Speaker 1: I do have some very exciting news that I will
Speaker 1: be playing the Santa Barbara Bowl. Everybody didn't I say
Speaker 1: that like a radio announcer. I think I just did.
Speaker 1: I will be at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one,
Speaker 1: and pre sale tickets go on sale today from ten am.
Speaker 1: I said that like a radio host, to ten AM
Speaker 1: two ten pm. And the pre sale code is Chelsea
Speaker 1: s B for Santa Barbara. Chelsea s B for Santa Barbara.
Speaker 1: So get your tickets to that, and then if you
Speaker 1: can't do that, come to the Mirage on July. Santa
Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, and then there's a San Diego
Speaker 1: date somewhere in their humphreeze. You know where you usually
Speaker 1: get your podcast slash tickets, Live Nation dot com, Chelsea
Speaker 1: Handler dot com, ticket Master, any of those places. So
Speaker 1: I will see you all this summer. Okay, Well, welcome
Speaker 1: to our show today. I'm very excited about today's topic
Speaker 1: of conversation because our theme today is siblings, and we
Speaker 1: have one of my brothers calling in which I cannot
Speaker 1: wait for you to hear. I'm very excited for that. Yes,
Speaker 1: I love sibling dynamics. You have siblings as well, and yes,
Speaker 1: I come from a family of six, and there's always
Speaker 1: one that's a big hot mess. Well, or it could
Speaker 1: be your parents, right, one out of all of them.
Speaker 1: And then sometimes some families have multiple hot nurses. I
Speaker 1: heard an interesting theory the other day. My sister was
Speaker 1: telling me about there is scientific data to show that
Speaker 1: when you have two children of the same sex, the
Speaker 1: third child, your body biologically wants to produce one of
Speaker 1: the opposite sex. So that's why the third is always
Speaker 1: a tomboy. If she has two older brothers, or if
Speaker 1: it's a younger boy, why he may be more feminine
Speaker 1: than his brothers because your body theoretically is preparing for
Speaker 1: the opposite sex. And I said, are there studies on that?
Speaker 1: And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, like it's in the ziteguys.
Speaker 1: My family on my dad's side, all of the men
Speaker 1: had one son followed by two daughters. All of the
Speaker 1: siblings same pattern. That's strange, like sort biology is that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it does make sense that your body would try to prepare.
Speaker 1: Like you know, a lot of people have three boys
Speaker 1: and then they go for another one, you know, and
Speaker 1: then they get the girl. Or some people have three
Speaker 1: they're waiting for the girl, and they're pissed. I remember
Speaker 1: my friend was so pissed when she found out she
Speaker 1: was having a baby boy, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, that is so terrible. Like and then of
Speaker 1: course you have them and you love them, and you
Speaker 1: can't even imagine it being any other child, boy, girl,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. My sister she had three boys and
Speaker 1: she was so desperate for a girl, and luckily she
Speaker 1: got it on the fourth tribe. But then there was
Speaker 1: another family right in town that woman has had. I
Speaker 1: think it's ten or eleven children, always trying for a girl,
Speaker 1: all boys so icky, ten or eleven berths out. They
Speaker 1: have to drive a passenger van. Just to put things
Speaker 1: into a very clear picture for you, what it looks
Speaker 1: like to put her stomach in there. That's where the
Speaker 1: passenger van has to go. She's probably spent more time
Speaker 1: pregnan than she has, not that a doubt. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: so much. It's so unfair what women have to go through.
Speaker 1: It really is. I can't wait until we can figure
Speaker 1: out away from men to have babies, you know, let
Speaker 1: them do it all, let them take that over. The
Speaker 1: closest thing I could come to talking about or relating
Speaker 1: to children is you know, obviously my own experience with parenting,
Speaker 1: which is Bernie's Tammy and Chunk and Gary wherever he
Speaker 1: may be. Gary, in case people don't know, Gary was
Speaker 1: a dog that you had for a short period of time.
Speaker 1: It was a Bernie's Mountain dog that you really wanted
Speaker 1: and then you got and did he run away? He
Speaker 1: was my only non rescue dog. And yeah, supposedly he
Speaker 1: ran away, but that is hard to believe but also believable.
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. What happened really, and I
Speaker 1: won't ever buy a dog again, first of all, because
Speaker 1: we just did not mash you know, rescue dogs. There's
Speaker 1: a purpose in it. It feels so purposeful. You know,
Speaker 1: you can't just love a breed so well. You can,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to just love a breed so
Speaker 1: much and get that breed only then then then that's favoritism.
Speaker 1: And I want my ldren all to feel equally. But
Speaker 1: I have to tell you that Bert is my favorite
Speaker 1: because of his body. I try to give Bernice the attention,
Speaker 1: you know, to make up for the attention I give Bert,
Speaker 1: but she's just not as receptive. And it's just not
Speaker 1: the same thing as an independent woman. And she knows
Speaker 1: that he's the favorite, and she has an attitude and
Speaker 1: I get it. I like boy dogs, I think better
Speaker 1: than girl dogs because of the two girl dogs I've
Speaker 1: had have been very distant and the Tammy and Bernice
Speaker 1: both had very similar personalities and that maybe because they
Speaker 1: were part chow or they are. See and I don't
Speaker 1: like a boy dog. I mean, I love any animal,
Speaker 1: but I do not like to see. Well. Bert doesn't
Speaker 1: like you, I know, and I'm the one who went
Speaker 1: and rescued him. So I don't know how that happened
Speaker 1: that Ben Bruno and I rescued him. Origin the o
Speaker 1: G rescue was Ben Bruno and me, So technically Ben
Speaker 1: Bruno is their father, no wonder he hates Ben Bruno, Yeah, right, exactly.
Speaker 1: Bert doesn't really like men. I don't know where he
Speaker 1: gets that from. Well, and speaking of sibling dynamics, that
Speaker 1: is Burton Bernice. They are their sister. They are from
Speaker 1: the same amniotic sack everybody. They came from the same litter.
Speaker 1: Bert and Bernice. Yes, and those were their birth names.
Speaker 1: Just so you know, I didn't even name them that
Speaker 1: that was just good fortune on my end. So when
Speaker 1: he rounded that, I'll never forget the day that Burt
Speaker 1: rounded the corner and I saw his ass before I
Speaker 1: saw his face because it was bigger and it was
Speaker 1: it was like an elephant coming towards me slowly. That
Speaker 1: was furry, and I couldn't believe it. I was like,
Speaker 1: holy fuck, this is my day. All right. Well, we
Speaker 1: have a lot to get into in regards to siblings,
Speaker 1: so don't we take a quick break. We'll come back.
Speaker 1: I love using Bert and Bernice as a jumping off
Speaker 1: point for siblings. They are the dynamic duo. We'll be back. Well,
Speaker 1: our first emission comes from Hallie. Hi, Chelsea, my name
Speaker 1: is Hallie and I live in Boise, Idaho. I've been
Speaker 1: a fan for such a long time, and I know
Speaker 1: you have a really good relationship with your siblings, So
Speaker 1: I was wondering, how do you keep that relationship with
Speaker 1: them so strong because my relationship with my siblings is
Speaker 1: not the greatest. Well, I would just say, listen, I
Speaker 1: know sibling dynamics can be very very challenging and difficult
Speaker 1: and complicated because there's a lot of like injury that
Speaker 1: nobody even knows about, Like people aren't even addressing it.
Speaker 1: So you're like holding grudges from a million different things
Speaker 1: that happened in your childhood. And I would just say
Speaker 1: to exercise a good communication with them, like just keep
Speaker 1: in touch, even if you're not necessarily getting what you
Speaker 1: want back in that relationship, just keep the dialogue going
Speaker 1: because people ebb and flow and go through things where
Speaker 1: they'll need your support or you'll need theirs, And because
Speaker 1: that line of communication is already open, you'll be able
Speaker 1: to lean on each other in those times, which will
Speaker 1: bring you closer. And you know, you can just be
Speaker 1: consistent in your communication and that usually will help cultivate
Speaker 1: a better, stronger relationship. You know, as long as you're
Speaker 1: constantly communicating. So and think of being the bigger person
Speaker 1: and being like, you know, I'm just gonna put myself
Speaker 1: out there and let them know this line of communication
Speaker 1: is open. What do you think I was gonna say
Speaker 1: the exact same thing. Consistent communication. And the thing I
Speaker 1: found with my siblings is finding ways that they prefer
Speaker 1: to communicate. So my one sister, she likes to FaceTime.
