WEBVTT - The Playbook: No Rose for You

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you and Elsie

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<v Speaker 1>today we're opening up the playbook. When do you know

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<v Speaker 1>it's over? How do you know when it's time to

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<v Speaker 1>get out?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I have this discussion with friends all

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<v Speaker 2>the time. And then you and I were talking about

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<v Speaker 2>so many celebrity breakups that have happened lately, Sophia Regara

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<v Speaker 2>and Joe mngnello. Natalie Portman and her husband are reportedly

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<v Speaker 2>splitting after news of him having an alleged a fair

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<v Speaker 2>leaked our own. Caitlin Bristow and Jason Tartick announced that

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<v Speaker 2>they have ended their engagement.

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<v Speaker 3>There are so.

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<v Speaker 2>Many celebrity breakups and this is a topic that no

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<v Speaker 2>matter how much technology changes things, relationships, as we know

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<v Speaker 2>from this podcast, are always something you have to dive

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<v Speaker 2>into and dissect. And I was just then on top

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<v Speaker 2>of the celect news having this conversation with someone we

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<v Speaker 2>were spending the week with about how she would know

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<v Speaker 2>if her relationship was over. And I you know, when

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<v Speaker 2>you advise people, I think everybody, everybody kind of wants

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<v Speaker 2>you to tell them the answer, right right. People want

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<v Speaker 2>you to help them make the decision, and.

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<v Speaker 1>Then they don't usually want that answer right.

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<v Speaker 2>And we never we never listen to all the advice

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<v Speaker 2>that we get, because really.

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<v Speaker 1>What you should say is please tell me what I

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<v Speaker 1>want to hear.

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<v Speaker 2>Right. Well, and don't you think on some level you

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<v Speaker 2>know that you have to get to the place where

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<v Speaker 2>you can admit it to yourself. But you know there's

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<v Speaker 2>an old episode of Sex and the City, the original,

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<v Speaker 2>not the new, and just like that which I have

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<v Speaker 2>not watched, where Charlotte, the character Charlotte says that the

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<v Speaker 2>amount of time it takes to get over a breakup

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<v Speaker 2>is something like one month for every year you were together.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was thinking, is there an amount of time

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<v Speaker 2>dependent on how long you've been in the relationship, an

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<v Speaker 2>amount of time that it's going to take you to

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<v Speaker 2>know it's over?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, I would think that grows. I think just

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<v Speaker 1>as she's saying, you would cut because I heard the

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<v Speaker 1>breakup thing, and I think a therapist even told me

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<v Speaker 1>this once the amount of time you've been married, it'll

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<v Speaker 1>take half that long to get really over it, truly,

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<v Speaker 1>fully and complete. So if you're married for ten years,

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<v Speaker 1>five years is what it's going to take for you

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<v Speaker 1>to mentally, emotionally and everything to truly it's not like

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<v Speaker 1>you can't move on before that, but to really officially

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<v Speaker 1>be kind of unwound and move on, which is very interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think the opposite is true for being in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship. If you've been in for a year, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's probably not going to take you that long to

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<v Speaker 1>be like, okay, the emotional ties your lives aren't that intertwined.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've been married for twenty or thirty years, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a lot more to unpack.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's also dependent on your age.

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<v Speaker 2>I think when you're younger, it's a little easier to

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<v Speaker 2>I've noticed with my friends make that breakup happen. The

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<v Speaker 2>older you get, the more you start to ask those questions, well,

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<v Speaker 2>is that my person?

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<v Speaker 3>And is this the one?

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<v Speaker 2>And I've put so much time in and then I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to be X amount of years when we get

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<v Speaker 2>out of it, And that was kind of the discussion

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<v Speaker 2>I was having with this person too. But then also

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<v Speaker 2>the older you are, the more you kind of know

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<v Speaker 2>who you are and what you want and maybe you

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<v Speaker 2>can be more confident. So I mean, listen to all

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<v Speaker 2>the factors we're bringing in of how difficult it is

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<v Speaker 2>to know when to break up with someone.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I think the overall, you know, and this isn't

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<v Speaker 1>going to be great if this is what you were

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<v Speaker 1>coming for. There's no one simple answer, you know, there's

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<v Speaker 1>no one thing that will let you know Okay, it's time.

