Speaker 1: So I wanted to talk about what has just come
Speaker 1: to me to be three ms, just because not because
Speaker 1: I thought of it ahead of time, but just because
Speaker 1: the three things I want to talk about are ms.
Speaker 1: One is men, like I want to give men advice
Speaker 1: because we're always talking about what women should do, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be so blanket and saying that
Speaker 1: men are clueless. But I do think that many men
Speaker 1: are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.
Speaker 1: So I want to get and women are clueless too,
Speaker 1: but men are clueless. So I want to give some
Speaker 1: tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you
Speaker 1: know how important it is to own property together, or
Speaker 1: like kids merging how different people handle that.
Speaker 2: So I want to talk about men.
Speaker 1: Merging, and money like which is similar to merging, Like
Speaker 1: how you deal with money. And everyone has a different
Speaker 1: approach to money, and it doesn't really matter if one
Speaker 1: person's even if both people are wealthy, they could have
Speaker 1: too drastically different ways of approaching money. Someone could be frugal,
Speaker 1: someone could be a spender like some people gift giving
Speaker 1: is their love language.
Speaker 2: Some people will spend millions of.
Speaker 1: Dollars on real estate, but no money on clothes, Like
Speaker 1: there's just there're just money as a whole bag of
Speaker 1: you know, a bag, a whole bag of money. So
Speaker 1: what is exciting to you about these three times?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: What do you want to talk about? First?
Speaker 1: We could talk about men, like giving that what are
Speaker 1: you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes, I'd
Speaker 1: love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love all
Speaker 1: three topics.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited to address some tips from the Playbook
Speaker 3: of Women that I constantly hear. And this applies to
Speaker 3: all men across every decade, no matter what their age is,
Speaker 3: where they live, what their ethnicity is, whatever their life
Speaker 3: page is.
Speaker 2: It's it's literally a universal theme.
Speaker 3: What I always hear complaints about people when they meet
Speaker 3: people before they come to selective search, of course, but.
Speaker 2: Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's
Speaker 2: play tennis. Let's go.
Speaker 1: You come up with one thing about men that they
Speaker 1: that they a tip like that. We have to not
Speaker 1: like it has to be like prescriptive because men are
Speaker 1: not going to we cannot thrown on. We have to
Speaker 1: go like, this is a tip we can discuss it.
Speaker 1: Then I'll give what I think a tip. I don't
Speaker 1: even have any in my mind, but I'm sure i'll
Speaker 1: come right away. So yeah, I have so give a
Speaker 1: tip for men that men like need to know and
Speaker 1: must do in dating and or relationships.
Speaker 2: They need to be a man with the plan. They
Speaker 2: need to plan.
Speaker 3: And schedule ahead. Is if you think about a woman
Speaker 3: who they ask them out. They need to also tell
Speaker 3: us where where we're going so we know what to wear.
Speaker 3: But they need to first plan the date. They can't
Speaker 3: just have not have a reservation. They have to have
Speaker 3: the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,
Speaker 3: cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and
Speaker 3: be thoughtful about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for
Speaker 1: the sake of it, but explain an experience of mind.
Speaker 1: So I was in the Hampton this summer and someone
Speaker 1: wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,
Speaker 1: do you want to get together Saturday night? And they
Speaker 1: didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know
Speaker 1: if they said what do you want to do or something,
Speaker 1: I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons.
Speaker 2: But we're staying there for like three weeks.
Speaker 1: And by the way, someone not from somewhere can do research,
Speaker 1: can ask people, et cetera. But I believe and have
Speaker 1: come to realize that they probably were worried that like
Speaker 1: I would definitely know better, and maybe because of who
Speaker 1: I am and that I'm like savvy or seem like
Speaker 1: a certain type of person, that they were going to
Speaker 1: just like fire a random shot and come up with
Speaker 1: something and that either wouldn't be good enough or that
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be.
Speaker 2: Like a good idea.
Speaker 1: And I said, in the text, which I know you
Speaker 1: guys always talk about leaning into your feminine energy, it's
Speaker 1: ceter I said, whatever the text was, I was like,
Speaker 1: are you hesitating because you're not from here?
Speaker 2: Do you need some help?
Speaker 1: And he was like, I haven't been here in years.
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.
Speaker 1: This place is there, and this is the vibe. This
Speaker 1: is a situation where you could go on a boat.
Speaker 1: I had to have this membership on a boat and
Speaker 1: go and you can take the early plan or this
Speaker 1: other thing. And he was like, I think we do
Speaker 1: the early plan on the boat. So I was kind
Speaker 1: of the one who had the plan, but I am
Speaker 1: a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.
Speaker 1: So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,
Speaker 1: but I require something else from the other person. Like
Speaker 1: I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They
Speaker 1: have to figure ou how we're getting there. They have
Speaker 1: to do them. If there's a map before hiking, like
Speaker 1: we're going on a trail, they figure it out.
Speaker 2: But I'll be like, let's go hiking this.
Speaker 3: This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly
Speaker 3: from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.
Speaker 3: That guy might be attractive to you because you know
Speaker 3: who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.
Speaker 3: It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the
Speaker 3: beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,
Speaker 3: it's fair to either do research or say what is
Speaker 3: your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their
Speaker 3: exact town because they don't want the whole community to
Speaker 3: know their business, so it might be the next town over.
Speaker 2: They want to go date somewhere else.
Speaker 3: But I do think the overall tip to men should
Speaker 3: start with they need to do the hunting. They need
Speaker 3: to put thought into it. No high quality woman wants
Speaker 3: a guy that's half asked that doesn't put a plan
Speaker 3: or thought.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,
Speaker 1: let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person
Speaker 1: should have the intention for a plan, but if they
Speaker 1: are still assertive and know what they don't know, they
Speaker 1: find a way that the other person knows that they
Speaker 1: have a plan, or that they that their intention is
Speaker 1: to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they
Speaker 1: may think they might not have the best idea and
Speaker 1: that the person they're talking to, you might have a
Speaker 1: better idea.
Speaker 2: So be collaborative if necessary.
Speaker 3: Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator
Speaker 3: and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to
Speaker 3: take the lead of making some suggestions or or do
Speaker 3: you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but
Speaker 1: the potential collaboration in the plan, correct.
Speaker 2: All right, So that's a big thing.
Speaker 1: All right, So that's good, So we work together. Well,
Speaker 1: that was good. That's good because, by the way, Barbie,
Speaker 1: I've dated a lot more than you, so you have
Speaker 1: been an expert at a higher level, you have a
Speaker 1: texture that comes together where you're like a teacher of it.
