Speaker 1: Today we have Bert Kreischer please take my just for
Speaker 1: a second, to talk about twenty fourteen DCS Championship Florida
Speaker 1: State versus All Burners.
Speaker 2: I'll say this too. I've seen a lot of amazing games,
Speaker 2: but without a doubt, this game stands out on the
Speaker 2: largest level for me for so many reasons. One of
Speaker 2: the greatest football games I've ever seen in my entire life.
Speaker 2: Game day, wake up early and Bong hits right away
Speaker 2: as we pull into the Rose Bowl. I am beginning
Speaker 2: to be as high as I've ever been in my
Speaker 2: entire life.
Speaker 1: You look good. Do you do something with the shoulders?
Speaker 1: You have really good shoulders. What Games with Names is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and Welcome to Games with Names
Speaker 1: presented by I win Bet. And on today's episode, Boy,
Speaker 1: did we have a special treat Jackie? Did we not?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: I think we gained a friend.
Speaker 1: We may have gained a friend, an actual friend, someone
Speaker 1: that I could probably text. And we had Burt Kreischer
Speaker 1: on here Boy to talk about the twenty fourteen last
Speaker 1: and last, I mean by last BCS championship against Auburn
Speaker 1: in Florida State, which Burke went to Florida State from
Speaker 1: the Rose Bowl in the Rose Bowl of Pasadena. Still
Speaker 1: haven't been there, live in La. Want to go so bad?
Speaker 1: We should do a field trip Jack.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I am there.
Speaker 2: Baby.
Speaker 1: He has so much insight on this, this this game.
Speaker 1: You're you're gonna be amazed. His crazy, fun filled day
Speaker 1: party buses, party bus, best friends, other comedians. I mean,
Speaker 1: the stories that this guy gives. This was a three
Speaker 1: and a half Was this a two and a half
Speaker 1: hour podcast?
Speaker 3: I mean this could have had a two be continued
Speaker 3: in it. This could have been a two parter. We
Speaker 3: could have gone on for days.
Speaker 1: I mean, my my podcast coach told me, He's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to learn how to get out quicker, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I couldn't. Burt just wanted to keep
Speaker 1: going so fun. It was very fun. We get into
Speaker 1: his life at FSU, which is I just learned as
Speaker 1: an epic party school, and he is like Van Wilder,
Speaker 1: who's based off of We Go in the Tails from
Speaker 1: the Road as a stand up comic.
Speaker 3: No, those are wild.
Speaker 1: We also get into Tim Tebow and his circumcision skills.
Speaker 3: It's crazy what they let you do over in the Philippines.
Speaker 1: It's nuts. The magic of the Rose Bowl. Honestly everything
Speaker 1: and this game kind of kind of twist pot twist.
Speaker 1: It was awesome. I can't wait for you guys to hear.
Speaker 1: Make sure to check us out Games with Names on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat,
Speaker 1: and TikTok at Games with Names. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your podcasts. Comment a game you
Speaker 1: want us to do and rate and review. I'm a
Speaker 1: poet and I didn't know what Jackie smooth. Games with
Speaker 1: Names is brought to you by win Bet. Win bet
Speaker 1: brings the excitement of win Las Vegas and Encore Boston
Speaker 1: Harbor to your phone. Win bet is for all types
Speaker 1: of betters, offering vigorous betting options and providing its players
Speaker 1: with a five star experience. All right, well, Jackie, you
Speaker 1: ready for this episode. Let's go, Let's do it.
Speaker 4: January sixth, twenty fourteen, Rose pol Stadium, Passidina, calif.
Speaker 1: Auburn First, Florida State, Destiny First.
Speaker 4: Perfection Down, four seventeen seconds left. Jameis Winston drops back.
Speaker 2: This is the twenty fourteen BCS National Championship.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Games with Names, Bert. This is a podcast
Speaker 1: that we go over the greatest games of all time,
Speaker 1: the Gog, the greatest of all games. Today we have
Speaker 1: Burt Chriischer.
Speaker 2: He nailed it, Burn nailed it.
Speaker 1: I nailed that one. Yeah, well we all know him.
Speaker 1: He hosts a bunch of things. Two Bears in one K.
Speaker 1: Burt cast Something's burning, Star of the Machine. Go out
Speaker 1: and watch it. I just saw it. It was awesome.
Speaker 1: So let's jump in to.
Speaker 2: What are you up?
Speaker 1: What are you up to?
Speaker 2: Right now? Right now, right now, oh, right now, right
Speaker 2: now is an interesting time in my life. I'm I'm
Speaker 2: getting ready for my tour. My tour starts September fourteenth
Speaker 2: and runs. It's the Top Soft Tour, Top Softwall Tour.
Speaker 2: I just wrapped up, fully loaded, fully loaded. I take.
Speaker 2: It's a festival I run, I own, and I'd take
Speaker 2: twenty seven comics out out to like eighteen cities. We
Speaker 2: get seven tour buses, we get seven semis, we bring
Speaker 2: our stage with us, and it's just a party for
Speaker 2: the summer. It's like summer camp for comics. We go tuban,
Speaker 2: we take out speedboats, we do anything. We mushrooms, we drink,
Speaker 2: we smoke weed, everything, I mean every It was the
Speaker 2: It's the funnest tour I've ever I've ever been on,
Speaker 2: and I've toured my whole life, but it's with the
Speaker 2: best comics in the world in the biggest venues. We're
Speaker 2: doing it again next year. It'll start like June or
Speaker 2: July and then we close out of the Gorge. Have
Speaker 2: you ever been to the Gorge? Gorge is one of
Speaker 2: the most spectacular outdoor venues you'll ever go to. We're
Speaker 2: doing two nights at the Gorge next year, so because
Speaker 2: everyone camps out, so we'll do two nights.
Speaker 1: That's got to be so fun because I've been introduced.
Speaker 1: You know, we did this show a lot with Sam
Speaker 1: Morrel and he's kind of, you know, injured me a
Speaker 1: lot to the comic life, and I'd always go see
Speaker 1: him at the Cellar and there's always comics and anytime
Speaker 1: you probably have a bunch of guys that are super
Speaker 1: great friends and you get to go work together. That's
Speaker 1: gotta be like, that's gotta be awesome. It's fun because
Speaker 1: like they we all have the same type of brain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like we all think silly, we want silly, we want
Speaker 1: to laugh, so like at the end of the night,
Speaker 1: we all get and we have a party bus that
Speaker 1: we all that we rent and we all hang out
Speaker 1: in the party bus. Get how I get drunk and
Speaker 1: just laugh and make each other laugh. And there's always
Speaker 1: like someone like Big Jay or the like. There's just
Speaker 1: always someone. And then you get someone like a tel
Speaker 1: On there or Joey Diaz and Nikki Glazer. It's your
Speaker 1: locker room. It's your locker room.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it's like a locker room.
Speaker 1: It's your locker room.
Speaker 2: It's the best man. And and then you get to
Speaker 2: watch them work and you're watching them do the material
Speaker 2: and you watching them murder, and you're like, wow, it's
Speaker 2: really cool. It is.
Speaker 1: And what people don't realize, like just being around you
Speaker 1: guys are constantly thinking and working. Yeah, like your mind.
Speaker 1: You guys are always dropping jokes in front of each
Speaker 1: other doing something or or like when I would be
Speaker 1: around Sam, he we'd be talking about something and his
Speaker 1: mind would be going to like Sam doesn't stop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's Sam does not stop. I could make that a.
Speaker 2: Bit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like, and it's crazy to just how smart you
Speaker 1: have to be to be an actual comic, Like people
Speaker 1: would think that people are just funny, but like the
Speaker 1: storytelling and bringing something up in the beginning and then
Speaker 1: telling your whole story, cutting into jokes and then bringing
Speaker 1: it back like it. I have so much respect for
Speaker 1: you guys, just being a fly in the wall watching
Speaker 1: a lot of these guys perform.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. Well, I mean Sam's obviously, Sam is
Speaker 2: probably the best joke writer in the game right now.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows that. A tell says it. Him and Mark
Speaker 2: Norman they're good friends. Yeah, they're the best, I mean
Speaker 2: the best. Sam's amazing. He uh, but yeah, you're right, Like,
Speaker 2: like right now, I'm getting ready for top Soft. So
Speaker 2: I'm doing weekends out in ox Stard and and nights
Speaker 2: out of Oxnard and and I'm just trying to and
Speaker 2: what's interesting as well?
Speaker 1: Oh why ox Nerd. I'm sorry to cut you off,
Speaker 1: because I literally I just drove the coast literally a
Speaker 1: couple of days ago, and I drove up there, and
Speaker 1: you can drive it to ox Nerd and the cowboys
Speaker 1: are there. What's an ox Nerd?
Speaker 2: Ox Heart is beautiful. It's like a secret. It's like,
Speaker 2: first of all, I mean, I like to doing standard
Speaker 2: there because it's pretty working glass. So it's it's like
Speaker 2: it's like performing in America. Yeah, so i go up
Speaker 2: there for the weekend and then I'll do spots at
Speaker 2: the I'll do like an hour and uh. But yeah,
Speaker 2: like it's crazy that when you talk about thinking, it's like,
Speaker 2: right now, I try to focus on a word a
Speaker 2: day and then write jokes around the word or a phrase. Uh.
Speaker 2: And so I'll and so like I'm trying to write
Speaker 2: my hour for and I'm not drinking and I'm not eating.
Speaker 2: I'm eating keto. You look good, thank thank you?
Speaker 1: Do you do you do something with the shoulders? Shut up,
Speaker 1: you guys, what are you talking about? Yeah? You have
Speaker 1: really good shoulders. What I mean you're a baseball guy,
Speaker 1: you must are you in the TV's a little talking.
Speaker 1: You have good shoulders.
Speaker 2: Look, I mean.
Speaker 1: They're bulging out of there.
Speaker 2: Thank you very much. I do a lot. I do
Speaker 2: one seventy five on strict press.
Speaker 1: You're seeing the results, you know, for your little kids
Speaker 1: out there. You want to see results. You put one
Speaker 1: seventy five on the straight press. You can have some
Speaker 1: shoulders popping out.
Speaker 2: I'm working out pretty hard.
Speaker 1: Right now, and so you look good. I'm dead serious.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I'm eating and I was at Keto.
Speaker 2: I love it. It's just me, dude, I'm pretty much.
Speaker 2: I gotta be honest with.
Speaker 1: You and Butter. You can eat butter. Butter's in fuck
Speaker 1: up Butter. I put her on steak like I about cholesterol.
Speaker 1: About cholesterol's good.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm on a torvestat and so like, I don't
Speaker 2: need to worry about I got no blockage in my heart.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm for a guy who parties as hard
Speaker 2: as I do. I am super accountable with doctors. I
Speaker 2: go to the doctors every six months. Doctor guy, I go,
Speaker 2: I get my I get. I don't like it. I got.
Speaker 1: I'm getting a kolonoscopy in a week.
Speaker 2: You might like that. I told him keep me away
Speaker 2: to the front side too, spit roast me. Boys.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, you know you're seeing the results, and
Speaker 1: it's good that you keep up with your health. I
Speaker 1: mean it's been crazy because as an athlete, I mean
Speaker 1: it's been outrageous. I've been retired now going on three years.
Speaker 1: This is two years going going into my third. And
Speaker 1: you're so accustomed. You have the best doctors around you
Speaker 1: every day. Yeah, yeah, anything goes down. You know you're like,
Speaker 1: we got right dog. We got the ear doc, you
Speaker 1: got the foot dock, you got the knee doc, you
Speaker 1: got the general doc. I haven't seen a doctor since.
Speaker 1: I'm like anti doc now.
Speaker 2: Oh. I was with Joe Coyle last night. I was like,
Speaker 2: I was like, how often do you go to the doctor.
Speaker 2: He goes, I have never been, And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: you can't never go. I was with j There's a
Speaker 2: great actress. Name is Jake Johnson. He's an awesome actor.
Speaker 2: I had him on my teep my cooking show and
Speaker 2: then I was like, hey, my trainer's I'm a trainer
Speaker 2: coming tomorrow. You should come work out with me. And
Speaker 2: he's like, hit me up. He's drinking at that time.
Speaker 2: I wasn't. I was like, and so we go to
Speaker 2: the he comes over and we work out and we
Speaker 2: do like a legit like I do. I have a
Speaker 2: cross trainer, come in, we do heavy lifting clearly.
Speaker 1: I mean ship that's where it is cross training.
Speaker 2: He goes, I go, you've ever been to the doctor.
Speaker 1: He's like no, I've never been. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you can have a heart attack right now, Like ye,
Speaker 1: that's what is the age that it happens. Yeah, it's yeah,
Speaker 1: you got it. There's so much technology out there, but
Speaker 1: we got to get back into this is we're talking docs,
Speaker 1: we're talking too. I want to know about your cooking show,
Speaker 1: but we'll get into that, come and do it. I
Speaker 1: love cooking. I cook for my daughter every week like this,
Speaker 1: whenever I have my kid, and it's the ship my
Speaker 1: mom made, like stuff bell pep like very really stupid stuff,
Speaker 1: easy stuff like put together stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have. I do a cookie show. When I
Speaker 2: bring two guests on, I cook them a meal. Well,
Speaker 2: usually we drink and uh do you drink? Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: you drink. Yeah, dabble show. It's Sam. Well, so we drink.
Speaker 2: So we drink and we just fucking laugh. And I
Speaker 2: just try to cook a meal and they they've usually
Speaker 2: turned off good. But I've had some stinkers. But uh
Speaker 2: but yeah, I uh.
Speaker 1: Jordan, what you missed? The shots you don't take? You
Speaker 1: sometimes you got to take a How hard is it
Speaker 1: do you think you get Jordan's autograph? I got a
Speaker 1: Jordan story which I've I've told it.
Speaker 2: Me, tell me, tell me.
Speaker 1: We're playing super Bowl twenty fourteen, and uh, I go
Speaker 1: to you know, you have the night off on Friday,
Speaker 1: you can usually take your your folks out. The week
Speaker 1: before the Super Bowl, I took my folks to dinner.
Speaker 1: I went to go see him. And I roll up
Speaker 1: and I see Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan, and I'm
Speaker 1: like superstarstruck. I'm about to play in the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1: And I go up and you could tell Jeter is
Speaker 1: a very charming guy, welcoming. You know, I go, mister
Speaker 1: Jeter joined up and I'm playing the Super Bowl. I
Speaker 1: felt weird introducing myself, but I wanted to meet him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh, And I saw Jordan. He was kind of
Speaker 1: like stand offish a little bit, and you know, I
Speaker 1: start talking with Jeter and everything's good. And as soon
Speaker 1: as the conversations about to end, like five minutes in,
Speaker 1: I'm about to leave, Jordan comes up to me and
Speaker 1: he goes, hey, kid, I got a bunch of money
Speaker 1: on you, don't fuck it up. And that's the only
Speaker 1: thing he said to me. And I like, I go,
Speaker 1: mister mister Jordan didn't know what to say, but god, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was crazy. But let's get into this. Twenty fourteen
Speaker 1: BCS the BCS National Chat at the Rose Bowl, Florida
Speaker 1: State versus Auburn.
Speaker 2: I'll say this to you. I've seen a lot of
Speaker 2: amazing games. So I was at the bucks first win
Speaker 2: at the home stadium when I was a child. I
Speaker 2: guess the Chiefs or I think it was the Chiefs
Speaker 2: or whatever. I think it was the Chiefs. I was
Speaker 2: at that game and they stormed the field and they
Speaker 2: pulled the goalpost down, and I remember watching that as
Speaker 2: a child. I must have been like seven, I'm guessing
Speaker 2: maybe eight. I remember watching that. I was at Florida
Speaker 2: State ninety six when we beat when we beat the Gators,
Speaker 2: and we stormed the field like I stormed. I stormed
Speaker 2: the field once. It was like the coolest, how are
Speaker 2: you there? I was twenty five. I was at all
Speaker 2: the wide rights like like I watched us lose to Miami.
Speaker 2: I talked to Warren sapp about when I watched him
Speaker 2: go out and grab a piece of the seminole head
Speaker 2: and they just with their hands, they ripped our turf
Speaker 2: up and just grabbed it and walked off the field
Speaker 2: with it. I've been to some really epic fucking games
Speaker 2: I had. I have a great story about betting this
Speaker 2: kid when the Rams came here and they played the
Speaker 2: Seahawks for their first game. I bet a child two
Speaker 2: hundred bucks that the Rams gonna win, and he said,
Speaker 2: I bet on the Seahawks. I said, what do you
Speaker 2: got and he said if? I said, he said, what
Speaker 2: do you want? I said, I want to cut your hair?
Speaker 2: And he was like, deal, you might want to ask
Speaker 2: your parents. Tomorrow's first day of school. And he went
Speaker 2: and asked his dad, and his dad's like, you got
Speaker 2: to figure it out if you want to make that bet.
Speaker 2: And they won, and I fucked him up. I cut
Speaker 2: his hair, like simple Jack from Topic thunder Right. So like,
Speaker 2: I have a bunch of great games, but without a doubt,
Speaker 2: this game stands out on the largest level for me
Speaker 2: for so many reasons.
Speaker 1: What made you go to FSU?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: Why are you such a big fan of FSU? You
Speaker 1: grew up in that area, up in Florida, and you
Speaker 1: either went to Florida, Florida state.
Speaker 2: That was it? Now Florida was like cool?
Speaker 1: What about Miami?
