1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: According to the Oxford Dictionary, accountability is when you take 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,559 Speaker 1: ownership of what happens as a result of your choices 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: and actions. But to put that in real context, accountability 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,200 Speaker 1: is when you accept blame for the things that you 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: have done wrong and accept that you can influence the 6 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: healing of those things. When you accept that you can 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: contribute to the process going better for you and other people. 8 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: It's when you don't pass responsibility onto someone else. It's 9 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 1: when you don't blame other people for the things that 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: you have done. It's when you literally own I made choices, 11 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: I did things that led to this outcome. But I 12 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: also know I have the influence to be able to 13 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 1: have an impact and make things go better moving forward, 14 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: and try not to think about it in terms of 15 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: right or wrong. Think about it like this. If I'm 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: hanging out with a friend and I take longer to 17 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: get ready than I said by the time we leave, 18 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: we pull out of my street and there's a police 19 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: officer there that pulls us over. My friend might turn 20 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: to me and say, this is your fault. Had we 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: left on time, this police officer would not have met 22 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: with us. Like did I do anything wrong? No? But 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: like am I accountable to the outcome of those decisions. Yes, 24 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: so I think accountability is when you just accept everything 25 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: good or bad, is a consequence of my choices and actions. 26 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 1: I also think it's important that we learned to take 27 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: accountability for positive things, which we tend to not do. 28 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,759 Speaker 1: One of the things you're going to experience in this 29 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: journey with Freddy is he started accepting accountability and responsibility 30 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: for his flaws, but he had a very hard time 31 00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: accepting responsibility for his positive traits and some of the 32 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: positive outcomes. And we all have a tendency to do that. 33 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: But the truth is, accountability means you accept your role 34 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: in everything, be it good, be it bad, it doesn't matter. 35 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: You are accepting ownership that life is a consequence of 36 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 1: the things you do, the things you say, the way 37 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: you behave, and how you conduct yourself. Welcome back to 38 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elia, Khannie. What's been better 39 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: since you listened to the previous episode? Today is spent 40 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: directly focusing on Freddie, who is Jay's father. I'm very 41 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: excited for us to spend this episode doing a deep 42 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: dive into Freddie's life because we're about to go on 43 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: a journey of fatherhood. We're going to learn about his childhood, 44 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: about his traumas, about his tragedies, about his mistakes he 45 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: made as a father, but more importantly, about his desire 46 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: to journey back and heal some of the family relationships 47 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: that were severed throughout his life. This journey's gonna be difficult, 48 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: and in this conversation you're gonna start seeing the first 49 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:24,519 Speaker 1: steps of a man trying to reclaim his family. Freddy, 50 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: what's been better since we last chatted? 51 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 2: Oh? Man, you know, I just when I wake up 52 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 2: in the morning, I'd be like, I'll be blessed God 53 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 2: woke me up. Now the rest of the day is 54 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 2: up to me, So I gotta make the best of it. 55 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: As you wake up every day like thankful and blessed, 56 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: what do you notice? It gives you a clue that 57 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: things are going in a direction that you're pleased with. 58 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 2: You know, it starts off and I make my cup 59 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 2: of coffee. That kind of you know, puts me in 60 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 2: a great move, you know what I mean? It starts 61 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 2: my deal. Great. 62 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: Okay, does that happen? Does that happen every day? 63 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: Practically? Yeah? Every morning? Yeah? Actually, yeah, I need that 64 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 2: little pickm get me start. 65 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: Okay, what else has been going in a way that 66 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: you please with? 67 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 2: Once I got to work, Uh my workload wasn't that that? 68 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 2: I have a big workload today? That said, like, you know, 69 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: a couple of repairs, I have one emergency. My my 70 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 2: thing went kind of smooth. 71 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: What do you do to make sure your day keeps 72 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: going smooth? 73 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,839 Speaker 2: I try to have a positive frame of mind. You know, 74 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 2: I like a little little things annoy me, you know 75 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 2: what I mean? Like sometimes, uh, I let things annoy me, 76 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 2: you know, aggrevate me like this just dog is trying 77 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 2: to aggrevate me. Now they want me a pedal go, 78 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 2: but I throw your mommy go go. 79 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: So how do you keep a positive frame of mind? 80 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: How do you? How do you do that? I mean, 81 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,160 Speaker 1: we live in such a negative, harsh world. It's kind 82 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: of hard. How do you how do you keep a 83 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: positive frame of mind? 84 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 2: Well? I don't. I try to stay mellow, you know 85 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 2: what I mean. I don't like that things good on 86 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,599 Speaker 2: my skin, you know what I mean? Like like normally, 87 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 2: but I think like if I'm driving to work, its 88 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 2: might want to buy me blowing the horn. I just 89 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 2: pull over them and go past you know what I mean, gotcha? 