WEBVTT - Related feat. Roy Handler 0:00:00.000 --> 0:00:02.040 I do have some very exciting news that I will 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:05.560 be playing the Santa Barbara Bowl. Everybody didn't I say 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:07.600 that like a radio announcer. I think I just did. 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:11.760 I will be at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one, 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:16.239 and pre sale tickets go on sale today from ten am. 0:00:16.360 --> 0:00:18.840 I said that like a radio host, to ten AM 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:22.120 two ten pm. And the pre sale code is Chelsea 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:26.040 s B for Santa Barbara. Chelsea s B for Santa Barbara. 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:28.600 So get your tickets to that, and then if you 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:32.480 can't do that, come to the Mirage on July. Santa 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:35.479 Barbara Bowl August one, and then there's a San Diego 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.720 date somewhere in their humphreeze. You know where you usually 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.040 get your podcast slash tickets, Live Nation dot com, Chelsea 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:45.320 Handler dot com, ticket Master, any of those places. So 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.840 I will see you all this summer. Okay, Well, welcome 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.160 to our show today. I'm very excited about today's topic 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:55.000 of conversation because our theme today is siblings, and we 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.240 have one of my brothers calling in which I cannot 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:00.760 wait for you to hear. I'm very excited for that. Yes, 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:05.600 I love sibling dynamics. You have siblings as well, and yes, 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:08.680 I come from a family of six, and there's always 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:11.800 one that's a big hot mess. Well, or it could 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:13.840 be your parents, right, one out of all of them. 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:17.200 And then sometimes some families have multiple hot nurses. I 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.880 heard an interesting theory the other day. My sister was 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:24.040 telling me about there is scientific data to show that 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:26.800 when you have two children of the same sex, the 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:30.880 third child, your body biologically wants to produce one of 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.919 the opposite sex. So that's why the third is always 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:36.759 a tomboy. If she has two older brothers, or if 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:39.120 it's a younger boy, why he may be more feminine 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:43.160 than his brothers because your body theoretically is preparing for 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.520 the opposite sex. And I said, are there studies on that? 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:51.120 And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, like it's in the ziteguys. 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.720 My family on my dad's side, all of the men 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.680 had one son followed by two daughters. All of the 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:01.920 siblings same pattern. That's strange, like sort biology is that, Yeah, 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.000 it does make sense that your body would try to prepare. 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:06.639 Like you know, a lot of people have three boys 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:08.280 and then they go for another one, you know, and 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.800 then they get the girl. Or some people have three 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.720 they're waiting for the girl, and they're pissed. I remember 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:15.680 my friend was so pissed when she found out she 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.919 was having a baby boy, and I was like, oh 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:21.360 my god, that is so terrible. Like and then of 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:24.360 course you have them and you love them, and you 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:28.160 can't even imagine it being any other child, boy, girl, 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:32.080 you know whatever. My sister she had three boys and 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:34.760 she was so desperate for a girl, and luckily she 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:36.079 got it on the fourth tribe. But then there was 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:38.960 another family right in town that woman has had. I 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:42.000 think it's ten or eleven children, always trying for a girl, 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:48.240 all boys so icky, ten or eleven berths out. They 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.520 have to drive a passenger van. Just to put things 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.840 into a very clear picture for you, what it looks 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.320 like to put her stomach in there. That's where the 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.720 passenger van has to go. She's probably spent more time 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:00.959 pregnan than she has, not that a doubt. Yeah, that's 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.519 so much. It's so unfair what women have to go through. 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:05.760 It really is. I can't wait until we can figure 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.680 out away from men to have babies, you know, let 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:11.760 them do it all, let them take that over. The 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.320 closest thing I could come to talking about or relating 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:17.600 to children is you know, obviously my own experience with parenting, 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:22.919 which is Bernie's Tammy and Chunk and Gary wherever he 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.519 may be. Gary, in case people don't know, Gary was 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:27.400 a dog that you had for a short period of time. 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:30.000 It was a Bernie's Mountain dog that you really wanted 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:32.760 and then you got and did he run away? He 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.680 was my only non rescue dog. And yeah, supposedly he 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:40.320 ran away, but that is hard to believe but also believable. 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.920 I don't know what happened. What happened really, and I 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:46.320 won't ever buy a dog again, first of all, because 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.920 we just did not mash you know, rescue dogs. There's 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:51.600 a purpose in it. It feels so purposeful. You know, 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:53.560 you can't just love a breed so well. You can, 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:55.480 but I don't want to just love a breed so 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:59.200 much and get that breed only then then then that's favoritism. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.360 And I want my ldren all to feel equally. But 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.200 I have to tell you that Bert is my favorite 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:06.119 because of his body. I try to give Bernice the attention, 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:08.360 you know, to make up for the attention I give Bert, 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:10.320 but she's just not as receptive. And it's just not 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.640 the same thing as an independent woman. And she knows 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:15.240 that he's the favorite, and she has an attitude and 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:18.799 I get it. I like boy dogs, I think better 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.120 than girl dogs because of the two girl dogs I've 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:25.560 had have been very distant and the Tammy and Bernice 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.480 both had very similar personalities and that maybe because they 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:31.480 were part chow or they are. See and I don't 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:33.960 like a boy dog. I mean, I love any animal, 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:35.839 but I do not like to see. Well. Bert doesn't 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.000 like you, I know, and I'm the one who went 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.800 and rescued him. So I don't know how that happened 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:45.880 that Ben Bruno and I rescued him. Origin the o 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:49.000 G rescue was Ben Bruno and me, So technically Ben 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:53.840 Bruno is their father, no wonder he hates Ben Bruno, Yeah, right, exactly. 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:55.640 Bert doesn't really like men. I don't know where he 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:58.200 gets that from. Well, and speaking of sibling dynamics, that 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:01.200 is Burton Bernice. They are their sister. They are from 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:04.919 the same amniotic sack everybody. They came from the same litter. 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.679 Bert and Bernice. Yes, and those were their birth names. 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:10.520 Just so you know, I didn't even name them that 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:13.599 that was just good fortune on my end. So when 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:15.800 he rounded that, I'll never forget the day that Burt 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:18.039 rounded the corner and I saw his ass before I 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.680 saw his face because it was bigger and it was 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:24.120 it was like an elephant coming towards me slowly. That 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.680 was furry, and I couldn't believe it. I was like, 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:30.359 holy fuck, this is my day. All right. Well, we 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.680 have a lot to get into in regards to siblings, 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:34.360 so don't we take a quick break. We'll come back. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:36.839 I love using Bert and Bernice as a jumping off 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:43.760 point for siblings. They are the dynamic duo. We'll be back. Well, 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:48.560 our first emission comes from Hallie. Hi, Chelsea, my name 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.200 is Hallie and I live in Boise, Idaho. I've been 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:53.880 a fan for such a long time, and I know 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:57.120 you have a really good relationship with your siblings, So 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.960 I was wondering, how do you keep that relationship with 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:04.440 them so strong because my relationship with my siblings is 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.560 not the greatest. Well, I would just say, listen, I 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.600 know sibling dynamics can be very very challenging and difficult 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:13.159 and complicated because there's a lot of like injury that 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:16.120 nobody even knows about, Like people aren't even addressing it. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.000 So you're like holding grudges from a million different things 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.920 that happened in your childhood. And I would just say 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:25.120 to exercise a good communication with them, like just keep 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:28.200 in touch, even if you're not necessarily getting what you 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:32.279 want back in that relationship, just keep the dialogue going 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.240 because people ebb and flow and go through things where 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.240 they'll need your support or you'll need theirs, And because 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.320 that line of communication is already open, you'll be able 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.680 to lean on each other in those times, which will 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.719 bring you closer. And you know, you can just be 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:50.640 consistent in your communication and that usually will help cultivate 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:54.080 a better, stronger relationship. You know, as long as you're 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:57.640 constantly communicating. So and think of being the bigger person 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.640 and being like, you know, I'm just gonna put myself 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.159 out there and let them know this line of communication 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:04.920 is open. What do you think I was gonna say 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:07.200 the exact same thing. Consistent communication. And the thing I 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:11.440 found with my siblings is finding ways that they prefer 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.960 to communicate. So my one sister, she likes to FaceTime. 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.120 My other sister is much more of a texter. My 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.240 other sister prefers a call like right when she gets 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.160 to work in the morning. So again like kind of 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:24.600 finding the tempo and ways to communicate based on preference 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.040 or where you know that you'll be able to have 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:29.760 an in depth conversation and taking the time to really ask, 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.640 you know, thoughtful questions, not just how how's your day going, 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:34.160 you know, like how are the kids, what are they doing, 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.360 what are they learning in school? Ship I don't really 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:39.000 care about, per se, but that she does care about 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:40.720 because you know, when they have kids, that's where all 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.640 of their energies going. So yeah, I think you just 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:47.120 have to make consistent communication a priority. Yeah, I think 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.840 that's pretty obvious. So there you go. Problem solved. Tale 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:52.640 The next one we do have on the line. Her 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.520 name is Andrea. She's from Ontario. She's in her thirties, 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.600 and she writes, Dear Chelsea, this is literally the biggest 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.240 decision of my life. My sister, who has Down syndrome, 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:05.400 was visiting me at the end of February. So just 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:09.440 for context, remember the beginning of the pandemic, so February, 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:11.520 because we had a grant to make a little film 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.239 about her. Then everything blew up in the week. Trip 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.120 has surpassed a year our mom passed away from brain 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:20.360 cancer eight years ago, and Adele, my sister, moved into 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:22.600 her own apartment in a group home, but due to 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:26.480 the pandemic, all of her programs in Ontario have been canceled. 