Speaker 1: Hell I Suck a Dating with Dengler, Dared Haven and
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio podcast. Hey, welcome to whatever this podcast
Speaker 1: is called, help I Suck at Dating. I'm Jared Haven,
Speaker 1: of course, joined by Dean Angler. Dean, how are you Jared? Wow?
Speaker 1: What a great introduction that was. Thanks so much. Not
Speaker 1: my best. Hey, thanks for having me on your podcast.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. You know, it's always an honored
Speaker 1: to be here every week. I don't know why you
Speaker 1: asked me to keep coming back as a guest, but
Speaker 1: you know I'll keep coming as long as you keep asking.
Speaker 1: You're the true talent of this podcast. So we have
Speaker 1: a great podcast coming up for you from the guests
Speaker 1: of the brand new show, UH let me get the
Speaker 1: title right. It is UH You, Me and My Ex,
Speaker 1: which starts airing on t l C Sundays at ten pm.
Speaker 1: It's John April, John's ex wife Lauren and Roy April's
Speaker 1: ex husband. It's very confusing. I'll watch the first episode.
Speaker 1: If you like these types of shows, you're gonna like
Speaker 1: this show. It's just a bunch of x is P
Speaker 1: who've been divorced living under one household and then then
Speaker 1: put cameras in there. And drama ensues. It's actually quite entertaining. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to have them later on in the podcast
Speaker 1: and talk about the first episode. But first I wanted
Speaker 1: to get to something that we didn't finish last week, Dean,
Speaker 1: which was a New York Times article. UM, let me
Speaker 1: just bring it up here. Sorry. UM, It's it's Monday, people,
Speaker 1: so usually we record on Fridays. It's Monday. I'm all
Speaker 1: over the place. Dean looks like he just woke up.
Speaker 1: Easton looks like a disheveled version of himself. We're all
Speaker 1: over the place today. It's a Monday. But here it
Speaker 1: is for the record. Let's let the record. Let's let
Speaker 1: the record stay for a second. That it's nine thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning where most of us are, but it's
Speaker 1: twelve thirty in the afternoon where you are, So you
Speaker 1: should you have less of an excuse to be a
Speaker 1: little scatter brained at the moment. Oh, I have no excuse.
Speaker 1: But I'm still going to just make excuses because that's
Speaker 1: what I do. So it's hard to point out. I
Speaker 1: appreciate it. The New York Times article that we talked
Speaker 1: about last week, seven ways to reset your relationship we
Speaker 1: only got through the first two, and just to reiterate
Speaker 1: what we were talking about, experts were saying, couples can
Speaker 1: emerge from the pandemic because hopefully we're getting past this
Speaker 1: thing stronger than ever by learning from the past and
Speaker 1: looking forward towards the future. Quote. During this time, couples
Speaker 1: may have been spending about as much time with each
Speaker 1: other as they would normally be stretched out across a
Speaker 1: two or three year period, says Bryce dejone A, a
Speaker 1: clinical psychologist in Portland. Uh Quote. She goes on to say,
Speaker 1: and they've had to occupy multiple roles that have been
Speaker 1: previously filled by others, like friends, which is nearly impossible.
Speaker 1: So as many couples pledged back into reality, it's a
Speaker 1: good opportunity to reset the relationship we talked about the
Speaker 1: first two. Number one is doing a relationship review, which
Speaker 1: is having to sit down with your partner, assess what
Speaker 1: has worked over the past year and a half throughout
Speaker 1: the pandemic, what hasn't worked, and try to work on
Speaker 1: your work on your weaknesses while reving your strengths. Just
Speaker 1: like the New Engla Patriots. Dude Number two, voice your
Speaker 1: appreciation perhaps over the past year you haven't felt like
Speaker 1: giving compliments to your partner, but positive feedback is important.
Speaker 1: We talked about Dean, how you are a great, great
Speaker 1: person when it comes to compliments because you just compliment
Speaker 1: everybody so well. And number three build in time apart.
Speaker 1: This is interesting. Make sure that each partner builds some
Speaker 1: alone time into their day, even if it's a short walk.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about that having some personal time
Speaker 1: to yourself. I've I've advocated for a time apart, specifically
Speaker 1: in relationships, for as long as I can freaking remember,
Speaker 1: and I still to this day. Kalen and I've been
Speaker 1: together for you know, over two years now, and there
Speaker 1: are still times where it's like, Okay, you know, we
Speaker 1: just spent two weeks literally by each other's side every
Speaker 1: waking moment. Now let's you know, I'm going to go
Speaker 1: off in the van for five days. I'll see when
Speaker 1: I get back. And it's psych a good way to
Speaker 1: like reset. It's not because like I'm sick of her
Speaker 1: or she's sick of me, or we're sick of each other.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just a good thing to get out
Speaker 1: and you know, kind of like be on your own
Speaker 1: for a little bit. I think it's an important thing
Speaker 1: that people don't really tend to do it as much anymore.
Speaker 1: What do you think about it? No, I completely agree.
Speaker 1: I think you just become accustomed to way things are
Speaker 1: and you don't prioritize yourself. And when we talked about
Speaker 1: numerous times on this podcast, but there has to be moments,
Speaker 1: even in your relationship where you just kind of have
Speaker 1: to be alone. You know, I'm never tired of Ashley.
Speaker 1: It's probably one of our best attributes in our relationship
Speaker 1: where there honestly hasn't been a time where I thought
Speaker 1: to myself, I need to be away from Ashley right now.
Speaker 1: But being away from her actually right now she's down
Speaker 1: in Virginia visiting her parents, and I'm in the Rhode
Speaker 1: Island right now. It's been actually quite um nice to
Speaker 1: just have some alone time. And you know, I miss
Speaker 1: I miss my wife, you know, so it's a really nice,
Speaker 1: like you said, reset to have that I think is
Speaker 1: very important and there's nothing wrong with saying to your partner, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna you know, I'm gonna go along for
Speaker 1: a little while, take a walk. I'm gonna go, you know,
Speaker 1: to a store, do whatever. You need to do to
Speaker 1: just kind of get out reset your mind. I think
Speaker 1: it's really healthy. Number four in this seven ways to
Speaker 1: reset your relationship take time to connect. Having less sex
Speaker 1: these days, it's not just you. A recent online survey
Speaker 1: of one thousand and fifty nine adults about their intimate
Speaker 1: lives by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University revealed that
Speaker 1: over of participants reported a decline in the quality of
Speaker 1: their sex lives since the pandemic began. Um, this might
Speaker 1: be a little t M I D. But I don't know.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to, I'll you. I want you to
Speaker 1: feel at first declined sex life. Um, I guess we'll
Speaker 1: definitely during the pandemic it was, you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of just lounging sweatpants. We didn't really try to dress
Speaker 1: up for each other. You know, there'd be may be
Speaker 1: days in there where I wouldn't bathe. So it was
Speaker 1: just not a sexy time in our lives. So I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: if I was answering this survey, I would say we
Speaker 1: were one of the participants with report, you know, who
Speaker 1: had a decline in our sex lives. Um, but as
Speaker 1: we've been very open and honest about we've been trying
Speaker 1: to conceive, so that has ramped things back up again.
Speaker 1: But definitely during the pandemic it was not a priority,
Speaker 1: which actually caused I'm not going to say issues, but
Speaker 1: you know, we had conversations about it because Ashley was
Speaker 1: very honest and saying like, hey, I need you to
Speaker 1: make me feel more sexy, and I'm like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: very attracted to you. It's just you know, there's it's
Speaker 1: just as you know, Dean, like when you don't work out,
Speaker 1: when you're not feeling good about yourself, it makes you
Speaker 1: it makes your sex drive go down. And so I
Speaker 1: think that happened to a lot of people in the pandemic,
Speaker 1: where they didn't feel good about themselves and sex went down,
Speaker 1: and then it just snowballed into like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's been three weeks since we've had sex, and and
Speaker 1: so I don't know any thoughts about it. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's funny to hear you talk about it
Speaker 1: so candidly. I appreciate it. I think that we've talked
Speaker 1: about it on the podcast a little bit in the past,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm very much in the same boat as you,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's it's a weird thing to talk about.
Speaker 1: I talked about with my friends like privately all the time,
Speaker 1: but now I discuss it publicly on this it's always
Speaker 1: just funny to say, and it's very funny too. It's
Speaker 1: basically exactly what you said to Caitlin. Caitlin voiced her
Speaker 1: concerns just like Ashley did to you, And my response
Speaker 1: is like, I's like, do you see, like how out
Speaker 1: of shape I am. I look in the mirror and
Speaker 1: I see myself and I'm like completely repulsed by the
Speaker 1: person looking back at me. Like it's just like, you know, pandemic.