Speaker 2: But I'm like out there in the field and you're saying.
Speaker 1: Don't get so drunk, and I'm getting black act drunk
Speaker 1: sometimes with still ending up with the person like you're
Speaker 1: trying to give totally gut level.
Speaker 2: Yes, so yeah, all right.
Speaker 3: We were talking about how men need this this advice
Speaker 3: because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.
Speaker 3: So I think it's really important to know that if
Speaker 3: you don't know a guy from Adam and you are
Speaker 3: only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he
Speaker 3: doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or
Speaker 3: at least have an idea of a plan.
Speaker 2: You can't just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The
Speaker 2: average person can't and get and have a meal.
Speaker 1: You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be
Speaker 1: making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first
Speaker 1: thing that you say that a man wants from a
Speaker 1: woman in her appearance, and that she took care to
Speaker 1: come to the date. The guy's about to pay for
Speaker 1: a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and
Speaker 1: she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter
Speaker 1: about the content, it's about the delivery.
Speaker 2: It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.
Speaker 1: So it's really more about the effort than correct calling
Speaker 1: it a man with a plan. But the effort is
Speaker 1: what it is. So let's say E for effort for
Speaker 1: number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,
Speaker 1: that's great.
Speaker 3: Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do
Speaker 3: think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't
Speaker 3: know what it is, but we hear this from people
Speaker 3: go on dates on apps all the time that say
Speaker 3: they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,
Speaker 3: they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, they had
Speaker 3: something on their shirt, they all the different things, so
Speaker 3: like it's really important as a man.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening
Speaker 1: it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.
Speaker 2: It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.
Speaker 3: It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,
Speaker 3: and we always hear that it. Men appreciate when we
Speaker 3: put an effort for a date, and women are saying
Speaker 3: the same thing about men, like make sure that you're
Speaker 3: putting an effort.
Speaker 2: Make sure that your version of dolling.
Speaker 3: Up, which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure
Speaker 3: that your nails are clean. It sounds so basic and like,
Speaker 3: who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal. We're are
Speaker 3: not dirty. Yeah, I heard from my daughters all the
Speaker 3: way to people all ages that have gone on dates
Speaker 3: prior of course to us fixing them up, of just
Speaker 3: people that are just not showing the effort. So I
Speaker 3: think through hygiene head to toe that you put an effort.
Speaker 1: It's true because I've also found that like once a
Speaker 1: guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because
Speaker 1: he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.
Speaker 2: So that's good because we made a.
Speaker 1: Blanket general category called effort that involves your appear effort
Speaker 1: and involves the plan that is flexible in its nature
Speaker 1: based on who you're dealing with him where you are.
Speaker 3: Okay, so give me another one, I would say, effort
Speaker 3: on the date. So you want to make sure that
Speaker 3: you're not well. First effort in following up to make sure,
Speaker 3: like the day before the date, looking forward to seeing
Speaker 3: you tomorrow, just something where they know it's confirmed if
Speaker 3: it was scheduled before.
Speaker 2: I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.
Speaker 1: And then you're going into effort into the plan, into
Speaker 1: the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're
Speaker 1: yes the intention and also that you're excited.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,
Speaker 3: you care. You have to almost treat it. I mean
Speaker 3: it's more important than a business meeting because it's your
Speaker 3: personal life, but it's like you have to treat it
Speaker 3: as how you would attack a business meeting right or
Speaker 3: something you'd go after that you really want, you have
Speaker 3: the strategic plan, it's the same thing. It's putting in
Speaker 3: the effort to showing that you care, you're looking forward
Speaker 3: to it.
Speaker 2: That quick text before the day before as well as
Speaker 2: after the date.
Speaker 3: I think it's important to say like, had a great
Speaker 3: time or let me know when you get home safe.
Speaker 2: That's a big pro tip.
Speaker 3: So on the date you want to be plugged in engaging,
Speaker 3: be interesting and interested. So it's not a monologue. It's
Speaker 3: a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice
Speaker 3: back and forth, staying in the moment, having great conversation.
Speaker 3: It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by babies,
Speaker 3: saying like to the manager, can you turn down the air?
Speaker 3: Or was talking making sure that she feels like you're
Speaker 3: she's being heard, understood.
Speaker 2: And that you're being attended to her needs.
Speaker 1: Also, I would say then, like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want
Speaker 1: to be involved in the process of like the tables
Speaker 1: at two top and between two other people that I'm
Speaker 1: the one who's like, that's a little weird. Like I
Speaker 1: was out with a guy that he was gonna accept
Speaker 1: with me who is public and doesn't need people to
Speaker 1: my left and my right listening. You know, I'm in
Speaker 1: a two top against the wall, and like then there's
Speaker 1: two people on either side of me, you know, like,
Speaker 1: and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like so key.
Speaker 1: I had to say hey, like and I felt like
Speaker 1: I was now being the man like to say, so
Speaker 1: what table was it? I had a guy once do
Speaker 1: advance work, like he walked in earlier, he went to
Speaker 1: see what the table. As he came back, he texted
Speaker 1: me that I should.
Speaker 2: Go on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.
Speaker 1: Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as
Speaker 1: knowing who I was, he had done some research on
Speaker 1: who he was with, and he didn't want me to
Speaker 1: walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all
Speaker 1: weird that I was going on a date and it
Speaker 1: was public.
Speaker 3: So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could
Speaker 3: get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,
Speaker 3: I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask
Speaker 3: for a corner table, ask for a four top somewhere
Speaker 3: private is great. But again, know your audience and know
Speaker 3: what's a great ambience where you can actually hear each
Speaker 3: other talking.
Speaker 1: What about men who always like to sit facing the door,
Speaker 1: But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to
Speaker 1: give the woman the seat facing out of It really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, does it matter?
Speaker 2: I don't think it matters.
Speaker 3: The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your
Speaker 3: head is on a swivel where you're looking at every
Speaker 3: other person but your date.
Speaker 2: Same with the phone.
Speaker 3: If you have kids and you need to keep your
Speaker 3: phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,
Speaker 3: just letting them know that you're going into a meal,
Speaker 3: and only call if need be.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should turn it upside don't think
Speaker 1: I don't think it should be on the table.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put
Speaker 3: it upside it and might not be appropriate to see
Speaker 3: what's coming in.
Speaker 1: No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should
Speaker 1: be on the table, because that's fine, except for some
Speaker 1: people might say it is the first time they have,
Speaker 1: like a babysitter, or might be nervous about that.
