1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: The reason why family therapy is so important is because 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: the more impact you can have within the system, then 3 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,559 Speaker 1: the more change will happen, and the more sustainable that 4 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: change can be. So when families are all kind of 5 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 1: working together and they're all pulling towards the same thing, 6 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: they're all co creating the same future or the same 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: kind of future, it becomes more dynamic and more powerful. 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: So family therapy is an incredibly important part of the 9 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: therapy process because you just have more change happening within 10 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: the system. I'm Elia Connie, and this is family therapy. 11 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: I spent a lot of my youth trying to think 12 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: of how to end my life. When I came out 13 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: of that situation with a complete understanding that that pain 14 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: is a part of life, and that when you find 15 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: your purpose within your pain, it doesn't hurt anymore, and 16 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: that suffering is unnecessary. And I went to graduate school 17 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: so that I could learn how to help other people 18 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: learn that. And unfortunately, in graduate school, I learned about 19 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: theory and problems, and I didn't learn what I was 20 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: hoping to learn, which is like how to help people 21 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: overcome absolutely anything that happens in their lives. And it 22 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 1: lit a fire under me, Like I wanted so badly 23 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: to create healing in the world that that's the journey 24 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: that I set on, Like that was the purpose for 25 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,680 Speaker 1: me going to graduate school, and that was the reason 26 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,279 Speaker 1: for me becoming a psychotherapist. I genuinely want to create 27 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: healing in this world, and that's what guides all my work. 28 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,640 Speaker 1: I think human beings are so remarkable and amazing and 29 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: there's nothing in the world more powerful than hope. But 30 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: most psychotherapy approaches are about, like you meet people and 31 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: you assess them for what's wrong with them, And that 32 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: just did not sit right with me. And right when 33 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: I was going to quit graduate school because I couldn't 34 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: imagine myself doing that for the rest of my career, 35 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: I came across this book that literally had two pages 36 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: about the solution focused brief therapy that's based on hope. 37 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: We literally ask our clients what they hope to achieve, 38 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: because we understand the most powerful thing in the world 39 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: is a hope for future. Doesn't really matter what your 40 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 1: origin story is, and I can give you thousands of 41 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 1: examples of people with a tragic and traumatic origin story 42 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: that ended up living some sort of profound hero story. 43 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: So we ask people about their hope for future, and 44 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 1: I got excited about that, And that's really what solution 45 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: focused brief therapy is all about harnessing the resources that 46 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: you have and using those resources to craft a more 47 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: desirable future. And I love it. Like when you listen 48 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: to these conversations that we're going to be having on 49 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: this podcast, you're going to hear people talk about the 50 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: future that they want to achieve, and when we talk 51 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: about their current circumstances or the past pains and traumas, 52 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the resources they have that 53 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: they could use to create a better future for themselves. 54 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: The family I've been honored to work with has been incredible. 55 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: It includes three family members, Jay, David, and Freddie. Jay 56 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: is the woman in this dynamic who is currently co 57 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,119 Speaker 1: parenting two young boys with their former partner David while 58 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: navigating the fragments of their very recent separation. And Freddie, 59 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: Jay's father, who plays a role in her life and 60 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 1: her psyche. We will learn more about how their bond 61 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: parallels with her current relationship. Jay is a beacon of strength, 62 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: yet is stuck in the web of her own doubts 63 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: and struggles. She has been overwhelmed with life, and like 64 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: many women, she finds herself in a situation where she 65 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: has put her happiness to the side for the sake 66 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: of her children, her partner, and other people around her. 67 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: Jay finds herself at a crossroad. The echoes of her 68 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: own desires grow louder, urging her to reclaim the essence 69 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: of who she truly is. Yet the path ahead is 70 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: complicated and fraught with questions. What does this mean for 71 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 1: her relationships, her role as a parent, her career, and 72 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: her journey towards healing. In this delicate dance of self discovery, 73 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: Jay embarks on a quest to rediscover herself, to reclaim 74 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: her dreams, and to find happiness within. Join us as 75 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: we bear witness to her vulnerability and her unwavering resolve 76 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 1: to rewrite the script of her life. We spend a 77 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: little bit of time in the session getting to know 78 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: one another. And I would like you to hear that. 79 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: Can I just ask you a few questions, get to 80 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: know you a bit, Would that be all right? 81 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 2: Sure? 82 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: And are you married? 83 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 2: Now? Okay? 84 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 1: Do you have a partner? 85 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 3: I have a I guess you could call them a partner. 86 00:04:59,160 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 2: Sure? 87 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: What's his name? David, what do you think he hoped 88 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: you achieved from talking with me today? Like if I 89 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: called David right now and I said, Hey, man, I'm 90 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: talking to Jay, what do you hope she gets from this? 91 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 1: What do you imagine he would say? 92 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 3: As far as I don't know, whatever she wants, I 93 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 3: don't think that he would give you a very clear answer. 