Speaker 1: My other sister is much more of a texter. My
Speaker 1: other sister prefers a call like right when she gets
Speaker 1: to work in the morning. So again like kind of
Speaker 1: finding the tempo and ways to communicate based on preference
Speaker 1: or where you know that you'll be able to have
Speaker 1: an in depth conversation and taking the time to really ask,
Speaker 1: you know, thoughtful questions, not just how how's your day going,
Speaker 1: you know, like how are the kids, what are they doing,
Speaker 1: what are they learning in school? Ship I don't really
Speaker 1: care about, per se, but that she does care about
Speaker 1: because you know, when they have kids, that's where all
Speaker 1: of their energies going. So yeah, I think you just
Speaker 1: have to make consistent communication a priority. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's pretty obvious. So there you go. Problem solved. Tale
Speaker 1: The next one we do have on the line. Her
Speaker 1: name is Andrea. She's from Ontario. She's in her thirties,
Speaker 1: and she writes, Dear Chelsea, this is literally the biggest
Speaker 1: decision of my life. My sister, who has Down syndrome,
Speaker 1: was visiting me at the end of February. So just
Speaker 1: for context, remember the beginning of the pandemic, so February,
Speaker 1: because we had a grant to make a little film
Speaker 1: about her. Then everything blew up in the week. Trip
Speaker 1: has surpassed a year our mom passed away from brain
Speaker 1: cancer eight years ago, and Adele, my sister, moved into
Speaker 1: her own apartment in a group home, but due to
Speaker 1: the pandemic, all of her programs in Ontario have been canceled.
Speaker 1: I kept her with me and enrolled her in Whistler
Speaker 1: Adaptive and now she doesn't want to leave. Every day
Speaker 1: I ask myself, how can I live with this little
Speaker 1: lady for the rest of my life? But also how
Speaker 1: can I not live with her for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. I like to move freely through the world,
Speaker 1: and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how I'm supposed to do that. I know family is
Speaker 1: very important to you. What do you think, Andrea, Hi, Andrea, Hello.
Speaker 1: That sounds like yeah, that is a big life decision totally.
Speaker 1: So what's the status Like if you can have your
Speaker 1: sister what's her name, if you can have a dell
Speaker 1: live with you, is there a way for you to
Speaker 1: continue to have some help with that? Yeah? For sure.
Speaker 1: Like I have a big community where from Ontario though,
Speaker 1: so our whole, like my entire extended family is in
Speaker 1: Ontario and then here it's just the two of us.
Speaker 1: And with the program that she's in. Are they able
Speaker 1: to help in any way for like vacation care or
Speaker 1: if you wanted to get out and go do something.
Speaker 1: I imagine it's kind of all day every day, But
Speaker 1: for the times you wanted to get out and go
Speaker 1: do something, what is the restriction on your life with
Speaker 1: her being there with you? Um, that part's okay, Like
Speaker 1: she's she's pretty high functioning, Like I can leave her
Speaker 1: and two days ago I left her for twelve hours,
Speaker 1: Like as long as she has food, she's good. I
Speaker 1: guess it's just like honestly, the originally the biggest issue
Speaker 1: I had was I was really scared. I kind of
Speaker 1: feel emotional saying it, like I'm scared I was going
Speaker 1: to die and and I'd be the only thing she
Speaker 1: has out here. And right now in Ontario, she's like
Speaker 1: in the system, she's really well cared for, and I
Speaker 1: just felt scared of taking on that responsibility like for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. Yeah, no, it is emotional,
Speaker 1: But I think did I hear you when you said
Speaker 1: Ontario cut all her programs? Right? Yeah? Like right now
Speaker 1: this is the best place for her in the sense
Speaker 1: that like she lives in her own apartment in a
Speaker 1: group home, but because of COVID, she's not going to
Speaker 1: the adult learning center, she's not engaging with people. She
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been able to see any family members or
Speaker 1: the only window in the last three teen months she
Speaker 1: would have been able to see family members was for
Speaker 1: like a month last summer and they weren't even allowed
Speaker 1: to like hug. So like like right now, I'm good.
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking long term what to do, because it's
Speaker 1: like she's my best friend, you know, and I look
Speaker 1: at her and like my heart explodes, like every day
Speaker 1: we just my brother and I bought her a champoline
Speaker 1: for her birthday and gave it to her early. And
Speaker 1: I've never seen anybody like when she's honest she sounds
Speaker 1: like like a giggling dolphin, like she's just can't control herself.
Speaker 1: But then she's just shaking her hands and like just
Speaker 1: can't contain herself, and she's funny and she's like a
Speaker 1: little boss. It's I'm just I was thinking about it
Speaker 1: the like two nights ago, thinking about you, and honestly,
Speaker 1: it's like death. I'm like, I'm scared that I might die,
Speaker 1: and I'm scared she might die. Because we both watched
Speaker 1: that with my mom, and my mom was like her
Speaker 1: big caregiver. Do you feel like you are able to
Speaker 1: incorporate her in your life though, where you still have
Speaker 1: a life, because this is I think a common issue
Speaker 1: my partner is going through, like his mom is going
Speaker 1: through this with having to move his grandma because she
Speaker 1: has dementia. And the biggest thing is are you still
Speaker 1: able to live your life without giving yours up for
Speaker 1: someone else's? I think now like we found our rhythm
Speaker 1: for sure. In the beginning, it was so hard anyways
Speaker 1: because COVID was so scary and unknown, And now it's
Speaker 1: been thirteen months, we've got our our flow and yeah,
Speaker 1: and can I ask are you a partner? Do you
Speaker 1: have husband? Wife? Happily divorced? Okay, well, that's good. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you got that out of the way. It's best
Speaker 1: you have you with the rest of your life to
Speaker 1: live alone, which is really where you're gonna I have
Speaker 1: a question though, so isn't it something that you can
Speaker 1: take on, like, you know, like a six month by
Speaker 1: six month basis if the programs are closed in Ontario. Oh,
Speaker 1: so you're talking about just extricating her from Ontario for
Speaker 1: good and not even going back to that program ever
Speaker 1: when it reopens. Yeah, oh, I see, okay, because right
Speaker 1: now her life is preserved, right like her apartments there,
Speaker 1: all the programs, like she's in the system. Everything's good,
Speaker 1: everyone's happy. She's here with me. But it's you know,
Speaker 1: when the pandemic ends, and I think about it every day. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: And what is the downside of when the pandemic ends
Speaker 1: and there and her programs are back in place and
Speaker 1: she's got it all dialed in in Ontario with your
Speaker 1: extended family. What's the downside of having her go back
Speaker 1: there and you're visiting her regularly. She doesn't want to
Speaker 1: go back. She wants to live with me. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: she's she is thriving, and she's happy, and she definitely
Speaker 1: gives more to my life than she takes. But it's
Speaker 1: just also I guess, just being divorced, like it's like
Speaker 1: this is the biggest commitment there is because it is forever,
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't be able to just take her on
Speaker 1: and then six months later put her through all that
Speaker 1: trauma and stuff. And then I also she talks about
Speaker 1: how she wants to be in VC all the time.
Speaker 1: And I heard her telling someone that we're going to
Speaker 1: go back to Ontario student pack up all her stuff
Speaker 1: and then bring her back. And you know, and I'm
Speaker 1: like like, and I don't talk about it ever because
Speaker 1: I don't want her to have false hope or not.
Speaker 1: But yeah, well, it sounds like you have a really
Speaker 1: beautiful relationship with your sister, and like, I totally get it.
Speaker 1: I would do it because I would be like, how
Speaker 1: could I not do it? You know, I get what
Speaker 1: you're saying about that. So it does sound like though,
Speaker 1: that she adds so much to your life and you
Speaker 1: love her so much. I mean, think about what you
Speaker 1: were just describing, Like watching her on the trampoline, Like
Speaker 1: that is joy and like the meaning of life, right,
Speaker 1: that is it to see somebody in that kind of
Speaker 1: space and to get to experience that on the regular.
Speaker 1: I think it adds to your life more than it
Speaker 1: takes away. Yeah, I guess I have a fear of commitment,
Speaker 1: you know, right, I get that I have that too,
Speaker 1: I understand. Just remember everything has been magnified in the
Speaker 1: last year, Like everything feels a bit more intense because
Speaker 1: of what we're going through collectively. So you've said that
Speaker 1: you've kind of found your footing and in your routine
Speaker 1: with her. And I think that's only going to get
Speaker 1: easier the longer that she's there, and that you'll just
Speaker 1: find more ways to incorporate and have your own space
Speaker 1: mentally and physically for yourself where she is not a burden,
Speaker 1: where she's incorporated. And you said yourself, like, she adds
Speaker 1: so much. I think that will only continue. I do,
Speaker 1: and part of me is like, am I just completely selfish?
