WEBVTT - Best Hopes 0:00:01.360 --> 0:00:04.640 The reason why family therapy is so important is because 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:07.640 the more impact you can have within the system, then 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:10.559 the more change will happen, and the more sustainable that 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:14.520 change can be. So when families are all kind of 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:18.599 working together and they're all pulling towards the same thing, 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.480 they're all co creating the same future or the same 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.320 kind of future, it becomes more dynamic and more powerful. 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.720 So family therapy is an incredibly important part of the 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.880 therapy process because you just have more change happening within 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:45.760 the system. I'm Elia Connie, and this is family therapy. 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:49.000 I spent a lot of my youth trying to think 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.800 of how to end my life. When I came out 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:57.560 of that situation with a complete understanding that that pain 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:03.760 is a part of life, and that when you find 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:07.880 your purpose within your pain, it doesn't hurt anymore, and 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:13.840 that suffering is unnecessary. And I went to graduate school 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.720 so that I could learn how to help other people 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:21.160 learn that. And unfortunately, in graduate school, I learned about 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:24.840 theory and problems, and I didn't learn what I was 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:27.360 hoping to learn, which is like how to help people 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:31.360 overcome absolutely anything that happens in their lives. And it 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:36.040 lit a fire under me, Like I wanted so badly 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:39.759 to create healing in the world that that's the journey 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:41.920 that I set on, Like that was the purpose for 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:43.680 me going to graduate school, and that was the reason 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:47.279 for me becoming a psychotherapist. I genuinely want to create 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:51.360 healing in this world, and that's what guides all my work. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.640 I think human beings are so remarkable and amazing and 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:58.200 there's nothing in the world more powerful than hope. But 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:01.680 most psychotherapy approaches are about, like you meet people and 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.040 you assess them for what's wrong with them, And that 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:06.880 just did not sit right with me. And right when 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:08.960 I was going to quit graduate school because I couldn't 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:11.320 imagine myself doing that for the rest of my career, 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:15.440 I came across this book that literally had two pages 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:19.400 about the solution focused brief therapy that's based on hope. 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:21.720 We literally ask our clients what they hope to achieve, 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:24.640 because we understand the most powerful thing in the world 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:27.560 is a hope for future. Doesn't really matter what your 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.440 origin story is, and I can give you thousands of 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:34.360 examples of people with a tragic and traumatic origin story 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.080 that ended up living some sort of profound hero story. 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:40.240 So we ask people about their hope for future, and 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:43.640 I got excited about that, And that's really what solution 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.600 focused brief therapy is all about harnessing the resources that 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:52.320 you have and using those resources to craft a more 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:55.360 desirable future. And I love it. Like when you listen 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.600 to these conversations that we're going to be having on 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.400 this podcast, you're going to hear people talk about the 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.880 future that they want to achieve, and when we talk 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:06.840 about their current circumstances or the past pains and traumas, 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.440 we're going to talk about the resources they have that 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.560 they could use to create a better future for themselves. 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:20.200 The family I've been honored to work with has been incredible. 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:25.320 It includes three family members, Jay, David, and Freddie. Jay 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:27.480 is the woman in this dynamic who is currently co 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:31.119 parenting two young boys with their former partner David while 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:35.680 navigating the fragments of their very recent separation. And Freddie, 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:38.680 Jay's father, who plays a role in her life and 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.240 her psyche. We will learn more about how their bond 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:46.920 parallels with her current relationship. Jay is a beacon of strength, 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:49.600 yet is stuck in the web of her own doubts 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:53.040 and struggles. She has been overwhelmed with life, and like 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.800 many women, she finds herself in a situation where she 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:58.320 has put her happiness to the side for the sake 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:01.720 of her children, her partner, and other people around her. 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:05.440 Jay finds herself at a crossroad. The echoes of her 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.640 own desires grow louder, urging her to reclaim the essence 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.400 of who she truly is. Yet the path ahead is 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:14.840 complicated and fraught with questions. What does this mean for 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.279 her relationships, her role as a parent, her career, and 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:23.120 her journey towards healing. In this delicate dance of self discovery, 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.719 Jay embarks on a quest to rediscover herself, to reclaim 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.520 her dreams, and to find happiness within. Join us as 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.240 we bear witness to her vulnerability and her unwavering resolve 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:37.280 to rewrite the script of her life. We spend a 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.360 little bit of time in the session getting to know 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.240 one another. And I would like you to hear that. 