1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,280 Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for not wanting to break 2 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,760 Speaker 1: no contact with my family even though they finally reached 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: out after seven years. And this is again to answer 4 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: the question, are there certain parenting styles that are bad? 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: I feel like in the first one we learned that 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 1: you can go too far and this seems like based 7 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: off the title, this is not a good parenting style 8 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: to em relate. Alright, So throw Away nine two eight three, 9 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 1: nine ninety two says, for whatever reason, my parents didn't 10 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: want me aw depressing note. Once they had my brother, 11 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: who will call Adam, I was pretty much ignored. They 12 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: didn't abuse me, but I was pretty neglected. Everything was 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: about Adam and how smart he was, or how athletic 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: he was, or how he was just the best thing 15 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: since life spread. Then there's me, a pretty average kid 16 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: who got decent grades, didn't play sports, wasn't super popular, 17 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,919 Speaker 1: and liked to read books. I can't tell you how 18 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 1: many times I heard why can't you be more like Adam? 19 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 2: Was Adam younger or old younger? 20 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: Today? They had Op and then had Adam, and Op 21 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: got pushed to the side. 22 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 3: Ah, dude, I that's really My brother had to deal 23 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 3: with this because I'm older, and I'm a little bit 24 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 3: more ambitious and my brother is sort of like more 25 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 3: laid back, but he can like make more friends and stuff, 26 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 3: so he had more friends and everything. But teachers would 27 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 3: be like, are you more like your brother? 28 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 4: Yeah? 29 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 3: Oh that was It was always so hard to hear. 30 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 3: Yeah he's tight. Yeah coming from your younger brother though. 31 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's no. I think I don't think that I 32 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: was ever really compared to Sam too much. I think 33 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: that we were both We both had our own stuff 34 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: going on, so I don't think we were ever and 35 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,759 Speaker 1: we were both really good at school, so I don't 36 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: think we ever really compared to Yeah. It was just like, 37 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,959 Speaker 1: damn you you tell us too much and Sophia, you 38 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: don't tell us anything. Why can't you guys meet in 39 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: the middis. 40 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 3: So interesting because I would think you tell too much, 41 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 3: and Sam's was telling him enough. 42 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 2: What like, as a guy, I don't really tell my 43 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 2: mom much stuff. What's going on? 44 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: Sam tells my mom everything, and I don't tell her much. 45 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: That's interesting. 46 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we're working on it. What made me cut 47 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: off my family was when they didn't attend my high 48 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: school graduation. Adam had gone that morning a sprained ankle. 49 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: I was eventually told and our parents rushed him to 50 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: the er because he swore up and down that he 51 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: broke his leg. I only got one text from my 52 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: mom telling me that they would make it up to 53 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: me with a dinner to some family restaurant. I mildly enjoyed. 54 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: Oh sorry, I didn't they didn't go to a graduation. 55 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 2: Oh oh that's they didn't go. 56 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: Oh man, that really sucks. I was done after that. 57 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: I had been used to being neglected or forgotten about, 58 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: but I thought they would at least attend my graduation. 59 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: I moved out that summer to go live with my 60 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: cousin female thirty and her wife in Arizona. Then I 61 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: blocked them and they haven't been in my life. My 62 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: family did try to get into contact with me after 63 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: I left, but it was mostly just telling me I 64 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: was a bad daughter and overly sensitive and didn't care 65 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: about Adam. 66 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 2: Uh. 67 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: Years later, I still don't have contact with them. I 68 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: am now married to my husband, John male twenty six, 69 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,679 Speaker 1: whoa loved me and treats me like I mad her 70 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: and also for context, op is female twenty five and 71 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: was eighteen when they left. 72 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 2: I believe gotcha. Yeah. 73 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: We also have a daughter to female that I love 74 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: more than the world itself. I have a close knit 75 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: group of friends and a job that makes decent money 76 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: that I enjoy. I'm not saying my life is perfect 77 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,239 Speaker 1: or a dream or anything, but it's definitely leagues better 78 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,119 Speaker 1: than my childhood, which brings me to last week when 79 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: my cousin called to tell me they had a message 80 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: from my parents and my brother. 81 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 2: So this is after nine no. 82 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: Sorry seven seven years is eighteen to twenty five, right, 83 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 1: seven years and they finally reached out. That's yeah, that's like. 84 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 2: They want something. Yeah, what do I think? What does 85 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 2: Adam need a liver? Yeah, you're a kidney? 86 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: What a good conspiracy theory? 87 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 2: What a good conspiracy theory. I've been out of the game. Yeah, 88 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 2: I don't know how to play. 89 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's been gone for a week, but he comes 90 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: back mmm fighting. 91 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, like Adam needs something. 92 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: I think Adam needs something because why would you reach 93 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: out to your child that you've neglected her for seven 94 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: years out of the blue, Which brings me to last 95 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: week when my cousin called to tell me they had 96 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: a message from my parents and my brother. This isn't 97 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 1: anything new, but the message itself was instead of the 98 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: usual blame game. My cousin told me they wanted to 99 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,119 Speaker 1: apologize for everything. With Father's Day coming up, they were 100 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,679 Speaker 1: hoping I could come down to visit with my family 101 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: and we could have a discussion. Actually, should we put 102 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: a pull up? What do you want to put put? 103 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: Why do you think they've reached out? And then do liver? 104 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: Like brother needs a liver or something. 105 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: Like that, Brother needs organ. 