Speaker 1: And if I wasn't where I lived like I us,
Speaker 1: another country at different culture, it wouldn't even be a question,
Speaker 1: you know, like she would just live with me. But
Speaker 1: it's also okay to have those thoughts and feelings and
Speaker 1: want to figure that out because your person and you're
Speaker 1: entitled to have those are emotions, Like you can't help
Speaker 1: the fact that you're having feelings or thoughts like, yes,
Speaker 1: everyone has a desire to be selfish. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: not something you can beat yourself up for your at
Speaker 1: least being honest about it, which is a lot healthier
Speaker 1: than being in den The worst thing you could do
Speaker 1: for Adele would be not thinking about yourself and just
Speaker 1: leaning in and doing it, because that's a good one.
Speaker 1: Brandon That is good because it's because then months later
Speaker 1: you build resentment. You really should have taken more time
Speaker 1: to think about it. So the fact that you're doing
Speaker 1: this now before making the commitment, it's just going to
Speaker 1: set you both up for success. And I think her
Speaker 1: being there and vocalizing to you like I don't want
Speaker 1: to leave, that's definitely something to take into consideration. But
Speaker 1: then having to think for her where is going to
Speaker 1: be the best place for you long term? Like that's
Speaker 1: also that is sadly your burden and responsibility. That may
Speaker 1: not be the result she wants, but ultimately you know,
Speaker 1: because you're operating in her best interest, that maybe Ontario
Speaker 1: is the best place for her. And again, it would
Speaker 1: be a hard conversation, but you're going through all that
Speaker 1: right now, so it's going to take a little time
Speaker 1: for you to really hone in on what that looks
Speaker 1: like for you both. Yes, when do you want to
Speaker 1: make a decision by I don't know, Like I was
Speaker 1: going to bring her back last ball and then everything
Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, nothing's really changed, So I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm you know, I've taken her on to
Speaker 1: take care of her for this time, so I have
Speaker 1: to commit to that. I also feel like right now,
Speaker 1: like I can't really go anywhere. So it works really well.
Speaker 1: And and that's the thing, like maybe when the restrictions go,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it looks like she goes back
Speaker 1: for a few months to see how we both actually
Speaker 1: really feel and then kind of come back have a
Speaker 1: healthy break. That sounds like a very reasonable option and
Speaker 1: is not a conversation you could have with her and
Speaker 1: that she would understand and accept. I've been trying to
Speaker 1: just position it to her that she does like live
Speaker 1: in Ontario and like I would never say this is
Speaker 1: a trial for you going back. Usually she fights me
Speaker 1: on it, and then like a few days later she'll
Speaker 1: walk around my house and she'll be like, oh, I
Speaker 1: need this pencil when I go back to Ontario. So
Speaker 1: she she does get it, and she's, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that would be the best option, would be to obviously
Speaker 1: take a little space break and then I bet you
Speaker 1: you'd really miss her. Yeah. I look at her like
Speaker 1: in my heart explodes and I miss her like in
Speaker 1: that second knowing, you know, and it's it is that
Speaker 1: pure joy, but it's also like just like that unconditional
Speaker 1: love and like I wish I could have as much
Speaker 1: compassionate for myself as I do for her. Right, well,
Speaker 1: it seems like you have your decision made. It's just
Speaker 1: gonna take you some time to reconcile it because seemingly
Speaker 1: she's not going anywhere, and even if she does, she'll
Speaker 1: be back. So I think it's just gonna take a
Speaker 1: little time for you to accept that that this is
Speaker 1: your new life circumstance, and that's okay. Yeah, yeah. There
Speaker 1: is a really incredible bond between sisters though, so I
Speaker 1: you know, I know what you're talking about, Okay, But
Speaker 1: then part of me is like, will I ever date
Speaker 1: again or will we just be too middle aged women
Speaker 1: living together for the rest of our question That comes
Speaker 1: up with me and my sister quite frequently as well,
Speaker 1: so that's a common theme among sisters. I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell her the same thing. I'm gonna tell her the
Speaker 1: same thing I tell you, No, you're not going to
Speaker 1: be alone forever, and it'll speak volumes of whatever person
Speaker 1: you end up with that knows like this is part
Speaker 1: of my life, and this is like a part of
Speaker 1: my life that I love and the reason why they're
Speaker 1: going to be drawn to you in the first place,
Speaker 1: you know, because you've taken this on and then you're
Speaker 1: creating a whole, this great non traditional family, you know,
Speaker 1: Like that's fun and modern and cool and compassionate. What
Speaker 1: Adele will bring to that person's life, like this is
Speaker 1: all part of it. It's the mix of like personalities
Speaker 1: and love and affection that you'll have with whatever person
Speaker 1: you end up with next. Who will see that in her?
Speaker 1: And like I want that in my life as well,
Speaker 1: Like look what she can bring to me. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't worry about that. Yeah, Okay. She's funny, though she's
Speaker 1: like a bit manipulative, Like she's like you can't eat anyone.
Speaker 1: She's like, you're you're with me? How old is Adele?
Speaker 1: And a lot of her she's like an eight year old.
Speaker 1: A lot of her she's like a sixty year old.
Speaker 1: That sounds like me. Yeah. Yeah, she's amazing for sure,
Speaker 1: and she's hilarious. Send us a picture of the two
Speaker 1: of you together, will you like to say? I'll send
Speaker 1: a video of on the trampoline. Yeah, if we love
Speaker 1: that and let us know what you end up doing.
Speaker 1: Please Okay, all right, well, thank you, thank you? All right,
Speaker 1: nice to speak to you Andrea you too. Definitely probably
Speaker 1: the most serious. Yeah, but very rational and so cute.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely a complicated situation to be in.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do in that circumstance,
Speaker 1: but it seemed like she knew before she even called
Speaker 1: what she wanted to do. Yeah, Like I remember saying,
Speaker 1: when my father was in a nursing home on the
Speaker 1: East Coast, I say to my brothers and sisters want
Speaker 1: it would just move him out to l A, like
Speaker 1: I can get him twenty four hour care here, or
Speaker 1: you know, we have my bell and they were like, no,
Speaker 1: you can't take that on, Like you think you can
Speaker 1: take that on, but you just can't. And they saved
Speaker 1: me from myself. But that was a different situation because
Speaker 1: that's my father, and I have no patience and I'm
Speaker 1: not nearly as you know, loving and sweet as this
Speaker 1: woman is. So when you're talking to somebody who you
Speaker 1: know has an eight year old brain and they're like,
Speaker 1: I want to be with you. I live with you,
Speaker 1: now live with not giving into that is really respectful,
Speaker 1: like not just appeasing them because they're just in a
Speaker 1: moment and they love you and they're a little kid,
Speaker 1: and you want to make them happy. So she's already
Speaker 1: very adult like, you know, because she's made it clear, no,
Speaker 1: you live in Ontario. You live in Ontario. But I
Speaker 1: think that they should be together. I think that they
Speaker 1: will be. I'll be curious to see what happens over
Speaker 1: the next few months. I really do hope that she
Speaker 1: checks in. I mean, I guess if these people check
Speaker 1: back in will be a big reflection on the podcast. Brandon,
Speaker 1: I think, well, I think a lot of people really
Speaker 1: just need perspective that is not part of their bubble,
Speaker 1: their group, because you just get so overwhelmed by what's
Speaker 1: going on. I think about her friends, who are you know,
Speaker 1: having this conversation daily. It's really hard to give an
Speaker 1: honest opinion, and we don't know them, so it's very
Speaker 1: easy for us to tell them things that they may
Speaker 1: not like. But I shaved my legs this morning outside
Speaker 1: on the deck. Did you shake your face? No, I
Speaker 1: haven't shaved my face in a while. Actually I should
Speaker 1: probably do that, but on the patio or whatever that
Speaker 1: area is, and I cut myself bleeding and then my
Speaker 1: pants got blood on them and they're white. Do you
Speaker 1: dry shave? Well? I was because the light was so
Speaker 1: great that I just thought, you know what, I should
Speaker 1: get a razor right now. Yeah, I was. It turned
Speaker 1: out to be a little bit of a blood bath
Speaker 1: this morning. Luckily Felix came in first thing. Yes, Felix
Speaker 1: is the groundskeeper at the house. Well, don't say groundskeeper.
Speaker 1: That sounds very white privilege. How would you describe him?
