Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, do you hear me? Hi?
Speaker 2: What's your name?
Speaker 1: My name is Matt.
Speaker 2: Matt. When I was a young child's I was I
Speaker 2: went to the j c C, the Jewish Community Center
Speaker 2: day camp, or maybe I was in kindergarten or something,
Speaker 2: and there was a guy who used to work there.
Speaker 2: His name was mister Matt, and he had a hook
Speaker 2: for a hand. He didn't have a hand, he had
Speaker 2: a hook, and he was a cool guy. I don't
Speaker 2: think I was a little intimidated by him when I
Speaker 2: was a child, because that's just the nature of that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was a little intimidated by him, But now I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: what a guy to you know, really serve in his community,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a good guy. He might know he's alive.
Speaker 2: But what's your name, Matt?
Speaker 1: My name is Matt. Yeah, No, it's good. You can
Speaker 1: call me. You can call me Matt or or I
Speaker 1: can go by eighties.
Speaker 2: Like Matt is more pronounceable to me than what you
Speaker 2: just said. But Matt, enough, yeah, and enough about all
Speaker 2: this fucking bullshit. What's up, man? How's how's life? Would
Speaker 2: would you want to talk about today?
Speaker 1: I've been I've been trying to talk to you for ages.
Speaker 1: I've been listening for a long time. I actually I've
Speaker 1: been listening to all the Spotify podcast and I actually
Speaker 1: joined the super Cast like maybe a month ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, of course, No, I love your content. No,
Speaker 1: I've been trying to call for a long time because like,
Speaker 1: the past two months of my life have been a
Speaker 1: little chaotic, a little uh, a little eventful, more or less.
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship for a really long time
Speaker 1: or not not a really long time, like basically up
Speaker 1: to a little a little less than two years, and
Speaker 1: it ended a little catastrophically where I have a BPD,
Speaker 1: so that's like borderline personality disorder. So it's really hard
Speaker 1: for me to uh, it's really hard for me to
Speaker 1: accept that other people like me and other people want
Speaker 1: to be around me and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So it made being friends with my exist friends really tough,
Speaker 1: or at least it made it really tough for me
Speaker 1: to see that they liked me in the time that
Speaker 1: we were in a relationship, and it ended a little
Speaker 1: catastrophically where I held a lie from them for a
Speaker 1: really long time and once once I told them about
Speaker 1: that lie during like a mental health episode. They broke
Speaker 1: up with me for good reason, frankly, and then they
Speaker 1: reached out to me and asked to try again, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm okay, we can do that.
Speaker 1: And when that happened, we both agreed that we would
Speaker 1: not see or date other people in the meantime. And
Speaker 1: then their best friend told me that, or the best
Speaker 1: friend at the time told me that they actually did
Speaker 1: go on a date with one of our friends and
Speaker 1: did quote unquote something. So that was a little that
Speaker 1: was a little a bit of a backstab, and it
Speaker 1: made the whole BPD part of the life way more
Speaker 1: difficult to push through because it made me feel like
Speaker 1: I validated all the facts that the people around me
Speaker 1: at that time did not did not enjoy my presence
Speaker 1: all that much. Also, work is a little strange. I
Speaker 1: work at this it's it's a small company, but it's
Speaker 1: going to be maybe larger down the road. But I work.
Speaker 1: I work at like an escape room place, and I
Speaker 1: fixed the escape rooms. They're kind of like automated escape
Speaker 1: rooms where just a bunch of drunk drunk children, No
Speaker 1: not children, drunk drunk adults and kids just like break
Speaker 1: shit in random fucking ways, and it's it's pretty miserable,
Speaker 1: but you get to see some pretty fun stuff at
Speaker 1: times too.
Speaker 2: America's Escape room engineers are some of its most unsung heroes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, we really are on
Speaker 1: the front line. We're we're like, we're like uh ups
Speaker 1: delivery guys during COVID. Obviously we're we're on the same tire.
Speaker 2: Definitely, definitely add or above that level.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now, one hundred percent. I think the thing that
Speaker 1: I've wanted to talk about the most, because you got
Speaker 1: a lot of experience in this, is traveling alone. Sure, sure,
Speaker 1: because uh, I've I've my my friend group at home
Speaker 1: is a little strange. The ones who are extroverted don't
Speaker 1: really like the nerd things all that much, like going
Speaker 1: to like conventions or just conventions, I think is probably
Speaker 1: the best example. And then all of my introverted friends
Speaker 1: don't really want to go out to conventions because of
Speaker 1: the whole like overwhelming social aspect and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. So it makes me really scared to uh
Speaker 1: start the initiative to go out into the into the
Speaker 1: world and like visit places alone and try to meet people,
Speaker 1: because it feels like, uh, it feels like you receive
Speaker 1: a lot of judgment for doing things alone.
Speaker 2: Well, Matt, you I I appreciate all the lore that
Speaker 2: you just dropped on yourself. I feel like I got
Speaker 2: I feel like I very concisely just learned a lot
Speaker 2: about you in a short period of time. Yeah, no,
Speaker 2: don't you No, No, no either, But I hope that
Speaker 2: didn't come off passive aggressive ily No, do you have
Speaker 2: nothing to be sorry for? Wow? Okay, hmmm, how old
Speaker 2: are you, Matt?
Speaker 1: I'm twenty two. I'm gonna be twenty three next month.
Speaker 2: All right, cool man. Well, would you just graduate school
Speaker 2: or you've been just working?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I graduated a little while ago, graduated last year.
Speaker 1: I'm actually hanging out with my with one of my
Speaker 1: old roommates from college, uh, sort of sort of Athena,
Speaker 1: and I've been showing I've been showing them a couple
Speaker 1: of your clips because I just liked the content.
Speaker 2: So I actually, well, yeah, you dropped a lot of lore.
Speaker 2: I I I'm super down to talk about. I have
Speaker 2: a lot of thoughts about your particular situation about uh
Speaker 2: wanting to do stuff alone. But do you I do
Speaker 2: you see a real therapist to talk about BPD stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 2: What do they how what do they have to say
Speaker 2: to you?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: How do they help you with that?
Speaker 1: It's really it's kind of tough. I think the way
Speaker 1: that they really helped me with it is it is
Speaker 1: clearly seems like they're they're excited to talk to me
Speaker 1: as a patient. Like it seems like whenever I show
Speaker 1: up in order to talk to him on the days
Speaker 1: that they're like excited to hear more about my life,
Speaker 1: which that alone is enough to help me at times,
Speaker 1: But when it comes to what they tell me, it's
Speaker 1: a lot of you need to learn how to appreciate
Speaker 1: yourself before you go out to appreciate other people, which
Speaker 1: is really tough because I've tried to do that time
Speaker 1: and time again, and every single time I end up
Speaker 1: more relying on other people for that affection rather than
Speaker 1: trying to get it out on my own, which is
Speaker 1: why I kind of want to solo travel. But the
Speaker 1: same exact thing, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like, I love I see we're get see. I
Speaker 2: like this because you brought up a bunch of stuff
Speaker 2: and then you're like, I really want to talk about that.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about the solo travel thing, but
Speaker 2: then we talk about the other stuff and we find
Speaker 2: it all.
Speaker 1: All kind of clicks together.
Speaker 2: Clicks together, right, that's cool. Okay, So you're you're kind
Speaker 2: of on a mission to you said that the BPD,
Speaker 2: and I'm as I think I've made clear, I'm not
Speaker 2: a real therapist and have no I don't know anything
Speaker 2: about psychology, but like, so BPD is something and that
Speaker 2: that is preventing you from like accepting that you have
Speaker 2: like value that other people can find with that that
Speaker 2: other people can find value within you.
Speaker 1: Is that? Yeah, you know how people like dismiss compliments
Speaker 1: sometimes when you give them compliments and stuff. It's like
Speaker 1: that that is like a very core mechanic to my lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Is if someone I have like an half ro for instance,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people will be like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I love your hair, and I'm like thanks. It kind
Speaker 1: of just does its own thing. I don't really do
Speaker 1: much to maintain it or anything. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I still do need to accept that people do appreciate
Speaker 1: that part about me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Is that a problem you've had forever or
Speaker 2: is it something you like developed.
Speaker 1: I definitely had it for a very long time in
Speaker 1: my life, like when my parents used to try to
Speaker 1: give me affection, like just say that they love me
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. I would say in
Speaker 1: my mind or either eventually to them as I got older,
Speaker 1: that my parents only say and try to love me
Speaker 1: because they are my parents.
Speaker 2: That's by the you know what's funny is a I A.
Speaker 2: That's I mean you by by the fact that you're
Speaker 2: self aware of what's going on with you. I think
Speaker 2: you logically know that to be true. But be even
Speaker 2: if it was true, that's not a bad reason.
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, I know it's not a it's not a
Speaker 1: bad reason, but like you know, it's a I also artificial.
Speaker 2: Well it's it's also I'll actually say this and I'm
Speaker 2: hold on, I'm I'm I were veering off track of
Speaker 2: I mean, that's all directionally whole. I take back what
Speaker 2: I just said. There's no track at all. It's all
Speaker 2: one thing. But I mean, your parents don't totally don't
Speaker 2: have to love you at all. So that's yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: What I've learned from the show for sure, is that
Speaker 1: I YEA, that's what I b that's that's what I
Speaker 1: make me. I get have parents that make me a
Speaker 1: drug dealer at seventeen years old.
Speaker 2: Right right, Bro, That's what I was on the phone
Speaker 2: with my mom today and I was just going off
Speaker 2: on her about like, uh, I was just so grateful
Speaker 2: that she, uh, you know, loved me and gave me
Speaker 2: the foundation for my life. It's five all. I've also really,
Speaker 2: I feel like, learned that from doing this show. So
Speaker 2: you know, it's not a given necessarily that your parents
Speaker 2: love you. So I don't. I I mean, we could
Speaker 2: get into the whole thing of that not being artificial,
Speaker 2: but one, yeah, I don't. I don't think that's started
Speaker 2: off for show at all because it's just it's not
Speaker 2: a given as as you know. But what else does
Speaker 2: your therapist tell you about, like the actual logistical process
Speaker 2: of building up your self esteem?
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, I don't know if they really have given
Speaker 1: me much about that, Like they say to just like
Speaker 1: go out and do the things that that I appreciate
Speaker 1: the most, Like I I like to make neon signs
Speaker 1: or not neon signs. I like to make LED signs,
Speaker 1: which I like. I have a I've had a radio
Speaker 1: station or not radio station radio show for a little while,
Speaker 1: and I'm making an LED sign of my radio show
Speaker 1: logo or my old radio show logo. And then I
Speaker 1: also have been making like these little hexagon lights. You
Speaker 1: know how people have like those hexagon lights that they
Speaker 1: hook up on their walls.
