Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects.
Speaker 2: Shit be back on the air. Happy New Year, everybody.
Speaker 1: We're back with yet another Can't Fully Reckless episode with
Speaker 1: your girl just hilarious.
Speaker 2: What do I do?
Speaker 1: I'd be fixing thats same as I did last year.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do the same shit this year. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna keep on getting bigger and better, keep on growing
Speaker 1: the podcast audience.
Speaker 2: As I came in.
Speaker 1: Number five, the Great Brother Charlemagne to God, let me
Speaker 1: know that our podcast came in number five, y'all. We
Speaker 1: in top motherfucking five. That's nice, that's amazing, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna jump straight into it. We got a voice note
Speaker 1: for the top of the year, y'all know I love those.
Speaker 1: But we also got some paragraphs.
Speaker 3: Y'all.
Speaker 1: People know these people voices and they ain't trying to
Speaker 1: get caught. All right, let's jump straight into it.
Speaker 4: Hey, us, I just want to say, like, I'm a
Speaker 4: huge fan of yours. You know, I've been watching for years,
Speaker 4: and you know I love you. I love your your work,
Speaker 4: I love all that you're doing. I just wanted to
Speaker 4: get get that out the way. But I really need advice, Like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, So I've been basically I've been dating
Speaker 4: this guy for the last how long has it been?
Speaker 4: Four months? And we kind of moved pretty quickly because
Speaker 4: I noticed that, you know, like he's a really good person.
Speaker 4: I just came out of a not just but earlier
Speaker 4: this year, you know, I came out of a toxic
Speaker 4: relationship with my daughter's die, and when I met him,
Speaker 4: it was like a breath of fresh air. So things
Speaker 4: kind of moved quickly to the point where I invited
Speaker 4: him to move in with me.
Speaker 5: Okay, girl, That's where the problem started, because I noticed
Speaker 5: that he has a lot of issues.
Speaker 4: He has issues with ed, like he can't stay.
Speaker 6: Up, and.
Speaker 4: He didn't tell me that at first, so I had
Speaker 4: to find out. I had to find that out on
Speaker 4: my own, Like, this is not something that he disclosed
Speaker 4: to me. He claims that he didn't know about it
Speaker 4: and that he thought it was just every once in
Speaker 4: a while. I also realize that he's a little bit
Speaker 4: so like not saying that he's dumb, but like he
Speaker 4: doesn't stimulate me mentally. I will say, the good about
Speaker 4: him is that he's a really good.
Speaker 2: Person, like genuinely a.
Speaker 4: Good person at heart. I just feel like I'm not
Speaker 4: four hundred percent happy, But at the same time, like
Speaker 4: I'm trying to reason with myself, Like, you know, nobody's perfect.
Speaker 4: You know, like if you find somebody who is willing
Speaker 4: to fight for you and willing to work things out
Speaker 4: with you, then stick with them. But he is, like
Speaker 4: he's willing to break things out, and you know, we
Speaker 4: talk about things and you know, but I'm just not
Speaker 4: satisfied in the bedroom. And on top of not being
Speaker 4: satisfied in the bedroom, he's also like he also calls
Speaker 4: himself an entrepreneur, but he's not bringing in enough money
Speaker 4: to the point where for the last three months that
Speaker 4: he's been by the last month that he's been living
Speaker 4: with me, he didn't have his affiant and I was
Speaker 4: a problem. So I have kids. He's good with my kids,
Speaker 4: you know, like he's a good, good, genuinely good person.
Speaker 4: But I'm just trying to I don't know, like I
Speaker 4: guess I'm asked. My question is I'm sorry, I know
Speaker 4: this is kind of long. I was trying to give
Speaker 4: you all the details, but my question is, like, is
Speaker 4: it worth staying in this relationship? Like the ed problem
Speaker 4: he told me that he you know, goes to the
Speaker 4: doctor and try to see what's.
Speaker 2: Going on with it.
