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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing is scrub Dub Dub. We

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Speaker 2: have a very exciting guest today. People have been saying Becca,

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Speaker 2: please get her on the podcast, and I'm so.

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Speaker 3: Excited because today's the day.

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Speaker 2: Today's day. Shannon Beveridge. You would know her from the

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Speaker 2: YouTube world. She was like one of the first lesbian

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Speaker 2: out lesbian YouTubers.

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Speaker 4: And don't forget about Tumblr and Tumblr. Hu John Tumblr.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I wasn't a Tumblr girl. I wasn't either, but

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Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna get one. This is I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you should get a Tumblr. I'm going to Well.

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Speaker 2: She was one of the OG's and she has lived

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Speaker 2: a very public life with her relationships and opening space

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Speaker 2: for people in the queer community. That's literally what her

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Speaker 2: goal is in everything she does.

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Speaker 3: She is also a fell a podcast or with her

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Speaker 3: podcast X's and O's.

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Speaker 2: She is a podcast door. She's a content creator, she edit,

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Speaker 2: she takes photos. She's very talented, and she's here and

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Speaker 2: she's here scrubbing in.

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Speaker 3: So let's welcome Shannon Beverage.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Shannon Beverage, Hello, Thank you for scrubbing in.

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Speaker 5: Thank you for having me. So I feel like I'm

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Speaker 5: being interrogated right now. Why because it's on one. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 5: let's do it TV one.

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Speaker 4: Is it intimidating the two on one vibe, it's a

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Speaker 4: little intimidating. It's a lot of interesting to know, something

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Speaker 4: to think about for the next interview.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for being honest. No one said that what if

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Speaker 3: I were sitting there, would that be different?

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Speaker 5: I don't know, maybe like more of a circle discussion

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Speaker 5: rather than like, I'm like.

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Speaker 3: Okay, all right, thank you, thank you so much. I

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Speaker 3: really am. I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: Uncomfortably those for people who don't know you and don't

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Speaker 2: know you from YouTube world, what's something that you want

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Speaker 2: people to know about you?

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Speaker 3: Oh god, what's something?

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Speaker 5: I think, like my whole thing is just trying to

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Speaker 5: create queer representation. So whether that's like through YouTube or

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Speaker 5: art or music videos or photography, whatever, it is, Like

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Speaker 5: that's my main goal in life, just to like show

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Speaker 5: people that you can, like live a whole, amazing happy

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Speaker 5: life and be queer.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if somebody asks you, like or if you go

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Speaker 4: to the doctor's office and you have to fill out like,

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Speaker 4: what's your occupation?

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Speaker 3: What do you say?

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Speaker 4: Self employed? Me too, It's like self employed, I have

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Speaker 4: a doctor's office. If you're like at a dinner party

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Speaker 4: and you're chit chatting, I.

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Speaker 3: Would say I'm a content creator. Okay probably.

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Speaker 5: And now I just started my podcast like end of December,

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Speaker 5: So since then I've been able to be like and

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Speaker 5: I like have a podcast, which is nice because I

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Speaker 5: don't know. I think for a while, there was like

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Speaker 5: a stigma too when I first started YouTube, of saying

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Speaker 5: you're a YouTube or like an influencer, like some people

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Speaker 5: take you less seriously. But now I feel like in

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Speaker 5: twenty twenty four, now it's like cool again.

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Speaker 3: I don't really know.

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Speaker 2: It's like people change it it, yeah, and like people

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Speaker 2: are like I'm trying to be influencers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's crazy how it's changed.

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Speaker 4: I hate that stigma because it's like, if you're influential,

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Speaker 4: what a blessing is that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I mean, like especially if you're standing up and speaking

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Speaker 4: about stuff that's important to you, Like how cool and

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Speaker 4: how like much of an honor is it to be

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Speaker 4: influential to people?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? No, it's sick, but I think people hear it

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Speaker 5: and they don't necessarily like they will makeup are you

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Speaker 5: selling people? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: What influence? Are you influencing?

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Speaker 5: Right, So if they don't know my brand, then it

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Speaker 5: kind of just can sound fall flat.

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Speaker 3: It's just like less cool. Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I think content creator also makes more sense for me anyway,

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Speaker 5: because I'm I do a lot of different stuff too.

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Speaker 3: It's not just social media, like I also.

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Speaker 5: Do like photography stuff and other stuff outside, So I'm

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Speaker 5: creating stuff all the time.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, because you shot Ariana Grande's New

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Speaker 2: York Time Yeah, Times, Square, time Square billboard or whatever. Yes,

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Speaker 2: it was so cool and that was so random.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so random.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, listen to my podcast and I one time

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Speaker 5: took a picture of arion A grandeck.

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Speaker 3: Why who knows? Honestly.

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Speaker 5: No. My one of my best friend's name is Katya Tempkin,

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Speaker 5: and she is a photographer and she does all of

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Speaker 5: Ari's stuff, Arianas stuff.

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Speaker 3: We're really close.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And she was shooting something in London and they

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Speaker 5: needed a BTS person to do it and kat started

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Speaker 5: as arian As BTS and like photography thing like person,

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Speaker 5: and then for that project she actually directed it, so

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Speaker 5: obviously she couldn't do the BTS. So we were driving

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Speaker 5: in La on our way to shoot something for Kenzie

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Speaker 5: Ziegler and I was shooting BTS for that and Kat

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Speaker 5: was creative directing for it, and she looked at me

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Speaker 5: like Arianna sent her voice Mama and was like, can

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Speaker 5: we find someone to do the bts?

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Speaker 3: And then we were.

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Speaker 5: Driving and then she looked at me and I was like, uh,

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Speaker 5: with shrug, I'm like, yeah, I would love to do that.

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Speaker 3: So I got to go do that.

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Speaker 5: And then I took a picture for her and she

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Speaker 5: loved Obviously she liked it enough to put it in

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Speaker 5: Times Square.

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Speaker 3: It was sick. That's so cool. I feel like people.

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Speaker 2: When they talk about their experience coming out, your name

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Speaker 2: gets brought up almost every time.

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Speaker 3: That's so nice. It's so cool.

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Speaker 2: I mean seriously, like talk about being like like being

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Speaker 2: someone who's in the influencer space, like I do feel

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Speaker 2: like it's so vapid sometimes and I'm like, what am I?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 3: What is my purpose?

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Speaker 2: And I really feel like you have found your purpose

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Speaker 2: because it's such a it's such a huge Like we

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Speaker 2: were just talking about our episode on Monday, like being

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Speaker 2: able to see people feel comfortable. And we were talking

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Speaker 2: about Sophia Bush just short this essay and Glamour, and

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Speaker 2: she was saying she felt like weighted best was lifted off.

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Speaker 3: From her if she could breathe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was saying I felt that when Haley

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Speaker 2: and I went public with our relationship, like I felt

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Speaker 2: like a physical weight was lifted off totally. And you

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Speaker 2: grew up in the South in a very conservative I

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Speaker 2: mean I'm from the South too. Yeah, but you came

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Speaker 2: out a lot younger than I did.

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Speaker 3: And you were in a sorority. And what sorority were

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Speaker 3: you in? Tried Delta? What about you? I was a

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Speaker 3: cap out amazing.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I mean, I'm happy I could have been sisters.

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Speaker 3: Really that was that's But did you love being a sorority?

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Speaker 3: I did love it? I actually really loved it.

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Speaker 5: We were I was just talking to I was with

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Speaker 5: four people yesterday, all of them queer, and we all

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Speaker 5: were in sorority, and we were all talking.

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Speaker 3: We all loved the experience.

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Speaker 5: I missed like waking up and going out of my

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Speaker 5: room and being like who's around, Like who wants to

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Speaker 5: study or hang out or go out or whatever? Like

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Speaker 5: it was really such a unique experience that you'll never

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Speaker 5: have again, Like when are you ever gonna I lived

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Speaker 5: with a hundred girls, never gonna happen again. But also

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Speaker 5: really does not help you become straight. So if anyone,

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Speaker 5: if anyone is looking to me for influence, it will

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Speaker 5: not straighten you out.

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Speaker 4: I was like, were you trying, like at that point

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Speaker 4: where you you knew you were cool?

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Speaker 3: At that point, I, yeah, I felt with the girl

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Speaker 3: in high school.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so I wasn't out, but I got outed in

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Speaker 5: high school by that girl's parents.

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Speaker 3: They outed me to like my parents.

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Speaker 5: And then when they when my parents asked me if

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Speaker 5: I was gay, I was like, uh now, obviously not.

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Speaker 5: And I just kept it a secret and I went

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Speaker 5: to I went to school in Oklahoma. During to sorority,

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Speaker 5: I was like, I'm gonna find my husband here. Obviously

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Speaker 5: my MRS degree did not could happen. Then I just

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Speaker 5: was like around one hundred really beautiful girls all the time,

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Speaker 5: and I'm like.

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Speaker 3: This is not working. Yeah, and then I went online.

