WEBVTT - #6 James 0:00:15.210 --> 0:00:22.610 Pushkin horrible timing six kids in my house, two parents 0:00:22.810 --> 0:00:25.650 and getting kids ready for Halloween. Jonathan Goldstein calling for 0:00:25.730 --> 0:00:26.810 doctor Jackie Cohen. 0:00:28.290 --> 0:00:28.770 I gotta go. 0:00:29.530 --> 0:00:32.489 Wait wait, wait, hello Jackie. 0:00:33.010 --> 0:00:33.409 Do you know what? 0:00:33.730 --> 0:00:38.890 Okay, you're a doctor, right, hurry up. I'm starting to realize, 0:00:38.930 --> 0:00:45.009 like in the past year, I'm I'm hurry. I'm pretty convinced. Hi, 0:00:45.330 --> 0:00:51.930 I'm losing hair. You're bald, balding, bald. It's a process, 0:00:52.170 --> 0:00:54.530 so bald. Now I'm trying to figure out if it's 0:00:54.530 --> 0:00:57.609 a symptom of something to go, John, I got to go. 0:00:58.090 --> 0:01:00.530 The party starts in fifteen minutes. You're having a party 0:01:00.530 --> 0:01:11.170 at your house. Why didn't you invite me over? Do 0:01:11.250 --> 0:01:21.970 you want to just do the show? Or from Gimblet Media. 0:01:22.170 --> 0:01:36.210 I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode. James. 0:01:38.810 --> 0:01:41.810 When he was a kid, James loved taking long walks 0:01:41.850 --> 0:01:45.490 with his dad, Douglas. Douglas was a film buff, and 0:01:45.570 --> 0:01:48.570 during these walks, he'd recount the plot to every movie 0:01:48.610 --> 0:01:53.130 he'd ever seen. Hitchcock Kubrick. James loved it, and when 0:01:53.170 --> 0:01:55.650 he grew older and finally got to see the actual 0:01:55.690 --> 0:01:59.050 movies as good as they were, They often paled beside 0:01:59.090 --> 0:02:02.690 the versions his dad told something of a dreamer and 0:02:02.770 --> 0:02:06.010 an eccentric. Douglas lived his life as though he himself 0:02:06.010 --> 0:02:09.730 were a character in a movie. He died that way too. 0:02:09.970 --> 0:02:13.970 On his deathbed, he issued an unexpected final request. 0:02:14.250 --> 0:02:19.330 The request was that we scatter his ashes on the 0:02:19.490 --> 0:02:23.690 eighteenth hole of the golf course he loved. 0:02:29.170 --> 0:02:32.370 Each of Douglas's kids was handed a different task regarding 0:02:32.370 --> 0:02:35.370 the estate. James was put in charge of the ashes. 0:02:36.170 --> 0:02:38.850 My dad was probably the most important person to me 0:02:39.650 --> 0:02:44.889 outside obviously my wife and kids. When he died and 0:02:45.930 --> 0:02:48.330 when the will was recorded, I wasn't there. You were 0:02:48.370 --> 0:02:49.049 actually there. 0:02:49.090 --> 0:02:53.290 I think I was there. Douglas was nearing the end 0:02:53.530 --> 0:02:56.490 and urgently needed to sign his will, and James, who 0:02:56.530 --> 0:02:59.370 lived out of town, couldn't make it in time, so 0:02:59.410 --> 0:03:02.050 he asked me and our other good friend Howard, to 0:03:02.090 --> 0:03:04.770 go to his father's bedside and bear legal witness to 0:03:04.850 --> 0:03:08.370 the signing of the will. To this day, James still 0:03:08.370 --> 0:03:10.850 carries around a lot of regret about not being able 0:03:10.850 --> 0:03:18.410 to be there, Although I know it's unlikely. My memory 0:03:18.410 --> 0:03:21.210 of that day is of Douglas wearing an ascot tucked 0:03:21.210 --> 0:03:24.650 into his hospital robe, regardless of whether he actually was. 0:03:25.290 --> 0:03:27.570 Douglas was the kind of man who always gave the 0:03:27.610 --> 0:03:31.649 impression of wearing an ascot. As always he was gentlemanly 0:03:31.770 --> 0:03:35.170 and cordial, this in spite of the fact that he 0:03:35.210 --> 0:03:46.170 would pass away within the next forty eight hours. Douglas 0:03:46.210 --> 0:03:48.610 was born an illegitimate child in a poor part