1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Let's be honest. Life is stressful, its work, its relationships 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: and the state of the world. But there's a way 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: to bring that stress level down. Calm. It's the number 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: one app for mental wellness, with tons of content to 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: manage anxiety, promote concentration, and help you unwind. There's music, meditation, 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: a more Calm makes it easy to de stress. You 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: can literally do a one minute breathing exercise. Personally, I 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: love the soundscapes. Nothing like a little rain on leaves 9 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: to help soothe my nervous system. I've actually been working 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,880 Speaker 1: with Calm for a couple of years now, and I'd 11 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: love for you to check out my series on reducing 12 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: overwhelm eight short practices Quick Relief. Right now, listeners of 13 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to Calm 14 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: Premium at Calm dot com. Forward slash j that's c 15 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: LM dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. 16 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: Calm your Mind, Change your Life. 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 2: I had somehow gotten to that point in life, you know, 18 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,400 Speaker 2: in my forties, where I had thought, oh, there are 19 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 2: these amazing joy moments or these really sad low moments. No, 20 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 2: you can hold joy in sadness side by side. 21 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 1: One of the most influential voices in the philanthropy community, 22 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: Melenda French Gates. 23 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 2: I thought I'd be married fifty plus years. For me, 24 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 2: I couldn't go forward. There wasn't enough trust any longer. 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 2: I had days where I thought I don't know if 26 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 2: I'll ever be happy again. That was the hardest thing 27 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 2: I had ever been through in my life. 28 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. 29 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 1: In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent 30 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are 31 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that 32 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: if you want to create a habit, make it easy 33 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a 34 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. 35 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: This would also mean the absolute world to me and 36 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: help help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you 37 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: and the world. Subscribe right now. The number one health 38 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: and wellness podcast. 39 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 2: Jay set Jay Sheety zet. 40 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 41 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: mental health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and 42 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: every one of you that come back every week to 43 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: become happier, healthier, and more healed. You know that my 44 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 1: greatest fascination is sitting down with individuals who've trodden parts 45 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 1: that may seem really different from ours, but we can 46 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: still relate to them. We can still connect to them, 47 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: We can still see ourselves in their experiences and find advice, 48 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: lessons and insights that we can apply to our own. 49 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: Today's conversation is going to do just that. I have 50 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: the honor today of speaking to Melinda Frenchgates, a philanthropist, businesswoman, 51 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 1: and global advocate for women and girls. As the co 52 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: chair of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Melinda sets 53 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 1: the direction and priorities of one of the world's largest 54 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: philanthropies across the world. In twenty fifteen, Melinda founded Pivotal Ventures, 55 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,519 Speaker 1: a company working to accelerate the pace of social progress 56 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: in the United States. Melinda is also the author of 57 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: the best selling book The Moment of Lift, Go and 58 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: Grab It. If you haven't already, please welcome to On Purpose. 59 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: Melinda French Kates. Melinda, it's such a joy to be 60 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: with you. Thank you so much for being here. 61 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 2: I'm so glad we could do this. 62 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: I know me too, me too, And I want to 63 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: dive straight in and I have so many questions I 64 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: wanted to ask you, but I wanted to start off 65 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: by saying, you've gone through a lot of changes recently. 66 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: So you just turned sixty, congratulations. You're a grandma now, 67 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: I believe, so congratulations. And I believe your last job 68 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: just left home, and so now you're an empty nest 69 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: to two, which not as much congratulations. You've been through 70 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: so many changes in your life, and I wanted to 71 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: start by asking you, what are your greatest takeaways on 72 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: dealing with change? The thing that seems to be the 73 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: greatest constant in all of our lives, but something none 74 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: of us seemed to be prepared for or comfortable with. 75 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: How have you learned to deal with change? 76 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 2: You know, I think I learned to deal change pretty 77 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 2: early in my life because I went away for college. 78 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 2: A lot of people in my school stayed in Texas. 79 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 2: I grew up in Dallas, and I embraced change like 80 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 2: I was excited to go away for college, excited to 81 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 2: meet new people, and same thing. After I left college, 82 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 2: I then switched. I went to college in North Carolina 83 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: at Duke, and then I switched and went to Seattle 84 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 2: to a brand new company hardly heard of back then 85 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 2: Microsoft and again I just jumped in with both feet 86 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 2: and I found it fun and I was curious to 87 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 2: meet people. So to me, change isn't something to be 88 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 2: afraid of. It's more something to embrace and say, oh, okay, 89 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,240 Speaker 2: here I am. I didn't expect to be in this 90 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 2: place in life, but I am now, so okay. How 91 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 2: am I going to make the best of it? And 92 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 2: I try to stay open and curious because so often 93 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 2: people will come into your life if you have changed 94 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 2: in a new way or a new place that I 95 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,719 Speaker 2: try to stay open and curious, like, oh, what might 96 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 2: this person be here to teach me? Or what can 97 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 2: I learn from them? Or can I connect to them 98 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 2: in a different way? So I don't know. For me, 99 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 2: change is in a certain way kind of fun and 100 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 2: I embrace it. 101 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: Where did that mindset come from? Because I feel so 102 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: many people have the opposite experience, where change is scary, 103 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: changes daunting, change is worrying. I identify with how you 104 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: feel about change. I chose to do pretty drastic things 105 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 1: early on in my life which made me very positive 106 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: towards change because I had to go against the grain. 107 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: I had to disagree with people that were close to me. 108 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: I had to not worry about what people thought about 109 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: my choices, and so I feel the same way as 110 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: you do that I've seen change as a positive thing 111 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: in my life, but when I speak to people, changes 112 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: one of the most scariest worrying things. Where did your 113 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,559 Speaker 1: positive mindset towards change come from? Was it a family member? 114 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 1: Was there something that happened early on in your life 115 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: where you had a change and you adapted? Well, where 116 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:11,119 Speaker 1: did that come from? 117 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 2: I think it probably was my parents. I mean, my 118 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 2: parents had both grown up in New Orleans, but then 119 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 2: had gone away when my dad went to graduate school, 120 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 2: they got married and moved across the country to California. 121 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 2: Then they moved back to Dallas. My dad worked on 122 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,839 Speaker 2: the early Apollo space missions. Talk about change. Nobody had 123 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 2: ever gone into space or gone to the moon, and 124 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 2: I saw how excited he was, and he was excited 125 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 2: about being part of it. And then my parents gave 126 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 2: my siblings and me. I'm one of four very middle 127 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 2: class family growing up, but they constantly gave us the message, 128 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 2: you will be college going. There wasn't a choice. You 129 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 2: will go to college, and it's a matter of where 130 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 2: you go. You can go anywhere you want to go 131 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 2: in the country. We'll take on the debt, but we 132 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 2: highly encourage you to go out of state. We just 133 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,559 Speaker 2: think you will learn more about yourself in the world 134 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 2: if you go out of state. And so I think 135 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 2: because they had that mindset, I did choose a college 136 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 2: out of state. I went to Duke of North Carolina, 137 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 2: and to me, it just became kind of exciting and fun. 138 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 2: And I think if that at that formative time in life, 139 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 2: if you're willing to go somewhere different and try something out, 140 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: then maybe you're more likely to do it later. And 141 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 2: then I never expected ever to have the role that 142 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: I'm in in philanthropy. But once we started the Gates Foundation, 143 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 2: I had the opportunity to travel the world. And not 144 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 2: that I wasn't already traveling, but I never would have 145 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 2: gone to India, I don't think as many times as 146 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 2: I did. Are so many different places in Africa, and 147 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 2: I started to realize that the more you travel, it's 148 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 2: like a book. The more books you read, the more 149 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 2: you learn. The more you travel, the more you learn 150 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 2: about people and particularly how similar we are. And so 151 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 2: I think my parents ingrained that in me. 152 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. What were your dreams back then? Obviously your 153 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: mission is so clear now and we'll get to that. 154 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: But I wonder because when I see the work you've 155 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: been doing, which is absolutely phenomenal, and the fact that 156 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: service is your entire life is so inspiring to me, 157 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: and you know, something I aspire for in my own life. 158 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: But I wonder where did your dreams start? Going to 159 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: Duke obviously an incredible institution in and of itself, parents 160 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: who wanted you to study and perform. Well, we'll talk 161 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: about going to Microsoft, But what were your dreams back 162 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: then when you're going to Duke? Like, what was the 163 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: sky's the limit? So to speak? What was the sky 164 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: at the time. 165 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 2: Well, I was lucky that in eighth grade my parents 166 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 2: sent me to a course that my dad had been 167 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 2: through through his work, had just recently sent him called 168 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: the Successful Life Course, which I kind of think is 169 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 2: a little bit of a funny name now when I 170 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 2: look back on it. But they taught us a couple 171 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 2: of things. One was to take quiet time in the morning, 172 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 2: and the other was to set goals, like really have 173 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 2: goals for your life and don't necessarily share those with 174 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 2: the world. Share them with a couple of people you trust, 175 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,079 Speaker 2: and so I set a goal of going to college. 176 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 2: I set up goal during high school of Hey, I 177 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,439 Speaker 2: realized I actually want to go to college in computer science. 178 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 2: So I picked a university that was good at that 179 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 2: at the time. And I knew I wanted to be 180 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 2: a professional working woman eventually with children. And so I 181 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 2: think that sort of goal mindset really helped set me 182 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: on my path to then go on to Duke and 183 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 2: then go on eventually to a career at Microsoft. 184 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: Who ran this course, it was. 185 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 2: A man and a woman. Ed foreman was the man, 186 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 2: and they were down in a southern part of Texas 187 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 2: and you would go off with a cohort of people 188 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 2: you didn't know. My sister and I went together. Yeah, 189 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,079 Speaker 2: you just soaked it in. And they gave us a 190 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 2: whole bunch of books to read. We had, you know, 191 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 2: we read a Dale Carnegie's book on Influencing people, right, 192 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 2: And I think at the same time, I mean, again, 193 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 2: very formative time in my life. I'm in eighth grade. 194 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 2: I'm switching to a new high school. But in high 195 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 2: school I had these very liberal nuns. It was an 196 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 2: ursuline academy. It was an all girls Catholic school. We 197 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 2: got the messages from all of our female teachers we 198 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 2: could be anything we wanted to be in the world. 199 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: They were incredibly supportive. But the nuns also taught us 200 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 2: two things. One was to take time in silence. There 201 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 2: was a chapel in the middle of the school, which 202 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: wasn't a fancy chapel. It was two classrooms, but they 203 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 2: were put together. You could go and have this silent time. 204 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 2: They would send us off on silent retreats. But they 205 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 2: also sent us out to serve. The motto of the 206 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,319 Speaker 2: school was servey on, that is, to serve, and they 207 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 2: taught us that you know, one person, just one person, 208 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 2: can make the difference in the life of another person. 