Speaker 3: So it compromise is turning it down. But I agree,
Speaker 3: if possible, don't put.
Speaker 2: It on the table.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I but with that kind of thing
Speaker 1: called the restaurant, I think you have to go old
Speaker 1: school there too.
Speaker 3: The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't
Speaker 3: want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in
Speaker 3: business mode. I don't care what business deal you have
Speaker 3: to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this
Speaker 3: is an important you have to show that it's a
Speaker 3: priority and that you're like engaged in your conversation. So
Speaker 3: I do think giving someone that the view is nice,
Speaker 3: but if it might be better to have the worse
Speaker 3: views so you're not distracted by seeing what's around you
Speaker 3: as well and can be more engaged.
Speaker 2: Depending on I'll take it to the next level.
Speaker 1: I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,
Speaker 1: the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick
Speaker 1: up his phone and look at it. So when you're
Speaker 1: walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.
Speaker 2: I don't like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great
Speaker 1: the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece
Speaker 1: of bread.
Speaker 2: I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to
Speaker 1: get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send
Speaker 3: you a text saying I'm on a date with the
Speaker 3: hottest woman tonight, or how did.
Speaker 2: I get so lucky? Right? I did that well because
Speaker 2: you said that?
Speaker 3: Or something yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's
Speaker 3: kind of fun place.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to be off.
Speaker 3: But if you are sending a text communication before the
Speaker 3: date or after, you got to make sure you're being
Speaker 3: mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn off when
Speaker 3: people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect, it's even
Speaker 3: send the wrong text.
Speaker 1: Wow, or the name wrong. I've had my name spelled wrong. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you guy have to be thoughtful about things like that.
Speaker 1: Just again paying attention to the little things. But here's
Speaker 1: an advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up someone
Speaker 1: or the dates.
Speaker 3: Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a
Speaker 3: car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without
Speaker 3: waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such
Speaker 3: a class act. It happens all the time. What it's
Speaker 3: such a class act to wait until the uber arrives.
Speaker 2: I would literally never speak to the person again.
Speaker 1: Never.
Speaker 2: Back in the day, there was a cab and then
Speaker 2: you could slide.
Speaker 3: The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver
Speaker 3: saying make sure she gets home safe.
Speaker 2: Nowadays, if someone's.
Speaker 1: Going I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and
Speaker 1: paying for it either.
Speaker 3: By the way, well, there's really no other there's not
Speaker 3: a mechanism where you could gift an uber.
Speaker 1: There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you
Speaker 1: can put in your own Uber account their two address
Speaker 1: could but they you could do that. Yeah, of course
Speaker 1: they're sharing, but then you're sharing an Uber.
Speaker 2: No they're Uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going
Speaker 2: at the same time. You could for you and a kid.
Speaker 2: You call an uber, then you call it another ruber.
Speaker 2: Now I see you're saying, so you first, first you
Speaker 2: call for them, and then you call that for you. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, most people just or most people are okay with
Speaker 3: their having their ordering their own uber because what if
Speaker 3: they don't want the person to know where they're going
Speaker 3: or their address or whatever.
Speaker 2: It could be.
Speaker 3: But I think it's very polite to wait, and it
Speaker 3: is a pro tip because a lot of people don't
Speaker 3: have that. I think they're just ignoring you. They don't
Speaker 3: know that that's not a polite thing to do. It's
Speaker 3: always waits, So.
Speaker 1: No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the
Speaker 1: first date. Is the man ordering for the woman? Because
Speaker 1: I've seen it both ways, what would you like and
Speaker 1: then you say it? Or he asks what you would
Speaker 1: like and then he orders for you. I do think
Speaker 1: that's a nice note that something a girl would tell
Speaker 1: their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a
Speaker 1: nice thing. He finds out what you want. He's not
Speaker 1: just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like
Speaker 1: and I also think there should be a collaboration so
Speaker 1: you can find it if the person is a sharer,
Speaker 1: because I'm a sharer and I like to say, like,
Speaker 1: what do we want to get?
Speaker 3: But that's so fun, that's part of the whole thing.
Speaker 3: That's what I think that bond Like, let's share.
Speaker 2: How about this?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I love it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.
Speaker 2: Do you like that? Because you could have a bite,
Speaker 2: like you don't have.
Speaker 1: To push your thing on them or vice versa, but
Speaker 1: collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and
Speaker 1: food's a great conversation piece.
Speaker 2: Why would it you And.
Speaker 3: You could be playful for whatever reason you're not a
Speaker 3: share to say good because they'll have more more for
Speaker 3: me or something like that if they're not. But it
Speaker 3: is good to make it a fun experience because it
Speaker 3: does bond you and it's kind of a happy thing
Speaker 3: to talk about too.
Speaker 2: It's like an icebreaker.
Speaker 1: Mine is always awkward because I always have to say
Speaker 1: I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out
Speaker 1: of the way fast because if a guy might be
Speaker 1: interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is
Speaker 1: off limits for him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, So that so that's a whole that's it
Speaker 3: could be playful on how you you know, spin that
Speaker 3: as well, how you present that one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted
Speaker 1: to fish.
Speaker 2: So good.
Speaker 1: So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event
Speaker 1: that we might kiss, fish is off the table. It's
Speaker 1: not right, no, but it's kind of a fun thing
Speaker 1: because they know they have to navigate around that menu
Speaker 1: and fast. And then I feel so selfish, like for
Speaker 1: the rest of their life, like if they want to
Speaker 1: be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.
Speaker 2: Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.
Speaker 2: So it's all good, Okay.
Speaker 3: The other thing that's important is so now you're leave
Speaker 3: the date and you could say it's very uncomfortable when
Speaker 3: a guy asks a woman out for another date, because
Speaker 3: sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't
Speaker 3: want to. So unless you really are vibing and you
Speaker 3: already feel like it's kind of known that both people
Speaker 3: want it, it's so much better to say you could say.
Speaker 2: I had such a wonderful time.
Speaker 3: I hope to see you again, but not going in
Speaker 3: say detail and like assertive about it.
Speaker 2: Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.
Speaker 1: That's a great note because it's like putting the contract
Speaker 1: on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the
Speaker 1: vibe of if they also had a nice time, and
Speaker 1: then you tomorrow you say it or you call.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could
Speaker 3: do this again. Just something chill, but not putting the
Speaker 3: pressure where they have to answer it.
Speaker 2: It leaves a little bit of a mystery.
