Speaker 1: Hello, Hey there, Hi, Hi. What's your name? Him is
Speaker 1: Jai Jai Ji?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: How old are you?
Speaker 3: Ji? I'm twenty two?
Speaker 1: Rock and roll Ji. What's what's going on? How you doing?
Speaker 3: I don't I know, man. I think you saw what
Speaker 3: I said in my text message. But over the past
Speaker 3: two years I've lost over forty thousand dollars just from
Speaker 3: wanting to wanting to buy people's affection. I guess because
Speaker 3: I didn't really have a good time making I didn't
Speaker 3: really have an opportunity making Brighton's growing up, so I
Speaker 3: thought that was the best possible way to do it.
Speaker 3: I guess.
Speaker 2: Mmmm.
Speaker 1: Okay, so tell me, I guess, go ahead and start
Speaker 1: telling me about this from from whatever angle you want
Speaker 1: to start at.
Speaker 3: Okay. So, two years ago, I had received a trust
Speaker 3: from my grandmother, who I'm pretty sure was like patient
Speaker 3: zero of COVID. That's neither here nor there. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: received the trust of just under one hundred thousand dollars
Speaker 3: that was supposed to be going to.
Speaker 4: School, and.
Speaker 3: It didn't. Over forty to fifty thousand dollars of it
Speaker 3: actually went into just fribble as shit and making a
Speaker 3: whole bunch of friends through Tinder, and all bunch of
Speaker 3: friends that I don't know didn't really have the best
Speaker 3: intention for me, and I wanted to keep them around
Speaker 3: by buying them gifts and taking them on strips. And
Speaker 3: now none of those friends are still my friends. So
Speaker 3: I don't really know how much that was worth.
Speaker 1: And how long have you been using trying to use
Speaker 1: money to make friends?
Speaker 3: And I got that money. I had grown up very poor,
Speaker 3: and so the most money that I've ever had to
Speaker 3: myself was the four thousand dollars COVID stimulus check, and
Speaker 3: I didn't really spend that money well either, And so
Speaker 3: when I got this humungo check of seventy three thousand dollars, no,
Speaker 3: it's kind of it's kind of game over, I guess.
Speaker 1: So did you have friends growing up?
Speaker 3: I wasn't really allowed to. I had a dad who
Speaker 3: would basically ostracized me and not allow me to hang
Speaker 3: out with any people that I had anything in contact
Speaker 3: or common with, and it put me in a situation
Speaker 3: and where even now I'm way more sociable. But it's
Speaker 3: kind of like, I don't know how to maintain these friendships,
Speaker 3: especially if I don't want to spend money on them.
Speaker 3: Because I know that that's the only way that's kind
Speaker 3: of worked in the past.
Speaker 1: Hmm. Do you do you still keep in touch with
Speaker 1: your dad? Do you do you know why he did that?
Speaker 3: So, my dad is currently in a hospice for a
Speaker 3: knock sic brain injury. He developed alcoholism and he had
Speaker 3: a massive code problem and he fell into a coomo
Speaker 3: because of it and came out not being able to
Speaker 3: speak or feed himself or talk very well. So I
Speaker 3: can go visit him and ask to try to ask
Speaker 3: him why he did all that, but he probably wouldn't
Speaker 3: be able to give me a good answer.
Speaker 1: So do you at this moment have any friends? At
Speaker 1: this moment, do you have any people who you would
Speaker 1: consider your friend?
Speaker 3: I have a lot of boyfriends, but I I'm I
Speaker 3: seek out Uh, I guess only romantic relationships. I don't
Speaker 3: really speak out. I guess just friendships. I don't really
Speaker 3: know how to do that. Any friends that I did have,
Speaker 3: I don't really do anymore.
Speaker 2: M hmm.
Speaker 1: This might be a sensitive question, but and you don't
Speaker 1: have to answer if you want. But do you do
Speaker 1: you like like in the same way that you feel
Speaker 1: like you know you can only get people to be
Speaker 1: friends with you if you pay them. Do you do
Speaker 1: you feel that way about sex?
Speaker 3: No, not particularly. I wouldn't say so. I kind of
Speaker 3: just do it because I can and I know that
Speaker 3: it's easy.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Mmmm.
Speaker 1: Why do you feel like you have an easier time
Speaker 1: with that than with making friends?
Speaker 3: Because it's way more I guess mutually beneficial. I don't know,
Speaker 3: Like I it's just easier to talk people into wanting
Speaker 3: to do this with me instead of, you know, carrying
Speaker 3: out a whole long term friendship where we're just kind
Speaker 3: of talking to each other and nothing's really happening. That's
Speaker 3: just the way that works in my mind. I know
Speaker 3: that's not like realistically healthy, but like that's just how
Speaker 3: it's been because I've only been shown that, you know.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm. All right, So you have a lot of boyfriends,
Speaker 1: but no like actual friends, and you're you said you're
Speaker 1: twenty two? Yes, Uh, what do you do? Are you
Speaker 1: in school or you door?
Speaker 3: I was in school. I lost my job right before Christmas,
Speaker 3: and I actually recently just moved skates to escape from
Speaker 3: a pretty pretty bad relationship. So I'm kind of just
Speaker 3: lingering in a new state right now.
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're in a new state, and do you
Speaker 1: do you know anybody in this state? Do you have
Speaker 1: any family there? Or are you totally alone?
Speaker 3: I'm staying with family the place where I was living previously,
Speaker 3: I didn't know anyone there, so I guess it's a
Speaker 3: little bit of a better situation.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmmmmm. So I mean, why do you feel like
Speaker 1: you can only make friends by giving them money?
Speaker 3: Because I, like, I know real estate that I'm I
Speaker 3: don't want to sound like vain, but I know I'm
Speaker 3: a really cool person, Like any single time where I
Speaker 3: go out to an event, everyone shouldnd to me. But
Speaker 3: I think it's the thing where just based on my
Speaker 3: development and based on an autism diagnosis, where I feel
Speaker 3: like I cannot maintain these genuine, like non transactional relationships.
