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Speaker 1: I actually think comparisons and competition is great for legacy building.

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Speaker 2: Hmmm, that's a good one.

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Speaker 3: I mean, maybe it's the former pageant girl in me,

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Speaker 3: but I welcome competition with other.

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Speaker 2: Women, even as a black woman, even as a black woman.

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Speaker 4: Dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

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Speaker 1: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth.

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Speaker 4: We about to think a little talk to our whole

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Speaker 4: new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: This was actually earlier this year. I was a guest

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Speaker 1: on the Sherry Shepherd Show. Shout out to Sherry, and

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Speaker 1: I was there for Sisters with kJ Smith kJ Smith

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Speaker 1: shout out kJ Smith Official aka Andy and stephen A.

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Speaker 4: Smith was also on the show, and this was.

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Speaker 1: Actually a week prior to the Super Bowl, and I

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Speaker 1: remember sitting in the back and I remember Sherry asking

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Speaker 1: stephen A like, Hey, what do you think.

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Speaker 4: About the Super Bowl?

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Speaker 1: About while they were talking about and said, what do

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Speaker 1: you think about Rihanna performing at the halftime show?

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Speaker 4: And stephen A.

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Speaker 1: Smith said so eloquently and in his best stephen A

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Speaker 1: Smith voice, she.

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Speaker 4: Ain't be I mean, she's a superstar.

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Speaker 1: And the internet went crazy. They went blistic Banana's Berserka ballistic.

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Speaker 1: And when I was back there, I remember saying to myself,

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Speaker 1: I don't think this is gonna go over well, but

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Speaker 1: we're gonna discuss this later. I also remember thinking to myself,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand what the big deal is, so let's

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Speaker 1: discuss this.

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Speaker 3: Okay, bring it down karaoke time, we're taking it back.

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Speaker 3: We're talking about the myth of or is it a

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Speaker 3: myth or is it actually something that happens where we're

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Speaker 3: putting women, particularly Black women, against each other. So I

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Speaker 3: feel like we should all just be friends. And since

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Speaker 3: we all should just be friends, this song came to mind.

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Speaker 3: Friends may come in and friends may go, but you

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Speaker 3: should know that no, I got your back. It's automatic,

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Speaker 3: so never to come because I'm your sister and always

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Speaker 3: call it. And I don't know what I ever with

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Speaker 3: that sip. From the beginning and to the end, You've

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Speaker 3: always been here right beside. So I call you my

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Speaker 3: best friend, through the good times and the bad. Once

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Speaker 3: where the d if I win.

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Speaker 4: Oh, you was on the road.

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Speaker 1: That's the that's the longest karaoke we've done in a

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Speaker 1: long time.

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Speaker 2: Changes and that's why you're my best friend.

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Speaker 4: You struggled in the last I know it's all right.

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Speaker 2: You see how in my pajamas.

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Speaker 4: I said first, But we both okay.

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Speaker 5: We just got off press six straight weeks, almost seven

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Speaker 5: spilled into seven weeks, and I've.

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Speaker 1: Been doing press since before that because of Sisters. So

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Speaker 1: I'm on nine weeks. You're on nine weeks weeks and

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Speaker 1: it's not gonna stop because I guys a team went.

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Speaker 3: From Sisters to the book tour to podcast live shows,

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Speaker 3: which we have for y'all mixed up in here.

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Speaker 2: We tired.

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Speaker 3: I got my Christmas pajamas on because you know, one

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Speaker 3: thing that makes me happy is Christmas time, so don't

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Speaker 3: judge me if you're watching the video. Here I have

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Speaker 3: on Christmas pajamas and a blanket because I'm tired, and

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Speaker 3: I rolled out of bed barely did my hair think.

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Speaker 2: Shout out to you know for this.

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Speaker 4: Oh weeve take soon.

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Speaker 2: It's a little stale faced, little stale today. But you know,

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Speaker 2: we here, we here. I'm sitting next to my best friend.

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Speaker 4: But we here for a minute. But we do got

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Speaker 4: to go and take a break.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, pay some bills, do that.

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Speaker 4: So we here, but we're not here. We'll be right

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Speaker 4: back down a little bit after.

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Speaker 2: We need a shout of espresso.

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Speaker 4: We'll pay some bills.

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Speaker 2: All right, we're back, Yes, we're back.

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Speaker 4: And shout out to all our Patreon subscribers.

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Speaker 2: Many gang gang a heavy, heavy, heavy heavy, let us

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Speaker 2: know for sure. All right.

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Speaker 3: So we're talking today about the myth or is it

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Speaker 3: not really a myth of pitting black women against each

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Speaker 3: other women in general? And this is coming off of

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Speaker 3: the storytime that you told about being at the Sherry

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Speaker 3: Shepherd Show when Steven A. Smith was pulled through the

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Speaker 3: mug or his comment about Rihanna and Beyonce.

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Speaker 1: And and just to be you know, just to be

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Speaker 1: fair to to stephen A. He's paid to opine. True,

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Speaker 1: he's he's paid to give his opinion and also create

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Speaker 1: comparisons because in sports commentary that's one of the greatest

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Speaker 1: debates is who's the greatest, who's the best?

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Speaker 2: List?

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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: So every time you sit with a group of men,

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Speaker 3: and this is even just being on tour recently, much

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Speaker 3: of the conversation was who's the goat, Lebron, this one,

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Speaker 3: that one's stats said Lebron.

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Speaker 1: You can't say who's the goat, say Lebron and not

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Speaker 1: say Jordan. That's the first thing, Like, see, this is

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Speaker 1: my problem. I'm I'm just yeah, but you mentioned Lebron.

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Speaker 1: You have to mention Jordan Lebron or Jordan thank you,

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Speaker 1: and put Jordan first.

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Speaker 4: See what I'm saying. What happens though.

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Speaker 3: I want no smoke, trust me, I don't want no stroke.

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Speaker 3: Savannah's the homie. I ain't coming for your husband. I'm

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Speaker 3: just saying the fact that y'all remember each other's stats,

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Speaker 3: like the stats for these players and everything.

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Speaker 2: It's like that's likerd core. That's what y'all.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to know why, because if we're being honest,

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Speaker 1: there is no one way to decide who is the

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Speaker 1: greatest everyone. Yeah, well not everyone, right there, they are literally,

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Speaker 1: especially in basketball, there are three people who qualify to

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Speaker 1: be the greatest. Kareem's Michael Jordan, and it's Lebron James.

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Speaker 1: Those are the three who people say qualify, right And

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Speaker 1: if you ask people, depending on whatever they watched, lived in,

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Speaker 1: or subscribe to, they're going to have a different answer

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Speaker 1: for sure. You know, I've heard some older mens they

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Speaker 1: don't even talk to me about Michael Jordan. Kareem Abdul

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Speaker 1: Jabbar won every title since high school, four in college,

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Speaker 1: and then in the NBA. He was the all time

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Speaker 1: leader in sports in points before Lebron James just took

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Speaker 1: over that mantle. So there are certain people to be like,

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Speaker 1: don't even talk to me about anybody else other than Kareem.

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Speaker 1: Then you have people who grow up in the nineties

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Speaker 1: who watched Michael Jordan win six championships, two to three peats,

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Speaker 1: ten scoring titles, defensive player of the Year, who says

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Speaker 1: Michael Jordan was the most dominant player ever. But now

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Speaker 1: if you watch him, Lebron James has played twenty years

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Speaker 1: average twenty five seven and seven, came back from a

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Speaker 1: three to one deficit beat the seventy three and nine.

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Speaker 4: All of his team has four titles.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, So there's no way to

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Speaker 1: definitively say who is the best.

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Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is what a favorite pastime of

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Speaker 3: men is debating, is debating on who's the greatest, going

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Speaker 3: through competition, you know who's better than who, pulling out

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Speaker 3: the facts and the stats.

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Speaker 2: That's what y'all do.

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Speaker 3: That's what we're doing to do right, Whereas with women particularly,

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Speaker 3: we're not necessarily signing up to do that. And then

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Speaker 3: the question is why, so we're going to talk.

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Speaker 1: About that today, And that's that's what I don't understand,

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Speaker 1: is like why when we do it to men and

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Speaker 1: women often do it to men as well. For example,

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Speaker 1: I think it was BT, their social team was run

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Speaker 1: by a team of black women.

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Speaker 4: Put up a picture of Michael B.

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Speaker 1: Jordan and Jonathan Majors and they put fine and finer.

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Speaker 2: But who was standing where though?

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Speaker 1: Who?

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Speaker 4: They had Michael B.

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Speaker 1: Jordan at fine and they had Jonathan Majors at finer,

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Speaker 1: and they put this post up And the first thing

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Speaker 1: I said was, could you imagine if a social media

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Speaker 1: page ran by men put up a picture of two

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Speaker 1: black women and put fine and find her? They would

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Speaker 1: get drugged through the mud, as if why do we

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Speaker 1: have to compare and why does one have to be

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Speaker 1: better than the other. But then you have a social

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Speaker 1: media platform run by black women who claimed that they

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Speaker 1: don't want that to happen to them doing this openly,

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Speaker 1: and it was okay. And the crazy part is, I

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Speaker 1: don't think Jonathan Majors or Michael B. Jordan took offense

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Speaker 1: to it because they feel away.

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Speaker 4: No, because they actually.

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Speaker 1: Did an interview recently and the interviewer was asking them

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Speaker 1: in real time who was more handsome, who was more popping,

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Speaker 1: who was the sexiest man. It was jokingly, but she

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Speaker 1: was asking them to when they kept passing the butt, like, no,

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Speaker 1: it's him, Know it's him, Know it's him.

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Speaker 4: It was all funny game.

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Speaker 1: But once again, if a man had asked two women

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Speaker 1: who was more fine in that moment.

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Speaker 4: It would be a big deal.

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Speaker 1: Now, of course I understand the context of women being

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Speaker 1: objectified and over sexualized. You know, it's definitely different power.

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Speaker 1: So we can already put that out there that we

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Speaker 1: understand the difference. But what I'm saying is in the

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Speaker 1: case of stephen A, right and what he says, she's

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Speaker 1: no Beyonce, and they.

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Speaker 4: Attacked stephen A. This is how I view it.

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Speaker 1: Right, whenever you compare to greats, what you do is

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Speaker 1: you keep their legacy going.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: For example, Rihanna hadn't made music in five years, but

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Speaker 1: here we are comparing her to a woman who is

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Speaker 1: known as the greatest entertainer in our time? Is that

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Speaker 1: really a shot at Rihanna? Now, the way he said it,

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Speaker 1: she ain't no Beyonce, people will say that, right.

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Speaker 2: There's a way to say it for sure. So that

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Speaker 2: already was combative.

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Speaker 4: That is combative.