Speaker 1: Let you go, let your body go. You've been eating worse,
Speaker 1: You've been working out less, You've been you know, like
Speaker 1: you said, bathing less. I mean, I you know, that's
Speaker 1: always just kind of I don't I don't really bathe
Speaker 1: as it is anyways. Um, but yeah, it's bad. It's
Speaker 1: just all kind of compiles and and has become this
Speaker 1: perfect storm. And it's nothing to do with anyone else.
Speaker 1: It's really it's actually gotten so bad, not so bad,
Speaker 1: but like it made me so curious, I guess to
Speaker 1: the point where I'm like I just I actually just
Speaker 1: or a testosterone testing kit. I'm like, do I have
Speaker 1: low testosterone? Um? But I do think once I get
Speaker 1: back in the gym and start working out again and
Speaker 1: like start being more confident in my appearance as I
Speaker 1: used to be, things will kind of return back to normal.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, it's it's it's definitely like a funny
Speaker 1: situation to be in. I'm very curious about this testosterone kit.
Speaker 1: You have to let us know if your testosterone levels
Speaker 1: are normal, low or high. Well, yeah, I definitely will.
Speaker 1: And the funny thing is, right after I ordered it,
Speaker 1: it kind of made me recall this experience I had
Speaker 1: in college where I was driving around with my best
Speaker 1: friend and we came across the testoster and testing center
Speaker 1: and I was just distinctly remember the conversation. He was like, Dean,
Speaker 1: you should go get tested for a low teed. We
Speaker 1: are you just talking about how you thought you had
Speaker 1: low testosterone? So this might be a thing that I've
Speaker 1: just had since college or my entire life, or it
Speaker 1: just isn't completely like in my head thing. Um, I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't know, I feel like we're kind
Speaker 1: of groomed culturally through social media and movies and television
Speaker 1: to like as guys be like, if you're not craving
Speaker 1: sex at all times of the day, then there's something
Speaker 1: wrong with you. And I feel like like I've absorbed
Speaker 1: that in a in a negative way, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I like, I don't really ever crave sex. There's never
Speaker 1: a moment where I'm like, my instincts are taking over
Speaker 1: and i have to like swipe everything off this counter
Speaker 1: and like, you know, take calein and do that. It's
Speaker 1: just I've never been that person. Um, and I enjoy that.
Speaker 1: I'm not that person. I've never really been motivated by
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. So, uh, you know, I think
Speaker 1: society has kind of tricked me into thinking that I
Speaker 1: should be, you know, a little bit more sexually motivated. Um.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, Yeah, I'll just know what the
Speaker 1: results say. Though, No, I agree with you. When Ashley
Speaker 1: and I first got together because again being very candid,
Speaker 1: Ashley obviously was a virgin for a very long time,
Speaker 1: and so it was definitely, you know, a learning curve
Speaker 1: for for her and for both of us kind of
Speaker 1: getting to know each other, and so, uh, it was
Speaker 1: it was weird because she would sometimes get a little
Speaker 1: annoyed at me because she would have a difficult time,
Speaker 1: uh during some moments. And then she's like, but you're like,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to want to have sex like every five
Speaker 1: minutes you're a guy, and it's like, I don't think
Speaker 1: that's I think that's a little bit of a myth
Speaker 1: ash because I feel like a lot of my guy
Speaker 1: friends like they might put this appearance on like they
Speaker 1: want to have sex all the time, but I really
Speaker 1: don't think they do. And like, for someone like me,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm similar to you, Deane, where it's like I
Speaker 1: need you know, it's not like hey, I'm just ready
Speaker 1: to go like I need some you know, warming up
Speaker 1: to some four play in there. It's a it's a
Speaker 1: nice little added touch. Uh. So anyway we're being really
Speaker 1: Candidate number five, going to a party is some way
Speaker 1: a way to reset your relationship. Seeing your significant other
Speaker 1: at an event dressed up, being witty perhaps can renew
Speaker 1: your own attraction, which is something, of course I agree with.
Speaker 1: Anytime we go to events and Ashley dresses up and
Speaker 1: she's wearing a dress and heels and like, oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're looking good, especially when she's at an event or
Speaker 1: wearing some sort of get together and she's on her
Speaker 1: own and she's socializing with other people and making people
Speaker 1: will feel good about themselves. Like, that's a very attractive
Speaker 1: trait for you know, something I find extremely attractive. You
Speaker 1: think that's reciprocated. Do you think she finds you more
Speaker 1: attractive to see you in your element? Because I think
Speaker 1: I'm more attractive in my element. You know, when I'm
Speaker 1: more in a when I'm in a scenario that I
Speaker 1: feel very comfortable, and I feel like I give off
Speaker 1: this this confidence, in this sex appeal that isn't there
Speaker 1: when I'm in other scenarios that I am very uncomfortable with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we kind of have that dynamic. I think Caylin is
Speaker 1: a little more introverted than Ashley as though, So there's
Speaker 1: a lot of social settings we get into as a couple. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to say like I'm tasked with
Speaker 1: carrying the two of us through the conversations, but sometimes
Speaker 1: she'll like pull me aside afterwards and say like, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for not giving me like like essentially
Speaker 1: for being like thank you for handling that conversation because
Speaker 1: I wasn't in the mood to to talk with anyone,
Speaker 1: and she's like that was very nice to be like that,
Speaker 1: Like that was kind of like her her version of
Speaker 1: being attracted to that. I guess. Uh, And that's the
Speaker 1: only find too, because time I get into a conversation,
Speaker 1: especially when it's her and I together, it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't want there to be any fluffing. Let's just get
Speaker 1: get the conversation over with, move on with their lives
Speaker 1: and and go to the next place. So, uh, it's
Speaker 1: kind of nice that, you know, we're both on the
Speaker 1: same page of just like, let's get sober with you.
Speaker 1: You guys balance each other off pretty well. Yeah. Number six,
Speaker 1: rediscover your playful side. If there was ever a time
Speaker 1: to surprise ourselves and our partner with the new and unexpected,
Speaker 1: it is right now. Uh. Yeah, you have to be
Speaker 1: playful sometimes, like we're talking about, relationships can get stagnant
Speaker 1: and get stale. You need to kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: spice it up. I think a lot of people forget
Speaker 1: that they have to put effort into a relationship and
Speaker 1: that when you're with someone you get complacent and you
Speaker 1: forget oh well, I need to put some sort of
Speaker 1: effort into you know, for lack of a better way
Speaker 1: of saying it, rediscovering our playful side because the relationship
Speaker 1: is supposed to be fun. Well, let's ask you this,
Speaker 1: what was the last playful thing you did for Ashley? Well,
Speaker 1: damn it, Dean, I didn't expect to answer that. Uh,
Speaker 1: what is the last playful thing? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: also think what what's playful in my mind is not
Speaker 1: playful in ashes Um, damn what is the last? Oh man,
Speaker 1: I'm a terrible husband. Um, I don't know. Like I always, like,
Speaker 1: you know, when she wakes up. I always wake her
Speaker 1: up in bed and like cuddle with her for a
Speaker 1: minute and like tickle her arm. Um, it's never long
Speaker 1: enough because she always complains when I walk away because
Speaker 1: I only do it for like maybe two or three minutes.
Speaker 1: But then like we'll always like play with Lois in
Speaker 1: the bed and have like a little family moment um,
Speaker 1: usually in the morning, sometimes before we go to bed.
Speaker 1: So that's probably like the most playful thing I've done.
Speaker 1: Probably not good enough, but little Hey, as long as
Speaker 1: she's happy, that's what that's all that matters. It's doesn't
Speaker 1: matter whether we think it's enough or not. It's others.
Speaker 1: She thinks it's good enough. I guess she's happy, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I would imagine she's Oh she's happy. Damn. She tells
Speaker 1: me she's happy. I'm happy too, So hopefully we're both. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's all that matters. One of the things that my father,
Speaker 1: for all of his shortcomings as a as a husband
Speaker 1: and the father, one thing he did a lot when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, I noticed was he would bring
Speaker 1: my mom flowers basically, like at least once a week.
Speaker 1: He would always like come home with a bouquet of
Speaker 1: flowers for her. And so that's kind of something that
Speaker 1: I think I've taken. I don't buy them once a
Speaker 1: week for Caitlin, but I do try to at least, like,
Speaker 1: you know, once every couple of months or however many
Speaker 1: times show up with like a just like just a
Speaker 1: random bouquet flowers, just be like, you know what, you're great,
Speaker 1: You're special to me, and here are some flowers for you.