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Speaker 5: So it was like it was such a It was

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Speaker 5: a perfect experience because I felt so lonely in my sorority,

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Speaker 5: although I was having so much fun like, I had

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Speaker 5: a great time, but obviously everyone was dating boys and

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Speaker 5: like a lot of religious people going to school there.

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Speaker 5: And I was just like really internalizing like all of

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Speaker 5: my own like sexuality stuff and not talking to anyone.

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Speaker 5: And then I found out about Tumblr, which is like

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Speaker 5: a blogging website, and then I went on there, and

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Speaker 5: then I was like, oh my god, lesbians exist. I

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Speaker 5: had no idea that we were out there. Yeah, And

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Speaker 5: then I was like, okay, sick, maybe I could like

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Speaker 5: figure this out.

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Speaker 2: I found my people. Yeah, so were you? Was when

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Speaker 2: you found when you fell in love with a girl

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Speaker 2: in high school? Was that the first time you like

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Speaker 2: had feelings? Because Haley's like, I knew I was gay

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Speaker 2: when I was five.

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Speaker 5: I didn't know girls could be gay, that's the thing.

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Speaker 5: So I thought boys could be gay. I don't know

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Speaker 5: where this came from.

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Speaker 3: I totally get that. I just didn't think anything Martin. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: well yeah, okay.

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Speaker 5: Also I knew girls could be gay that looked like

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Speaker 5: my pec, my volleyball coach, which I look back and

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Speaker 5: I've talked about these women a lot, like in YouTube

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Speaker 5: videos in the past, where I've just been like and

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Speaker 5: I did not relate to them, and I kind of

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Speaker 5: feel guilty almost now thinking back, because how badass were

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Speaker 5: those two ladies to be out in Texas with their

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Speaker 5: crew cut haircut. I mean, like that's so brave in

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Speaker 5: some ways, like braver than being like a femme lesbian

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Speaker 5: working in a school system, because you could be under

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Speaker 5: the raidar and not say anything. Like there was no

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Speaker 5: hiding the fact that those ladies were gay. But I

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Speaker 5: did look at them and I was like, well, that's

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Speaker 5: not me. So I was like, I'm not gay, but.

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Speaker 3: I had like some I thought maybe something was up.

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Speaker 5: When I was really into this show called South of

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Speaker 5: Nowhere and it was about two girls and like they

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Speaker 5: kiss at the end, like season finale, and I had

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Speaker 5: sat all the way up in my chair and was

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Speaker 5: like leaning forward and I didn't even feel my body

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Speaker 5: like start moving. And then I was like, oh, oh no,

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Speaker 5: oh no, what's going on? But I had boyfriends and

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Speaker 5: I didn't think that much about it. And then this girl.

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Speaker 5: I think I had a crush on pretty much every

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Speaker 5: friend of mine ever, but I didn't know. I just

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Speaker 5: was like, this is friendship. You're supposed to be possessed

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Speaker 5: with your friends, like they get boyfriends and she does

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Speaker 5: not text me back as quick anymore. This is a bummer.

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Speaker 5: But then I think, finally, what happened with this girl

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Speaker 5: that I fell in love with is she had a

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Speaker 5: crush back. So it like the first time she ever

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Speaker 5: spent the night at my house. She I asked her

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Speaker 5: to scratch my back, like very like normal, I feel

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Speaker 5: like girl thing to do, right, she did for two hours.

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Speaker 5: It was like, something is happening. This is not I

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Speaker 5: didn't know how to tell her to stop. I didn't

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Speaker 5: want her to stop. But also I'm like, usually my

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Speaker 5: friends would do this for like five minutes. Two hours later,

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Speaker 5: I'm like, are we in love?

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Speaker 3: And we were so? And then it got really scary

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Speaker 3: and weird but started nice. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, I feel like also when you're in high school,

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Speaker 2: whether you're into guys or girls, it's such an awkward time.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I don't know what to do about.

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Speaker 3: You're trying to figure out how to do everything.

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Speaker 4: The first time, Oh my god. The first time I

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Speaker 4: saw a penis, it was.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh my god, I'm like, did I ever look

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Speaker 3: at one?

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Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I don't look in the eye.

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Speaker 5: I saw one before and it was not you know,

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Speaker 5: I am a lesbian, so I did not change anything

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Speaker 5: for me.

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Speaker 3: I actually, I don't know. This is kind of inappropriate.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how appropriate.

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Speaker 5: It was the first time I ever saw a penis.

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Speaker 3: This guy.

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Speaker 5: I was pulling it off of him and making it

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Speaker 5: slap him in the stomach over and over again because

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Speaker 5: I thought it was so funny and I didn't know

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Speaker 5: how else to touch it. I didn't want to touch it,

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Speaker 5: and he was like, okay, please stop doing that, and

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Speaker 5: I was like, I have to go home.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to be here.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, this isn't like it didn't come over you

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Speaker 4: like the how to Train a dragon, you know.

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Speaker 5: One.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, how do I train this?

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Speaker 5: I literally like, how do I touch it as little

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Speaker 5: as possible and also somehow like abuse him in the process,

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Speaker 5: like slapping him.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm wwhelmed. You have to go home, Like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know why you're not enjoying this. It was

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Speaker 3: so fun, Like I don't want to do anything else

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Speaker 3: to it. Oh my gosh, that is so fun. When

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Speaker 3: you were in the sorority, You're living with one hundred

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Speaker 3: girls for two years. Life so fun, so fun. Did

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Speaker 3: you like any of them?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it was similar to the crushes I

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Speaker 5: had before that girl I liked, like, I had a

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Speaker 5: couple of friends that I probably like wanted to hang

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Speaker 5: out with a little bit too much, but all of

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Speaker 5: them were so obviously straight that I never let myself

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Speaker 5: really like fall into that, especially because I had that

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Speaker 5: experience with the other girl and she was still around,

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Speaker 5: so if I ever wanted to like talk to someone,

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Speaker 5: we kind of like kept our secret relationship going all

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Speaker 5: the way through like my freshman sophomore year of college,

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Speaker 5: but we it got weirder and weirder, but like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I didn't need the validation from one of my forty sisters.

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Speaker 5: I knew they were so straight. They were just like

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Speaker 5: so straight. That was like, well no, but I can't

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Speaker 5: get in here.

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Speaker 2: It's such a thing for lesbians to go for straight

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Speaker 2: girls like that.

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Speaker 3: Haley was like that was her Oh my god, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but that's but they're not straight. If if they are down,

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Speaker 3: I know they're not straight.

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Speaker 2: But if people now obviously look obviously straight, Yeah, how

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Speaker 2: do you know?

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Speaker 3: Because I it's like an energy thing though, too.

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Speaker 5: You can tell if someone's giving you, Like I can

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Speaker 5: tell when a straight girl is giving me like far

296
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Speaker 5: too much attention, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Or they're like they'll say things like I kissed a.

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Speaker 5: Girl once and you're like, okay, awesome, Like it's just

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Speaker 5: like out a pregame, like taking a shot and that

300
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Speaker 5: in between the shot, and like one time in high school,

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Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, got it.

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Speaker 4: So you're throwing me up a flag. Yeah, so you

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Speaker 4: pick up on social cues.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: And also it's just like body language, like it's flirting.

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Speaker 5: You can tell when someone's flirting with you. I mean,

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Speaker 5: I guess I can tell when someone's flirting with me.

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Speaker 5: And then my thing is, if you like me, you

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Speaker 5: are not straight immediately in my head, well yeahh but yeah,

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Speaker 5: so it's like going for straight girls, but it's more

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Speaker 5: so going for like girls who don't know they're gay

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Speaker 5: yet at least like a little.

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Speaker 3: I feel like you told me you picked up on me,

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Speaker 3: and wat that What did you pick up on when

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Speaker 3: you were watching it?

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Speaker 5: I thought I was like, okay, I thought you and

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Speaker 5: Jojo had to vibe like they are vibing.

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Speaker 3: Why are they vibing like this really talking about it

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Speaker 3: all the time.

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Speaker 2: I think it was a conversation people had. I'm realizing

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Speaker 2: it was for sure.

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Speaker 5: The girls were talking about it, like those girls like

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Speaker 5: each other, well maybe one of them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because I think you told me that. We

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Speaker 2: actually were at Haley's party and you were like, Cracy, what.

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Speaker 3: Are you doing? Like, hey, it's all lining up when

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Speaker 3: I saw you.

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Speaker 5: And then You're like I never even met Haley before.

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Speaker 5: It's my first time like ever meeting her. And I'm

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Speaker 5: like mm hm, oh.

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Speaker 3: Good, what are you doing at this party?

332
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:38,640
Speaker 5: Though?

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00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,000
Speaker 3: Like why are you here?

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Speaker 2: She was friends with a mutual friend who is very

335
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:48,000
Speaker 2: straight Brittany, I'm joking, and she brought me and I

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Speaker 2: was like, Oh, we're gonna go out and if this

337
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Speaker 2: party sucks, will go to the next thing.

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Speaker 3: And it was a fun party. Becca was like that

339
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Speaker 3: was in her phase of life where she was just

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Speaker 3: like down. She's like, oh.

