Speaker 1: Hi, is this Corey?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1: How are you doing, Corey?
Speaker 2: I'm pretty good, man.
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: Man, I'm just a gecko on the computer. Corey. What's
Speaker 1: what's going on with you?
Speaker 2: Oh, dude? Lately, I've just been doing the whole work thing.
Speaker 2: Moved back home, d graduating. Yeah, you know, the whole
Speaker 2: is just working, making that money.
Speaker 1: You be back home after graduating, and how's how's being
Speaker 1: at home?
Speaker 5: Ah?
Speaker 3: Good? Good, dude.
Speaker 2: I moved back in looked like my my lifelong buddy
Speaker 2: who I've you know, missed, especially being being gone for
Speaker 2: for five years and stuff. So, uh, we're hanging out
Speaker 2: and we're we're enjoying being to bachelors, you know, taking
Speaker 2: on the world.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Man, that's uh, that's cool. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people we we've talked to some people tonight
Speaker 1: who are like trying to leave their hometown in search
Speaker 1: of greater adventure. But you seem like you're very much
Speaker 1: enjoying being being back with your with your homie and
Speaker 1: your hometown.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And you know what's crazy is that like I moved
Speaker 2: home back here where my parents did live, and my
Speaker 2: parents moved across the country, and so so both my sisters.
Speaker 2: So I'm like the only one of like my family
Speaker 2: that is still in the hometown. But I'm still I'm
Speaker 2: cool with that. It's it's comfortable, you know, And I
Speaker 2: think in a couple of years I'm trying to like
Speaker 2: do some like really bold traveling uh across uh across
Speaker 2: the world and live in Europe or something like that.
Speaker 2: But but for now, I'm just kind of relaxing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where in uh, where in the world do you
Speaker 1: want to go?
Speaker 6: See, dude?
Speaker 2: So basically, lately I've been experiencing and toying with o'megal
Speaker 2: to like practice socializing and learn about people, and man,
Speaker 2: that's been a lot of fun. Like yesterday I talked
Speaker 2: to an Irish dude. I talked to a Italian who
Speaker 2: is like going to school in Scotland. He was really cool,
Speaker 2: and he told me a lot about how cool the
Speaker 2: Netherlands were and how I should go there, and how
Speaker 2: I should go to Scotland because obviously he's going to
Speaker 2: school there, so he thought it was really cool, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many places in Europe compared to
Speaker 2: the States, that I think would be would be culturally
Speaker 2: really cool to see.
Speaker 1: Have you done a lot of traveling before in your life?
Speaker 2: You know, my mom really really liked to travel, so
Speaker 2: growing up, I've seen a lot of the Fifty States.
Speaker 2: I really like Yellowstone. I've been to Hawaii like twice,
Speaker 2: you know, likes there's a lot of places, the Black Hills,
Speaker 2: even in uh, the Dakotas are super cool. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I've done I've done quite a bit of traveling, and
Speaker 2: I haven't done as much as i'd like to in
Speaker 2: my my young adult life.
Speaker 1: And have you gone out of the country before?
Speaker 2: Uh, you know, I don't think anything more interesting though,
Speaker 2: I think like Mexico sometime before I would even remember,
Speaker 2: and then maybe, uh, maybe I went to Canada at
Speaker 2: some point, but no, nothing else.
Speaker 1: Man, you know this is cool. We're about the same age,
Speaker 1: it seems. And uh, you know, I'm I'm inspired by
Speaker 1: you actually, because you seem like you have a very
Speaker 1: much a lust for life, Like I can really hear
Speaker 1: it in your voice, you know you And I'm projecting
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of stuff on you right now, but
Speaker 1: I really like the way that you have this simultaneous
Speaker 1: us appreciation for where you are at this very moment,
Speaker 1: combined with an excitement for the future and a desire
Speaker 1: for what's in the future, Like that's that's I mean,
Speaker 1: that's the most hard, hard balance to strike, right because
Speaker 1: if you get too complacent living in your hometown, you're
Speaker 1: never gonna you know, improve or experience more or go
Speaker 1: out to try to live a color for life. But
Speaker 1: if you're always you know, going on our slash travel
Speaker 1: and dreaming about only what's out there, then you miss
Speaker 1: all the shit that's right in front of your face.
Speaker 1: And it's the hardest, hardest struggle to balance. And you know,
Speaker 1: I've only been on the phone with you for five minutes,
Speaker 1: but it seems like you're doing a really good job
Speaker 1: at that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, I love that you have all that to say, because,
Speaker 2: like one of my biggest inspirations, it is the show
Speaker 2: you should you should check it out. It's an anime
Speaker 2: called Golden Boy, and it's about this super smart dude
Speaker 2: who is just a goofy, goofy motherfucker. But he graduated
Speaker 2: or he's about to graduate, like law school or some shit,
Speaker 2: and he decides to just drop out because he thinks
Speaker 2: that was going to be too to cookie cut over
Speaker 2: life for him, and he starts to just travel and
Speaker 2: go around and do all these like weird odd jobs
Speaker 2: just for a short period of time, just so he
Speaker 2: can experience it and so he can have a lot
Speaker 2: of fun learning about something new. And he's a real
Speaker 2: goofy like perverted dude. But I mean the show, the
Speaker 2: show's really funny, but it's inspiring in the same in
Speaker 2: the same regard. And I'm happy you kind of hear
Speaker 2: that and in me because I kind of want to
Speaker 2: be like that. Like right now, do I have like
Speaker 2: a music degree And right now I'm delivering packages for
Speaker 2: FedEx kind of climbing for like this small dude that's
Speaker 2: contracted for them. But I love that job man, being
Speaker 2: able to just like drive around and stuff. It's it's
Speaker 2: a hell of a lot of fun and see all the
Speaker 2: animals and whatnot.
Speaker 1: M hmm. When do you plan on taking your adventures?
Speaker 1: Do you do?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 1: How how much longer do you plan staying in the
Speaker 1: hometown for.
Speaker 2: I think the track that I'm making and saving money,
Speaker 2: I think in a couple of years, I could feasibly
Speaker 2: look into doing something for at least a year. If
Speaker 2: I wanted to do longer, I might have to, like
Speaker 2: plan a little differently, but that's that's about how I
Speaker 2: want to see the timeframes play out.
Speaker 1: That's nice, Yeah, dude. Like I said, it's it's so
Speaker 1: interesting to hear from you. I feel like I'm learning
Speaker 1: from you, you know, because like you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of people they would have that mindset of like, ah,
Speaker 1: I'm driving for you know, delivering packages in my hometown.
Speaker 1: This sucks. But in two years, I have this plan
Speaker 1: I'm going to travel the world and and then I'll
Speaker 1: be happy, you know. But I love what I'm hearing
Speaker 1: from you, Like you know, in two years, I'm going
Speaker 1: to travel the world and it'll be exciting. But I'm
Speaker 1: happy right now and I'll be happy then as well.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's truly like one of the hardest things
Speaker 1: to do, and it's it's really cool to hear it
Speaker 1: from you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, And like you know, I had a couple
Speaker 2: of years where I didn't think I was going to
Speaker 2: have like that mindset again, you know, we the the
Speaker 2: early twenties are are hard on a lot of us,
Speaker 2: and you know, you get into like a foggy mindset
Speaker 2: of of you know, a foma you know, if you're
Speaker 2: missing out and tough, and you you kind of lock
Speaker 2: down on yourself, but eventually you just kind of got
Speaker 2: to appreciate what you got going on and obviously strive
Speaker 2: for something more. But it's the idea of looking that
Speaker 2: far ahead or expecting too much of yourself is stressful.