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:45.080 Can I just ask you a few questions, get to 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:47.080 know you a bit, Would that be all right? 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:47.880 Sure? 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:50.680 And are you married? 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:53.240 Now? Okay? 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:54.040 Do you have a partner? 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:59.040 I have a I guess you could call them a partner. 0:04:59.160 --> 0:04:59.480 Sure? 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.080 What's his name? David, what do you think he hoped 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.599 you achieved from talking with me today? Like if I 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:08.800 called David right now and I said, Hey, man, I'm 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:10.839 talking to Jay, what do you hope she gets from this? 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:12.000 What do you imagine he would say? 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:19.000 As far as I don't know, whatever she wants, I 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:21.760 don't think that he would give you a very clear answer. 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:25.080 If he did. What do you what do you think 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:26.040 he would want for you? 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.240 I think he just wants me to be happy with 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:34.320 whatever I'm going through and happy in my day to 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:34.880 day life. 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.080 So how long has been together? 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:38.279 Ten years? 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:40.599 Any kids? 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:40.280 Two? 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:41.960 Two boys? 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:42.719 How old? 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:44.240 Five and one? 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:45.080 Five and one? 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:45.400 Wow? 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:51.480 Okay it's a busy ages, yes, very busy. And Jay, 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:52.960 what do you do for a living? 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:55.480 I'm an analyst at a bank. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.479 What does an analyst and a bank do well? 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:03.680 I guess the analyst that I am, I deal with 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.920 mostly high network clients and making sure that we know 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.560 who they are and we have the evidence to support 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:13.440 that they are who they say they are and they 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.400 made their money the way that they say they made 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:15.880 their money. 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:19.680 What's what's a dollar amount for a high network client? 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:24.960 It can range but primarily over five million dollars network. 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:26.480 Do you enjoy that work? 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:32.479 No, but my job is important. It allows me to 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.479 have flexibility in my schedule. It allows me to pay 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:43.960 my bills, take care of my family. It's not the 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:50.880 most exciting job, but it is. It allows me to 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.839 be what I need to be in this time of 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:54.400 my life. 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:54.720 Oh. 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:58.760 Wow, if you could be any job in the world, 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:00.599 you can have any career, you anything in the world. 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:01.000 What would it be? 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:09.200 I would invest more in real estate and I would 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:11.840 manage the properties that I invest in. 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.360 Oh and do you already do that? You said more, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.520 so it makes me think you do it something I started. 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.400 I have one property in Baltimore and then the house 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:24.120 that I live in now is a two families, so 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:25.800 it's sort of like an investment property. 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:27.200 And do you enjoy that? 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:31.960 I do. I like talking with people and I like 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:37.240 making money. So I would also probably have some type 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.960 of job that allows I used to do lash extensions 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.600 and I used to do hair so I enjoy helping 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:47.720 women feel better about themselves, so I would have that 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.120 as part of my lifestyle some capacity as well. 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:52.560 And have you always been like that? Someone who enjoys 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:58.840 helping women feel better about themselves. Yeah, oh that's amazing. Okay, 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:00.920 what do you do for fun? 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:04.200 I guess spend time with friends and family when I 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:08.760 can go out, maybe to a movie or I'll teat 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:11.400 but I don't really go out that much. I'm be 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:13.160 very honest with you. So you asked me what I 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.000 do for fun, I'm like, I don't know. Be a 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:17.560 parent of two small children. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.440 Yeah, yeah, hard like a five year old and a 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.440 one year older. Not easy to find alone mom time. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.360 No yeah, yeah, you mentioned like you like spending time 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.520 with friends. How come what is it about spending time 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:34.240 with friends that you value? 