Speaker 2: No one went to Miami? No one went to Miami.
Speaker 2: First of all, First of all, I say this, I
Speaker 2: will I would gladly talk slanderous about Miami. Uh, but uh,
Speaker 2: it's a really hard school to get into. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: like a private school. And so like it's a good
Speaker 2: it's actually a really good hurting that. Yeah, and so,
Speaker 2: but no one went to Miami. People in Miami, that's
Speaker 2: who likes Miami people. Everyone in Miami is like where
Speaker 2: univers of miami'stuff. They never went to Miami. They support my
Speaker 2: other car games. If you're a regular person in Florida,
Speaker 2: you either went to UF or Florida. This is my age.
Speaker 2: But you know, and there was a time in the
Speaker 2: eighties when Florida was the coolest fucking thing around. University
Speaker 2: of Florida was so cool. And I think I've always
Speaker 2: had this uh antagonistic view online or at least a
Speaker 2: contrarian view, and I I just thought Florida State seems sexier.
Speaker 2: So then when when I got into twelfth grade, eleventh
Speaker 2: grade and I had to go look at colleges, we
Speaker 2: went to Florida and we had a great time. Part
Speaker 2: of our dicks off. We had a fucking blast. A
Speaker 2: couple of us hooked up. We were like with college checks,
Speaker 2: We're like, this is fucking crazy. And then I went
Speaker 2: to Florida State on a date function with a girl
Speaker 2: that went to Florida State. I got laid and and
Speaker 2: it smelled different than Florida. It smelled like the Northeast.
Speaker 2: It was fall, so there was the leaves were changing,
Speaker 2: the dirt was different. It had red clay, and there
Speaker 2: were hills and it was just like I was going
Speaker 2: to a different place than Tampa, or USF or UCF
Speaker 2: or Florida. They were so sterile and flat and just
Speaker 2: none with no personality when you're a kid from Florida,
Speaker 2: and maybe you'll understand this a little bit, but like
Speaker 2: when you're a kid from Florida, you have no civic pride.
Speaker 2: There's nothing about Florida. When I was a kid that
Speaker 2: made you proud to be from Tampa. Everything was built
Speaker 2: the same, everything looked the same. We were the king
Speaker 2: of strip malls. Like nothing really the buck sucked. We
Speaker 2: didn't have football, we did we did have baseball, we
Speaker 2: didn't have hockey, we didnt have anything. You weren't like
Speaker 2: you were like, I'm from Florida, and everyone made fun
Speaker 2: of Florida. And then yeah, yeah, and then and then
Speaker 2: you have Florida, Florida State. And when I went to
Speaker 2: Florida State, I was like this is different than Florida.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm moving out of the city. And
Speaker 2: then my dad told me, he goes, buddy, you're entering
Speaker 2: into a tradition. He goes, You're gonna you You're gonna
Speaker 2: experience something in a community like and my dad loved
Speaker 2: Deona Sanders, love Bobby Bowden. And I went to that
Speaker 2: first game. I swear to God all my children, I
Speaker 2: had no concepts. When I was walking into it was
Speaker 2: like going into an orgy on ecstasy. I was like, wait,
Speaker 2: what's going on? What's going on? When they spiked this
Speaker 2: spear into the center of that head and he reared
Speaker 2: back on on Osceola and or on Renegade and spikes
Speaker 2: the flaming spear, I started sobbing, crying, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'd never experienced what it must be like living in
Speaker 2: Boston or living in northern California where you got civic
Speaker 2: probably like the Yankees or the Red Sox or the
Speaker 2: Patriots are like I just never had that. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: when I once forsted, I was like, I am pop
Speaker 2: committed for the rest of my fucking life. I went
Speaker 2: to I got early to every game. I watched the
Speaker 2: spear go in every single game. I went to every
Speaker 2: single game.
Speaker 1: I mean, in.
Speaker 2: You want to talk about like the greatest moments we've
Speaker 2: ever had in our lives. So I do do the
Speaker 2: Arena of Florida State. Sell it out, and before the show,
Speaker 2: they go, we want to present you with something. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: they're gonna give me a doctorate, right, cap and gown.
Speaker 2: Here we go, Bill Cosby style. They give me the spear.
Speaker 2: They give me the spear, and they're like, and they
Speaker 2: don't know how much it means to me. And I
Speaker 2: start sobbing, crying. I go up in front of whatever,
Speaker 2: thirteen th eighteen thousand people. I do the show, have
Speaker 2: a great show. Tell just Florida State story. I mean
Speaker 2: I'm I'm sewing the weeds on Florida State stories. Like
Speaker 2: I'm telling sand Street how many years did you play
Speaker 2: or you went there? I was there in the nineties,
Speaker 2: seven seven college, seven years based And then I grabbed
Speaker 2: the spear and I walk on stage and they turned
Speaker 2: their phones on. Dude, I'll cry telling you I can't
Speaker 2: even tell it. I'm just the place is just oh, dude,
Speaker 2: best moment of my fucking life.
Speaker 5: Dude.
Speaker 1: I mean, I love deon Sanders growing up and so
Speaker 1: Florida State and then Miami with what they had going.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the Miami team.
Speaker 1: Florida. See when I was a kid, Florida wasn't as
Speaker 1: big in that ninety era it was, it was weighty,
Speaker 1: and then no one really went like eighties.
Speaker 2: There were big nineties. It was UF in Florida, Florida State,
Speaker 2: State in Miami, Florida State, Miami. Those games were epic,
Speaker 2: I mean, and there was so much animosity, like the
Speaker 2: it was, it was done. I loved work done. He
Speaker 2: went to Florida State, worked On. I sat next to
Speaker 2: him at graduation, DG. I sat right next to him
Speaker 2: and I and I've been ridden up in Rolling Stone
Speaker 2: and he was going to play for the Bucks. And
Speaker 2: he was like and worked On is a very sweet
Speaker 2: but quiet man.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And he was like, you're the party guy. I said, yeah,
Speaker 2: see you go to the box.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 2: He was like, yes, I grew up in Tampa. He's
Speaker 2: like nice. I said, if you want to, like, if
Speaker 2: you want me to introduce you people in Tampa, like
Speaker 2: any of my friends like party and stuff. And he
Speaker 2: looked at me, he goes, nah, it's all I talked
Speaker 2: to is all I talked to work. I've never spoken
Speaker 2: to him since.
Speaker 1: Now. When you watch, I mean I clearly know when
Speaker 1: you watch the game. Do you like to be at
Speaker 1: a bar? Do you like to be by yourself? What's
Speaker 1: your what's your game day environment? What's the game game
Speaker 1: day routine? Because it's changed, Let's go back to this
Speaker 1: time two thousand and four. Let's go back to like
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety five.
Speaker 2: Oh, game day ritual, game day wake up early, wake
Speaker 2: up early.
Speaker 1: Did you go to bed with like the cleats on
Speaker 1: or something? No, no, no, no, no, no, we partied,
Speaker 1: don't all night? Partied all night standard?
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh, wake up early and uh and bong hits
Speaker 2: right away, like right away, bacon bank, waken bank. Everyone
Speaker 2: got just casual high. And then you'd run errand's like,
Speaker 2: all right, we need some kegs. We got h Are
Speaker 2: we gonna make Are we gonna have any food there? Yes?
Speaker 2: And I was. I was in an organization called Scalpunters,
Speaker 2: and so and I was like I was in college
Speaker 2: so long I was on the I was on the
Speaker 2: panel of the rand Scalpunters for like four years. And
Speaker 2: so we would have we would host the party a
Speaker 2: place called Indian Village right next to the stadium, and
Speaker 2: so we put up a big Scalpuners sign. Anyone that
Speaker 2: was like cool at that time. It's still the same
Speaker 2: at Tallahassee. Anyone that was like someone with a little
Speaker 2: leverage was a scalpunter. So the coolest dudes in that
Speaker 2: whole school would show up two Indian Village and we'd
Speaker 2: have probably like three different houses, four different houses, different attorneys.
Speaker 2: But then the Scalpunterers party was the ship. And then
Speaker 2: say we had like a one one thirty game, a
Speaker 2: noon game. People are rolling in at nine o'clock and
Speaker 2: you have we start with a specialty cocktail. Like my
Speaker 2: buddy Hutch would be like, all right, today it's Harvey Wallbangers,
Speaker 2: and so he'd be like, oh, we'll run through Harvey
Speaker 2: Wallbangers until we step into beer and so we get
Speaker 2: a nice buzz and then bong hits through the day,
Speaker 2: like through the day until it was game time. And
Speaker 2: then then this is really interesting. People would load up
Speaker 2: on because you couldn't deserve booze. And the thing they
Speaker 2: load up on, plastic bags and jim Beam at the
Speaker 2: time was what we everyone drank. And then they put
Speaker 2: them in their waist, and then I would take locks
Speaker 2: and bagels and put them in my waist, and then
Speaker 2: we would go in and I would be what you'd
Speaker 2: call the patsy. I would be the mark. And so
Speaker 2: I would go in very noticeably, be with a plastic
Speaker 2: bag in my waist and very nervous and making movements
Speaker 2: and touching my bag, and the cops would be like,
Speaker 2: we got one, and they'd grab me, and I'd be like,
Speaker 2: hold on, and I make a little thing, and then
Speaker 2: and then everyone walks in. Everyone goes in and they're like, sir,
Speaker 2: can I see what's in your pants? And I go yeah, sure.
Speaker 2: They take you back. Then you'd open it and they're like,
Speaker 2: what's that. I was like, I was like, I just
Speaker 2: I don't know if they have locks and begels, and
Speaker 2: I'm starving for locks and begels, and my parents brought
Speaker 2: them in for the game, and I just wanted to
Speaker 2: have like a begel with some locks on it. And
Speaker 2: they'd be like, fuck, go go ahead, and then they'd
Speaker 2: let you in and then we would go up and
Speaker 2: we would party our fucking dis off and it was awesome.
Speaker 2: It was to this day, but best Saturday Saturdays I'll
Speaker 2: ever have in my entire life. Best Saturdays I'll ever
Speaker 2: have my entire life. I always worked on glasses because
Speaker 2: I cried when they threw the speer. I would always
Speaker 2: I have camera. I had a camera back then. I
Speaker 2: still have. I still take a lot of pictures. I
Speaker 2: want to Instagram a lot, but I was in the cameras.
Speaker 2: My favorite thing was I would yell to the stands
Speaker 2: behind me.
Speaker 1: My parents think I have a lot of friends.
Speaker 5: Can you guys join in for a group picture and
Speaker 5: just pretend you know me?
Speaker 2: And then I mean, like we would. I had so
Speaker 2: many because I was funny, but I didn't know how
Speaker 2: to do stand up. So I would just fuck around
Speaker 2: and have a great time at those games and man,
Speaker 2: and then I'd always leave a titch early. I'd always
Speaker 2: leave it like I always be like we got it,
Speaker 2: I'm out. And then I stayed for that Florida Florida
Speaker 2: State game, and I was going to talk to you
Speaker 2: about that once. It was one of the funnest games
Speaker 2: I ever went to. We stormed the field, but we
Speaker 2: stormed the field just because and like we did. It
Speaker 2: was it's a.
Speaker 1: Rival game, it's a Stormer. Yeah, but so how does
Speaker 1: that How is that different from you know, twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1: You probably got a little couple of Benjamin's in your pocket.
Speaker 1: I buy, I buy four tickets, four tickets.
Speaker 2: I buy two and find out they're in the end
Speaker 2: zone and like fuck, So then I buy and so
Speaker 2: then I buy, I buy four more, so I buy
Speaker 2: six total tickets. I reached out to my buddy and
Speaker 2: all my buddies I grew up with like that, I
Speaker 2: went cool with. I was like, Yo, you're coming to
Speaker 2: my town. We're partying. So everyone hits up. We're like cool,
Speaker 2: We're gonna meet at a hotel like the Roosevelt or
Speaker 2: something on on sunset. We're taking a party bus with
Speaker 2: a bunch of old amba kais. These guys are like
Speaker 2: grown ups. And then and I was growing up too,
Speaker 2: I had kids and stuff, but I'm still young. I
Speaker 2: then find out I have who actual tickets. So I
Speaker 2: hit up my cameraman for Travel Channel, Tyler, and I
Speaker 2: hit up Tom, Sir Tomas. Okay, this is Tom's the
Speaker 2: one who has a son the same name as you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so Tom, he does two bears, okay with me? This
Speaker 2: is when we're but.
Speaker 1: Tom Is that the guy you do the gift exchange?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you have a Hitler tea cup. You know,
Speaker 1: this is a pro Jewish podcast here, We're not we're
Speaker 1: anti canceled guy, of course, But like, how big is it?
Speaker 1: I have never seen it? Seriously, I'm very interested. And
Speaker 1: do you dream? Have you ever dreamn out of it?
Speaker 1: Is it big enough to have like a Lipton's like
Speaker 1: iced tea bag in there? Is it like a very
Speaker 1: properly nineteen forty is a steel genocide type steel tea cup?
Speaker 1: It's steel, it's steel, it's metal.
Speaker 2: So we tried to break it. You can't break it.
Speaker 2: You got to melt it down. My daughter was like,
Speaker 2: I want to melt it down and turn it into
Speaker 2: a butt pug for a gay black man. I was like,
Speaker 2: you're getting off the internet now. So so, yeah, Tom
Speaker 2: is the guy that spent twenty grand on Nazi mambilia. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I invite Tom to the game and I say, listen,
Speaker 2: I got two extra tickets. Are in the end zone,
Speaker 2: sip Tyler. I'm gonna sit with these guys I went
Speaker 2: to college with. He's like cool. I was like, we're
Speaker 2: all meeting at the hotel. So we meet at the hotel,
Speaker 2: we start smoking weed like almost like old school game day.
Speaker 2: My buddy Miles was there and at the time, I
Speaker 2: was on Travel Channel, so like I was on TV.
Speaker 2: He can yeah, And so it was like kind of
Speaker 2: cool because I'm about to run it. I'm running into
Speaker 2: people I went to college with, and I look successful.
Speaker 2: I'm not like I am today Like today, Like today,
Speaker 2: I like I'm going to a Florida State game vs.
Speaker 2: Eyracuse and like I can't go to like I can't
Speaker 2: go out, like it's something like that'll be fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: But like and I went when I went back to it.
Speaker 2: But back then, I wanted that, like, uh, I wanted
Speaker 2: to feel accomplished. You know, when you're a loser, for
Speaker 2: like Sam would tell you, when you're a loser for
Speaker 2: so long because you're just making no money, people kind
Speaker 2: of pity you.
Speaker 1: You want to feel it alone.
Speaker 2: You want to feel it. So like this is my
Speaker 2: moment to feel it. Like I get to go see
Speaker 2: people and they're.
Speaker 1: Like, ah, in La in l La comic carry out here,
Speaker 1: you got your boys from Florida.
Speaker 2: No one knows Cigar Sagura's not famous at all. No
Speaker 2: one knows Cigara and.
Speaker 1: You're going to the fucking Rose Bull National Championship.
Speaker 2: Is the best. And my dad's a huge sort of
Speaker 2: Florida statement and he's in lovely Jamis Winston. So we
Speaker 2: get we get on the party bus and Sigura says
Speaker 2: to me, you want to take an edible? And I'm like,
Speaker 2: fuck yeah. There are these things called cheebachuw's back in
Speaker 2: the day.
Speaker 1: I don't think they make them anymore, but they were
Speaker 1: strong as fucking shit. Well early day in the edible
Speaker 1: like you never knew what the do scene was gonna be.
Speaker 1: They got a dial nowadays. Yeah, but like back then,
Speaker 1: you could take something this big and you don't know
Speaker 1: where you are.
Speaker 2: Tom bites into half, gives Eddie takes a bite of it,
Speaker 2: and then I take the rest. And as we pull
Speaker 2: into the Rose Bowls, I am I am beginning to
Speaker 2: be as high as I've ever been in my entire life.
Speaker 2: Like I'm I'm beginning to like now. Footnote. Tom Segura
Speaker 2: is one of the funniest dudes I know in the world.
Speaker 2: In a very low key way. He's very subtle. His
Speaker 2: sense of humor. If you know him, he is hilarious
Speaker 2: without anyone else seeing it, just you and him. Eddie,
Speaker 2: my buddy, Eddie, is the funniest guy in the world,
Speaker 2: but not like a comedian funny. He's just like he is,
Speaker 2: like the guy that's goofy at a party funny. So
Speaker 2: we we then go from party to party, tor bus
Speaker 2: to Torbush, like RV to RV. Of all the girls
Speaker 2: I wanted to fucking college, and they're all like, you
Speaker 2: have beautiful daughters at the time, I'm on Instagram. Your
Speaker 2: wife is gorgeous. You're so I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2: I know we all knew this would happen for you.
Speaker 2: It's like the it is, everything is picture perfect. Sidebar
Speaker 2: to this, I've got to fight at Zurich the next
Speaker 2: morning at six am. Right, I'm going to zer to
Speaker 2: go Hella skiing in Switzerland that evening. So like I'm got,
Speaker 2: I've got. That's it. That's us in the game. That's
Speaker 2: us in the fucking game. And that's me Hella skiing
Speaker 2: the very fucking next day, that's me Hella skiing. That's
Speaker 2: us on the dor bus. Wait where did you get these.
