WEBVTT - You've Got Decisions: Is Our RacePlay Going TOO Far? 

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<v Speaker 1>Let's go ahead and play our first voicemail and see

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<v Speaker 1>what they have to say.

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, Mandy is the fifty a Free Jersey, big

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<v Speaker 2>fan of you and Bazy from Horrible to Station. So

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to call because my question was, as someone

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<v Speaker 2>who's fairly knew to dating in relationships, how should I

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<v Speaker 2>start doing that in my daily life? Most of my

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<v Speaker 2>school career was mostly being in education, so I've never

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<v Speaker 2>really had a chune to see. I'm actually twenty seven,

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<v Speaker 2>and I haven't had any type of special experience, so

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<v Speaker 2>that's always something I'm stressing about when it comes to

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<v Speaker 2>starting to actually really date. So, as somebody who started

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<v Speaker 2>real relationships in their thirteen how should I start with

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<v Speaker 2>being twenty seven, not having really any relationship experience at all,

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<v Speaker 2>no dating experience in those sexual intimate experience as a

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<v Speaker 2>twenty seven year old, how should I do with that?

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<v Speaker 2>For my stuff? Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>Not the shade in the voicemail talk about since you,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, didn't have your real relationship until thirty, how

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<v Speaker 1>do I date this?

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<v Speaker 3>I actually really like this question because I think that

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<v Speaker 3>there is.

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<v Speaker 1>A misconception but a lack of knowledge around how to

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<v Speaker 1>properly quote unquote date. Right, So, just to recap, you

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<v Speaker 1>are finally interested in dating at the age of twenty seven,

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<v Speaker 1>you focus mostly on your school career in your early twenties,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have not had any sex.

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<v Speaker 3>I would be curious if it's just not pressing.

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<v Speaker 1>If you are a sexual and that's not something that

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<v Speaker 1>is important to you, I would be like, these are

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<v Speaker 1>questions I would ask if this was live. But you

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<v Speaker 1>having no dating experience and no sexual or intimate experience

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<v Speaker 1>I think doesn't necessarily have a huge impact on how

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<v Speaker 1>to step your pinky toe into quote unquote dating.

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<v Speaker 3>And here's why.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like where we like oftentimes as women is

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<v Speaker 1>being able to just enjoy the company of a man,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I think labeling things as dating makes it

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<v Speaker 1>a lot more than sometimes what it is.

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<v Speaker 3>So say you get yourself on dating apps.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure where you currently work, but I would

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<v Speaker 1>actually start practicing dating by literally just hanging.

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<v Speaker 3>Out with men.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that that is very important to know how

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<v Speaker 1>to do without feeling the nerves of what the expectations

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<v Speaker 1>normally come with in terms of dating. Right, So, find

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<v Speaker 1>a friend that you either work with, go on the

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<v Speaker 1>dating apps, and say that you're just looking for friends.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that they have that feature on Riya. I

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<v Speaker 1>think Hinge and a lot of the I would say

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<v Speaker 1>all tender. Personally, from what I hear right now, tender

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<v Speaker 1>is just a hookup thing. And so for me, hopping

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<v Speaker 1>on maybe apps like Bumble, Hinge in places where maybe

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<v Speaker 1>people are just looking to hang out with other people, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's how I would start it. I would go on

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<v Speaker 1>the apps. I would maybe see if you could hang

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<v Speaker 1>out with men specifically outside of work.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm saying men because that's what I assume here.

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<v Speaker 3>By the way, again, because you haven't.

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<v Speaker 1>Had sexual intimate experience, you may be attracted to women.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not sure.

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<v Speaker 1>And so for me, dating looks like going out with

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<v Speaker 1>strangers and knowing how to break the ice, knowing how

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<v Speaker 1>to ask questions about them and share experiences about yourself

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<v Speaker 1>that you want them to know, having a good time.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that movies and dinner are fucking boring. It's

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<v Speaker 1>probably why I don't like to date. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if y'all remember twenty two year old. I met him

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<v Speaker 1>first at a bar. That was just to make sure,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we both got to see each other in

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<v Speaker 1>person real quick. Went and grabbed a quick drink. The

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<v Speaker 1>second time we went out, Bitch, we went at throwing,

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<v Speaker 1>literally and it was really fun because we got to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of be in competition with other groups, which made

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<v Speaker 1>it less terrifying, and then we got to literally have fun.