Speaker 3: But I do think it's nice to say, well, you
Speaker 3: text me when you got home safe, because it shows
Speaker 3: that you care and you want to make sure they
Speaker 3: get home safe.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,
Speaker 2: like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,
Speaker 2: let's take a step further.
Speaker 1: Even if you don't like the woman, why not say
Speaker 1: that just you have a good representation you don't like
Speaker 1: the woman.
Speaker 3: It is so nice. That's the other thing, Like the
Speaker 3: ghosting has to stop. It is unbelievable. I know why
Speaker 3: people do it. They don't want to hurt somebody's feelings,
Speaker 3: so they would rather say I'm back with an ax
Speaker 3: or I just met someone, but it's not true. It's
Speaker 3: just they're not interested and they don't want to hurt
Speaker 3: someone's feelings. But they're gonna hurt someone's feelings more, and
Speaker 3: they're gonna make themselves look like an asshole by not
Speaker 3: following up. It's so much more attractive and just high
Speaker 3: class to say I said a wonderful time tonight on
Speaker 3: text or the next day.
Speaker 2: I've given it more thought.
Speaker 3: I really I feel more of a friendship than a
Speaker 3: romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We
Speaker 3: both deserve that. Whoever gets you a super lucky I
Speaker 3: wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.
Speaker 3: Go with the truth.
Speaker 1: I said to a guy that was I was set
Speaker 1: up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: I don't remember what I said. I said something like,
Speaker 1: you call it a couple times, you want to go
Speaker 1: out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I
Speaker 1: think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, But
Speaker 1: you know, I might know someone who's interesting. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if it's a fit, but I think you're wonderful,
Speaker 1: and anyone's lucky to just what you said.
Speaker 2: They have a human being and you get a good reputation.
Speaker 1: You don't know who you might set up, but you
Speaker 1: don't know that maybe they might set you up with
Speaker 1: their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep
Speaker 1: you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge
Speaker 1: and be a jerk.
Speaker 3: Correct If you're a class act. They're going to say,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me,
Speaker 3: but he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think
Speaker 3: of a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he
Speaker 3: might like you and he's such a good guy.
Speaker 2: But if they someone thinks that you're in a relationship,
Speaker 2: you just.
Speaker 3: Totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.
Speaker 2: And it's just it's you don't need to do that.
Speaker 3: Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as
Speaker 3: in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,
Speaker 3: and done.
Speaker 2: It's over.
Speaker 3: Then making somebody feel hurting their feelings and like it's painful.
Speaker 2: It's not necessary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose
Speaker 1: real fast and a nice one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's good. Karma points to do the right thing.
Speaker 3: And just treat people how you want to be treated.
Speaker 3: Literally goes back down to kindergarten right of how you
Speaker 3: want to be treated.
Speaker 2: Treat people with that same kindness and that way, when it.
Speaker 3: Happens to you, you'll realize that you hope that that
Speaker 3: person would have handled it better themselves, like how you
Speaker 3: are handling other people.
Speaker 1: Well, same thing with business or a job interview when
Speaker 1: someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with
Speaker 1: another person.
Speaker 2: Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?
Speaker 2: So listen? So this works.
Speaker 1: Also, I've had one person on an app say to
Speaker 1: me that you match and you were texting I met someone,
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.
Speaker 2: And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.
Speaker 2: They're on an app.
Speaker 1: Yeah you don't even know them, but you're like yet
Speaker 1: versus like ghosting you and texting.
Speaker 2: And then this has happened to me.
Speaker 1: I was out on the second date with someone that
Speaker 1: I really liked and there was another very good looking
Speaker 1: guy there and I happened to run into fun oddly enough,
Speaker 1: a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and
Speaker 1: said to me that that other guy, the guy number
Speaker 1: one was it was it was the second date the
Speaker 1: other guy. She was like, that guy is a real
Speaker 1: catch and he's interested in you, and I'd like to
Speaker 1: connect you. Now. I wasn't sure if guy number one
Speaker 1: was a player, if I was gonna be into him.
Speaker 1: I was still wide open, so I was like, great,
Speaker 1: Guy number two was in fact a catch. She says
Speaker 1: to me, he wants your number and he wants to
Speaker 1: get together with you.
Speaker 2: I look him up. He seems he's go.
Speaker 1: Looking, he's single, all the things. So now it took
Speaker 1: like for days, might have been a week. I was like,
Speaker 1: he never reached out. She was like, oh, I think
Speaker 1: he's with his family. This is happening, blah blah blah. Okay, bye,
Speaker 1: and he had my number because she had connected the
Speaker 1: two of us. Finally he texted me. And now, mind you,
Speaker 1: things had accelerated with the guy that I was on
Speaker 1: a second date with. Maybe by this time we had
Speaker 1: been to like five days, and I was like, really
Speaker 1: into him. You could be into somebody.
Speaker 2: That might be him calling right now literally talking about
Speaker 2: you right now. Call you back.
Speaker 1: I'm on the podcast, but not you, but the guy
Speaker 1: I'll call you back. So so I was on like
Speaker 1: fifth day with him, and this other guy texted me
Speaker 1: and said, hey, I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1: He owes me nothing. The only thing that happens we
Speaker 1: were in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to
Speaker 1: call me. I don't know him from Adam. He says,
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected
Speaker 1: with my ex and I really don't know what's going
Speaker 1: to happen, but I would like to give this a shot.
Speaker 2: And I've said good for you.
Speaker 1: I hope it works out, and I said, so interesting
Speaker 1: when I met you that night. But when I saw
Speaker 1: you that night, I was actually on the second day
Speaker 1: it was someone and now I think it's heating up
Speaker 1: a little bit. And so that was like a very
Speaker 1: like we were both cheering. We didn't even know each other,
Speaker 1: but we were cheering for each other and it was
Speaker 1: like classy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so nice. That's how more people need to do that.
Speaker 3: It's because that way, if whatever reason doesn't work out
Speaker 3: for him or you, you can reach out and the
Speaker 3: call will be so highly regarded because you ended it
Speaker 3: with a bow.
Speaker 2: There's just a nice experience. How you do anything. It
Speaker 2: is how you do everything. So be but that should
Speaker 2: be the norm.
Speaker 1: Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,
Speaker 1: doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.
Speaker 1: Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.
Speaker 1: Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if
Speaker 1: you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If
Speaker 1: you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the
Speaker 1: right thing the whole way through. You get it.
Speaker 2: It's it's smart. That's a great come back to and
Speaker 2: no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.