106 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: Brother needs organ or. 107 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 3: Her? 108 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, someone said, Emma Bear says, well, oh, 109 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: p as a child, so the parents want to see 110 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: their grandkid. I think that could be true, but I 111 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: also think that usually that happens when the kid's born. 112 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: And it's been about two years, so I feel like 113 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: if they wanted to have a relationship with their grandkid, 114 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: they might have come earlier. But maybe. I know most 115 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 1: people would scream, don't it's a trap. They want something 116 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: from you, But I'm not so sure. For one thing, 117 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: none of them have ever reached out to I apologize 118 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: for anything towards me. But I still have connections to 119 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: my extended family, so I have info about my parents 120 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: and Adam from them. None of them are sick or 121 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 1: dying and need an organ. They're not in debt and 122 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 1: need help with finances. My parents aren't hoping to retire 123 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: and want to be supported. Adam doesn't need help with 124 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: student loans scholarships kid, so it could be genuine. Okay, 125 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: so if he said it's not the organ. But at 126 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,280 Speaker 1: the same time, I don't know if I care enough 127 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: to have a discussion. My life has been great without them, 128 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: so why do I need them. I wanted them as 129 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 1: a kid, but not anymore. However, John says this could 130 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: be a genuine alli of branch since they never apologize. 131 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: He might be right. Even if I don't agree to 132 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 1: have contact, I might finally get some closure or at 133 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 1: least some answers as to why they didn't want me 134 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: or why Adam was so much better than me. Should 135 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 1: I hear them out or just tell my cousin to 136 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: tell them to go step on legos. I'll take any 137 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: advice at this point, and there are some relevant comments. 138 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 1: But what's I think everyone said the organ? 139 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,559 Speaker 2: Yeah, which apparently is not true. 140 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: But we'll see comments from trash cat attack says from 141 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: someone who is also no contact with immediate family members, 142 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: I suggest you weigh the cost benefit. What will it 143 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: cost you emotionally, financially, physically, and is it worth the risk? 144 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: Walk through the possible outcomes, best case and worst case 145 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: scenarios for me. If they wanted to apologize and talk, 146 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,480 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be willing to take the time and money 147 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 1: to fly to them and do it on their terms. 148 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: They could have sent a letter, right The answer is yes, 149 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: due to the gaslighting in psychological manipulation my family has 150 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: put me through. I'd want it all in writing. I'd 151 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: hear them out, but want to see it before I 152 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: gave them a chance. And Opie says, they don't actually 153 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: have my address, so they couldn't send a letter directly 154 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,480 Speaker 1: to me, but they could send it to my cousin 155 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 1: and she could always give it to me. Square half 156 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: forty six seventy two says I would not contact them. 157 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: I highly doubt they are remorseful. It's likely that they 158 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,359 Speaker 1: want something. You have your family now, husband and child. 159 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: Why allow your parents to say anything? And Opie says, 160 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: if they did want something, I feel like my cousin 161 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,599 Speaker 1: would have told me or weren't warned me that something 162 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: was going on. Yet there aren't any signs they need 163 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: anything other than have a discussion with me, apparently, and 164 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: det Ginger says, they want access to your daughter. I 165 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: would be cautious. Opie says, I thought so too, but 166 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 1: my husband said if they wanted access to our daughter, 167 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 1: they would have tried to reach out when she was born. 168 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: Unless my brother is suddenly sterile, it's not like they 169 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: won't get more grandkids. 170 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 4: Uh. 171 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: Scapperplexspluck says, girl, you just got past the most miserable 172 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: babysitting years, the years where you're most exhausted and likely 173 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: need a break. It makes total sense for self absorbed 174 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: grandparents to only reach out now that she's a precious 175 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: two year old in their minds. Now they can be 176 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: fun grandparents instead of helpful ones. And Opie says, reading 177 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: this reminded me of what my mother used to say 178 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: to me all the time. You were a difficult baby, 179 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: always crying and whining and needy. Your brother was so 180 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: easy and such an angel. Now I'm thinking you might 181 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: be onto something like maybe they didn't want to see 182 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: my baby in her infancy because they thought she would 183 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: be just like me, and God forbid they deal with 184 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: that again. And there is an update blows it out. 185 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,559 Speaker 1: What was I gonna say? I had a not Actually, 186 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: can we put another pull up of does op reach actually, 187 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: you know, go contact their parents should reach out? And 188 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: I think I think I am of the mind of 189 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: even if they are you know, they want something, I 190 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: think having that trying anyway and trying to create that 191 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: relationship and maybe you know, having the hope that it 192 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: will it could exist. Yeah, I think that's a positive thing. 193 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: I think wanting something better for yourself and wanting to 194 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: improve that relationship is always a positive thing, even if 195 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: it ends up being you know, even if it ends 196 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: up that they want something or they're toxic, I think 197 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: just that attempt is not I. 198 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 2: Say, every seven years you give it attention. 199 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I think it's worth it. I don't 200 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: think that even if you get hurt in the p 201 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: I think that it's still worth it to have tried. 202 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: But again, if you don't want to try, that is 203 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: a completely different story. You don't have to. But if 204 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: you have that feeling of I want to try, I 205 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: want to see if they you know, could be better 206 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,199 Speaker 1: than Yeah, I think that's that is a valid feeling. 207 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 2: All right, what do they want? Let's get to the 208 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 2: roos estates, what do they want? 209 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, a lot of you gave solid advice on 210 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,079 Speaker 1: my first post, and I really appreciate it. I did 211 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: ask my friends for their own advice, too, but they 212 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: had more let's their any cap school of thought. Funny 213 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: but not so helpful at the time. Anyway, even though 214 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: a lot of you warned me, I was just too 215 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: curious to not talk to my family. Still, I told 216 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,319 Speaker 1: my cousin to tell them I was not meeting them 217 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: for Father's Day. I had always intended to project the 218 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: idea I wanted to celebrate John and my father in 219 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 1: law for being awesome. Oh that's nice, and that I 220 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,959 Speaker 1: wanted to do a zoom meeting instead. 