Speaker 4: And you know, he he did say that he would
Speaker 4: get a real job, like a regular job whatever, not
Speaker 4: just doing uber. So you know, these are things I
Speaker 4: guess that can be worked on, but I just don't
Speaker 4: have the patience and I don't want to settle, So
Speaker 4: I just I guess I need your here and put
Speaker 4: on What would you do or do you think that
Speaker 4: these are things that you know that I can I
Speaker 4: should be more patient with?
Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate you first of all for even having
Speaker 1: the balls, you know, well, having the hearts. Sorry, trying
Speaker 1: to get better with how I talk, trying to get
Speaker 1: more professional, you know, thank you for even sharing because
Speaker 1: this is in a lot of cases a very prideful
Speaker 1: thing like people don't like to especially women, especially us.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't like to put all of our
Speaker 1: business out there on front street. Because this does seems
Speaker 1: like a big It seemed like a big mistake that
Speaker 1: you made.
Speaker 2: Mistake.
Speaker 1: Won I'm not saying the relationship is a mistake. Let
Speaker 1: me be very careful. I'm saying the mistake was moving
Speaker 1: him in too quick. Now I do understand you said
Speaker 1: you had just got out of a really toxic relationship
Speaker 1: with your ex. I believe you said your kid's dad
Speaker 1: your ex, and you were a bit vulnerable. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go ahead and say you were vulnerable, maybe even a
Speaker 1: bit gullible, you know, because who doesn't want love even,
Speaker 1: you know, especially after a bad relationship or not a
Speaker 1: bad relationship, but you know, just a relationship that didn't work.
Speaker 1: Because I know it couldn't have been all bad because
Speaker 1: you were there, and that was a long term relationship
Speaker 1: that you had gotten out of. I think you didn't
Speaker 1: give yourself enough time to heal. I think you guys
Speaker 1: should have just continue to date, because dating is how
Speaker 1: you get to know someone, and it doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: long that takes. You have to get to know someone
Speaker 1: before just moving them in and then it's not just you,
Speaker 1: it's you and your kids. Now again, I am not
Speaker 1: calling your relationship a mistake. You just made the mistake,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, of moving him in. Because what made
Speaker 1: you move him in after four months, well, after three
Speaker 1: months of dealing with him?
Speaker 2: No, after one month?
Speaker 1: Right, because you said y'all been dealing with each other,
Speaker 1: y'all been together you know, y'all been dealing with each
Speaker 1: other for four months and he's been living living with
Speaker 1: you for three months, So one month and you moved
Speaker 1: him in. Now I'm repeating this back to you because
Speaker 1: most of the time, when I repeat somebody's mess back
Speaker 1: to them, they easily can see it. They easily can
Speaker 1: see the mistake that they made before I even give
Speaker 1: the advice. Sometimes you just got to hear your shit back,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And that's what makes all
Speaker 1: the difference. You know, when you hear it out loud,
Speaker 1: when you hear it coming from somebody else, and it's
Speaker 1: kind of easier to judge it or even give advice
Speaker 1: if it was someone else going through it. But it's you,
Speaker 1: So me repeating it back to you should make you
Speaker 1: be like, oh shit, yeah, this is crazy, but we've
Speaker 1: all done it.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: I ain't done that part, but I've definitely moved too quickly,
Speaker 1: you know, fast and rapid with a guy that I
Speaker 1: barely even knew. If you love me, you'll listen to
Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So
Speaker 1: let's get into the eden. When he moves in, you
Speaker 1: notice that sex is a problem because he can't keep
Speaker 1: it up. Now, you said that is something that you
Speaker 1: had to find out. No, man, Well, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say no man, but a lot of men ain't gonna
Speaker 1: let you know that they can't get it up. You
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying, because a lot of men don't
Speaker 1: even have the answer to why they can't get it up.