Speaker 2: I have a perfect picture of what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I I I have a three D printer,
Speaker 1: and I three D print my own and I make
Speaker 1: them using LED strips.
Speaker 2: Cool.
Speaker 1: And one thing, one thing I've been considering doing as
Speaker 1: the whole solo traveling stuff is using the three D
Speaker 1: printer to make those LED signs and then selling them
Speaker 1: at conventions.
Speaker 2: That's so cool. I love that idea.
Speaker 1: But it sounds like a lot of effort, sounds like
Speaker 1: a lot of dedication and money, and I'm afraid. I'm
Speaker 1: really afraid to fail. I feel like it feels like
Speaker 1: a waste of my time or like a waste of effort.
Speaker 2: Hm hm hm.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: There there's so much I want to talk to you about.
Speaker 2: I will, I will, we will, we will get into
Speaker 2: the solo traveling part of this, but.
Speaker 1: It takes your time. Do you thing?
Speaker 2: What was I going to say? Interesting? Why do you think?
Speaker 2: I mean, I know, why do you think you have
Speaker 2: low self esteem?
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't really have much of a
Speaker 1: character that uh that defines myself as as something in particular,
Speaker 1: you know how, you know how it feels like. It
Speaker 1: feels like a lot of people in the world have
Speaker 1: like that thing that they're good at or that thing
Speaker 1: that they do that makes them like who they are.
Speaker 1: Like you, I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Hexagon lights.
Speaker 1: I suppose no, no, no, no, you're good. You're good. I like,
Speaker 1: I haven't made much of those hexagon lights, but like
Speaker 1: for what I have made of them, I wanna I
Speaker 1: want to make more, and I want to do more.
Speaker 1: Maybe I can, I can, Maybe I can send you
Speaker 1: a text to what.
Speaker 2: It looks like sure sure, sure, sure, sure go ahead.
Speaker 2: And some of the you know what I'm actually realizing
Speaker 2: also is like I I think and I know this
Speaker 2: from like personal like low self esteem ship is like
Speaker 2: I am, I am aware that I think when you
Speaker 2: go I think when you walk around and you have
Speaker 2: low self esteem, people try to Like, you know, people
Speaker 2: naturally want to lift you up. Your friends want to
Speaker 2: gass you up. And if you're like you know, if
Speaker 2: you're lucky, your friends want to gass you up. In
Speaker 2: your parents, the family want to gass you up. But
Speaker 2: I think when you have an issue like that, uh,
Speaker 2: I mean, external validation helps. Do not fucking get me wrong,
Speaker 2: I would, I wouldn't. I don't want to discount that.
Speaker 2: But I do think that it's it's a mostly internal issue,
Speaker 2: you know, because that's that's literally absolutely is the thing.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's what you even said is you're like
Speaker 2: I have I have a low view of myself. So
Speaker 2: even it doesn't matter how much people are telling me this,
Speaker 2: I just can't believe it, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hmm have you Okay, I guess sent a video
Speaker 1: of it.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, hol I'll take a look. Let's see here,
Speaker 2: let me did you send it to this phone number?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I did.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I'll take a let me see it
Speaker 2: might take a second to oh wait here it is.
Speaker 2: Oh that's sick. I love this. Did you find it's
Speaker 2: like it's like all rainbowie and ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You can connect to it with your phone and
Speaker 1: everything too.
Speaker 2: You can connect to it with your phone. Yeah, bro, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: hold on, I'm putting. I'm literally gonna write this down
Speaker 2: because I have a lot I want to talk to
Speaker 2: you about. But we need to talk about we need
Speaker 2: to talk about. I'm literally making a note we solo
Speaker 2: travel I feel like, you know, we're okay, we're gonna
Speaker 2: talk about solo traveling and Hexagon business. All right, all right,
Speaker 2: putting a pin in those two things. But for now, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that looks awesome, putting a pin in those two things.
Speaker 2: What have you done, Like, have you done any kind
Speaker 2: of like internal work to try to like fix your
Speaker 2: self esteem at all?
Speaker 1: I've tried, like some some minor stuff. Like a lot
Speaker 1: of it is just reaching out to friends that I
Speaker 1: haven't that I haven't been contacting all that much. Like
Speaker 1: like I mentioned, I'm in New York right now for
Speaker 1: the for the weekend, visiting my old roommate, and like
Speaker 1: that's that's been a really positive experience. It's been a
Speaker 1: great time to talk to the people that I have
Speaker 1: definitely lost contact with over time and see that more
Speaker 1: people appreciate me than I let on. Then I led
Speaker 1: myself on into thinking yeah, But at the same exact time,
Speaker 1: it's still like a struggle of like, oh, well, I
Speaker 1: can't I can't anchor myself to these people for the
Speaker 1: affection that I need at all times in my life.
Speaker 1: I need to be able to do that on my own.
Speaker 1: And it's really hard to do that on my own
Speaker 1: when I'm in the same habitat that I'm in all
Speaker 1: the time, like just living at my house, going to
Speaker 1: work and just doing all the mundane stuff. It's it's
Speaker 1: tough to kind of break the mold of how I
Speaker 1: view my own self image. But I've gotten into I've
Speaker 1: been getting into a couple of other things, like I've
Speaker 1: been getting into Gunda Models and Warhammer Cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, also, just so you know what you and I can.
Speaker 2: I can only talk about my personal experience. I can
Speaker 2: I can talk about my personal experience, and I can
Speaker 2: talk about like what I have hunches about what you're
Speaker 2: just so you know what you're attempting to do. A
Speaker 2: is it extremely worthy thing of you doing with your life?
Speaker 2: And b is is not an overnight thing? Is a
Speaker 2: thing that take can even take years of like intentional
Speaker 2: effort and sometimes just through living life, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: by and what I mean by like and the thing,
Speaker 2: the thing being raising your self esteem and changing the
Speaker 2: quality of your thoughts and perspectives about yourself and the
Speaker 2: world is not an overnight thing. And it's sometimes uh
Speaker 2: takes like a combination of like intentional effort and of
Speaker 2: just like living your life. It's not gonna be an
Speaker 2: overnight thing, but I do think a lot of it
Speaker 2: does require Okay, so to go into like the solo
Speaker 2: travel ship and the business shit, A lot of it
Speaker 2: does require like some form of external evidence of your
Speaker 2: own competence. I think is helpful. But even but you could,
Speaker 2: even part of me thinks it's like a Yin and
Speaker 2: Yang thing and they like for the the the external
Speaker 2: validation of your own competence and feeds into your internal
Speaker 2: view of yourself. But I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 2: if we have to get all fucking I was gonna say,
Speaker 2: I don't know if we have to get all capitalist
Speaker 2: about it, but maybe we Maybe we do. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm somewhere in between. But let me ask let me
Speaker 2: ask you this. Do you like have you made any
Speaker 2: like intentional efforts to like change your thought patterns?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Actually your podcast has helped a lot with that. Great
Speaker 1: Originally I used to be really recently, I think your
Speaker 1: last few podcasts episodes have been going into absurdism and nihilism. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to I'm trying to reshape my thought
Speaker 1: into the the nothing matters in a really depressing way
Speaker 1: and being like nothing matters, so what's the point to anything,
Speaker 1: and reshaping it into nothing matters, so you should just
Speaker 1: try everything. Yeah, that's That's definitely been the biggest mindset
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to turn myself around to. I think
Speaker 1: the issue is consistency because like the whole thing with
Speaker 1: like BPD is that you kind of go through these
Speaker 1: these large mood swings where and in some point of time, uh,
Speaker 1: you're going through like hypo manic phases where you feel
Speaker 1: like you feel like God almost you, you feel like
Speaker 1: you can do anything, and you're some unstoppable force, and
Speaker 1: then it all goes crashing and burning down and you're
Speaker 1: next thing, you know, you're just sitting alone in your
Speaker 1: room thinking about how you, uh, how you should end it,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's it's really it's a really hard and
Speaker 1: abrupt change where it's it's hard to keep that that
Speaker 1: momentum of consistency where you're constantly trying to tell yourself
Speaker 1: that the that the effort in uh you're doing does
Speaker 1: matter even if it doesn't work out.
Speaker 2: Do you take medication?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I do?
Speaker 2: Is it hows that work for you? Is it good?
Speaker 1: It's uh, it's pretty good. It definitely.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: I can I say the medication or am I not going.
Speaker 2: To do whatever you want?
Speaker 1: I take Quittapoline and Sarah Quill QUI quait tapoline. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a little weird one.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a Pokemon.
Speaker 1: It kind of does. That's a good point. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: that one. Uh, quit tapoline is pretty good. That's the
Speaker 1: one for BPD. And then and then uh, Sarah Quill
Speaker 1: is like kind of yeah, Sarah Quill is kind of
Speaker 1: like an energy booster almost.
Speaker 2: Sarah Quill actually does sound like a Pokemon, you know,
Speaker 2: sind Quill.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they do, both of them. Do I think quaitapoline
Speaker 1: would be more like a water Pokemon.
Speaker 2: Quintapoline sounds like the evolution of Sarah Quill. Like ever,
Speaker 2: Quill is like the base one Yeah, a base one
Speaker 2: Pokemon and then the the like the level three evolution
Speaker 2: is Quintapola.
Speaker 1: Is that we said quintaboline, Yeah, something like that. I
Speaker 1: always butchered the name of it too. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: How long have you been on those?
Speaker 1: I've been on it for maybe six eight months. I
Speaker 1: started to take it. I had a really bad mental
Speaker 1: health episode a little while ago, and I went to
Speaker 1: a mental health hospital for I think like a week,
Speaker 1: and during that time they got me situated with those
Speaker 1: those medications. I think the only downside with quitapoline is
Speaker 1: that it makes you really tired. So I have to
Speaker 1: take it at I have to take it at night
Speaker 1: or no, I'm sorry, I have to take it in
Speaker 1: the morning because if I take it at night, I
Speaker 1: sleep through alarms and everything.
Speaker 2: But but I guess do you feel a nice difference
Speaker 2: pre taking it to post taking it?
Speaker 1: You know, it's really hard to notice. To be completely honest,
Speaker 1: I would like to say yes. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: my life has still been kind of a train wreck
Speaker 1: and I have a lot of uh. I still have
Speaker 1: a lot of internal struggles.
Speaker 2: So why is your life a train wreck?
Speaker 1: It feels like it's not actually a train wreck. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm building up to be worse than it actually is. Really,
Speaker 1: I just kind of catch myself in this dumer mentality
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I can't do anything in my situation.