209 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 2: And if you are lucky enough to come to a 210 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 2: school like Ursuline and somebody's paying your private tuition, which 211 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: was my parents, you should serve. And so I served 212 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 2: in the local public school two miles down the road, 213 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 2: and I saw the difference in that public school for 214 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 2: those kids versus where I was, or the Dallas County 215 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 2: courthouse or the local hospital. And so I think those 216 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 2: values got embedded very early on. 217 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,080 Speaker 1: I love hearing that because there's sound so close to 218 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: the kind of programming we offer today. And I always 219 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: think about just how even in formal education, you may 220 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: not be exposed to some of these ideas which seem 221 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: like everyone should have access to them. And it's incredible 222 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: that you know you had a course like that that 223 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 1: you went to early on. I was going to ask 224 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: you two questions about that. What have you found is 225 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: the value of spending that time alone, both from the 226 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 1: course and obviously from the nuns that you got in 227 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 1: your school, Like, what have you found you still do that? 228 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: What value? What has been the greatest value that you've 229 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,920 Speaker 1: gained from that over the last few decades. 230 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:41,959 Speaker 2: I spend time in silence almost every single day, and 231 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 2: I just find for me, it's often in the morning, 232 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: before I exercise or get on my phone or whatever, 233 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 2: and I just find that that's the time that you, 234 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 2: at least for me, that I can hear myself. I 235 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 2: can hear in silence those moments of hmm I made 236 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 2: a mistake yesterday. 237 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: Hmm. 238 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 2: I didn't quite show up the way I wanted to. 239 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 2: I wasn't my whole integrated self, or oh wow, I 240 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,559 Speaker 2: would really like to show somebody today how grateful I 241 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 2: am for them. I haven't. I haven't gotten to do 242 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 2: that in the last week. And so that time and 243 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 2: quiet for me is just it's a time to really 244 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 2: connect to my soul and to I hope, integrate all 245 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 2: the things that have come over time in my life 246 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,079 Speaker 2: or in the day before. I also made sure when 247 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 2: our kids were growing up that we went around the 248 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 2: dinner table and we all said what we were thankful 249 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 2: for before we ate our meal. And the only rule 250 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 2: was you couldn't criticize what somebody else was thankful for, 251 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 2: and ideally you'd come up with your own. And even 252 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 2: when we'd have tables of teenagers for dinner, everybody did it, 253 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 2: and I was always just amazed what came out of 254 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 2: their mouths, out of their mouths, and it was just 255 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 2: that little moment of gratitude, right, And I think so 256 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 2: often if we can stop and be silent and quiet 257 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: and hear ourselves, then the gratitude comes. And boy, just 258 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 2: gratitude help you get through a lot of things in life, 259 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 2: even hard things. 260 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 1: For sure, for sure. And the second thing you mentioned 261 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 1: there was setting your goals, but you shared something really interesting. 262 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: You talked about how only would the people you trust 263 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask what was the perception or 264 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: the reason for that, because that's really powerful, I think 265 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 1: for people to hear. Mm. 266 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 2: So this course that I went to, this successful life course, 267 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 2: they said, you know, only share your goals with you know, 268 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,559 Speaker 2: a few trusted people, because you're going to have a 269 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 2: lot of critics. You're gonna have a lot of people 270 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 2: to say, no way you want to go to that university, 271 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 2: You can't make that, or you want to be that 272 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 2: in life? No, not a chance. But if you trusted 273 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 2: people who have your back and have your interest in mind, 274 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 2: they will help you meet your goal or find your dream, 275 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 2: or advance you towards your dream. And I've found that 276 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 2: to be very true all through life actually, and it 277 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 2: becomes incredibly important to cultivate those relationships with those trusted 278 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 2: people and vice versa, that you become there in their 279 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 2: small circle of trust. 280 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, we make one of two mistakes. We either tell 281 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: everyone everything or we tell one person everything. So we 282 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: either want everyone to have all the answers to all 283 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: of our questions. And you're so right that if we 284 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: tell everyone our plans, everyone's going to have an opinion 285 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: about your plan, and that opinion may actually discourage you 286 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: and disempower you because we're so opened up and exposed 287 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: to people's opinions about us. And the opposite is also 288 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: true that if you only tell one person, that can 289 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: be really hard as well, because that person may not 290 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 1: have the tools or the resources or the experience to 291 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: guide you. And so having this counsel of wise advisors 292 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: or guides or mentors or well wishes and friends can 293 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: be such a powerful thing. I think when people are 294 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: setting goals, it's probably one of the biggest mistakes we 295 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 1: make today where we announce it on social media to 296 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: the whole world, or we tell everyone in our WhatsApp 297 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: chat or group chat or whatever it may be, and 298 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: it can be really, really tough. You're fortunate that you 299 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: gain some of these exposures early on, and they've helped 300 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: you in your mindset. What's the lesson that you wish 301 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: you would have learned earlier? What's the lesson that you 302 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: learned later on in life that you wish you'd learned earlier. 303 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 2: I've learned so many things later in life. And you know, 304 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 2: I think you also have three children. They're now in 305 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 2: their twenties, they're not children anymore, but you learn a 306 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 2: lot when you're parenting your children. Like you may think, oh, 307 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 2: I'm a patient person. You have no idea what patients 308 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 2: is until you have children, and until you really are 309 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 2: trying to pass your values on. You have to really 310 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 2: kind of sit with, Okay, what are my values? I 311 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 2: thought I knew them? But am I living them so 312 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 2: that I can pass them on? I would say one 313 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 2: lesson I learned later in life was that the world 314 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 2: really isn't built for everybody. 315 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: Know. 316 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 2: I kind of assumed when I left I was in 317 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 2: such a supportive environment in high school with this all 318 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 2: girls school that when I went out to university, you know, 319 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 2: I just met so many different people of different walks 320 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 2: of life, which was fantastic and widening and it helped 321 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 2: me grow. But then when you go out in your 322 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 2: professional career, I just saw began to see so many 323 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 2: blocks for women and people of color, where I just 324 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 2: assumed when we left university we would have the same 325 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 2: opportunities as men or even as I traveled for the Foundation, 326 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 2: I just assumed if we were getting a new technology 327 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 2: out in a community, it went to the men and 328 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 2: women equally. That was just a completely false assumption, and 329 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 2: I think I didn't realize how the world had been, 330 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 2: maybe inadvertently but set up for men. And you know, 331 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 2: I had to go back and learn some history to 332 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 2: understand how to we get where we are, to say, okay, well, 333 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 2: how could we start to maybe accelerate some of that change. 334 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 1: What was the first experience you had in your life, 335 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,399 Speaker 1: Like you said, you had none saying to you you 336 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,239 Speaker 1: can you know, you can be anything you want and 337 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,439 Speaker 1: opportunities are available. You had that training. When was the 338 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 1: first time you had personal experience of oh, I don't 339 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: actually have the same types of opportunities as men. 340 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 2: Well, when I went into computer science at DO, there 341 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 2: were some women freshman year, but by sophomore year there 342 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 2: was me and maybe a couple of others. And I 343 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 2: realized that a lot of the young men freshman year 344 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 2: were better trained than I was in computer science, so 345 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,199 Speaker 2: they were already coming in a step up, which is 346 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 2: why we lost so many women. I was trained well enough, 347 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 2: thank God, that I could persist and keep my self 348 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 2: esteem up to move through and to continue on. But 349 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 2: I just started to realize part of the reason we 350 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 2: don't have more women in computer science, and look how 351 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 2: important technology has become in our society, we still don't 352 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 2: have nearly enough women in the tech sector creating products. 353 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,159 Speaker 2: It's because we haven't offered the right There are many reasons, 354 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 2: but we haven't for instance, offered the right classes to 355 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 2: young women so that when they go to college their 356 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 2: confidence is up they've programmed as much as young men, 357 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:23,439 Speaker 2: or that opening freshman class is a creative class, not 358 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 2: just a coding tech class. So we just we have 359 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 2: whole industries, for instance in the United States that just 360 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 2: are not as welcoming to women. Politics in our own 361 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 2: country is not at all welcoming to women. I mean, 362 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 2: women get harassed on the campaign trails so much more 363 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 2: than men. And they will tell you if they want 364 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 2: to run their campaign, say they want to become a 365 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 2: state senator, they have to have had a certain amount 366 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 2: of money to do that, which is why men usually 367 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 2: will have more money by a certain point in their 368 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 2: life saved up to be able to run, or a 369 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 2: buddy will come in and will fund their buddy to 370 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 2: be in politics. So there are just many places where 371 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,959 Speaker 2: there are roadblocks and barriers for women and people of 372 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 2: color that don't necessarily exist for a white man. And 373 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 2: I think we need to look at those and take 374 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 2: some of them down so everybody can rise up into 375 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,680 Speaker 2: positions of power, use their full creativity. 376 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, you said you had to go back and study 377 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 1: history a little bit to look at how that had transpired. 378 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: What were some of the key moments or key points 379 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,679 Speaker 1: of history that you think were worthy of studying for 380 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: people to look back at and educate themselves on that 381 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: you think would be valuable. 382 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 2: Well, for sure, the US Constitution. I mean there were 383 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 2: no women in the room writing the constitution. There are 384 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 2: no black people in the room writing the constitution. If 385 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,639 Speaker 2: you try to imagine what we might have devised with 386 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 2: other people at the table, you know, and not counted 387 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 2: women as you can't vote or you're not smart enough 388 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 2: to vote, or black people as slaves and so not worthy, 389 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 2: you would have created a society. If the right people 390 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,439 Speaker 2: are at the table, you'd have created a society. It 391 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 2: was probably more equal for everybody. And so, you know, 392 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 2: going back and looking at that piece of history or 393 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:12,200 Speaker 2: looking at I just I couldn't understand as I would 394 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 2: go out for the foundation and meet so many women 395 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 2: in so many communities in Africa Southeast Asia who knew 396 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,400 Speaker 2: about contraceptives and had had them and no longer did, 397 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 2: and they kept saying, why why don't we have them? 398 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,239 Speaker 2: You have them in your country, why don't we have them? 399 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 2: We used to? And as I had to literally learn 400 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: the history of contraceptives around the world, what had happened 401 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 2: with those and even where my own religion I grew 402 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 2: up Catholic, where the Catholic Church had not wanted women 403 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 2: to have contraceptives and blocked even funding for that. And 404 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 2: yet we know that if a woman has access to contraceptives, 405 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 2: she's healthier, her family or kids are healthier, and the 406 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 2: family's wealthier, and it lifts them out of poverty. And 407 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,199 Speaker 2: so I had to learn that whole history before I 408 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 2: was willing to say, okay, am I going to step 409 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 2: into this very controversial issue. I'm Catholic, I have a 410 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 2: deep faith, but what's the right way to step in 411 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 2: also that maintains my integrity and what I've seen, but 412 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 2: could potentially move this issue forward because it literally is 413 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 2: a life and death situation often for women if they 414 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 2: have their children too close together and their bodies aren't ready. 