WEBVTT - S1: Ep 1 - Age of Innocence 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.800 Hi, all, we have some exciting news to share. Paramount 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:07.600 Plus has turned Burden of Guilt into a docuseries. You 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:10.840 will get to meet the people involved, You'll hear from 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.840 the people who have never spoken before, and you get 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:17.079 to see where the story took place. We are so 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.600 proud and excited to share it with you. You can 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:33.120 stream it right now on Paramount Plush. Right next, witness, 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:37.280 please stay called Tracy Rain. You raise your right hand 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.360 from You're listening to a trial which took place in 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:45.160 nineteen ninety seven. A beautiful twenty seven year old blonde 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.720 woman named Tracy raimes on the stand. 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:51.000 Because you pull a microphone just over the closer to you. 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:54.760 Hi, good O. You said you live in Savannah. 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:55.160 Yes? 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:56.160 Do you have any children? 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:57.600 Yes? I do? How many children? 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:01.160 I have two children. Tracy was impeccably dressed with perfectly 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:05.320 quaffed hair, but her appearance was deceiving. She grew up 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.960 on the poverty line and was exposed to extreme abuse. 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:13.120 The prosecutor asked why she had worked so hard to 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:16.440 see this case brought to trial. It was a search 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:17.040 for truth. 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.320 I realized that something bad had happened, and it was 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:23.640 to correct that bad. 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:31.880 Thing, A bad thing did happen. When she was just two, 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:37.319 Tracy Riquel's brother Matthew died. He was only four months old. 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.039 There were many accounts as to what occurred, but her 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:44.360 family chucked it up to a tragedy and life moved on. 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.400 So what was your brother's death? Described as? What did 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:49.120 they tell you? 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:53.160 So? When I was growing up, I was always told 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:58.000 that Matthew died at crib death, that he slipped between 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:01.040 the bars and fell on the floor. I had this 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:05.040 idea of what I thought I knew. I was twenty five. 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.079 I had finally gotten the records sent to me. 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:12.840 These were the hospital records from the day of his death. 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.639 They contained all the details she was desperate to know. 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:21.080 I remember waiting for those documents on a daily basis. 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:28.240 It was a bright sunny day. I was downstairs in 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:34.520 the living room. I had to get them open as 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:38.919 fast as I could, and that's when the world caved 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.160 in around me. I wasn't prepared for what they said. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:52.200 It states child was thrown from crib. My sister, Oh, 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:56.680 hold on, did I do this? Is this everybody trying 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:57.520 to protect me? 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:04.160 Imagine just imagine seeing a report that says you were 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:10.000 the reason someone died. Tercy Riquel is a kind and 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:14.160 caring person. She couldn't picture hurting a baby ever, even 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:18.200 by accident. Yet there it was, in black and white. 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.680 Child drawn from crib. 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:25.320 My sister Tracy saw in writing that she had thrown 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.519 her little brother out of his crib? Was that true? 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.200 Could she have done this or did something much more 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:39.680 sinister happen? My name is Nancy Glass. I'm an investigative reporter. 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:43.600 I've covered some of the most notorious crimes in US history. 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.600 I've interviewed Jeffrey Dahmer in prison. I practically lived at 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:50.560 the courthouse for a year covering the OJ Simpson trial. 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:55.360 But even after being close to evil time after time, 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.840 this is the story that has affected me more than 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:07.400 any other. This is Burden of Guilt, Episode one, Age 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:14.400 of Innocence. Tracy changed her name several years back to 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.080 Tracy Riquel, so you will hear her referred to as 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:22.520 both Tracy and Tercy Riquel in this podcast, especially since 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.240 many of the people we speak to remember her from 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.680 her younger years. I'll explain why she made that change 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:32.000 later in the series, but out of respect for her, 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:35.000 I will only refer to her as Tracy Riquel from 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:40.160 here on out. This series talks about crime, domestic abuse, 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:44.000 and homicide, but it's so much more than a true 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:49.000 crime story. It's a real account of survival, resilience, and justice. 