Speaker 3: Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their
Speaker 3: antenta up of how the way staff has treated right.
Speaker 3: It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone
Speaker 3: like the help. It's the total turn off on the date.
Speaker 3: You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially
Speaker 3: in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could
Speaker 3: be like more of a biography date where you're catching
Speaker 3: up on all aspects of life, but it's so much
Speaker 3: more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts
Speaker 3: and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,
Speaker 3: Like there's so many things to talk about besides having
Speaker 3: to just talk about who else they date or tales
Speaker 3: from X.
Speaker 2: It goes negative.
Speaker 3: The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, Like
Speaker 3: don't complain about your kids, don't complain about.
Speaker 2: You now be happy.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable
Speaker 1: based on questions to not get into some version of
Speaker 1: what you came from. But I would I'm going to
Speaker 1: color that in the lines and say, be vague, but
Speaker 1: in a way that moves this conversation forward in a
Speaker 1: positive way, Like I think that was just a situation
Speaker 1: where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of
Speaker 1: is a little more alive.
Speaker 2: So you're kind of talking about your experts.
Speaker 1: You're not like Joe used to take me out for
Speaker 1: dinner and we had anticitize.
Speaker 2: It's not like that.
Speaker 1: It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I
Speaker 1: think you have to reference the past to be in reality.
Speaker 3: I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator
Speaker 3: speech where you land the ending, where you're not going
Speaker 3: on and on and talking about where's the focus of
Speaker 3: the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and ends,
Speaker 3: like I wish him all the best, and we're both
Speaker 3: and I'm looking forward to being my person.
Speaker 1: It's not talking to it, but that's different. I'm saying
Speaker 1: the way it informs the present, Like, you know, what
Speaker 1: were you were together for four years? Oh?
Speaker 2: Interesting?
Speaker 1: Why you didn't why you broke off your engagement? That's relevant.
Speaker 1: A person is also looking for rest less, so you
Speaker 1: might be like, he lived far.
Speaker 2: It was really hard.
Speaker 1: I think it was amazing. I wish him the best.
Speaker 1: To your point, I'm looking for something a little closer.
Speaker 1: I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want young kids. Whatever,
Speaker 1: if it informs this situation, it can help this person
Speaker 1: learn about you.
Speaker 2: I think you can talk about the.
Speaker 1: Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're
Speaker 1: also not romanticizing your ex.
Speaker 2: Correct, and you're not romanticizing. You're not trash shocking.
Speaker 3: But you're also not making it the focus of the conversation,
Speaker 3: not therapy. Yeah, it's now you wanted to be like,
Speaker 3: I mean to explain it from a contact standpoint, but
Speaker 3: then you're moving on and talking about other things.
Speaker 1: No, and you don't use it as a license to
Speaker 1: keep going back to it because you did it once.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You said it once you got away with it. You're
Speaker 1: not now talking about Rob for two hours, right for sure?
Speaker 2: Okay, So now let's say you go on a date.
Speaker 3: You have a great date, you have good follow up,
Speaker 3: she got home safe, you're setting your texting.
Speaker 2: I'd love to see you again. What works for you? Well,
Speaker 2: hold on before we even do that.
Speaker 1: I don't think enough people say thank you on the
Speaker 1: date either I know where you're going, and I don't
Speaker 1: think the bill comes thank you so much it was
Speaker 1: so amazing, like, or you look nice like.
Speaker 2: I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine
Speaker 2: compliments should be given one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go
Speaker 1: into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just
Speaker 1: because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's
Speaker 1: a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,
Speaker 1: That's what I think.
Speaker 3: And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment
Speaker 3: with what someone said, but it is really nice to
Speaker 3: be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: that person likes what they're seeing, so it is.
Speaker 2: A reinforcement reinforcement amazing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good. But the other thing is after a date,
Speaker 3: I would say the next day. And this is more
Speaker 3: for women, but it is nice for a woman to
Speaker 3: send a text saying, thank you so much. I had
Speaker 3: a really nice time at dinner to thank you, because
Speaker 3: men don't hear that enough and that gives buying signals
Speaker 3: for them to make the next move.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that
Speaker 1: night now the next day.
Speaker 2: You like it? You like it that night, you know
Speaker 2: because the next day is a new day.
Speaker 1: And the girl feels like she's being a little desperate
Speaker 1: and if a guy is that gameplay or insecur at all,
Speaker 1: he might think she's doing that.
Speaker 2: And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,
Speaker 2: so let's revise it.
Speaker 3: That that night when they're when the guy says, do
Speaker 3: me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends
Speaker 3: a text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.
Speaker 1: But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.
Speaker 1: You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,
Speaker 1: that was really fun.
Speaker 2: Have this say to do that?
Speaker 3: Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the
Speaker 3: biggest thing is though the guy has to go back
Speaker 3: to having a plan, because you can't wait weeks and
Speaker 3: have a lull. A guy might really like someone but
Speaker 3: then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm gonna wait two weeks.
Speaker 2: I've got this. But a woman is not going to
Speaker 2: put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making
Speaker 2: an effort and making sure that they're setting time to
Speaker 2: see someone again. It signals they're either.
Speaker 3: Dating too many people, or they're not really interested, or
Speaker 3: there's they're dating someone else.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,
Speaker 1: a new plan, but I think that let's call it
Speaker 1: within the next two to three days.
Speaker 2: The man should express interest for the next plan.
Speaker 1: He may not know his exact calendar, he may have
Speaker 1: a custody schedule, but he should be like, I would
Speaker 1: really like to get together again. Let me get back
Speaker 1: to you with my cat. There should be some the
Speaker 1: ball has moved forward in some way with intention.
Speaker 2: Correct, he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.
Speaker 3: But if he says I'll go back to a couple
Speaker 3: of days, he needs to get back in a couple days.
Speaker 3: He is to be like the person that he says
Speaker 3: he's going he has to do what he says he's
Speaker 3: going to do, because he's also not attractive if he
Speaker 3: says he's going to do something and then he does,
Speaker 3: and like I'll get back to you on Wednesday and
Speaker 3: now it's Friday. That's that's not cool.
Speaker 1: No, he also can't say on the let's say we
Speaker 1: went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.
Speaker 1: You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday
Speaker 1: at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He
Speaker 1: forgot there needs to be a thread between.
Speaker 3: Right, the day before is amazing to say, looking forth
Speaker 3: seeing tomorrow night and remember to tell the person where
Speaker 3: they're going so they know how.
Speaker 1: To dress facts, because what am I wearing? My wearing
Speaker 1: jeans and it's like a casual place is a dressy?
