Speaker 1: Do you have any resolutions specifically about dating or your
Speaker 1: love life.
Speaker 2: I think I want to approach dating with more of
Speaker 2: like this is just really fun mindset and not you know,
Speaker 2: put so much emphasis on the outcomes or anything that
Speaker 2: can happen, and really prioritize what I want.
Speaker 3: At our Voiceover Live show last December, our producer Emily
Speaker 3: asked people for their twenty twenty six dating resolutions to
Speaker 3: motivate us for the new year.
Speaker 4: I guess like to make my boundaries and expectations like stricter,
Speaker 4: because I realized when I keep my criteria loose, I
Speaker 4: just like keep getting disappointed. And I don't want to
Speaker 4: keep like wasting my.
Speaker 5: Energy becoming less mechanical when it comes to dating and
Speaker 5: doing more just like have it flow more naturally and
Speaker 5: less business meeting schedule dates.
Speaker 6: Just like prioritizing myself and my health. And I think
Speaker 6: like when you are like doing you in work, working
Speaker 6: on you, like that's when like the right person is
Speaker 6: going to come into your life at the right time.
Speaker 3: I'm hopewordered and welcome to Voiceover a space where we're
Speaker 3: learning and I'm learning all the myths we're taught about
Speaker 3: love and.
Speaker 7: Relationships Happy New Year.
Speaker 3: Happy New Year, twenty twenty six.
Speaker 8: Are you ready to start fresh?
Speaker 9: I feel amazing about this year.
Speaker 3: Hello, and happy new year to our voiceover listeners. In
Speaker 3: a stunning turn of events, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about
Speaker 3: the new year. I think change is on the horizon,
Speaker 3: and I want to stay positive about it. So I
Speaker 3: got on this studio with my producers Emily and Christina
Speaker 3: to bring some good energy into our expectations for twenty
Speaker 3: twenty six.
Speaker 8: Are you ready to start fresh?
Speaker 9: I feel amazing about this year.
Speaker 8: Wow.
Speaker 3: So I feel like twenty twenty six is kind of
Speaker 3: collectively leaving behind twenty twenty three, twenty twenty four, and
Speaker 3: twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: There's something twenty twenty three being the year you started sober.
Speaker 10: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, but also like beyond the boy
Speaker 10: sober of it all was, I think, just like the
Speaker 10: attention and like sort of figuring out how to deal
Speaker 10: with all that.
Speaker 3: Like I feel like my feet are finally underneath me,
Speaker 3: Like I love it. Definitely the most stable I've ever
Speaker 3: been in my life.
Speaker 7: I love it.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, And my life is a really huge that's
Speaker 1: a grand job, toty statement, but I do kind of
Speaker 1: feel that way.
Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, my feet are under me. Like I
Speaker 3: like my job and I don't know something job. I
Speaker 3: love this job, I say.
Speaker 11: Us question, Yeah, with twenty twenty five in the past, hope,
Speaker 11: what would you say your dating resolutions are?
Speaker 8: Oh, god, well or twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: Fid I mean every single time I say a dating resolution,
Speaker 3: I do the opposite, because every single time you've ever
Speaker 3: asked me, I've said it's to give up men, and
Speaker 3: I've never done it.
Speaker 11: You know, I'd be more realistic to go micro you think,
Speaker 11: rather than say give up men, because I think, like
Speaker 11: my problem was always the typical, like I'm going to
Speaker 11: lose ten pounds and it's like you don't. But then
Speaker 11: I think I started to like shift in my head
Speaker 11: of like I'm going to.
Speaker 8: Start going to the gym more totally.
Speaker 11: I'm just going to start eating healthier, right, yeah, something
Speaker 11: like so simple, but like it's just a little shift
Speaker 11: because I hated making resolutions, right, I just felt like
Speaker 11: empty promises. Yeah, And so I think my goals are
Speaker 11: usually more something I know I can achieve totally.
Speaker 3: Because when you set a goal that you don't achieve,
Speaker 3: it's like then you feel bad about yourself, and then
Speaker 3: you like get further away from that goal, you.
Speaker 8: Feel like your failure, and then I might as.
Speaker 12: Well sort of just like go full force, and like.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I do feel like quite a shift though.