Speaker 3: I feel like I have to as soon as I
Speaker 3: become friends with someone, I have to give them a
Speaker 3: gift just to validate, oh, this is how much I
Speaker 3: appreciate you. And then when I never return and get
Speaker 3: that in return, it's like maybe I need to give
Speaker 3: them another gifts just so they know really how much
Speaker 3: I appreciate them, And then it just it's I don't
Speaker 3: I don't really get the logic behind it. It's just
Speaker 3: how it works in my head and obviously not working.
Speaker 1: So you're initiating giving these people money very early on
Speaker 1: in the relationship. You're giving these gifts.
Speaker 3: I guess, yeah, like maybe maybe like two to three
Speaker 3: weeks after we first become friends. Especially with people that
Speaker 3: I'm dating, it's immediate I'll start getting them gifts.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask, does this carry is this
Speaker 1: does this activity carry over into like all these boyfriends
Speaker 1: that you're talking about.
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely absolutely. I've probably the majority of the money
Speaker 3: that I've spent has been on boyfriends.
Speaker 2: Hm. Hm.
Speaker 1: And you know I asked her already, but I'll ask
Speaker 1: you again and maybe we can like examine it a
Speaker 1: bit deeper. But like, why do you think you need
Speaker 1: to do this.
Speaker 3: Just for the sake of I guess, not being alone.
Speaker 3: I don't know, Like like right now, I was just
Speaker 3: hopping on your screen because I've been just sitting in
Speaker 3: my apartment for the past like five days, just like
Speaker 3: wanting someone to talk to without having to reach out
Speaker 3: to them first, or you know, just have them and
Speaker 3: be like, hey, you know done thinking about you. That
Speaker 3: hasn't happened. And so I feel like I have to
Speaker 3: just I have to give people reasons to want to
Speaker 3: talk to me, which isn't too cool, motherfucker. I just
Speaker 3: I just want people to hang out with me without
Speaker 3: having to ask for it first.
Speaker 1: Mmm. So, so there's a lot of I want to
Speaker 1: talk about that whole thing, but but I guess i'd
Speaker 1: focus for now on like the money thing. Like, do
Speaker 1: you do you have a specific example of a relationship.
Speaker 1: Let's start with platonically, do you have a specific like
Speaker 1: tell me tell me about the last friendship that you
Speaker 1: got into, that you you started to that you know
Speaker 1: was going going well, and because it was going well,
Speaker 1: you started to feel like, oh I need to buy
Speaker 1: them stuff, Like tell me about a specific one, like
Speaker 1: the last time.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So it was when I had first moved to Houston.
Speaker 3: That was a place that I just moved from, and
Speaker 3: I had this really really close friend that I originally
Speaker 3: met online and then we started talking more in person
Speaker 3: and we just became best friends. We hung out every
Speaker 3: single day, and I had saved them from a whole
Speaker 3: bunch of really bad situations considering their mental health whatever.
Speaker 3: But one day I decided that I wanted to make
Speaker 3: a road trip to Austin, which is like a three
Speaker 3: hour drive, and I was like, you know, I usually
Speaker 3: go alone on road trips, but I asked my friend
Speaker 3: if they wanted to come, and that was kind of
Speaker 3: a big deal because I usually never invite people out
Speaker 3: on trips like that. And there's you know, my post
Speaker 3: a friend went up and I had to come along.
Speaker 3: I buy essentially every single every single thing on the trip.
Speaker 3: I got food, I get any toilet trees that they needed.
Speaker 3: I bought the Airbnb, I bought the tickets for all
Speaker 3: of the events that we went to. And when I
Speaker 3: asked them, I was like, you know, why did you
Speaker 3: decide to come with me if you don't really have
Speaker 3: any money to do anything with And they were like,
Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, i've been to Austin in a while.
Speaker 3: You're just kind of give me a free ride to
Speaker 3: Austin and I just wanted to take it. I'm like, Damn,
Speaker 3: that sucks. You didn't even want to gome to like
Speaker 3: experiences with me. You just wanted to like come and
Speaker 3: just fuck off, Like I'm just kind of here like
Speaker 3: like a free carpool.
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 3: So, yeah. I had bought them so many gifts on
Speaker 3: that trip. I had probably bought like, maybe over five
Speaker 3: hundred dollars with this stuff just on that trip. And
Speaker 3: the trip is only like a day. It was a
Speaker 3: it was a six hour round trip. But yeah, that
Speaker 3: was the one that ends out most in my mind.
Speaker 3: That was probably the first instance. And yeah, mm hm.
Speaker 2: Hm hmm.
Speaker 1: And this is something that's happened to you a few times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, mm hmmm. No, I was gonna say, I was.
Speaker 3: I know that I'm just getting myself into these situations
Speaker 3: because I tend to hang out with pretty pretty much
Speaker 3: the same kind of people. But those are just the
Speaker 3: kind of people that I like.
Speaker 1: So tell when when you when you tell me, tell
Speaker 1: me what do you mean by those kinds of people?
Speaker 2: What are the what?
Speaker 1: Who are those kinds of people?
Speaker 3: I hang out at a lot of punk clubs. I
Speaker 3: hang out at a lot of a lot of music
Speaker 3: venue is comedy clubs. I was friends with a lot
Speaker 3: of comedians And the nice thing about hanging out with
Speaker 3: a lot of comedians is that they always need coke,
Speaker 3: and so I would always be the one who bade
Speaker 3: them coke, just so I couldn't want them to fill
Speaker 3: on their set.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: That's kind of fucked up. But yeah, that's just generally
Speaker 3: people who have issues already.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this before we keep going. Do
Speaker 1: you have a real therapist?
Speaker 3: I just wanted to talk to you.
Speaker 1: What do they say about this?