221 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,319 Speaker 2: Ooh smart, smart smart. 222 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: I was expecting them to pitch a fit, but they agreed. 223 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,000 Speaker 1: Yesterday we met on Zoom. I made sure to have 224 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: the meeting at my cousin's house because my house is 225 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: my space and I don't like intruders, whether in person 226 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: or virtual. John was hiding in the room out of sight, 227 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: and my daughter was with my cousin's wife. Long story short, 228 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: My mother is a revolving door and both of my 229 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: parents are idiots. 230 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 2: Oh my god, this looks juicy. Oh my god, looks 231 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 2: really juicy. 232 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,719 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god, is op not their 233 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: kid or at least wait? 234 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 2: Wait no, stop, stop? What what that's. 235 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 1: What she said? Her mom was a revolving door. 236 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 3: What. 237 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:30,319 Speaker 5: Wait? 238 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 2: That is a very creative way of saying she had 239 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 2: an affair. Wow, that is very creative. Okay, also had 240 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 2: a multiple affairs. 241 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 6: Oh my god. 242 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: To make it a long story short, my mother had 243 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:41,959 Speaker 1: an affair with my uncle. 244 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 3: Reg wait, uncle daddy, Uncle daddy. 245 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 2: Can we get some uncle daddy's in. 246 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,079 Speaker 4: The day Daddy no. 247 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: Male sixty, my dad's older brother, and got caught after 248 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 1: she found out she was pregnant. Oh, my dad forgave 249 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: her and agreed to raise me as his as long 250 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: as they never did a pattornity to test. Oh apparently 251 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: he was easier to act as my father if he 252 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,839 Speaker 1: didn't have confirmation that I was his brother's kid. 253 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 4: Oh. 254 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: We apparently it wasn't because you still didn't treat her 255 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: as your child. Oh God, spoiler alert, I am not 256 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: Rick's kid. 257 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: What I'm confused? 258 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: Unfortunately for me, I have always been my dad's bio daughter. 259 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 2: Well, she said, unfortunately. 260 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, so okay, before we move on. I think this 261 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 1: is what's going on. Oh, pe finds out their parents 262 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: come in and they say, hey, when you were conceived me, 263 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 1: the mom was cheating on your dad and had an 264 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,839 Speaker 1: affair with his brother, and we thought that you were 265 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: his brothers. And so they're saying, we treated you like 266 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 1: that because your dad thought that, uh you were and 267 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: his daughter m And then after all of these years 268 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: they find out that she is both of their biological daughters, 269 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 1: and they're probably like, oh, my god, we treated her 270 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 1: like this, but she. 271 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 2: Was our kid. 272 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: Either way, they would have sucked even if she wasn't 273 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: their biological daughter. You would have sy. You guys suck 274 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 1: so much. This is so sad. Oh, oh my god. 275 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 1: Rick apparently can't have kids. And my dad only found 276 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: out on Mother's Day when Rick's wife made. 277 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,079 Speaker 2: A joke about it. Oh man, oh my. 278 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: God, jac says, So they raised her under the assumption 279 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: that she was an affair baby, treated her like crap. 280 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 1: Then they realized it in fact was the dad's child, 281 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: and they want to apologize now. 282 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 2: Threw them, yes, sacks facts they suck out here. 283 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. Mafinus says, yeah, right, the child is to blame. 284 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: Very good parents. Yeah, even if they, it wasn't a 285 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: fair baby. Why why would you ever treat a child 286 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:37,439 Speaker 1: like this? 287 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 2: They didn't do that. What? 288 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 1: Oh they didn't. Yeah, they didn't do the affair. They 289 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: were just the baby. That was you, You did the affair. 290 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: So my parents just resented me all this time because 291 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 1: they were convinced I was Rick's child, despite not having proof. 292 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: It didn't help that I was just so mediocre compared 293 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: to Adam, Like how Rick is compared to my dad? 294 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 1: M What I mean by that is that my dad 295 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,440 Speaker 1: works his fancy desk job in a titled position, and 296 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: Rick is just your average truck driver who after your wife. 297 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 1: Oh I mean you know, if you were gonna compare 298 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: Rick to you, Oh my god. So clearly that must 299 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: have meant I couldn't be my father's child. They begged 300 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: for forgiveness. My mom tried to blame my dad for 301 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 1: not taking the test. My dad tried to blame it 302 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: on my mom for being a truck stop for rickikes. 303 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: But they both wanted me to forgive them because they 304 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: were sick with regret of how they treated me over 305 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: a misunderstanding. No, it wasn't a misunderstanding. You guys were 306 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: just awful parents. They swore up and down that even 307 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 1: if they weren't always there for me, they still loved 308 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: me and were still my parents, and we can be 309 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: a real family now. The misunderstanding was finally cleared up, 310 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: even Adam was pushing hard for it. People asked about 311 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,719 Speaker 1: our relationship in my last post, but there's not really 312 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,599 Speaker 1: much to say. He was like a roommate. I was 313 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: never bullied by him, and he didn't really interact with me, 314 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: though he definitely reveled in our parents' favoritism. Still, they 315 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 1: were all very sorry, but I had to understand why 316 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: my parents acted like they did. Now everyone wants me 317 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,959 Speaker 1: to make up and be part of my life again 318 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,319 Speaker 1: and be the best grandparents and uncle they can be 319 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: to my daughter. I obviously told them no anyone with 320 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: eyes could see. They just wanted forgiveness to make themselves 321 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: feel better. I told them that my life was better 322 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: without them and I didn't need them anymore. They got 323 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: mad at that and called me heartless and cruel and 324 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 1: a bad daughter for being so unforgiving and for not 325 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: being more understanding towards them. Because it was just a 326 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: mistake that I had a rappy childhood and had to 327 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: play second fiddle to Adam. I just told them to 328 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: forget I existed and ended the call. 329 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 2: Wow. 330 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: Then I burst into tearsugh. My husband had to comfort me. 331 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 1: Their insults didn't hurt me, even after all this time 332 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: of no contact. I'm used to that, But all that 333 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: time I felt like crap and wondered what I did 334 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: to deserve my mistreatment was just to waste all because 335 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: my parents were massive douche canoes with a chicken nugget 336 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 1: for a brain. I'm glad I didn't waste money to 337 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: go see them. I'm also glad I heard them out 338 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: my own closure. They're trying to aggressively reach out and 339 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: contact me, even getting other relatives to do so. I've 340 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: already got a bunch of emails and textas morning, ranging 341 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: from pleads to just hear them out and insults about 342 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: being cruel and heartless. I've been ignoring them because I've 343 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 1: washed my hands of my family and will continue to 344 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: remain in no contact. Oh yeah, thank you for all 345 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: your advice. It meant a lot, and that is where 346 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: we will end this story. 