Speaker 3: I mean, like we've been talking about, it's like I
Speaker 3: feel more stability than ever I think over the last
Speaker 3: couple of years. Why I said like twenty twenty three,
Speaker 3: twenty twenty four, twenty twenty five feels like I'm sort
Speaker 3: of leaving it all behind is because those years have
Speaker 3: been so chaotic for me, like so intense, so uneasy,
Speaker 3: so sort of scattered, where it was like romance was
Speaker 3: a bit of a lifeline. And now I'm like going
Speaker 3: into this year and I just have a completely different sentiment,
Speaker 3: and it does feel like I've really gotten something out
Speaker 3: of my system. Something about jumping from a twenty four
Speaker 3: year old to a forty four year old sort of
Speaker 3: made me say, like, okay, you know what, let.
Speaker 1: Me like life update, let me like that's what I'm
Speaker 1: in a hope. In the past couple of months, I
Speaker 1: had a jump too, no Bright.
Speaker 3: And with both of them it was just sort of like,
Speaker 3: I don't really know if this was necessary, Like with
Speaker 3: the twenty four year old, he was my friend and
Speaker 3: now we are not friends, and I'm like.
Speaker 9: Yeah, it wasn't worth it, Like I don't really like
Speaker 9: to admit that.
Speaker 3: Like when my dad asked me, like, is there anything
Speaker 3: you would have changed about that situation? In my heart,
Speaker 3: I was like, I wish it had never happened. I
Speaker 3: wish I had never kissed him. You wish I wish
Speaker 3: I had never crossed that line. And I actually feel
Speaker 3: that way about so much, but I've been hesitant to
Speaker 3: admit it. So maybe like that's the micro version of
Speaker 3: this bigger goal, is that, like I don't really want
Speaker 3: to cross over into something with someone because you really
Speaker 3: cannot go back.
Speaker 9: It is just not the same.
Speaker 11: Well, part of the reason why we're here is also
Speaker 11: to look ahead at the year of dating, and since
Speaker 11: we have a lot of fun in the studio, I've
Speaker 11: gathered up dating trends for the year ahead.
Speaker 8: Love to hear that have been predicted by.
Speaker 11: Dating experts, apps, what have you, And so I'm going
Speaker 11: to read a few and you guys think I'm crimazing.
Speaker 11: So for twenty twenty six dating trends clear coding this is.
Speaker 9: Wait can we guess what that means before you tell it.
Speaker 8: Yes, okay, clear coating.
Speaker 9: Being transparent, like be honest and direct.
Speaker 11: Spelling out your dating intentions upfront. Okay, staying up front
Speaker 11: if you want casual, serious, what you're willing to tolerate
Speaker 11: no more.
Speaker 9: I don't know what I'm looking for.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, kill that. Yeah, kill that. That's the worst.
Speaker 1: Well, speaking of dating apps, it sounds like everyone's getting
Speaker 1: on field.
Speaker 12: Like it sounds like because those people.
Speaker 1: Are so upfront, those people, did I say it?
Speaker 8: Like those those people I've tried it.
Speaker 12: Hey, it's on and they spell it out.
Speaker 8: Maybe that's what worked for them, right, No, no, exactly.
Speaker 1: But there is like a radical transparency thing because there's
Speaker 1: like the hingeway where it's like they let you do
Speaker 1: the long term open short, short term opened along. It's
Speaker 1: like kind of a cop out. But there is a
Speaker 1: difference between that and the radical transparency of like, this
Speaker 1: is all I'm looking for, right, this is what I'm into.
Speaker 3: Well, and here's the truth about when someone gives you
Speaker 3: what they're honestly looking for. Is anyone on the receiving
Speaker 3: end of it, low key is probably wanting to change
Speaker 3: your mind. I feel like, so often people get into
Speaker 3: something with someone and one person is like, I'm not
Speaker 3: looking for anything serious, and then the other person is
Speaker 3: sort of like, let's see what happens.
Speaker 12: Though, right, you know, yeah, but that's but that's a problem.
Speaker 11: You'll change their mind, right, And so I think with
Speaker 11: clear coding, it could be like, all right, if the
Speaker 11: guy says I'm not looking for anything serious, you.
Speaker 9: Got to count them out, you got to walk away.
Speaker 3: Okay. So maybe that that this dating trend needs to
Speaker 3: be two part clear coding. But then also like hearing
Speaker 3: people when they tell you something.
Speaker 11: Right, you know, because the other person might not be
Speaker 11: as transparent as you want to, right, would you hope.