94 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: If he did. What do you what do you think 95 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 1: he would want for you? 96 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 3: I think he just wants me to be happy with 97 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 3: whatever I'm going through and happy in my day to 98 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 3: day life. 99 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: So how long has been together? 100 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 3: Ten years? 101 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,599 Speaker 1: Any kids? 102 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 2: Two? 103 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 3: Two boys? 104 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: How old? 105 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 3: Five and one? 106 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 1: Five and one? 107 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 4: Wow? 108 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:51,480 Speaker 1: Okay it's a busy ages, yes, very busy. And Jay, 109 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: what do you do for a living? 110 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 3: I'm an analyst at a bank. 111 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,479 Speaker 1: What does an analyst and a bank do well? 112 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 3: I guess the analyst that I am, I deal with 113 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 3: mostly high network clients and making sure that we know 114 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 3: who they are and we have the evidence to support 115 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 3: that they are who they say they are and they 116 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 3: made their money the way that they say they made 117 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 3: their money. 118 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: What's what's a dollar amount for a high network client? 119 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 3: It can range but primarily over five million dollars network. 120 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 1: Do you enjoy that work? 121 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,479 Speaker 3: No, but my job is important. It allows me to 122 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 3: have flexibility in my schedule. It allows me to pay 123 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 3: my bills, take care of my family. It's not the 124 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 3: most exciting job, but it is. It allows me to 125 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 3: be what I need to be in this time of 126 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 3: my life. 127 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 2: Oh. 128 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: Wow, if you could be any job in the world, 129 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 1: you can have any career, you anything in the world. 130 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 2: What would it be? 131 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 3: I would invest more in real estate and I would 132 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 3: manage the properties that I invest in. 133 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: Oh and do you already do that? You said more, 134 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: so it makes me think you do it something I started. 135 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 3: I have one property in Baltimore and then the house 136 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 3: that I live in now is a two families, so 137 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 3: it's sort of like an investment property. 138 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 1: And do you enjoy that? 139 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 3: I do. I like talking with people and I like 140 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 3: making money. So I would also probably have some type 141 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 3: of job that allows I used to do lash extensions 142 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 3: and I used to do hair so I enjoy helping 143 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 3: women feel better about themselves, so I would have that 144 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 3: as part of my lifestyle some capacity as well. 145 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: And have you always been like that? Someone who enjoys 146 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 1: helping women feel better about themselves. Yeah, oh that's amazing. Okay, 147 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 1: what do you do for fun? 148 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 3: I guess spend time with friends and family when I 149 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 3: can go out, maybe to a movie or I'll teat 150 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 3: but I don't really go out that much. I'm be 151 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 3: very honest with you. So you asked me what I 152 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 3: do for fun, I'm like, I don't know. Be a 153 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 3: parent of two small children. 154 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, hard like a five year old and a 155 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: one year older. Not easy to find alone mom time. 156 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: No yeah, yeah, you mentioned like you like spending time 157 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: with friends. How come what is it about spending time 158 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: with friends that you value? 159 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 3: It allows me to be Jay and not mom, not 160 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 3: an employee, not a business owner, just me. 161 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: Who is Jay? 162 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 3: Who is Jane? Jay is the woman that I used 163 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 3: to be. I mean, I'm still her, but she doesn't 164 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,560 Speaker 3: really get a lot of attention these days. But she 165 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 3: is someone who is very thoughtful, who likes to ask questions, 166 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 3: who likes to learn, who likes to be active, not 167 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 3: as active as I used to be, who likes adventure, 168 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 3: and who likes to try new things. 169 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:19,839 Speaker 1: M an odd question, but do you miss that Jay? 170 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 4: Yes? 171 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: And if somehow she came back, would you be pleased? 172 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: I'm not sure how like life is different. You got 173 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 1: too littles, and you know as if somehow that Jay 174 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 1: came back, would you be pleased? 175 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 3: I would, I think I think I would. 176 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my gosh, okay, And you mentioned she was active. 177 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: What kind of active was that Jay? 178 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 3: Well, I used to exercise a lot. I was in 179 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 3: a military, so it was part of you know, my 180 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 3: lifestyle and the military, but also just something that I 181 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:59,199 Speaker 3: really enjoyed. That part of my life is not really present, 182 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 3: and it's not really so much that I don't have 183 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 3: the time because I couldn't make time for it. I 184 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 3: just haven't consistently done so. But I like to I 185 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 3: like to be outdoors. I like to work out. I 186 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 3: used to do like some type of CrossFit stuff, so 187 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 3: I really enjoyed that, and I was kind of like 188 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 3: outdoor workouts when weather permit. I've thought about doing like 189 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 3: tough motters and things of that nature, but I haven't 190 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 3: done one. But those are the type of things that 191 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 3: I like. 192 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,319 Speaker 1: What brings to the military. 193 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 3: I was in the Army National Guard. 194 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: Did you enjoy that. 195 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 3: Some components of it? Yes? 196 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 1: What did you do in the military, Well. 197 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:55,439 Speaker 3: My MOS was military police, so what is MOS? 198 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: I'm a civilian. I don't know the acronym. 