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Speaker 1: They called Donkey of the Day and it really caught

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Speaker 1: me off guard. Damn Charlamagne, who got the donkey out

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Speaker 1: of Day Today?

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Speaker 2: Wow?

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Speaker 1: Donkey Today for Monday, March seventeenth goes to thirty two

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Speaker 1: year old Jathan Gilder of Houston, Texas. Now, full disclosure,

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Speaker 1: this story happened a couple of weeks ago. But the

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Speaker 1: reason I'm bringing this up now is because I need

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Speaker 1: an update. Okay, I need to know what happened to

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Speaker 1: these seven hundred and sixty nine thousand dollars earrings that

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Speaker 1: Jathan allegedly robbed from Tiffany and Company Jewelry. Now, let

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Speaker 1: the record show this story happened in Florida, Orlando to

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Speaker 1: be exact. But since Jaythan isn't from Florida, I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna put this on y'all Sunshine State.

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Speaker 3: But just know.

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Speaker 1: Jaythan was down there for just a little while and

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Speaker 1: he participated in some Florida foolishness. Okay, Now, according to

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Speaker 1: an arrest after David reviewed by CBS News, Jathan presented

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Speaker 1: Jathan pretended to represent a professional basketball player.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: He went in there cos playing as Rich Paul, and

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Speaker 1: he told staff that his name was Sean and he

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Speaker 1: was negotiating a sale on behalf of a player on

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Speaker 1: new Orlando Magic basketball team. By the way, he picked

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Speaker 1: the right team because I guarantee you people in Orlando

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Speaker 1: can't name more than one player on the Magic. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I know a Polo Banchero. Better not say his name

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Speaker 1: too loud because Trump will try to have him deported.

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Speaker 1: I know, uh, Contavious Calwell Pope, but that's because he

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Speaker 1: played for the Lakers and Nuggets, and one rings with both.

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Speaker 1: I believe Cole Anthony plays for the Magic and the

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Speaker 1: white dude who's been winning the Dunk Contest the last

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Speaker 1: few years. He's on the Magic this year too, but

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Speaker 1: he don't count because they just dick him on the

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Speaker 1: roster so he can participate in the Dunk Contest.

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Speaker 3: He's had all the way on the team.

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Speaker 1: You on the team like a little bit, just when

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Speaker 1: it's around All Star week, daego. Yes, So if you're

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Speaker 1: gonna say you represent a player on an NBA team,

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Speaker 1: the Magic is a safe bet.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Won't be too many questions asked. Where did the story

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Speaker 1: go from there? Though, Well, let's go to Fox thirty

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Speaker 1: five Orlando for the report.

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Speaker 4: Police here is the X ray you're looking at. Just

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Speaker 4: over thirteen carrots of diamonds inside Jathan Gilder's stomach. That's

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Speaker 4: almost eight hundred thousand dollars. Video shows the thirty two

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Speaker 4: year old checking out the Tiffany and Code jewels at

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Speaker 4: the Mall of Millennia Wednesday, before snatching two pairs of

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Speaker 4: earrings and booking it.

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Speaker 2: Trying to stop.

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Speaker 5: Him from leaving the store.

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Speaker 4: OPD says he made it to a car and was

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Speaker 4: headed for Texas when FHP arrested him in Washington County.

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Speaker 4: That's when trooper say he swallowed the stolen goods from

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Speaker 4: swipes to smashing grabs. Records show Gilder has been arrested

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Speaker 4: multiple times for theft rings to rolexes. The target always

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Speaker 4: expensive jewelry.

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Speaker 1: This man really tried to turn himself into a human

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Speaker 1: safe deposit box. Okay, Jathan, this isn't what the kids

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Speaker 1: have in mind when they say you ate that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this man swallowed a.

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Speaker 1: Pair of seven hundred and sixty nine thousand dollars earrings. Look,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand why people go dis hard pretending. Okay,

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Speaker 1: if you're gonna go out of your way to pretend

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Speaker 1: to be someone who represents an NBA player, come up

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Speaker 1: with this elaborate scheme.

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Speaker 5: Know where you're going, You're gonna say when.

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Speaker 2: You get there.

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Speaker 1: If you can do all of that, then you can

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Speaker 1: go fill out of job applications.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you can come up with a business plan.

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Speaker 1: As I've said to you all a million times, there

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Speaker 1: is no right way to do the wrong thing. And

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Speaker 1: if you can spend time and energy on doing something wrong,

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Speaker 1: then you can spend time and energy on doing something right.

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Speaker 1: It's that simple for me.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 5: It's one thing to just be a lazy bum with.

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Speaker 1: No drive, but it's another to have the drive but

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Speaker 1: spend that time doing something dumb. Now, the reason I'm

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Speaker 1: bringing this story up again is because I need to

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Speaker 1: know how it ended. Okay, yeah, yeah, I know he

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Speaker 1: was charged with grand theft in the first degree and

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Speaker 1: robbery with a mask. I know he was charged in

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Speaker 1: a their identical robbery from a Tiffany and Company store

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Speaker 1: back in twenty twenty two. I know he is being

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Speaker 1: held on forty eight separate failure to appear warrants.