Speaker 2: Then just you know, chill out, just be cool with
Speaker 2: being simple. If you like to be at your computer,
Speaker 2: or if you like to watch shows and watch them
Speaker 2: over and over and it's like a comfort space for you,
Speaker 2: you should enjoy that. But always have that kind of
Speaker 2: mindset that, hey, I'd like to do more potentially, but
Speaker 2: only if it's cool with me.
Speaker 1: So you say that in your early twenties, so you
Speaker 1: say that this mindset that you've adopted, it wasn't always
Speaker 1: like this in your early twenties. You had a lot
Speaker 1: of fomo. I mean, tell me about your mindset in
Speaker 1: those early twenties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I guess for I dated a girl
Speaker 2: from like the end of high school, from when I
Speaker 2: when I was like seventeen until I was probably twenty two,
Speaker 2: and when we broke off, that was that was that
Speaker 2: that time because I had to kind of relearn independence
Speaker 2: because i'd been with somebody who we're you know, inseparable,
Speaker 2: you know, go depending kind of relationship. But you know,
Speaker 2: I want to I don't want to a healthy codependent
Speaker 2: because you really shouldn't be, and I've learned that that's
Speaker 2: that's a hard thing to balance in a relationship. But
Speaker 2: all the same, I was used stabbing somebody like like
Speaker 2: tight like that, and so exploring that that, uh, that
Speaker 2: loneliness out of out of kind of nowhere was you know,
Speaker 2: where I had to two decide or like I guess,
Speaker 2: not decide, but work on that mindset.
Speaker 1: So hey, it also says here that you wanted to
Speaker 1: tell me about a time you tried crack cocaine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, that's okay, so uh like sidebar, Like, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm insecure about the story because I've told it a
Speaker 2: handful of times and to some of my friends it
Speaker 2: just seems so outlandish, and I'm sure it's gonna sound
Speaker 2: the outlandish, so it's like a fake story or something.
Speaker 2: But bear with me and just kind.
Speaker 1: Of I tell you, I trust you. I'd like to
Speaker 1: think that the people listening trust you. You've you've exerted
Speaker 1: yourself to be a truthful, genuine person. I I and
Speaker 1: I would love to hear the story of you try
Speaker 1: and crack cocaine.
Speaker 2: Sick sick. Okay, So I went to college in Omaha, Nebraska.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm delivering pizzas and sandwiches for this sandwich shop downtown,
Speaker 2: and late on like a Friday or Saturday night or something,
Speaker 2: I drop a pie up, you know somewhere up kind
Speaker 2: of in the northern part of downtown, which is considered
Speaker 2: the ghetto of the area by like a homeless shelter,
Speaker 2: and the dude kind of like comes up to my
Speaker 2: window or you know, gets near my car and it's like, hey, man, amen,
Speaker 2: get a canying a ride and something, you know whatever.
Speaker 2: I work here, but I just need to get a
Speaker 2: few blocks down the road or whatever. I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: it's it's flow at the shop. I'll kill some time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: why not get up and and I'm going to get
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give this dude to ride real quick. We
Speaker 2: end up going driving way further than I anticipated up
Speaker 2: into like North omahaway out of my delivery range and stuff.
Speaker 2: But again, we were slow at the moment, and I
Speaker 2: didn't want to go do shop work. But I take
Speaker 2: him to this place and he's like, hey, I just
Speaker 2: need to stop here real quick and then you'll take
Speaker 2: me to the actual place I'm going to go. Kind
Speaker 2: of weird, but I waited out because I'm I'm a
Speaker 2: guy that doesn't say no to.
Speaker 3: People very well.
Speaker 2: But basically comes back out and gets gets in the
Speaker 2: car and then we start driving back pretty much right
Speaker 2: back to where we were Initially. We we went way
Speaker 2: further than we needed to, and I had no idea
Speaker 2: why at the time. But while we're driving back, he
Speaker 2: starts telling me these stories about his son coming out
Speaker 2: of the closet and how he actually found out that
Speaker 2: through his son deciding that he was gay, that he
Speaker 2: was willing to explore himself more, all this kind of
Speaker 2: weird stuff. And I was like, I was like, cool, man,
Speaker 2: good for you. I'm I'm glad you you gave your
Speaker 2: son that uh love and and whatnot. Then I don't know,
Speaker 2: we get to something else and and he asked me,
Speaker 2: He's like, so, so you get high. I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm a pizza guy. Of course I get high.
Speaker 3: Uh uh.
Speaker 2: He was like, but you get like high high. And
Speaker 2: I was like, I've done some I've done some psychedelics,
Speaker 2: and stuff in my life or whatever, you like, you know,
Speaker 2: coke school eyes light up when I say the words coke.
Speaker 2: And he just starts digging into his sock all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, and he.
Speaker 1: Sock he's wearing, he's dark, digging into it.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Oh dude, I'm I'm telling you in a
Speaker 2: couple of minutes, you're you're not gonna believe me as
Speaker 2: a as a person. But he pulls up this JANKI
Speaker 2: looking crack pipe and and uh a little baggy just
Speaker 2: tied up off like a Walmart sack or whatever, and
Speaker 2: some crystal looking looking ship. And I'm like, oh, I'm
Speaker 2: like crack. And he's like free base on free base,
Speaker 2: like okay, crack or and.
Speaker 1: I'm an like, that's a combination of crack, and that's crack, cocaine.
Speaker 2: Free free bases, free based cocaine, e g. Crack. And
Speaker 2: you know you never say no to never say no
Speaker 2: to free crack is the saying I heard one, but
Speaker 2: I suppose But anyway, Uh so, I'm like, uh, ship, okay,
Speaker 2: do you know what whatever? And he's like, pull over here,
Speaker 2: here's a good spot, you know, kind of guys near
Speaker 2: the side of the road. And pull over, and guy
Speaker 2: says to me, you cannot shotgun you And I don't
Speaker 2: know if you know what a shotgun is. There's different
Speaker 2: ways that people do it. Often it's the way people
Speaker 2: like help people that don't really know how to smoke. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I don't ask me why I'm I just say, you know, yes, sure,
Speaker 2: why not? But but old boy gets all excited. He
Speaker 2: takes his hit of the crack through the jankass pipe,
Speaker 2: grabs my head by by you know, the size of
Speaker 2: my head. Plants went on me and blows them crack
Speaker 2: into my lungs through like a through like a kiss.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I was just like whoa that? You know,
Speaker 2: it's kind of like like lean back. Actually mistake made.
Speaker 2: I opened my eyes while that was happening, and surprisingly
Speaker 2: I was disappointed to see that his eyes were closed.
Speaker 2: Think I'd rather see them open. Like he was concentrated,
Speaker 2: but he was concentrated in a different way anyway. I
Speaker 2: was just taken back, and now I'm getting high rather
Speaker 2: rather quickly. I'm like shit, and he goes here here, here,
Speaker 2: you do it to me, and I go no, but
Speaker 2: I'll take a hit, And he was like okay. It
Speaker 2: was one one and only time I was ever gonna
Speaker 2: kiss a likely homeless guy. And you know it's funny.
