1 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: Congratulations, you've been accepted to the inaugural class of Therapy 2 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: for Black Girls University TBGU for short. Whether you're packing 3 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: for a new year on campus, thinking through your gap year, 4 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: enrolling in a community college, or grabbing your stalls for graduation, 5 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:25,280 Speaker 1: Embarking on the next chapter of your life is often 6 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: exciting but also a little scary. There can be a 7 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,319 Speaker 1: lot of unknowns that can leave you feeling uncertain, and 8 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: having the right support can help you to feel confident 9 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: and grounded. TBGU was designed to help you strengthen your voice, 10 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 1: sharpen your knowledge, and affirm who you are and who 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 1: you'll become. Our goal is to create relevant and accessible resources, 12 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: content and experiences to help you thrive at this stage 13 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 1: of your life and beyond. If something resonates with you 14 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social 15 00:00:56,040 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: media using the hashtag TBG University and us over on 16 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:05,560 Speaker 1: TikTok or Instagram. At CBG University. Our seminar is now 17 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,559 Speaker 1: in session. Laptops or phones out you'll want to take notes. 18 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: For many universities and colleges across the country. May first 19 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: is the official and final day for expecting college freshmen 20 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: to decide which university they'll attend in the fall. College 21 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: decision day is a momentous occasion in the lives of 22 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: prospective students and their families, and like other major life moments, 23 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: this decision requires considering numerous factors at once, considerations like 24 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: the financial cost of attending a university, figuring out if 25 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: you're going to stay local or study far away from home, 26 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: or for some students, deciding if you'll attend an HBCU RPWI. 27 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: For the high school seniors listening, I want to stress 28 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: how important it is for you to make the decision 29 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: for you and nobody else. The best way to make 30 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: an informed decision is to be honest with yourself about 31 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: what you want, conduct your own independent research, and find 32 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: voices that reflect the college experience you're hoping to achieve 33 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 1: to assist you in your decision making process. Today, we're 34 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: in conversation with two special guests. In part one of 35 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: our episode, we'll hear from recent grad Caitlin Komi, an 36 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 1: associate product marketing manager at Google and the founder of 37 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: mis Empower, a women's empowerment and professional development brand she 38 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: founded during her undergraduate career. In Part two, we'll hear 39 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: from Felicia Currents, a licensed clinical social worker and founder 40 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: of College by Her, a podcast dedicated to mentally and 41 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: emotionally supporting college girls as they matriculate through university. Here's 42 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: my conversation with Caitlin. Thank you so much for joining 43 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: us today. 44 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 2: Caitlin, thank you for having me. I'm super excited to 45 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 2: be here. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. 46 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much for joining us. So 47 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: as we get started, can you tell us a little 48 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: bit about where you chose to go to school and 49 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: how you made the decision. 50 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. So I went to the University of North Carolina 51 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 2: at Chapel Hill. So it's a top public school down 52 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 2: in North Carolina. We're known for having a great basketball team, 53 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 2: great for academics. And when I was going through the process, 54 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 2: I had a few factors in mine cost, quality of education. 55 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 2: I also thought about the diversity component and what that 56 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 2: experience is going to be like. I identify as a 57 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 2: black woman, so I really wanted to go to a 58 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 2: university that was diverse enough where I wouldn't feel like 59 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 2: I was the only one, and funny enough when I 60 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 2: was a kid, I know, people don't read magazine as 61 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 2: much anymore. Now everything's online, but my mom used to 62 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 2: be a huge subscriber of Essence and Essence I think 63 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: had this online publication at the time. I think they 64 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 2: still have it. It's probably from like twenty ten or 65 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: twenty fifteen, quite outdated, but I think it's still relevant. 66 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 2: And it was the top fifty schools for Black women 67 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 2: or Black students. You can go on to Google and 68 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 2: search it, and it had all the top schools from 69 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 2: HBCUs to public schools to private schools that had the 70 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 2: best outcomes for Black students, so whether it be graduation rates, 71 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 2: how hw their salaries were after graduation, the diversity of 72 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 2: the school. So literally, as I was making that list, 73 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 2: I just looked at it. I was like, Okay, what 74 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 2: are the top public schools or what are the top 75 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 2: private schools? Do I want to attend an HBCU? And 76 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 2: then I also looked at affordability, like what is that 77 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 2: financial aid looking like? Because I personally didn't have a 78 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 2: dream school when I applied, because I didn't want to 79 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 2: fall in love with something. And my dad or my 80 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 2: mom tell me, like, you know what, we don't have 81 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 2: the money. So I just said I'm looking at this list. 82 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 2: Anywhere on this list, I would be really happy to apply. 83 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 2: Oh so there were a few, like other schools that 84 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 2: either had good financial aid programs, they had merit based scholarship, 85 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 2: or like need based scholarship, so I definitely looked at 86 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 2: those things as well. 87 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: So where did you grow up, Caitlin, Is unhvel Hill 88 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 1: in state for you? Or were you coming from somewhere else? 89 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 2: No, I'm an out of state student. I grew up 90 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,359 Speaker 2: in Montgomery County, Maryland. D is actually pretty hard to 91 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 2: get in out of state, just because the majority of 92 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 2: the students come from North Carolina, so it's actually pretty 93 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 2: hard getting in out of state. It's a school that 94 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 2: I really wanted to attend, so I just applied. So 95 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: I would also encourage people like, don't listen to that 96 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 2: guidance counselor like just apply, because sometimes those guidance counselors 97 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 2: will discourage you. I grew up in Montgomery County, Maryland. 98 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 2: It's one of the most diverse counties in Maryland, and actually, 99 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 2: like the United States, there, I was exposed to so 100 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: many people of different socio economic backgrounds, races, which was 101 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 2: just really beneficial when I transitioned to university, and then 102 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 2: also just as a postscrad I definitely had a really 103 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 2: good education system, which I'm really grateful for. And even 104 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 2: though I was definitely a product of that grouping tracking 105 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 2: system where they might take a small group of kids 106 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,799 Speaker 2: and maybe some of my academic programs weren't as diverse, 107 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 2: I'm glad that I was an environment with that broader diversity. 108 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: I'm also a kid who grew up in the Obama era, 109 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 2: so it was really nice to have that representation as well. 110 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 2: But I had a really great experience growing up in Maryland. 111 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. So I love that you saw 112 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 1: this list in essence. I think that's super cool. So 113 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 1: tell me a little bit about your process then once 114 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: you found this list, so it sounds like you kind 115 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: of started, you know, doing some research from these places. 116 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: Did you visit the campus of several of the institutions 117 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: or how did you kind of narrow down that list. 118 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually had the privilege of starting a little 119 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 2: bit early. So my parents work for the government, and 120 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 2: my parents had i think like hybrid work schedule, and 121 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 2: then they also have paid time off, and I think 122 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: a lot of people don't realize that there's privilege in 123 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: having parents who are able to take vacation days and 124 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 2: paid time off. So I think there's power in having community. 125 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 2: And my mom was like, you know what, Caitlin, like, 126 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 2: we don't have a babysitter for you. Plus you're grown, 127 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 2: like you're coming to this conference so as can. My 128 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 2: cousins were going to those scholarship conferences or they were 129 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 2: going to their university tours. My mom was bringing me 130 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,119 Speaker 2: along and at the time, I wasn't really someone who 131 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 2: was like thinking about going to a top school or 132 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 2: thinking about universities or those impacts. Like my only jobs 133 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 2: was to get a's and v's and classes more so 134 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 2: those a's, But my parents never really put a lot 135 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 2: of pressure on me. Then, sitting in these like information sessions, 136 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 2: I'm looking at the SAT score, I'm looking at the grades, 137 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 2: and I'm like, you know what, we need to step 138 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 2: it up, Like we need to make sure we're taking 139 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 2: these honors classes, we need to make sure we're taking 140 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: these EP classes. I need to make sure that my 141 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 2: extra curriculars are looking good. And I'm really glad that 142 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 2: my cousins had those opportunities. And my mom forced me 143 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 2: essentially to go. I don't really have a choice because 144 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 2: I couldn't stay home by myself, so I was going 145 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 2: with her that I went to those events and I 146 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 2: had that early exposure. So again I would encourage any 147 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 2: parents listening to the podcast if you do have that 148 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: flexibility in your schedule, like especially starting as early as 149 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 2: like freshman year of college, even like middle school, it's 150 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 2: never too early to get that exposure. And if you 151 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 2: don't have the time, if you're comfortable with social media, 152 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: there are plenty of people to follow on like TikTok 153 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 2: and LinkedIn and different platforms where people share their journey 154 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 2: and you can understand what they went through. Applying through 155 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 2: the process, find your own like digital mentors, you don't 156 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 2: have to do it alone. 