Speaker 1: From your Instagram?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, Okay, I'm a fucking idiot. This is I mean, okay,
Speaker 2: don't no, don't look at any of these pictures. Now,
Speaker 2: take them off the screen. Take them off the screen,
Speaker 2: because it's a good story. So I'm having a real
Speaker 2: come to Jesus moment of like, this is it, man,
Speaker 2: I made it. I made it. I'm married, I'm happily married.
Speaker 2: I'm on travel Channel. I show it's getting renewed for
Speaker 2: two more years. I got money coming in. I'm really high,
Speaker 2: and I'm with the fun my favorite human beings, like
Speaker 2: my best friends from college, my best friend now and
Speaker 2: everyone's jelling. Everyone's getting having a great time an anthonetty. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we're gonna kick their fucking asses. Like that's what
Speaker 2: I know. I know with Jamis Winston, this is a he.
Speaker 1: James Winston, dude, Heisman crabs stealing Jamis Winston, this fucking guy.
Speaker 1: I to this day.
Speaker 2: I root for him to this day. When the SATs
Speaker 2: played there, I was like, come on, man, that's my guy.
Speaker 2: I love that guy. He went to the box.
Speaker 1: He's rootable. He's like he's a likable like you know,
Speaker 1: like you don't agree with a lot of the things
Speaker 1: he does. But for some odd reason, he has a
Speaker 1: like liability to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, I have in the same way.
Speaker 1: When I see him play, I know he's gonna do terrible,
Speaker 1: but I always want him to do well. I felt
Speaker 1: the same way about Tim Tebow. I loved Tim Tebow.
Speaker 1: Tim Tebow, by the way, he was on our team.
Speaker 1: Oh there's our team for a training camp, and we
Speaker 1: had this guy, Nico Kudovidi's first day, he's got he
Speaker 1: was the guy that held court in the locker room,
Speaker 1: this greet guy from Connecticut had the Italian accent though,
Speaker 1: And the first day Tebow walks in and he's he
Speaker 1: he gives ship to everyone. Yeah everyone, Brady, look this
Speaker 1: you and everyone just love Nico, you know. And the
Speaker 1: fucking Tim tebowalks and he goes, hey, Tebow, you mean
Speaker 1: to tell me you don't jack off? First thing he
Speaker 1: says to him, you don't jack off? Like everyone's rolling
Speaker 1: in the locker room and he just you know, Tebow,
Speaker 1: he's probably heard that so many times. He like turns
Speaker 1: her head and he's like, yeah, he's so famous, that
Speaker 1: guy though. Oh we walk he gives what he circumcises
Speaker 1: kids in Vietnam or something for real, Jack Philippines, I
Speaker 1: believe thank you.
Speaker 3: Sorry, that seems like a hobby circumcision.
Speaker 1: Still yeah, still doesn't It seems odd to do like
Speaker 1: he circumcises. I mean it's I'm circum juwe you know,
Speaker 1: we like that clean and I don't understand what he's doing,
Speaker 1: but that's.
Speaker 3: It feels like it should be illegal.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was all for the good cause of
Speaker 1: keeping infections out of these young boys. I think that's
Speaker 1: what the root of it was. So Tibo was.
Speaker 2: T bowing as we walk in this now that we're
Speaker 2: talking about Tim Tebow. As we walk into the Rose
Speaker 2: Bowl and we've had the best time ever. Games an't
Speaker 2: race start. As we walk in, Tim Tebow walks by,
Speaker 2: and my buddy Eddie Fernandez, who's die hard Semon and
Speaker 2: goes Tim Tim Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow tries right,
Speaker 2: and Tim Tebow goes on. Fuck that guy didn't say that,
Speaker 2: but he's like just keeps walking, so like everything is clicking.
Speaker 2: We are laughing. We are just laughing hard as fuck.
Speaker 2: We get in to the So the Rose Bowl was
Speaker 2: made a guess during the Civil War because this thing sucks.
Speaker 2: The tunnels are are thinner than my dick. I mean,
Speaker 2: they're like literally and it is. And that's when I
Speaker 2: have my first panic attack. We're getting the tunnel and
Speaker 2: no one's moving, and we're like, wow, this.
Speaker 1: Is claustrophobia Austria.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I'm just like, man, this is tight. And
Speaker 2: I remember Sugurl's like, I'm gonna split up from you guys,
Speaker 2: good luck in that tunnel. And I was like huh.
Speaker 2: And and I'm already getting pushed into it, and Eddie goes,
Speaker 2: this is fucking crazy. We couldn't get out of here
Speaker 2: if we wanted to. And then I'm like, well, here
Speaker 2: we go, and and and and it. We are in
Speaker 2: this tunnel for like the national anthem. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: just it. I start spacing Legend.
Speaker 1: I don't know I was in the tunnel, John Legend.
Speaker 1: I was in the tunnel.
Speaker 2: It was you didn't even get to see Y didn't
Speaker 2: see I didn't see anything, didn't see anything.
Speaker 1: We're stuck in the tunnel. Were stuck in the tunnel.
Speaker 1: We kick off.
Speaker 2: I don't think we saw kickoff.
Speaker 1: We were stuck in that tunnel for the first half.
Speaker 2: Because we get up, we sit down, we get I
Speaker 2: get I go uh Now there's some space. I'm gonna rundown.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get hot dogs, I'm gonna get beers.
Speaker 2: I got everyone. I was like, nice, I love stadium food.
Speaker 2: I loaded up hot dogs in my pockets, hot dog everything, mustard,
Speaker 2: catch up, relish, yeah, everything. I wrap them up. I
Speaker 2: put them all in my pockets. Hold, I've got big pocket.
Speaker 1: You've put you know, locks, bagels.
Speaker 2: In there, I got. I got hot dogs in every
Speaker 2: I got two in each spot front pocket, two in
Speaker 2: the back. I got hot dogs for everyone. I got
Speaker 2: a pretzel, I got peanuts. I got cold beers for everyone.
Speaker 2: I got everything. I am locked and loaded. Take them
Speaker 2: back up and we start partying. We start partying hard
Speaker 2: at fuck are you watching the game at this point? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm watching it, but we're starting to it's not going great. No,
Speaker 2: So we get to like we're laughing and I'm so high.
Speaker 2: I have a moment where I'm like, am I moving
Speaker 2: forward in my life or my moving backwards?
Speaker 1: This coming from the high that you just had that
Speaker 1: I'm having the best day of my life.
Speaker 2: I'm having a Now I'm having a panitake in the suddle,
Speaker 2: and now I'm going my moving forward to my moving backwards.
Speaker 2: My friends are like, we should party harder, let's go harder,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yeah, I got a fight in the morning.
Speaker 2: And they're like, where I go. I'm going to Zurich
Speaker 2: and they're like, oh, shot the fuck? I go, yeah,
Speaker 2: I go hell of skiing. So I'm watching the game
Speaker 2: and then all of a Sudder're down twenty three to
Speaker 2: twenty one to three.
Speaker 1: Twenty one to three second quarter.
Speaker 2: And my daughter calls me on my phone. She's like, kick,
Speaker 2: what ear is this? Twenty fourteen. She's ten years old,
Speaker 2: my old start Georgia. She goes, hey, Daddy. I was like,
Speaker 2: what's up? Here's what are you doing? I said, I'm
Speaker 2: with Hatterman and Eddie and we're watching a football game.
Speaker 2: She goes, oh. She goes, when are you coming home?
Speaker 2: I said, after the game, and she goes, what time
Speaker 2: is that going to be? I said, probably like midnight.
Speaker 2: She goes, well, can you wake me up when you
Speaker 2: get here so I can say goodbye to you? And
Speaker 2: I go, what the fuck am I doing? I go,
Speaker 2: I have two beautiful kids at home, a wife at home,
Speaker 2: and I'm sitting here eating edibles. I'm high as fuck
Speaker 2: with my friends when we're drinking. I'm just drinking until
Speaker 2: I black out. I'm eating hot dogs. I feel sick
Speaker 2: to my stomach. And Tom is in the end zone
Speaker 2: with this guy Tyler, and I decide my life at
Speaker 2: home is more important than this moment. So I look
Speaker 2: over to the guys. I go, who wants a beer?
Speaker 2: And they're like, oh, fuck yeah. I was like, I'll
Speaker 2: go get beers. And I walk down the stairs, out
Speaker 2: the tunnel, out of the rose Bowl and grab an uber.
Speaker 2: I go, I'll tell a soul. I get in the uber.
Speaker 2: He goes, where are you going? I said, Valley Village.
Speaker 2: He said, oh, I was a game. I said. I
Speaker 2: have this really deep conversation with this guy. I'm pre
Speaker 2: fucked up, and I go, I gotta fight a Zurich
Speaker 2: tomorrow at like eight in the morning or whatever. Six
Speaker 2: in the morning. My car's picking me up. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go spend time with my daughters. And he's like really,
Speaker 2: I said, yeah. He goes, how's the game going. I go,
Speaker 2: we're losing. We're gonna lose. It's not a big deal. Like,
Speaker 2: my family is more important than this. I said, I'm
Speaker 2: moving forward in life I'm not moving backwards. So I'm
Speaker 2: in the uber and I've made the right decision, and
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I get a call from Tom
Speaker 2: and he.
Speaker 1: Goes, dude, fake, dude, this is fucking crazy. This is
Speaker 1: fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: Come meet up with me. Let's get a beer.
Speaker 1: This is insane. I want to be next to you.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm in an uber. He goes, what.
Speaker 2: I go, Yeah, I'm in a nuber. Why what's going on.
Speaker 2: He's like, dude, we're coming back. Kind of went what
Speaker 2: we're coming back? My wife calls. She goes, you're watching
Speaker 2: the best game of the fucking as entury. I go,
Speaker 2: I'm on, I'm in a new bro I'm coming home.
Speaker 2: She goes, what you fucking idiot, You're coming home. You're
Speaker 2: not seeing what's happening.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, motherfucker, oh fuck, oh fuck.
Speaker 2: I was like, hurry up, get me to a bar.
Speaker 2: And the guy's like, there's I can't stop anywhere, man,
Speaker 2: I can only take you to where you said you
Speaker 2: can't change it in your app. I'm too drunk to
Speaker 2: change in my app. I'm like, fucking go, go, go,
Speaker 2: I get home. My wife goes, they just ran a touchdown,
Speaker 2: a fucking a kickoff back.
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? My daughter's like, Daddy,
Speaker 1: jump on the trampoline.
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, fuck herself, You're fucking ruining this for me.
Speaker 3: I could be at this fucking game.
Speaker 2: And so the last picture is me sitting with my
Speaker 2: family and my man cave, fucking missing the greatest game
Speaker 2: of my fucking life. Oh, you left the game. I
Speaker 2: had to write up. I ended up here. I couldn't
Speaker 2: be happier. I left the fucking game to go fucking
Speaker 2: home to spend time with my family, and some girl
Speaker 2: will never let me live it down. He goes, you
Speaker 2: missed one of the greatest football games I've ever seen
Speaker 2: in my entire life. To hang out with people you'll
Speaker 2: spend the rest of your life with.
Speaker 1: You pulled to Wohlburg. No, No, Jack, Wohburg didn't. He
Speaker 1: didn't leave early twenty eight to three. If you're been
Speaker 1: in one of those, you've been in a luxury box. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you ever eat those chili fries?
Speaker 2: Oh? He shot himself.
Speaker 1: He may have. He may have. He had to get
Speaker 1: out of there. And it's also you know, in those boxes,
Speaker 1: it's probably tough for someone like you gotta be on.
Speaker 1: You don't get to enjoy.
Speaker 2: It sucks when.
Speaker 3: You're I retracted, I attracted.
Speaker 2: Sorry Mark, You guys have great fucking research. Just for
Speaker 2: the record, well, yes, yes, I would want to party
Speaker 2: with Kim Jong un. Is that what this is? No?
Speaker 1: This is we go back to January sixth, twenty fourteen,
Speaker 1: and we like to just talk about the pop culture
Speaker 1: of what's going on. You have two daughters, so you've seen, oh,
Speaker 1: Frozen with the number one movie Frozen. I have a
Speaker 1: six year old Oh yeah, yeah, and so she just
Speaker 1: hit the age now with like she doesn't want anything
Speaker 1: to do with Frozen because it's little kiddy. Now do
Speaker 1: you have that stage? Is this normal? Like she doesn't
Speaker 1: like pink anymore. It's once she went to school.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I fucking hate other kids. They fucking creep in.
Speaker 2: They really did to a pure human and they ruin her.
Speaker 2: And then they go like they'd be like, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: there's no Santa Claus. And then your daughter's like, hey, dad,
Speaker 2: Sally said that there's no Santa Claus. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: Santa Claus doesn't visit divorce parents. That's why Sally doesn't
Speaker 2: know Santa, and she's like what. I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: they couldn't keep a commitment, so Santa doesn't care about him.
Speaker 2: And then she's like for real, yeah yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: say it to Sally, like she just doesn't know. My
Speaker 2: daughter believed in Santa n til she was like fifteen.
Speaker 2: Like that's fucking old.
Speaker 1: I'm getting that too already. You know, what's your name?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to say, oh, what's her name? Said,
Speaker 1: Santa's not real?
Speaker 2: Oh dude, I fucked my kids up so bad. So
Speaker 2: when they were probably like twelve, maybe eleven and nine,
Speaker 2: they put a GoPro on the mantle. I watched them
Speaker 2: Christmas Eve, so so uh, I go, what are you
Speaker 2: guys doing? Then, like we're gonna catch Santa. And I
Speaker 2: was like, Santa, that's pretty slick, guys, and they're like, Dad,
Speaker 2: he's not gonna know. There's a go bro. He comes
Speaker 2: out of the chimney. We're gonna have him. And I said, well,
Speaker 2: good luck. So they go to bed. I leave the gout,
Speaker 2: I help him. I put a big card in it,
Speaker 2: and then we come in and we do the presence.
Speaker 2: But I edit all that out. I put it in
Speaker 2: my computer. I edit all that out. I then edit
Speaker 2: out me walking underneath the fireplace, underneath the mantle. All
Speaker 2: they see is pitch black to pitch black. I'm already
Speaker 2: under the mantle. That's all edited out me getting in there.
Speaker 2: I jumped out with a bunch of bells. I have
Speaker 2: a white glove on. I reach up under the mantle.
Speaker 2: I grab the camera and I turn it around. I
Speaker 2: then go around and start messing with the press. This
Speaker 2: is what bells ringing.
Speaker 1: And then I let the rest of the tape play out.
Speaker 2: And so that night Christmas dinner, George's like, we should
Speaker 2: see if you caught Sannah. I was like, good call,
Speaker 2: good call. I go. I'll upload it to my computer.
Speaker 2: It's already been uloaded. I already edited it all out.
Speaker 2: So I pull it up. I put it on the
Speaker 2: big screen at my sister's house. I go to see
Speaker 2: what we got, guys. And so now the whole family's round.
Speaker 2: My parents are not aware how iMovie works, so we
Speaker 2: play it and sure shit, I mean, the dogs didn't move.
Speaker 2: It's perfect, perfect edit of night night, Night night, then
Speaker 2: jingle bells. Then the glove comes up and my dad goes,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is this? I go, I go, I
Speaker 2: don't know, Dad, I think it's Santa. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 2: he goes, are you fucking kidding me? My sister's like, wait,
Speaker 2: how did you guys get this? And then she's like
Speaker 2: everyone's looking around and the girl's like, he's real.
Speaker 1: I go, I guess he is real. They're like he
Speaker 1: is smarter.
Speaker 2: Dad, Oh my god, we gotta tell everyone, and they
Speaker 2: mom Nana.
Speaker 1: They go into the kitchen and my dad goes, is
Speaker 1: there is there Santa real?
Speaker 2: I go, you know, Dad, it's me.
Speaker 1: He goes.
Speaker 2: He goes that, why the fuck did you do that?
Speaker 2: I go, I just edited in the program. My sister's
Speaker 2: like thirties. He goes, he had it in a program. Yeah.
Speaker 2: My tad goes, oh, buddy, I think you might have
Speaker 2: just fucked your kids up. I go, what and he goes,
Speaker 2: he goes, that's and he goes, I'm fucking seventy and
Speaker 2: I'm believing in Santa right now. He goes, And I go,
Speaker 2: is that was that a bad idea? And he goes, yeah,
Speaker 2: you gotta tell them there's no Santa right now. And
Speaker 2: we didn't, And so George is fifteen years old. She's
Speaker 2: in her bed and I like, Goes. I listened too,
Speaker 2: he goes, is the tooth very real? And I was like, uh,
Speaker 2: and you see George was reading a book. Lower the
Speaker 2: book and her eyes go over. She's kids in her
Speaker 2: class are finger fucking and vakee petting right, and she's
Speaker 2: still believe in Santa. She's like, oh, she's a fucking permit.
Speaker 2: She can drive a car. And she's like, wait, Santa's
Speaker 2: not real. And I was like, oh fuck, I'm sorry baby. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she started smoking weed that year.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that just gave me so fifteen and
Speaker 1: vaping and what you just said with a six year old.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this quick break. Games with
Speaker 1: Names is brought to you by win Bet. Win Bet
Speaker 1: brings the excitement of win Las Vegas and Encore Boston
Speaker 1: Harbor to your phone. Join win bet today and bet
Speaker 1: with the official online gaming product from Wind Resorts. Whenever
Speaker 1: I'm back home in Boston, you'll catch me at the
Speaker 1: Encore sportsbook or on my win bet app. Of course,
Speaker 1: let Jacks at the stage.