Speaker 2: Actually I take my hit, you know, that's that's the
Speaker 2: end of that part. But what's funny is it took
Speaker 2: me years to realize that I probably took him to
Speaker 2: buy the crack. I didn't every it didn't ever even
Speaker 2: occur to me that like the fact that I took
Speaker 2: him back some weird like way deep north on Maha
Speaker 2: Spot and then back to where we were like initially
Speaker 2: probably where he lived. Probably just gave him like a
Speaker 2: free ten minute drive to his dealers.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, he got a.
Speaker 1: Lot, He got a buddy to smoke crack with. He
Speaker 1: got a kiss.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he did get a kiss. I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't use any tongue or anything, like
Speaker 2: I told my girlfriend after I simply hung out with
Speaker 2: him for a little bit, let him talk about his life,
Speaker 2: let him explore his sexuality maybe a little bit. When
Speaker 2: I took him back and I take him to the
Speaker 2: place sole took some sort of shelter or something, And
Speaker 2: as I'm trapping him off, he was just like, can
Speaker 2: I have your email address? I was like, you do
Speaker 2: that for that I was like, no, Henry or Richard,
Speaker 2: I can't remember what his name was, but this was
Speaker 2: I said, this was enough adventure for me. I appreciate you, man,
Speaker 2: and we shake hands or whatever, and he said, you know,
Speaker 2: he says, God, bless you. I said, bless you too,
Speaker 2: and I go back to work and I did the
Speaker 2: ship out of some dishes. Man, I was gacked.
Speaker 1: Corey, Corey, Uh, Corey, you are You're a say yes
Speaker 1: to life kind of guy, aren't you, dude?
Speaker 2: And it rarely I see, I'm I'm a lucky guy.
Speaker 7: Man.
Speaker 2: You I don't think it's a good idea to be
Speaker 2: that person kind of like a yes man, so to speak,
Speaker 2: like the movie teaches you. But but shit, it's been
Speaker 2: good to me to be that type speacause I've been
Speaker 2: lucky with the people I've met, and like a lot
Speaker 2: of the times that I've been like that, it's rewarded me.
Speaker 2: That's why I've had a had a good time when
Speaker 2: I said yes to things. You know, my girlfriend was
Speaker 2: mad at me that night, but like.
Speaker 1: She was, you kind of how long was the was
Speaker 1: the was the kiss with this guy?
Speaker 2: It was as long as it takes to exhale some crack, so.
Speaker 1: But I don't know's very like, it's very giving of
Speaker 1: you to to let I was receiving man exploring himself
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: I think, I think so maybe I do trust me
Speaker 2: that I don't want to say he didn't ask for
Speaker 2: consent because he asked me, and like maybe I was thinking,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I thought maybe he was like, maybe
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to touch my dirty crack pipes, so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna blow it from a distance. I don't know, dude,
Speaker 2: it surprised me. I didn't intentionally think I love I'm
Speaker 2: a plan one on this guy, but when it happened,
Speaker 2: it is kind of just what it is.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not, I'm not. My sexuality isn't too fragile
Speaker 2: or too too I don't like the Actually, I don't
Speaker 2: like the phrase fragile sexuality.
Speaker 1: Just because you're confident about who you are and and
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and that you know small instances of things
Speaker 1: aren't going to make you compromise that. You know, Corey,
Speaker 1: I'm uh get.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know why, but this story about you picking
Speaker 1: up this man and letting him blow crack smoke into
Speaker 1: your mouth via a kiss, it's it's it's inspiring to me.
Speaker 1: I don't know everything about your Corey, I I you know,
Speaker 1: the just your mindset about things is like proving further
Speaker 1: and further how important that is. You know, your perspective
Speaker 1: on things and whatnot. You seem like you've got a
Speaker 1: very uh refined, refined one.
Speaker 2: And I've been coming to you podcasts recently for like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, more perspective on life. You know, I think
Speaker 2: it's interesting how we all can learn something from each other,
Speaker 2: or like we all can you know, look up to
Speaker 2: the same people that you know look up so to
Speaker 2: speak to to us.
Speaker 1: So, Corey Crack Cocaine, would you do it again?
Speaker 2: You know, I think you're not supposed to. I think
Speaker 2: they like you, like thet from you're not supposed to.
Speaker 2: But like Crack, you never say no toice to crack once,
Speaker 2: but like you know, the second time, maybe maybe not,
Speaker 2: because then there's there's a reason you came back. Like
Speaker 2: that was the same thing with like whippets and myths
Speaker 2: and anything else I've ever tried. It's always do it
Speaker 2: once if it's like considered that super dangerous thing, and
Speaker 2: obviously you'll probably have fun. But you can't, you can't
Speaker 2: go back to it.
Speaker 1: Well, Corey, you've got a very fun life ahead of you,
Speaker 1: and you know, I wish you're the best of luck
Speaker 1: in living it to the fullest.
Speaker 2: Thanks man, thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker 2: It was it was fun to be able to throw
Speaker 2: that one out there.
Speaker 1: Take care, Corey and bless man, take it easy. Who
Speaker 1: what a great What a great call. What a great call?
Speaker 1: That call had everything in it. I am genuine I'm
Speaker 1: inspired by Corey in many ways. Really I am, I'm
Speaker 1: I I I mean it. He he uh, just like
Speaker 1: had so much of I've been thinking. I have been
Speaker 1: thinking NonStop. But I've been thinking this throughout most throughout
Speaker 1: a lot of my life about how about a lot
Speaker 1: of these these things that Corey has been exemplifying, right,
Speaker 1: The ability to be content with where you are in
Speaker 1: the present moment while still working toward the future. The
Speaker 1: ability to have a positive mindset about all it is
Speaker 1: that happens to you. And he just exemplified that in
Speaker 1: such a cool way. I really jived with m And
Speaker 1: you know what, honestly, you know what, I've been thinking
Speaker 1: about these concepts for all of my life, and I
Speaker 1: think I've discovered through Corey that the answer is crack.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why he is the way he is, and
Speaker 1: maybe I should give it a try. Folks, If you
Speaker 1: learn anything from listening to this, it's that crack is
Speaker 1: not that bad. Kiana, Hello, how are you Kiana? I
Speaker 1: almost called you Kreana, which is pretty damn close to Kiana.
Speaker 1: So I don't feel that bad about it.
Speaker 4: Pretty close.
Speaker 1: What's going on with Kiana?
Speaker 4: Not a lot, just hanging out watching a stream.
Speaker 1: Is there anything particularly on to talk about?
Speaker 4: Yeah, basically, I've just been feeling like kind of an imposter,
Speaker 4: like I put on kind of a costume, but in
Speaker 4: more of a professional way. I guess when I go
Speaker 4: into work and when I come home, I kind of
Speaker 4: like to just get blackout drunk and smoke a bunch
Speaker 4: of weeds. And in the mornings I go and work
Speaker 4: at the kindergarten class and I don't know, I just
Speaker 4: kind of feel bad about it in a way, but
Speaker 4: I don't because I can still get my shit done
Speaker 4: at work.