157 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about the transition to college. 158 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,119 Speaker 1: And you didn't graduate that long ago, so you probably 159 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: still remember some of this. What was that transition like 160 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: for you? And how did you prepare yourself to transition 161 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: from high school to being on a college campus. 162 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 2: You know what, there was no preparation. I think the 163 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 2: best way to go into college is with no expectations. 164 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 2: I think sometimes when you create the expectations, like it's 165 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 2: going to be like the movies. Guess what it's not 166 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 2: like the movies. I will say though I did not 167 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,719 Speaker 2: grow up super sheltered. But college, depending on where you 168 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 2: go to university, whether it's a private school a public school, 169 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 2: if your child in particular grew up sheltered, or if 170 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: you know that you grew up sheltered, college will expose 171 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 2: you to so many things. So I would say, really 172 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 2: get comfortable knowing yourself. What are your values. If you're 173 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,439 Speaker 2: religious and you want to remain religious, I encourage you 174 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 2: to make sure that you find like church early on, 175 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 2: like shop around with different churches. If you know that 176 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 2: faith is something that is really important to you. You 177 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 2: might have never gone to a party in high school, 178 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 2: and now there's parties every weekend. How are you going 179 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 2: to balance that with your courseload? I had a friend 180 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 2: in college. She would go out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 181 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 2: and she would still get a's on all of her 182 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 2: exams because she'd either wake up early do different things. 183 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 2: That was not me, Like I do not wake up early. 184 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,440 Speaker 2: That's never been my thing. I would plan that. Okay, 185 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 2: I know I'm going to go to this party. I 186 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 2: know I want to go to church. So I need 187 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: to like really plan my schedule Friday night, like I'm 188 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 2: not going out. I'm doing my homework Saturday. I'm waking 189 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: up early and then I'm gonna get my work done. 190 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,559 Speaker 2: I'm gonna go to a party on Saturday, and I'm 191 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 2: gonna go to church in the morning. Like I'm gonna 192 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 2: find a way to really plan my schedule. So just 193 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 2: making sure that you really know yourself and you're grounded. Oh. So, 194 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 2: I would say for the woman and moms who might 195 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 2: be listening to this podcast coaching their young daughters, really 196 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 2: talking to them about mental health, talking to them about 197 00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 2: like relationships and like intimacy, because especially if you're someone 198 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 2: who never really dabbled in those things, college is just 199 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 2: the wild wild West. You'll be exposed to so many 200 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 2: different things. So I wish this is the book. Then 201 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 2: I was dating and navigating college campuses that I read 202 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 2: this book called Attached. I recommend it to a women 203 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 2: who are postcard even as early as like end of 204 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 2: high school, to read this book really learn your attachment 205 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 2: styles to avoid some of the challenges you might face 206 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 2: in relationships and navigating dating. I'd also say if you're 207 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 2: early in college. Do not treat dating like you're finding 208 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: your husband. Just treated as an experience, just to meet 209 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: and connect with different people. Really know what you're comfortable with, 210 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 2: know what you're not comfortable with, and avoid putting pressure 211 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 2: on yourself when it comes to making friends. Again, don't 212 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 2: put too much pressure to find your best friend that 213 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 2: first week, that first month, that first year, even Just 214 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 2: go to as many events as you can. Be your 215 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 2: most authentic self. But there's not really a crash code. 216 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 2: You can follow people like me on TikTok who share 217 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 2: like their best practices stuff like that, but honestly, the 218 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 2: best way to learn is through experience and really trusting yourself, 219 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 2: and also call your parents looking bag. 220 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: Is there anything you wish you would have known before 221 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: that first year? 222 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 2: I wish I would have known that not everyone grew 223 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 2: up the same way as you, so don't hold those 224 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: same expectations. So the way in which you might handle situations, 225 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 2: somebody might not handle it that way, and you need 226 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: to be okay with that. Oh so sometimes it's okay 227 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 2: to agree to disagree. Some people won't always be committed 228 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 2: to understanding you, and you have to learn to be 229 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 2: okay with that. I would also say, if you really 230 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 2: struggle with like people pleasing in boundaries and you're not 231 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,240 Speaker 2: aware of that, I would say, definitely learn those skills. 232 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 2: And then the last thing that I didn't do in 233 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 2: high school that I started doing in college that I 234 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 2: wish more people knew about and I wish I knew 235 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 2: was okay and it wasn't a weird thing, was starting therapy. 236 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 2: Therapy really helped me become more self aware. It allowed 237 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 2: me to learn how to communicate those things I struggled 238 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,079 Speaker 2: with in the past, like boundaries and people pleasing. If 239 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 2: I knew the proper coping mechanisms, if I knew the signs, 240 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 2: I definitely could have avoided a lot more tricky situations. 241 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 2: Obviously I've learned from them. It gives me tools and 242 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 2: resources and experiences to share on my social media pages 243 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 2: and through my Women Empowerment BREM. It's empower to help 244 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 2: young women now. So I have no regrets, but I 245 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 2: definitely wish I would have started therapy earlier. So if 246 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 2: you have insurance, the copays aren't too bad. If you 247 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 2: don't have insurance, colleges usually provide short term therapy resources, 248 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: so many great resources, whether it be digital or getting 249 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 2: that in person experience, but clothed mouths don't get fed. 250 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 2: So make sure you ask your university. They probably do 251 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 2: have some free resources or support for you, so definitely 252 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 2: take advantage of that. 253 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: Got it. Thank you for that. So how did you 254 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 1: take care of yourself during the application process? I feel 255 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: like the college application process has changed so much since 256 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: I apply for college, Like it feels so much more 257 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: competitive and now social media, so it feels like there's 258 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: this piece of like having to kind of share some 259 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: of that with social media. So how did you support 260 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:16,320 Speaker 1: yourself through the application process and did that translate into 261 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,959 Speaker 1: your first year or your you know, a couple of 262 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 1: years in college. 263 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 2: I'm someone if I wait till last minute, I get 264 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 2: super anxious, I get stressed, like I'm not the best 265 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 2: person to be around, especially for my parents. So I 266 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 2: got started early, like in August, and I kind of 267 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,119 Speaker 2: created like a spreadsheet for myself managing like the different deadlines. 268 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 2: So I believe it's around August or like around like 269 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 2: early September where they open that common app essay which 270 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 2: a lot of universities use and honestly cheat code. A 271 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 2: lot of the questions are the same, so you could 272 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 2: probably leave and start in like June July and get 273 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 2: started a little bit early using those questions from the 274 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 2: year prior, just to kind of build out that foundation 275 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 2: for yourself. And then for those I think they're like 276 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 2: shorter term essays, they're like usually university folk. It might 277 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 2: be like two hundred and fifty words. Those ones, you 278 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 2: can kind of wait a little bit closer to the deadline. 279 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,559 Speaker 2: But I would say, create like a project management system, 280 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 2: an organization system for yourself so you don't get overwhelmed. 281 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 2: Oh so, really think about where you want to go 282 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 2: to school. And I have a rule for myself, especially 283 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 2: when it comes to scholarships. If you don't think you 284 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 2: want to attend that university in the middle of nowhere 285 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 2: where you will be the only one. If you know 286 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 2: what I'm saying, don't apply. Because when you get that 287 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 2: full right scholarship, it's going to be really hard to 288 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 2: say no. But if you never applied, it won't be 289 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 2: an option. I have cousins who have gone through that 290 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 2: experience and it's really ruined their college experience. You guys, 291 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,239 Speaker 2: it's been great that they had a full right scholarship, 292 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 2: but that mental health couse just wasn't worth it. So 293 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 2: if you're a student, really think about those things. If 294 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 2: you don't care, you're like, you know what, I'm going 295 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 2: to go on a vacation and see my friends every month, 296 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 2: and school is just where I go to school by 297 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 2: all means, do it. But really think about those things 298 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 2: as you're planning, just so it's a better process for you. 299 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 2: And writing applications is I'm not gonna lie. It's not fun. 300 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 2: So you want to make sure these are schools you 301 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 2: actually want to go to. I remember when my sister 302 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 2: was applying. That was very interesting because we're very different. 