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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to find his niche

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Speaker 1: market for his new business called BCBBB Blood Curdling Baby Bellies,

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Speaker 1: where he'll paint the faces of famous horror film villains

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Speaker 1: onto your pregnant tumnel I like it right now he

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Speaker 1: can only do Freddy Krueger, Jigsaw and Jason from Friday thirteenth?

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Speaker 2: Can I get an alien baby coming out?

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Speaker 3: You know, like give me that walking on it?

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Speaker 1: That's so stay tuned for Laser Stories, the segment where

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a laser.

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Speaker 3: There's other scream queens. Just don't this first Laser Stories.

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Speaker 1: Out of East Texas, a guy named Roderick Jackson is

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Speaker 1: suing Walmart and demanding one hundred million dollars.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that seems reasonable.

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Speaker 3: Someone else for like a ten thousand dollars settlement.

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Speaker 1: Well, Roderick claims Walmart violated his civil rights after he

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Speaker 1: was accused of shoplifting back in twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 2: Well it shouldn't have that stake up shirt then, Roger.

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Speaker 1: He claims he was racially profiled, and even though they

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Speaker 1: have video evidence of the incident.

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Speaker 3: Oh, he says, it's not right that it happened.

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Speaker 2: He actually shoplifted.

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Speaker 1: He did, but he was racially profiled when he was caught,

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Speaker 1: so in fact, he's still dealing with the emotional stress

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Speaker 1: from when they sent him to jail for it.

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Speaker 3: What way, it's Walmart's fault for catching him, Oh said try.

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Speaker 3: Roger does not have an attorney, so he's doing it

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Speaker 3: on his own. This is himself.

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Speaker 2: An attorney would say he's got too much time in jail.

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Speaker 1: But under the lawyer esque letter that he sent to Walmart,

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Speaker 1: he added a note in pencil scribbled below that said,

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Speaker 1: if you don't give me the hundred million dollars, I

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Speaker 1: want the ability to walk into any Walmart for the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life and take whatever I want. This out, guys,

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Speaker 1: imagine being able to run up and steal anything. Everyone's

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Speaker 1: looking at you like you're crazy, and you're like, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: I have a life, I remember, and then you run out.

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Speaker 3: It feels like it's totally fair.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you'd have to run if you do it,

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Speaker 2: okay everyone.

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately, he might not have much of a case because

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Speaker 1: he filed a similar lawsuit a few years back that

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Speaker 1: got dismissed, and Walmart put out a statement saying, yes,

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Speaker 1: we know about Roderick's latest attempt to sue us him

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Speaker 1: and we will be asking the courts to dismiss any

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Speaker 1: claims that are without merit. Again the Rodericks response. He

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Speaker 1: also wants Walmart to pay all of his court fees. Man,

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Speaker 1: what's it like to be a Walmart lawyer in all

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Speaker 1: the cramp that you have to deal with every single year?

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Speaker 3: It's pretty easy.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, yeah, dismiss, dismiss, dismissed.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of you too. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: True.

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Speaker 1: This next lazer story is out of Bellevue, Nebraska. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: the local police department had to make a rather odd

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Speaker 1: announcement online. It read, if you live in old town

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Speaker 1: Bellevue and are currently pouring gas onto the snow and

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Speaker 1: trying to light it on fire as a form of

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Speaker 1: snow removal.

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Speaker 3: You cannot do that.

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Speaker 1: You started that, They added, our officers are on the

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Speaker 1: way to talk to you now.

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Speaker 2: And that is like the most expensive form of snow.

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Speaker 1: There aren't any further details, but it doesn't sound like

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Speaker 1: anybody was hurt. But it also didn't say if the

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Speaker 1: person would get in trouble for doing it, But many

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Speaker 1: other people comments and saying a lot of their neighbors

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Speaker 1: were actually gonna try it now because of the post,

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Speaker 1: like someone like, Hey, I'm gonna go get the iceches

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Speaker 1: off the room.

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Speaker 3: Hey ma, get the fly thrower. So I never thought

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Speaker 3: of doing that before.