Speaker 1: You know, it could be a medical issue, it could
Speaker 1: be something going on there, It could be a disconnect,
Speaker 1: it could be something mentally. And he has to get
Speaker 1: those answers himself. He has to go to a doctor,
Speaker 1: he has to go to a therapist. Something he has
Speaker 1: to do to take care of himself. Like he said,
Speaker 1: he didn't even know. He probably didn't know he had
Speaker 1: the problem, but he probably thought that it was because
Speaker 1: of the person. You know, a lot of men don't
Speaker 1: really know, and instead of going to find out if
Speaker 1: it's something medical or not, they just assume may maybe
Speaker 1: it's the last bitch. Maybe maybe it's this woman that's
Speaker 1: just not getting me up.
Speaker 2: Maybe you know.
Speaker 1: So I don't I can't say that I blame him
Speaker 1: for not telling you because he probably didn't even know why.
Speaker 1: You know, he didn't know that it would happen with you,
Speaker 1: you know. Now that's still no excuse for him not
Speaker 1: going to get checked out. Yes, that can be worked on,
Speaker 1: all right, that's a big thing. Not being sexually satisfied
Speaker 1: in the bedroom does play a big part in a relationship. Okay,
Speaker 1: moving on. You said he calls himself an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2: What does he do?
Speaker 1: Not even being nosy, It's just things that I want
Speaker 1: to know so I can help you better. Is it
Speaker 1: something that does he have a business that you do
Speaker 1: believe in that you do believe with some investing or
Speaker 1: some hard work, or some more patience or some more building,
Speaker 1: the right resources can flourish and take care of him
Speaker 1: and you, you know, and or his half. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Is it something that can be a
Speaker 1: very lucrative business? Is it something you know or is
Speaker 1: he or is it something along the lines of Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be a rapper, you know, and hoping
Speaker 1: my music kick off, which can also happen these days.
Speaker 1: You hear this shit that's coming out now, shit, you
Speaker 1: ain't even got to know how to rap to become
Speaker 1: a rapper, so, you know, so not judging if he is,
Speaker 1: if it is something that way I'm just saying, because
Speaker 1: you can't really shit on somebody's dreams unless you do
Speaker 1: honestly see it for what it is. And it ain't
Speaker 1: gonna work, you know, because a lot of people need
Speaker 1: somebody real. You know, you don't need nobody that's gonna
Speaker 1: shit on you, but you need somebody that's gonna keep
Speaker 1: it real with you.
Speaker 2: Look, baby, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: This bakery that you're trying to open the market right now,
Speaker 1: it ain't the time for that. So what we need
Speaker 1: to do is get a fucking job until you can
Speaker 1: fund your business idea, until you can get your business
Speaker 1: off the ground. Because I got kids, and if you
Speaker 1: with me, that mean we got kids, because you live.
Speaker 2: Here with us. Now we're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: This is secure. This is something that we have to
Speaker 1: move forward. Bills are today your entrepreneurship and ain't kicking
Speaker 1: off the way that you thought it would or the
Speaker 1: way that it should be right now, you know, how
Speaker 1: long has he been an entrepreneur?
Speaker 2: Does he give.
Speaker 1: Real effort into trying to be an entrepreneur whatever it is,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Do you see him actually
Speaker 1: working toward a goal? You know, does he have ambition.
Speaker 1: You said, he is a genuinely good person. He's good
Speaker 1: with your kids. That's a plus. A lot of men
Speaker 1: who don't have kids don't typically do well in situations
Speaker 1: with children, you know, and households with children, because they
Speaker 1: don't have the experience.
Speaker 2: It's not most men.
Speaker 1: I'm not putting a percentage on the men, but that's
Speaker 1: just from experience and what I know. So he seems
Speaker 1: to have a great deal of patience because he don't
Speaker 1: even have no kids and you got kids. Okay, you
Speaker 1: did say he drives Uber. Now I know Uber can
Speaker 1: get you some money. You know, I got a bunch
Speaker 1: of little cousins that do it. I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people that do Uber. You know, you hit them
Speaker 1: peak times and you get get on that road at
Speaker 1: a certain time, and you.
Speaker 2: Put in that work. You can make some money.
