WEBVTT - When ‘Not Enough’ Becomes Who You Are (and How to Gently Unhook from It) - Part 6

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out be out wait everything

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm made, won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I

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<v Speaker 2>feel free, I know everybody of me it is beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>And that will always out way if you feel.

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<v Speaker 2>It, but yours and here she'll some love too.

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<v Speaker 1>There say good day and did you and die out way?

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Saturday, outweigh it's leanne here and welcome back to

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<v Speaker 1>Part six and the final part of our Reclaiming Your

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<v Speaker 1>Worthiness series. And so if you've been following along, you

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<v Speaker 1>know that we've been going way deeper than the typical

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<v Speaker 1>self love stuff. And so we've talked about reclaiming your

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<v Speaker 1>worth even if you don't accept yourself yet, like letting

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<v Speaker 1>yourself be there and that's okay, right. We've unraveled the

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<v Speaker 1>toxic pull of external validation, and we've exposed the invisible

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<v Speaker 1>war that women fight inside their minds and bodies, and

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<v Speaker 1>we've dismantled the silent rules running your life that you

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<v Speaker 1>might not know were even there. And last week, in

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<v Speaker 1>Part five, we gave voice to the fear of being

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<v Speaker 1>too much, too much of this, too much of that,

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<v Speaker 1>not enough of that, and so today we're talking about

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<v Speaker 1>something even sneakier, and it's not just a feeling of

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<v Speaker 1>not being enough, but how that feeling actually becomes your

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<v Speaker 1>identity and when this not enough idea becomes who you

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<v Speaker 1>think you are. And so let's just start here. Most

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<v Speaker 1>onen don't walk around saying, hi, I'm not enough. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>But if you really slow it down, and if you

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<v Speaker 1>really start to listen to your inner dialogue, you'll hear it, right.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll hear it sounds things like, you know, when I

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<v Speaker 1>finally lose the weight, then I will be worthy of love,

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<v Speaker 1>a better job, a relationship, whatever, right to buy new clothes,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>It might sound like if I could just stop eating this,

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<v Speaker 1>then maybe i'd respect myself. Or you know, other women

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<v Speaker 1>have more discipline and more motivation and more control than

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<v Speaker 1>I do.

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<v Speaker 2>Or it might sound like, you know what is wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>With me that I can't get it together, or that

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<v Speaker 1>this is the one area that I can't get together,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, or if I was better, I wouldn't need

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<v Speaker 1>so much. Maybe you're calling yourself needy, And that's not

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<v Speaker 1>just self doubt. That is an entire self concept, that's

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<v Speaker 1>an identity and the reason it's so hard to shift

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<v Speaker 1>out of is because it becomes familiar, and it becomes safe,

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<v Speaker 1>and it becomes predictable, even if it's really really painful.

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<v Speaker 1>It becomes your home base. And so let's talk briefly

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<v Speaker 1>about the science of identity and why your brain clings

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<v Speaker 1>to familiar beliefs. Well, your brain just has one job,

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<v Speaker 1>and that job is survival.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not interested in your goals or your dreams or

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<v Speaker 1>your gene size. It wants predictability. And so if your

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<v Speaker 1>brain has been marinating in beliefs like I'm not enough

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<v Speaker 1>and again it's a sneaky version of I'm not enough,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's been marinating on those thoughts for years or decades,

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<v Speaker 1>then guess what, Like that belief becomes a neural pathway,

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<v Speaker 1>which and then it becomes this well worn road that

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<v Speaker 1>your brain travels down automatically. So first it becomes a

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<v Speaker 1>neural pathway, but if it's traveled down a lot, then

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<v Speaker 1>it becomes an automatic neural pathway that happens without you

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about it. And even if you want to believe

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<v Speaker 1>something new like I am enough, your brain resists it.

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<v Speaker 1>And so why is that right, Well, because it's not

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<v Speaker 1>familiar enough yet right, and not enough feels very familiar

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<v Speaker 1>and it feels safe, and it feels like you because

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<v Speaker 1>again you've built a self concept and identity, and so

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<v Speaker 1>your brain says, let's just stick with what we know.

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<v Speaker 1>And that is why affirmations often don't work, because if

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<v Speaker 1>the belief underneath it all subconscious and really fired and wired,

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<v Speaker 1>if the belief is I'm broken, and then you're starting

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<v Speaker 1>to say like I'm whole, it's not gonna land right.

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<v Speaker 1>Your brain rejects it like oil and wine. And so

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<v Speaker 1>let's talk about what happens when not enoughness becomes your identity,

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<v Speaker 1>especially around.