303 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 2: She only applied to a handful of schools she knew 304 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 2: the school she'd actually want to attend. She was really 305 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: interested in going to the top public schools, so she 306 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 2: chose not to apply to any ivys or like private 307 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 2: schools or anything like that. Or if you really want 308 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 2: to go to an IVY and that's priority, apply to those, 309 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 2: but make sure you also have like your safety schools 310 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 2: as well. I don't my college application strategy. I wouldn't 311 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: really recommend it to anyone. I didn't really have a 312 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 2: true safety school. But I was just like, hey, like, 313 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 2: I'm going to apply to my target stafe school. If 314 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 2: I don't get in, I have a few universities that 315 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 2: I know that I can apply a little bit later 316 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 2: where they'll give me a good financial aid package or 317 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 2: a scholarship. So I had like my backups and things 318 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 2: like that. But again with this strategy, it's very personal. 319 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 2: But I would say if you're someone who gets overwhelmed, 320 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 2: really easily start early and then make sure that the 321 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 2: schools you're applying to are schools that you actually want 322 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 2: to attend to avoid that progress nation. 323 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: So it sounds like, kayln, you're super organized. Are you 324 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: talking about like spreadsheets and all that kind of things. 325 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: Did you have support with this process? And what suggestions 326 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: would you give to other people? So starting early it 327 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: sounds like it's a good one. What other support did 328 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: you have and what would you suggest for other people? 329 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I come from a family where education is just 330 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 2: really important. My parents didn't really go to a top 331 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 2: like school or anything like that, and I think they 332 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 2: became a little bit more interested in college once my 333 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 2: cousins started getting scholarships and supporting them. So I was 334 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 2: fortunate to come from a family with that support and 335 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 2: having that like early exposure, like I said, going with 336 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,359 Speaker 2: my mom. So those like college and universities, but honestly, 337 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 2: like my parents can't write my essays for me. 338 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: That was on me. 339 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 2: But it was just nice to like have that support 340 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 2: that they were excited. Like I remember when I would 341 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 2: write my applications or I was staying for my AP exams, 342 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 2: my mom would bring me tea. She didn't know what 343 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 2: to do. That was just her way of like encouraging 344 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 2: or supporting me. So I would encourage the parents listening 345 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 2: to the podcast to really know your child and support 346 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 2: them in a way that's most effective. Know that each 347 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 2: child is different, and to be able to support them 348 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 2: and manage them according to their style. 349 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,360 Speaker 1: So you mentioned earlier on that diversity was really important 350 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 1: to you, Like you didn't want to go somewhere you 351 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,880 Speaker 1: were going to be the only one, but you did 352 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: end up choosing a PWI, even though there may be 353 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,680 Speaker 1: more students of color there. Can you talk a little 354 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,239 Speaker 1: bit about that decision making and any suggestions you'd give 355 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 1: to other people who are considering that. 356 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 2: Yes, I would say it's a very personal decision. I 357 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,400 Speaker 2: was actually a part of the UNCF Scholarship program, which 358 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,120 Speaker 2: actually had a lot of HBCU students as well as 359 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,880 Speaker 2: students from PWI, So I almost felt like I got 360 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 2: my own little HBC experience through that scholarship program. But 361 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 2: for me, I went to a top public school that 362 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 2: was really diverse. UNC was a school that I knew 363 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 2: had a really strong black alumni network, and honestly, alumni 364 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 2: network was something that was really really important to me 365 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 2: when selecting my university and then overall college experience, and 366 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 2: I personally wanted that racial and ethnic diversity like outside 367 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 2: of the black community as well. But I also knew 368 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 2: that I didn't want to be the only one in 369 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 2: the classroom. So with UNC and choosing that university, I 370 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 2: knew that I was going to get that diversity and 371 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 2: black experience if I really wanted to have that support 372 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 2: system and community of like black women in particular that 373 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 2: I knew I needed and was instrumental and me being 374 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,920 Speaker 2: successful at UNC and postgrad. I knew I would get 375 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 2: that from that experience. But I would say for everyone 376 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 2: when you are, you know, attending those early admin days 377 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: or if you're lucky enough to connect with someone on Instagram, 378 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,679 Speaker 2: really ask those questions about what their experience is like 379 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 2: as a black person. Or as a black woman on 380 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 2: their campus. Because for everyone, whether you go to a 381 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 2: public school, whether you go to a private school, whether 382 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 2: you go to HBCU, it's different. So really do the research, 383 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 2: know yourself, know what you want to get out of 384 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 2: your experience. So again it's just really a personal decision. 385 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 1: So you mentioned that you used a lot of resources 386 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 1: to find scholarships before where are you applying? But also 387 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,959 Speaker 1: while you were there, can you say a little bit 388 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: more about those resources. 389 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 2: My high school, we had a career center, so I 390 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 2: would go to them. They would post different like local 391 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 2: scholarships that were for my county. So I think I 392 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 2: got a few scholarships through my county. And then I 393 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 2: didn't honestly do the best job. When I was in 394 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: high school, I was given bad information from a family 395 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 2: member that was like, they'll never get those scholarships. Don't apply, 396 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 2: it's a waste of time to focus on your mission. 397 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,719 Speaker 2: I wish I didn't listen to them, but I did 398 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 2: apply and get a few of those, like smaller scholarships. 399 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 2: But when I was actually at university, that's when I 400 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 2: decided to start applying for scholarships. It's a bit harder 401 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 2: to get them when you're at university, but it's still possible. 402 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 2: UNCF is a really great resource that I used as 403 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 2: a black woman, and I had two scholarships from there. 404 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 2: I think one was called the UNCF scholars It was 405 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 2: around like entrepreneurship. I don't know if they still had 406 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,719 Speaker 2: that scholarship program. And then I also did the Walt 407 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 2: Disney Scholarship. I forget what it's called as well. And 408 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 2: then my actual university had a lot of scholarship programs 409 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 2: through University Journalism School, and then you could do like 410 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,639 Speaker 2: grants for like study abroad and different things like that. 411 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 2: So I would say, first, if you're in high school, 412 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 2: focus on those like general like smaller scholarships that you 413 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,120 Speaker 2: can get, and then when you're in a university, see 414 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 2: what university resources are out there and just really take 415 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 2: advantage of that. 416 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: So while you were at UNC during your junior year, 417 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: you also started missing power. So can you tell us 418 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: about that organization and what inspired you to start it. 419 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 2: Yes, this empowers my Woman Empire and brand. It's really 420 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 2: focused on helping young women feel more confident and empowered 421 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 2: through personal and professional development. So many women say no 422 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 2: to opportunities because of fear of failure, and I just 423 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 2: really wanted to create a community that helped young women 424 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 2: overcome those challenges and almost be that big sister as 425 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 2: they're navigating young adulthood. It's a lot going from your parents' 426 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 2: house and being in high school to being thrown into 427 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,840 Speaker 2: college and then being thrown into the real world. So 428 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 2: I wanted to be that big sister with my brand 429 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,479 Speaker 2: to support young women through that pivotal phase in their life. 430 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 2: I really focus on sharing resources where young women are, 431 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 2: so we're on social media platforms like LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram, 432 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 2: and then I also share resources through my blog and 433 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 2: then also having virtual events. One of the events we 434 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 2: had a few months ago was mis Empowered Talks Women 435 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,360 Speaker 2: in Tech, just because a lot of young women were 436 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 2: interested in pivoting into the tech industry, learning what the 437 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 2: day to day was like, and it was really important 438 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 2: for me to show young women that look like them 439 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,639 Speaker 2: that it's possible for them to hear about their experiences, 440 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 2: and it's something I do a lot on my social 441 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 2: media platforms just because, like I think it's really important 442 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 2: for young women to be able to see someone that 443 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 2: looks like them and to be able to see that 444 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 2: you know what it is possible to go from university, 445 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 2: get into these big companies and really understand the how 446 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 2: because so many people show that like highlight reel of wow, 447 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 2: like I work at this company, or a while like 448 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 2: I've been featured here, but people are wanting to know how. 449 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 2: So I really focus on using my brand, whether it's 450 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 2: my personal brand, through my social media potform or through 451 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 2: mis Empower, to really uncover that how. 452 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 1: Perfect And can you say a little bit more about 453 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,240 Speaker 1: how spaces like mis Empower really can help support young 454 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: black women in college. 