Speaker 3: They kind of tell me what I'm already kind of
Speaker 3: explaining out loud to myself. I know that I'm getting
Speaker 3: myself into these situations and I shouldn't. If it's a
Speaker 3: if it's a friendship that's purely transactional, it's not a
Speaker 3: real friendship. And you know, I totally, I totally understand that.
Speaker 3: But I would rather lose a shit ton of money
Speaker 3: than not be able to talk to people.
Speaker 4: So I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's working, but it's not really doing what
Speaker 3: he needs to do.
Speaker 1: So I mean I have I have some thoughts on this.
Speaker 1: If if if they if it would be helpful to you?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: So, I mean your therapist is is right, Like obviously
Speaker 1: you know the way that you're going about doing this
Speaker 1: is not is not great. So I would I would
Speaker 1: think about all of this stuff differently, because like you're
Speaker 1: lonely and you want to be around more people and
Speaker 1: you want to have positive relationships, Like every human being
Speaker 1: on the fucking planet Earth, right, And you're going about
Speaker 1: it by being like, well, okay, what is within my
Speaker 1: ability to make friends? Which is a great which is
Speaker 1: a phenomenal way to think about that problem. You're just
Speaker 1: answering that question in a fucked up way. You're answering
Speaker 1: that question by going, you know what I can do.
Speaker 1: I can buy people things and I can spend a
Speaker 1: bunch of money on them, and I could take them
Speaker 1: to trips, and I can do this, and I can
Speaker 1: do that. And the way in which you're answering that
Speaker 1: question just continues to fuck you over time and time again.
Speaker 1: And you're smart and you and you know that, so
Speaker 1: I would I guess if I were you, And I'm
Speaker 1: I'm really thinking about your situation because it's an interesting
Speaker 1: one and one that you know, I've strugg we all
Speaker 1: struggle with with loneliness and wanting to take it into
Speaker 1: our own hands and fixing it.
Speaker 3: Sorry, can I ask in what way is it interesting?
Speaker 3: Like how? I don't know. Obviously I haven't been in
Speaker 3: any other position other than mine, but like I would
Speaker 3: think that people kind of generally do the same thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Well, when you well, people people kind
Speaker 1: of generally do the same thing in the sense that
Speaker 1: people have the people kind of generally always have. People
Speaker 1: have those same desires that you have. They want to
Speaker 1: have friends, and they want to feel loved and they
Speaker 1: want to feel appreciated.
Speaker 3: Okay, sure I got that, But I guess.
Speaker 1: I guess in answering the question again and tell me
Speaker 1: if any of this resonates with you, But in answering
Speaker 1: the question of what is within my power to get
Speaker 1: to the point where I'm having better social interactions, I
Speaker 1: would answer that question differently, and I would go, well,
Speaker 1: what is what's cool about me? Like, you know, I
Speaker 1: go to these punk shows, and I have this mobility
Speaker 1: to go up and start talking. I go to these
Speaker 1: comedy shows, I go out, I leave my house.
Speaker 3: I have the.
Speaker 1: Ability to go up to people and strike up a conversation.
Speaker 1: And I have the ability to show interest to other people.
Speaker 1: And I'm funny and I'm cool, and I'm presenting the
Speaker 1: best sides of myself and I'm you know, being attentive
Speaker 1: to people, and I'm putting myself out there. And actually
Speaker 1: I like a lot of what you're doing, Like like
Speaker 1: you're you're solving your problem by putting yourself out there.
Speaker 1: You know, it only becomes a problem when you start
Speaker 1: to like overextend to this point where you feel like
Speaker 1: that's not enough, and so you have to throw in
Speaker 1: money and gifts and whatnot. And I guess I you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not a real therapist. I'm just speeling here, but
Speaker 1: I guess it seems like it all comes back to
Speaker 1: this thing of like, how do you feel like you're enough?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: And that's a that's a crazy journey of building your
Speaker 1: self esteem to get yourself to a point where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm enough. I don't need to buy people coke to
Speaker 1: get them to like me. And by the way, you
Speaker 1: have and on this on this phone call, you expressed
Speaker 1: this to be you. You said it you you have
Speaker 1: it in you. You said, I know I'm a cool person.
Speaker 1: I know I'm fun to be around, like you have,
Speaker 1: you have it in you.
Speaker 3: That's the thing. That's the thing though, is that like, yes,
Speaker 3: I am absolutely cool with going out to an event
Speaker 3: and talking to people, but most of the most of
Speaker 3: the time when I do that, I'm drunk. I'm fucking
Speaker 3: ship based. I don't know how to talk to people
Speaker 3: on like just a base to base level? Like what
Speaker 3: am I supposed to talk about? Like I know that
Speaker 3: we're at an event, like you could just kind of
Speaker 3: talk about the event, but like outside of that, what
Speaker 3: what the book? Like? All I really know is like
Speaker 3: someone asking me if I want to go do a
Speaker 3: bump in the bathroom. We're gonna talk about.
Speaker 1: That, Okay, Jiji, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you this.
Speaker 1: I really, I swear to God if you take anything
Speaker 1: away from this conversation. And I mean this, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying this to like be cute. I I mean this, JII.
Speaker 1: If you can do these things while you're fucked up,
Speaker 1: if you can be confident and strike up conversations with
Speaker 1: folks and feel yourself and whatnot while you're fucked up,
Speaker 1: I swear to God you can do it sober and
Speaker 1: I don't. And you're gonna have to try and succeed
Speaker 1: for you to believe that you can. But I really,
Speaker 1: I mean that I think you can. Have you ever tried.
Speaker 1: Have you ever tried going out and not drinking but
Speaker 1: still summoning the confidence that is that is within you? Okay,
Speaker 1: It's not the alcohol that gave you that confidence. That's
Speaker 1: part of who you are as a person. You're an extrovert,
Speaker 1: you know how to talk to people. Have you tried
Speaker 1: summoning those things without getting sucked up?