Speaker 3: Oh should we run through these teams real quick?
Speaker 1: Let's see it Jack?
Speaker 3: All right, So we got Auburn team of destiny this year.
Speaker 3: They'd beaten Alabama, like we said earlier, on the kick
Speaker 3: six Chris Davis runs it back one hundred nine yards.
Speaker 3: They beat Georgia on a Hail Mary prayer. They've been
Speaker 3: three and nine the year before, Like no one expected
Speaker 3: anything from this Auburn team. Uh then sure enough they
Speaker 3: beat Johnny Football in Texas A and m I just him.
Speaker 2: I've been texting with him.
Speaker 1: What would you watch this?
Speaker 2: I'm told, Uh, yeah, I was. It's really interesting. I
Speaker 2: have a lot of thoughts about it because I've watched
Speaker 2: people quit comedy, like quit and be like it's not
Speaker 2: for me. I can't wrap my head around that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was upset. I'm obsessed with comedy. I'm obsessed with comedy.
Speaker 2: But I watched him say you no, I never he
Speaker 2: never watched any game tape, which is astounding.
Speaker 1: And like it was apparent yeah yeah, and when you
Speaker 1: watched him play, yeah, and the league at least yeah.
Speaker 2: And I kind of find that fascinating, like that he
Speaker 2: that he was like, I don't want to play for
Speaker 2: pro football.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that I was a guy that had to go
Speaker 1: the long way.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't given anything. So a guy like me
Speaker 1: in theory looks at a guy like him and says,
Speaker 1: that's a complete waste of life. And and to see
Speaker 1: what the mental struggles and everything that he went. I
Speaker 1: watched the doc, and you know, I I feel better
Speaker 1: for him, but like that whole situation. You know, I
Speaker 1: saw him once too. I just won a super Bowl.
Speaker 1: Johnny Football, big league me, big league me. I'm like
Speaker 1: ever since then, I was like, f Johnny Football. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know we've cross pass a bunch. We got multiple
Speaker 1: like friends that are cross pollinated and stuff, but like,
Speaker 1: you know, it just it confirmed it when you don't
Speaker 1: watch Like there's a lot of people in Ohio, Northeast Ohio.
Speaker 1: I went to school at Kent State. These fucking people
Speaker 1: love football. These people were nine to five's working at
Speaker 1: tire shops Middle America, people that have no money. This
Speaker 1: guy's getting paid millions of dollars and you're not going
Speaker 1: to invest one bit of time in for that team
Speaker 1: that's fucking cheering you on, that loves like And I
Speaker 1: know that's stupid to say.
Speaker 2: No, no, It happens in comedy and I say that when
Speaker 2: I say, like, I don't think there's anyone.
Speaker 1: There's probably people that don't know me, that don't know.
Speaker 2: This, But like I, I earned my way into arenas,
Speaker 2: like I worked my way. I didn't. I wasn't giving it.
Speaker 2: I wasn't the guy written up in variety of magas.
Speaker 2: I mean now I am, but like I was never
Speaker 2: the top ten comics to watch. I didn't get rid
Speaker 2: of Kary. I've been written up in everything now But like.
Speaker 1: I did the cover of Spirit magazine really twenty fifteen,
Speaker 1: no big, no big, Do you have fainted fingernails?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah you will. You will to get ready girl,
Speaker 2: dad to the core and so and so like, but
Speaker 2: I understand that. And I watch comics who get given
Speaker 2: everything who they just are like I don't know for
Speaker 2: whatever reason they got put in like the cat bird
Speaker 2: Seat and now and everyone wants them. And then when
Speaker 2: they get ready to do a Netflix special, they do like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I did a couple of weekends, I'm going out. I'm
Speaker 2: doing like a month. Do When I get ready to
Speaker 2: do a Netflix special, I go out, I start. I mean,
Speaker 2: the whole thing starts. I won't commit to one until
Speaker 2: it's eighteen months out. But like I, when I'm getting there,
Speaker 2: it's like eight months of not going home, it is,
Speaker 2: and it's watching tape every night, it is. It is
Speaker 2: breaking down bits thinking I'm not good enough going to
Speaker 2: doing clubs doing I'm like, I'm on, I am fucking there.
Speaker 2: So I understand that, like like when and especially even.
Speaker 1: Like and you know, like and you see the struggles
Speaker 1: that he went through and all that I mean. But
Speaker 1: there's also like my grandmother was a single grandma with
Speaker 1: three deaf kids in nineteen fifty five, with five hundred
Speaker 1: dollars and bills and three hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: Your family's deaf, My.
Speaker 1: Dad's Yeah, my dad's brothers and sisters are all deaf.
Speaker 1: Is different deaf, No, they have different dads. Where did
Speaker 1: you grow up again? Bay Area?
Speaker 2: Oh? For real?
Speaker 1: Redwood City?
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, Redwood City, okay, Yeah. I used to do
Speaker 2: stand up a bunch there. Yeah. I always remember the
Speaker 2: exact names of the places. But Sacramento in San Francisco.
Speaker 2: There was a guy that owned the club in Sacramento.
Speaker 2: So there were these great like outdoor parks, outdoor like
Speaker 2: amphitheaters all around there, and so we did them all
Speaker 2: around there. Yeah, and so that's when I first started.
Speaker 2: I did a lot of shows up there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was an awesome place to grow up.
Speaker 2: I loved it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know we had the Niners. Like you were talking,
Speaker 1: you only had Florida State growing up. You didn't have Tampa.
Speaker 1: We had Niners. We had Barry Bonds when he was
Speaker 1: Berry Bonds.
Speaker 2: With the fucking size eight and a half head.
Speaker 1: Dude. He would see one pitch a week, and it'd
Speaker 1: be in Willie McCovey cove one pitch a week.
Speaker 2: Did you get recruited to play baseball anywhere?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Really? What position? Did you play? Short?
Speaker 1: Really? I broke my back my senior year playing football,
Speaker 1: No baseball. How'd you break your back over use? I
Speaker 1: had a stress fracture in my like L five just
Speaker 1: from swinging, taking cuts, swinging for the fenders. That could happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: shows you how bad my swing. And then I quit
Speaker 1: and healed up, and I went to College of San
Speaker 1: Mateo to play junior college football.
Speaker 2: Really, you played junior college football. I didn't know that
Speaker 2: could work.
Speaker 1: It does.
Speaker 2: That's crazy because I remember hearing people stories of people
Speaker 2: going to play junior college football, and I was like,
Speaker 2: they'll never And then you get you.
Speaker 1: Got there's a community of us that. I mean, Ocho
Speaker 1: Cinco went to junior college. Who else?
Speaker 3: Jack Tyreek Hill?
Speaker 1: Tyreek Hill. Really a lot of bounce backs of a grades.
Speaker 1: Aaron Rodgers went to Butte Oh really Yeah. In northern
Speaker 1: California is a huge junior college like football program thing
Speaker 1: going because a lot of the guys it's such a
Speaker 1: big state. There's a lot of guys that get overlooked,
Speaker 1: like Florida. Aaron Rodgers from up He's from Chico. He's
Speaker 1: from up north, like three hours north of me. Like
Speaker 1: Chico State, you know, Chico State. Yeah, Chico State was fun.
Speaker 2: Fun.
Speaker 1: We gotta get back Jack, where are we?
Speaker 3: Let's let's run through Florida State real quick. Yeah, just
Speaker 3: to give some shine to the Noles. This team twenty
Speaker 3: thirteen season.
Speaker 1: Look at the score in say just.
Speaker 3: A wagon average margin of victory forty two points. Got
Speaker 3: Jamis Like we said, Jalen Ramsey. This was the Jimbo era.
Speaker 3: Brian Stork yet red Lightning even the ball boy was famous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, red lightning. I remember red lightning. You got the
Speaker 1: light in his face? Are you good? I'm perfect, right,
Speaker 1: I'm perfect. I have beautiful blue eyes, you know. What
Speaker 1: that tells me?
Speaker 2: What the Lord's watching me?
Speaker 1: No, that the keto, the shoulder workouts, it's creating a
Speaker 1: presence in confidence.
Speaker 2: I'm in a good place right now. I feel very
Speaker 2: good about myself. I feel very alive.
Speaker 1: You so you're moving forward.
Speaker 2: I'm moving forward right now. I actually, actually last night
Speaker 2: I felt like I took a step back and I
Speaker 2: got I got held up by it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was high last night too, though, and so I
Speaker 1: was like, California sober.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah yeah, mushrooms and weed. Yeah yeah. I can
Speaker 2: only reason I think I'm not drinking is just to
Speaker 2: lose weight.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was thinking about smoke, going to joint when I
Speaker 2: got done here and drive it through the hills. But
Speaker 2: then I was like, I should be sober for the ride. Yeah,
Speaker 2: why did you pick a living here? I was just curious.
Speaker 1: Uh. I liked the west Side west Side vibes.
Speaker 2: It's really beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's nice. It's I got a six year old. I'm
Speaker 1: in a cult de sac. It's nice, you know, like
Speaker 1: I got some yard. I fell in love with the house.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it just I lived in Brentwood. I
Speaker 1: lived in Brentwood like ten years ago. So Brady. The
Speaker 1: reason why I lived in Brentwood. Brady, you know, had
Speaker 1: the big, mega house that he sold a doctor dre No.
Speaker 1: I didn't know about it. Well, he lived in Brentwood
Speaker 1: like ten fifteen years ago with Giselle, and they built
Speaker 1: this insane home and then they rented this other house
Speaker 1: that was on men Off Mandeville. It was an unbelievable
Speaker 1: house too, probably like fifteen million dollar home. And his
Speaker 1: assistant Ben lived in the house because they finished the house,
Speaker 1: but they still had a year lease on the other house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was CouchSurfing when I first got in the league,
Speaker 1: like living in Marina del Rey, because I moved out
Speaker 1: here to be around him, to throw with them. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. You know at that time, he really wouldn't
Speaker 1: call me, and so Rawitz we were friends. He goes, Yo,
Speaker 1: come live in Brady's other house with me, just don't
Speaker 1: tell him you're here. And that house was on the
Speaker 1: way to the other house, so like he would come
Speaker 1: in and I'd have to like hide, And I just
Speaker 1: had a lot of great memories. I loved being in Brentwood.
Speaker 1: It's quiet. You know, my daughter she lives over you know,
Speaker 1: a few towns east, So you know, it's I like it.
Speaker 1: It reminds me of northern California a little.
Speaker 2: I love this area. It's funny, especially like when you're
Speaker 2: because I lived I've lived here for almost like twenty
Speaker 2: four years, and I've been poor here, I've and I've
Speaker 2: been rich here, And it's funny once you get rich
Speaker 2: and you realize you can live anywhere you want. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can live anywhere. You start driving around own places
Speaker 2: and then you start going, oh, I actually can't live
Speaker 2: anywhere like you because you can live in the valley.
Speaker 2: I can live in the valley easy. I have a
Speaker 2: big house. Yeah. But then I was driving from because
Speaker 2: I was in like Venice, and I was driving through
Speaker 2: Santa Monica, and I was like, hey, maybe I can
Speaker 2: buy a house over here. And then I was like
Speaker 2: the fuck, like this it's gorgeous, and I'm like these
Speaker 2: are all fifteen million dollars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was like, holy.
Speaker 2: Shit, Like I can't live here, like I can't live
Speaker 2: anywhere around there. Yeah, it's I'd love to live I'd
Speaker 2: love to live in Malibu. Like if my wife and
Speaker 2: I if my wife gets hit by a car and
Speaker 2: like and I have to figure it out. I'll move
Speaker 2: to Malibi. I'll sell everything, moved to Malibui, kill the dogs.
Speaker 1: You know, Malibu. I would love to live there too,
Speaker 1: but it's just you know, I'm co parenting, so you
Speaker 1: got to be semi close. Yeah, and that's like you
Speaker 1: can't deal with that traffic, dude, I'd be traffic. You
Speaker 1: gotta like if you live in Malibu, you can't you
Speaker 1: can't leave Malibui. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm cool, which is great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like you know, I haven't child.
Speaker 2: I'd be such a great co parent and not like
Speaker 2: full on parent, like that's kind of what I do anyway.
Speaker 2: But like I get the I get that, like the
Speaker 2: Moniker of like a full time dad, I would be
Speaker 2: a great divorced dad co parentings. I mean, it's so
Speaker 2: normal now, it's it's normal. Like when I was a kid,
Speaker 2: it was like, oh God, he's got to go with
Speaker 2: his dad. He's gonna get you know, And now you're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: it's it's it's the best of both worlds, honestly, Like
Speaker 2: because when you're with your daughter, you are one hundred
Speaker 2: percent I'm guessing you're one hundred percent present because you're
Speaker 2: getting your time and you're making it quality time. For me,
Speaker 2: I was always with them, so I was like, fuck,
Speaker 2: we'll do it tomorrow. And then you like, and then
Speaker 2: you like, and and then, especially when you're broke and
Speaker 2: you're and you're trying to hustle, I would feel guilty
Speaker 2: spending too much time with my kids. I go, well,
Speaker 2: not working. I need to work and make money for
Speaker 2: these kids. I know.
Speaker 1: It's you know, do you want a different situation? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course you do. But like it's exactly what you said.
Speaker 1: Like I grew up with a mom and dad that
Speaker 1: were together. My dad was always working, my mom was
Speaker 1: raising us. Like when I have my kid, I'm making
Speaker 1: her dinner. I'm doing all the things my mom used
Speaker 1: to do with me. You know. So I've put it's
Speaker 1: like it's just different, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: I'm blessed and fortunate enough to be in the situation
Speaker 1: where I don't have to, you know, worry crazy about
Speaker 1: like financially, what's going down. So that gives me a
Speaker 1: luxury of doing other things.
Speaker 2: But it's crazy too, But like because I think about
Speaker 2: like I'm thinking about you driving a lot, driving over here,
Speaker 2: and I go, so I remember when you started the
Speaker 2: podcast with Sam and I was like, oh cool, and
Speaker 2: then you popped up I don't know, I'm sure you
Speaker 2: know this, but you popped up a bunch lately, like
Speaker 2: on in my feet, random and you're really good on Mike.
Speaker 2: And then I go, oh wow, how cool to be
Speaker 2: in a situation where you get to figure out what
Speaker 2: you want to do for the rest of your life,
Speaker 2: because not everyone gets that. I figured out what I
Speaker 2: wanted to do, but I didn't get to do it
Speaker 2: great until you got to work to get there. It's
Speaker 2: cool that you are at a place thinking I was
Speaker 2: thinking about this a lot, where you get to go
Speaker 2: like like do something like this. It's so neat to
Speaker 2: see so many different dudes. And I said about busting
Speaker 2: with the boys, Pat McAfee, aj Hawk, like all these
Speaker 2: great talents on the field blossom off the field.
Speaker 1: It's awesome, it's unbelievable, and those guys are on a
Speaker 1: whole other level. But it's also it's also tough, you know,
Speaker 1: because you love doing this. I love doing this. I
Speaker 1: love going out and talking stories and that's how we
Speaker 1: started this podcast and looking for the best game and
Speaker 1: all that. But I've been a creature of habit since
Speaker 1: I was eight years old, where I've had the same schedule.
Speaker 1: You get up, you go to school, you practice, you
Speaker 1: come home and do homework. The school was substituted with
Speaker 1: football school, where you're just learning your team. You know,
Speaker 1: once you get into college and then pros, it's all football.
Speaker 1: I've had that same schedule since I was eight years old.
Speaker 1: And now you really don't have to you know, if
Speaker 1: you're not dumb, you don't have to think about money.
Speaker 1: If you're not dumb, you know, there's always you always
Speaker 1: have to think about that. But I was blessed where
Speaker 1: I had. I got to live out my dream. I
Speaker 1: lived everything I've ever wanted to d I ever wanted
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Every realize do you realize zero?
Speaker 1: But it's hard because now you know, how do you
Speaker 1: like in my child? Now I'm around with my and
Speaker 1: that fills my void of where my heart is. But
Speaker 1: I I was like a mercenary for fucking fifteen fourteen years.
Speaker 1: That like my body clock like at the like right now,
Speaker 1: like i feel like I'm late on in shape for
Speaker 1: the season. I feel I already have the anxiety, you know,
Speaker 1: and you know, now you get to do whatever you want.
Speaker 1: So like you have to you have to like make
Speaker 1: your routine and be positive with your time because you
Speaker 1: have so I've never been accustomed to having time.
Speaker 2: So what do you What does your day look like like?
Speaker 2: Do you work out in the morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm when I had like, so this morning,
Speaker 1: I'll wake up at six because I have my daughter.
Speaker 1: You know, I have my daughter Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'll
Speaker 1: wake up when I have her. I wake up at six.
Speaker 1: I've always been an early bird. I'll let her sleep,
Speaker 1: I'll make her lunch, I'll make her breakfast. Then i'll
Speaker 1: wake her up. I'll get her clothes out, dress her,
Speaker 1: do her hair, and then I'll go take a dump
Speaker 1: because you know, that's always been my routine. You know,
Speaker 1: you wake up, you put a dip in, drink a coffee,
Speaker 1: take a shit, and so I'll take her to school.