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<v Speaker 2>Food and your body.

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<v Speaker 1>And so maybe you restrict food to try to feel

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<v Speaker 1>in control and then spiral when your willpower runs out,

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<v Speaker 1>or you binge or emotionally eat and then beat yourself up,

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<v Speaker 1>and that just reinforces this identity of I'm a failure

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe you I mean this is these these are

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<v Speaker 1>all me, let's be honest. But like you wake up

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<v Speaker 1>every Monday with these like new rules. You're like, Okay, Monday,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna start that, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>stop that. But by Wednesday you're already ashamed of yourself

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<v Speaker 1>for breaking them, or just like you're living in the gray,

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<v Speaker 1>like you're not in but you're not out right, or

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<v Speaker 1>you don't trust yourself around food, so you constantly outsource

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<v Speaker 1>your power to plans or points or programs or macros,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe you feel like you're starting over every single week,

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<v Speaker 1>every single month, every single you know, Monday morning that

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<v Speaker 1>rolls around and it's like Groundhog's Day. And here's the

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<v Speaker 1>truth underneath all of that. It is not just about

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<v Speaker 1>the food. It is about the identity that you've attached

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<v Speaker 1>to the food. Because when you believe that you're not enough,

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to interpret every action, every mistake, every craving

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<v Speaker 1>through that lens. And so you'll say, like, see, I

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<v Speaker 1>knew i'd mess this up, like proof, this is proof

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<v Speaker 1>I just can't be trusted around food, or I can't

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<v Speaker 1>be trusted with whatever, or again, why even try?

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<v Speaker 2>And around and round we go. That's the merry go round.

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<v Speaker 1>And this is where I want to pause and say

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<v Speaker 1>something really clearly. This is the stuff that makes us

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<v Speaker 1>feel like we're broken. Okay, but you are not broken.

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<v Speaker 1>You're just wired, like your brain just got wired this way,

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<v Speaker 1>and your brain is not working against you per se.

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<v Speaker 1>It's doing exactly what it was wired to do, which

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<v Speaker 1>is keep you safe, keep you predictable, and keep you

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<v Speaker 1>in this identity that you've worked to create. Again, you

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know it, but it's been created, and it's been reinforced, reinforced, reinforced.

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<v Speaker 1>But here is the incredible part, the miraculous part, The

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<v Speaker 1>stuff I love about neuroscience is that just as your

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<v Speaker 1>brain learned this identity of not enough, it can go

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<v Speaker 1>learn something new.

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<v Speaker 2>And it doesn't matter.

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<v Speaker 1>How old you are, how far gone you are. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not about flipping a switch. It's about building a bridge right,

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<v Speaker 1>one step, one thought, one experience at a time, and

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<v Speaker 1>again that bridge can be built no matter where you

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<v Speaker 1>are in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's why reclaiming.

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<v Speaker 1>Your identity and discovering who you are without the story

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<v Speaker 1>of not enough, this is the real work. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>not just about releasing the weight or fixing your food.

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<v Speaker 1>It's about reclaiming the truth of who you are beneath

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<v Speaker 1>all of that noise that got picked up. Because here

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<v Speaker 1>is what I know to be true. You were never

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<v Speaker 1>meant to live inside this identity of not enough, and

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<v Speaker 1>you were never meant to define yourself by your past,

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<v Speaker 1>or your your patterns, or your pain that you find

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<v Speaker 1>yourself in.

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<v Speaker 2>I was so defined by my pain.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, and when that story has been playing out for years,

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<v Speaker 1>it's understandable. It's so hard to imagine who you'd be

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<v Speaker 1>without it, Right, That's the part that kind of scares us.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's why I don't just teach food strategies or

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<v Speaker 1>habit change. I teach brain rewiring, and I teach self

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<v Speaker 1>image transformation, and I teach identity work. Because it's not

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<v Speaker 1>enough to just do different things. You have to become

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<v Speaker 1>a different version of you, the one that was there

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<v Speaker 1>all along, but it was just buried under shame and

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<v Speaker 1>self doubt and that old wiring that just got piled

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<v Speaker 1>on top. And so here's what the shift actually looks like,

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<v Speaker 1>moment by moment, and it really is micro choice by

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<v Speaker 1>micro choice and micro awareness by micro awareness. But it

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<v Speaker 1>looks like things like you pause before a binge and

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<v Speaker 1>you ask, like, what do I really need right now

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm physically not hungry, like this is emotional and

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<v Speaker 1>then knowing how to be emotionally available to yourself in

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<v Speaker 1>those moments. It's when you catch yourself inside of a

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<v Speaker 1>shame spiral, and you say like, this doesn't mean I'm broken,

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<v Speaker 1>this means I'm overwhelmed, and you can see the difference

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<v Speaker 1>and you know like, oh, this isn't shame, this is

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<v Speaker 1>me being overwhelmed.

