WEBVTT - Accountability? 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:06.200 According to the Oxford Dictionary, accountability is when you take 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:09.559 ownership of what happens as a result of your choices 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:14.960 and actions. But to put that in real context, accountability 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.200 is when you accept blame for the things that you 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:22.640 have done wrong and accept that you can influence the 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:26.000 healing of those things. When you accept that you can 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:31.880 contribute to the process going better for you and other people. 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:36.640 It's when you don't pass responsibility onto someone else. It's 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.960 when you don't blame other people for the things that 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:43.199 you have done. It's when you literally own I made choices, 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:46.320 I did things that led to this outcome. But I 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:49.199 also know I have the influence to be able to 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:52.160 have an impact and make things go better moving forward, 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:56.200 and try not to think about it in terms of 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.720 right or wrong. Think about it like this. If I'm 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:04.160 hanging out with a friend and I take longer to 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:08.880 get ready than I said by the time we leave, 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:11.440 we pull out of my street and there's a police 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.240 officer there that pulls us over. My friend might turn 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:15.920 to me and say, this is your fault. Had we 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:18.240 left on time, this police officer would not have met 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:22.800 with us. Like did I do anything wrong? No? But 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:27.000 like am I accountable to the outcome of those decisions. Yes, 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:32.360 so I think accountability is when you just accept everything 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:37.880 good or bad, is a consequence of my choices and actions. 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:40.600 I also think it's important that we learned to take 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:44.120 accountability for positive things, which we tend to not do. 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:46.759 One of the things you're going to experience in this 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:53.240 journey with Freddy is he started accepting accountability and responsibility 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:56.480 for his flaws, but he had a very hard time 0:01:56.600 --> 0:02:00.600 accepting responsibility for his positive traits and some of the 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:04.120 positive outcomes. And we all have a tendency to do that. 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:08.760 But the truth is, accountability means you accept your role 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:12.280 in everything, be it good, be it bad, it doesn't matter. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:17.040 You are accepting ownership that life is a consequence of 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:20.079 the things you do, the things you say, the way 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:34.440 you behave, and how you conduct yourself. Welcome back to 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:39.160 Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elia, Khannie. What's been better 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:43.800 since you listened to the previous episode? Today is spent 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:47.760 directly focusing on Freddie, who is Jay's father. I'm very 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.679 excited for us to spend this episode doing a deep 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:53.400 dive into Freddie's life because we're about to go on 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:57.480 a journey of fatherhood. We're going to learn about his childhood, 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:01.480 about his traumas, about his tragedies, about his mistakes he 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:05.000 made as a father, but more importantly, about his desire 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:09.200 to journey back and heal some of the family relationships 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:13.560 that were severed throughout his life. This journey's gonna be difficult, 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:16.360 and in this conversation you're gonna start seeing the first 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:24.519 steps of a man trying to reclaim his family. Freddy, 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:26.200 what's been better since we last chatted? 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:29.760 Oh? Man, you know, I just when I wake up 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.359 in the morning, I'd be like, I'll be blessed God 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:34.760 woke me up. Now the rest of the day is 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:36.560 up to me, So I gotta make the best of it. 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:40.240 As you wake up every day like thankful and blessed, 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:42.520 what do you notice? It gives you a clue that 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:44.560 things are going in a direction that you're pleased with. 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:47.080 You know, it starts off and I make my cup 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.920 of coffee. That kind of you know, puts me in 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:51.760 a great move, you know what I mean? It starts 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:52.440 my deal. Great. 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:55.200 Okay, does that happen? Does that happen every day? 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:59.040 Practically? Yeah? Every morning? Yeah? Actually, yeah, I need that 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:00.560 little pickm get me start. 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:03.240 Okay, what else has been going in a way that 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:03.800 you please with? 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:08.960 Once I got to work, Uh my workload wasn't that that? 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.120 I have a big workload today? That said, like, you know, 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:15.880 a couple of repairs, I have one emergency. My my 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:17.000 thing went kind of smooth. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:19.080 What do you do to make sure your day keeps 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:19.720 going smooth? 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:22.839 I try to have a positive frame of mind. You know, 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.960 I like a little little things annoy me, you know 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.359 what I mean? Like sometimes, uh, I let things annoy me, 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.840 you know, aggrevate me like this just dog is trying 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.320 to aggrevate me. Now they want me a pedal go, 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:37.440 but I throw your mommy go go. 