Speaker 9: Be clear coded?
Speaker 8: Yes?
Speaker 3: To be retrospective for a second, to think about last year,
Speaker 3: I would break things off pretty quickly. I'm not really
Speaker 3: someone these days who's trying to like trick at all.
Speaker 8: Like on a date, if someone asks you, like, what
Speaker 8: are you looking for?
Speaker 9: Do you say like, I mean, I'm looking for like
Speaker 9: a life partner.
Speaker 8: Do you say that to a person like or do
Speaker 8: you think they'll freak them out?
Speaker 3: I mean the forty four year old that I dated,
Speaker 3: I was asking him pretty point blank about how he
Speaker 3: sees the future and what he wants with like family,
Speaker 3: like not really certain if I want to get married
Speaker 3: or not. I asked him, like, he is getting married
Speaker 3: something you want? And he tried to say maybe, but
Speaker 3: you could tell it was a no. And it was
Speaker 3: like do you want kids? And he like tried to
Speaker 3: be like I could want kids, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: then that's a no.
Speaker 8: At forty four, you should know, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: And I'm also like to be forty four years old
Speaker 3: and to not want to sort of like be a
Speaker 3: part of something it feels like bigger than yourself, like
Speaker 3: not everyone needs to have kids, not everyone needs to
Speaker 3: get married, of course, right, But it was just sort
Speaker 3: of giving, like are you not trying to like leave
Speaker 3: any kind of legacy? And I don't even mean that
Speaker 3: in like a familial way, right, but just like what
Speaker 3: are you building and with who?
Speaker 9: That's sort of the question that.
Speaker 8: Is, and that's nothing you want it, right, So I'm
Speaker 8: proud of you. You cut it off.
Speaker 3: I know, look at that so I can be I
Speaker 3: can be clear coded, but I guess I'm also aware
Speaker 3: of how I can change my mind.
Speaker 9: Do you have anything in life?
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I have been something that
Speaker 1: I've gotten better at in dating is being like, I
Speaker 1: am definitely looking for something, but it's also hard because
Speaker 1: I'm not opposed to like, what if something fun happened
Speaker 1: in the middle, and like if there is something of like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to close the door. So I have
Speaker 1: been really upfront with what I want, but I'm also like,
Speaker 1: but we.
Speaker 12: Can have a fun, little cheeky time.
Speaker 8: The fun part about that is the surprise of it happened.
Speaker 11: So I think when you state that you want that,
Speaker 11: it kind of takes out the element of spotan eighty
Speaker 11: and makes it seem like you're planning for it, you
Speaker 11: know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's something about the clear coded thing where it
Speaker 3: sort of like dismisses like all of our ability to
Speaker 3: just like change the way we think, change what we feel.
Speaker 3: You never you can be as direct as possible, but
Speaker 3: you spend a week with somebody and something could.
Speaker 1: Change, which this I don't know if you want to
Speaker 1: get into this discussion right now, but like the whole
Speaker 1: concept of even having these terms I feel like has
Speaker 1: gone overboard totally.
Speaker 9: As the woman who started the word ye.
Speaker 12: Apologize a little too far.
Speaker 8: It is pretty ridiculous.
Speaker 13: We need them.
Speaker 12: Everything like there is.
Speaker 11: Sometimes it makes sense, like there wasn't a name for
Speaker 11: a feeling that you might have. But sometimes it's like
Speaker 11: you could have just said obsession. You know, you could
Speaker 11: have just said this one word. We don't have to
Speaker 11: make some like weird thing.
Speaker 9: It's like an interesting thing.
Speaker 3: I think it's just a product of the Internet though,
Speaker 3: with like how quickly everything is moving, it's like people
Speaker 3: need new things, people need new words, people need new
Speaker 3: identities like trends or fat you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: It's just like speaking of let me bring up this
Speaker 3: next word, great transition. Kim riizdry Kim riztory. Of course
Speaker 3: you're charismatic as hell. Yeah you got charisma together. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you're working the room together, you're making people laugh together,
Speaker 3: you're going to the party.
Speaker 12: Magnetica tract.
Speaker 8: It's a combination of chemistry and RIZ.
Speaker 11: So you're catching that unexpected chemistry with someone that you
Speaker 11: didn't think that you'd be into.
Speaker 12: Oh okay, well again, you gotta let people.
Speaker 11: It's not just like, oh, you have chemistry, it's unexpected chemistry.