of 0:03:48.650 --> 0:03:52.210 England and raised by a single mom. As a young man, 0:03:52.370 --> 0:03:55.250 he felt judged and carried with him the feeling of 0:03:55.290 --> 0:03:58.330 always having to prove himself, even going so far as 0:03:58.370 --> 0:04:02.810 to effect a posh, upper class accent. For Douglas, golf 0:04:02.890 --> 0:04:06.010 was the domain of the wealthy and sophisticated, and having 0:04:06.090 --> 0:04:08.810 his ashes placed on the eighteenth hole of his beloved 0:04:08.810 --> 0:04:12.250 golf course, an event that James says he probably envisioned 0:04:12.290 --> 0:04:16.490 being accompanied by bagpipes and artillery, would mean finally receiving 0:04:16.490 --> 0:04:20.450 his due. But James has yet to honor his father's request. 0:04:20.930 --> 0:04:25.409 It's now been sixteen years. Is it just procrastination? 0:04:26.969 --> 0:04:30.250 That's what I told myself. Yeah, I can vividly remember, 0:04:30.929 --> 0:04:34.810 you know, a day afterwards, thinking oh, yeah, the simplest thing. 0:04:34.810 --> 0:04:37.210 In fact, it seems so simple that we'll get to it. 0:04:37.489 --> 0:04:44.489 And now sixteen years later. It's very complicated, I think, 0:04:44.729 --> 0:04:47.009 to be honest with you, there's part of me that 0:04:47.049 --> 0:04:49.689 wants to hold on to them because it's. 0:04:51.169 --> 0:04:59.169 My dad. And so the earn moved from mantles to 0:04:59.210 --> 0:05:02.289 closets for a long time. It even knocked around in 0:05:02.330 --> 0:05:05.210 the trunk of James's car. It now sits on a 0:05:05.250 --> 0:05:11.809 shelf in his basement. Do you think it would be uh, 0:05:11.969 --> 0:05:13.809 would it be a load off your head if you 0:05:13.849 --> 0:05:15.609 were able to spread the ashes? 0:05:17.289 --> 0:05:21.129 The amount of times I cried, you know, going on 0:05:21.169 --> 0:05:23.890 about how what a terrible son I was to not 0:05:24.089 --> 0:05:27.609 honor his request, and the guilt I have about the 0:05:27.609 --> 0:05:29.930 way he died, and you know I didn't deal with 0:05:29.969 --> 0:05:38.810 it well, and it's all a piece he as he 0:05:38.929 --> 0:05:41.690 got sicker and sticker. He wanted to go home desperately, 0:05:42.250 --> 0:05:47.609 and myself and my siblings decided he could not go 0:05:47.690 --> 0:05:49.409 home because he was a hoarder. 0:05:50.250 --> 0:05:53.210 Though it wasn't clear that he ever used them. Douglas 0:05:53.210 --> 0:05:57.009 had an entire room filled solely with golf clubs, having 0:05:57.089 --> 0:06:00.409 lived through the war. He also saved empty TV dinner trays, 0:06:00.609 --> 0:06:03.849 old microwaves, and broken radios that he'd find on the street. 0:06:04.570 --> 0:06:08.489 We decided he could not go back there, and he 0:06:08.609 --> 0:06:11.050 was so upset about that, and he went out just. 0:06:12.529 --> 0:06:14.289 Really angry. 0:06:14.369 --> 0:06:18.210 He just wanted to go home. I can't fix the 0:06:18.210 --> 0:06:22.210 way he died, but this was his one request and 0:06:22.250 --> 0:06:26.650 I haven't honored it. And not only would I be 0:06:27.729 --> 0:06:32.010 putting to bed something that's been just dogging me for years, 0:06:32.169 --> 0:06:34.330 I think I'd also feel pretty proud of myself that 0:06:35.289 --> 0:06:37.290 I'm the person I want to be. 0:06:38.369 --> 0:06:40.609 Since the person I want to be is the person 0:06:40.609 --> 0:06:42.730 who helps people be the people they want to be. 0:06:43.210 --> 0:06:45.130 I asked James if he'd like me to help him 0:06:45.169 --> 0:06:49.210 lay his father's ashes to rest, and James said, yes, 0:06:49.529 --> 0:06:50.449 would you want to do that? 0:06:50.770 --> 0:06:51.610 Yeah, of course I do. 0:06:56.089 --> 0:07:00.130 