Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and play our first voicemail and see
Speaker 1: what they have to say.
Speaker 2: Good morning, Mandy is the fifty a Free Jersey, big
Speaker 2: fan of you and Bazy from Horrible to Station. So
Speaker 2: I wanted to call because my question was, as someone
Speaker 2: who's fairly knew to dating in relationships, how should I
Speaker 2: start doing that in my daily life? Most of my
Speaker 2: school career was mostly being in education, so I've never
Speaker 2: really had a chune to see. I'm actually twenty seven,
Speaker 2: and I haven't had any type of special experience, so
Speaker 2: that's always something I'm stressing about when it comes to
Speaker 2: starting to actually really date. So, as somebody who started
Speaker 2: real relationships in their thirteen how should I start with
Speaker 2: being twenty seven, not having really any relationship experience at all,
Speaker 2: no dating experience in those sexual intimate experience as a
Speaker 2: twenty seven year old, how should I do with that?
Speaker 2: For my stuff? Thank you.
Speaker 1: Not the shade in the voicemail talk about since you,
Speaker 1: you know, didn't have your real relationship until thirty, how
Speaker 1: do I date this?
Speaker 3: I actually really like this question because I think that
Speaker 3: there is.
Speaker 1: A misconception but a lack of knowledge around how to
Speaker 1: properly quote unquote date. Right, So, just to recap, you
Speaker 1: are finally interested in dating at the age of twenty seven,
Speaker 1: you focus mostly on your school career in your early twenties,
Speaker 1: and you have not had any sex.
Speaker 3: I would be curious if it's just not pressing.
Speaker 1: If you are a sexual and that's not something that
Speaker 1: is important to you, I would be like, these are
Speaker 1: questions I would ask if this was live. But you
Speaker 1: having no dating experience and no sexual or intimate experience
Speaker 1: I think doesn't necessarily have a huge impact on how
Speaker 1: to step your pinky toe into quote unquote dating.
Speaker 3: And here's why.
Speaker 1: I feel like where we like oftentimes as women is
Speaker 1: being able to just enjoy the company of a man,
Speaker 1: and so I think labeling things as dating makes it
Speaker 1: a lot more than sometimes what it is.
Speaker 3: So say you get yourself on dating apps.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure where you currently work, but I would
Speaker 1: actually start practicing dating by literally just hanging.
Speaker 3: Out with men.
Speaker 1: I think that that is very important to know how
Speaker 1: to do without feeling the nerves of what the expectations
Speaker 1: normally come with in terms of dating. Right, So, find
Speaker 1: a friend that you either work with, go on the
Speaker 1: dating apps, and say that you're just looking for friends.
Speaker 1: I know that they have that feature on Riya. I
Speaker 1: think Hinge and a lot of the I would say
Speaker 1: all tender. Personally, from what I hear right now, tender
Speaker 1: is just a hookup thing. And so for me, hopping
Speaker 1: on maybe apps like Bumble, Hinge in places where maybe
Speaker 1: people are just looking to hang out with other people, right,
Speaker 1: that's how I would start it. I would go on
Speaker 1: the apps. I would maybe see if you could hang
Speaker 1: out with men specifically outside of work.
Speaker 3: And I'm saying men because that's what I assume here.
Speaker 3: By the way, again, because you haven't.
Speaker 1: Had sexual intimate experience, you may be attracted to women.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: And so for me, dating looks like going out with
Speaker 1: strangers and knowing how to break the ice, knowing how
Speaker 1: to ask questions about them and share experiences about yourself
Speaker 1: that you want them to know, having a good time.
Speaker 1: I think that movies and dinner are fucking boring. It's
Speaker 1: probably why I don't like to date. I don't know
Speaker 1: if y'all remember twenty two year old. I met him
Speaker 1: first at a bar. That was just to make sure,
Speaker 1: you know, we both got to see each other in
Speaker 1: person real quick. Went and grabbed a quick drink. The
Speaker 1: second time we went out, Bitch, we went at throwing,
Speaker 1: literally and it was really fun because we got to
Speaker 1: kind of be in competition with other groups, which made
Speaker 1: it less terrifying, and then we got to literally have fun.
Speaker 1: We were competing against other people as a unit, and
Speaker 1: then we got to compete against each other at the end.