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Speaker 5: She was down.

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Speaker 3: She sure was.

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Speaker 5: She was.

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Speaker 3: She was six years later crazy, that was six years ago.

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Speaker 2: I know. But when you start so what I was

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Speaker 2: gonna say, when people reference your name, a lot of

347
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,960
Speaker 2: it comes up like you were even my sisters, it's

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00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 2: like you were the first person where they saw they

349
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,520
Speaker 2: that they.

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Speaker 3: Looked like you.

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Speaker 2: You know that it wasn't like the stereotypical, not that

352
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 2: anything's wrong with that. I just think that, like you said,

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Speaker 2: you didn't see yourself, yeah, and your teachers, and I think,

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00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,640
Speaker 2: my I think a lot of people saw you and

355
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,840
Speaker 2: watched you on YouTube and saw you on Tumblr, and

356
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Speaker 2: they're like, oh, if she can be gay, then maybe

357
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Speaker 2: I can be too, and it's the end of the world.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's definitely And I had people who were like

359
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,320
Speaker 5: that for me on Tumblr. They just like weren't necessarily

360
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,120
Speaker 5: like YouTubers or like creating like content for like a

361
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 5: lot of people. And I think a big part of

362
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 5: it is just the timing of it. Like when I

363
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:59,800
Speaker 5: started on YouTube, I was one of the first lesbian YouTubers,

364
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 5: which sounds crazy now, but I was not like the

365
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,400
Speaker 5: first by any means, but there were not many of us.

366
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Speaker 5: There weren't many people making anything. And I definitely think

367
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,440
Speaker 5: especially when I first came out, I mean, I'm still

368
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 5: I'm not like super mask or anything, but like, especially

369
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Speaker 5: at the beginning, I was like girl next door sorority

370
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:22,000
Speaker 5: girl making videos from my sorority house but whispering so

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Speaker 5: that no one could hear me. And just like, yeah,

372
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Speaker 5: I always say, it was like lesbian Hannah, Montana because

373
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Speaker 5: I was out online but I was straight in real

374
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 5: life and like going to date parties with boys and

375
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,159
Speaker 5: then coming home and literally I'd be on Tumblr to

376
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Speaker 5: like six in the morning, just like stalking people's profiles,

377
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 5: talking to people, asking people questions.

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Speaker 3: I was obsessed.

379
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,080
Speaker 5: But yeah, I think that the representation thing is just

380
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,360
Speaker 5: the timing of it was kind of divine.

381
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why I did that. I

382
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,280
Speaker 3: don't know when I was bold enough to do that.

383
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 3: IM I'll do it.

384
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 5: Well.

385
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,359
Speaker 2: Also, it's going you kind of go, okay, eventually people

386
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 2: if this picks up, people are.

387
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 3: Gonna find it, find it. Mm hmm. That was scary.

388
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, but I had my all my videos were unlisted,

389
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,600
Speaker 5: so you had to have the link to watch it,

390
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 5: but I would embed them on my Tumblr.

391
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Speaker 3: I don't even know what that means.

392
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can still do it today, but you had to,

393
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,199
Speaker 5: like go you had to be following my tumblr or

394
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 5: be on Tumblr to find it. And so the way

395
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 5: I rationalized it was if anyone finds it, then they're

396
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 5: gay too, Yeah, so like it's both of us together.

397
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,439
Speaker 5: So that's how I was like, it'll be fine. But

398
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 5: I definitely got paranoid. My first my like handle is

399
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 5: now this is living on everything. But that's because I

400
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 5: started on Tumblr. So everyone's tumblers were like little weird

401
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 5: quotes or like a life with purpose, you know. So

402
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 5: my first tumbler was don't like Tumblr. Yeah it was awesome, Yeah.

403
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,719
Speaker 3: It was cool. My first one.

404
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 5: It's like kind of like Pinterest meets Instagram, oh, I

405
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,520
Speaker 5: would say, But my first tumbler was don't wait live now.

406
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,439
Speaker 5: And then people started messaging me on there being like, Shannon,

407
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 5: are you thirsty? Do you need a beverage? And so

408
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 5: basically insinuating like they knew the I was, and so

409
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 5: I got scared. I deleted the whole Tumblr and I

410
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 5: had already kind of like amassed a little following on there,

411
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 5: and then I was like, I'm starting a new blog.

412
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 5: I'm never going to post pictures of myself ever again.

413
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 5: So I started this new one and then I think

414
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 5: it was like seven months later. I did take all

415
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 5: my pictures off and I was home for Christmas break

416
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 5: and I got bored. So I posted as healthy on there,

417
00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 5: and I'm like, let's get back into it. I was like,

418
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 5: I need to talk to people again. But yeah, it

419
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 5: was so weird, crazy.

420
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 2: So when who was the first question you came out

421
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 2: to outside of Tumblr?

422
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 5: Mmmm?

423
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 3: Who was my sister? Okay? Yeah? And how did she

424
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 3: re smile? It was so good. She laughed at me.

425
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,160
Speaker 5: She was like, yeah, obviously, I'm like, oh, gay, this

426
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 5: took a lot out of me.

427
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 3: Just say this too.

428
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 5: No. I kind of feel like the outing situation I

429
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 5: had in high school was almost like there was a

430
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 5: silver lining to it because it prepared my family a

431
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 5: little bit for the possibility that I would be queer.

432
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 5: Like I think both my mom and dad were probably

433
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 5: kind of like, well, hopefully not. But they had years too,

434
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 5: because that happened when I was sixteen, and then I

435
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 5: didn't come out till I was nineteen, Okay, so they

436
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 5: had three years to be like, it's definitely possible.

437
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 2: Yea.

438
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 5: And my sister I confided in her more about it,

439
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 5: and I was just like, I don't know what's going on, Like,

440
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 5: I still feel like I like that girl, but now

441
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,639
Speaker 5: I'm like maybe I just like girls in general. And

442
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 5: then she laughed and I was like, Okay, glad, this

443
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 5: is fun for you.

444
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 3: You're respect respect for response.

445
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, So when you came out to your how long

446
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: after that did you come out to your parents?

447
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,160
Speaker 5: Really quickly after I came out to my sister, probably

448
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 5: like at the beginning of summer, and then I came

449
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 5: out to my mom. I wanted to transfer school, so

450
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 5: it was like my freshman year of college was over.

451
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 5: I was like, there's no way I'm going to come

452
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 5: out in Oklahoma. And I was pretty positive at that point.

453
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, I'm gay gay like gay, like it's

454
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 5: not even a there's I'm not by this is so

455
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 5: I have to do something. And I didn't want to

456
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 5: go do all that in Oklahoma, like I felt like

457
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 5: it would be. When I told my sister about it,

458
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 5: then I remember too she was really scared for me

459
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 5: and that she didn't want me to be like a

460
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,679
Speaker 5: martyr or like put myself out there to get everyone's

461
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 5: whatever and to like help people change their mind about

462
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 5: queer people. She's like, I don't feel like it should

463
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 5: have to be you. She's like, maybe you should transfer schools.

464
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 5: You could go to UCLA or somewhere in California. So

465
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,359
Speaker 5: we actually, me and my sister came to California that

466
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,879
Speaker 5: summer and I toured schools and I looked at like

467
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 5: San Diego and all these other places, and then I

468
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,959
Speaker 5: did not apply to transfer in time, so I had

469
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 5: to go back to Oklahoma, and I was just like,

470
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 5: I guess I'm stuck here now.

471
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 3: And then it was great. It worked out amazingly.

472
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,480
Speaker 5: But I came out to my mom and my dad

473
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 5: that summer as well, because that was a conversation of like,

474
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 5: maybe I'll transfer schools, like why you would want to?

475
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 5: Like why wouldn't you go back to Oklahoma? And I'm

476
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 5: like something a lastpoon.

477
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 3: So how'd you end up in La? I graduated.

478
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 5: I have a fine ince degree in case anyone I'm

479
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 5: curious doing nothing with it?

480
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 3: Do you have it? But if things go south and

481
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 3: I need a job, hit me up. Yeah.

482
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 5: I graduated in May twenty let's not even say when

483
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,719
Speaker 5: it doesn't matter. I graduated in May, and I had

484
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 5: been doing Tumblr for a while. I had started doing

485
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,919
Speaker 5: YouTube a little bit, and I think I had like

486
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 5: four thousand subscribers on YouTube when I graduated in May.

487
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 5: By December the same year, I had one hundred thousand.

488
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 5: So because I started to actually post and I stopped

489
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 5: doing the unlisted things so it was public so people.

490
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 3: Could find me.

491
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 5: On YouTube, and I came out, like fully I merged.

492
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 5: I had two instagrams back to my lesbian Hannah Montana thing.

493
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 3: I had like my straight one and I had the

494
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 3: gay one. Oh my god. Yeah, and they.

495
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 5: Were both private, so everyone I was like having to

496
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 5: accept manually all of my followers. I had on my

497
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 5: gay one too, so yeah, I like merged the two.

498
00:22:58,359 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 3: I came out.