415 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have 416 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni 417 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: and I've got big news for you. It's at Target 418 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 1: and we'd love your support. If you can go out 419 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 1: grab a Juny. You'll be adding adaptogens and neotropics into 420 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a 421 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: balanced and happy mind. Through our commitment to our wellness 422 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients. 423 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 1: It's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all, 424 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,439 Speaker 1: which is why Juni is now on at Target. So 425 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: head to our store locator at Drinkjuni dot com and 426 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 1: find Juni at a Target near you. How did you 427 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,360 Speaker 1: navigate that? It sounds like such a you know, kind 428 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 1: of challenging situation with your personal values and beliefs historically 429 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: mixed in with the research you're doing that how do 430 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 1: you walk those difficult parts? Because to me, that's often 431 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: where we all find ourselves. Like, I don't think there's 432 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: that much clarity. It's not always black and white, it's 433 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: not always easy. It's not always like this is the 434 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: obvious path, although we may try and make it that way. 435 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: Sometimes often there's so much more complexity in even trying 436 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 1: to change the world or having a positive impact in 437 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:43,440 Speaker 1: the world. How do you tread that carefully? Also recognizing 438 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 1: that there'll still be backlash. 439 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 2: So this was all around twenty eleven. In twenty twelve 440 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,199 Speaker 2: when I knew we needed to have more contraceptives in 441 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 2: the world, We needed to further this issue, and I 442 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 2: knew the Foundation could play a role in that. And 443 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 2: I started to realize that probably my voice and that 444 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,360 Speaker 2: would make a difference as a female, and I will 445 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 2: be honest, I was terrified, terrified to speak out on 446 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,760 Speaker 2: this issue. Yes I was using contraceptives, Yes I was 447 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 2: educating my children about their bodies and what they should 448 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 2: do long term. But to step out on the world 449 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 2: stage and say this is what I believe and know 450 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,919 Speaker 2: I would be attacked by my own church, you know 451 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 2: as a little girl, where I sat in the pews 452 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 2: you know, and saw who was at the top of 453 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,119 Speaker 2: the church like I wasn't something I wanted. And so 454 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 2: I had to do several things. One is I took 455 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,439 Speaker 2: a lot of time in quiet to think about what 456 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 2: do I believe? Why would I do this? What are 457 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 2: the ramifications for me, my children, my parents, my family, 458 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 2: What are the rammications for the foundation? Who can I 459 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 2: have support me that will help me learn and be 460 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 2: and maybe do this in the right way. I also 461 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 2: went back and questioned my faith a lot. I started 462 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,439 Speaker 2: listening to a very liberal Catholic priest, Richard Rohr in 463 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 2: his writings. That was incredibly helpful to me to realize 464 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 2: you could push against some of that some of those 465 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 2: man made rules. And I listened to a lot and 466 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 2: read a lot of Brene Brown's work, you know, Darren 467 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 2: greatly was hugely helpful to me because I literally felt like, 468 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 2: I'm going to step off of precipice and talk about 469 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 2: this issue. And I did eventually get attacked by the 470 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: Catholic Church and attacked from both the left and the right. 471 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 2: But it was okay. And the reason it was okay 472 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 2: was one I had already talked to my kids about it, 473 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 2: talked to my parents, the people I cared about the most. 474 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,359 Speaker 2: But also I knew what I had seen in the 475 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,679 Speaker 2: developing world. I knew what women were asking me, and 476 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 2: I knew this tool made a difference in their life. 477 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,879 Speaker 2: And so how could I have this platform and be 478 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,920 Speaker 2: in this position and them be willing to share their 479 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 2: lives and their stories with me and me not use 480 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 2: my voice that that didn't make any sense. So I 481 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 2: really wrestled with all of that for problem ten twelve 482 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,159 Speaker 2: months before I then was willing to come out. And 483 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 2: again I had a group of small group of female 484 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,159 Speaker 2: friends around that I said, Oh, I'm going to do this, 485 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 2: and it's going to be scary, but I could sort 486 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 2: of talk it through and work it through. Right. Yeah, 487 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 2: and then when you take that one courageous step and 488 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 2: then it does start to snowball and it goes better 489 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 2: than you think in some ways, worse in some ways 490 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 2: than you thought, but Okay, then you're not as at 491 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 2: least for me, I wasn't afraid then for other courageous 492 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,200 Speaker 2: steps I needed to take in my life later on. 493 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's so much wisdom the idea that 494 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 1: first of all, knowing who you are and what matters 495 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: to you at a very core level. I think a 496 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: lot of us sometimes do things because we think they 497 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 1: look good, or they might work out, or someone will 498 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,959 Speaker 1: but knowing that I feel this is important and it 499 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,400 Speaker 1: matters to me. I love the idea of what you're saying, 500 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 1: of speaking to your friends the people around you and 501 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 1: recognizing that it's not all oh, it's going to be 502 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: great and going to love it. No, actually, there are 503 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,920 Speaker 1: going to be consequences, ramifications, challenges, and then the idea 504 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: that it took you ten to twelve months. I love 505 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,159 Speaker 1: hearing that because I think we often think that our 506 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: best decisions or big decisions are instant and we know 507 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 1: it and you kind of flow in the moment. But 508 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: often we have to sit with these things and see 509 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,679 Speaker 1: how they sit with us in silence across a period 510 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: of time. 511 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 2: Definitely, And so I love. 512 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,680 Speaker 1: Hearing all of that. I think that's really valuable. You've 513 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 1: talked about, you know, tell me about your experiences with 514 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, because I can imagine even when you're trying 515 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 1: to make these changes, and maybe even earlier and in life, 516 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 1: maybe what was your earliest experience of imposter syndrome? 517 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:45,360 Speaker 2: Oh gosh, probably at the Foundation, Probably the first ten 518 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 2: years of the Foundation's life. I felt like an impostor. 519 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,360 Speaker 2: Here I am. I'm a computer scientist. I knew that background. 520 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 2: I had gone to business schools, so I knew economics. 521 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 2: But here we are in a whole different field. I mean, 522 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 2: I'm literally it's a whole second career for me. I'm 523 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 2: learning about biology, I'm trying to understand from people in 524 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 2: global health what can be done. I'm learning from doctors, 525 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,679 Speaker 2: I'm learning from community health workers on the ground. But 526 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 2: I just I didn't feel like I could ever know 527 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 2: enough to speak credibly on this topic because I didn't 528 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 2: go to school in global health, you know, or I 529 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 2: wasn't a doctor. But it took some time, and again 530 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 2: someone actually inside the foundation who was working for me 531 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,560 Speaker 2: at the time, came to me and wanted me to 532 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 2: speak out on something. And I said, no, no, I 533 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 2: don't feel like I know enough. And this woman said 534 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 2: to me, she said, are you kidding? Just look at 535 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,399 Speaker 2: all the traveling you have done, Like go back and 536 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,359 Speaker 2: let's look at all the trips you've done and all 537 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 2: the knowledge you've amassed. She said, how many people have 538 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: ever done that kind of travel in that way to 539 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,880 Speaker 2: be in these communities and to be at the tables 540 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 2: where the scientists. I could come back and scientists would 541 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 2: explain things to me and I could ask. And I thought, oh, 542 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 2: my gosh, I guess I do know enough. And I'll 543 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,719 Speaker 2: never know everything. No one will ever know anything everything 544 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 2: on the history of the Earth. But I know enough 545 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 2: to know what I know deeply, at a core, core level, 546 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 2: and to speak those truths. And I started to realize 547 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 2: there would be value in a woman doing that because 548 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 2: I could speak on behalf of so many of these 549 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,920 Speaker 2: women that I had met and who'd invited me into 550 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 2: their homes or shown me the tough circumstances of their lives. 551 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 2: And I thought, Okay, I've just got to go to 552 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,720 Speaker 2: get over this. If they've spoken to me, I need 553 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 2: to speak their truths in the world. And so again, 554 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 2: I think the first Brene Brown book I ever picked 555 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 2: up was The Gifts of Imperfection, and I learned to 556 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 2: embrace all these places in me that I do see 557 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: as imperfect. I still see as imperfect. I am an 558 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 2: imperfect person. You're an imperfect person. We all are. But 559 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 2: to embrace those parts of myself instead of push them 560 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 2: away and say, but I'm probably enough, still enough to 561 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 2: be this messenger. 562 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, what advice would you give to people who are 563 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: listening or watching and have that imposter syndrome? It's so 564 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,479 Speaker 1: easy to there's goodness in that belief, Like I've always 565 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: found that when I do doubt myself, there's actually beauty 566 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 1: in that because it's a humility and accepting that I 567 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: don't know. There's a there's a goodness in accepting that 568 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: I don't have everything figured out. I actually think we 569 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: often play down that so much today. We make it 570 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: sound like it's terrible to have imposter syndrome. But to me, 571 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,480 Speaker 1: anyone who has a conscience or a reflection mechanism will 572 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 1: will feel that pretty much whenever they grow into a 573 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: new phase. So I find it very useful to display 574 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: to me what's missing, what I've not learned yet, what 575 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: I need to study, what I need to become educated about. 