Speaker 1: I do not know where to start today. I have
Speaker 1: a lot to say. I can't breathe. Sometimes I realize that,
Speaker 1: like I get on here and I get excited to
Speaker 1: tell you guys things and I can't breathe, and breathing
Speaker 1: feels relevant, critical and important. So I posted yesterday about
Speaker 1: loneliness and wow, did it hit and did it strike
Speaker 1: a chord with people? If something I'm really thinking about
Speaker 1: I'm reflecting on, particularly on a day like Mother's Day
Speaker 1: when I just want to say something about myself. I
Speaker 1: don't have a great bedside manner. I hugged one of
Speaker 1: my staff members today and I think she's in shock
Speaker 1: because I get into it. I'm not big on four
Speaker 1: place small talk. I'm like, Hi, okay, did we get that?
Speaker 2: Do we do that?
Speaker 1: I'm the person that will send somebody a text to
Speaker 1: do something, and then that passag person will text me
Speaker 1: back good morning. I'm like, well, fuck off, we could
Speaker 1: do pleasantries later.
Speaker 2: That being said.
Speaker 1: Somehow, with my crowded brain that never stops thinking, I'm
Speaker 1: always aware, like I notice everything, it just sometimes can
Speaker 1: be on a delay. I notice how people are feeling,
Speaker 1: what they're going through. I am an EmPATH and I
Speaker 1: have compassion, I just don't show it. I got this,
Speaker 1: I think from my father. My mother was an extremely cold,
Speaker 1: scathing person, you know, like she could just cut through,
Speaker 1: but she used that to the end in a very
Speaker 1: bad way, where she would literally smash everything in the
Speaker 1: house and she would go below the belt.
Speaker 2: I don't really go below the belt.
Speaker 1: I just have like a skating cold way about me
Speaker 1: that can be like not fuzzy, but I am a
Speaker 1: warm person and I have like the combination.
Speaker 2: So it's confusing to people, right.
Speaker 1: I think probably people who are attracted to me will
Speaker 1: love me know that part of me, and that's what
Speaker 1: brings them in. But I'm very guarded and not trusting,
Speaker 1: and I really trust only a very small group of people.
Speaker 1: But by the same token, like I'm aware of big
Speaker 1: swings and things going on. So I'm aware that it's
Speaker 1: Mother's Day, and I'm aware that people are alone or
Speaker 1: single moms or lost people or their kids or their
Speaker 1: husbands didn't or their partners or their boyfriends or their
Speaker 1: self grand kids didn't reach out, you know, and like
Speaker 1: I may my daughter reach out to someone to make
Speaker 1: them feel good because they're older and like kids can
Speaker 1: be fleeting and forget things in the moment they think
Speaker 1: about it, but then the next moment they do something else,
Speaker 1: And I think we have to like hold people to that.
Speaker 1: And in that day, I was thinking about this move
Speaker 1: and I had a slightly unpleasant start with my daughter.
Speaker 1: I won't get into that, of course, so I was
Speaker 1: a little bummed. I was a little sad, I was
Speaker 1: a little sleep deprived. It was just like, it's not
Speaker 1: like my birthday, which I despise, but sometimes there's a
Speaker 1: day that if it's not what you wanted it to be,
Speaker 1: or it's a disappointment, it can be a weird day.
Speaker 1: And then something happened where I wanted to honor my team,
Speaker 1: the moms for my team, and do something that I've
Speaker 1: never done before, and I won't get into that detail,
Speaker 1: but that got botched too, and I was upset about that.
Speaker 1: And I'm a person that when something gets ruined, I
Speaker 1: get very very upset, like I can't get out of it.
Speaker 1: So I was upset for partially something I happened with
Speaker 1: my daughter, and then I was upset that I didn't
Speaker 1: get to honor everybody on the day and the way
Speaker 1: that I wanted to, particularly because I've never done it before,
Speaker 1: and it was the first time that I had the
Speaker 1: best intentions and effort and knowing myself. This morning, everyone
Speaker 1: will come into work and we're moving, and it will
Speaker 1: be like, not huggy, kissy, you know, how is your
Speaker 1: day and has the weather and had your sleep, which
Speaker 1: I do, but sometimes we're right into the action, and
Speaker 1: I do want to work on that. This morning I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, be kind. Not that I'm not kind,
Speaker 1: I can just be like direct. So yesterday was the day,
Speaker 1: and it had a weird start and I ended up
Speaker 1: on a rooftop of my daughter and we were just talking,
Speaker 1: and we're talking a lot about this move to each other,
Speaker 1: Like she has a very good friend, a best friend
Speaker 1: that you know, she really gonna miss, and I'm feeling
Speaker 1: like more than secondhand, like first hand sadness about that.