Speaker 1: That's very nice. That's like my one thing. But I
Speaker 1: guess I could get better at it to you, right,
Speaker 1: maybe we should take this as a wake up call
Speaker 1: for us to just improve at our our playfulness and
Speaker 1: our surprisings. I know, as I'm talking about it. I'm
Speaker 1: realizing all of my shortcomings. And last, but not least,
Speaker 1: number seven is to make plans. Making plans together, such
Speaker 1: as a vacation, a home renovation project, or even just
Speaker 1: swinging by a new restaurant, activates our brains craving for
Speaker 1: novel experiences. I don't think this is probably an issue
Speaker 1: with you. I feel like you and Camlon probably do
Speaker 1: a bunch of different stuff together, new new things together. Yeah. Actually,
Speaker 1: even just tonight we're in l A, but we're going
Speaker 1: to get a hotel room up in a Westlake village
Speaker 1: for the night. For some reason. That's just weird and
Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense that there's no reason to do it.
Speaker 1: It's just we're just gonna go do it, you know,
Speaker 1: just experience, you know, making plains plans together. It's it's great.
Speaker 1: Activates the brains craving for novel experiences. Dean. That's what
Speaker 1: you guys are doing. You guys are doing the good,
Speaker 1: the good things in relationships. Well, there's I mean, there's
Speaker 1: something to be said about novel experiences too, because the reason,
Speaker 1: you know, how like you get older and older and
Speaker 1: you feel like time goes faster and faster. It's because
Speaker 1: you are. You get so used to doing things that
Speaker 1: you're brain just kind of like goes into autopilot mode
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, I've done this so many times.
Speaker 1: I don't have to really focus on anything right now,
Speaker 1: and so your life just gotta starts slipping on by.
Speaker 1: And there's a way to combat that, and it's by
Speaker 1: consistently doing new things and like making your brain kind
Speaker 1: of like unconsciously have to be like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: not uh, something I've experienced before. So it's life down
Speaker 1: a little bit. And it's true because when I think about,
Speaker 1: you know, timing things, I'm like, oh, when did this happen?
Speaker 1: When did that happened? I usually timeframe things by either
Speaker 1: vacations I've taken or new experiences I've done. It's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: well we went to you know, Florida in two thousand
Speaker 1: and eleven, and then we went to you know, Italy
Speaker 1: and two thousand eighteen nineteen. So that is interesting because
Speaker 1: I never I'm never like, oh, yeah, we uh we
Speaker 1: got coffee uh in two thousand and twelve. So it's
Speaker 1: always new experiences that I look back upon and really
Speaker 1: like kind of make the markings in my life, you know. Okay,
Speaker 1: speaking speaking speaking of there's probably a place to have
Speaker 1: this conversation. But your honeymoon, you and actually went to Italy, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: Italy Increase. It was amazing. Wait, that's actually hilarious. So
Speaker 1: Caitlin and I are planning a trip, well that plan
Speaker 1: she's planning a trip for the end of summer early
Speaker 1: autumn to Italy in Greece. So we need to pick
Speaker 1: your brain at some point. And u is the most
Speaker 1: beautiful place on earth. So yeah, I've been to Santorini.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just so crowded. Yes, but I mean
Speaker 1: depending on we also went in when was our wedding August,
Speaker 1: so we went well, I guess we went late August,
Speaker 1: so that is probably high vacation time, and it was crowded,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't crazy. And the hotel that we stayed at,
Speaker 1: I think it was called East West or West East,
Speaker 1: one of those two, and it was beauty full. Uh.
Speaker 1: And it was probably like a ten minute drive to
Speaker 1: you know, the main area where you see all the
Speaker 1: pictures from Santorini. Uh, dude, pick our brain, man, There's
Speaker 1: so many places we can get I'm not even joking,
Speaker 1: Ashley and I will give you all of our recommendations.
Speaker 1: The place that was that we absolutely loved. So my
Speaker 1: big question marks we have are around Italy. Will ask
Speaker 1: you about Italy more so Thanase. But yeah, we stayed across.
Speaker 1: We stayed in Positano, but like across from Positano, because
Speaker 1: Positano is beautiful. But you like you talk about crowds,
Speaker 1: that place is packed. But we stayed like across from Positano.
Speaker 1: So we had to take a boat there which was cool,
Speaker 1: and our our hotel resort was like much more quiet.
Speaker 1: It was great. Anyhow, we don't have to talk about
Speaker 1: this all the time to make people jealous. I am
Speaker 1: excited to travel once again. But we do have some
Speaker 1: very special guests that are coming up right now from
Speaker 1: the brand new t l c SU series You Me
Speaker 1: and My Ex Sundays at ten pm. It is John, April,
Speaker 1: John's ex wife Lauren, and Roy, who is April's ex husband,
Speaker 1: and they all live on the same street together and
Speaker 1: they all hang out together, and they're all divorced but
Speaker 1: now dating each other and there's kids involved. It's pretty crazy.
Speaker 1: But before we go to break, Jared, I want to
Speaker 1: talk to you about this story that's been making headlines
Speaker 1: and started interrupt you there, but we have to talk
Speaker 1: about it. It's Nick Cannon and he is going crazy.
Speaker 1: He you know, I'm gonna have a testofsterone, but Nick
Speaker 1: Cannon absolutely not. So he just had a seventh child.
Speaker 1: Tell me the story, Jared, because I I am so
Speaker 1: flabbergast about what's going on. I might not even be
Speaker 1: put at my head around it. Tell me what's going on. Well, listen,
Speaker 1: it was just Father's Day, so let's do a Father's
Speaker 1: Day tribute to Nick Cannon who just had who was
Speaker 1: having his seventh baby. So he posted about it. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, he's obviously the host of the mess singer
Speaker 1: um so his his girlfriend is named Alyssa and they
Speaker 1: said that they're pregnant with Nick's seventh child. He had
Speaker 1: three babies in less than a year. That's crazy. He
Speaker 1: has three babies with Brittany Bell. They have Powerful Queen Cannon,
Speaker 1: who's six months old. They have son Golden Cannon, who's four,
Speaker 1: as well as ten year old twins Moroccan Scott Cannon
Speaker 1: and Monroe Cannon. And that is with his ex wife
Speaker 1: Mariah Carey, who I completely forgot that Nick Cannon and
Speaker 1: Marian Carry are married. Holy crap, that's insane, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: So he's welcoming his seventh with I don't know how
Speaker 1: many different women, but Nick, I think we're up to four. Hey,
Speaker 1: as long as he's a good dad, all the power
Speaker 1: to him, that's all I care about. I remember, I
Speaker 1: remember the story came out and he had some ridiculous quote,
Speaker 1: and the quote was something along I'm paraphrasing, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: maybe probably get it wrong, but he said something along
Speaker 1: the lines of that's the reason we're here. We're here
Speaker 1: to create, to procreate, and spread our seed. And I
Speaker 1: was already kind of face palming, and then I saw
Speaker 1: Nick's cannon common Nick Canon's comment about like spreading his seed,
Speaker 1: and that's our purpose for this lifetime is to create
Speaker 1: as much offspring as I can, and I face palmed
Speaker 1: even harder because it's just this, it's so bad. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't get me wrong, I agree with you. If
Speaker 1: he's a great father, then by all means, keep doing
Speaker 1: what you're doing. He clear, he's like obviously wealthy enough
Speaker 1: to like, you know, give these guys a good life,
Speaker 1: these kids a good life, as long as all the
Speaker 1: baby mamas are are are happy with the situation that
Speaker 1: they have. It seems like from what I've understood, there's
Speaker 1: not much animosity between any of them. But it's just like,
Speaker 1: if if that's his mindset, if his mindset is I
Speaker 1: need to spread my seat as much as I possibly
Speaker 1: can in this lifetime, he's gonna go like the Gengish
Speaker 1: gone route and have at least fifty kids by the
Speaker 1: time he's done with it. I feel like because it's
Speaker 1: just I don't know, I don't know, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: crazy to me. I don't like it, but it is
Speaker 1: what it is. I guess what are you What are
Speaker 1: your thoughts on it? Do you approve? Do you disapprove?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just tough because he's having a lot
Speaker 1: of kids with different women. I don't know how many.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to full. Oh, here we go. So he
Speaker 1: has Wow, So he has having kids with four different women.
Speaker 1: Mariah Brittany bell Abby de la Rosa, who they're together
Speaker 1: right now and that's the mother of the twins that
Speaker 1: were born just last week. And then Alyssa Scott who's pregnant. Okay,
Speaker 1: so he just had a kid with Abby de la Rosa.