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.279 It's taken us two years to put it together because 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:56.760 it's that hard, it's that dramatic, and most importantly, it's 0:04:56.760 --> 0:05:00.359 taken twenty five years for Tracy Riquel to be able 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.240 to tell her story. I went to see her at 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:08.039 her home in Colorado. She lives on a heavily protected 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:12.160 military base. We sat outside, so it's a little noisy. 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:16.040 Do you just sit and enjoy the few. 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:18.640 I can only see the very top of it from 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.960 my house, but I'm under Shyanne Mountain, you know wargames, 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:25.040 the movie Nora At That's where we are. It's all 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:25.839 beautiful there. 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:31.720 This place has everything her soul needs, peace, tranquility and 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:36.720 beauty and a garden. But there's also everything her head needs. Fences, 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:38.200 uniforms and protection. 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.120 I mean those are yeah, that's just the little pilot's 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:43.719 training over there at the Air Force Condemy. 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:46.480 Really, yeah, that's them. 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:47.600 That's their touch and goes. 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.279 Tercy Riquelt is a veteran. She served in the Army 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:58.440 for two years. She has lived all over Hawaii, Colorado, Alabama, 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:03.159 different states, cities and bases. To her home is where 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:06.840 her family is. She's a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:11.719 Against all odds, she has created a stable and comfortable 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.640 life for herself and her family with her husband, Bart, 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.680 who is still on active duty. 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:21.320 Because I'm with him, I don't feel terrified. I don't 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:25.440 feel as vulnerable. I feel safe. I guess that's the 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:28.240 easiest way to say it, right, Yeah, I feel safe. 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.680 I think we're that coupled now that when you see 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:32.400 pictures of us, we've start to look like each other, 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:35.080 like people look like their dogs. Sometimes are their dogs 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:36.760 look like them? And then you see people, I think 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:38.479 that's where we are, and you've got to the same 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:40.880 little querks. Now. 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:45.120 I love hearing the way she talks about her husband. 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.839 It's really special. When I see her life in Colorado 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:52.360 and hear about her family. It makes me smile because 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.599 the odds were so stacked against her. 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:59.560 If I decide something's gonna be, something's gonna be. I'm 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:04.440 a pretty annoyingly tenacious If I believe something has to happen, 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:05.359 that it's going to happen. 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:08.000 Well, that's the theme of all of this, isn't it. 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:10.000 Yeah, Yeah, I guess it is. 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.600 Before I went to Colorado, I had been fascinated by 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.480 Tracy Roquel's story for almost a decade. A few years 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.600 ago we started corresponding, and I have spent the last 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:25.000 four years getting to know her. We come from such 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:28.040 different backgrounds, yet we do have so much in common, 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.880 like our love for gardening and poodles and cooking and 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.080 our kids. Of course, Tracy Riquel is in a safe 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:39.200 place now and any pain is well hidden, but her 0:07:39.360 --> 0:07:43.640 road was a long and difficult one. Now at times 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.720 the story can be difficult to hear, but please stick 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:52.080 with me. After seeing hospital records that said Tracy Riquel 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:56.239 was responsible for her four month old baby brother's death, 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:02.679 it was a reckoning. The night Matthew died also happens 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:04.800 to be her very first memory. 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:09.200 At the time. I didn't understand what all the lights 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.200 and sirens are, and I don't really have a memory 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:17.240 of an emotional state at that point, just asking what 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:21.520 they were doing. Were you scared? I was terrified. 