Speaker 1: I'm very nostalgic and I don't like her leaving this
Speaker 1: best friend, Like she literally would stay and we would
Speaker 1: not move this entire house and this entire crazy move
Speaker 1: for this one friend, which is completely certifiable, but like
Speaker 1: I love this one friend for her, so I'm sad
Speaker 1: about that, and like she has a best friend, like
Speaker 1: she has a best friend who's just like her in
Speaker 1: the similar way that she's sweet and cute and like
Speaker 1: smart and slightly like flighty and ditsy and like fashionable.
Speaker 1: And I'm just a little broken hearted about that. And no,
Speaker 1: she'll love new friends, but like my best friends are
Speaker 1: from high school, so I have anxiety about that. And
Speaker 1: then you know, I'm a very OCD person, so like
Speaker 1: we have to do this, and we have to do that,
Speaker 1: and we have to unbraid this, and we have to
Speaker 1: do that, and the staffing and it's just like I'm
Speaker 1: very activated right now. I'm very heightened, I'm very wound up.
Speaker 1: I'm very manic, and I'm manic on a normal day.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot going on. I'm not a person
Speaker 1: that's scared to move. I know that this is a
Speaker 1: move in the right direction. Do I know that Florida
Speaker 1: and where I'm moving is like my life's dream. That's
Speaker 1: so irrelevant because I'm just moving in the right direction,
Speaker 1: And so is my is my daughter because we don't
Speaker 1: have a community where we live, and I need for
Speaker 1: my daughter because we have a smaller family because both
Speaker 1: my parents are dead and she has good grandparents that
Speaker 1: she loves, and a number of different things, but it's
Speaker 1: not I don't know, she has enough siblings, so I
Speaker 1: want a community for her. And we have a community
Speaker 1: in Florida. Like yesterday we spent Mother's Day with my
Speaker 1: friend Terry from high school and her husband and her
Speaker 1: son and daughter, and we did that same thing last year.
Speaker 1: We went to see a play and we went to dinner.
Speaker 1: And it feels like now we might have a tradition starting.
Speaker 1: And that's what my daughter loves. Like every year for
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve, she and I go to the Hamptons by
Speaker 1: ourselves and we go get the special ornament at the
Speaker 1: one place, and we go ice skating and then we
Speaker 1: come back for the day at the main house. And like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's probably will probably in the future
Speaker 1: spend Christmas in the Hamptons unless I'm in a relationship
Speaker 1: or something like that. Like I want her to feel
Speaker 1: part of something, and she loves that. And she loved
Speaker 1: that with my last relationship because it was like she
Speaker 1: felt like she was part of something, but that was
Speaker 1: a little insul or two that wasn't like as warm
Speaker 1: as what we love and are looking for. I have
Speaker 1: a big community there so we can feel like we're
Speaker 1: part of something. And yesterday I was honest with my
Speaker 1: audience kind of because I'm being honest with myself too.
Speaker 1: When we have things that are going on and we
Speaker 1: can't control them, we don't bring them up, we stifle them.
Speaker 1: And it's almost more annoying, even in therapy to talk
Speaker 1: about something it doesn't matter, I can't do anything about it,
Speaker 1: and then someone wants to help you manage it, and
Speaker 1: you know that's frustrating. I will say that I've been
Speaker 1: very lonely living in the suburbs in Connecticut because I
Speaker 1: haven't known anyone. And then if someone's like, you should
Speaker 1: meet friends, It's like, I don't want to meet friends.
Speaker 1: Like you're a certain age, I don't want to meet friends,
Speaker 1: you know, I just don't want to. And I also
Speaker 1: don't trust people. And I'm also a public person, so
Speaker 1: it layers that, and no one wants to hear a
Speaker 1: public person complain about being a public person. But like,
Speaker 1: I don't know who wants to be friends of me
Speaker 1: because of me, and I don't just want to make
Speaker 1: new friends, and so I've been really insular. And guess what,
Speaker 1: I'm a very insular person to begin with. So the
Speaker 1: pandemic gave me license to be as insular as I
Speaker 1: want and no one would notice. That's the difference. No
Speaker 1: one would notice. And because everybody's being that, and so
Speaker 1: you feel like you have a group with you that's
Speaker 1: being that. And then the pandemic opens up and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh wait, now we're like over here and a lot
Speaker 1: of people.
Speaker 2: Are going through this.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are going through it in ways
Speaker 1: that like people haven't put on heels in years because
Speaker 1: it just said why are we putting on heels? The
Speaker 1: sweatpants generation completely woke up an aviator nation and all
Speaker 1: this like lounge set life happened because of the pandemic.