The objective infiltrate Douglas's fancy old golf course and scatter 0:07:00.210 --> 0:07:05.129 the ashes the obstacles except the genarian narcs with prying eyes, 0:07:05.729 --> 0:07:08.569 not to mention the fact that scattering earthly remains is 0:07:08.570 --> 0:07:12.369 against the law. For this to work, we need the 0:07:12.450 --> 0:07:15.769 right team. James was the key man, our entry point 0:07:15.810 --> 0:07:19.090 into the operation, and I was the bank bank rolling 0:07:19.170 --> 0:07:22.410 the green for expenditures. All that was missing was a 0:07:22.450 --> 0:07:25.890 front man. We needed a person of quick wit back 0:07:26.530 --> 0:07:33.010 bat cat, sat fat, someone cool under pressure. We needed 0:07:33.810 --> 0:07:39.690 that's arm here. Howard. Not only was Howard our oldest friend, 0:07:39.970 --> 0:07:41.730 but he was there with me the day the will 0:07:41.810 --> 0:07:44.970 was signed and the directive was given. And to top 0:07:45.010 --> 0:07:48.330 it off, Howard never met a grift, swindle or flim flam. 0:07:48.330 --> 0:07:51.330 He didn't think was eggs and the coffee. Okay, fill 0:07:51.369 --> 0:07:54.290 your pockets with extra after dinner mints at the local diner. 0:07:54.890 --> 0:07:59.009 Check avail yourself. Avill gained coffee refills through a counterfeit 0:07:59.090 --> 0:08:03.569 Russian Seniors card double check. Howard was always on the 0:08:03.610 --> 0:08:11.290 make and up for anything. The date had been set Sunday, 0:08:11.810 --> 0:08:15.249 which also, as it happens, was Father's Day. The team 0:08:15.369 --> 0:08:18.530 was in place. We just needed to sort out logistics. 0:08:20.010 --> 0:08:27.330 Thursday eight forty eight pm. Howard, Hey, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hello, Hey, 0:08:27.650 --> 0:08:28.970 I'm on the phone with James. 0:08:29.130 --> 0:08:29.330 Hi. 0:08:31.170 --> 0:08:33.809 I just wanted to get us all together to strategize 0:08:33.850 --> 0:08:37.490 a little bit. So, Howard, is there any wisdom or 0:08:37.530 --> 0:08:40.450 experience that you could bring to bear from you know, 0:08:40.810 --> 0:08:42.370 past things that you've done like this. 0:08:42.610 --> 0:08:46.170 From my previous heist experience. Yeah, well we shouldn't do 0:08:46.210 --> 0:08:49.770 as we get too high. Yeah, in one some booze 0:08:49.770 --> 0:08:51.570 maybe might help steal our nerves. 0:08:52.090 --> 0:08:55.610 So do you want to try to go there and 0:08:55.970 --> 0:08:56.770 play golf? 0:08:58.250 --> 0:08:59.370 No, I've never golfed. 0:08:59.850 --> 0:09:01.930 I don't know how to golf, so I've never golfed either. 0:09:01.970 --> 0:09:04.890 And it's the eighteenth hole too, so I wish it 0:09:04.930 --> 0:09:06.570 was the first hole because we could just go and 0:09:06.650 --> 0:09:08.850 suck and then do our thing. 0:09:09.170 --> 0:09:10.890 Yeah, it simply needs the eighteenth hole. 0:09:10.970 --> 0:09:13.130 Right, eighteenth hole, it's a last hole. 0:09:13.490 --> 0:09:16.130 But if there's someone there watching us, how we how 0:09:16.170 --> 0:09:16.770 do we do it? 0:09:17.290 --> 0:09:20.770 The clubhouse is near the eighteenth hole. It looks over 0:09:20.810 --> 0:09:22.530 at eighteenth sole, so that's another challenge. 0:09:23.050 --> 0:09:24.010 What the clubhouse? 