Speaker 1: But so you feel as though the identity that you
Speaker 1: put when you're teaching kindergarten are you when you say
Speaker 1: you have a kindergarten class, like you teach kindergarten, or
Speaker 1: you just work at at a at a school in
Speaker 1: some other capacities, I work at a.
Speaker 4: School, so I'm an education assistant, So I work with
Speaker 4: the students that have extra needs and need extra help.
Speaker 4: So kind of like grade one through four.
Speaker 1: Okay, And so you're working with children all day and
Speaker 1: you feel like that contrasts with you getting blackout drunk
Speaker 1: and smoking a bunch of weed after work.
Speaker 4: Right, Yes, I'm also the youngest there, which puts a
Speaker 4: really big divide. Like I started doing this when I
Speaker 4: was twenty one. I'm twenty five now, and not a
Speaker 4: lot has changed. Like summer breaks, I'd like to go camping,
Speaker 4: go in the woods, do some acid with my friends.
Speaker 4: Like I don't feel like it really bothers what I
Speaker 4: do at work, But I also feel like if anyone
Speaker 4: found out, like I don't know, especially parents and everything
Speaker 4: like that, like I don't want to go in public
Speaker 4: or drink at the bar or whatever.
Speaker 1: So aside from this sort of feeling as though it
Speaker 1: contrasts with your identity at work, does anything else bother
Speaker 1: you about your drinking and smoking habits?
Speaker 4: Not really, I mean not really, No, like it doesn't
Speaker 4: affect at work at all.
Speaker 1: I want to take this to take to take work
Speaker 1: out of it, like your other aspects of your life,
Speaker 1: your your general mental well being, your relationships, family, whatever
Speaker 1: whatever else you got going on. You know, do you
Speaker 1: feel a though it's being negatively impacted by by your
Speaker 1: drinking and smoking? And I'm not, I'm not. This isn't
Speaker 1: a leading question. I'm not here to say it is.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm just curious.
Speaker 6: No, totally.
Speaker 4: I think that it's gotten out of the hand in
Speaker 4: the past where it's like blackout every night, it's gotten
Speaker 4: a little bit better. But just like social anxiety as
Speaker 4: a whole, like I don't even want to go grocery shopping.
Speaker 2: I just.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Have you spoken to a real therapist about this?
Speaker 4: Absolutely yes, And I know that they can't really give
Speaker 4: a lot of advice as much as just kind of
Speaker 4: guide you through it. So it's kind of nice just
Speaker 4: to like talk to like a person just.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, what did they say?
Speaker 4: Just to kind of cut back on it, keep more
Speaker 4: track on it. I don't really eat a lot either,
Speaker 4: so that kind of negative tipally impacts it. But just
Speaker 4: to keep track of everything and cut down. I'm supposed
Speaker 4: to call a place to talk about the alcohol and stuff,
Speaker 4: but I haven't.
Speaker 1: But would you when you say you're supposed to call
Speaker 1: a place, what is this? What is this place?
Speaker 4: It's kind of it's a provincial Like I live in Canada,
Speaker 4: so there's provincial buildings in places, and they kind of
Speaker 4: offer free services. And I've been through there a few
Speaker 4: times before, not for like addictions or anything, but I've
Speaker 4: seen many psychiatrists and I've talked to a lot of places,
Speaker 4: and it's been going really well for me. We've got
Speaker 4: like a good plan going on and stuff like that.
Speaker 4: It just feels so conflicting, like I'm so different from
Speaker 4: my other co workers, like it's hard to find any
Speaker 4: relationships or I don't know things like that.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm okay, So to touch on that a little bit,
Speaker 1: you say that you're very different from your co workers.
Speaker 1: In what way do you feel like you're different from
Speaker 1: your co workers?
Speaker 4: One of the ways is being quite younger, Like I'm
Speaker 4: the youngest of all of them by at least ten years,
Speaker 4: and that's kind of.
Speaker 2: Tricky.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's like one of the main ways
Speaker 4: is I'm just like so much younger, and like, I know,
Speaker 4: I'm inexperienced and I'm trying to learn from them and everything.
Speaker 1: Do you have a strong desire to connect more heavily
Speaker 1: with them?
Speaker 4: It gives me so much anxiety, Honestly, on my lunch breaks,
Speaker 4: I go into my car and I drive around the
Speaker 4: corner and I spend my lunch break around the corner
Speaker 4: because it's just I don't know, it's freaky, but I
Speaker 4: see it, and I guess the desire is kind of there,
Speaker 4: but I don't know how it would work. I feel
Speaker 4: like it wouldn't work.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Okay, so now you've got me curious about this.
Speaker 1: So you have social anxiety with talking to your coworkers,
Speaker 1: you seem like, as you're saying, as you're telling me,
Speaker 1: you have sort of general social anxiety. But now with
Speaker 1: the kids, how do you feel when you're interacting with
Speaker 1: the kids.
Speaker 4: It's so different. I feel like I couldn't work with adults.
Speaker 4: With the kids, it's so much different. I love the
Speaker 4: way their mind works, Like the problems that they have
Speaker 4: actually makes sense. Like you've seen an adults with all
Speaker 4: their problems like just bullshit, petty stuff. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 4: come on, you can.
Speaker 3: Work it out.
Speaker 4: But kids, they're actually struggling with stuff and you can
Speaker 4: kind of really understand from their point of view, and
Speaker 4: it's just it really changes working with kids.
Speaker 1: Could you give me an example of sort of a
Speaker 1: problem that a kid was having that you felt like
Speaker 1: a more real problem than a typical adult problem.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, So for example, like just developmentally, you know, if
Speaker 4: something's out of place, or something spills, or somebody called
Speaker 4: you a poo poo butt head. If you're thirty years old,
Speaker 4: you know, you can kind of work those things out,
Speaker 4: you pick up the mess, you can be upset or whatever.
Speaker 4: But especially the kids that I work with who have
Speaker 4: autism and just different developmental delays or what you call it,
Speaker 4: this is a big deal for them. And like bright lights, flashing,
Speaker 4: like flashing light, loud sounds, big pops, things like that,
Speaker 4: or just simple as there someone calling them a word,
Speaker 4: bad name.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm mm hmmm. So I find it yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So so the level of anxiety that you get, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, interacting with people your age, those sort of
Speaker 1: feelings that you have, none of them occur when you're
Speaker 1: interacting with with the kids.
Speaker 4: Correct, Yeah, they could be screaming flipping chairs over. Everything
Speaker 4: just kind of turns off and I'm just really in
Speaker 4: the moment.
Speaker 1: Yes, but yeah, I was about to say, it's like again,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm doing some armchair gecko therapy here. But you know,
Speaker 1: I can, I can relate a lot because, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: it seems like you have a lot of kind of
Speaker 1: chaos going around in in your life and a lot
Speaker 1: of aspects of it. But when you're, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: working with these kids, it's, as you say, very in
Speaker 1: the moment, and so you're not focused on all this
Speaker 1: chaos and all this anxiety over you know what, what
Speaker 1: probably seems like an endless amount of things that there
Speaker 1: are to be anxious over, and you're just there helping
Speaker 1: the kid and sort of occupying their headspace as well,
Speaker 1: wherein the problems are very much immediate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Do you consider yourself an alcoholic?
Speaker 4: Hmm. That is a really interesting question that I've been
Speaker 4: asked a lot. I think like, if money is tight
Speaker 4: and I can't drink, I won't and it's fine, it's
Speaker 4: not a problem. I'm not like itching for it or
Speaker 4: anything like that.
