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Speaker 1: My husband got a paternity test because the baby came

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Speaker 1: out with darker skin than me. I hope he doesn't

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Speaker 1: find out my secret.

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Speaker 2: So there's You know, we read lots of crazy titles

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Speaker 2: on the show. We have lots of crazy stories. This

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Speaker 2: one is one. I don't even know what to say.

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Speaker 2: I just have to hear the story.

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Speaker 1: This is Babies are like like Crayola colors. You know.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you think you're buying one pack, uh huh, and

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Speaker 1: you might get a different set of Crayola colors.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest, I am completely lost in the

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Speaker 2: sauce of this anology.

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Speaker 1: Bro Gens jeans jeans. Could you know sometimes you think

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Speaker 1: you're getting a baby with two Legskay, Okay, it comes

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Speaker 1: out with three.

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Speaker 3: You think your times you're getting, you know, one baby,

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Speaker 3: you get two.

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Speaker 2: You think you're getting magenta crayola, and you're getting sea

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Speaker 2: foam exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: You know. Never, you know, life is like a box

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Speaker 1: of Crayola crayons. You know, you never know what you

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Speaker 1: get to get. All right, here we go, Here we go.

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Speaker 1: My husband is thirty two. I am twenty seven. We

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Speaker 1: got married two years ago and have been together for

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Speaker 1: six years. One year ago, I fell pregnant. Is that

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Speaker 1: a thing that people say felt pregnant?

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Speaker 3: If a tripped fell popped in and out, you know, just.

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Speaker 1: Walking and then tripped it slipped in. He came and

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Speaker 1: now here, we come to this place, and we had

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Speaker 1: a daughter a few months ago. Congrats o Pie. However

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Speaker 1: he has been very weird during these months. One thing

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Speaker 1: to note is I am mixed. My dad is white

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Speaker 1: Spanish and my mom is dark skinned Latina. I am

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Speaker 1: more light skinned. However, many of my family members are

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Speaker 1: really dark, which is like a thing that happenpens right.

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Speaker 1: Even my mom when she was like in Australia, she

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Speaker 1: looked completely different just based on like sun exposure. She

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Speaker 1: had like like really dark olive skin and now she's

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Speaker 1: way more pale.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have my partner's family has family members that

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Speaker 2: are like, you know, close to my skin tone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a range of skin tones and any fail

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Speaker 1: they were setting this up because the ridiculous that ensues

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Speaker 1: is ridiculous. Yes, so our daughter was born and she

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Speaker 1: is somewhat darker than me and inherited our long black

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Speaker 1: hair and sharp characteristics. What a sharp mean?

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Speaker 2: Like maybe like maybe, yeah, like like like jawnline nose teeth.

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Speaker 1: They just come out with thangs. My wife is having

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Speaker 1: vampires very different. So you cheated on you with a word.

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Speaker 1: I thought you were a team Jacob.

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Speaker 2: Small small side note. I don't know if have you

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Speaker 2: seen the scene with the like baby in that movie?

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Speaker 1: H No, I actually haven't watched. You don't need to

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Speaker 1: watch one. I think I watched Twilight. It's the baby

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Speaker 1: is it's not a baby? I don't even know they

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Speaker 1: had the first it was animatronic and then they it

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Speaker 1: was so bad that they had to see GI over it.

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Speaker 3: And the CGI is still terrible.

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Speaker 1: So why do they just get a real baby? These

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Speaker 1: are questions maybe because it's it's a vampire baby, and

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Speaker 1: those are pretty pretty rare, pretty hard to come by,

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Speaker 1: especially like that's a hardcasting imagine that. Yeah, the shooting

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Speaker 1: must from a vampire baby, must must have teeth. But

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Speaker 1: if you get the vampire baby, you can only shoot

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Speaker 1: nights like come on and then like that's when everyone

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Speaker 1: else is sleeping. It's like a production assistant nightmare. She

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Speaker 1: looks very much like my mom. Sometimes it skips a generation,

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Speaker 1: you know exactly. My husband has not been very kosher

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Speaker 1: with this. He kept making jokes about infidelity and I

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Speaker 1: told him to stop. I'm just imagining him in like

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Speaker 1: like the delivery room, and it comes out like him

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Speaker 1: making like a I don't need an off color joke.

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Speaker 3: Like dang babe. I won't even go there. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: you guys can imagine, Yeah you could.