Speaker 1: Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I
Speaker 1: have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing. I'm always
Speaker 1: starting you might have a plan that day. Also, just
Speaker 1: women get anxiety. They just want to know something to
Speaker 1: like make a plan even we need I know, calms
Speaker 1: us down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit.
Speaker 3: Like days and the second you ask us out, we're
Speaker 3: planning our outfit, like what are we gonna wear.
Speaker 2: And what you're doing that day and time to get home.
Speaker 3: It's not loose correct, So that is like a big
Speaker 3: thing that guys need to do is have a little
Speaker 3: bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,
Speaker 3: if I was a guy, I would have the best
Speaker 3: restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,
Speaker 3: so you have great ideas and options so that when
Speaker 3: you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,
Speaker 3: or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or
Speaker 3: do cool fun things.
Speaker 2: It just requires planning.
Speaker 3: If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people
Speaker 3: know to get the best resort and to get the
Speaker 3: best of everything, you need to plan a year in
Speaker 3: advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,
Speaker 3: So it's the same thing. If you want to have
Speaker 3: the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you
Speaker 3: care about making sure that you have something.
Speaker 2: The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.
Speaker 3: And if you know that if you don't have a date,
Speaker 3: you cancel it within the timeframe to cancel the reservation.
Speaker 3: But there's nothing wrong with being that strategic and proactive
Speaker 3: and putting and also putting to the universe, like I'm
Speaker 3: going to go on some really great dates and making
Speaker 3: some great reservations.
Speaker 1: I have a big one because I have gotten feedback
Speaker 1: from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought
Speaker 1: of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.
Speaker 1: But as what happens with me is men are like
Speaker 1: dying to make me laugh, Like they find when I'm laughing,
Speaker 1: like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying
Speaker 1: they're handsome, they have a big peanut, Like it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: What you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart. Smart is a
Speaker 2: big one.
Speaker 1: Making someone feel like a man and validated and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,
Speaker 1: but just an insight into men, And like the humor
Speaker 1: has to be found in the date by both parties,
Speaker 1: so give us to men too, Like the humor in
Speaker 1: the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,
Speaker 1: and so finding the humor in the date to me
Speaker 1: for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember
Speaker 1: asking a guy I asked a guy what his worst
Speaker 1: dating story has been like, and I told my worst
Speaker 1: like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to
Speaker 1: him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and
Speaker 1: holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he
Speaker 1: told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing.
Speaker 1: But he felt like very validated and very you know,
Speaker 1: it felt like a big man on campus because he
Speaker 1: had like a big, good, funny story.
Speaker 2: So bring in the nuts.
Speaker 1: Guys are guys, and guys are animals, so you can't
Speaker 1: be too serious with them. And this is more for women,
Speaker 1: but it's for both because I want like men to
Speaker 1: know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.
Speaker 2: The humor is on both sides.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was just about to say, if people don't
Speaker 3: feel like they're funny, then go lean in on playful,
Speaker 3: because I think the biggest thing is don't be so
Speaker 3: stereily we're just talking about work, or we're just talking
Speaker 3: about like the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have
Speaker 3: a good exchange of his stories.
Speaker 2: Everybody can be funny.
Speaker 1: They don't have to be traditionally funny the way that
Speaker 1: they dryly respond to someone funny. I'll be with Guys
Speaker 1: that are never would never be called funny, but they're
Speaker 1: funny around me because of like their reaction of something
Speaker 1: I would do, Like.
Speaker 2: So it's a quick wit. It's like their response, it's
Speaker 2: like how they're It.
Speaker 1: Could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny
Speaker 1: because because of the way, like there can't be two
Speaker 1: clowns in the circus.
Speaker 2: Like it could also just be good banter.
Speaker 3: It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're
Speaker 3: being playful with each other where you're like engaging with
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 1: I'd like to talk about the pen pal. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be a pen pal, like not for five minutes.
Speaker 2: I really don't.
Speaker 1: It's called I had a great time. If you meet
Speaker 1: that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me
Speaker 1: a picture of a cheeseburger.
Speaker 2: Lol. My dog.
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't give a shit about your
Speaker 1: dog all day long. There's a guy who I knew
Speaker 1: from twenty years ago who still is in love with me.
Speaker 1: I don't even care about his dog now. I don't
Speaker 1: want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one
Speaker 1: of all time and someone that you introduced me to. Remember, like,
Speaker 1: I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's move the board.
Speaker 2: We're doing it. We're not something. Text me later.
Speaker 1: Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,
Speaker 1: I hope your day is going well. That's fine because
Speaker 1: you already have a plan on the board. You know
Speaker 1: you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous
Speaker 1: day out here. Once you have a plan, you can
Speaker 1: be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward
Speaker 1: seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.
Speaker 1: But I'm not looking for a pen pald year. Well.
Speaker 2: I think it's like, yeah, until your until your relationship.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's the point.
Speaker 3: Of you want to make sure you're not over communicating
Speaker 3: and becoming clingy and needy.
Speaker 2: It's just not attractive.
Speaker 1: I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.
Speaker 1: We don't even have a on the board, right no
Speaker 1: no oh yeah yeah, that's like a no no that
Speaker 1: should not exist.
Speaker 2: I think everybody does that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.
Speaker 3: They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to
Speaker 3: shit say, like before like setting a date. I don't know,
Speaker 3: you might need to say something if that happens, if
Speaker 3: someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like
Speaker 3: it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,
Speaker 3: so I think it's more of a personal thing. But
Speaker 3: I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is like text should be
Speaker 3: about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more
Speaker 3: about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.
Speaker 3: It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said
Speaker 3: about I just ate cheeseburger.
Speaker 2: Here's a picture of my cheeseburger. Look my dad.
Speaker 3: My dog's doing the cues thing. Un till you're in
Speaker 3: a relationship that it makes sense. But I agree it
Speaker 3: should just be curbed. I also think before you know someone,
Speaker 3: you should not be saying pictures like shirtless pictures or
Speaker 3: asking people send me a pic of you. I think
Speaker 3: it's just really distasteful. If you're on an app, you
Speaker 3: already saw each other's photos. There's no reason to send more,
Speaker 3: and it could be just a total turn off.
Speaker 2: It's like tacky. I think it's just.
Speaker 1: I think text needs to be used as a tool,
Speaker 1: just something I can rely on, that weakness that you're
Speaker 1: relying on your back and forth now you're like in
Speaker 1: a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be like a crutch,
Speaker 1: like just a bridge to get us to when I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2: You out again. I don't like that. It really bothers me.