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:25.040 She has flashbacks some images of herself in a car. 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:28.400 I remember it being a dark green el Camino. I 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.840 remember standing up in the seat with my arms around 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:35.360 that headrest and looking around at all the sirens everywhere, 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.160 and Jan saying they're trying to help Matthew. 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:45.280 Jan Is Jan Barry Sablin, Tracy Riquel's father. Matthew, a 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:49.520 four month old baby, was hurt and needed serious medical attention. 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:54.640 Journalist Jill Jordan Cedar explains how the sequence of events 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.160 started with Tracy, Raquel and her mother. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:02.360 That day, Kathy and Tracy went on an errand Jan 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:07.840 was at home babysitting little Matthew. When they return, Jan 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:12.600 came to the door, blocked her entry, and asked her 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:16.640 to retrieve something from the car. Kathy did that and 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:23.000 Tracy went inside the apartment. When Cathy comes back, she 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:28.680 goes into the bedroom finds Tracy in the crib, Matthew 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:34.480 on the floor, eyes out of focus, looking in a 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:40.120 world of trouble. At that point, j says that Tracy 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.160 has caused Matthew to fall out of the crib, hit 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:48.520 his head and is really chastising Tracy. Jan spanks Tracy 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:53.720 and scolds her for what she's just done. Cathy said, look, 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:55.880 there's something wrong with Matthew. We've got to get him 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:58.400 to the emergency room and they leave. 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.199 They raised the baby to North Side Hospital. The staff 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:07.480 took X rays and realized he needed more care than 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:12.160 they could provide. He was transferred by ambulance to the 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:19.160 Cab Medical Center. As Matthew was evaluated, extended family began 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:23.880 to gather outside the hospital. Kathy's sisters and grandparents hovered 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:28.400 close by Uncle butch Jan's older brother paced in the 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:29.120 parking lot. 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.520 He said, I arrived at the emergency room and you 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:37.240 were sitting on a concrete slab where ambulances pull up. 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:41.200 Little Tracy Riquel had no idea what was going on, 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:47.000 but Matthew was in dire condition. He had extensive skull fractures, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:51.400 brain bruising, and his pupils were fixed and dilated. Doctors 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.640 felt they needed to perform surgery to give him a 0:10:54.720 --> 0:11:00.040 chance to survive. Kathy signed the paperwork giving permission, but 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:05.040 it was of no use. Before midnight, Matthew died. Racy 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:12.240 Riquell lost her baby brother. The next paper Kathy would 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.880 sign would be a release for the county coroner to 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:19.160 perform an autopsy and permission for Matthew's body to be 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:23.520 sent to a funeral home, but after he died, Matthew 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:27.480 just wasn't mentioned much. Tracy Riquel, of course, was always 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.800 aware of him because of the memories of that night, 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.120 but the family didn't do much to keep his memory 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:37.640 alive or to memorialize him. You told me a story 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:41.079 about a very scary car ride when you were a 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.880 little kid. Will you tell that story? 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:49.319 I mean, I was seven. I was in the car 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:53.080 with Kathy and she said, day after tomorrow is Matthew's birthday. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:58.360 And I just had this child like remark of you 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:00.319 don't take me to the cemetery of everyday speak to 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:04.720 you. It's funny. I can remember exactly where we were on 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:08.240 the road and next to the highway. And her reaction 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:10.000 was shocked. 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.559 Shocked about what that you would even mention him. 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:18.480 You're exactly right. Her and Jan were together then, and 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:23.720 she went home and had a complete fit. She told Jan, 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:28.160 and he beat me terribly. He really enjoyed the belt, 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:29.280 the wrong end of the belt. 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.520 He beat you with a belt. Yes. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:38.520 He wanted to ensure that I didn't talk about Matthew 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.160 again to her, so I didn't. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:47.000 Although she was too young to articulate a desire to 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:51.200 honor her brother. She craved a connection her father. Jan 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:55.200 wasn't interested in the least except in teaching her a lesson. 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:58.360 And I guess some people think we all got whoopings 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:01.199 with belts back in the day or whatever. But it 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:06.520 wasn't like that. It wasn't disciplined. It was don't ever 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:08.600 talk about this kid, you know. 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.160 And all this time we've been talking, you have never 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:15.200 referred to Kathy and Jan as mom and dad. Why not? 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.040 I don't think genetics makes you a parent, So now 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.720 I don't refer to them as a mother and a father. 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:35.240 They weren't that. They weren't parents to me. They were monstrous. 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:41.680 Tracy Riquel's parents had a long, complicated relationship dating back 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:46.120 to their childhoods. Jan Barry Sandlin and Kathy Ahman had 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:50.880 grown up into Cab County, Georgia. Even decades later, Kathy 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.400 would admit she had been in love with Jan since 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:57.839 she was twelve years old. One look at Jan's teenage 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:02.080 photo you could see something in him. Confidence maybe, or 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:05.240 maybe over confidence is more like it. He had a 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:09.960 handsome face in charisma even as a teenager. Reporter Jill 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:11.200 Jordan cedar. 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:15.199 Jan and Kathy had known each other for a long time, 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:19.920 since sixth and seventh grade, through elementary school into high school. 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.920 She found him charming. He was a cutup, sort of 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:29.840 the class clown. He was very popular, very mischievous, had 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:32.520 a lot of the girls after him, and she was 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:33.040 one of them. 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.800 Jackie Wilson knew Jan Sandland's family growing up. A few 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.800 of her girlfriends had crushes on him in school. 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:45.000 Jan didn't mind showing how much he cared about somebody 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:49.320 whenever he did care for but he was also demanding 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:54.600 and domineering and expected whatever he stand to go. 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:58.840 In the early nineteen seventies, it wasn't unusual for couples 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:02.160 to get married right after high school. Although Jan and 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.160 Kathy eventually married, they took a circuitous route with other 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:09.800 partners first. Now, this is going to be tricky, so 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.000 if you're multitasking, and I know I do that when 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.760 I listened to podcasts, lean in for this. In high school, 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:19.000 Kathy wanted to be with Jan. 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.880 He came from a bad name, bad family, so she 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:23.280 wasn't allowed to be with him. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:27.720 But obviously she found a way because when she was fifteen, 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.760 she became pregnant by Jan and her mother found out. 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:35.720 You told me about something very traumatic that happened to 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:37.160 Kathy around that time. 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:42.080 What was it? Her mother, my grandmother told her that 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.000 someone was going to come and just check to make 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:49.960 sure that the baby and the pregnancy was okay, and 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.800 the woman I actually came to do an illegal abortion. 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:56.320 They didn't tell her what was going on. 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.440 Since Kathy was forbidden to date Jan, she found another 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:03.240 boy with a better reputation Publicly. 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:07.440 She dated this really nice boy, Ted Golder through high school, 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.760 but at the same time, she was seeing Jan on 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:15.960 the side the whole time. And then when Ted was drafted, 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.560 she found out she was pregnant with me. She was 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.120 in the army, and then he went off to war. 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:26.800 Despite her marriage to Ted, Kathy still carried a torch 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:30.040 for Jan and continued to see him on the side. 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:35.560 How did Kathy ultimately end her relationship with Ted. 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.080 She had sent him a Dear John letter while he 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.840 was deployed over in Vietnam saying, this is not your child, 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:46.080 It's Jane's child. I don't love you, I'm in love 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:46.440 with him. 