499
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 5: I posted a YouTube video I posted that on my

500
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 5: straight Instagram. Was like, two instagrams is too too many?

501
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 5: And by the way, I'm gang and I was like yeah,

502
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 5: and then I don't know, it just worked and then

503
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 5: la thing I think kind of happened organically. I wanted

504
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 5: to move to New York, but YouTube stuff, like everything

505
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 5: was kind of out here. And at the time I

506
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 5: had a girlfriend and she wanted to live in the warm.

507
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 2: Weather, so that was Cammy, so she wanted to be here.

508
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 2: You and Kimmy had this like super public, super public.

509
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 5: Relationship and were you guys together like three and a

510
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 5: half years I.

511
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 3: Think long And what age ages was?

512
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 5: I think I was turned twenty one when I was

513
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 5: dating her, so like twenty to twenty three, twenty four

514
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 5: something about something around.

515
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 3: That was she like your first love.

516
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 5: I think my first love was the high school for sure,

517
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 5: and it was super rocky. Though Cammy was like my

518
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 5: first like real relationship, sure, and so yeah in a

519
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 5: way like my first love.

520
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 3: And it was so public, so public. It was crazy.

521
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 3: What were we doing? We had no idea, We didn't

522
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 3: we really didn't know that.

523
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 5: I mean, I also, I'm from I like had a

524
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 5: lot of the Texas kind of like ideal like things

525
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,640
Speaker 5: still in my head where it's like, oh, you fall

526
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 5: in love, you get married, you whatever. So when I

527
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 5: started dating Cammy and I fell in love with her,

528
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 5: I was like, well, clearly you're my wife, and so

529
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 5: who cares if we share everything everything online?

530
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 3: Yeah?

531
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 5: And then yeah, you turned twenty four and you realize

532
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 5: you came out dating someone you don't have any life experience.

533
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 5: Our whole identity kind of became the sane, like we

534
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 5: were really really combined, I don't know, And no one

535
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 5: would say Shannon without saying Cammy, and no one would

536
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 5: say Cammy without saying Shannon, or that's how.

537
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,640
Speaker 3: It felt so crazy.

538
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, and back then and then I was like, we

539
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 5: have to we have like more life to live. And

540
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 5: I realized that those texts things that I thought I wanted,

541
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 5: I actually didn't want, you know, I wanted to experience

542
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 5: more life. So yeah, and then breaking up with her,

543
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 5: like our breakup felt like breaking up with three hundred

544
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 5: thousand people. It was so and no one saw it

545
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 5: coming because obviously you're only posting the very best.

546
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 3: It's like a highlight reel.

547
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 5: But it was also twenty sixteen, like before I think

548
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 5: people even realized what a highlight reel was like because

549
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 5: no one was using social media. People weren't using social

550
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 5: media as much. I feel like now that there's Instagram

551
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,959
Speaker 5: stories and like stuff like that, everyone even like normal

552
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 5: everyday people realize that you only post the best of

553
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 5: the best versus then I think.

554
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 3: People were like, what are you talking about?

555
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 5: You're perfect couple, like this is yeah, and I'm like, yeah,

556
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 5: we weren't posting our fights. Yeah I didn't come out

557
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 5: of the videos, but yeah, So it came as a

558
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 5: shock to people.

559
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 2: How long, Like, was there a period where you were like,

560
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 2: this is not working, but I'm so scared to break

561
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,880
Speaker 2: up because this is so public. Was that time frame

562
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 2: before when you realize like, we're not gonna get married.

563
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 5: She's not I think I really had a really hard

564
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 5: time believing that that was true. So I think for

565
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 5: like eight months or so, I was like, no way,

566
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 5: there's no way. I fell out of love. Like I

567
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 5: could not let myself accept that or believe it. So

568
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 5: I was like it must be this or this is

569
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 5: the problem, or it's because we're doing this, and like

570
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 5: maybe we need just need more space, like trying to

571
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 5: problem solve and be like we can fix it, we

572
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 5: can fix it, we can fix it, when in reality,

573
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,639
Speaker 5: I think I just didn't. I wasn't mature enough to

574
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 5: know that it was just over, and I was like

575
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 5: forcing something to work that had run its course probably

576
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 5: at that point, which I feel like, yeah, I feel

577
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 5: like that's like kind of a classic first love kind

578
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 5: of situation where you're like no, no, no, no, no no no.

579
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 3: No no, we can fix it.

580
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 5: And then the pressure of the inner like I had

581
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 5: that pressure just as a person, yeah, dating a person,

582
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,719
Speaker 5: because I'm like I don't want to lose you.

583
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 3: You're my whole life.

584
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 5: Then they added pressure of and when we do break up,

585
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 5: what the hell is going to happen? Like are we

586
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 5: posted videos all the time together? Like what is the

587
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 5: internet gonna think? Are we gonna am I gonna have

588
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 5: to do something else? Like is social media done? Like

589
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 5: are you going to do social media? Like a million questions.

590
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 5: I mean, and here we are today, there's.

591
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 3: Still edits of y'all. Yeah yeah that. People are like,

592
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 3: are can't you married?

593
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 5: Yeah?

594
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Cammy's married. Everyone's moved on, everyone's moved on.

595
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 2: We're devastating for the lesbian community because now I see

596
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 2: all lesbian and TikTok and it's like, wow, this was

597
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:33,959
Speaker 2: a moment.

598
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 3: It was a moment.

599
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 5: I think like when I see it now too, I

600
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 5: feel like people have kind of detached it from actually

601
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 5: being me. It's more like just their own you know

602
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 5: what I mean. They're not like shipping me and Cammi

603
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 5: together like Edward were characters were like you were a

604
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 5: moment in time and there coming out story. Yeah, and

605
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 5: that's beautiful. And also like I feel the same way

606
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 5: about that relationship, Like when you're years out of a relationship,

607
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 5: you can look back on it and be like, wow,

608
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 5: there were so many good things about that and so

609
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 5: many great things and beautiful things that I can appreciate it.

610
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 5: And also I'm like it's done that. Yeah, it's in

611
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 5: a box. But it's weird to have to see it.

612
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 5: But also, I've been online now, I've been doing this

613
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 5: for so long. I feel like I can see anything

614
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 5: at this pointsized.

615
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 3: Yes, it don't take it to heart.

616
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: Well, I want to talk about how desensitized you are

617
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 2: with your next relationship that.

618
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 3: Came after Cammie.

619
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 2: And we're going to take a break in just a second.

620
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 3: All right, we're back. So who is this? It's Carrie Fletcher.

621
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I have such a really important question. But

622
00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 4: you can go first. You can ask you well after that, now, No,

623
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 4: Because so I I listened to her music Pluture, and

624
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 4: I listened to this song. I was like obsessed with

625
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: this song and I just discovered that she wrote it

626
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 4: about she's your ex.

627
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 3: Girlfriend now but it was your girlfriend at the time.

628
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 3: Becky's so hot. I love that song so much, And

629
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 3: so now it's like this because I.

630
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: Was like, I need the straight to Tanya to ask

631
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 2: questions like this.

632
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 3: This is a very straight question. She's just like trauma.

633
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 3: It's sensitized.

634
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 4: Yes, because like I'm like, how okay, so you're like

635
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 4: not dating this person where they're writing songs clearly about

636
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 4: you and your new Like she literally named.

637
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 3: Her Becky which is her name, which is.

638
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 4: Her name right, her actual name, and you're dating this

639
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 4: person in the moment, how do you explain that, Oh.

640
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 3: It was not good.

641
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: It was not good. I did not expect that, and yeah,

642
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 5: it was bad. It was it felt and I feel

643
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 5: like it's funny. Well, now if you're kind of talked

644
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 5: about it, I hadn't talked about it really at all,

645
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 5: and then I had Carrie on my podcast and we

646
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 5: kind of talked about it a little bit.

647
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I feel like you guys are like friendly, fine,

648
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:18,959
Speaker 3: now we're okay.

649
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 5: But I had dodged talking about it for a long

650
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 5: time just because I also didn't want to like promote

651
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 5: the song. So like anytime I talked about it, it

652
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 5: made the song do better, and I'm like, I kind

653
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 5: of don't want the song to do that song. It's awesome,

654
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 5: I can cause there was like, yeah, there was no

655
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 5: like winning and now, out of respect for your girlfriend,

656
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,239
Speaker 5: I feel like exactly, yeah, And also because that was

657
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 5: it was just not I wasn't expecting it. So when

658
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 5: it happened, like when you date an artist, you expect

659
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 5: that there will be songs written about you, and you

660
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 5: know There's also a song called Birthday Girl, and it

661
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 5: says like are we have the same birthday? I mean, Carrie,

662
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 5: So it's like March eighteenth, at eleven fifty nine, Like

663
00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 5: where are you going to be?

664
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 3: It's obviously about me, you know what I mean.

665
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 5: You're like putting she put she She's adding a lot

666
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 5: of details, likes.

667
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 3: Could be a little more vague, you know, leave something

668
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 3: up for.

