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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now at available

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Speaker 1: every rust. Get your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple,

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Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the Distraction everywhere. It's out

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Speaker 1: right now. Go listen to see I buy. If I

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Speaker 1: could do it all over again, I would have listened

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Speaker 1: to my mother dead as dead ass. My mother was

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Speaker 1: on point, all right, Cary, and I hear you well.

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Speaker 1: If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have had that big ass wedding. I would have had

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Speaker 1: the destination wedding that to have. And I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: listened to a lot of people, some people in your

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Speaker 1: family who was throwing shade about me wanting to have

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Speaker 1: a destination wedding. Oh man, why do you got brings

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Speaker 1: to my family? We need a time, We need a McLaurin.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying any name. We need because we need

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Speaker 1: go back in time. Y'all. Thin is only some money.

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Speaker 1: They plenty money plenty money, as my West Indian family

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Speaker 1: would say, dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and and we're

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Speaker 1: the ellis Is. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos without boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of Live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennial

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Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying

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Speaker 1: facts one honey, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

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Speaker 1: but the truth. But we're about to take pillow talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. My

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Speaker 1: brother was graduating from US and it was Memorial Day

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Speaker 1: weekend and I was like, bro, I need a favorite, Like,

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Speaker 1: what's up us? You know I love Cadine and I

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Speaker 1: plan on making her my wife. Um, I would like

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Speaker 1: to share this moment with everyone in our family, including

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Speaker 1: you and her family. The best way to surprise her

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Speaker 1: because our families are so close that all of her

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Speaker 1: families to come to our events. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to propose to her at your barbecue. Whenever

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Speaker 1: someone graduates in our family, it's a big deal. So

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Speaker 1: we already have a barbecue. All of the neighbors are there,

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Speaker 1: so we have the barbecue. All of the men and

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Speaker 1: our family knew I was going to propose. I didn't

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Speaker 1: tell any women except except for her mom, because you know,

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Speaker 1: you had to have to ask if she would allow

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Speaker 1: you to take me from under her with me and

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Speaker 1: your mom had had a tumultuous pass like we were.

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Speaker 1: There was some years and it was like, yeah, there

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Speaker 1: was some years and then where we didn't talk. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't go by the house. So um, it's that time

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Speaker 1: now where everyone's giving speeches about Brian, and Brian's my brother.

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Speaker 1: Everyone knows that's my best friend. And I go up

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Speaker 1: there to give a speech, and midway through the speech,

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Speaker 1: I tell him I need you to play this song.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm talking about my brother, talking about how

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Speaker 1: much I love him and proud of him graduating, getting

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Speaker 1: his degree, and I'm thinking, why are they playing this

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Speaker 1: song in the middle of the start playing incomplete, so

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Speaker 1: I see all of the women looking around like this

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Speaker 1: is a little weird. All the dudes is looking around like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I know he loves his brother, but Jesus. And then

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Speaker 1: I started talking about having a best friend in that

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Speaker 1: transition from having a best friend and going through college

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Speaker 1: with the best friend and people like he didn't even

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Speaker 1: go to college with Brian and knowing that you've met

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Speaker 1: the right one. And then I see everybody's face, starts

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Speaker 1: to look at Codeine, and Codeine is holding the camera

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Speaker 1: right just kind of oblivious. At this point, I'm like

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Speaker 1: holding the camera because I was all about like they

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Speaker 1: knew I always had my camera. I love to capture

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Speaker 1: moments and whatnot. So I'm standing there with the camera

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Speaker 1: and I look over at his cousin Porsche, and she's

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Speaker 1: like she's holding her face and she's shaking her head.

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Speaker 1: I just water read my mom and her and Devous

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Speaker 1: my mom were like hugging each other in the corner,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no way. Supportia takes the camera

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Speaker 1: out of my hand and then turns it to me

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Speaker 1: because she's trying to capture the moment now for me

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Speaker 1: and everyone kind of parts like the red Sea and

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Speaker 1: I'm standing in the yard. Do you remember what you

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Speaker 1: did myself. I put my hands over my head. I

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Speaker 1: was like, not believe it was happening. Then I walk

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Speaker 1: over there, get on my knee as gonna marry me,

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Speaker 1: and she cries and she says, of course, of course,

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Speaker 1: and s you opened that ringbox. I was like, hell, yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah it was. It was going down all the expensive

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Speaker 1: cause all of the money. Don't know. I can make

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Speaker 1: believe everything, but I can't intending. Don't see that without

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Speaker 1: you came My life in complete without you. Ca Hey,

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Speaker 1: oh my, it makes so much sense why you were

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Speaker 1: adamant about picking this song. This was the song that

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Speaker 1: played in the background when Devout proposed to me a

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Speaker 1: guy yes, in front of all of our family and friends.

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Speaker 1: They were at least over people in that backyard. Shout

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Speaker 1: out to Karaoke Town for bringing us back to that

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Speaker 1: moment the fields. It was funny because, you know, I

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Speaker 1: envisioned my wedding day like what my husband was gonna

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Speaker 1: look like, how he was going to propose, and you

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Speaker 1: you think you want things done a certain way, and

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Speaker 1: me being kind of like the control freak I am,

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Speaker 1: you know, wanted to have a part in everything. But

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Speaker 1: it was just so perfect the way that you did it. Um.

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Speaker 1: I think it meant so much to me and to

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Speaker 1: my family for everyone to be there and to be

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Speaker 1: a part of it, you know, like the people who

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Speaker 1: were significant and there were supposed to be there, and

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Speaker 1: you made sure of that. And it wasn't strange to

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Speaker 1: me to see my aunt that was there because our

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Speaker 1: families were so close and still are. So it was

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Speaker 1: just a really really great intimate moment that we had,

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Speaker 1: um that we can still talk about to this day.

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Speaker 1: So and we got out of pitches, but I want

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Speaker 1: to take it back a little bit, right, Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: like when did you know that I was the one?

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Speaker 1: Because we talked about this all the time, we we

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Speaker 1: don't have the same recollection of when we knew. So

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Speaker 1: when did you know that I was the one? I

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Speaker 1: feel like I knew really early on after hanging with

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Speaker 1: you that day at Hofstra in your dorm room. There

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Speaker 1: was no funny business with the two of us. It

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Speaker 1: was strictly like just organic the way we flowed. You know,

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Speaker 1: I sat on your bed and ate this big hero honey, turkey,

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Speaker 1: American cheese, let us tomato and mao, you know, biting it,

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Speaker 1: biting into the hero, you know, mayonnaise all over my face,

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Speaker 1: just like you were an old friend. And typically, you know,

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Speaker 1: when the girls are getting ready to be a guy

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Speaker 1: or go out for the first time, there's a facade

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Speaker 1: you have to uphold, you know, trying to paint this

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Speaker 1: picture of who you think this person wants to see.

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Speaker 1: The question were you scared of those feelings like when

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Speaker 1: you when you was feeling like, oh my gosh, I'm

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Speaker 1: so open, Like, were you scared? Like how am I

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Speaker 1: so open? No? No, because it was so organic and

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Speaker 1: authentic in that moment. I was just gone with it

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Speaker 1: and it felt so good. I felt like, yo, just dude,

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Speaker 1: was like my friend and another life or something, you know.

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Speaker 1: Hence why after spending so much time to with you,

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Speaker 1: just talking about everything, I got to the car and

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Speaker 1: my cousin knew I was coming to see you, Sophia

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Speaker 1: she was. I called her and I was like, girl, girl,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, what don't ever have you know? She

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Speaker 1: wants the details on the play by play, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I met my husband tonight that early that early,

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Speaker 1: the first day, early, like I knew there was something there.

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Speaker 1: This is why girls be crazy, this is what this

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Speaker 1: is why girls go crazy. No, I'm den ask this

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Speaker 1: is why girls go crazy in relationships because y'all know

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Speaker 1: super early I did and guys like, like, my recollection

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Speaker 1: of things was very different. I remember, God's God's honest.

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Speaker 1: I remember seeing you come out of and the the first

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Speaker 1: thing I'm thinking was she find it? And what I

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Speaker 1: remember because you were fine, your your hair was going

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Speaker 1: all the way down to your back, you didn't have

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Speaker 1: too much makeup on, you were slim, but you had

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Speaker 1: a little poke out. I was just like, oh my God, like,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe she's here to see me. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: were my good my good pants? Yes, yes, I know,

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Speaker 1: you know, we know we all got them pair of

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Speaker 1: jeans and them pants that make it. But just like

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Speaker 1: I had to make sure those was washing Lawnder okay,

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Speaker 1: because I had to Edward khakis on. I had a

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Speaker 1: little stretch. It didn't hold in the butt. I was like, why,

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Speaker 1: she's freaking beautiful. So I was like, okay, okay, don't

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Speaker 1: mess this up. She's a year older than you, alright. Um.