Speaker 1: It left us to not have to have all of
Speaker 1: the stressful conversations like kids, long term goals, life goals,
Speaker 1: relationship goals, traumas, like.
Speaker 3: The conversations that often become like.
Speaker 1: A little awkward or lean into sex early on, weren't
Speaker 1: had because we were out having fun.
Speaker 3: So that would be like my number one advice to
Speaker 3: you is just to find people to go out with.
Speaker 1: Don't pressure yourself in calling it a date. Don't be
Speaker 1: pressured in only hanging out with men or women that
Speaker 1: you are physically attracted to, because I think you have
Speaker 1: to practice, and I think going out and seeing what
Speaker 1: you enjoy yourself is a way to weed out like
Speaker 1: people that'll come later down the line and waste your time.
Speaker 1: So think of the things that you enjoy doing, whether
Speaker 1: it be outdoor activities indoor activities like I said, and.
Speaker 3: Practice, that's the.
Speaker 1: Thing that I realize in terms of me not having
Speaker 1: a relationship later on, maybe I was like really figuring
Speaker 1: it out in real time because I hadn't had those
Speaker 1: early on relationships.
Speaker 3: So for mind, you you're twenty seven, I.
Speaker 1: Want you to know beat you not old, this is
Speaker 1: the time And twenty seven is such like a really
Speaker 1: good age because you should be I assume, out of
Speaker 1: school now in your career, and this is where you
Speaker 1: get to have the fun with dating because the men
Speaker 1: your age and even a little bit older, the niggas
Speaker 1: in a thirties ain't settled yet either. You're still navigating life,
Speaker 1: you're still kind of figuring it out. You don't have
Speaker 1: kids yet, so you have the freedom to kind of
Speaker 1: like do things on your time. And I think that's
Speaker 1: that's great. I think that you having the fear of
Speaker 1: not having sexual experience right now doesn't even need to
Speaker 1: be an issue. I really don't think it needs to
Speaker 1: be an issue because you shouldn't be dating to fuck.
Speaker 1: You should be dating to figure out yourself, what you like,
Speaker 1: what you're actually looking for in a partner in all
Speaker 1: the things, and then in terms of your sexual intimate experience.
Speaker 1: Take that on your time maybe and do it with
Speaker 1: somebody worth it and guess what I need to gonna
Speaker 1: hold you.
Speaker 3: Even when you lose that virginity, he still may not
Speaker 3: be worth it.
Speaker 1: In like hindsight, right, you may think, ooh, I want
Speaker 1: to give it up to him, and it still may
Speaker 1: be not the person that you wanted to give it to.
Speaker 3: Just going to it knowing that. I think we have
Speaker 3: to go into sex and dating with.
Speaker 1: Realistic lenses, and sometimes we don't because we're fucking growing
Speaker 1: up with the Disney dreams of someone coming in and
Speaker 1: being our night in shining armor.
Speaker 3: So that would be my advice.
Speaker 1: I really hope that you do, and I would love
Speaker 1: for you d let me know how it goes, Let
Speaker 1: me know, would love to know when you go on
Speaker 1: your first.
Speaker 3: Three hangouts, call them hangouts.
Speaker 1: Go on your first three hangouts. Please please please send
Speaker 1: it back in and let me know how it went
Speaker 1: your thoughts. Maybe we could do that thing live and
Speaker 1: see if my advice ended up helping you. Just got
Speaker 1: a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon, but why
Speaker 1: it's up there? Tap in for the full uncut and
Speaker 1: way Naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot
Speaker 1: com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt wild
Speaker 1: stories and bonus content you won't hear any where else.
Speaker 1: And now here's You've Got Decisions if you would like
Speaker 1: to have us answer your questions if you have a
Speaker 1: terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throatfle guess
Speaker 1: what You've got Decisions, You've Got Decisions ay or Hive
Speaker 1: really excited for you to check out this week's You've
Speaker 1: Got Decisions, which comes as an exclusive over on the
Speaker 1: Patreon If you didn't know, not only can you get
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions episodes, but you can also get bonus episodes
Speaker 1: like this one Mandy on the Hotline, where I take
Speaker 1: your voicemails and.
Speaker 3: Give you the real Check it out. Check it out,
Speaker 3: Check it out.
Speaker 1: We are gonna get now into a You've Got Decisions
Speaker 1: slash homemail.