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<v Speaker 1>But with that said, I think it's always important that

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<v Speaker 1>you're not too old, you're not too deep into something

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<v Speaker 1>to have a future. Yeah, and I know you have

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<v Speaker 1>a very good friend who you've dealt with through this process,

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<v Speaker 1>and she was in she's in a marriage and she's like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm this old and I just don't want to start over.

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<v Speaker 1>That That cannot be an answer. That cannot be a path.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't be so afraid of starting over whatever that

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<v Speaker 1>you are going to stay in something that doesn't make

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<v Speaker 1>you happy.

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<v Speaker 2>But I do think that you and I each have

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<v Speaker 2>one really big telltale sign. Yours is from your grandmother.

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<v Speaker 2>So now that I've laid that on you, I'll let

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<v Speaker 2>you think about how you'll share it. But because I've

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<v Speaker 2>heard you say before, I'm telling Chris like, no, no, honey,

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<v Speaker 2>you have this is what you I know you have

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<v Speaker 2>a barometer for this mine is this. I do think

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<v Speaker 2>this is a very simple telltale sign that it's time

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<v Speaker 2>for a relationship to be over. I was in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship and I realized one day we were living together,

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<v Speaker 2>I would pull into the driveway and hope he wasn't home.

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<v Speaker 2>I would literally hope almost not on even not that

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<v Speaker 2>I would say that out loud to myself, but I

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<v Speaker 2>realized this tension i'd have because I knew that when

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<v Speaker 2>I walked in the door, it meant not anything you know,

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<v Speaker 2>abusive or bad, but it meant like he was a

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<v Speaker 2>person who I did everything like, I made every dinner reservation,

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<v Speaker 2>I did all the lawn. I was taking on so

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<v Speaker 2>much of the workload, and he was kind of a

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<v Speaker 2>he was and for a long time had been really lazy.

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<v Speaker 2>He'd been like, very unmotivated, and so I knew I

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<v Speaker 2>was going to have to, you know, go in and talk.

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<v Speaker 2>If I just knew that when I walked in the door,

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<v Speaker 2>it was work for me. The relationship had become work.

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<v Speaker 1>You would really lament the fact that you'd open the

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<v Speaker 1>garage and see his car.

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<v Speaker 3>Sitting there, Yeah, I would.

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<v Speaker 2>And I found myself spending more time apart from him.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, maybe oh, I'm I gotta go to work

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<v Speaker 2>drinks and I have a work thing and I'm seeing

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<v Speaker 2>and so that was a really sort of basic, simple

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<v Speaker 2>way of do you look forward to spending time with

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<v Speaker 2>this person? And you know, we can get clouded and

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<v Speaker 2>we can justify to ourselves and say, well, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>relationships take work, but relationships shouldn't be work. They do

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<v Speaker 2>take work and effort, but they shouldn't feel like work.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, by the way them taking work does matter.

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<v Speaker 2>Another good way to I think, see if a relationship

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<v Speaker 2>is over this simple question, is that person putting an

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<v Speaker 2>effort for you? Because I do think sure, again, we

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<v Speaker 2>all have times where one person is carrying a little

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<v Speaker 2>more low than the other and somebody's going through a

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<v Speaker 2>rough patch. But if you're not seeing effort anymore. I'd

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<v Speaker 2>been cheated on in the past, and I talked to

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<v Speaker 2>a friend of mine who was cheated on, and I

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<v Speaker 2>told her, actually, the cheating isn't the reason that the

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<v Speaker 2>relationship ended. I think people make mistakes, and I would

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<v Speaker 2>have been willing to work through some of those mistakes.

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<v Speaker 2>The reason the relationship ended is that when that person cheated,

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<v Speaker 2>he didn't put in any effort afterwards, he didn't try

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<v Speaker 2>to be better. He didn't and then in fact I

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<v Speaker 2>caught him cheating more. So, you know, there's another really

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<v Speaker 2>clear sign. If a person keeps cheating on you over

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<v Speaker 2>and over, yeah you deserve better. But yeah, so I think,

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<v Speaker 2>do you look forward to spending time with that person?