669
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 4: Interpretation, right, Like Taylor uses like different people's names like

670
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 4: Peter and Cassandra, like throw me a bone here.

671
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 5: I know.

672
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 3: I thought maybe that would happened for me too, but

673
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 3: I don't know.

674
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 5: So I was expecting a lot of that, but I

675
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 5: was not expecting that scenario. And then that was it

676
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 5: was really tough. It was really hard for my girlfriend

677
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 5: at the time, just because.

678
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 3: It's just like who, how do you get it at that?

679
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 5: You know?

680
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 3: And I obviously I don't want to talk.

681
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 5: For her at all, but it was just like a

682
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 5: really unique situation to be in. And like I was

683
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 5: in therapy at the time trying to explain that to

684
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 5: my therapist and she's like, just don't go online.

685
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 3: I'm like, uh, yeah, well is my job? Also? Is

686
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 3: my job?

687
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 5: I had a manager at the time, and I was like,

688
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 5: what the hell do I do? Like, what should I

689
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 5: be doing? I don't have a publicist, like, I'm not

690
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 5: Capitol Records isn't behind me. It's me and my little

691
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 5: social media manager, you know. So I'm like, what the

692
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 5: hell should I be doing? And she was like, just

693
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 5: don't do anything, and I'm like that feels wrong, Like

694
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 5: everything nothing felt I think the biggest takeaway from the

695
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 5: whole not the biggest, but a huge takeaway it was

696
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 5: just how out of control that situation felt for me,

697
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 5: and I felt like there was really no winning in

698
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 5: talking about it or staying silent about it, like it

699
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 5: just kind of for a while was like eating me

700
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 5: up and then creating issues and then also like being

701
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 5: angry at someone is a terrible feeling, yeah, because no

702
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 5: one is winning, Like it didn't do anything for me,

703
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 5: And she didn't even know because I wasn't talking. I

704
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 5: wasn't like, hey, what the fuck she had? She Well,

705
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 5: I think the radio silence that I did.

706
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 3: Made it pretty obvious.

707
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 5: I was not happy, But yeah, that whole scenario was wild.

708
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 5: The gift that keeps on giving. Also, I'm like, just well,

709
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 5: I just can't I can't.

710
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 3: Believe she actually used her name. I'm singing the song

711
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 3: and it's like something you know, not not made up.

712
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 4: Like obviously you know that people write from like real

713
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 4: life experiences.

714
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 3: I didn't know there's this actual person's name. Yeah, a

715
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: whole human being, a human.

716
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 2: I think it's like you expect you break up and

717
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 2: you're dating an artist, and you're like, there's gonna be

718
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 2: content that comes out and it's inspired by me in

719
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 2: our relationship. But I think what you don't expect is

720
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 2: that your current girlfriend inspires a full song that goes

721
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 2: fully viral. And then I imagine every like lesbian bar

722
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: club you went to was blasting the song. Yeah.

723
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 5: Sometimes you'd be in like an urban outfitters and it

724
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 5: would come on and I'm like, did you do it

725
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 5: on some what lesbian is back there?

726
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 3: Like we walk in the door and.

727
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh really, oh really, okay, awesome, what a bom?

728
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 5: But yeah, no, none of that was expected, and then

729
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 5: none of it was really easy to like figure out

730
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 5: afterwards either, you know, oh my gosh, of difficult conversations

731
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 5: and just like hurt feelings, yeah, and weird vibes. I

732
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 5: feel like maybe people shouldn't do that. Maybe she shouldn't

733
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 5: have basically.

734
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 2: Told her, And she said on your podcast, like, I

735
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 2: regret Yeah, I don't know if I know deeply she

736
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 2: feels that because it.

737
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 3: Did do pretty well.

738
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 5: But I know, I'm like that worked though, didn't it

739
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,439
Speaker 5: seems like it worked out or nice? You can see

740
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 5: that in hindsight, yeank you I know. And also she

741
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 5: went on a different podcast. I'm not talking because we're

742
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 5: friendly and fine, but she went on another podcast and

743
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 5: she said the same thing that she regrets playing the

744
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,879
Speaker 5: song out and the host was like, okay, well, will

745
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 5: you stop performing the song then?

746
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 3: And she was like no, I said, I mean you can't.

747
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 3: You got to get the people what they want.

748
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 2: Apparently, do you feel like it led to the breakup though,

749
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 2: like all that trauma?

750
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 3: And she wouldn't say that.

751
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 5: No, I think it was just an I think a

752
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 5: lot of I'm like, really cough, I don't talk that

753
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 5: much about my last relationship just because it also is

754
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 5: fresh fresher.

755
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 3: Since it just i mean eight months ago it happened.

756
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 5: But and also I don't know, just like I tread lightly,

757
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 5: but I think we had a lot of random things

758
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 5: like that got thrown at us when we were together,

759
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 5: Like my dad had a heart attack, that song thing

760
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 5: happened like other like you know, little things that just

761
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 5: were like really stressful, and I think it was just

762
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 5: hard to get like all of it together really affected

763
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 5: our relationship obviously, you.

764
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 2: Know, I would watching it, I was like, this is

765
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 2: so hard.

766
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 3: I don't know how they're navigating this, Like.

767
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 2: I just feel like it would I feel like I

768
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 2: would cause a lot of fights.

769
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, personally, yeah, it was. It definitely didn't. It didn't help. Yeah,

770
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 3: I becky, I'd be so pitched. It did not help anyone.

771
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 5: Yeah no, But I also don't I don't think you

772
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 5: can contribute any one thing to relationship ending.

773
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 3: You know, obviously a lot of life happens. Yeah, do

774
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 3: you so?

775
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 2: I listened to your episodes with with Carry Fleer and

776
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: I Carrie.

777
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 3: I know.

778
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 2: Well, I'll say it for the for the people listening

779
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 2: for Fletcher, just so they were.

780
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 3: Aware if we were talking. Thank you so much.

781
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 2: Butcher and I was texting you. It's like the chemistry was.

782
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 3: So palpable through visually.

783
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 2: Watching you and hearing all because it was like I

784
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 2: was listening to y'all just like giggle and like reconnect

785
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: and y'all were saying things like, yeah, well this is

786
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: the end, like this is our closure, and.

787
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 3: I was like, what this is closure?

788
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 5: So mean, I know, I think I think it's I

789
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 5: think it's impossible to not have chemistry with someone that

790
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 5: you dated for a long time.

791
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 3: I think, let me tell you again, it's possible as possible. Yeah,

792
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:04,359
Speaker 3: I don't know.

793
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 5: I think it really is one of those things where

794
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 5: she is we had more of a friendship, and we

795
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 5: talked about it in the podcast.

796
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 3: I think too, even when we were.

797
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 5: Together, our relationship was way more friendship based than it

798
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 5: ever felt super romantic, which was when we were in

799
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 5: the relationship kind of a complicated like it made.

800
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 3: Things harder because I'm like, wait, do we do we

801
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 3: like each other? Like do we love each other? You know,

802
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,439
Speaker 3: like the intimacy, which is right?

803
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 5: Right?

804
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 3: People are people don't believe that. I'm sure.

805
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 5: I mean, we didn't talk about it on my podcast,

806
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 5: but like we did not like have like a super

807
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,240
Speaker 5: sexual relationship, I would say, which I think people would

808
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 5: think that we did, especially based off the songs that

809
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 5: Carrie Wrights Fletcher like they tend to be super sexual

810
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 5: and like, yeah, our relationship was so friendly, which made

811
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,399
Speaker 5: it so fun, but also I feel like it made

812
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 5: it like this could never be like a ever thing. Also,

813
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 5: I don't want I would never want to date an

814
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 5: artist like that, no offense, hardship.

815
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 4: Let me tell you, the songs she's writing about Beck

816
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 4: are really uh what are.

817
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 3: The yeah breakup song? Who break?

818
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 2: I'm like, I thought we were breaking up and I

819
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:24,280
Speaker 2: was like, I just thought we had a fight.

820
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 3: You're so dramatic.

821
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, well see, And you have a different experience than

822
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 5: me because when I dated Carrie, she was not big,

823
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 5: Like she wasn't super famous or like, you know, her

824
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 5: career has popped way more off now, so dating a

825
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 5: smaller artist was not that difficult for me. Like it

826
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 5: was fun and I could go be on the tour.

827
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 5: I like did her photos for like one a tour,

828
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 5: and it was like she was an opener. It's like

829
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 5: just a very different kind of life I feel, versus

830
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 5: knowing her now and watching the content she posts and

831
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 5: like also talking to her about what her life looks

832
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 5: like now, Like there's nothing about that that sounds desirable

833
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 5: like as a partner for me. But yeah, I really

834
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 5: just genuinely missed her so much as a friend. I

835
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 5: think that's what comes through in the podcast, but because

836
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 5: of course you can think of us as a couple

837
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 5: and like a past couple. I think a lot of

838
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 5: people were watching it being like, oh my god, they're flirting,

839
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,720
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I swear to God, I'm not I swear.