455 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 2: I think they can really be a great support system 456 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 2: and I like to call them a cheat code. So 457 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 2: I have this saying that everyone should really try to 458 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 2: find a digital mentor if you can't find a mentor 459 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 2: in real life. And I think that's one of the 460 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 2: biggest advantages of social media platforms today, whether it be 461 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 2: on YouTube, TikTok, LinkedIn, you can really find a digital 462 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,879 Speaker 2: mentor if you look for one. So, for example, career 463 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,400 Speaker 2: is something that people really struggle with. On my personal TikTok, 464 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 2: I talk a lot about how I was able to 465 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 2: get my first internship, some of the challenges I have. 466 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 2: I really share that on TikTok and LinkedIn a lot 467 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 2: because I struggled and I don't want everyone to have 468 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,399 Speaker 2: the same struggles applying to one hundred internships and like 469 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 2: only hearing back from one. I don't want people experiencing that, 470 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,520 Speaker 2: So I like to share my best practices so you 471 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 2: can follow people like me that share those resources, as 472 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 2: well as linking and getting on like email newsletters, whether 473 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 2: that be at your university. That's how I found out 474 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 2: about a lot of things. So like my journalism school, 475 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 2: they would announce when internships were being posted, when they 476 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 2: were having virtual events. Just being exposed and having access 477 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 2: to information is just a huge game changer. So get 478 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 2: on as many email listers as you can, even if 479 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 2: you have no business being in that club, you're still 480 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 2: going to have access to all of those resources. That's 481 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,439 Speaker 2: something that definitely helped me a lot. And then resources 482 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 2: like misempower where they're sharing like events, internship opportunities. Definitely 483 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 2: take advantage of that, and then also don't be afraid 484 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,359 Speaker 2: to reach out first. There are so many people, whether 485 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 2: it's through a formal program, there's some good ones like 486 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,199 Speaker 2: MLT that's a really great pipeline program. If you're like 487 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,360 Speaker 2: in the business space, or you're interested in like engineering. 488 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,199 Speaker 2: SEO is another good pipeline program if you're in that 489 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 2: space as well, looking to break into like banking or 490 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 2: the tech industry. Things like that apply for those pipeline 491 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,959 Speaker 2: programs to get that mentorship, coaching, and support because they 492 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 2: make it so much easier to find internships and build 493 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 2: that community as well outside of your immediate university and 494 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 2: then joining clubs. I didn't do a sorority, but I 495 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,879 Speaker 2: had a lot of friends who are part of sororities. 496 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 2: It's a great way to build community and also a 497 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 2: chance to build your your network and get opportunities as well. 498 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,720 Speaker 2: But the key to be successful and really navigate university 499 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 2: is just like not to spend all day in your 500 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,159 Speaker 2: dorm room and never make any friends. You really have 501 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 2: to put yourself out there, join clubs, let people know 502 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 2: what you're interested in so they can support you. 503 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,120 Speaker 1: So, Kaylene, you know, we talked a lot about red 504 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 1: flags in terms of a lot of different relationships in allies, 505 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,439 Speaker 1: but I would love to know what are some green 506 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: flags that people should be on the lookout that lets 507 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: them know, like this might be a good college for me. 508 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: So you've already said a strong alumni network, you talked 509 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 1: about diversity. What are some other green flags for you? 510 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 2: I think a really big one in terms of green 511 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 2: flags would be like really assessing what that culture is like. 512 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 2: I will never say anything bad about particularly universities, but 513 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 2: let's say you hear a university is known for students 514 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 2: having lots of suicides on campus. That might not be 515 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 2: the one that I'm looking at. A university that's known 516 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 2: for being like cut throat. Maybe they only have a 517 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,199 Speaker 2: particular amount of books and people are known for like 518 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 2: ripping pages out of the books, or there are these 519 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: crazy curves that cause divides, or like exclusive study groups. 520 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 2: I know what I'm saying just sounds ridiculous, but that's 521 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 2: a real thing. Also, campuses that might be known for 522 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:32,680 Speaker 2: like excessive hazing or like bad practices. Campuses that might 523 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,560 Speaker 2: be known for high amounts of sexual abuse, or like 524 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 2: how do they address sexual abuse on campus as a woman. 525 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 2: That's a real thing that we need to think about. 526 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 2: Red flags are universities without like strong security systems. I mean, 527 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 2: I went to a school with an open campus, but 528 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 2: I still felt relatively safe, Like I just I don't 529 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,239 Speaker 2: want anyone to be able to access my dorm, Like 530 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 2: it's really scary out here, so really think about all 531 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,680 Speaker 2: of those things as well. I think also a red flag. 532 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 2: Most universities don't do the best with this. It's like 533 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,719 Speaker 2: a university which is a horrible I mean horrible career system. 534 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 2: Like the whole point of view going to university is 535 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 2: to elevate yourself to have access to career opportunities. If 536 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,120 Speaker 2: your career center just has nothing for you, like there's 537 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 2: no jobs opportunities that come to campus, like when you 538 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 2: ask them, like they can't even point you to the 539 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 2: right direction or just give you access to like a 540 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 2: lum like I would personally stay away unless you're just 541 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 2: like a super self starter. Like I said, this university 542 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,199 Speaker 2: is only here to sponsor and pay for you. But 543 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 2: I believe that like your university is supposed to have 544 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 2: people there to provide you, like the support and resources. Honestly, 545 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,199 Speaker 2: I'm just going to say this as another red flag 546 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,920 Speaker 2: because you pay a lot of money intuition. I think 547 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 2: universities that don't have any access to like mental health, wellness, 548 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 2: academic coaching, those things are really important resources like to 549 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,840 Speaker 2: have like a learning center to have academic coaching or tutoring. 550 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 2: Having access to the mental health resource is. I mean 551 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 2: college is hard, like you will get lonely. You need 552 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,119 Speaker 2: to have resources to support your mental health. If they 553 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 2: don't have that, that to me is a red flag. 554 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 2: So my green flag would be a university having that 555 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 2: great list. 556 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 1: Thank you for that, Kaitlyn. So where can we stay 557 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,159 Speaker 1: connected with you? What is your website? If you have 558 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: one or any social media handles you'd like to share. 559 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 2: Yes, So for my website and all social media platforms, 560 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 2: you can follow mis Empower. That's MI I S S E, 561 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 2: M P O w h e R dot com and 562 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 2: it's just mis Empower on all social media platforms. That's 563 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 2: for my women empowerment brand. For myself, you can follow 564 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: me Kaitlyn Kumi. That's c A I t l y 565 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,640 Speaker 2: N k U m I on LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram. Those 566 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 2: are my main social media platforms to connect with me 567 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:51,919 Speaker 2: to get more career advice, personal finance tips, mental health tips, onus, beauty, 568 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 2: all of that. That's the best way to stay in 569 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 2: touch with me and get connected perfect well. 570 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing with us today, Caitlin 571 00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,199 Speaker 1: I appreciate it. 572 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. This was great, and I 573 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 2: hope so many young women listen to this episode and 574 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 2: find value because college was definitely a great investment, even 575 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: though it was very expensive. 576 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:17,200 Speaker 1: Thank you. I can't stop thinking about what Caitlyn said 577 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: around applying for scholarships not only in high school but 578 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 1: also in college. That's definitely a major part of the 579 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,640 Speaker 1: college application process and enrolled student experience that I think 580 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: unfortunately goes underlooked. Now that we've heard from a recent 581 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 1: grand we'll hear from someone who has spent a bit 582 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,120 Speaker 1: more time out of college, someone who can share even 583 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 1: more resources and considerations to assist you in making your 584 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: college decision. Here's my conversation with Felicia. Well, thank you 585 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: so much for joining us today. Felicia, thank you for 586 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: having me. 587 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 3: I'm excited. 588 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, so you have started the College by Her program. 589 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: Can you tell me a little bit about what that is? 590 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 4: Yes, So, College by Her is an organization and business 591 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 4: that I started when I was in college. And so 592 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 4: the way it started was after my freshman year, my 593 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 4: friends and I wanted to get together and I had 594 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 4: a friend who was a year younger than me, and 595 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 4: she was like, you know, you have an older sister, 596 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 4: she kind of helped you get ready for college, but 597 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 4: I'm the only child, Like what about me? So me 598 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 4: and my friends were like, Okay, you know, let's take 599 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 4: all of our knowledge from our one year in college, 600 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 4: you know, and let's share with these people who are 601 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,320 Speaker 4: about to go into college, like just what college is? 602 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 3: Like, what is office hours? What is all of these things? 