:31.480 You know, I want to be careful here. I'm not 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.560 saying that, you know, one word makes everybody do everything 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.760 in any way, shape or form. But on the margins, 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:41.520 these things matter. Right. Let's say, you know, I asked 0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:45.120 you which is worse, losing or being a loser. That's 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:46.800 an easy thing to answer, right, you say, well, being 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:49.280 a loser is much worse. A terrible version of this. 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.800 There's recently something that press where somebody said, you know, 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:55.000 a certain actor didn't just had not just farted on set, 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:57.840 but they were a farther right. They called them a farter. 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:01.800 Oh I know, And now farther's like right, It's like, oh, 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:03.640 I am a farther. That's a stable part of that 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.400 would be the worst thing ever, And so you're much 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:09.640 more likely to avoid negative things if they would lead 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.440 you to hold that identity. And so it's a subtle difference, 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.920 but the difference between actions and identities is an important. 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:18.680 So what pops out to me too is we have 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.880 a whole generation now people who don't just influence their 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:23.720 influencer exactly. 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.280 How does that sit with you? 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.079 You know, I think that was a really smart branding 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:31.920 move from whether you think about it, is these platforms 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:34.800 that have created these things, or the individuals themselves. Right, 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.160 people don't just create, they are creators. They don't just 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:41.040 influence their influencers suddenly. Now it doesn't sound just like 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.719 a side hustle, sounds like a full time job, right, 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:46.720 It sounds like an ingrained part of who people are. 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:48.800 And so I think these subtle shifts can have a 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.280 big impact. Right, if you want to help someone get 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:54.079 a job, right, rather than saying, oh they lead or 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:57.280 they're innovative, saying they are an innovator or they are 0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:59.040 a leader's going to make it seem like it's a 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:02.120 more stable part of who they are. And so these 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.120 small shifts can actually make a big difference. 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:06.360 Well, you know, also for me, as I as I 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.520 listened to that explanation, I could feel this thing come 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:13.120 up in me which was pushback against that because if 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.200 someone says to me, listen, I'm representing this thing and 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.079 I'd like to try and influence you to see if 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.880 you if it works for you, I'd like to try 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:23.160 and do that. I'm I feel like I'm immediately more 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.400 open to it. If they say, well, this person's an influencer. 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.719 This is what they do is they bring people over 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:32.200 to their influence. I go now, I'm immediately resisting. You 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.080 can I jump? Can I jump to something else? From that? 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:38.800 And again, influencer, you're pushing back because there's there's there's 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.160 a certainty implied there that they know what's okay. 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:41.400 Right. 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.920 Yeah, Well, my brother once said to me, the best leaders, 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.000 the biggest guys in the world, is one thing they 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:51.880 all have in common. They speak with certainty and certainty works. 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:55.160 And I know you use Trump and you you predicated 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:56.920 by doesn't matter if you hate them or love them. 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:02.319 Explain the certainty there and why certainty works. Yeah. 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:04.480 So again, I don't I don't want to get into 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.679 politics either, but whether you like Trump or not, you 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.600 can't disagree that he's done a pretty amazing job of 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:14.040 getting people to adopt his ideas. If you like those ideas, 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.400 you're probably pretty happy about it. You hate those ideas, 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.760 you're probably pretty unhappy about it. But one question, an 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.120 interesting question, is why has it worked? Right, even if 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.000 you don't like it, you can't deny that it's working 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:26.720 for at least some set of people. And so why 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:28.800 And so if you look at the way he speaks, 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:30.120 it's not actually unique to him. 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:30.720 Right. 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.760 He speaks the same way that's so called guru speak 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:36.920 that startup founders often speak. He speaks with a great 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:37.760 deal of certainty. 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:38.440 Right. 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:41.920 He doesn't say, oh, you know, this might happen, this 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.640 may be a good idea. I think this. He speaks 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:45.559 in absolutes. 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:46.040 Right. 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.680 He doesn't speak in grays shades of gray, speaks in 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.080 black and white. Right, I'm going to build a great wall, 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.720 the best wall that's ever been built. America doesn't have 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.240 victories anymore. We used to, but we don't have them. 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.839 He speaks that sort of this is exactly how it is. 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.520 And contrast that with a how a lot of us speak. Right, 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.319 I'll pick on myself for an example. I'm an academic, 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:07.640 and so we tend to use a lot of hedges. 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:08.199 Right. 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:12.320 Oh, well, maybe in some situations this might be and 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.640 I think this, and this is possible, and it's not 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:19.280 surprising then that other people sit there going wow, if 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.600 you're not even sure yourself, why should I listen to you? 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:23.320 Right? 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.760 There's a lot of research, for example, in the context 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.480 of financial advisors, that shows that the more certainty someone 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:31.840 speaks with, even by the way, if they're wrong, the 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.200 more certainty they speak with, the more likely people are 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.280 to pick them as a financial adviser. Because people are 0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:41.120 sitting there going, wow, you seem so confident you must 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:41.560 be right. 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:42.200 Now. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.400 I want to be careful here. I don't mean to 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:45.800 suggest that we should never hedge. 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:46.280 Right. 