Speaker 1: There's nothing I can do to fix this. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like I it feels like I missed the train
Speaker 1: almost where like the chance to turn my life around
Speaker 1: is uh, it's it's I don't I feel like I
Speaker 1: missed the opportunity to make things great.
Speaker 2: Like I uh yeah, give me some, give me some.
Speaker 1: Like some examples, one would be like I wanted to
Speaker 1: start like a YouTube channel, but it feels like YouTube
Speaker 1: is kind of like gone down in quality or like
Speaker 1: getting getting the getting the momentum to build like a
Speaker 1: even small audience in a place like that is something
Speaker 1: that has been significantly harder to do post COVID. So
Speaker 1: feels like that that chance to build something along that
Speaker 1: line would be uh impossible because of uh how loud
Speaker 1: and oversaturated the like community making scene as I suppose,
Speaker 1: like you you you got you got therapy got co
Speaker 1: to be popular because of the whole Reddit thing that
Speaker 1: was going on through uh through COVID.
Speaker 2: True, yeah, I got, I got. I got lucky with
Speaker 2: kind of uh finding that that medium on Reddit. By anyway,
Speaker 2: enough about stupid me, but uh that your life is
Speaker 2: a train wreck.
Speaker 1: The other thing is like I want to do the
Speaker 1: three D printing thing where I three D printed it's
Speaker 1: a little uh the hexagons and then make them like
Speaker 1: LED signs but on light sits like Etsy actually banned
Speaker 1: three D products three D printed products from their platform recently,
Speaker 1: mostly because there it mostly because all the three D
Speaker 1: printed products that were being sold on there are like garbage.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen like those little like three D
Speaker 1: printed dragons?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, you know. You know, here's the thing. What
Speaker 2: whether whether or not your market analysis of the things
Speaker 2: that you want to do is rooted in truth or
Speaker 2: not is not to me, the I guess spiritually interesting
Speaker 2: part of the equation. To me, it would be more like, look,
Speaker 2: would you be happier knowing you gave it today? Shot not.
Speaker 1: I've always thought about that, And that's the thing that
Speaker 1: stops me from actually making like the big step into uh,
Speaker 1: into doing stuff like that. It uh. It's a lot
Speaker 1: of people say like, you succeed as long as you try,
Speaker 1: but I feel like that's not necessarily true because you
Speaker 1: have to use resources in order to get there in
Speaker 1: the first place. You know, Like I use my time,
Speaker 1: I use my effort, I use money all those sorts
Speaker 1: of things, and those are things that I can't get
Speaker 1: back whether I succeed or fail. And if I fail
Speaker 1: and I get nothing back from it, then what was
Speaker 1: the point of it? All, it's not like it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like I learned some sort of lesson. It feels
Speaker 1: like I just kind of fiddled my thumbs and walked
Speaker 1: in circles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's that. Yeah, that's uh, that's some deep nihilism.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is.
Speaker 2: Let's see. Well, okay, let's talk about the solo traveling thing.
Speaker 2: Tell me more about that. Where you where are you
Speaker 2: trying to solo travel to or like, what are you
Speaker 2: trying to do for your solo travels?
Speaker 1: I would like to, Uh, I heard a heart con.
Speaker 1: I actually kind of want to see if I can
Speaker 1: go to hearst con. That stuff sounds really cool.
Speaker 2: I think I think we I think we passed the
Speaker 2: first one, I think, but I think we got got Yeah,
Speaker 2: the next one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to be next year, but I'm down.
Speaker 2: I'll wait next year. Yeah, I'll wait. Definitely there next year,
Speaker 2: but go ahead.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: No, places like that weird weird, like obscure, weird obscured conventions,
Speaker 1: Like there's also a love Craft convention HP Lovecraft wasn't
Speaker 1: wasn't a good guy, but the community around him is
Speaker 1: pretty cool. And then there's also like Comic Con and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff or Pax East to Pax West.
Speaker 1: I've never actually been on the western side of the US.
Speaker 1: I've only been in I've only been in New England
Speaker 1: more or less my entire life. So I I would
Speaker 1: like to go out and explore more of what this
Speaker 1: world has. But I feel like I've always locked myself
Speaker 1: down to not having the opportunity to either because of
Speaker 1: school or money or taking time off work stuff like that.
Speaker 1: It feels like, UH, there's a there's a lot of
Speaker 1: convention the phrase that the conventions that I would like
Speaker 1: to go to. I think the main ones right now
Speaker 1: would be like Comic Connor Packs East or Pax West,
Speaker 1: and I would like to do stuff like cost playing
Speaker 1: all that kind of thing. But UH as UH, there's
Speaker 1: two stuff. There's two things to it. Putting the effort
Speaker 1: in into UH making a costplay is UH is a
Speaker 1: lot of effort, And I feel like I would almost
Speaker 1: embarrass myself by going to UH by going to a
Speaker 1: convention cost playing alone or the other one is just
Speaker 1: like it feels it's impossible to meet people because being
Speaker 1: being alone in a situation makes it feel like you
Speaker 1: don't have the social acceptance of others. So people would
Speaker 1: instantly dismiss you for being like weird or potentially evil,
Speaker 1: well potentially evil.
Speaker 2: Well, well, a few counterpoints to that is one, I
Speaker 2: think I don't know what the vibe is at at
Speaker 2: Pas Easter PEX. Well, I don't really know what the
Speaker 2: vibe is that Like, uh, I mean, comic Con is
Speaker 2: like a huge, huge, crazy commercial thing. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know anything about packs. But like these littler
Speaker 2: places like the Lovecraft Con and like Herst Con and
Speaker 2: the other shit is like these are specifically places that
Speaker 2: people go to because they're weird and because they feel
Speaker 2: inherently outcasted by who they are. Like that's the fucking
Speaker 2: point is they've inherently create any of these spaces because
Speaker 2: they feel the way that you feel. And then the
Speaker 2: magic of the space is that all those people who
Speaker 2: feel the same way they combine and have this like
Speaker 2: niche interest over which to bond, right, And so it
Speaker 2: like it's funny. I was laughing a little bit when
Speaker 2: you were talking, because it's like the thing you're afraid
Speaker 2: of is the point of the thing, you know what I'm.
Speaker 1: Saying, Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong, And that's what I
Speaker 1: try to convince myself of. It's like, do you ever
Speaker 1: get lonely when you're when you're traveling around? Like for yeah,
Speaker 1: like the one thing that the one thing that I
Speaker 1: dread the most is like getting a hotel room, setting
Speaker 1: myself up in the hotel room, and then going out
Speaker 1: there and then coming back alone.
Speaker 2: Yeah sure, yeah, well let's see. Okay, So where are
Speaker 2: you trying to go to? Packs?
Speaker 1: Frankly anywhere. I haven't had the time to really look
Speaker 1: around for what I've wanted to do because this, uh,
Speaker 1: this change has been a little abrupt. I've been in
Speaker 1: I've been in Rhode Island my whole life, so I
Speaker 1: haven't Uh, I haven't really been able to experience experience
Speaker 1: all that much when it comes to, uh what the
Speaker 1: other states have to offer and what other things there
Speaker 1: are to see beyond what I already know about, Like
Speaker 1: I would like to know more about some more obscure conventions,
Speaker 1: but I don't even know how to hunt them down.
Speaker 2: Who do you what do you like? What do you into?
Speaker 2: Love Craft?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, now, HV Lovecraft is definitely one of them. Gundam's
Speaker 1: another one. Uh. Just a big fan of communities, uh,
Speaker 1: like communities around like computer science, Like, uh, how I
Speaker 1: explain it? I wish I wish there was a lot.
Speaker 2: Second, what what part? What part of the country you
Speaker 2: when you're in Rhode Islands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in Rhode Island. Actually a quick question, would
Speaker 1: you ever do a show and profit?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't want to know much about Providence.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm looking at Okay, the Gundam so I'm looking.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to find it. I'm on the computer. I'm
Speaker 2: trying to find a thing for you. But well, okay,
Speaker 2: you're in Providence. When is like the Providence? Like I
Speaker 2: feel like every every like city has their own like oh,
Speaker 2: the Liberty City, Anime Convention, Anime and Anime NYC. Here
Speaker 2: we go Anime NYC twenty Javit Center, August twenty first,
Speaker 2: twenty fourth. So here's the thing, right, Look, So if
Speaker 2: I go to Anime NYC, I see they have a discord.
Speaker 2: So I'll go in the discord. If I'm you, I'll
Speaker 2: go in the discord and then I'll kind of scope
Speaker 2: out the culture of the discord and then maybe i'll
Speaker 2: make a little post that's like ooh, or even better,
Speaker 2: one of two things. One of two things. If I'm you,
Speaker 2: I go to the a NYC Discord, I join. I
Speaker 2: make a little post. Hey I'm Matt. Here's the stuff
Speaker 2: I'm into, Here's what I like, whatever, whatever, I'm going alone.
Speaker 2: If anyone wants to meet up, that'd be cool. Blah
Speaker 2: blah blah. You make that post, Okay, maybe someone reaches
Speaker 2: out to you. But get this, I'm not even on this.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm hold on. I'm trying to join it,
Speaker 2: but I'm not even on there. And I already know
Speaker 2: that without even looking that. There's about one hundred other
Speaker 2: people who've made that post already, right, so you could
Speaker 2: go in there and hold on, I'm joining the Anime
Speaker 2: NYC Discord real quick? Wait are you human? Please confirm
Speaker 2: me I'm not a robot. I don't know if I'm
Speaker 2: technically a gecko. What the fuck is up with these captures?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 2: Okay, wants me to drag a thing into a Okay,
Speaker 2: we're gonna verify the capture. Uh okay, Well I'm in
Speaker 2: the Anime NYC Discord. It's loading and through your birthday?
Speaker 2: What the fuck? Hold on? Wait all right, We're fine. No,
Speaker 2: I don't want to buy nitro nine team. I was
Speaker 2: born in ninth I was born Fuck you May fourth,
Speaker 2: nineteen sixty six. Good enough, No, I'm not giving you
Speaker 2: my email and password. Just let me look at the
Speaker 2: all right, we're here. Look so look at this right,
Speaker 2: look at look at this, Look at this meetups in NYC.
Speaker 2: Oh introductions, but look at this, look at this this.