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:39.160 It allows me to be Jay and not mom, not 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:42.320 an employee, not a business owner, just me. 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:43.560 Who is Jay? 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:48.320 Who is Jane? Jay is the woman that I used 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:52.840 to be. I mean, I'm still her, but she doesn't 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:56.560 really get a lot of attention these days. But she 0:08:56.920 --> 0:09:02.240 is someone who is very thoughtful, who likes to ask questions, 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:06.120 who likes to learn, who likes to be active, not 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:10.280 as active as I used to be, who likes adventure, 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:12.840 and who likes to try new things. 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:19.839 M an odd question, but do you miss that Jay? 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:21.520 Yes? 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:25.480 And if somehow she came back, would you be pleased? 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:27.800 I'm not sure how like life is different. You got 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.000 too littles, and you know as if somehow that Jay 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:32.439 came back, would you be pleased? 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:35.480 I would, I think I think I would. 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:41.040 Yeah, Oh my gosh, okay, And you mentioned she was active. 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:42.800 What kind of active was that Jay? 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.920 Well, I used to exercise a lot. I was in 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:50.520 a military, so it was part of you know, my 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.120 lifestyle and the military, but also just something that I 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:59.199 really enjoyed. That part of my life is not really present, 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:01.440 and it's not really so much that I don't have 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:04.080 the time because I couldn't make time for it. I 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:09.679 just haven't consistently done so. But I like to I 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:16.520 like to be outdoors. I like to work out. I 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:19.480 used to do like some type of CrossFit stuff, so 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:22.720 I really enjoyed that, and I was kind of like 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:28.560 outdoor workouts when weather permit. I've thought about doing like 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.800 tough motters and things of that nature, but I haven't 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:32.640 done one. But those are the type of things that 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:32.960 I like. 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:36.319 What brings to the military. 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:40.000 I was in the Army National Guard. 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:42.679 Did you enjoy that. 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:45.920 Some components of it? Yes? 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.720 What did you do in the military, Well. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:55.439 My MOS was military police, so what is MOS? 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:57.360 I'm a civilian. I don't know the acronym. 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:04.080 Sorry, yeah, it's okay. It just basically that's just whatever. 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.880 Your job is a specific occupation. 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:08.280 How long did you serve? 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:10.600 Seven years? 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:18.080 Wow? Wow, it's amazing. As can sometimes be the case 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:22.840 with men, there's a tremendous societal pressure to be strong, confident, 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:27.000 be a provider and at different parts of his life, 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:28.800 David has been all of those things, as he was 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:34.079 a very successful athlete in college and professionally. But it 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:36.920 is also the case with men. What do we do 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.920 when we struggle? What do we do when we fall down, 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:45.520 when we get depressed, when we start experiencing failure. There's 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:50.679 a tremendous amount of judgment and stigma, and it has 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.520 an impact on us. And I think this journey for 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:58.800 David is about how do I acknowledge that I've been 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:03.280 struggling and reclaim my confidence and my strength so I 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.240 can get back to being the version of myself that 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:09.040 I would like to be. I think I think that's 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:12.320 what this journey is about for David, and I think 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:15.640 a lot of men can resonate with that, because what 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.000 do we do when we're struggling David is going to 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:22.400 show you a window into what to do when we're 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:30.559 struggling and how to reclaim that best part of yourself. David, 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:32.959 can I spend a few minutes's kind of getting to 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:33.480 know you a bit? 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:35.880 Sure? 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:37.640 So you said you're a former athlete, what's for it? 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:42.240 M I played football, played football. 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:45.280 Okay, high school college more than that. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.680 So yes, I played high school for the first time 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:51.320 ever playing organized football. 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.679 Was high school, did. 0:12:53.800 --> 0:13:00.600 Very very well, earned a full scholarship, while I chose 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:04.040 my college, and I played at the Ohio State University, 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:10.280 won the national championship. Wow, wind up, wind up playing 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:16.040 for a few NFL teams, played overseas, hurt my shoulder, 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:21.199 multiple operations on my left shoulder, and then football was 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:21.599 over with. 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:22.160 Wow. 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:23.720 Yeah, football was over with? 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:24.320 What position? 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:27.520 I played? Deepensive tackle? Wow? 