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Speaker 1: What people don't know was that I'm a late bloomer

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Speaker 1: right like in in middle school, I was only four

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Speaker 1: eleven sixty five pounds. So when all of the girls

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Speaker 1: that I liked to have crushes on like all the

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Speaker 1: other guys, because they had developed faster, they were taller,

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Speaker 1: they had went through puberty. I didn't really go through

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Speaker 1: puberty until the middle of high school, So my interactions

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Speaker 1: with women weren't always like the best. Like I wasn't

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Speaker 1: like this dude in the high school who was like

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Speaker 1: cool Rico suave. I was a skinny kid, no mustache,

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Speaker 1: no beard, no real muscles. So now I'm in college

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Speaker 1: and I gotta deal with women. A woman, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, not really knowing, Like I didn't know myself.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that I didn't. So I

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Speaker 1: got this woman who's like gorgeous, beautiful, she's a year

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Speaker 1: older than me. She's coming to my dorm. So I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I gotta gotta be cool. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Do you always alcohol I was old? I only I

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Speaker 1: got you three months. I'll take it back. I didn't

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Speaker 1: mean old like he's an older woman. He thought I

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Speaker 1: was more experienced, not even more experienced. But for men,

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Speaker 1: you used to dealing with women who are younger than

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Speaker 1: you because women always want to deal with dudes who

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Speaker 1: are older. Y'all like more but your guys. All of

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Speaker 1: the high school girls wanted to deal with college guys.

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Speaker 1: So if you were in a high school, you know,

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Speaker 1: if you were a sophomore in high school, you didn't

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Speaker 1: get no play. Then when you were senior, you deal

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Speaker 1: with sophomore girls because those girls want to deal with

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Speaker 1: the older guys. All the girls my age in high

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Speaker 1: school wanted the older guys. So I'm like, okay, I

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Speaker 1: got a girl who's a year older than me with me.

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Speaker 1: She's probably been dealing with older dudes. And you looked more.

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Speaker 1: You looked older. You wore heels, you had a bag.

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Speaker 1: You weren't in a book bag in Jordan's. You had

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Speaker 1: on a bag. You actually had a tope bag with heels.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, let me play. It's cool. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, let me still be trying to stunt a

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Speaker 1: little bit. I have my meal card. I was like, yo, baby,

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Speaker 1: let's go to the calf. You can get whatever you

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Speaker 1: are yea. So I was like, that was me stunting

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Speaker 1: extra pickles on the side that was right there, But

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Speaker 1: we can't get what you get her whatever she wanted,

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Speaker 1: gonna swipe that ship. I swiped that ship, pulled out

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Speaker 1: his ID card, remember that whatever. She won't get that,

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Speaker 1: get that. So then we go back to the room

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Speaker 1: and I was nervous. I'm not I'm eighteen years old.

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Speaker 1: I got this beautiful girl, and you're just sitting on

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Speaker 1: my bed and you were acting like the homie. And

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Speaker 1: I was kind of like, what the fund is happening here?

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Speaker 1: Like she acting like the homie, Like you're not acting

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Speaker 1: like a prissy girl. You're acting like the home. You're

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Speaker 1: eating this big hero, you're drinking. You were spilling this

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Speaker 1: ship on my bed. I was there in the rock

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Speaker 1: because I was like, all right, she got crumbs on

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Speaker 1: my bed, but that's her crumbs, so I liked it

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Speaker 1: as her clumbs. He was like, yeah, I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: like sleeping these sleeping cubs. That's That's how I felt though,

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Speaker 1: because I was kind of like, you know, and all

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Speaker 1: honestly being being truthful, I was kind of like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: she's beautiful, Like I gonna make this work. So now

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Speaker 1: we spoke all that time. We were speaking for weeks,

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Speaker 1: but at the time I also had a girl I

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Speaker 1: was talking to a girlfriend. And the funny thing is,

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Speaker 1: like I said, my girlfriend was a junior in high

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Speaker 1: school and I was a freshman in college. So I'm

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Speaker 1: dealing with a young girl. Woman. She can't come up

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Speaker 1: and see me because her mom has to bring her.

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Speaker 1: She's a young girl. So space deal distance was happening.

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Speaker 1: We weren't talking as much. I'm playing football, then I'm

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Speaker 1: we're friends were talking. So I wasn't thinking to myself

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Speaker 1: at this time I met the woman that I'm gonna marry.

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Speaker 1: My mind as a man is like, don't fuck this up.

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Speaker 1: She's bad as hell, right and ultimately you're gonna want

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Speaker 1: to smash, so don't suck it up. That's what I'm thinking.

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Speaker 1: That's what That's what men think. I didn't even have

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Speaker 1: my guards up going to your room that they're thinking, oh,

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Speaker 1: he may try something on me. I wasn't trying that night, No, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but she was gonna try. I was gonna try. I

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Speaker 1: was like, at some point, I gotta I gotta try

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Speaker 1: because and in my mind, as you're a young man,

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Speaker 1: you're thinking, this is a woman who's dealt with older guys.

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Speaker 1: You gotta put your mark in and let her know

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Speaker 1: like this is what I do, because if you don't,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna be like, oh, this thing is whacked. So

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Speaker 1: that's what that's what how men think. See. But this

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Speaker 1: was funny listening to how you think about how we met.

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Speaker 1: This is what a guy is thinking about how we

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Speaker 1: met eighteen years old and then in retrospect, we were babies, baby,

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Speaker 1: were such. I was not thinking about marriage. I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about love. I was thinking develop this ulf. She's

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Speaker 1: bad as hell. So wait, what was that? So what

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Speaker 1: was the turning point for you then? Like when did

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Speaker 1: you know that marriage was the next step? Well? Ship,

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Speaker 1: when I know marriage was the next step? You jumped?

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Speaker 1: You jumped about the whole decade. Um. Yeah, well, when

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Speaker 1: we were dating throughout college, there were times in our

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Speaker 1: relationship where you like shocked me like that you you

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Speaker 1: just you just shocked me. I remember once in particular,

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Speaker 1: when I broke my finger and I had to get

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Speaker 1: surgery and you're you're nineteen, I'm eighteen. You came to

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Speaker 1: the hospital with me and sat in there to get

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Speaker 1: my if I got my finger, I had surgery, and

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Speaker 1: my my father's there was like, oh, Cadine's outside. I

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Speaker 1: was like, ship, she's actually here. Then when we went

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Speaker 1: back to the dorm, you nursed me back to health.

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Speaker 1: And it's not like I was in Alabama and I

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Speaker 1: was a guaranteed first round pick. I was a small

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Speaker 1: walk on in Haystra. To me, in my mind, I

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Speaker 1: was like, you're not doing this because you see the

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Speaker 1: you were just there and you were so to be

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Speaker 1: completely honest, you were so small that I was like,

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Speaker 1: this guy can't play in the NFL. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I didn't think I was too. If you can get

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Speaker 1: his college paid for, well, all the better because we

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Speaker 1: won't have no loans when we graduate. Exactly, we ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna have that. So get your college paid for a boom,

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Speaker 1: and then we can get our jobs and we can

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Speaker 1: start this life. But then you just said it. How

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Speaker 1: many nights did we sit in the dorm and just

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Speaker 1: talk about, all right, so we're gonna graduate. We don't

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Speaker 1: got no debt. If we work, we can buy We work,

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Speaker 1: we make dollars, we save it. We can put a

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Speaker 1: down payment on the Brownstone, we can live on the

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Speaker 1: first floor, run at the top two, have no mortgage,

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Speaker 1: and then we can pursue our career in TV and film.

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Speaker 1: Like we talked about those things at nineteen years old.

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Speaker 1: So going through that, going through my injuries with football,

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Speaker 1: and you always be in there, you sitting sleeping, sitting

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Speaker 1: up with me. When I separated my shoulder my senior year.

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Speaker 1: I remembers the couch cushions out and put them up

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Speaker 1: against the floor. Remember that. I remember that. Let me

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Speaker 1: pat myself on the Okay, that was a cute little

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Speaker 1: boo that you did right there. You secured the bag

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Speaker 1: with that. Tell them. But now it was It was

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Speaker 1: those times it made me feel like I didn't know

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Speaker 1: if it was marriage, but I was like, no, this

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Speaker 1: is my this is my Rynda die right here, Like

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Speaker 1: no matter what I get, good thing, he's the one.

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Speaker 1: But you knew first day, which is crazy to me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I knew. It took a little time to actually fall

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Speaker 1: in love and be like this is for real, for real,

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Speaker 1: But I know I had a feeling when I met

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Speaker 1: you that there was something there like I when I

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Speaker 1: etched out in my mind like a perfect guy. You

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Speaker 1: had had those attributes off the bat, like you can't

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Speaker 1: teach charisma, you can't teach ambition, you can't teach drive.

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Speaker 1: And those are the things that I saw in you

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Speaker 1: just in that six hour conversation that we had. I

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Speaker 1: was like, this dude is really talking like you know,

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Speaker 1: future future. So that's so ultimately that's what it was.