Speaker 8: They've got the RIZ. I can't say that with this,
Speaker 8: can I.
Speaker 9: Say something else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yes, in twenty twenty six, I think I would
Speaker 3: like to get away from my historic type. Okay, my
Speaker 3: friend Dalton said specifically, no more stinky white boys.
Speaker 9: So it's like they can be white, but they can't
Speaker 9: be stinky.
Speaker 3: But also just try to get away from my type
Speaker 3: and try would you say your type.
Speaker 8: Is stinky white boys?
Speaker 3: Well, just that was the last one, and just laugh you.
Speaker 3: I mean I also had that other one. Y'all have
Speaker 3: seen I pass. Yeah, So anyways, no more stinky boys.
Speaker 3: Maybe we can just leave it at back, get away
Speaker 3: from and get away from my type. I would like
Speaker 3: so to bring it back to kim Ris Dreem. I
Speaker 3: think there's an element of surprise to this dating trend. Yeah,
Speaker 3: consider someone you wouldn't maybe, yeah, or maybe just being
Speaker 3: open minded.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 11: Yeah, I like I would say I've always been picky
Speaker 11: in my past, and I think that was a detriment
Speaker 11: to my dating life.
Speaker 8: Because they were all assholes.
Speaker 11: They all fit the mold perfectly, and like, in hindsight,
Speaker 11: I ended up wasting so many dates, so many months,
Speaker 11: so many years, chasing after the wrong one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, trying to put somebody like make a list for
Speaker 3: somebody and dismissing if they didn't check the boxes, and
Speaker 3: then you can't have fun.
Speaker 9: No, and you want to be able to have fun.
Speaker 9: I guess my resolutions about dating is be a lot
Speaker 9: more intentional with who I'm dating and who I'm spending
Speaker 9: my time with.
Speaker 8: I mean, I would love to serious, way intentionally.
Speaker 5: Date, raising the standard for who I'm willing to give
Speaker 5: multiple dates to.
Speaker 11: I want to lower my standards.
Speaker 2: I want to give everyone a chance, because then I
Speaker 2: don't know. There comes a time where I feel like
Speaker 2: you never know who it's gonna match a freak.
Speaker 1: Okay, zip coding mm mmm, is this like judging someone
Speaker 1: based on where they live?
Speaker 9: Okay, I have a guess.
Speaker 3: I think maybe you put yourself in a new zip
Speaker 3: code to see if you can date outside of where
Speaker 3: you live, if you're like on the apps.
Speaker 11: Oh interesting, Okay, it's actually the opposite of that. People
Speaker 11: set a very tight radius on their dating app filter
Speaker 11: so that they keep themselves from meeting anyone outside of
Speaker 11: their own zip code.
Speaker 1: Okay, but I think people are lazy and don't want
Speaker 1: to travel.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 9: To me, it's given convenience.
Speaker 12: It's giving I was doing pretty water, the soil in
Speaker 12: front of you.
Speaker 1: I mean, such a Yorker, I understand that an Upper
Speaker 1: east Side to Brooklyn is a long distance relationship.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I will say I zip coated.
Speaker 9: Oh yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 11: And by chance, that is how I ended up meeting
Speaker 11: my husband because I was very lazy and I did
Speaker 11: not want to travel to the Upper west Side.
Speaker 14: And you found and you found a nice I did
Speaker 14: find a very you to our homebody. We fit on
Speaker 14: the couch perfectly, and he was a fifteen minute walk
Speaker 14: in my face, and I was like, yes.
Speaker 12: That's a great zip code.
Speaker 8: There's pros and cons to it.
Speaker 3: To see somebody at a coffee shop today, who just anyways.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but what's the kind of person you are?
Speaker 11: I'm trying to apply it to like other cities, but no,
Speaker 11: I think I'm just overall lazy. I think that if
Speaker 11: I were in like a city and have to drive
Speaker 11: for five to an hour and a half away, I
Speaker 11: got this long distance.
Speaker 12: No, yeah, it's going to happen.
Speaker 8: Too lazy for that. I've better things to do.
Speaker 9: Okay, I like zip coding. I think it's a good idea.
Speaker 8: Hot take dating, Okay.
Speaker 3: You're doing subway takes with the person you're what's dick.
Speaker 1: Like the really strong personalities who are always arguing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, say your most offensive thing on the first day.
Speaker 8: It's not being a political.
Speaker 9: Not being a political yeah, of course.
Speaker 11: So not holding back the very beginning of like what
Speaker 11: your beliefs are and politics, religion and all of that.
Speaker 11: Don't put a filter on.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 8: I would imagine that it probably.
Speaker 11: Breaks up or is the source of many arguments for
Speaker 11: people if they hold it back in the beginning, and
Speaker 11: then you come to find out you don't have the
Speaker 11: same beliefs, which is.
Speaker 12: Important right now? Correct, I mean always important, but important?
Speaker 3: Maybe? No, Okay, there, I could play the devil's advocate
Speaker 3: for a moment. Yes, just because I feel like there
Speaker 3: is sort of this like moral superiority happening with women
Speaker 3: on the left who don't date men on the right.
Speaker 3: There's something about the separatism of that that just makes
Speaker 3: me go like, I don't know. I mean, I could
Speaker 3: never do it, Like imagine me dating a Republican or something.
Speaker 3: It's never gonna it's never gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Some people, some people can do it, though.
Speaker 11: It would be interesting if people could do it now
Speaker 11: though yeah, I can see like parents and earlier generations
Speaker 11: doing it right.
Speaker 1: Now when everything was a little more in the middle,
Speaker 1: more boring and just calm bat but right, like you know,
Speaker 1: we can we can align socially but not politically, but
Speaker 1: not politically, And I feel like that's that just doesn't
Speaker 1: feel as true now right, just like the social is
Speaker 1: political right now?
Speaker 13: Right?
Speaker 8: Okay, friend fluence.
Speaker 9: M letting your friends decide who you date or not.
Speaker 8: The real matchmakers are the group chat.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm really into this, okay, because I want to
Speaker 1: be meeting people in person and I'm kind of begging
Speaker 1: to be set up right now, right, So I think
Speaker 1: we've lost the art of the setup. I think our
Speaker 1: one Harry Metsally episode taught that to us, that we
Speaker 1: have lost.
Speaker 12: All these arts.
Speaker 1: One of my resolutions of like get more connected to
Speaker 1: community is to like be meeting people more organically and
Speaker 1: like just why in your circle enough to like let
Speaker 1: opportunities come to you. Yeah, yeah, but then and then
Speaker 1: also like no one knows you better than your friends.
Speaker 8: I have also been seeing that double dates seems to
Speaker 8: be a trend that's starting to happen more now in.
Speaker 1: This Yeah, I mean a double date, first date, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's that's the one Harry Metsally scene, which is for both.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that would be well, that's also just like super.
Speaker 1: That is fun because it's just like I could see
Speaker 1: it being just like a low key Hanks, these two
Speaker 1: people that could be good good for each other.
Speaker 8: That'd be a fun experience.
Speaker 1: I tested that out, and then they can decide if
Speaker 1: they want to meet again.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think that'd be fun.
Speaker 9: More double dates.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, okay, Digital Love coaches.
Speaker 12: No, you know, is it a person or no?
Speaker 8: You know it's Ai.
Speaker 11: No, I know, but it is on the rise and
Speaker 11: it's gonna be even more so.
Speaker 9: I saw the video of a woman in Japan getting married.
Speaker 3: To her AI character and she's like walking down an
Speaker 3: aisle and there was like a phone. It's just very
Speaker 3: her coded, you know what I mean, Phoenix coded.
Speaker 8: See, that's a different level.
Speaker 9: Can I say something else?
Speaker 3: It might be too far where I'm about to go
Speaker 3: with this, buckle up. AI is so good because it's
Speaker 3: just always giving you an answer. And as people like
Speaker 3: you know, historically we pray, even if you're religious or
Speaker 3: you're not. As a human, you have this feeling of
Speaker 3: like wonder, you don't know you're allowed to not know,
Speaker 3: You're allowed to not know about yourself, you're allowed to
Speaker 3: not know about.
Speaker 9: What things mean.
Speaker 3: But AI is this thing that allows you to like
Speaker 3: obsess on like reasoning and knowing and answering like all
Speaker 3: these questions that maybe you should just sort of like
Speaker 3: sit with, you know, so.
Speaker 12: We don't always need the answer. We don't always need it.
Speaker 12: You can live in the unknowing and we have to
Speaker 12: be comfortable.
Speaker 9: With that and it might come up for you. Yeah,
Speaker 9: you know.