Speaker 1: But I understand it's not enough for you. Okay, And
Speaker 1: then you know, you see him conflicted because now I
Speaker 1: understand I've been in your place before, I've been in
Speaker 1: your shoes. I'm not going to sit here and just
Speaker 1: act like I haven't. You know, you're conflicted right now
Speaker 1: because you're not happy in the bed. You're not happy
Speaker 1: with him financially, because you feel like you just move
Speaker 1: this guy in and while you do like him, while
Speaker 1: you do love him, you know, maybe even love him,
Speaker 1: you feel like you made a mistake. That's just what
Speaker 1: it is, and you just try and not to say it,
Speaker 1: try not to look at it that way. The good
Speaker 1: part is, y'are only four months in, Okay. I like
Speaker 1: when you said nobody's perfect. No, nobody's perfect. And yes,
Speaker 1: if you do find somebody that genuinely loves you and
Speaker 1: genuinely is a good person, because it's hard to find
Speaker 1: those people these days, then you do stick with it. However,
Speaker 1: you do not settle. You just don't settle. Where was
Speaker 1: he living before? Is there any chance that he could
Speaker 1: go back there and you guys could start over? You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, because what I don't want you
Speaker 1: to do is settle, keep him in your house. And
Speaker 1: you're unhappy, and you just praying on patience, praying that
Speaker 1: one day at the work, and then you're slowly but
Speaker 1: surely getting miserable, and then you're starting to dislike him,
Speaker 1: and now you're starting to hate him, and then you're
Speaker 1: starting to resent him because that's not fair to him.
Speaker 1: Either it's not fair to you, and it's not fair
Speaker 1: to your kids because the longer he's there, he's building
Speaker 1: a bond with them. Okay, but mommy's not happy. He
Speaker 1: wasn't even around long enough for them to meet him
Speaker 1: and live with him.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you from mom to mom, I've done this,
Speaker 1: I've been in this before. Okay, I'm not judging you, says,
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you, baby. So even with that being said,
Speaker 1: you really don't see a future here. You're trying to
Speaker 1: see a future here. Okay, I would say, don't give
Speaker 1: up on it one hundred per but sit down and
Speaker 1: have a real conversation with him. Sit down and have
Speaker 1: a real conversation with him, because it ain't all on him.
Speaker 1: It's not you invited.
Speaker 2: Him to move with you.
Speaker 1: Those were your words, that that was an action that
Speaker 1: no man in his place could refuse or would refuse.
Speaker 2: Shit.
Speaker 1: You know, now, if you ask him, I bet he
Speaker 1: in love like a mother. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: He got a partner that's helping him, that's understanding a situation.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 1: Of course, you have beautiful children that he's created this
Speaker 1: beautiful bond with, you know, probably making him want some
Speaker 1: kids of his own, you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: you seem like just this a phenomenal woman. You do
Speaker 1: deserve more, but you just made a mistake moving too fast,
Speaker 1: moving too quick. It's okay to still heal because I
Speaker 1: bet you still do things like compare him to your
Speaker 1: ex in some ways when you weren't even happy in
Speaker 1: that relationship.
Speaker 2: Because I've done it before.
Speaker 1: You know, we just start comparing and we'll try to
Speaker 1: find the good and the last relationship as it compares
Speaker 1: to what you're what's happening now, what you're going through now,
Speaker 1: because I bet you said it to yourself.
Speaker 2: I mean the nigga was toxic.
Speaker 1: The last nigga was toxic, but I mean he could
Speaker 1: get it up and he was getting money, but you
Speaker 1: still wasn't happy. Okay, hold up, hold up, I know
Speaker 1: this shit getting good, But listen to just a couple
Speaker 1: seconds of a I'm marshal. If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: Nobody has it all off top.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm letting you know that from experience. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it won't get there, because it can. You can have
Speaker 1: it all. You can have whatever you want. Manifest you
Speaker 1: can You can.
Speaker 2: It's real.