90 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: And have you always been that way? 91 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 2: No? No, I you know I used to have road raided, 92 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, being a car when when 93 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 2: I say the car was making a left turn, I 94 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 2: want to I want to make the term nowadays tomorrow, 95 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 2: trying to make a turn out, I slow down, now 96 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 2: make the turn, you know what I mean? Like, oh, man, 97 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 2: it ain't it Ain't that serious, man, you know, it 98 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 2: ain't that serious. Some things people just take so seriously, 99 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, when they really have to. 100 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: When did you learn to be that way? I'm going 101 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: to ask you a really important question in a minute, 102 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: But when did you learn to to stop being about 103 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 1: the rose raids and taking everything so serious? When did 104 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: you learn to be that way? 105 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:53,119 Speaker 2: Well? I think about three or four years ago. Life 106 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,919 Speaker 2: is too short to be angry at the world, you 107 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 2: know what I mean? 108 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. How did you develop that mindset? 109 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 2: Well? I think about during this COVID time, so many 110 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 2: people leaving it, leaving this earth man, like wow, Like 111 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 2: almost every month, you know, either I had a tenor funeral, 112 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Or I heard about somebody. 113 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 2: Uh I just passed away, you know, And it's just 114 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: like wow, man. Like then I'd be seeing sometimes be 115 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 2: seeing some guys that you know, I went to high 116 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 2: school with, and he was like, damn, man, you look 117 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 2: you look the same like you you ain't you ain't 118 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 2: since high school. And then I'll be saying, I mean 119 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 2: in the back of my mind, like I can't sit 120 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 2: there and you look, you look, you know, look look 121 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 2: saying too he looked like ninety nine, you know what 122 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 2: I mean. But you know, I thank God for that, 123 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, the little gray heads, And 124 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 2: I thank God for that because like there's so many 125 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 2: my my people I grew up with that I went 126 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 2: to high school. They you know, they already gone, man, 127 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 2: and like I got, I gotta be thankful for that 128 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 2: because like it was one time in my life, man, 129 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 2: I was just living from hour to hour, you know 130 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 2: what I mean. I was just so much stuff, man. 131 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 2: You know, one time I was I was this, this 132 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 2: is the true story. I could an start crying out. Uh. 133 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 2: Me and a few of the fellass on the block. 134 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 2: We was, uh we had a beef with some Jamaican guys. 135 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 2: You know what I mean. The one is to make 136 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 2: guys pull up, stop busting shots. So we were running, 137 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: he busting shots and stuff. Right, So we get we 138 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 2: get home, I said, and if I get hit, nobody hit. Right. 139 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: So I look at I looked at my shirt. I 140 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 2: got all these holes in it. I'm like like, huh, 141 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, How the hell my shirt 142 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 2: have holes in it? And I don't got no holes 143 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 2: in it. Everybody looking at me, like you sure you're right, 144 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: You're bro mine. You know, I don't know if I 145 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 2: was running so fast my shirt wasn't it like like Batman, 146 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 2: if that was a situation or not, But oh my god, 147 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: I was just like it was. It was his mind bothered, 148 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. You know, I've been in 149 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 2: so many such and gold things in my life, man, 150 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 2: and I just lived so recklessly, you know what I mean. 151 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 2: I'll just be amazed. I'm still here. 152 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: That's an incredible story. Even if you were running in 153 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: your clothes, you know, got caught in the air like 154 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: Batman's cape, that still means the bullets came super close. 155 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 2: To you hit me. Thank God for that, you. 156 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: Know, Freddy. It makes me think you must, after all 157 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,079 Speaker 1: the things you survived, you must really know that time 158 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: is precious. 159 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 2: Indeed, indeed. 160 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: Is that why because the last time we talked, one 161 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: of the things that was really important he was reconnecting 162 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: with your kids. 163 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, it is why. 164 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: Reconnect with your kids is so important. 165 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: Not basically, yeah, but that's primarily not the only reason, 166 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 2: you know, because I'm a fairy family oriented person. You know, 167 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: as far as like where I was raised. You know, 168 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 2: I was raised with both my parents. You know, I 169 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 2: bet tremendous, I would say childhood. You know, I don't 170 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 2: never remember the day I didn't get nothing for my birthday. 171 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 2: You know, we wasn't rich, rich, but it wasn't a 172 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,320 Speaker 2: place I don't ever remember we was going Hongry, or 173 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 2: we ain't had a fool or you know, stuff like that. 174 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 2: So uh, you know, and I think my father he 175 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 2: wasn't how would I say, uh, no emotional or like 176 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 2: he didn't really always say uh expresses as his love 177 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 2: for me. Verbally, he expresses his love for me like 178 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:13,560 Speaker 2: uh being there taking me places. Uh. It's funny because 179 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 2: like I used to, I used to hate coming home 180 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 2: sometime because I used to come home in my house 181 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 2: be full of full of kids and people, and and 182 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 2: I never realized my father used to take like we 183 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 2: used to live in the projects, and he used to 184 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 2: like rind little little buses and you know, take kids 185 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: to the to the beach with us and all that. 186 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 2: I used to hate it, you know what I mean. 187 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 2: And at the time, I didn't realize until I got older, 188 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 2: while he was doing those types of things, you know 189 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 2: what I mean. And and once I realized, you know, 190 