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Speaker 2: It always works out well when people use flamethrowers to

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Speaker 2: kill spiders, So I don't understand be an issue impossible.

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Speaker 1: When contacted, the police just reiterated that setting snow on

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Speaker 1: fire is a bad idea. Yes, although a few years

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Speaker 1: ago someone did post the video of themselves using a

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Speaker 1: flamethrower to clear out their driveway dressed as Eddie from

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Speaker 1: Christmas vacation, and because of the costume that was pretty dope.

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Speaker 2: Police department actually liked that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, this.

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Speaker 1: Next lazer stories out of life on the Open Road.

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Speaker 1: The federal government's ordering states to stop putting funny messages

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Speaker 1: on highway sides.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm so happy that Kate does that.

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Speaker 2: It's federal government such a buzz kick sometimes for wondering.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about the light up ones that normally say

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Speaker 1: things like buckle up or don't drink and drive well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of places have tried to get more creative

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Speaker 1: with other versions that say visiting in laws, slow down,

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Speaker 1: get there late.

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Speaker 3: Yes, but that would actually be effective.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit of a catch twenty two because

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Speaker 1: studies have shown that messages which include humor pop culture

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Speaker 1: references can be good because you're more likely to remember them,

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Speaker 1: but they can also be more dangerous because they take

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Speaker 1: longer to read, and they cause more crashes because of

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Speaker 1: distracted driving.

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Speaker 2: Because people try to take pictures post on social media

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Speaker 2: and go viral.

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Speaker 3: Or like when you listen to our show, you laugh

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Speaker 3: so hard you close your eyes. The next thing you know,

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Speaker 3: big accident.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard at

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Speaker 2: a roadside.

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Speaker 3: Well, I just don't get it. And I'm thinking for

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Speaker 3: so long.

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Speaker 1: Because of all the problems we just mentioned, they're going away.

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Speaker 3: Somebody hacked the system. Let's get some messages.

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Speaker 1: Not until we go over the top funniest highway messages

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Speaker 1: that we've ever seen?

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Speaker 2: Alright, mom, live highway.

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Speaker 3: Messages number seven.

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Speaker 1: What's worse than pineapple on pizza, a car wreck, that

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Speaker 1: cable road side?

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Speaker 2: Somebody which space do these road signs have? I mean,

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Speaker 2: I know they're reader boards. But at some point don't

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Speaker 2: they run out of letters?

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Speaker 3: Do you scroll up?

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Speaker 1: Number six, a texting and driving one simply said get

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Speaker 1: your head out of your apps.

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Speaker 3: I like that one. Horsbrook like said. Number five.

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Speaker 1: One sign read there's four eyes in Mississippi two eyes

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Speaker 1: on the road.

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Speaker 2: Is the federal government actually shutting this down because the

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Speaker 2: humor is that bad?

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Speaker 3: The bad joke.

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Speaker 1: I think Kevin Hart made them shut it down because

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Speaker 1: he's worried they're coming.

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Speaker 3: After his job.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what do we got next?

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Speaker 1: These are the funniest highway signs that are now banned

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Speaker 1: from being on the roads. Number four baby Yoda uses

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Speaker 1: the force, but yours still needs a car seat. I'll

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Speaker 1: go Number three on the fourth of July one red,

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Speaker 1: don't drive, stars spangled, hammered.

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Speaker 3: Because hammered, and banner almost rying. Number two. There was

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Speaker 3: a few that embraced the new England accent.

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Speaker 1: Let's say use ya Blinka and go the extra yad

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Speaker 1: this week and drive so by ages go pack and

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Speaker 1: One of the funniest highway messages from last year used

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Speaker 1: a Ghostbusters reference that said, who are you gonna call?

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Speaker 3: Nobody? You're driving?

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Speaker 2: Oh oh?

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Speaker 3: I actually that was all good. I know this guy

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Speaker 3: appreciates it. When you slow down, Oh.

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Speaker 1: Go too fast, it keeps getting rugburns, foot off the accelerator.

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Speaker 1: That now means laser Stories has come to an end

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Speaker 1: for the day. We're gonna do it again, same

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Speaker 2: Time on Wednesday, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.