576 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: A focus on how would you guide and advise people 577 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: who are sitting here listening to us, and they're thinking, Manda, 578 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 1: I don't feel like i'm enough, I feel like I'm 579 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: not well placed, I don't know enough, I'm not good enough, 580 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: I'm not whatever else it may be. How would you 581 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: guide them through that? 582 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 2: Well, I think it's what you said. You have to 583 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 2: actually see the beauty in the imperfections. Somebody one time 584 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 2: gave me a heart that had all of these sort 585 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 2: of holes in it in a funny way, and I 586 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 2: was going through something really tough, and she's part of 587 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 2: my spiritual group. I'm also in a spiritual group, non 588 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 2: a nominational spiritual group. And she gave it to me, 589 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 2: and she said, Melinda, this is probably like your heart 590 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 2: right now, like you thought it was kind of perfect, 591 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 2: but no, it's imperfect. But it's those holes and those 592 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 2: difficult places that have formed you into who you are 593 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,720 Speaker 2: now as a person. And so I would say to people, 594 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 2: start by looking at what messages you grew up with 595 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,719 Speaker 2: in your home, what messages are you getting in your workplace, 596 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 2: what messages are society giving you? And are those possibly 597 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,680 Speaker 2: not true? And start to say to yourself, yes, there 598 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 2: are places in me that are imperfect. And I agree 599 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 2: with you. I think looking at those helps us remain 600 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 2: humble and not narcissistic or in our egoic self in 601 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 2: embracing those and saying, but there's beauty in those and 602 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 2: what can I learn from them? But I do think 603 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 2: once you embrace those parts of yourself, at least for me, 604 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 2: I just know I feel more integrated and more like 605 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 2: a whole person. Right. And then sometimes you also need 606 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 2: to go back and make amends. There are times where 607 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 2: you've really made some mistakes or said something hurtful to someone, 608 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 2: And once you embrace those pieces going back and making 609 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 2: amends also, I think again helps you feel better about 610 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 2: your core self because then you are living even more 611 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 2: in the truth and the beauty of who you hopefully 612 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 2: want to be. 613 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: What else do you do in your spiritual group? And 614 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 1: how did you what does that look like? As people, 615 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 1: I'm sure listening and watching you also want to have 616 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: a spiritual group, a community, a tribe. What does that 617 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 1: look like? What do you do and how does it function? 618 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there are eight of us women that are 619 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 2: in this group. We formed it in two thousand and one. 620 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 2: At the time, we all had small children, you know, 621 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 2: going through school, and we were of different religions. Actually 622 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 2: one or two were just no religion at all, and 623 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 2: we just agreed that we would meet monthly second Wednesday 624 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 2: of the month and we would pick a reading or 625 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 2: a book and we would all be with it, sit 626 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: with it, read it, whatever it was. We all committed 627 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 2: to taking some time in silence every day, even if 628 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 2: it was only ten minutes, and then coming to the 629 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 2: group and having it be a trusted circle where we 630 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:36,720 Speaker 2: could share our innermost thoughts about that spiritual reading, about 631 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 2: something going on in our life. And it just became 632 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 2: a group that became central to my life. And I 633 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 2: would say vice versa, I know these women incredibly well 634 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 2: and their trials and tribulations and losing a parent or 635 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 2: not sure they're going to how the marriage is going 636 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 2: to go, or gosh, I didn't parent very well in 637 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 2: that moment, or here's where some thing has touched me 638 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,960 Speaker 2: deeply in my life nature. And then we go on 639 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 2: a silent retreat at least once a year, and we're 640 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,960 Speaker 2: in silence, usually for two or three days. Sometimes we'll 641 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 2: have a leader come and guide us through that. Other 642 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 2: times we've done it enough now that we kind of 643 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 2: go on our own. But it's just a place of deep, 644 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 2: close community where I would say we can touch one 645 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 2: another's souls and touch our own souls. 646 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: Wow, and you've been doing that since two thousand and one. 647 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,160 Speaker 2: Uh huh, Wow, that's over twenty years. 648 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's unbelievable. Yeah, what is with the community like that? 649 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 1: How do you select who gets to be a part 650 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: of it? Because I guess life was very different twenty 651 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 1: three years ago. Everyone goes through so many different evolutions 652 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: of life and phases. How do you pick who stays, 653 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: who leaves, who goes? And build that together. How does 654 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: that work well. 655 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 2: At the time that we formed the group, we didn't 656 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,560 Speaker 2: all know each other, so there was connective tissue between 657 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 2: I would say, three of us who then brought in 658 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,440 Speaker 2: others into the group, and we formed enough trust over 659 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,960 Speaker 2: time that we knew, you know that the information wouldn't 660 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,880 Speaker 2: go outside the group. You didn't go tell your spouse 661 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 2: or you're certainly your children or your mother. And we 662 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,399 Speaker 2: had one hiccup with one person in the group who 663 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 2: it just over time that person was clear wanted to 664 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,839 Speaker 2: spin out, and so she did. That was okay, But 665 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 2: it just became this place of trust and life lessons 666 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 2: and sort of milestones. We've been through so much together. 667 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 2: And I wouldn't say that we all are best friends, 668 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 2: like some of us are closer than others, or the 669 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 2: group's reform based on somebody losing a parent, or but 670 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,000 Speaker 2: we're just there for each other, like we have each 671 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 2: other's backs. And it was when I was thinking about 672 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,319 Speaker 2: coming out on these on talking about contraceptives and being 673 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 2: a bit more public for the foundation, which I hadn't 674 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 2: been before, I talked it through with this group first. 675 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 2: They were one of the first places I said I'm 676 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 2: going to do this, and I am terrified. I'm absolutely terrified, 677 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 2: and I knew they could almost be a trust counsel 678 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 2: for me to tell me the truth of well, look here, 679 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,200 Speaker 2: be careful there, know you're going to be okay. And 680 00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 2: it's almost like we kind of grew up together. 681 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,359 Speaker 1: That's beautiful, And these were all peers. They're just at 682 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 1: the time, they're just people who're meeting because I think 683 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,160 Speaker 1: often we feel like we have to be soiunded by 684 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: like everyone who's ten years ahead of us and fifteen 685 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,760 Speaker 1: years ahead of us, and everyone has to be a mentor. 686 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,800 Speaker 1: But we underestimate just how much our peers and the 687 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 1: people that are going through life at the same time 688 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 1: at the same pace are so powerful in our lives, 689 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 1: and we underestimate the people that are almost around us. 690 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 2: We do sometimes, and you know, many of the women 691 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 2: in this group are maybe five or six years older 692 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,759 Speaker 2: than I am, but you also don't know like one 693 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,520 Speaker 2: of them that's very close to me in age, her 694 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 2: husband was one of my best friends and we lost 695 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 2: him at a age thirty seven. I mean, who expects 696 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,160 Speaker 2: that you know, and you're in your thirties and you 697 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 2: lose shoes or husband. I lose one of my best friends. 698 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 2: So these moments also, I think, form you and you know, 699 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,920 Speaker 2: help shape who you become. So yeah, it doesn't always 700 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,239 Speaker 2: have to be somebody older. And in fact, because my 701 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,720 Speaker 2: youngest daughter I had the youngest of all the children 702 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 2: in the group, my last one was the youngest. I 703 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,239 Speaker 2: ended up also, though not in my spiritual group, but 704 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 2: with other friends than who were younger than me. And 705 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,400 Speaker 2: that was lovely too. There's a lot of wisdom there. 706 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 2: And you know, I have three other siblings. I am 707 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 2: extraordinarily close to my brother who's ten years younger than me. 708 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 2: There's so much wisdom there. So I think it has 709 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 2: much more to do with is the person on a 710 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,239 Speaker 2: growth path? Right? And then can we mutually learn from 711 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:41,760 Speaker 2: one another? 712 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:46,440 Speaker 1: Absolutely, you've talked about having an addiction to perfection, Yeah, 713 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 1: and I think that's something that a lot of us 714 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,120 Speaker 1: deal with. What's your relationship with perfectionism? Now? 715 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,640 Speaker 2: Well, it was awful? It's like a how bad was it? 716 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 2: It was terrible? 717 00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:58,919 Speaker 1: Well, go true? 718 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,720 Speaker 2: What would it look like, you know, dressing right, saying 719 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 2: the right thing in you know, at even like a 720 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:11,279 Speaker 2: dinner party or a cocktail party or or something like this. 721 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 2: What if I messed up and said the wrong thing 722 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 2: on a podcast, oh my gosh, you know. And so 723 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 2: it was horrible. It was absolutely horrible. It was zapping 724 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 2: my energy, and it was driving the people around me. 725 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 2: I finally realized crazy too, like somebody you know, who 726 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 2: would help prepare me for something at the foundation, if 727 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:30,759 Speaker 2: I was going on a trip, you know, I was 728 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,799 Speaker 2: grabbing all these facts and figures, and it just was 729 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 2: so unnecessary. And so when I finally really looked at 730 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,640 Speaker 2: it and again read this book on Gifts of Imperfection 731 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,160 Speaker 2: and started to write down all the places that was 732 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 2: coming up in my life or start to notice it, like, 733 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,359 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, before I leave my closet, I'm you know, 734 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,080 Speaker 2: it's taking me ten extra minutes. How silly is that? 735 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 2: Like I could have ten minutes to go be in 736 00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 2: silence or be with my kids or and so as 737 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 2: soon as I started to identify all the places, I 738 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,880 Speaker 2: could break them down. And it doesn't mean it doesn't 739 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,720 Speaker 2: still come up. I was going to a very small 740 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,799 Speaker 2: dinner party last week with a couple that I really 741 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,080 Speaker 2: respected but didn't know well, and I was going with 742 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,640 Speaker 2: two other girlfriends, and literally the hour before that, I 743 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,719 Speaker 2: went to get a bit of time in quiet, and 744 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,399 Speaker 2: I realized that feeling of not knowing enough was coming 745 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,160 Speaker 2: up that perfection, so I need to know this. What 746 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,640 Speaker 2: if they asked me this about the foundation? Oh my gosh. 747 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,440 Speaker 2: And then I just was like, no, stop, just stop, 748 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to be enough, and I'd be some things 749 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,000 Speaker 2: I can't answer tonight that I for you know, I 750 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,000 Speaker 2: forgot that particular statistic, you know, because I haven't been 751 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 2: in that country in a while. But so what once 752 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 2: you can start to let it go and again I 753 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,279 Speaker 2: could just say, okay, well I'll just be myself, then 754 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:45,840 Speaker 2: then it's fine. 755 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:51,000 Speaker 1: And how do you stop that recurring voice that judges you, 756 00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:55,320 Speaker 1: criticizes you, maybe even afterward says to you, oh, you 757 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,400 Speaker 1: shouldn't have forgotten that statistic. Oh if you would have 758 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: said this, then imagine how it would have gone. I 759 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 1: think it's hard enough to quiet the voice before you 760 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: go let alone the voice that comes afterwards that kind 761 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 1: of puts you down even further and says you could 762 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,840 Speaker 1: have done so much better, you should have done better, 763 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,840 Speaker 1: And especially as someone who's come from a high performing 764 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: college and job and everything else, like, how is that? 765 00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: How is your relationship with that voice evolved. 766 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,800 Speaker 2: I used to get that so much after an event 767 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,120 Speaker 2: or something i'd done. It almost never comes up anymore. 768 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,680 Speaker 2: It maybe comes up maybe how I stop judging myself 769 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,560 Speaker 2: and when I stop, and I also stop judging other people. 770 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,400 Speaker 2: When I learned to not judge other people, I realized 771 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,239 Speaker 2: you have to look at when you judge somebody else 772 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,400 Speaker 2: in your fingers putting this way, you know, like Byron 773 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,480 Speaker 2: Katie says, there's three fingers pointing this way. And so 774 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,879 Speaker 2: I realized if I had a judgment about even say 775 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:51,400 Speaker 2: a friend, right, well, gosh, I needed to look at that. 776 00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,319 Speaker 2: Is that judgment really about them? Or is it about me? 777 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 2: And so often the thing I might be picking on 778 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:00,080 Speaker 2: in my mind about them was actually about me. So 779 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,640 Speaker 2: I had to learn to say to myself, Okay, what 780 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:05,239 Speaker 2: is it in myself that I don't like? And can 781 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,800 Speaker 2: I just be okay with that? And so, boy, I 782 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,319 Speaker 2: believe me. I've made so many mistakes. My kids tease 783 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,839 Speaker 2: me all the time. I'm terrible with people's names, and 784 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,880 Speaker 2: yet it's a sign of respect. I think if you 785 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 2: use somebody's name, they have endless stories about how I've 786 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,440 Speaker 2: made up you know, how I messed up their high 787 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 2: school friends' names, but it's okay. I was trying to 788 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,040 Speaker 2: be respectful. I'm human and it's huge. And I also 789 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,640 Speaker 2: think the more I can humanize myself in front of 790 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 2: other people, the more I take down the barrier between 791 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:38,320 Speaker 2: me and them and we can see we are just humans. 