Speaker 1: I thought he was the dog walker Brandon. No, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know he does other things. Described. I describe him
Speaker 1: as Bernice's Bernice's boyfriend. He is the best, Felix. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's much better than Oscar. Who was the last guy
Speaker 1: that did this job. Oscar? There was the other one.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, let's not even mention his name. He quit.
Speaker 1: Do you remember why? What was it? He didn't like
Speaker 1: that a gay guy was giving him. Say that a lot, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that you run into that a lot, right, gay guys
Speaker 1: straight men not straight men. I found really do not
Speaker 1: like it if I have to work with them and
Speaker 1: give them direction on something. Very butch men don't give
Speaker 1: a ship who they get direction from. There's like an
Speaker 1: inherent insecurity and they don't like that. And what about women?
Speaker 1: Straight women? They love it? No, they don't give a ship.
Speaker 1: But there's no ego and anything a straight woman does,
Speaker 1: like if you give them direction, she's like, hey, we
Speaker 1: need to do it this way. It's like, okay, it's
Speaker 1: so easy to communicate with a woman. Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 1: That's why men there are signs everywhere where wear a mask,
Speaker 1: however you do it. Yeah, we spent an entire pandemic
Speaker 1: with signs everywhere saying wear a mask, and they wouldn't
Speaker 1: do it. If I ever see another man with a
Speaker 1: mask underneath their nose, I mean, I'm just gonna lose it.
Speaker 1: I am. I can't not say anything. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know it's kind of like over now, but if I
Speaker 1: see it again, I'm going to get as mad as
Speaker 1: I did before. It's like poking a hole in your
Speaker 1: condom before you put it on, like it serves no purpose.
Speaker 1: It's also just the most unflattering way to look at
Speaker 1: someone is to see them without a mouth, like to
Speaker 1: see nose up. No, no, no, no, that doesn't isn't
Speaker 1: It is like looking at a dick pic. Most people
Speaker 1: don't have the face for that, They don't have the
Speaker 1: face structure to carry that. You have to ask yourself
Speaker 1: do you have the nose up face. Although it is
Speaker 1: an adjustment to see people's whole faces, I am very
Speaker 1: glad we are transitioning out of this phase, and I
Speaker 1: hope it is permanent. I think I'm just gonna keep
Speaker 1: my mask on, but I agree. I mean, it's nice
Speaker 1: to have the option to take it off. I once
Speaker 1: slept in a mask accidentally woke up with it. Obviously
Speaker 1: I was intoxicated, but I think I was so disgusted
Speaker 1: by the person that I was with who said he
Speaker 1: didn't think masks worked, that I kept it on for
Speaker 1: extra coverage that You're like, I'm going to make sure
Speaker 1: i'm protected after being around you. I told you about
Speaker 1: the guy went off on at the gym. Right I
Speaker 1: was walking down the stairs and Jim's finally reopened here,
Speaker 1: so I was really excited and went in for one
Speaker 1: of my first workouts, and I was walking down the
Speaker 1: stairs and this guy was on the elliptical. I mean
Speaker 1: he was barely moving, had his mask totally off, not
Speaker 1: even under his chin, and so I be aligned it
Speaker 1: for him and I was like, hey, hey, put on
Speaker 1: your fucking mask, and the people are all looking he
Speaker 1: what's going on? Are you new to the what's going on?
Speaker 1: I don't know a pandemic? People? Are you new to
Speaker 1: the fucking planet? Because it doesn't matter where he came from,
Speaker 1: you know what's going on here? Like, put on your
Speaker 1: map and what do you see? This woman over here
Speaker 1: sprinting uphill on the treadmill. She has her mouse completely
Speaker 1: on your barely fucking glistening, Like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: You're not exerting yourself, buddy, you have athletic induced asthma
Speaker 1: from wrestling in sixth grade. Put on your mask and
Speaker 1: then take up puff of your inhaler. Well wait, remember
Speaker 1: that happened in New York City when we were filming
Speaker 1: my special. We were coming around the corner we took
Speaker 1: a ploties class in the morning. Two guys outside FedEx
Speaker 1: workers and they weren't wearing masks, and I was like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: why aren't you wearing masks? And they're like, who's the
Speaker 1: word outside? And I'm like, yeah, but you're two feet
Speaker 1: away from each other, Like that's what's happening. We're all
Speaker 1: spreading it two ft away from other people walking on
Speaker 1: the sidelore, right, And then some guy came up on
Speaker 1: a bike and he's like, you shut up? What do
Speaker 1: you call me? Bitch? Bitch? And I was wearing my mask,
Speaker 1: so there's no way he even knew who I was.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I would be a little bit
Speaker 1: more understandable. And I was like, what I mean, when
Speaker 1: somebody provokes me like that, I can't not engage, like
Speaker 1: I want to be like you will knock at the
Speaker 1: last word, which is so stupid. But it's so ridiculous
Speaker 1: that they want to validate their behavior or become aggressive.
Speaker 1: And that's so I was a little in front of you,
Speaker 1: and I didn't realize what was happening. And as soon
Speaker 1: as the guy pulled up on his bike and called
Speaker 1: you a bitch, like I stepped up because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't know what people are going to do, because
Speaker 1: all you need is some fucking vitamin C. You just
Speaker 1: got to take vitamin C and then that's all you need.
Speaker 1: There's no such thing as COVID. And I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: well now we're dealing with, like, you know, a chocolateyte,
Speaker 1: a New York chocolodte. It's just so unbelievable. Okay, well
Speaker 1: should we take another caller? I mean, I guess unless
Speaker 1: we want to go on about those guys. The next
Speaker 1: emission comes from Jessica. She's in her twenties. We do
Speaker 1: not know where she is. Oh, it's a mystery. It's
Speaker 1: like Mtery Alaska, remember that movie Mry Alaska. I'm in
Speaker 1: San Diego. Where in the world is she? We don't
Speaker 1: know shere. It's dear Chelsea. I recently got really drunk
Speaker 1: and hooked up with my best friend's brother, Tail as
Speaker 1: Old as Time, Jessica. I told my best friend I
Speaker 1: wouldn't hook up with his brother because he's notorious for
Speaker 1: banging lots of women. Well that should have been your
Speaker 1: signal right there. We all hung out and had a
Speaker 1: great time in the community we live in is really small,
Speaker 1: so it could cause problems in the long run. I've
Speaker 1: had a huge crush on his brother for eight months,
Speaker 1: and I held out for this long and then I
Speaker 1: just sucked it all up because of whiskey and white Claw.
Speaker 1: Also Taylor as Old as Time. But now it's done,
Speaker 1: and he expressed that he really enjoyed it and he
Speaker 1: hasn't been acting weird at all. So the question is
Speaker 1: do I bang him again? Yes or no? Hi, Jessica,
Speaker 1: I Chelsea Jessica, I can tell just by the looks
Speaker 1: of you that you're going to have sex with him again. Also,
Speaker 1: I can already tell look at how happy you are.
Speaker 1: You're every fun girlfriend I had in college. I'm not
Speaker 1: in college anymore. I'm past that. But I think I
Speaker 1: got worse after I graduated. So yeah, but whatever, who
Speaker 1: gives a ship you get worse in what way that
Speaker 1: you like sex? Who cares? That's what we're here for.
Speaker 1: That's what we're here for. That's what these ages for
Speaker 1: is to have fun and you know, go explored. I
Speaker 1: know who you're into and for how long. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: problem is that I make the wrong choices and who
Speaker 1: I want to have sex with, and then I get
Speaker 1: myself into trouble because of it, as you can see. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like you like trouble then because you
Speaker 1: knew that he didn't want you to sleep with him.
Speaker 1: Does your friend know that you slept with his brother
Speaker 1: by the way he does? He does, and he wasn't
Speaker 1: very happy about it, and he's assuming that I'm not
Speaker 1: going to do it again. Has he met you? Unfortunately?
Speaker 1: When you say that, well, don't say that. I mean
Speaker 1: I've met you, and I could tell you're going to
Speaker 1: do it again. So I mean, I don't know, what's
Speaker 1: no question in my mind she's gonna suck him, probably tonight. Okay,
Speaker 1: you say that you get into trouble with your decisions.
Speaker 1: What is it that becomes problematic? Do you get involved
Speaker 1: emotionally and these guys are just pieces of ship or what? No? No,
Speaker 1: I just I choose the most dramatic situations to be in.
Speaker 1: So there's more to this story than just the email
Speaker 1: that I sent you. Guys, well, can we get the
Speaker 1: cliffs notes? Not development? So I live in a very,
Speaker 1: very small town, so that's one of the problems. And
Speaker 1: this boy who I hooked up with his ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: happens to be my laser hair removal technician and she's
Speaker 1: that ship crazy. Okay, well, don't go back to her
Speaker 1: or you'll lose more than you wanted. I'm not I'm terrified.