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<v Speaker 1>We were competing against other people as a unit, and

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<v Speaker 1>then we got to compete against each other at the end.

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<v Speaker 1>It left us to not have to have all of

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<v Speaker 1>the stressful conversations like kids, long term goals, life goals,

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<v Speaker 1>relationship goals, traumas, like.

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<v Speaker 3>The conversations that often become like.

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<v Speaker 1>A little awkward or lean into sex early on, weren't

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<v Speaker 1>had because we were out having fun.

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<v Speaker 3>So that would be like my number one advice to

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<v Speaker 3>you is just to find people to go out with.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't pressure yourself in calling it a date. Don't be

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<v Speaker 1>pressured in only hanging out with men or women that

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<v Speaker 1>you are physically attracted to, because I think you have

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<v Speaker 1>to practice, and I think going out and seeing what

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<v Speaker 1>you enjoy yourself is a way to weed out like

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<v Speaker 1>people that'll come later down the line and waste your time.

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<v Speaker 1>So think of the things that you enjoy doing, whether

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<v Speaker 1>it be outdoor activities indoor activities like I said, and.

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<v Speaker 3>Practice, that's the.

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<v Speaker 1>Thing that I realize in terms of me not having

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship later on, maybe I was like really figuring

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<v Speaker 1>it out in real time because I hadn't had those

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<v Speaker 1>early on relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>So for mind, you you're twenty seven, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Want you to know beat you not old, this is

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<v Speaker 1>the time And twenty seven is such like a really

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<v Speaker 1>good age because you should be I assume, out of

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<v Speaker 1>school now in your career, and this is where you

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<v Speaker 1>get to have the fun with dating because the men

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<v Speaker 1>your age and even a little bit older, the niggas

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<v Speaker 1>in a thirties ain't settled yet either. You're still navigating life,

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<v Speaker 1>you're still kind of figuring it out. You don't have

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<v Speaker 1>kids yet, so you have the freedom to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>like do things on your time. And I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>that's great. I think that you having the fear of

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<v Speaker 1>not having sexual experience right now doesn't even need to

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<v Speaker 1>be an issue. I really don't think it needs to

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<v Speaker 1>be an issue because you shouldn't be dating to fuck.

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<v Speaker 1>You should be dating to figure out yourself, what you like,

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<v Speaker 1>what you're actually looking for in a partner in all

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<v Speaker 1>the things, and then in terms of your sexual intimate experience.

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<v Speaker 1>Take that on your time maybe and do it with

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<v Speaker 1>somebody worth it and guess what I need to gonna

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<v Speaker 1>hold you.

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<v Speaker 3>Even when you lose that virginity, he still may not

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<v Speaker 3>be worth it.

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<v Speaker 1>In like hindsight, right, you may think, ooh, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to give it up to him, and it still may

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<v Speaker 1>be not the person that you wanted to give it to.

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<v Speaker 3>Just going to it knowing that. I think we have

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<v Speaker 3>to go into sex and dating with.

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<v Speaker 1>Realistic lenses, and sometimes we don't because we're fucking growing

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<v Speaker 1>up with the Disney dreams of someone coming in and

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<v Speaker 1>being our night in shining armor.

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<v Speaker 3>So that would be my advice.

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<v Speaker 1>I really hope that you do, and I would love

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<v Speaker 1>for you d let me know how it goes, Let

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<v Speaker 1>me know, would love to know when you go on

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<v Speaker 1>your first.

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<v Speaker 3>Three hangouts, call them hangouts.