0:09:24.970 --> 0:09:35.050 Clearly there was a lot of work to be done. 0:09:35.250 --> 0:09:39.090 Nine pm. A quick look at the golf course website 0:09:39.170 --> 0:09:43.850 reveals a very specific dress code polo shirts, belts, golf shoes, 0:09:44.090 --> 0:09:47.650 something called a tilly hat. If wearing a polo shirt 0:09:47.770 --> 0:09:51.210 with some kind of bonnet wasn't embarrassing enough, the rules 0:09:51.250 --> 0:09:54.850 explicitly stated that all shirts were to be tucked in 0:09:54.890 --> 0:09:58.050 to your pants. For this to work, we need to 0:09:58.090 --> 0:10:01.370 honor the dress code to a t. In short, we 0:10:01.530 --> 0:10:05.290 need the best disguises money could buy. And as the bank, 0:10:05.530 --> 0:10:09.570 it was my job to secure the Greenbacks a brief 0:10:09.570 --> 0:10:13.570 parlay with Gimblet founder and CEO Alex Bloomberg. I'm told 0:10:13.610 --> 0:10:16.690 my budget is fifty dollars, to which I say, but 0:10:16.770 --> 0:10:19.170 I've already promised the crew I take them shopping at 0:10:19.250 --> 0:10:21.450 j C. Penny and now I'll look like an idiot, 0:10:21.690 --> 0:10:25.290 to which he says what crew, and I say never mind. 0:10:25.850 --> 0:10:27.930 Alex then tells me to take it up with Matt 0:10:27.970 --> 0:10:30.050 because he's in the middle of a boardroom meeting. But 0:10:30.090 --> 0:10:32.250 Matt scares me, so I just convert the green to 0:10:32.290 --> 0:10:35.810 Canadian travelers checks, a safe, responsible move. So Alex, if 0:10:35.810 --> 0:10:37.970 you're listening, you should at least cover the service fees. 0:10:38.330 --> 0:10:40.850 Except you probably aren't listening because you're too busy with 0:10:40.890 --> 0:10:47.330 your precious startup. So although it probably wasn't the kind 0:10:47.330 --> 0:10:51.370 of establishment James's Poshdad Douglas would approve of, we'd need 0:10:51.370 --> 0:10:54.410 to hit the only place we could afford. Please after you, 0:10:55.410 --> 0:11:00.570 all right, Friday, twelve thirty six pm. It turns out 0:11:00.570 --> 0:11:03.050 the sports section of a goodwill can be a pretty 0:11:03.090 --> 0:11:07.970 sad place. Unstrung badminton rackets, water logged nerf footballs you 0:11:08.050 --> 0:11:09.809 only hope are logged on water. 0:11:10.370 --> 0:11:11.770 And one boxing glove. 0:11:11.810 --> 0:11:12.490 That's that's the. 0:11:13.410 --> 0:11:16.050 As an advanced student of the heist film as genre, 0:11:16.530 --> 0:11:18.850 I know that when pulling off a big job, the 0:11:18.890 --> 0:11:23.410 perfect outfit is crucial. Think Michael Kine's lux white turtleneck 0:11:23.450 --> 0:11:28.130 in The Italian Job or Elliott Gould's neckerchief in Ocean's Eleven. 0:11:29.410 --> 0:11:32.090 They have some very nice slacks here, I will say, 0:11:32.130 --> 0:11:33.970 and the prices are very affordable. 0:11:34.610 --> 0:11:36.650 You want to try on the polo shirts, not exactly 0:11:36.690 --> 0:11:40.010 Frankie Munez is wrap around shades and agent Cody Banks, 0:11:40.370 --> 0:11:41.250 but it'll have to do. 0:11:41.730 --> 0:11:42.330 Look at these two. 0:11:43.850 --> 0:11:48.610 Ooh, it's like rayon. The good news is that the 0:11:48.610 --> 0:11:52.370 Goodwill has changing rooms. The bad news is that there's 0:11:52.370 --> 0:11:54.930 only one, and it's about the size of a bus 0:11:54.930 --> 0:11:57.090 station toilet stall. I'm going to come in with you, 0:11:57.170 --> 0:12:00.330 but since we are a a team and be absolutely 0:12:00.370 --> 0:12:03.970 fearless together, we cram in and like any team would 0:12:04.650 --> 0:12:06.690 strip completely naked. 0:12:07.410 --> 0:12:09.370 That might be the I. 0:12:11.010 --> 0:12:13.570 It bears, mentioning that the shirt Howard is referring to 0:12:14.130 --> 0:12:18.050 is creamsicle orange and bears the logo of a plumbing company, 0:12:18.850 --> 0:12:22.810 and luckiest of lucky days, he's found the exact same 0:12:22.890 --> 0:12:26.490 shirts for me. And James this way. He reasons, we 0:12:26.490 --> 0:12:28.690 can all match like a crew. 0:12:30.770 --> 0:12:31.530 It's supposed to look good. 0:12:31.530 --> 0:12:34.290 It's golfing. 