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:39.800 So how do you keep a positive frame of mind? 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:41.480 How do you? How do you do that? I mean, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.160 we live in such a negative, harsh world. It's kind 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:45.640 of hard. How do you how do you keep a 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:47.080 positive frame of mind? 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.120 Well? I don't. I try to stay mellow, you know 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.360 what I mean. I don't like that things good on 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.599 my skin, you know what I mean? Like like normally, 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:59.440 but I think like if I'm driving to work, its 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.040 might want to buy me blowing the horn. I just 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.560 pull over them and go past you know what I mean, gotcha? 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:06.960 And have you always been that way? 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:11.479 No? No, I you know I used to have road raided, 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.120 you know what I mean, being a car when when 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:18.000 I say the car was making a left turn, I 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.919 want to I want to make the term nowadays tomorrow, 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:23.000 trying to make a turn out, I slow down, now 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:26.000 make the turn, you know what I mean? Like, oh, man, 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:29.400 it ain't it Ain't that serious, man, you know, it 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:32.520 ain't that serious. Some things people just take so seriously, 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.560 you know what I mean, when they really have to. 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.080 When did you learn to be that way? I'm going 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:39.760 to ask you a really important question in a minute, 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:43.520 But when did you learn to to stop being about 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.800 the rose raids and taking everything so serious? When did 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:46.640 you learn to be that way? 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:53.119 Well? I think about three or four years ago. Life 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.919 is too short to be angry at the world, you 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:56.440 know what I mean? 0:05:56.600 --> 0:06:00.799 Yeah, I agree. How did you develop that mindset? 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:05.280 Well? I think about during this COVID time, so many 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.760 people leaving it, leaving this earth man, like wow, Like 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:12.600 almost every month, you know, either I had a tenor funeral, 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.320 you know what I mean, Or I heard about somebody. 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:20.680 Uh I just passed away, you know, And it's just 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:26.040 like wow, man. Like then I'd be seeing sometimes be 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:28.120 seeing some guys that you know, I went to high 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:30.320 school with, and he was like, damn, man, you look 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.800 you look the same like you you ain't you ain't 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.760 since high school. And then I'll be saying, I mean 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:38.160 in the back of my mind, like I can't sit 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:39.840 there and you look, you look, you know, look look 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:42.080 saying too he looked like ninety nine, you know what 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:46.400 I mean. But you know, I thank God for that, 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:48.640 you know what I mean, the little gray heads, And 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.360 I thank God for that because like there's so many 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:53.360 my my people I grew up with that I went 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.720 to high school. They you know, they already gone, man, 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:59.800 and like I got, I gotta be thankful for that 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:03.240 because like it was one time in my life, man, 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:05.800 I was just living from hour to hour, you know 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:09.400 what I mean. I was just so much stuff, man. 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:14.520 You know, one time I was I was this, this 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.800 is the true story. I could an start crying out. Uh. 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:19.880 Me and a few of the fellass on the block. 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.800 We was, uh we had a beef with some Jamaican guys. 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.720 You know what I mean. The one is to make 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:30.880 guys pull up, stop busting shots. So we were running, 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.600 he busting shots and stuff. Right, So we get we 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:37.760 get home, I said, and if I get hit, nobody hit. Right. 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.360 So I look at I looked at my shirt. I 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:47.200 got all these holes in it. I'm like like, huh, 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:50.480 you know what I mean, How the hell my shirt 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:53.600 have holes in it? And I don't got no holes 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:57.960 in it. Everybody looking at me, like you sure you're right, 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:02.240 You're bro mine. You know, I don't know if I 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:05.280 was running so fast my shirt wasn't it like like Batman, 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:11.840 if that was a situation or not, But oh my god, 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:14.400 I was just like it was. It was his mind bothered, 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:15.880 you know what I mean. You know, I've been in 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:18.360 so many such and gold things in my life, man, 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.640 and I just lived so recklessly, you know what I mean. 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:25.200 I'll just be amazed. I'm still here. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:27.720 That's an incredible story. Even if you were running in 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:30.040 your clothes, you know, got caught in the air like 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.560 Batman's cape, that still means the bullets came super close. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:40.600 To you hit me. Thank God for that, you. 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:45.440 Know, Freddy. It makes me think you must, after all 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:49.079 the things you survived, you must really know that time 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:49.800 is precious. 