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Speaker 1: It was my mindset. It was it was just what

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Speaker 1: I was thinking of where I was to go that

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Speaker 1: kind of that's mind with my mindset. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: this dude is about something. And at nineteen, that's what

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Speaker 1: you were thinking about. Why that's we were able to

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Speaker 1: have a very intelligent discussion. Now we did. We we

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Speaker 1: did have a very intelligent discussion. So let's fast forward

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Speaker 1: a little bit, right, So we get married and that

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Speaker 1: was a day. It was a great day. It was

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Speaker 1: hot as hell. Your uncle Kurt was the the minister

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Speaker 1: who officiated the wedding. Did He talks a lot and

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Speaker 1: he was outside it was like a hundred and eighty

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Speaker 1: degrees butts, you know, sweating bullets, and he just felt

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Speaker 1: the need to preach. And I was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: you know, the spirits moving him. I can't do that

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Speaker 1: much about the spirit, so we're gonna have to rock

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Speaker 1: with you. You could do nothing, but I was I

337
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 1: was playing. I was like, yo, no disrespect to the clergy.

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Speaker 1: My nigga boke, it's just hot. Be I got on

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Speaker 1: tuxedo and my man's behind me. You gotta keep it moving. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if I when we get married, because we donna get

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Speaker 1: married again. You just don't know yet. When we get

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Speaker 1: married again, I'm doing a full wedding. I'm not doing

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Speaker 1: a summer wedding just well. So, so here's a question

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Speaker 1: for you. After we got married, what did you what

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Speaker 1: did you expect would be next? Because we got married

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Speaker 1: under difficult circumstances, right, and then we're the wedding is over,

347
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Speaker 1: we come back from my honeymoon, and we're back in

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Speaker 1: the apartment and you you have a job. I'm still

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what I'm going to do. What

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Speaker 1: were you thinking? I was honestly thinking like, oh shit, okay,

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Speaker 1: so the wedding is here and gone, Like, so what

352
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,119
Speaker 1: we're supposed to do now? No one prepares you for

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Speaker 1: this stuff, And I should say no one. I feel

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Speaker 1: like no one in my family prepared me for it. Um,

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Speaker 1: I just went off of seeing, oh okay, my parents

356
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Speaker 1: have carried it together. I have aunts and uncle's married

357
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Speaker 1: and together, but no one really prepared me. I feel

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Speaker 1: like in that they were able to divulge information about

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Speaker 1: the actual act of being married and like, you know,

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Speaker 1: as a wife, things that my husband may expect from me,

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00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,679
Speaker 1: or things that we should be playing. We didn't do

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Speaker 1: marriage counseling, which was something my uncle was like, you

363
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 1: guys should totally do marriage counseling, but I guess we

364
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 1: didn't see the value in it at the time. I'm um,

365
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Speaker 1: but also to some people are so tain did and

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Speaker 1: jaded by their own situations that you kind of don't

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Speaker 1: want to hear it, especially because we had so many

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Speaker 1: people over the years counting us out, saying yall and

369
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Speaker 1: gonna make it through that. Y'alling gonna make it through that.

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Speaker 1: So we were just like I was just like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we've always found a way, you know, so we're gonna

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Speaker 1: find a way. And there was just no other option

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Speaker 1: to me, like this is something that was never going

374
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Speaker 1: to fail. There was no other option. So we had

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00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 1: to find a way during the wedding, like during the

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00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 1: wedding process, during the wedding, getting married. At the end

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00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 1: of the wedding, now the marriage starts. Were you happy

378
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,080
Speaker 1: during the whole process. The wedding part was stressful. We

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00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,159
Speaker 1: had a very big wedding for no reason, Like if

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Speaker 1: I could do that all over again, I would do

381
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 1: like you said in the beginning and have a smaller

382
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,399
Speaker 1: intimate thing because a small fraction of those three d

383
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Speaker 1: and thirty three people who actually came we talked to

384
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 1: still to this day, you know, digging up people to

385
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,640
Speaker 1: find to go to a wedding is just ridiculous. Um.

386
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Speaker 1: And that's something I didn't see at that point. I

387
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 1: was just like blinded by like the dress in the

388
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: day and the theatrics. Um. But then after that, yes,

389
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 1: I was happy in that moment, but then I went

390
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Speaker 1: through a moment of being very unhappy and being like,

391
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Speaker 1: well what did I just do? Because you would ask

392
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Speaker 1: me do you want the wedding or should we get

393
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,760
Speaker 1: a house? Should we put a down payment on a house?

394
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,199
Speaker 1: In my mind, I was like, oh, we already have

395
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 1: two houses in other states. Let's do the wedding. It's

396
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,919
Speaker 1: the one day, you know what I mean, Yes, it's

397
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 1: one day, but it was the one day that we met.

398
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 1: It goes down in history as our wedding day. And

399
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,679
Speaker 1: I'm only doing this one time. So um. For me,

400
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 1: that was the biggest thing, Like, Okay, we had the

401
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 1: wedding day that was done, but it's like the what's

402
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 1: next and and full transparency, full transparency. I was scared

403
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:32,439
Speaker 1: throughout the whole process. I was unsure about everything, and

404
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 1: I did not know what two weeks I didn't know

405
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 1: how to feel like. I knew that I loved you,

406
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 1: but in full transparency, I didn't know if I was

407
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 1: ready to be married. Because you remember when I first proposed,

408
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 1: I said we should be engaged for two years rebuild

409
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 1: our finances, and you were like, I don't want to

410
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 1: be engaged for two years, right, And at the time,

411
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 1: I was thinking about what other people would say or

412
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: would think. You know, I just got out of the

413
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: nfl UM. We were struggling financially. I didn't want to

414
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 1: make it seem like it was a financial issue, and

415
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 1: I didn't want to make I didn't want to give

416
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 1: people the benefit of thinking like, oh, well, de Vour

417
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 1: screwed his money up so they can't get married. So

418
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: I was stressed. I had stressors outside of us that

419
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,919
Speaker 1: I was letting affect the decisions I made. And it

420
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 1: was also just like you said, marriage at that point,

421
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,640
Speaker 1: to me was the next step to prove that I'm

422
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 1: a man. You know, you graduate from high school, you

423
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,240
Speaker 1: get a degree. I mean you gotuate my school, you

424
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 1: get a scholarship, you go to college, you get a degree,

425
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 1: you start your career. You have a woman. I have

426
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 1: a career. I have a woman. I'm making money. I

427
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 1: have to prove to everyone that I'm successful. Let's get

428
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 1: married up, you know, saying I got to pick that

429
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 1: up growing up, and I got my ship together. So

430
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 1: you get married. After you get married, you by a home.

431
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 1: It was like those things were more important to me

432
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: than actually knowing where where we were, you know what

433
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying, where we were where it wasn't even the

434
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 1: most important part of rather than me proving that I

435
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: was so on my ship to everybody else and that

436
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: some of that came from the fact that my friends

437
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: had gotten married. Yes, at some point, I feel like

438
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 1: you had taken that out on me, like, well, I

439
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 1: got you this house, and I got you this that there,

440
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 1: And I was like I asked you for all that,

441
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 1: Like you took it upon yourself to decide that she

442
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,199
Speaker 1: was to buy you can't wait. Well, you gave me

443
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 1: an ultimatum and said that if I didn't, if I

444
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: didn't make some serious. Come on now, you said to

445
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: me house though, but I wanted to know what was

446
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: going to be the state of our future. Where were

447
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: going to be moving towards being married or were we

448
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: just kind of dancing in this relationship situation. My decision

449
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 1: wasn't it. You didn't tell me to buy a house,

450
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 1: but it was like, I got to prove to this one.

451
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lose you. I wasn't ready for

452
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: marriage because I didn't know where we were, but I

453
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 1: was like, I got to prove to her that she's

454
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 1: important to me and that we're not just shacking up.

455
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 1: So getting a house and proposing was it. And then

456
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 1: I thought I could give myself two more years with

457
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,879
Speaker 1: the engagement, and you was like, no, I want to

458
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 1: get married next year. And that's nobody's fault. We were

459
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 1: both naive to the quote unquote American dream of this

460
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 1: is how you do things and societal issues of being

461
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 1: an athlete, and you do this and do that. So

462
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: that's where I was when we got married. Like that's

463
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,959
Speaker 1: full disclosure, Like dead ass. I was scared. I didn't know.

464
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 1: I just knew that I could figure it out. But

465
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: I did know that with you, we could work through anything.

466
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,160
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I always had the utmost

467
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 1: faith in you. And it's crazy to hear you talk

468
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: about this stuff now because in that moment, you seem

469
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,880
Speaker 1: to have shipped all together. Like there were many moments

470
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: where I would look at you and you seem like

471
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 1: you would be fine. And you know, there were days

472
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: that we had where I was just like, Okay, my

473
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 1: baby really needs like a hug today, you know what

474
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: I mean, Like he's really feeling it. But you did

475
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: a really great job of just making sure that I

476
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: did not feel the brunt of everything we were going through.