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Speaker 1: You could imagine what this guy, this, this, this piece

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Speaker 1: of poop would say. Then shit hit the fan when

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Speaker 1: I was on a zoom call a month ago. Hmmm,

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Speaker 1: you never want a shit fan.

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Speaker 3: Just no, you don't.

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Speaker 1: I have a coworker who is Middle Eastern. He's the

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Speaker 1: only other person of color in our department. He and

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Speaker 1: I almost have no overlap. We don't work on a projectgether,

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Speaker 1: We don't talk personally. This woman does not know this

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Speaker 1: man in the slightest. Who are you? I don't know

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Speaker 1: who you are, but I gotta work with you. I

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Speaker 1: guess the only links we have is in this department

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Speaker 1: group chat and one message between us almost two years

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Speaker 1: ago with the concern clients. Right, so basically they are

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Speaker 1: not connected. Right, But but but my husband saw him

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Speaker 1: on a zoom call. He saw how my coworker laughed

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Speaker 1: at one of my jokes. Also, I love this parentheses.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't the only one like that joke with how

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Speaker 1: all funny I'm on commedia? Yeah it was actually it

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Speaker 1: was the writer's room for the office. Yeah, and he

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Speaker 1: immediately accused me of chitting. How dare you make another

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Speaker 1: man laugh?

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Speaker 2: Brodamn, this guy is just screwing up his entire life

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Speaker 2: over this is ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: And like, you know, if you were worried about your

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Speaker 1: wife's infidelity, like least do some background research before like

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Speaker 1: saying like you are being infidels, like look her up

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Speaker 1: on Public Data Check and say like, okay, is she

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Speaker 1: is she legit? Does she have any skeletons in the closet?

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Speaker 3: Exactly?

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Speaker 2: Like you can find people's real names or address relatives

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Speaker 2: and even criminal records.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So if you have family, friends, a significant other

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Speaker 1: and you want to see if they be truth in

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Speaker 1: or lion, go to public data check dot com or

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Speaker 1: check her Lincoln bio. Yep, back to the story. So,

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Speaker 1: I was honestly floored. He demanded to see my phone.

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Speaker 1: Demanded and he demanded a paternity test. Bro. Yo, See,

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Speaker 1: it's like one thing to say, like let me see

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Speaker 1: your phone, which is like one level of I don't

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Speaker 1: trust you. Yeah, and then the paternity test another level,

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Speaker 1: just because the baby came out darker than you were expecting.

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Speaker 2: And the guy, and also the connection to the guy

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Speaker 2: on the zoom call, it's.

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Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I think like like he was. I think

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Speaker 1: he was just already feeling super insecure and like he

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Speaker 1: was just looking for a.

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Speaker 2: So like for a reason, the mental gymnastics of his

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Speaker 2: insecurity is like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, mind made a guy last. Yeah, you're obviously sleeping

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Speaker 1: with him. Yeah, what else women don't? Andrew ta Okay wait,

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Speaker 1: actually I was saving this over what I said. It

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Speaker 1: was this fact that I wanted to share with you. Yes, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is crazy. This is absolutely crazy. So, uh, there's

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Speaker 1: this podcast Andrew Huberman. We were listening to it Ariana

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Speaker 1: and I. Apparently fifty percent of men cheating relationships and

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Speaker 1: twenty five percent of women cheating relationships.

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Speaker 2: Of all relationships, all relations fifty percent of men and.

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Speaker 3: Twenty five percent of women. Wow, that is pretty.

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Speaker 1: That is crazy insane. I'm just hoping it's like, like,

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Speaker 1: what my hope is. There's fifty fifty percent of marriages

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Speaker 1: and in divorce. So I'm just hoping all the people

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Speaker 1: that are cheating are getting divorced, right right, which is

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Speaker 1: probably not true.

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Speaker 2: Here's what's blowing my mind. Put those together, that's seventy

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Speaker 2: five percent of relationships have cheating.

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Speaker 1: No, no, because you conet have overlap, you can have

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Speaker 1: twenty five years. You know, they could be cheating.

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Speaker 3: I mean a statician.

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Speaker 2: Okay, silly stories, we don't know. I'm sorry, but dude, insane, right,

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Speaker 2: that's that is crazy?

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Speaker 1: Okay, But what's more insane is this freaking story. Right?