0:12:35.130 --> 0:12:38.690 Oh man, Howard, James and I have known each other 0:12:38.730 --> 0:12:41.690 since we're teenagers. Back then we used to hang out 0:12:41.730 --> 0:12:45.170 like this all the time, just doing goofy stuff. But 0:12:45.210 --> 0:12:48.610 we now live in separate cities with wives, kids, jobs, 0:12:48.970 --> 0:12:50.930 and we never get to do this kind of thing anymore. 0:12:51.650 --> 0:12:54.330 Standing around in the middle of the afternoon, laughing in 0:12:54.410 --> 0:13:03.290 the buff with old friends feels nice. So this is good. 0:13:03.330 --> 0:13:06.730 We got We've got shirts, and I got a belt. 0:13:07.010 --> 0:13:10.130 As we exit into the parking lot are plastic sacks 0:13:10.210 --> 0:13:13.970 plump with glad rags. Something straight up magical happens. 0:13:14.210 --> 0:13:14.930 Oh my god. 0:13:15.330 --> 0:13:18.050 Before getting too excited about what we think we might 0:13:18.090 --> 0:13:22.090 be seeing, possibly, we wait confirmation from the man who 0:13:22.170 --> 0:13:25.410 can spot a con a mile off a double rainbow. 0:13:25.530 --> 0:13:30.890 It's legit a double rainbow. And even Howard's impressed mildly, 0:13:31.450 --> 0:13:37.290 and so James and I give ourselves over Fully overcome 0:13:37.370 --> 0:13:40.650 by this fortuitous sign, the crew was moved to song. 0:13:41.330 --> 0:13:46.170 So its red and purple and crimson and green apple and. 0:13:46.290 --> 0:13:49.250 A rainbow was a good omen Like James's dad, Douglas 0:13:49.290 --> 0:13:52.010 was looking down on us and smiling a big, multicolored 0:13:52.090 --> 0:14:00.930 upside down smile, and Jen Blue. Sure we were dressed 0:14:00.930 --> 0:14:03.850 to the eighteens, but if we each took forty five 0:14:03.890 --> 0:14:06.690 minutes to sink a ball from two feet away, we 0:14:06.810 --> 0:14:12.090 might attract suspicion. We needed to train hard. I'm talking 0:14:12.210 --> 0:14:16.450 rocky running through waist high Russian snow hard, a montage 0:14:16.530 --> 0:14:19.410 of steel drum musicians learning to play Chariots of Fire 0:14:19.810 --> 0:14:23.170 set to the tune of Ayah the Tiger hard. I'm 0:14:23.210 --> 0:14:32.610 talking actually learning how to play golf. We find a 0:14:32.690 --> 0:14:35.530 driving range in the fancier part of town and book 0:14:35.530 --> 0:14:41.050 a golf pro by the name of Stephen. Saturday, one pm. 0:14:41.570 --> 0:14:45.930 Are you Stephen, Hey, Stephen, I'm Jonathan, This is Howard, 0:14:46.690 --> 0:14:51.050 and this is James. This is Stephen. Stephen a smile 0:14:51.130 --> 0:14:53.970 with more dimples than the golf balls. He lovingly cradles 0:14:54.450 --> 0:14:57.330 a tall drink of sports aqua velva ou de toilette 0:14:57.410 --> 0:15:01.930 if ever there was Stephen's been golfing professionally for over 0:15:02.010 --> 0:15:06.090 twenty years and couldn't be nicer or better. Smelling and 0:15:06.210 --> 0:15:09.850 considering the frantic barrage of imbecilic questions, we ask he 0:15:09.930 --> 0:15:11.730 also couldn't be more patient. 0:15:12.850 --> 0:15:15.050 Those official call shoes. Yeah, well, I want good questions 0:15:15.050 --> 0:15:16.410 and stupid what a golfers think about? 0:15:16.410 --> 0:15:18.170 Like happy gilmore like mo like that. They find that 0:15:18.210 --> 0:15:19.050 they find it insulting. 0:15:23.690 --> 0:15:26.610 After a brief lecture on the basic how to's hit 0:15:26.690 --> 0:15:30.050 ball with stick, cold stick, with hands, get ball in hole, 0:15:30.650 --> 0:15:35.050 we're ready, we insist James go first. After all, this 0:15:35.290 --> 0:15:37.530 is his mission. What we want of these really is 0:15:37.570 --> 0:15:37.930 finish it. 0:15:38.050 --> 0:15:38.410 Just like this. 0:15:38.570 --> 0:15:40.450 Yere, we're gonna get to the well. 0:15:40.490 --> 0:15:44.730 Stephen tenderly positions James hips and elbows. Howard grabs my 0:15:44.850 --> 0:15:47.130 microphone and golf commentates. 