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, I've tried it. I'm currently on like
Speaker 3: a sober journey right now.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: But the thing is is that like when I go
Speaker 3: out to an event and I'm like, Okay, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to drink anything for a couple of hours, and
Speaker 3: then I get super nervous and I get so anxious,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I just think it's like one beer,
Speaker 3: like just chill out, just like a little bit, and
Speaker 3: then it turns into like two lemon drops and then
Speaker 3: green tea shops.
Speaker 1: So concerning, Well, look, I mean, first of all, continue
Speaker 1: going to see your what does your does your therapist
Speaker 1: say anything else? Because I have more thoughts about this,
Speaker 1: But I'm curious what legitimate mental health professionals have to
Speaker 1: say about your situation.
Speaker 3: I mean, they kind of just think it resonates from
Speaker 3: not being able to do all that fundamental shit growing up,
Speaker 3: just being able to know how to talk to people
Speaker 3: just in school.
Speaker 4: But like.
Speaker 3: She always tells me that I'm doing way better than
Speaker 3: probably anyone else would be doing in my situation because
Speaker 3: I'm actually making the stops to actually be able to
Speaker 3: fix it instead of being like, oh what was me? Like,
Speaker 3: you know right, but I don't know, Like it's still
Speaker 3: like I'll get into really high phases where it's like
Speaker 3: it's so easy just to go out and be like,
Speaker 3: you know, this is nothing, and then to start doing
Speaker 3: it for a while like that anxiety just starts hitting
Speaker 3: me again, and I'm like, I don't know if I
Speaker 3: don't know if I'm really presenting what I want to present,
Speaker 3: and I just kind of regress and I just kind
Speaker 3: of stay inside and don't want to do any of
Speaker 3: that shit anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, by the way, I fully agree. By the way,
Speaker 1: I agree heavily with your your therapist right because I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna I don't want to play pretend. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess that's what I fucking do, is I play
Speaker 1: pretend therapists anyway? You know it from it sounds to
Speaker 1: me like, uh, yeah, you know, you were put in
Speaker 1: a fucked up situation that caused some problems for you,
Speaker 1: and you're like you are you really are doing great.
Speaker 1: I mean, like like that the fact that you're taking
Speaker 1: it upon yourself to go out and make friends, right,
Speaker 1: Like some people they do they just go woe with me,
Speaker 1: and they said at home and they and they just
Speaker 1: won't fucking do it. Like even though like obviously obviously
Speaker 1: it'd be great if you if you did it without
Speaker 1: getting sucked up. But uh, just the fact that you're
Speaker 1: trying and putting effort towards it, I do. I agree
Speaker 1: with her that that you're doing a lot better than
Speaker 1: most people in your situation.
Speaker 3: Would appreciate it.
Speaker 1: So, I mean, all right, so you go out to
Speaker 1: the what okay, tell me this. You've been in the
Speaker 1: hot You you're the kind of person and this is
Speaker 1: the kind This kind of person I want to be
Speaker 1: is someone who can just go out by themselves to
Speaker 1: a thing and start talking to people and making friends.
Speaker 1: You are that kind of person. That's all that you do.
Speaker 1: Why have you?
Speaker 4: Why have you so strange to me?
Speaker 3: Why have you?
Speaker 1: Why have you been at home for five days? What's
Speaker 1: what's keeping you at home for the past five days?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's cold. I live in Denver. I
Speaker 3: don't want to go out time, okay, but like I could, Like,
Speaker 3: there's there's probably so many events that I probably go
Speaker 3: to that maybe I might be interested in. That's another thing.
Speaker 3: I just don't like this city. Don't want to have
Speaker 3: to talk to people in this city. I'm excited for
Speaker 3: you to come because maybe I'll be able to talk
Speaker 3: to people at your show y who are like generally
Speaker 3: like minded. But like anywhere else, it's it's kind of
Speaker 3: like pulling teeth talking to people out here. So that's
Speaker 3: another thing too.
Speaker 1: Well, it's it's really and and you you do have
Speaker 1: an interesting situation because I mean, I talk to people
Speaker 1: on this show all the time, and I feel I've
Speaker 1: taught I talked about it in my fucking documentary about
Speaker 1: being lonely and whatnot, and like you're really like doing it,
Speaker 1: like like you're really doing the thing that a lot
Speaker 1: of people won't do. It's just to go out. But
Speaker 1: but you have this problem that you're talking about where
Speaker 1: for some reason in you, I guess you, and don't
Speaker 1: don't let me put words in your mouth, but it
Speaker 1: sounds like for some reason, you feel like even though
Speaker 1: you know that you're cool and sociable and and and
Speaker 1: like worthy of being somebody's friend, like you, you still
Speaker 1: have this whatever fucking thing in your brain that makes
Speaker 1: you be like, no, that's not enough. I got to
Speaker 1: buy them cocaine.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I mean like I mean like, like, let's think about
Speaker 1: that first self, what is that? What do you think
Speaker 1: that is?
Speaker 4: I I don't know.
Speaker 3: That's that's kind of difficult. Like I just feel like
Speaker 3: I have to provide, Like I I like, I know
Speaker 3: that I'm I'm funny, I know that I'm pretty, I'm
Speaker 3: nice to look at, But like I feel like that's
Speaker 3: kind of where it ends, Like I don't I feel
Speaker 3: I know that I have this really interesting personality where
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm talking about my own ass, but
Speaker 3: like it's true, like I know that there's things to
Speaker 3: me that interesting. But yeah, it's it's just like where
Speaker 3: does it. Like it's it's gonna stop somewhere and then
Speaker 3: they're gonna stop finding me interesting. And so I have
Speaker 3: to be like, oh no, wait, hold on, I'll get
Speaker 3: you this people.
Speaker 1: Just so you don't lose your interest in me, or
Speaker 1: you know, can we flip the script for a second.