199 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, it's okay. It just basically that's just whatever. 200 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 3: Your job is a specific occupation. 201 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: How long did you serve? 202 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 3: Seven years? 203 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: Wow? Wow, it's amazing. As can sometimes be the case 204 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: with men, there's a tremendous societal pressure to be strong, confident, 205 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: be a provider and at different parts of his life, 206 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: David has been all of those things, as he was 207 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 1: a very successful athlete in college and professionally. But it 208 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 1: is also the case with men. What do we do 209 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: when we struggle? What do we do when we fall down, 210 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: when we get depressed, when we start experiencing failure. There's 211 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of judgment and stigma, and it has 212 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: an impact on us. And I think this journey for 213 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: David is about how do I acknowledge that I've been 214 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: struggling and reclaim my confidence and my strength so I 215 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: can get back to being the version of myself that 216 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: I would like to be. I think I think that's 217 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 1: what this journey is about for David, and I think 218 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: a lot of men can resonate with that, because what 219 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: do we do when we're struggling David is going to 220 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: show you a window into what to do when we're 221 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:30,559 Speaker 1: struggling and how to reclaim that best part of yourself. David, 222 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,959 Speaker 1: can I spend a few minutes's kind of getting to 223 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: know you a bit? 224 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 2: Sure? 225 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: So you said you're a former athlete, what's for it? 226 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 2: M I played football, played football. 227 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: Okay, high school college more than that. 228 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 5: So yes, I played high school for the first time 229 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 5: ever playing organized football. 230 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,679 Speaker 2: Was high school, did. 231 00:12:53,800 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 5: Very very well, earned a full scholarship, while I chose 232 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 5: my college, and I played at the Ohio State University, 233 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 5: won the national championship. Wow, wind up, wind up playing 234 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 5: for a few NFL teams, played overseas, hurt my shoulder, 235 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:21,199 Speaker 5: multiple operations on my left shoulder, and then football was 236 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:21,599 Speaker 5: over with. 237 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: Wow. 238 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, football was over with? 239 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: What position? 240 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 2: I played? Deepensive tackle? Wow? 241 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: Man, that's incredible. And to go to Ohio State and 242 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 1: then play in the NFL, you must have been pretty good? 243 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 244 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 2: I was pretty good. Very yeah, I was pretty good. 245 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,839 Speaker 1: And you also mean to play for the Ohio State University, 246 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: you must have one You must have had one hell 247 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: of a fire lit underneath you to do that. 248 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 5: Absolutely, Yes, I sure did. Because my senior year we 249 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 5: went out defeated, so we was fourteen and oh, first 250 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 5: team in college history at that time that went fourteen 251 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 5: and oh and won a national championship. So yes, definitely 252 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 5: had a fire lit underneath me even when I started 253 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 5: playing professional, because I was always said, you know, growing 254 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 5: up in the inner City, I had teachers. I'll never 255 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 5: forget this. One of my eighth grade teachers said, you're 256 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 5: gonna drop out by your sophomore year. You ain't gonna 257 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 5: do this, and you ain't gonna do that. And then 258 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 5: I remember my junior year running track. He was a 259 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 5: track coach and there was a lot of college scouts 260 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 5: there for football. They thought it was there from track, 261 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 5: and it was like they keep asking them about this 262 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 5: kid David, and I overheard him because I was doing 263 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 5: well in track too, and I overheard him and I 264 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,840 Speaker 5: was like, yeah, and I shouldn't have did in. My 265 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 5: coach said why do you do that? I was like nah, 266 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 5: I had to let him know, and I say, yeah, 267 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 5: they're here from me, remember me. Yeah, and all Americans, y'all, 268 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 5: all them coaches up there to see me go this 269 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 5: shot put and it's this and this is my first 270 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 5: year doing it and I'm already third in the county. 271 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 2: Like, yeah, yeah, that's what they're talking about. 272 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: What was that like for you? To get that kind 273 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: of attention when other people were doubting you so much? 274 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 5: Felt good because I was seeing all my hard work 275 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 5: pay off. And I'm talking about hitting the weight room 276 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 5: all summer going into my junior year, putting on thirty 277 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 5: pounds of muscle playing. I moved because I love basketball, 278 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 5: so I played on multiple summer leagues. I just kept 279 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 5: myself busy, and I knew that I got to set 280 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 5: the right example because my little brothers is watching and 281 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 5: we only a year apart as far as like grade wise, 282 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 5: it was a year apart, So you know, I just 283 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 5: kept kept pushing, kept pushing, and a lot of responsibility 284 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 5: fell on me. You know, the oldest boy. I got 285 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 5: two oldest sisters, single family home. But this other guys's 286 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 5: looking around on the team and they're seeing it, and 287 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 5: I'm letting them know, like, yeah, man, I grew up 288 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 5: right around the corner, grew up in the projects, you know, 289 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 5: and I'm still able to come out of here and 290 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 5: get all the way to Ohio State University. But I 291 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 5: knew I didn't want to go to the military, like 292 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 5: my father said. I was like, I'm not going to 293 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 5: nobody's army. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 294 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 5: And then I was like, yo, I want to go 295 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 5: to college and he was like my father told me like, 296 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 5: and I'll never forget this my sophomore year because it 297 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 5: hurt my feelings. And my mother and sister was in 298 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 5: the kitchen and I'm talking to him on the phone. 299 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 5: He said, you ain't going to no college with no football, God, 300 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 5: this and this and that, and I said, I ain't 301 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 5: watch me. I'm gonna show you so right then and 302 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 5: near like to get the doubt from a teacher and 303 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 5: didn't get the doubts from your dad. And I love 304 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 5: my father to death rest in peace, though, but we 305 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 5: don't have our bumps. But when he told me that 306 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 5: it was over, that was it. Never looked back, never 307 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:48,920 Speaker 5: looked back. 308 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: What did you say? He grew up in the inner city. 309 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: What city was it? 310 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,479 Speaker 2: H Patterson, New Jersey, Pattison. 311 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 1: New Jersey. 312 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, I grew up and then my former project 313 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 5: they tore it down, was Chrispurgh Columbus Projects. 314 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 2: Grew up there. Then I moved to the infamous Fourth War. 315 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:13,439 Speaker 1: Wow, I mean, that's that's incredible, David. And right now, 316 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 1: what do you do for a living? 317 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 5: Right now, I'm in sales. I'm in furniture sales. But 318 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 5: I've always been in I always loved sales. I didn't 319 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 5: want to go into the teaching field, like the whole 320 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,880 Speaker 5: side of my mother family in there, because I think 321 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 5: that's the competitiveness of me playing sports. I can't sit 322 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 5: behind a desk. I need to be moving. My personality, 323 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 5: I love talking to people. I could talk to anybody 324 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,199 Speaker 5: that's it's me. So I was like, I gotta go 325 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 5: into sales, and my father did sales. Me and my 326 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 5: father got similar personalities when they come to people. No 327 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 5: matter where we at, we would spark a conversation with 328 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,119 Speaker 5: a total stranger and we could talk for days. 329 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 4: Yeah. 330 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 2: So that's why I went into sales. So right now 331 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 2: I do furniture. 332 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 5: I started off one company in sales, excelled at that 333 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 5: like top guy in the company, then went into management. 334 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,640 Speaker 5: Let that company went to took some time more because 335 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 5: I was having my son. 336 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: How many kids. 337 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,719 Speaker 2: I have a daughter that's sixteen. 338 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 5: She lives with her mother in Florida and I got 339 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 5: two boys, a five year old and nineteen months twenty months, 340 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 5: so something like that. 341 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:28,440 Speaker 1: Than almost two excellent. Now, look you said something I'm 342 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: intrigued by is when you're growing up in the projects 343 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: in Patterson, New Jersey, the chances of you or anybody 344 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: ending up in a university like Ohio State athlete or 345 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,920 Speaker 1: not are very very low. 346 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 2: Yes, what absolutely, I want you. 347 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: To think for a moment, like what personality, trait or 348 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 1: what do you have inside of you that made you 349 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: one of the kinds of people that could make that leap, 350 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, that could get yourself from 351 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:05,400 Speaker 1: one environment to another. Very incredibly hard thing to do. 352 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 2: It is one thing. 353 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:15,160 Speaker 5: Uh, my moms didn't play around about us in school, 354 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 5: right to my oldest sister's very intelligent, very smart, she's 355 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 5: an attorney. 356 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 2: Uh. And then I just you know, I own when 357 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 2: we was younger, younger, we did a lot of stuff 358 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 2: with family, and a lot of my family, especially on 359 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 2: my mother's. 360 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 5: Side, all in college went to HBCUs and you know, 361 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 5: just had us around and I always like, oh that's cool. 362 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 5: Like I always was big on like the HPCU. Like 363 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 5: I was like, yo, I'm gonna go to a black college. Shit, whynot, 364 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 5: Like you know what I'm saying, like, yo, I see it. 365 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 2: And then even my dad, like he was always honest about, Yo, 366 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 2: get your school work. 367 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 5: You gotta know your math, gotta know how to read, 368 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 5: know your mathematics, stuff like that. You gotta get good 369 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 5: grades so we can get a job. So I just 370 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 5: always kept that in the back of my mind. And 371 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 5: then I just at some point in time, not like 372 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 5: saying I'm perfect and I was innocent or anything like that, 373 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,160 Speaker 5: but at some point in time, like I was like, oh, 374 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 5: I'm go to jail. That's one two. I don't want 375 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 5: to be killed, right. So I just got into sports, 376 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,199 Speaker 5: and then you know, a lot of community around me, 377 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,600 Speaker 5: like family and stuffs made sure because, like I said, 378 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 5: my older sister smart you know, in school college. And 379 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 5: then you know my other sister that's right under me, 380 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 5: she was a smart, talented, but she was the street one. 381 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 2: Right. 382 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 5: So my uncles, godfather, cousins and stuff, that's made sure. 383 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 5: Like Yo, we told my mother like yo, we got 384 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,399 Speaker 5: the boys, like you know, put them in this sport 385 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 5: or we're gonna take them there. 386 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 2: Let them. It's exposing us two different things. 