792 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,520 Speaker 1: Right, absolutely absolutely. 793 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:44,080 Speaker 2: What do you judge yourself? Do you later say to yourself, Oh, 794 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,839 Speaker 2: I should have said this, I should have said that. 795 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,839 Speaker 1: I think it took me a long time to get 796 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 1: to a point of giving myself grace and not making 797 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:58,760 Speaker 1: myself feel that I had to be anyone else apart 798 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:05,640 Speaker 1: from myself, and that the perfect performance wasn't actually satisfying 799 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 1: to me. It just gave me more to have to 800 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 1: live up to. And so when I first started doing 801 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,120 Speaker 1: what I do, it felt like in every room, in 802 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 1: every conversation, I had to say something magical and miraculous 803 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 1: and profound, and often I'd say something very basic, yet 804 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,799 Speaker 1: it would feel that way. And sometimes I'd say the 805 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 1: most profound thing and it would be seen as basic. 806 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,440 Speaker 1: And I started to realize very quickly that if you 807 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,040 Speaker 1: were spending most of the time in your head just 808 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:38,480 Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to be a certain way 809 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,200 Speaker 1: or come across a certain way, which is what all 810 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 1: of us do. Sure, you actually lose the opportunity to 811 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 1: be present and have the experience and probably say something 812 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:53,080 Speaker 1: and hear things that actually have an impact on other 813 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,200 Speaker 1: people because you're actually there. And so it was learning 814 00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 1: to trust myself and trust that whether I knew the 815 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,200 Speaker 1: right thing to say or I didn't know that that 816 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,759 Speaker 1: was perfect just as it was. But I think that 817 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,520 Speaker 1: that grace is something we have to develop and cultivate 818 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: and build because it's so natural. I was just I 819 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: was just a gold and Sex. On Monday, We're doing 820 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 1: a talks of Goldman Sex and it was all around 821 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,880 Speaker 1: the benefits of mindfulness mixed with a high performance culture. 822 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,319 Speaker 1: And so it's like, how does that work if you're 823 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,800 Speaker 1: a high performing trader? What does it mean to practice 824 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 1: mindfulness and grace? There's not a lot of space for 825 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,359 Speaker 1: grace if you're losing twenty million dollars or whatever else. 826 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,480 Speaker 1: Maybe in two hundred million it could be so much more. 827 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 1: So what does that look like to give yourself grace? 828 00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:43,879 Speaker 1: And I think we equate grace to weakness. We think 829 00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,760 Speaker 1: if I'm kind to myself, then that's weakness. And actually 830 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,960 Speaker 1: I found that guilt blocks growth for sure. 831 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,239 Speaker 2: That guilt doesn't make you grow. 832 00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,000 Speaker 1: Guilt can maybe make you feel bad for a second 833 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,520 Speaker 1: and push you in the right direction, but over a 834 00:42:58,560 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 1: sustained period of. 835 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,600 Speaker 2: Time, guilt will drain you totally. 836 00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,279 Speaker 1: And so I think grace does what guilt kant. It 837 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,359 Speaker 1: says I'm going to give some space to where I'm 838 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,080 Speaker 1: at so that I can get back on the horse, 839 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,359 Speaker 1: Whereas if I just guilt myself, I'm going to keep 840 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,480 Speaker 1: pushing myself down into the ground. I'll never get back up. 841 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:18,240 Speaker 2: My thinking on guilt is that sometimes it can point 842 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,399 Speaker 2: to where you're off of your integrated self, and it's 843 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:24,880 Speaker 2: very important to pay attention to read. So for me, 844 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:26,879 Speaker 2: when it comes up in silence, I try to really 845 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,480 Speaker 2: look at Okay, was I off of who I want 846 00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 2: to be? Grace is one of my absolute favorite words, 847 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,239 Speaker 2: and it's something that in difficult situations I actually pray for, 848 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:42,239 Speaker 2: like I will pray for just bring some grace to 849 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:47,480 Speaker 2: this moment, whatever that means. And I think so often again, 850 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,879 Speaker 2: I think sometimes if we're trying to say the right thing, 851 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,319 Speaker 2: or do the right thing, or not say the wrong thing, 852 00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,520 Speaker 2: we're kind of actually in that egoic part of ourselves 853 00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,640 Speaker 2: as a point as opposed to saying, just let grace 854 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,640 Speaker 2: come through through whatever is meant to be, let it 855 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:07,120 Speaker 2: happen in this moment. And I will say, for me, 856 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:11,000 Speaker 2: because I have traveled a lot to these rural settings, 857 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,600 Speaker 2: low income countries and communities, I will often pray for 858 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 2: grace before I go in and for the conversation, to 859 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 2: try and drop any judgments I have so I can 860 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 2: just meet the person where they are at, and they 861 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,520 Speaker 2: can meet me and I can see is there something 862 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,480 Speaker 2: that can come out of this of beauty a learning 863 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,759 Speaker 2: that maybe we can work on or they can work 864 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:33,319 Speaker 2: on or But yeah, grace is actually one of my 865 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,880 Speaker 2: absolute favorite words. 866 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,839 Speaker 1: Well, I love that. How hard was it to give 867 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,600 Speaker 1: yourself grace through the divorce? Because I feel like that 868 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,759 Speaker 1: feels like for a lot of people can feel like 869 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:48,160 Speaker 1: one of the biggest failures, challenges, stresses. It's one of 870 00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 1: the hardest transitions and changes that you go through in life. 871 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,400 Speaker 1: How hard was it at that time to give yourself grace? 872 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:55,360 Speaker 1: What did that look like? 873 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:59,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the hardest thing I had ever been 874 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:03,839 Speaker 2: through my life. Let me be really clear, about that, Well, 875 00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 2: you have an image. I thought I was going to 876 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:09,239 Speaker 2: be married for life. I thought, you know, i'd be 877 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,680 Speaker 2: married fifty plus years. And so all of a sudden, 878 00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:20,239 Speaker 2: you see that even despite very very much work and counseling, 879 00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:25,880 Speaker 2: that what you had doesn't actually exist, and that for me, 880 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,399 Speaker 2: I couldn't go forward. That I just there wasn't enough 881 00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:33,160 Speaker 2: trust any longer, and so it wasn't something I wished for. 882 00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,120 Speaker 2: I certainly didn't think I would be in my late 883 00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:38,560 Speaker 2: fifties and be divorced, you know, like I didn't. It 884 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:40,319 Speaker 2: was okay that people were divorced. I didn't have some 885 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,520 Speaker 2: problem with that, but I didn't know that was going 886 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:51,560 Speaker 2: to be me. And it was incredibly challenging. I've never 887 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:55,920 Speaker 2: cried so much my whole life. And I prayed a 888 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,000 Speaker 2: lot for grace, for grace for myself, for grace for 889 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,400 Speaker 2: my children, for grace for the situation that we would 890 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 2: somehow get through this as a family behind the scenes, 891 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,279 Speaker 2: and hope to God it wouldn't be public before we 892 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 2: were finished, because I knew that would be a whole 893 00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 2: nother thing. And I think sometimes the only way I 894 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 2: got through was because I do have a faith, and 895 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,560 Speaker 2: thank God. I had close, close friends who I could 896 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,320 Speaker 2: talk to on the hardest days, and a good therapist. 897 00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,840 Speaker 2: But it is not something I would wish on any family. 898 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,920 Speaker 2: It is a very, very difficult thing to go through 899 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:33,080 Speaker 2: because you're pulling apart something that has been tightly woven 900 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,600 Speaker 2: together and that you believed in. And I will say though, 901 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,720 Speaker 2: on the other side, there can be a lot of beauty, 902 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,040 Speaker 2: you know, once you get through the rough patches and 903 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,760 Speaker 2: things finally kind of calm down for the whole family 904 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,120 Speaker 2: and everybody. On the other side, there can be a 905 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:50,960 Speaker 2: lot of beauty. So I never thought i'd be in 906 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,480 Speaker 2: my late fifties, I'm about to turn sixty and be 907 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:58,759 Speaker 2: single again, right Who expects that? But I didn't. But hey, 908 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:03,719 Speaker 2: it's pretty great too, you know. And so I look 909 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,120 Speaker 2: for I just I look in the hardest of hard times, 910 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,759 Speaker 2: I say to myself, just pray for grace and know 911 00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 2: there'll be something that comes out of this struggle. I'd 912 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,400 Speaker 2: read a book years ago, many years ago called Awakening 913 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:22,080 Speaker 2: Joy by James Bross Bras and Shoshana Alexander, and one 914 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,640 Speaker 2: of the things I had learned from that book I 915 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 2: carried it around in my briefcase for years, or my 916 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:29,400 Speaker 2: dotebag is that you can hold joy in sadness side 917 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,120 Speaker 2: by side. I had somehow gotten to that point in life, 918 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,120 Speaker 2: you know, in my forties, where I had thought, oh, 919 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,080 Speaker 2: there's these amazing joy moments or these really sad low moments. No, 920 00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,520 Speaker 2: you can hold both side by side and realize that 921 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,360 Speaker 2: even when you're really sad, there's going to be joy again. 922 00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:46,760 Speaker 2: It might take ten minutes, it might take ten months, 923 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,800 Speaker 2: it might take ten years, but there's joy and both exist. 924 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,759 Speaker 2: And I started to learn to be able to hold 925 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:54,600 Speaker 2: that duality. 926 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting to me. I was sweeing to 927 00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,919 Speaker 1: someone yesterday who'd just broken up with a five year relationship, 928 00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:05,919 Speaker 1: not not married, just to partner, and they were saying 929 00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,600 Speaker 1: to me, they were like, I know there'll be better days, 930 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 1: but I can't see how right now. Like I know it, 931 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:16,239 Speaker 1: but I can't see how right now. And I think 932 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:21,360 Speaker 1: that that discomfort is probably one of the most piercing 933 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,719 Speaker 1: emotions that you can have, because sometimes people even go 934 00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,560 Speaker 1: as far as they'll never be another good day. But 935 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:29,279 Speaker 1: sometimes we can see there's a good day, but we 936 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,839 Speaker 1: don't know when. Walk me through the emotion of when 937 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,319 Speaker 1: you know something is ending, and your vision of what 938 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,440 Speaker 1: something was is crumbling, and you don't know what that 939 00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,400 Speaker 1: next phase looks like. Like, walk us through the emotional 940 00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: navigation of that, because I feel like that's what so 941 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:52,120 Speaker 1: many people struggle with people. It's one thing being like, okay, 942 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,120 Speaker 1: this is ending now, but there's so much when that 943 00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,160 Speaker 1: penny drops al much like when that emotion drops from 944 00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,480 Speaker 1: your head to your heart, like Okay, this is not 945 00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,600 Speaker 1: working out anymore. But then it kind of goes here 946 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:06,279 Speaker 1: and you go, oh, that that's really uncomfortable, and then 947 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,560 Speaker 1: you actually have to follow through with it. Walk us 948 00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,799 Speaker 1: through navigating that. What does that take? 949 00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,640 Speaker 2: I have had to learn that last ten years, I 950 00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:20,399 Speaker 2: would say, to really feel deeply feel my emotions in 951 00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:24,040 Speaker 2: my body, like that emotion you just described from here 952 00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:26,759 Speaker 2: to it's not working to drops, as you said, into 953 00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,359 Speaker 2: your heart and I got to make a change. It 954 00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,239 Speaker 2: literally felt like a stab in the heart, like I 955 00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:39,040 Speaker 2: could feel it here like and so I am. I 956 00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,080 Speaker 2: just knew it was something. It was such a such 957 00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:45,279 Speaker 2: an enormous consequential decision that I needed to take time 958 00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,879 Speaker 2: with it, and I needed to be kind of myself. 