Speaker 1: You can have whatever you want. When you meet your partner.
Speaker 1: Know he ain't God always be at the top, But
Speaker 1: y'all can build together and make it there together. If
Speaker 1: you already there, shit, build him up and he can
Speaker 1: be up there with you. If you meet a man
Speaker 1: that's already there and you ain't there, shit, and he
Speaker 1: believes in you and he loves you and he wants you,
Speaker 1: he gonna build you up and you're gonna make it there.
Speaker 2: Okay, you understand me.
Speaker 1: So I think it needs to be a real, genuine conversation.
Speaker 1: And I know you probably don't want to hurt his
Speaker 1: feelings because he is a good person. He is a
Speaker 1: good man at heart, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with being honest and being open. That
Speaker 1: will probably make you our relationship stronger. Tell him be honest. Listen,
Speaker 1: I made a mistake. I was just getting out of
Speaker 1: a relationship. I love you, I really really want this
Speaker 1: to work. And if it's going to work, I need
Speaker 1: you to understand and be open minded enough to not
Speaker 1: take what I'm about to say as insults. I'm not
Speaker 1: happy in the bedroom. That plays the big part in
Speaker 1: our relationship, in any relationship, Okay, but I do suggest
Speaker 1: that you go see something, Go see a doctor, go
Speaker 1: see go see if there's something you can do about it.
Speaker 1: You know, because as painful as it is for me,
Speaker 1: I know it's uncomfortable for you. I know it's painful
Speaker 1: for you to not be able to get it up. Shit,
Speaker 1: you want a nut just as bad as I want
Speaker 1: a nut. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Death is not one sided. It's both sided. Girl.
Speaker 1: I know he's feeling it. If you're feeling it, you
Speaker 1: know how you think he feeling. If you feeling that way,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then move on to
Speaker 1: the finances and be serious and your ground.
Speaker 2: Don't be rude.
Speaker 1: No man wants you to talk down because he probably
Speaker 1: already feel less than because he can't provide. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But again, this was your invitation. So
Speaker 1: you just keep that shit a hundred with him too.
Speaker 1: And you do that and tell him this entrepreneur thing
Speaker 1: that you're doing.
Speaker 2: Now, I don't call it a thing. Lord, shit, he
Speaker 2: won't be like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Okay, Now, don't minimize it like that, you say, I
Speaker 1: understand you are an entrepreneur. But I need for you
Speaker 1: to get a job until you able to get this
Speaker 1: business off the ground and up and running. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But it can't happen here. You can
Speaker 1: still come past and see the kids. You can still
Speaker 1: come over. But I think I made the mistake of
Speaker 1: moving too fast and inviting you to move in. And
Speaker 1: I appreciate what you do for me. I appreciate how
Speaker 1: you stimulate me mentally. Actually, damn you said, he don't Okay, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this conversation needs to happen because I don't want you
Speaker 1: to start resenting him, because that's not fair. It's not
Speaker 1: fair to you, him, more the kids. So he needs
Speaker 1: to go, He needs to move out, and there needs
Speaker 1: to be a distance created. And just in that part,
Speaker 1: in that aspect of it. Now, is he the type
Speaker 1: to blow up on your ass? Is he the type
Speaker 1: that we that would even understand? That's why I'm saying,
Speaker 1: ask him to be open minded if he isn't already,
Speaker 1: you know, because some men won't be able to take that,
Speaker 1: but some men are.
Speaker 2: Some men are able to take.
Speaker 1: The hard, cold truth. Because at times, I know it's cliche,
Speaker 1: but the truth does hurt. But it also matters to
Speaker 1: tell the truth because if you lie, both of y'all
Speaker 1: gonna be unhappy. It ain't gonna it ain't gonna work
Speaker 1: out at the end, because you're gonna blow up one
Speaker 1: day and you're gonna say some things that I damn
Speaker 1: sure know you're gonna regret. Have the conversation while still early.