Speaker 1: The pandemic affected fashion, like in many cases people don't
Speaker 1: care about pants because of zooms.
Speaker 2: Like it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I it was very insular and I was in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but it didn't matter because I was like home alone
Speaker 1: with Britain, and then moved to the suburbs, had a
Speaker 1: really good feeling, and then suburbs exploded in real estate
Speaker 1: and now people are just getting back into recovering and
Speaker 1: realizing they're being social. It fucked up a lot of people,
Speaker 1: and people don't realize it. We think we're out of it,
Speaker 1: but things change, trends changed. So now I'm in a
Speaker 1: place where I'm alone all the time, to the point
Speaker 1: where I'm not going to get in the car and
Speaker 1: go drive seven minutes into the town to like shop
Speaker 1: or go to a museum or go to a workout class.
Speaker 2: Like that's not me.
Speaker 1: My type of being social is either going to something
Speaker 1: amazing it's an amazing event, or just walking outside and
Speaker 1: like seeing something. So if I go on a vacation,
Speaker 1: I like to stay near a town. Yes, up, beach
Speaker 1: is number one, But I don't like to be on
Speaker 1: a beach forty minutes from a town cause I like
Speaker 1: to walk in and get a coffee that feels like
Speaker 1: I did something, I saw someone who lived there, I
Speaker 1: experienced the culture. I got a little sandwich, Like I
Speaker 1: come back, I look at a little leather makeer, like
Speaker 1: in Italy, like on a street, like I like to
Speaker 1: see something. Because I'm not that social and I like
Speaker 1: to be alone, but alone with people. So in Miami,
Speaker 1: for example, which isn't where I'll be living most of
Speaker 1: the time, that's where I have a place I can
Speaker 1: just walk outside and like see somebody on a rollerblade
Speaker 1: or at the beach and I'm not talking to them,
Speaker 1: but I could get a coffee, like I've breathed the
Speaker 1: air and experienced human life.
Speaker 2: And that's what it's like. When I'm in the city.
Speaker 1: I wake up and I don't ever go to a
Speaker 1: gym or do anything like that, but I like walk
Speaker 1: to the park and get a juice and experience something
Speaker 1: and post something for the people and do the Lord's work,
Speaker 1: and it just feels like I'm part of something. And actually,
Speaker 1: this move to Florida, I think is gonna reinstate and
Speaker 1: revitalize my relationship with New York City because now I
Speaker 1: live in the suburbs in Britain. Because with teenagers, they
Speaker 1: don't want to be like shuffling around so much. And
Speaker 1: when you're a divorce kid, that happens to begin with
Speaker 1: her stuff is in Connecticut. You know, she's school in Connecticut,
Speaker 1: like you're in Connecticut. So if I go in the city,
Speaker 1: I'm going in for a panel, I'm going in for
Speaker 1: a business thing. It's transactional. Go in, get makeup done,
Speaker 1: do social media, do the appearance, come home, repeat, Like
Speaker 1: it's not like you're having a relationship with the city.
Speaker 1: You're just going in and like getting out. You're not
Speaker 1: like walking around and you know, going to a market
Speaker 1: and looking at a farm stand. And this weekend for
Speaker 1: Mother's Day, we went in because we were meeting my
Speaker 1: friend and her family and Brennan and I were walking
Speaker 1: around the city. We went to like a street fair
Speaker 1: and just bought disgusting, gross pickles and like bought a
Speaker 1: vintage pair of shorts that was woven. Like it was
Speaker 1: just like we were experiencing And that to me was like, wait,
Speaker 1: this moved to Florida means when I come to New
Speaker 1: York for work, I'm going to experience the city again.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have a relationship with the city because
Speaker 1: I'll be staying in my apartment and I'll be having
Speaker 1: this experience.
Speaker 2: It's a big shift.
Speaker 1: And I just want to say that I haven't been
Speaker 1: honest about my loneliness. I've been I've been insular. I
Speaker 1: haven't said anything because we do things for our kids.
Speaker 1: This is a moment in time. I'm not gonna like
Speaker 1: shake up and move my kid when she's doing well.
Speaker 1: And so I just was honest with my audience about this,
Speaker 1: and it really struck a chord and hit a nerve
Speaker 1: like obviously civilians and normal people.
Speaker 2: And then like.
Speaker 1: Porscha from Atlanta reached out on my Porscha she's always
Speaker 1: like glammed up and like looked like a glamazon and whatever,
Speaker 1: but she said, I experienced. I know what you're saying,
Speaker 1: and I've never I don't even know that Porsha knows me.
Speaker 1: I've never even heard from her that spoke to her.