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<v Speaker 1>Sure?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that person putting an effort in because at the

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<v Speaker 2>end of the day, any relationship in your life should

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<v Speaker 2>always be a two way street. And you know I

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<v Speaker 2>would expand cheating on you over and over again. Does

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<v Speaker 2>that person respect you? If you don't feel respected, that's

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<v Speaker 2>something so basic that you got.

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<v Speaker 3>To get out of there.

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<v Speaker 1>It's really hard to be honest with yourself. You hear

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<v Speaker 1>people justify things and explain things away. Oh he's like this,

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<v Speaker 1>or oh she's like this. But and there are these

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<v Speaker 1>telltale signs when people keep coming to you and keep

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<v Speaker 1>your friends, and your friends quit hanging out with you

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<v Speaker 1>as much, and they.

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<v Speaker 2>Gosh, it's funny when you break up, isn't it. I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like then you hear from your friends, right, oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't think it was.

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<v Speaker 3>Right for you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well where were you then? Why didn't you tell me?

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<v Speaker 2>But also probably wouldn't have listened if you told me. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>so you have this barometer from your grandmother. With many people, she.

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<v Speaker 1>Had amazing advice. She was kind of towards the end

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<v Speaker 1>of her life. She was in her late nineties. God

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<v Speaker 1>bless her. She lived till she was ninety nine and

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<v Speaker 1>a half years old. But I was talking to her

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<v Speaker 1>one time and about do you want to She lived alone,

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<v Speaker 1>and I said, you know, would you like to go

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<v Speaker 1>live somewhere else? Do you want to be around people?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to go to wherever? And she said no,

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<v Speaker 1>I love my life. And I believe that if you

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<v Speaker 1>can't surround yourself with people that are equal or better

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<v Speaker 1>than you, they don't deserve your time or attention and

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<v Speaker 1>they shouldn't be in your life. And I have taken

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<v Speaker 1>that and made it a part of my life, my kids' lives,

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<v Speaker 1>and it is so true, whether you're looking for a friend,

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<v Speaker 1>a partner, a business partner, if that person is not

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<v Speaker 1>equal or better than you, if they're not challenging you,

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<v Speaker 1>as Lauren just said, adding to your life, giving to

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<v Speaker 1>you and loving as much as you are, don't add

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<v Speaker 1>them to your life. And I think equally, if you

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<v Speaker 1>dissect the life you're in now. If that's not happening,

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<v Speaker 1>then yeah, maybe you should look elsewhere.

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<v Speaker 3>I think we're telling people they should.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, and really that goes to respect also, right, do

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<v Speaker 2>you respect that person? Are you in awe of that person?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, just like I'm saying, if somebody's lost respect

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<v Speaker 2>for you, if they're not respecting you and valuing you,

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<v Speaker 2>you got to get out of there. I noticed in

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship of mine in the past, I mentioned that

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<v Speaker 2>person being lazy and unmotivated over time, and I gave

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<v Speaker 2>it time, but I lost respect for him. And it

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<v Speaker 2>really is this super basic thing. I think sometimes I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know with all I do think sometimes in our

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<v Speaker 2>society we've lost a little bit of just these basic

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<v Speaker 2>things you need in a relationship because we're we really

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<v Speaker 2>embrace people being unique and all the things that make

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<v Speaker 2>you you. But at the end of the day, some

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<v Speaker 2>of the stuff is still really simple. Do you respect

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<v Speaker 2>that person, because if you don't, you'll actually become a

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<v Speaker 2>worse person. You'll start to walk all over them, You'll

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<v Speaker 2>become worse. I notice that in my relationship when we'd argue,

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<v Speaker 2>I look back at some of the things I said

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, that's not the person I wanted to be.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm not blaming him, but yeah, he'd kind of

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<v Speaker 2>dragged me down with him a little bit. And I

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<v Speaker 2>the friend of mine who I counseled on getting out

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<v Speaker 2>of this marriage she was in. I did tell her,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, sometimes it's not your it's not on you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not oh, everybody's at blame here, it's not two

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<v Speaker 2>to tango, it's not well we all. Sometimes that person

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<v Speaker 2>just really has a lot to work on about themselves.