840
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 5: This is like I'm just like, I think it's like

841
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 5: the biggest to quote Sophia Bush, but it literally felt

842
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 5: like a weight was lifted just to be like, Okay,

843
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 5: things are copasetic. And I come from a family where

844
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 5: my parents are divorced but they're best friends. So I

845
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 5: think my role models in life about like a relationship

846
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 5: you could have with the X are kind of like

847
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 5: kind of beautiful and sweet, and I didn't have that,

848
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 5: Like we had such a tumultuous bad thing going on

849
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 5: that I think when we finally got together and I

850
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 5: forgave her for a healing, yeah, like I just feel

851
00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 5: so much lighter. And I think that that's what it's

852
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 5: like getting interpreted as like flirtation is more just like lightness,

853
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 5: and I just feel like, yeah, just so happy to

854
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 5: I'm so happy to have her as someone in my

855
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 5: life that I could just like text and be like, hey,

856
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 5: I hope you're doing well. You know, that's like a

857
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 5: whole it's like going through like to the other side.

858
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 3: Of so you're really putting a period on it. It's

859
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 3: really done. It's done. We are done. Done, closure is closed.

860
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 3: We are friends. All right, awesome, you heard it here.

861
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 5: First, we'll say I've been saying it. Yeah, you heard

862
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 5: it here for the eight hundred time. Okay, we're friends.

863
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 4: But I will say how friendly you are with an

864
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 4: ex is like tricky when you are navigating a new

865
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 4: relationship totally because like if I were dating someone and

866
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 4: they were like, hey, hope you have a good day

867
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 4: to their ex, I'd be like, what the heck is on?

868
00:40:59,320 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 3: Yeah?

869
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 5: I mean yeah, I don't think. I don't intend to

870
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 5: be like her best friend. You know, it's nice to

871
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 5: be like friendly and friend, like like if we talk

872
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 5: it would be okay, you know it's not.

873
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think.

874
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 5: Dating me in general is probably a little bit intimidating

875
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 5: considering my track record.

876
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: It's a little scary back there eyes on all of it.

877
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 3: It's okay.

878
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 4: Sometimes the best views come from the scariest climbs, you know,

879
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 4: beautiful Hell yeah.

880
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 3: You put that on your hinge profile. Are you dating?

881
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 3: Oh my god, thank you. Yeah, so I'm dating. This

882
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 3: keeps coming up so much.

883
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 5: But yes, I'm dating, casually dating or you I've been

884
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 5: dating one person, I think, and I talked about it.

885
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think.

886
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 5: The thing that I'm navigating right now is just how

887
00:41:58,080 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 5: much I want to talk about it or not talk

888
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 5: about it, just because my track record, my history is scary,

889
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 5: but also because I think at the beginning of dating someone,

890
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 5: like I want to protect it, you know, and just

891
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 5: make sure that I don't know. I think the more

892
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 5: eyes you have on something, then it gets scarier, and.

893
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 3: Then people get invested.

894
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 5: My like, one of my biggest fears about it in

895
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 5: general and me dating is how invested people get in

896
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 5: who I'm dating. Like there, it feels a little bit

897
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,399
Speaker 5: more intense than what some of my friends I see

898
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 5: go through, you know, Like I have a lot of

899
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 5: friends who are influencers or content creators or artists or whatever,

900
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 5: and I'm like, why then do people care so much

901
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 5: about who I date?

902
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 3: Like like that, Like, I think it's so nice, it's

903
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 3: is it?

904
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:48,320
Speaker 2: It's I'm not we don't understand.

905
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: No, I don't understand that I really don't one hand.

906
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,959
Speaker 3: It is nice though obviously people care. It's nice. People

907
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 3: are invested in the happy at the end of the day.

908
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I I mean I created it.

909
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 3: I set this monster up.

910
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 5: I think by being so public with my first relationship,

911
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,320
Speaker 5: it's kind of like people do think. I think people

912
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 5: think of me. And also I barely ever am single,

913
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,839
Speaker 5: just my own thing. But I feel like people think

914
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 5: of me as a girlfriend to people, you know, and

915
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 5: then they're like, oh, I wonder what Shannon's relationship would

916
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 5: look like.

917
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,399
Speaker 3: And then I started a podcast called X's and Oh's.

918
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 5: It's about relationships and sex, so yeah, I know people

919
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 5: care about that content from me, and also I enjoy

920
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 5: talking about it too. So it's it's just like now

921
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,720
Speaker 5: going into something new, trying to figure out a balance

922
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:37,760
Speaker 5: that's right.

923
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 3: And I have never done it.

924
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,959
Speaker 4: Even when you're really dating somebody, it's like, I feel

925
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 4: like you should make sure that it's like solid before

926
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 4: you invite everyone, even like family and friends, you know

927
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:48,399
Speaker 4: what I mean.

928
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 3: Like it's like make sure that that's good and then

929
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 3: bring people in.

930
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 2: So true, I was gonna say, but because you and

931
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 2: Carrie didn't have a public relationship, Yeah, people knew or assumed,

932
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 2: but it was never public. So you went from this

933
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 2: like super long public, we filmed everything relationship.

934
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 3: The most public, super public.

935
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,839
Speaker 2: Breakup, and then you get into a relationship and it's

936
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 2: quiet with the assumptions that people are talking about.

937
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 5: I mean, it was everyone knew we were dating, but yeah,

938
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 5: we didn't give them like I never posted a kissing

939
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:25,280
Speaker 5: picture and we never would be like happy anniversary, but

940
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 5: but yeah, people definitely knew. And then the weirdest part

941
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 5: was when we broke up, we released all of these

942
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 5: pictures and videos that we had been Like we obviously

943
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 5: we took kissing pictures, We took like fun little videos

944
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 5: of us, and I did her music videos for her

945
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 5: EP the sex tapes and like sex with the X

946
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 5: in parentheses and I am the X in question.

947
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 3: And I filmed all the videos for it.

948
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 5: And then when we put them out, they also like

949
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 5: leaked this website and posted like all these pictures and

950
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 5: videos that we had hidden for all those years, Which.

951
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 3: Why did do that?

952
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,319
Speaker 5: Why if we hadn't If we hadn't done that, no

953
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 5: one could make an edit of us. And now it's

954
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 5: like here you go there after we broke up, what

955
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 5: the Hell's that?

956
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 3: What the heck? What? What was that? That was delusion.

957
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 2: I was like, you said, you got bored in Texas

958
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 2: over Christmas break, so you posted your phone on somebod.

959
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 5: It was giving bored, it was giving covid bored. I'm like,

960
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 5: I guess let's mix it up.

961
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,359
Speaker 3: No, you guys did it. We did it. We leaked them.

962
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 5: We leaked all of it like letters I'd written like everything.

963
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 3: I'm like, whoa, what the hell is this? What are

964
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 3: we doing? It's are you giving manic covid?

965
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 5: It was like, so, I don't know. On one hand though,

966
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 5: it's we've healed. Yeah, And I'm so proud of the

967
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 5: project itself. Like the videos I made there, I'm like,

968
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 5: stand by them. And it was very it was a COVID.

969
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 5: We literally did all of it, just me and her

970
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 5: film at editing, someone edited for us. But you know,

971
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 5: it was very small, like intimate kind of little project.

972
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,399
Speaker 5: And then we could have done without the leak, though,

973
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 5: I think of the others.

974
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:13,800
Speaker 3: We could have just done the videos. That would have

975
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 3: been enough. We're like, no, let's lean in. It's even crazier,

976
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 3: clean into the art. Yeah, did you?

977
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 5: Maybe I should have expected Becky's so hot now that

978
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 5: I think about it, was she doing.

979
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 2: Music videos or anything where she was like making out

980
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 2: with other people or doing projects where she that when

981
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 2: y'all work together.

982
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 5: I feel like that, Yes, I think there was like

983
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 5: a couple and yeah, how's that for?

984
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a touchy, touchy subject. Over here were

985
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 3: you and how did you handle that?

986
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:03,280
Speaker 2: I think because you're an artist, so like you also

987
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 2: have the viewpoint of like reading art.

988
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:10,759
Speaker 5: And also I've been on set, not like that, I've

989
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 5: been on set, and I know the vibe also of

990
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 5: like what an on screen kiss is like, and you've

991
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 5: got like forty people behind this screen watching it and

992
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 5: it's just choreographed and it's like, Okay, move.

993
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 3: Your head here, do this there.

994
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 5: So that was all fine, but I think I think

995
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 5: going back to the fact that we didn't have a

996
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 5: super intimate relationship like oh yeah, I think sometimes it

997
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 5: was even more churning to me because I'm like, when's

998
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 5: the last time we made out?

999
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 3: And now I have to watch you make out with

1000
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 3: some girl. Okay, this kind of sucks.

1001
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 5: But I think also was like an immaturity thing because

1002
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 5: I was younger then. I think today, if I dated

1003
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 5: an artist, which I don't want to, but if it

1004
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 5: were to happen, I could be more open minded about

1005
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 5: the situation. But yeah, and it's it's weird. Also, I

1006
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 5: think there's a part of you that's like, why don't

1007
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 5: you just like cast to other?