387 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 5: Going to my seeing my cousins graduate high school, and 388 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 5: just putting us around athletes, because even though we was 389 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,400 Speaker 5: in a project, a lot of athletes came out of there. 390 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 5: Some of them did go to colleges, not big schools, 391 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,239 Speaker 5: but they did, but a lot of athletes didn't. So 392 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 5: I saw that, so I was like, yo, it is possible. 393 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,719 Speaker 5: But the college bug didn't really bite me, bite me 394 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 5: for sports until I got to high school. 395 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: Right. 396 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 2: That's when it really like all day, you can really 397 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 2: take this to another level. Because if you want. 398 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 5: To go to school and you don't want to work 399 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 5: like your sister is a't going to college, that that's 400 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 5: just not I feel like y'all wouldn't be able to 401 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,439 Speaker 5: do that. You gotta play sports, excel at it, goot 402 00:21:44,520 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 5: good grades when you can get a free ride. 403 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: I want to tell you about the third party in 404 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:14,680 Speaker 1: this process, which is Jay's father named Freddie. And you know, 405 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: a lot of people have made a lot of mistakes 406 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 1: in their life, and some of those mistakes include drug addiction, incarceration, 407 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:30,480 Speaker 1: some of the trappings of inner city life, and Freddie 408 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,239 Speaker 1: is certainly an example of this. But the beautiful thing 409 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,919 Speaker 1: about Freddie is he's come out on the other side 410 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: and is willing to acknowledge that there are some things 411 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 1: he has to do to get back to the family 412 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 1: that he has hurt over the years. And I think 413 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,199 Speaker 1: one of the hardest things ever, is how do you 414 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 1: acknowledge fault, ask for forgiveness, and behave in a way 415 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: that's more in line with who you want to be. 416 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: And that's what Freddy's going to show us as he 417 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 1: courageously goes about trying to reconnect with his children and 418 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 1: his grandchildren while acknowledging he's done some things that cause 419 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 1: hurt over the years. So I talked to you earlier 420 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: today on your job. What is it you do for 421 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 1: a living? 422 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 4: I do mainly carpeentering construction. 423 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,720 Speaker 1: Okay, where'd you learn how to do that? 424 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,679 Speaker 6: Uh? And men a partner Jersey. I worked with this 425 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 6: guy for like, I don't know, seven years. He was like, 426 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 6: it's like some people. 427 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 4: Afraid to teach you know what I'm saying. And he 428 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 4: wasn't afraid to teach me. 429 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 6: Like, once I learned how to do this, he taught 430 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,399 Speaker 6: me another step, you know what I mean. And sometimes 431 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,639 Speaker 6: people will only teach you but so much, you know 432 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,440 Speaker 6: what I mean. So you won't step out on your 433 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 6: own and do your own thing, you know what I mean. 434 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 6: He wasn't afraid to, you know, to teach me even 435 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 6: if that happened. You know, he wasn't you know, he 436 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 6: was that type of guy. 437 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 1: Do you enjoy it the work you do? 438 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 4: Yeah? 439 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: I do. 440 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 4: I enjoyed too much today though? 441 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 1: What about have you ever tried therapy before? Is this 442 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: your first time doing therapy? 443 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 2: Well? 444 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,679 Speaker 4: No, not not really. I used to have sessions with 445 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 4: in this program. I always Uh, I don't know. I try. 446 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 6: Some people I just something I can talk to simply 447 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,639 Speaker 6: about this, and some people I can talk to something 448 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 6: about that. I can't talk to one person about this internet, right, 449 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,439 Speaker 6: I don't know that makes any. 450 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:44,360 Speaker 1: Sense, That makes perfect sense. I understand that anything else 451 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: you'd like to see in your life change as a 452 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,920 Speaker 1: result of us talking, uh. 453 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 4: Primarily my whole entire family. 454 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 6: Like I don't really gotta like a day to day 455 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,920 Speaker 6: got a relationship with my kids, like like talk to 456 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 6: him every day or every every week, you know, I 457 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,439 Speaker 6: don't want to got to improve greatly? 458 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 1: Okay? How many kids you got? 459 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 4: Seven? 460 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: Okay? And and you would like I heard you say 461 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: you'd like that to improve greatly? Is that right? 462 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 4: Yeah? 463 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: Okay, what difference did it make for you if these 464 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 1: relationships were improve greatly? 465 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 4: Mm hmm. And speaking as a. 466 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 6: Human being, I would, you know, love the joy with 467 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,639 Speaker 6: my family every day, you know what I mean, talking 468 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 6: to him grandkids. 469 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 4: I think initially it's primarily my fault, you know. 470 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 6: Now, I'm not put forth enough initiative to call him 471 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,879 Speaker 6: every day to see how they do when I travel up, 472 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 6: you know what I mean. And I think that's one 473 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,160 Speaker 6: thing I'm really lacking, Like I let one day turn 474 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 6: into two days. If I know it was a week, 475 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 6: now damn it's a month. God, you know that's six months, 476 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 6: like oh jeez. And then when I like, dude, call 477 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 6: like this, every someone reluctant, you know, right, tales you 478 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 6: know what I mean? 479 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: So do they do you think they know? Do you 480 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,439 Speaker 1: think these seven kids know how much you want to 481 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,720 Speaker 1: have a relationship with them, like a daily or weekly 482 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:27,400 Speaker 1: relationship with them? 483 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 6: Quite sure they