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.440 There are certainly cases where we may want a hedge. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:50.040 We may want to step back, We may want to 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.920 say this might be true, or I think or things 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.120 along those lines. But we certainly shouldn't just say those 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:56.240 things because it's easy. 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:56.840 Right. 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.360 Some of us do that because it's a simple verbal tick. Right. 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:01.760 We're sitting there, Oh, I'm not sure. I want to 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.560 buy myself time, and so I'm going to hedge to 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.000 give myself a chance to think about what I want 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:10.480 to say. But when we're doing that, we're subtly undermining 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.640 our own impact, right, and they're better and worse ways 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:15.960 to hedge. So there's a difference between saying if someone 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.200 asks you for your opinion, saying, oh, you know, I 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.480 don't know, versus I think, hey, this is a great idea, 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:24.000 but there are three things that need to happen for 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:24.680 this to work. 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:25.360 Right. 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.760 That's a situation where yes, I'm not saying it's for 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:31.440 sure it's going to happen. I'm calling out the uncertain right. 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.400 I'm saying I think it's a good idea, but for 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.160 it to work, these things need to happen. And so 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:38.840 what I'm suggesting is not that we should or never 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:42.240 use certainty, but we should strategically speak with when you. 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.120 A consult, because you consult some of the biggest companies 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:47.920 in the world, the more certainty you can put in 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.080 your cell that you're legally allowed to say. A lot 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:53.440 of them have asterisks because you can't say guaranteed to 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.360 make your dog live longer. Is that come up about 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:59.640 pushing the envelope as close to certainty in messaging as 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:00.720 you pos possibly can. 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:04.160 Yeah, So I want to be careful here. I'm not 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.240 advocating that people lie, and I'm not advocating that people 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:11.360 be over confident, right, because there's certainly situations where when 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.280 we say something with certainty and then later on someone 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.880 realizes that what we said isn't true, it hurts us right. 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:19.960 And by the way, there are even times you want 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:22.440 to express out right. So if I'm on a team 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.920 or I'm a leader walking into a meeting and I 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:26.840 say this is how it is, it's going to make 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.400 everyone else feel like they shouldn't share their opinions because 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.520 I'm already so certain. But if I walk in right 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.160 and I so I'm not sure, and I use language 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.760 that indicates I'm not sure, now, it's going to make 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:41.520 other people feel more comfortable sharing their own opinion. Again, 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.400 it's a strategic tool, right, just like any other tool. 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.400 There are times for a hammer, there are times for 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.400 a saw. Same thing here, there are times to be certain, 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.240 and there are times to express out. 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.440 Can I jump around a little ajournal and give you 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:57.000 because this is what blew me away that you asked 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:00.000 the question did the dog go out? Or did you 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.640 take the dog out? And you point out, oh, all 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.840 of a sudden, this is my job to take the 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:05.239 dog out. 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:06.760 So you add you in. 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.080 There and it completely becomes a whole different attitude. 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:10.439 Correct. 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.879 So this is something I found interesting. So, you know, 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.840 I work with different companies organizations. Someone asked me, hey, 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.280 can you figure out what's working on our social media? 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.120 So I went out there, analyzed all their social media posts, 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:25.560 looks at what's in getting engagement, what's not found? One word, 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:28.600 the word you, had a big impact on engage right 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.600 on social media. When you say you know, rather than 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.080 here are five tips to save money, you say, here 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:35.679 are five tips to save you money, or if I 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.200 said you know ways to be healthier, these are ways 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.760 for you to be healthier. Adding you increases engagement. It's 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.680 almost like a stop sign. Right When people see that word, 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.440 their attention draws and they go, oh, this is speaking 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.480 more to me than it might have been otherwise. And 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.520 so then the company said, fantastic, that's really wonderful. Can 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:55.520 you do the same thing for our help pages. So 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.680 imagine you have an issue with your iPhone, your watch 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.399 isn't working, your printer's not doing whatever. You go to 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.040 their site to figure out why, and so there we 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:06.960 actually found that you had the opposite effect. You wasn't helpful. 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.560 You didn't make those pages better. It made people feel 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.720 like they were less helpful. And so I was sitting 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:14.239 there going, well, why right, why is you good on 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.560 social media? But you is not so good on help pages? 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:20.000 And I realized two things. First, you was good for 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:22.840 grabbing attention, but on help pages things like help but 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:24.960 you don't need to grab people's attention people already there. 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.920 But second, you can make people feel like, well, you're 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:32.800 blaming your phone. I'm responsible for this. If I say, hey, 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:35.080 if your phone is broken, you need to do X, 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:37.199 Y and z, you're sitting there ground, why is it 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.800 my phone? Right, it's your phone. Your phone is broken? 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:41.520 Why do I have to do something about it? And 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.440 so these are what can be called accusatory use, right, 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:46.480 and these often happen in our personal lives. Right, you 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:48.520 get home and someone says, hey, did you walk the dog? 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.000 Did you make dinner? At the office, someone said did 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:54.239 you finish that report? And what that person really means is, hey, 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:56.439