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<v Speaker 2>And when you've tried and you can say to yourself, look,

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<v Speaker 2>I gave it my all here, walk away, because all

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<v Speaker 2>you're doing at that point is ruining your own precious

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<v Speaker 2>moments that we have on this earth. And it did

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<v Speaker 2>take her some time to get there, and I kind

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<v Speaker 2>of knew. I mean, I talked to her every day,

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<v Speaker 2>I called her a few times a week or we texted,

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<v Speaker 2>and I knew she would get there, and eventually she did.

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<v Speaker 3>And wow, once she turned that corner. She even told

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<v Speaker 3>me there was something that was.

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<v Speaker 2>The last straw, and she said, I feel like I

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<v Speaker 2>got to the top of the mountain and suddenly I

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<v Speaker 2>could see clearly and I was getting out of there.

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<v Speaker 1>It is hard to see the forest from the trees.

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<v Speaker 1>And I always call it the kind of the death spiral,

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<v Speaker 1>the toilet bowl, when you're just you're spinning. You're spinning around,

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<v Speaker 1>You're spinning around, no matter how hard you swim, You're

0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:06.400
<v Speaker 1>going down the toilet and there it is this act

0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.319
<v Speaker 1>you have to go through. I think we all feel

0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.840
<v Speaker 1>like you got to go through this where you want to,

0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, turn every stone up and make sure you're

0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:14.839
<v Speaker 1>doing the work, and you don't want to just give

0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.400
<v Speaker 1>up on it, because it's something once you know, you

0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:19.080
<v Speaker 1>put your pride in this, you put your heart in

0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.240
<v Speaker 1>this and your effort. But to go back to something

0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:25.719
<v Speaker 1>you said is very interesting if you have that respect.

0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:29.800
<v Speaker 1>Because we have another friends of ours, a couple, and

0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:31.760
<v Speaker 1>they were struggling. They'd been married for quite some time,

0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:35.120
<v Speaker 1>and they were struggling, and I thought, this may end

0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.720
<v Speaker 1>in divorce, a this may break them up. But what

0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.520
<v Speaker 1>was at the root of everything was they had respect

0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.640
<v Speaker 1>for each other. She was a great mom and she

0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:46.440
<v Speaker 1>was a good wife, and he was a good man

0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.240
<v Speaker 1>and a good husband, good father and all these things.

0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.800
<v Speaker 1>And so they just were in a rough patch. But

0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.560
<v Speaker 1>the base the foundation was there, and I think that

0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.960
<v Speaker 1>is something that you were dancing around. I think is

0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:02.800
<v Speaker 1>a good nail to hit on the head. Look at

0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.640
<v Speaker 1>your own relationship. Is the foundation? There is there something

0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.000
<v Speaker 1>to build on and build from. If not, you're not

0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.720
<v Speaker 1>going to go back and add a foundation to a house,

0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:11.440
<v Speaker 1>it's too late.

0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:26.800
<v Speaker 2>And you actually really counseled those friends and said, I

0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:28.520
<v Speaker 2>know and love you both as people, and I think

0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:30.960
<v Speaker 2>you should stay together. And they have said you really

0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.640
<v Speaker 2>help them through that patch and that your advice was

0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:39.080
<v Speaker 2>really valuable as somebody who'd been divorce yourself. And I

0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.200
<v Speaker 2>think that's important to note because with this podcast we

0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:47.040
<v Speaker 2>are not saying break up everybody and your relationship. One

0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:50.280
<v Speaker 2>piece of advice you told them was, look, guys, I

0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:52.560
<v Speaker 2>mean I'm taking your words here, but you said, I've

0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 2>been out there, I've been dating in my forties. Now

0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 2>I've seen it. It's not necessarily that the grass is greener.

0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:02.079
<v Speaker 2>You're not going to suddenly have this huge, incredible dating

0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:06.120
<v Speaker 2>pool open to you. So look, you will, you can

0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 2>find love again.

0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 3>But is this worth it? I mean, am I one.