Speaker 2: I'm literally I'm on the NYC. Dude, here's the thing
Speaker 2: I'm on. All right, I'm on the n y the
Speaker 2: Anime NYC Official Discord, I'm on the intro. I'm on
Speaker 2: the introductions channel on this channel today alone, There's already
Speaker 2: been one part, like every single day leading up to
Speaker 2: this thing, people are writing down like look at this guy,
Speaker 2: not to put him on blast. Hey everyone, my name
Speaker 2: is Stephen. I've gone to a few anime conventions. This
Speaker 2: will be my first time. I'm doing a lot of
Speaker 2: cosplay work with it. I wanted to meet new people
Speaker 2: in the area with similar interests. So fucking you know,
Speaker 2: fire emoji reacted. Send him a DM. Hey, Steven, I
Speaker 2: saw you also like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure where I'm doing
Speaker 2: a how what kind of cosplay do you do? You
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like it's just this, it's all,
Speaker 2: it's all wait, I'm just, I'm just it's all waiting
Speaker 2: for you. And whether it's the Anime NYC thing or
Speaker 2: it's the love Craft Convention or whatever. For all the
Speaker 2: evil that the internet has done to society, true, I
Speaker 2: really mean this, that's done a lot of good too,
Speaker 2: in in in this particular aspect. So you just got
Speaker 2: to put yourself out there, man, like the potential for
Speaker 2: you to if you if because right, if you just
Speaker 2: go and you don't put fourth inn the effort to
Speaker 2: chat with people on discord beforehand, or go to a
Speaker 2: meetup or say hi to someone, then yes, you risk
Speaker 2: the debilitating moment, your your your fear coming true of
Speaker 2: uh being back home alone in your hotel room. But
Speaker 2: you go to you can maximize that. You can hedge
Speaker 2: very much against this by going on the discord beforehand,
Speaker 2: introducing yourself in the thing, finding little events, finding little
Speaker 2: meetups or events at the Lovecraft con where it's you know,
Speaker 2: you're because you're not the only you're. You're insane to
Speaker 2: think you're the only person going to these things alone.
Speaker 2: It's meant for people to convene and get through fucking
Speaker 2: and get this. Get this, Matt, because you've you've never
Speaker 2: done this before. But what's amazing is once you do this,
Speaker 2: the more times you go and you do this, and
Speaker 2: the more times you used to like, Oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go on the discord, I'm gonna message these people. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna oh I oh. I know how to the middle
Speaker 2: of a conversation is always easy. It's the beginning and
Speaker 2: the end that are tough. I know how to initiate
Speaker 2: conversations with people. I know what to, you know whatever.
Speaker 2: And also, by the way, as you do this, you're
Speaker 2: gonna encounter a lot of people who are assholes. Because
Speaker 2: that's just yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: The one thing I'm afraid of.
Speaker 2: And I have a solution, and it's I know what
Speaker 2: you mean. Okay, You're gonna encounter a lot of assholes,
Speaker 2: and you might get really unlucky. And the first person
Speaker 2: you try to talk to you might get really unlucky. Matt.
Speaker 2: And you're work, you're at the convention, and you're in
Speaker 2: your costume and you're of vulnerable, and you're like, the
Speaker 2: first person you go to try to, You're like, you
Speaker 2: build up the courage to talk to might be an asshole.
Speaker 2: You might get unlucky with that, but they're but the
Speaker 2: you just got to learn that you got you. That's
Speaker 2: almost the skill in and of itself. So you have
Speaker 2: to learn to like brush that off. Like that's that
Speaker 2: guy's problem. I don't I put I put forth. I
Speaker 2: am at a fucking convention where the point of the
Speaker 2: thing is to convene. God damn it, I know I
Speaker 2: am not. And even if this guy whatever, he has
Speaker 2: his own thing, he doesn't want to convene, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: brush that off and I'm gonna find the people who
Speaker 2: are there to convene because I know they're there. And
Speaker 2: you just have to kind of code your brain to
Speaker 2: be you know, understand the the like this is like
Speaker 2: how do I say this? The data is on your
Speaker 2: side because you need to keep putting yourself out there
Speaker 2: and keep trying, and eventually you will find the person
Speaker 2: who likes the same anime as you, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, maybe that person is like a really cool,
Speaker 2: wonderful time is on the other side of you putting
Speaker 2: yourself out there and brushing off a few unpleasant people.
Speaker 2: It's just there. It's inevitable. I mean, that's why these
Speaker 2: fucking things exist, So so I hope you do that
Speaker 2: whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And and there's there's just there's just ways to do
Speaker 2: it and make it easier for yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you're you're You're definitely not wrong. It's it's
Speaker 1: really just like the.
Speaker 2: The mental of it, the mental.
Speaker 1: Of it, and the money of it too.
Speaker 2: Sure, Yeah, of course, are you like it's hard? Go ahead?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Uh Sagan, No, go ahead?
Speaker 2: What were you were saying it's hard?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's just like the money of it at all,
Speaker 1: is like that's dedicating a lot of effort only for
Speaker 1: a chance. Like you know, it's not none of it
Speaker 1: is guaranteed, none of it is uh set in stone.
Speaker 1: Like there's a lot of groundwork that you can do,
Speaker 1: like just what you're explaining. And I've tried stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I've I've gone to like meetup, dot com and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff in order to try to find
Speaker 1: like groups in order to get a get connected with.
Speaker 1: But it's hard to It feels like it's hard to
Speaker 1: make myself be a person that someone else would like
Speaker 1: to convene with. Uh. And I I think that's mostly
Speaker 1: just because it's in my head, But I strike myself
Speaker 1: as a person who is not interesting to other people. Why, uh,
Speaker 1: mental illness?
Speaker 2: Sure, hmm hmmm mm hmm. Yeah, you know, I know,
Speaker 2: I just kind of went off on you about a
Speaker 2: lot of like logistical things.
Speaker 1: No, I know your advice is good.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, well no, I I I well, I
Speaker 2: I went off on you about a lot of logistical things.
Speaker 2: But it's funny that you said that because I am
Speaker 2: aware that, like, mm, the question is not a logistical one.
Speaker 2: It's a mental It's like a it's a mental game.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Like it's tough to just walk up to
Speaker 1: some person that you just don't know and initiate a
Speaker 1: conversation because I don't know how to do that without
Speaker 1: uh about it coming across as like weird or unsettling.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: But isn't that the whole point of the anime? Because
Speaker 2: you're a cosplayer.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, I I want to get into costplaying. I've
Speaker 1: done a few things for before COVID, but then obviously
Speaker 1: life got in the way with like school and everything.
Speaker 2: Isn't that though, Isn't it the whole point of the anime?
Speaker 2: Convention is that you go up to someone and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, your Junji patoa from uh from from uh
Speaker 2: from Nintendo Fiesta and then you and then what that's
Speaker 2: the end and then you guys start talking about life,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: Is that the whole that's the whole point. That's why
Speaker 2: everyone loves Halloween is it's much easier to get laid
Speaker 2: because everyone has like, yeah, you know, you have openings
Speaker 2: to talk to people more than anywhere any other time
Speaker 2: because everyone's wearing these costumes.
Speaker 1: That's not a bad point. Yeah, I know, I know.
Speaker 2: A lot of the yeah, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 1: A lot of the battle is to a lot of
Speaker 1: the battle is just just like turn off your brain
Speaker 1: from the negative things that you're telling yourself and to
Speaker 1: uh push yourself and go out there anyway, because even
Speaker 1: if it's a negative experience, like I like I said before,
Speaker 1: even though I shut it down, was like, uh even
Speaker 1: if you try, Uh that's enough, Like you won even
Speaker 1: if you tried.
Speaker 2: And also the money thing I'm looking because well, okay,
Speaker 2: let's i Rhode Island Anime Convention has passed. But yeah,
Speaker 2: but like the shit like this exists, like look at this.
Speaker 2: So the Rhode Island Anime Convention Facebook group. How many
Speaker 2: fucking people are just posting in this Facebook. I mean
Speaker 2: there's there's you can probably get away with with doing
Speaker 2: ship like this over a weekend without having to spend
Speaker 2: a ship ton of money. But again, I I think,
Speaker 2: I think, I think the logistics of it is not
Speaker 2: the thing as much as it is, like, yeah, the
Speaker 2: the mental of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the the the like mental effort of it all.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. Hmmm. Man, I don't know. I wish,
Speaker 2: I wish, I wish I had, I wish I I
Speaker 2: wish I could tell you anything other than like just
Speaker 2: a Nike, just do it. I only have my own
Speaker 2: personal experience to draw from. But I do know that
Speaker 2: people study this ship, and I think it'll probably be
Speaker 2: some combination of like it was, some combination of doing
Speaker 2: it scared, as they say, and then realizing that it's
Speaker 2: not as bad as you thought it was. And again,
Speaker 2: I mean you're in like, dude, here's like people by
Speaker 2: the way, no know this, Matt, The people posting in
Speaker 2: that discord and the people going to these events. There's
Speaker 2: people who have probably even probably there's bro there's people
Speaker 2: who hate themselves more than you hate yourself with more
Speaker 2: social anxiety than you have that are going to these
Speaker 2: fucking things. You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not wrong.
Speaker 2: It's not wrong. Do with do with that information what
Speaker 2: you will. But yeah, m hmm. I hope you do it.
Speaker 2: I really do. I hope you do it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to try to push myself to do
Speaker 1: it soon.
Speaker 2: I hope you do. And just remember that, please just
Speaker 2: promise me that, like if you the the the.
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Can I can? I can? I actually steal something from
Speaker 2: a from a podcast that I was listening to yesterday
Speaker 2: and tell it to you. Okay, I was listening to
Speaker 2: this is shout out this Uh, this is this guy
Speaker 2: I really like. His name is Naval Robbie Kant. He
Speaker 2: talks about it. You know who that is. No, I don't, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna completely steal what he's saying and say it
Speaker 2: on my own podcast. Shout out Noval Ravicon, he rocks.
Speaker 2: He was talking about like, Okay, so in like all right,
Speaker 2: So everything going on with you, I think is like
Speaker 2: comes from like social anxiety and ship it comes from
Speaker 2: like prehistoric biological conditioning, right, like our biology. Our biology
Speaker 2: has not kept up with the modern world that we
Speaker 2: live in and in the prehistoric world, when we were
Speaker 2: in like tribes and ship, social anxiety was very necessarily
Speaker 2: because if you were like like, if you did try
Speaker 2: to make friends with someone and they didn't like you
Speaker 2: and it didn't work out, you actually were fucked because
Speaker 2: you could only there were only like a few people
Speaker 2: to talk to or go on a date with or whatever,
Speaker 2: and if you were shunned from your tribe, you were
Speaker 2: just fucked. You were left out to die, like like,
Speaker 2: like everything your social anxiety was signaling to you was
Speaker 2: actually correct.
Speaker 1: But there's billions of people now.