Speaker 1: These people like this friend, this friend who you took
Speaker 1: to Austin who wasn't really that cool anyway, Like, did
Speaker 1: you do you like these people? Do you find these
Speaker 1: people interesting.
Speaker 3: I love them. I think they're so interesting. That's the
Speaker 3: main reason why I hang out with y. I hung
Speaker 3: out with them as much as I did every single
Speaker 3: person that spent it like such a such and such
Speaker 3: amount of money on. I thought they was the coolest
Speaker 3: person on earth and there was. They were just my
Speaker 3: favorite person, and I just felt like I had to
Speaker 3: like prove that to them.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hmm.
Speaker 3: This is another thing I had that kind of reminds
Speaker 3: me of something. So probably maybe a year after I
Speaker 3: had stopped talking to the friend that I took to Austin,
Speaker 3: I went to Channel five was on tour at the time,
Speaker 3: and they were in Houston and they were having like
Speaker 3: a little after party at this comedy club and they
Speaker 3: never ended up showing up, but I went just to
Speaker 3: see if they ended up showing up, and that friend
Speaker 3: was also there, and there was just something inside me
Speaker 3: that like, I'm never the type to want to start confrontations,
Speaker 3: but it was just like I was being controlled, Like
Speaker 3: I was just I just got up and walked over
Speaker 3: to them, and I was just like I could tell
Speaker 3: that they were just scared of me.
Speaker 1: The friend, the friend that you brought to Austin with
Speaker 1: you was there.
Speaker 3: Yes, Yeah, I could tell that they were scared. They
Speaker 3: got so scared. They told me that they didn't even
Speaker 3: recognize me. They're they're much bigger than me, They're much
Speaker 3: taller or bigger, and they kind of just shrunk under me.
Speaker 3: And that made me feel good as hell. That made
Speaker 3: me feel so good. But that makes me feel evil too,
Speaker 3: because I don't know what I did be like to
Speaker 3: make them have that reaction just to seeing me after
Speaker 3: all that time, but made me feel like shit. So
Speaker 3: it was nice to feel make them feel like shait
Speaker 3: for this a little bit, I guess. Mmmmmm, I don't
Speaker 3: really know why I brought that up, but I just
Speaker 3: kind of no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, Jay, I'm really I'm really thinking about this,
Speaker 1: and I'm really uh like every like like this is
Speaker 1: such a weird situation because everything's there like clearly, like
Speaker 1: like I guess you would think like, oh, this comes
Speaker 1: from like low self esteem, but you know, like you
Speaker 1: clear but clearly you you recognize all of the things
Speaker 1: that are positive and good about yourself because you've been
Speaker 1: talking about them and are aware of them. So I'm
Speaker 1: just really trying to figure out. And also you have
Speaker 1: these like social skills that are really hard to develop.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, what the what is it that is
Speaker 1: like this? What is the block that's making it so
Speaker 1: that you you feel like I feel needs to spend
Speaker 1: money on people?
Speaker 3: I just got mad imposter syndrome. I already know that
Speaker 3: that's the main thing, but like, yeah, it's a very
Speaker 3: weird situation. It doesn't really make sense in my mind.
Speaker 3: Like anyone else, probably if they were in my exact
Speaker 3: same status range, they probably have the most amount of friends.
Speaker 3: But it's just so difficult for me. I don't understand.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Is there anything else here that you're that
Speaker 1: your therapist said that is helpful that you want to
Speaker 1: bring up?
Speaker 3: Don't uh, I don't know. Don't look for what you
Speaker 3: want to see in yourself and others. I guess like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that was that was the main thing. Like I met
Speaker 3: all these really cool people who were everything that I
Speaker 3: wanted to be musicians, comedians, stand ups.
Speaker 1: Whatever about that, Well, tell me more about that. They're
Speaker 1: everything that you want to What do you want to be?
Speaker 3: I want to be an entertainer, like I want to
Speaker 3: be I want to be known by everyone and known
Speaker 3: by no one at the same time. You know, it's
Speaker 3: that's just it's just it comes up to me as
Speaker 3: like the prime of confidence, the prime of self esteem,
Speaker 3: I guess is you being able to put yourself in
Speaker 3: front of all these people without any any worries about
Speaker 3: it because you know that you're you're doing something for
Speaker 3: them at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: That's what I would you have to you got to understand.
Speaker 1: And you know this for saying the comedians and musicians
Speaker 1: are some of the most u self esteem motherfuckers out there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no, I totally. I've seen it. I've seen
Speaker 3: it first pance. But like just being able to put
Speaker 3: on that facade just for a little bit, mm hmm,
Speaker 3: is is just what It's just so appealing to me,
Speaker 3: Like just being able to put on a mask just
Speaker 3: for a little bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when well, when you go do the open mic, well,
Speaker 1: when you go to the Commis shows, you ever do
Speaker 1: like open mics? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I I did a few because my friend was running it,
Speaker 3: and I don't know. I I just I don't know.
Speaker 3: If I'm not good at writing material, I'm kind of
Speaker 3: a funnier person on you know, on off a dime.
Speaker 3: But I mean, obviously anything that I practiced with I'll
Speaker 3: get better at. But it's just I don't know. I
Speaker 3: feel like a lot of people just have an inherent
Speaker 3: talent for it, and uh, it's kind of discouraging when
Speaker 3: I don't see that out of myself.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, there's a there's a lot going on here.
Speaker 1: But uh, I when's the next time You've been in
Speaker 1: your house for five days? You haven't gone out, you
Speaker 1: haven't spoken to anyone.
Speaker 3: Or just like, I mean, it's probably it hasn't been
Speaker 3: like maybe it may have been like maybe two or
Speaker 3: three days, probably not five days.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well are you would you be willing to go
Speaker 1: out again?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: What's today, Thursday, tomorrow's Friday night? Would you be willing
Speaker 1: to go out again and try again? But this time
Speaker 1: just make it a point of like nothing of like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it, but I'm not. I'm at least
Speaker 1: this time, I'm not gonna get fucked up. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna give it to and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: give into my impulses and I'm gonna see what happens.