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.880 I kept her with me and enrolled her in Whistler 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.600 Adaptive and now she doesn't want to leave. Every day 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.520 I ask myself, how can I live with this little 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:36.960 lady for the rest of my life? But also how 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:38.680 can I not live with her for the rest of 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:41.439 my life. I like to move freely through the world, 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.280 and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.480 how I'm supposed to do that. I know family is 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:51.360 very important to you. What do you think, Andrea, Hi, Andrea, Hello. 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.920 That sounds like yeah, that is a big life decision totally. 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:57.079 So what's the status Like if you can have your 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:00.360 sister what's her name, if you can have a dell 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.760 live with you, is there a way for you to 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:06.840 continue to have some help with that? Yeah? For sure. 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:09.400 Like I have a big community where from Ontario though, 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:12.880 so our whole, like my entire extended family is in 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:14.959 Ontario and then here it's just the two of us. 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:17.920 And with the program that she's in. Are they able 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:21.120 to help in any way for like vacation care or 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.240 if you wanted to get out and go do something. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.720 I imagine it's kind of all day every day, But 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:27.320 for the times you wanted to get out and go 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:29.480 do something, what is the restriction on your life with 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.920 her being there with you? Um, that part's okay, Like 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:35.280 she's she's pretty high functioning, Like I can leave her 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.360 and two days ago I left her for twelve hours, 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.719 Like as long as she has food, she's good. I 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:44.880 guess it's just like honestly, the originally the biggest issue 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.480 I had was I was really scared. I kind of 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.440 feel emotional saying it, like I'm scared I was going 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.560 to die and and I'd be the only thing she 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:55.400 has out here. And right now in Ontario, she's like 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.720 in the system, she's really well cared for, and I 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:02.920 just felt scared of taking on that responsibility like for 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:05.680 the rest of my life. Yeah, no, it is emotional, 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:07.560 But I think did I hear you when you said 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.520 Ontario cut all her programs? Right? Yeah? Like right now 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.480 this is the best place for her in the sense 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:17.040 that like she lives in her own apartment in a 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:20.080 group home, but because of COVID, she's not going to 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:22.880 the adult learning center, she's not engaging with people. She 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.760 wouldn't have been able to see any family members or 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:27.760 the only window in the last three teen months she 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.600 would have been able to see family members was for 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:32.760 like a month last summer and they weren't even allowed 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.800 to like hug. So like like right now, I'm good. 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:39.400 I'm just thinking long term what to do, because it's 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.480 like she's my best friend, you know, and I look 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.840 at her and like my heart explodes, like every day 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.199 we just my brother and I bought her a champoline 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.360 for her birthday and gave it to her early. And 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:53.920 I've never seen anybody like when she's honest she sounds 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:57.360 like like a giggling dolphin, like she's just can't control herself. 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.560 But then she's just shaking her hands and like just 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.720 can't contain herself, and she's funny and she's like a 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:07.000 little boss. It's I'm just I was thinking about it 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:10.120 the like two nights ago, thinking about you, and honestly, 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.480 it's like death. I'm like, I'm scared that I might die, 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:14.880 and I'm scared she might die. Because we both watched 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:16.959 that with my mom, and my mom was like her 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:20.440 big caregiver. Do you feel like you are able to 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.880 incorporate her in your life though, where you still have 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.080 a life, because this is I think a common issue 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:27.600 my partner is going through, like his mom is going 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.199 through this with having to move his grandma because she 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:32.400 has dementia. And the biggest thing is are you still 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:35.520 able to live your life without giving yours up for 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:39.800 someone else's? I think now like we found our rhythm 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.280 for sure. In the beginning, it was so hard anyways 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:46.040 because COVID was so scary and unknown, And now it's 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:50.560 been