477
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 1: That's my father. I gotta I gotta thank my father

478
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: for that. Like no one, no one told me how

479
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,959
Speaker 1: to be a husband, but one thing my father showed

480
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 1: me with strength when my parents were going through financial

481
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: issues we never knew and growing up as an adult

482
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 1: now going through what I went through financially and going

483
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: going back to New York and my father having to

484
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: help me financially and him explaining to me while you know,

485
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: there were times I had to take money out because

486
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 1: I had issues with this and that I was just

487
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: like you was going through all of that while I

488
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: was applying to college while Brian was up for college

489
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: two years later, and I was like, you never said anything.

490
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 1: He was like, that's my job on me that I said,

491
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: you used to walk around here and smile all the time.

492
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: And He's like, I put my faith in God and

493
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,239
Speaker 1: I know that everything would be all right. And I

494
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 1: felt like if my father could do that, then that's

495
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 1: part of being a husband. It is holding that brunt,

496
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: you know, so that my wife, who was going to

497
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: have to bear the brunt of having children should not

498
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 1: have that stresses. And that's that's one thing, yes, but

499
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 1: that's that's that I felt like that was my cross

500
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 1: to bear. It was not I hear you, I get it.

501
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: I get it. And I think that was probably the

502
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: hardest issue that we had UM in the beginning beginning

503
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: a marriage. And I came from a family that my

504
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: father made very wise financial decisions. My mom was a

505
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: hard worker. She still is um. You know, early on

506
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 1: in my childhood, I remember them really working together financially

507
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 1: to be able to set things up for us, you know,

508
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: to immigrant um people coming up to America to start

509
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 1: a life and leave some sort of legacy for their children.

510
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: My parents had an excellent job with that um And

511
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 1: that was some of the takeaways that I've gotten from

512
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: my parents as like good advice. You know. And then

513
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 1: over the years, life happens, and as you get older,

514
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: you tend to see why your parents don't communicate the

515
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 1: way they used to work. You know, things start to

516
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 1: you start to recognize and realize things as an adult.

517
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: And it's not a blame game where you say blame

518
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: one person or the other. You know, Mom is right,

519
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: Dad is wrong. You just realize that they're people and

520
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: their stresses that they're dealing with, which is in part

521
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: too why I don't really listen to as much advice

522
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: per se when it comes to relationships, and why I

523
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: don't profess to be a relationship you know, We've had

524
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,120
Speaker 1: people on social media, you know, ask us about doing

525
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: marriage counseling or about doing you know, relationship panels and

526
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 1: things like that, and I'm sitting here still trying to

527
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 1: figure out this man. Every single day, every single day

528
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 1: I wake up because I change every day exactly change

529
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: our purpose. I like working with you, clearly, I wake

530
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: up tuesdays what I'm gonna be to day because you

531
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: want me to be crazy convinced. I think you'd low

532
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: key like that. I like when you're crazy, the sexiest,

533
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 1: better when you know, but we're still someone recently, I

534
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: think in one of the questions that we had asked

535
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: recently was like, hey, UM, do you mind mentoring me

536
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: and my husband and our marriage or something like that,

537
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: And I was like, I need a mentor. It's like,

538
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: who am I gonna talk to you? You You know? Um?

539
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: And and that's just how it tends to be. Well,

540
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 1: it's funny you said something about advice, right one of

541
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 1: the I wouldn't even call it advice. But one thing

542
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 1: I learned from my father and I learned from your

543
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: father is that when your finances are in order, your

544
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: marriage is a lot happier place because finances is the

545
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: number one reason why most people get divorced. And people

546
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: come from different financial backgrounds. People you know, have different

547
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 1: and I did. I didn't know anything about like a

548
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: credit card or credit scores or anything. That was probably

549
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: one of the biggest things that we had to go

550
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: through was learning each other financially, because think about it,

551
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: you meet in college almost scholarship. You know, in the scholarship,

552
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: you're already we both have stipends and meal plans. There's

553
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 1: no stresses. Their financial absolutely not. That's why I was

554
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: always say Carlos colleges with the best years. We had

555
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: no stress. And then we go from college to the NFL. No,

556
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: now I have an abundance of money. I had no money,

557
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: no stresses, and abundance of money. So you get into

558
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: this la la land world of oh, this is easy,

559
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 1: being an adult is easy. Then reality comes like a

560
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,199
Speaker 1: mack truck, and no one was there to teach you

561
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 1: how to communicate through those financial issues. For example, I

562
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: remember with the A Max card, everyone calls you the

563
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 1: A Max killer, right killer. And let me be clear,

564
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: Codeine has always worked and always made money. She's always

565
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: made real good money. She's never been just a stay

566
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 1: at home mom. Even when we were playing even when

567
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: I was playing ball, she was always out trying to

568
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: figure out what she gonna do her career. She figured

569
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: that out with makeup when I had retired. So Kadine

570
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: always made money. The issue was the rate at which

571
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: you spend money and understanding that to income ratio, and

572
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 1: you would get so upset at me. We shared an

573
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: American Express because she needed to build her credit. I

574
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: always had good credit because my father helped me build

575
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: my credit with credit back, which is something that my

576
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: parents didn't talk to me about really like that my

577
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: father had good credit. But it was never like a

578
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:34,719
Speaker 1: lesson thing. It was like, I want to take care

579
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: of you all good, right, which which I understand now.

580
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: But my father's thing was you always go through your

581
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: itemized list and you check your account every day. So

582
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,640
Speaker 1: for me, I'm going through my eyemns and I'm checking

583
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,959
Speaker 1: my account, so I'm like, codein what you spend on this?

584
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: How much is this? And you used to get so

585
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 1: upset you see it, you can add see. But it

586
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 1: wasn't about me adding. It was about me taking you

587
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: through the process of learning. But that was also something

588
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 1: we never had to deal with in our relationship. So

589
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 1: that stress was new to us, and it made it

590
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: seem like marriage was sucking us up because that was

591
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,479
Speaker 1: just a new stress. Had that stress been added when

592
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: we were in college, you know, then we would have

593
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: been used to dealing with that communication. So learning how

594
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 1: to deal with the finances learning curve for us. Yeah,

595
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: that's the best advice I got from my father. And

596
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: watching your father communicating and being one with the finances

597
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: made things a lot smooth now. Absolutely so some of

598
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,959
Speaker 1: the practices that we used to keep a good balance

599
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: in our relationship. I think the biggest practice is trying

600
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 1: to over communicate. Yes, like it's like we have very

601
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: long conversations sometimes, but it's so necessary. It's so necessary

602
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: because nothing falls by the wayside, nothing falls to the crash,

603
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: and it leaves less room for assuming assuming that you know,

604
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: assuming that you understand, you know, agreeing to this degree,

605
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: you can't you can't let self falter when it comes

606
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 1: to the marriage and relationship. So just like today, remember

607
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: you were like we were arguing and you're like, we

608
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: table this until later, and I was like, no, we're

609
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: not tabling ship. We can't say we can't table and

610
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just exhausting, but this is what happens. Already tired.

611
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: So I was like, damn, but this is what happens.

612
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: Though you want to table it for when it convenient,

613
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: you're gonna say that, But if I got to deal

614
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: with it, it's not convenient for me to table that.

615
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: So we have to push through that inconvenient. If I'm

616
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: not a table that discussion, he's going to head on

617
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: deal with it right now. And you don't just do

618
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: that with me, You do that with him everything in business,

619
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: with your friendship. It's the best way to get it

620
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: out parents with your brother. And you sometimes get a

621
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: bad rap for that. But one thing you'll never have

622
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: to do is guess about how devot is feeling. Will

623
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: be honest, Yeah, it takes it takes the unknown out

624
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 1: of it with you, which is is That's also how

625
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: we grew up differently, because my father and my mom

626
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: will be on you about something, whereas in your family

627
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: they're kind of like, all right, oh, it's kind of

628
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: just my parents talk about Yeah, they're awful, awful communicators

629
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 1: independently collectively that's spilled off onto my brother and my

630
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: sister and I. I mean, my brother, sister and I

631
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: have developed a relationship because we're super close where we

632
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 1: have our own little chats and we talk and stuff

633
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: like that. But even when my mom tries to call

634
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: these family meetings to talk, it's always like an awkwardness

635
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,719
Speaker 1: and they're just weird and nothing gets accomplished. And I

636
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: think at this point, you know, my parents are older

637
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: and they're setting their ways with certain things like that's

638
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: they're marriage so I'm gonna speak on that, um But

639
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: as an adult, I'm able to see and then speak

640
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: to them both separately as individuals, you know, and say, Okay,

641
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: I understand this. I'm understand that. Hey, maybe you should

642
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: fix that or fix that. You know, it's probably hard

643
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: to hear from your kids. You know about does not

644
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: want to hear from you. You want to hear from

645
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: If I start to say, you know what I think school,

646
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: he'd be like, nope, and I don't care. Like my

647
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: mother is always the checker, like my brother is just

648
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: like you, always the want to check somebody, but you

649
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: never want to be the checky, like I want to

650
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: check you on what you've been doing, Like I want

651
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: to call you wanted because this is worth a discussion.