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 2: you little, you want your father to be uh solely 191 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 2: you know, all his attention on you, you know, but 192 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 2: he got all these other kids, but you know, you know, 193 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 2: he got a watch and and stuff like that. And 194 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 2: like I said, I didn't realize that at that time, 195 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 2: those those kids probably didn't have a father and nobody 196 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,400 Speaker 2: take them nowhere, you know what I'm saying. And it 197 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 2: was and I didn't realize that until I got old. 198 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 2: And I remember when we first got a color TV 199 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 2: in our house and and I don't think, uh, you know, 200 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 2: big floor of models with the record player, and my 201 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,079 Speaker 2: house is always full with people, you know what I'm saying, 202 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 2: because I don't you know half of them. You know, 203 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 2: that's from TV for TV color TVs person came out, 204 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 2: you know, and I don't think half the people really 205 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 2: even had colored TVs. Then you know what I mean. 206 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 2: I didn't realize all that stuff I got older, you 207 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, ah, you know what I mean? 208 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 2: And I just hate people always knocking on my door 209 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 2: to want to bow sugar or bread and I my 210 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,079 Speaker 2: parent open that door. Look see who that is? I dow. 211 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 2: I just slam the door in people's faces and it's like, no, 212 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 2: we don't got it, we don't got who was that? 213 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. Somebody want to ball some bridge, 214 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 2: Like I'm like over that door boy, over up back 215 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 2: door boy. 216 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: And the last time we talked, you actually talked about 217 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 1: It's funny. You just said like you're a family man, 218 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: or you grew up a family man, and your father 219 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: wasn't all lovey dovey, but he was like there and 220 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: you said you wanted to be there in your kids' lives. 221 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: What what are you doing now to take to take 222 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: steps to be that in your kids lives, in your 223 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: grandkid's life. 224 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: Well, be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. I haven't 225 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 2: done anything since we talked. Uh. I suppose I went 226 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,559 Speaker 2: to you know, to go see my grandkids, but something 227 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 2: came up which I couldn't really put that to the 228 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: side because it wasn't that repressing, you know what I mean, 229 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 2: something you know I'd done. But I could have put 230 00:12:54,559 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 2: that to the side. And like sometimes like I let things, 231 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 2: uh sid sidetracking him, I might say, I facetimed there 232 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 2: and she didn't answer the FaceTime. So then my friend 233 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,199 Speaker 2: and he lives like well maybe ten fifteen minutes away 234 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,679 Speaker 2: from me, and and he said that he didn't have 235 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 2: no heat in his house. I said, oh, I said, 236 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 2: and he really don't know about the furnace that you know, 237 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: powerl like going out and all that kind of stuff. 238 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 2: We set the furnace. So I said, I'll be over 239 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 2: there in about you know, you don't live like fifteen minutes, 240 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 2: but I said, I'll be there in a minute. So 241 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 2: you know, I jumped in the corner and went to 242 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 2: his health you know, and and all you know it 243 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 2: was you know, the friends like you know, went out. 244 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 2: So after that we sat up stairs and had a 245 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 2: couple of beds and started talking and I came home. 246 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: Instead of hanging out with your daughter. 247 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, so I could, like I said, I could 248 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,959 Speaker 2: have went there, did the furnace and just left and 249 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 2: did what I was supposed to do. 250 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: How come you let those things distract you? 251 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 2: I'm not really sure. 252 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: Do you want to continue being the family man? And 253 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 1: is it still important to you to be a part 254 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:17,439 Speaker 1: of your kids' lives? 255 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 2: Absolutely? 256 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: How are you gonna know when things have changed to 257 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: the point where you're not being distracted by those other 258 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: things and being in your children's lives is more important 259 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 1: than any of those other things that come up. 260 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 2: Well, my my my intentions was just to go there 261 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 2: and just to lighten, uh, to see what was going on. 262 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 2: And once I realized that, you know, the power light 263 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 2: was out, it was you know, it was not extremely crazy, 264 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But I should have done that. 265 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 2: I should have just lit the power light and uh 266 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 2: and got my card and did what I was was 267 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 2: the rest of my day was going to be planning 268 00:14:58,800 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 2: to do. 269 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: What is it that keeps you out of your children's lives? 270 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,480 Speaker 2: I think I lose focused on a lot of stuff, 271 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, allow things to interfere like 272 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 2: I would like, lose focused like I was, Like I 273 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 2: said when I first got my cars, that I come 274 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 2: over there. In my mind, I go to the south 275 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 2: and knock it out, get back to my car and 276 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 2: go up north. But when I got there, I just 277 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 2: lost focused on what I was my intentions, but was 278 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 2: That's my main issue, you know what I mean. I 279 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 2: let things sidetrack me, or allow people to sidetrack what 280 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: what I'm gonna do? You know what I mean? 281 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: How do you think that impacts your children when they 282 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 1: know you'll get sidetracked and not be connected to them. 283 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 2: I know it's been extremely devastating to them, you know, 284 00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 2: primarily because that's been my issue. Basically, I don't know 285 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: follow up on what I'm gonna say I'm gonna do. 286 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 2: You know what I mean. I might might make an 287 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 2: appointment to do something or make some type of arrangement, 288 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 2: and I don't just follow up, you know what I mean. 289 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 2: That's where my main issue, just to follow up on 290 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 2: my promises. And nine times our tendant don't even be 291 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 2: that sidetrack me. Don't even be like thight threatening or 292 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 2: extreme emergency or anything of that nature, you know what 293 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 2: I mean? 294 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: Pretty would you be pleased to be that way? Like? Honestly, 295 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: if you started making promises specifically and especially to your 296 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: kids and following up on those promises, would you be 297 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: pleased to be that kind of a person. 