347 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 2: Wow boy, oh boy, good joye, good joys. 348 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, that seems like the best sweat to go 349 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 3: no contact. 350 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, Opie heard them out, realize that they still sucked 351 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: and moved on. And I think that gave her a 352 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: measure of closure of knowing why her parents treated her 353 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: like this and were like and was like, wow, they 354 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: still suck. 355 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm glad that she has a solid family. Yeah, 356 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 2: that helps a lot. 357 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, Elias Magic says chicken nuggets for brains is 358 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: my new favorite insults. I will be adding that to 359 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 1: my repertoire. That's yeah, it's very funny. 360 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 2: I'm gonna do question. 361 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, but should ope forgive her parents be the bigger person. 362 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: As in, she should forgive them and still go no contact? Oh, 363 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: still go no contact. 364 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 365 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: I think that there is a level of I think 366 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: she should remain no contact one hundred percent because his 367 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: parents suck. But I think there is a level of 368 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: like forgiveness that you can provide just to move on. 369 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 1: Not to say that they deserve that forgiveness or you 370 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 1: owe them forgiveness, but truly like the type of forgiveness 371 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: that's just like, you know what, these are these people, 372 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 1: Let's move on. I'm gonna forget them. Yeah, Like not 373 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 1: as in you have to go and say, like I 374 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 1: forgive you. It could just be like an internal thing 375 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 1: of like whatever. They have their own issues that do 376 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: not revolve around me. 377 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 3: And sometimes you might need to the first time you 378 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 3: forgive might not be it. You still might have to 379 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 3: like wake up and always forgive. Yeah, Like my pastor, 380 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 3: his dad was abusive towards him, and he had to 381 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 3: wake up every day and still forgive his father even 382 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 3: though he. 383 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 2: Still had that resentment. 384 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 3: And I think you guys can disagree with me, but 385 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 3: I do think you can have You can forgive, but 386 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 3: there still are consequences to the actions they have done. 387 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: I think that for there is there is an ext 388 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: I think there are different types of forgiveness. I think 389 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,160 Speaker 1: there is external forgiveness in which someone apologizes or someone 390 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 1: does something to you and you say I forgive you, 391 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 1: And then I think there is an internal forgiveness in 392 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: which someone has wronged you and you do not want 393 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: to go say to them I forgive you, but for 394 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: your own benefit and for your own ability to move on, 395 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: and you know, leave that in the past. You have 396 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: to be like, you know what their actions are not 397 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,199 Speaker 1: about me. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do 398 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: anything to deserve Let's move on. 399 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. 400 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: And a phoenis is if you forgive, don't forget. Yeah, 401 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,199 Speaker 1: I think it for Yeah, I think you don't have to. 402 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,119 Speaker 1: I don't think you have to necessarily. Yeah, forget what 403 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: they did to you and let them back in your life. 404 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,719 Speaker 1: But it's a forgiveness for yourself. 405 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 406 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 6: Yeah. 407 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: Dang Elia's Magic says she doesn't need to forgive, she 408 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,920 Speaker 1: needs to take this information and find her own peace 409 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: from it. I think that is along the lines of 410 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: what my idea of internal forgiven. But I understand what 411 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 1: you're saying. Yeah, she now is proof that it was 412 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: literally nothing she did wrong that causes this treatment. Yeah, agreed. 413 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 1: And Titaniu says, forgiveness, like Riley is describing, is for 414 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 1: the person who is forgiving. It's giving your your self 415 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: permission to let go and move on. It does not 416 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: absolve the other person of guilt or make up for 417 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:17,240 Speaker 1: the pain. 418 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, completely agree. Yeah, but then that was that story. 419 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: But that is the whole story. And that is to 420 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 1: answer the question, are there certain parenting styles that are bad? Yes, 421 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 1: to neglectful, Yeah, in de varying degrees. 422 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, very hands off. 423 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like this. Yeah, we had the sister who 424 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,679 Speaker 1: did learn from her actions and realize that, you know, 425 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: she had to be more hands on. And then this 426 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: family who just neglected their kids and sucked and in 427 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: the end they've still sucked. 428 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, yuh uh. 429 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: And Rob ro King says, I think there's a saying 430 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:53,200 Speaker 1: that goes something like, not forgiving people is allowing them 431 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 1: to live rent free in your head. 432 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 433 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,200 Speaker 1: I think, I think, I don't know. I think just 434 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 1: my idea of internal forgiving is just like letting them 435 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:05,440 Speaker 1: leave your mind, letting you letting yourself just not allow 436 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: them to live in your head rent free. Yeah what 437 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: you said, Robert King, you said a better than me. 438 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: Jac says, I think there is internal forgiveness versus forgiving 439 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: someone directly. Absolutely, And I think that you do not 440 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: always have to forgive some directly. I think that is 441 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: not always. They don't always deserve that. But I think 442 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 1: internal forgiveness is helpful for moving on that. And that's that. 443 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: But if you love us, make sure to subscribe We 444 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 1: love you and see you tomorrow. 