0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:14.000
<v Speaker 1>Hundred percent No? And that's why I guess the flip

0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 1>side of this coin is we're not. Yeah, this whole

0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:20.400
<v Speaker 1>playbook isn't about breaking you up, and it is looking

0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 1>at it intelligently. Is there a foundation to save? Is

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:27.959
<v Speaker 1>there respect and love there? Because just jumping from lily

0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 1>pad to lily pad is not a great way to

0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:32.079
<v Speaker 1>live life either. The grass is not always greener when

0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:35.280
<v Speaker 1>you get back out there. And I think people have

0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.960
<v Speaker 1>that mentality sometimes of like, oh things are getting hard,

0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:41.760
<v Speaker 1>I'll jump And so I think that's what this whole

0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.720
<v Speaker 1>playbook was about, was when is it time? Because it

0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:46.680
<v Speaker 1>is hard, it's hard to like do I need to

0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.760
<v Speaker 1>put more work in? Or am I wasting time? And

0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:53.360
<v Speaker 1>so I think it's going back to that those foundational questions.

0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And like I said, I've asked myself in the past,

0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:57.840
<v Speaker 2>have I done all I can do?

0:13:57.920 --> 0:13:58.199
<v Speaker 3>Here?

0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:03.000
<v Speaker 2>There's one actually one barometery thing. I mean, so far

0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:07.000
<v Speaker 2>we've had have you done all you can do? What

0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:10.800
<v Speaker 2>do you feel the person has completely lost respect for you?

0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.280
<v Speaker 2>Or have you completely lost the respect for the person?

0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:16.440
<v Speaker 2>Is the respect there between you two? Do you look

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.400
<v Speaker 2>forward to spending time with them or do you dread it?

0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:24.240
<v Speaker 2>And there's one from the show, and it's a phrase

0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:28.360
<v Speaker 2>I have to admit I didn't really understand when she

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:30.880
<v Speaker 2>was using it, and she used it a ton. Claire

0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.800
<v Speaker 2>Crawley on her season said I want someone who will

0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:35.760
<v Speaker 2>show up for me, Who will show up for me.

0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:37.680
<v Speaker 2>She said that over and over to the point of

0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.440
<v Speaker 2>I kind of teased her about it because I think

0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 2>she used it so much that it lost its meaning.

0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.280
<v Speaker 3>And it was right. Yeah.

0:14:45.400 --> 0:14:48.560
<v Speaker 2>But when I was talking to this friend the other day,

0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:52.680
<v Speaker 2>what happened was they were supposed to go on a

0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:57.480
<v Speaker 2>trip with friends and their guy. This woman's partner said

0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:01.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going. I think we're in a rough place

0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:02.760
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not going to go.

0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.720
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to go. We'll talk when you get back.

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:09.640
<v Speaker 2>And I said, Babe, that's a the red flag is

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.080
<v Speaker 2>waving in the wind for me on that one, because

0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.680
<v Speaker 2>that person is quite literally not showing up for you.

0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:20.920
<v Speaker 2>And there were moments I had in a relationship. The

0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:22.840
<v Speaker 2>guy I was dating was supposed to go to brunch

0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:24.960
<v Speaker 2>with my mom and some of her friends, and we

0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:26.400
<v Speaker 2>got in kind of an argument and he said I'm

0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.920
<v Speaker 2>not going. And I remember going to that brunch and

0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:32.320
<v Speaker 2>I was so embarrassed and having to make excuses for him,

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:34.360
<v Speaker 2>and man, you do not want to be in a

0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:37.160
<v Speaker 2>relationship with someone where you have to make excuses. I

0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:40.640
<v Speaker 2>said to this current friend, Chris would never do that

0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.560
<v Speaker 2>to me. If we'd had an argument, you would never

0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:46.160
<v Speaker 2>say I'm not going to come. You would have showed

0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:48.880
<v Speaker 2>up and actually used it. I think as an opportunity

0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.880
<v Speaker 2>to say, hey, maybe we can go on this trip

0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.200
<v Speaker 2>together and it'll be good for us, or maybe it'll

0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.680
<v Speaker 2>really show us if we can make this work or not.