298 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I think that probably would change our whole 299 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 2: dynamic of our relationship, you know, because I think that's 300 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 2: primarily the main issue where I'm filling with them. At 301 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 2: always tell her so I'm gonna I'm gonna be better 302 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 2: with this and better with that, you know, and then 303 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 2: I still find out Damn, I'm still the same way, 304 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like I said, I'm gonna 305 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 2: do this, and I all sure of doing it, you know, 306 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 2: and my fiance, Oh, she always telling me, I thought 307 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 2: you sposed it went up north? Today? I said, yeah, 308 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 2: I oppose that went, but I ain't go. 309 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: Which one of your kids? Were you gonna go visit? 310 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 2: Oh? I was gonna go to j. 311 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 1: Yeah. How did she respond when you didn't show up? 312 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 2: Oh? I think she was kind of upset with me 313 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:36,239 Speaker 2: because I called her yesterday. I tried to FaceTime and 314 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 2: she didn't answer the FaceTime call. So I don't know 315 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 2: if she was busy or if she was like upset 316 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 2: with me, because I haven't really talked to her since then. 317 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,679 Speaker 1: What do you think it would do to Jay to 318 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: have you actually showing up and following up with your word. 319 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 2: A bigger pheel like I'm dependable. I'm a man of 320 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 2: my word, you know what I'm saying. But I said 321 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 2: I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna be here, you know 322 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 2: what I mean? 323 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: What do you think you would do to Jane and 324 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: the rest of your kids, even if you were doing 325 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: things like that for them, if you were like showing 326 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 1: up for them and helping them with their fixtures and 327 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: their pools and their kids and their you know, kitchen 328 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: appliances or whatever like, what would it do to Jane 329 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 1: and the rest of your kids to have you show 330 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,040 Speaker 1: up for them like that? 331 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 2: Well, I pulled you going to Jack Wheee house and 332 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 2: building this burrow, which I pulled. I pulled that. She 333 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 2: asked me to do it, I think like a month ago, 334 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Uh, And I haven't gotten 335 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,320 Speaker 2: around to that yet. Jay does eyebrows and all that 336 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 2: kind of stuff. So she she wanted me to fix 337 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 2: a fix a room downstairs on basement. So I built 338 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 2: the room, put the floor down, painted, and now she's 339 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 2: able to do you know, she got a place for 340 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 2: her to do her eyelashes for people. So then she 341 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 2: wanted me to build another room, which I started. Uh, 342 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 2: but we're waiting on some more fundings. Uh, to finish 343 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 2: I built the other room. I put uh a bathroom 344 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 2: down there and a toilet, a sink. 345 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: When did you do all that? 346 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 2: About two months ago? Well, I'm not really finished yet. 347 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:38,240 Speaker 2: I still the project is delayed of none on my account. Uh. 348 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 2: Her car broke down, so she had to buy a 349 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,879 Speaker 2: new car, so that kind of took some of the 350 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:51,479 Speaker 2: fundings away from doing the room. So she said, well, okay, 351 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 2: when things picked back up, she's gonna we're gonna start 352 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 2: back doing. 353 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: So what do you think it does to day when 354 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: you show up for her consistently like that. 355 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 2: It's funny because like she'd be working with me, explained 356 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,239 Speaker 2: to her how to do it step by step with her. 357 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: Then we just work nine times out of ten, we'll 358 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 2: do it together, you know, and I'll be telling I 359 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,679 Speaker 2: kind of do I kind of go do things like 360 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: that's what we could have that quality time together. So 361 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 2: like when the project is completed, you know what I'm saying, 362 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,400 Speaker 2: It's nothing like putting your effort into something and then 363 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: when it's completed, you say, well I did that. You 364 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 2: know what I mean? 365 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: Okay, wait, wait, you just said something brilliant. Say that 366 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 1: one more time to sort to make sure I heard it. 367 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: There's nothing like say that it one more. 368 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 2: Time, like me and her tackling a project when it's 369 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 2: completed and you said to yourself, well, me and my 370 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 2: dad did that, you know what I mean? Or we 371 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 2: did this together, you know what I mean. 372 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: So there's nothing like when you put forth the effort 373 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: and you see your task completed. Right. 374 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 2: Yeah? 375 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 1: And can I be totally. 