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Speaker 1: So he demanded a paternity test, and they got in

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Speaker 1: this huge fight and then he left, right, this is

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Speaker 1: op I tried calling his friend answered. He said that

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Speaker 1: my husband would only be willing to talk one condition,

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Speaker 1: once I had put in the work to build up

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Speaker 1: trust and do a praternity test.

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Speaker 2: What about the trust of you not assuming one person

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Speaker 2: your wife makes a coworker laugh and they have a

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Speaker 2: child with your Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Come on, trust?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, you you you thrown trust out the window

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Speaker 1: when one you went through her phone and two you

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Speaker 1: asked her oppternity test. So don't you be talking about trust.

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Speaker 1: How about you just uh, you know, maybe don't trust

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Speaker 1: your your sense of either genetic knowledge. Definitely, don't trust that.

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Speaker 1: Don't trust your humor funny bone, because.

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Speaker 3: Clearly doesn't have it.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't have one, can't take a joke and also can't

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Speaker 1: take it if his wife's making a joke. The only

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Speaker 1: thing you should be laughing at is your sorry excuse

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Speaker 1: for a life, because your life is about to go

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Speaker 1: freaking downhill fast, because wait until you see what's next.

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Speaker 3: Bear.

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Speaker 1: This friend right was talking about half of the husband.

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Speaker 1: The friend said he will only be available for questions

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Speaker 1: regarding the paternity test. It's like, this friend is the lawyer, truly,

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Speaker 1: I that speaking on behalf of my clients, and he

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Speaker 1: will only talk to you when these records and measures

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Speaker 1: are taken into account.

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Speaker 3: And I would never like want to be that part,

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Speaker 3: Like who would want to be that part? For that? No?

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Speaker 3: And also like how may one thousand an hour pay

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Speaker 3: me the lawyer?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if I ever want you to be my liaison,

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Speaker 1: one thousand bucks an hour, you know, but you and

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Speaker 1: family discount.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, thanks, nine ninety nine. We gotta make it.

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Speaker 2: You know, you're you're you're you're my best friend, so

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Speaker 2: I had to you know, it's not really throw it

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Speaker 2: is the best friends discount, you know, friends discount, that's

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Speaker 2: nine nine nine point.

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Speaker 1: Fifty Okay, yeah, yeah, I get another extra fifty percent.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting one hundred percent more than the other.

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Speaker 2: People off exactly you get, thanks, John, I I I

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm generous.

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Speaker 1: Obviously, it was what a bit of a regular Rockefeller.

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Speaker 1: I say, that's that's me here. I was honestly so mad,

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Speaker 1: and what's done? I wanted nothing to do with this

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Speaker 1: fool anymore. Honestly at this point I did the test

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Speaker 1: mainly so he couldn't dispute the paternity because once again,

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Speaker 1: I f thing knew this clown was the father.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I get that.

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Speaker 1: And John, and John, is this something we've said many

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Speaker 1: a time, a million times on this show, a million times.

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Speaker 1: What if we said, John, we have said, if there's

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Speaker 1: an issue, it has to have happened earlier.

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Speaker 3: How do you get six years?

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Speaker 1: Six freaking years like a presidential cycle and a half. Right, yes,

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Speaker 1: you don't freaking know who your partner is and the

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Speaker 1: skeletons in their closet, and how they're just like like scumbags,

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Speaker 1: Like how does this not come up earlier?

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Speaker 3: I vote you get a new partner?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the electorate has spoken the electric system. I

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Speaker 2: am a dictator, jerry mandering all his bitch his ass.

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Speaker 1: The results came.

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Speaker 3: In and hey's the father.

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Speaker 1: The same day I told him I wanted to separate

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Speaker 1: doing a one two. You're the dad and uh, we're

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Speaker 1: not the husband. He's already crying and begging and not

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Speaker 1: in the sexy way. He apologized for how he went

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Speaker 1: about it. I told him I needed time, I needed space,

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Speaker 1: I needed to get away from sack of ship. Actually,

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Speaker 1: he said he would set up a session with a counselor.