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<v Speaker 1>Go on your first three hangouts. Please please please send

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<v Speaker 1>it back in and let me know how it went

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<v Speaker 1>your thoughts. Maybe we could do that thing live and

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<v Speaker 1>see if my advice ended up helping you. Just got

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<v Speaker 1>a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon, but why

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<v Speaker 1>it's up there? Tap in for the full uncut and

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<v Speaker 1>way Naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot

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<v Speaker 1>com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt wild

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<v Speaker 1>stories and bonus content you won't hear any where else.

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<v Speaker 1>And now here's You've Got Decisions if you would like

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<v Speaker 1>to have us answer your questions if you have a

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<v Speaker 1>terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throatfle guess

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<v Speaker 1>what You've got Decisions, You've Got Decisions ay or Hive

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<v Speaker 1>really excited for you to check out this week's You've

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<v Speaker 1>Got Decisions, which comes as an exclusive over on the

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<v Speaker 1>Patreon If you didn't know, not only can you get

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<v Speaker 1>Horrible Decisions episodes, but you can also get bonus episodes

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<v Speaker 1>like this one Mandy on the Hotline, where I take

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<v Speaker 1>your voicemails and.

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<v Speaker 3>Give you the real Check it out. Check it out,

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<v Speaker 3>Check it out.

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<v Speaker 1>We are gonna get now into a You've Got Decisions

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<v Speaker 1>slash homemail.

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<v Speaker 3>Y'all.

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<v Speaker 1>If you want to send your questions in, please please

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<v Speaker 1>please send your questions in to Decisions pod at g

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<v Speaker 1>dot com.

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<v Speaker 3>We will read them aloud, give you our.

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<v Speaker 1>Unofficial experted goddamn advice, and hopefully.

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<v Speaker 3>You take it or you take it with a gran

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<v Speaker 3>of salt. One or the other. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Now this one is quite quite interesting. This letter reads

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<v Speaker 1>different type of race play. Now, before we get into this,

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<v Speaker 1>I do want to give you guys the actual and

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<v Speaker 1>official definition of race play.

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<v Speaker 3>All right. Race play typically refers to sexual.

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<v Speaker 1>Roleplay involving themes of racial stereo types or power dynamics.

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<v Speaker 1>It can involve scenarios where one person embodies a racial

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<v Speaker 1>stereotype while the other takes on a dominant or submissive role. However,

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<v Speaker 1>it's important to note that race play is a controversial

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<v Speaker 1>topic due to its potential to perpetuate harm stereotypes and

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<v Speaker 1>reinforce historical power and balances. Now we know about this

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<v Speaker 1>with black and white, but this one was interesting because

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<v Speaker 1>it's leaning in to something that's not so black and white. Now, Hi,

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<v Speaker 1>I am one of your twenty nine. I love that

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<v Speaker 1>we went up from twenty seven. I am one of

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<v Speaker 1>your twenty nine white listeners. However, I'm mixed and also

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<v Speaker 1>have Mexican so it depends on the day what I am.

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<v Speaker 3>That's crazy because bitch Biracials do not operate that way.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not how it works.

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<v Speaker 1>So I guess you you probably look more white because

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<v Speaker 1>the fact that you're referring to yourself as a white

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<v Speaker 1>listener and just not really a knowledging that you're Mexican

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<v Speaker 1>until you told.

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<v Speaker 3>Me in parentheses kind of crazy. However, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Am getting married to an Indian guy very soon. He

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<v Speaker 1>is in his early thirties. He isn't super experienced actually,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's eager to always learn or try, but can

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<v Speaker 1>be shy, etc. Now I am by and I love

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<v Speaker 1>this man, but I want to try a lot and

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<v Speaker 1>experiment with him. The reason I mentioned race play was

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<v Speaker 1>that there is a lot of cultural differences between us

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<v Speaker 1>and familial expectations, etc. It feels like I want to

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<v Speaker 1>introduce him to different things, but I'm not sure how.