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.120 Man, that's incredible. And to go to Ohio State and 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.760 then play in the NFL, you must have been pretty good? 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:35.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:38.720 I was pretty good. Very yeah, I was pretty good. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:43.839 And you also mean to play for the Ohio State University, 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.800 you must have one You must have had one hell 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:49.440 of a fire lit underneath you to do that. 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:53.360 Absolutely, Yes, I sure did. Because my senior year we 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:56.120 went out defeated, so we was fourteen and oh, first 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.600 team in college history at that time that went fourteen 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:03.720 and oh and won a national championship. So yes, definitely 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.120 had a fire lit underneath me even when I started 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:10.720 playing professional, because I was always said, you know, growing 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:12.880 up in the inner City, I had teachers. I'll never 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:18.800 forget this. One of my eighth grade teachers said, you're 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:22.560 gonna drop out by your sophomore year. You ain't gonna 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:24.200 do this, and you ain't gonna do that. And then 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:28.440 I remember my junior year running track. He was a 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.120 track coach and there was a lot of college scouts 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.800 there for football. They thought it was there from track, 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:35.120 and it was like they keep asking them about this 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.680 kid David, and I overheard him because I was doing 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.480 well in track too, and I overheard him and I 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.840 was like, yeah, and I shouldn't have did in. My 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.360 coach said why do you do that? I was like nah, 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:47.160 I had to let him know, and I say, yeah, 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:52.120 they're here from me, remember me. Yeah, and all Americans, y'all, 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.120 all them coaches up there to see me go this 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.760 shot put and it's this and this is my first 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.400 year doing it and I'm already third in the county. 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.440 Like, yeah, yeah, that's what they're talking about. 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.080 What was that like for you? To get that kind 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:06.480 of attention when other people were doubting you so much? 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:11.000 Felt good because I was seeing all my hard work 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.400 pay off. And I'm talking about hitting the weight room 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:17.560 all summer going into my junior year, putting on thirty 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:21.720 pounds of muscle playing. I moved because I love basketball, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:23.960 so I played on multiple summer leagues. I just kept 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.680 myself busy, and I knew that I got to set 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.560 the right example because my little brothers is watching and 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:32.200 we only a year apart as far as like grade wise, 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:35.360 it was a year apart, So you know, I just 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.720 kept kept pushing, kept pushing, and a lot of responsibility 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.560 fell on me. You know, the oldest boy. I got 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:49.520 two oldest sisters, single family home. But this other guys's 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:52.120 looking around on the team and they're seeing it, and 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:53.960 I'm letting them know, like, yeah, man, I grew up 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.120 right around the corner, grew up in the projects, you know, 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.640 and I'm still able to come out of here and 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.800 get all the way to Ohio State University. But I 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:04.920 knew I didn't want to go to the military, like 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.080 my father said. I was like, I'm not going to 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:10.360 nobody's army. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.320 And then I was like, yo, I want to go 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:15.920 to college and he was like my father told me like, 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:19.280 and I'll never forget this my sophomore year because it 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.160 hurt my feelings. And my mother and sister was in 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.840 the kitchen and I'm talking to him on the phone. 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.840 He said, you ain't going to no college with no football, God, 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:29.760 this and this and that, and I said, I ain't 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.080 watch me. I'm gonna show you so right then and 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.720 near like to get the doubt from a teacher and 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:39.400 didn't get the doubts from your dad. And I love 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:42.280 my father to death rest in peace, though, but we 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.320 don't have our bumps. But when he told me that 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:48.320 it was over, that was it. Never looked back, never 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:48.920 looked back. 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:51.040 What did you say? He grew up in the inner city. 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:51.640 What city was it? 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.479 H Patterson, New Jersey, Pattison. 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:55.720 New Jersey. 0:16:56.040 --> 0:17:01.640 Okay, yeah, I grew up and then my former project 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.280 they tore it down, was Chrispurgh Columbus Projects. 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.200 Grew up there. Then I moved to the infamous Fourth War. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:13.439 Wow, I mean, that's that's incredible, David. And right now, 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:15.080 what do you do for a living? 