652
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: And I think as I've become this in your face

653
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 1: kind of person with my family, I think sometimes it

654
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: takes them aback because they're like Cadine, like your borderline disrespectful, disrespectful,

655
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: especially you know Westend in household, you don't talk about you, don't.

656
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 1: You just do as you're told. You know you you

657
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: are in the room in the back drop just to

658
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: be seen and not heard. As a child. Um So

659
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: I think sometimes my family takes there taken aback when

660
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: I speak out, But I said, this works though, Like

661
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: it's worked with my marriage to get me to this point,

662
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 1: It's worked in so many other relationships to just be

663
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: so honest and upfront. So so, speaking of honesty, try it.

664
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: I have a question for you, a moment of vulnerability.

665
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 1: What is one of the most difficult issues that you

666
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: feel like as a wife you've had to take on

667
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: and learn how to deal with with being married to me?

668
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 1: Man um well, being married to you specifically, Well you

669
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: use mad reasons. I'm I don't know, but I mean,

670
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: damn it. I would have liked to know that, you

671
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: know what, I know it was me kind of like

672
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: processing like that specifically, um, I think a challenge for

673
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: me and it's maybe not even just as a wife,

674
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: but just as cadean as an individual. Matching your intensity

675
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 1: level sometimes is difficult for me to keep up with.

676
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: And it's a good and a bad thing because it

677
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: helps me to stay motivated. It helps me to stay driven,

678
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 1: It helps me to stay on top of things as

679
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: I'm working through my you know, art of procrastination. Like

680
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: sometimes it leaves me feeling like I'm falling short, it

681
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: gives me feeling like I not adequate. Yes I do,

682
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: because I feel like sometimes I'm not able to to

683
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: to to hold up to my end of the bargain.

684
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: The way you see foot like, you are such an

685
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 1: intense person, You're a go getter, You're your work ethic

686
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: is unlike anything I've seen in an individual, probably next

687
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: to my mom, you know. And it's just sometimes I'm

688
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,719
Speaker 1: just like, damn, I want to be like that. Like

689
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: I I have a front row seat to your life

690
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: every day and I see that some nights you get

691
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: a few hours to sleep and you're you're moving and

692
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: you're doing a thousand things at once, and I'm just like,

693
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: how does he do it? But question? How does? But

694
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: what I don't understand is when we talk about this

695
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 1: all the time is that's one of the issues that

696
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: I deal with the most is that we both work

697
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: in this marriage, but we work differently. I have to

698
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: learn how to allow you to work through your process

699
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 1: to get stuff done or be who you want to be,

700
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: and not expect you to do it the way I

701
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: want it, because that, to me is where I struggle

702
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: because I know it's like I would have did it

703
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: like this it felt like that. Well, like I said,

704
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: you always think you're right in an argument, and it's

705
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: the same way you're get it. But that's the same way.

706
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: The way you deal with things is like that. It's

707
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: like the Bible, you know what I mean. And I'm

708
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,080
Speaker 1: just like to I did not arrive at it it

709
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: that way. Just because I arride that it differently does

710
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 1: not mean that my path was less traveled, me that

711
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: my path was less you know, it didn't work any

712
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 1: less than yours. I agree. I think that's the hardest

713
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: part about being married for me, Like being being vulnerable,

714
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: the hardest issue to work with is that learning how

715
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: to let your your significant other be them as opposed

716
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 1: to being us collectively, because you're still growing and you're

717
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: still gonna be you know, you're still growing, You're gonna

718
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: be your own person and that and that doesn't the

719
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: reason why I use that rather than just one issue,

720
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: because that issue goes across the line with sex, finances, work, kids.

721
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: We do everything differently. We parent differently, we speak to

722
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: the kids differently, we approach sex differently, we approach finances differently.

723
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,240
Speaker 1: And in the past I used to try to change you,

724
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 1: to try to do it the way I do it,

725
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: and I used to watch you be so miserable trying

726
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: to do it the way I do it that it's like,

727
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: I don't even want you to try to do it

728
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: the way I do it. To do it at that

729
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 1: point if it's not organic, if it's not going to

730
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: be authent to how I feel at that time, and

731
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: then it just feels manufactured, And then who wants to

732
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: even deal with that in the marriage, a manufactured version

733
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: of somebody the person. I would assume that you're with

734
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: me because I have attributes that you like and you enjoy,

735
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: and that attracted you to me. I agree. But what

736
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: happens in a lot of marriage is what happens with

737
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: us is we fell in love with each other through

738
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: with those attributes without stressors. So it's like I fell

739
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: in love with you like this when we were going

740
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: through just this, and then we really started to go

741
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: through stuff, and it's like, damn, I didn't know she

742
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: was going to go through that like that. I thought

743
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,839
Speaker 1: she was gonna bust the left. She busted right right now,

744
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: you're right, So that goes back to the conversation your

745
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: mom had with us early early, early on. I'll never

746
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,399
Speaker 1: forget it, guys. So this was how many years into

747
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 1: our relationship. Maybe we in college, so it was still

748
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: three years, three or four years in since since our relationship,

749
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: and we'd fallen asleep upstairs in the bed. Yeah, but

750
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: it was like I was closed on the body, hated toe.

751
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 1: It was like head to toe, like I wasn't feeling well.

752
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: I think I might have had a headache or something.

753
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: And when I was watching yeah, and if I was

754
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: sitting on the edge of he ended up falling asleep. So,

755
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: you know, his mom wakes us up and calls us downstairs,

756
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: and she's sitting there with her pepsi because she always

757
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: has a pepsi and she's stirring her straw slowly in

758
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,280
Speaker 1: the cup to build suspense that she's about to read

759
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: the two of us. So she's, you know, stirring her

760
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: her pepsi ever so slowly, and she finally is like,

761
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: um uh, did I miss the wedding? And I was

762
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: like what She's like, did I miss the wedding? You

763
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: guys just sleeping in beds together and stuff, you know,

764
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: did I miss the wedding? And I was like, Lord,

765
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: we are in trouble. We're in trouble. But at that

766
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: point she had a discussion with us about being individuals

767
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: and being able to find that and being whole people

768
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: before we decide to get so serious about each other.

769
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: And that's where we messed up. And that's when we

770
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 1: messed up. We were not full of people. And how

771
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 1: could we be at eighteen, right, Like I'm feeling about

772
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: at thirty something years old, So how can you, like

773
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: what were we at eighteen? Think about it? Though? We

774
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: spent all of our twenties trying to be versions of

775
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: ourselves that we thought the other person wanted us to be.

776
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: That's how we spent out twenties, right, Like I spent

777
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: my twenties being like I wanted to be this for

778
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 1: code society dictates you should be in your twenties, right,

779
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 1: And we spent what four years about twenties married, all

780
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: of our years living together on twenties trying to be

781
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: versions of what we thought the other person want to be.

782
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: And now in our thirties, it's like, Okay, I want

783
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 1: to be myself. I don't want to do that ship anymore.

784
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,840
Speaker 1: So now I have to deal with the fact that

785
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: you want to be yourself while I'm wanting to be

786
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: myself and we're not the people that we thought we

787
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 1: fell in love with. The realistically, that's really what happened

788
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: to us, and the art of it now is trying

789
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 1: to dance with each other through this. Well, now it's

790
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: not that. Now that you say that, let me ask

791
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: a question, why does marriage work for you? Like? Why? Why?

792
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: Now that you know all of this, we're still married,

793
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 1: which means neither one of us asked to be divorced

794
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: because I just love you. I mean you asked me

795
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 1: a couple of times here and there over the years

796
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 1: before a divorce. Now I asked for a divorce. I

797
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: asked you if you wanted to be married anymore, because

798
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: that was a legitimate question for me. You asked me

799
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: the same question in two different ways. No, I didn't

800
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: say I want a divorce. I was like, Yo, do

801
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: you want to be married? We technically, guys, we've been

802
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: divorced like two or three times. Internally remarried, yeah, three times. Um,

803
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: But first of all, I just can't see myself with

804
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: anybody but you, and at this point in our careers,

805
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: I don't think social media could deal with you being

806
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,720
Speaker 1: with nobody else because she would get me my girls,

807
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: so okay. My my people on Instagram was just like, no,

808
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 1: you're not going anywhere, and that's not fair because you're remarried.