0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:58.240
<v Speaker 2>Maybe it'll be a telltale moment. But to just say

0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm backing out and to allow you to be embarrassed

0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.720
<v Speaker 2>to that group of people, that's a no for me.

0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:06.680
<v Speaker 3>To me, it's over because.

0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.440
<v Speaker 1>You're really rubbing someone's nose in it. And by the way,

0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.320
<v Speaker 1>nine times out of ten, when you're on the drive

0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.440
<v Speaker 1>over or you're whatever, you look at each other and

0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.640
<v Speaker 1>you realize how silly it was that you were arguing,

0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:19.160
<v Speaker 1>and you realize how much you love that person, and yeah,

0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:23.400
<v Speaker 1>it was like it only exacerbates that moment. And you're right,

0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Claire did say that a lot. I've heard it.

0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.160
<v Speaker 3>In this case. He was quite literally not showing up.

0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:31.360
<v Speaker 2>This guy and he's not here, he's absent, he has

0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:34.640
<v Speaker 2>not attended the event and him not showing up to me.

0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:37.200
<v Speaker 2>What that indicates is I don't want to try to

0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:40.280
<v Speaker 2>work on this. I'm willing to let you go. I'm

0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:43.240
<v Speaker 2>willing to put this on pause and risk losing you.

0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm willing to say, hey, you know, for all he knows,

0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.200
<v Speaker 2>this woman is incredible. She's beautiful and smart and fun.

0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:51.440
<v Speaker 2>She could have had so many new flirting with her

0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.360
<v Speaker 2>in the week she was gone, and hey, then you

0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:55.560
<v Speaker 2>lost her, buddy snooze, you lose well.

0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:59.120
<v Speaker 1>As we wrap up this playbook, I hope this is

0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:02.160
<v Speaker 1>you look and I think you should always take stock

0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.320
<v Speaker 1>of your relationship when it's good, when it's bad, when

0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:07.600
<v Speaker 1>it's great. What do you what's great about it? Because

0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.919
<v Speaker 1>you need to remember those things too, What made you happy,

0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:12.560
<v Speaker 1>what makes you happy? What drives you? Why you know?

0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:14.679
<v Speaker 1>How is he or she showing up for you? What

0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:16.639
<v Speaker 1>do they bring to the table? And then when you

0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.600
<v Speaker 1>fall on hard times, you can remember those things. You

0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.520
<v Speaker 1>can talk about those things, yes, and even bring them

0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:21.920
<v Speaker 1>back up.

0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:24.280
<v Speaker 2>We're all human, we all make mistakes, and we're all

0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.560
<v Speaker 2>going to falter. But to me, it's all about how

0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.960
<v Speaker 2>a person comes out of those mistakes. Are they trying

0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:31.879
<v Speaker 2>for you? Are they putting in that effort? And that

0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:34.880
<v Speaker 2>is something you constantly work on. You and I laugh

0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:38.520
<v Speaker 2>about in our jobs. In our business, we renegotiate contracts

0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:40.960
<v Speaker 2>every couple of years, and we've often said, why is

0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:43.280
<v Speaker 2>that not a situation for relationships?

0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:46.440
<v Speaker 1>Every five years you should have to go renegotiate your contract.

0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:49.040
<v Speaker 1>Is this in a relationship? Is this still working? Are

0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.680
<v Speaker 1>we still where we should be? That's when we become

0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.240
<v Speaker 1>King and Queen's That's what we're going to add. But

0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:58.360
<v Speaker 1>thank you for joining us today's playbook. We love chatting

0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.320
<v Speaker 1>and bringing up all these topics. If you have something

0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.800
<v Speaker 1>you want Lauren and I to dive into, reach out

0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:04.720
<v Speaker 1>to us. You can always find us at the Most

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:08.800
<v Speaker 1>Dramatic Pod Ever, at Lauren Zeema and at Chris P. Harrison.

0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:11.280
<v Speaker 1>Thanks as always, and we'll talk to you next time

0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:13.640
<v Speaker 1>because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks

0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:16.480
<v Speaker 1>for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the Most Dramatic

0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:18.919
<v Speaker 1>Pod Ever and make sure to write us a review

0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:21.720
<v Speaker 1>and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.