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Speaker 1: But in his defense, when they talk about Lebron James,

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Speaker 1: they say, he ain't no Michael Jordan.

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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: When they were comparing up and coming athletes to Lebron James,

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Speaker 1: there was he ain't no Lebron James, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it's like, I don't think they were

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Speaker 1: used to how he uses those words, so they they

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Speaker 1: took it out of context and made it something that

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Speaker 1: it wasn't.

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Speaker 4: He wasn't saying that Rihanna isn't great in her own right.

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Speaker 1: He was just saying, you know, if we're going to

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Speaker 1: have a conversation, especially about the super Bowl, one of

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Speaker 1: the greatest Super Bowl performance in recent history was by Beyonce.

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Speaker 3: So I'm wondering if the real issue here is the

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Speaker 3: fact that a black man was saying this about two

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Speaker 3: black women, or is the real issue that black women

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Speaker 3: in general are compared, Because when we compare each other

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Speaker 3: amongst ourselves, it can be seen as being caddy, being petty,

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Speaker 3: or just vying for maybe a man's attention or vying

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Speaker 3: for the public's attention, right, Whereas when men compete, they're

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Speaker 3: just seen as like, you know, this is that sex

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Speaker 3: like what men do? Right?

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Speaker 1: Well, you tell me, I actually kind of want to know,

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Speaker 1: because it would be hard for me to mansplain why

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Speaker 1: women feel a way when they're compared.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: I don't get it because I feel like if I

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Speaker 1: were compared to someone who's great in the field that

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Speaker 1: I'm doing in, my first thing would be like, dang,

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Speaker 1: you're comparing me to somebody who is.

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Speaker 3: Right to even be in that arena or to be

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Speaker 3: in that discussion, right for example, when we went to

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Speaker 3: Barnes and Nobles bookstore, I forget what state we were

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Speaker 3: in for the book tour. They said, oh, you know,

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Speaker 3: you guys are New York Times bestsellers. You're going to

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Speaker 3: go on this wall here at the front of the

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Speaker 3: store with Michelle Obama's book, with Chris Harry's book, and

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Speaker 3: I forget there was one more book that was another

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Speaker 3: New York Times bestseller book.

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Speaker 2: I forgot the other one. But it's the fact that

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Speaker 2: who is it.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Pamela Anderson, That's who it was, Thank you, Josh.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, shoot, just to be in that conversation

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Speaker 3: and that group of people, I'm like, we're in good company,

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Speaker 3: you know. So that to me was just like to

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Speaker 3: be in that discussion already. So I can understand that mindset.

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Speaker 3: So let's jump to the run of show. Men who

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Speaker 3: compete are seen as beasts, but when women compete, their

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Speaker 3: behavior is diminished as being caddie petty or simply vine

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Speaker 3: for a man's attention. When black women compete, the scarcity

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Speaker 3: mindset is that there's not enough success available for all

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Speaker 3: of us to take over.

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Speaker 2: So is that right?

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Speaker 3: And can women really be competitive without being accused of

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Speaker 3: being pitted against one another. Is competition reserved only for men?

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Speaker 3: Let's unpack what that looks like.

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Speaker 1: So well, here's my first thing, though, is like, who

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Speaker 1: is deciding that competition is only for men? And the

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Speaker 1: reason why I ask this question is is if women

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Speaker 1: get upset that you can't compete without it being healthy competition,

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Speaker 1: aren't women the reason why women can't compete?

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't think competition needs to be reserved for men.

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Speaker 3: I think about just even myself, going back to my

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Speaker 3: pageant days for example, right as a ten eleven year old.

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Speaker 3: First of all, that's something that you sign up for, right,

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Speaker 3: You sign up for that, and you know exactly what

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Speaker 3: you're signing up for. You are getting into a competition

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Speaker 3: where this set of judges are going to pretty much

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Speaker 3: decide who they feel should prevail as the winner. So

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Speaker 3: naturally you're standing there. I remember my pageant days. I

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Speaker 3: was standing there on sometimes stages within a group of

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Speaker 3: one hundred and fifty girls in New York vuying for

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Speaker 3: this title. And you're being compared about how you look

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Speaker 3: in a gown, You're being compared to others how eloquently

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Speaker 3: you can speak in an interview, like how you will

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Speaker 3: represent your state. They're looking for a particular kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: And it's funny because they would say, as like a

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Speaker 3: last kind of final words before they announce the winner.

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Speaker 3: This is the person that was chosen on this night

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Speaker 3: based on these group of judges. Had it been a

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Speaker 3: different night, under different circumstances, different group of judges, somebody

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Speaker 3: else will probably win. So then it comes down to

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Speaker 3: a matter of preference, right, it comes down to a

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Speaker 3: matter of who's prevailing on that night. So you already

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Speaker 3: sign up knowing that you are going to be competing

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Speaker 3: against each other.

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Speaker 2: So it can do two things.

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Speaker 3: It can either force one person to prevail as the

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Speaker 3: best of the best because they're trying their best. They're,

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Speaker 3: you know, look their best in their gown, they're feeling

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Speaker 3: their best, they're prepared for the interview portion like that's

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Speaker 3: what they're doing in that space. And then you have

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Speaker 3: other women who may be in this competition thinking, man,

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Speaker 3: like did I do my best? So now I'm looking

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Speaker 3: at everyone around me to see how I compare and

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Speaker 3: meet up to the women who I think is prettier

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Speaker 3: or damn like she's taller, oh wow, her hair is

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Speaker 3: better darn like I should have used that makeup artist. Like,

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Speaker 3: there's so many things now that starts to go into

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Speaker 3: your mind. So whereas you may be coming into this

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Speaker 3: confident thinking man, I got this slowly, some girls would

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Speaker 3: become a little bit more reserve because they're now comparing

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Speaker 3: themselves to other women.

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Speaker 1: I get all of that, but I don't understand why

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Speaker 1: it's okay for women to compare men openly, but then

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Speaker 1: when they get compared, feel like y'all pinning us against

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Speaker 1: each other.

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Speaker 4: Why is that okay?

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm talking about the space of just signing up

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Speaker 3: for competition, Like that's what we know is okay to

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Speaker 3: have competition amongst each other when it comes to men

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Speaker 3: comparing us. I think that that boils down to women

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Speaker 3: having to be chosen by men, right you think about it,

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Speaker 3: Most women, right when you're in the dating scene, whether

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Speaker 3: you're being groomed by your family or your parents, is

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Speaker 3: to put yourself out there to eventually be chosen.

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Speaker 4: That's what part of the quote unquote patriarchy. I get it.

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Speaker 4: You have to you have to present yourself to be

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Speaker 4: the best man chosen to.

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Speaker 2: Be chosen exactly.

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Speaker 3: So then how are you going to be chosen when

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Speaker 3: there's typically for the most part, few quote unquote good

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Speaker 3: men out there, and you want to be chosen by

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Speaker 3: that good man, but you have a slew of women

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Speaker 3: who you are now in competition with essentially, okay, right,

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Speaker 3: so you're thinking, how am I stacking up against this

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Speaker 3: woman next to me in terms of being chosen by someone.

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Speaker 3: That's something I think that's been ingrained in us as

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Speaker 3: women since we were young.

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Speaker 1: So you think what it is is socially we've been

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Speaker 1: we've been conditioned as men to feel like we can

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Speaker 1: all compete, but we're all going to choose what we want.

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Speaker 1: But for women, it's we're all competing to be chosen,

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Speaker 1: and that's that dynamic. That's the change is the way

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Speaker 1: people are allowed to compare each other.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 3: I think that that's I mean literally a fair argument

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Speaker 3: because it's a trigger for women when they hear other

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Speaker 3: women get compared as opposed to it's not.

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Speaker 4: It's not as triggering for men to be compared. I

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Speaker 4: hear that. I hear that.

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Speaker 2: You can also think about it too.

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Speaker 3: It's okay for men essentially to date around pick different women,

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Speaker 3: go here, go there. You know, we even spoke about

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Speaker 3: Lori Harvey in a previous episode where she, you know,

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Speaker 3: is now dating different people within the industry, and it's like,

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Speaker 3: are people looking down at her that for that reason

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Speaker 3: because she's deciding to date around. Whereas if it's a

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Speaker 3: guy that's dating around because he has his pic of

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Speaker 3: the litter too, we rever that.

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Speaker 2: We're like, no, we don't.

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Speaker 4: They call they call futul Hope, they called Future Home.

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Speaker 2: He's dropping babies everywhere.

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Speaker 4: And what I mean, my.

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Speaker 1: Thing is, here's my biggest thing. I feel like we

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Speaker 1: are as people are evolving. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: We're evolving. I'll give you that, though it will definitely

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Speaker 1: be triggering for women to be compared because of the

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Speaker 1: way we've all been conditioned, and women who compete have

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Speaker 1: to be chosen.

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Speaker 4: So I'll give you that.

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Speaker 1: My biggest issue is is that I think we start

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Speaker 1: diminishing the accomplishments of the women who are in those

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Speaker 1: competitions to be the greatest by saying we can't speak

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Speaker 1: about this. For example, for sure, Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim, Beyonce, Rihanna,

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Speaker 1: Sheryl Lee, Ralph and Viola Davis, if they haven't made

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Speaker 1: any art in the last ten years, but the younger

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Speaker 1: generation is constantly compared to them.

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Speaker 4: That keeps their legacy going. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: And if we say we can't speak on this because

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Speaker 1: we're pinning Black women against each other, what we're doing

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Speaker 1: is we're letting some of these legacies die. Another example

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Speaker 1: is on The Breakfast Club, they had this conversation about

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Speaker 1: the Queen of R and B and I forgot who

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Speaker 1: it was who was on there talking about being the

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Speaker 1: queen of R and B.

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Speaker 4: And they said Anita Baker.

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Speaker 1: And then someone said, well, Beyonce isn't in that conversation,

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Speaker 1: and I forgot who it was who was speaking, but

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Speaker 1: it was another It was another singer who has enough

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Speaker 1: credits in her own right to give an opinion, said

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Speaker 1: that Beyonce isn't in the conversation when it comes.

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Speaker 4: To R and B.

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Speaker 1: And immediately the Internet was just like, Oh, she's a hater.

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Speaker 1: Why are we pinning Black women against each other? Why

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Speaker 1: does it have to be Anita Baker versus Beyonce.

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Speaker 4: And none of that.

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Speaker 1: And my thing is and my thing is Diana Ross

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Speaker 1: Anita Bakers like these are women who haven't made music

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Speaker 1: in decades, and if we were allowed to constantly compare

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Speaker 1: their accomplishments to a Beyonce, it would allow their legacies

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Speaker 1: to keep going more young kids, like Cairo's favorite player

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Speaker 1: is Michael Jordan. Why because we constantly compare Michael Jordan

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Speaker 1: to Lebron James. You know what that does for Michael

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Speaker 1: Jordan's legacy that we constantly compare him to Lebron James.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be fifty years from now, they're going to

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Speaker 1: be comparing the next basketball player to Lebron James. You

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Speaker 1: know what that's gonna do to Lebron james legacy. But

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Speaker 1: then when it comes to a Beyonce or Rihanna, we

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Speaker 1: can't speak on it. That's unfair to those women men

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Speaker 1: who've done great things. I feel like we should continue

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Speaker 1: to compare and I don't think it's pinning, it's.

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Speaker 3: Just And also ultimately, it comes down to a round

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Speaker 3: of preference. Like everybody have their favorite, so why can't

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Speaker 3: we have our favorites? And that's okay, yes, because not

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Speaker 3: everybody is Rihanna fan, not everybody is a Beyonce fan, and.

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Speaker 2: That's okay, right.

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Speaker 3: I think it's the word pitting that is kind of

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Speaker 3: triggering because it's like a competition thing. But I think

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Speaker 3: it's healthy. And then where's the difference between comparison and competition.

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Speaker 3: Is it hand in hand or do you think it's

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Speaker 3: the same thing.

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Speaker 4: I honestly feel like it's semantics.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot more people who get

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Speaker 1: offended by they get offended by it more than the

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Speaker 1: artists do. Right, And this is the one thing I

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Speaker 1: can't stand with Black people. I can't, I can't. I

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Speaker 1: hope we stop doing this. We feel like we're the

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Speaker 1: only people who compare our grades. I hear people say

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Speaker 1: all the time black people are the only one that

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Speaker 1: compare WI pitting women against each other.

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Speaker 4: No, that's not true. I act trouble.

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Speaker 1: I was just like when it comes to white white artists,

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Speaker 1: like white female artists, right, is there anyone who like

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Speaker 1: we compare like a barber streisand or Celine Dion to

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Speaker 1: a tailor Swift? And Tripple said, if you ever dare

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Speaker 1: compare any artist to a tailor swift, the tailor Swift.

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Speaker 4: People will come for you a lot like the beehive.

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Speaker 1: But what happens is Black people we be so caught

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Speaker 1: up in our lane of our artists, that we don't

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Speaker 1: realize that other other ethnic groups and culches.

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Speaker 4: Do the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I was in the airport and it was a group

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Speaker 1: of white men arguing about Andrew Schultz and Seinfeld.

440
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 4: And I kid you not, I'm in here.

441
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,920
Speaker 1: And this young dude he was like, man, Andrew Andrew

442
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: Schultz is like hilarious, he's fun like that he gets

443
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 1: a sitcom and he starts to do some specials.

444
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 4: Man, he could be up there with Seinfeld.

445
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 1: This older gentleman said, how dare you compare Andrew Schultz

446
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: to Seinfeld. It's not even close. And the dude was like,

447
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 1: I'm not saying he's better than Seinfeld. What I'm saying

448
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:57,360
Speaker 1: is is he's funnier. Seinfeld had a better or has

449
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 1: a better career so far, but he's older, he's had

450
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 1: time to Andrew Schultz. If he does certain things, he's

451
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: going to be up there.

452
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 4: He could pass.

453
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 1: And they were having a full fledged argument a lot

454
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 1: like we do Kevin Hard and Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock.

455
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: But to me, I haven't really listened to anything that

456
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 1: Seinfeld or Andrew Schultz has done. But it was funny

457
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: to me to hear these these white men argue and debate.

458
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: But then in my mind, think, you know how many

459
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,439
Speaker 1: black people feel like they don't argue and debate about

460
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: their greates like we do ours?

461
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 4: And I'm telling you they do.

462
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: Everybody has their grade in their in their ethnic group

463
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 1: that they can relate to because it looks like them,

464
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 1: and they have their own debates. Just because we only

465
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: listen to our people argue about our greats doesn't mean

466
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 1: that black people don't.

467
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,479
Speaker 4: Only want who did that?

468
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 2: That's why.

469
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 3: And I think that's a really good point too, because

470
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,239
Speaker 3: but what do when I think about it, Is it

471
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 3: that the scarcity mindset right when it comes to Black

472
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 3: women in competition? Is it because of the scarcity mindset

473
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 3: of thinking that there's not enough opportunity for enough Black

474
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 3: women to be successful? Is that what's really taking us

475
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 3: over and feeling like man, like we there's only one spot?

476
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 3: You know, you think about the audition process for a show.

477
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 3: If they're casting a show, well that is true of people,

478
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 3: right group of people. Chances are they're going to have

479
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 3: a couple of slots for some white folks. If there's five,

480
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 3: if there's if it's a ratio ensemble, cast.

481
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 1: If there's a five people or six person ensemble cast,

482
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna have three or four white leads.

483
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 4: At least there's going to be three men than your

484
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 4: white woman.

485
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 1: Then you're gonna have the one black person one Asian,

486
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 1: or one black, one Indian, or one black one Latina.

487
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 1: You also, realistically and if the one black is either

488
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: going to be a one black guy or one black girl.

489
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 1: And that's the fact, and mainly because if you look

490
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 1: at and understand number one, living in America, we are

491
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: still fifteen to eighteen percent of the population. White people

492
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: are still over forty five percent of the population. So

493
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: if you're going to make a show that looks relatively

494
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: close to what America looks like, they're going to be

495
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 1: more white people than ethnic groups. And that's what the

496
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: producers feel. Oh for sure, it's gonna look like this,

497
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: So we have to have some diversity. So let's get

498
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,199
Speaker 1: one from each ethnic group to be fair and spread

499
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: the wealth, for sure.

500
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 4: So I will agree with you on the scarcity mindset.

501
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 1: That typically there are way less opportunities for black people

502
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: and even weigh less opportunities for black women to be

503
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: at the top.

504
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 4: Do you remember, so I do agree with that.

505
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember that time I was I was pinned

506
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 3: for a show, a role on a show, Yes, and

507
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 3: I made it to the top two, and it was

508
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 3: between myself and someone else yes, and they ended up

509
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 3: going with the other young lady. And then we got

510
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 3: an insider tip that the reason why she was picked

511
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 3: was because they had to check like a Southeast Asian.

512
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 4: Southeast Asian, Yes, I'm.

513
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: Sri Lankan in Pakistani.

514
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 4: Okay, now you're gonna go to your twenty three and.

515
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to my twenty three and being pulling

516
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 2: it out.

517
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 3: I could have definitely passed for that, but then I

518
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 3: guess it became a matter of you know, you.

519
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: Got a little drop of black and uu black black.

520
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 3: So then at this point I'm in a space where

521
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 3: I'm just like, man, where exactly do I fit in?

522
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 3: Can I be Southeast Asian or can I be black

523
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 3: or black? I can't be either at this point, it

524
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,199
Speaker 3: seems like sometimes because it's hard, But I'm saying that

525
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 3: to say, if there's that one spot for a black woman,

526
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: there's that one spot for a black woman, and that

527
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 3: innately already puts.

528
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 2: In the competition.

529
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 3: There's that one spot that we're all vying for but

530
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 3: we can't get, and that in itself creates a competition

531
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 3: amongst black women.

532
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that mindset is so limiting and simple because yeah,

533
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 1: there may be one spot on that one show, but.

534
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 4: There are hundreds of shows.

535
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: So it's like, if we're talking about these women are

536
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: the greatest, and we're constantly discussing who's the greatest, what

537
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: that does is that puts those.

538
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 4: Women in everyone's eye line to see. O.

539
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 1: Wait, if these three or four black women are the

540
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: ones that they're constantly saying, who's the best.

541
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 4: If we can't get her, let's try her, you know

542
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.

543
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: But if we said we're not going to ever compare

544
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 1: and then we don't have any of these discussions, it

545
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 1: doesn't put these women in the light for their talent

546
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 1: to shine.

547
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

548
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,479
Speaker 3: I think that's a good take on it. Because we're

549
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 3: always thinking about the negative. Is that what we're naturally

550
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 3: doing to as black people is looking for the negative?

551
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: Like why would they be put against each other?

552
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 4: Not?

553
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, these two women are bombed in their

554
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 3: own right and as a matter of time, depending on

555
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 3: the show, depending on the opportunity this person prevails.

556
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: Also, it's how you compare, right, If you're going to

557
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 1: compare to talents, compare them on what they do well.

558
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: Don't try to knock one to help the other. You't

559
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying.

560
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 2: So you mean who's better suited for the particular opportunity.

561
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 4: No, not even that.

562
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,959
Speaker 1: For for example, I'll give you arguments. Right, Okay, we

563
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: talk about Lebron James and Michael Jordan. Right, If you're

564
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: going to argue those two, you would say, Michael Jordan

565
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: won six titles and has six finals MVPs. Right, And

566
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: then they'll say, well, Lebron James is the all time

567
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 1: leading score in NBA history. Those are two positive ways

568
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: to compare two grades, right. But then some people will

569
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 1: be like, Michael Jordan played against plumbers the nineties, was

570
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,439
Speaker 1: trash basketball. And then they'll say, well, Lebron James failed

571
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 1: in the two thousand and seven finals, just like you're

572
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: choosing to compare them by knocking at their faults or

573
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: their flaws in a small moment, as opposed to highlighting

574
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: what they do well. And I think that's where people

575
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: often get offended when you compare greades.

576
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

577
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 3: So you mean picking out the flaws in those moments

578
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 3: versus revering what they've done.

579
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: Yes, positively, Yes, Okay.

580
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

581
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 1: Like the statement, quote unquote, she ain't no Beyonce, people

582
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: had a problem with the statement saying like she's not

583
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: she doesn't reach Beyonce's you know, she doesn't reach Beyonce's standard,

584
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: as opposed to saying Rihanna is great in her own right,

585
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: but I would prefer to watch Beyonce performed, because Beyonce

586
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 1: is a greater performance.

587
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly what I was about to say. In the

588
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 3: entertainment realm of who's going to put on a show?

589
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 3: And since we're talking about a halftime show performance that

590
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 3: people look forward to, who's going to be the better

591
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 3: performer in that moment based off of his story?

592
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 2: Historically? Who is?

593
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 3: You know? But then you're not talking about necessarily the

594
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 3: fact that Rihanna's a freaking billionaire, you know what I mean?

595
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 3: Some people may say she's the goat because of that,

596
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 3: she's the super business woman he was talking about in

597
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: that specific moment performance, And.

598
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 4: To be honest, all press is good press.

599
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: You never want to have anything negative, But that statement

600
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 1: that Stephen they made really had people going back to

601
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 1: pull up receipts about how great Rihanna is. And that's

602
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: my point, you know what I'm saying. That's my point.