809
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: And they would be like, O, get up, girl, that's right,

810
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 1: get your due, priends. But if it was me, they

811
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: will be doing sending all sorts of emojis on my

812
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: page and blocking her and they would that's how girls

813
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 1: are with it. No, I mean, but it works for

814
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: me because I still see Deval and Cadeen with so

815
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: much hope and so much life and so many dreams

816
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: and so green and eighteen. Like there's still that version

817
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: of you and I here somewhere. I mean we of

818
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: course we have like children now and we have life

819
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: and and the children of course, like leaving a legacy

820
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,320
Speaker 1: for our children, Like, let's really talk about what marriage

821
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: is like leaving a legacy for these boys? You know? Absolutely? Um,

822
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 1: And I just it's for me, it's still worth it

823
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: every day to to wake up and decide that I

824
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 1: want to be with you and be committed to you. Um,

825
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 1: it's worth It's worth it. I thought you was going

826
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 1: to say, because you like the way I stoke you out,

827
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 1: but I guess I was just thinking, yeah, that's that's

828
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: a nice that's a nice additive. Okay, it is the

829
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 1: reason why marriage works for me. Right, when I think

830
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: about everything that we've been through, I feel like, to

831
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: be honest, now, I don't even feel like we've been

832
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: together seventeen years. It doesn't feel like seventeen years. No, no,

833
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: not not in essence. I feel like the people we

834
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: were for those first like twelve years, we were trying

835
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: to be other people because we were still trying to

836
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,479
Speaker 1: figure ourselves out. I feel like for the past five

837
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 1: years we've settled into who we are starting to become,

838
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm getting to know you now, right,

839
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm getting to know you now. I

840
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: think the rediscovery is beautiful. That's and that's what I think.

841
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: I feel like the rediscovery through being married has been

842
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: just great. It's been amazing. Now, it hasn't been everything

843
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: I expected, Like there have been some twists and turns

844
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, but I feel like learning who

845
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: you really are and you being open now to being like,

846
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: you know what, divice, I really just don't want to

847
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: do that. It's like I'm I'm enjoying that process. I

848
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 1: feel like I'm dating because we've never dated, if you

849
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: think about it, eighteen we meet each other, we didn't

850
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 1: really date. We had our little breaks where we talked

851
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: to other people like that, but we didn't date. We

852
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: didn't go out in court. When you and I now married,

853
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: go out to eat and we sit down and talk

854
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: about really what we want. Now, I feel like, damn,

855
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: like that is new. That's codeine. Yeah, sometimes you know

856
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: how to switch it up. I put on my good wig,

857
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: and you know, the wig definitely helps. You know, the

858
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 1: channeling codeine circa two thousand, that's what you're channeling. The

859
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: problem is when I wake up the next morning something.

860
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: But it'd be times in the right places. But the

861
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 1: problem is when I wake up the next morning and

862
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: the wig be messed up in the eyeline to be

863
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 1: off and the red lips. Sometimes I wake up and

864
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, hey, which condin of you this morning?

865
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: And then you'd be like huh. But at least I

866
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: know you enjoyed it, and the kids crawl into the bed.

867
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: It's funny you say, like twelve years we spent not

868
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: no wages. I feel like it's almost like we got

869
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 1: a couple of months into this relationship because after having

870
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 1: all those kids and finally being you know, out of

871
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:03,240
Speaker 1: the postpartument phase more or less, we're starting fresh like today,

872
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: like here and now, can we be like fresh? We

873
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: could be fresh, we could be fresh like we're brand

874
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,959
Speaker 1: brand new right now. Yes, So everything in the past,

875
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: we don't have to worry about that. What happens now forward.

876
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: That's your favorite thing to do is moving forward. Yes,

877
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: that's whenever you want to clean his slate, let's not

878
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: talk about moving forward. That's one thing I've learned about

879
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: Codeine recently. Code I don't want to ever talk about nothing.

880
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 1: She just want to say we're moving forward to better. Well,

881
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 1: moving forward, Let's talk about some pros of being married,

882
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 1: especially for people of color. What are some of the pros?

883
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 1: You know? My number one talk about the legacy baby,

884
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: because that's something that we have not had ever. Generational wealth, well,

885
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:48,439
Speaker 1: a legacy, leaving things behind for generations to We talked

886
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 1: about that a lot. We've talked about that since college. Um,

887
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 1: having boys, I have my legacy is pretty good. Right now.

888
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: I got three ellis Is. They will continue on the

889
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: Ellis name. You know. Um, you know what's funny. The

890
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 1: best part about about marriage to me, one of the

891
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: pros is just the teamwork. I know for a fact

892
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: that if I rob a bank and they try to

893
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: ask you, you can't even say nothing that because we

894
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: got this husband wife privilege, my wife see ship ship, Yes, absolutely,

895
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: like like we're literally built in best friends. You have

896
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: built in best friend and just be like, yeah, well

897
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 1: that's my friend. That's I think. I think that's one

898
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: of the pros of marriage. Also, um, and I think

899
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 1: this is important too from the sex tip, right, of course,

900
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 1: we got to when you got one person that you

901
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: know that you can freak off and you can do

902
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: whatever it is you really want to do, and you

903
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: don't have to have that worry if she gets pregnant.

904
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: She get pregnant, you know what I'm saying. But it's

905
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: like I'm not talking about. What I'm saying is is

906
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: that enjoying that raw, nice, innimalistic style love making session

907
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 1: and wake up in the morning and not have to worry.

908
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: You know, if both parties are invested in each other

909
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 1: like that. Because I have single friends who you know,

910
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 1: you know, they'll talk and they'll be like, oh, you know,

911
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 1: I met this chick last night. You know, happen you

912
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like econom like maybe like friends

913
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: now and be like stop thinking about my single friends.

914
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: But they like, I'm not sure, and I'm like, what

915
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: you mean, You're not sure? And I'm gonna have to

916
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 1: go to the doctor. I don't really know, shorty, And

917
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't I don't want to have to

918
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 1: worry about that, because then you gotta worry about not

919
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 1: only STDs, because you gotta worry about pregnancy. Like there's

920
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: a lot of things that come with that, that Russian

921
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 1: roulette of having sexual multiple partners and being safe. I

922
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: love the fact that we can just dive right in

923
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 1: and just let it, let it happen, and then you know,

924
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: just two days in the row. Ye, just not to

925
00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: because everybody do not like having sex two days in

926
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: a row. I need to recuperate. She don't like having

927
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: six two days in a row. This this, that is

928
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: a big issue for me. And now you're talking about

929
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: one of the contents a new day. Remember I said that,

930
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 1: now you want to move forward. So we've been reminiscing

931
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: all day about it. We reminiscing about the engagement, the wedding.

932
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, yeah, you're saying to me and the

933
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: ring was beautiful. Six two days in a row. Let's

934
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 1: not talk about oh ship right, starting now, right, starting now,

935
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: Today is tomorrow. I got you. We're moving forward. We'll

936
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: keep you out updated on it. It happens. You know

937
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 1: this for the record, there it is for Tiger Woods

938
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story,

939
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from

940
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 1: my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the

941
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: return to glory. This is All American, a new series

942
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger

943
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,840
Speaker 1: Wis doesn't know who he is best in the history

944
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 1: of golf, no question in my mind. And this season,

945
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what

946
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has

947
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 1: been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American

948
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 1: Tiger is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or

949
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast app. Alright, one of my favorite segments,

950
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 1: it's the listener letters. So this is the time that

951
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 1: we get to engage with you guys a little bit.

952
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: You get to ask some questions and we get to

953
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: tell you what we think. You know, his perspective, my

954
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: perspect they have our perspective. What relationship advice would you

955
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 1: give to your year old self, devout twenty six years old?

956
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: This a little bit. You did touch on this a

957
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:12,879
Speaker 1: little bit. What do you tell me about your year

958
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: old self my twenty year old self. I would tell

959
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:18,760
Speaker 1: my twenty six year old self to not make decisions

960
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 1: based on what you think your significant other wants you

961
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: to do, because they don't really know themselves and you

962
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: don't really know yourself yet. So if you're making decisions

963
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: based on what you think they want, that could be

964
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,360
Speaker 1: a completely wrong decision. Because that's what we did. I

965
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:36,479
Speaker 1: made decisions thinking, for example, the house you know, doing

966
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 1: certain things like oh, coadeine is gonna want this, or

967
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: codeine is gonna like this? Completely wrong. You have to

968
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: make decisions who are true to yourself and also understanding

969
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: that your life is not going to be defined in

970
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: your twenties. You do not have to make any life

971
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: changing decisions in your twenties thinking that you have to

972
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 1: keep up with anyone else in their life. Because at

973
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: thirty is when I really felt like I was hitting

974
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,359
Speaker 1: my prime and I'm young. All of the people who

975
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: I aspire to challenge in life as far as being great.

976
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 1: When they hear that you're thirty five, Oh you're so young,

977
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: you have so much time. But in your twenties you

978
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: think my life is over at thirty Yeah, I would

979
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,399
Speaker 1: tell my twenty six years half devource, slow down, make

980
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 1: some decisions, and set yourself up for the marathon, not

981
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 1: the sprint. M M. That's a good one. Yeah. I

982
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: think mine is very similar. I think I mentioned it before.

983
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:28,839
Speaker 1: It's just not really year old Cadine. Don't sit and

984
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: be concerned about the checklist of life, whatever that is.