Speaker 6: But at the.
Speaker 4: Same time, when you look at what they recognend like
Speaker 4: for how much Canadians should drink or whatever per week
Speaker 4: and what is considered at risk alcoholic. I'm definitely in
Speaker 4: that at risk for sure.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're in that at risk category, but you're not.
Speaker 1: I don't know what this I I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know if there's like some sort of
Speaker 1: objective standard of you are an alcoholic, you are not
Speaker 1: an alcoholic type.
Speaker 4: Of I like to be drunk every night?
Speaker 1: Okay? Do you ever do you ever get drunk and
Speaker 1: go to work?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 4: Never? Okay, I don't even see.
Speaker 1: Would you ever see yourself getting to that point?
Speaker 4: No, honestly no, I have nightmares every night, just like
Speaker 4: about being lead to work, definitely.
Speaker 1: Right, So you have this as like a sort of
Speaker 1: anchor point of something that's very important to you that
Speaker 1: you don't want to compromise, or that you don't even
Speaker 1: see yourself being able to compromise, because it's that important
Speaker 1: to you, right, Yes.
Speaker 4: And I don't want to compromise it by someone just
Speaker 4: like finding out who I am.
Speaker 1: So you're worried about people finding out about your drug use?
Speaker 4: I guess.
Speaker 1: So have they ever gotten close to finding out?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: Never?
Speaker 1: You know I'm a big proponent of the idea that
Speaker 1: there isn't a true self. I've talked about this a bunch, right,
Speaker 1: So like, look, you getting black out drunk and smoking
Speaker 1: a bunch of weed, like you know, yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: a part of you. That definitely is it in a
Speaker 1: way who you are. But also you helping out autistic
Speaker 1: children to feel better and I'm sure being a strong
Speaker 1: pillar of comfort and support in their lives and doing
Speaker 1: that is a good thing, and being in the moment
Speaker 1: of that is also who you are. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if there is a a true self, Like there
Speaker 1: isn't even a That's my thing about being an impost
Speaker 1: is like you're you're kind You're kind of both. You know,
Speaker 1: they're they're they're both the part of who you are,
Speaker 1: so one doesn't necessarily negate the other. I don't think.
Speaker 4: Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Actually, yeah, thank.
Speaker 1: You for sure? For sure? Have you been I mean,
Speaker 1: is that something you have been feeling like you do
Speaker 1: you ever feel like what you do outside of work
Speaker 1: negates what you do in work.
Speaker 4: I don't know. Sometimes I feel like if like a
Speaker 4: parent was like, oh, she's like bringing all these beer
Speaker 4: cans with the recycling or supposed peoples sweet or like
Speaker 4: is kind of a mess at home? Or like anything
Speaker 4: like if they have got to know my true self?
Speaker 1: Right that right there, like literally what you just said,
Speaker 1: Literally what you just said, if they got to know
Speaker 1: my true self? Like you're labeling you with the beer,
Speaker 1: but that's what you do. You're labeling you with the
Speaker 1: beer cans and the getting high and the black. You're
Speaker 1: labeling that as your true self, which it is.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 1: I I mean, this is just me and my philosophy
Speaker 1: is like that is who you are.
Speaker 2: But you.
Speaker 1: Helping these autistic children, the way in which you are
Speaker 1: making their lives better, that's that's also your true self.
Speaker 1: I don't think that one is more true than the other.
Speaker 1: So I think it is. It's a fallacy to label
Speaker 1: that as true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right, I was wording it like that, And no,
Speaker 4: that makes a lot of sense. That's not like just
Speaker 4: who my true self is at all, super passionate about
Speaker 4: what I do and I take it super seriously. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah you are. And that's that's that's that's true,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't get negated by whatever it is you
Speaker 1: do outside of that. I feel like people deal with
Speaker 1: I deal with this myself. Is like, for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: we beat the fuck out of ourselves and we go,
Speaker 1: you know, we we completely negate all the I do
Speaker 1: it myself. Again, I'm talking to myself here when I'm
Speaker 1: talking to you as well. Is uh, you know, negating
Speaker 1: all the good stuff you do, not even thinking about it,
Speaker 1: focusing on all the times you fuck off or you're late,
Speaker 1: or you smoke too much weed or jack off too much,
Speaker 1: or do whatever it is you do, and you go,
Speaker 1: that's the true self, and you completely ignore all the
Speaker 1: good stuff that you do, and you go, well, sure
Speaker 1: I do that stuff, but that's not who I really am.
Speaker 1: I'm really all the bad shit. And it's like you
Speaker 1: can't just run away from the bad shit and pretend
Speaker 1: like you never do it, you know, and you can't go, well,
Speaker 1: then that bad ship matters because of all the good shit.
Speaker 1: You can't do that. But you can't go none of
Speaker 1: the good ship matters because of all the bad shit.
Speaker 3: Either.
Speaker 4: Yes that is true, because that's bullshit.
Speaker 2: It's right.
Speaker 1: So you know, I hope you operate. You know, it
Speaker 1: sounds to me like you'll or you have a desire
Speaker 1: to I don't get blackout, drunk less and smoke weed less, right,
Speaker 1: and I think that you should pursue that desire. But
Speaker 1: as you're pursuing that desire, you can't, like I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think you can like beat
Speaker 1: yourself up into beating it, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I mean, as you're pursuing that, I don't think
Speaker 1: you should completely throw away all the good stuff you're
Speaker 1: doing and fail to fail to recognize it in the process.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: Can't thank you very much for sure?
Speaker 1: For sure? Keana. Is there anything else you want to
Speaker 1: talk about in life in the world before we go?
Speaker 1: That is about it. Thank you, beautiful, good luck, talk
Speaker 1: to you soon.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, goodbye?
Speaker 1: Hello Yan?
Speaker 3: Yes, this is Yan.
Speaker 1: How are you yan?
Speaker 3: I'm great, yek. How are you doing? Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: It says here you would like to You would like
Speaker 1: to you would like to discuss any and Audi Vagina's.
Speaker 3: Yes, any and Ali Kuci?
Speaker 1: Okay? Sure?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 1: Do you want to? You want to sort of start
Speaker 1: by giving me your initial thoughts, So.
Speaker 3: Gek first, personally, would you say you're in any or
Speaker 3: Audi Cuci type of guy?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 1: Do you mean in my in my personal like sexual preference.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: I want to be perfectly honest with you, Yan, I
Speaker 1: did not know that there was such a thing as
Speaker 1: any and audi kuci.
Speaker 3: Oh that's interesting. I didn't know either. One of my
Speaker 3: friends told me. But I say all that to say this. So,
Speaker 3: I have a girlfriend that I love very much and
Speaker 3: in my own personal preference, I am any coucie type
Speaker 3: of guy. But she has an Audi kuci and I
Speaker 3: love her, but I can't deal with it. And there's
Speaker 3: a procedure I can she can go through called the
Speaker 3: vaginal plasty, and I would I'm willing to pay for it,
Speaker 3: but she's very sensitive and I don't want to hurt
Speaker 3: her feelings. So I'm trying to like figure out the
Speaker 3: way that I can convince her to get this vaginal plasty.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So wait a minute. Okay, So you told me just
Speaker 1: now that you yourself did not know that there was
Speaker 1: a distinction between uh any vagina and audi vagina. So
Speaker 1: but but that you learned it from your friend. So
Speaker 1: if you didn't even know that there was a distinction,
Speaker 1: how would you even know that you had a preference.
Speaker 3: This was beforehand. This was like two years ago.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I have a few thoughts about this, but
Speaker 1: let me ask you first. Have you have you talked
Speaker 1: to your partner about this at all?
Speaker 3: Not yet?
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 3: She's a very well sensitive woman.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, sure, I think here's the thing at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, and I'm sure you know this
Speaker 1: and don't need me to tell you this. You know
Speaker 1: you you can't really uh compel somebody to uh you know,
Speaker 1: do something with their body that they don't want to do.
Speaker 7: Of course, of course.
Speaker 1: So I mean, look, knowing that, what were you going
Speaker 1: to say? What were you going to say?
Speaker 3: You see, he's always telling me how much he loves me,
Speaker 3: she'll do anything for me, And I just don't know
Speaker 3: does this cross the line or is this within those boundaries?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: You know what you gotta do. You gotta find find
Speaker 1: You gotta find something about your body that she wants
Speaker 1: to fix, right, And you guys can do a little
Speaker 1: bit of a bargain, like a yeah and I for
Speaker 1: and I like, I don't know, maybe she likes maybe
Speaker 1: maybe maybe you have small balls, right, and you find
Speaker 1: out that your girlfriend likes big balls, and you find
Speaker 1: that there is a procedure that enlarges the testicles, and
Speaker 1: you say to her, Okay, if you flip your kouchie,
Speaker 1: I'll increase my balls. And she goes and you go
Speaker 1: down to the surgery place together and it's like a
Speaker 1: date and everything goes smoothly. But you would have to
Speaker 1: ask her if there's anything about your body that she
Speaker 1: doesn't like in order to find what that thing is.
Speaker 3: It does say my ball sizer is below average. Sometimes
Speaker 3: she says that, and I would be willing to do
Speaker 3: that for her.
Speaker 1: Okay, then that's what that's the approach I would take
Speaker 1: with it is some some form of of bargain.
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you, Gick, I appreciate course, have.
Speaker 1: Any that a good night? Any and Audi cuch I
Speaker 1: did not know that that was such a thing. I
Speaker 1: know there's any and Audi belly buttons, I myself have
Speaker 1: a deep deep inny. Hello Veronica, Hi Veronica. It says
Speaker 1: here that you had an encounter with the guy working
Speaker 1: at the front desk. Apparently he was flirting with you
Speaker 1: and you felt kind of awkward about it. This is uh,
Speaker 1: I like talking about these things, these little these little
Speaker 1: micro interactions that we have, you know, platonically, these micro
Speaker 1: interactions we have are already so awkward and complex to navigate.
Speaker 1: But when you add this whatever romantic sexual overtone over it,
Speaker 1: it just, uh, it's about one hundred times worse. So
Speaker 1: we're going to break break it down for me.
Speaker 5: Okay. So, I mean, I've been going to the gym
Speaker 5: for a while now, and I've seen this guy at
Speaker 5: the front desk and I've been like, oh, he's cute,
Speaker 5: but I never really noticed him before, like too much. Sorry,
Speaker 5: I'm getting water because I'm parched and married. I'll drink
Speaker 5: some too, But I'd never really quite noticed him before.
Speaker 5: And then the other day I was struggling with a
Speaker 5: machine and I'd never used like this specific machine before.
Speaker 5: I could not get this motherfucker loose, Like, I could
Speaker 5: not get it in the position I wanted.
Speaker 2: So I was.
Speaker 5: Tugging at it and tugging at it, and I'm realizing
Speaker 5: I look stupid, like for when my arms are jelly
Speaker 5: already and I'm looking real dumb. So I start laughing
Speaker 5: at myself and I tug at it and I look
Speaker 5: over and this front desk boys laughing at me and
Speaker 5: I like shook my head, laughed it off, tried it again,
Speaker 5: could not get it. Still cannot get it. So I
Speaker 5: look over at him and he's still looking at me
Speaker 5: and give him a look like are you gonna help
Speaker 5: me or what? So then he comes over and he
Speaker 5: helps me and he shows me how to do it,
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh, thanks god, it got it now.
Speaker 5: And then later when I'm leaving, he goes, so, now
Speaker 5: at least you know how the machine works. And I
Speaker 5: was like, yeah, yeah, no, I got it now, thanks,
Speaker 5: like in a kind of like exasperated, like yeah, thanks,
Speaker 5: I'm an idiot. And shoot, what did he say after that? Sorry?
Speaker 5: I'm like really nervous, gecko.
Speaker 6: I'm so happy.
Speaker 1: Okay, So so all right, sorry, so listen, say so,
Speaker 1: so you have a crush on this guy?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 5: I guess so, I mean this is like the first
Speaker 5: time I'd ever really really know. So I just thought
Speaker 5: he was cute. I think it was the fact that
Speaker 5: like he like started to flirt with me, and then
Speaker 5: I felt like this pressure and like, I'm I'm very
Speaker 5: comfortable in myself, if not anything, like, I don't I
Speaker 5: don't even know that I've only interacted with him a
Speaker 5: couple of times, you know, but it's.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing is, are you hoping that he
Speaker 1: makes some form of a reach out to you to
Speaker 1: whatever get your numbers?
Speaker 5: I am so happy, I mean, I am so happy
Speaker 5: single right now. But I was like, it would fund
Speaker 5: to flirt with him, just like when I see him
Speaker 5: at the gym or whatever. But no, I'm really happy single.
Speaker 5: But it's like the idea that now I have to
Speaker 5: build up, like, oh, what am I going to say
Speaker 5: to him? Like what is he going to say to me?
Speaker 1: You're enjoying, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see what
Speaker 1: you're saying. You're like, you're just enjoying. You're existing in
Speaker 1: this realm of tension, and you know, I know that
Speaker 1: you say you can you're you're existing in this realm
Speaker 1: of tension. Hold on, you're existing in this realm of tension.
Speaker 1: And you're saying you don't know how to flirt properly.
Speaker 1: That's what That's what you told the call screenner. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you appear not to be really if I'm reading what
Speaker 1: you're telling me correctly, your peer, not to really be
Speaker 1: all that interested in advancing this to anything, and that
Speaker 1: you're merely enjoying the tension for tension's sake.
Speaker 5: I guess, so, yeah, gotta feel a little something.
Speaker 1: So in that case, you know, feel the tension for
Speaker 1: the tension's sake, Right, You don't have to really do
Speaker 1: anything to, as you say, flirt properly. You're just enjoying
Speaker 1: your romanticization of what this guy might think of you. Well,
Speaker 1: hold on, you're enjoying this romanticization of what this guy
Speaker 1: might think of you, of what could be just you're
Speaker 1: just enjoying the daydreams for the sake of the day dreams.
Speaker 1: And now, I don't think there's anything wrong with daydreaming,
Speaker 1: unless if the daydreaming eventually gets to some point where
Speaker 1: you feel like it's having some unpleasant effect on you,
Speaker 1: or or if it's compelling you to take action of
Speaker 1: some sort. But as of now, you just seem to
Speaker 1: be enjoying it for the sake of it.