Speaker 1: He had twins that were born last week June, one
Speaker 1: who he's with right now. But apparently he's also the
Speaker 1: father of the baby that Alyssa Scott is pregnant with
Speaker 1: currently and that's gonna be his fourth kid in the
Speaker 1: last year. And apparently A Lissa is a Motto who
Speaker 1: appeared on the game show Wild and Out, which is
Speaker 1: obviously canon Nick Nick Cannon host. Hell, so is he
Speaker 1: did he cheat on Abby deal Rosa? Do we know that?
Speaker 1: Doesn't think? I don't think he's steating because he's probably
Speaker 1: not in a monogamous relationship with these people. I mean,
Speaker 1: I imagine this is just me and projecting. I just
Speaker 1: imagine that he's probably saying to these people that they're
Speaker 1: not like in a monogamus. I don't like so much
Speaker 1: stress on the women, like if you're gonna I guess,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I guess it's third choice
Speaker 1: as well. So it's you know, they're knowing exactly what
Speaker 1: what's happening, and I'm sure they're all like financially supported
Speaker 1: and stuff. It's not so much even the fact that
Speaker 1: it's with multiple women for me, like obviously that part
Speaker 1: is it is what it is. It's just it's unfamiliar,
Speaker 1: and so that's kind of why we don't love it
Speaker 1: so much. But just like the concept of having as
Speaker 1: many kids as you possibly can is so it's just
Speaker 1: like so barbaric, Like that's what we would do, you know,
Speaker 1: years ago, and I guess more than like five or
Speaker 1: six thousand years ago, when you'd have eight kids, because
Speaker 1: you know, five of them are going to die by
Speaker 1: the time they turned three, and so the only three
Speaker 1: kids that you had would go up. Like it's just
Speaker 1: like such a ridiculous statement. Like there's a there. I
Speaker 1: don't want to say like the world's overpopulated or anything
Speaker 1: like that, but like there definitely needs to be a
Speaker 1: cap on how many kids you're allowed to have as
Speaker 1: an individual. I feel like, I don't know, that's just
Speaker 1: my take on it. That's my take on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a lot, that's a lot. Well, I don't know. Hey,
Speaker 1: as long as the kids doing all right, that's all
Speaker 1: I care about. Well, let's go from that crazy story
Speaker 1: to the next crazy story with you, me and my ex.
Speaker 1: But before we do that, we're gonna take one quick break. Hey,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help I suck at dating Dean myself,
Speaker 1: and we have some very special guests from the brand
Speaker 1: new t LCS series You, Me and My Ex, which
Speaker 1: is on Sunday nights at ten pm. Of course on TLC.
Speaker 1: It is John, April, Lauren and Roy. Hello everyone, how
Speaker 1: you doing well? Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it. So as the show is titled It's You,
Speaker 1: Me and My Ex, so I'm gonna give like a
Speaker 1: little bit of a breakdown for people who haven't seen
Speaker 1: the show yet. So I feel like April, you're kind
Speaker 1: of in the middle of it. So April, April's ex
Speaker 1: husband is Roy, and you guys obviously got divorced, and
Speaker 1: then you have two kids together. But then April you
Speaker 1: started dating the next door neighbor, John, who quote mode
Speaker 1: your law. I don't mean it's not euphanism, people, he
Speaker 1: just moded and mode their law and he became friends
Speaker 1: and then started dating. And now you are married. April
Speaker 1: and John are married, and John your ex wife is Lauren,
Speaker 1: and you guys all live on the same street together
Speaker 1: in Jacksonville. Did I did I nail that? You nailed it?
Speaker 1: Except Roy not have three children, but two of them
Speaker 1: are from my first marriage. Got it okay? Yes, and
Speaker 1: I got out of there. I live in Cali now
Speaker 1: and now yes, now you're in Cali, So I gotta ask,
Speaker 1: holy crap. Roy, I'll start with you, how did this all?
Speaker 1: First of all, I want to know why did you
Speaker 1: in April break up? Because I gotta admit, with all
Speaker 1: due respect, John, I'm very happy for you in April. Roy,
Speaker 1: you and April still like you guys, go get matching tattoos,
Speaker 1: your best friends, you hang out all the time. There's
Speaker 1: still seems to be like some sort of connection there.
Speaker 1: So why did you guys exactly break up? Uh? I'd
Speaker 1: say a lot of how to do was? I was
Speaker 1: done a lot with work and uh, you know I
Speaker 1: didn't always do all the things she needed me to do,
Speaker 1: you know, emotionally and stuff like that for her. So
Speaker 1: I think that's why she uh traded me and traded here.
Speaker 1: And that's one way phrasing. Well, John, I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you because we talk a lot upon this podcast
Speaker 1: about is it possible to be friends with an X?
Speaker 1: And we always say, hey, it has to be up
Speaker 1: to your new partner, like if your new significant other,
Speaker 1: it's friends with your ex, then it's possible, But Dean
Speaker 1: and I always say, like, probably best if you're not
Speaker 1: friends with an X, because it usually just leads to
Speaker 1: a messy, messy situation or you start in a reality
Speaker 1: television show either one. Uh. So, John, I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you, how do you feel about April and Roy's relationship? Um?
Speaker 1: Uh sometimes it's it's I would say, sometimes they're they're
Speaker 1: Roy Naples relationship is uh, it bothers me sometimes, But
Speaker 1: I also trust Apple and I trust Roy both the same,
Speaker 1: Like if they still wanted each other, they still be married. Um.
Speaker 1: And I think I think immaturity and maturity plays a
Speaker 1: huge factor and being able to have a friendly relationship
Speaker 1: with your ex. Um. You know, we're all a little
Speaker 1: bit older when we're not nineteen, so it's um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think maturity different has a huge factor in that. Yeah. Agree,
Speaker 1: And especially when you have kids, it throws like a
Speaker 1: whole different rench in there, you know. Yeah. Then, and
Speaker 1: they're they're the number one important thing for all of us,
Speaker 1: And all of us agree, all all four of us.
Speaker 1: If you asked us all separately, we would all say
Speaker 1: to go uprom the children and the number one most
Speaker 1: important people out here. How is it? How is it
Speaker 1: for you and Lauren at the moment, because watching the show,
Speaker 1: it seemed like you guys still had a little like
Speaker 1: angered or animosity towards each other. But that doesn't obviously
Speaker 1: like you guys are able to look past that as
Speaker 1: well and be friends. Next question, That's what I'm talking about, Yeah, Lauren,
Speaker 1: because it makes sense that like April and Roy or
Speaker 1: x is and John is now dating April. But Lauren,
Speaker 1: you're John's x Are you and John just really good
Speaker 1: friends and you wanted to stay friends? No, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say John and are really good friends, but we have
Speaker 1: a very long history. You know, this is a person
Speaker 1: that I shared a life with once upon a time,
Speaker 1: and we do have children together. We had a very
Speaker 1: different marriage than April and Roy's. Um. There's was based
Speaker 1: on friendship versus John and I came about a little
Speaker 1: bit different um and in our divorce was very high conflict.
Speaker 1: So we've been divorced and separated for five years and
Speaker 1: just kind of at this place where we can be
Speaker 1: civil and have a respect for one another. Um. But
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he will always be
Speaker 1: a person in my life. We may not share bank
Speaker 1: accounts or still have a house, but imagining Touch was
Speaker 1: still someone that's super important to me. That's that and
Speaker 1: like we said earlier to that kind of plays into
Speaker 1: the maturity. It's great that you guys are still able
Speaker 1: to uh coexist if you will. Uh, it says a
Speaker 1: lot more than a lot of other exs I feel
Speaker 1: like in the world nowadays. Um, all right, well, so
Speaker 1: right back to you then, just to kind of bring
Speaker 1: it back to the top. When when Jared was having
Speaker 1: you fill us in on everything, do you ever get
Speaker 1: maybe like a little jealous about, you know, the relationship
Speaker 1: that they have over there. No, not at all. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm happy for him. Um. You know, like like John said,
Speaker 1: the kids are the most important thing, and so all
Speaker 1: of us being able to get together I means that
Speaker 1: we all get to experience things for our our kids
Speaker 1: lives that if we weren't mature enough to get past
Speaker 1: our own insecurity, we would probably miss out on some things.
Speaker 1: So I'm pretty happy to have the relationship that we do. April,
Speaker 1: how did this all come about when you guys were like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to uh, you know, show the world what
Speaker 1: our situation is because I would imagine it's quite nerve
Speaker 1: wracking to be like, Okay, we're gonna tell people on
Speaker 1: national TV that, like, we're all really good friends and
Speaker 1: my current husband is jealous of my ex husband, but
Speaker 1: and then my current husband is still friends with his
Speaker 1: ex wife and we all live on the same block.
Speaker 1: It's it's pretty nerve wracking to be like, Okay, here
Speaker 1: we go. This is like gonna be very public information.