Speaker 3: That's hard, but yeah, I can try to make a
Speaker 3: promise to myself.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, because yeah, all you need is I mean,
Speaker 1: if you're so like, you're so close. That's the thing is,
Speaker 1: it's just so close, you know. And all you need
Speaker 1: is like like a little bit of evidence that like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: this idea that I need to buy people things to
Speaker 1: get them to like me is is all in my head.
Speaker 1: Let me get a little bit of evidence that that
Speaker 1: this is all in my head. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if I don't know if fixing uh whatever trauma and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, a mental wiring is is as easy as that.
Speaker 1: But it seems like a good place to start, Like
Speaker 1: let me just go out make a friend at night,
Speaker 1: start talking to someone, which I know I can do
Speaker 1: because I know I'm a sociable, cool person. And let
Speaker 1: me do it without alcohol because the alcohol, you know, obviously,
Speaker 1: yeah alcohol makes you a little bit more confident, but
Speaker 1: but you don't but you don't need it. That's that's it.
Speaker 1: That shit's within you, you know. So so I guess
Speaker 1: if there's any homework from this phone call, it's like,
Speaker 1: go out, go out, do your thing, but just try
Speaker 1: not to get fucked up and trying not to buy anyone,
Speaker 1: you know, cocaine or movie tickets.
Speaker 3: All right, I'll try my best.
Speaker 1: What's your nick, ji Ji? Is there anything else, like
Speaker 1: any other aspect of this that you want to talk about,
Speaker 1: or any anything else you wanted to run buy me
Speaker 1: or any any any other any stuff before we go?
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know. The other thing that I
Speaker 3: said in my text mesice to you was because I
Speaker 3: think all this kind of like, uh sparked up because
Speaker 3: I electrocuted myself at school, nearly burnt the school down,
Speaker 3: and I think ever since then, like it's just kind
Speaker 3: of like I guess rewired my brain a little bit.
Speaker 3: I feel like if I hadn't done that, I would
Speaker 3: have been like a normal sociable human being.
Speaker 1: But wait, do you feel like because you burned the
Speaker 1: school down?
Speaker 3: You No, I didn't actually burn it down. I cause
Speaker 3: an I caused an electrical fire. I nearly burned the
Speaker 3: school down, but UH didn't.
Speaker 2: So but I.
Speaker 3: Was in probably two thousand and six, So you feel
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 1: And you feel like that's still as as what about that?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's still lingering today?
Speaker 3: The faring to my nerves? I don't know, I had,
Speaker 3: I had electrical current shot through my body and I
Speaker 3: brought out the power in the entire school for maybe
Speaker 3: like six hours.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like and it gave and you feel like
Speaker 1: that gave you like reverse superpowers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it kind of like made me a
Speaker 3: little r worded just a little bit. It kind of
Speaker 3: doled me down a little bit.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Well.
Speaker 3: You know when you you know, when people go to
Speaker 3: conversion camps like shock the gay out. I feel like
Speaker 3: it shocked the sociability out of me. Ever since then,
Speaker 3: I've just been kind of stupid interesting.
Speaker 1: Well, well, look that's not true, right like you, It's
Speaker 1: not It's not fucking true. Giy, this is not fucking true.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not Andrew Huerman. I don't know
Speaker 1: how things work in the body. But but that's not true.
Speaker 1: So got go Tomorrow's Friday night. Go out, don't get
Speaker 1: fucked up, don't buy anyone any fucking things, and just
Speaker 1: just see see how you feel just just talking to people,
Speaker 1: no attachments.
Speaker 3: I'll turn up respectfully, I'll try my best.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, is there anything else you want to
Speaker 1: say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Ji?
Speaker 3: He should love have a wonder full day. You can
Speaker 3: find me on Instagram at T tests. Love you so much.
Speaker 3: Thank you guys for listening.
Speaker 4: P test t t e E p e F no tests,
Speaker 4: but like test oh P.
Speaker 1: Pests Yes, p E E T e s t F.
Speaker 1: That's actually kind of a cool Instagram name. Thank you
Speaker 1: for calling j gat Blessed you have a the rest
Speaker 1: of the night. That was interesting. Hm, I hope she
Speaker 1: does it. It's funny. I talked to her for a
Speaker 1: pretty long time. We talked for like thirty five minutes,
Speaker 1: and uh, sometimes I do I did feel at the
Speaker 1: end of that call that it started with we we
Speaker 1: went through that whole problem, and I do think I
Speaker 1: kind of just ended it by saying, well, hey, why
Speaker 1: don't you just not do that? And it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: thanks by that's fantastic advice from the therapy gecko. But
Speaker 1: I don't know, hopefully that was helpful in some way,
Speaker 1: shape or form. Yeah, I felt with her like all
Speaker 1: this like everything was there, like she she had an
Speaker 1: awareness of like who she was and and the positive
Speaker 1: qualities that she had, but there was just some fucking
Speaker 1: mental block And I don't know with doing these with
Speaker 1: with having these conversations and doing these things. There's just
Speaker 1: a lot of things where I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to how to overcome that thing. But whatever, I
Speaker 1: hope that that that brief call with a gecko was
Speaker 1: helpful in some way shape or form. Hello, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 2: Dog? What's up?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 2: Seth?
Speaker 1: Seth? Seth? How can I get you today?
Speaker 2: No fucking way. I've got a big issue going on
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 1: Let's hear about it. Let's see, let's let's talk about it.
Speaker 2: I love one girl for who she is and another
Speaker 2: for who she is, but for what she's got.
Speaker 1: Okay, tell me more.
Speaker 2: One girl works for FedEx with me. Another one works
Speaker 2: for Warner Brothers Studios in makes is going to make
Speaker 2: a lot of money. Okay, I don't know who to choose.