959 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,879 Speaker 2: I didn't want to. I wanted to minimize if I could, 960 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,799 Speaker 2: the pain to those around me. But it's just it's 961 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,000 Speaker 2: gut wrenching. That's probably the best. It feels like a 962 00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,440 Speaker 2: stab in the heart, least to me, a stab in 963 00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,400 Speaker 2: the heart and wrenching because it's not what you want 964 00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,040 Speaker 2: to do. But that's when I think your friends come 965 00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,640 Speaker 2: in and they are the lights and the moments of grace, 966 00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,719 Speaker 2: and they can hold out for you and remind you 967 00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:12,840 Speaker 2: the hope on the other side. You're going to be okay. 968 00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,200 Speaker 2: I know it's going to be okay, But I'm sure 969 00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,319 Speaker 2: there's going to be something beautiful on the other side, 970 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,759 Speaker 2: even though none of us know what that is. 971 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,879 Speaker 1: What's something you know now that you wish you knew. 972 00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:25,400 Speaker 2: Then you will find happiness again. You know, you can 973 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,520 Speaker 2: feel like I had days where I thought, I don't 974 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:29,319 Speaker 2: know if I'll ever be happy again. I just I 975 00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:33,960 Speaker 2: don't know. You will absolutely find happiness, and you'll find 976 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:38,799 Speaker 2: happiness in sometimes really unexpected ways or unexpected places, right, 977 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,200 Speaker 2: And I don't know. At least you learn. At least 978 00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,920 Speaker 2: for me, I learned to appreciate the world more, appreciate 979 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:50,080 Speaker 2: my friends more, and my family more being in nature. Yeah, 980 00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,719 Speaker 2: so you'll be happy again, you just can't feel it 981 00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:53,240 Speaker 2: in the moment. 982 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,759 Speaker 1: Thank you, Yeah, I know, I'm I really hope that 983 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,480 Speaker 1: everyone's listening and watching that resonates with them and being 984 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,680 Speaker 1: able to find that grace, being able to navigate those 985 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:07,239 Speaker 1: challenging emotions feeling in their body, because yeah, it's just 986 00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,200 Speaker 1: when you hear someone say it when they're actually going 987 00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:15,080 Speaker 1: through it. It's Yeah, it's one of those things where even 988 00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,160 Speaker 1: your closest friends don't even know the right things to 989 00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,320 Speaker 1: say because. 990 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,399 Speaker 2: And sometimes there isn't the right thing to say. I mean, 991 00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:25,440 Speaker 2: it's also like when someone passes away, right, sometimes you 992 00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,440 Speaker 2: just need somebody to walk with you, or somebody to 993 00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:30,080 Speaker 2: just cry with you, you. 994 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:30,520 Speaker 1: Know, and. 995 00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:38,640 Speaker 2: There are no words. But I always know too when 996 00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,120 Speaker 2: my friends step in in those moments, I will step 997 00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,680 Speaker 2: in for them or for somebody else right later on. 998 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,120 Speaker 2: And so again I learned through the process that you 999 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:48,640 Speaker 2: actually have to accept help. 1000 00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:48,960 Speaker 1: Right. 1001 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:50,520 Speaker 2: I wasn't so great at that. I was good at 1002 00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,640 Speaker 2: helping other people, but not so good at accepting it myself. 1003 00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,839 Speaker 2: And I had to learn to accept that help because 1004 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,080 Speaker 2: I it isn't something I could go through alone. 1005 00:51:58,160 --> 00:51:58,319 Speaker 3: You know. 1006 00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,920 Speaker 2: I think sometimes we make the mistake world of thinking, 1007 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,600 Speaker 2: you know, while soldier on, I can do this alone. No, 1008 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,640 Speaker 2: I mean we can only really do things in community. 1009 00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:12,279 Speaker 2: And it takes community to feel held and secure and 1010 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,920 Speaker 2: safe enough to move forward in whatever it is we're doing, 1011 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:19,800 Speaker 2: our professional pursuit, our love life, our parenting of our children. 1012 00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:22,160 Speaker 2: If we're going to do it well, it takes community. 1013 00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:24,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the most recent thing you asked? Helpful? 1014 00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,440 Speaker 2: I was struggling with something about a week ago, and 1015 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,759 Speaker 2: so it's personal though, and so I asked a friend 1016 00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,400 Speaker 2: to go for a walk. I just said, could we 1017 00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,520 Speaker 2: walk and talk? Like I have something I really need 1018 00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:39,239 Speaker 2: to work through here. And yeah, so I'll pick up 1019 00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,400 Speaker 2: a phone call a friend say can we go for 1020 00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:45,799 Speaker 2: a walk, or I'll text somebody right, And you know, 1021 00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,920 Speaker 2: we have ways of telling each other can drop everything 1022 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,160 Speaker 2: versus okay, this can wait till tomorrow, you know. But 1023 00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,640 Speaker 2: for sure, I do it all the time, and I hope, 1024 00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,400 Speaker 2: I hope I'm there and have the backs of my 1025 00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:56,200 Speaker 2: friends as well. 1026 00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:02,040 Speaker 1: So wonderful to dive into some of the issues that 1027 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:05,399 Speaker 1: you're focusing right now through the work that you think 1028 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:09,239 Speaker 1: of the biggest issues facing the world from your perspective, 1029 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,400 Speaker 1: if you had to, if you could narrow down to 1030 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,120 Speaker 1: three things that you're like, these are the three things 1031 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,400 Speaker 1: you're trying to solve right now, which would have scaled impact. 1032 00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,600 Speaker 1: What would they be? What are they? 1033 00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:26,200 Speaker 2: I'd say it's really one thing, and it's making sure 1034 00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:30,439 Speaker 2: that women and people of color can walk into their 1035 00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:34,920 Speaker 2: full power everywhere in the world. And we need to 1036 00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,279 Speaker 2: get women and people of color to all places in society, 1037 00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:45,520 Speaker 2: whether that's in politics, because they make different policies, state houses, congress, parliaments, 1038 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:51,080 Speaker 2: we need to make sure they're empowered. Financially, we do 1039 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,080 Speaker 2: not invest in women led businesses or people of colored 1040 00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:58,080 Speaker 2: businesses the way we do in male businesses, white men's businesses. 1041 00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:02,880 Speaker 2: That's just the truth and the VC community. And then culturally, 1042 00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,600 Speaker 2: we need to have more of those stories come forward. 1043 00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:09,880 Speaker 2: I feel like if we don't advance the world on 1044 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,480 Speaker 2: behalf of everybody else, we're going to just keep falling backwards. 1045 00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,880 Speaker 2: We're going to keep falling backwards into these potholes that 1046 00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:18,400 Speaker 2: we have, and so I would like to see, you know, 1047 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,920 Speaker 2: more women be able to step in their full power 1048 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,040 Speaker 2: everywhere in the world. And it does it's hard. It 1049 00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:27,880 Speaker 2: means breaking down social norms in certain places. It means 1050 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,800 Speaker 2: investing in women led businesses, it means thinking about things 1051 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:37,560 Speaker 2: differently in the workplace. But I think the world would 1052 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:41,600 Speaker 2: be so much better off if the people making our 1053 00:54:41,719 --> 00:54:46,280 Speaker 2: policies looked like the rest of society, all of society. 1054 00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,480 Speaker 2: So in the US that means, you know, having more 1055 00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,239 Speaker 2: Latinas who are there, more people of color who are 1056 00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:55,359 Speaker 2: making policy, more women making policy. We would just reflect 1057 00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:59,680 Speaker 2: more all of society instead of a certain echelon of society. 1058 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,759 Speaker 2: And you know, it's still for instance, just to give 1059 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,319 Speaker 2: you one example, I go places in the world and 1060 00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,000 Speaker 2: people just kind of scratch their head and say, the 1061 00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:12,760 Speaker 2: US has no paid family medical leave policy, no family 1062 00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:16,000 Speaker 2: leave policy, Like don't you care about your children? You know? 1063 00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,080 Speaker 2: And then you go to place like Sweden or Norway. 1064 00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,120 Speaker 2: I've had it for thirty years. And it's not just 1065 00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,600 Speaker 2: the women. The men take time off at the birth 1066 00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:26,879 Speaker 2: of their child. Well guess what, Then they participate more, 1067 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,400 Speaker 2: They're more involved with the child, things are more balanced 1068 00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:33,640 Speaker 2: in the home and so but it's because we don't 1069 00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:39,400 Speaker 2: have enough women in our US Congress and Senate and 1070 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,680 Speaker 2: other places to be able to create those policies, right 1071 00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,839 Speaker 2: we have them in thirteen states now, but we don't 1072 00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,520 Speaker 2: have a federal policy yet. That just shouldn't be not 1073 00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:52,719 Speaker 2: in this day of working parents where most couples both 1074 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:55,520 Speaker 2: parents are working if they have kids. 1075 00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,680 Speaker 1: And systemically, what does that actually take like to actually 1076 00:55:57,680 --> 00:55:59,760 Speaker 1: achieve that, Like, what is that? What is the actual 1077 00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:01,480 Speaker 1: work has to go and behind the scenes to make 1078 00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:04,000 Speaker 1: that happen, because I think we only ever hear about 1079 00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,040 Speaker 1: it if it becomes news, like you're saying if someone 1080 00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:08,680 Speaker 1: gets voted in or someone gets a position of power. 1081 00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,839 Speaker 1: But what's happening years and years and days and days 1082 00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,799 Speaker 1: behind the scenes to make that happen, Like, what does 1083 00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:14,600 Speaker 1: that actually take? 1084 00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:20,239 Speaker 2: It means there are lots of groups that organize and 1085 00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:24,440 Speaker 2: work on this, but it means funding women's political campaigns, 1086 00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,480 Speaker 2: supporting them when they get harassed on the campaign trail, 1087 00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,680 Speaker 2: giving them the tools so that when they get into 1088 00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,560 Speaker 2: these halls of power, they know how to make good policy. 1089 00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:38,440 Speaker 2: Right in the past, we just have not done that. 1090 00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:41,719 Speaker 2: We haven't done it at scale. So that's one example. 1091 00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,319 Speaker 2: In the venture capital space, it means really looking at 1092 00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,719 Speaker 2: women's businesses and seeing just because they don't look like 1093 00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:51,600 Speaker 2: the other businesses we've seen these are valuable businesses or 1094 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,839 Speaker 2: people of color. But we have to break down the 1095 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:57,960 Speaker 2: bias that has been there that says, oh, well, you 1096 00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:01,120 Speaker 2: don't take enough risk, or I've never seen a business 1097 00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:04,440 Speaker 2: like this before, or maybe you're not trained up in 1098 00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,560 Speaker 2: the right way. We have all these sort of biased 1099 00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:10,520 Speaker 2: excuses instead of saying, no, let's fund these businesses. And 1100 00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:14,680 Speaker 2: then what happens is you'll have women and people of 1101 00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:17,320 Speaker 2: color if you have them in all places in society 1102 00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:20,360 Speaker 2: at the top. It means a young woman can look 1103 00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,919 Speaker 2: up and say, oh, there's three dozen archetypes of women 1104 00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:28,840 Speaker 2: who are politicians. There are three dozen archetypes of women's CEOs. 1105 00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,400 Speaker 2: I don't want to be like those six, but I 1106 00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,680 Speaker 2: want to be like one of those. Two. Young men 1107 00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,440 Speaker 2: can look up and see three dozen archetypes and politics, 1108 00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:40,360 Speaker 2: three dozen archetypes as CEO, three dozen archetypes on Wall Street, right, 1109 00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:41,760 Speaker 2: and go I don't want to be like those guys, 1110 00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:44,280 Speaker 2: but I want to be like those We're just not 1111 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:46,560 Speaker 2: there yet, and so we've got to invest more in 1112 00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:49,600 Speaker 2: this if we're going to create true lasting change in 1113 00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:50,120 Speaker 2: the country. 1114 00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:54,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I can. I mean definitely, speaking from the 1115 00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:58,120 Speaker 1: person of color point of view like I never was. 1116 00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,000 Speaker 1: I was never raised with that system that there were 1117 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:04,160 Speaker 1: any things that were outside of my possibility. My parents 1118 00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:08,800 Speaker 1: were very My parents never made us feel that a 1119 00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,680 Speaker 1: color of skin would hold us back, and so we 1120 00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,880 Speaker 1: worked hard, we pushed forward. And it was only until 1121 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,960 Speaker 1: much much later, probably more recently, where I started to 1122 00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:24,080 Speaker 1: realize certain differences. And it was almost as if I 1123 00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,800 Speaker 1: not that I'd hidden my not that they were hidden 1124 00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:29,400 Speaker 1: from me or that I wasn't aware of them. It 1125 00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:33,560 Speaker 1: was just I started to recognize how differently. Even sometimes 1126 00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:39,200 Speaker 1: I was criticized or looked at versus counterparts who may 1127 00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:42,040 Speaker 1: not have that like I. I'd often hear things like, 1128 00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:46,960 Speaker 1: you know, well, Jay's using his culture of meditation to 1129 00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,400 Speaker 1: make it spread across the world, and that's watered down 1130 00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:52,520 Speaker 1: and it's not the truth of his tradition or whatever 1131 00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:54,760 Speaker 1: it may be. And I was like, wait, wait a minute, 1132 00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,880 Speaker 1: but this is my tradition, like this, I grew up 1133 00:58:56,920 --> 00:59:00,000 Speaker 1: with this. I'm only sharing what's actually from my home 1134 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:04,280 Speaker 1: country and where my parents came from. How fascinating that 1135 00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:06,440 Speaker 1: there have been other people who have taken that culture 1136 00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,120 Speaker 1: and spread it all across the world and never had 1137 00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:11,680 Speaker 1: to deal with that feedback, whereas that's feedback that I 1138 00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:15,480 Speaker 1: have to deal with, and it sounds very random, a niche, 1139 00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,600 Speaker 1: but that point being the same, that sometimes you're held 1140 00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:20,360 Speaker 1: to a different standard you are. 1141 00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:23,480 Speaker 2: There's just even though it is your own totally, and 1142 