Speaker 1: I'll go to the gym right after and nine to
Speaker 1: ten thirty, I'm at the gym. I come back and
Speaker 1: usually we're doing stuff for this I'm preparing for you know,
Speaker 1: I'm doing Fox Morning Show this year with a you
Speaker 1: know the Fox. So it's that I'm starting to get
Speaker 1: in and I digest content all day. I'm digesting football
Speaker 1: literally because I want to hear I want to hear
Speaker 1: people's take. So I listened to a lot of people's shows.
Speaker 1: Colin Coward, I'll listen to PMT, I'll watch Pat McAfee,
Speaker 1: just to get you got to know the guy's names,
Speaker 1: you know, and in the headlines and what they're doing
Speaker 1: so you can put your spin and bring your perspective.
Speaker 1: So like it's literally that all day and then come
Speaker 1: home and pick her up and then you know, now
Speaker 1: I have to you know, I make dinner and then
Speaker 1: you know, do it again the next day. Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's kind of yeah.
Speaker 1: But then I have like a completely like where I'm
Speaker 1: not with my kid and it's a completely different life.
Speaker 1: Do you have friends yeah, like out here, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was out here for like, oh you were out here
Speaker 1: for a while in the off seasons for like since
Speaker 1: two thousand and ten. Really, yeah, so I've got a
Speaker 1: lot of friends out here. Yeah. That's interesting, it's fun.
Speaker 1: That's crazy.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine you're thirty five, thirty seven. At thirty seven,
Speaker 2: I just started working for Travel Channel. Yeah, I just
Speaker 2: started working with Travel Channel. I just had I'd had
Speaker 2: like my kids were babies. Babies. God, man, your life's
Speaker 2: gonna be so fun.
Speaker 1: Hey, it's been great, you know, but I have like
Speaker 1: I have this whole thing happily miserable. Like it's like
Speaker 1: I need to be in a miserable mindset because anytime,
Speaker 1: like I remember in twenty fifteen or we just won
Speaker 1: a Super Bowl, I was that year and then the
Speaker 1: going into the next year, I'm sitting there, I just
Speaker 1: bought my condo in Boston, I'm redoing it. I'm sitting
Speaker 1: up there, I'm having a career year. I'm sitting here like, man,
Speaker 1: this shit's easy, Like, you know, this is fucking I
Speaker 1: It was the first time I sat back and I
Speaker 1: like cherished the moment, like this is fucking awesome. You know,
Speaker 1: I got everything, Everything's working out, you know, and then
Speaker 1: two weeks later, I break a foot, you know, Like
Speaker 1: so anytime I've ever felt that way, Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: same thing. I'm having a kid. Oh shit, like that
Speaker 1: the world was great, you know, which it became. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't a planned thing if we all you know,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So anytime I'm in like
Speaker 1: a happy sense of mind, it's like I can't be there.
Speaker 2: I got the same fucking thing the second I The
Speaker 2: second I sit and smell the roses, can't I start sneezing,
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, fuck this, And so I look
Speaker 2: at like like, uh yeah, I think it keeps you hungry,
Speaker 2: and I think you know, people always go bert your
Speaker 2: They always say to me, when's enough enough? And I
Speaker 2: go never, never, and and they go can you maintain
Speaker 2: this pace? Yeah, one hundred percent until I die, And
Speaker 2: one day I'll die. And if I die doing what
Speaker 2: I love, then I'm a happy man. Like I love
Speaker 2: doing stand up. I look at I look at the
Speaker 2: empty seats. People go, oh, you sold out red Rocks already,
Speaker 2: your crew sold out in twenty four hours, or you're
Speaker 2: all these things like about this tour, this fault tour
Speaker 2: that I have on tops. I just looked at empty tickets.
Speaker 2: That's all I look at is empty tickets. I can't
Speaker 2: get too comfortable. And when I get good things like like.
Speaker 1: A Hitler tea cup, like my Hitler teacup, Okay, that's
Speaker 1: a good thing for you, I guess, and for a
Speaker 1: lot of people it's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well.
Speaker 1: It's cool memorabilia.
Speaker 2: Well, when I have you over on the cooking and
Speaker 2: said we'll have tea and I'll put five cups out
Speaker 2: and you won't know which one.
Speaker 1: What is that? Like sushi joint and you get the
Speaker 1: wasabi sushi? Which one has the masabi in it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: This one genocide on it.
Speaker 2: But like like when we bought when we bought our
Speaker 2: last house or current house, I I felt I couldn't
Speaker 2: really enjoy it because I was like I was like
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, this is and my wife's like
Speaker 2: we did it, and I'm like, no, stop, but that
Speaker 2: we haven't done it yet, Like you didn't do ship,
Speaker 2: like you're fucking kicking your feet up for you should
Speaker 2: be fucking finding carpets and so but like I couldn't
Speaker 2: find I couldn't get comfortable in it, and I didn't
Speaker 2: want comfortable using Instagram. So I felt guilty about my backyard.
Speaker 2: And then I did one day I did post in
Speaker 2: my backyard, like my buddy Jay Larson hit me up
Speaker 2: and he's like, how big is your backyard? I'm like fuck?
Speaker 2: And then so I was and then and or like
Speaker 2: I can't get I have a hard time getting new cars,
Speaker 2: like I I just feel like if you get her
Speaker 2: a story about a dude about a ferrari, and then
Speaker 2: the next day bad shit happened to him, and I
Speaker 2: was like.
Speaker 1: We're in La right now. You know, it's a grand
Speaker 1: theft out of right here. It's like the video game.
Speaker 1: I see a police chase, so I see people getting
Speaker 1: pulled out of cars regularly, Like, yeah, I drive a Tesla.
Speaker 2: I thought you would have gonna drive a truck.
Speaker 1: I'm not a truck guy.
Speaker 2: You look like a truck guy. Yeah, it's a beard.
Speaker 2: I didn't know you were Jewish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have a bar mitzvah? Not really really?
Speaker 2: No? Is your dad Jewish? Your dad? Oh? Your mom?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: So? Technically do I just talk to someone about about
Speaker 1: that yesterday? I just say it, but you know, to
Speaker 1: put it in your terms? You know, you know Hitler? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean Hitler would kill you if you had one
Speaker 1: grandparent Jewish. So technically Hitler technically was Jewish. But I
Speaker 1: think it was his dad. So then he was like,
Speaker 1: I go by the old rules. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: just the mom has to be Jewish. No yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I practice.
Speaker 2: I speak with my rabbi and ship, do you really badass?
Speaker 1: Rabbi Hamilton he's me and my dad will hop on
Speaker 1: a call with them every Friday for real. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: good learning experience.
Speaker 2: Who was I just talking to you yesterday? Who's Jewish?
Speaker 2: But it's his it's there? Oh uh oh Greg Warren?
Speaker 2: Yeah you know Greg Warren? No, dude, he is so
Speaker 2: fucking funny, is he. He's got a new special called
Speaker 2: the Salesman. He is just old school and I know
Speaker 2: you'd like him. I haven't heard you curse yet. He doesn't.
Speaker 1: Really, I swear I say all the time, but you
Speaker 1: say f like you you definitely. I'm just feeling the
Speaker 1: vibe out, Okay. I mean I think I already. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's is that, that's that's usable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh hardcore yeaheah, yeah, I mean I don't. I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I've been saying it for I've been saying I was
Speaker 2: saying it when you weren't supposed to be saying it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was still saying it a lot. It's very
Speaker 1: English though. It's like the English people use cunt a bunch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a real bad English.
Speaker 2: It's that That's where I picked it up because I
Speaker 2: was hanging out with English guys.
Speaker 1: They always say that ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We did coke in South Africa once and I
Speaker 2: and it just two things. I don't I like they
Speaker 2: when we did coke, they were like, do you want
Speaker 2: to get sorted out? And I went, well, yeah, sure,
Speaker 2: I don't know what that is. And then they cut
Speaker 2: a line of coke. I was like, oh shit, I
Speaker 2: guess I'll be saying that for and then uh and
Speaker 2: then uh, and then they said cunt and they got
Speaker 2: stuck in my mouth and I can't get it out.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get back to the sevens. Jalen Ramsey, Yeah, what,
Speaker 1: he's a stud. They had a lot of big names. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Davante Freeman. We played him in that twenty eight to
Speaker 1: three Super Bowl against the wings of the Atlanta Falcons
Speaker 1: two years after this. Really he scored a touchdown Rob Nikovich,
Speaker 1: didn't keep the edge, Rob and then he I think
Speaker 1: he scored two touchdowns, didn't keep the edge, and then
Speaker 1: it was a running back out in the flat.
Speaker 2: It's like, you said, how you remember that?
Speaker 1: Well, you were like, just like you were saying, you
Speaker 1: think about the ticket sales you don't have. I think
Speaker 1: about the shitty plays that we didn't make. Really, I
Speaker 1: don't think about like everyone asked the twenty eight to three,
Speaker 1: Oh that catch. I think about the third down and
Speaker 1: I dropped, you know, coming out a halftime.
Speaker 2: I think about bad sets all the time. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: and like mistakes. I think about conversations I have with people.
Speaker 2: I was just fighting with to girl, not fighting with him,
Speaker 2: but like arguing about a dude who was a dick
Speaker 2: last night actually was a cunt last night. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: I told Sigirl about it and he was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: fuck that guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the mistakes, you think about them, Like like when
Speaker 1: I watched this game, I think of Jamis being Jamis
Speaker 1: in the first half.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you got the fumble, not.
Speaker 1: Really executing, and then the second half becomes famous Jamis
Speaker 1: stealing crab legs. But he steal So what's that story?
Speaker 2: You know that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think here's the deal is there was a big
Speaker 2: hookup for our athletes at our school.
Speaker 1: So like they would come in and they would know
Speaker 1: someone there and the guy was like, you know, take
Speaker 1: fucking crab legs.
Speaker 2: Put them in the thing. I didn't see anything. And
Speaker 2: then there would always be some snitch dude who grew
Speaker 2: up in Tallahassee who had like like, this is my city.
Speaker 2: No one's gonna fucking I know, the sheriff who probably
Speaker 2: was like no, I don't care who you are, and
Speaker 2: so they raced arrested him. I think Jamis Wiston was like, hey,
Speaker 2: the guy kind of gave him to me, but whatever,
Speaker 2: Like fine, I guess I'm in trouble. I'm watching to
Speaker 2: think about how many people got arrested on the Gators,
Speaker 2: Like they said, forty eight of the polleyball and the
Speaker 2: team got I played with like thirteen of them. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's right, you did. I played with.
Speaker 1: Hernandez, We played with Jermaine Cunningham, I played with t Bow.
Speaker 1: We had them all. Yeah, there's always we always had
Speaker 1: a pipeline of like the best talent, you know, you Belichick,
Speaker 1: you know he was close for like three years. We
Speaker 1: had a lot of Florida guys, and then it went
Speaker 1: to we were starting to get the saving guys. Really. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's weird. We had a lot of Florida guys.
Speaker 2: I would I never believed. I know this sounds crazy,
Speaker 2: but like even when it was proven, like there's certain
Speaker 2: things where I go is the is he getting railroaded
Speaker 2: by the media. This is what Aaron Hernandez.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean there's a stick of bubble gum in
Speaker 1: the murder weapon and it didn't look good. And they
Speaker 1: they had yeah, they it's is it an ongoing case?
Speaker 2: I think it's. I think he was like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's well, I know he's gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2: I don't think he's terrible.
Speaker 1: He was actually, I mean it was sad.
Speaker 2: We're looking dude. If Aaron okay, if can I ask
Speaker 2: a weird question, If Aaron Hernandez doesn't kill that dude
Speaker 2: and doesn't go to prison, do we get Kronk?
Speaker 1: We don't get me?
Speaker 2: Oh for real?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah? The year he so there is a glass
Speaker 1: half full in every case. No, that's a terrible situation
Speaker 1: for all parties. But I did do well off of it, Honestly.
Speaker 1: That year Hernandez gets arrested, Gronk breaks his back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they signed Amondola. He got hurt. Danny A Mondola, Oh shit,
Speaker 1: I remember him. Yeah. And then they're like, and I
Speaker 1: was there. I didn't have much stats or anything, and
Speaker 1: they didn't want to give me the keys or anything,
Speaker 1: but they had no choice and then I took it
Speaker 1: and ran.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, literally, it's crazy to watch someone you'll never
Speaker 2: maybe you'll see it, but like to watch people pop,
Speaker 2: like like where the name just comes up, like I
Speaker 2: know that I'm probably saying this wrong. Is it Cooper Cup? Cup,
Speaker 2: Cup Cup? Like I was there, We were when he
Speaker 2: was first started playing for the Rams, when when they
Speaker 2: came here, and I remember not knowing much about him,
Speaker 2: and then watch it. Just a couple of passes, then
Speaker 2: a couple more passes, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 2: you hear the stands like the fucking up and and like,
Speaker 2: it's crazy to watch that happen. That happened with the
Speaker 2: male cheerleaders too, the male cheerleaders for the Rams. I
Speaker 2: watched that energy happen for Cooper Cup and for the
Speaker 2: male cheaders because they brought male cheerleaders. And at first
Speaker 2: all the dudes in the stands are like, what the
Speaker 2: fuck And.
Speaker 1: Then athleticism and get them up. No no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: they're not doing that. They're just dancing.
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, one dude goes, oh, that
Speaker 2: guy can fucking dance, and I'm like yeah, and then
Speaker 2: you realize, oh, he's gotta be the best answer in
Speaker 2: the world to make it as a guy on a chick.
Speaker 2: All these chicks are phoning it in with their tits
Speaker 2: and their ass. This guy's in shorts and a collar shirt.
Speaker 1: Like fucking bring it, bring it, bring it.
Speaker 2: And now we're like, step up your game, ladies. Your
Speaker 2: jobs are not safe. I'd rather watch a bunch of
Speaker 2: dudes out there giving their all than a check like
Speaker 2: I never worked for anything. And cheerleader like and these
Speaker 2: guys and that same game, we were like, dude, these
Speaker 2: guys are badass.
Speaker 1: Cooper cup male cheerleaders just they they went off at
Speaker 1: the same time. I always remember that, I know Coop.
Speaker 1: I just saw him. I went to the training camp
Speaker 1: practice recently. Really, me and Coop used to run routes
Speaker 1: together over in a Golden West community college. Really, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a stud.
Speaker 2: That what you guys call getting tail what running routes
Speaker 2: at the bar.
Speaker 1: Now, I think he's Mormon with oh, shut the fuck
Speaker 1: up more and Jack, I'm like Mormon.
Speaker 2: I love Mormons. I fearless. They're fucking fearless.
Speaker 1: They're fearless. And I have a lot of Mormons in
Speaker 1: my life. One of my agents and Mormons. You know,
Speaker 1: I had one of my body guys. Was more like,
Speaker 1: Mormons are like the nicest people in.
Speaker 2: The world, the nicest people, and you can trust them
Speaker 2: because I'm getting fucking wasted. No, I've been. I've been.
Speaker 2: Don't give them. Don't give them a caffeine though. Oh
Speaker 2: and don't give them and they go definitely side you
Speaker 2: as aax. I don't a problem with xanax or pills. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and and I've been kicked out of three Buffalo wild
Speaker 2: Wings all in Utah. They got it.
Speaker 1: They got a standard there. Do you not allowed to
Speaker 1: stand up and drink? Did you know that? I know
Speaker 1: it's a dry city area.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, if you stand up, if you stand up
Speaker 2: with a drink, stand up with a drink, You're out
Speaker 2: of there. Gone. The first time I didn't even realize
Speaker 2: what was happening. The second time, I was like, let
Speaker 2: me see if this worked again. The third time, I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck him, I'm standing and they can do
Speaker 2: what happens.
Speaker 1: I recently I went to the UFC in Utah. It's
Speaker 1: their Salt Lake, it's it's cool, is awesome, and it
Speaker 1: was a lot more diverse than I thought it was
Speaker 1: gonna be. Oh yeah, a lot of Hawaiians, dude, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of well, a lot of the Polynesians are
Speaker 1: a lot of.
Speaker 2: A crazy fit. Like that's like, that's like colonialism at
Speaker 2: its base. Like you think, like because everyone preachers against colonialism,
Speaker 2: you think they'd be like, oh man, we should go
Speaker 2: back to our old shit. Yeah, but yeah, there's my
Speaker 2: fucking trainer is Polynesian. My trainer's Polynesian and she's a Mormon. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's it.
Speaker 1: I mean, we'd always have because a lot of the
Speaker 1: a lot of the Poli's they went to College of
Speaker 1: sam Teo, my JUCO, and they'd becoming a JUCO at
Speaker 1: like twenty five years old because they had to go
Speaker 1: into missions and ship.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: They're really about it. They're really about it. Great people.
Speaker 2: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: But now, so we would go over the games. So
Speaker 1: you you didn't see the fake punt.
Speaker 2: Didn't see anything that was good.
Speaker 1: You didn't see.
Speaker 2: All I saw was a sucking And I gave up
Speaker 2: and I went home, and then I sat on a
Speaker 2: trampoline with my daughter's jumping, angry and listened to my
Speaker 2: wife cheer for the game. And then finally I was like,
Speaker 2: let's just go in and watch the end and then
Speaker 2: we all took a picture and I had to post
Speaker 2: I am so much happier here than there. And then
Speaker 2: I got on a plane and I went helleskiin the
Speaker 2: next day and almost died. Hello skiing, and then and
Speaker 2: then and then that was, and then I jumped off.
Speaker 2: I had the most terrifying trip to Fuck.