Speaker 1: Does she know how many sessions have you done with
Speaker 1: the laser hair removal? Like five? That's plenty. You don't
Speaker 1: need to do anymore. I mean, honestly, I just yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and just go back for a touch up
Speaker 1: to someone else. Obviously. The other thing is I understand
Speaker 1: what you mean about being drawn to drama. I used
Speaker 1: to be like, how old are you? I seven? That's
Speaker 1: an age to be kind of a funk up. Sorry
Speaker 1: to say it, but that's like we're attracted to drama
Speaker 1: at that age because we're not fully an adult yet.
Speaker 1: You're really not an adult until you're in your thirties.
Speaker 1: But you shouldn't beat yourself up like I stand about
Speaker 1: making bad decisions. You don't want to piss your friends off,
Speaker 1: you don't want to piss your family off, or you
Speaker 1: don't want to do anything that's so unforgivable. So it's
Speaker 1: important to like check your behavior. But at the same time, like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but your twenties are for mistakes in bed,
Speaker 1: you know, and like it's kind of like a coming
Speaker 1: of age, really integral part of your life. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: as a woman, you shouldn't have to be validated by
Speaker 1: anyone else for your decisions. Like if you want to
Speaker 1: fox someone, you do it, And as long as you're
Speaker 1: not harming yourself or them physically or emotionally, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to answer to anyone about that. First of all,
Speaker 1: it's very personal. So even your friend he should have
Speaker 1: no voice in this. His opinion. Again, unless it's harming
Speaker 1: him physically or severely emotionally, you should be able to
Speaker 1: do what you want to do. I know, I just
Speaker 1: feel like every time I want to like, like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not like the type of person who's a home wrecord,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do anything awful like that. Just
Speaker 1: I feel like every time I go out and I
Speaker 1: find somebody that I'm like, I want to do with you,
Speaker 1: it's you. I'm trying view somebody has something to say
Speaker 1: about it, and I don't know why. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: It's always just like no, like you're going to ruin
Speaker 1: everything you're am I only supposed to bang like complete strangers,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not allowed to do it within like the
Speaker 1: friend group because it's such a small community. There are
Speaker 1: no strangers for me to go find, Like everybody knows everybody.
Speaker 1: So are you can I ask you a question, Yeah,
Speaker 1: as someone from a small town, do you make it
Speaker 1: dramatic afterwards? Because I know that sometimes that can happen.
Speaker 1: I don't that you go into it with like zero
Speaker 1: expectations and that you just want to fuck and that's fine,
Speaker 1: but then you get wrapped up in the drama. Yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes exactly, Like if you're prone to a lot of
Speaker 1: drama's usually because you like drama. I don't, I swear
Speaker 1: it's it's I think that the people that I surround
Speaker 1: myself with do maybe I feed off of that. Brandon,
Speaker 1: should she have some again? Can if he can keep
Speaker 1: his mouth shut, If he's respectful of you enough to
Speaker 1: where you want to keep this very casual and noncommittal,
Speaker 1: and he respects that and will not tell anyone, then you,
Speaker 1: guys should have a good time. You're twenty seven years
Speaker 1: old like this. It shouldn't be and everybody shouldn't be
Speaker 1: wanghing in who cares about his ex girlfriend who's a
Speaker 1: wax esthetician, Like she has nothing to do with your
Speaker 1: life at all. I mean they're not together, right, No,
Speaker 1: I'm just worried if she were to find out. But
Speaker 1: all your worry is what if? What if? What if?
Speaker 1: What if? Your friends are all worried about what if?
Speaker 1: What if? Nothing's happening, So stop sucking worrying. You're gonna
Speaker 1: make something happen, and you're gonna you're engaging the drama.
Speaker 1: You have to be like, hey, guys, I'm an adult.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven years old. If I want to have
Speaker 1: a little fun, I want to have a little fun.
Speaker 1: The other thing is if it's your friend's brother and
Speaker 1: your friends really sensitive, then you have to have a
Speaker 1: more adult conversation with your friend and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to ruin our friendship, but like
Speaker 1: that was a lot of fun. Like what's the problem?
Speaker 1: Can I have a casual relationship with your brother? Or
Speaker 1: is he worried that it will get serious and you'll
Speaker 1: get your heartbroken? Right? No, you're right, I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: that conversation with him. Well, also because he he's made
Speaker 1: like moves on my friends, So I'm like, why can
Speaker 1: you do it to mine? But I can't do it
Speaker 1: to yours? Exactly because men want control over everything. They're
Speaker 1: the fucking worst. Do not give in and don't answer
Speaker 1: to anyone. You should even be answering to us at
Speaker 1: this scenario. You need to go funk this guy. You
Speaker 1: need to get perspective. That's why wrong, I think. Listen,
Speaker 1: if you're in a small town, the drama probably is
Speaker 1: a lot bigger than what it is. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean, It seems a lot bigger than what it
Speaker 1: actually is. And so I would go with that and
Speaker 1: tell everybody just that you're you're not a little girl, like,
Speaker 1: You're gonna do what you want to do, and everyone
Speaker 1: can weigh in when you ask for their opinion. That's true,
Speaker 1: That's very true. I hope that it happens organically. If
Speaker 1: it does, and then it stays where it should be.
Speaker 1: But yeah, well, good luck to you into the city
Speaker 1: that you live in. Maybe I should just move. Maybe
Speaker 1: that that was gonna be my next suggestion. And when
Speaker 1: you're done with their move, when you've gone through all
Speaker 1: those in their move, Yeah, when you've gone through the
Speaker 1: enough guys in that town, fucking leave it and just
Speaker 1: go to a bigger city where you'll have options galore. Perfect.
Speaker 1: Hopefully by that time, I'll still have like the skin
Speaker 1: on my body after this woman lasers everything off. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not going back there, so don't worry. You'd rather
Speaker 1: deal with some extra hair on your beaver and then
Speaker 1: going back there, all right. By Jessica Have Fun by
Speaker 1: Jessica is one of those girls that is just fun
Speaker 1: to be around, and it's such an exploratory age. It's
Speaker 1: also like everyone takes themselves away too seriously and That's
Speaker 1: the only thing I think that's advice to listen to
Speaker 1: from like a really early age is to not take
Speaker 1: yourself so seriously because that is the biggest hurdle between
Speaker 1: people and they're fucking egos and the way that they're
Speaker 1: perceived and the way that they're coming across and the
Speaker 1: way that they're presenting themselves is ego. It's all about
Speaker 1: this like six cycle. So it's like step one, don't
Speaker 1: take yourself too seriously. Okay, you go to the bathroom too.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've stayed some underwear. Okay, Well, this is
Speaker 1: a golden opportunity for us to get my breath the
Speaker 1: Roy on the phone. So we're gonna call Roy and
Speaker 1: he doesn't know what's happening, because you know, what's the
Speaker 1: point of explaining it. I can't wait to see him
Speaker 1: to reiterate he's not asking her advice, but you know
Speaker 1: this is going to be unsolicited advice and we just
Speaker 1: need to get yes. Thank you, Hi Roy boy? Are
Speaker 1: you guys doing Hi? Roy? Roy? Your camera screen is
Speaker 1: so clean? Sorry, can you wipe it with something? It's
Speaker 1: like very opaque where you are. Actually, I would love
Speaker 1: for that filter to be on us because he looks
Speaker 1: just very smooth. Okay, so I'm gonna showing his house.
Speaker 1: I can go upstairs and do the wipe it down
Speaker 1: if you need me to wipe it down. But my
Speaker 1: internet went out, so that's why I'm over here. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: does she have a computer cloth? Maybe I'd like to
Speaker 1: see you a little bit more crisply. Okay, okay, great,
Speaker 1: I'll give him some background. Okay, up Roy is a
Speaker 1: hot mass of our family. He's kind of like, you know,
Speaker 1: the baby of the family, even though he's the oldest.
Speaker 1: So we sent him once about to call a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago to get his life sorted out. He
Speaker 1: went to live on an island and pull out. My
Speaker 1: sister got him a job. Somebody she went to law
Speaker 1: school with owns a resort. So he's a chef, and
Speaker 1: he went to pull out. He lived here for a
Speaker 1: few years and kind of you right with me, and
Speaker 1: it was you know, it turns it got pretty hectic,
Speaker 1: you know, irresponsibility, having girls at the house who were
Speaker 1: asking for pictures in my kitchen at seven am in
Speaker 1: the morning. Things like that kept happening. So anyway, so
Speaker 1: we were like, okay, Roy, he went to Palu, this
Speaker 1: little island off the coast of Indonesia and Singapore, maybe,
Speaker 1: and he has been living there for the last I
Speaker 1: have no sense of time, So it could have been
Speaker 1: four years. It could have been three years. It could
Speaker 1: have been six months. We'll find out when he gets back. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he came home. He's done with that job, he's over it.