thirteen months, we've got our our flow and yeah, 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:52.720 and can I ask are you a partner? Do you 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:57.480 have husband? Wife? Happily divorced? Okay, well, that's good. I'm 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:00.360 glad you got that out of the way. It's best 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:01.760 you have you with the rest of your life to 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:04.280 live alone, which is really where you're gonna I have 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:06.439 a question though, so isn't it something that you can 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.679 take on, like, you know, like a six month by 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.520 six month basis if the programs are closed in Ontario. Oh, 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:15.440 so you're talking about just extricating her from Ontario for 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.200 good and not even going back to that program ever 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:21.080 when it reopens. Yeah, oh, I see, okay, because right 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.079 now her life is preserved, right like her apartments there, 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.400 all the programs, like she's in the system. Everything's good, 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:29.360 everyone's happy. She's here with me. But it's you know, 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:35.520 when the pandemic ends, and I think about it every day. Yeah, right, 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.400 And what is the downside of when the pandemic ends 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:40.280 and there and her programs are back in place and 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:42.520 she's got it all dialed in in Ontario with your 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.680 extended family. What's the downside of having her go back 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.920 there and you're visiting her regularly. She doesn't want to 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.520 go back. She wants to live with me. Yeah, And 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.560 she's she is thriving, and she's happy, and she definitely 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.000 gives more to my life than she takes. But it's 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.440 just also I guess, just being divorced, like it's like 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.000 this is the biggest commitment there is because it is forever, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.560 Like I wouldn't be able to just take her on 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:07.640 and then six months later put her through all that 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.040 trauma and stuff. And then I also she talks about 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.840 how she wants to be in VC all the time. 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.760 And I heard her telling someone that we're going to 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:18.200 go back to Ontario student pack up all her stuff 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.040 and then bring her back. And you know, and I'm 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.800 like like, and I don't talk about it ever because 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:25.880 I don't want her to have false hope or not. 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:28.800 But yeah, well, it sounds like you have a really 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.200 beautiful relationship with your sister, and like, I totally get it. 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.000 I would do it because I would be like, how 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:35.480 could I not do it? You know, I get what 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:38.400 you're saying about that. So it does sound like though, 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:40.080 that she adds so much to your life and you 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:41.640 love her so much. I mean, think about what you 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.000 were just describing, Like watching her on the trampoline, Like 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:46.640 that is joy and like the meaning of life, right, 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:49.520 that is it to see somebody in that kind of 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:52.040 space and to get to experience that on the regular. 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.400 I think it adds to your life more than it 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:57.200 takes away. Yeah, I guess I have a fear of commitment, 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.640 you know, right, I get that I have that too, 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.640 I understand. Just remember everything has been magnified in the 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:06.800 last year, Like everything feels a bit more intense because 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.199 of what we're going through collectively. So you've said that 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:11.840 you've kind of found your footing and in your routine 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.719 with her. And I think that's only going to get 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.040 easier the longer that she's there, and that you'll just 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.360 find more ways to incorporate and have your own space 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:24.080 mentally and physically for yourself where she is not a burden, 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.840 where she's incorporated. And you said yourself, like, she adds 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:30.680 so much. I think that will only continue. I do, 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.840 and part of me is like, am I just completely selfish? 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:35.800 And if I wasn't where I lived like I us, 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:38.840 another country at different culture, it wouldn't even be a question, 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:40.800 you know, like she would just live with me. But 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.280 it's also okay to have those thoughts and feelings and 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.480 want to figure that out because your person and you're 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.120 entitled to have those are emotions, Like you can't help 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.920 the fact that you're having feelings or thoughts like, yes, 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.640 everyone has a desire to be selfish. I mean, that's 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.680 not something you can beat yourself up for your at 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.920 least being honest about it, which is a lot healthier 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:01.280 than being in den The worst thing you could do 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.200 for Adele would be not thinking about yourself and just 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:06.280 leaning in and doing it, because that's a good one. 