Speaker 1: It is definitely much different than I thought it was
Speaker 1: gonna be. Lorna and I when we all went through
Speaker 1: our very high conflict custody battle and John and Lauren's divorce,
Speaker 1: we decided to start a blog on podcast. So it
Speaker 1: was just supposed to be enlightening other families and hoping
Speaker 1: that they would take on the same concept that we did,
Speaker 1: which is co parenting past chaos and putting the kids first.
Speaker 1: When we decided to do the reality TV show, I'm
Speaker 1: we'll say that I don't think we were prepared for
Speaker 1: exactly what was gonna come of it. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: on the record and tell you all. Remember my comment
Speaker 1: I said I didn't think it was a good idea.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stand byline that it is a good idea,
Speaker 1: but it's just very different put in your lives out
Speaker 1: there for people that don't quite understand it. It's really difficult.
Speaker 1: But we know while we're doing it, we're doing it
Speaker 1: because we want to spread positivity. We want to spread
Speaker 1: this message of you can be friends with your ex
Speaker 1: even though you're divorced, and you can come together for
Speaker 1: your children and create a very good luck for them
Speaker 1: no matter what. How do the how do the kids
Speaker 1: handle the whole situation from top to bottom? It's you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's just got to be curious for them. As
Speaker 1: you know, young adults, the older ones, um are older
Speaker 1: children are a little bit um obviously they understand it
Speaker 1: more in depth. The our youngest Jet and he thinks
Speaker 1: both of these ladies gave birth home. Yes, he thinks
Speaker 1: he has two moms like he does. The kids, to
Speaker 1: them is normal. Our children, you know, only have to
Speaker 1: walk down the street to see one of their parents.
Speaker 1: It's very normal to all of our kids. And we've
Speaker 1: watched our children, um really thrive having more people love
Speaker 1: them and the parents put aside all of their differences. Um,
Speaker 1: it's seen in our children. They're happy. And I think
Speaker 1: sometimes our children are happier than children in nuclear family
Speaker 1: homes because we don't have any more chaos, and then
Speaker 1: when we when we do, it's the good kind. Our
Speaker 1: children are loved and they're happy as they could be.
Speaker 1: So it seems like you guys are all friends, which
Speaker 1: is interesting, you guys, like even throughout the zoom and
Speaker 1: watching on TV there does seem to be like a
Speaker 1: group friendship. Would that be accurate to say, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: always together? I mean, I know Roy with his career
Speaker 1: right now, he has to be apart from us, but
Speaker 1: we're always together. We celebrate holidays and especially Asians and life.
Speaker 1: We just do life together. So we celebrated m We
Speaker 1: went to Roy April and I and Tanner, our oldest.
Speaker 1: He had a soccer tournament in Orlando, Florida, which happened
Speaker 1: to be the same day of my four yeth birthday.
Speaker 1: And I spent my four yeth birthday with Roy at
Speaker 1: the bar getting hammered. Well. Mom and Tanner were upstairs
Speaker 1: in the room sleeping, getting ready for the soccer game.
Speaker 1: So it's and what nothing was weird? No, there's no
Speaker 1: just that swinging. There's no swinging going on when nobody's
Speaker 1: sword of fighting. It's just we're just hanging out having
Speaker 1: a good time. Roy, Do you have anything to say
Speaker 1: about that swinging comment? Yeah, you were trying to try
Speaker 1: and chime in. I was like, I think he wants
Speaker 1: to say something about sword fighting. No, hell no, um
Speaker 1: um uh no. I think some asshole at the bar
Speaker 1: that I picked up our dab for sure, right John?
Speaker 1: Oh that's correct, Johnny, you're the asshole in that scenario,
Speaker 1: probably being fair point, fair point. I can't give away
Speaker 1: about secrets, man. So do you guys think that you
Speaker 1: would be all friends without kids? My point being because
Speaker 1: a lot of people you know that I talked to
Speaker 1: who have kids and are divorced. You know, of course,
Speaker 1: like you got, like you have all talked about, you
Speaker 1: put the kids ahead, and you know, you put your
Speaker 1: differences aside because they're the most important. So my question
Speaker 1: is with your dynamic, because you guys do really have
Speaker 1: this friendship dynamic that shows through the TV show and
Speaker 1: throughout the Zoom. I mean, like you talked about John,
Speaker 1: your youngest Jet thinks that he has two moms, which
Speaker 1: is incredible. So my question is do you think had
Speaker 1: it been not for kids and you guys all got
Speaker 1: divorced before every having kids. Do you think that you'd
Speaker 1: still have this friendship or do you think it would
Speaker 1: have just been easier if everybody kind of went their
Speaker 1: separate ways. I am a firm believer that you can
Speaker 1: be friends with an x um, your loved a person
Speaker 1: once upon a time. I don't think that there's anything
Speaker 1: wrong with owning the fact that that relationship may have ended,
Speaker 1: but you can still have a friendship with them, um,
Speaker 1: if that's the found out foundation that it began on.
Speaker 1: I have a first husband, UM, and we have no
Speaker 1: children together, but I did remain friends with him even
Speaker 1: ten years after my divorce. So I do think that
Speaker 1: if you love someone, and I for us, we've all
Speaker 1: been in love with one another at one point or another.
Speaker 1: I do think that if there wasn't children, we could
Speaker 1: have still been friends. Would say that, Uh, they probably not.
Speaker 1: Why why, I'm just gonna mean, I'm just gonna say it.
Speaker 1: I mean like, if we didn't have kids and those
Speaker 1: those those humans didn't tie us together, I think that
Speaker 1: I don't think we would have a you know, like
Speaker 1: you know, a bad relationship. But I don't think we
Speaker 1: would have a relationship at this point like this. You know,
Speaker 1: we may communicate here and there, but I don't think
Speaker 1: it would be as tight as you see. I think
Speaker 1: we would probably all move on venture off than do
Speaker 1: our things. We'll speak for yourself, yeah, or you would
Speaker 1: be my friends, So I think we would be friend
Speaker 1: is maybe not as close, and I wouldn't be traveling
Speaker 1: with you, but I'd still be your friend. Oh, Lauren,
Speaker 1: I would always be your friends. Yeah, all right, all right.
Speaker 1: Roy had to drop out, so we just wanted to
Speaker 1: thank Roy. But we are still on the line with John,
Speaker 1: April and Lauren. Uh And so with you three, it
Speaker 1: seems that you guys are a little bit closer of
Speaker 1: the four. Is that also correct? It feels like Roy
Speaker 1: is a little bit of uh. I know, he just
Speaker 1: doesn't feel as close as you three are. I would
Speaker 1: actually disagree. I would say Roy is probably closer to
Speaker 1: her and I than sometimes John is to me. I
Speaker 1: think that's just the dynamic that April and Roy have.
Speaker 1: But to be completely honest, April and I are the
Speaker 1: closest out of all of this, and Roy likes to
Speaker 1: do anything he can to get my go uh huh.
Speaker 1: So if he thinks that it's gonna perturb me, he's
Speaker 1: gonna say it or do it, So his little friend
Speaker 1: comment is just to get under my skin. So I'll
Speaker 1: take care of that later. And and does it work?
Speaker 1: Does it get under your skin? Yeah? Yeah? But like
Speaker 1: like like a best friend would drive you this kind
Speaker 1: of thing, right, like a best friend slash brother slash
Speaker 1: crazy uncle. Right. Um. So, I feel like the overall
Speaker 1: theme of not only the show but your dynamic is
Speaker 1: you being able to handle jealousy, because that's the whole
Speaker 1: point of being friends with your ex is. And I'm
Speaker 1: someone who I don't describe myself as a jealous person,
Speaker 1: but there are times where I get very jealous. And
Speaker 1: when I think about if Ashley was friends my wife
Speaker 1: is named Ashley, if she was friends with an X
Speaker 1: as close as you guys are, I can't imagine I'd
Speaker 1: be okay with it, But that's just me. Then maybe
Speaker 1: I'd be able to get over it. So my question
Speaker 1: for you, all three of you, and you can take
Speaker 1: it one at a time, is that how do you
Speaker 1: handle that jealousy? How do you compartmentalize it, and how
Speaker 1: do you create a better relationship with your current significant other?
Speaker 1: Right now, with handling all that you want to start,
Speaker 1: I will start, all right. So I just read a
Speaker 1: couple of comments about the about the show since it
Speaker 1: aired yesterday, and there are a couple of comments about
Speaker 1: us supporting adultery. Um. So I do have an answer
Speaker 1: to the question, and it's I'm gonna respond in it
Speaker 1: this way. My jealousy. Um. Like there. I tried multiple
Speaker 1: times to cross that boundary when I was dating April.