Speaker 1: He came back to live in New Jersey. He lives
Speaker 1: across the street from my sister Shawna, and he got
Speaker 1: a job. But he's got a wife now who's in
Speaker 1: the Philippines that he supports, and she has two children. Roy,
Speaker 1: hold on one second, I mean, wipe your face. Hold on,
Speaker 1: I heard everything he said. Perfect. Roy doesn't want advice
Speaker 1: from his family members, right, Is that correct? Roy? I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say that. I mean, advice is good, but you've
Speaker 1: just got to take everything with the grain of salt.
Speaker 1: Some people know what they're talking about. Some people know
Speaker 1: what they're Did you shave half of your mustache today? No?
Speaker 1: Why one half looks shaved and one side doesn't. But
Speaker 1: that's at least you're I think it's just the shadow
Speaker 1: on it. Okay, it's probably just the reflection anyway, Great,
Speaker 1: job cleaning it up. We still can't see you, Roy,
Speaker 1: Can you give Brandon the rundown you left for when
Speaker 1: I left for Palau in two fifteen after I left
Speaker 1: l A. Okay, Mom got me the job in Plow.
Speaker 1: She has a friend who she went to school with
Speaker 1: an Emory, and they own a restaurant Plow. So they
Speaker 1: asked me to go there for three weeks and I
Speaker 1: went there for four or five years and got married.
Speaker 1: I did not get married. We are not married yet. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well that's good to know you. I thought you were married. No,
Speaker 1: we have to get married because I'm not allowed into
Speaker 1: the Philippines with the virus thing unless I was. If
Speaker 1: I was married, i'd be able to get in, but
Speaker 1: I'm not married, so I'm not able to get in. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you're thinking about getting married just to get in
Speaker 1: because of COVID. Yeah, because that's a big mistake. Now
Speaker 1: I can't see I haven't seen her in eighteen months.
Speaker 1: So and the last time he didn't see her for
Speaker 1: a period of time, Right, she had a baby with
Speaker 1: someone else, right, that's correct. Yeah, but that was before
Speaker 1: that was before we started going out. Okay, So explain
Speaker 1: the dynamic with you and your wife? Are you are
Speaker 1: you engaged? I was in I was working in Palau.
Speaker 1: There's not much to do in Palau, so we go
Speaker 1: to karaoke bars a lot. So there's waitresses who entertained
Speaker 1: the customers in the karaoke bars. And I met her
Speaker 1: and I went in there. Almost right, I'm gonna interject
Speaker 1: with some question since as you set this up, when
Speaker 1: you say entertained, do you mean like entertain or sing
Speaker 1: at karaoke? And they sing, They do a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff they do, you know, favors and like that. But
Speaker 1: it depends. I'm still super clear if I keep going.
Speaker 1: I told you this is a tricky cave. It depends
Speaker 1: on the girl. She was a sweet and I liked her,
Speaker 1: and I walked into the bar. The first time I
Speaker 1: met her, she was sitting down behind the bar. There
Speaker 1: was no customers in the bar, and I sat down.
Speaker 1: I wandered to drink, and she was she had her
Speaker 1: head down and she was just behind the bar in
Speaker 1: a chair and she didn't say anything to me. And
Speaker 1: for like ten minutes and I'm sitting there, I'm like,
Speaker 1: So I grabbed a piece of popcorn and then threw
Speaker 1: it out her head and then she looked up and
Speaker 1: she slipped up and she smiled at me. And that
Speaker 1: was that was it, That was the start, that was
Speaker 1: the fire that lit the candle. I met her at
Speaker 1: the karaoke bar. We went out for a couple of times,
Speaker 1: and then she wanted she wanted me to be boyfriend
Speaker 1: and girlfriend with her, and I'm like, if you're working here,
Speaker 1: I can't be boyfriend and girlfriend with you because I
Speaker 1: don't like going out with the guys. We didn't know
Speaker 1: what she was going to get up to, right, and
Speaker 1: she said, okay, that's it and no more, no more
Speaker 1: for you, and she went out with another guy and
Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and then she went back to the Philippines.
Speaker 1: So we didn't talk for like six months. And then
Speaker 1: six months later I called her, see what's up? And
Speaker 1: she had a baby and she was in six months.
Speaker 1: She's an easy bake oven. How did she have a baby?
Speaker 1: Pinots are very right, they're very there. So they only
Speaker 1: have six months pregnancies. Okay, Well you don't believe in
Speaker 1: birth control, okay. And so the other guy was just
Speaker 1: to clarify. The other guy was a customer, was a
Speaker 1: karaoke bar, yeah, okay, So he was a customer at
Speaker 1: the karaoke bar that she had a baby with, and
Speaker 1: that you're now the father too, correct, that's correct. I
Speaker 1: am the stepfather of two of them. Yeah okay, okay, Well,
Speaker 1: but you're not the stepfather, Roy, because you're not married.
Speaker 1: That's true. But I am the step step what you
Speaker 1: call it, whatever it is. You're a father figure, that boyfriend,
Speaker 1: the acting paternal figure in their life. Yes, okay. So
Speaker 1: are you formally engaged to this woman. No, I'm not
Speaker 1: formally engaged. Nothing with Roy is formal. Okay. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: so Roy told me this story. Obviously over the summer
Speaker 1: we got to see each other, and I thought, you
Speaker 1: know what, good for you? He told me how he
Speaker 1: met her, the karaoke bar story, and you know, years
Speaker 1: ago I would have really laid into him and been like,
Speaker 1: what are you thinking? But I want him to be happy,
Speaker 1: and he makes her happy. So who gives a ship?
Speaker 1: What the funk she does? And I'm sick of judging
Speaker 1: women for doing stuff anyway, Well that's all we want.
Speaker 1: So we're laughing. But you're happy. I'm very happy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wish she could be here, you know, or I
Speaker 1: could be in the Philippines instead of this long distance stuff.
Speaker 1: But that leads me to my next question, what is
Speaker 1: the plan? Would she move here? How serious is this
Speaker 1: if she's still gallivanting alone through the Philippine with her
Speaker 1: two kids. Don't say gavanting, Brandon, Brandon, what Brandon, that's
Speaker 1: very You're now being judging. No I'm gallivanting. No, no, No,
Speaker 1: that's judgment. She's first of all, when I was in
Speaker 1: I built a house, or I didn't build it. Her
Speaker 1: father built a house in the Philippines, a simple, small house.
Speaker 1: It was bucks And they live in the house now
Speaker 1: with their parents and their sisters and all that. So
Speaker 1: there's like nine people in the house. So she's not
Speaker 1: She takes care of the two kids. She's very loyal.
Speaker 1: She's a sweet girl. She reminds me a lot of mom, Like,
Speaker 1: she's super super super sweet. Does everything. She doesn't go out,
Speaker 1: She doesn't go about drinking or anything like that. You know,
Speaker 1: she does when I go there just to have fun.
Speaker 1: But when I'm not there, she doesn't do that. She's
Speaker 1: very um experiened. So could she move to the US,
Speaker 1: could you guys form a real life together? Yeah, she
Speaker 1: can move, but we have to get her visa thing done,
Speaker 1: which is working, but it's not ready yet. She's only
Speaker 1: been to Pullow, so she's only allowed to go to
Speaker 1: like three countries and one of them is Pullow. And
Speaker 1: I think she's allowed to go to Japan and Vietnam,
Speaker 1: but she's not allowed to come to the US. And
Speaker 1: so how does it work when if you were to
Speaker 1: meet someone, would you have to marry her there to
Speaker 1: bring her back? How would the marriage work in terms
Speaker 1: of getting her here? You better off to marry here
Speaker 1: and then we can work it out in the Philippines.
Speaker 1: And once you get married, that's it. There's no divorce
Speaker 1: in the Philippines. Well, that's not gonna work out, more
Speaker 1: recognizable if you get a US marriage rather than can
Speaker 1: she not come to the US with the kids just
Speaker 1: to get me married? And she can come like an
Speaker 1: F like Glenn's like Olga did on an F third
Speaker 1: F H one N one. I'm not sure. I think
Speaker 1: that's the bird flu. Actually we did that, so but
Speaker 1: that was years ago. So exchange true. Yeah, I bet
Speaker 1: you would be easier to bring her over here, marry
Speaker 1: her in the States, and then she becomes a US
Speaker 1: citizen by way of marriage. I think I can get
Speaker 1: us three months thing where she's here for ninety days
Speaker 1: and get married and then at all. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: so she would come over with the kids. No, she
Speaker 1: would come over by herself, get married, then go back.