Speaker 1: Are you like a really good skier?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, you just jump out a helicopter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were. I was snowboarding and the the guy
Speaker 2: was like, and we went up to like I wish
Speaker 2: I knew exactly the hype. I was like ten thousand
Speaker 2: feet thirteen thousand feet. It was up by Materhorn. And
Speaker 2: the guy's like, Okay, I'm gonna put a homing track
Speaker 2: in device so we can find the body. And I'm
Speaker 2: like what, and he goes, cares you fall in a
Speaker 2: crevss or go off a cliff. We want to find
Speaker 2: your body. And I was like that, I didn't think
Speaker 2: it was as serious. He goes, oh, it's very serious.
Speaker 2: He goes due to go within the three feet from
Speaker 2: my tracks, and so we all had to follow this
Speaker 2: guy down and I'm like, what the fuck? And then
Speaker 2: I caught it. I caught a nose or I caught
Speaker 2: my toes and I went head first and it's four
Speaker 2: feet of powder. I mean so much powder that are
Speaker 2: I was. I stuck. I push like this and I
Speaker 2: couldn't touch anything, and I'm upside down. I'm face first,
Speaker 2: upside down on a mountain. I'm pushing and I go, oh,
Speaker 2: this is why I have the fucking homing tracking device.
Speaker 2: This is how this is what he was talking about.
Speaker 2: They're gonna need to find I'm gonna be sitting here
Speaker 2: for an hour and a half while they try to
Speaker 2: find the body. And I started panicking and then I
Speaker 2: felt a hand grabbed me, flip me over, and he.
Speaker 1: Goes, you should see a sound guy.
Speaker 2: And our sound guy's upside down skis kicking gear everywhere.
Speaker 1: And I was like, get us off this fucking mountain.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, that was trip flip and then and
Speaker 2: then uh yeah, we jumped off a cliff. It was
Speaker 2: all Switzerland. It was a fucking I spent the night
Speaker 2: in an igloo with a Saint Bernard. I was sleeping
Speaker 2: and I slept in an igloo that week.
Speaker 1: I mean that's only fitting. Yeah, yeah, that's what you
Speaker 1: used to see his cartoons.
Speaker 2: It was a beautiful saint Bernard Jack.
Speaker 1: Did we did we miss anything? Because I mean, we
Speaker 1: can't talk about the game. He was in a cab
Speaker 1: the whole game, and that was probably we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about him. He missed the whole game. But other
Speaker 1: than that, it's a sneaky, really good National Championship.
Speaker 3: It's really a great right now.
Speaker 1: Jamis Winston comes out and shows everyone why he's the Heisman,
Speaker 1: show if he winner. Yeah, it was last BCS game.
Speaker 2: I've heard really good things about it.
Speaker 1: What it's the last BCS game?
Speaker 2: Oh for real?
Speaker 3: The playoff game in the next year.
Speaker 1: Oh ship Man as.
Speaker 3: Far missing anything else? Cooper Cup not a confirmed Mormon.
Speaker 3: Not I don't know why. I'm that really bummed me out.
Speaker 3: I've never been just as super Christian. Oh well those
Speaker 3: are my words.
Speaker 1: Not cooglar Christian.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not quite as fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd rather hang with a Mormon than a Christian
Speaker 2: because at least like.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, because Christians drink. Oh yeah, my wife's Catholic.
Speaker 1: Oh they they do the wine.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, most of them are alcoholics. Catholics. Catholics are
Speaker 2: pretty bad. Go to Boston.
Speaker 1: I lived there for oh that's right. Yeah, go to
Speaker 1: Boston for fourteen years. Thirteen years in a great talent.
Speaker 3: Can we uh. I'd be remiss if I didn't read
Speaker 3: this quote. Also, this is from the Orlando Sentinel, bringing
Speaker 3: it back to circumcision talk. This is from Tim Tebow
Speaker 3: after his trip the first time. I gotta say it
Speaker 3: was nerve wrecking. Hands were shaking. This is real, This
Speaker 3: is real, serious Orlando Sentinel. Hands were shaking a little bit.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do these kinds
Speaker 3: of things in the United States, but these people really
Speaker 3: needed the surgeries and we needed to help them.
Speaker 1: I guess he doesn't have a steady man as a surgeon.
Speaker 2: You're making the I'm not making Tim Tebow.
Speaker 3: And they said he also assisted in a few dental
Speaker 3: operations over there, So I mean, it's just wild West.
Speaker 1: Dude, TMO.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, TiO is, hold on on my vacation
Speaker 2: perform surgery. I might go there too.
Speaker 1: Distracted me to somebody. I don't think it was a vacation.
Speaker 1: I think it was a mission.
Speaker 2: Hey, what are you guys gonna do today?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I got a fucking I got an amputation too. I'm
Speaker 2: a cut of guy's leg. Off, it's Gangreen, It's fucking
Speaker 2: they let you do anything.
Speaker 1: To count here.
Speaker 3: Can't do that?
Speaker 2: Like that sounds crazy? Why what are you doing? Well,
Speaker 2: we're gonna go to dinner and then late night there's
Speaker 2: this kid as Tibo went after him, but he couldn't
Speaker 2: catch him. So we're gonna see me and catch him
Speaker 2: and cut his cock.
Speaker 1: Oh is this? What city is this? Oh? My god, island?
Speaker 3: It's Thailand or no, Philippine, Philippines.
Speaker 1: He goes to the Philippines.
Speaker 2: Dude, Netflix, if you're listening, I want to do the
Speaker 2: same time as Special Joe Coy did in the Philippines.
Speaker 2: But I want to go down and cut everyone's cock
Speaker 2: and then come back with a necklace of foreskins and
Speaker 2: just be like I'm their leader and a way, you know,
Speaker 2: I mean, you do something so much in the day
Speaker 2: you have dreams about it. You know that Tina has
Speaker 2: to have dreams. I'm cutting little boys cock. He wakes
Speaker 2: up his wife's mike, what's about it? And he's like nothing,
Speaker 2: go back to sleep. I can't tell anybody about this.
Speaker 1: Oh oh okay.
Speaker 2: For Philip peanut Kin, He's like, who's the fucking celebrity.
Speaker 1: Cutting my cock? Can we get a doctor in here?
Speaker 1: The fucking I don't get a ship about.
Speaker 2: The Broncos, get a fucking doctor to wash his.
Speaker 1: Hands and cut my cock? Is that if Tim Tebow?
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are, dude, I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: he had gloves on. Pretty sure he had gloves on.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's you can't make this stuff up. I mean,
Speaker 1: but he's I cannot make this up. He's that's he is.
Speaker 1: He could be Jesus. Tim Tebow is Jesus.
Speaker 2: But it's like, out of all the things they need,
Speaker 2: They're like, Tim should give him money.
Speaker 1: He's like, no, no, no, what else? He's like, what about?
Speaker 1: Like food?
Speaker 2: He's like, keep going, keep going. I can that they'll
Speaker 2: get that. Oh, these kids run circums. What did you say?
Speaker 2: A lot of these kids are on the circumcised?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, stick on that one. What if I cut
Speaker 2: their cocks?
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, it seems a little.
Speaker 2: Selfish to him, but I mean, they don't really need
Speaker 2: to be circumcised. He's like he should be right, And
Speaker 2: I was like, well you're saying that.
Speaker 1: We didn't say that.
Speaker 2: He's like, how much for me to cut their cocks
Speaker 2: and they're like, are you gonna pay us? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll do it that we can buy all the food
Speaker 2: and stuff. Oh. I feel bad because I know that
Speaker 2: this happens to me where someone mocks me and it's
Speaker 2: so fucking hilarious. But when it happens to you, it hurts.
Speaker 2: And I know Tim Tebow is gonna be on his
Speaker 2: farm in Jacksonville's.
Speaker 1: Like, hey, man, I love Jules's podcast.
Speaker 2: I had the pcs's Florida say I can't wait to
Speaker 2: hear this, and he's like sitting there hitting a tire
Speaker 2: with a hammer. God damn, I was trying to cut
Speaker 2: their cocks for good reasons.
Speaker 1: He's on game day, I think, though I don't think
Speaker 1: he's on a farm.
Speaker 3: I do like to imagine he's a listener though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Tim, yeah, I would love to know who you're
Speaker 1: I would say he's probably not. I mean with Sam
Speaker 1: last season, I mean he we're not really good with,
Speaker 1: like the real true.
Speaker 3: Kurt Warner and Sam do yeah get along? Confirmed?
Speaker 2: Oh wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah Kurt Warner. You know he's a very man of faith,
Speaker 1: man fear of God.
Speaker 2: That's the thing.
Speaker 1: Sam opened up with a dick beating joke. I think
Speaker 1: we're jacket jacking off.
Speaker 3: We were talking about dig vermial crying and jerking off
Speaker 3: and something, and he just he just put the blinders.
Speaker 3: He like acted like he didn't even hear it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Not even Kurt Warner would not like me.
Speaker 1: It's a great guy.
Speaker 2: I bet he'd be like, he'd be like sure, man,
Speaker 2: Like I bet he'd have one of those faces like
Speaker 2: remember the first time he saw two dudes kiss and
Speaker 2: you were like, I'm gonna look at something else real quick.
Speaker 2: I bet he'd look at me like that. He'd be like,
Speaker 2: uh great. So, uh yeah, I was shelving groceries and
Speaker 2: then they call.
Speaker 1: A fl though he went to the a f L.
Speaker 1: Then he went a FL before after groceries.
Speaker 3: Let me do Iowa Barnstormers AFL not that arena.
Speaker 2: Oh really.
Speaker 1: Did you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Professionally where Avengers. I played for the Avengers. It
Speaker 2: was for a TV show.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: It was one of the one of the bigger mistakes
Speaker 2: in my life. Uh the I was a quarterback and
Speaker 2: uh it was it was called a TV show called Herbert,
Speaker 2: And so the coach was like, you know, I'm sure
Speaker 2: you know, coach energy of like, I'm not fucking around,
Speaker 2: like I understand you're paying us to do this. What
Speaker 2: do you need real quick? And the producers like, we're
Speaker 2: just gonna have him be a quarterback. And then you know,
Speaker 2: they'll sack him and he'll try to run a pat
Speaker 2: run a play and they'll they'll get him over the
Speaker 2: middle and he'll try to be it. He'll do all
Speaker 2: the positions. You guys just fuck him up. And then
Speaker 2: coach's like, all right, yeah, like you just real like okay,
Speaker 2: so uh he he's gonna be quarterback. Let's fucking like
Speaker 2: this get up. And so I'm like, oh fuck. And
Speaker 2: so then I realized my offensive line is not blocking.
Speaker 2: So I take I take the hike, I take the ball,
Speaker 2: and I back and I sprint up the middle and
Speaker 2: I run a touchdown and the coach loses his shit.
Speaker 5: He goes, this is the fucking reason you don't start.
Speaker 5: I don't need any of you. This motherfucker better leave
Speaker 5: on a fucking stretcher if you want to keep those
Speaker 5: helmets and keep that jersey.
Speaker 1: On, do you understand me?
Speaker 2: And then some black dudes like you fucked up, man,
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh god. The next play I'm
Speaker 2: blindsided from behind, knocked unconscious. I got so you can
Speaker 2: hit it type in type in Herbert football. I got
Speaker 2: so fucked up, and I got a concussion. And at
Speaker 2: the end it's like you can tell them concussion. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's me on the floor. Yeah, and I just got
Speaker 2: fucking worked.
Speaker 1: No protection, not knowing, not taking a hit blindside.
Speaker 2: Oh, no protection. How young I am. I got a
Speaker 2: ton of hair though. It was a physical game. Yeah, arena,
Speaker 2: it's small space all right here, So the next the partment,
Speaker 2: keep it there, keep it there. This is all of
Speaker 2: a sudden you and then I heard you punk. This
Speaker 2: is me just kidding, little man. Yeah, you get I
Speaker 2: think the I think the blind side's coming up. The crush.
Speaker 2: You know, that's solid contact with I've never look behind
Speaker 2: my voices.
Speaker 1: And clear. The weirdest part is when you get hit
Speaker 1: from behind. Oh yeah, that's definitely a concussion. Yeah you
Speaker 1: went helmet back of the head, yeah done.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then at least you didn't break your back, yeah,
Speaker 1: because if you would have went lower, you would have
Speaker 1: you would have had some vertebraey damage.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you were skinny guy there. I was the
Speaker 2: shoulders That's where I met my I was I was,
Speaker 2: That's why I met. I was in the spinning class.
Speaker 2: The Yeah, I was doing a lot of spin classes,
Speaker 2: a good cardio back then.
Speaker 1: But I'm not like jacks like I am now. The
Speaker 1: I then I was a professional. I was an mm
Speaker 1: A fighter for a day. I thought the gracies. I
Speaker 1: got choked out. I was a bull.
Speaker 2: You want to fucking to type in Herbert Rodeo clown.
Speaker 2: This is the worst. This is this is this, this
Speaker 2: is what it got me to quit the show.
Speaker 1: That's something I will never.
Speaker 5: Course.
Speaker 2: I broke my foot and broke my ribs.
Speaker 1: Just crashed. Breaking your ribs sucks, do isn't it? Dude?
Speaker 2: Can the sleeping sucks? You know? The key? I broke
Speaker 2: my ribs a lot. The key to sleeping on broke
Speaker 2: ribs is lay on that side. Yeah. Yeah, I thought
Speaker 2: you were going he's crazy, So you're gonna come to
Speaker 2: my cooking show? I'm down. Who do you want to
Speaker 2: do with? Whoever? Yeah, you name it. It's usually better
Speaker 2: if you know the person because you can hang out
Speaker 2: with them. If there's someone you like that you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'd like to do that with that. That person we
Speaker 2: can do it begainst that it up.
Speaker 1: Do I have to have like a name right now?
Speaker 2: Nope?
Speaker 1: Can I think about it in marinate?
Speaker 2: Yeah? How about Sarah Silverman.
Speaker 1: She's Jewish, is she?
Speaker 2: Yeah? She's awesome. Her sister's rabbi. Yeah, yeah, she's fucking awesome.
Speaker 1: I've heard, I've heard, and I mean she's funny as fuck.
Speaker 2: She's really funny.
Speaker 1: You could tell a behind scenes. She could be a
Speaker 1: fucking killer. I bet, like as far as like joke telling. Oh,
Speaker 1: she's like she she keeps it on the meter of
Speaker 1: like where she doesn't go real.
Speaker 2: Her last special is so good, her last I watch
Speaker 2: a lot of specials because I have comics on my podcast.
Speaker 1: And you're you're pretty much in your scouting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I want to make sure I'm not stepping
Speaker 2: on anyone's material that too. Yeah. I had a really
Speaker 2: great joke. I had a really fucking great joke I
Speaker 2: told the other night. I got high and I just
Speaker 2: it just came to me and it was so good
Speaker 2: and so perfect. I'll tell you after the podcast that
Speaker 2: I fucking texted at my whole group, all my.
Speaker 1: Friends, just to put it out there. Someone takes it.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I went, does anyone have this joke?
Speaker 2: So sometimes you'll tell a joke on stage and it'll
Speaker 2: be so perfect you're like, hold on, hang on, one second,
Speaker 2: is that someone else's joke? And then they'll hit you
Speaker 2: up and they're like it's a Patrice joke. You're like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck, And so then you gotta get rid of it.
Speaker 2: I texted everyone. I texted Mark Norman, I didn't text Sam.
Speaker 2: I texted Rogan, I texted Segura. I texted everyone, and
Speaker 2: everyone's like, never heard it, brilliant premise. I was like, done, son,
Speaker 2: I'm so fucking pumped. It's the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 1: When you found when you find a good joke.
Speaker 2: It's got to be it's got to be what it
Speaker 2: feels like for you when a ball would land in
Speaker 2: your hand and you'd pull it in and you'd be like, oh,
Speaker 2: I did it now.
Speaker 1: I think I think for me it'd be more like
Speaker 1: route running. Yeah, like when the guy when you kill
Speaker 1: guy out. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, because that's
Speaker 1: my creative that's where my creative juice comes from. He's like,
Speaker 1: when a guy gives you an impossible look, like an
Speaker 1: inside leverage and you have to have an inbreaking route
Speaker 1: and you stem them in, you reset your stem, you
Speaker 1: get him running four and then you slap him by
Speaker 1: and you come under and he's like running like that,
Speaker 1: he's like telling a good joke or finding the good joke.
Speaker 2: Mine sounds a lot simpler, but yeah, what do you mean?
Speaker 2: Like you just stem him in and he gives you
Speaker 2: a look. I'm like, I'm already like, I'm so confused
Speaker 2: by playbooks where like uh, molly three inside powder, Uh,
Speaker 2: let's troil the bullet with a three five runner runner Runner.
Speaker 1: Rangers fing to zero slot, ride one thirty four f
Speaker 1: bo ice alert ride one thirty four gap. That's one
Speaker 1: play and what does that mean? So there's a pass
Speaker 1: and a run play. It's a check with me type play.
Speaker 1: Rangers is the personnel group, So that's telling everyone who
Speaker 1: they are are in the huddle for the skill position, guys.
Speaker 1: The thing that's telling a type of motion to the formation.
Speaker 1: So zero slot is the formation, zero is the original formation.
Speaker 1: Zero out brings the F out here, slot brings the
Speaker 1: Z over here. So that zero slot is that wow.