Speaker 1: She refused. She wouldn't do it, um because she was
Speaker 1: loyal and she wasn't the divorce wasn't finalized yet. So
Speaker 1: I think that that helps me with not being so
Speaker 1: jealous because I know that if she wouldn't even cheat
Speaker 1: with me when Roy was gone, I know she's not
Speaker 1: gonna cheat with me while we're all here, So that
Speaker 1: jealousy is not a It doesn't play affective for me
Speaker 1: at all. It doesn't. I trust her. That's a good answer.
Speaker 1: I think jealousy is human nature. It's natural every but
Speaker 1: he has it. Lauren. Of course I was jealous of
Speaker 1: her in the beginning because she dropped it gorgeous, But
Speaker 1: as I got to know her as a person, as
Speaker 1: human being, another woman. When you start to build a
Speaker 1: trust with somebody, there's just no need for jealousy. However,
Speaker 1: I do put myself sometimes in John's shoes, and seeing
Speaker 1: the close relationship that Roy and I have and the
Speaker 1: way that we traveled together, and we have a very
Speaker 1: long past, a very large history of our past is together.
Speaker 1: I can imagine it being very difficult for John to
Speaker 1: watch that, because if he and Lauren were as close
Speaker 1: as Roy and I were, I would probably, you know,
Speaker 1: deep down, have some jealousy about it. I I never, really, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm not a jealous human being by nature necessarily, and
Speaker 1: I don't think I never felt jealousy towards April specifically,
Speaker 1: but I did feel an end be for this fact
Speaker 1: that my ex husband, who I felt like I didn't
Speaker 1: get closure with certain things, was now living the life
Speaker 1: that I should have been living. And I had to
Speaker 1: really look deep down to myself and realize why it
Speaker 1: was I was feeling that way. He didn't owe me
Speaker 1: any special type of life, and these two, like they
Speaker 1: do deserve each other. And people are allowed to be happy.
Speaker 1: Your ex is allowed to be happy and it may
Speaker 1: not be with you, and that's just okay. Um, it
Speaker 1: didn't mean I wasn't enough, and it doesn't doesn't mean
Speaker 1: she's better than me. It just means that our chapter
Speaker 1: was over. And um, when I came to that realization,
Speaker 1: it was very easy for me to just be happy
Speaker 1: for the two of them and not have any en
Speaker 1: venus behind it. No, I mean that's very mature of
Speaker 1: all of you, April. Is it ever awkward to, like,
Speaker 1: let's say, let's say, John is you know, getting under
Speaker 1: your skin or something like that, just like a typical
Speaker 1: fight like a couple would have. And with Lauren being
Speaker 1: your best friend obviously use her as like a venting resources,
Speaker 1: it ever awkward to go invent to her about something
Speaker 1: that you know, maybe John is going is doing or
Speaker 1: something like that. It's extremely awkward sometimes, but we've perfected
Speaker 1: the art and I will call her and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: come over and I need you today to where your
Speaker 1: best friend hat and sometimes you get to wear your
Speaker 1: X life hats so that we have boundaries in that
Speaker 1: aspect and it's not where you know, I don't go
Speaker 1: around just bashing my husband. I have more complained to
Speaker 1: her about Roy than I do John. So yeah, it's normal.
Speaker 1: Best run things. I mean, you you want to still
Speaker 1: be able to be honest with each other. I want
Speaker 1: to tell her about my life and I can't sit
Speaker 1: there and always stop myself. Just because she's married to
Speaker 1: my ex husband. Things are a little bit differently here.
Speaker 1: There was one time I thought I was wrong, but
Speaker 1: I was just mistaken. I can imagine. It's a it's
Speaker 1: a pretty heavy learning curve for a lot of you guys. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it always is when you're you know, with x IS.
Speaker 1: It's always a learning curve. That's all it is. Um.
Speaker 1: But John, April and Lauren and of course Roy who
Speaker 1: had to drop off earlier, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us on the podcast today. We really appreciate it, everybody.
Speaker 1: The first episode aired last night and you can catch
Speaker 1: up with it on TLC and it's gonna air every
Speaker 1: Sunday ten pm. You me and my ex check it out.
Speaker 1: Do you love witty sarcasm and talking fast? And are
Speaker 1: you longing to return to stars Hollow for one more
Speaker 1: trip to Kim's Antiques? So just to pick up a
Speaker 1: few things at Dosie's Market. It's an overnight stay. It's
Speaker 1: a dragon flame. On your list of plans for a
Speaker 1: getaway is a burger from Luke's Diner on the menu
Speaker 1: for tonight. This is Scott Patterson. I was Luke Danes
Speaker 1: for one fifty three episodes and in four Netflix movies
Speaker 1: I Am all In and I Heart Radio Podcast. Come
Speaker 1: hang with us. We're read watching together. We're visiting with
Speaker 1: all our favorite cast and crew members. We talked fast.
Speaker 1: We've got a lot to say. Listen to I Am
Speaker 1: all In wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating and I'm leading
Speaker 1: this one because it's my favorite segment. It is time
Speaker 1: for emails. We still don't have our Blues Clues jingle,
Speaker 1: partially responsible because when Easton so lovingly went to work
Speaker 1: on it, none of us got back to him. But
Speaker 1: you know that's okay. We got emails. We got emails,
Speaker 1: We got emails. Email. We just got the email. I
Speaker 1: wonder who it's from, Nick um Mark, do you want
Speaker 1: to jumping in and giving us some some some emails
Speaker 1: for us. You'll continue to wonder who it's from because anonymous.
Speaker 1: It is a three pronged question about each of your relationships.
Speaker 1: Pronged number one, what is something about Caitlin and Nashley
Speaker 1: that would surprise people who only know them from what
Speaker 1: they've seen on The Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise. You
Speaker 1: go first. I like that we're just going to do
Speaker 1: this one at a time. Honestly, not much. Ashley, as
Speaker 1: you guys know, is the most transparent person on this
Speaker 1: in this earth. Like what you see is what you get. Uh.
Speaker 1: It's one of her best qualities. Also maybe a bad
Speaker 1: quality sometimes, but I digress. Um. I would say probably
Speaker 1: just the surprising Ashley is this is gonna sound horrible,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean it sounded. She is a very
Speaker 1: smart human being, and I feel like because she was
Speaker 1: so overly emotional and Paradise, people don't think that she's
Speaker 1: that intelligent, but she is. She graduated from uh she
Speaker 1: got her masters at Syracuse and journalism. She's very, very
Speaker 1: hard working, extremely intelligent human being. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: the one, but we're not the one. But one of
Speaker 1: the many bummers for Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is,
Speaker 1: especially for Bachelor in Paradise, is once they kind of
Speaker 1: fits you into the dimension that they want to fit
Speaker 1: you in for this season, like you're going to serve
Speaker 1: that per piss for them the entire season, and that's
Speaker 1: only you're really gonna be what is showing a view
Speaker 1: on the television, So actually was the emotional one. But
Speaker 1: and she is emotional, but you know, obviously they kind
Speaker 1: of compounded and amplified even more with Klin. You know,
Speaker 1: she they really only showed one side of her, and
Speaker 1: she was emotional the whole time. And not to say
Speaker 1: that she wasn't emotional when she's in bashelor in Paradise,
Speaker 1: but uh, and and not to say she hasn't changed
Speaker 1: a lot since then as well, but she you know,
Speaker 1: she's incredibly nurturing. She never they never showed that. Of course,
Speaker 1: she's incredibly smart, just like Ashley is. Uh, it's kind
Speaker 1: of hard to convey that on the TV show like
Speaker 1: that as well. Um, So that's kind of the bummer
Speaker 1: about the show is, you know, it's two hours a week,
Speaker 1: or in Paradise this case, two hours twice a week.
Speaker 1: But you're one of twenty characters and they're gonna basically
Speaker 1: pigeonhole year character into exactly what they need to get
Speaker 1: from you. So there's a like a crazy amount of
Speaker 1: differences to both Ashley and Kaylin and myself and Jared
Speaker 1: for uh, you know, because we are obviously way more
Speaker 1: dimensional than that, fortunately, which is good. I don't know,
Speaker 1: good answer, Jean. Prog Number two. Do you ever feel
Speaker 1: pressured to post about your relationship or defend your relationship
Speaker 1: on social media constantly? All the time? I feel like
Speaker 1: when we don't post, people are always questioning why are
Speaker 1: they not posting? What's going on? So I always feel
Speaker 1: this pressure and sometimes actually even I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: she pressures me, but sometimes so I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: overly mushy. So I'll post, you know, mushy pictures for
Speaker 1: birthdays or maybe holidays or something. But that's once or
Speaker 1: twice a year, and uh, Ashley, I think with she
Speaker 1: likes my mushy side, and I don't think I do
Speaker 1: that enough. So sometimes she'd be like, why don't you
Speaker 1: just post about us and just write something something sweet,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, I will, I will. It's just weird.