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<v Speaker 1>We've gone to sex stores, watch spicy videos together, but

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<v Speaker 1>how do I get him to expand his curiosity? He

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<v Speaker 1>always makes comments that it's because I'm white that I

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<v Speaker 1>want to try something more exciting, or mentioned fantasies that

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<v Speaker 1>traditional quote unquote Indian girls don't do that slash mention

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<v Speaker 1>that I think he wants to have fun and experiment.

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<v Speaker 1>But I wonder if he thinks that because I'm half white,

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<v Speaker 1>he's attributing my sexual desires to just being able to

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<v Speaker 1>quote unquote do it. Sometimes it feels like he tries

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<v Speaker 1>to do dirty talk, and it's in regards to me

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<v Speaker 1>being white. I know he loves me, but I also

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<v Speaker 1>know that his friends make comments about him marrying a

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<v Speaker 1>white girl.

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<v Speaker 3>Again, I'm super Mexican. Please help. Thanks.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, she refers to herself at the end

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<v Speaker 1>as the confused biracial bisexual girl, you sound real confused.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, a few things here, girl.

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<v Speaker 1>If they talking about if they making fun of him

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<v Speaker 1>marrying a white girl, you can't say you super Mexican

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<v Speaker 1>at the end when in the very beginning you mentioned

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<v Speaker 1>yourself as a white listener and then said you have Mexican,

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<v Speaker 1>but it depends on the day.

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<v Speaker 3>Gir, are you white? Stap it, stab it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think you embrace or dive into your Mexican

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<v Speaker 1>or Latino's side enough at this point, Gir, are you white?

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<v Speaker 1>The fact that he's also attributing your sexual desires and

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<v Speaker 1>fantasies to being white is very interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>I also I also am curious as if this is

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<v Speaker 3>the person you should marry.

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<v Speaker 1>And here's why. I think that you both have lacked

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of conversation that needs to be had before marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>You're leaning into your cultural differences. But I think what

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<v Speaker 1>you need to lean into is your sexual differences. And

0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:42.040
<v Speaker 1>this isn't just culturally. Him thinking that you're just curious

0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.280
<v Speaker 1>and wanting to be a free coat and nasty because

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:49.840
<v Speaker 1>you white, and him saying that traditional Indian girls don't

0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:53.200
<v Speaker 1>talk this way, don't have these thoughts, don't have these desires.

0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:57.240
<v Speaker 1>That would be a red flag to me, because I

0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:04.000
<v Speaker 1>wonder if he would like a traditional partner. Him comparing

0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:08.840
<v Speaker 1>you to the women and his culture should be alarming

0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:12.040
<v Speaker 1>out the gate. The fact that when he does do

0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:17.960
<v Speaker 1>dirty talk, it's adding your whiteness to it that should

0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:18.600
<v Speaker 1>be a red flag.

0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:30.560
<v Speaker 3>I genuinely I don't know. I would say, before.

0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:35.560
<v Speaker 1>Y'all dive into the acts of sex, you need to

0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.280
<v Speaker 1>give this man a questionnaire. I think you need to

0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.160
<v Speaker 1>give him the BDSM questionnaire. I think you need to

0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:45.480
<v Speaker 1>give him. There's quite a few questionnaires online and I'm

0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.760
<v Speaker 1>going to probably see if I can add a few

0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:52.360
<v Speaker 1>for this episode specifically. But I think that what you

0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:58.240
<v Speaker 1>need to do is lean more into this person as

0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:03.240
<v Speaker 1>a partner, not just in marriage and not just emotionally.

0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:06.160
<v Speaker 1>But Baby, this might not be a sexual match.

0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:06.400
<v Speaker 2>For you.

0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:11.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm also curious if he's leaning into traditional Indian girls.

0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:16.720
<v Speaker 1>Nothing in here expresses his thoughts on your sexuality. Is

0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.440
<v Speaker 1>he okay with the fact that you're bisexual when you

0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:24.280
<v Speaker 1>say that you're super experienced sexually and eager to add

0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:25.680
<v Speaker 1>more things into the bedroom?