0:15:47.730 --> 0:15:49.650 I'd say he looks really really horrible. 0:15:50.010 --> 0:15:52.890 It's just ridiculous looking. I'm not encouraging. 0:15:56.210 --> 0:16:00.530 Somehow, James manages to connect on his very first try. 0:16:01.090 --> 0:16:01.490 That's good. 0:16:02.650 --> 0:16:04.130 Everyone's saying very encouraging things. 0:16:04.130 --> 0:16:05.530 But it's really horrible just the same. 0:16:05.610 --> 0:16:06.170 But he got it. 0:16:06.170 --> 0:16:07.450 It went in the air and he hit it. 0:16:07.930 --> 0:16:10.090 It's like you say to a child's. 0:16:09.650 --> 0:16:13.250 Good you hit it. Stephen looks over at Howard, who 0:16:13.290 --> 0:16:16.290 now squats in the grass, untying and retying his two 0:16:16.370 --> 0:16:20.210 left footed Goodwill issued golf shoes and then he looks 0:16:20.210 --> 0:16:23.130 over at me, a grown man in a two large 0:16:23.170 --> 0:16:26.290 tilly hat, strings cinched tight enough beneath the chin to 0:16:26.450 --> 0:16:29.930 ensure the clenched, jawed vocal affect of a young Katherine Hepburn. 0:16:30.810 --> 0:16:33.850 He waives us to come hither, offering up something in 0:16:33.890 --> 0:16:35.210 the way of inspiration. 0:16:36.050 --> 0:16:38.330 I'm gonna try to make it go from right to left. 0:16:38.650 --> 0:16:40.090 It must feel really good when you get it up 0:16:40.130 --> 0:16:40.650 in the air like that. 0:16:41.010 --> 0:16:43.530 Well, it's great because that's the goal, right, is to 0:16:43.570 --> 0:16:44.010 get it up. 0:16:46.170 --> 0:16:49.250 The golf ball flies straight up into the air, and then, 0:16:49.690 --> 0:16:53.930 as though eerily achieving human consciousness in mid flight, suddenly 0:16:53.970 --> 0:16:59.490 takes a sharp left. Wah so cool. Howard, baptized in 0:16:59.530 --> 0:17:03.690 the backsplash of Stephen's pheromones, is born again. He's seen 0:17:03.770 --> 0:17:08.210 the pinnacle of male perfection. And James, it is not see. 0:17:08.090 --> 0:17:11.090 James, that's what it looks like. That's when a man 0:17:11.250 --> 0:17:12.129 hits a golf ball. 0:17:12.290 --> 0:17:14.129 A male of the species is a golf ball. 0:17:15.010 --> 0:17:18.369 Next up is Howard. He steps to the tee, grips 0:17:18.409 --> 0:17:21.570 the club, and just the way Stephen instructed, does this 0:17:21.609 --> 0:17:24.729 adorable waddle back and forth to get his footing just so, 0:17:25.689 --> 0:17:30.129 And then did you hear that, Let me play it 0:17:30.169 --> 0:17:36.169 again thrice. A swing and a miss, A swing and 0:17:36.169 --> 0:17:37.810 a miss, A swing and a miss. 0:17:38.050 --> 0:17:39.929 That's too much a little bit if you're losing your 0:17:39.929 --> 0:17:43.129 balance between fast. The first twenty five. 0:17:43.090 --> 0:17:49.609 Years are tough, oh, Steven, all this and funny too. 0:17:50.570 --> 0:17:54.010 My attempts were just as fruitless. As it turns out. 0:17:54.409 --> 0:17:57.410 Golf is hard. We wonder if Douglas knew just how 0:17:57.409 --> 0:17:59.090 difficult a mission he'd sent us on. 0:17:59.850 --> 0:18:02.210 How would do we do without a golf pro standing 0:18:02.209 --> 0:18:03.209 there helping us? 0:18:03.770 --> 0:18:06.609 You know the difference between golf clubs, and. 0:18:06.770 --> 0:18:10.570 There's a wet Oh I don't, not really, I mean 0:18:10.609 --> 0:18:11.129 I know it's a. 0:18:11.209 --> 0:18:16.649 Ledge driver, putterer one iron, two iron, three iron, pudder 0:18:17.250 --> 0:18:18.890 driver pudder. 