Speaker 1: It feels like an added thing that shouldn't be added
Speaker 1: to her relationship. But it is a factor, not only
Speaker 1: because of the world we live in but our status
Speaker 1: as reality TV couple. So definitely there is like that
Speaker 1: thought process that goes in my head. But for the record,
Speaker 1: I think that that applies to every couple most obviously
Speaker 1: not every couple, but majority of couples, whether they have
Speaker 1: been on reality TV or not. Uh, you know, I
Speaker 1: think I have friends that deal with this situation where
Speaker 1: they're like, they haven't posted a picture of them with
Speaker 1: their girlfriend in a long long time, and the girlfriends
Speaker 1: like getting upset about it for or vice versa, their
Speaker 1: boyfriend gets upset about it too. Um I personally, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I've never really felt the pressure. Klint has
Speaker 1: never put the pressure on me to do it. We
Speaker 1: I would like way rather post a photo that I
Speaker 1: took of Kalin and then post a photo of like
Speaker 1: the two of us. So uh, we're never really running
Speaker 1: on a shortage of photos to post where we're kind
Speaker 1: of like celebrating the other person. So there are definitely
Speaker 1: times where people like d m U s and be like, hey, like,
Speaker 1: why haven't you posted a story of Kalin in uh
Speaker 1: in three days? Are you guys on the rocks? And
Speaker 1: it's like, well, no, we're not. We're fine. Just don't
Speaker 1: worry about it and everything's gonna be fine. Is it
Speaker 1: also humbling though, that that people care and are that
Speaker 1: invested in your relationship? I know, it's weird sometimes because
Speaker 1: it's like, why would you care? But it's also for
Speaker 1: me when people message us, it's like, Wow, there's a
Speaker 1: humbling aspect to the fact that people are care if
Speaker 1: we're doing all right. Yeah, Sometimes I feel like it's
Speaker 1: people caring. Other times I feel like it's people just
Speaker 1: like prying and uh just kind of like it's just
Speaker 1: like like you guys are broken up, right, like you know,
Speaker 1: like excitedly, excitedly like trying to get some scoop and
Speaker 1: it's just like breaking. It's just just leave us alone.
Speaker 1: We're fine, And if we weren't fine, we wouldn't tell you,
Speaker 1: So there's no point in asking. And prow number three,
Speaker 1: what is the biggest misconception about your respective relationships? Oh,
Speaker 1: I guess I can go first on that one. My
Speaker 1: biggest misconception or the biggest misconception. I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of people tend to say that Calin has changed
Speaker 1: a lot for me, and I think that's misconceived. I
Speaker 1: think we're both equally changing the same amount for each other.
Speaker 1: I freaking bought a house with the woman freakingness sake. Um,
Speaker 1: So I don't think she's changing. I think she's just
Speaker 1: trying new things and seeing what she likes and what
Speaker 1: she doesn't like. Uh and and I am doing the
Speaker 1: same thing. That's my biggest misconception, I think, definitely easily
Speaker 1: in our relationship. The biggest misconception is that Ashley is
Speaker 1: quote the crazy one, and I'm quote like the steady one.
Speaker 1: No way, I mean Ashley. I'm not going to say
Speaker 1: she's steady, but I am equally as crazy to Ashley.
Speaker 1: Ashley and I craziness is on the same level. Hers
Speaker 1: is just more outward and my mine is more inwards,
Speaker 1: so it's more difficult to tell. That's definitely the biggest misconception, right,
Speaker 1: I know, I agree with that. Actually, that's it's it's
Speaker 1: only misconception of the people that don't know you as
Speaker 1: well as your friends and family do, because if they
Speaker 1: know you at all, they'll know that you're insane person. Yeah, easily,
Speaker 1: fair point. By the way, I wonder why that was
Speaker 1: on anonymous, that last thing. Usually it's anonymous because it's personal,
Speaker 1: but this is just asking you guys questions. Anyway. That's
Speaker 1: because I wrote it and I just want to make
Speaker 1: sure we have and I didn't think of a name.
Speaker 1: Jac says I've been with my boyfriend for two and
Speaker 1: a half years now, and we lived together. When we
Speaker 1: started dating, he was very fit and we had amazing
Speaker 1: sexual chemistry. However, over the past year, he's gained a
Speaker 1: lot of weight, all of which seems to go to
Speaker 1: his stomach and love handles. I find it very unattractive,
Speaker 1: but our sexual life has basically become non existent. I
Speaker 1: know he's self conscious about his weight. He's mentioned that
Speaker 1: he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore, although I
Speaker 1: haven't come out and said that because I don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt his feelings. He keeps saying he's going to
Speaker 1: lose weight and get fit again, but I'm not seeing
Speaker 1: much change. The thing is, I really do love him
Speaker 1: and see a real future with him, but I can't
Speaker 1: seem to get past the weight game. Help. What should
Speaker 1: I do? I miss my hot boyfriend and all the
Speaker 1: great sex we used to have. Damn. I feel like
Speaker 1: this is Klin masquerading as someone named j C. Right now,
Speaker 1: Just Allen. Yeah, And it's just so funny too. It's
Speaker 1: so appropriate to the conversation we're having at the top
Speaker 1: of this podcast. Oh man, I think the biggest thing
Speaker 1: is he's aware he's gaining weight, which is the most
Speaker 1: important thing. Just like I'm just gonna speak fully from
Speaker 1: my experience, I know that I'm gaining weight. I know
Speaker 1: I'm getting doughey and softer and more and more out
Speaker 1: of shape. I think that's the first step is to
Speaker 1: be able to recognize that. But I'm kind of in
Speaker 1: the same boat as your boyfriend here because well I
Speaker 1: am your boyfriend here, because this is Kaylyn emailing. Uh.
Speaker 1: I've recognized the problem, and I have like told myself
Speaker 1: repetitively and over and over again that I'm gonna form
Speaker 1: a solution and start working out more and get back
Speaker 1: into a shape and become the person that I was
Speaker 1: proud of before in terms of my body appearance. But
Speaker 1: I just can't seem to freaking do it. And I
Speaker 1: honestly have no idea what it is. Like, I just
Speaker 1: have no motivation to get into the gym um and
Speaker 1: like get back in shape. So if you guys have
Speaker 1: some advice on how j C's boyfriend can do that
Speaker 1: and how I can do that, I will definitely be
Speaker 1: all theres for it. Uh. Two things, One I'd say,
Speaker 1: maybe anonymous, you should or excuse me j C j C.
Speaker 1: I maybe suggests going to the gym together. Make it
Speaker 1: a partnership type thing, some sort of relationship bonding experience.
Speaker 1: Be like, hey, let's go work out together, because it
Speaker 1: is hard to get back into the gym and it's
Speaker 1: difficult to work out and when you're feeling insecure and
Speaker 1: bad about yourself, so maybe say, hey, let's go for
Speaker 1: a walk together, let's let's join a gym together. That
Speaker 1: was one piece of advice that I have for you.
Speaker 1: In the second is sometimes it helps me Dean, if
Speaker 1: you're looking for a piece of advice on how to
Speaker 1: work out. I'm not a workout fiend by any stretch,
Speaker 1: but I go to the gym pretty consistently. Is uh.
Speaker 1: And I just posted this actually to my Instagram story.
Speaker 1: Ironically enough is that there are a lot of people
Speaker 1: that quote influence me in my life, obviously Tom Brady
Speaker 1: being probably the most notable that one, but also like
Speaker 1: Dwayne Johnson The Rock. I watch his instant stories and
Speaker 1: he motivates me. He wants like, he makes me want
Speaker 1: to get in the gym, so I'll he like, I'll
Speaker 1: buy the Rock shirt and his sneakers, And honestly, I
Speaker 1: have like I have his Project Rock sweatshirts and I
Speaker 1: feel really good in them, and it makes me want
Speaker 1: to go to the gym to work out in him. Uh,
Speaker 1: and then like I'll buy his energy drink. Uh. It's
Speaker 1: I know it sounds stupid, but really it's hard to
Speaker 1: get back into the gym and it's hard to work
Speaker 1: out because, like you said, I have zero motivation. But
Speaker 1: that motivates me because it like makes me want to
Speaker 1: be more like him because I see him post like
Speaker 1: working out and being the hardest working person in the gym,
Speaker 1: and like, hey, like make your life better, Like these
Speaker 1: are the things that you can do to make your
Speaker 1: life better. And you know, being you know, more confident
Speaker 1: in your mind means being more confident in your body.