Speaker 2: But now we live in the modern world where it
Speaker 2: doesn't fucking matter because if you are at this anime
Speaker 2: convention and you try to say hi to a guy
Speaker 2: and he's you know, shrugs, shrugs, you off, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: You know, there's you, there's you have infinite infinite iterations
Speaker 2: right on which to get it right, and you only
Speaker 2: need one you only you can reach. You can go
Speaker 2: and talk to like five p and a five of
Speaker 2: them are jerks. It doesn't matter because if the sixth
Speaker 2: it's like, oh hey, oh cool, oh I love oh
Speaker 2: oh wait yo, you made this hexagon thing. This is
Speaker 2: fucking cool. Which, by the way, will happen. And you
Speaker 2: know you just need that, You just need that to
Speaker 2: happen once for your brain to be like, oh shit,
Speaker 2: this I I okay, I haven't. I have like evidence
Speaker 2: now for myself of what can be if I get
Speaker 2: over the the hurdle.
Speaker 1: Uh it's true.
Speaker 2: So yeah, dude, I I hope you do it. I
Speaker 2: really do. I think. Uh, there's I it's I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't like solo traveling as much anymore because it
Speaker 2: it's it's intense. But I I think like, if you've
Speaker 2: never done it before, the feeling of putting yourself out there,
Speaker 2: meeting someone new and having an experience that you didn't
Speaker 2: think you could have is great. And it just happens
Speaker 2: as a byproduct of having the like courage to put
Speaker 2: yourself out there. So I hope. I hope you do it.
Speaker 2: You know. And also you're not I only I've only
Speaker 2: been talking to you for forty five minutes, but you
Speaker 2: present to me as a well put together a person,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like if we were having
Speaker 2: this conversation and I and I felt off put by you,
Speaker 2: Even if I felt off put by you, I still
Speaker 2: would say all these things, because even because I gotta
Speaker 2: tell you something, Matt, you could be like three hundred
Speaker 2: percent crazier you could, Matt, I think you could be
Speaker 2: five times as crazy as you actually are and still
Speaker 2: make a lot of friends at this anime convention. I
Speaker 2: believe that sincerely, you're.
Speaker 1: Like, I think it easier.
Speaker 2: You're no, You're no, You're nowhere near past to the
Speaker 2: amount of crazy that you have to be to be
Speaker 2: unable to make friends at an anime convention.
Speaker 1: That's true. What, Yeah, I just think that, like, if
Speaker 1: I was crazier, it would actually be easier to meet
Speaker 1: people because it sounds like you're more of an interesting personality.
Speaker 2: Well, no, it would be easier. You know, there's like
Speaker 2: an optimal level of conscientiousness that a human being can
Speaker 2: have because we all know, we all know guys who
Speaker 2: are like, have zero conscientiousness and say what they just
Speaker 2: say whatever comes to them, and they're like really annoying
Speaker 2: and they do they just do shit right, And because
Speaker 2: of that they have a lot of people who are
Speaker 2: like that guy fucking sucks and is annoying. But also
Speaker 2: because of that, they just they end up taking more
Speaker 2: chances and they leave they live more interesting lives, and
Speaker 2: they are less concerned with how annoying people think they
Speaker 2: are because they're just they have low They're not even
Speaker 2: thinking about it. They just have no conscientiousness. They're just
Speaker 2: hurling themselves into the universe. And that leads people into
Speaker 2: into but it also leads them into opportunity. And then
Speaker 2: on the opposite side is the guy who just never
Speaker 2: says anything to anyone who takes any chances ever, because oh,
Speaker 2: because there might be danger. Right, You don't want to
Speaker 2: be that guy either, So you want to You want
Speaker 2: the you want and I think you're actually the I
Speaker 2: just from talking to you. You're you want to aim.
Speaker 2: You want to aim somewhere in the middle where you're
Speaker 2: conscientious enough that you're not like being a complete uh
Speaker 2: insane person, but you're not too conscientious that you're never
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there at all. You want to be
Speaker 2: somewhere acutely in the middle. You want to be somewhere
Speaker 2: acutely in the middle, edging towards a lack of conscientiousness.
Speaker 1: Possibly, Yeah, I agree, I agree. I think it's better
Speaker 1: to be on the lack of conscientiousness, better to.
Speaker 2: Be on the lack of conscience too. Much at least
Speaker 2: for you, maybe not.
Speaker 1: For better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Speaker 2: Well better for you, maybe not better for society though.
Speaker 1: Know yeah, well yeah, yeah, people people.
Speaker 2: On the people who lack conscientiousness of any kind. They
Speaker 2: they live, they they personally do well and then fuck
Speaker 2: fuck up a bunch of shit. But who can who there, Whoker,
Speaker 2: we're talking about anime codvention, not you know who gives
Speaker 2: a ship? Matt? Are you still there?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm still here.
Speaker 2: How do you feel about this conversation?
Speaker 1: I'm I'm pretty happy with it. I'm I'm glad I
Speaker 1: was able to finally reach out to you. I I've
Speaker 1: called a bunch of times over the last i think
Speaker 1: like maybe two years, so this is the first call
Speaker 1: that I've actually gotten in on which I'm I'm so
Speaker 1: happy about to be honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope you do it. Please if you go, Please,
Speaker 2: if you do this and it works out, send me
Speaker 2: a send me a thing anywhere I look at stuff.
Speaker 2: Send me like an Instagram. I don't actually I don't
Speaker 2: look at the text on this phone number. But send
Speaker 2: me like an Instagram or ah, I mean, Instagram is
Speaker 2: probably the best way to do it. But if I
Speaker 2: got a message from you that was like, oh, I
Speaker 2: went to uh piss con and I made a bunch
Speaker 2: of pissed friends, I'd be like, that's awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: try to update you on what happens. Okay, see what
Speaker 1: See how this changes the course of my life in
Speaker 1: the future.
Speaker 2: Okay, please do If you try and someone's kind of
Speaker 2: dismissive of you, please try again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna be hard to do.
Speaker 2: In fact, go into it with the expectation that people
Speaker 2: will be pitted. No, actually, don't do that. That's a
Speaker 2: self fulfilling prophecy.
Speaker 1: But I feel like that's what we're trying to avoid.
Speaker 2: In fact, that is actually absolutely what we're trying to avoid. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you strike me as a smart guy.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: You should you should really, Yeah, you should go for it?
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: I think that's uh, I think that's kind of what
Speaker 1: I need.
Speaker 2: Good man. I wonder what happened to that guy with
Speaker 2: the hook. I don't know what he's doing now, I remember,
Speaker 2: I don't I'm actually got let me look him up.
Speaker 2: I remember his I'm not gonna say his name on
Speaker 2: the podcast. But I actually do remember his name. Let's
Speaker 2: see what happened to him. You want to sit on
Speaker 2: the line with me, Well, I see what happened to him?
Speaker 1: Hold on, yeah, no, no, no, absolutely?
Speaker 2: Uh wait, maybe I don't remember his name. Hold on?
Speaker 2: Do I fuck?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Here wait do I No? No, I don't remember. And
Speaker 2: I can't just search guy with a hook because I don't.
Speaker 2: That's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of guys with hooks.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of guys with hooks. Yeah, hold on, wait,
Speaker 2: that's his fucking I'm trying to say is I'm trying
Speaker 2: to not say his name? Okay, fuck it, we never
Speaker 2: you know what, Let's just assume he's dead. No, he's
Speaker 2: I mean, he's probably not dead. He's probably he's old.
Speaker 2: That's a good enough that's a good enough. That's a
Speaker 2: good enough answer for me as to what happened.
Speaker 1: When when you're old, you're already dead.
Speaker 2: Kind of that's not true. You're the opposite of dead,
Speaker 2: you're alive.
Speaker 1: True. I guess it's fair. I think it's I think
Speaker 1: it's more like you. You you don't have the ability
Speaker 1: to go out and do as much. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm gonna be twenty three, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be really afraid of when my frontal lobe develops.
Speaker 2: Matt, I only from personal experience. About a month ago,
Speaker 2: about two months ago, I decided that there was no
Speaker 2: point in ever exercising again because I was just gonna
Speaker 2: die anyway, like severely lost and not. I only I
Speaker 2: only I don't want to be like toxic positivity or
Speaker 2: really do I. I just I just only have my
Speaker 2: own personal experience with existential nihilism to draw off of.
Speaker 2: And I truly I felt as though there was no
Speaker 2: point in like exercising because I was just gonna die anyway.
Speaker 2: Way It's and now I'm like, that's insane. I don't
Speaker 2: I have all I have all the same information that
Speaker 2: I had then, but I just don't. I just feel
Speaker 2: life makes it. I just I never I thought I
Speaker 2: thought I was gonna die. I didn't think I would
Speaker 2: be able to get out of that. And not that
Speaker 2: my personal experience is gonna reflect yours. But I guess
Speaker 2: I just think that from from my own perspective. Since
Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna die and I didn't, it
Speaker 2: wasn't gonna whw ever change and now I like, when
Speaker 2: I hear somebody else in it, I'm like, well, okay,
Speaker 2: maybe they'll have things will work out for them too.
Speaker 2: So I can only again, I only have my own experience.
Speaker 2: But I hope you go to the the furry con
Speaker 2: or whatever it is you want to do.
Speaker 1: And I would not mind going to a furry con.
Speaker 2: Go to a fucking furry Knes guarantee you're gonna be that.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna be the only person there that hates themselves.
Speaker 1: M hm, that's true. There's a lot of people that
Speaker 1: hte themselves in this age.
Speaker 2: Matt. Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: Uh? I want to say, I love your content, love
Speaker 1: what you do for everybody here. I think you're really
Speaker 1: good for putting into perspective how I don't want to
Speaker 1: say how life could be worse, but how how how
Speaker 1: everything is a matter of perspective.
Speaker 2: I hope.
Speaker 1: So, I hope so that, And pay attention to who
Speaker 1: says bless you when you sneeze.
Speaker 2: Pay attention to who says bless you when you sneeze? Yeah,
Speaker 2: what does that mean?
Speaker 1: That's it? No, there's nothing else to it. That's just it.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, good luck, Matt, give me, give me
Speaker 2: a ups you.
Speaker 1: All right, all right? Thanks wild later.
Speaker 2: I'm in, by the way, I I have to, I
Speaker 2: have to vehemently disagree with Matt's statement. Notice, who says
Speaker 2: bless you when you sneeze? That's just that's that's a
Speaker 2: psychopathic thing to do. Don't do that, I I I
Speaker 2: that's I think that's a crazy thing to do. I mean,
Speaker 2: I know what it means. It's like take stock of
Speaker 2: like who's watching out? But even even I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm I think keeping score is not a good idea.
Speaker 2: I think it's bad for the soul to keep score
Speaker 2: in a in an abstract sense, I think it's bad
Speaker 2: for the soul. So I don't. I don't agree to
Speaker 2: pay attention to who says bless you when they see.
Speaker 2: Imagine you're in a fucking argument with your wife and
Speaker 2: you're like, well you didn't say bless you when I sneeze.
Speaker 2: It's like, are you crazy? I think keeping score only
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of in my life when I've
Speaker 2: kept score. I definitely have of I totally have kept scoring.
Speaker 2: I think it's a natural thing. To keep score, but
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't know if it's done good things
Speaker 2: for me, So I don't know. Maybe I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: to a furrykidvit I have an idea for a video
Speaker 2: I want to I think I have an idea for
Speaker 2: a I'm working on the the Tijuana thing first, and
Speaker 2: then I have another thing and then another thing after that,
Speaker 2: but then after that, I want to make a video
Speaker 2: about people ask Since I've been doing this show, people
Speaker 2: have asked me if I'm a furry, and I don't
Speaker 2: know how to answer that question. Because I am literally
Speaker 2: a man dressed as an animal. Does that make me
Speaker 2: a furry? Am I a furry? I think I have
Speaker 2: to go talk to furries to figure out if I
Speaker 2: technically am a furry. I think gonna make a fun video.
Speaker 2: This is a good chance. So this is a good
Speaker 2: opportunity for me to uh plug my YouTube channel. Go
Speaker 2: follow me on YouTube YouTube dot com slash Lyle forever.
Speaker 2: That's the thing, that's the thing I'm the most excited
Speaker 2: about in life right now is making these intentional YouTube videos.
Speaker 2: So go go check those out. I'm gonna try to
Speaker 2: do one a month. I just I was in t one.
Speaker 2: I did gonna do that one, have another one one
Speaker 2: after that. It's gonna be good. All right. That is
Speaker 2: the end of these post call thoughts. Hi. What's your name?
Speaker 5: Hi'o? Rat?
Speaker 2: Rat? What's up? Rat? How's life?
Speaker 5: Life is good? Sorry? I also kind of freaking out.
Speaker 5: I did not expect to get through.
Speaker 2: I don't have to freak out about anything, Rat, This
Speaker 2: is gonna be, This is gonna be perfectly fine.
Speaker 5: Beautiful, beautiful. I'm good. I am just living life.
Speaker 4: Out in Seattle right now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, things are a little bit stressful.
Speaker 5: I just I feel like I, you know, I completed
Speaker 5: college and that was like a big goal and then
Speaker 5: moved out here for like a job, and it's like,
Speaker 5: well it kind of, you know, now what kind of
Speaker 5: had reached all of my goals that I feel like
Speaker 5: so far, and it's like, okay, now I'm doing the thing,
Speaker 5: and now it's a little bit stressful as having nothing
Speaker 5: else for I don't know. I don't want to say
Speaker 5: I'm nothing else to look forward to, but you know, m.
Speaker 2: What job did you get?
Speaker 5: I'm a meteorologist? Oh cool, I forecast for the weather
Speaker 5: out here?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh cool? Well, I guess you have a lot. I
Speaker 2: guess you have a lot of weather to look forward to. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, the weather right here has kind of insane, but
Speaker 5: seeing like all the mountains out here is super beautiful.
Speaker 5: So so yeah, it's been great.
Speaker 2: Is that what you wanted to do? Is that was
Speaker 2: like one of your big life goals?
Speaker 5: Absolutely? Yeah, I've always been into weather since I was
Speaker 5: a kid. I was really into like severe weather and
Speaker 5: like tornadoes and everything. We don't get really much tornadoes
Speaker 5: out here, but it's still Yeah, definitely achieved that life goal.
Speaker 5: So now, uh, you know, I kind of moved out
Speaker 5: here because none of my family or friends are out here,
Speaker 5: but I feel like I've been able to meet some people.
Speaker 5: But yeah, pretty much kind of at that now what
Speaker 5: stage in life? Been trying to get out there and
Speaker 5: kind of do a little bit of the soul driving myself,
Speaker 5: I mean just around the area. But yeah, definitely it's
Speaker 5: been a little bit rough in that sense.
Speaker 2: What the fuck was I gonna say? Yeah? I do
Speaker 2: think that having things in life to look forward to
Speaker 2: is an important part of like, you know, stability and shit. Well,
Speaker 2: I mean I knowess this is a maybe a stupid question,
Speaker 2: like what do you want to have to look forward to.
Speaker 5: That I feel like is where my problem comes in. Definitely,
Speaker 5: like wanting to like travel and like see the world
Speaker 5: and that kind of thing, but it's hard because, like
Speaker 5: you know, you just get your first job and like
Speaker 5: kind of settle down a new area for a bit,
Speaker 5: and like I know, in the future I'll be able
Speaker 5: to kind of move around jobs and like you know,
Speaker 5: maybe you just kind of see different places in the world.
Speaker 5: But for right now, it's like it seems like that's
Speaker 5: like kind of a long term you know, like oh,
Speaker 5: by the time I'm old, I want to have done this,
Speaker 5: I guess. But I'm also I also have VPD, like
Speaker 5: the first color, so a lot of the things is
Speaker 5: for me is like the unstable like identity and like
Speaker 5: sense of self. So it's kind of hard to know exactly,
Speaker 5: you know, like you said, like what goals or what
Speaker 5: things I want to do with life. That's kind of
Speaker 5: where a lot of the struggle comes in.
Speaker 2: M hm m hm hm hmm.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I've been kind of doing some little trips around
Speaker 5: Washington's which is so beautiful out here. That's been nice,
Speaker 5: but it is kind of rough, like especially kind of
Speaker 5: doing a lot of it by myself. You know, it's like,
Speaker 5: well I have nobody to share, like, you know, this
Speaker 5: beautiful moment with kind of things that's been a little
Speaker 5: bit hard as well.
Speaker 2: What what what are you doing to put yourself in
Speaker 2: situations where you're around other people.
Speaker 5: I've been going to some uh there's like a little
Speaker 5: community like park thing where I went to like a
Speaker 5: little pick a ball instruction class and kind of met
Speaker 5: some people there. Just kind of trying to do like
Speaker 5: little like events and things like at that are going around.
Speaker 5: I went to like this one event called like Skip
Speaker 5: the Small Talk, and if anybody throughout I think it's
Speaker 5: just like throughout the US is looking for uh, kind
Speaker 5: of a place to meet people. I would definitely recommend that.
Speaker 4: That was great.
Speaker 5: I didn't really make any like lasting friendships through that,
Speaker 5: but it was awesome experienced. So things like.
Speaker 2: That, Well, the lasting friendships that you'll make are are
Speaker 2: gonna be like a one off event is cool. I
Speaker 2: think it's I think it's like good to do sit
Speaker 2: like that, But making lasting friendships is like gonna be
Speaker 2: as a result of finding a community that regularly meets
Speaker 2: and then showing up there consistently for a period of time,
Speaker 2: Like I mean like a like a sport league or
Speaker 2: an art thing or like like something that you go
Speaker 2: to once or twice a week. Yeah, do you have
Speaker 2: anything like that? Do you have like a I mean
Speaker 2: especially I mean, fuck, you're in Seattle. It's a huge,
Speaker 2: major walkable city, the Seattle walkable city.
Speaker 5: Yes, I'm like kind of like a little bit outside
Speaker 5: of Seattle. I guess I'm not like right in the
Speaker 5: downtown area, but i'd say it is.
Speaker 2: But yeah, there's anything. I mean that's great, right because
Speaker 2: I I do you have anything like that? Do you
Speaker 2: have like a hobby like a fucking play pinball or
Speaker 2: sing or anything like that.
Speaker 5: I used to be like kind of play an instrument,
Speaker 5: So I've been kind of looking into getting back into
Speaker 5: that out here. Yeah, I feel like that'd be a
Speaker 5: good community to be a part of. But other than that,
Speaker 5: I'm trying to get back into sports. I did gymnastics,
Speaker 5: but that's not really you know, something kind of be
Speaker 5: like on a sports team with or anything. Right now,
Speaker 5: So trying to look into doing something like that, but
Speaker 5: not at the moment.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that's that's the that's the that's the key
Speaker 2: is being part of something that like regularly meets.
Speaker 5: Mmma, that's true, that's true.
Speaker 2: And then also it's not us that you have to
Speaker 2: go to something regularly meets. And then when you first
Speaker 2: get there and everyone else already knows each other and
Speaker 2: you kind of don't, you have to be okay with
Speaker 2: feeling uncomfortable for at least the first month that you're
Speaker 2: regularly attending. I found that to be the case in
Speaker 2: most of the times of my life where I have
Speaker 2: been because if you go, if you go there and
Speaker 2: you're immediately like, oh, fuck all these people and this
Speaker 2: is I don't know, this is I feel good by
Speaker 2: the way that happens every time, And for me, every
Speaker 2: time I've gone to like a fucking I joined a
Speaker 2: coworking space, I was doing stand up, I played in
Speaker 2: video game tournaments, And every time you show up for
Speaker 2: the first time, you're like, I feel so uncomfortable that
Speaker 2: I don't think I should be here. I don't think
Speaker 2: this is it. And you have every time you have
Speaker 2: to push yourself past that. In order to feel like
Speaker 2: you're part of the gang. You need you need like
Speaker 2: a month to solidify yourself, you know, mm hm.
Speaker 5: Just keep showing up and kind of trust that it
Speaker 5: will work out. Definitely. Yeah, I guess, like I I'm
Speaker 5: like wondering like how you would get over that, because
Speaker 5: that has definitely been something that I've experienced as well
Speaker 5: as like, oh yeah, everybody else here is already way
Speaker 5: close with each other and I'm just like, you know,
Speaker 5: kind of barging on their time.
Speaker 2: Do you have that thought on the first day?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, maybe that's just kind of like
Speaker 5: a persistent thought that like I'm like, maybe it's just
Speaker 5: kind of feeling that welcome kind of thing. But I
Speaker 5: feel like, yeah, I've definitely had that on the first day,
Speaker 5: and like.
Speaker 2: This very natural thought where what was the context? What
Speaker 2: was the group?
Speaker 5: I mean even just kind of going to like the
Speaker 5: like the part kind of near me, like they have
Speaker 5: like a bunch of like different events and things like
Speaker 5: obviously like the little like pick a ball thing was
Speaker 5: just kind of like a one off, but like, I
Speaker 5: don't know, just kind of trying to be a part
Speaker 5: of things here and there. I guess I did kind
Speaker 5: of like bounce around between like a couple of different but.
Speaker 2: That's which is which is fine, by the way, I mean,
Speaker 2: I but that's why I think you should do, right,
Speaker 2: is bounce around a bunch of different ship until you
Speaker 2: find one that you naturally gravitate yourself towards.