Speaker 1: Okay, how did you meet? Tell me how you met
Speaker 1: these girls?
Speaker 2: Facebook? Uh?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How on Facebook?
Speaker 2: Uh? Facebook? Dating and friendship?
Speaker 1: Okay? When when you meet a woman on Facebook who
Speaker 1: tells you that she has a lot of money, well
Speaker 1: you have to verify whether or not she's a real
Speaker 1: human being.
Speaker 2: Right, And I did. I made her verify where she
Speaker 2: works because being where I live, working for Warner Brothers.
Speaker 2: Seems fucking impossible.
Speaker 1: Have you met these two women in person?
Speaker 2: Uh? Yes?
Speaker 1: I feel like that should be a simple answer, no question,
Speaker 1: yes and.
Speaker 2: Other stuff.
Speaker 1: What do you I just asked if you had Have
Speaker 1: you met these two girls in person?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, I did ask if you had sex with them?
Speaker 3: I know?
Speaker 1: But uh yeah, okay? Are you are you?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: What's what's the story with that? How long have you
Speaker 1: been like?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: Do they know about each other?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: All right? How long have you been involved with each
Speaker 1: of them?
Speaker 2: Uh? Two three months?
Speaker 1: Okay? And both are they are? And both of them?
Speaker 1: How do they Okay, so they both know about each other?
Speaker 1: How do they feel about the existence of each other
Speaker 1: in your lives?
Speaker 2: Negative? Okay, one feels better than the other.
Speaker 1: Okay. And so you're asking me which of these girls
Speaker 1: you should go with based on like one of them
Speaker 1: makes a lot of money?
Speaker 2: No, which one I should really go just go with?
Speaker 1: Okay? Well?
Speaker 2: Which I love both of them?
Speaker 4: M hmm.
Speaker 2: One of them is more comfortable, one room provides more luxury.
Speaker 1: So you're trying to get this. If I if I
Speaker 1: were you, I wouldn't factor how much money either of
Speaker 1: these women make into your decision unless that's just always
Speaker 1: been your dream to be a trophy husband.
Speaker 2: It's not. It's more I've been the one always doing
Speaker 2: a lot of ship, the cooking, the cleaning everything. One
Speaker 2: has her issues, doesn't have her kids. One has her
Speaker 2: kids and likes to do the cooking and cleaning.
Speaker 1: All right, So let me ask you this. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna be, if you're gonna be, uh, the sugar, the
Speaker 1: trophy husband to this multimillion dollar Warner Brothers executive, what
Speaker 1: what are you going to bring to the table that's
Speaker 1: gonna make her want to spoil you?
Speaker 2: That's the exact question I asked myself, because she says,
Speaker 2: you don't have to do anything, just be yourself.
Speaker 1: Are you a cool guy?
Speaker 2: Yeah? The reason why she says she loves me is
Speaker 2: because I am who I am.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you know this one for three months and
Speaker 1: you guys are already in love.
Speaker 2: I'm in love with both of them and you've.
Speaker 1: Known both of them three months? Yeah, Okay?
Speaker 2: Do you both love me for who I am?
Speaker 3: Do you?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: Congratulations? Not many people can say that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but one is also talking to another guy, the
Speaker 2: other one that's not well off, and it sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm very confused. I'm I still want to get to
Speaker 1: the bottom of why you are so in intrigued with
Speaker 1: how much money this woman makes.
Speaker 2: I wasn't. I loved her for who she was when
Speaker 2: we started talking. I started talking to one that was
Speaker 2: supposed to be a friend, and then she confessed her
Speaker 2: love to me while I was talking to this girl
Speaker 2: that was supposed to be doing and I confessed my
Speaker 2: love back, and I became an argument, and I stepped
Speaker 2: talking to this other girl for five days and we
Speaker 2: sorry what We had sex every day and then I
Speaker 2: ended it when this other girl, or sorry the other
Speaker 2: girl goes Hey, So my boss decides to surprise me
Speaker 2: with a free trip to the Bahamas because she whispered
Speaker 2: what broa mm hmm, and then I it's sorry. I
Speaker 2: did ask for proof, and she provided me with every
Speaker 2: little bit of proof, and we are going to the Bahamas.
Speaker 1: You asked her for proof that she works at Warner Brothers.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I mean where I live, that's unheard of.
Speaker 1: Where do you live? What state?
Speaker 2: Iowa?
Speaker 1: Iowa? You asked her for like you said, I don't like.
Speaker 1: She said she works for Warner Brothers, And you said,
Speaker 1: I don't believe you send me an email from your
Speaker 1: Warner Brothers address.
Speaker 2: Uh, sort of. I wanted proof that she worked for
Speaker 2: Warner Brothers because why where we live something like that
Speaker 2: isn't a job here, okay? And I didn't believe her,
Speaker 2: So I was like, well, I want proof that you
Speaker 2: actually do work for one Brothers. And she sent me
Speaker 2: her past coode information.
Speaker 1: She sent you her past code information.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Is that sensitive information.
Speaker 2: To a point, but it's not enough to get her
Speaker 2: in trouble. What do you do? I work for FedEx?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: Are you?
Speaker 1: Is the plan to marry this woman and quit your
Speaker 1: job and be like a house husband.
Speaker 2: That's what she tells me she wants me to be.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2: I mean great, I've met her kids, I met her.
Speaker 1: Okay, Uh, I mean it's I mean, look, it really
Speaker 1: sounds it really sounds like you want to go with
Speaker 1: the woman who makes more money.
Speaker 2: In a way, but there's a huge difference between the
Speaker 2: two of them.
Speaker 3: What is that.
Speaker 2: She likes to cook and clean and be a housewife
Speaker 2: and that's something I've never had, like happiness. Like I said,
Speaker 2: I've been the one to.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute. So this, This woman, the cooking woman
Speaker 1: wants to This woman wants to cook and clean for
Speaker 1: you and be the sole income owner of the house
Speaker 1: as well, while you literally do nothing.