Speaker 1: Kristin Channawi like a lot of us seem like we're
Speaker 1: one thing. I'm really another. I am an introvert. I
Speaker 1: am insular. It's crazy, it doesn't make any sense. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna explain to you. I go out last week
Speaker 1: to Miami, and I turn it out. I get dressed,
Speaker 1: I make it madder, I talk to people. I'm social.
Speaker 1: To me, that's the biggest thing in the world. Then
Speaker 1: I hide because it was too much for me. And
Speaker 1: then like I know friends who are like, yeah, since
Speaker 1: after Miami, I did this, I did that, I did
Speaker 1: the other thing. I'm going to chipry on ets and
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, like what I am still recovering
Speaker 1: today a week ago from that, Because it's not just
Speaker 1: the physical and it's not the staying out late, which
Speaker 1: was amazing and fun, and I went on this incredible
Speaker 1: major boat and met some interesting people and had the
Speaker 1: greatest time. But like that, I gave it all I got.
Speaker 1: That was the marathon. Like I put my back, my soul,
Speaker 1: my body, my blood, my hydration, all of it, my
Speaker 1: pores into it, got home and like it took five
Speaker 1: days to unbraid that. That's me storing up. Now I'm
Speaker 1: the camel or the bear. That's like hibernating until the
Speaker 1: next thing. And that's week in a May thirty first,
Speaker 1: Like I'll go to the Hampton Memorial Day weekend, I'll
Speaker 1: fiddle around my house, I'll go on the boat like
Speaker 1: all normal things, like nice things, go to dinners, but
Speaker 1: like I won't like burst like that for a month
Speaker 1: from that. So it's weird when you see people that
Speaker 1: are seem so out there and it seems like what
Speaker 1: are they talking about? How are they an introvert but
Speaker 1: or an insular or whatever you call it. I don't
Speaker 1: need to label myself, but like I'm just telling you
Speaker 1: that I left my own devices could be in the
Speaker 1: house for days on end, and I could even do
Speaker 1: that in like a city when I used to live
Speaker 1: in New York City, but you walk outside and go
Speaker 1: to the chew a pair, or go to get your
Speaker 1: nails done, or leave the house.
Speaker 2: So I think this move will be great.
Speaker 1: And I guess I'm also like validating a lot of
Speaker 1: you that feel this because a lot of people at
Speaker 1: a certain age, they've been taking care of older parents,
Speaker 1: their kids have gone to college.
Speaker 2: There's a transition in your life.
Speaker 1: You don't realize you've been surviving but not thriving. The
Speaker 1: work life balance is not the ultimate balance. The ultimate
Speaker 1: balance is between surviving and thriving. You're just going through
Speaker 1: the motions. You're cooking, you take your kids to school,
Speaker 1: you make the costume, you make the thing, you do that,
Speaker 1: you be the wife, you do whatever, you go to work.
Speaker 1: It's going fine. You're going well. Your healthy things are good.
Speaker 1: You hug your dogs, you love your life, you laugh sometimes,
Speaker 1: you watch good shows. You're not dead, but you feel
Speaker 1: a little dead. And then you decide, wait, I don't
Speaker 1: want to just survive this thing. I want to I
Speaker 1: want to thrive this thing. And that's the difference. And
Speaker 1: that's kind of where I'm at right now. And I
Speaker 1: do think it shows and I'm slowly explaining this to
Speaker 1: people as I realize it myself, as my daughter says
Speaker 1: to me, I didn't realize you were so unhappy and
Speaker 1: so lonely. And it's like I kind of didn't either.
Speaker 1: There's nothing to say. So now I've said it and
Speaker 1: it's out. And I really always love if I can
Speaker 1: say something to connect to other people and help them.
Speaker 1: You know, it's never really about me.
Speaker 2: I mean, I just.
Speaker 1: Don'ted to you on Mother's Day, be like, hi, and
Speaker 1: this is a shout out to mother's, furry baby mother's.
Speaker 1: If you don't't a mother, if you don't have a mother, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: that'll mean something. But we've heard that all like you
Speaker 1: need to get deep and like really connect to people
Speaker 1: so they can feel better about what they're going through
Speaker 1: on a day like Mother's Day. So that was really
Speaker 1: the rose of my Mother's Day, being able to share
Speaker 1: something that could help other people. If you saw the
Speaker 1: amount of people in my comments, be like, wait, this
Speaker 1: was me, This is me. This speaks to me. I
Speaker 1: want to do this, I want to move. I didn't
Speaker 1: even realize I was thinking this, like all that stuff
Speaker 1: people stifle. Everybody stifles men, women, everyone, stifles kids.
Speaker 2: So it's not to be
Speaker 1: Dumping shit out all the time, but once in a
Speaker 1: while we have to unstifle