Speaker 5: True true. How was the coworking thing, because I was
Speaker 5: kind of looking into doing something like that, especially if
Speaker 5: I'm able to be working remote like I do, I
Speaker 5: would love to see more of the world and everything,
Speaker 5: and I kind of been looking into that a little
Speaker 5: bit recently.
Speaker 2: Truthfully, it's been one of the best decisions I've made,
Speaker 2: uh in in my life recently. It's been great. Okay,
Speaker 2: it's been I I yeah, it's it's kind of given
Speaker 2: me actually exactly what I needed.
Speaker 5: Hmmm. Interesting. Did you kind of like do that like internationally,
Speaker 5: Like how was that experience, because it's very intriguing to me.
Speaker 5: I know, they're kind of all over the place.
Speaker 4: Internationally, Yeah, just like I don't know, there's a lot
Speaker 4: like kind of just like within the US and stuff,
Speaker 4: but I know there was also like a lot like
Speaker 4: France kind of thing, like.
Speaker 2: I've never I've never been to a cover well I
Speaker 2: joined one, you know where I live, but international, I
Speaker 2: mean internationally, like you know, I've I've like spent time
Speaker 2: in like hostels and uh shit like that that have
Speaker 2: kind of similar similar vibes. But what your meet You
Speaker 2: work in an office?
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, there's a lot of like remote work available
Speaker 5: with meteorology, but I am in office right now.
Speaker 2: Do you go? You go in five times a week?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: You talk to people? Are the people of your age there?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Actually, surprisingly there is decent amount of people my age there.
Speaker 5: It is a smaller kind of company, so it has
Speaker 5: been kind of you know, I do try and make friends.
Speaker 5: I talked to a lot of people there. It seems
Speaker 5: like it's very work friends, you know, like we kind
Speaker 5: of all get along at work and we've flung out
Speaker 5: a few times outside of work.
Speaker 2: But you're looking for deeper connections, Yeah, exactly are you?
Speaker 2: Are you dating anyone?
Speaker 5: I am not. I'm not really looking to but I'm not.
Speaker 2: Okay. Feels a little.
Speaker 5: Oh go ahead, sorry. It definitely just kind of feels
Speaker 5: a little hard, especially like kind of going through those changes,
Speaker 5: you know, of leaving college and then I was so
Speaker 5: happy that I was able to like move away from home, and.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 5: Not happy that I don't have like my friends and
Speaker 5: family here, But you know, it feels like a fresh start,
Speaker 5: but it's like I kind of feel like I've lost Yeah. No, no,
Speaker 5: it definitely feels a little bit isolating sometimes.
Speaker 2: How old are you, I'm twenty three, twenty three, it's
Speaker 2: twenty three. Do you live alone?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Do you have a car?
Speaker 5: I do have a car.
Speaker 2: Do you work in the city.
Speaker 5: I do not know, but I'm close enough to the
Speaker 5: city where I can go.
Speaker 2: What time do you get off of work?
Speaker 5: Usually two pm? I'm usually a.
Speaker 2: Working You can off work at two pm?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 5: Yeah, actually just got off of it ago.
Speaker 2: Dude, do do I mean, look, Seattle, this is what
Speaker 2: this is kind of what I do. And I just
Speaker 2: like when I try to when I'm in feeling feeling
Speaker 2: like this, especially in a city like Seattle, it is like, dude,
Speaker 2: just go every night of the week, just go do something.
Speaker 2: Like there's just shit going on all the time, and
Speaker 2: there's a lot and by the way, you know, look,
Speaker 2: I know, I know money is tight around, but like
Speaker 2: there's a lot of shit that's free that you can do,
Speaker 2: you know, or cheap. I mean, we had the guy
Speaker 2: last episode go to the fucking five dollars basement show.
Speaker 2: You know, just like go do go do things. Just
Speaker 2: go do his When did you move to Seattle?
Speaker 5: About ten months ago? So I've just kind of settled
Speaker 5: down here and.
Speaker 2: What what do you have? Do you? Okay? So like
Speaker 2: what's the day for you? Like you get off work
Speaker 2: at two pm? And then what do you do?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I do. I have been kind of dealing with
Speaker 5: like a little bit of like kind of illness stuff
Speaker 5: recently that's kind of sort of blare up. So I
Speaker 5: have a lot of like doctor's appointments at the moment.
Speaker 5: But usually I try to kind of like go for
Speaker 5: like little walks and stuff after work and like kind
Speaker 5: of like get any like chore the grocery shopping done,
Speaker 5: like you know, kind of all have that done during
Speaker 5: the work week and then we're weekend focus on more
Speaker 5: of like recreation kind of thing.
Speaker 3: That makes sense?
Speaker 2: Sure, sure? And I actually, by the way, the the
Speaker 2: frequency actually to me is not as important, Like I know,
Speaker 2: I said go out every day of the fucking week.
Speaker 2: But like if all you if all you have in
Speaker 2: you within your you know, health limitations is twice a
Speaker 2: week or once a week, then you know, take you
Speaker 2: twice a week or once a week, and you know,
Speaker 2: do shit. Try to find a community that you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I like, I like this. I'll go I'll keep going
Speaker 2: to this because I mean that's the salt. I think
Speaker 2: that's the sauce of life is finding something like that.
Speaker 2: And yeah, you feel uncomfortable, and I mean, if you're lucky,
Speaker 2: you find a place that just always want some Some
Speaker 2: communities are more welcoming than others by nature, but even
Speaker 2: even the ones that are welcoming, even if, even if
Speaker 2: even if you show up to improv night and everyone's like, hey,
Speaker 2: what's your name, you still feel a little weird. It's
Speaker 2: gonna happen no matter what. But right, you just keep
Speaker 2: showing up.
Speaker 5: Okay, Okay, yeah I like that.
Speaker 2: You go do improv. I go do improv. You can
Speaker 2: hang out with a bunch of other a bunch of
Speaker 2: crazy people somewhere and there's a bunch of do you
Speaker 2: have to participate specifically with.
Speaker 5: The improv because that's I don't have I'm not like
Speaker 5: funny like you and a lot of other people are.
Speaker 2: Then then fuck improv. Don't go don't go to improv,
Speaker 2: to go go to a sewing circle, just anything.
Speaker 5: You know, Okay, I mean, yeah, that's the watch. I
Speaker 5: just was always kind of a little bit intimidated that
Speaker 5: I'd be you know, dragged up on stage or anything
Speaker 5: like that.
Speaker 2: You know, this is I'm gonna sorry, I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: on a rant. This is like, I know, we're all
Speaker 2: scared that we're gonna like live in the computer forever,
Speaker 2: but we're there's you don't have to live in the
Speaker 2: computer forever. There's the whole time. There's motherfuck bucks in
Speaker 2: places in cities I don't know. I mean, maybe not
Speaker 2: even in just cities, but there's people gathering and doing things,
Speaker 2: and a lot of them doing it, you know, for free,
Speaker 2: and it gets out there if you look for it.
Speaker 2: So just I hope you look for it. There's people
Speaker 2: going to pinball tournaments. You can go to a pinball
Speaker 2: there's you can probably go in Seattle. You can go
Speaker 2: to a pinball tournament four times a week. Probably.
Speaker 5: That's true. Man, I need to get good at pinball.
Speaker 2: No, you don't. You don't have to do anything at
Speaker 2: all ever for the rest of your life. That's not true.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's a little true. It's kind of true.
Speaker 2: I don't know what's your name again, Go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, I think some of it does
Speaker 5: come up a fear of like I do feel like,
Speaker 5: you know, you need to be good at it, Like
Speaker 5: how with the improv like Pinball's like, oh, I'm not
Speaker 5: good at it. So it's a little bit nerve wracking,
Speaker 5: I guess, But I guess you don't have to be
Speaker 5: that just a little bit more.
Speaker 2: But here's here's here's the thing first. The first of all,
Speaker 2: the funny thing is is the people who care whether
Speaker 2: or not you're good at it. I want to use
Speaker 2: stand up as an example, uh because like like in
Speaker 2: the stand up comedy community, everyone I think, deep down
Speaker 2: knows that they're just there to like hang out and
Speaker 2: have fun and do the fucking jokes. You know, even
Speaker 2: even people who I think even people who do it
Speaker 2: professionally and like at a high level. You know, deep down,
Speaker 2: we're just all there to like have fun and do
Speaker 2: the thing right, you know. And and when no matter
Speaker 2: what the thing is, it's like the everyone we're just
Speaker 2: there to have fun and do the thing, Like who
Speaker 2: gives a fuck if you're good at it or not? Like,
Speaker 2: you know, I don't know, I don't know where I
Speaker 2: don't know where I was going.
Speaker 5: With that, Like that like that, thank you.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're all with yeah, but wherever we're just everyone's
Speaker 2: even the people who are really good, and even the
Speaker 2: people who care about the politics of who's good and
Speaker 2: who's not deep down are just they're there because if
Speaker 2: they weren't, they'd be at home trying really hard not
Speaker 2: to uh, not to want to die. You know. It's
Speaker 2: when it's a better thing to do is to be
Speaker 2: out of the house, you know.
Speaker 5: True, this is true. Thank you, appreciate your get wisdom.
Speaker 2: Rat. Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 5: I'll share really quick my bacon analogy. I was eating
Speaker 5: a salad one day that had bacon and realized, oh,
Speaker 5: this is a pretty big piece of bacon for the salad.
Speaker 5: And I was like, well, if I was eating like
Speaker 5: a blt and there was like, you know, that same
Speaker 5: size piece of bacon, I'd be like, oh, it's just
Speaker 5: a crumb, that's nothing that compared to what's already on it.
Speaker 5: So I like to use the bacon analogy to appreciate
Speaker 5: that really life is just perspective and maybe that one
Speaker 5: piece of bacon may seem big to you, but some
Speaker 5: people might be small to them, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah,
Speaker 5: save our national parks.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 2: I like it. See you're rat, thank you. Thanks. I
Speaker 2: like things. I like I think you should. I think
Speaker 2: it's good to do things. You know what. That's my
Speaker 2: that's one of my big that's one of my big Uh.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm I know, I'm all like wishy washy on
Speaker 2: this show. I'm afraid to express opinions. Maybe I'm not.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's a lie. That's one of my strong opinions.
Speaker 2: I think it's good to do stuff, and there's a
Speaker 2: lot of stuff to do, so it's good to do things.
Speaker 2: You should go do things. Okay, Hey, Hi, what's your name?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 3: I'm Puffy.
Speaker 2: How are you puffy? That's a cool name, is uh?
Speaker 2: How'd you get the name puffy?
Speaker 3: You know, just smoking a lot of weed, being chronically
Speaker 3: on the internet.