Speaker 2: I hear you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yes, I think that's true, and it's I'm definitely
Speaker 5: not really looking for anything right now, you know so,
Speaker 5: But I did do the whole thing, I see. It's
Speaker 5: the thing. I've ranticized it in my head, like I
Speaker 5: was going on Instagram trying to figure out I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't even know his name, so I was trying
Speaker 5: to see if I could figure out his name or something.
Speaker 5: I don't know, But I guess I'll just have to
Speaker 5: ask him. I guess that'll be the next point of
Speaker 5: a pension. I suppose.
Speaker 1: I think that that sounds like a much better idea
Speaker 1: than trying to find out his name on Instagram.
Speaker 5: I'm not the only one who does that though, Like
Speaker 5: I know, that's.
Speaker 2: The normal thing.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling, Veronica.
Speaker 5: It was nice talking to you.
Speaker 1: Get Hello. Hello, Hey, is this John?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 2: John?
Speaker 6: Not much? How about you?
Speaker 1: Well, Uh, it's a I don't know. The vibe tonight
Speaker 1: is definitely very interesting. It's definitely very self it's very
Speaker 1: the vibe tonight is very self healthy for every single
Speaker 1: person involved in this in this operation right now. And
Speaker 1: you know, look, I'm rolling with it here, John. What's uh?
Speaker 1: What's new? Is there anything in particular you wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about today?
Speaker 6: Yeah? You know it wold. You know it's not long ago.
Speaker 6: Savalentine's Wolves and yeah, I had some but nothing nice
Speaker 6: experience this year with content today and I want to
Speaker 6: talk about that.
Speaker 1: You had a not nice experience with Valentine's Day? You said, yes,
Speaker 1: what was what was this not nice experience?
Speaker 6: So because that was my current her friend for like
Speaker 6: one half years, and yeah, we basically said this year
Speaker 6: we wouldn't. Yeah, we basically we set a limit for
Speaker 6: how much money we would spend on our presence. And yeah,
Speaker 6: so basically because flowers are expensive, pretty much just bought
Speaker 6: her flowers and sub chocolate pretty much. Yeah, Yeah, she
Speaker 6: was not very happy with it. She she was very well, say,
Speaker 6: angry with me because she told me she would rather
Speaker 6: have some chrem here crystals and so because she.
Speaker 1: Is in victory and so okay, so hold on, so
Speaker 1: let me get this straight. So you guys said some
Speaker 1: sort of cost limit on your gifts. You got her
Speaker 1: flowers and chocolate, and she angry because she was angry
Speaker 1: because you didn't get her what she wanted. Yeah, pretty much, John, Well,
Speaker 1: how long you've been seeing this girl for.
Speaker 6: One and a half gifts and basically we are The
Speaker 6: thing is, I was living in a pretty rough situation
Speaker 6: with my family, yep, and I will we texted for
Speaker 6: a long time and met up and basically I moved
Speaker 6: with her to her and her mom and Yeah, I'm
Speaker 6: now living with her and hour pretty much together with
Speaker 6: her for one and a half years.
Speaker 1: All right, So you're having this one issue with that?
Speaker 1: Do you have issues with her consistently? Many, many, many,
Speaker 1: many issues? Okay, so you have many, many issues with her.
Speaker 1: This isn't just the one and you're living with her,
Speaker 1: which is the whole thing to have to get out of.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm looking with her.
Speaker 1: I don't know, John, Listen. I'm not here to tell
Speaker 1: anyone whether or not they should break up with their
Speaker 1: significant other. But do you have a job.
Speaker 6: I'm thinking about it, to be honest, Yeah, I have
Speaker 6: a short.
Speaker 1: You're an it ta Uh. Where do you live?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What what place in the universe?
Speaker 3: Germany?
Speaker 1: To give me your dress Germany? Do you make enough
Speaker 1: money to go out and live by yourself or or
Speaker 1: find a roommate and live with them.
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely. But the thing is it wouldn't be so bad.
Speaker 6: Address was one thing, but you know, there are multiple
Speaker 6: things that are pretty annoying. And I can't talk about
Speaker 6: with her about it because my thing is I moved
Speaker 6: up the cause of my my mom was not the
Speaker 6: nice person to me, you know, And it's like the
Speaker 6: same it's like I was facing my own mom. I
Speaker 6: went to talk with her. Pretty much, she's screaming at me,
Speaker 6: and she's not very nice.
Speaker 1: John. I don't like this, man, I don't like that.
Speaker 1: It seems like you sort of left one bad situation
Speaker 1: for another one.
Speaker 6: Pretty much, and it's it's not very stressing me out
Speaker 6: pretty much.
Speaker 1: So what is what is stopping you from? What do
Speaker 1: you what do you feel like a stopping you from
Speaker 1: breaking up with this girl and moving into another place?
Speaker 6: You know, the thing is pretty much she I care
Speaker 6: about her pretty much. But the thing is, I don't know.
Speaker 6: You know, it's like I know if I would do that.
Speaker 6: I know her that she has some self harm experience
Speaker 6: in the past, and I don't believe want you know
Speaker 6: that that shit happened, that she would hurt herself or
Speaker 6: something like that.
Speaker 1: You know, John, you talked to a real therapist about this.
Speaker 6: I am pretty much a funny thing. I would visit
Speaker 6: my therapist for the first session and he got yeah
Speaker 6: COVID and not got moved for tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so you're going to talk about your
Speaker 1: You're going to talk about this with therapist tomorrow. I
Speaker 1: don't know what your therapist is going to say, but
Speaker 1: what if I had to make a prediction about what
Speaker 1: they say? Or you know, what I've heard people's therapists
Speaker 1: say when this issue comes up is that you I
Speaker 1: get it. You're an empathetic guy. You're someone that cares
Speaker 1: about other people. And so the idea that somebody would
Speaker 1: harm themselves because.
Speaker 2: Of like.
Speaker 1: You leaving them quote because of you leaving them, We
Speaker 1: have no idea why anyone does anything. Really, ultimately, that's
Speaker 1: not your responsibility. Other people's happiness and well being is
Speaker 1: never your responsibility. Really.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but that's the thing I really have problems with
Speaker 6: just because I'm not putting myself person I'm always thinking
Speaker 6: about it.
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard to do. And again, there's something there, right,
Speaker 1: I think there's something there because there's a delicate balance
Speaker 1: between selflessness and selfishness that a lot of people haven't,
Speaker 1: myself included, have a lot of trouble striking that balance.
Speaker 1: But you do need to realize that other people's happiness
Speaker 1: is not something that is within your control, or else
Speaker 1: you'll just be a slave to it your entire life.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know how old you are. How
Speaker 1: old are you twenty two, twenty two. Okay, great, this
Speaker 1: is something and I'm sure you're going to talk about
Speaker 1: this all your next therapy session, and I'm sure your
Speaker 1: real therapist will know exactly what to say. But you
Speaker 1: need to nip this in the bud because you can't
Speaker 1: be living your life at the whim of other people
Speaker 1: all the time. And you got to realize that their
Speaker 1: happiness is ultimately their own work, just as your happiness
Speaker 1: is your own work. Does that make sense?
Speaker 6: Yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker 3: What do you do?
Speaker 1: You said you do it?
Speaker 6: But hmm, yeah, I'm in it.