376 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 2: Honest with you, Sure you can. 377 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how do I get Freddy 378 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: to work harder to be more connected to Jayden and 379 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: the rest of the kids. But starting with Jape, how 380 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,439 Speaker 1: can I do that? How what can we do to 381 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 1: help you work harder to make those relationships happen? 382 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 2: Well, I think now, like I said once, I gotta 383 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 2: make sure if I say a bix of type of 384 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 2: arrangements for to do anything with any of my kids, 385 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 2: I gotta make sure that that time is solely for them, 386 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I don't have no things 387 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,360 Speaker 2: to overlap it or nothing that's gonna intervene with it. 388 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:50,719 Speaker 2: I gotta make sure that my schedule is arranged just 389 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 2: for them. 390 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: I need to figure out a way for you to 391 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,639 Speaker 1: do something for Jake that would look to her like 392 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: you keeping your word anything. What could it be? 393 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:13,360 Speaker 2: Mhmm? Well, I was thinking I was just gonna go 394 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 2: there on Saturday and just knock on the door, you 395 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like you know I'm here, you 396 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 2: know what I mean? Okay, because I don't. I'm afraid 397 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 2: to say, hey, Jay, I'm gonna be there on Saturday, 398 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 2: and and I don't show up, you know what I mean. 399 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 2: I can't have that happen anymore. 400 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: Well, how about we do the opposite. How about we say, hey, 401 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: jam up on Saturday, and then you do everything humanly 402 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:53,640 Speaker 1: possible to show up, not get distracted nothing. I'm going 403 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 1: to show up because she needs to know you can 404 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: do that. You need to know you can do that. 405 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 406 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 1: So how about we do that. Let's tell her I 407 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: will show up on Saturday. She's probably gonna say I doubted, no, 408 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 1: you ain't, blah blah blah whatever. But then when you 409 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,360 Speaker 1: show up on Saturday, she'll be like he did it, 410 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 1: and you'll be able to say you did it right. 411 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 2: Because I cant explained to you. I wanted to tell 412 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 2: you something that occur. My grandson's birthday was two days ago, 413 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,199 Speaker 2: and uh, it kind of it kind of broke my 414 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 2: heart too, uh in a way because we was getting 415 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 2: through Facebook and they were singing happy his mother was 416 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 2: singing Happy birthday Tom, you know, to k in front 417 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:50,399 Speaker 2: of him on at the table and the computer facing 418 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 2: him with like seven people on it, their aunt's, uncle's 419 00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 2: cousins or whatever, you know, on the room call. You know, 420 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, I said to myself, Wow, I 421 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 2: didn't even I didn't even get an invite, you know 422 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 2: what I mean. So I'm like, what what that tells me? 423 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: That's his grandfather? You know what I mean? Yeah, you 424 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 2: know I am not even part of his life. He's 425 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 2: only five years old, you know what I mean? 426 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 1: Right? 427 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 2: And so I said to myself, you can't blame nobody 428 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 2: but yourself, you know what I mean. You can't feel bad. 429 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 2: You can't go in the corner and describe, you know 430 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 2: what I mean. You can't blame nobody. So what you 431 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 2: gonna do about that? What you're gonna do about next 432 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 2: year when he turned six? You know what I mean? Uh, 433 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 2: Well you're gonna you know, is it gonna be anything 434 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 2: different than right now? The way you feel me? 435 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 1: You know what I mean like and you'd like it 436 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: to be different next year. 437 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 2: Absolutely so. And the primary stuff I take the hard ones, 438 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,479 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. They're not hard ones, right, 439 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 2: you know, and like uh, then but like seven buttons 440 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 2: on the on the phone, you know, I used to 441 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 2: talk to them all time on on what's side, you know, 442 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 2: like last year, you know what I mean, which have 443 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:26,640 Speaker 2: a few things have probably developed from now to then, 444 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,920 Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like uh. And sometimes people 445 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 2: take harsh measurements for the littlest reasons, you know, like 446 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:42,719 Speaker 2: they like over over five hours over I forgot, I 447 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 2: forgot to do that, you know what I mean, And 448 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,200 Speaker 2: they take hard, harsh measurements over that. And then you'd 449 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 2: be like, damn, was it was it that serious? Saying? So? 450 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 2: Maybe not to me, it wasn't that serious, but they 451 00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 2: might have been seriously hell to them, that's all, you know. 452 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,879 Speaker 2: Little you'll be like judgmental with things, you know what 453 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 2: I mean. I don't that don't bother me. But that 454 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 2: ship filled the ship out of somebody else, you know, 455 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:13,200 Speaker 2: like and. 456 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,879 Speaker 1: Freddy, it's making me think about something. And again I 457 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,239 Speaker 1: gotta ask you a really hard question. Yeah I know 458 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: I do, man, I'm sorry, but how come you left 459 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: and went to Florida? 460 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: Well, I think we I went to Disneyland and just 461 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 2: I don't know Florida, you know what I mean? You know, 462 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:41,399 Speaker 2: I don't know about my life. Wasn't really that that 463 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,400 Speaker 2: bad in Jersey. Let me tell you the story. Will 464 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 2: happened to this guy that I was talking to before. Yeah, 465 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 2: he's worked for for seven years and like he buy 466 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,320 Speaker 2: houses and buildings or whatever you know, and just going 467 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 2: gout them out whatever whatever figures back up, you know, 468 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:06,239 Speaker 2: and he has timeshare in Florida. So like he said, well, y'all, look, 469 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 2: what are you gonna do for for vacations? I don't know. Yeah, man, 470 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 2: it's so I said, love to take the kids to 471 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 2: this man. He said, well, okay, I got probably down there. 