603 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 4: Right? And so we got together one summer and had 604 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 4: like a girl talk event. She brought all of her 605 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 4: friends who were about to enter college. I brought all 606 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 4: of my friends and we literally just told them everything. 607 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 3: About our first year. 608 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 4: When they absolutely loved it. They were like, this is 609 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 4: something you need to do every year. And that happened 610 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 4: in twenty fourteen. So here we are almost ten years later, 611 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 4: and there have been a lot of different iterations of 612 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 4: college by her summer events. Those have went from panels 613 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 4: to one year I did a full day conference. So 614 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,960 Speaker 4: it's been a lot of different versions, but all of 615 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 4: it to support black girls, specifically as they transition from 616 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 4: high school into college. 617 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: I love that. So and even at a very young age, 618 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: you had this whole spirit of wanting to kind of 619 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: give back and pass on this knowledge. So how does 620 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 1: it look different now with you being, you know, some 621 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 1: years away from graduating to what it looked like when 622 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 1: you first started. 623 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, So when I was in college, it was definitely 624 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 4: more of a peer right kind of model. I was 625 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,400 Speaker 4: in college as well, so helping younger girls transition. And 626 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 4: then even when I was in grad school, like I 627 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 4: still had a very strong connection to like my dance 628 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 4: studio back home. So through there, a lot of girls 629 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 4: would graduate and I could help them kind of transition 630 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 4: into college. And so it definitely got a little bit 631 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 4: more difficult as I got out of grad school because 632 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 4: you know, age wise, I maybe didn't know that many 633 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 4: people in high school or things like that, and so 634 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 4: really being able to use the network that College by 635 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 4: Her had built, and so girls who were still in college, 636 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 4: they were kind of reaching back to their younger sisters 637 00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 4: and cousins and girls that they knew. So it was 638 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 4: definitely that trickle down effect. And now like College by 639 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 4: Her has a podcast, which I really love because I 640 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 4: think when I was on campus, like being able to 641 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 4: listen to something that's very quick, right like ten minutes 642 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 4: I'm walking from one class. 643 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 3: To another, and so to be able to give them some. 644 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 4: Tidbits and information and inspiration I think has been really important. 645 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 4: So the podcast is really like the main thing that 646 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 4: College by Her is right now, and that's how I 647 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:26,720 Speaker 4: see my way of giving back, even though I am 648 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 4: older and a little bit removed from college kind of 649 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,600 Speaker 4: compared to the younger days. 650 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: So what kinds of themes come up in terms of 651 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: the challenges young black women are having either on campus 652 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 1: or as they are preparing to go to college. 653 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 4: Yes, so I would say the main thing would be boundaries. Boundaries, 654 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 4: and I'll say family relationships. And it's funny how those 655 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:53,400 Speaker 4: two things go together, right, So navigating family dynamics upon 656 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 4: entering college, while in college, and then post college. So 657 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 4: I think those are definitely two big things that come 658 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,480 Speaker 4: to mind when I think about the black college girls 659 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 4: I've worked with in the past and even now, really 660 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 4: talking about how can I assert my independence in this respectful, 661 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,720 Speaker 4: culturally appropriate way while also like having this autonomy and 662 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,080 Speaker 4: making choices that maybe everybody back home may not agree with, 663 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,360 Speaker 4: And then what does that look like? And kind of 664 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 4: how am I coping with and managing some of those stressors. 665 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 1: What kinds of things do you think are helpful for 666 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 1: young women as they consider like where to go to college, 667 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: like as they're putting together their list of potential places. 668 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think definitely being able to go and 669 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 4: visit a college physically, I think is helpful. I do 670 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 4: know that that might not be available for everyone to do, 671 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 4: so I do think some of the things that you 672 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 4: can think of, whether you're able to go visit in 673 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 4: person or not, is what are some of the things 674 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 4: that you're looking for in terms of education. So I 675 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 4: know some people know when they go into college what 676 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 4: they want to do, and some people do and that's 677 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 4: okay too. But sometimes if you do know what you 678 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,880 Speaker 4: want to do, Let's say you want to go to 679 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 4: school for journalism, you might be looking into schools right 680 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 4: who have a renowned journalism program. 681 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 3: And so I think if. 682 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 4: You know kind of where you want to go on 683 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,280 Speaker 4: the education side, that can be something that's kind of 684 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 4: helping you to inform those choices. I think another big 685 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,360 Speaker 4: thing is in state versus out of state college is 686 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 4: more expensive than when I went and so I'm from 687 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 4: North Carolina, and so I remember my mom telling me 688 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 4: when I was looking at schools outside of North Carolina, 689 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 4: she's like, girl, do you see these out of state 690 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 4: tuition prices? She's like, North Carolina has amazing colleges. So 691 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 4: whatever you're looking for, I'm sure you can get here. 692 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 3: And she was right. 693 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 4: I went to Chapel Hill and absolutely loved it. But 694 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 4: I would say that would be a piece as well. 695 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 4: If you want to, you know, go far away for 696 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 4: whatever reason or stay home for whatever reason, that can 697 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 4: also play a part in kind of what college you're picking, 698 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 4: as well as proximity to family. So there might be different, 699 00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 4: you know, reasons that you do need to be close 700 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 4: to home, and so what does that look like? And 701 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 4: so I think those are kind of some of the 702 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 4: big picture things to help you. And I know some 703 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,799 Speaker 4: people like to look a little bit further into the 704 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,080 Speaker 4: academics on you know, students to teacher ratio if that's 705 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 4: something that you know really is important to you, and 706 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 4: other like resources that they have on campus. So I 707 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 4: would say it would really depend on your values and 708 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,040 Speaker 4: what's kind of important to you and then being able 709 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 4: to see if the college you're looking at can offer 710 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:28,600 Speaker 4: you those things. 711 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,279 Speaker 1: And in your mind, are there any red flags that 712 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,160 Speaker 1: students should be paying attention to in terms of Okay, 713 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,080 Speaker 1: this might not be a good place for you. 714 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a good question. 715 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 4: Red flags, I would say, how people treat you when 716 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,879 Speaker 4: you're either like going to visit this campus or even 717 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 4: just calling someone on the phone, and I say, treat 718 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 4: you too, and like the culture of the university, so like, 719 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 4: are they willing to like, oh, we're gonna you know, 720 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 4: you missed the first part of your tour because you 721 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 4: were in traffic. We're going to walk you to where 722 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 4: they are. Just different things like that. I think the 723 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 4: culture of the place can say a lot how people 724 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,440 Speaker 4: engage with you and how they talk about the university, 725 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,399 Speaker 4: and I think with that their reputation in a way. Right, 726 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 4: of course, you have to kind of take things with 727 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,319 Speaker 4: the grain of salt, but I think sometimes to being 728 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 4: able to hear other people's experiences and if you are 729 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 4: kind of noticing a common theme right with everyone that 730 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,799 Speaker 4: you talk to who maybe went to that university, that 731 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 4: could possibly be a red flag. Depending So those are 732 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,879 Speaker 4: kind of the two main things that are coming up for. 733 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: Me more from our conversation after the break. So, you know, 734 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,880 Speaker 1: a lot of students even still or you know, maybe 735 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,280 Speaker 1: among the first generation of students to go to college 736 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: in their families. What kinds of resources exist that you 737 00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,400 Speaker 1: can think of that might help somebody get ready for 738 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: the application process. 739 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,759 Speaker 4: Yes, so I do know that guidance counselors a lot 740 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,120 Speaker 4: of times in high schools can be a really first 741 00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:00,160 Speaker 4: good resource to help you in that process. 742 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:00,720 Speaker 3: As well as. 743 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 4: Depending on where you live, I do know there are 744 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 4: nonprofit organizations in different cities who provide support to students 745 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 4: who may need help filling out fast FA or going 746 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,440 Speaker 4: through the application process if they are the first in their. 747 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:14,600 Speaker 3: Family to go to college. 