Speaker 1: So like, I know that's stupid, but maybe like if
Speaker 1: there's a rock climber out there, dean or somebody that
Speaker 1: you really aspire and look up to, what was the
Speaker 1: solo dude? I forget. I don't know if he has
Speaker 1: social media and he's always like doing something, But like
Speaker 1: I find that the people that I look up to,
Speaker 1: following them on social media and seeing like the things
Speaker 1: that they post about motivates me to want to be
Speaker 1: more active. Yeah, no, I mean that's that's great advice.
Speaker 1: I don't think that would work for me personally, but
Speaker 1: hopefully it could work for jay C's boyfriends. I agree
Speaker 1: with what you said the first time. The most is
Speaker 1: go together or like do classes together, or like go
Speaker 1: on a jog or walk together. And the biggest thing, uh,
Speaker 1: even bigger than that, in my opinion, would be too
Speaker 1: shift your diets. Because diet is like sevent of weight
Speaker 1: gain and all that kind of stuff too. So you know,
Speaker 1: when I find myself getting like my worst in my
Speaker 1: worst possible shape, it's like, oh, yeah, it's because I
Speaker 1: ate McDonald's four times last week and so no wonder
Speaker 1: I look so horrible. Or I had like three cups
Speaker 1: of soda last week. So um. I think if you
Speaker 1: guys were to go on like a diet together, that
Speaker 1: would definitely definitely help. Like Kylin went on a on
Speaker 1: a vegan while pescuterian diet and she's dropped like fifteen
Speaker 1: pounds and she's like five ft four, so fifteen pounds
Speaker 1: to five pounds, it looked like she lost she pounds.
Speaker 1: She was a small girl, but she she's like she
Speaker 1: would definitely tell you she's in the best shape of
Speaker 1: her life and it's all be like she doesn't work
Speaker 1: out all that much, it's just because her diet is
Speaker 1: so much better now. So I think that's definitely a
Speaker 1: good place to start. But Mark, I got the question
Speaker 1: can be put back on you. You're a you're an
Speaker 1: athletic guy, very much not. But I do think we
Speaker 1: need to get across to this guy that it is
Speaker 1: the case I'm not interested in sleeping with you because
Speaker 1: you're out of shape. Because that I'm not so mean,
Speaker 1: But we got to get that message across because that
Speaker 1: is major motivation. If this beautiful woman that you're with
Speaker 1: is not interested, remember all the fun times you used
Speaker 1: to have because you've let yourself go. That would motivate
Speaker 1: me to put down the video game controller and get
Speaker 1: out of the house and go do something. And there's
Speaker 1: got to be something that he enjoys doing that is active,
Speaker 1: and that's the key for me. I'm not a gym guy,
Speaker 1: I'm not a runner. Is about finding something that you
Speaker 1: liked that's also active. Like I've really gotten into hiking
Speaker 1: over the past couple of years. I love it and
Speaker 1: it's great and it's done wonders for me. So there's
Speaker 1: gotta be something you enjoyed doing this active. But you
Speaker 1: gotta sit down and say, look, so here are some facts.
Speaker 1: You've gained forty pounds in the past a few months.
Speaker 1: I we no longer sleep together. These two things are related,
Speaker 1: and let's work together to figure that out. So you
Speaker 1: think she should literally just say I'll sleep with you
Speaker 1: more if you start working out. Uh, that's not quite
Speaker 1: what I was saying. But I don't mind that. I
Speaker 1: think we set milestones here at ten points, at ten pounds.
Speaker 1: This happens at twenty pounds. I think it's more. I
Speaker 1: think it's just more slaying up the facts. She needs
Speaker 1: to dangle the carrot a little bit. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: she does. Okay, that's I mean, I wouldn't have gotten
Speaker 1: to that, but I agree to motivate me. It wouldn't
Speaker 1: motivate me because my test ofcern is already loved because
Speaker 1: I'm not working out. So it's you know, it's I'll
Speaker 1: be like, all right, that's fine, but but yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: whatever works, whatever is gonna do it, whatever is going
Speaker 1: to do what you need to do to get him
Speaker 1: back in the shape. There's a lot of ways to
Speaker 1: do it. I think at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: that's kind of what we established. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: ways to do it. I'm concerned because when once a
Speaker 1: person gets married, a lot of people let themselves go.
Speaker 1: At that point, he's already doing it and you're not
Speaker 1: married yet. I'm concerned for the future if we don't
Speaker 1: read this in now right. But again, let's give him
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt, because you know, COVID and
Speaker 1: everything everything shut down. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: can say they got a little out of shape over
Speaker 1: the past year and a half. Now it's time. Yes, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Hopefully it works out. I kind of
Speaker 1: want you to keep us posted on this, j C.
Speaker 1: Because if you find something that works for your boyfriend
Speaker 1: to start getting back in shape, let me know what
Speaker 1: it is so I can start getting back in shape too.
Speaker 1: Hopefully that works. Anyways, that's gonna do it. For this
Speaker 1: week's episode, I did want to do one thing with
Speaker 1: you before. I'm so sorry before we leave, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us. Everyone. Oh sorry, Jared, Yeah,
Speaker 1: just one quick thing because there was we were talking
Speaker 1: about it before the podcast started today, So I start
Speaker 1: my final of course today before I graduate, and it
Speaker 1: is a summer course Italian too, so I'm taking Italian
Speaker 1: one more. It's just an elective, so I'm just hoping
Speaker 1: to pass and get it over with. But I figured
Speaker 1: i'd play this fun little thing with you because i'm
Speaker 1: learning Italian a little bit. Where Dean, I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell you two phrases in Italian. One is a beautiful
Speaker 1: statement that's very romantic that you can say to Klin
Speaker 1: and the other one is completely random and has no
Speaker 1: meaning to it, And I want you to tell me
Speaker 1: which one you think is which. Okay, sounds like a
Speaker 1: great game, Chared. Okay, ready, the first one se la
Speaker 1: persona peubla del mando. Do you get that? Very nice?
Speaker 1: You said it better than me, jerk. The second one
Speaker 1: ilmia pierre de data the ranch. Did you get that
Speaker 1: ilia ilma de da the ranche? Okay, interesting? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think I think the first Give me the first one again,
Speaker 1: sella persona pupella delmando. So that's probably saying something along
Speaker 1: the lines if you have a great personality. The other
Speaker 1: one is saying you probably adore and it's gonna be
Speaker 1: something random like I adore that peanut or something like that.
Speaker 1: So which one do you think the romantic line is
Speaker 1: and which one do you think the random one is? Well,
Speaker 1: I think the first one is the nice one. So
Speaker 1: you think the first one is the romantic one, Cela
Speaker 1: personalla demando sela persona pupella demando, and the second one
Speaker 1: is elmio bida the ranche. I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what pubella means, but I'm guessing mando
Speaker 1: means best. So you have like you have the best something.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go with the first one. First one
Speaker 1: is the good one. Yes, La persona del mando, you
Speaker 1: are the most beautiful person in the world. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: second one elmio p o daughter. Did cha my foot
Speaker 1: smells like oranges? Yeah? Oh that's that's still pretty romantic, though,
Speaker 1: I'd say so if you said it to Klin, she
Speaker 1: might you know, it could be good good things. Hey, baby,
Speaker 1: your foot smells like oranges and I'm in the mood
Speaker 1: for some orange. That's a fun game. And once you
Speaker 1: pass this Italian class, I want I want credit where
Speaker 1: credit is due, because me and the suck Army are
Speaker 1: all going to be right there by your side. Baby. Um,
Speaker 1: now can I say goodbye to of course? Okay, great?
Speaker 1: Thanks well, thank you so much for joining us on
Speaker 1: this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. We
Speaker 1: should learn how to say that in Italian and then
Speaker 1: I'll be very very happy. Big thank you, of course
Speaker 1: to Jared for having me on his podcast this week.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to John, April, Lauren and Roy. Be
Speaker 1: sure to check them out on me. What is the
Speaker 1: name in the show again? It's me, myself and my ex, Me,
Speaker 1: myself and Irene. You me and by X which is
Speaker 1: on TLC. It's Sunday's ten o'clock. Sunday's at ten o'clock.
Speaker 1: You mean me and my ex And you're right, that
Speaker 1: wasn't me myself and Irene reference. Big thank you to
Speaker 1: j c an Anonymous. Be sure to keep emailing us
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating at iHeart Media dot com. Mark,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing us. What keeps you motivated to
Speaker 1: stay fit? And uh that's all we got for you
Speaker 1: this week, So be sure to tune next week where
Speaker 1: maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help
Speaker 1: by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcast