1 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,440 Speaker 1: I do not know where to start today. I have 2 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:18,119 Speaker 1: a lot to say. I can't breathe. Sometimes I realize that, 3 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 1: like I get on here and I get excited to 4 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: tell you guys things and I can't breathe, and breathing 5 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: feels relevant, critical and important. So I posted yesterday about 6 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 1: loneliness and wow, did it hit and did it strike 7 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: a chord with people? If something I'm really thinking about 8 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: I'm reflecting on, particularly on a day like Mother's Day 9 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 1: when I just want to say something about myself. I 10 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: don't have a great bedside manner. I hugged one of 11 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 1: my staff members today and I think she's in shock 12 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: because I get into it. I'm not big on four 13 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: place small talk. I'm like, Hi, okay, did we get that? 14 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 2: Do we do that? 15 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: I'm the person that will send somebody a text to 16 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: do something, and then that passag person will text me 17 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: back good morning. I'm like, well, fuck off, we could 18 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:06,759 Speaker 1: do pleasantries later. 19 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 2: That being said. 20 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: Somehow, with my crowded brain that never stops thinking, I'm 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: always aware, like I notice everything, it just sometimes can 22 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: be on a delay. I notice how people are feeling, 23 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: what they're going through. I am an EmPATH and I 24 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: have compassion, I just don't show it. I got this, 25 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: I think from my father. My mother was an extremely cold, 26 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: scathing person, you know, like she could just cut through, 27 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: but she used that to the end in a very 28 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 1: bad way, where she would literally smash everything in the 29 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: house and she would go below the belt. 30 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 2: I don't really go below the belt. 31 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: I just have like a skating cold way about me 32 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: that can be like not fuzzy, but I am a 33 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 1: warm person and I have like the combination. 34 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 2: So it's confusing to people, right. 35 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: I think probably people who are attracted to me will 36 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: love me know that part of me, and that's what 37 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: brings them in. But I'm very guarded and not trusting, 38 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: and I really trust only a very small group of people. 39 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: But by the same token, like I'm aware of big 40 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,239 Speaker 1: swings and things going on. So I'm aware that it's 41 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: Mother's Day, and I'm aware that people are alone or 42 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: single moms or lost people or their kids or their 43 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: husbands didn't or their partners or their boyfriends or their 44 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: self grand kids didn't reach out, you know, and like 45 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: I may my daughter reach out to someone to make 46 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: them feel good because they're older and like kids can 47 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: be fleeting and forget things in the moment they think 48 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: about it, but then the next moment they do something else, 49 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: And I think we have to like hold people to that. 50 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: And in that day, I was thinking about this move 51 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: and I had a slightly unpleasant start with my daughter. 52 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,959 Speaker 1: I won't get into that, of course, so I was 53 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: a little bummed. I was a little sad, I was 54 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 1: a little sleep deprived. It was just like, it's not 55 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: like my birthday, which I despise, but sometimes there's a 56 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: day that if it's not what you wanted it to be, 57 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: or it's a disappointment, it can be a weird day. 58 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:04,360 Speaker 1: And then something happened where I wanted to honor my team, 59 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: the moms for my team, and do something that I've 60 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: never done before, and I won't get into that detail, 61 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: but that got botched too, and I was upset about that. 62 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: And I'm a person that when something gets ruined, I 63 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: get very very upset, like I can't get out of it. 64 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: So I was upset for partially something I happened with 65 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: my daughter, and then I was upset that I didn't 66 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 1: get to honor everybody on the day and the way 67 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: that I wanted to, particularly because I've never done it before, 68 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 1: and it was the first time that I had the 69 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: best intentions and effort and knowing myself. This morning, everyone 70 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 1: will come into work and we're moving, and it will 71 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: be like, not huggy, kissy, you know, how is your 72 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: day and has the weather and had your sleep, which 73 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: I do, but sometimes we're right into the action, and 74 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: I do want to work on that. This morning I 75 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, be kind. Not that I'm not kind, 76 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: I can just be like direct. So yesterday was the day, 77 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: and it had a weird start and I ended up 78 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: on a rooftop of my daughter and we were just talking, 79 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 1: and we're talking a lot about this move to each other, 80 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: Like she has a very good friend, a best friend 81 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: that you know, she really gonna miss, and I'm feeling 82 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: like more than secondhand, like first hand sadness about that. 83 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: I'm very nostalgic and I don't like her leaving this 84 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 1: best friend, Like she literally would stay and we would 85 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: not move this entire house and this entire crazy move 86 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: for this one friend, which is completely certifiable, but like 87 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: I love this one friend for her, so I'm sad 88 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: about that, and like she has a best friend, like 89 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: she has a best friend who's just like her in 90 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: the similar way that she's sweet and cute and like 91 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: smart and slightly like flighty and ditsy and like fashionable. 92 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: And I'm just a little broken hearted about that. And no, 93 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: she'll love new friends, but like my best friends are 94 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: from high school, so I have anxiety about that. And 95 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 1: then you know, I'm a very OCD person, so like 96 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: we have to do this, and we have to do that, 97 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: and we have to unbraid this, and we have to 98 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 1: do that, and the staffing and it's just like I'm 99 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: very activated right now. I'm very heightened, I'm very wound up. 100 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: I'm very manic, and I'm manic on a normal day. 101 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: So there's a lot going on. I'm not a person 102 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: that's scared to move. I know that this is a 103 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: move in the right direction. Do I know that Florida 104 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: and where I'm moving is like my life's dream. That's 105 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 1: so irrelevant because I'm just moving in the right direction, 106 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: And so is my is my daughter because we don't 107 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,919 Speaker 1: have a community where we live, and I need for 108 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: my daughter because we have a smaller family because both 109 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: my parents are dead and she has good grandparents that 110 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: she loves, and a number of different things, but it's 111 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: not I don't know, she has enough siblings, so I 112 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: want a community for her. And we have a community 113 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: in Florida. Like yesterday we spent Mother's Day with my 114 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: friend Terry from high school and her husband and her 115 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: son and daughter, and we did that same thing last year. 116 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: We went to see a play and we went to dinner. 117 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: And it feels like now we might have a tradition starting. 118 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 1: And that's what my daughter loves. Like every year for 119 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: Christmas Eve, she and I go to the Hamptons by 120 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,279 Speaker 1: ourselves and we go get the special ornament at the 121 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 1: one place, and we go ice skating and then we 122 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: come back for the day at the main house. And like, 123 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: I don't know, that's probably will probably in the future 124 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: spend Christmas in the Hamptons unless I'm in a relationship 125 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: or something like that. Like I want her to feel 126 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: part of something, and she loves that. And she loved 127 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: that with my last relationship because it was like she 128 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: felt like she was part of something, but that was 129 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 1: a little insul or two that wasn't like as warm 130 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,359 Speaker 1: as what we love and are looking for. I have 131 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: a big community there so we can feel like we're 132 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: part of something. And yesterday I was honest with my 133 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: audience kind of because I'm being honest with myself too. 134 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: When we have things that are going on and we 135 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: can't control them, we don't bring them up, we stifle them. 136 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 1: And it's almost more annoying, even in therapy to talk 137 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 1: about something it doesn't matter, I can't do anything about it, 138 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: and then someone wants to help you manage it, and 139 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: you know that's frustrating. I will say that I've been 140 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: very lonely living in the suburbs in Connecticut because I 141 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: haven't known anyone. And then if someone's like, you should 142 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: meet friends, It's like, I don't want to meet friends. 143 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 1: Like you're a certain age, I don't want to meet friends, 144 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: you know, I just don't want to. And I also 145 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: don't trust people. And I'm also a public person, so 146 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: it layers that, and no one wants to hear a 147 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: public person complain about being a public person. But like, 148 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: I don't know who wants to be friends of me 149 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: because of me, and I don't just want to make 150 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,359 Speaker 1: new friends, and so I've been really insular. And guess what, 151 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 1: I'm a very insular person to begin with. So the 152 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: pandemic gave me license to be as insular as I 153 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: want and no one would notice. That's the difference. No 154 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: one would notice. And because everybody's being that, and so 155 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: you feel like you have a group with you that's 156 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: being that. And then the pandemic opens up and you're like, 157 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: oh wait, now we're like over here and a lot 158 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: of people. 159 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: Are going through this. 160 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,559 Speaker 1: A lot of people are going through it in ways 161 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: that like people haven't put on heels in years because 162 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 1: it just said why are we putting on heels? The 163 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: sweatpants generation completely woke up an aviator nation and all 164 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: this like lounge set life happened because of the pandemic. 165 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: The pandemic affected fashion, like in many cases people don't 166 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: care about pants because of zooms. 167 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 2: Like it's crazy. 168 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: I it was very insular and I was in a relationship, 169 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: but it didn't matter because I was like home alone 170 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: with Britain, and then moved to the suburbs, had a 171 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: really good feeling, and then suburbs exploded in real estate 172 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: and now people are just getting back into recovering and 173 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: realizing they're being social. It fucked up a lot of people, 174 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: and people don't realize it. We think we're out of it, 175 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: but things change, trends changed. So now I'm in a 176 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: place where I'm alone all the time, to the point 177 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: where I'm not going to get in the car and 178 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: go drive seven minutes into the town to like shop 179 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: or go to a museum or go to a workout class. 180 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 2: Like that's not me. 181 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: My type of being social is either going to something 182 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: amazing it's an amazing event, or just walking outside and 183 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: like seeing something. So if I go on a vacation, 184 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: I like to stay near a town. Yes, up, beach 185 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: is number one, But I don't like to be on 186 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: a beach forty minutes from a town cause I like 187 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: to walk in and get a coffee that feels like 188 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 1: I did something, I saw someone who lived there, I 189 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: experienced the culture. I got a little sandwich, Like I 190 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: come back, I look at a little leather makeer, like 191 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: in Italy, like on a street, like I like to 192 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: see something. Because I'm not that social and I like 193 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: to be alone, but alone with people. So in Miami, 194 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: for example, which isn't where I'll be living most of 195 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,199 Speaker 1: the time, that's where I have a place I can 196 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: just walk outside and like see somebody on a rollerblade 197 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: or at the beach and I'm not talking to them, 198 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: but I could get a coffee, like I've breathed the 199 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: air and experienced human life. 200 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 2: And that's what it's like. When I'm in the city. 201 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: I wake up and I don't ever go to a 202 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: gym or do anything like that, but I like walk 203 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: to the park and get a juice and experience something 204 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 1: and post something for the people and do the Lord's work, 205 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: and it just feels like I'm part of something. And actually, 206 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: this move to Florida, I think is gonna reinstate and 207 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: revitalize my relationship with New York City because now I 208 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: live in the suburbs in Britain. Because with teenagers, they 209 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: don't want to be like shuffling around so much. And 210 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: when you're a divorce kid, that happens to begin with 211 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: her stuff is in Connecticut. You know, she's school in Connecticut, 212 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: like you're in Connecticut. So if I go in the city, 213 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 1: I'm going in for a panel, I'm going in for 214 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: a business thing. It's transactional. Go in, get makeup done, 215 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: do social media, do the appearance, come home, repeat, Like 216 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: it's not like you're having a relationship with the city. 217 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: You're just going in and like getting out. You're not 218 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: like walking around and you know, going to a market 219 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:23,319 Speaker 1: and looking at a farm stand. And this weekend for 220 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: Mother's Day, we went in because we were meeting my 221 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: friend and her family and Brennan and I were walking 222 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: around the city. We went to like a street fair 223 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,079 Speaker 1: and just bought disgusting, gross pickles and like bought a 224 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: vintage pair of shorts that was woven. Like it was 225 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,959 Speaker 1: just like we were experiencing And that to me was like, wait, 226 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: this moved to Florida means when I come to New 227 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,959 Speaker 1: York for work, I'm going to experience the city again. 228 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to have a relationship with the city because 229 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: I'll be staying in my apartment and I'll be having 230 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: this experience. 231 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,439 Speaker 2: It's a big shift. 232 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: And I just want to say that I haven't been 233 00:10:55,480 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: honest about my loneliness. I've been I've been insular. I 234 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,839 Speaker 1: haven't said anything because we do things for our kids. 235 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: This is a moment in time. I'm not gonna like 236 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: shake up and move my kid when she's doing well. 237 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: And so I just was honest with my audience about this, 238 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: and it really struck a chord and hit a nerve 239 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 1: like obviously civilians and normal people. 240 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:18,719 Speaker 2: And then like. 241 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: Porscha from Atlanta reached out on my Porscha she's always 242 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: like glammed up and like looked like a glamazon and whatever, 243 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: but she said, I experienced. I know what you're saying, 244 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: and I've never I don't even know that Porsha knows me. 245 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 1: I've never even heard from her that spoke to her. 246 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: Kristin Channawi like a lot of us seem like we're 247 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,959 Speaker 1: one thing. I'm really another. I am an introvert. I 248 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 1: am insular. It's crazy, it doesn't make any sense. But 249 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna explain to you. I go out last week 250 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: to Miami, and I turn it out. I get dressed, 251 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: I make it madder, I talk to people. I'm social. 252 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: To me, that's the biggest thing in the world. Then 253 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: I hide because it was too much for me. And 254 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: then like I know friends who are like, yeah, since 255 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: after Miami, I did this, I did that, I did 256 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 1: the other thing. I'm going to chipry on ets and 257 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:07,719 Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, like what I am still recovering 258 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: today a week ago from that, Because it's not just 259 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: the physical and it's not the staying out late, which 260 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: was amazing and fun, and I went on this incredible 261 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: major boat and met some interesting people and had the 262 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: greatest time. But like that, I gave it all I got. 263 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: That was the marathon. Like I put my back, my soul, 264 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: my body, my blood, my hydration, all of it, my 265 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 1: pores into it, got home and like it took five 266 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: days to unbraid that. That's me storing up. Now I'm 267 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 1: the camel or the bear. That's like hibernating until the 268 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: next thing. And that's week in a May thirty first, 269 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: Like I'll go to the Hampton Memorial Day weekend, I'll 270 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: fiddle around my house, I'll go on the boat like 271 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: all normal things, like nice things, go to dinners, but 272 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: like I won't like burst like that for a month 273 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 1: from that. So it's weird when you see people that 274 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 1: are seem so out there and it seems like what 275 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: are they talking about? How are they an introvert but 276 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: or an insular or whatever you call it. I don't 277 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: need to label myself, but like I'm just telling you 278 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: that I left my own devices could be in the 279 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: house for days on end, and I could even do 280 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: that in like a city when I used to live 281 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: in New York City, but you walk outside and go 282 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,800 Speaker 1: to the chew a pair, or go to get your 283 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: nails done, or leave the house. 284 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 2: So I think this move will be great. 285 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: And I guess I'm also like validating a lot of 286 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 1: you that feel this because a lot of people at 287 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: a certain age, they've been taking care of older parents, 288 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,079 Speaker 1: their kids have gone to college. 289 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 2: There's a transition in your life. 290 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: You don't realize you've been surviving but not thriving. The 291 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: work life balance is not the ultimate balance. The ultimate 292 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,559 Speaker 1: balance is between surviving and thriving. You're just going through 293 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: the motions. You're cooking, you take your kids to school, 294 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 1: you make the costume, you make the thing, you do that, 295 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 1: you be the wife, you do whatever, you go to work. 296 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: It's going fine. You're going well. Your healthy things are good. 297 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: You hug your dogs, you love your life, you laugh sometimes, 298 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 1: you watch good shows. You're not dead, but you feel 299 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: a little dead. And then you decide, wait, I don't 300 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: want to just survive this thing. I want to I 301 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: want to thrive this thing. And that's the difference. And 302 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 1: that's kind of where I'm at right now. And I 303 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 1: do think it shows and I'm slowly explaining this to 304 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,839 Speaker 1: people as I realize it myself, as my daughter says 305 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: to me, I didn't realize you were so unhappy and 306 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: so lonely. And it's like I kind of didn't either. 307 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: There's nothing to say. So now I've said it and 308 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: it's out. And I really always love if I can 309 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: say something to connect to other people and help them. 310 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: You know, it's never really about me. 311 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 2: I mean, I just. 312 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: Don'ted to you on Mother's Day, be like, hi, and 313 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: this is a shout out to mother's, furry baby mother's. 314 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: If you don't't a mother, if you don't have a mother, Like, yes, 315 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: that'll mean something. But we've heard that all like you 316 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: need to get deep and like really connect to people 317 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: so they can feel better about what they're going through 318 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: on a day like Mother's Day. So that was really 319 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: the rose of my Mother's Day, being able to share 320 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: something that could help other people. If you saw the 321 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 1: amount of people in my comments, be like, wait, this 322 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: was me, This is me. This speaks to me. I 323 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: want to do this, I want to move. I didn't 324 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: even realize I was thinking this, like all that stuff 325 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: people stifle. Everybody stifles men, women, everyone, stifles kids. 326 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 2: So it's not to be 327 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: Dumping shit out all the time, but once in a 328 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: while we have to unstifle