Speaker 2: No, that's that's not it. I like a woman that
Speaker 2: wants to help cook and clean. I've always cooked and clean.
Speaker 2: I want to share that and do both at the
Speaker 2: same time. I mean, have you ever been the one
Speaker 2: in a relationship to always cook and clean everything up?
Speaker 1: So you want to share the cooking and cleaning with
Speaker 1: her while she makes all of the money. No, what's
Speaker 1: your idea? What's what's what's your name again, Seth, Seth, Seth?
Speaker 1: What's your ideal situation here?
Speaker 2: Happiness?
Speaker 1: Okay? What's gonna make you the most happy?
Speaker 2: Enjoying life with someone?
Speaker 1: Okay? Which of these women do you think you're gonna
Speaker 1: enjoy life with more?
Speaker 2: The other one? Because I mean, I told the story
Speaker 2: about the other girl.
Speaker 1: You haven't told the story. What's the story?
Speaker 2: So she okay, both of them has three kids, one
Speaker 2: has all three, one doesn't. The other one that works
Speaker 2: kind of with me since we're both FedEx people. She
Speaker 2: lost her kids due to a lot of bad things.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna tell her story. Right here. She had
Speaker 2: to Forcelly kind of give up her rights to her kids, okay,
Speaker 2: for their safety. Okay, the other one didn't, so there's
Speaker 2: limited time that she can spend with her kids. The
Speaker 2: other one has her kids.
Speaker 1: This, uh, Facebook dating sounds exactly like the place that
Speaker 1: I anticipated would be.
Speaker 2: Horrible.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say anything further than that. Well, all right, man,
Speaker 1: I mean, god, damn, I asked you this question and
Speaker 1: you answered it immediately, so you know you don't need
Speaker 1: my help. Go with your gut.
Speaker 3: I mean, so.
Speaker 2: This girl, I was saying both of them at the
Speaker 2: same time for a month and a half.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: I ended it with one of them.
Speaker 1: Oh, which you already ended it with one of these girls.
Speaker 2: This sort of space, Well, we don't. Well. One of
Speaker 2: the one I ended it with asked me to come
Speaker 2: over one night, and I was like, all right, fuck it.
Speaker 2: I was drunk, but then I said, we can't do
Speaker 2: this again.
Speaker 1: Dude, listen, okay, and and h I don't know which
Speaker 1: I don't know, first of all, don't know if. I
Speaker 1: don't know if either of these two women are real.
Speaker 1: I don't actually know if you're real. And if this
Speaker 1: is some kind of AI generated Facebook dating advertisements. But
Speaker 1: if I were if I were, if I were you,
Speaker 1: if I were you, I would I mean would just
Speaker 1: pick something and dive into it. Because the longer you
Speaker 1: spend sitting on the fence and uh, you know, postulating
Speaker 1: about these two, you're just gonna waste time. And I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know. This whole thing is super Uh
Speaker 1: it's kind of weird to me. But you know, do
Speaker 1: whatever makes you happy.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 1: I know that that's a platitude, but it sounds as though,
Speaker 1: again when I asked you how you felt, you had
Speaker 1: a gut reaction. So I mean, if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would go with that gut reaction.
Speaker 2: That that's what I plan going with. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: But also, I mean, think about all the things that
Speaker 1: you can do with with this woman's money and with
Speaker 1: her influence too, because I was going to say, you should, uh,
Speaker 1: you should ask her if she's going to make the
Speaker 1: next Batman movie not suck, because I walked out of
Speaker 1: the to let her know that. Yeah, I walked out
Speaker 1: of the first one.
Speaker 2: So I'm hoping that she didn't have that much influence.
Speaker 2: She has a little bit.
Speaker 1: What's your Name's what's your name one more time, Seth, Seth,
Speaker 1: is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Go watch Akaman two? Because that helps her revenue.
Speaker 1: That helps her revenue, and it also uh trickles down
Speaker 1: to you apparently. Yeah, take care, Seth, thanks for calling. Hey,
Speaker 1: thank you, folks. Go sign up for Facebook Dating. Use
Speaker 1: the coupon use the code SETH for ten percent off
Speaker 1: super Likes Facebook Dating super Likes. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here.
Speaker 1: That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
Speaker 1: releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire
Speaker 1: extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
Speaker 1: by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
Speaker 1: Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access
Speaker 1: to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast
Speaker 1: feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
Speaker 1: live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
Speaker 1: ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
Speaker 1: from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 3: I'm a free I just got a suit.
Speaker 5: It's like a head and the tail and I'm very
Speaker 5: proud of it.
Speaker 3: It's awesome.
Speaker 1: All right, Frost, let's get into it. How's the crazy
Speaker 1: monkey suit? Sex? That's what everyone wants to know.
Speaker 5: I don't want to sweat too much in it, you know,
Speaker 5: because I want to keep it nice. But once I
Speaker 5: get a few more suits, I'll probably delegate one for
Speaker 5: the hot steaming.
Speaker 1: So you are trying to get to the point where
Speaker 1: you have a few monkey suits and one of them
Speaker 1: is specifically for sex. Yeah, just a few, you know,
Speaker 1: that's a good idea. I should, I should. I should
Speaker 1: set aside one of my Gecko suits for that.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, but you only have one though, right dude?
Speaker 1: When you said oh yeah, just now, you kind of
Speaker 1: slipped into a little I don't even know what that was,
Speaker 1: but it was something.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Is that good?
Speaker 1: Well? Anyway, if you want to hear this full conversation,
Speaker 1: you can sign up to become a premium member at
Speaker 1: Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or find the link
Speaker 1: in the episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com.
Speaker 1: All right, I have nothing else to say.
Speaker 3: On the line making nine.
Speaker 5: Goes he's teaching you loud in the movie line, it's
Speaker 5: not
Speaker 1: Really an expert