472 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,600 Speaker 2: I said, what you mean, I probably probably like down 473 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 2: you know you're going go you know STADIU. I'm like, 474 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 2: this guy is something now, you know what I mean. Anyway, 475 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 2: Sorry for we get we pack up to playing tickets 476 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 2: and everything go do somewhere for two weeks. So when 477 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,639 Speaker 2: we was down there, it was like, I don't know, 478 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 2: I'm just this measurment rize, Like you know, this is 479 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 2: my first time being in Florida. But it was just 480 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:51,360 Speaker 2: so I don't know, I don't know, maject, I don't know. 481 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:56,160 Speaker 2: It just got me. And she was somewhat overwhelmed too, 482 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,719 Speaker 2: I think. And so we went to the roster and 483 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 2: they started sitting us proper. Uh when we got back 484 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:08,199 Speaker 2: to back home. So there's one particular while week we 485 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:14,479 Speaker 2: liked and and the numbers was pretty decent. It was 486 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 2: you know, so we moved to Florida. We ain't know 487 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 2: nobody down So this me and her and the kids, 488 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: when we just moved to Florida. That's the story of Florida. 489 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: Why while you were in Florida, how come you didn't 490 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 1: stay in contact with Jason and the other kids. 491 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't really, I don't even know why 492 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 2: I didn't. 493 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 1: If I if I showed you a way to fix that, 494 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: how happy would you be? 495 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeh yeh uh so happy I probably would. Uhh. 496 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 2: I think one time I was in I was in 497 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 2: Vegas and I was I was doing that, oh, playing 498 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 2: the slot machine and you hear those balls go up. 499 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 2: That's if you like, yeah, like you know, you know 500 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 2: what I mean, I'll be a winner, you know what 501 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 2: I mean? 502 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, Freddy, I really want to help you with that. 503 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,440 Speaker 1: I want to help you be a winner. 504 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 2: All right, cool sounds great. 505 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,719 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to ask you to do something hard, though, sir. Okay, 506 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 1: do you remember earlier in our conversation when you said 507 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: you said, like something small will happen, like even something 508 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 1: like five dollars. Yeah, and it might not be a 509 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 1: big deal to you, but it'll be a big deal 510 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: to them, and it makes it hard. You remember saying that. 511 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. 512 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: I think one of the reasons it's hard is because 513 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: they are hurt by something you in the past. So 514 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 1: even though this new thing might be small, it's kind 515 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 1: of compounded with the other stuff to them. Does that 516 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 1: make sense, Yeah, it makes sense. I want to ask 517 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:16,880 Speaker 1: I want to show you how to fix that. And 518 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: I think you already know because you keep saying things 519 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 1: like I just want to know them and be a 520 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: part of their lives, and I the way to do 521 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 1: that is you have to keep calling them. 522 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 2: I know, and I don't. I don't, I think, And 523 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 2: somebody else told me, uh uh hm, that's the same. 524 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 2: I gotta do you know what I mean? At first, 525 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:54,160 Speaker 2: they told me before you quote have your conversation drawing 526 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 2: out in your mind ready that you haven't gonna do 527 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:03,000 Speaker 2: a play. Now you the first play that you are 528 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 2: you're right, and in the conversation it's gonna be a 529 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 2: good one as far as the conversation will go. Well, 530 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 2: you're gonna uh laughing joke and it's gonna be a 531 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 2: good conversation. And when you're gonna see some you know, 532 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 2: development from the conversation that you that you you have. 533 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 2: And then on this side, you guys have to play 534 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 2: a not so good conversation uhh, argument to uh m 535 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 2: hm for fanity the whole whole ten yards, you know. 536 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 2: So now you gotta uh h have yourself in a 537 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 2: fixation where umhu, you're gonna have the answer for that 538 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 2: or not the answer at that time. But not be 539 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:08,480 Speaker 2: uh uh for a victim of the anger and the things. 540 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,480 Speaker 2: You got to be able to be able to understand 541 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 2: it and take it in and use it and work 542 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 2: with it and not you know, be volunteer or or 543 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,640 Speaker 2: explode over you know what I'm saying. Because they are 544 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 2: releasing their feelings and their emotion and the pain that 545 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:27,640 Speaker 2: they probably have been built up in their lives for 546 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 2: twenty years. You know, and sometimes you know, uh, your 547 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 2: reaction can't be mum, a hate for one, you know, yeah, 548 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 2: of course, and you know, you guys be able to 549 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,960 Speaker 2: be able to suck it in because you did wrong, 550 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 2: you know, you you hurt, you hurt somebody, and they 551 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 2: releasing their pain. They got to release their pain so 552 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 2: they can heal, you know, and and and you've got 553 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 2: to be atle to that. And sometimes you know, mum hum, 554 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 2: That's what I'm fighting with as far as that conversation, 555 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,719 Speaker 2: because like, uh, I go over, I go over the 556 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 2: conversation in my mind, you know, and I was like, 557 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 2: if I'm over it, stand for all that, you know 558 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 2: what I mean, if I ain't gonna be a you know, 559 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 2: to take the pain that they have and and exhorbit 560 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,240 Speaker 2: and work with it, you know what I mean. I 561 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:33,400 Speaker 2: know I pause every part of it or majority of it, 562 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 2: and one aspect of another. But therefore, can I be 563 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 2: accountable for my mistakes? You know what I mean? 564 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,480 Speaker 1: Do they know that you want to be accountable for 565 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: your mistakes? 