Speaker 1: And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended
Speaker 1: up being great could have not worked because of it
Speaker 1: because I was like, put some fun, put that, And
Speaker 1: it could be something going on with the person where
Speaker 1: they're going to do a bad divorce, they're with their kids,
Speaker 1: and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.
Speaker 2: But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what
Speaker 2: does he think?
Speaker 1: And it's a very bad communication tool and you have
Speaker 1: to find a confident way to break through it to
Speaker 1: be like I really like you. This communication style isn't
Speaker 1: isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and
Speaker 1: you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't
Speaker 1: you know, you can't say something rude like I don't
Speaker 1: want to be your pem popcas.
Speaker 2: It could turn someone up. It's very hard to land.
Speaker 1: And because people say stop texting and back and then
Speaker 1: they'll call you, it doesn't work like that. If you
Speaker 1: don't text. It's the new communication. So if you don't
Speaker 1: text them back, they're going to think you don't like them.
Speaker 1: You have to find a way to verbalize to them.
Speaker 1: And we're back to women again, because that's who we are.
Speaker 1: You have to find a way to verbalize to them
Speaker 1: that it's not your favorite communication style at this stage.
Speaker 1: Better to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,
Speaker 1: like you have to get the words up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you
Speaker 3: could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you
Speaker 3: have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,
Speaker 3: but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of somebody's,
Speaker 3: it's important to say, hey, I like you, but this
Speaker 3: communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to setting
Speaker 3: a date or like if someone's texting it, you just
Speaker 3: are like I want to now start my night, or
Speaker 3: like I can't do this. I always just say to
Speaker 3: putting my phone down, have a great night or something
Speaker 3: like that, or about about to drive talk you know,
Speaker 3: have a great night. Something that signals okay, we're done
Speaker 3: with this chain because people will just keep going on
Speaker 3: and not.
Speaker 1: I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.
Speaker 1: But if it goes on too long, but the person
Speaker 1: has a very long delay in texting you back, it's
Speaker 1: a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll
Speaker 1: see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,
Speaker 1: whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most
Speaker 1: successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.
Speaker 1: People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.
Speaker 1: It's the way of twenty twenty four. It's extremely rare.
Speaker 1: You're an adoctor, You're you're taking a NAT like it's
Speaker 1: late night. Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them,
Speaker 1: but people do text back. And I've only found this
Speaker 1: because I found that the people that don't then later
Speaker 1: somehow you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but
Speaker 1: then they're texting you every second like it's kind of
Speaker 1: a scam. You're either playing a game or something's going on.
Speaker 1: It's just it's a it's a flag. It may not
Speaker 1: be pinking, may it be read. It is a flag.
Speaker 1: So men, set your intention, set your pace from the
Speaker 1: beginning whatever it's going to be, but you can't be
Speaker 1: haphazard about it because it becomes a signal and a
Speaker 1: sign Yeah, and I agree, then it's game plan, Like
Speaker 1: wait a minute, you were sting to me before and
Speaker 1: you always texted me, and now there's all these lulls
Speaker 1: and it does make it like it does you know,
Speaker 1: our intends are up and we're smarter than that, so
Speaker 1: it is important to not play games.
Speaker 2: And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.
Speaker 1: What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,
Speaker 1: so at least someone understands you could be a doctor
Speaker 1: and you like, I don't really text a lot during
Speaker 1: the day. There are exceptions like or I you know
Speaker 1: something like that, or I really am not good on
Speaker 1: text some people.
Speaker 2: During the day. I'm not.
Speaker 3: I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating
Speaker 3: and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important
Speaker 3: for you to know about me. I don't text during
Speaker 3: the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big textor I
Speaker 3: don't love that kind of communication. And there's a playful
Speaker 3: way you could say that to someone, whether on a
Speaker 3: date or in a text to say, so love that
Speaker 3: you're reaching out, but I'm so much better. I'm so
Speaker 3: much more of a phone girl, or I just I
Speaker 3: prefer just setting a plan and getting to know you better.
Speaker 2: Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not I
Speaker 2: don't text.
Speaker 1: So something that just gives you something, Yeah, because we
Speaker 1: listen to everything.
Speaker 2: So I think that's good. You said love bombing.
Speaker 3: I just think it's still a thing, and I don't
Speaker 3: know if people are just over using that label, but
Speaker 3: I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited
Speaker 3: about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline
Speaker 3: rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into
Speaker 3: the real thing, then they exit out. So I just
Speaker 3: think that people have to be really careful, like you said,
Speaker 3: set the stage of your intention, because if you can't
Speaker 3: keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's
Speaker 3: a shift in your communication style or in yours.
Speaker 2: It's it's not gonna end.
Speaker 1: Well, that's a good note, but even otherwise. There was
Speaker 1: a guy this summer that I went out with and
Speaker 1: he loved bogged me immediately, and it turned me off.
Speaker 1: Now I don't believe that he was right. I mean
Speaker 1: I know that he wasn't right for me, and I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have ended up with him, but there was such
Speaker 1: a vibe on it that it was like dick and
Speaker 1: it put on me. Like he'd be like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: good morning or something, and I'd be like, I didn't
Speaker 1: really sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when
Speaker 1: you meet, when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a
Speaker 1: good night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to feel a certain weight based on that we had
Speaker 1: gone out for a good date. And then I felt like,
Speaker 1: almost like emotionally attacked. It was like subtle, but it
Speaker 1: was like yeah, and I'm like, yeah, no, I just
Speaker 1: you know, I just haven't had a good night to
Speaker 1: be like ooh, someone's not great in the morning. Like
Speaker 1: it was almost like assigning all this stuff to me,
Speaker 1: and it really turned me off. It was like I
Speaker 1: felt like someone was like suffocating me so fast. It
Speaker 1: was like a different version of love vom me. He
Speaker 1: wasn't like, let's one vacation, and he wasn't to me
Speaker 1: to keep saying that, but yeah, just like put his
Speaker 1: own shit on me, and I was like, get off,
Speaker 1: you're on my jock it's too much.
Speaker 3: Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating. Oversharing is a turnoff.
Speaker 3: It just it sounds like he was just giving you shit,
Speaker 3: like he was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I had two guys like that too.
Speaker 1: That like you got on the phone one time, We
Speaker 1: did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2: Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and
Speaker 2: he'd be like, I'm going into a meeting. Okay, great.
Speaker 1: Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't
Speaker 1: been on a date. You're like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk to you all day.