know, but I'm not making the effort 484 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 6: to make sure that we do have a relationship like that. 485 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 6: I know it's like a phone, we're both ways, but 486 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 6: I should have more initiative on uh, try to develop 487 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,160 Speaker 6: relationship again, you. 488 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 4: Know what I mean? 489 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 6: Yeah, older to me and older to them as much 490 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,160 Speaker 6: as you know as anybody else. 491 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 1: Okay, how would it make a difference in your life 492 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: to have this these kind of relationship with these seven kids? 493 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 1: How would you make a difference for you? 494 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,440 Speaker 6: I think it's more than having men dies, I think, 495 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 6: and this brings happiness in my life. So much things 496 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,880 Speaker 6: seending me missing out of my life, and I think 497 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 6: those are the major major things that I listen, listen. 498 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 1: I asked people what their best hopes are because in 499 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 1: order for me to do therapy, I need to know 500 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 1: what their desired outcome is. That's probably the very difference 501 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,680 Speaker 1: between the way that I do therapy and most traditional psychotherapists, 502 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: because most traditional psychotherapists need to know the problem, and 503 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: I don't need to know the problem. I just need 504 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 1: to know the hope. I need to know the hope 505 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: for future. And if I can understand the hope for future, 506 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: then I can start doing therapy. David, what are your 507 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,280 Speaker 1: best hopes from talking with. 508 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 2: Me trying to figure everything out? 509 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 5: You know, hopefully this can help put me on a. 510 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 2: Better track on what's going on with me and Jake. 511 00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,639 Speaker 5: You know, just trying to get more clarity and you know, 512 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 5: maybe put a little fire underneath me. 513 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 2: I think that's what I'm trying to get out of this. 514 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 2: You know, it. 515 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 5: Definitely needs to be some changes on my end and 516 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,120 Speaker 5: just us as a you know, relationship and this family 517 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 5: things of that nature. 518 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,720 Speaker 2: Very open minded, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 519 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 1: Okay, how would you know you had a fire lit 520 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: underneath you, David? Like, what would be what would be 521 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,080 Speaker 1: a sign to you that this led to a fire 522 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 1: being lit underneath you? 523 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 5: Behavior changes, being more assertive with certain things, and you know, 524 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 5: even a little bit more disciplined on certain aspects of 525 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 5: my life. I think that'll let me know because it 526 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 5: used to be there, right, and then some somewhere down 527 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 5: the line, and you. 528 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:17,440 Speaker 2: Know, it fizzled out a little bit, and I know it. 529 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 5: I can see it sometimes and then I have flashes 530 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 5: of it. But I needed to be lit and keep 531 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,320 Speaker 5: on going because I'm a former athlete, so I know 532 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 5: I know when that fire is lit. 533 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 2: I know when it's lit. 534 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, So if somehow talking to me lit 535 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 1: that fire and that the discipline and behavior changes happen, 536 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 1: you'd be pleased. 537 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, Jay. 538 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: What are your best hopes from talking with me? 539 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 3: My best hopes I guess that I get a little 540 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 3: bit more clarity on the things that I want and 541 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 3: what I'm working towards, because come a little more clear 542 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 3: to me. 543 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: How would you know you had clarity. 544 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 3: Once I've defined, like a very clear strategy. I guess, 545 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 3: in a clear goal, what. 546 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: Difference would it make for you to have clarity about 547 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: these strategies and. 548 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 3: Goals so I can know how I want to move 549 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 3: forward with this relationship, how I want to I guess 550 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 3: identify the life that I want and work towards it, 551 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 3: because sometimes I feel like I know, and then sometimes 552 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 3: I feel like I don't know. 553 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 1: In those times when you feel like you do know, 554 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 1: what's it like? 555 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 3: It's nice, it's peaceful, it's it's like it just makes sense. 556 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 3: Things make sense. There's no there's no like double back, 557 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 3: and no doubting myself. It's just like, this is what 558 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 3: I'm doing and I'm going towards it, okay. 559 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: And instead of doubting yourself, what's happening? Instead in those moments. 560 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:13,720 Speaker 3: Confidence, confident in the choices that I'm making and making 561 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 3: things happen. 562 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 1: And Are you pleased in those moments? 563 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so. 564 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: So if I could help you, you know somehow as 565 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,959 Speaker 1: a result of us talking you had that peace and 566 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 1: that clarity and that confidence, would you be pleased? Yes, yes, Freddie. 567 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: What are your best hope from talking with me? 568 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,920 Speaker 6: Well, life has love pushers and pulls them, just trying 569 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 6: to figure what's where you know, I long ago, you 570 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 6: know what I mean? Hopefully that could be self resolution 571 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,800 Speaker 6: with a few issues that I. 572 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 7: Have, moving that you give me some more pointers on 573 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 7: how to be go directly at the issue and follow 574 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 7: up on, you know, do what I say I'm gonna 575 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 7: do when I say I'm gonna do it. 576 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: That's if I gave pointers that you could follow up 577 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,280 Speaker 1: on and do do these things, you'd be pleased. 