0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:26.360
<v Speaker 3>Bitch?

0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 1>Did you bring up that you want him to eat

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:31.760
<v Speaker 1>two couchies? Did you bring up that you want to

0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.040
<v Speaker 1>eat coochie in front of him or without him? Like,

0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.600
<v Speaker 1>in what elements of your bisexuality have you had this

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.560
<v Speaker 1>conversation with him? If he's bringing up how traditional Indian

0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.600
<v Speaker 1>girls are, because I don't know if traditional Indian girls

0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:44.400
<v Speaker 1>are just out here.

0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:47.000
<v Speaker 3>Eating Indian cuchie. I just don't know.

0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.040
<v Speaker 1>And I think that that's what you need to goddamn ask.

0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.600
<v Speaker 1>Outside of that, I would, I would, I would. I

0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:57.640
<v Speaker 1>don't know when you're getting married, And again, this would

0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:59.720
<v Speaker 1>be a question if I was able to ask you live.

0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:04.480
<v Speaker 1>But there is a lot of things that seems to

0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:08.440
<v Speaker 1>be missing in terms of what you truly expressed to him,

0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.080
<v Speaker 1>what he's actually comfortable with. And I think that y'all

0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:16.040
<v Speaker 1>need to have that conversation around your boundaries and what

0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:19.560
<v Speaker 1>that look like because it's given. Not only are you

0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:24.080
<v Speaker 1>confused by racial bisexual, but I think that you're heavily

0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:31.560
<v Speaker 1>confused on where this relationship essentially could end up without

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:35.160
<v Speaker 1>the right conversations that need to be had.

0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:37.280
<v Speaker 3>And I'm gonna leave it there.

0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:39.720
<v Speaker 1>I ain't gonna hold you, I'm not gonna say your name,

0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:43.719
<v Speaker 1>but I would love you to write in and let

0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:48.760
<v Speaker 1>me know what the conversation looked like around your sexuality

0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:53.960
<v Speaker 1>with him and what his boundaries are, what are his

0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:57.840
<v Speaker 1>hard nos? Because I'm wondering if his hard nos and

0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:03.200
<v Speaker 1>boundaries would actually make you not want to be married

0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:06.800
<v Speaker 1>to him or in a long standing relationship, if in

0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:11.119
<v Speaker 1>fact it's going to limit your sexual fantasies, desires, and

0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:15.160
<v Speaker 1>what you essentially see your sex life as being. You're

0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.240
<v Speaker 1>only twenty nine, he's in his early thirties. This is

0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:22.840
<v Speaker 1>something that can change over time. But I'd be curious

0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:27.560
<v Speaker 1>as to your comfortability with walking down the aisle without

0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:31.600
<v Speaker 1>all of these questions answered. Again, if you want to

0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:36.359
<v Speaker 1>send in your questions, send it to decisions pod at

0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:40.720
<v Speaker 1>gmail dot com. Send in your voicemails to nine seven

0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:46.240
<v Speaker 1>three nine three to two zero two to SELM. I

0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:49.480
<v Speaker 1>think we're gonna give you guys this week, maybe another BTS.

0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:52.920
<v Speaker 1>So you got Manny on the hotline, go throw some

0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.520
<v Speaker 1>BTS on the timeline hopefully this week for y'all. And

0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, you know, really loving you guys, really

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.040
<v Speaker 1>excited about the content that we're going to be giving

0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:12.400
<v Speaker 1>y'all this month, specifically because you know, anyways, guys, thank

0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:16.119
<v Speaker 1>you guys for tuning in to another Mandy on the Hotline,

0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:19.680
<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys for sending in your questions, and hopefully

0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm able to help y'all live a better emotional, sexual,

0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:26.600
<v Speaker 1>liberated laugh.

0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:31.960
<v Speaker 3>All right, y'all, peace, I want to hear more.

0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:35.960
<v Speaker 1>Head on over to patreon dot com backslash w h

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:40.280
<v Speaker 1>O R e ibl E decisions, See you over there,