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.040 Right now, I'm in sales. I'm in furniture sales. But 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:22.040 I've always been in I always loved sales. I didn't 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.760 want to go into the teaching field, like the whole 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.880 side of my mother family in there, because I think 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:32.560 that's the competitiveness of me playing sports. I can't sit 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:36.520 behind a desk. I need to be moving. My personality, 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:40.000 I love talking to people. I could talk to anybody 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:42.199 that's it's me. So I was like, I gotta go 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.800 into sales, and my father did sales. Me and my 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.919 father got similar personalities when they come to people. No 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.600 matter where we at, we would spark a conversation with 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:53.119 a total stranger and we could talk for days. 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:53.440 Yeah. 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.600 So that's why I went into sales. So right now 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:57.200 I do furniture. 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:02.760 I started off one company in sales, excelled at that 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.200 like top guy in the company, then went into management. 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.640 Let that company went to took some time more because 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:10.600 I was having my son. 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:11.840 How many kids. 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:13.719 I have a daughter that's sixteen. 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:16.560 She lives with her mother in Florida and I got 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:21.520 two boys, a five year old and nineteen months twenty months, 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:23.040 so something like that. 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:28.440 Than almost two excellent. Now, look you said something I'm 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:31.840 intrigued by is when you're growing up in the projects 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:36.399 in Patterson, New Jersey, the chances of you or anybody 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:42.159 ending up in a university like Ohio State athlete or 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:43.920 not are very very low. 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:47.480 Yes, what absolutely, I want you. 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.840 To think for a moment, like what personality, trait or 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.800 what do you have inside of you that made you 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:58.320 one of the kinds of people that could make that leap, 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.280 you know what I mean, that could get yourself from 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:05.400 one environment to another. Very incredibly hard thing to do. 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:09.160 It is one thing. 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:15.160 Uh, my moms didn't play around about us in school, 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:21.840 right to my oldest sister's very intelligent, very smart, she's 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:22.480 an attorney. 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.840 Uh. And then I just you know, I own when 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:28.840 we was younger, younger, we did a lot of stuff 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:31.800 with family, and a lot of my family, especially on 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:32.600 my mother's. 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:37.840 Side, all in college went to HBCUs and you know, 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:41.040 just had us around and I always like, oh that's cool. 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:43.840 Like I always was big on like the HPCU. Like 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:46.640 I was like, yo, I'm gonna go to a black college. Shit, whynot, 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:49.560 Like you know what I'm saying, like, yo, I see it. 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:54.800 And then even my dad, like he was always honest about, Yo, 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:55.720 get your school work. 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.359 You gotta know your math, gotta know how to read, 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:01.760 know your mathematics, stuff like that. You gotta get good 0:20:01.760 --> 0:20:03.800 grades so we can get a job. So I just 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:06.600 always kept that in the back of my mind. And 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.399 then I just at some point in time, not like 0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:12.120 saying I'm perfect and I was innocent or anything like that, 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:15.160 but at some point in time, like I was like, oh, 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:20.680 I'm go to jail. That's one two. I don't want 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:24.120 to be killed, right. So I just got into sports, 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.199 and then you know, a lot of community around me, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.600 like family and stuffs made sure because, like I said, 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:36.639 my older sister smart you know, in school college. And 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:41.000 then you know my other sister that's right under me, 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:45.560 she was a smart, talented, but she was the street one. 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:45.920 Right. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:52.880 So my uncles, godfather, cousins and stuff, that's made sure. 0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:55.000 Like Yo, we told my mother like yo, we got 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:57.399 the boys, like you know, put them in this sport 0:20:57.680 --> 0:20:59.280 or we're gonna take them there. 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.320 Let them. It's exposing us two different things. 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.520 Going to my seeing my cousins graduate high school, and 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:09.359 just putting us around athletes, because even though we was 0:21:09.400 --> 0:21:12.400 in a project, a lot of athletes came out of there. 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:15.840 Some of them did go to colleges, not big schools, 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:19.239 but they did, but a lot of athletes didn't. So 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:22.080 I saw that, so I was like, yo, it is possible. 0:21:22.720 --> 0:21:25.719 But the college bug didn't really bite me, bite me 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:27.879 for sports until I got to high school. 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:28.600 Right. 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.440 That's when it really like all day, you can really 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:34.520 take this to another level. Because if you want. 0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:36.200 To go to school and you don't want to work 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:38.960 like your sister is a't going to college, that that's 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:40.879 just not I feel like y'all wouldn't be able to 0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:44.439