603
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: When you have those discussions about greatness, it makes people

604
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 1: pay attention to someone that they might not have paid

605
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: attention to.

606
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 4: For example, have people.

607
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: Been have a discussion about Beyonce being the greatest woman

608
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: entertaining of all time? And then people from different generations like, hello,

609
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: have you ever watched Tina Turner perform? And then I

610
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: had people going back to be like, oh, wait a minute,

611
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 1: have you ever watched Janet Jackson perform? And then I said,

612
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 1: oh wait a minute. We don't ever discussed these women

613
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: in these in this light, So we don't ever have

614
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 1: these conversations to talk about how many great women. It

615
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: really doesn't ever have to be one, but the conversation

616
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: about who's the best brings. For example, Jackson now knows

617
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: all of Kareem abdul Jabbar's stats. Why because we constantly

618
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 1: talk about who's the greatest of all time? Kareem Abduljabbard

619
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: in place then has stopped playing basketball since when he

620
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: retired like ninety and I don't remember exactly when a

621
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 1: thought was a thought, you know, even even before I

622
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: was a thought almost. But I just think that we

623
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: as a community of people have to stop finding the

624
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: negative in everything.

625
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: And you know what's what's so impactful about that statement.

626
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 3: You just made black women in Hollywood. Yeah what a time.

627
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

628
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were able to be in that space with

629
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 3: some of the greats in the industry.

630
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 2: And then also people who are trying to be at

631
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 2: that level.

632
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, right, yeah.

633
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 3: The love in that room, the support in that room

634
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 3: amongst black women who are in the industry doing things,

635
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 3: the tidbits, the gems, if you will. I just hate

636
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 3: that term because everyone says gems all the time. But

637
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 3: the knowledge and the motivation and the inspiration that was

638
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: imparted on us by Viola Davis's speech, for example, Sherri

639
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 3: Lee Ralph, there was so much love in that room

640
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 3: that I, if there were competition, did not feel any

641
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 3: of it because we were in a space and shout

642
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 3: out to Essence for creating a platform where women are

643
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 3: allowed to love on each other in real time, to

644
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 3: support each other, to say, girl, you did that you know,

645
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 3: that was the space for that. It's usually everybody else

646
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 3: who ain't even Indians, the loud minority on Twitter, everybody

647
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 3: in the comments section. Those are the people who, if anything,

648
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 3: are spewing the negativity in the industry. Because within that

649
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 3: room right there, it didn't feel like an ounce of competition.

650
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: Is girl, what are you doing next? How can I

651
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: be a part of this? Hit me up because I'm

652
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 3: doing this project. That is the kind of energy that

653
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 3: was in that space.

654
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: Didn't Wasn't there a story about Jada Pinkett and Gabrielle

655
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: Union having an unspoken beef throughout Hollywood and neither one

656
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: of them knew.

657
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 2: Why was it the two of that? I know, but I.

658
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 4: Don't remember.

659
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: But I do remember at one point Jada Pinkett was

660
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: the eight Girl in Hollywood, so it was then Nihilathan,

661
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: so was Gabrielle Union, so it was nia long there

662
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 1: was four black women who are like the eight Girls

663
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 1: in Hollywood, and I remember there was like an unspoken

664
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: beef between them or whatever. But also sometimes those beefs

665
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: be created by the fans, and the beefs don't really exist,

666
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: So it's not really that those women, right, It's not really.

667
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 4: Those women that are beefing.

668
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: The fans of each group are often battling about who's better,

669
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: and that's when it becomes the hyu pinning two black

670
00:30:58,640 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: women against each other.

671
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 4: It's like no one pinning them.

672
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: So yeah, So I often realize, like this whole discussion

673
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: about pitting black women against each other, and this is

674
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: what I just think really limiting how we highlight the

675
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: accomplishments of black women in entertainment and also in sports. Yeah,

676
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: because we shouldn't limit the debates about who the goat

677
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 1: to just men. For example, who's the goat in tennis?

678
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: I personally think it's Serena Williams. And I'm not talking

679
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: about who's the goat amongst men or women. I'm talking

680
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: about wh's the goat of all of tennis. You ask me,

681
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 1: it's Serena Williams. You know what I'm saying, Like, we

682
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: should not be comparing Serena women's just to any other woman,

683
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,959
Speaker 1: because it has to be a woman. We should be

684
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: comparing Serena Williams to Pete Hamperss, you know, to Novak

685
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: Djokovic during this time.

686
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 4: That's how I feel.

687
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: But I feel like sometimes people are scared to compare

688
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: Serena because they don't want to be They don't want

689
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: to feel like I don't want people to think that

690
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: I don't support black women if I don't compare, you know,

691
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: compare her.

692
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 2: So she should just stand alone by So we shouldn't

693
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 2: compare her too.

694
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: Right for example, right, we shouldn't compare her at all

695
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 1: because she's a black woman. Just leave her alone, don't

696
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: talk about it. We're doing her disservice. We should always

697
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: talk about her. We should always talk about beyond you.

698
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: We should always talk about Tina Turner, you know what

699
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. We should always talk about Viola, like Hattie McDaniel.

700
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: We should always talk about these women, and we should

701
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: compare them. Why because that's how the youth are going

702
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: to learn about the history of these women. When we

703
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: leave it alone and we just say, oh, don't compare her,

704
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: because you're pinning them, I feel like we're doing them

705
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: a disservice.

706
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 4: And that's just my opinion. That's how we compare them.

707
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 3: That's perspective, because I wouldn't think of that, and it

708
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 3: may be to me buying into the rhetoric of oh

709
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 3: my god, we are like pinning each other, and it's

710
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 3: always a competition with black women, and why can't we

711
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 3: just support each other without there being the competition factor.

712
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: Well, what you expressed to me, Explain to me why

713
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: it triggered you that way. Because because of how the

714
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: patriarchy has the patriarchy has designed we we as women,

715
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: we as people expect a woman to compete to be

716
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 1: chosen to be chosen as opposed to a man competing

717
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: to have the right to choose, which, if you think

718
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: about it, is a huge power.

719
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 4: Dynamic, absolutely huge.

720
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 1: So we can't dismiss why it is this way, and

721
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 1: I think that's what's good for us to discuss. Let's

722
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 1: discuss why and then make steps to change it. We

723
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: know why, we understand why, but can we change the

724
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: thought process behind it?

725
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 2: Oh for sure. Absolutely.

726
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 3: It's jump into some facts and stats about today's episode.

727
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 3: In a study by the Harvard Business Review, in a

728
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 3: sample of thirty one people, not thirty two, sixty three

729
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 3: percent of the women were less convinced that the average

730
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 3: man than the average than the average man, sorry, than

731
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: the average man, that competition boosts performance, builds character, and

732
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 3: leads to innovative solutions.

733
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is why why are more

734
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: women thinking that competition doesn't boost performance where men are

735
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: taught from.

736
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 2: Young That's odd to me personally.

737
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 3: It's odd to me because maybe because, like I said

738
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 3: early on, I've been in the space of competition. But

739
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 3: to me, it was a thing where iron sharp and iron.

740
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 3: If I saw somebody that was doing something that I

741
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 3: wanted to do or was just great in their lane

742
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 3: at that, I wanted to be in a space to

743
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 3: learn from that. And to me, it wasn't competition. It

744
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 3: was a learning experience. You know what I'm saying.

745
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 4: You want hear something crazy that I just thought about

746
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 4: what you just said.

747
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: You grew up in the pageant space, yes, where competition

748
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: was healthy, and that's what you did.

749
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 2: Yes.

750
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: But now they're trying to get rid of pageants because

751
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 1: they say pageants objectify women and pin women against each other.

752
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: You see how they're trying to get rid of the

753
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: pageants system.

754
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 2: They are trying to get rid of it.

755
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 3: And I mean, granted, every pageants system and circuit is different,

756
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 3: so what they're looking for in their winner is going

757
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 3: to be different. I competed in a system where it

758
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 3: was a scholarship pageant for the most part. So they

759
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 3: were looking for someone that not just had a particular

760
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 3: look and that looked you know, the part. It was

761
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 3: part of it, but biggest thing was the interview portion.

762
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 3: Like if you broke down the percentage of the competition,

763
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 3: fifty percent was the personal interview portion of it. Then

764
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 3: there was like twenty five percent you know, your activewear,

765
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 3: twenty five percent eveningwear. So they really want someone he

766
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 3: could speak. Yeah, some systems require talents and some don't.

767
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 3: But the national pageant that I did it was like

768
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 3: an active wear eveningwear.

769
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: But the real heavy hitter was the interview portion.

770
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 3: They wanted someone who could speak well, who they can

771
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 3: send out to events and could be a good representative

772
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 3: of the system and their state. So for me, early on,

773
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 3: I was like, man, that's how being in front of

774
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 3: a camera or being good at interviewing like that was

775
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 3: something that I did early on and it helped to

776
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: sharpen those skills for me. So for me, the competition

777
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 3: wasn't necessarily about being caddy, but it was more so

778
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: about boosting like we say here, performance, character, finding ways

779
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 3: to be my best self.

780
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: There's so many dynamics that now that you have me like,

781
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: think of bringing that aspect from women. For example, remember

782
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: some mobile in the middle of the Olympics decided that

783
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: she was having anxiety attack and she didn't want to

784
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: compete anymore, and people championed that from her walking away.

785
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,439
Speaker 1: But when a man decides he needs to take time

786
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 1: away from his sport, he's considered soft.

787
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 4: You just stand what I'm saying. It's like there are

788
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 4: different sets.

789
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: Of rules for men, always, always.

790
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: And it goes back to this whole thing about competition,

791
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 1: and if we're breeding young women, that competition isn't healthy.

792
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 1: You know, I can understand now why women when they

793
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: see two women being put against each other's who's the best?

794
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 4: Why that's considered pitting.

795
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 2: It's a social media space too.

796
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,880
Speaker 3: You're gonna do a side by side of two women

797
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: and be like, you know, who looks better? You know,

798
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 3: you look at social media literally is like perpetuating this

799
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 3: entire argument, because that's all people do is compare and

800
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 3: compete through pictures and videos. Whose content looks better, whose

801
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 3: body is better? Like that doubled down on it. So

802
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 3: whereas back in the day, in our day, you know

803
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 3: you have the health the pageant competition, you do it there,

804
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 3: and then everyone goes their separate ways, and the winner

805
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 3: goes on to celebrate her year and rain and whatever

806
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 3: light she wants to rain in. Now you have a

807
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,439
Speaker 3: winner that happens, or a winner that is crowned rather

808
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 3: and then you have an entire comment section saying how

809
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 3: she shouldn't have won because that girl was better and

810
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: that one was better, and she.

811
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 2: Didn't like this dress and you know, her hair was terrible.

812
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 5: Like there's a space for people to just talk shit,

813
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 5: and that's literally what's causing this competition to be even

814
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 5: more of a negative thing where it could have been

815
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:43,320
Speaker 5: in healthy discussion.

816
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 3: And you sign up for this shit too. So if

817
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,760
Speaker 3: you're a pageant girl or you get into this competition,

818
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 3: you sign up for it. So you have to be

819
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 3: okay with being in an arena to be compared, like

820
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 3: that's what you signed up for. If you're not in

821
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 3: a space to be able to receive that criticism, critique,

822
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 3: don't don't do that. Don't enter into that space, because

823
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 3: you're signing yourself up literally for that.

824
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 4: You're actually right, You're actually right.

825
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: When you do go into that space and you sign

826
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: up for it, know what it is.

827
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,719
Speaker 4: Don't be a baby about it. Afterwards, I agree with

828
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 4: you doing that. I do have to applaud. Uh, just

829
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 4: take this time to applaud Michael B.

830
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: Jordan and Jonathan Majors because I remember growing up and

831
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: they were saying, you know why Denzel Washington Will Smith

832
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: never did a movie together, and they were saying, it's

833
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,800
Speaker 1: because it's impossible to have two male, black male leads

834
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: at the same time, right, Like, no one wants to

835
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 1: be number two, No one wants to be you know

836
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. These two young men in this time

837
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 1: did a great job of both being leads, both supporting

838
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 1: each other, loving each other through the process, you know,

839
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: but showing that there is enough space for two people,

840
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 1: even if it's the same project.

841
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 3: To exist in their greatness. I did not watch them.

842
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 3: First of all, shout out to Creed three because I

843
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 3: watched it and stayed awake the entire movie.

844
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 2: Y'all form before Kaz.

845
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 3: And I stayed awake and me and Kaz are are

846
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 3: We've been dubbed the Sagit Terrorists of the family.

847
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 2: We stayed awake during Free three.

848
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 3: I did not watch that movie and be like man

849
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 3: Michael Be's performance was better than Jonathan's or Jonathan had

850
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 3: him in that scene or oh in this sparring match

851
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 3: that happens in this scene, like he.

852
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,399
Speaker 2: Won that scene. Like I didn't look at it like that.

853
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 3: I saw two men, two actors who were successful in

854
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 3: their craft in that space in that film.

855
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it.

856
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: So you know what needs to happen now, right, Beyonce

857
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: and Rihanna need to go on tour together.

858
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 4: Imagine, first of all, do you know how crazy that.

859
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: All Man man, all Man sign me.

860
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 4: Up, Beyonce and Rihanna tour, sign me up? It would be, it.

861
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 2: Would be, it would be, it wouldn't be enough spaces

862
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: to hold.

863
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 4: I know it wouldn't be. It wouldn't be And I don't.

864
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: Think it would be a battle. It would be people

865
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 3: celebrating these two women in their greatness.

866
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 4: But I think think that's what it's gonna take.

867
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: It's gonna it's gonna take two of the elite at

868
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: their craft to come together to say and even.

869
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 4: Have a healthy competitive set.

870
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: You know, they don't got to come out there and

871
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: raise hands and say we're one kumbay y'all.

872
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 4: But it's like we're gonna compete for y'all and y'all.

873
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 1: It would show people that it's okay for women to

874
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: be competitive and to go against each other head to

875
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 1: head and laugh and love on each other while doing it.

876
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 1: Because I think that that it's possible, and I think

877
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: it will be better for the legacies of women if

878
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: we allowed that space to exist. Fact, you know, everything

879
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: doesn't always have to be a super love fest. Competitive competitiveness,

880
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: especially amongst black women who don't get the same opportunities

881
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: as everyone else, is the best way to showcase their

882
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 1: talent because there's plenty of projects for everyone to get

883
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: access to.

884
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 3: So that's a fact that if you don't have those opportunities,

885
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 3: you create them, right, Because I was in a space

886
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 3: where I'm seeing people creating those opportunities for themselves.

887
00:40:58,960 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 4: And the truth is there's no lose.

888
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: Holly Berry was the second place in the Miss America

889
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: pageant or Miss USA pageant.

890
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 4: She became second place and became Holly Berry Baby. You

891
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. Jennifer Hudson.

892
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 2: Jennifer Hudson, Yeah, exactly.

893
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 4: American and became Jennifer Hudson.

894
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 2: Right, top model? Was it even?

895
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 3: And yah yah yaya, yeah Yahyahsan.

896
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 2: Are both doing it.

897
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 4: My homegirl evil.

898
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes.

899
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 3: Also in the Harvey Business Review found out that indeed,

900
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 3: people with more positive beliefs about competition were more likely

901
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 3: to choose a competitive option. Of the women, twenty one

902
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: percent chose the competitive option compared to thirty six percent

903
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: of men. Research by economists and political scientists indicate that

904
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 3: competitive people do better socioeconomically.

905
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 4: So now, now, yeah, no, I love being.

906
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,359
Speaker 2: Competitive, yeah, both of us, both of us.

907
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 3: I think that even in love, you know, in relationship,

908
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 3: I think attracted us to each other, right because I

909
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 3: saw that you were a competitor and you tried to

910
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 3: be great and whatever it is that you did, and

911
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:09,439
Speaker 3: you met me and I had competitive I was just like, man,

912
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 3: I'm trying to be the best, Like I truly believe

913
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 3: in the iron sharp and iron iron sharpens iron mentality.

914
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: So for me, I welcome competition because I can just

915
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 3: see that as a way for me to you know.

916
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 4: But look at the correlation.

917
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: Though, economists and political sciences indicate that competitive people do

918
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: more socio economically. If we as black people learn how

919
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 1: to compete in a healthy matter, it will help us

920
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 1: as a people socio economically. There's I think there is

921
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 1: a direct correlation to the fact that socio economically, black

922
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 1: people are at the bottom of the total poem. It

923
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 1: has a lot to do also with, of course white supremacy, right,

924
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: and the systems that have been put in place to

925
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: constantly disenfranchise us.

926
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 4: So it's not only about competitiveness, but.

927
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: It would help us if we learned how to embrace competition,

928
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 1: not just amongst other people, but competing amongst each other. Right,

929
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 1: seeing two young black girls who are great at something

930
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 1: and saying, y'all need to compete to be the best,

931
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 1: and watch them flourished. I gave you an example. I

932
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 1: played with Marcus Colston. When I first got to Hofstra.

933
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: I said to Marcus, I'm coming for your spot. Marcus

934
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: looked at being said. And every day in that locker room,

935
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: I competed to be better than Marcus, and Marcus competed

936
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 1: to be better than me, and Marcus and I became roommates.

937
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 1: Then Charles Sullivan came in. Charles Sullivan came in and

938
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: said he wanted to be the best receiver. So me

939
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:44,240
Speaker 1: and Charles started to compete. Me and Charles became roommates,

940
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 1: and you know what happened. By the time we all left.

941
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,240
Speaker 1: We were one, two and three.

942
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 2: All time and receiving yards left it period.

943
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,240
Speaker 1: It's like, to me, I just feel like competition amongst

944
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: people brings the best and we need to create a

945
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 1: space for black women to compete with each other and thrive.

946
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 4: That's just my opinion. That's just my opinion that with Jackson.

947
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 3: Now with basketball, it's like, why would you play people

948
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 3: who are at your level? Try to playing in the

949
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 3: seventh grader, absolutely compete, compete, all right, And according to

950
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 3: psych Central, if your female peers are competing with you,

951
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: it might seem like they're just being mean because there's

952
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 3: also that side of things that we've seen. They may

953
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 3: engage in behaviors like gossiping, negativity, sabotage, gas lighting, nosiness, boasting, mimicking,

954
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 3: downplaying your successes, discrediting you in front of others. Now,

955
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 3: that is also a very real thing, because let's not

956
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,800
Speaker 3: act like competition is always sweet.

957
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 4: Question.

958
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 2: You do have the people who are go sorry, gradual question, no, no, finish.

959
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:46,080
Speaker 3: You do have people who are intimidated by such greatness

960
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 3: that may in the in turn internalize that and try

961
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:49,800
Speaker 3: to be negative.

962
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: So do you now feel like also the onus is

963
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: on women to allow a space for women to compete.

964
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 4: And I'll give you an example. In high school, when.

965
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: The young boys were competing for a male athlete of

966
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: the Year or for student body president, it remained cordial.

967
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 4: You know, they were the homies. You know, we do it.

968
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: When the women were competing for homecoming queen, it got

969
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 1: nasty sometimes, you know what I'm saying. Do you feel

970
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: like it's on women to start to embrace that or

971
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 1: is this something that men can do to help facilitate

972
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: the belief that competitiveness, Because if it's starting this young

973
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 1: from young girls, how do we create that space when

974
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,399
Speaker 1: they become women. If when they're young, they're already being

975
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: taught that if oh, if I'm competing against her, let's

976
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 1: gossip into Yeah.

977
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think it's a man's responsibility to

978
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,360
Speaker 3: create a space for I think it's the onus is

979
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 3: definitely on us as women and as we as women

980
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 3: raise more women, not pitting them against each other, right,

981
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 3: because it can start as early as in like a

982
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 3: preschool room looking at another little girl. And you've seen

983
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 3: to I think there was a video that was, you know,

984
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,919
Speaker 3: on social media somewhere where there was a little girl

985
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: that was talking about another girl's hair being prettier than hers.

986
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone ever told her that, but that

987
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 3: may have been something that she saw and she liked

988
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 3: and she said, man like, I don't think my hair

989
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 3: is pretty because her hair is prettier.

990
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 2: And who knows where she had gotten that from.

991
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 3: Is it an innate thing that women just have in general,

992
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:15,879
Speaker 3: because we're said to be emotionally more what's the word

993
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: vulnerable than men? You know?

994
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 2: So is that a thing that women just innate have?

995
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 3: But we as women, I think, have to create a

996
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 3: space where the competition can be healthier and it doesn't

997
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 3: have to be the negativity and the sabotage, and a

998
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 3: lot of that breeds from insecurity, you know, not feeling

999
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,280
Speaker 3: confident in yourself. We should be more so building people's

1000
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 3: confidence up first, because naturally, if you're confident in your space,

1001
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 3: then you can enter into a space where you're competitive

1002
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 3: and not feel intimidated. You know. I used to go

1003
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 3: into these pageant competitions, for example, feeling like like I'm

1004
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 3: I've been prepared.

1005
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 2: I did the work, and what's wrong with that?

1006
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 3: I did the work, I'm prepared and it didn't require

1007
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 3: me to go in there thinking like I was the shit. No,

1008
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 3: I was gonna be cordial and nice and miscongeniality.