Speaker 3: Y'all.
Speaker 1: If you want to send your questions in, please please
Speaker 1: please send your questions in to Decisions pod at g
Speaker 1: dot com.
Speaker 3: We will read them aloud, give you our.
Speaker 1: Unofficial experted goddamn advice, and hopefully.
Speaker 3: You take it or you take it with a gran
Speaker 3: of salt. One or the other. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Now this one is quite quite interesting. This letter reads
Speaker 1: different type of race play. Now, before we get into this,
Speaker 1: I do want to give you guys the actual and
Speaker 1: official definition of race play.
Speaker 3: All right. Race play typically refers to sexual.
Speaker 1: Roleplay involving themes of racial stereo types or power dynamics.
Speaker 1: It can involve scenarios where one person embodies a racial
Speaker 1: stereotype while the other takes on a dominant or submissive role. However,
Speaker 1: it's important to note that race play is a controversial
Speaker 1: topic due to its potential to perpetuate harm stereotypes and
Speaker 1: reinforce historical power and balances. Now we know about this
Speaker 1: with black and white, but this one was interesting because
Speaker 1: it's leaning in to something that's not so black and white. Now, Hi,
Speaker 1: I am one of your twenty nine. I love that
Speaker 1: we went up from twenty seven. I am one of
Speaker 1: your twenty nine white listeners. However, I'm mixed and also
Speaker 1: have Mexican so it depends on the day what I am.
Speaker 3: That's crazy because bitch Biracials do not operate that way.
Speaker 3: It's not how it works.
Speaker 1: So I guess you you probably look more white because
Speaker 1: the fact that you're referring to yourself as a white
Speaker 1: listener and just not really a knowledging that you're Mexican
Speaker 1: until you told.
Speaker 3: Me in parentheses kind of crazy. However, I.
Speaker 1: Am getting married to an Indian guy very soon. He
Speaker 1: is in his early thirties. He isn't super experienced actually,
Speaker 1: but it's eager to always learn or try, but can
Speaker 1: be shy, etc. Now I am by and I love
Speaker 1: this man, but I want to try a lot and
Speaker 1: experiment with him. The reason I mentioned race play was
Speaker 1: that there is a lot of cultural differences between us
Speaker 1: and familial expectations, etc. It feels like I want to
Speaker 1: introduce him to different things, but I'm not sure how.
Speaker 1: We've gone to sex stores, watch spicy videos together, but
Speaker 1: how do I get him to expand his curiosity? He
Speaker 1: always makes comments that it's because I'm white that I
Speaker 1: want to try something more exciting, or mentioned fantasies that
Speaker 1: traditional quote unquote Indian girls don't do that slash mention
Speaker 1: that I think he wants to have fun and experiment.
Speaker 1: But I wonder if he thinks that because I'm half white,
Speaker 1: he's attributing my sexual desires to just being able to
Speaker 1: quote unquote do it. Sometimes it feels like he tries
Speaker 1: to do dirty talk, and it's in regards to me
Speaker 1: being white. I know he loves me, but I also
Speaker 1: know that his friends make comments about him marrying a
Speaker 1: white girl.
Speaker 3: Again, I'm super Mexican. Please help. Thanks.
Speaker 1: By the way, she refers to herself at the end
Speaker 1: as the confused biracial bisexual girl, you sound real confused.
Speaker 3: Okay, a few things here, girl.
Speaker 1: If they talking about if they making fun of him
Speaker 1: marrying a white girl, you can't say you super Mexican
Speaker 1: at the end when in the very beginning you mentioned
Speaker 1: yourself as a white listener and then said you have Mexican,
Speaker 1: but it depends on the day.
Speaker 3: Gir, are you white? Stap it, stab it.
Speaker 1: I don't think you embrace or dive into your Mexican
Speaker 1: or Latino's side enough at this point, Gir, are you white?
Speaker 1: The fact that he's also attributing your sexual desires and
Speaker 1: fantasies to being white is very interesting.
Speaker 3: I also I also am curious as if this is
Speaker 3: the person you should marry.
Speaker 1: And here's why. I think that you both have lacked
Speaker 1: a lot of conversation that needs to be had before marriage.