578 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 6: And somewhat, yeah, she would. I'm just saying I'm having 579 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 6: a real issue with my son though, like uh, we're 580 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 6: going we had each other's throats like he's like thirty five. 581 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 6: I think it's a psychic mostly like trying childhood trauma. 582 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:17,920 Speaker 4: Maybe. 583 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 6: I think that's one of the issues that's happening with 584 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 6: him too. I guess I'm having some traumas too, because 585 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 6: I guess like, because he was fourteen years years old when. 586 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 1: I left, When you left, where'd you go? 587 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 4: I'm moving to Florida? 588 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,080 Speaker 1: Okay? How long were you gone? 589 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 4: Oh like ten years? 590 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: About ten years? He was fourteen and he was twenty 591 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,840 Speaker 1: four when you when you came back. Did you see 592 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: him at all in the ten years between? 593 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 4: No? 594 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 1: No? Okay. Did you reconnect with him when he was 595 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: twenty four when he came back? 596 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 2: Yeah? 597 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: Okay, how'd that go? 598 00:32:58,920 --> 00:32:59,240 Speaker 4: So? 599 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 6: So little resentment, then it was a little happiness, and 600 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 6: then it was a little resentment. 601 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 1: Okay. What would you like to see happens to your 602 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: relationship with your son? 603 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 2: Like? 604 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,280 Speaker 1: If if I could do a really really good job 605 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,120 Speaker 1: and make a difference in your relationship with your son, 606 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: what difference would you like to see happen. 607 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 6: I just hope that we could get be friends again, 608 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 6: be the father and son again, and just be have 609 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 6: a relationship again. 610 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 2: Period. 611 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: Okay, So, Freddie, if I could help you and your 612 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: son have a relationship again, that's kind of like father 613 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: starting friendly again, you'd be pleased, it's indeed. Okay, what else, Freddy? 614 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 1: What else can I help you with? 615 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 4: Oh? I guess all the goals that I try to 616 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 4: achieve my life. 617 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 6: Uh, you know, for one minute they saw they I 618 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 6: reached them, and then there's another setback. Then I working 619 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 6: again for somebody that's got working the day. 620 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 4: Then my back is hurting so bad. 621 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 1: I mean, can I ask you a really import in question. Sure, 622 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: and and please if I offend you, let me know, 623 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: because that's not my intention. But I get the impression, 624 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: and you didn't say this, so correct me if I'm wrong. 625 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,680 Speaker 1: I get the impression that you don't feel like you've 626 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 1: done everything right as a father. Is that true? 627 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,480 Speaker 4: That's true, and I'm not offending bout it. 628 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 6: I think as being a man in life, do everything 629 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,839 Speaker 6: is possible for your kids as far as you know, financial, emotionally, 630 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,919 Speaker 6: you know, you know, expects of dislike and I think 631 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 6: I felt kind of short and a. 632 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 4: Lot of areas, you know. Not to say that I 633 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:50,760 Speaker 4: was the worst father in the world. 634 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,160 Speaker 6: I know we did a lot. I did a lot 635 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,320 Speaker 6: of things some joyful times in our lives, you know 636 00:34:56,320 --> 00:35:00,440 Speaker 6: what I mean. I have to say that, Oh, men 637 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 6: think they fall short in some aspects, you know what 638 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:04,520 Speaker 6: I mean. 639 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 4: But I think I just fell short and more than 640 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 4: most men in this world. 641 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 1: And thank you for saying that, And I guess what 642 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:18,880 Speaker 1: I want to ask you is if you woke up 643 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 1: tomorrow as the version of yourself that you want to be, 644 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,279 Speaker 1: as the version of yourself as a father that you 645 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 1: want to be, how would your kids know it? 646 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:34,760 Speaker 4: I guess by. 647 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,320 Speaker 6: Me showing the more, being more attentive in their life, 648 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,400 Speaker 6: you know what I mean, being a part of the. 649 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:51,880 Speaker 4: Activities, Uh, in a way where you know, like you 650 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,839 Speaker 4: was just there, you know what I mean. Sometime you's 651 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,879 Speaker 4: got to be this just did I can't really say 652 00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,800 Speaker 4: I'm a part of his life, you know, like like 653 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:03,439 Speaker 4: let me you say you know me? Right, Okay? If 654 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 4: you know me, then uh, I would you would know. 655 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:13,359 Speaker 6: My daily functions in the day, the events that I 656 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,879 Speaker 6: got your planning, you know what I mean? 657 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 4: And what's you know? Even to like the favor that 658 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,200 Speaker 4: were favorite serial? You know what I mean? 659 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 6: Things like that I don't know, you know what I mean, 660 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 6: Like and I think that's probably be the top of 661 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,160 Speaker 6: my list, you know what I mean? Like this like 662 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 6: they say to say I know you, you know, just you know, 663 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 6: I know I know you. You know what I mean 664 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 6: For me to say I know you, I don't you know, 665 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 6: I know you. I love you. But and uh, but 666 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 6: I don't really know your your events of the day, 667 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,800 Speaker 6: you know what I mean, or your events of yesterday, 668 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,840 Speaker 6: you know what I mean, your eventsive for tomorrow. 669 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,400 Speaker 4: That's not I say. You know, I know you, you 670 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:56,879 Speaker 4: know what I mean. 671 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,160 Speaker 1: Would you like to know your children in that way? 672 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:01,359 Speaker 4: Absolutely? 673 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,640 Speaker 1: What's the first thing if you walk to tomorrow man 674 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,240 Speaker 1: as as as the best version of you as a father. 