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.800 Brandon That is good because it's because then months later 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:12.400 you build resentment. You really should have taken more time 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.440 to think about it. So the fact that you're doing 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.080 this now before making the commitment, it's just going to 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:20.560 set you both up for success. And I think her 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.040 being there and vocalizing to you like I don't want 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:26.680 to leave, that's definitely something to take into consideration. But 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.640 then having to think for her where is going to 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:31.800 be the best place for you long term? Like that's 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:35.600 also that is sadly your burden and responsibility. That may 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:37.680 not be the result she wants, but ultimately you know, 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.400 because you're operating in her best interest, that maybe Ontario 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.280 is the best place for her. And again, it would 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.840 be a hard conversation, but you're going through all that 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:47.320 right now, so it's going to take a little time 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:49.360 for you to really hone in on what that looks 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.680 like for you both. Yes, when do you want to 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.280 make a decision by I don't know, Like I was 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.680 going to bring her back last ball and then everything 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.080 then I was like, oh, nothing's really changed, So I 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.280 feel like I'm you know, I've taken her on to 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:02.680 take care of her for this time, so I have 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.840 to commit to that. I also feel like right now, 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:09.200 like I can't really go anywhere. So it works really well. 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.640 And and that's the thing, like maybe when the restrictions go, 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:14.560 I don't know if it looks like she goes back 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:16.400 for a few months to see how we both actually 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:19.360 really feel and then kind of come back have a 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.680 healthy break. That sounds like a very reasonable option and 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:24.480 is not a conversation you could have with her and 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:29.000 that she would understand and accept. I've been trying to 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.560 just position it to her that she does like live 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:35.040 in Ontario and like I would never say this is 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.440 a trial for you going back. Usually she fights me 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:39.880 on it, and then like a few days later she'll 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:41.560 walk around my house and she'll be like, oh, I 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.800 need this pencil when I go back to Ontario. So 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:47.200 she she does get it, and she's, yeah, I think 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.400 that would be the best option, would be to obviously 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.640 take a little space break and then I bet you 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.840 you'd really miss her. Yeah. I look at her like 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:57.480 in my heart explodes and I miss her like in 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.560 that second knowing, you know, and it's it is that 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:04.400 pure joy, but it's also like just like that unconditional 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:06.680 love and like I wish I could have as much 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.879 compassionate for myself as I do for her. Right, well, 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:11.879 it seems like you have your decision made. It's just 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.600 gonna take you some time to reconcile it because seemingly 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.560 she's not going anywhere, and even if she does, she'll 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:18.560 be back. So I think it's just gonna take a 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.240 little time for you to accept that that this is 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:25.040 your new life circumstance, and that's okay. Yeah, yeah. There 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:28.320 is a really incredible bond between sisters though, so I 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:31.720 you know, I know what you're talking about, Okay, But 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:34.200 then part of me is like, will I ever date 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.480 again or will we just be too middle aged women 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.400 living together for the rest of our question That comes 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.680 up with me and my sister quite frequently as well, 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.080 so that's a common theme among sisters. I'm going to 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.399 tell her the same thing. I'm gonna tell her the 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.040 same thing I tell you, No, you're not going to 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:50.280 be alone forever, and it'll speak volumes of whatever person 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:52.800 you end up with that knows like this is part 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:54.600 of my life, and this is like a part of 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.440 my life that I love and the reason why they're 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.080 going to be drawn to you in the first place, 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:00.320 you know, because you've taken this on and then you're 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.840 creating a whole, this great non traditional family, you know, 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:07.679 Like that's fun and modern and cool and compassionate. What 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.119 Adele will bring to that person's life, like this is 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.720 all part of it. It's the mix of like personalities 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:16.000 and love and affection that you'll have with whatever person 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:17.960 you end up with next. Who will see that in her? 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:19.760 And like I want that in my life as well, 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.760 Like look what she can bring to me. Yeah, I 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:27.480 wouldn't worry about that. Yeah, Okay. She's funny, though she's 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:30.000 like a bit manipulative, Like she's like you can't eat anyone. 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:33.399 She's like, you're you're with me? How old is Adele? 0:18:34.280 --> 0:18:37.800 And a lot of her she's like an eight year old. 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:39.680 A lot of her she's like a sixty year old. 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:44.120 That sounds like me. Yeah. Yeah, she's amazing for sure, 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.399 and she's hilarious. Send us a picture of the two 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:49.440 of you together, will you like to say? I'll send 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:55.040 a video of on the trampoline. Yeah, if we love 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:57.200 that and let us know what you end up doing. 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:01.280 Please Okay, all right, well, thank you, thank you? All right, 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:05.040 nice to speak to you Andrea you too. Definitely probably 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:10.600 the most serious. Yeah, but very rational and so cute. 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.840