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:28,480 Speaker 2: they're just it's bias or it's people projecting onto you 1143 00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:33,480 Speaker 2: because they haven't seen somebody like you before, and so 1144 00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:35,760 Speaker 2: they'll and it'll be I think a lot as a woman, 1145 00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:37,440 Speaker 2: I'll say a lot of times it's these sort of 1146 00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:41,520 Speaker 2: little indirect ways that things come in. No, you can't, No, 1147 00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:44,400 Speaker 2: you shouldn't know. We've never seen one like you before, 1148 00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,600 Speaker 2: and so I think if we, you know, somewhat. I 1149 00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:49,959 Speaker 2: was lucky. I got protected being an all girls' school, 1150 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,760 Speaker 2: but it wasn't until I went out to the workforce 1151 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,240 Speaker 2: and I hear even men talk about these days. Look, 1152 00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:58,080 Speaker 2: I've educated my daughters and sons equally, you know, in schools, 1153 00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,800 Speaker 2: but then I send them out into the workforce and 1154 01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:03,640 Speaker 2: my son sort of sores pretty easily, and my daughter 1155 01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:07,720 Speaker 2: just keeps hitting these barriers, right, And so those are 1156 01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:09,360 Speaker 2: some of the things we have to look at as 1157 01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:10,840 Speaker 2: a society and take down. 1158 01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,800 Speaker 1: Have you ever had anything from your own kids that 1159 01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:14,440 Speaker 1: felt like that where you're like. 1160 01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:20,439 Speaker 2: Oh no, less so them specifically, but their friends for sure. 1161 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:27,400 Speaker 2: For sure, particularly they're friends of color. And my sense 1162 01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,200 Speaker 2: of that was always just to support them until those kids. 1163 01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:32,000 Speaker 2: You can be anything you want to be, just because 1164 01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:35,400 Speaker 2: that white person tells you, no, uh uh, I see you. 1165 01:00:35,400 --> 01:00:36,960 Speaker 2: You've been in my house, I see you. I know 1166 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,560 Speaker 2: what you're capable of. Keep going right, or or also 1167 01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:44,760 Speaker 2: I think you know, some men are more networked in 1168 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:48,040 Speaker 2: the world. There are more natural networks they connect into. 1169 01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:52,040 Speaker 2: So again sending girls out or kids of color and 1170 01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:56,880 Speaker 2: connecting them into our networks so they get that first internship. 1171 01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,880 Speaker 2: So the corporation sees them as like, oh my god, 1172 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,400 Speaker 2: they are talented, right, but they don't there aren't those 1173 01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:07,120 Speaker 2: natural networks to connect them into today. Or we have 1174 01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,840 Speaker 2: to push harder to get them in right. And I 1175 01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:11,959 Speaker 2: think all of those kinds of things can help. 1176 01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:14,400 Speaker 1: What are the top three values that you want to 1177 01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,320 Speaker 1: do your kids to embody that you felt were real 1178 01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:19,760 Speaker 1: priorities for them to operate as humans in the world today. 1179 01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:25,720 Speaker 2: I wanted them to be kind, I wanted them to 1180 01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:29,440 Speaker 2: develop their talents, whatever that was, because I said to them, 1181 01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:32,400 Speaker 2: you have some inherent talent that is up to you 1182 01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,960 Speaker 2: to figure out that you can give to the world, 1183 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,040 Speaker 2: whatever field that is in. And number three, you've been 1184 01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:41,840 Speaker 2: lucky to grow up in the United States and to 1185 01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:44,120 Speaker 2: grow up in a situation where you didn't have to 1186 01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:47,480 Speaker 2: worry about paying for your education or your health career, housing. Like, 1187 01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:51,400 Speaker 2: you are lucky, so you have to give back to 1188 01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:53,280 Speaker 2: the world. So just as my parents said to me, 1189 01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:55,880 Speaker 2: you will be college going, my kids got the messages 1190 01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,560 Speaker 2: you will give back to the world. Now, I've always 1191 01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:00,600 Speaker 2: said to them, have your own career for you know, 1192 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:03,400 Speaker 2: know what you're good at. But at some point you 1193 01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:07,920 Speaker 2: are expected to give back. And I've actually been pleasantly 1194 01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:10,200 Speaker 2: surprised that all of them, even in their twenties, have 1195 01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:15,360 Speaker 2: figured out how to give back in different ways. And again, 1196 01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:18,160 Speaker 2: it goes back to that thing that I learned in 1197 01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:20,320 Speaker 2: high school, which is we can all one of us 1198 01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,800 Speaker 2: can affect somebody else's life. Right, if you grow up 1199 01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,720 Speaker 2: in the United States, you are lucky. Even in a 1200 01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:29,560 Speaker 2: tough circumstance. In the United States, you're lucky compared to 1201 01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:32,120 Speaker 2: the way people grew up in many other countries. 1202 01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:34,960 Speaker 1: How did you guide them through the process of growing 1203 01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:39,120 Speaker 1: up with such famous parents and known parents, because I've 1204 01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,880 Speaker 1: that's a really hard thing, like to grow up where 1205 01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:45,800 Speaker 1: everyone knows who your parents are and recognizes your name 1206 01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:49,360 Speaker 1: and everyone. How have you helped them navigate that, because 1207 01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,000 Speaker 1: I can imagine that's not easy at all. 1208 01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:53,480 Speaker 2: It was difficult for them, and I knew it was 1209 01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:58,160 Speaker 2: going to be difficult when they were young. Well two things. 1210 01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:59,840 Speaker 2: One is we didn't have the TV on in the house, 1211 01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:03,720 Speaker 2: so they literally didn't know. In fact, their father was 1212 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,000 Speaker 2: kind of who he was in the world. He was 1213 01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:08,000 Speaker 2: his dad in the house, you know. And I was 1214 01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:10,200 Speaker 2: not out speaking in the world that much then, And 1215 01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:13,560 Speaker 2: so we enrolled them in their schools under my name, 1216 01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:17,120 Speaker 2: my maiden name French, and it would give us two 1217 01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:19,360 Speaker 2: to three weeks where I would be dropping them off 1218 01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,960 Speaker 2: at school and they were just like everybody else. Nobody 1219 01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,360 Speaker 2: knew their dad was who he was, and it wasn't 1220 01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:27,080 Speaker 2: until he showed up that people went, oh, those are 1221 01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:29,760 Speaker 2: his kids. But by then they were already in the 1222 01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:31,480 Speaker 2: school and they were just we were seen as a 1223 01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:35,440 Speaker 2: normal family. That was done intentionally, was super intentionally. And 1224 01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:38,680 Speaker 2: I would sit down with the administration before the school 1225 01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:41,960 Speaker 2: year and talk about the values we had, and I 1226 01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,680 Speaker 2: expected them to be treated like everybody else's kids, and 1227 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,840 Speaker 2: if my kids were acting out, I wanted to know 1228 01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:51,680 Speaker 2: about it, or if they were acting wealthy. I went 1229 01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:53,720 Speaker 2: to school, I went to university with other wealthy kids, 1230 01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:55,720 Speaker 2: and I wasn't. I saw some of those kids acted. 1231 01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:58,920 Speaker 2: Those weren't going to be my kids. So that's how 1232 01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:01,240 Speaker 2: they started elementary school, and then as they got to 1233 01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:04,000 Speaker 2: middle school. In high school, we would have conversations with 1234 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,000 Speaker 2: them about would you like to keep your mom's ma 1235 01:04:07,120 --> 01:04:09,120 Speaker 2: name name or would you like to adopt Gates and 1236 01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,320 Speaker 2: different ones chose different things of the three of them 1237 01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:15,640 Speaker 2: at different times. But we just didn't make a big 1238 01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,440 Speaker 2: deal about what we were out doing in the world, 1239 01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,960 Speaker 2: you know, their world. They were very protected by their 1240 01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,680 Speaker 2: schools and by our home life. Yes, they grew up 1241 01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:27,280 Speaker 2: in a very fancy house, but you know, they had chores, 1242 01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:30,040 Speaker 2: they knew that they were they had an allowance. We 1243 01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:33,280 Speaker 2: didn't just buy them something. And when they finally got 1244 01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:34,600 Speaker 2: to the age where they had a phone. If they 1245 01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,080 Speaker 2: broke their phone, there were rules about how that got replaced. 1246 01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:39,720 Speaker 2: We just didn't give them a new phone, right So 1247 01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,680 Speaker 2: they grew up with that and I think it taught 1248 01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:45,600 Speaker 2: them the value of money. It taught them that, Okay, 1249 01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:48,040 Speaker 2: they could see when when also when I was out 1250 01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,640 Speaker 2: speaking more they knew why they could see what their 1251 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,520 Speaker 2: dad was doing, especially in philanthropy. Then, oh, my parents 1252 01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:56,640 Speaker 2: are living out their values in the world. But they 1253 01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:59,160 Speaker 2: were very protected by their schools and I think that 1254 01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:00,920 Speaker 2: served them incredibly well. 1255 01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,240 Speaker 1: How old were they when they got their first phone? 1256 01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:07,080 Speaker 2: Ah, so my oldest daughter, the conversation was about a 1257 01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,240 Speaker 2: flip phone, and that was in fifth grade and she 1258 01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:11,800 Speaker 2: finally got it in sixth Oh. 1259 01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:12,000 Speaker 1: Good. 1260 01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:16,080 Speaker 2: And the difference between when she went through high school 1261 01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:19,520 Speaker 2: then versus my youngest, which was six years later through 1262 01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:22,560 Speaker 2: the same high school. Two girls, the son in the middle, 1263 01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:26,600 Speaker 2: but the two girls, the difference between not having social 1264 01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,480 Speaker 2: media and high school and my oldest went through and 1265 01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:32,320 Speaker 2: then my youngest having social media by middle school just 1266 01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:37,520 Speaker 2: profoundly different in terms of parenting. It was just it 1267 01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:40,520 Speaker 2: was like a switch went on. And even the adults 1268 01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:43,120 Speaker 2: in the school having a phone, it was just so different. 1269 01:05:43,560 --> 01:05:45,960 Speaker 2: But we did have rules early on. Ever, you know, 1270 01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:49,480 Speaker 2: they plugged their phones outside their room at night where 1271 01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:51,000 Speaker 2: I could see them, and when I'd wake up at 1272 01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:53,880 Speaker 2: night and go, look, that phone better be in the 1273 01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,200 Speaker 2: place that it was supposed to be. Now, whether they 1274 01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,840 Speaker 2: snuck it back to the room for a few minutes 1275 01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,760 Speaker 2: and brought it back, I've now learned a couple of them. 1276 01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:04,160 Speaker 2: But you know, we had rules about those things, and 1277 01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,080 Speaker 2: I think that served them well. 1278 01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:10,480 Speaker 1: How do we create a culture of giving in service, Milinda, 1279 01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:13,000 Speaker 1: Because I think some people would look and say, oh, 1280 01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,680 Speaker 1: it's easy to do it when you have billions to 1281 01:06:14,680 --> 01:06:16,640 Speaker 1: give away, or you know, millions to give away, or 1282 01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:21,200 Speaker 1: whatever else it may be. And I remember in my 1283 01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:24,040 Speaker 1: spiritual tradition, one statement that I always used to love 1284 01:06:24,160 --> 01:06:27,200 Speaker 1: is God doesn't see how much you give, God sees 1285 01:06:27,240 --> 01:06:29,800 Speaker 1: how much you hold back. And it was this idea 1286 01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:34,120 Speaker 1: of you know, and I've always appreciated that sentiment because 1287 01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:36,760 Speaker 1: and I found so I had parents who were very giving, 1288 01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:39,320 Speaker 1: even though our household income for me growing up was 1289 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:42,320 Speaker 1: no more than like fifty zero pounds, and my parents 1290 01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:44,840 Speaker 1: were still very charitable in the way they could be. 1291 01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:47,480 Speaker 1: And it's said a really good turn for me. And 1292 01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:49,080 Speaker 1: then when I lived as a monk, we did a 1293 01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:51,560 Speaker 1: lot of service work and that has continued in my 1294 01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,960 Speaker 1: life afterwards as well. And that continues to be an 1295 01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:56,880 Speaker 1: important part of my wife and nice life of wanting 1296 01:06:56,920 --> 01:07:00,560 Speaker 1: to give back, wanting to serve. But it's I think 1297 01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:05,320 Speaker 1: it's it's hard because we're so many people are struggling financially. 1298 01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:08,439 Speaker 1: So many people are struggling economically. There are far less 1299 01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:11,000 Speaker 1: opportunities that people have to even take care of themselves. 1300 01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:14,320 Speaker 1: The prices of rents, you know, soaring through the roof, 1301 01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,920 Speaker 1: like healthcare in this country, of course, is you know, 1302 01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:20,000 Speaker 1: the biggest concern. And so I think what you were 1303 01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,480 Speaker 1: saying earlier is that people who have opportunities and have 1304 01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:25,320 Speaker 1: the privilege to give, should give. But I think often 1305 01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:27,360 Speaker 1: we can sit in the think of, well, when I 1306 01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:30,080 Speaker 1: have a million or a billion or whatever, maybe then 1307 01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:32,520 Speaker 1: i'll give. How do we shift that, like, what does 1308 01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:33,000 Speaker 1: that look like? 1309 01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:35,720 Speaker 2: I think you can there are different ways to give. 1310 01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:38,800 Speaker 2: You can give your time, your energy, or your money, 1311 01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:43,440 Speaker 2: or any combination of those. So I think there's value 1312 01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:46,960 Speaker 2: in high school kids and even middle schools going out 1313 01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:50,440 Speaker 2: and volunteering. You know, my two of my three children 1314 01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:54,320 Speaker 2: worked on the Teen Crisis text line, and boy, I 1315 01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:56,880 Speaker 2: mean they really had to learn how to counsel, what 1316 01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:59,400 Speaker 2: to do. They had to show up but they learned 1317 01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:02,400 Speaker 2: a lot about you know, other teens in crisis. They 1318 01:08:02,440 --> 01:08:05,320 Speaker 2: benefited from it too. I had one of my kids 1319 01:08:05,360 --> 01:08:07,960 Speaker 2: worked out in the community in a homeless shelter, right 1320 01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:11,440 Speaker 2: and was helping with the food services. So there are 1321 01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:14,600 Speaker 2: so many ways to help in our own backyard. And 1322 01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:18,080 Speaker 2: I always tell people start there because you'll get attached 1323 01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:20,759 Speaker 2: to something and you'll start to see that your time 1324 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:25,479 Speaker 2: absolutely can make a difference in somebody's life, right, And 1325 01:08:25,920 --> 01:08:27,840 Speaker 2: even if you can't give much money, or at the 1326 01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:29,439 Speaker 2: end of the year you can give fifty or one 1327 01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:34,640 Speaker 2: hundred dollars to that organization, it does help. And so 1328 01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:38,000 Speaker 2: I just encourage people to start somewhere, even if it 1329 01:08:38,040 --> 01:08:40,880 Speaker 2: feels really small to them. When they start, you learn 1330 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:42,960 Speaker 2: something from all those experiences. 