0:18:22.770 --> 0:18:22.930 One. 0:18:23.449 --> 0:18:26.649 Nine am. It's the night before the job, and the 0:18:26.689 --> 0:18:30.170 reality of our situation begins to set in. How can 0:18:30.209 --> 0:18:33.409 any sting be stung when the would be stingers absolutely 0:18:33.530 --> 0:18:37.290 stink at golf. Clearly this plan wasn't going to work, 0:18:37.970 --> 0:18:40.169 and so at a quarter to two in the morning, 0:18:40.850 --> 0:18:41.690 panic set in. 0:18:42.449 --> 0:18:45.889 It's impossible. It's impossible for us to play golf. We 0:18:45.929 --> 0:18:47.810 would suck so hard we would never make it off. 0:18:47.810 --> 0:18:49.889 The first fucking hole and if we knocked the balls anywhere. 0:18:49.970 --> 0:18:50.729 Yeah, I'm with you. 0:18:50.810 --> 0:18:52.729 It's like learning how to fucking juggle. It's like it's 0:18:52.770 --> 0:18:55.129 it's an incredibly impossible thing to do. It's gonna be 0:18:55.129 --> 0:18:58.090 so obvious that there's something's up because we've never fucking golfed. 0:18:58.250 --> 0:19:00.890 Yeah, that's the issue. If we're doing any sort of subterfuge, 0:19:01.050 --> 0:19:04.649 we're gonna be the most obvious conspicuous. 0:19:03.770 --> 0:19:05.249 People in the world, vicious. 0:19:05.330 --> 0:19:07.489 And then we'll have to get all the way to 0:19:07.570 --> 0:19:10.369 the eighteenth holl That takes hours, literally hours, even if 0:19:10.409 --> 0:19:13.449 you're good, literally and then try to with the ashes 0:19:13.449 --> 0:19:14.129 out forget it. 0:19:15.369 --> 0:19:18.210 Two fifteen am. Do you guys know what? Stomp rockets 0:19:18.209 --> 0:19:21.050 are growing desperate, we chuck the old plan and begin 0:19:21.129 --> 0:19:22.889 to free associate new plans. 0:19:23.530 --> 0:19:25.850 We did a T shirt cannon. Well you know actually 0:19:25.889 --> 0:19:26.850 that that could work. 0:19:29.209 --> 0:19:30.530 Three zho five am. 0:19:30.649 --> 0:19:32.650 What if we dumped them into say, like a balloon 0:19:33.209 --> 0:19:36.929 and then filled it with water and then whip them 0:19:37.129 --> 0:19:40.410 so they'll explode all on the eighteenth green and that's it. 0:19:40.929 --> 0:19:44.009 This was going nowhere. So I raised the possibility of 0:19:44.050 --> 0:19:46.769 our pulling off a night job for those of you 0:19:46.889 --> 0:19:49.169 squares who need to be hept to it. That's a 0:19:49.250 --> 0:19:50.770 job one performs at night. 0:19:51.250 --> 0:19:53.050 I think they might have dogs. What if they think 0:19:53.050 --> 0:19:56.449 we're like terrorists or something super super posh exclusive club 0:19:56.609 --> 0:19:59.009 going late at night with someone's human remains, which is 0:19:59.050 --> 0:19:59.970 fucking totally illegal. 0:20:00.090 --> 0:20:01.930 Yeah, I mean they must have some sort of security there. 0:20:02.050 --> 0:20:04.530 Well a hundred percent the sun was coming up soon, 0:20:04.889 --> 0:20:07.769 So I suggest that, like in Dog Day Afternoon or 0:20:07.850 --> 0:20:11.330 Reservoir Dogs, or really any other movies about dogs that 0:20:11.369 --> 0:20:14.249 I've also not seen but can only assume have happy, 0:20:14.290 --> 0:20:17.690 heartwarming endings, maybe we just show up during the day 0:20:18.169 --> 0:20:21.890 and hope for the best. This idea, Okay, that works 0:20:21.970 --> 0:20:27.409 for me, they liked. After the break the a team 0:20:27.449 --> 0:20:29.489 of golf sets off on its mission. 0:20:30.050 --> 0:20:31.769 Oh, I want to be golf lung win and you 0:20:31.770 --> 0:20:35.010 can be mister t t e R. Gotcha. 0:20:35.090 --> 0:20:35.929 I want one of mine? 0:20:36.810 --> 0:20:40.290 You just know it's wedge. Your your Reginald van cleef. 