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.680 And it was true. Kathy wanted Jan, and she knew 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:55.080 the baby wasn't Ted's Ted was willing to forgive Kathy 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:58.600 and raise the baby with her, but Kathy wasn't interested. 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:06.840 That baby was Tracy Riquel. Soon after, however, Kathy found 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.800 out that Jan married another woman, a pretty brunette named 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:16.400 Nancy Tikeeter. With Jan now married, Kathy reconciled with Ted, 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:22.760 and during that reconciliation they conceived Matthew. Just a month 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:28.359 after Matthew's birth, Jan's wife, Nancy, tragically committed suicide, and 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:32.760 suddenly Kathy's true love was free. It was only weeks 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.600 after Nancy's death before Jan found comfort with Kathy, who 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:42.000 had open arms waiting. Ted Golder was forgotten and Jan 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:46.280 moved in with Kathy, Tracy Riquel, and baby Matthew. They 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:47.880 lived together as a family. 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.800 They were on some honeymoon phase for two days, and 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.400 then there was enormous amounts of violence. 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:58.520 The house was chaos. There was drug abuse and booze. 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.720 Jackie Wilson saw the debauchery firsthand. 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.400 I know for a fact that Jan sniff BLEUW because 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.840 I sain it with my own eyes that I know. 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:10.679 I know that he took pills, but I don't know 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:14.679 what kind of pills. I know he drank alcohol like 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:15.480 it was water. 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:20.960 It was no longer a charming teenage romance. The couple's 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:25.359 attachment evolved into a rough adult relationship, and Tracy Riquel 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:27.080 was exposed to most of it. 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:33.639 I remember Jan and Kathy were at Jan's mother's apartment 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:37.919 and there was this huge domestic situation that was going on. 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:41.640 She was screaming bloody murder and he was beating her up, 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:43.439 and his mother was yelling at her. 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:44.680 And where were you? 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:48.840 I was sitting outside and there were people walking on 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:54.320 the sidewalk across the street, looking and obviously taking notice. 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:55.640 Nobody did anything. 0:18:56.640 --> 0:19:00.440 Keep in mind Tracy Raquel was observing these acts a 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:01.479 small child. 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:08.040 She would put her through horrible beatings and rapes, but 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.720 she would say, it's the love of my life. It's 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:12.359 loved my life. It was one of these things that 0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:14.280 I didn't understand. 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:19.480 But she had something inside her that was very strong. 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.280 Even measures buttons and makes buttonholes. 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:26.600 She found ways to seek refuge from the toxic, dysfunctional 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:28.200 environment that surrounded her. 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:30.600 Here's the story. 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:33.760 To quiet the noise, just be a kid. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.600 I would get two cookies in milk and I could 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:40.119 watch the Brady Bunch. 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:45.000 Yes, She watched the family all of America embraced, and 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:46.639 she dreamed, it. 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:51.520 Is escape watching that family work. It was hope. It 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:55.000 was hopeful, That's what it was. It was hopeful. 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.440 Despite her escapism, Tracy Roquel was haunted by the loss 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:06.399 of her baby brother. He was a ghost, an ever 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:13.399 present ghost. Let me describe him to you. I'm looking 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:16.680 at a photo of him at four months old. He's 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:20.320 wearing a blue pinafore with a white starched collar. He's 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:23.159 got a little tuft of hair on top of his head, 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:27.720 and he has this wide eyed look. There's baby fat. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:30.960 The little ones start getting wrinkles around the wrists and 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:41.040 folds around the neck. He was adorable. Tracy Roquel didn't 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:45.680 attend Matthew's funeral, but relatives shared details with her over 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:46.520 the years. 0:20:47.200 --> 0:20:51.120 Matthew was buried in Alabama. Our family is stretched from 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:54.960 Alabama to Georgia, so with a lot of people. I 0:20:55.119 --> 0:21:00.399 was told that the procession from the chair to the 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:04.880 grave side for Matthew, that Kathy and Jan were in 0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:05.520 the hearse. 