445 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,920 Speaker 6: This is an episode from Deep Within the Archives. 446 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 5: Time for okop Relash. 447 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 4: I refuse to attend my stepdaughter's wedding because I need 448 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 4: to care for my parent. 449 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 5: I don't give a fuck. Am I beay hole? 450 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 6: My god, John, you really really put some emphasis on that. 451 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 4: You know, you know, we're just warming up for all 452 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 4: you guys listening. And I was like, you know what. 453 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 4: I saw this title, and I was like, I'm gonna 454 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 4: really lean into this to just I need to kick 455 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 4: into into my final keyper drive. 456 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 6: You know, I'm a little scared. 457 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 4: Honestly, you should be Fast and Fury should be fucking terrified. 458 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 6: You skip through Fast and Furious one and six and 459 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 6: went straight to seven. 460 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 5: I went straight to forty eight where they're next. 461 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 6: Dude, what's fast, Fast and Furious seven is just like 462 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 6: launching from helicopters into planes and like throwing missiles with cars. 463 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 6: What's forty five gonna be? They're gonna figure it out. 464 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 4: It'll literally be It'll literally be Vin Diesel's like Tombstone, 465 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,359 Speaker 4: just like or No, they're gonna be like he's going 466 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,400 Speaker 4: to actually pass away of old age, but oh he's gone, 467 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 4: and then he's gonna come back as a fucking robot. 468 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, and like his likeness. 469 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,680 Speaker 6: Is literally gonna be Transformers And then there's gonna be 470 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:47,879 Speaker 6: a Transformers Furious forty eight. That crossover. 471 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:52,480 Speaker 4: That ip is actually brilliant because then you take their 472 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 4: likeness and they just they live on as Transformers the cars. 473 00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:01,000 Speaker 6: Yo. Hey hey, we're here sitting in this room with 474 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,199 Speaker 6: a freaking gold mine. 475 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 4: We really are one more thing in this side. Tangent 476 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,199 Speaker 4: will be over, I promise listeners. But my boy who 477 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 4: works at NBC Universal randomly got tickets on Sunday, so 478 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 4: we got to like literally Sunday morning. He's like, hey, 479 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 4: do you want to go to Universal because sick there's 480 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 4: a new Super Mario World, so we got to go 481 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 4: see it. 482 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 6: My friend worked on that, Oh really the VR Yeah, 483 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 6: this guy Ben his VR company. 484 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 4: I think I know exactly what he worked on the 485 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 4: Mario Kart. Yes, but uh so we went there and 486 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 4: as per usual, like the lines are so long, we 487 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,160 Speaker 4: literally ended up for all like basically a whole day. 488 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 4: We went on like three rides. Actually, the most the 489 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 4: most fire thing was the studio tour. 490 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 5: And this tour they. 491 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 4: Like put the tour bus in like a thing that 492 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,400 Speaker 4: like moves it It's almost like Imax, but it moves. 493 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,199 Speaker 4: And there was a fast and furious one where Vin 494 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 4: Diesel literally jumps out of his car grabs onto a 495 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 4: helicopter and it's like like, don't worry, guys, like we're 496 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 4: gonna get this. Like as if he could manhandle a 497 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,159 Speaker 4: fucking helicopter. 498 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,119 Speaker 6: He's been Diesel, he can manhandle anything. I guess I 499 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 6: guess man handled these nuts. 500 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 4: I guess he couldn't you know what it says, I'm 501 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,879 Speaker 4: about to manhandle this story. Okay, all over your freaking face, 502 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 4: slash it, segueing guys. Okay, So I'm the owner of 503 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 4: a wonderful rescued macaw macaw. She is a wonderful bird, 504 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,400 Speaker 4: but has a lot of issues due to her abusive 505 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 4: former home, Macaw MacCall. I've had her for three years 506 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 4: and since then haven't taken any vacations or trips as 507 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 4: it would be too disruptive for my bird. 508 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 6: Of course, Man, you got a bird that literally you 509 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 6: gotta you got a bird that can fly that made 510 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 6: you not be able to fly. You know your wings 511 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 6: ready right now? Yeah? You clipped your wings with this 512 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 6: clipped wing bird. 513 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 4: I think I think it's a bit too much, but 514 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 4: you know what, the story's just beginning. 515 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:13,360 Speaker 6: We'll see the full situation. I eat chicken all the time. Oh, 516 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 6: I'm just gonna say that, dude, I killed the chicken. 517 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 5: I killed hands. 518 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 2: Did you kill a chicken? 519 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 6: Yeah? 520 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,680 Speaker 5: Chicken killing brothers over here, Boom. 521 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 6: You kill your chicken? How did you kill your chicken? 522 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 4: I was part of this kind of like challenge thing. 523 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 4: So basically, so we had to in short, grab the chicken. 524 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 4: My partner was the one that held it, and its 525 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,880 Speaker 4: head was in this like little like rope and then 526 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,920 Speaker 4: I like pulled the feathers back and just slip the 527 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 4: throat super quick. Except I did not do that at all, 528 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 4: and it was slowly dying a very painful death because 529 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 4: of my horrendous I was like eighteen years old. It's like, 530 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 4: didn't do it right. So I had to do it 531 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 4: a thousand times before I finally died. It's supposed to 532 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 4: instantly die. That's like the method to ensure like a 533 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,920 Speaker 4: that's one of like quick, safe, humane, humane deaths. 534 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 5: With me, it was a brutal murder. 535 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 6: You're a war criminal. I am a criminal. Yeah, experience, 536 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 6: I feel like I'll leave it till after this. 537 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,680 Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, that's a good I have. 538 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 6: I literally did a stand up routine with this chicken story. 539 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 4: Wow, okay, interesting ages ago interesting an actual stand up 540 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 4: routine yeah yeah, oh wow, Okay, now I'm very good here. 541 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,159 Speaker 6: It's not gonna be good because I remember it, but 542 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 6: that's okay. I'll do my best. 543 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 5: Well, well, it'll be a recollection. 544 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, yeah, reminiscing. 545 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 4: But back to uh ops bird that may or may 546 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:37,679 Speaker 4: not need to be murdered. My birdie distrusts everyone and 547 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 4: is very uh reliant on her routine. I love her 548 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,160 Speaker 4: deeply and I'm happy to make sacrifices for her. 549 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 6: That is obvious. 550 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 5: It's pretty clear. 