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<v Speaker 2>Now what do I need when I'm overwhelmed?

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<v Speaker 1>And we create your own recipe, right, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>know the difference in your bones, and then that knowingness

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<v Speaker 1>becomes your default.

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<v Speaker 2>It looks like you know.

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<v Speaker 1>You noticing yourself talk and gently saying like, that's the

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<v Speaker 1>old story and that is drama and I'm not living

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<v Speaker 1>there anymore. This is not who I am anymore. And

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<v Speaker 1>then you know it and believe it because you did

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<v Speaker 1>the work to transform it. And it shows up where

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<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden you look back and you're like, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not earning my worth.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just acting like I already have it.

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<v Speaker 1>And this is identity in motion and it's not perfection

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<v Speaker 1>and it's not some magical transformation, but it's slow, steady

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<v Speaker 1>and compassionate rewiring doesn't work when you're doing punishment driven rewiring, right,

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<v Speaker 1>And so if you're ready to gently untangle from the

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<v Speaker 1>identity of no, here are some points.

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<v Speaker 2>That you might want to explore.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so what were you taught directly or indirectly about

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<v Speaker 1>your worth growing up? Like you just want to have

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<v Speaker 1>an awareness about what is what are you weighing and

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<v Speaker 1>measuring yourself by right now?

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<v Speaker 2>Right?

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<v Speaker 1>And then what does your inner voice sound like when

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<v Speaker 1>it's in not enough mode? Like what is your version

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<v Speaker 1>of the drama, the story, the meaning that you're giving it?

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<v Speaker 2>Right? What version are you protecting by holding on to

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<v Speaker 2>that identity?

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<v Speaker 1>So I have a client that you know, she was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I my go to is anger when I'm feeling stressed.

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<v Speaker 1>And she learned and again it was unconscious and subconscious

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<v Speaker 1>that anger was the way that she protected herself when

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<v Speaker 1>she was stressed. And it's like, no, she was just

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<v Speaker 1>holding onto that and realizing like, actually, what I'm stressed,

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<v Speaker 1>what I really need is X, And we needed to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out what her anti stress version was.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>But then it's like a matter of like, okay, well

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<v Speaker 1>who would you become if you no longer believed that

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<v Speaker 1>you were broken and that you had to earn your worth?

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<v Speaker 2>And so I want to leave you with this.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember, like, your identity is not fixed, It is not

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<v Speaker 1>set in stone, It is not defined by your past,

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<v Speaker 1>or your mistakes or your eating habits, and you are

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<v Speaker 1>not broken. You are becoming, or at least you can

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<v Speaker 1>be the version of yourself, becoming the next version of yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>because not enough is not.

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<v Speaker 2>Who you are.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just a story that you learned to tell yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>And so here's what I want to leave you with today.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't need to become a new person. You just

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<v Speaker 1>need to return to the version of you that was

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<v Speaker 1>whole all along, the you that was available before the shame,

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<v Speaker 1>and the you before the trauma, and the you that

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<v Speaker 1>existed before the world told you to be less and

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<v Speaker 1>feel less and want less. And that woman she is

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<v Speaker 1>still in there, and she is not too much, and

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<v Speaker 1>she is not not enough.

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<v Speaker 2>She is exactly who she is supposed to be.

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<v Speaker 1>And she's probably if I'm hearing you and reading you

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<v Speaker 1>and intuiting you correctly, she's ready for peace. She doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>want to fight this battle anymore. She is ready for peace.

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<v Speaker 1>So that is it for today. Outweigh and if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to learn more about how I personally teach my

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<v Speaker 1>clients to turn off the part of their brain that

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<v Speaker 1>is obsessed with food, obsessed with their weight, and do

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<v Speaker 1>exactly what we're talking about here, rewire their self image

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<v Speaker 1>and identity not just for peace and freedom, but for

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<v Speaker 1>actually receiving their worthiness. Then head on over to stressless

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<v Speaker 1>eating dot com where I've literally peeled back the curtain

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<v Speaker 1>and walked you through the exact strategy that I teach

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<v Speaker 1>my own clients to go through the healing process themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>So head on over there to stressless eeating dot com

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<v Speaker 1>and we'll be back for more outweigh next week.

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<v Speaker 2>Bye.