Speaker 2: So yeah, cool, very cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the Marshmallow guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, like the marshallow guy.
Speaker 2: What's good with you? Puppy? Pup puffy not puppy. What
Speaker 2: would you want to talk about today? If you had
Speaker 2: anything that you wanted to talk about today.
Speaker 3: On show? And I'm working, h working, a piece of place. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of nervous. It's been a while since since
Speaker 3: I've been calling. It's been a while since I've been
Speaker 3: watching your stream and yeah, I've just been a fan
Speaker 3: of you since ship. When did you start on Reddit?
Speaker 3: Like five years ago? Dude, it's been quite a journey, honestly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging in
Speaker 2: with me for if. I did not think that this
Speaker 2: would keep last thos long, so I thought I appreciate
Speaker 2: you hanging in there with me.
Speaker 3: No, dude, it's been great. Sorry, let me get to
Speaker 3: somewhere a little quieter.
Speaker 2: Are you. Are you at the pizza place right now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I work like right next to the oven, but
Speaker 3: I'm in the bathroom now.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, is it busy? Busy?
Speaker 3: You know it's getting there. We kind of like passed
Speaker 3: the lunch rush. So I'm just kind of, you know,
Speaker 3: working on my shores, working on dishes, working on the oven.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I drive, so this might be a short
Speaker 3: call because I know you, like, you know, you don't
Speaker 3: like people driving.
Speaker 2: I was gonna I'm not keeping you from uh pizza duties,
Speaker 2: am I?
Speaker 3: No, No, You're you're not keeping me from pizza duties.
Speaker 2: What's the most uh popular pizza that you guys have?
Speaker 3: Ship? If I give that away, then I'm gonna giveaway
Speaker 3: where I work. It's like uh ship right now? Probably
Speaker 3: the stuff crust right now.
Speaker 2: I'm trying. Oh do you work at like a big chain?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't have to say if this is it?
Speaker 2: But I've been I've been uh craving Little Caesars. I
Speaker 2: haven't had that in a long time.
Speaker 3: Oh you know, before I worked here, I was a
Speaker 3: die hard for Little Caesars. Man that They've always been
Speaker 3: good to me, and people will talk a lot of
Speaker 3: shit on them.
Speaker 2: Good to you like you used to you used to
Speaker 2: work at Little Caesars.
Speaker 3: No, thank goodness, but no, I work for another bigger chain.
Speaker 3: But I'm not going to get it away or nothing.
Speaker 3: But honestly, I've been wanting to talk to you for
Speaker 3: so long, dude. I've been calling since I got like
Speaker 3: the courage to start calling, since oh what was her name?
Speaker 3: Ice cream queen with the ice cream truck.
Speaker 2: Yes, I love. I'm not a big I don't you.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows. I don't remember like names specifically, but Angela,
Speaker 2: I remember her.
Speaker 3: Angela, Angela yes, Oh my goodness. Yeah, she's so cool.
Speaker 3: And honestly, I've been like getting the courage to call
Speaker 3: in because I'm kind of like an introverted person, but
Speaker 3: she just seems so happy and content, I guess yeah,
Speaker 3: And just I don't know, I just envy people like
Speaker 3: that man her and uh the Caveman and uh who else?
Speaker 5: Who else?
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, there's so many people that call into
Speaker 3: your show and they're just such cool people, dude, and
Speaker 3: so like they seem so content with their lives and everything,
Speaker 3: and it's like, how do I do that?
Speaker 2: Do that you don't want to just piss you off?
Speaker 3: Yes, No, I mean I'm just more envious than anything,
Speaker 3: because you know, I've I'm only like twenty five, but
Speaker 3: I've been on this journey of trying to, I don't know,
Speaker 3: just kind of find myself. I guess I really related
Speaker 3: to the last caller as well. I'm not sure if
Speaker 3: I have people VPD or anything like that. I haven't
Speaker 3: really been diagnosed with anything other than like anxiety depression,
Speaker 3: you know, the common stuff. But uh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I just related a lot to him, and just like
Speaker 3: you know, not knowing if people genuinely like you or
Speaker 3: being like afraid to like, you know, put yourself out
Speaker 3: there because you don't know, you know, if people are
Speaker 3: genuine or not. I don't know, But yeah, what's you're like?
Speaker 2: Uh So, if if the previous callers thing was like
Speaker 2: doing a solo travel thing, what's do you what's your
Speaker 2: uh an anal analogy to that? Do you have like
Speaker 2: a thing like that that you're you're trying to do?
Speaker 3: Dude? Honestly, me and my partner were just talking about this,
Speaker 3: and we because we kind of feel this similar way
Speaker 3: about that. We honestly didn't think that we would make
Speaker 3: it this far in life, and so we kind of
Speaker 3: don't really like know what to do because we didn't
Speaker 3: have such big goals for our life, you know. Honestly,
Speaker 3: at this point, however, I can make enough money to
Speaker 3: just kind of like fuck off and have a have
Speaker 3: a place for myself in the woods or something, you know,
Speaker 3: be self sufficient in some way. However, I can make
Speaker 3: that dream happen, honestly, but I don't know. I've been
Speaker 3: kind of burnt out of like school or college. But
Speaker 3: I know that's probably the most sufficient way that I
Speaker 3: could get to that. But I don't know, I'm kind
Speaker 3: of scared to go back to school because what if
Speaker 3: I drop out again? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 3: I want to just end those people that are very
Speaker 3: just steadfast and know what they want and they are
Speaker 3: just very sure of themselves.
Speaker 2: It is interesting, I you know, it's I hate being
Speaker 2: all fucking.
Speaker 3: Like.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't. I don't like this podcast as
Speaker 2: like a self helpy, motivationally thing. I'm just kind of
Speaker 2: like making observations.
Speaker 3: But like.
Speaker 2: The whole idea of like a life is about perspective,
Speaker 2: I do. I feel that way when I see people
Speaker 2: like when yeah, like that lady Angela Angela with the
Speaker 2: ice cream job, it's like she or she's like she
Speaker 2: delivers the mail and it's like she just because of
Speaker 2: the perspective she has on life, she's doing better.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I mean there's like CEOs of big fucking companies that
Speaker 2: make eightyjillion dollars and they're fucking miserable because their brain
Speaker 2: perceives life differently, you know.
Speaker 3: Right exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: I don't know how one changes their perspective necessarily. I
Speaker 2: think that there's like a there's some some something intuitive
Speaker 2: has to happen there or maybe it's a drug, or
Speaker 2: maybe it's uh just living the nature of living life.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's some is some intentional desire to do so,
Speaker 2: maybe it is an external factor, maybe it's genetic. I
Speaker 2: think I've got these these things a lot. I really
Speaker 2: really don't know. I mean, what about you. Have you
Speaker 2: noticed any shifts in your perspective lately.
Speaker 3: Lately? I mean, I don't know. I've lately been getting
Speaker 3: kind of tired of my monotonous life. So lately, I
Speaker 3: don't know, I've been trying to hit the gym as
Speaker 3: much as I can, been trying to uh, you know,
Speaker 3: eat healthier, I guess, be more money conscious. You know,
Speaker 3: I recently, like well, I stayed in the same chain
Speaker 3: I've I've been you know, at this pizza chain for
Speaker 3: a few years now by those locations and like different
Speaker 3: like franchises and shit. So it's been you know, a
Speaker 3: bigger influx of money thankfully, or I've been making better money,
Speaker 3: so yeah, more money to you know, treat myself instead
Speaker 3: of just you know, doing what's best for everyone else,
Speaker 3: putting everyone else in front of me.
Speaker 2: You know, more importantly, what kind of pizza benefits are
Speaker 2: we getting on these gigs.
Speaker 3: Honestly, it depends on the franchise because the last franchise
Speaker 3: I worked for, they really didn't give a shit. If
Speaker 3: you know, you took pizza home or whatever, it would
Speaker 3: be free. At this place, they're a little bit more
Speaker 3: strict than that. You at least need to you know,
Speaker 3: put in the system, at least pay a percentage of it,
Speaker 3: you know, really at the very end, like.
Speaker 2: You have to, like like at the I mean, like
Speaker 2: I'm talking like look the very end, closing shift, right,
Speaker 2: the pizza is unsellable.
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I mean, uh, they're gonna throw it
Speaker 3: away anyways, So as long as you ask pretty much, hey,
Speaker 3: can I take this home or whatever? Or anybody else
Speaker 3: have plans for this?
Speaker 2: And that's fucked up that they make you pay right
Speaker 2: the pizza, Right, That's what I mean. Actually, well here's uh,
Speaker 2: well let me ask you that like these like you
Speaker 2: don't have to tell me again the restaurant you work for,
Speaker 2: But like, is the restaurant's kind of like a like
Speaker 2: the big chains are still small businesses kind of, right,
Speaker 2: Isn't that how like franchising.
Speaker 3: Works, Yeah, pretty much, it depends on like the city,
Speaker 3: the franchisees they have like a good handful of stores
Speaker 3: that they just you know, look over, I'll shoot, they're
Speaker 3: they're telling me my deliveries ready. But yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 3: more you know, small chained.
Speaker 2: Well, listen, I don't want to keep you. Uh, I
Speaker 2: would feel I would feel horrible if I knew that
Speaker 2: I was taking part in the delaying of any pizza
Speaker 2: delivery orders in the world right now. So I'll let you.
Speaker 2: I'll let you go do your thing, you.
Speaker 3: Know, man, I us go ahead, go ahead. Sorry, it's
Speaker 3: just been an honor to to talk to you. It's
Speaker 3: been again, you know, a journey and to the people
Speaker 3: computer just uh, I don't know. Just stay happy, do
Speaker 3: things for yourself and you know, focus on your goals.
Speaker 3: Just live your life pretty much.
Speaker 2: Steal as much pizza from this place as you possibly
Speaker 2: can and feel don't you don't have to feel any
Speaker 2: guilt about it, Puffy, I'll take you all the guilt
Speaker 2: to me. Eat as much of the fucking place as
Speaker 2: pizza as you can.
Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly. Thank you so much for taking my call, Aisle.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have a good day YouTube.
Speaker 2: Bye bye, Puffy, bye three pounds. Fine? How does that?
Speaker 2: How does that work with because I know that they're
Speaker 2: like they're small businesses. Some of them are right like that,
Speaker 2: like like like they pay like a fucking license or something.
Speaker 2: So I guess if it's a small business, you don't
Speaker 2: want to steal the pizza from them. But I don't know,
Speaker 2: I want I kind of want pizza. Now, the repeet
Speaker 2: goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 2: The repe goes to his hide.
Speaker 1: You're just teaching you
Speaker 2: A loud in the mid of your life, but he's
Speaker 2: not really an expert.