1009
00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 2: But I knew can real quick.

1010
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is wrong with feeling like you are the

1011
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: ship to me? Let's let's be honest, right, you know,

1012
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: how can you expect other people to feel you are

1013
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: the ship enough to give you a crown in a

1014
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: banner if you walk in here feeling like, I don't

1015
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 1: know if I'm this shit? Like, let's be honest, right,

1016
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:21,280
Speaker 1: And this is my thing too. What with athletes and entertainers, salespeople?

1017
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 4: Right?

1018
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: The first person who has to believe that you are

1019
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 1: capable of doing everything you're going to do is you

1020
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: a fact.

1021
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 4: So we have to stop this.

1022
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: Idea that being just being humble quote unquote and believing

1023
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: that other people are better than you is how you're

1024
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: going to prosper. That's not the way the world works, yo,

1025
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 1: it's not at all. You have to believe that you

1026
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 1: are the best at what you do if you want

1027
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: to ultimately be the best.

1028
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: At what you do, and the duality can exist in

1029
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 3: you being confident that you are that but still being

1030
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 3: amicable in the process.

1031
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: You know what that's called? What divine economy? Excuding metonomy

1032
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: shout out to shout out to the norf'll if y'all listening,

1033
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 1: but also watch or patreo, y'all know what skinny ptonomy's is.

1034
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: But no, the divine that economy is that two things

1035
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 1: can't exist at the same time. You can believe that

1036
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 1: you are the greatest of what you.

1037
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 2: Do little there and be kind in the process.

1038
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,240
Speaker 3: That's one thing that I went in that patget prepared, baby,

1039
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 3: you know me, me had me together.

1040
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 2: I had my page of coaches. She was one of them.

1041
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 3: You know.

1042
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 2: I was ready to go in there.

1043
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,800
Speaker 3: I was practicing my turns, my walk, my interview skills,

1044
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 3: all that. So I went in there knowing the crown

1045
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 3: was mine. But did I go in there saying, y'all,

1046
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:30,919
Speaker 3: I don't know why y'all showed up today because y'all

1047
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 3: might as well go home because the crown is mine?

1048
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 2: No, you kidd I'm.

1049
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 3: I felt that shit it and saying it out loud,

1050
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 3: exactly exactly. I was keycky in with the best of them,

1051
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: voted miss congeniality, miss personality and all that. But little

1052
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,359
Speaker 3: do they know inside I said I am coming for y'all,

1053
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 3: and sometimes I didn't win, and that's okay, true, that's

1054
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,800
Speaker 3: okay too. But I had to believe in myself and

1055
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 3: nobody was gonna take that shit away from me.

1056
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 2: No how I like it, I like you.

1057
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 3: Pros and cons of being competitive. Pro Competition motivates you

1058
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 3: to work harder, that's a fact. Con can be the pressure.

1059
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 2: Can be stressful. People are not built for that. If

1060
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: you're not built for that, don't put yourself in that arena. Period.

1061
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: The pressure of competition, like that's part of competition. That

1062
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 1: what happened, Like I can't, I can't get on to

1063
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 1: this new age thing.

1064
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:19,800
Speaker 2: Of neither me.

1065
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: And it's the same thing for pro athletes and entertainers

1066
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 1: CEOs of companies. When you want to get paid a

1067
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 1: premium to do what you do, and then you get

1068
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:30,839
Speaker 1: paid the premium to do what you do, and then

1069
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: once you get paid, like, oh, the pressure is too much.

1070
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: That's why you got fucking paid. My man, period, And

1071
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: that to me, I don't care if it's a man

1072
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 1: or a woman. When you've worked that hard to get

1073
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: to that level, you understand the stresses that come with

1074
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: That's why you get paid the.

1075
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:44,439
Speaker 2: Big bucks of the price.

1076
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: You don't become a CEO of a fortune five hundred

1077
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:47,800
Speaker 1: company and when you get up there and be like,

1078
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 1: I need to take a mental health break because this

1079
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:49,879
Speaker 1: is a lot.

1080
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 4: That's why you get paid. It's the same thing for

1081
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 4: athletes and entertainers like I just but.

1082
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 3: I will support people taking moments to take small breaks. However,

1083
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 3: you're very right in what you're saying. If you put

1084
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 3: yourself in that space and that atmosphere, you have to

1085
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 3: perform at a high level, absolutely, regardless of what that

1086
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:05,320
Speaker 3: looks like.

1087
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 2: The absolutely need you to do it, for sure.

1088
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

1089
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 3: Competing can teach you how to lose gracefully. Yes, pushing

1090
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 3: people this is well, that was a pro con. Losing

1091
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 3: can push people into toxic behavior patterns.

1092
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 4: No, I don't see. This is my thing.

1093
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 1: I don't think losing pushes people into toxic behavior patterns.

1094
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: I feel like people already practice toxic behavior patterns, and

1095
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 1: then when they lose, they have that they use that

1096
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:30,399
Speaker 1: as a license to exercise those You understand what I'm saying.

1097
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 1: No one just is positive and then when they lose

1098
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, now I'm gonna be toxic. People just

1099
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: be fucking toxic and it's like, now I lost, I

1100
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: have a right to do this way. I never felt

1101
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: like losing was a bad thing. Losing is always a lesson.

1102
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: Losing teaches you how to be better because when you

1103
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 1: think you great, for example, you got the confidence like

1104
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: I have to go in there and be like I'm

1105
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: the best at this, and then you go out and

1106
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 1: get your ass kicked by someone else who thinks they're

1107
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: the best.

1108
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 4: It tells you that like WHOA, I thought I was.

1109
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 1: The best, but I'm not the best because I got

1110
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: defeated in this aspect of what I do. So I

1111
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: always felt losing as a positive thing, you know, and

1112
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: if on the road to being the best, no one

1113
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:15,800
Speaker 1: becomes the best undefeated, it doesn't happen. Bro there's losses

1114
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: happens different aspects of life.

1115
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying so absolutely, And I also

1116
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 3: think about just in the space of for example, with me,

1117
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 3: when it came to losing, for example, I was in

1118
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 3: a space to think, Okay, what can I do differently

1119
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 3: and also knowing that it is literally what happens.

1120
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,760
Speaker 2: In that time and space. Like I said, people fickle

1121
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: as hell.

1122
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 3: It could have been a different situation, different time, different space,

1123
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:45,320
Speaker 3: and somebody else might have prevailed as the way you

1124
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, Like, think about it, even in

1125
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 3: a basketball game, you know, it was like the perfect

1126
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 3: storm of events, for example with Lebron when he broke

1127
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 3: that record, Like it was the perfect time and space

1128
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 3: for him to do that in that moment.

1129
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 2: And he prevailed.

1130
00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 4: And you have to honor that.

1131
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 3: If he walk up the wrong side of the bed

1132
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 3: that morning, say you know, I'm feeling a little off

1133
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:04,879
Speaker 3: this morning, and then it didn't happen in that moment.

1134
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 4: There could have been so many things.

1135
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 2: There could have been so many variables.

1136
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 3: That's what I'm looking for, so many variables that can

1137
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 3: affect the outcome of someone's success. Pro Being a fairst

1138
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: competitor can solidify your legacy. A con your fulfillment can

1139
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 3: be measured only by how much you win. And then

1140
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 3: pro learning how to lose with grace and win with

1141
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 3: humility A good tips.

1142
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,240
Speaker 4: That coin is real all right there. Your for filming

1143
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 4: can only be measured by how much you win.

1144
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,240
Speaker 2: That's not using it the lost the lesson.

1145
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not and that's and that's I see a

1146
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 1: lot of people deal with that who are super competitive,

1147
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: it's like if they lose, everything goes out the window.

1148
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:45,839
Speaker 4: I lost.

1149
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: I was never supposed to lose. But that's not having

1150
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 1: a realistic perspective of how life works, fact, you know.

1151
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: And also a lot of that.

1152
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: Comes from people who are drilling winning is everything. I

1153
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 1: don't think winning is everything. I think competing is everything.

1154
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 1: And that's the difference, right, competing.

1155
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 2: The process the process.

1156
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: But even in a race, right, I say this to Jackson,

1157
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: You're going up with a bunch of kids, and you

1158
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 1: run a terrible race, and you slow up at the

1159
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,239
Speaker 1: end and you sluggage coming out the start, and you

1160
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 1: still win.

1161
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 4: I'm not happy about that.

1162
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:21,879
Speaker 1: Facts, right, you come out with a fast start, you lose,

1163
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: but you run your best pr times.

1164
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 4: To me, that's a victory right there.

1165
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:32,279
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Because sometimes your your biggest competition is yourself, and

1166
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: you're competing against who you were yesterday, not exact, not

1167
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 1: exactly against the field.

1168
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 3: You know.

1169
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 1: People always think that when you're competing, you're competing against

1170
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 1: the field.

1171
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,279
Speaker 4: No, I'm competing.

1172
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,440
Speaker 1: Against the val always, And if da Vow was this

1173
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,720
Speaker 1: way yesterday, I got to be better than de Vo tomorrow.

1174
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 3: In fact, I'm over here competing with this body child.

1175
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 3: I'm trying to get back to that Kadeena Devo college

1176
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 3: junk in the trunk. You know these boys didn't me

1177
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:59,360
Speaker 3: all right now definitely is here? By look at my

1178
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 3: old pictures like man, I was thin then? Then all

1179
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:05,879
Speaker 3: right and let's close out by baby. Want telling about

1180
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:06,479
Speaker 3: the shine theory?

1181
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 2: What that looks like?

1182
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: Yes, a term coined by the Call Your Girlfriend podcast

1183
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 1: co hosts A Mina two. So I'm gonna make sure

1184
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: I say this young lady's name correctly, Amina too.

1185
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 3: So.

1186
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 1: Shine theory is a practice of mutual investment in one another.

1187
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,040
Speaker 1: It is an investment over the long term and helping

1188
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:29,280
Speaker 1: someone be their best self sounds like us, and relying

1189
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 1: on their help in return. That's definitely uses. It is

1190
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,320
Speaker 1: a conscious decision to bring your full self to your friendships,

1191
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:38,760
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, and to not let insecurity or envy

1192
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: ravish them. We were just talking about did you talk

1193
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: about competing? You know, people compete within their relationship.

1194
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were talking about this recently. It's wild to me.

1195
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 4: It's wild people have.

1196
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:50,879
Speaker 2: What is it professional envy or or career envy or something?

1197
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, shine theory is a commitment to asking would

1198
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:58,360
Speaker 1: we be better as collaborators than as competitors? The answer

1199
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:03,360
Speaker 1: is always own almost always yes. Yo, Me and my

1200
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 1: boy Dolo. Shout out Dolo. I remember when I retired

1201
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: from the NFL. My brother just got out of college.