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Speaker 1: I told him, okay, but like a counselor is going

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Speaker 1: to solve this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for real? I mean maybe, I guess that's what

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Speaker 2: they're here for. But there could be some resolution. But

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Speaker 2: it's like it's I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's been enough trust breached at this

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Speaker 1: point that she she deserves it out. Yes, now I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting here, I honestly don't think I can find it

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Speaker 1: in my heart to forgive him. It's one thing to

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Speaker 1: ask for a test, right, which is true, asking for

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Speaker 1: a test one thing, Yes, it's another thing for him

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Speaker 1: to treat me like lying scum. Fuck you, Stephan, And

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Speaker 1: it's a weird spelling of Stephan, so there's not that many.

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Speaker 1: It's s t e f f e n okop.

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Speaker 3: Find him Stepan? Hey, and.

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Speaker 1: Is this you Stefan? Yeah? S t E f f

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Speaker 1: e n. We got a message for you around Stepan

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Speaker 1: with two fens. That's right, because he fucked around and

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Speaker 1: he found that out those those baby but guess what, John,

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Speaker 1: what there is an update. I did end up going

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Speaker 1: to several sessions with my X, but honestly, his actions

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Speaker 1: have killed the love I had for him, especially because

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Speaker 1: he was kind of sorry, but he kept making excuses.

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Speaker 1: He was like saying, a bunch of bs at my

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Speaker 1: alarm bells are sounding off. And guess what did some digging?

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Speaker 1: Did some sleuthin? Uh?

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Speaker 3: Oh, what do we find?

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Speaker 1: She found on several forums he was active on and

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Speaker 1: he was being sexist, racist, and homophobic see the likessment

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Speaker 1: of the apocalypse.

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Speaker 2: Like we said, there has to have been so this

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Speaker 2: doesn't just come.

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Speaker 3: Out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: I know, like I can't imagine he hasn't made off

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Speaker 1: color jokes before this point. It's like it's the off

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Speaker 1: color jokes don't start when the baby pops out exactly right,

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Speaker 1: like op, I you must have been ignoring Stone Rose.

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Speaker 3: Rose colored like, oh love this person.

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Speaker 2: It's like the same thing, like and every episode of

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Speaker 2: Catfish it's like, no, I've never seen them, but you

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Speaker 2: know it's like you've been in Relaysia for three years

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Speaker 2: and never seen them.

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Speaker 3: You know? Does that not look a little suspicious? Love

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Speaker 3: makes us too crazy things?

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Speaker 1: I guess that it does that it does. He had

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Speaker 1: posted about our situation in a forum that was very

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Speaker 1: insantly very andrew taty. He referred to me in derogatory terms,

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Speaker 1: and people were telling him that I had roast beef,

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Speaker 1: which I didn't. I don't know what is that, John?

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Speaker 2: Roast beef is uh? I think between the legs what

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Speaker 2: a woman has?

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Speaker 1: So okay like, and he was just stability, but I

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Speaker 1: was looking for Chadcock. That's so inselly, so bad. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this made me sick to my stomach. I

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Speaker 1: took screenshots and predictable everything out. I got screen grabs too,

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Speaker 1: and she basically collected all imagining. It's like all collected

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Speaker 1: in a Manila folder. Yeah yeah, and she's like it's

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Speaker 1: like top secret. She's about to slap this on the desk.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I called our counselor told them I was he's done.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for the service, but I am going to

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Speaker 1: get a divorce. I met up with him. He was

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Speaker 1: staying at a friend's place when I was home. I

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Speaker 1: got the information through his gaming PC. When we met

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Speaker 1: up at his parents' house, I threw that folder to

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Speaker 1: his feet and told him, I'm effing dumb baby boom,

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Speaker 1: I'm done. You think you want your shit? And no more,

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Speaker 1: no more, no more. Cue the crying and the begging again,

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Speaker 1: not the sexy kinds. I told him, no, this makes

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Speaker 1: me sick. He told me he was weak. You're week

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Speaker 1: to this day, sir, and I don't want a piece

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Speaker 1: of that weak ass. And I said that was true. Damn.

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Speaker 1: He didn't want to let me go, and my mother

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Speaker 1: in law had to intervene. Honest to God, that woman

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Speaker 1: never took much of a liking to me, but she

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Speaker 1: really did shine through in that moment.

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Speaker 3: There we go.

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Speaker 1: She screamed at him, He didn't say anything. She screamed

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Speaker 1: at him, and when she saw the folder, she told

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Speaker 1: him that this was not the behavior of a strong father.

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Speaker 3: She told him he was nothing but a coward, bro

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Speaker 3: dead to her.