Speaker 2: I don't know yet. It's weird. That's why it's so
Speaker 2: much better when you know someone it's not the date.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't
Speaker 3: when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always
Speaker 3: try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more
Speaker 3: healthy when there's a real connection between two people and
Speaker 3: then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus
Speaker 3: just falsely wanting to.
Speaker 2: Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,
Speaker 1: so they won't watch a relationship like you start talking
Speaker 1: to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's like
Speaker 1: immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a good correspondence,
Speaker 1: or we texted right now in each other's lives fully
Speaker 1: in some way, or even after a date, like we
Speaker 1: had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not in a
Speaker 1: relationship the day after because you were attracted to me
Speaker 1: because I look hot, because you're successful and smart, Like
Speaker 1: does it You can't like rush a relationship.
Speaker 2: We're not in a relationship.
Speaker 3: No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,
Speaker 3: not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it
Speaker 3: be a slow burn. No one needs to be in
Speaker 3: a hurry, because when it's reeks of desperation, when you're
Speaker 3: pushing and pressing so so much.
Speaker 1: That's the word. This would be under the desperation category.
Speaker 2: And that's anick. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.
Speaker 1: Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence
Speaker 1: is desperate, too much. Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right,
Speaker 1: So not to be trusted, No, well.
Speaker 3: That's the thing is it just I think that it's
Speaker 3: like shows the pattern of insecure and not a healthy
Speaker 3: dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just can't be alone,
Speaker 3: so they just want to do that because they need
Speaker 3: to be your relationship.
Speaker 2: But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.
Speaker 3: So make sure that you just take the time to
Speaker 3: be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic
Speaker 3: and not just in a hurry, because it is such
Speaker 3: a turnoff.
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.
Speaker 1: So I've been in two different scenarios where I think
Speaker 1: it's like real and it is real. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's really it's real equally as real as one another.
Speaker 1: And in one scenario, you fall for a person very
Speaker 1: not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,
Speaker 1: let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like
Speaker 1: you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.
Speaker 1: And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is it.
Speaker 2: But it feels manic. You feel like you're a little exasperated, you.
Speaker 1: Feel like you can't breathe, you feel like a little anxiety,
Speaker 1: you're waking up that has felt for me like something
Speaker 1: that's not It doesn't mean it's not real, but it's
Speaker 1: not sustainable. So there are two ways to start like something,
Speaker 1: because you can't just say I know, I was out
Speaker 1: to deal with people who were hed it for twenty
Speaker 1: years the other night that in three months two and
Speaker 1: a half months got engaged and they've been together for
Speaker 1: twenty years. So I'm not going to be here to
Speaker 1: criticize fast. But yeah, it just worked. They got on
Speaker 1: the road.
Speaker 2: It was healthy. It just happened.
Speaker 1: But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to
Speaker 1: Vegas tomorrow.
Speaker 2: They just loved being with you each other. They folded
Speaker 2: it in.
Speaker 1: It was like layering a sauce where it just you
Speaker 1: keep folding in the ingredients.
Speaker 2: It keeps working something versus like Manic out of the
Speaker 2: Gate love bonding. We're doing everything. You can never be apart.
Speaker 1: We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done
Speaker 1: it and it's very different in the result.
Speaker 2: I think, again, that's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3: But I think to know yourself and know what works
Speaker 3: better for you and how your reaction to it, you
Speaker 3: have to listen to your gut with something like that,
Speaker 3: and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,
Speaker 3: and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,
Speaker 3: I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe
Speaker 3: dating through the seasons is so important because it's one
Speaker 3: thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is
Speaker 3: off the charts and you like literally can't wait to
Speaker 3: Ripischli's close off and you're into it. It's another thing
Speaker 3: when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they
Speaker 3: think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things
Speaker 3: that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through time,
Speaker 3: and you can't rush that, so be in a hurry
Speaker 3: to know is this my person? It's just like, let's
Speaker 3: just see what happens is we're having so much fun
Speaker 3: figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you want
Speaker 3: to know so bad is this my person? But you
Speaker 3: won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,
Speaker 3: how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,
Speaker 3: how we deal with navigating everything.
Speaker 1: I'm like a step sooner saying, if you feel like
Speaker 1: you're driving without breaks, you probably are, Like I've done
Speaker 1: that in a wrong relationship. Like a bad boy, where
Speaker 1: you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done
Speaker 1: it with someone that's great, but it's the way that
Speaker 1: you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,
Speaker 1: even if it's you feel good, but it feels a
Speaker 1: little exasperating.
Speaker 2: Something needs to comp down.
Speaker 3: Is what I'm saying, because I mean is silence Again,
Speaker 3: there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's like
Speaker 3: your family. You have to silence all the noise of
Speaker 3: everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them, and
Speaker 3: being like, how do I feel and how is this
Speaker 3: person making me feel?
Speaker 2: And what do I need to communicate different or better?
Speaker 3: Or what do I need from this person that I'm
Speaker 3: not getting to be able and then communicate because no
Speaker 3: one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you
Speaker 3: keep it going, then you shame on you because you're
Speaker 3: allowing it to happen. Well, I think it's regulating yourself,
Speaker 3: but also to your point, I.
Speaker 2: Think it could be regulating other person.
Speaker 1: Yes, and we get so excited and then we're reading
Speaker 1: them off a resume of things that we think are
Speaker 1: going to sound impressive and I don't even meet it
Speaker 1: in a superficial way, Oh my god, he's so great
Speaker 1: with his kids or his dog or you know, he's
Speaker 1: a doctor or whatever the thing is.
Speaker 2: And you're like reading the resume.
Speaker 1: And I've done that so many times versus like getting
Speaker 1: in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And
Speaker 1: it's very easy to do because things look shiney and
Speaker 1: they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell
Speaker 1: and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,
Speaker 1: And so men men need to do that too, And
Speaker 1: that's kind of connected to love bombing and regulation and
Speaker 1: coming in and getting all excited and you're right. I
Speaker 1: do notice with men they come in really hot. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we got the quiplication and this, and they get excited
Speaker 1: and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The ones they land you, their communication style changes there
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, they want to they have other
Speaker 3: plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.
Speaker 3: So it's just more about again taking the time to
Speaker 3: know what you know you're worth, enjoy getting to know
Speaker 3: that person, and if it's not right for you, then
Speaker 3: don't stay too long just because it looks good to
Speaker 3: everybody else, because if you're miserable behind closed doors. It's
Speaker 3: a long, hard life