1202
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: Dolo got out of college and he was a fitness professional.

1203
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: He went to school for kinesiology. I had just started

1204
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: studying exercise physiology and kinesiology because I was doing.

1205
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 4: Speed and performance training for kids. He started.

1206
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: He was training in the park at Girshum Park. Shout out, Brooklyn, East,

1207
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 1: New York. We were both training in the park. So

1208
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,439
Speaker 1: we partnered together and started doing all of our work together.

1209
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 1: And for ten years we built He built his business,

1210
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 1: Dolo's Fitness. I built Elite Prototype Athletics, and together we

1211
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 1: both built Prototype Sports Performance Lab. And I remember people

1212
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: saying like, yow, y'all both do the same thing. How

1213
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:47,240
Speaker 1: were y'all working together? And I was just like, listen

1214
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: to what you just asked me. We both do the

1215
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:54,959
Speaker 1: same thing. How will be working together? We are working

1216
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: together because.

1217
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 2: We both do the same thing within the same community.

1218
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Well, you ain't worried about

1219
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 1: him stealing your clients and you're stealing his clients. And say,

1220
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,879
Speaker 1: here's the funny part. When I can't take a client

1221
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 1: you know who, I've asked them to dolo.

1222
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 3: Remember when you were doing auditions and you were just like,

1223
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 3: oh my god, I have this audition that popped up.

1224
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 3: Your clientele was super super understanding becausey knew what time

1225
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 3: it was, and then like, okay, if we don't have

1226
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:16,920
Speaker 3: the vale, we have dolo.

1227
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,800
Speaker 1: Leg goes back to the scarcity mind that the scarcity

1228
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 1: mindset is the idea that there's not enough space for

1229
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:24,799
Speaker 1: both to us, both of us.

1230
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 4: To exist and be successful. That is a real thing.

1231
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 4: You know what, that's my moment of truth. That's my

1232
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 4: moment of truth.

1233
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 3: Well yeah, it documents that document that, but that's that's

1234
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 3: ultimately what it is. Think about the conversation we're just

1235
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 3: having with Nelly and Janelle. Shout out to my glam squad,

1236
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 3: Nelly and Janelle, who who are comprised of a couple

1237
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 3: of people who I use amazing artists within the space

1238
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 3: of glam and they were talking about how artists and

1239
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 3: self they can't support each other or they're worried about

1240
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 3: clients being stolen by you know, you don't even think

1241
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 3: that's a thing. That's not The power is in the

1242
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 3: client to decide who they're going to can't work with.

1243
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 2: You can't steal a client.

1244
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 3: But I have now built a team of artists around

1245
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 3: me where they reverer each other, they love on each other.

1246
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 3: I mean I was with Nelly on tour and then

1247
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 3: I came back to Atlanta and Grace shout out to

1248
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:10,960
Speaker 3: Grace my makeup artists in Atlanta.

1249
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 2: Nellie called Grace on.

1250
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 3: FaceTime at like six in the morning to say, hey, girl,

1251
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 3: I know you have Kadeen this morning, Like how's it going?

1252
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 2: You know what look y'all doing.

1253
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 3: She was so excited to just chat with Grace really

1254
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 3: quickly to be on the same page about like what

1255
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 3: product worked for me last time, what she noticed about

1256
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 3: my skin. And I'm like, wow, I have a team

1257
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 3: of women who love each other and support each other.

1258
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 3: Because there's gonna be work for everybody. There's certain moments

1259
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 3: when y'all are booked and busy, so I'm gonna have

1260
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 3: to book Elena because she's available. Like there's just a

1261
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 3: space for everyone to thrive and personally within our space,

1262
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 3: we are making sure that we're creating those opportunities for

1263
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 3: the people around us.

1264
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 2: All right, let's take a quick break.

1265
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 4: Forget that.

1266
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 2: I won't forget it. You got it? Awesome?

1267
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,440
Speaker 3: All right, let's take a quick break, y'all, and we're

1268
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 3: gonna get into these list of letters after we pay

1269
00:57:56,400 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 3: some bills. All right, back into listening to letters. We're

1270
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 3: going to dive in and see what y'all got to

1271
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 3: talk about today. Hello, Davalenkadeen. I'm a new listener, just

1272
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 3: started following last month and really enjoy your content.

1273
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 2: Welcome listener. We always love newbies.

1274
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 3: I'm a truck driver and I travel long hours in

1275
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 3: the night and this podcast definitely keeps me entertained and

1276
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 3: awake at night, So for that, I thank you.

1277
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 2: That's awesome.

1278
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 3: I have a question I would like to ask about

1279
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 3: a situation in my marriage. My husband and I of

1280
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 3: eight years decided two years ago that we would have

1281
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 3: an open marriage. The reason is that we are both

1282
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:42,560
Speaker 3: sexually and we're both sexual and kinky type of people

1283
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 3: and thought it would be fun to explore and have experiences.

1284
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 3: I really assumed I would enjoy being open until I

1285
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 3: actually committed the act. After being open, for a few months,

1286
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 3: I met, connected with, and had sexed with one other guy,

1287
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 3: and even though I had the freedom to make my choice,

1288
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 3: still felt the awful guilt of committing adultery. I also

1289
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 3: have not shared with my husband that I was with

1290
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: this man. The other man and I are over. It

1291
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 3: was honestly just a fling, and although I'm attracted to

1292
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 3: this guy, I have no deep emotional feelings and basically

1293
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 3: knew what it was. But now I've been feeling hell

1294
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,959
Speaker 3: of confused. Hella confused. I mean, I technically didn't cheat,

1295
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,240
Speaker 3: I guess because we're open. But I can't even bring

1296
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,840
Speaker 3: myself to tell my husband that I did what I did,

1297
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 3: And I'm starting to second guess if I'm really able

1298
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 3: to handle being open. I haven't been with another man since.

1299
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 3: Do you think I should tell my husband or take

1300
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 3: it to my grave?

1301
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 4: Girl?

1302
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:34,280
Speaker 2: Tell your husband? Yall?

1303
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 3: Y'all had an agreement if it's going to clear your conscience,

1304
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:39,439
Speaker 3: and y'all have an arrangement already, Like the biggest reason

1305
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 3: why people with whole information typically is because they are

1306
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 3: afraid of the other person's reaction or they're afraid of

1307
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 3: a consequence. There's no consequence here because y'all agree to it,

1308
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,480
Speaker 3: unless you feel like you're not sure if your husband's

1309
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,920
Speaker 3: you know, had a time or.

1310
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: Two he been clapping cheeks, mam. He clapping cheeks me

1311
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: if you got time to go out and have a

1312
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 1: fling with another guy and he ain't. No, this is

1313
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 1: because he clapping cheeks too, and you already had a

1314
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 1: conversation and the agreement.

1315
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 4: I don't see what's the matter.

1316
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 1: Like, one thing I don't ever do is I don't

1317
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: judge other people's relationships to people communicate what they want

1318
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: and they agree to it, then too.

1319
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 4: I mean, it depends on what your religious beliefs are.

1320
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 1: If you made a vow to each other and a

1321
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: vow to God and you feel guilty because you feel

1322
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,680
Speaker 1: like you made a vow to God that you pass,

1323
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 1: that's on you. You know, you should have a conversation

1324
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 1: with God that in that situation. But as far as

1325
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,800
Speaker 1: your husband, man, y'all had a conversation, y'all talked about it.

1326
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:31,720
Speaker 1: Y'all did y'all thing, you did your thing? Your man

1327
01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: definitely clapping cheeks, all right, So you know, go tell

1328
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: them see how you feel about it. But here's a

1329
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 1: good thing, though, you did learn it. No matter how

1330
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: kinky you are, there's one person that you have that

1331
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: special thing for. So maybe an open relationship isn't for you,

1332
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,720
Speaker 1: And maybe your husband is having the same feeling. You

1333
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 1: never know, so I feel like you should always talk

1334
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 1: to the person that you're going to spend your life

1335
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 1: with and tell them the truth.

1336
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 3: I wonder if it's for fear that she doesn't enjoy

1337
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:57,680
Speaker 3: open relationships, but maybe he does.

1338
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 2: So what happens There'll be maybe a conversation, in a

1339
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 2: conversation of a conversation, he wants to continue with that

1340
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 2: and you don't.

1341
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 4: Well, here's the thing.

1342
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 2: He might not want to, says.

1343
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,240
Speaker 4: He might not want to, but he may still want to.

1344
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 4: And if he does, he has this open conversation.

1345
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:12,280
Speaker 1: You got to be open to that because once you

1346
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: open that door, you can't just close it when it's

1347
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 1: convenient for you. But I think a conversation needs to

1348
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 1: be had. Don't keep it from him, have the conversation.

1349
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 2: All right, good luck to you, says all right, number two,

1350
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 2: So on you.

1351
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,600
Speaker 1: Baby, hid Vala Kadeen was good. I've been with my

1352
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 1: boyfriend for five years. I found out that he cheated

1353
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 1: on me last year. The affair with the other woman

1354
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 1: lasted about two years, and they formed a physical and

1355
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 1: emotional connection. I forgave him and stayed with him, but

1356
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,760
Speaker 1: I still feel resentful towards him at times. He's a

1357
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 1: love of my life and I want him to be

1358
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: my husband and the father of my future children, but

1359
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 1: he has doubts and is unsure about marriage. Whenever the

1360
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:51,840
Speaker 1: topic is brought up, I'm terrified to risk giving up

1361
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:54,440
Speaker 1: my relationship with him. But I'm also terrified of staying

1362
01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 1: and being cheated on again and potentially risking wasting time

1363
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: in this relationship if he doesn't view me as his wife.

1364
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven and I'm ready to build with him

1365
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 1: as my husband. Do you think I should leave him

1366
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: or work through my resentment to make this relationship work?

1367
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 1: Love you, guys, This.

1368
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 4: Is what I feel.

1369
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:11,479
Speaker 2: Girl.

1370
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,800
Speaker 1: When people tell you who they are, believe them. He

1371
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 1: cheated on you for two years and he said he's

1372
01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 1: not ready for marriage.

1373
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:19,520
Speaker 4: So he's showing you and only is he's saying he's

1374
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:20,880
Speaker 4: showing you he's not ready for marriage.

1375
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

1376
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 4: It is not your job to make him ready for marriage.

1377
01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 2: Everyone was half of y'all's relationship that he was another woman.

1378
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 1: He's showing you that he's not ready to be a

1379
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: husband or have you as a wife, So don't force that.

1380
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 2: If he's 't sure about marriage and the top, sorry

1381
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 2: to cut you off.