551 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 4: Vacation for three years, yeah, yeah. They are permanent toddlers 552 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 4: and very intelligent birds. I met my husband by the 553 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 4: time my kids were older. My stepdaughter sixteenth at the 554 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 4: time we married when she moved away from college. Nevertheless, 555 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 4: I thought we'd managed to have a decent relationship until now. 556 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 4: My stepdaughter is getting married in March, and naturally there's 557 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:16,879 Speaker 4: a lot of preparation involved. They're wanting a huge, traditional 558 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 4: wedding and she is stressed out of her mind. They 559 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 4: live out of state, and she invited me recently to 560 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 4: come visit her for a week to help with the 561 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 4: wedding plans and to spend time. 562 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 5: With their two year old. 563 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,119 Speaker 6: Okay, it makes sense, I declined, what and she and 564 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 6: tell me it's the fucking. 565 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,359 Speaker 5: Bird, Sam. She insisted to know why. 566 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 4: Okay, acting very hurt, and I explained, it's the parrot. 567 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 6: Well, Opie is literally choosing a bird over her grandson 568 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 6: or daughter or grandchild, stepdaughter, grand step human, grand stepperson. 569 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, it all went downhill from there, Sam, It's about 570 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 4: to get worse, as it always does. 571 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,120 Speaker 3: Oh no. 572 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 4: She caused a massive fuss with her dad, saying she 573 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 4: never got a mother figure and I never accepted her 574 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 4: as my full blood daughter. And this is the ultimate 575 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 4: snub over a silly animal. 576 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 5: Excuse me, this is my silly parents. This is annacaw. 577 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 6: Actually a very intelligent birds, probably more intelligent than your 578 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 6: two year old. 579 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 4: Actually, she said, yeah, toddler, like this is my toddler. 580 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 4: You want me to abandon myler? 581 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,360 Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just because I adopted my toddler doesn't make 582 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 6: it any different seriously than your toller. 583 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 5: God, this is my feather baby, forget for babies. We're 584 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 5: a whole way. 585 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 6: I love feather babies. Baby, gotta love it. 586 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,359 Speaker 4: She also said, I'm cold and emotionless, and I feel 587 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 4: really hurt. And I can tell that my husband agrees 588 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 4: with her, even though he's refusing to take sides. But 589 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 4: I don't see why I should be expected to take 590 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:05,159 Speaker 4: holiday time off work to babysit and quote unquote bond 591 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 4: all of a sudden. And I don't see how I'm 592 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 4: a monster for this. Am I the a hole? 593 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 6: Yes? Yes, yes, bro, are you kidding me? Because also 594 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 6: it's like, so I feel like it's now much more 595 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:25,879 Speaker 6: transparent where it's like you refuse to spend time with 596 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 6: your stepdaughter's child because you don't want to lose like 597 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 6: vacation days. 598 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like it's like all all of this stuff. 599 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,920 Speaker 6: Right, and you're just using the parrot as a poor 600 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 6: cop out. 601 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:43,119 Speaker 4: But Sam, there's an update, isn't there? Yes, there is 602 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 4: an update for context of our relationship. We don't usually 603 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 4: talk and she hasn't visited home in four years. 604 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 6: This is the parrot or the we don't usually talk. 605 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,159 Speaker 5: We don't usually talk. You know, he's just like. 606 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,919 Speaker 4: Exactly, he keeps he always diverse to crackers, Like, I'm like, 607 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,400 Speaker 4: please focus on what I'm trying to communicate. Emotions it's 608 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 4: really communicator, you know. I mean, we're in therapy. 609 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 6: I have a council, I have a cockatoon in the neighborhood, 610 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 6: and it always whistles on me when I when I 611 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 6: run by, and I'll say, pretty bird. I'll go over 612 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 6: and I'll it too. And then if you dance, it 613 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:27,680 Speaker 6: dances too. It's awesome, that's incredible. I imagine this one 614 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 6: is you can have a connection with a bird. Yeah, 615 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 6: see see you know it's uh. 616 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,160 Speaker 4: You could have brought the bird and maybe she could 617 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 4: have spread her wings and danced on the wedding dance floor. 618 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 6: That would have been beautiful. Come on, missed opportunity exactly. 619 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 4: I'm beginning to think it was a mistake posting this, 620 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 4: mostly because this is real and nuanced situation and ride 621 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 4: it is no place for nuance, and maybe personal relationships 622 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 4: shouldn't be judged in the a whole context in the 623 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 4: first place. 624 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:57,440 Speaker 6: But also it's like op doesn't like the answer she heard. Yeah, 625 00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 6: I don't even know why I submitted to this in 626 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 6: the all of these thousands of Internet people are wrong. 627 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 4: But also I should be more understanding and a bigger person, 628 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 4: regardless of who is or isn't the Ahle life is 629 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 4: short to be but her and offended. So I called 630 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 4: my stepdaughter and told her that I understand this is 631 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 4: a big moment in her life and she wants someone 632 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 4: there to help and support her, and that I'm willing 633 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 4: to help her in any. 634 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 5: Way I can. To plan the wedding via zoom and virtually. 635 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,800 Speaker 4: We talked a bit and I asked her why she 636 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 4: hadn't accepted me reaching out in the past, and she 637 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,479 Speaker 4: apologized and said that she didn't want to accept someone 638 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 4: as a stand in a quote unquote fake replacement for 639 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 4: her bio mom, but now she regrets it in one 640 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 4: a closer relationship, especially seeing how close her brother is 641 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 4: with his mom. We ended the conversation positively and I'm 642 00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 4: hoping things can improve forward. 643 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 5: I told her I'm. 644 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 4: A crazy bird lady, true that is factual, and asked 645 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,479 Speaker 4: her if she still wants a relationship knowing that, and 646 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 4: she said that after the wedding, she's willing to travel 647 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 4: to visit us if we have room, which we do. 648 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 4: I'll leave this post up, but I'm happy either way, 649 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 4: and I'm glad the feedback here motivated me to make 650 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 4: the call. 651 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 6: Did it by zoom come on. 652 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 4: And guess what they they said, I Reddit what not 653 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 4: the ahole? What says not the ahole? 