Speaker 1: Uh huh Okay, Well, normally I would step in and
Speaker 1: do all this stuff for him, but I have a
Speaker 1: handsoff approach now to my family. Let them figure it
Speaker 1: out and if they need me to lask right personally,
Speaker 1: I hope that it works. I hope that she's able
Speaker 1: to come over. I hope that you guys can start
Speaker 1: your life together, because what you're doing now is no life.
Speaker 1: Like there's no talking about a well, Roy, you have
Speaker 1: a life, but you want a life with your wife
Speaker 1: and your kids. And what the longestance in eighteen month intervals.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's no way to build a relationship. And
Speaker 1: no matter how long you're together, I mean, relationships are
Speaker 1: constant work. And so we laugh about it. All we
Speaker 1: want in life is for people that we love to
Speaker 1: be happy. Yeah, my brother to be happy, and she
Speaker 1: makes him happy. So we have to figure out. Roy,
Speaker 1: you have to put all your efforts towards getting her
Speaker 1: over here with the visa and getting that ship sorted out. No,
Speaker 1: but yeah, yeah, this is a person who didn't have
Speaker 1: health insurance. Now he does well, yeah, but not because
Speaker 1: of himself. So if he has to take the initiative,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of me taking the initiative. Is Shawna
Speaker 1: there with you, Roy, Shanna, we're gonna share about that's fun.
Speaker 1: Do you and your fiance what's her name again? Maurice
Speaker 1: M A R I Z Marie. Do you guys have
Speaker 1: phone sex? We do not have phone sex. We joke
Speaker 1: about it, but we don't. We don't. There's no penetration.
Speaker 1: Thanks for clarifying that. Roy wouldn't be right because it's
Speaker 1: phone sex. No, well, right, so I don't even know
Speaker 1: what he's talking about. But anyway, I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: what is the moral of this story? I wanted you
Speaker 1: to weigh in for him that it was an outside list.
Speaker 1: I honestly think that as long as Royce happy, healthy
Speaker 1: and yes, health insurance, So check those two boxes, that
Speaker 1: she's happy and healthy, and that there's consistent communication about
Speaker 1: moving forward like that's the one thing I wouldn't want
Speaker 1: either of you to get too comfortable in the dynamic
Speaker 1: that you're currently in to where nothing changes, because again
Speaker 1: that's not a real relationship in terms of the process
Speaker 1: of building a life together. So as long as there's
Speaker 1: a movement on getting her here or getting you there,
Speaker 1: I think you keep doing it right. The thing is,
Speaker 1: with the COVID everything everything slowed down, so I'm not
Speaker 1: even allowed into the Philippines. Only Filipinos are allowed into
Speaker 1: the Philippines, so it's tough to get in and now,
Speaker 1: but I think you should focus Roy on bringing her
Speaker 1: to America because anyone can travel into America, you can
Speaker 1: get her here, So focus your energy on getting the
Speaker 1: visa that's appropriate for that for her. Okay, Well that
Speaker 1: was anticlimactic and I well it's still in process, so
Speaker 1: you really need to keep us posted, Roy, I would
Speaker 1: like actual updates on what's going on. Okay, what is
Speaker 1: the name of the podcast? By the way, it's called
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea where people call in and ask advice questions
Speaker 1: to Brandon and me. And we're a couple's counseling team.
Speaker 1: So if you need any help with Maurice when she
Speaker 1: gets to town, you know who to call, are you guys,
Speaker 1: specially in couples counseling? Well, we're of the couple, but
Speaker 1: we also specialize in other couples, so it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1: You could be single or a couple, or a threesome
Speaker 1: or a throuble and we're here. We handle all day. Amax.
Speaker 1: Well congratulations, Well, congratulations do you. Roy? Looks like you
Speaker 1: got yourself a bride and it's going to happen any
Speaker 1: day now. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Well, I
Speaker 1: can't wait to make a toast any wedding. Yeah, we will,
Speaker 1: don't worry, Okay, love you by Roy. You. I love
Speaker 1: every one of your family members because they all bring
Speaker 1: something to the table, like something. Here's the thing, though,
Speaker 1: you dealt with Roy's health insurance, so you know what
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with. With him getting a visa for his
Speaker 1: potential wife isn't going to happen. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: want to say that because I want to believe in
Speaker 1: my brother, but I just know his habits. But it
Speaker 1: will speak so highly of Roy if it does get done,
Speaker 1: because it means like that was something worse. Will be
Speaker 1: attracted to Roy if you could that. You don't have
Speaker 1: many other male prospects right now, so maybe you can
Speaker 1: get with your brother. I'll get him to break up
Speaker 1: with his fiance so I can date him. That sounds
Speaker 1: like a Lifetime of old movie. You know who has
Speaker 1: a great podcast about Lifetime original movies, Sarah Colonna. Is
Speaker 1: it about lifetime marginal only about life? She and her
Speaker 1: friend it's really funny. Well, I'd like to pitch you
Speaker 1: a project right now then, because I would love to
Speaker 1: write a Lifetime original movie called Murders in the Midwest,
Speaker 1: And it's all about this guy in my hometown who
Speaker 1: was embezzling grant money that was supposed to go to
Speaker 1: Native American students to go to college. He was embezzling it,
Speaker 1: and everyone in town knew what was going on. And
Speaker 1: he lived in a small, timillion dollar mansion. He built
Speaker 1: a gymnastics studio. No one in town does gymnastics, small
Speaker 1: town of people, and when it could have been who knows.
Speaker 1: So turns out the state found out what he was doing.
Speaker 1: He went to a meeting where they basically said, like, hey,
Speaker 1: we've backtracked all the logs, we know what's going on.
Speaker 1: He went home, he hit a safe, told his son's
Speaker 1: girlfriend that if anything happened to them, like you know,
Speaker 1: she needed to find the safe and killed his entire
Speaker 1: family that night, burned the house down with everyone in it. Yeah. God,
Speaker 1: that sounds like a Lifetime original movie. Totally totally hort
Speaker 1: phonic company. In Contact with Someone, Well, that's a really
Speaker 1: our lifetime movie is based on real A lot of
Speaker 1: them are. My favorite is this seem like they are. Well,
Speaker 1: my favorite Lifetime Original movie is this one called She's
Speaker 1: Too Young, and it's about this girl who everyone in
Speaker 1: high school is having sex and she gets Syphliss and
Speaker 1: her mom is Marcia Gay Harden, who I fucking have
Speaker 1: a love hate relationship with. Sometimes she's on screen and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, like you're like the modern
Speaker 1: day Stoker Channing. And then other times I'm like, please,
Speaker 1: where is Dr Channing? She's another fucking awesome person. Gay's
Speaker 1: love Stoker Channing and Sally Field. Yeah, yeah, and Francis McDorman.
Speaker 1: Stoker Channing reminds me a little bit of Francis McDorman.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure why. Probably because of that no bullshit attitude.
Speaker 1: It's hot. It's hot. It's hot when people have confidence, right,
Speaker 1: No soccer Channing was a good fucking time back in
Speaker 1: the day. Oh yeah, can you imagine they would have.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they are still alive because if they
Speaker 1: did hang out, I don't know how they made it
Speaker 1: out of that. That would have been a lot of quayludes, right,
Speaker 1: But if survive that period of time. That's why I'm
Speaker 1: still alive for surviving my period of time, which can
Speaker 1: you imagine if I had been alive during the sixties
Speaker 1: or the seventies. Seventies, They mean, they gave you permission
Speaker 1: to behave bad right, thank you ladies. Oh man, Roy
Speaker 1: has a lot to digest after that. Zoom. I think
Speaker 1: he got more than he intended. Well, yeah, he gets, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's that's true. But he enjoys it and he's always
Speaker 1: a good sport about it. I love my brother Roy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he really took that in stride. Yeah, And I also,
Speaker 1: you know, like I do want him to just be happy.
Speaker 1: So you know, who's anyone to tell anyone who to
Speaker 1: be with. It's like we are the last generation. Well
Speaker 1: I am, sweetheart, I'm the last generation of anyone that
Speaker 1: will ever have to learn to accept other people's choices.