Speaker 1: So the fing is telling the the f hees to
Speaker 1: fing motion to the tight end and then F bow
Speaker 1: ice is the f bow is running. That ice is
Speaker 1: a two man concept where it's an incut and across
Speaker 1: alert for a certain look or right one thirty four,
Speaker 1: which is a handoff play to the right.
Speaker 2: So when you when you would hear those in a huddle,
Speaker 2: were you just looking for your words? Now, I was
Speaker 2: there for so long. It was in the same system,
Speaker 2: so I knew so like he could he could tell.
Speaker 2: I could tell by what situation like if it was
Speaker 2: first or second or third down. I knew the play
Speaker 2: calls that were coming in because we'd be so rehearsed
Speaker 2: with walkthroughs and you know, knowing what the scheme was
Speaker 2: or what they were their tendencies on defense were, so
Speaker 2: you knew that you could have a sixty percent chance
Speaker 2: of this happening, or a thirty percent or like a
Speaker 2: one percent.
Speaker 1: You know, so if you're like really putting the time in,
Speaker 1: you could like finish those sentences.
Speaker 2: Jesus, that's insane to me. That's insane to me. That's
Speaker 2: something I enjoy.
Speaker 1: Like I talk with the boys because you know, there's taka.
Speaker 1: You know, I've been working with like an acting coach
Speaker 1: and stuff, and potentially want to go to I want
Speaker 1: to get in that. You know, It's something I've always enjoyed.
Speaker 1: But the one thing that scares me the most, even
Speaker 1: when I'm working with my acting coach, is remembering your
Speaker 1: lines because you don't want to be the person on
Speaker 1: set that doesn't know the line. I get it. It
Speaker 1: reminds me of like not knowing the formation.
Speaker 2: Oh really, yeah, but you already have that brain. You
Speaker 2: can memorize.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's different, yeah, because you know the concept.
Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you this acting is very different once
Speaker 2: that it's been blocked out. Like to read sides and
Speaker 2: an edition is very different than doing it and I
Speaker 2: can barely read. I'm really bad at it too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's it's like when you know, when you were a
Speaker 1: kid in like class and you had to you guys
Speaker 1: were doing the reading around class, Like I would sit
Speaker 1: and I would do math on when my like five
Speaker 1: sentences were yeah, and I'd sit and practice that sentence
Speaker 1: those my my paragraph, like I thought, and I would
Speaker 1: still fuck it up.
Speaker 2: Jake Paul is the best out loud reader I've ever
Speaker 2: seen in my life. I got a sign glove wreck there.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I'm sorry, Logan Paul Logan. Logan is, I've
Speaker 2: never seen Jake read. I'm gonna see him read. I'm
Speaker 2: going to Miami and do his podcast in a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks. Logan Paul can read out loud like a motherfucker,
Speaker 2: like a nerd, like when the nerds would read and
Speaker 2: you'd be like, fucking yeah, but wait, pe.
Speaker 1: I worked with JB. James Brown on Inside the NFL
Speaker 1: the last two years and like just watchings like those
Speaker 1: guys off the teleprompter and how they'll throw in a
Speaker 1: couple of their extra own little ship. Yeah, like how
Speaker 1: the fuck did you know? Where you go?
Speaker 5: Where do you go?
Speaker 1: How do you get back to it?
Speaker 2: How do you get back to it?
Speaker 1: He throw in something it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: It's eyes disconnect. Yeah. I I well, the first time
Speaker 2: I ever read prompter, I thought that I had to
Speaker 2: go at his speed. So we fucking tore through it
Speaker 2: and they're like, you're reading really fast. They're going to
Speaker 2: you and he's like and the guy's I'm keeping up
Speaker 2: with you, buddy, And I was like, oh sorry. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, let's go slower. Then he goes good call. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not good at I'm not I'm not a good
Speaker 2: out loud reader. I'm dyslexic, so i'll like read like.
Speaker 2: I had a joke about that the other night. My
Speaker 2: daughter's dyslexic, and she texted me I'll meet you. What
Speaker 2: she meant to say is I'll meet you at the intersection,
Speaker 2: but she wrote I'll meet you with the insurrection, and
Speaker 2: I went, are we storming the Capitol? I was like, fuck, okay,
Speaker 2: and then I was like, let me get my my
Speaker 2: my buffalo hat.
Speaker 3: Bringing this full circle, This game was on January sixth.
Speaker 2: Are you serious?
Speaker 3: Totally serious?
Speaker 2: And that's what we call a callback. Everybody, thanks for watching.
Speaker 2: My name is Burt Kreischer. This is Julian Edelin. I
Speaker 2: hope you learned stuff today.
Speaker 1: This is games with names. But we got to score
Speaker 1: the game. Score the game. Presented by win bet.
Speaker 2: Oh oh for real, Yeah, we.
Speaker 1: Gotta score it. This is a huge thing on TikTok
Speaker 1: for our following presented by win bet.
Speaker 2: Is the Night is the two thousand? Look, that's how
Speaker 2: bad I am? Is the twenty fourteen BCS National Championionship
Speaker 2: the best game of all time.
Speaker 1: Let's score it greatest because it's dog You know, we
Speaker 1: all talk about the goat. Yeah, greatest of all time.
Speaker 1: We're looking for the dog, the greatest of all games.
Speaker 2: Okay, the dog stakes. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: The stakes of this game? It's national championship. I mean
Speaker 1: it's a zero out of ten, right jack.
Speaker 3: Zero out of ten? So high stakes here.
Speaker 1: This is high stakes.
Speaker 5: This is.
Speaker 2: So we put a ten. It's the high stakes you
Speaker 2: can get.
Speaker 3: I can't argue with that.
Speaker 1: Can't argue with that, I guess you sure, so you
Speaker 1: think ten, ten out of ten?
Speaker 2: Well, old school BCS undefeated season. You look so many,
Speaker 2: you look so many of those BCS championships and everyone
Speaker 2: lost one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm not saying anything but the ACC. Yes,
Speaker 1: they had Clemson that was ranked three early in the year.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying. It was a
Speaker 2: little bit. It wasn't like it was the SEC or
Speaker 2: the PAC ten.
Speaker 1: There is no PAC ten. It's gone. There was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but it's just not even I grew up
Speaker 1: PAC ten fan or PAC twelve, whatever it is, and
Speaker 1: it's gone. It's completely gone because of selfish people of
Speaker 1: those organizations that are running that thing. Stakes. You think
Speaker 1: ten will go ten, ten, We'll go ten star power.
Speaker 2: Not as high as you'd think. I would say, well,
Speaker 2: considering I'm obsessed with the the team out of Miami
Speaker 2: and the two thousand what is it, two thousand, two
Speaker 2: thousand and six Gators? Is that the one that Aaron
Speaker 2: Hernandez was on. I'm obsessed with the fucking the Ponzi Twins,
Speaker 2: like I'm obsessed with Yeah, I'm obsessed with those two.
Speaker 2: Those two teams make and then and I started. I
Speaker 2: had a team that was like William Floyd fucking uh Charles, Charles,
Speaker 2: Charlie Ward, Like, I mean, we had such trading.
Speaker 1: Back up Charlie Ward was back up Arlie.
Speaker 2: No, he won the Heisman.
Speaker 3: You might be thinking of Charlie Batch.
Speaker 1: Charlie Batch, what am I doing? I'm a I'm an
Speaker 1: analyst here on Fox, coming back with you with all
Speaker 1: the best information.
Speaker 2: You should get prompter? Can I can I tell you?
Speaker 2: Can I tell you my favorite thing in the world? Okay,
Speaker 2: please do this for your Instagram. Get a Prompter's very simple.
Speaker 2: You put it on an iPad, you put it up
Speaker 2: under the camera and it reads the camera. And you
Speaker 2: should practice prompter that you don't know what you're reading,
Speaker 2: but you should read it. With ernest and sincerity, and
Speaker 2: I will submit the prompter reads. I will text you
Speaker 2: the prompter reads and they'll just be they're gonna be
Speaker 2: under a minute and they're And it's practice prompter reads.
Speaker 3: Can we steal that and use it as a new
Speaker 3: segment on Games with Names?
Speaker 2: Please? Yes, please? It's a great it's a great like
Speaker 2: and I love chocolate Banana's my favorite thing about chocolate.
Speaker 2: It is just something bizarre that they find on the
Speaker 2: internet that you then have to read verbatim and try
Speaker 2: to and really sell it. The thing about prompter is
Speaker 2: when you sell it, when you really sell it, I mean,
Speaker 2: you know what I try to use, and you gotta
Speaker 2: add lib a little James Brown in the middle of it.
Speaker 1: You gotta throw in and I and I love vacations.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows I love game cases and that right fellas anyway,
Speaker 2: a chocolate banana when I school like, that's a new
Speaker 2: segment you should do on this show? Is I love
Speaker 2: practice prompt reads and you just start just and by
Speaker 2: the way, Fox will fucking love this and go, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: it's your boy Jewels. I'm getting ready for the Fox season.
Speaker 2: I'm just practicing prompter. It's a new segment I do
Speaker 2: call prompter reads, and it's just bizarre fucking sentences of
Speaker 2: like with confusing words and just tricky because that the
Speaker 2: tricky part is like.
Speaker 1: The oh wow, bound cow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you like weird punctuation.
Speaker 1: Unique York, unique, New York unique. Yeah, uh, star power,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do that.
Speaker 2: Fuck you, San Diego.
Speaker 1: A large wooden ship? Was it that? Uh? That's Anchorman.
Speaker 2: I've never left harder at a movie. When he goes, so,
Speaker 2: there's a new thing on the street called crack cocaine,
Speaker 2: and we're gonna try it.
Speaker 1: It's pretty good. That fucking movie for me, my one
Speaker 1: of my favorite, like just die It's also my age
Speaker 1: gap super bad.
Speaker 2: Oh dude.
Speaker 1: The opening line when they're talking about the porn scene
Speaker 1: and how their mom's gonna find out if it sounds
Speaker 1: too much like a porn site to the credit card charge.
Speaker 1: I literally remember having those conversations with my I was crying.
Speaker 1: I was a date in college watching that movie, crying
Speaker 1: the whole fucking movie, perfect crying website.
Speaker 2: Yeah. When he did the thing in home ac He's like,
Speaker 2: no offense, this is a joke class, No one cares
Speaker 2: about it. He's like no offense. She's like, that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean when I think you think Jonah Hill is the
Speaker 2: fucking if we're talking about run him through this list.
Speaker 2: He is the fucking goat.
Speaker 1: I love that Jonah Hill.
Speaker 2: I love that dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he gotta work on his relationship problems. Star Power
Speaker 1: we out of ten.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say seven.
Speaker 1: Seven Famous jamis Benjamin Cody Parky, the guy who had
Speaker 1: the double doink. We had the Long bros On for real,
Speaker 1: the Double Doink Chicago. Yeah, we talked about he missed
Speaker 1: a field goal in this game and they.
Speaker 3: Lost by three. He comes back to bite every time
Speaker 3: we go seven seven.
Speaker 1: Gameplay gameplay ten such a great game. We're just throwing
Speaker 1: out ten's like.
Speaker 2: I know ten, it's it's it's it's a come from behind.
Speaker 2: Look that's what that's why was it? The largest watched
Speaker 2: the game?
Speaker 3: They just come back in BCSGMB.
Speaker 2: I just said this to my daughters. I said, I
Speaker 2: wish you were boys so that you can understand what
Speaker 2: you're seeing right now. I understand you don't care about this,
Speaker 2: but I need you to be present because what we're
Speaker 2: watching is everything I love in life. Everything I love
Speaker 2: in life. I go back to the fucking the Dolphins
Speaker 2: versus the Chargers on Monday Night footballs. Do you remember
Speaker 2: that fucking game where they carried Kellen Winslow off. I
Speaker 2: sat next to him on a play in and I said, sir,
Speaker 2: it is an honor to sit next to you. I
Speaker 2: used to dress up in my backyard, get covered in
Speaker 2: water and pretend to be you. And he did not
Speaker 2: take that compliment the right way. But I always pretended
Speaker 2: to be soaking wet, like being carried off the field,
Speaker 2: and so like, that's why you That is the thing
Speaker 2: you So many games you're like, ah, this one's over.
Speaker 2: But when the game, when you're on the edge of
Speaker 2: the seat, you go shut up, shut up, shut up.
Speaker 1: He ran it back. Shut the fuck up. Shut When
Speaker 1: you start hitting strangers.
Speaker 2: Dude, that's like, uh, that's like it's like, it's like
Speaker 2: the movie that we were talking about earlier. It's the
Speaker 2: movie where you go shut the.
Speaker 5: Fuck up.
Speaker 1: Will Fear. And I'll be watching that tonight.
Speaker 2: I hope you're doing. By the way, I'm getting your
Speaker 2: phone umber you're texting me, and I'll be texting you
Speaker 2: guys by reads hell.
Speaker 1: Yes, all right, we got ten ten on gameplay. The name.
Speaker 1: What do we name this game? What is the name
Speaker 1: of the game.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have a good name.
Speaker 1: It's not like The Choke and the Doke, No, it was.
Speaker 2: It was just Seamus's last run.
Speaker 1: Love that Seamus's last run. So what do we name,
Speaker 1: Like on name name of the game. That's gotta be low.
Speaker 1: I'd say zero zero because it has no name to it.
Speaker 1: It never got a name. It never got it and
Speaker 1: it's just an underrated, sneaky great game.
Speaker 2: The last it.
Speaker 1: Should be something to do with, like the last of
Speaker 1: the BCS.
Speaker 2: It should be all right, it should BECs should be
Speaker 2: initials for what it is. Best College sang gr Yeah something.
Speaker 1: I don't, are you sang grea guy?
Speaker 2: I'm an anything guy.
Speaker 1: Sangria gives me hangovers. I just the sugar content.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I try not to funk
Speaker 2: with too much sugar. Thet this, yeah yeah, look at this.
Speaker 2: These are all the games you guys watched.
Speaker 1: These are all the games we've done on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh who did who did Shawn Michael's versus Brett Hart?
Speaker 2: We did? We had Sean Michaels, Oh for real? Yeah,
Speaker 2: he was like oh, he was like I don't know.
Speaker 2: We could do our own games. Always show you some
Speaker 2: tape from high school Yankees, Verus Red Sox. Goddamn it,
Speaker 2: that was a fucking I would I would argue though.
Speaker 2: I watched that in a bar in Richmond with Gary
Speaker 2: Goleman from from Uh. We watched that in a bar.
Speaker 2: It was right after last Comic Standing and I just
Speaker 2: had Georgia The The better of that was. Do you
Speaker 2: remember the Yankees during two thousand and one, right after
Speaker 2: September eleventh? Yeah, when they were Aaron Judge was hitting
Speaker 2: danger after danger and you're like, shot, Oh god, that
Speaker 2: I was a good God damn it. What a great podcast.
Speaker 2: What a great fucking podcast. What other guests do you
Speaker 2: have on? You gotta get Cigara on? You don't love cigar? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You got your cigar? Is like a he'll.
Speaker 1: Have what's What's what sport? Does he like? What he
Speaker 1: likes football? What's his team?
Speaker 2: Uh? Florida State?
Speaker 1: And but uh, but I was Tampa. He likes Tampa.
Speaker 2: I like Tampa. I think I think he's gotta be
Speaker 2: I think he's a Cincinnati fan.
Speaker 1: Cincinnati.
Speaker 2: He maybe Denver he went to like he I don't know,
Speaker 2: he just loves like he can talk to you, he
Speaker 2: can talk to you about football, uh like really clean,
Speaker 2: like he'll he'll know prospects. And I'm like, don't pull
Speaker 2: up this guy. He's a fucking savage. This guy's fucking
Speaker 2: look at this six eight. So they got stats on him,
Speaker 2: like he really.
Speaker 1: Is in football, Like we gotta we gotta get him on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll give you cigars. We've had him.
Speaker 1: We've had some cool guests. We had Brandy Chestain to
Speaker 1: talk about that woman's World Cup when she took her
Speaker 1: shirt off for real. Yeah, we had a big Poppy
Speaker 1: went talking with the Socks and the Red Sox. We
Speaker 1: had Peyton on when he threw having touchdowns. I mean,
Speaker 1: who else have we had? We had Mike Bibby. Oh,
Speaker 1: I used to love Mike Baby, I love Sacramento Kings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: talk about that whole.
Speaker 2: Thing, dude. Jason speaking of Randy Moss, Jason Williams and yeah,
Speaker 2: and he was Jason Williams played at Florida so like
Speaker 2: he was our he was our guy. We loved him,
Speaker 2: and then he went to the Kings. That's the jersey,
Speaker 2: first basketball jersey I ever purchased by myself, was a
Speaker 2: Jason Williams Jersey White Chocolate. That do you remember that
Speaker 2: commercial of the two of them playing sports together and
Speaker 2: you're like, what a great fucking commercial.
Speaker 1: My dad heard a story about Jason Williams dad tying
Speaker 1: his right hand behind his back and making him dribble
Speaker 1: with his left and did it to me. My dad
Speaker 1: did the same thing, but put tape on my mouth. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I used to just get a little backhand.
Speaker 2: He was like, you, you're still good with the mouth.
Speaker 2: Use your eyes.
Speaker 3: We got the final score are tallied up here. This
Speaker 3: one clocked in at a six point seventy five. Having
Speaker 3: no name kind of sunk it. So yeah on our
Speaker 3: master list. That settles us. Right in between the Texas
Speaker 3: Texas A and M game where Ricky Williams broke the
Speaker 3: college rushing record.