Speaker 1: Four months is not that long. Okay, Please do that
Speaker 1: for yourself, your sanity, and your baby's too, you know,
Speaker 1: And do that for him too, just for the sake
Speaker 1: of breaking a heart, and for the sake of breaking
Speaker 1: your own heart, you know, because you know you're not happy.
Speaker 1: Check back in with me. Let me know, girl, Okay,
Speaker 1: moving on. I lost my fiance about a month ago.
Speaker 1: Shit wasn't doing the best for months, she would say.
Speaker 1: I wasn't making her happy, wasn't a great father at times,
Speaker 1: rarely having sex. Long story short of female message me
Speaker 1: sending me picks. I sent one back next morning, fiance
Speaker 1: seening it. Damn We split shortly after that after the picture. Okay,
Speaker 1: this girl is my life. We got a daughter and
Speaker 1: she's there for my other kids. How do I get
Speaker 1: her back? First of all, nigga, you ain't even let
Speaker 1: me know shit. You just you leaving some shit out.
Speaker 1: There's some other shit that you do, bene did ain't nobody?
Speaker 2: Uh uh? Your fiance ain't gonna.
Speaker 1: Leave you just because she's seeing a bitch sent a
Speaker 1: picture to your phone. You've been doing something else, and
Speaker 1: I ain't even gonna take your shit until you open
Speaker 1: up all the way up and let me know what
Speaker 1: you did. I ain't playing with you. I am not playing.
Speaker 1: This is crazy. You gonna send me this little bit
Speaker 1: of shit. I'm gonna read it again. I lost my
Speaker 1: fiance about a month ago. Shit wasn't doing the best
Speaker 1: for months, she would say. I wasn't making that happy,
Speaker 1: wasn't a great father at times, rarely having sex. Long
Speaker 1: story short, How the fuck are you gonna say? Long
Speaker 1: story short? And the story already fucking short? Long story short.
Speaker 1: A female message me sending me picks. I sent one
Speaker 1: back next morning, fiance seeing it. We split shortly after that.
Speaker 1: This girl is my life, got a daughter and shed
Speaker 1: there for my other kids. How do I get her back?
Speaker 1: You tell a motherfucking truth about everything, So help you God,
Speaker 1: because ain't nobody sitting here believe I ain't believing this shit.
Speaker 1: I'm not believing it.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: You can come back and you can send me take
Speaker 1: your time, take your time, open up to me and
Speaker 1: tell me what happened, because you ain't gonna get her
Speaker 1: back like this shit. This is probably how you lost them,
Speaker 1: all short and shit and nonchalant, like you don't give
Speaker 1: a damn. You don't really want her back, and this
Speaker 1: is crazy. You sent me this same message May twenty fourth,
Speaker 1: sending me the same shit December eighteenth. All right, so
Speaker 1: that was like what six months ago? Yeah, this was
Speaker 1: seven months ago, and then you came back and sent
Speaker 1: it again. So you still want to obviously, but the
Speaker 1: dates then changed. I know the dates changed. You sent
Speaker 1: you copying and paste and sent the same shit. So
Speaker 1: you ain't got a back yet, and you ain't going
Speaker 1: to with this nonsense. Try again. I better open up
Speaker 1: my DM for Carefully Reckless and see a longer message. Shit,
Speaker 1: send a voice note, talk to me, because this ain't
Speaker 1: gonna get you nowhere with me, I say, she don't
Speaker 1: take your ass back because you lying about something and
Speaker 1: you hiding some shit, and yeah, I ain't playing with
Speaker 1: you niggas. In twenty twenty four, I ain't playing with you.
Speaker 1: Women in twenty twenty four, I ain't doing it. Get
Speaker 1: your shit together, And just like that, we've come to
Speaker 1: the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your
Speaker 1: girl Jesselarius. I ain't playing with y'all, niggas, I ain't
Speaker 1: playing with you, and then my deepest paying voice peace,
Speaker 1: Catch you next week.
Speaker 3: Taking Class.
Speaker 6: And Can't.
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