0:20:56.369 --> 0:20:57.889 Yous want to drink Scotch yet? 0:20:57.970 --> 0:20:59.889 Maybe on ice? Sure? 0:21:00.290 --> 0:21:00.649 Thank you. 0:21:02.209 --> 0:21:07.450 Sunday eight ten am, Father's Day arrives, a beautiful one 0:21:07.490 --> 0:21:10.330 in Montreal. Janie says it's a lot like the day 0:21:10.369 --> 0:21:14.330 Douglas died. We all rendezvous at the safe house, which 0:21:14.409 --> 0:21:17.970 also happens to be Howard's wreck room. James has held 0:21:18.010 --> 0:21:20.650 on to his dad's urn for sixteen years, but he's 0:21:20.649 --> 0:21:22.730 always kept it in the velvet bag it came with, 0:21:23.250 --> 0:21:26.649 so he's never actually handled it. Earlier in the day, though, 0:21:26.810 --> 0:21:30.050 in anticipation of the job, he withdrew it. And if 0:21:30.090 --> 0:21:32.850 there was any question about just how much Douglas loved golf, 0:21:33.209 --> 0:21:37.250 it was immediately answered by what was revealed. Etched into 0:21:37.250 --> 0:21:40.489 the side of the urn was a golfer in mid swing. 0:21:45.530 --> 0:21:49.130 It hears to you, Dad, don't think some of Brussy's 0:21:49.129 --> 0:21:51.729 poop bags that are actually uncented, which is kind of nice. 0:21:51.889 --> 0:21:53.609 We're going to use these to chants for some of 0:21:53.689 --> 0:21:56.129 James's beloved's father's ash isn't here. 0:21:56.810 --> 0:21:59.529 Howard had the idea of using his pugs poop bags 0:21:59.570 --> 0:22:02.969 to separate the ashes into portions for each of us. 0:22:03.010 --> 0:22:05.769 His reasoning, should one of us get pinched by some 0:22:05.850 --> 0:22:09.009 golf clubhouse Johnny Law, the two surviving members of the 0:22:09.169 --> 0:22:11.410 crew could still carry out the job. 0:22:11.609 --> 0:22:12.970 Oh my god, this is so strange. 0:22:13.889 --> 0:22:15.009 Oh I want a business. 0:22:15.209 --> 0:22:16.969 I don't know what a business. I definitely what a 0:22:16.970 --> 0:22:17.690 fucking business. 0:22:18.970 --> 0:22:21.689 Well, I'm glad you've got I'm glad, I'm I've had 0:22:21.689 --> 0:22:23.570 a couple drinks, still getting off. I don't know, but 0:22:23.570 --> 0:22:24.889 I'm really glad you guys are doing this with me, 0:22:27.129 --> 0:22:29.050 You're part of this thing. For sixteen years, there was 0:22:29.090 --> 0:22:30.929 there was this sort of fear that I wouldn't be 0:22:30.929 --> 0:22:34.129 able to handle dealing with it, the physicality of it. 0:22:34.530 --> 0:22:36.649 But if if there's something I'm now grateful for it, 0:22:36.649 --> 0:22:38.330 and I wonder if there was some wisdom in it, 0:22:38.369 --> 0:22:42.090 is that he has compelled me to deal with this. 0:22:42.649 --> 0:22:43.890 I've never cursed him for it. 0:22:43.850 --> 0:22:46.090 But I've been angry. I've never been angry, but I've 0:22:46.250 --> 0:22:47.729 been I don't know what the word is, sort of 0:22:47.770 --> 0:22:50.129 like fuck. You know, you couldn't just go without, you 0:22:50.129 --> 0:22:54.570 couldn't just die. You had to make this somewhat absurd, 0:22:54.649 --> 0:22:58.249 ridiculous request that was impractical and almost impossible to achieve. 0:22:58.409 --> 0:23:00.369 But I'm right saying right now kind of almost grateful 0:23:00.369 --> 0:23:04.130 for it. So let's uh, let's hope, let's hope we're 0:23:04.129 --> 0:23:04.929 successful today. 0:23:07.409 --> 0:23:09.050 Eight twenty five am. 0:23:09.449 --> 0:23:09.689 I don't know. 0:23:10.530 --> 0:23:13.250 As we set off on the job, Howard shows doubts 0:23:13.290 --> 0:23:14.090 about his outfit. 0:23:14.689 --> 0:23:16.569 I look like a fat failure of a dentist. 0:23:17.730 --> 0:23:19.449 I looked like I lost my practice because I put 0:23:19.530 --> 0:23:21.010 dentures in a child's mouth. 0:23:25.689 --> 0:23:31.930 As we near the golf course, James grows silent, Am 0:23:31.929 --> 0:23:32.969