985
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: You know, I, as a woman had this mental list

986
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: like by one, I'm graduated. By twenty three, I have

987
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 1: my dream job, by twenty five, I meet this amazing

988
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 1: handsome man, and by ties seven, I have my first

989
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 1: child in my first home. It's like this succession of

990
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: life that I think that you aspire towards, regardless of

991
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 1: what it is. It may be due to the way

992
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 1: you were raised and what you see by your family,

993
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:57,839
Speaker 1: or the way your parents did things or your your

994
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:02,280
Speaker 1: pearents did things, and it's like make those decisions based

995
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: off of what you really want and you're still figuring

996
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: it out at six like you're still you're You're not

997
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 1: a whole individual at twenty six. So so like you said,

998
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: take your time, like slow down and enjoy it, because

999
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: I would love to go back to twenty six now

1000
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: everything I go back to six and the heartbeat and

1001
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 1: we're like, okay, this is what I would tweak a

1002
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: little bit, as long as you would still be there

1003
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 1: with me, I'd be there and I would make sure

1004
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 1: that our twenty six year old selves made better financial

1005
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: decisions by not listening to everyone, not just throwing money

1006
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 1: in the stock market, just buying random properly just because

1007
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,400
Speaker 1: you think you have to buy property, Like when I

1008
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 1: think about it now, at six, if I would have

1009
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 1: just waited until I knew what the market was like,

1010
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 1: or realizing what different investments there were, you don't have

1011
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 1: to invest in property. You can invest in technology. You know,

1012
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,800
Speaker 1: there's so many different things you can invest in energy.

1013
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: We had no idea that we had no idea the

1014
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,800
Speaker 1: advice that we got from the people who we valued.

1015
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not to say you can't get great

1016
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:03,919
Speaker 1: advice from people who you value in your life, whether

1017
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: it be your parents, parents and whatnot, but don't let

1018
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: that be the be all that ends all for you.

1019
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 1: It will be patients patients, definitely. Okay, let's go to

1020
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: the next question. How do you stay faithful to your wife? Oh,

1021
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: inquiring minds want to know. It's hard because, like we discussed,

1022
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 1: my wife don't like to have sex two days in

1023
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 1: a row. So I have sex on Monday. You're not

1024
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 1: allowed to be horny on Tuesday because on Tuesday, I'm

1025
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 1: not getting This is not an easy question because it's

1026
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 1: not easy. Like, it's not easy. There's so many different

1027
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: vices on Instagram, on Facebook, just walking down the street.

1028
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: There's so many different and women are beautiful, Like I

1029
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 1: love women. I'm never going to hide from the fact

1030
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: that I love women, and I think that there are

1031
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 1: a bunch of different beautiful women. My wife knows this.

1032
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 1: Some of the major decisions I make about being faithful.

1033
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 1: Um one number one is to try to respect what

1034
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: my wife has given me, Like she's giving me three boys. Right,

1035
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,720
Speaker 1: you you go through a lot being pregnant for almost

1036
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 1: a year and then delivering children, So I try to

1037
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: honor the fact that she has sacrificed her body and

1038
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: her health. So let me try to be disciplined in

1039
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 1: what I'm doing to sacrifice some of the things I

1040
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: need to at least match that brunts of that cross

1041
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: that she had to bear. So that's number one. Number

1042
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: two obviously it's being brain conscious, right, I am a

1043
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: man that pushes family. I can't be a man that

1044
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: pushes family and disrespect my family. I can't, Like, I

1045
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 1: just can't do it. So now now I'm not saying that,

1046
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 1: you know, people who do do that just aren't being

1047
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 1: brain conscious. But what I'm saying is for me, that's

1048
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 1: a decision and I just have to deal with all

1049
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,360
Speaker 1: the time. You know, you walk in the streets that

1050
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: women throw you know, throw a little pass at you

1051
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 1: or whatever. You got how to block it. You block

1052
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: all of that, But be trying to be brand conscious,

1053
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 1: respecting my wife, and also just wanted to have a

1054
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: clean soul, Like I want to focus on what I

1055
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,839
Speaker 1: need to do. It's hard to focus on what you're

1056
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 1: doing while you're trying to juggle women. I went to

1057
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,240
Speaker 1: a point in our relationshiphile I was trying to juggle

1058
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 1: when I was when we weren't living together and I

1059
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 1: was in Michigan and Cadin was back home. It was

1060
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: like an opportunity for me to try to see what

1061
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: I could do. There was no one here, and it's hard.

1062
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 1: You can't focus on trying to be a great person

1063
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: if you're trying to hide this from your wife and

1064
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: hide this from your girlfriend and make sure this woman

1065
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 1: has enough attention and that woman has enough attention. So

1066
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 1: for me, it's really just focusing on what I want

1067
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:43,359
Speaker 1: to do with my life. Like I want to be great.

1068
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: I want to be a great actor, I want to

1069
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 1: be a great father. I want to be a great

1070
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 1: content creator, and I can't do that if I'm focused

1071
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: on stuff that's gonna take my attention away from my greatness.

1072
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: So for me, it's easy to stay faithful because I

1073
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: have other things that matter to me more than just

1074
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 1: have sex, right, you know what I'm saying. No, absolutely,

1075
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: and I mean I think that too. You know. Over

1076
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: the years, we both have had our issues, you know

1077
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 1: what I mean with UM, infidelity and transition. We've had

1078
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: our transgression actually been together from like we've had to

1079
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: have had to kind of endure different things earlier on

1080
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,879
Speaker 1: in our relationship. UM. So that's something we never shy

1081
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 1: away from or we never try to hide the fact

1082
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: that you know we've worked through stuff, but for us

1083
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: it was worth it. And um, how do you stay

1084
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: faithful to your husband? That that wasn't one of the

1085
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:38,399
Speaker 1: questions I'm asking it. I'm asking it. I mean, this

1086
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 1: is from this is from I am devout? How do

1087
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: you stay faithful to your husband? Um, you can make

1088
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 1: it pretty easy for me to do that, to be honest,

1089
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:49,479
Speaker 1: because you don't like having sex every day? Yeah, because

1090
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: I don't so pretty much too. I had not left

1091
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 1: to give, so I make sure Monday, Wednesday, Friday you're good.

1092
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: You're good for the rest of the week. That ship

1093
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: out is not going to be good to go. I'll

1094
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: be good to go now. But let's be really no.

1095
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:08,240
Speaker 1: You're a very very attractive woman, and I know people

1096
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: probably sliding your d m s. And as things grow

1097
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:13,400
Speaker 1: for us, we're gonna be around a lot of different

1098
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 1: type of men. There may be some different men who

1099
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: are bigger than me, tolding than me, have more money

1100
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 1: to me that maybe, like you know what, I'm gonna

1101
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,959
Speaker 1: see if cadem is with it, how do you face

1102
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,360
Speaker 1: that temptation? Other than know one and I will sucking up,

1103
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:32,760
Speaker 1: But how do you face that temptation? Geez? The pressure. Gosh,

1104
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 1: you have to be a hostile with that. I get

1105
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 1: hostile about minds. I see you do, I see you

1106
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 1: doo um. But no, honestly, like you said, we we

1107
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 1: both are working towards so many great things that I

1108
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 1: feel like, is it really worth it? Like those are

1109
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,359
Speaker 1: the questions I asked myself now, And not even just

1110
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,799
Speaker 1: with like other passes that may get thrown my way

1111
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: or anything. It's just like, what's really worth it right now?

1112
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: Like I have so much to focus on. I procrastinate

1113
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: like hell, Like I said, so, I can't find time

1114
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 1: to prioritize somebody else in the equation if I'm really

1115
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: trying to work at being like my best version of

1116
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 1: cadeine um and being the best mother I can be,

1117
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: and the best wife I can meet, and um, the

1118
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 1: best actress I can be, Like, there's so many other

1119
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: things that I can spend time on right now, you know,

1120
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,240
Speaker 1: And for me, it doesn't ultimately boil down to sex,

1121
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: Like sex is not really that big of a deal

1122
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 1: for me personally on my Now, if you have sex

1123
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: with somebody else is gonna be a problem for me,

1124
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 1: but me, it's gonna be a problem but me personally

1125
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: It's not one of those things that I'm just like

1126
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 1: chasing after and I need to have a variety and

1127
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 1: I want to juggle and all that stuff. I ain't

1128
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 1: coordinated anyway, so i'd probably get caught. So I'm like, yeah,

1129
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 1: you're not coordinated. You are very coordinated. I got I

1130
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 1: got a question. That's a question because somebody asked me

1131
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 1: this question, right, yes, because man, we did the video

1132
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,399
Speaker 1: about me and Jackson and he was like, you're looking

1133
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: at booty And someone asked me, like, devout, how do

1134
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: you feel about your wife following other men on Instagram?

1135
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 1: And does she get upset when you follow like like

1136
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: I G models? And I was like, I was like, na,

1137
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 1: she my wife doesn't get us said like she she

1138
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 1: sends me video models. Sometimes. I think it's healthy, Like

1139
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 1: you should be able to look about another I think

1140
00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:08,040
Speaker 1: you should be able to look at somebody of the

1141
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 1: opposite sex and admire them for the beauty that they have,

1142
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. I'm just not. I'm not. I

1143
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 1: don't feel like the security that I have in myself,

1144
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 1: I don't. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me.