Speaker 1: T what's Germany like? Is it nice? I kind of
Speaker 1: want to go.
Speaker 6: It's pretty nice when you're having home office and you
Speaker 6: basically it doesn't have to move in.
Speaker 1: Where a city in Germany?
Speaker 6: Uh, I'm a near Cologne, I would say Cologne. I
Speaker 6: don't know what that is.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I asked what city in Germany?
Speaker 1: Because I only know.
Speaker 2: I can.
Speaker 1: I think I think I can. I think I can
Speaker 1: only name three cities in Germany. I know there's pro
Speaker 1: in all right, I can name one city in Germany.
Speaker 1: M John, good luck to you and you're a therapist,
Speaker 1: I said, hello, thanks? Can I John, Thanks, I will
Speaker 1: John John John John John, I liked John. Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: how are you?
Speaker 3: I'm good? How are you kid?
Speaker 1: I'm doing good? Ryan, Ryan. It says here you want
Speaker 1: to know if it's a good idea to move nine
Speaker 1: hundred miles away all by yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, h.
Speaker 1: Where where we Where are we moving to.
Speaker 3: Ohio?
Speaker 1: Where are we're moving? From Florida, Florida to Ohio? The
Speaker 1: classic down, up, down to up drive all right, So
Speaker 1: tell me what's going on in Florida and then tell
Speaker 1: me what's going on in Ohio.
Speaker 7: Some big life changes, you know, separated from my partner
Speaker 7: of almost eight years. Being in this area is a
Speaker 7: little depressing. I visited Ohio about a month ago by myself,
Speaker 7: drove up, spent some time up there, made some friends,
Speaker 7: called sites, and I really enjoyed it. So I kind
Speaker 7: of made the last second decision.
Speaker 3: To move up there.
Speaker 1: Have you found a place?
Speaker 7: I've been looking on the rental apps and whatnot looking around.
Speaker 7: Cost of living is cheaper up there.
Speaker 3: You know, with.
Speaker 7: Everything that's going on, So I think it might be good,
Speaker 7: but I wanted to get an unbiased opinion on.
Speaker 1: It, right, So the fact that you called me is
Speaker 1: signaling that you have some apprehension about it, whether or
Speaker 1: not founded. What is your apprehension?
Speaker 7: Just moving that far away from all of my family
Speaker 7: by myself, you know, I'd be packing my car up
Speaker 7: with my closest possessions, driving the ten hours and hoping
Speaker 7: it works out.
Speaker 1: You know, Man, not to make this about me, but
Speaker 1: I just did that. Actually I just did that like
Speaker 1: a month or so ago, and really yeah, yeah. And
Speaker 1: my philosophy, and this is me talking to myself right now,
Speaker 1: is that life is short, right, And I think it
Speaker 1: all kind of depends on what you value. I know,
Speaker 1: for me, when I die, I really want to feel
Speaker 1: like I lived some bit of a storied life, you know,
Speaker 1: of a varied of varied experiences, and I feel like
Speaker 1: living in different places is part of that. So even
Speaker 1: though you are leaving behind a lot of comfort, you're
Speaker 1: rolling the dice in an interesting way. You're allowing the
Speaker 1: possibility for new places and new things to become part
Speaker 1: of your life's story and diversify it and make it
Speaker 1: that much more comfortable. And it's very hard to roll
Speaker 1: those dice and take that risk, but your life will
Speaker 1: be a little bit more colorful as a result. If
Speaker 1: that's important to you. I don't know if.
Speaker 7: And that's what I was thinking when I went up
Speaker 7: there by myself. I kind of threw myself out there.
Speaker 7: I went out, I made some friends. I was talking
Speaker 7: with new people, you know, people I had never knew before.
Speaker 7: I was walking around the city by myself, and one
Speaker 7: of the friends I made, I was talking with him
Speaker 7: about it when I came back home, and he was like, yeah, man,
Speaker 7: that sounds good. You know, with my line of work,
Speaker 7: you know, I could get a job fairly easily and
Speaker 7: I'd be able to make it. But I just I
Speaker 7: was a little apprehensive because I'd be going by myself,
Speaker 7: you know, almost nine hundred miles away, starting a whole
Speaker 7: new life by myself, and I was a little worried.
Speaker 7: I am still a little worried that it may not
Speaker 7: work out. But I have confidence that at my age,
Speaker 7: I could start a life in a new area that
Speaker 7: me or my family has never been to. You know,
Speaker 7: I can make something of myself in a new area
Speaker 7: and just kind of live my life as who I
Speaker 7: am versus basing it off of somebody else.
Speaker 1: Right, right, when you move away from all your friends
Speaker 1: and family, there's also this very interesting opportunity. You have to, like,
Speaker 1: as you just said, see who you are and develop
Speaker 1: who you are under no influence from other people. That's
Speaker 1: a really important thing to do because you kind of
Speaker 1: become the equivalent of the five people you hang out
Speaker 1: with the most. And when you go to a new
Speaker 1: place and you're not hanging out with those people, you're
Speaker 1: given an opportunity to find out other sides of yourself
Speaker 1: that might be awakened by the people that you meet
Speaker 1: or the things you see. And again, when we're talking
Speaker 1: about building a colored life experience, we're not only finding
Speaker 1: new things about a place, we're also finding out new
Speaker 1: things about ourselves as we're trying new stuff and talking
Speaker 1: to new people who bring out different sides of us.
Speaker 1: You know, I think there's a lot of value in
Speaker 1: doing and you know, yeah, man, I'm about your age,
Speaker 1: and personally, I feel like the more in my life
Speaker 1: I'm able to pack up, move and start again, the
Speaker 1: more I feel I feel very empowered by that. You know,
Speaker 1: if I can pack up, move, live somewhere for a
Speaker 1: couple of years, pack up, move again, live somewhere for
Speaker 1: a couple of years, pack up, move again, you know,
Speaker 1: But by the time i'm you know, whatever, old and settled,
Speaker 1: I'll have. I'll have that much more wisdom and experience
Speaker 1: being a person in different places. And I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of value to that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I thought the same thing. With me still being
Speaker 7: you know, relatively young, I can, you know, plant myself
Speaker 7: somewhere else, spread out a little bit and if it
Speaker 7: comes down to it, and move again and expand my
Speaker 7: horizons as as far as my body will let me.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Man, you know, good luck to you. Ryan. This was
Speaker 1: this was a good call. It was good. I felt
Speaker 1: like I was talking to myself here because, as I said,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. Yeah, for sure, Man, have a
Speaker 1: good rest of the night, you too, I love you,
Speaker 1: Love you too, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. No, I really
Speaker 1: felt like I was talking to myself just then, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I just moved across the country about a month ago.
Speaker 1: And Yeah, as I was talking to Ryan just now,
Speaker 1: it was like remembering all the reasons why not to
Speaker 1: again make this about me, But I was remembering all
Speaker 1: the reasons why I did that. Uh, because I want
Speaker 1: to live a colorful life. Talk to a bunch of people,
Speaker 1: see a bunch of things, go a bunch of places
Speaker 1: and then die. It sounds nice, but you gotta get
Speaker 1: out of your comfort zone. That's very hard to do.
Speaker 4: Goes on the line, thinks every night.
Speaker 2: I was teaching you.
Speaker 5: You're like, but it's not really an expert