Speaker 1: Wow, we had him on there.
Speaker 3: It was all he's cool, and right in between the
Speaker 3: the nine Western Conference finals Kobe versus the Nuggets, that
Speaker 3: was what we had. Kenyon Martin on Kenyon Martin.
Speaker 2: There's there. Do you think the do you think do
Speaker 2: you think there would be riots in the street if
Speaker 2: they outlawed football?
Speaker 1: Depends on what street you're talking.
Speaker 2: Not in La No, not in La.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you go anywhere in like the South Midwest?
Speaker 2: Yeah, football football? Do you go to the Rams games
Speaker 2: at all?
Speaker 1: I haven't been to a Rams game. We went and
Speaker 1: watched him in training camp though. This just to kind of,
Speaker 1: you know, I got I got a new one of
Speaker 1: my old coaches, Nick Kaylee over there now, so like
Speaker 1: that's how you kind of go and see those games.
Speaker 1: Like usually I'm watching the games at the house. I
Speaker 1: mean you gotta I gotta see all the content. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you got it's work and then that's work twoday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well now it will be. I used to go it
Speaker 1: was a recap show. It inside the NFL, so I'd
Speaker 1: have to watch all the games ton in New York.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the one down like by by September eleventh.
Speaker 1: No, it's it's in Hell's kitchen over on like fifty
Speaker 1: six on the West.
Speaker 2: They going good morning football.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good morning footballs.
Speaker 2: That's not the yeah the uh yeah, I go to
Speaker 2: one game a year. I used to get season tickets,
Speaker 2: but then I was like, I don't want to go
Speaker 2: to every game. I'm just giving away tickets. I just
Speaker 2: I really want to enjoy one game. So I get
Speaker 2: like a box and then bring like twenty people.
Speaker 1: If I I'll go if like the Patriots came out,
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to do that, but if you know,
Speaker 1: I think my recording day is done pretty early now.
Speaker 1: So I'm the first show. So we're the eight o'clock show.
Speaker 1: So I'm done by like nine thirty ten, so able
Speaker 1: to hit maybe an afternoon game. Ship.
Speaker 2: I'm not home. I'm on tour this whole fucking fall.
Speaker 2: I leave on the fourteenth, I don't come back. I
Speaker 2: don't come back until after Red Rocks. I leave on
Speaker 2: the fourteenth. That I'm gone for twenty days straight, twenty
Speaker 2: five days straight.
Speaker 1: You're doing Red Rocks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to come chat.
Speaker 1: I want to come check that. What is it on
Speaker 1: a music?
Speaker 2: Do you like?
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 2: What kind of music do you like?
Speaker 1: I like all music.
Speaker 2: Do you ever heard of a band called Goose?
Speaker 3: No, you're a Goose guy?
Speaker 2: Hardcore hardcore? And so we're going to Red Rocks this year.
Speaker 2: I perform. It's me Ja, Big Jay and Dan Soder.
Speaker 2: I'm bringing those two guys with me inside of sounds
Speaker 2: by performing on like a Tuesday or Wednesday, and Goose
Speaker 2: is per forming Friday. So we rented out a whole
Speaker 2: place and we've and I bring everyone. I bring everyone.
Speaker 2: So if you want to come, let me know. I
Speaker 2: got spots for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking.
Speaker 1: It's a Tuesday. I would love to come check you out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never been to Red Rocks. You've never been to
Speaker 1: Red Rocks.
Speaker 2: When you perform there, it's the different experience because you
Speaker 2: come in the back. You have total access. You see
Speaker 2: the rock. Everything's the rockets in the green room in
Speaker 2: like you're you're they build a place around these rocks.
Speaker 2: They did not move the rocks and so there's like
Speaker 2: a huge rock in your green room. There's great catering,
Speaker 2: there's booze, and then the and then the show is amazing.
Speaker 2: You have total access to the whole place. And then
Speaker 2: the best part is at the end of the night
Speaker 2: you can either pull like a Tommy or a Sebastian
Speaker 2: where they just bounced the second there's shows over, they
Speaker 2: don't hang out, or you can hang and they clean
Speaker 2: it out. And then it's you at midnight at Red
Speaker 2: Rocks under the stars, smoking a joint, having a fucking
Speaker 2: Tito's and soda going like the fucking Beatles played here.
Speaker 2: The Beatles played there.
Speaker 1: Big Beatles Guy. Yeah, Big Beatles Guy named after Julian
Speaker 1: John Lennon's son and Julian Lennon. Oh for real, Hey Jules,
Speaker 1: Hey Jude.
Speaker 2: No, but that's what he wrote it jewels.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy. That's a good one.
Speaker 2: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello, this has been fun. Man, it's been it's it's
Speaker 1: been awesome.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 1: I can't I can't thank you.
Speaker 2: And I didn't expect you to be this cool an
Speaker 2: we're talking about Like I knew you were cool, like
Speaker 2: I see you on cliffs stuff, but you're like a
Speaker 2: pretty easy hang.
Speaker 1: You are too. I've been a fan of you for
Speaker 1: a long time. I never got to we've never really
Speaker 1: crossed paths or anything, but you know, I've been watching
Speaker 1: you on social and it's crazy how that social you
Speaker 1: just see it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, it's crazy how you know someone so yeah,
Speaker 2: like I like, you end up knowing people that you've
Speaker 2: ever met. I remember you telling that machine story before
Speaker 2: the movie. Yeah, a bunch.
Speaker 1: I told him a bunch, all right, yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, this guy's made he's made a movie.
Speaker 2: It was a pretty cool experience. It's it's been Uh, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's crazy, like you do know people that you don't
Speaker 2: know at all. Like I feel like, like, and what's
Speaker 2: crazy is you'll take like, uh jokes at people that
Speaker 2: you think you know but you don't know. And then
Speaker 2: like cause I made jokes about Tom Brady like just
Speaker 2: because like thinking he'll see it and he'll get a
Speaker 2: kick out of it.
Speaker 1: Like what, I don't know, what's your best Tom Brady joke?
Speaker 1: But no, just.
Speaker 2: Like like I called out Mark Wahlberg, he did a
Speaker 2: video where he's like he's like, he's like, hey, don't
Speaker 2: get past this video.
Speaker 1: It's four in the morning. I'm tired.
Speaker 2: I could put my head back on the pillow, but
Speaker 2: instead I come to the gym. No one shows up,
Speaker 2: Big Joda and show up, So what do you do?
Speaker 2: You go out? And so like I just do a
Speaker 2: video exactly like him. I'm like, and so I think
Speaker 2: Tom did a video and because when he was playing
Speaker 2: in Tampa, I'm a Tampa fan. Yeah, And I just
Speaker 2: would do whatever he did back to him, thinking one
Speaker 2: day he'd be getting a massage scrolling through Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he doesn't do that, like' just like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: he'd be surprised. Really, Yeah, he doesn't seem regular. He
Speaker 1: doesn't like So when I first got in the league,
Speaker 1: I was the first kid on on social media. In
Speaker 1: the locker room really two thousand and nine, twenty ten, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like no one had like all the older guys, no
Speaker 1: one had shit. I was a West Coast kid though
Speaker 1: I grew up in the Bay, So you were around
Speaker 1: the facebooks and all that shit right at the shot
Speaker 1: the jump, and he would always get super mad at me,
Speaker 1: like get out here, get off your fucking phone, rooking
Speaker 1: your playbook. Fast forward like seven eight years when like
Speaker 1: it became a thing. This dude's always scrolling. I'll let
Speaker 1: him fucking fool you. And the diet, the dude loves
Speaker 1: chicken wings, really loves chicken wings. Oh I know what,
Speaker 1: like the TV twelve method diet. Yeah, he talks about that.
Speaker 1: But and he's very disciplined.
Speaker 2: Don't get it.
Speaker 1: Seems like he's very disciplined. But every night before we
Speaker 1: had the same ment like menu regardless of where you
Speaker 1: were at, because we would stay at a hotel, even
Speaker 1: for home games, they'd always have chicken wings out there.
Speaker 1: The lineman would be sitting there putting down like sixty wings,
Speaker 1: and as soon as everyone would leave, Old Brady would
Speaker 1: come in up after his little fucking his little quarterback meeting.
Speaker 1: He'd look around and take like two wings, dip it
Speaker 1: in fucking blue cheese, and eat it so like. And
Speaker 1: I've seen him a couple of times eat it and
Speaker 1: then spit it out. Oh that, like I eight one,
Speaker 1: and then he was gonna go too, and he's like
Speaker 1: two's too much? Is too much? I will not do that.
Speaker 1: It's a game night. So he is very disciplined.
Speaker 2: Oh I know what I did. His sister, I think
Speaker 2: I think came to one of my shows. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think she married to a friend of mine. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: so I knew him, and I think I don't know.
Speaker 2: I always do it playful, like I called out I
Speaker 2: called out Schwarzenegger one time. He played around like it
Speaker 2: was always fun. But when he played for the Bucks,
Speaker 2: I used to kind of like call him out, like, yo, Brady,
Speaker 2: I got it, Like I was doing that with with
Speaker 2: Baker Mayfield. I was like, I expect a lot out
Speaker 2: of you. I want old school Baker, like I want
Speaker 2: old school taunting people on the fucking sidelines, Baker, Fuck
Speaker 2: what they say you're in Tampa now, you can do
Speaker 2: a lot of bad shit. You can bite someone's face
Speaker 2: off and we won't fucking look at it. Do it
Speaker 2: under an underpass, say it was Basalt's Baker. We went
Speaker 2: old school Baker, Like I want Baker, I want Baker,
Speaker 2: fucking taunting people they still got.
Speaker 1: I mean, the Buccaneers have a lot of talent, dude.
Speaker 2: You look at their off the receivers with Mike Evans
Speaker 2: and Chris gob and Chris Godwin freaked me out. I
Speaker 2: was at Super Bowl and he came backstage. It was
Speaker 2: a bunch of people like uh and and we're all
Speaker 2: sitting around and he comes up such a nice kidd.
Speaker 2: He's with his wife and he's like, I just want
Speaker 2: to thank you, sir for you know, letting us back here.
Speaker 2: And I was like, that was a fucking child. I
Speaker 2: was like, it's good to meet you. And he was like,
Speaker 2: I said, did you have a good time. You wanted
Speaker 2: to send the drinkers. I don't drink And I was like,
Speaker 2: oh okay. And immediately when you hear that, you're like,
Speaker 2: oh cool, what do you do? Like just say football
Speaker 2: real quick when you get it over with And he's
Speaker 2: like I played. I played for the Bucks.
Speaker 1: I go.
Speaker 2: Chris and he goes yeah. I go Chris Godwin and
Speaker 2: he goes yeah. I go shut the fuck up and
Speaker 2: I geeked out all over him and he was like
Speaker 2: he was like, He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're a
Speaker 2: Bucks fan. And I was like, and then I have
Speaker 2: his number. I texted him every now and then, like
Speaker 2: if I ran into him again. I did a thing
Speaker 2: for the Bucks. When they unveiled the new jerseys, I
Speaker 2: ran into him and Mike Evans and Uh Levante David Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then uh and and Mike alstart. Dude, he's the
Speaker 2: fuck He came out. I was doing a thing. It
Speaker 2: was I think the he's a coach too. He's a
Speaker 2: jacked Yeah he was. He was at my show and
Speaker 2: at this at the thing. It was one of the
Speaker 2: craziest things. I gotta get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 2: I'm keep telling you stories. One of the crazy things
Speaker 2: about my show at the Emily is that Derek Brooks
Speaker 2: is like a representative for the Lightning and he gave
Speaker 2: me a jersey and I'm Florida State went school same
Speaker 2: time Derek Brooks did, I'm fucking big Bucks fan. So
Speaker 2: like I geeked out. So my my dad doesn't give
Speaker 2: a shit about anything. I just sold nineteen thousand tickets.
Speaker 2: And my dad's like, yeah, Wade Bogs in my box
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, I know. He was like
Speaker 2: that's crazy. She's still married. And I was like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, dad, what the fuck you're talking about. So
Speaker 2: then then fucking Derek Brooks comes backstage and my dad
Speaker 2: like freezes and he goes and he's like, I go, Dad,
Speaker 2: this is Derek because I know who he is. He's
Speaker 2: like he's like, my dad's like real, like it was
Speaker 2: home up. It was such an It's been such an
Speaker 2: honor to watch you play. You're such a fantastic talent.
Speaker 2: We followed you through college, birt was it fate And
Speaker 2: he's like yeah, I know, and he's like and then
Speaker 2: to see you with the Box is just such a
Speaker 2: storied career. It's just such a pleasure to meet you.
Speaker 2: And then Derek Brooks says to my dad it's crazy
Speaker 2: to follow his career. Huh. My dad's like huh. It's
Speaker 2: like he's like from where he is to where he was,
Speaker 2: and my dad go, is I have never seen him
Speaker 2: before before? And Derek brook goes for real, He's like,
Speaker 2: this is my first time seeing him. And Derek Brooks goes,
Speaker 2: I was at his first comedy show. And my dad's
Speaker 2: like what And I didn't know it. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I went to the pop Ellies with Miles to go
Speaker 2: watch you perform. I saw his very first comedy show
Speaker 2: and I saw him here. It's crazy that that happened. Man,
Speaker 2: it's the best bizarre and my and my dad Derek
Speaker 2: Brooks leaps.
Speaker 1: He goes, Derek fucking Brooks knows who you are. Derek
Speaker 1: fucking Brooks, he knows who you are.
Speaker 2: I go down. I just sold nineteen thousand fucking tickets.
Speaker 2: You don't, I go, yeah, there's a lot of people
Speaker 2: know who the fuck I am.
Speaker 1: Dad. I was like, but Derek Brooks, Derek Brooks.
Speaker 2: And then we go out and Mike but dad, Mike
Speaker 2: fucking all Stott knows you. Mike all Stott, and then
Speaker 2: Wade Bogs He's like, Wade Box knows you. I go, Dad,
Speaker 2: he was in the fucking box. Do you think he
Speaker 2: was just there on accident? Then he got drunk and
Speaker 2: stumbled into a fucking box. I go, Daddy's at the
Speaker 2: fucking show. I talked for an hour and a half.
Speaker 2: Next time I come back, I'll tell you the time
Speaker 2: Will Smith wanted to have sex with me. It was
Speaker 2: great doing this. Thank you very much for having me.
Speaker 2: Tops Off World Tour starts September fourteenth at Raleigh, North
Speaker 2: carolina'll two hundred and thirty pounds, and then we run
Speaker 2: all through the South Atlanta, Charlotte, Greenville, then Evanville, Evansville, Wichita,
Speaker 2: Kansas City, Dallas, Houston. The following week is Fresno, Anaheim.
Speaker 2: You have Fresno, Anaheim and San Diego, and then Red
Speaker 2: Rocks open invite for real if you want to come,
Speaker 2: and then we're gonna watch Goose on Friday. It's fucking awesome.
Speaker 1: Kind of jam bandysh Yeah, I love I love jam Bins.
Speaker 2: You know you like the Dead? I like the Dead.
Speaker 2: You're gonna love Goose.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be the guy to turn you onto Goose.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna send you the playlist we're gonna
Speaker 2: get what's it called the prompter reads. I'm so excited
Speaker 2: for this show. I should be I feel like I
Speaker 2: should be like a like just be one of the
Speaker 2: guys at the desk.
Speaker 1: Can I do third mic.
Speaker 2: On this show?
Speaker 1: It could be whatever you want, third microe. I just
Speaker 1: sit in.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put on a costume so like no one
Speaker 2: knows me, and then you come in and then I'll
Speaker 2: be like, I'll be like, Shawn Michaels would be like,
Speaker 2: so I think we should watch the Shawn.
Speaker 1: Michaels Brett Hard thing.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, kind of seems like you're pumping your
Speaker 2: own sof up ball and he'll be like, and You're like,
Speaker 2: he's new here, he's new here, he's new here. I'm like,
Speaker 2: who the fuck's the guy with the long hair and
Speaker 2: the mustache. And I'll be like the.
Speaker 1: Machine, Yeah, all right, get me the funk out of here, dude.
Speaker 2: I'll talk to you all day.
Speaker 1: I thank you very much. I appreciate you coming on
Speaker 1: the podcast. Games with Names is great. Hanging out with you.
Speaker 2: This is great. It was really great. I wish I
Speaker 2: only wish I was dipping.
Speaker 1: Boy. Was that an episode? Jackie incredible? Love Burt, love him.
Speaker 1: I mean we could have gone another three hours easily,
Speaker 1: easily easily.
Speaker 3: We gotta get him back in here.
Speaker 1: We gotta get him on again because he's got a
Speaker 1: plethora of knowledge for sports. As we just saw, I
Speaker 1: mean he didn't even watch the game. This is like
Speaker 1: the high of his life. He loves Florida State, grew
Speaker 1: up in that area. That's his school. Dad's a big
Speaker 1: Florida State fan. You leave to be with the family.
Speaker 1: I mean, can't knock that though. Thanks again, though, Bert.
Speaker 1: We gotta get him back on here. That's been another
Speaker 1: episode of Games with Names, presented by win Bett. Remember
Speaker 1: to follow Games with Names on YouTube, Instagram, x Twitter,
Speaker 1: what do they call it? TikTok? And of course snapchat
Speaker 1: disappearing messages.
Speaker 3: What's your snap?
Speaker 1: See you next week, Jackie. Games with Names is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.