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:53.760 Indeed, indeed. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.800 Is that why because the last time we talked, one 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.880 of the things that was really important he was reconnecting 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:01.520 with your kids. 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:03.880 Yeah, it is why. 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:05.720 Reconnect with your kids is so important. 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.600 Not basically, yeah, but that's primarily not the only reason, 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:17.120 you know, because I'm a fairy family oriented person. You know, 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:20.200 as far as like where I was raised. You know, 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.839 I was raised with both my parents. You know, I 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:27.720 bet tremendous, I would say childhood. You know, I don't 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.560 never remember the day I didn't get nothing for my birthday. 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:33.240 You know, we wasn't rich, rich, but it wasn't a 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:37.320 place I don't ever remember we was going Hongry, or 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:39.480 we ain't had a fool or you know, stuff like that. 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:47.160 So uh, you know, and I think my father he 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:56.720 wasn't how would I say, uh, no emotional or like 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:02.240 he didn't really always say uh expresses as his love 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:06.040 for me. Verbally, he expresses his love for me like 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:13.560 uh being there taking me places. Uh. It's funny because 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:17.000 like I used to, I used to hate coming home 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:19.560 sometime because I used to come home in my house 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:24.000 be full of full of kids and people, and and 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:27.760 I never realized my father used to take like we 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:29.880 used to live in the projects, and he used to 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:33.040 like rind little little buses and you know, take kids 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.000 to the to the beach with us and all that. 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:36.760 I used to hate it, you know what I mean. 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:39.720 And at the time, I didn't realize until I got older, 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.920 while he was doing those types of things, you know 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:47.680 what I mean. And and once I realized, you know, 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:51.400 you little, you want your father to be uh solely 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.560 you know, all his attention on you, you know, but 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.320 he got all these other kids, but you know, you know, 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.559 he got a watch and and stuff like that. And 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.920 like I said, I didn't realize that at that time, 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:07.720 those those kids probably didn't have a father and nobody 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.400 take them nowhere, you know what I'm saying. And it 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.200 was and I didn't realize that until I got old. 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.760 And I remember when we first got a color TV 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:20.040 in our house and and I don't think, uh, you know, 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:25.000 big floor of models with the record player, and my 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.079 house is always full with people, you know what I'm saying, 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:28.960 because I don't you know half of them. You know, 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.120 that's from TV for TV color TVs person came out, 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:34.280 you know, and I don't think half the people really 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:36.960 even had colored TVs. Then you know what I mean. 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:39.199 I didn't realize all that stuff I got older, you 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:42.120 know what I mean? Like, ah, you know what I mean? 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:45.120 And I just hate people always knocking on my door 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.840 to want to bow sugar or bread and I my 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:52.079 parent open that door. Look see who that is? I dow. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:54.880 I just slam the door in people's faces and it's like, no, 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.480 we don't got it, we don't got who was that? 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.480 You know what I'm saying. Somebody want to ball some bridge, 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.880 Like I'm like over that door boy, over up back 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:04.400 door boy. 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.360 And the last time we talked, you actually talked about 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.200 It's funny. You just said like you're a family man, 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:13.760 or you grew up a family man, and your father 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.280 wasn't all lovey dovey, but he was like there and 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:20.240 you said you wanted to be there in your kids' lives. 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:27.880 What what are you doing now to take to take 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.960 steps to be that in your kids lives, in your 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:31.760 grandkid's life. 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:37.400 Well, be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. I haven't 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:41.880 done anything since we talked. Uh. I suppose I went 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.559 to you know, to go see my grandkids, but something 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.760 came up which I couldn't really put that to the 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.360 side because it wasn't that repressing, you know what I mean, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:54.520 something you know I'd done. But I could have put 0:12:54.559 --> 0:13:00.280 that to the side. And like sometimes like I let things, 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:05.880 uh sid sidetracking him, I might say, I facetimed there 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:11.000 and she didn't answer the FaceTime. So then my friend 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:15.199 and he lives like well maybe ten fifteen minutes away 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:19.679 from me, and and he said that he didn't have 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:23.080 no heat in his house. I said, oh, I said, 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.640 and he really don't know about the furnace that you know, 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.760 powerl like going out and all that kind of stuff. 