748 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:18,360 Speaker 4: So I've oftentimes talked to students about researching what those 749 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 4: nonprofit organizations may look like in their community, because there 750 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,759 Speaker 4: are people out here who are doing this work to 751 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,799 Speaker 4: really support and walk students through that process if they 752 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,560 Speaker 4: do need any support. So I would definitely recommend looking 753 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 4: into that based on where you live. And then a 754 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 4: lot of colleges now have different programs over the summer 755 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 4: you can be introduced to and engage in to kind 756 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 4: of help you learn more about what college may look like. 757 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,279 Speaker 4: I know, for one, at Chapel Hill there's one called 758 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,240 Speaker 4: Project Uplift. It has been going on for over fifty 759 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,080 Speaker 4: years and I actually went as a participant, and then 760 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,640 Speaker 4: I got to participate as a staff member all four 761 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 4: years in college. And so it's a great program where 762 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,000 Speaker 4: high schoolers get to come to Chapel Hell for a weekend, 763 00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,960 Speaker 4: they go on a tour, they get to sit through 764 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,359 Speaker 4: academic class, all these other pieces to. 765 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,400 Speaker 3: See like what even is college? Right? What does this 766 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,000 Speaker 3: look like? What is it like? 767 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 4: And so to be able to engage in different programs 768 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,839 Speaker 4: while you're in high school like that to expose you 769 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,080 Speaker 4: and just get your wheels turning, I think can be 770 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:18,680 Speaker 4: a really good resource as well. 771 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,799 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. So one piece I don't think 772 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,399 Speaker 1: we often talk about enough is like the mental health 773 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 1: impact even of the entire application process. Right, So there's 774 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,400 Speaker 1: just a lot of moving parts, a lot of papers 775 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 1: to fill out, and I think for a lot of 776 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:36,480 Speaker 1: young people, this may be their first experience with rejection, right, 777 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 1: like maybe not getting into the school they wanted. Can 778 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,760 Speaker 1: you talk a little bit about the mental health impact 779 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,920 Speaker 1: of even going through the application process? 780 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,800 Speaker 4: Yes, So I think you bring up a good point 781 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,880 Speaker 4: about rejection because a lot of times, especially let's say, 782 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,600 Speaker 4: if I'm a high achieving person and I'm doing really 783 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,680 Speaker 4: well in high school, then that college application process can 784 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,239 Speaker 4: really be difficult because I am hearing no i'd be 785 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 4: from a college that I really want to go to. 786 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:04,799 Speaker 4: And so I think a big thing that comes up 787 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 4: for me during this process is community and like the 788 00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 4: people who are around you. So whether that be friends, family, 789 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,840 Speaker 4: a teacher, guidance, counselor whoever it is that you trust, 790 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,879 Speaker 4: like really being able to have these people in your 791 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,399 Speaker 4: corner who you can go to when you get that 792 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,879 Speaker 4: first rejection and maybe you know your feelings are hurt 793 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 4: or maybe you're crying or different things like that, but 794 00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,040 Speaker 4: having people in your corner who can encourage you and 795 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,759 Speaker 4: show that support and let you know that this one 796 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 4: school rejected you, that doesn't mean you're you know, this 797 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,040 Speaker 4: failure or you're this bad person, or you're never going 798 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:36,840 Speaker 4: to go to college. 799 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,759 Speaker 3: So really being able to support you in that way. 800 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,799 Speaker 4: So I think community is a really big thing when 801 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 4: it comes to navigating this process and whatever that community 802 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,080 Speaker 4: looks like for you. 803 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: So, besides the maybe experiences of rejection, are there any 804 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,279 Speaker 1: other mental health pieces you think are important to kind 805 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,240 Speaker 1: of pay attention to during this process? 806 00:38:55,640 --> 00:39:00,080 Speaker 4: I would say comparison, I think That's a big one 807 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 4: in terms of applying for college and then even being 808 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,560 Speaker 4: in college. So when you're in college, I think it 809 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,719 Speaker 4: can be easy to compare yourself to your peers. Right, 810 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,279 Speaker 4: so this person, oh, they already have an internship, or 811 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,360 Speaker 4: this person already has a job once they graduate, and 812 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 4: so it can make you feel like you're not doing enough, right, 813 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,480 Speaker 4: like you need to do more, or maybe I shouldn't 814 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 4: have picked this major because they picked this major and 815 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 4: they're getting all the job offers and I'm not. And 816 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,040 Speaker 4: so really kind of comparing yourself and the same with 817 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,399 Speaker 4: entering college. Right you might have a friend and they're 818 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,440 Speaker 4: going to I don't know, University of Hawaii and you're like, dang, 819 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 4: I'm staying in North Carolina, and so comparing your experience 820 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 4: to theirs and feeling like you need to be doing more, 821 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 4: need to be doing less. So I think that is 822 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,720 Speaker 4: also a really big piece. It can take a toll, 823 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,400 Speaker 4: like on your mental health as well. 824 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: Felicia, I would love to throw you a little bit 825 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,400 Speaker 1: of a curve ball because I think, like you just 826 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 1: mentioned high achieving students, right, so there are people and 827 00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,719 Speaker 1: we know, I think especially in black families, right, there's 828 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 1: this expectation that you like, do well in school and 829 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,839 Speaker 1: then after high school, you're definitely going to college. And 830 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,719 Speaker 1: you know, the truth is that college is not going 831 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,239 Speaker 1: to be the best fit for everybody. And I don't 832 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,560 Speaker 1: know that we always give people space to kind of 833 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,800 Speaker 1: figure out what are they actually wanting to do after 834 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 1: high school? So what kinds of tips would you give 835 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,879 Speaker 1: for somebody to figure out is college even the next 836 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,719 Speaker 1: thing for me? Like? What kinds of things should they 837 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,000 Speaker 1: be thinking about? 838 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:28,440 Speaker 4: Yes, I think definitely going back to this idea of values. 839 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,439 Speaker 4: I think that would be really important to consider when 840 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:36,880 Speaker 4: thinking about what someone might want to do after high school. 841 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,520 Speaker 4: I know that now people are more open to the 842 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:44,200 Speaker 4: idea of going to cosmetology school and going to get 843 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,480 Speaker 4: other certifications and things. I feel like this more accepted 844 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,319 Speaker 4: maybe now as people are seeing how expensive college is 845 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,680 Speaker 4: and all the student loans some people have to pay back, 846 00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,120 Speaker 4: and you know, there are amazing and great jobs that 847 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,600 Speaker 4: people can have without going to college, and I think 848 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:02,640 Speaker 4: that is becoming more normalized now. And so I would say, 849 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,760 Speaker 4: in terms of being in high school and exploring what's 850 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 4: next or what you would like to do, I would 851 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 4: say going back to things you're interested and passionate about, 852 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,000 Speaker 4: and also too, when thinking about your aspirations or just 853 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:18,719 Speaker 4: even hopes and dreams that you have, doing research and 854 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,640 Speaker 4: seeing the different pathways to get there, because I'm sure, 855 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,680 Speaker 4: as we all know, college is not the only pathway 856 00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,319 Speaker 4: to get somewhere, So there might be other paths that 857 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 4: gets you exactly to where you want to be that 858 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 4: don't involve a four year degree. And so doing some research, 859 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:36,440 Speaker 4: whether that's online, talking to people, shadowing somebody in the 860 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,160 Speaker 4: job feeld that you want to be in, maybe asking 861 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 4: them what their credentials are, what their background is. And 862 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,560 Speaker 4: so I think being able to talk to people to 863 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,440 Speaker 4: get that research done, I think would be really helpful. 864 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 1: You know, it's funny because it seems like in black 865 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,640 Speaker 1: families and maybe other families too, there's fun being picked 866 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: at students who say they want to take a gap year, right, Like, 867 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,080 Speaker 1: what does that even mean? I don't even feel like 868 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 1: that was a conversation when I was like coming out 869 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,279 Speaker 1: of high school, So I feel like that is a 870 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,879 Speaker 1: newer kind of a term. But you know, people tend 871 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,640 Speaker 1: to make fun of students who say they want to 872 00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:07,840 Speaker 1: take a gay year and it's like, well, what are 873 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,360 Speaker 1: you gonna do with your life? And it's funny because 874 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,520 Speaker 1: even as recently is I'm not sure if you watch 875 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,879 Speaker 1: The Queen's barnb Show on Bravo, but Koco was having 876 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,799 Speaker 1: a conversation with her child about it. Sounds like the 877 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,040 Speaker 1: child did really well in their first year of school 878 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,520 Speaker 1: and initially wanted to be a dentist, but they're thinking 879 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,719 Speaker 1: now they want to follow moms footsteps and singing and 880 00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,400 Speaker 1: they have a beautiful voice. And she was like, absolutely 881 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,239 Speaker 1: not like you're going to school, you wanted to be 882 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,759 Speaker 1: a dentist. And so I wonder if there are suggestions 883 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 1: you can offer two parents about maybe how to be 884 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: more supportive of their student if they do decide they 885 00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:39,680 Speaker 1: want to take a gap year or they want to 886 00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:41,279 Speaker 1: do something different than college. 