1145
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 1: And you're you're not You're a human being. We're married,

1146
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 1: but we're also still human beings. That's what was like.

1147
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 1: You should be able to see a woman walking down

1148
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:27,800
Speaker 1: the street the same way I should be able to

1149
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: say a man walking out what I'm saying and be

1150
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 1: able to be like, wow, that's a good looking man.

1151
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,239
Speaker 1: That's that's what I Don't say it out don't don't

1152
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 1: say it out loud, but you could think it. Chances

1153
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 1: are I'm gonna pointing out to you, like you can

1154
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 1: appreciate a good looking man. And the thing is, I

1155
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,920
Speaker 1: think that's just something in our relationship. We've always always

1156
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 1: been like that, since since we were kids. Because we

1157
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 1: were kids, we've always looked at other people and been like, yeah,

1158
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 1: oh no, she's a nice looking at women be like, oh,

1159
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 1: I think he's handsome. Yeah, that's why I like when

1160
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: I saw you follow out for black men, right, I

1161
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 1: blocked them, But I wasn't mad when I saw you

1162
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 1: was following. I wasn't mad when I saw it. I

1163
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 1: just blocked him doing it. No, it doesn't he the

1164
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 1: young man asked me how I felt about it, and

1165
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell him the answer I gave him. Right,

1166
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 1: I said, listen, my wife got to deal with me, right,

1167
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: but she sees me every single day. If she's gonna

1168
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: look at her phone and she's gonna look at some

1169
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:26,800
Speaker 1: dudes that got abs and got a beard or whatever,

1170
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 1: and she's gonna get hot and bothered, and then she's

1171
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,959
Speaker 1: gonna come home and put that on me. I need

1172
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: that because I told him, I said, the minute your

1173
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 1: girl stopped looking at other men like that, she's gonna

1174
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 1: stop looking at you the same way. Like I feel

1175
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: like it's healthy, Like to get that stimulation and to

1176
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 1: know that you want something and then go home and

1177
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 1: know that the person that you're looking at you have

1178
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: one of those at home. To me, I feel like

1179
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: that's healthy. Like I do look at video models, right,

1180
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: but then I look at video minds and I look

1181
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 1: at my wife and I'm just like I'm just like

1182
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 1: I got, I got went at home like I have.

1183
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 1: This is like this is mine, and I try to

1184
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:00,200
Speaker 1: be the same thing for you. That's why be in

1185
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: the gym like I watched you know, That's the only

1186
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 1: reason why I ever grow up my beard. I do

1187
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 1: not like having a beer, but I know you love beer.

1188
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 1: And whenever I cared your bed like my bed when

1189
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,200
Speaker 1: I was smooth. How you do that? You see that? Right?

1190
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: But I only grow my beard when I'm not filming

1191
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 1: auditioning so that I know that I could be what

1192
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 1: you need or want to see, because I think that's

1193
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: my responsibility as a man. You know, my wife likes

1194
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: a man with abs and work out. I need to

1195
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 1: work out being the gym, squatting for three three cake

1196
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: cake cake, yes, I And another thing those girls. Another thing.

1197
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: You gotta push your significant other because I feel like

1198
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: we have to push each other to be the best

1199
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. Absolutely, you know you can't push each other,

1200
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 1: then who's gonna do it? I remember when you told

1201
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: me about my back fat and he was like baby,

1202
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 1: I like what He's like. He's like, I'm not gonna

1203
00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 1: give you no more. Oreoles was like what He's like,

1204
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 1: I'm not giving He was like, you got bad fat

1205
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 1: coming and I was like, no, I don't. But then

1206
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 1: I had to look at the mirror. Now you had

1207
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 1: to up your cardio. I was about to get your

1208
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:13,160
Speaker 1: wayte trainers and one of them sweatmans training. See there

1209
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 1: you go ample stuff. Now. Now the show is over.

1210
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: Thank you guys. Sweat fans. Could you imagine in the

1211
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 1: gym with a waste trainer. I'm too light skinned for

1212
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: a weight trainer. I can't get them. They already make

1213
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 1: fun of me for being a light scare. You would

1214
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 1: be in the side group chat like you go all

1215
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 1: the way straighter. And he put the stuff on his stomach.

1216
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 1: He put the stuff on his stomach. He likes it though,

1217
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: because K bought it for him. That they wouldn't care.

1218
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:43,439
Speaker 1: They would not I would get clown if you work

1219
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,439
Speaker 1: out hard enough as it is. You're good, You're good.

1220
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:49,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, baby, Yeah, I appreciate Listen. This always

1221
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,920
Speaker 1: good time. Yes, yes, yes, yes, well listen. If you

1222
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: want to be featuring on one of our listening letters,

1223
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: email us at dead ass Advice at d E A

1224
00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 1: d A S S A d V I C E

1225
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,960
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. We appreciate you. Can't wait here.

1226
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 1: I got to know your moment of truth. We talked

1227
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 1: about marriage, a moment of truth. When it comes to marriage,

1228
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:14,919
Speaker 1: it's so loaded. Jeez, marriage is so loaded in such

1229
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 1: a heavy topic. Um, I would say, my my moment

1230
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:21,880
Speaker 1: of truth or my my takeaway from this this whole

1231
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 1: thing is um really just working on who you are?

1232
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 1: Who are you as an individual. You have to do that.

1233
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: It's so important. And the thing that you have to

1234
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: know is once you figure that out, know that that's

1235
01:00:37,840 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: going to change. And when you marry somebody, you have

1236
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: to be willing to work with that person through the

1237
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 1: change because the change is going to happen. It's inevitable,

1238
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: regardless of what area of life you're in, if it's

1239
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: just being married, if it's working on the first kid

1240
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 1: or the second kid or the third kid, or career change,

1241
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 1: there's always going to be a change. If you're secure

1242
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 1: in who you are and you're able to put that

1243
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 1: trust in your spouse, you can really work through anything. Absolutely,

1244
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 1: you can really work through anything, and it just really

1245
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 1: takes a lot of understanding and a lot of compromising

1246
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 1: um to make it work. Well. My moment of truth

1247
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 1: is that was great. By the way, My moment of

1248
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 1: truth is this marriage cannot be a milestone set by

1249
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,920
Speaker 1: an individual who just decides that at this point in

1250
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 1: my life, I'm going to be married, because I think

1251
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 1: we both did that, and listening to you speak your

1252
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 1: truth today, like I said, this is a lot like

1253
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 1: therapy for us. I feel like we both learned that

1254
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 1: marriage was something that we set our eyes on and said,

1255
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: what we have to get to hear, So let's do

1256
01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:46,080
Speaker 1: it without learning each other, and like you said, learning

1257
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 1: ourselves first. So the moment of truth is do not

1258
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 1: look at marriage as a milestone. And if you don't

1259
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:57,880
Speaker 1: aspire to be married, it's okay. That feel like people

1260
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 1: need to understand marriage is not for everybody. That's true,

1261
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 1: it's really not. And if that's something that you deep

1262
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: down feel like you haven't found the right person, or

1263
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:07,440
Speaker 1: if you're that person that just always wants to have

1264
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 1: control and is not willing to change and to budge

1265
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:12,400
Speaker 1: and you are sure of who you are and that's

1266
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 1: just it, then marriage may not be for you. And

1267
01:02:15,280 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 1: that is okay. That is true. You and I have

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01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:20,160
Speaker 1: both talked about that. But you know what's funny. You

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01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: and I both talked about the fact that if we

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01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: had to do it all over again, would marriage be

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01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 1: for us? And we talked about that and feeling like

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01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 1: it would be okay if we were able to focus

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01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 1: on other things in our life other than marriage. So

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01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:32,720
Speaker 1: that was that was I think that was I think

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01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 1: that was a great way to cap it and that

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01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 1: marriage is an option, not a necessity. Yes, you know

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01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,880
Speaker 1: it's an option. Did marriage choose me? Or did I

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01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 1: choose marriage? I guess we both chose marriage. Baby, Yeah,

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01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:48,400
Speaker 1: I chose, you chose me. I chose your youth. Move.

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01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: You got game? You know you got games? Dad? Ask

1281
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 1: you got games? Alright, guys, be sure to follow us

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01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:58,360
Speaker 1: on social media. I am devout and that's Cadine. I

1283
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:01,320
Speaker 1: am for me And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

1284
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 1: be shure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead Ass is

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01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 1: a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square, Stephanie

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01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:13,880
Speaker 1: Karauke and Dinora Pinia. Our executive producers Chris Benning, and

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01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 1: we'd like to give a special thanks to our recording

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01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 1: engineer Jared O'Connell, our sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio

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01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:34,680
Speaker 1: manager Ashley Warren. We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm

1290
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 1: David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now.

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01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 1: It's part of the Stitching netwere called Substraction that's available everywhere.

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01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 1: Getting podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now

1293
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,360
Speaker 1: to the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please,