Speaker 1: You're leaning into your cultural differences. But I think what
Speaker 1: you need to lean into is your sexual differences. And
Speaker 1: this isn't just culturally. Him thinking that you're just curious
Speaker 1: and wanting to be a free coat and nasty because
Speaker 1: you white, and him saying that traditional Indian girls don't
Speaker 1: talk this way, don't have these thoughts, don't have these desires.
Speaker 1: That would be a red flag to me, because I
Speaker 1: wonder if he would like a traditional partner. Him comparing
Speaker 1: you to the women and his culture should be alarming
Speaker 1: out the gate. The fact that when he does do
Speaker 1: dirty talk, it's adding your whiteness to it that should
Speaker 1: be a red flag.
Speaker 3: I genuinely I don't know. I would say, before.
Speaker 1: Y'all dive into the acts of sex, you need to
Speaker 1: give this man a questionnaire. I think you need to
Speaker 1: give him the BDSM questionnaire. I think you need to
Speaker 1: give him. There's quite a few questionnaires online and I'm
Speaker 1: going to probably see if I can add a few
Speaker 1: for this episode specifically. But I think that what you
Speaker 1: need to do is lean more into this person as
Speaker 1: a partner, not just in marriage and not just emotionally.
Speaker 1: But Baby, this might not be a sexual match.
Speaker 2: For you.
Speaker 1: I'm also curious if he's leaning into traditional Indian girls.
Speaker 1: Nothing in here expresses his thoughts on your sexuality. Is
Speaker 1: he okay with the fact that you're bisexual when you
Speaker 1: say that you're super experienced sexually and eager to add
Speaker 1: more things into the bedroom?
Speaker 3: Bitch?
Speaker 1: Did you bring up that you want him to eat
Speaker 1: two couchies? Did you bring up that you want to
Speaker 1: eat coochie in front of him or without him? Like,
Speaker 1: in what elements of your bisexuality have you had this
Speaker 1: conversation with him? If he's bringing up how traditional Indian
Speaker 1: girls are, because I don't know if traditional Indian girls
Speaker 1: are just out here.
Speaker 3: Eating Indian cuchie. I just don't know.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's what you need to goddamn ask.
Speaker 1: Outside of that, I would, I would, I would. I
Speaker 1: don't know when you're getting married, And again, this would
Speaker 1: be a question if I was able to ask you live.
Speaker 1: But there is a lot of things that seems to
Speaker 1: be missing in terms of what you truly expressed to him,
Speaker 1: what he's actually comfortable with. And I think that y'all
Speaker 1: need to have that conversation around your boundaries and what
Speaker 1: that look like because it's given. Not only are you
Speaker 1: confused by racial bisexual, but I think that you're heavily
Speaker 1: confused on where this relationship essentially could end up without
Speaker 1: the right conversations that need to be had.
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna leave it there.
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna hold you, I'm not gonna say your name,
Speaker 1: but I would love you to write in and let
Speaker 1: me know what the conversation looked like around your sexuality
Speaker 1: with him and what his boundaries are, what are his
Speaker 1: hard nos? Because I'm wondering if his hard nos and
Speaker 1: boundaries would actually make you not want to be married
Speaker 1: to him or in a long standing relationship, if in
Speaker 1: fact it's going to limit your sexual fantasies, desires, and
Speaker 1: what you essentially see your sex life as being. You're
Speaker 1: only twenty nine, he's in his early thirties. This is
Speaker 1: something that can change over time. But I'd be curious
Speaker 1: as to your comfortability with walking down the aisle without
Speaker 1: all of these questions answered. Again, if you want to
Speaker 1: send in your questions, send it to decisions pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Send in your voicemails to nine seven
Speaker 1: three nine three to two zero two to SELM. I
Speaker 1: think we're gonna give you guys this week, maybe another BTS.
Speaker 1: So you got Manny on the hotline, go throw some
Speaker 1: BTS on the timeline hopefully this week for y'all. And
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, really loving you guys, really
Speaker 1: excited about the content that we're going to be giving
Speaker 1: y'all this month, specifically because you know, anyways, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you guys for tuning in to another Mandy on the Hotline,
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for sending in your questions, and hopefully
Speaker 1: I'm able to help y'all live a better emotional, sexual,
Speaker 1: liberated laugh.
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, peace, I want to hear more.
Speaker 1: Head on over to patreon dot com backslash w h
Speaker 1: O R e ibl E decisions, See you over there,