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Speaker 1: Stetlam going off, Yo said, stepmom are evil or not sorry?

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Speaker 1: Law again?

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Speaker 3: Mother in law going off over here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, usually the mother in laws are crap, but

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Speaker 1: like this one really really showed up at least.

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Speaker 3: For this, at least for this part.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my ex just stood up and screamed. He didn't

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Speaker 1: say anything, just like a horror movie scream. And he

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Speaker 1: punched a and he punched a drywall and broke a

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Speaker 1: hole into it and left the biggest like so mature,

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, like tell me you haven't matured past seven

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Speaker 1: without telling me? Yeah, Like I'm just imagining at banty

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Speaker 1: scream Like no, nobody does that unless you're crazy like

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Speaker 1: now or or like if you're andy in the office,

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Speaker 1: you ever see the whole punch.

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Speaker 3: But he needed anger management, he did, see.

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Speaker 1: Yo, Ope, you need some op's husband needs some anger arrangement.

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Speaker 1: My mother in law was consoling me. She told me

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Speaker 1: she was so sorry, and even though she personally does

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Speaker 1: not like me, she respects me. It appreciates everything I

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Speaker 1: have done.

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Speaker 3: I love all.

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Speaker 1: Like the mother in law still has to be the

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Speaker 1: mother in law even when she's consoling she's like, honey,

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Speaker 1: you don't need this. I'm so sorry you have to

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Speaker 1: deal with this. I never fucking liked you.

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Speaker 3: I don't like you.

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Speaker 1: I don't like you. Does I mean I want this

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Speaker 1: to happen. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't be exactly and kept

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Speaker 1: it a book. Oh, we hashed had a plan. I

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Speaker 1: want my daughter to have her father in her life,

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Speaker 1: but with him being basically a bigot, we decided that

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Speaker 1: I would go for full custody. So mother in law

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Speaker 1: is helping. Oh, you get full custody. It's crazy from

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Speaker 1: her own son. I know, it's wild, and would allow

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Speaker 1: visitation rites if my mother in law was present and

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Speaker 1: only at her house, so she still gets to see

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Speaker 1: the kid.

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Speaker 3: That's like, honestly, great, that's great.

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Speaker 1: It's a great outcome. It's a great outcome. But I

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Speaker 1: see where the mother in law's coming promised, Like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I still want to see my grandchild.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, and.

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Speaker 2: Only at my house, which is which is fine, honestly,

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Speaker 2: Like I you know, she gets what she wants, and

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Speaker 2: it's a better situation for this exactly.

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Speaker 1: Right now, we're dealing with the divorce process that he

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Speaker 1: is contesting. Can you contest divorce?

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Speaker 3: You can try, like you can sue anybody, But doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean you're gonna win. Now.

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Speaker 1: What he is not contesting is custody. He seemingly does

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Speaker 1: not want it and has been not involved with our

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Speaker 1: daughter at all. He is texting me that if I

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Speaker 1: don't take him back, he would not want custody. My

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Speaker 1: mother in law has been an angel. She's been helping

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Speaker 1: out what my family can and it actually helped the

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Speaker 1: legal proceedings by telling her son to not be an

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Speaker 1: ass and giving testimonials. My ex has refused to pay

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Speaker 1: any child support, but my mother in law has actually

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Speaker 1: taken that over. Wow, it's been really difficult. I have

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Speaker 1: no social life and I'm very sleep deprived. But at

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Speaker 1: least I'm happier than I was in my shit marriage.

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Speaker 2: My closing thought here is like I love how he's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I want to I want to get back together, but

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Speaker 2: if we don't, then I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't want that kid, I don't want the daughter.

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Speaker 2: It's like, bro, what's the what's the worst thing you

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Speaker 2: can say to make her not want to get back

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Speaker 2: with you?

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Speaker 3: Maybe that's like there's probably something worse.

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Speaker 1: I know. I know that, Like he's even with the

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Speaker 1: paternity test, Like, yeah, he probably still doesn't believe the

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Speaker 1: daughter is his, and which is like Jim Thick levels

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Speaker 1: of uh yeah, exactly. That's what I was.

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Speaker 3: That's what I got you.

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Speaker 1: Thanks baby.

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Speaker 2: If you like this story, check out this one where

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Speaker 2: the father demands a paternity test right here or link

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Speaker 2: in the description