654 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 6: Why? 655 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 5: I don't know? I don't know, or. 656 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 6: Wait before you read, like do you agree with me? 657 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 4: Like like, this is your real life stepdaughter, the daughter 658 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,959 Speaker 4: of the man you've married, and you are choosing a 659 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 4: parent over a macaw excuse me over over your relationship 660 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 4: with her? And now and she has a child now 661 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 4: who like. 662 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 6: You, she needs support like a young mother needs support 663 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 6: from their family. 664 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, and and it sounds like, you know, from from 665 00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,040 Speaker 4: what he was saying earlier, like oh, she didn't want 666 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 4: to have this like fake relationship. It's like I get 667 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 4: the sense that it would just positively benefit her to 668 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 4: have like a human, positive maternal mother figure actively engaged 669 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 4: in her life. 670 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 6: Yeah, I completely agree, but I'm curious what like the 671 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 6: reddit comments say, like how is it not being an 672 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 6: old one? Like what's the top comment? I'm a bird 673 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 6: person too, and I completely agree with you. 674 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, someone's asking for more info about why OPI can't 675 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 4: attend out of state wedding. Okay, so yeah, this is 676 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 4: actually great a crazy thread. So they asked why she 677 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 4: could they op couldn't attend right, I'm planning on making 678 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 4: it a two day trip. 679 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 2: I have. 680 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 4: I have that much planned out. The biggest issue issue 681 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 4: is her plucking problem. She's prone to I think I'm 682 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,880 Speaker 4: not saying it mutilating. I think it's where the feathers 683 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:49,280 Speaker 4: fall out. 684 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 6: She plucks her feathers out. She's mutilating herself. 685 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 5: When she's stressed. 686 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,840 Speaker 4: And in two days she won't have and in two 687 00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,160 Speaker 4: days she won't have done as much damage, if any. 688 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 4: But in a week of aut since, I'm sure she'd 689 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,480 Speaker 4: start up again. I've only just gotten her to stop. 690 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 4: Someone commented, Yeah, I think that makes you extremely not 691 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,280 Speaker 4: the ahole, and regardless of your previous relationship, it isn't 692 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 4: My bird baby will be kind of sad. 693 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 5: I'm not there. 694 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 4: It's fun fact animals have mental health issues too, But 695 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 4: I'm like, why can't there be more like this is 696 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,720 Speaker 4: a very important this is a little once in a 697 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 4: lifetime thing for your stepdaughter. So my question is like, Okay, 698 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 4: we can still take the mental health issue seriously of 699 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 4: the pet. 700 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 5: I don't think that's a. 701 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,640 Speaker 4: Bad thing, but it's like get a professional to help 702 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 4: and weigh in or something like, do something to be 703 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 4: able to attend this thing. 704 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 6: It's like also, it's like, this is a bird, not 705 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 6: an elephant. Put in your fucking car on the way, Yeah, 706 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 6: on this road trip out of state. 707 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 4: There we go, right, come on, not too like, there's 708 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 4: there's many things you can do too, And will it 709 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 4: not be the literal, one hundred percent perfect scenario for 710 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 4: the bird. 711 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 5: Yes, But ultimately. 712 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 713 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,400 Speaker 5: I agree with you. I agree with you. 714 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 4: I'm I'm talking in the context of people like, well, 715 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 4: what about the bird? Okay, even still, there's ways to 716 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 4: like do stuff for the bird that is crazy. 717 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 6: I feel like Internet people have way more empathy for 718 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 6: animals and they do humans. 719 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, when if you remember, like way back in the day, 720 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 4: they were like testing on sharks to see if they 721 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,840 Speaker 4: can find the COVID vaccine, and I. 722 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 6: Was like, yeah, you're like, FUCKI every single shark, Like 723 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 6: I'm the same with my own. 724 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 5: We need to survive. 725 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 4: Although I will admit watching watching Avatar, I was like, damn, 726 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,400 Speaker 4: maybe I'm maybe I'm a bit fucked up because it's like, 727 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,479 Speaker 4: we created COVID, then we're gonna go and kill all 728 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 4: the animals to save ourselves. Yeah, we're getting prett damn 729 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 4: philosophical here, you know what I mean? Uh? But you 730 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 4: know sometimes that's that's what they do. Uh, that's what 731 00:33:58,360 --> 00:33:58,560 Speaker 4: we do. 732 00:33:58,680 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 6: You know what else we should do? 733 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 4: John, Oh my god, we should get philosophical on our 734 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,480 Speaker 4: slash okop show where if you send in your stories, 735 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 4: we're gonna read him off the subreddit. So send him 736 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 4: in join our slash okop show, and we look forward 737 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,319 Speaker 4: to hearing your stories. Am I the a hole for 738 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 4: ending my sister's pregnancy and possibly her marriage? 739 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 5: Yeah? 740 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,920 Speaker 4: Yes, I don't know what one one might think, but 741 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 4: you know, don't don't judge a title by its cover. 742 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 5: We gotta, we gotta, we. 743 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 6: Got, we got a sleuth, we got a slogan. We 744 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:29,720 Speaker 6: got a sleuth more than. 745 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 4: Adam'be trying to find a way to recover his career. 746 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 4: If we go, I, male thirty two, have two older brothers, 747 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 4: male thirty eight and male forty, and his sister, female 748 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,080 Speaker 4: thirty four. No, the age differences, so him and his 749 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,759 Speaker 4: sister are younger. The two brothers are, you know, quite 750 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:46,359 Speaker 4: a few years old. 751 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 6: Yeah cool. 752 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,880 Speaker 4: Our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, 753 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,360 Speaker 4: so they were cared for a lot by my parents' families, 754 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,799 Speaker 4: who were very conservative. By the time that me and 755 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,400 Speaker 4: my sister were born, our dad's career was going great 756 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 4: and we were well off. Me and my my sister 757 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 4: have master's degrees, while our brothers didn't go to college 758 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 4: despite the funds and chances, which is. 759 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 6: Like subtle drag, Yeah, subtle drag. 760 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,440 Speaker 5: Like not so subtle subtle drag there on the brothers elitist. 761 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 4: Brothers are a bunch of birds, bunch of bunch of bozos. 762 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,840 Speaker 4: My mom had been trying to set up my sister 763 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,439 Speaker 4: with a churchgoers kid, you know, like to get married 764 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:25,200 Speaker 4: and whatnot. This did not progress until around the time 765 00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 4: that my dad died and my sister came back and 766 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 4: helped with the funeral. My brother's families are both in 767 00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 4: our hometown as well. I worked in Tech and China 768 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,319 Speaker 4: at that time, and I now live in SF and 769 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 4: since a funeral, I've been mostly low contact with everyone 770 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:42,160 Speaker 4: in my family except my sister. Honestly, I was very 771 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 4: close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me, 772 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 4: which the others did not like, which. 