887 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:45,319 Speaker 4: Yeah. So I think the example you gave about even 888 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,960 Speaker 4: someone going to college and then changing their mind, I've 889 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,240 Speaker 4: been seeing that a lot as well. And so to parents, 890 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:56,359 Speaker 4: I think my advice is to understand developmentally, like where 891 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,400 Speaker 4: your child is, and so we oftentimes talk about this 892 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:03,840 Speaker 4: idea like in high school. When someone's eighteen seventeen, that 893 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,480 Speaker 4: is a very interesting age to be asking them to 894 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,279 Speaker 4: make a decision of what they want to do for 895 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,399 Speaker 4: the next four years, because at eighteen, you probably don't 896 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,239 Speaker 4: even know what you want to do next month, and 897 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,080 Speaker 4: so when you think about it, you know, culturally, it 898 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,920 Speaker 4: is really interesting. That's a lot of weight, right to 899 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 4: kind of put on someone. I mean, we're trusting them 900 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,520 Speaker 4: to make this decision that then they're just not supposed 901 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:27,360 Speaker 4: to change their mind about or have any other feelings about. 902 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,839 Speaker 4: I mean, I think that's tough, and so I think 903 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:33,880 Speaker 4: for parents, I would encourage, you know, empathy in conversations 904 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,240 Speaker 4: and communication. So being able to talk to your child 905 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,360 Speaker 4: about what got them to that point in making that 906 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,960 Speaker 4: decision that maybe they no longer want to go to 907 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,600 Speaker 4: college and no longer want to be in college. I 908 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,480 Speaker 4: think those conversations can be really helpful because sometimes I think, 909 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:52,719 Speaker 4: especially in the black community, it can be because I said, so, right, 910 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,080 Speaker 4: and you're going to college. 911 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:54,640 Speaker 3: That's it. 912 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,680 Speaker 4: And so to have that two way communication to listen 913 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,040 Speaker 4: to what it is that your child is sharing. That 914 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,200 Speaker 4: of course doesn't mean you're going to agree right with everything, 915 00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,719 Speaker 4: but to be able to have that conversation so that 916 00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,440 Speaker 4: they feel like they can share with you what made 917 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,799 Speaker 4: them change their mind or what's going on for them, 918 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,200 Speaker 4: I think is really important. 919 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,560 Speaker 1: While we are talking about parents, I think one something 920 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,080 Speaker 1: else that they often struggle with is the idea that 921 00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:22,960 Speaker 1: they are now turning over responsibilities to their student right 922 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,239 Speaker 1: and they are in the driver's seat in terms of 923 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,600 Speaker 1: like what happens in their life. What might you say 924 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,760 Speaker 1: to parents who are struggling with this new transition. 925 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:30,760 Speaker 3: Woo. 926 00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,200 Speaker 4: So it's so interesting. I feel like I have so 927 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,839 Speaker 4: many different perspectives here. I'm not a parent myself, but 928 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 4: I'm the youngest of four, and so my mom, you know, 929 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,279 Speaker 4: having to come into this on her own, and then 930 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 4: of course now working with college students and so hearing 931 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,720 Speaker 4: them share their experience with their parents. And I've also 932 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,040 Speaker 4: worked with parents in the past, so kind of having 933 00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:56,399 Speaker 4: these different experiences, I think I will definitely go back 934 00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:00,480 Speaker 4: to this idea of communication. I think it's really important, 935 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:04,279 Speaker 4: and going back to boundaries as well. 936 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:07,560 Speaker 3: Because we know that in black. 937 00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:11,040 Speaker 4: Households and families it can be really difficult to know 938 00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:13,720 Speaker 4: how to set a boundary if that's never been modeled 939 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,080 Speaker 4: for you, if you've never seen someone do that in 940 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,759 Speaker 4: a healthy and respectful way. 941 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:18,840 Speaker 3: I'll add those. 942 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,680 Speaker 4: Two pieces, and so if I've never seen that before, 943 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,480 Speaker 4: then when I get to college, it's going to be 944 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,880 Speaker 4: that much more difficult for me to set a boundary 945 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,960 Speaker 4: with my mom or my dad or my grandma or 946 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,200 Speaker 4: whoever as I am making that transition. And on the 947 00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,440 Speaker 4: other side of that, my mom or dad might not 948 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,080 Speaker 4: know how to respond to set boundary because I've never 949 00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,520 Speaker 4: set one before. So it's a lot of new things 950 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,839 Speaker 4: happening that no one has experience, and so I think 951 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,759 Speaker 4: with that, everyone needs grace. So the student, you know, 952 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,840 Speaker 4: needs grace for their parent. The parent needs grace for 953 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,200 Speaker 4: the student. When I find oftentimes when I'm able to 954 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,560 Speaker 4: let people know that like, hey, this is new for 955 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,239 Speaker 4: all of us, like nobody has done this before, and 956 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,400 Speaker 4: that can kind of lower people's defenses in terms of 957 00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,600 Speaker 4: like needing to be right or all of those other things, 958 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,320 Speaker 4: because it is really hard to navigate these transitions, especially 959 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,719 Speaker 4: when you're talking about like living situations. 960 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,080 Speaker 3: So you used to live at school and now you're. 961 00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:18,840 Speaker 4: Coming home for the holidays, and you want to be 962 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,840 Speaker 4: able to stay out till three o'clock in the morning 963 00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:22,280 Speaker 4: because that's what you do at school. 964 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 3: But your mom was like, no, you're not doing that 965 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 3: in my house? What does that look like? So, yeah, 966 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,400 Speaker 3: it can be difficult. 967 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,879 Speaker 1: So what advice would you give to students who are 968 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,719 Speaker 1: in the throes of the application process right now? Any 969 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,239 Speaker 1: tips for taking care of themselves or just kind of 970 00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:38,400 Speaker 1: getting through the process. 971 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:44,000 Speaker 4: Yes, I would definitely say to take breaks. I think 972 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,640 Speaker 4: oftentimes when we're in any type of application process, but 973 00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:51,480 Speaker 4: specifically for school, it can feel very much like if 974 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,040 Speaker 4: I started this application today, I have to finish it today. 975 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,760 Speaker 4: So what would it be like to break things down 976 00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,839 Speaker 4: into smaller parts? So maybe today you work a little 977 00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:03,280 Speaker 4: bit on that essay that you write, and maybe tomorrow 978 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,319 Speaker 4: is when you're gonna email such and such for that 979 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 4: letter of recommendation. So kind of giving yourself benchmarks and 980 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:13,200 Speaker 4: breaking tasks down into smaller tasks so that you don't 981 00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,800 Speaker 4: feel like overwhelmed by the process a piece of advice 982 00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:20,000 Speaker 4: as well, as I found this to be helpful. 983 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 3: Tricking your mind about the due date. 984 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,959 Speaker 4: So like, if the due date for something is January first, 985 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,680 Speaker 4: you tell yourself is December first. So that guy that 986 00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,000 Speaker 4: gives you, you know, that gap, that buffer for things 987 00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,840 Speaker 4: that might go wrong, whether that's somebody who was supposed 988 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,560 Speaker 4: to write you a letter of recommendation is two weeks late, right, 989 00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:38,520 Speaker 4: or anything like that. 990 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:39,279 Speaker 3: It gives you that. 991 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,640 Speaker 4: Time and so you're not feeling so crunched and stressed, 992 00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,080 Speaker 4: and you know that you'll probably have it done by 993 00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,239 Speaker 4: December first, and if you don't, you still kind of 994 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,400 Speaker 4: have that wiggle room because you gave yourself that time. 995 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,280 Speaker 1: So I appreciate that you have such a wealth of knowledge, 996 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,359 Speaker 1: right starting this organization while you were in college, going 997 00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,640 Speaker 1: through college yourself, and now being on the other side 998 00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,719 Speaker 1: helping college students. What kinds of life skills do you 999 00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,480 Speaker 1: think young people need in college that they might not 1000 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:07,160 Speaker 1: quite be developing in high school, and what kinds of 1001 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,160 Speaker 1: things should they do to kind of start working on those. 1002 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,320 Speaker 4: It's been really interesting to work in college mental health 1003 00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:17,839 Speaker 4: through COVID because I think something that we've really been 1004 00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,440 Speaker 4: able to see in real time, like I'm sure many 1005 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:24,200 Speaker 4: other therapists have as well, is the impact on the 1006 00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:29,879 Speaker 4: social piece of people's development, particularly communication. So as I'm 1007 00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,879 Speaker 4: meeting with college students now, some of these students were 1008 00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,760 Speaker 4: coming up on possibly the majority of their high school 1009 00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,120 Speaker 4: time was online, right, So when you think about that 1010 00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:45,399 Speaker 4: and then you come to college and let's say you're 1011 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,440 Speaker 4: unhappy with something your professor did. That kind of skill 1012 00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,000 Speaker 4: of maybe going to office hours and asking your professor like, hey, 1013 00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:56,200 Speaker 4: can you explain to me the score on this paper 1014 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:59,239 Speaker 4: or help me understand the rubric a little better? My've 1015 00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,839 Speaker 4: scene that's fl maybe isn't all the way there. So 1016 00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,840 Speaker 4: in terms of advocating for oneself communicating, whether that be 1017 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,000 Speaker 4: to a professor, or it can even be in peer relationships, 1018 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,040 Speaker 4: I do think that COVID and a lot of those 1019 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,400 Speaker 4: skills that maybe people might develop in high school because 1020 00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:21,120 Speaker 4: the opportunity wasn't there. There might just be some gaps there, 1021 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,359 Speaker 4: and so that can make some situations a little more 1022 00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:27,160 Speaker 4: challenging in college because that practice maybe wasn't there the 1023 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,800 Speaker 4: same way in high school that we've seen in years past. 1024 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,520 Speaker 1: So do you have like an exercise or a prompt 1025 00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:35,040 Speaker 1: that you can offer our community that you maybe use 1026 00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:38,280 Speaker 1: with your clients to help with the communication skills? 