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.280 We set the furnace. So I said, I'll be over 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.480 there in about you know, you don't live like fifteen minutes, 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.040 but I said, I'll be there in a minute. So 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:36.880 you know, I jumped in the corner and went to 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:42.080 his health you know, and and all you know it 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.880 was you know, the friends like you know, went out. 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:49.200 So after that we sat up stairs and had a 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:53.079 couple of beds and started talking and I came home. 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:54.960 Instead of hanging out with your daughter. 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.720 Yeah yeah, so I could, like I said, I could 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.959 have went there, did the furnace and just left and 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:05.200 did what I was supposed to do. 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.720 How come you let those things distract you? 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:09.720 I'm not really sure. 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:13.920 Do you want to continue being the family man? And 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:16.520 is it still important to you to be a part 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:17.439 of your kids' lives? 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:19.880 Absolutely? 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:24.680 How are you gonna know when things have changed to 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.320 the point where you're not being distracted by those other 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:31.600 things and being in your children's lives is more important 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.160 than any of those other things that come up. 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:38.080 Well, my my my intentions was just to go there 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:42.200 and just to lighten, uh, to see what was going on. 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.320 And once I realized that, you know, the power light 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.800 was out, it was you know, it was not extremely crazy, 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.360 you know what I mean. But I should have done that. 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:53.240 I should have just lit the power light and uh 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:56.760 and got my card and did what I was was 0:14:57.360 --> 0:14:58.720 the rest of my day was going to be planning 0:14:58.800 --> 0:14:59.000 to do. 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:04.400 What is it that keeps you out of your children's lives? 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.480 I think I lose focused on a lot of stuff, 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.600 you know what I mean, allow things to interfere like 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:16.040 I would like, lose focused like I was, Like I 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.160 said when I first got my cars, that I come 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.680 over there. In my mind, I go to the south 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.600 and knock it out, get back to my car and 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:26.280 go up north. But when I got there, I just 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.560 lost focused on what I was my intentions, but was 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:32.320 That's my main issue, you know what I mean. I 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:37.320 let things sidetrack me, or allow people to sidetrack what 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:39.880 what I'm gonna do? You know what I mean? 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:44.840 How do you think that impacts your children when they 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:49.280 know you'll get sidetracked and not be connected to them. 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.560 I know it's been extremely devastating to them, you know, 0:15:56.680 --> 0:16:01.160 primarily because that's been my issue. Basically, I don't know 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.200 follow up on what I'm gonna say I'm gonna do. 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:06.120 You know what I mean. I might might make an 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.600 appointment to do something or make some type of arrangement, 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.880 and I don't just follow up, you know what I mean. 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:15.560 That's where my main issue, just to follow up on 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.000 my promises. And nine times our tendant don't even be 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:24.400 that sidetrack me. Don't even be like thight threatening or 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.920 extreme emergency or anything of that nature, you know what 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:28.280 I mean? 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:32.600 Pretty would you be pleased to be that way? Like? Honestly, 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:37.440 if you started making promises specifically and especially to your 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.960 kids and following up on those promises, would you be 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:43.080 pleased to be that kind of a person. 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:50.800 Absolutely, and I think that probably would change our whole 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:54.680 dynamic of our relationship, you know, because I think that's 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:59.680 primarily the main issue where I'm filling with them. At 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.000 always tell her so I'm gonna I'm gonna be better 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.040 with this and better with that, you know, and then 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:08.320 I still find out Damn, I'm still the same way, 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:10.240 you know what I mean. Like I said, I'm gonna 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.040 do this, and I all sure of doing it, you know, 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:15.560 and my fiance, Oh, she always telling me, I thought 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:19.000 you sposed it went up north? Today? I said, yeah, 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:20.800 I oppose that went, but I ain't go. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:23.240 Which one of your kids? Were you gonna go visit? 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:25.000 Oh? I was gonna go to j. 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:28.240 Yeah. How did she respond when you didn't show up? 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:32.000 Oh? I think she was kind of upset with me 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:36.239 because I called her yesterday. I tried to FaceTime and 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.000 she didn't answer the FaceTime call. So I don't know 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:42.159 if she was busy or if she was like upset 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.680 with me, because I haven't really talked to her since then. 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:46.679 What do you think it would do to Jay to 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:51.440 have you actually showing up and following up with your word. 