1331 01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:45,519 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I definitely found that. I think service is 1332 01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,599 Speaker 1: one of those things that and I you know, there's 1333 01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:51,880 Speaker 1: it can be seen as the most selfless or the 1334 01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:54,320 Speaker 1: most selfish thing because it gives you. It's the best 1335 01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:58,920 Speaker 1: learning experience of learning about the challenges that exist, learning 1336 01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:02,840 Speaker 1: that when you're part of solving a problem, you feel 1337 01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:06,759 Speaker 1: the solution is closer, right, I think like you feel 1338 01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:08,920 Speaker 1: like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 1339 01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:11,759 Speaker 1: There is a method, for sure. And you know, service 1340 01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,760 Speaker 1: has given me so many gifts in my life, and 1341 01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:16,160 Speaker 1: therefore I will never say it's been selfless because I've 1342 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:19,000 Speaker 1: gained so much from it. But the biggest thing it's 1343 01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:21,479 Speaker 1: helped me understand is just that. Yeah, when you feel 1344 01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:25,080 Speaker 1: you're part of solving a problem, it feels manageable, it 1345 01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:30,920 Speaker 1: feels possible, and seeing one person's life change is miraculous. 1346 01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:33,280 Speaker 1: And I think if we see it as statistics or 1347 01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:36,519 Speaker 1: dollars or numbers, then it will never feel like enough, 1348 01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:40,080 Speaker 1: because numbers will never satisfy or make us feel like 1349 01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:44,559 Speaker 1: we want because we know there's more. But witnessing change 1350 01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:48,120 Speaker 1: through the eyes of one individual, I mean nothing can 1351 01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:51,599 Speaker 1: compare to that. And you'd have no idea how many 1352 01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:55,120 Speaker 1: lives you've changed just through that impact and the great 1353 01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,720 Speaker 1: opportunity you gain to even have something to give. It's 1354 01:09:57,720 --> 01:10:00,200 Speaker 1: a privilege to you. It's such a someone's giving you 1355 01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:03,840 Speaker 1: the opportunity to serve They've served you by giving you 1356 01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:06,400 Speaker 1: the opportunity. I think we often feel like we're helping others, 1357 01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:10,120 Speaker 1: but I've found so often that I'm fortunate enough that 1358 01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,040 Speaker 1: I'm even in that position that I can give that 1359 01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:12,639 Speaker 1: to someone. 1360 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:17,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you learn from those people too, You learn culturally, 1361 01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:21,120 Speaker 2: you learn things that you wouldn't have known even about yourself. Right. 1362 01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:24,840 Speaker 2: There's a quote I love that I used in actually 1363 01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:28,959 Speaker 2: my high school graduation speech. It was by Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1364 01:10:29,479 --> 01:10:34,040 Speaker 2: and it ends by saying, to know that even one 1365 01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:39,080 Speaker 2: life has breathed easier because you have lived, that is 1366 01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:40,599 Speaker 2: to have succeeded. 1367 01:10:41,800 --> 01:10:43,120 Speaker 1: And so well. 1368 01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:46,080 Speaker 2: Even for me, even though I was goal or in it, 1369 01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,280 Speaker 2: I wanted to do this and I wanted to do that. 1370 01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:52,240 Speaker 2: My definition of success was if somebody's breathed easier on 1371 01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:56,040 Speaker 2: this planet because I've lived, then my life was worth it. Right. 1372 01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:59,200 Speaker 2: And you know, if you talk to anybody who does 1373 01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:01,360 Speaker 2: hospice at end of life, or if you've gotten to 1374 01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:04,400 Speaker 2: walk the end of life journey, which I've been fortunate 1375 01:11:04,479 --> 01:11:07,320 Speaker 2: enough to do with two people in very close, you 1376 01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:09,439 Speaker 2: realize that, you know, people want to know at the 1377 01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:11,479 Speaker 2: end of their life that they were loved by their 1378 01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:14,120 Speaker 2: family and friends, and that they loved their family and 1379 01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:17,120 Speaker 2: friends in return, and that their life had some meaning, 1380 01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:23,080 Speaker 2: whatever that meaning is for them. And so you know, 1381 01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:26,160 Speaker 2: I often think in the US we have our definition 1382 01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:29,080 Speaker 2: of success wrong. You know, we look at these people 1383 01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:32,160 Speaker 2: who've made it an industry or made x amount of money, 1384 01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,320 Speaker 2: but no success is like think of that teacher who 1385 01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:38,759 Speaker 2: if we all talk about like, who had the most 1386 01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,760 Speaker 2: impact in our lives. Quite often people will talk about 1387 01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:46,160 Speaker 2: their parents or a teacher or a coach, and so 1388 01:11:46,479 --> 01:11:48,599 Speaker 2: think about it. A coach in a school doesn't make 1389 01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:52,280 Speaker 2: much money, but he or she has an enormous impact 1390 01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:55,400 Speaker 2: on the students that come through that high school absolutely 1391 01:11:55,439 --> 01:11:59,559 Speaker 2: and play that sport. And so to me, there's enormous 1392 01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:03,519 Speaker 2: value in that, and those are the kinds of things 1393 01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:06,320 Speaker 2: we should be holding up in society. 1394 01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,439 Speaker 1: I've had this dream, and maybe we'll speak about it 1395 01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:12,679 Speaker 1: another time, but I've had this dream for a long 1396 01:12:12,720 --> 01:12:15,640 Speaker 1: time in regards to that, because I grew up in 1397 01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:18,639 Speaker 1: a home where I remember, you know, where my extended 1398 01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:20,960 Speaker 1: family or family members would always want to wait for 1399 01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:23,639 Speaker 1: the Times Rich List like that was published every year, 1400 01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:26,800 Speaker 1: and obviously then it was the Forbes Rich List became 1401 01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:28,800 Speaker 1: the new thing, and then now we have the Time 1402 01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:31,920 Speaker 1: one hundred list or whatever. Maybe, and I always dreamed 1403 01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:33,720 Speaker 1: and I've still had this stream that I want to 1404 01:12:33,720 --> 01:12:36,559 Speaker 1: do it one days. I want to create a service list. 1405 01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:39,360 Speaker 1: And I'd love a service list to be published every 1406 01:12:39,439 --> 01:12:43,760 Speaker 1: year of individuals and groups of people who are doing 1407 01:12:43,800 --> 01:12:45,720 Speaker 1: the most service. And not only would I like it 1408 01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:47,840 Speaker 1: to be a list of the people who give the 1409 01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:53,280 Speaker 1: most money, I'd like them to nominate someone who works 1410 01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:57,120 Speaker 1: on the ground to be nominated to be on that list. 1411 01:12:57,400 --> 01:13:01,360 Speaker 1: Totally because of the unknown names that you're not famous people. 1412 01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:03,360 Speaker 1: Basically you're doing amazing work around the world that I'm 1413 01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:05,720 Speaker 1: sure you know many of. And I've always had this 1414 01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:07,840 Speaker 1: dream that we could publish a service list every year, 1415 01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:09,200 Speaker 1: because I feel like if I grew up in a 1416 01:13:09,240 --> 01:13:12,400 Speaker 1: home where there's a service list on my table every year, 1417 01:13:12,680 --> 01:13:16,439 Speaker 1: I feel what we reward in society is what we repeat. 1418 01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:22,479 Speaker 1: And I don't see service being rewarded or seen as 1419 01:13:22,479 --> 01:13:25,519 Speaker 1: an achievement yet, or it's seen as the achievement of 1420 01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:29,920 Speaker 1: a few, And until it becomes something that is accessible 1421 01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:33,439 Speaker 1: and open to many, we'll keep looking at the rich 1422 01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:35,400 Speaker 1: list and being blown away by that and thinking that's 1423 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:37,920 Speaker 1: the goal of life. It's hard to change that. If 1424 01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,920 Speaker 1: the only list that every major publication is publishing is 1425 01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:45,040 Speaker 1: the wealth list, how will we ever shift what achievement 1426 01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:45,959 Speaker 1: is in the society. 1427 01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:52,759 Speaker 2: So anyway, that is a really good idea because and again, 1428 01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:55,720 Speaker 2: the people doing the real work are the people who 1429 01:13:55,760 --> 01:13:58,800 Speaker 2: are giving of themselves and in service. And as you said, 1430 01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:03,559 Speaker 2: you see change, even change at a grassroots level. We 1431 01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:06,840 Speaker 2: all get so overwhelmed by these global problems, and they 1432 01:14:06,880 --> 01:14:10,320 Speaker 2: are overwhelming, but again the only thing that's ever changed 1433 01:14:10,360 --> 01:14:13,719 Speaker 2: the world are groups of individuals coming together. We seem 1434 01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:17,080 Speaker 2: to forget that, you know. So, yeah, a service list 1435 01:14:17,080 --> 01:14:20,640 Speaker 2: would be okay, I know about one hundred people I 1436 01:14:20,680 --> 01:14:21,479 Speaker 2: could put on that one. 1437 01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:24,839 Speaker 1: Amazing. Let's find a way of figuring it out. Melinda, 1438 01:14:24,880 --> 01:14:26,320 Speaker 1: it has been such a joy talking to you today. 1439 01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:28,840 Speaker 1: You've been so kind and gracious with your time. We 1440 01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:31,400 Speaker 1: end every On Purpose episode with a fast five, a 1441 01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:34,240 Speaker 1: final five, which have to be answered in one word 1442 01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,160 Speaker 1: to one sentence maximum. Okay, So, Melinda Frenchgates, these are 1443 01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:41,000 Speaker 1: your final five. The first question is what is the 1444 01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:43,439 Speaker 1: best advice you've ever heard or received? 1445 01:14:44,360 --> 01:14:45,040 Speaker 2: Be yourself? 1446 01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:49,200 Speaker 1: Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard 1447 01:14:49,280 --> 01:14:50,160 Speaker 1: or received? 1448 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,320 Speaker 2: Act like this other person? 1449 01:14:54,040 --> 01:14:58,639 Speaker 1: Third question, what is a lesson you learned the hard way? 1450 01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:03,639 Speaker 2: I learned to be a better parent when I stopped 1451 01:15:03,640 --> 01:15:07,720 Speaker 2: and would really listen to my kids instead of being dictatorial. 1452 01:15:08,479 --> 01:15:10,559 Speaker 2: When I would stop and listen, I was so much 1453 01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:11,160 Speaker 2: better parent. 1454 01:15:11,760 --> 01:15:14,400 Speaker 1: Question number four, what is a message you want to 1455 01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:15,160 Speaker 1: leave behind? 1456 01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:22,639 Speaker 2: That there is so much potential in everybody and we 1457 01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:27,200 Speaker 2: need to unlock that potential, break down the barriers and 1458 01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:30,120 Speaker 2: the biases there so we just can unlock all that 1459 01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:31,280 Speaker 2: amazing potential. 1460 01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:35,000 Speaker 1: And fifth and final question which we asked every guest 1461 01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:37,360 Speaker 1: who's ever been on the show, if you could create 1462 01:15:37,439 --> 01:15:40,080 Speaker 1: one law that everyone in the world had to follow, 1463 01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:40,880 Speaker 1: what would it be? 1464 01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:46,320 Speaker 2: Did it for every place in life where you see 1465 01:15:46,360 --> 01:15:50,160 Speaker 2: a man in a position of power, that he would 1466 01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:52,280 Speaker 2: be accompanied by a woman or a person of color. 1467 01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:57,519 Speaker 1: Beautiful and Linda French Gates, thank you so much for 1468 01:15:57,640 --> 01:15:59,519 Speaker 1: being with us here and on purpose today. I think 1469 01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:02,400 Speaker 1: everyone's and listening and watching wherever you are in the world. 1470 01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:06,680 Speaker 1: Please share with me and Melinda your greatest takeaways, the 1471 01:16:06,720 --> 01:16:09,559 Speaker 1: insights that stuck with you, the messages that you'll be 1472 01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:12,120 Speaker 1: passing on and sharing with your family and your friends. 1473 01:16:12,160 --> 01:16:14,280 Speaker 1: There were so many great insights today. I hope you 1474 01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:17,400 Speaker 1: find your spiritual community. I hope you find your counsel 1475 01:16:17,439 --> 01:16:20,719 Speaker 1: of wise advisors. I hope that you recognize that imposter 1476 01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:23,880 Speaker 1: syndrome can be beautiful and can be powerful, and that 1477 01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:28,600 Speaker 1: perfectionism is something that we can learn to embrace in 1478 01:16:28,720 --> 01:16:32,040 Speaker 1: order to recognize that our imperfections is what makes us human, 1479 01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:34,840 Speaker 1: it's what makes us real, it's what makes us feel 1480 01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:37,240 Speaker 1: like we can connect with others. Thank you so much 1481 01:16:37,280 --> 01:16:39,040 Speaker 1: to all of you, and a big thank to Melinda 1482 01:16:39,200 --> 01:16:42,240 Speaker 1: for being here today again, and thank you so much. Honestly, 1483 01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:43,479 Speaker 1: this is a wonderful conversation. 1484 01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:46,639 Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. This is great. I really enjoyed it. 1485 01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:49,960 Speaker 1: Thank you, Melinda. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going 1486 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:54,320 Speaker 1: to love my conversation with Michelle Obama where she opens 1487 01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:57,080 Speaker 1: up on how to stay with your partner when they're 1488 01:16:57,200 --> 01:17:00,320 Speaker 1: changing and the four check ins you should be doing 1489 01:17:00,640 --> 01:17:03,760 Speaker 1: in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal 1490 01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:07,599 Speaker 1: with relationships when they're undistressed. If you're going through something 1491 01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,960 Speaker 1: right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this 1492 01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,320 Speaker 1: is the episode for you. 1493 01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:15,360 Speaker 3: No wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new 1494 01:17:15,439 --> 01:17:19,360 Speaker 3: technology and we've just taken it in hookline and Sinker, 1495 01:17:19,760 --> 01:17:21,520 Speaker 3: and we have to be mindful. 1496 01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:23,519 Speaker 2: For our kids. They'll just be. 1497 01:17:23,360 --> 01:17:27,080 Speaker 3: Thumbing through this stuff. You know their mind's never sleeping.