1027 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:42,760 Speaker 4: I oftentimes talk about I statements and so being able 1028 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,880 Speaker 4: to share with whoever it is, family member or professor, 1029 00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:49,120 Speaker 4: how you're feeling. I think a lot of times it's 1030 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,680 Speaker 4: easy to point the finger and tell them what they're doing, 1031 00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,840 Speaker 4: but to let them know the impact. So I feel 1032 00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,440 Speaker 4: blank and being able to fill that with an emotion. 1033 00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:00,560 Speaker 4: A lot of times we follow I I feel with 1034 00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:04,160 Speaker 4: the thought, and so I give my students emotion and 1035 00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:07,360 Speaker 4: feelings will so that they can have toolbox in a 1036 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,560 Speaker 4: vocabulary to be able to pick from in terms of 1037 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,680 Speaker 4: what they might share with someone about how they're feeling. 1038 00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:19,120 Speaker 4: Then I also encourage them to listen, to understand, and 1039 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,800 Speaker 4: not to respond, so remembering that communication, of course is 1040 00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:25,279 Speaker 4: what you share with others, but also being able to 1041 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,879 Speaker 4: like hear and listen to what it is the other 1042 00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:29,160 Speaker 4: person is saying back. 1043 00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,840 Speaker 3: So oftentimes I find that that I feel. 1044 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:36,120 Speaker 4: Prompts are really helpful, and going into a conversation being 1045 00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:39,200 Speaker 4: able to identify what it is you may need, I 1046 00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,640 Speaker 4: think that is a really big one. So for example, 1047 00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,840 Speaker 4: if I'm talking to a friend, I may need support, 1048 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,680 Speaker 4: I may need advice, but being able to start that 1049 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:51,160 Speaker 4: conversation off asking for what I need can also help 1050 00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:54,360 Speaker 4: clear up any confusion between me and that friend, and 1051 00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:56,439 Speaker 4: I find that to be helpful. You know, when thinking 1052 00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,640 Speaker 4: about professors too, so do I need help with this assignment? 1053 00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,120 Speaker 4: Am I looking for guidance? Clarity and being able to 1054 00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,840 Speaker 4: start the conversation off with stating that too. 1055 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,280 Speaker 1: You know, Felicia there, it feels like are so many 1056 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,040 Speaker 1: different things for a student to consider when they are picking, 1057 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,319 Speaker 1: Like what's the right school for me? So I want 1058 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,040 Speaker 1: to share a list of things, and I want you 1059 00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:17,760 Speaker 1: to tell me, like what might be the top three considerations? 1060 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:23,360 Speaker 1: So sports, academics, social, the city or town that the 1061 00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,960 Speaker 1: schools in, or money in financial support. 1062 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:30,000 Speaker 4: Ooh, this is a great question. By the way, I 1063 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,840 Speaker 4: would say money and finances is going to be up there, 1064 00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:37,440 Speaker 4: because with the way college is costing in these student loans. 1065 00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:39,799 Speaker 3: Look, if you got a school that's giving. 1066 00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,200 Speaker 4: You a good amount of money and they are a 1067 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,920 Speaker 4: reputable and accredited school and all those other things, and 1068 00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,719 Speaker 4: you like them, I would pick that school over at 1069 00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:49,920 Speaker 4: school that I also really liked, what wasn't giving me 1070 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:50,560 Speaker 4: that much money? 1071 00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,440 Speaker 3: So I would say money and finances is up there. 1072 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:59,399 Speaker 4: I would definitely say city in town is up there 1073 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,040 Speaker 4: as well. And then this might be cheating, but I 1074 00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,880 Speaker 4: feel like amongst the rest of them, it would depend 1075 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:09,840 Speaker 4: on who you are and like your needs, right, because 1076 00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,840 Speaker 4: for some person, and you go back to that example 1077 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:16,400 Speaker 4: of journalism, maybe I want to be a sports journalist, 1078 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,960 Speaker 4: so I might feel like the sports at a particular 1079 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,719 Speaker 4: school are more important because I want to, you know, 1080 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,959 Speaker 4: work in their sports journalism program and do different things 1081 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,600 Speaker 4: and travel with their team, whereas for someone else that 1082 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:32,520 Speaker 4: might not be important at all. You know, I don't 1083 00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:34,319 Speaker 4: care if you don't have a football teams. I would 1084 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,800 Speaker 4: say the third one would depend on who the person 1085 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,279 Speaker 4: is and what it is that they're looking for. But 1086 00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:42,400 Speaker 4: I would say money is definitely up there. 1087 00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:42,799 Speaker 3: On the list. 1088 00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:44,760 Speaker 1: Okay, So I want to take this question a little 1089 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,359 Speaker 1: further because I think for a lot of people who 1090 00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,399 Speaker 1: might be enjoying this podcast, one of the decisions they 1091 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:53,480 Speaker 1: will be making is a PWI versus an HBCU. So 1092 00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,400 Speaker 1: can you shed a little light on what kinds of 1093 00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: things might be helpful in somebody trying to make that decision. 1094 00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:58,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1095 00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:02,480 Speaker 4: So, I know for a lot of people, their family. 1096 00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,040 Speaker 4: If they're not the first person and their family to 1097 00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:07,520 Speaker 4: go to college, their family plays a big role, right, 1098 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,239 Speaker 4: whether it's everybody in our family went to A and 1099 00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:13,359 Speaker 4: T or everybody in our family went here. So being 1100 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,080 Speaker 4: able to I think realize is this a place that 1101 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,040 Speaker 4: you want to go or is this a place that 1102 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:19,960 Speaker 4: your family's making you go, and that can go for 1103 00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:23,000 Speaker 4: any place. So I would say that is could be 1104 00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:26,160 Speaker 4: a first step when it comes to thinking about colleges. 1105 00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,839 Speaker 3: I also think going back to program. 1106 00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:32,160 Speaker 4: So for example, there are a lot of schools who 1107 00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,160 Speaker 4: have great nursing programs, and so maybe you're looking at 1108 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,200 Speaker 4: when the Salem State because of their nursing program, or 1109 00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,640 Speaker 4: maybe you're looking at a specific school because of a 1110 00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:44,359 Speaker 4: major that they have, So that can also drive what 1111 00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,840 Speaker 4: it is that you're looking for in terms of a 1112 00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:51,440 Speaker 4: college and also a community. It's no secret that the 1113 00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,160 Speaker 4: Black community is very different on a PWI on the 1114 00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:58,240 Speaker 4: HBCU campus, right, and not good versus bad, but literally 1115 00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,000 Speaker 4: just different. And so I think a student being able 1116 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,680 Speaker 4: to recognize what they might like and what they want 1117 00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:05,600 Speaker 4: their college experience to be like. 1118 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:07,239 Speaker 3: And I know there are different. 1119 00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:10,439 Speaker 4: People who they've given theirselves the opportunity to do both 1120 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,719 Speaker 4: because maybe they went to a PWI for undergrad and 1121 00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:16,120 Speaker 4: a hbc for grad school, or even going to a 1122 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,880 Speaker 4: PWY that maybe an HBCU was down the street, so 1123 00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:22,520 Speaker 4: you get to engage in their social activities and vice versa. 1124 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:25,000 Speaker 4: So I think it really depends on what it is 1125 00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,400 Speaker 4: that you're looking for. 1126 00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:28,560 Speaker 3: I did attend a PWI. 1127 00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,400 Speaker 4: For both undergrad and grad school, and I think that 1128 00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:34,600 Speaker 4: being in the Triangle area in North Carolina, like being 1129 00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,439 Speaker 4: able to go to different functions. And I was also 1130 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,360 Speaker 4: as black and goal, so I was really close with 1131 00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,319 Speaker 4: like the alphas at Central even though I went to 1132 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,759 Speaker 4: Chapel Hill, and so being able to engage and be 1133 00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:47,720 Speaker 4: a part of black culture at other colleges even though 1134 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,160 Speaker 4: I wasn't a student there. So I would say it 1135 00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,279 Speaker 4: just definitely depends on the person and what it is 1136 00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:55,839 Speaker 4: that they're looking for out of their college experience. 1137 00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:58,239 Speaker 1: I think that's incredibly helpful. Thank you so much for 1138 00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,080 Speaker 1: that for Alicia, So you know where we can stay 1139 00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:03,440 Speaker 1: connected with you. What is your website as well as 1140 00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:05,400 Speaker 1: any social media handles you'd like to share. 1141 00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:09,239 Speaker 4: Yes, So, as we talked about earlier, College by Her 1142 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:12,440 Speaker 4: the podcast is one of my favorite things. 1143 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,240 Speaker 3: College by Her the podcast. 1144 00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:17,360 Speaker 4: You can find that everywhere that podcasts are so Spotify, 1145 00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,839 Speaker 4: Apple podcasts, all of those things, and we're also on 1146 00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:24,360 Speaker 4: Instagram at College by Her. And then in terms of 1147 00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:28,360 Speaker 4: everything else related to me, I do like workshops and 1148 00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:32,040 Speaker 4: speak and facilitate group dialogue and all of those things, 1149 00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,960 Speaker 4: and that information is at her wellness et which stands 1150 00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,880 Speaker 4: for Enterprises dot com. So really excited about all the 1151 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,480 Speaker 4: upcoming things I have going on. I also have her 1152 00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:47,000 Speaker 4: college manual that I wrote, so it's like a mental 1153 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,320 Speaker 4: health guide for college students that walks through a variety 1154 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:53,760 Speaker 4: of social and emotional mental health topics. When it's twelve 1155 00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,640 Speaker 4: topics kind of to go one month out of the 1156 00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:59,759 Speaker 4: year and you pick one, and there's psycho education in 1157 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:03,040 Speaker 4: there as well as journaling, pomps and tips and all 1158 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,000 Speaker 4: of that. So that's also located on her wellness eant 1159 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:06,760 Speaker 4: dot com. 1160 00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:08,560 Speaker 1: Perfect We will be sure to include all of that 1161 00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,280 Speaker 1: in the show notes. Thank you so much for spending 1162 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,600 Speaker 1: some time with us today, Felicia. I want to thank 1163 00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,360 Speaker 1: Caitlin and Felicia for joining us for this episode. To 1164 00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,200 Speaker 1: learn more about the work we're doing at TBG University, 1165 00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:22,320 Speaker 1: please check us out at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com 1166 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:23,600 Speaker 1: slash TBGU