1382
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:36,760
Speaker 3: If he's un sure about marriage and the topic of

1383
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:39,000
Speaker 3: marriage whenever it's brought up in marriage may not be

1384
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 3: for him, particularly in this moment. And I'm thinking maybe

1385
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:43,439
Speaker 3: her fear is like, wow, what if I walk away

1386
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,080
Speaker 3: from this? But he decides that he wants to choose

1387
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 3: marriage later on, Well, it's just if you're available then

1388
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:49,240
Speaker 3: then maybe you could spend the block. But until then,

1389
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 3: I say, keep it pushing.

1390
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree one thousand percent. I just feel

1391
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,600
Speaker 1: like have the conversation once again. Tell him what you require,

1392
01:02:57,640 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: what you need, what you want, ask him what he requires,

1393
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 1: needs and want, and if they don't align, don't be

1394
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,680
Speaker 1: afraid to say, you know what, this isn't working out

1395
01:03:04,760 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 1: for me one of the best interests of what I

1396
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 1: want from my life. So I think it'd be best

1397
01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 1: if we move forward in different directions and hopefully, you know,

1398
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 1: you change your mind one day, but this is what

1399
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:18,920
Speaker 1: I'm looking for. You know, this is actually another simple

1400
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 1: one and I think people need to start saying what

1401
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:25,040
Speaker 1: they want, what they require, and then moving accordingly. Stop

1402
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 1: trying to force people to be what you want them

1403
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 1: to be for you. That's never going to work out

1404
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 1: and takes the guessing out of it. It's literally writing

1405
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 1: on the wall.

1406
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 3: All right, love y'all, thank you for always writing in.

1407
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,280
Speaker 3: If you want to be featured as one of our

1408
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:39,280
Speaker 3: listener letters, be sure to email us at dead Ass

1409
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.

1410
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 4: That's d E A d A S S A d

1411
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:46,280
Speaker 4: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1412
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 2: All right, time for the truthful moment, moment of truth.

1413
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 2: What you got for us today?

1414
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 3: Babe?

1415
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 2: Do you remember what you said you were going to say?

1416
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 4: Yes?

1417
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 1: The first thing is I enjoyed these topics and I

1418
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 1: enjoy these conversations because I get to get insight into

1419
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 1: the mindset. Right, I, for the sake of me, didn't

1420
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:05,720
Speaker 1: understand why they were killing stephen A so much. But

1421
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 1: something you said and we talked about and Trouble did

1422
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 1: some research the scarcity mindset of where the black women

1423
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,919
Speaker 1: exists in America. It is just belief that there isn't

1424
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 1: enough space for all of us to be great. So

1425
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:20,479
Speaker 1: when you start saying who's the greatest. I think black

1426
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 1: women feel that the others are going to be pushed aside.

1427
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:24,080
Speaker 4: And there's two things.

1428
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:26,360
Speaker 1: Number One, there is validity in that statement, in that

1429
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:29,640
Speaker 1: belief that there's not enough space because there's literally not

1430
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 1: enough opportunities for everyone. But that's not just black women

1431
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 1: as black men, that there's just not a lot of

1432
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:37,080
Speaker 1: I'll just for everyone accept you.

1433
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:39,840
Speaker 4: If you're a white male, white.

1434
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:41,440
Speaker 2: Male pretty much struggles.

1435
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:43,400
Speaker 1: I guess yeah, I mean white women have their struggle

1436
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:46,320
Speaker 1: as well, but it's not the same as Black women,

1437
01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 1: like you can't equate, that could never compare. So I

1438
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: do understand the scarcity mindset, but I will challenge this

1439
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 1: my moment of truth.

1440
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 4: I will challenge black women to understand this. There is space.

1441
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 4: There may not be space and where you see it

1442
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 4: right now in that moment.

1443
01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:04,440
Speaker 1: So you may be competing for that role, but if

1444
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,919
Speaker 1: you don't get that role, or you don't get that song,

1445
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 1: or you don't get that job, that doesn't mean that

1446
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 1: there isn't another job, a better job, or a more

1447
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:15,640
Speaker 1: equivalent job somewhere else. And I say that to say

1448
01:05:15,680 --> 01:05:19,760
Speaker 1: this competition will always keep you at your highest and

1449
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 1: if we learn as people, specifically black women, how to

1450
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:27,440
Speaker 1: compete in a healthy way. It would allow all of

1451
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 1: you guys to shine and will also allow your legacy

1452
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,360
Speaker 1: to grow because we can continue to talk about who

1453
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: was the best and keep those legacies going far beyond

1454
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,240
Speaker 1: when the person stops creating.

1455
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 4: So that's my moment of truth.

1456
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:44,720
Speaker 1: Understanding that the scarcity mindset is why Black women are

1457
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:47,640
Speaker 1: so afraid of being pinned against each other, but also

1458
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,680
Speaker 1: understanding that there is space and if we all exist

1459
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: in that space in a healthy matter, we all can.

1460
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:56,680
Speaker 2: Thrive good stuff. Baby Like that, I guess my moment

1461
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:59,920
Speaker 2: of truth. I'll speak directly to black women, my counterparts.

1462
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 2: Being a black woman, we.

1463
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:09,000
Speaker 3: Need to stop allowing people loud minorities, whoever they are

1464
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 3: social media to spew that rhetoric towards us to the

1465
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 3: point where we believe it. And I say that because

1466
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 3: existing in spaces that are designed for Black women, i e.

1467
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:25,000
Speaker 2: Black women in Hollywood, I E.

1468
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 3: Our workspace with the people who we partner with, Glam

1469
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:36,760
Speaker 3: Talent Crew, these are all spaces where we revere each

1470
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 3: other and we know that. And I feel like, deep down,

1471
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,280
Speaker 3: black women know that we create these spaces because we

1472
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:45,880
Speaker 3: know we're rooting for each other. We need to stop

1473
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:50,840
Speaker 3: allowing the noise of social media, the noise of people

1474
01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 3: spewing the rhetoric of pitting us against each other to prevail,

1475
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:59,920
Speaker 3: because that's them just adding negativity to the already struggle

1476
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:05,400
Speaker 3: limited space, limited space scarcity situations that us black women

1477
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 3: have to exist in. We need to understand our power.

1478
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:11,440
Speaker 3: We need to continue to create platforms and spaces for

1479
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 3: us to thrive. We need to continue to love on

1480
01:07:14,120 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 3: each other because that's what we typically do whenever we're

1481
01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 3: in those spaces to be with each other. Let's let

1482
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,000
Speaker 3: that be on the forefront of our minds and not

1483
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 3: the noise of everyone else attempting to pit us against

1484
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:27,800
Speaker 3: each other.

1485
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:34,000
Speaker 2: I feel you, all right, y'all, y'll.

1486
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:40,280
Speaker 4: Have beef with the Srilankans. And because because you claim

1487
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:41,600
Speaker 4: to be a black woman and you don't claim to

1488
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:42,440
Speaker 4: be shri Lankan.

1489
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 3: I do acknowledge it. Because also that's that's a portion

1490
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:48,040
Speaker 3: of my heritage now that I know. You know, you

1491
01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:50,360
Speaker 3: look at my dad, my dad, you know, you look

1492
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 3: at him. He's not a black man, you know. So

1493
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 3: I have to speak to both cultures, but I speak

1494
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 3: particularly about black women because I know that that's what

1495
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:01,520
Speaker 3: I'm looked at at. If I have an ounce of

1496
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 3: black blood and me, it's gonna.

1497
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:04,160
Speaker 2: Make me black. And I'm going to revere that what

1498
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:06,400
Speaker 2: do you identify as a black woman.

1499
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 4: Until that role come on? Then you street lined.

1500
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:15,960
Speaker 3: Yesterday, I'm looking for Indian line, Bollywood is look for somebody. Okay, No,

1501
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:21,759
Speaker 3: I can celebrate both cultures simultaneously, particularly based on the topics.

1502
01:08:23,720 --> 01:08:26,520
Speaker 4: It was just so funny to me because when you found.

1503
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:29,400
Speaker 2: I'm sorry and a Bindi, I'm ready to go, Okay.

1504
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 4: Are you culturally appropriated?

1505
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 1: But no, I was toling you because I remember when

1506
01:08:32,960 --> 01:08:34,360
Speaker 1: they called you and it was just like, you know,

1507
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:36,679
Speaker 1: they decided to go in this week because to check

1508
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 1: off the box of East Asian and.

1509
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:38,600
Speaker 3: You was just like.

1510
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:41,160
Speaker 4: Me, it's.

1511
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:45,640
Speaker 3: It's thirty two point seven percent around that ship up

1512
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:47,680
Speaker 3: thirty three percent, you know what I mean. But we're

1513
01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:50,840
Speaker 3: speaking particularly about black women today and the pitting of

1514
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 3: each other, the pinning of us against each other.

1515
01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:54,800
Speaker 4: You know, I thought your father was Indian when I

1516
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:56,599
Speaker 4: first mentioned Yeah, I think I told that story.

1517
01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you did.

1518
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1519
01:08:57,520 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 1: I didn't think we were ever going to be together

1520
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:01,439
Speaker 1: because I was just like, oh, I US Indian, Indian

1521
01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:02,679
Speaker 1: people don't fuck with black people.

1522
01:09:03,040 --> 01:09:05,160
Speaker 4: I legitimately thought that that's what was going to happen.

1523
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,759
Speaker 2: So and truth be told, My follow loves yeah.

1524
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Jamaican for sure, even though he's from Saint Vincent.

1525
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 2: Yes, he loves he loves the Jamaican.

1526
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,000
Speaker 4: He loves Jamaican women, especially that part.

1527
01:09:20,479 --> 01:09:22,960
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, be sure to follow us on Patreon

1528
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:25,160
Speaker 3: and we're so, so so happy to have y'all here

1529
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:29,439
Speaker 3: to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content. We have

1530
01:09:29,520 --> 01:09:32,000
Speaker 3: the after show for y'all to tune into the full

1531
01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,360
Speaker 3: show episodes. So it's a real treat to be a

1532
01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 3: part of our Patreon family. And be sure to find

1533
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:39,679
Speaker 3: us on social media. We have the podcast page dead

1534
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:42,200
Speaker 3: Ass the Podcast on Instagram and then you can find

1535
01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:45,120
Speaker 3: me Kadeen I am on Instagram and TikTok and.

1536
01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:47,800
Speaker 1: I am Devo And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1537
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:49,800
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review.

1538
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:51,360
Speaker 2: And subscribe dead Ass Baby.

1539
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:57,560
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1540
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:01,160
Speaker 1: it's produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible. Follow the podcast

1541
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:03,800
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1542
01:10:03,920 --> 01:10:04,360
Speaker 1: miss a thing,