1008
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 3: Do you have to be in the music video at all? Yeah? Y.

1009
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 2: I pitched that idea as Okay, do you need to

1010
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 2: be in it or would you rather be behind the scene?

1011
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 3: Direct? Direct?

1012
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,879
Speaker 2: Do you want to direct? You love to direct, You're

1013
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 2: really good at director. I'm going to direct it and

1014
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 2: be in it.

1015
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, you're wearing too many hats, take a hat off.

1016
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 3: You're exhausting yourself. So is it hard for you then? Yeah,

1017
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 3: it's really hard.

1018
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, got it, And we'll just leave it at that. Yeah,

1019
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 6: I can'te you know, she's always like, it's just she's

1020
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 6: the same way.

1021
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 3: If you saw it happen, like if you're on set,

1022
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 3: would you ever go on set?

1023
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 2: I don't want to watch it either, but maybe that

1024
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 2: would help me maybe.

1025
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 3: But you said you also.

1026
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:50,240
Speaker 5: Got I didn't have a relationship, so I did also

1027
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 5: get jealous. But I don't even know if there's ever

1028
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,240
Speaker 5: I don't know if it actually ever happened.

1029
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 3: Maybe she did.

1030
00:48:56,120 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 4: Guy, this is very normal, Like yeah, that's to be jealous,

1031
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 4: Like it's so yeah, Like if I saw my fiance

1032
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 4: making out with anybody and behind a lens, I'd be like,

1033
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 4: get your mits.

1034
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:12,320
Speaker 3: Off, my man. Yeah it's but okay, I don't.

1035
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,319
Speaker 4: Care anybody that says like, yeah, it's fine, it's like

1036
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 4: so cool, Like no, deep down, it's irking something.

1037
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't like him that much if you're fine

1038
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: with it, right, But the I think the good the

1039
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: positive thing about a music video is what the like

1040
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 1: the length of that set is maybe two days, you know,

1041
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: so you're I have a way harder time dating an

1042
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: actor who's on the occasion with someone for months at

1043
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: a time, for ten Yeah, Shannon, really, she's wearing.

1044
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 3: Stop she's doing too much. She really is.

1045
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, but I do say like that would I

1046
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,919
Speaker 2: think that would really send me into the spiral, which

1047
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 2: we haven't navigated yet, but we will get there when

1048
00:49:58,640 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 2: we do, we'll get there.

1049
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 3: But yeah, I just think it's like, you know, you

1050
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:03,399
Speaker 3: watch the person.

1051
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 2: I've always wanted to talk to you about that because

1052
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 2: I was like, I wonder what that feels like or

1053
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 2: what it felt like for you.

1054
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 3: It's just not. It doesn't feel good no matter what.

1055
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 5: It doesn't feel good, even if you can be super

1056
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,719
Speaker 5: secure and be like, I know, it's not real, like

1057
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:15,759
Speaker 5: obviously you're kind of like.

1058
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 3: I have watched Haley on stage.

1059
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 4: I'm not even dating her, and I like, I was like,

1060
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 4: oh my god, like that girl's grinding very close to.

1061
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:28,919
Speaker 3: Her nothing and I'm not even dating her. Like I

1062
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 3: was on my friends were like, are you good? Oh

1063
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 3: my god? Okay, it's art though, detach.

1064
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 5: I know.

1065
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 2: I've had to really have had to, you know, because

1066
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: I come from a very traditional Southern street world, and

1067
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 2: it's like I've had to detach that what she creates

1068
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 2: is her art and like how she wants to express

1069
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 2: herself and it's not has literally nothing to do with me.

1070
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, or how much she loves you, or like or

1071
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 5: how good your relationship is.

1072
00:50:57,719 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it's hard.

1073
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 5: And I have friends, as are artists to who navigate

1074
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 5: that with their partners. And I don't know that anyone's

1075
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 5: doing it awesome, you know, I think everyone everyone struggles

1076
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 5: with it a little bit.

1077
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 3: Like I think it'd be weird if you didn't. I agree. No,

1078
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 3: one's doing it awesome. No one's doing it awesome. It's

1079
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 3: a great tagline. We should make that, yeah awesome.

1080
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:23,359
Speaker 2: Do you what are your plans in your career? Are

1081
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 2: you wanting to focus on the podcast? Are you liking

1082
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 2: doing the podcast?

1083
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm loving doing the podcast and I'm hiring like

1084
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:31,719
Speaker 5: an editor right now, and I think that will help

1085
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 5: me like it even more because right now it's just

1086
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 5: so much work that I feel like and it's because

1087
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 5: it's weekly. It's like, Okay, Wednesday happens, and I'm like,

1088
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 5: who I can a wreath and I'm like I have

1089
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,359
Speaker 5: to do it again, like I have to keep it's

1090
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 5: again another one, And I feel I just think that

1091
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 5: doing all of it, I I'm not able to focus

1092
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,280
Speaker 5: as much on like what the what we talk about,

1093
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 5: or like if I want to play game, like I

1094
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 5: don't have I don't even have like the threshold to

1095
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:01,879
Speaker 5: do it because I'm just kind of like burnt out.

1096
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 3: But I love it. But also, you know, what is

1097
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 3: killing me is like a part of me would love

1098
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 3: to be mysterious, Like I want to be kind of

1099
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 3: like how do you be mysterious when you have a podcast?

1100
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1101
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:16,879
Speaker 3: You have? What else? Do y'all want to know? Need

1102
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 3: to break it to you.

1103
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 5: I know, I'm only twenty episodes in. I'm like, I

1104
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,879
Speaker 5: think I've said everything. I don't know anything else.

1105
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 3: We've talked about it covered every ground and that's it.

1106
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 3: Let's wrap it up.

1107
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 5: No, but having a guess makes it so much easier

1108
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 5: because every time it's like, what could be anything?

1109
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 3: Or maybe you get a co host.

1110
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 2: Because I started the podcast by myself and bringing Tanya

1111
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 2: on it was.

1112
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 5: Like that would help to I think the only thing

1113
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 5: that I like about doing it by myself is the

1114
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:47,919
Speaker 5: freedom of being able to do it whenever I want

1115
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 5: to do it, you know.

1116
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:50,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like you can schedule up at two am and

1117
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 4: just like bust out a podcast.

1118
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 3: I literally can.

1119
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 5: Yes, Sometimes I film my intro of the night before

1120
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I post it at three am and

1121
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 5: I will film my intro part, which is like a

1122
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 5: little bit by myself at like midnight. I'm what's wrong

1123
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 5: with me? Like I had all day? Also, by the way,

1124
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 5: I can do things whenever I want, but I've choose

1125
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 5: to do them like two hours before.

1126
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 3: I need the pressure, Like, yeah, I do I do

1127
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 3: that too.

1128
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 2: Oh, I need the pressure it's got to be like

1129
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: the last midnight.

1130
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 5: The midnight hour for yeah, a huge procrastinator too. But

1131
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,840
Speaker 5: then I'm like, and my best work happens after midnight.

1132
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,360
Speaker 5: I'm like, probably not, though we wanna know how my

1133
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:31,439
Speaker 5: could probably be better?

1134
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got like B plus on my essays that

1135
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 2: I wrote the night before, but.

1136
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:39,320
Speaker 5: I exactly it's doing okay. Yeah yeah, but yeah, I

1137
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 5: love the podcast.

1138
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:42,879
Speaker 2: I see a lot of people on TikTok and then

1139
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 2: like even in our Facebook group on social media talk

1140
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 2: about dating women and how.

1141
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 3: Do you like a lot of girls that are like either.

1142
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 2: Discovering their sexuality later or they've you know, only dated men,

1143
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,240
Speaker 2: and they're like, I want to date girls, and they're.

1144
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 3: Like, how do you approach a girl? How do you date?

1145
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 3: How do you with girls? What's your what's your advice

1146
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:02,919
Speaker 3: for people?

1147
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 2: Because you kind of have an advantage because you're kind

1148
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: of just known. You probably haven't had to do a

1149
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 2: lot of the heavy lifting, not doing.

1150
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 5: Any heavy lifting. Oh yeah, no, I don't. I definitely

1151
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 5: don't have a normal dating experience. I wouldn't say like

1152
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 5: I've never had to, like, I don't know, go up

1153
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 5: to someone at a ball.

1154
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 2: I mean I guess I have or I guess what

1155
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 2: gets your attention if someone comes up to you and

1156
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,280
Speaker 2: what what is it about someone that you're like question

1157
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 2: that you're like, oh, I'm I want to know more.

1158
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 5: Well, I think that the energy thing, like we were talking

1159
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 5: about before, like clocking someone's queer right away, that is

1160
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 5: the first step for me, and.

1161
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 3: Then I don't know.

1162
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:41,719
Speaker 5: I think just like having I think it's it's the

1163
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 5: same as dating guys. That's the thing I think, and

1164
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 5: I think people get so in their head it's obviously

1165
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,720
Speaker 5: different their differences, but at the end of the day,

1166
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 5: you're not.