675 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 1: What's the first thing you would do to join their 676 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 1: lives in that way? How would you do it? 677 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,919 Speaker 4: Well? Just by doing things with them today? It ain't 678 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,479 Speaker 4: nothing but going to the to. 679 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 6: The fish balk against a fist, half dinner, you know 680 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 6: what I mean, or going to a show or event, or. 681 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,800 Speaker 4: Just spend the uh that that he called quality time? 682 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: Uh Freddie, when was the last time you spent quality 683 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,719 Speaker 1: time like going to a dinner or an event? When 684 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,080 Speaker 1: was the last thing you spent that kind of time 685 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,360 Speaker 1: was one of the kids? 686 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:51,279 Speaker 4: Jeez, I really gotta think about that, you know what 687 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,760 Speaker 4: I mean, Because it's been a minute. 688 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,960 Speaker 1: Hey, how do you think they'd respond to you trying 689 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: to join their lives like this? How do you think 690 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:02,360 Speaker 1: they'd respond? 691 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 4: I think they'd be kind of uh acceptable to it? 692 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 4: You know what I mean? 693 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 1: Do you think they wouldn't be acceptable to it? 694 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:13,200 Speaker 4: I think so. 695 00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:17,200 Speaker 1: What would they say? 696 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,440 Speaker 4: That's that's the whole the limit. 697 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:23,320 Speaker 6: Actually, you know what I'm saying, Because what planning something 698 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,520 Speaker 6: and something else will make it won't. 699 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:30,319 Speaker 4: Make it happen many with me? It could be it 700 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:30,719 Speaker 4: could be. 701 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:38,440 Speaker 6: Uh emergency or a lack of fundings or uh not 702 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,920 Speaker 6: having the transportation, you know what I mean. Does it 703 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 6: seems something always for like in the midst of it all, 704 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 6: you know, like to eventing from happening. I mean sometimes 705 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,240 Speaker 6: like damn to myself, like well, force is always working 706 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,359 Speaker 6: against me, you know what I mean? 707 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 4: Oh, you know what I mean. 708 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 6: You know. 709 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: It must be hard, reddy man. It can be to 710 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 1: feel like you know, all these forces are against you. 711 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,560 Speaker 1: That must be difficult, man. 712 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 4: Sometimes sometimes it appears to be. 713 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,399 Speaker 6: Yeah, and then like I got, you know, a nice 714 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,600 Speaker 6: big bouty for home, nice big boode for a woman. 715 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,000 Speaker 6: You know, like they what you will call one of 716 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,880 Speaker 6: the American dreams, you know, white pick of fence. 717 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 4: You know all that. 718 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 6: You know, a dog, you know, But I feel in 719 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 6: love with my house. But it's it's a mess. 720 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 4: In me, as you know, got a shadow over everything. 721 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 1: I hope, more than anything else, what people get and 722 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,960 Speaker 1: the value people will get from listening to this podcast 723 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:55,160 Speaker 1: is inspiration and witnessing the power of love and care 724 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:59,200 Speaker 1: and being a psychotherapist for nearly twenty years, Love and 725 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: care are a part of every single change process, either 726 00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 1: learning to love yourself, learning to love your partner, learning 727 00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:09,280 Speaker 1: to love the people around you, learning to accept love 728 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 1: from the people around you, Like it's an incredibly important 729 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,120 Speaker 1: part of the change process. It's literally what motivates us 730 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,279 Speaker 1: to do things differently every single day. Like when people 731 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,160 Speaker 1: have addiction, they get clean because of someone that they 732 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,080 Speaker 1: love and care about. When people want to get a 733 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,000 Speaker 1: new job, it's because they've learned to love themselves and 734 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:31,480 Speaker 1: value themselves. So I want people to witness the power 735 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:35,319 Speaker 1: of love as people discover how to love themselves and 736 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,000 Speaker 1: the people around them, and how to receive love. I 737 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:42,399 Speaker 1: also want people to experience inspiration because when we are 738 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,000 Speaker 1: going through hard times, we have a tendency to think 739 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,240 Speaker 1: we're the only ones going through those hard times, and 740 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,520 Speaker 1: we have a tendency to think our lives like the 741 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 1: thing that's challenging us is insurmountable. But when you can 742 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,839 Speaker 1: sit and bear witness to people overcoming challenges in their 743 00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 1: lives and you can see how they're doing it and 744 00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,360 Speaker 1: what it's leading to, it inspires you to hang on 745 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,279 Speaker 1: just a little bit more in your life. And for me, 746 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,400 Speaker 1: that's that makes this one of the most valuable podcasts 747 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,360 Speaker 1: you can ever listen to, because we highlight the power 748 00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,359 Speaker 1: of love and inspire people to do and be better 749 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,799 Speaker 1: in their lives. I would love to hear from you 750 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:20,759 Speaker 1: about your healing journey, your family and your feedback. Leave 751 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,440 Speaker 1: a review, send a DM connect with me on socials 752 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,040 Speaker 1: at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send me a 753 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,879 Speaker 1: text message to nine seven two four two six two 754 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,680 Speaker 1: six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio 755 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,040 Speaker 1: and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to our 756 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,920 Speaker 1: assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack Queise Thomas and 757 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:44,800 Speaker 1: the executive producer, Dolly Bishop. The content presented on the 758 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:48,360 Speaker 1: Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes. 759 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,879 Speaker 1: It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical 760 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,600 Speaker 1: or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider 761 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,399 Speaker 1: patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your health 762 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,239 Speaker 1: care provider or health team for any specific concerns or 763 00:41:59,320 --> 00:41:59,960 Speaker 1: questions you may have.