566 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,240 Speaker 2: You know? I think I at one time or another, I 567 00:33:54,320 --> 00:34:01,320 Speaker 2: expressed my feelings, you know, damn you know, you know, 568 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,840 Speaker 2: you know, you know I messed up and some aspect 569 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,279 Speaker 2: of your life, but I try to justify it or 570 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 2: oh look you still turned out. Okay, you know what 571 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: I mean. Just to eat my pain, you know this, 572 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,840 Speaker 2: ease my you know what I mean, my guilt, You 573 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:17,319 Speaker 2: know what I mean. 574 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: Well, let's let's see if we can do that in 575 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:23,920 Speaker 1: a better way, Freddie. And what I want you to do, 576 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 1: I don't want you to think about like the two conversations, 577 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,560 Speaker 1: like you were just saying. What I want you to 578 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,360 Speaker 1: do is I want you to call each of the 579 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:38,480 Speaker 1: seven kids. And before you do, I want you to 580 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: remind yourself of the reason you're calling them, which is 581 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: to be in their lives. So if they express pain, hurt, 582 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,880 Speaker 1: just remember I'm just trying to be present in their lives. 583 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 1: I want them to experience their father. I want the 584 00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: grandkids have access to the grandfather, and I want you 585 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,400 Speaker 1: to have them in your life. And I want you 586 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: to just remind yourself like I'm only doing this because 587 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:10,920 Speaker 1: I want to be in their lives, and that when 588 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,439 Speaker 1: you think about it in that way, then it won't 589 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 1: matter whether they're angry or happy or excited. None of 590 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,040 Speaker 1: that stuff matters, because you just want to get to 591 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: know them, and it might start with them being angry 592 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:25,359 Speaker 1: because there's been hurt there. And there's a part of 593 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:29,520 Speaker 1: you that is so eloquent. There's a part of you 594 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: that accepts like I probably cause some hurt and I'm 595 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 1: willing to acknowledge that, and a lot of people don't 596 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 1: say that. I want them to get to know that 597 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 1: part of their father. But you're gonna have to keep 598 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:47,120 Speaker 1: showing up in order for that to happen. So my 599 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,520 Speaker 1: challenge for you is between now and the next time 600 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,080 Speaker 1: we meet, I want you to reach out to all 601 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: seven kids. Can you do that? 602 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,359 Speaker 2: And I'm gonna do that, and. 603 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,000 Speaker 1: Then we're going to figure out a way to keep 604 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,839 Speaker 1: that going so that you are in their lives. 605 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 2: It's not a hard thing to do. And then it's like, uh, 606 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 2: you get so caught up in your daily day activities 607 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 2: you're like, Oh, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, 608 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,919 Speaker 2: I'm do it, and that i'm gonna do it never 609 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 2: comes you know what I mean? 610 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and exactly what you said before, and then before 611 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: you know it, two three weeks have gone by. But 612 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold you accountable. I want you to call 613 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: each of the seven kids between now and the next 614 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:38,839 Speaker 1: time we meet, and before you have each phone call, 615 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,000 Speaker 1: I just want to remind yourself why you're doing this, 616 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,600 Speaker 1: because I just want to be a part of their lives. Okay, okay, 617 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:47,840 Speaker 1: Freddie was wonderful to talk to you, man. 618 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 2: And likewise, man, likewise, appreciate your. 619 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 1: Fatherhood is the man's ability to live up to the 620 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,680 Speaker 1: parental responsibilities that they have. It's having an influence on 621 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: your children. It's being there for your children. It's being 622 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 1: able to sacrifice for the betterment of your children. Fatherhood 623 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,760 Speaker 1: represents all of those things, and for one reason or another, 624 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: those things were a significant challenge throughout Freddie's life. I 625 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 1: think the absentee father idea in the black community is very, 626 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 1: very prominent, and in some cases I think overstated and exaggerated. However, 627 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:37,680 Speaker 1: Freddie represents the stereotype of the absentee father, but he 628 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:44,000 Speaker 1: also represents what I think is very often understated, which 629 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,400 Speaker 1: is the outlier to that stereotype, which is the father 630 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:53,440 Speaker 1: that wants to create healing and reconnection and loves his 631 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:58,840 Speaker 1: children even in adulthood, and wants to mend things and 632 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 1: takes act ability to acknowledge his flaws and acknowledges his 633 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:08,280 Speaker 1: role in whatever has gone wrong. If Freddie were listening 634 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:12,640 Speaker 1: to this, I would want to make sure he continues 635 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:18,319 Speaker 1: to make himself available to his children and whatever emotions 636 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 1: these children want to express to him as he tries 637 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,680 Speaker 1: to reconnect. If you're a father in a similar situation, 638 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,520 Speaker 1: you have to go through this process without expecting to 639 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: feel comfortable, but also making the decision to be consistent, 640 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,200 Speaker 1: which is I'm going to call my children. I'm going 641 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:36,919 Speaker 1: to reach out to my children. I'm going to text 642 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:40,799 Speaker 1: my children, and even if the response is negative and 643 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 1: or angry, I'm going to reach out again. I'm going 644 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,240 Speaker 1: to reach out again. I'm going to reach out again. 