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:09.160 They did say that the vault that Matthew was in 0:21:09.400 --> 0:21:12.640 was iron coffin, that Jan had paid for. 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:17.359 The funeral was strange. Jan and Kathy displayed odd behavior 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:20.000 on the way to the cemetery on what should have 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:22.879 been one of the hardest and most painful days of 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:23.560 their lives. 0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:29.880 They pulled into McDonald's and went and through a drive. 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:32.560 Through to order food in the middle of being in 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:38.159 a funeral procession. Yes, their dead baby lay in a 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:41.040 coffin in the back of their car, but that didn't 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:41.880 stop them. 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:44.760 And they pulled over and stopped and ate before they 0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:47.560 proceeded to the graveside to barry Matthew. 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:50.040 What was your family's reaction to that? 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:54.040 It was explained to me that everybody was just mortified. 0:21:54.880 --> 0:21:58.840 Grandmothers and great grandmothers and aunts were just sobbing in tears. 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:02.280 After matthew death, Kathy couldn't cope. 0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:07.840 Kathy's attempted to aside. A couple of months after Matthew died. 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:11.240 She took Tracy Raquel onto the balcony of their apartment 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:14.320 and then, right in front of her own two year 0:22:14.359 --> 0:22:18.880 old child, Kathy climbed up on the railing and jumped 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:22.280 jumped right off the two story balcony. 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:25.240 She said she sat me there so that the police 0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:28.639 would find me. I think she broke both legs in 0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:29.800 both arms. 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:33.399 It was only two floors, so Kathy survived, but was 0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:38.879 badly injured, immobilized. Jan couldn't be counted on, and Tracy Raquel, 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:43.080 a toddler, was thrust into the caretake a role. It 0:22:43.160 --> 0:22:44.000 was mind blowing. 0:22:45.040 --> 0:22:49.000 I remember days later she was on the couch in 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:52.280 this pretty much full body cast, yelling at me, telling 0:22:52.320 --> 0:22:55.199 me how to scramble eggs. So that's the first time 0:22:55.240 --> 0:22:58.800 I scrambled eggs because she didn't do it. 0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:04.919 Can you imagine scrambling eggsit two? It's hard to fathom. 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:09.080 Kathy became more dependent on Tracy Riquel for other adult 0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:13.439 tasks as well. 0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:17.200 I was buying cigarettes for her when I was five, all. 0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.880 By yourself as a little kid. Why do you think 0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:20.399 she did that. 0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:24.760 Your electricity gets hut off or your water gets cut off, 0:23:24.920 --> 0:23:27.520 and you send your child to stand in line with 0:23:27.600 --> 0:23:30.080 a bunch of adults who are paying their bills because 0:23:30.280 --> 0:23:32.679 you don't have enough courage to stand in there and 0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:33.960 pay her own white bill. 0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:37.840 Kathy didn't want to stand in line because her bills 0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:41.200 were being paid late. That's why she sent her daughter 0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:44.760 to do it. I have this image of this little 0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:48.080 blonde child reaching up to a cashier with a money 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:52.160 order and then asking in a tiny voice, please can 0:23:52.240 --> 0:23:56.679 I have a pack of Virginia Slims. It all feels surt. 0:23:57.600 --> 0:24:00.880 As time went on, life presumed. Nobody seemed to talk 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:04.359 much about what happened to Matthew. He was just there 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:12.080 one day and then he wasn't. A few years after 0:24:12.160 --> 0:24:16.000 Matthew died, Kathy and Jan had another son. He was 0:24:16.080 --> 0:24:20.040 named Jason. Tracy Raquel had a new, younger brother, but 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:23.720 another baby in the house did nothing to quell the violence. 0:24:24.440 --> 0:24:28.080 I guess chaotic people do chaotic things, so lots of 0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:33.080 violence and abuse. We would be settled somewhere from the 0:24:33.119 --> 0:24:36.080 time I was a little child, and he would just 0:24:36.119 --> 0:24:38.240 show up in the middle of the night and throw 0:24:38.320 --> 0:24:38.959 us on the street. 0:24:39.440 --> 0:24:40.520 Where would you guys go? 0:24:41.119 --> 0:24:43.480 We spent lots of time just sleeping on a park 0:24:43.520 --> 0:24:48.679 bench just wherever. One time, I think I was seven 0:24:48.840 --> 0:24:50.879 or so, he showed up in the middle of the 0:24:50.960 --> 0:24:55.919 night and beat the door down and beat her up 0:24:55.960 --> 0:24:57.920 really bad, and took Jason. 0:24:58.520 --> 0:25:02.159 But Tracy Riquel could hardly look to her mom for comfort. 0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:05.919 Kathy was equally as bad as Jan, just in a 0:25:05.960 --> 0:25:06.560 different way. 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:08.040 In what way. 0:25:08.640 --> 0:25:10.480 I was in the first grade and got gom in 0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:13.879 my hair. Her answer to that was just to shave 0:25:13.920 --> 0:25:16.040 my head and then send me to school. 0:25:16.600 --> 0:25:19.359 Wow, that story hit me in the gut. And when 0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:23.879 Tercy Raquel first told me this, my thought was, didn't 0:25:23.880 --> 0:25:26.480