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Speaker 5: But how did this story end?

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Speaker 1: See why elders in my life have told me in

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Speaker 1: regards the trouble, this too shall pass, and that applies

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Speaker 1: to your bowels as well. Okay, See, there is no

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Speaker 1: such thing as a succes tessful crime when your escape

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Speaker 1: plan involves digestion. When a man turns himself into a walking,

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Speaker 1: talking treasure chest by swallowing over seven hundred thousand dollars

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Speaker 1: in jewelry, you just have to wait for nature to

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Speaker 1: take his course. And I got questions. Who was the

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Speaker 1: detective assigned to this case that had to wait to

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Speaker 1: collect the evidence? Do the earrings go back to Tiffany's?

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Speaker 1: And can you completely wash fecal matter off diamonds? If

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Speaker 1: I see those diamonds in the case and say those

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Speaker 1: diamonds are the.

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Speaker 5: Guess what, whether I know it or not, I mean

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Speaker 5: that literally?

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Digging through this man's fesis to collect this evidence is the.

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Speaker 2: Worst treasure hunt ever.

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Speaker 1: Will these diamonds cut this man's bunkie when he poops

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Speaker 1: them out? Will Tiffany's get their merchandise back and label

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Speaker 1: it lightly used?

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Speaker 2: In prison?

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Speaker 5: Will his nickname be little Jewelry Box or bling Bling Butt?

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Speaker 1: And if he doesn't tell other inmates those diamonds not

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Speaker 1: in him anymore. How many inmates gonna want to go

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Speaker 1: on a treasure hunt of their own as they need

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Speaker 1: another reason to get in your ass in jail. I

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Speaker 1: have so many questions that need answers, and I will

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Speaker 1: be here patiently waiting on updates in the meantime. Please

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Speaker 1: give Jathan Gilder the sweet sounds of the Hamiltons.

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Speaker 6: You oh the day, ye oh the day.

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Speaker 5: Ye It's never that serious, but I do have questions.

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Speaker 2: Update me please.

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Speaker 7: Well, I don't know if you realize, but people can

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Speaker 7: swallow a lot of things and it actually poops out.

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Speaker 2: I know this.

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Speaker 3: In my uh in in my.

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Speaker 7: Book Real Life, Real Love, we talk about the time

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Speaker 7: my daughter ate a penny and I had to do

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Speaker 7: the same thing she had.

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Speaker 3: She pooped out, like nah, and you pooped. Every time

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Speaker 3: you poop, you gotta go.

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Speaker 7: Through the pamp And I had to go through each

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Speaker 7: pamper to see if I found that penny. And after

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Speaker 7: the eleventh time, I found that penny. But when I

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Speaker 7: called the doctor to see if she would actually passed,

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Speaker 7: it was like, yeah, people pass all types of stuff,

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Speaker 7: like people are passed nails, people are pasted dollars, people

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Speaker 7: are pasted coins, people are passed diamonds.

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Speaker 1: That's your daughter swallow the penny. I'm sure by accident.

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Speaker 1: This is a grown ass man who went to go

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Speaker 1: swallow diamonds on purpose.

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Speaker 6: You wouldn't.

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Speaker 3: You wouldn't fish it out.

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Speaker 1: I got questions. I want to know how this. I

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Speaker 1: want to know how it ended. There's more to this

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Speaker 1: seven hundred thousand.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't fish it in that day? Hm hmm.

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Speaker 3: And if it ain't coming out, we're gonna open the stomach.

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Speaker 2: What's up?

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if you could open the stop. Well,

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Speaker 3: I guess you can.

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Speaker 5: It's probably be easier to let it come out the

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Speaker 5: butt than to go in the stomach.

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Speaker 3: No, let it out the butt. You probably giving all

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Speaker 3: types of laxatives and just let it.

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Speaker 2: You just wait there by the hole. Would you wait

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Speaker 2: about the hole?

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Speaker 3: But you can't. You can't go on the toilet.

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Speaker 2: You gotta you gotta, you gotta wait about the hole.

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Speaker 1: Would you would you wait by the hole?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't wait by the hole? You would?

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Speaker 3: Well, if I had to get the seven hundred thousand,

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Speaker 3: you gotta.

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Speaker 2: Wait position you had your legs up, spread them, Let's

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Speaker 2: get it.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to put a hands mass. Come on,

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Speaker 3: you'll catch it.

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Speaker 2: Catch right what you're talking about that? Stuff it down, now,

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Speaker 2: would you?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 2: I'm doing okay, you're doing great as well. I'm doing

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Speaker 2: great as well.

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Speaker 3: I get that down. I don't care who asses in.

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Speaker 2: I'm cool alright, Well, thank you for that. Donkey.

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Speaker 1: Donkey Today is sponsored by renowned personal injury attorney Michael

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Speaker 1: the Bull. Lamb is soft, don't be a donkey when

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Speaker 1: you need a fighter on your side.

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Speaker 2: If you're ever injured, go.

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Speaker 1: To Michael to bull dot com. That's Michael the Bull

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Speaker 1: dot com. And when you mess with the Bull.

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Speaker 2: You get the horns. Wake that ass up in the morning.

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Speaker 2: The Breakfast Club