Speaker 1: But you like, in terms of transgender and gay and
Speaker 1: bisexual and binary and non binary and and learning all
Speaker 1: these things like no one will ever have to learn
Speaker 1: this again. I mean, but it is a learning process
Speaker 1: for a prolonged amount of time. So like you will
Speaker 1: make mistakes, you will have to readdres us it and
Speaker 1: it's again you have to give people kind of the
Speaker 1: leeway and ability to make a mistake and still move forward.
Speaker 1: So who knows who you'll end up with? I keep
Speaker 1: telling you, and I will stand by this. I would
Speaker 1: like you to be a late life lesbian. Well that's
Speaker 1: your desire, Brandon, I know. All right, Well, let's take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll come back to that. And
Speaker 1: our last emission is really going to thrill you. Oh,
Speaker 1: thrilled me, thrill you. We'll see about that. I know
Speaker 1: how much you love an affair in that type of
Speaker 1: interaction assessment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like to hear about
Speaker 1: these types of things. Our last emission is about an affair. Okay,
Speaker 1: they right, Dear Chelsea. I'm twenty one years old, living
Speaker 1: at home for the next two years to finish my
Speaker 1: degree over quarantine. I found out that my dad is
Speaker 1: having an affair. I was preparing to tell my mom
Speaker 1: when my sister told me that my mom was also
Speaker 1: cheating on my dad with our neighbor who is also married. Right,
Speaker 1: so there are a lot of cheating spouses in the scenario. Okay, wow,
Speaker 1: this is like desperate. How's why? This is like days
Speaker 1: of our lives? Like Sam through the hourglass. This is
Speaker 1: exciting stuff. Okay, we were planning on telling our mom
Speaker 1: about the affair, but decided against it after her cheating
Speaker 1: was discovered. My sister is older and has since moved out.
Speaker 1: But I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed. He lies every day
Speaker 1: that he works late, but I know he's at his
Speaker 1: mistress's house. I know that because I broke into his
Speaker 1: phone to share his location with me. As far as
Speaker 1: I know, my mom's affairs over now, but it has
Speaker 1: been on and off for ten years. There are a
Speaker 1: lot of complexities here. My father's affair has been going
Speaker 1: on for years too. I had a seemingly normal and
Speaker 1: healthy family before I found out about everything, and it
Speaker 1: makes me sad that I can't completely open up to
Speaker 1: my mom. My dad is trashed for other reasons, but
Speaker 1: my mom is an amazing person and mother. I'm planning
Speaker 1: to live with them for the next two years. Should
Speaker 1: I just avoid my dad and stick it out? Or
Speaker 1: is living here not worth the trauma? This is I
Speaker 1: have some thoughts on this. What are your thoughts? Why
Speaker 1: don't you take it? Why don't you go first? Well,
Speaker 1: I just, first of all, I think that relationships and
Speaker 1: marriages are much more complex than we are prepared to
Speaker 1: understand from a young age. So you have this idea
Speaker 1: and this archetype of what your family life should look like,
Speaker 1: what your parents how they should interact with each other
Speaker 1: and the outside world. But a lot of times our
Speaker 1: expectations are not going to be met because of these complexities.
Speaker 1: Like maybe they have an agreement in place. You don't
Speaker 1: know the interworkings of your parents marriage. So I think
Speaker 1: you need to give both of them a little bit
Speaker 1: more compassion in this because you don't know why they're
Speaker 1: still together, like if they're still love there. I think
Speaker 1: that there are a lot of elements to any affair.
Speaker 1: There are extenuating circumstances on both sides. I would say,
Speaker 1: what do you think, Well, I would give your parents
Speaker 1: a little bit more wiggle room. You just said, like
Speaker 1: you judge, you have such hatred, You're so angry, You're
Speaker 1: so angry, Like why you don't know what their arrangement
Speaker 1: is you don't know what they've been through together, You
Speaker 1: don't know the nuances between their relationship. They might just
Speaker 1: be hiding it from you and not each other. But
Speaker 1: I do think it's an opportunity, if you really care
Speaker 1: about the well being and health of your family, like
Speaker 1: to sit down and actually have an open conversation with
Speaker 1: both of them altogether, like a family meeting, Like you
Speaker 1: and your sister have all the information you need to
Speaker 1: know that you're living in a dysfunctional house or it
Speaker 1: could feel dysfunctional. It might not be, but it sounds
Speaker 1: like it is dysfunctional and confronting both of your parents,
Speaker 1: and like, why not do that? You know, that's a
Speaker 1: good way to participate in this, because yeah, if you
Speaker 1: stay there and you don't address the situation head on,
Speaker 1: I think you're going to get very very angry and
Speaker 1: very resentful, and then that's just going to cause more
Speaker 1: and more drama. I think you could also, though, potentially,
Speaker 1: just start investing some energy and time into your parents
Speaker 1: separately to kind of figure out where they're at in life.
Speaker 1: You know, if your parents are both happy separately, how
Speaker 1: they're feeling in these situations. I think as you get older,
Speaker 1: you have to remove yourself from that parent child relationship.
Speaker 1: And if you're really curious about something like this, you know,
Speaker 1: have in depth conversations. Maybe present it to your parents
Speaker 1: as if you're going through something similar, see what their
Speaker 1: take is on it. That you're dating someone or I
Speaker 1: don't know, you know what you really have going on,
Speaker 1: but you're dating someone and they wanted to cheat on
Speaker 1: their spouse or their part there with you, And I
Speaker 1: think that there are ways to kind of get answers
Speaker 1: before addressing it with them, to get a sense of
Speaker 1: kind of where they're at. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely don't
Speaker 1: think you can just stay there and not saying anything.
Speaker 1: And I think you have to look at saying something
Speaker 1: as an investment into your like families future. You know,
Speaker 1: this could be a huge turning point for all of
Speaker 1: you guys, or they could get divorced and decide that
Speaker 1: they are not You know that they were staying together
Speaker 1: for the children and now that both of you guys know,
Speaker 1: it's no longer a healthy relationship, which is also a
Speaker 1: healthy decision. You know, if they were staying together for you,
Speaker 1: like to let them know, Hey, guys, we both know
Speaker 1: that you're both having sex with other people, so you know,
Speaker 1: like the party's over, well not parties over, but like
Speaker 1: pressure is off. Maybe just like the illusion is gone.
Speaker 1: We're not under some illusion that you're in a happy marriage,
Speaker 1: So why are you together and what are we doing
Speaker 1: as a family. I think that's totally reasonable and actually
Speaker 1: really responsible, and I would be really proud of myself
Speaker 1: if I had done something like that with my family.
Speaker 1: I mean, my parents weren't having sex with other people,
Speaker 1: but well maybe they were, who knows exactly. I hope
Speaker 1: they were. Well I hope my mother was anyway, because
Speaker 1: if she had sex only with my father that would
Speaker 1: be sad. Well, let us know what's going on. Please
Speaker 1: give us an update on if you do have a
Speaker 1: conversation with them, if you find anything else out. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is pretty fucking juicy, so I don't want to
Speaker 1: lose track of this story. Yeah, I know, this is
Speaker 1: probably one of the juiciest stories we've had so far,
Speaker 1: so please keep in touch. I would also like to
Speaker 1: encourage our listeners who have a fair problems or aware
Speaker 1: of affairs that are happening, or in an affair or
Speaker 1: having relationship problems with their partner, like you can call
Speaker 1: in together, you can write in together if you want
Speaker 1: to receive our counseling as a couple. I'm very good
Speaker 1: at that too, and I think you think you probably
Speaker 1: are good at that too. Write it could be I've
Speaker 1: not tested it out yet, but I have. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: done some couples counseling indirectly. But like you know, if
Speaker 1: you have a friendship that's in trauma, or you have
Speaker 1: a relationship that you know is in trouble, and you
Speaker 1: can get someone to agree to do it with you,
Speaker 1: we won't show your face unless you're comfortable with that.
Speaker 1: We don't have to do that. It can just be
Speaker 1: a phone call, it could be a private zoom, but
Speaker 1: just so you know, we're open to that. I think
Speaker 1: that's where I thrive, sweetheart. I think that is where
Speaker 1: we thrive to. Actually, well, that's a wrap on this,
Speaker 1: so I don't know if there was a better way
Speaker 1: to go out. Wow, Okay, well shitsky doodle on that one.
Speaker 1: Um by Brandon. If you want any assistance with your partner,
Speaker 1: your best friend, really anything, you can write into Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com, Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and just for you know, all the
Speaker 1: listeners who are listening to this episode today, just take
Speaker 1: some solace in the fact that Roy will not be
Speaker 1: giving you the advice I will, and Brandon will