645 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: The thing that children need to see as you work 646 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:56,200 Speaker 1: on becoming dependable and consistent in their life is dependability 647 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 1: and consistency. They need to know that you're not going 648 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,919 Speaker 1: to be gone again. So you have to show up 649 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,839 Speaker 1: even when it's hard, even when it's uncomfortable, even when 650 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,520 Speaker 1: you know that the conversation is going to go poorly. 651 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,320 Speaker 1: And if you can do that, you have the opportunity 652 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 1: and you have a reasonable chance of healing those difficult relationships. 653 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:31,600 Speaker 1: Forgiving yourself is one of the most important skills in 654 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 1: terms of mental health and healing. And the reason this 655 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 1: is true is because no one is perfect, so everyone 656 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,239 Speaker 1: is going to make mistakes of varying degrees, and if 657 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,000 Speaker 1: you don't forgive yourself for those mistakes, then you end 658 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:52,879 Speaker 1: up having guilt, remorse, shame, resenting yourself. You end up 659 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: self sabotaging progress. You've got to accept that you are 660 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,520 Speaker 1: a flawed human being and as a consequence, have made 661 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 1: mistakes along the journey, and understand that you have the 662 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:11,440 Speaker 1: ability to correct, mend, and heal from those mistakes. Forgiveness 663 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself, and 664 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,399 Speaker 1: it is a gift that literally every single human being 665 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 1: on the planet needs to know how to give themselves. 666 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,400 Speaker 1: It's very, very important to honor the past and to 667 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:31,680 Speaker 1: acknowledge the past, but to not allow the past to 668 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: determine what you do in your future. In some ways, 669 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,239 Speaker 1: we have to release ourselves from that past so that 670 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 1: we can create a different and in a lot of ways, 671 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 1: more positive future. One of the biggest mistakes that we 672 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,600 Speaker 1: make is we think about our past and we have 673 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:50,280 Speaker 1: these negative experiences, remorse, regret, all those sorts of things 674 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,719 Speaker 1: and we allow ourselves to make current decisions from the 675 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,359 Speaker 1: perspective of remorse and regret, and you can't do that. 676 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,719 Speaker 1: You've got to just forgive yourself that had happened and 677 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,680 Speaker 1: do the very best you can moving forward. Now, we're 678 00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: never going to forget the past, and it should always 679 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,760 Speaker 1: inform what we do, but not from a place of fear, 680 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,960 Speaker 1: not from a place of regret, but instead from a 681 00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 1: place of hope. If you can remember something went wrong 682 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:19,240 Speaker 1: in the past, and I have a lot of hope 683 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,120 Speaker 1: that I can make that situation better in the future, 684 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,239 Speaker 1: then that's how you make decisions moving forward. And that's 685 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,760 Speaker 1: exactly how you release the past and become the best 686 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:33,319 Speaker 1: version of yourself today. If you are a father who 687 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:37,120 Speaker 1: has experienced an estranged situation from your child, you've been 688 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,279 Speaker 1: separated from your child from one reason or another, I 689 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,120 Speaker 1: hope this episode would inspire you, and in fact, I 690 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,520 Speaker 1: want to ask you to reach out to those children, 691 00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:52,080 Speaker 1: text them, call them, send an email, begin the process 692 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:57,320 Speaker 1: of reconnecting those relationships. And we hear at the Black 693 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 1: Effect would love it if you would share those stories 694 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 1: with us by commenting on social media. Commenting after you 695 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 1: listen to the podcast, or reaching out to us in 696 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 1: some other way, but we would love to hear those stories. 697 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,799 Speaker 1: This is not just a podcast that I want you 698 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,880 Speaker 1: to consume and be entertained by. I actually want you 699 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,080 Speaker 1: to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this, 700 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 1: and in fact, we can't help but be impacted by 701 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,279 Speaker 1: the content we consume. So what I would like for 702 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:34,200 Speaker 1: you to do is come on this healing journey with us. 703 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:39,040 Speaker 1: Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And 704 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:41,400 Speaker 1: the way to do that is to just pay attention 705 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,360 Speaker 1: to the things going on in your life as a 706 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:48,359 Speaker 1: consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things 707 00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,439 Speaker 1: in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay 708 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:55,360 Speaker 1: attention to your desirable outcome becoming your reality. Pay attention 709 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength. 710 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,400 Speaker 1: And let us know in the comments what you're noticing 711 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,759 Speaker 1: in your life as a result of listening to this 712 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 1: podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things. 713 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,760 Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you about your healing journey, 714 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,400 Speaker 1: your family, and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, 715 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,000 Speaker 1: connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you 716 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 1: can also send me a text message to nine seven 717 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,000 Speaker 1: two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy 718 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,960 Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect podcast Network. 719 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 1: Special thanks to our assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by 720 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:35,080 Speaker 1: Jack Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly s. Fisham. 721 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:39,000 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio 722 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,520 Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The 723 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,480 Speaker 1: content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for 724 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,400 Speaker 1: educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a 725 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,279 Speaker 1: replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance, and does 726 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,560 Speaker 1: not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to 727 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,239 Speaker 1: consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any 728 00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:02,719 Speaker 1: specific concerns or questions you may have. You