1167
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 3: There's not like.

1168
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 5: Some new unique formula where it's like and only wear

1169
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 5: an earring on your left ear. It's not that anymore

1170
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 5: gross exactly, it's twenty twenty four. It's like you were

1171
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 5: gonna just date someone and it will feel the same

1172
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 5: as dating. I think the biggest thing is people just

1173
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 5: getting over, like girls getting over the fear of not

1174
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 5: being experienced and thinking that that makes their sexuality less

1175
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 5: valid or uh just like less confident in themselves because

1176
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 5: of it. It's like every person who is queer had

1177
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,920
Speaker 5: a first relationship, had a first experience, just like every

1178
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,840
Speaker 5: straight person had a first relationship, a first experience, Like,

1179
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,919
Speaker 5: it's all the same, and you will find the right

1180
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 5: person who wants to like take on that journey with you,

1181
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:37,239
Speaker 5: and sometimes it'll be both of your first relationship. But

1182
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:40,320
Speaker 5: sometimes you know someone will have already dated multiple people

1183
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,959
Speaker 5: and then you'll be their first girlfriend and it's like, yeah,

1184
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 5: you just need to find the right person who you

1185
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 5: really care about, and then they'll make it I think

1186
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 5: smooth and easy for you.

1187
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was very intimidated.

1188
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 2: You didn't have to, Like I mean, when Haley and

1189
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 2: I met, it was so like it wasn't a lot

1190
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 2: of thinking to it.

1191
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 3: But then like when we started, I.

1192
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 2: Was like, oh, she's like listening Jesus, like what and

1193
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 2: I am from the Bachelors.

1194
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 5: Two worlds? Yeah, two times tried to get but you did.

1195
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 5: How did it, Like, how did it go for you?

1196
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 5: Did you feel like it felt that much different than

1197
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 5: dating men?

1198
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:13,879
Speaker 3: Well? I felt like it.

1199
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 2: Felt different in a whole new way, Like it felt

1200
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 2: so exciting, exciting and effortless. And I wanted to talk

1201
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 2: to her twenty four to seven and I wanted to

1202
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 2: know what she was doing. And then I was like,

1203
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 2: get a grip on yourself.

1204
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 3: BA like play it cool. You're way cooler than this. Yeah,

1205
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,399
Speaker 3: you definitely didn't play it cool. No, it was not cool.

1206
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 3: So it was different.

1207
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 2: It was different in like almost the opposite way for me,

1208
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 2: where I was like.

1209
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 5: Well, there's also like the thing like the familiarity of

1210
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 5: being a woman and talking to a woman. Yeah, we

1211
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 5: like get each other already, and it looks so nice.

1212
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,959
Speaker 4: I always feel like whenever it's like their anniversary stuff,

1213
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 4: I'm like, god, like just I don't know.

1214
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 3: And then they could to share clothes like I much. Yeah,

1215
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 3: it's so nice. There's like definitely pros.

1216
00:56:56,440 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, sure, like con can't have a baby together.

1217
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 3: That's like the only one I can think of.

1218
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 5: But yeah, but you still can have babies those ways,

1219
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 5: just like the DNA bit right right, But you know

1220
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 5: what of Beach, I would take everything else about being

1221
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,760
Speaker 5: a lesbian and leave that behind.

1222
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 3: I'm loving it. It's going potentially, Yeah, I think I do.

1223
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 5: I just I think I'm realizing the timeline that I

1224
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 5: thought I was on is different again. You know, like

1225
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 5: the first I already did it once when I that

1226
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 5: first relationship, I was like, oh I'm gonna get married

1227
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 5: probably when I'm like twenty seven. Yeah.

1228
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, Now I'm thirty two.

1229
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 5: I'm like, what the hell. I don't know if I

1230
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 5: want to get married in the next five years, I

1231
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 5: don't know. I feel like there's like people say that

1232
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 5: there's a delayed adolescence for queer people because you don't

1233
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 5: get to go through puberty and have those like first

1234
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 5: relationships at the same time as your straight friends getting

1235
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 5: to have like their first loves and stuff. And I

1236
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 5: do feel like there's some truth to that, where in

1237
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 5: a lot of ways, I feel a lot younger than

1238
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:00,200
Speaker 5: thirty two, just like time.

1239
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 3: Mind wise. But I think also timelines just are bullshit.

1240
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:06,440
Speaker 3: I yes, throw them to the curb, kick them out.

1241
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 3: It's not real. Who made this up? Yeah, no one

1242
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 3: in LA.

1243
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 2: Everyone's mad about it though, so I don't know who

1244
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 2: made it up, but we're all mad about the timeline.

1245
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 5: I know, But don't you feel like I literally, like

1246
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,920
Speaker 5: looking around at all my friends, I'm like, is anyone

1247
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:20,919
Speaker 5: getting engaged soon?

1248
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 3: Like now I'm surrounded by engaged people right now? Yeah

1249
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 3: that's one. Yeah, but I'm also thirty six yeah, like.

1250
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like it's that time. I mean, if I

1251
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 2: was in the South, this would have happened fifteen years agow.

1252
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 3: All my friends were like engaged ten years ago. I'm like, oh,

1253
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:35,439
Speaker 3: mine too.

1254
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 5: And also it's awesome because I don't have to go

1255
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 5: to a wedding for a long time. I done you

1256
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 5: like weddings. I do not like wearing a dress and

1257
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 5: being a bridesmaid. It's miserable, but it's fun. But the

1258
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 5: dress part. Last wedding I went to, I got drunk

1259
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 5: and at the very end of the night changed into

1260
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 5: sweatpants and came back to the reception and I looked

1261
00:58:57,160 --> 00:59:00,160
Speaker 5: back and I'm like that maybe it was inappropriate, but

1262
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 5: also should you have put me in a dress?

1263
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: Yeah? What did you expect? I got uncomfortable.

1264
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 2: Always get in bites about wedding stuff because I'm like, well,

1265
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 2: I'm also very much about like whatever the dress code is,

1266
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 2: I like to follow that. So I'm like, you don't

1267
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 2: have to wear dress like were like she wore a

1268
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 2: beautiful suit to Chris Harrison's wedding and it was like

1269
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 2: I felt like she felt good about herself, and I'm like,

1270
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be this like frilly dress. But

1271
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 2: we always got She's like, why are there rules to this?

1272
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 5: It's like so hard though, lesbian, it's so hard to

1273
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 5: not like when a dress is not on the table,

1274
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 5: which Haley will wear dresses, right, yeah, yeah yeah, but

1275
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 5: for me, so I'm now I've removed dress from the

1276
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 5: dresses dress, no dress for me. Then you look at

1277
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 5: these things, You're like, what the hell do I wear?

1278
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 5: And then I date people who wear dresses. I'm like,

1279
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 5: that was so easy. I could do that in one second.

1280
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 5: Obviously I could pick out that dress and wear it,

1281
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 5: but I cannot.

1282
00:59:58,080 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 3: It will not look good.

1283
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 5: And then girl suits also a whole other problem going

1284
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 5: on there. They fit badly, like like what the do

1285
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:08,439
Speaker 5: you wear?

1286
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 3: And what is business casual.

1287
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 5: For a lesbian? For people like like a cool? Yeah,

1288
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:17,919
Speaker 5: if I could figure out what to wear myself. Yeah,

1289
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 5: I'm still trying to figure out. I always joke sometimes

1290
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 5: I'll go on Pinterest and be like lesbian business casual

1291
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 5: and a picture of me will pop up.

1292
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 3: That's and I'm like, I don't like that outfit. That

1293
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 3: outfit is bad. We should remove this scrubbing from the internet.

1294
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 3: Now this is wedding a tire. Yeah that's a mouthful,

1295
01:00:35,400 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 3: or it could just be what is it?

1296
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 5: Now?

1297
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 3: This is now this is clothing.

1298
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 4: Now this is living and then Parends wedding attire, Parends

1299
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 4: work attire. You could do all different. These are parentheses.

1300
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 4: These are very long titles. These are the longest. It's

1301
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 4: a mouthful.

1302
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 2: Well better Next, off the cuffs, Yeah, yeah, off the cuff.

1303
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:01,680
Speaker 3: I think there's something that Yeah, I think it really is, and.

1304
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,560
Speaker 2: I think you could be the later to do it.

1305
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 3: I'm ready. I'm ready.

1306
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 5: As soon as I get an editor for my podcast,

1307
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 5: so I have a little bit more time, I'll start

1308
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 5: trying on the outfit.

1309
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 2: We'll get back together once you have your editor perfect.

1310
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:17,760
Speaker 2: Thank you for taking time to scrub in and be

1311
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 2: on the podcast. Thank you, thanks for sharing about yourself

1312
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 2: and your life with our listeners, who I know are

1313
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 2: going to love this because every time I talk about

1314
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:28,360
Speaker 2: you or post about either.

1315
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 3: Like get shared on the podcast. It happened. I'm here.

1316
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for

1317
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 3: being here. I hope my girlfriends get mad.