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:55.240 A bigger pheel like I'm dependable. I'm a man of 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:56.560 my word, you know what I'm saying. But I said 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:57.920 I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna be here, you know 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:58.280 what I mean? 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:06.240 What do you think you would do to Jane and 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.720 the rest of your kids, even if you were doing 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:10.760 things like that for them, if you were like showing 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:13.560 up for them and helping them with their fixtures and 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:16.879 their pools and their kids and their you know, kitchen 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.760 appliances or whatever like, what would it do to Jane 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:21.160 and the rest of your kids to have you show 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:22.040 up for them like that? 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:29.600 Well, I pulled you going to Jack Wheee house and 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:35.159 building this burrow, which I pulled. I pulled that. She 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:37.000 asked me to do it, I think like a month ago, 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:41.560 you know what I mean. Uh, And I haven't gotten 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:45.320 around to that yet. Jay does eyebrows and all that 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.640 kind of stuff. So she she wanted me to fix 0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:51.679 a fix a room downstairs on basement. So I built 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:57.520 the room, put the floor down, painted, and now she's 0:18:57.560 --> 0:18:59.879 able to do you know, she got a place for 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:03.000 her to do her eyelashes for people. So then she 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:10.680 wanted me to build another room, which I started. Uh, 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:15.000 but we're waiting on some more fundings. Uh, to finish 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:19.520 I built the other room. I put uh a bathroom 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:25.359 down there and a toilet, a sink. 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:27.040 When did you do all that? 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:32.080 About two months ago? Well, I'm not really finished yet. 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:38.240 I still the project is delayed of none on my account. Uh. 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:41.480 Her car broke down, so she had to buy a 0:19:41.640 --> 0:19:43.879 new car, so that kind of took some of the 0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:51.479 fundings away from doing the room. So she said, well, okay, 0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:54.960 when things picked back up, she's gonna we're gonna start 0:19:55.000 --> 0:19:55.440 back doing. 0:19:57.000 --> 0:19:58.960 So what do you think it does to day when 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.320 you show up for her consistently like that. 0:20:02.480 --> 0:20:06.560 It's funny because like she'd be working with me, explained 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:09.239 to her how to do it step by step with her. 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:11.840 Then we just work nine times out of ten, we'll 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:16.159 do it together, you know, and I'll be telling I 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:18.679 kind of do I kind of go do things like 0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:21.280 that's what we could have that quality time together. So 0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:24.000 like when the project is completed, you know what I'm saying, 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.400 It's nothing like putting your effort into something and then 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:30.480 when it's completed, you say, well I did that. You 0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:31.040 know what I mean? 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:35.720 Okay, wait, wait, you just said something brilliant. Say that 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:37.159 one more time to sort to make sure I heard it. 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:39.119 There's nothing like say that it one more. 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:44.880 Time, like me and her tackling a project when it's 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.080 completed and you said to yourself, well, me and my 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:50.359 dad did that, you know what I mean? Or we 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:52.119 did this together, you know what I mean. 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:55.040 So there's nothing like when you put forth the effort 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:56.600 and you see your task completed. Right. 0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:57.040 Yeah? 0:20:57.520 --> 0:20:59.080 And can I be totally. 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:01.160 Honest with you, Sure you can. 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:06.919 I'm trying to figure out how do I get Freddy 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:10.760 to work harder to be more connected to Jayden and 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:12.639 the rest of the kids. But starting with Jape, how 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:15.439 can I do that? How what can we do to 0:21:15.560 --> 0:21:20.639 help you work harder to make those relationships happen? 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:27.240 Well, I think now, like I said once, I gotta 0:21:27.280 --> 0:21:30.200 make sure if I say a bix of type of 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:33.680 arrangements for to do anything with any of my kids, 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:38.640 I gotta make sure that that time is solely for them, 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:41.359 you know what I mean. I don't have no things 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:45.360 to overlap it or nothing that's gonna intervene with it. 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:50.719 I gotta make sure that my schedule is arranged just 0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:51.080 for them. 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:55.480 I need to figure out a way for you to 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:58.639 do something for Jake that would look to her like 0:21:58.680 --> 0:22:04.560 you keeping your word anything. What could it be? 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:13.360 Mhmm? Well, I was thinking I was just gonna go 0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:20.080 there on Saturday and just knock on the door, you 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.879 know what I mean, Like you know I'm here, you 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:28.960 know what I mean? Okay, because I don't. I'm afraid 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:34.520 to say, hey, Jay, I'm gonna be there on Saturday, 0:22:35.200 --> 0:22:39.000 and and I don't show up, you know what I mean. 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:41.040 I can't have that happen anymore. 0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:44.200 Well, how about we do the opposite. How about we say, hey, 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:48.400