773 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,919 Speaker 6: I feel like Opie is just talking themselves up right. 774 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:52,720 Speaker 2: I'm sure. 775 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 6: Were more educated. The dad liked desibore. 776 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 5: Like making money in China and SF that's such. 777 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,920 Speaker 6: A total bruh moment. But you know what's better than 778 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 6: saying bruh, buy and bra buyer merch that's right. 779 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 4: So at this point, my mom and oldest brother now 780 00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,640 Speaker 4: technically live in the family house. My sister somehow ended 781 00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 4: up leaving her career and moving back to the hometown. 782 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 4: She then married the man that my mom set her 783 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 4: up with in twenty nineteen, the churchgoers kid. 784 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 5: I honestly was in shock at the wedding. 785 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 4: I really didn't ever see my sister living on a 786 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 4: farm and becoming a stay at home mom. I knew 787 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 4: for a fact my mom and brothers were a huge 788 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,760 Speaker 4: part of this because there was a lot of she's 789 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 4: back home posts on their social media, and later I 790 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 4: also found out that my sister had pretty much given 791 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,840 Speaker 4: all of her savings to the husband. 792 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,480 Speaker 5: Really, so here's this, like, you. 793 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,239 Speaker 4: Know, master's degree, you know, a woman, woman, you know, 794 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 4: crushing it, and then she becomes a farmer's wife and 795 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,920 Speaker 4: gives a husband all of her money. 796 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:51,520 Speaker 6: Girl, keep your money, keep keep your money. Get that 797 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 6: preyed up now. 798 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,520 Speaker 4: Later in twenty twenty my sister straight out of the 799 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 4: blue called me about just chatting, and of course I 800 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,839 Speaker 4: love this. Early in twenty twenty one, my mom told 801 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 4: me that my sister was pregnant. I immediately asked my 802 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:08,320 Speaker 4: sister about this, and she pretty much broke down. In short, 803 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,200 Speaker 4: the husband has been very abusive, she's broke, and my 804 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,400 Speaker 4: family and her in laws haven't helped. 805 00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:14,800 Speaker 6: Wow. 806 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,520 Speaker 5: Can you imagine, like, oh my god. 807 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,480 Speaker 4: Terrible situation, and her family pressured her into it, and 808 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:20,520 Speaker 4: now they're not helping her. 809 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,680 Speaker 6: She's they pressured her into the marriage. 810 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,799 Speaker 4: Yeah, Like who's who's your kid? The farmer or your 811 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,080 Speaker 4: freaking kid? Yeah, she's My oldest brother yelled at her 812 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 4: about how his wife went through the same thing, and 813 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 4: my sister should stop thinking she's special toxic. 814 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 6: Wait, his wife went to the same thing as as 815 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,360 Speaker 6: big Like yeah, like being abused? Did you just admit 816 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,319 Speaker 6: to abusing your wife? Dude doing seriously? 817 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,440 Speaker 4: Got go back to school, get an education and not 818 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,080 Speaker 4: being the first time she called me, he had kicked 819 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,760 Speaker 4: her out of the home for complaining about their finances, 820 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,600 Speaker 4: and that this was fairly common. This is where I 821 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 4: might the a hole. I basically yelled. 822 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:03,080 Speaker 5: At her too. 823 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,400 Speaker 4: I told her that she had a career which she 824 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,759 Speaker 4: can go back to, and I can help her move 825 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 4: back to NYC where she worked and studied before. It's 826 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,040 Speaker 4: nice of the brother, but the thing is, he's like 827 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 4: yelling at her. He's like, you have a career, Like 828 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:18,600 Speaker 4: why don't you go back to New York? 829 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,839 Speaker 5: What are you doing? Like why do you staying here? 830 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 6: I guess it could have been a handle better, but 831 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,759 Speaker 6: the sentiment is nice, like I'm going to help you 832 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:25,800 Speaker 6: build your life back together. 833 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,759 Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, the sentiment was nice, and he finished off 834 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 4: by saying that the pregnancy wasn't the end of it 835 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,319 Speaker 4: and that there are other options. The next day, she 836 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,719 Speaker 4: asked me for five thousand dollars, which I sent to 837 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,799 Speaker 4: her without asking anything. I didn't hear much after that 838 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 4: and didn't intrude because it was just a total mind 839 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,080 Speaker 4: f to me. A month later, my sister told me 840 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,359 Speaker 4: that she had gotten a new job at NYC and 841 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,680 Speaker 4: filed for divorce. Wow, okay, God, so we go. You know, 842 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 4: she she's moving back in a good direction. And also 843 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 4: the pregnancy is no longer on the table now. My 844 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:59,600 Speaker 4: family has been blowing up on social media, calling me 845 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 4: an all sorts of bs. I've in general clapped back 846 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,480 Speaker 4: at them, and it looks like the home might be 847 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,000 Speaker 4: on the market soon. My sister needed to switch apartments 848 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,000 Speaker 4: and got a restraining order against. 849 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 5: Her ex as well. 850 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 4: Oh things are not so great right now, zam, But 851 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 4: I'm happy that my sister is better. 852 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 5: So the question is, am I the A hole? 853 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,120 Speaker 6: I mean, you could have maybe been a little bit nicer, 854 00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,920 Speaker 6: but I'd say, overall, you're trying to help your sisters, 855 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,239 Speaker 6: so I'd say not the a hole. 856 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 5: And I would actually disagree a little bit. 857 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,520 Speaker 4: I think that the fact, like, dude, she's she's been 858 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:32,239 Speaker 4: beaten by this. 859 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,360 Speaker 5: Guy, beat her, stole her money. 860 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,520 Speaker 4: You know, she has a baby with the guy, which 861 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,920 Speaker 4: she doesn't want, you know, anything to do with, and 862 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,480 Speaker 4: now another person is yelling at her. Like I could 863 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 4: just see even though it's like the right message, like. 864 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,399 Speaker 6: Yeah, like the tough love is maybe not what this 865 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,760 Speaker 6: person needs right now. Honesty without empathy is cruelty, Yeah, 866 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,800 Speaker 6: And I feel like the brother might be being a 867 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:53,959 Speaker 6: little cruel. 868 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, but at least like the advice he gave her 869 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,400 Speaker 4: is what she followed, which seems to like get her 870 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 4: own money back, you know, hopefully rebuilt her life. 871 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:04,360 Speaker 6: Jeez,