Speaker 1: This is something that my dad also also says about
Speaker 1: technology of like now if you're like debating something between friends,
Speaker 1: or even if you're like, oh, I can't remember the
Speaker 1: name of that person, you can just look it up
Speaker 1: and then the conversation's over. We're like, it is kind
Speaker 1: of a conversation ender to have all the answers like
Speaker 1: your fingertips or like otherwise you could just like keep
Speaker 1: talking about that, keep thinking it could be a funny
Speaker 1: thing that back around.
Speaker 11: Right. Well, I mean I feel like these dating apps
Speaker 11: are using AI.
Speaker 12: Which is which is part of the reason I'm trying to.
Speaker 11: Get Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I feel like that's probably
Speaker 11: what we're gonna.
Speaker 3: Because like there has been technology that has like changed
Speaker 3: the way humans have worked, and like, maybe it won't
Speaker 3: all be bad, but I do think we should get
Speaker 3: as anti AI as fucking possible, you know, just because Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think like it separates us and it sort of
Speaker 3: outsources a lot of.
Speaker 9: Our humanity in a way that I don't like.
Speaker 6: So I recently deleted the apps, all of them. So,
Speaker 6: you know what, like I just want to meet someone organically,
Speaker 6: Like I want like a Hallmark movie, like bump into
Speaker 6: me on the train at a coffee shop, like knock
Speaker 6: a book out of my hand and pick it up.
Speaker 2: You know, I do have an interest in a specific
Speaker 2: age group rather than just like grandomly just date people,
Speaker 2: So I want to focus on that.
Speaker 11: Well yeah what age?
Speaker 1: Just my age were older than me?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I risked the host video of Abby Jacobson, who
Speaker 6: was like, I turned thirty and then I started asking
Speaker 6: people out and I turned thirty.
Speaker 12: So I think I have to start asking people out.
Speaker 12: That's a resolution.
Speaker 11: So there's a bunch of uh dating trends that came
Speaker 11: up this past year that will likely continue on into
Speaker 11: this new year. And so I want to ask what
Speaker 11: you think about them, and if you think they should
Speaker 11: stay or go essentially, Okay, got it?
Speaker 8: Shreking?
Speaker 9: Oh what is that? It dates a stinky, scary looking boy.
Speaker 11: I think the technical definition for shrekking is dating someone
Speaker 11: that you're not attracted to in the hopes that this
Speaker 11: person will treat you better in return.
Speaker 9: That's really funny.
Speaker 3: The thing is, I am always attracted to these men
Speaker 3: that look like freaks who I'm with, miss there's never
Speaker 3: a missing attraction.
Speaker 8: It describes dating someone whom the person considers.
Speaker 11: Less attractive or below their league. I think that's what
Speaker 11: they won't stress.
Speaker 1: Well, this is another one of the things I encountered
Speaker 1: this with apps. I think that I am more likely
Speaker 1: to swipe on a less attractive man because I assume
Speaker 1: that if.
Speaker 12: I'm a little bit out of their league that they
Speaker 12: will match with me. That's something that I have admitted recently.
Speaker 1: But that's my own self consciousness stopping me from going
Speaker 1: after the hot people, you know, Like I actually that
Speaker 1: actually is on my.
Speaker 8: List of things to work less attractive people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think that it's a safer option.
Speaker 11: And you actually didn't swipe on the people that you
Speaker 11: were attractive.
Speaker 1: I mean, of course I do, But like I think
Speaker 1: I'm a little scared of them because I'm like, they're
Speaker 1: out of my league.
Speaker 12: They're going to reject me.
Speaker 8: But because I.
Speaker 12: Could reject these people, right.
Speaker 11: But you know, even those hot people, the minute they
Speaker 11: talk they oh, I know, dumb, I know, Oh.
Speaker 12: I know, I know.
Speaker 1: I think like the people that that I'm saying are
Speaker 1: below my league are like less conventionally attractive. I don't
Speaker 1: think that they're actually unattractive, but there is safety in
Speaker 1: people that are like a little more on or just
Speaker 1: below your levels.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, the whole league thing is so interesting
Speaker 3: to me because like it's.
Speaker 12: Like it makes me feel like a bad person.
Speaker 8: Say it out loud, but I hope you have said
Speaker 8: that you like dating the stress.
Speaker 12: Yeah like that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't trust hot men. I don't They're boring.
Speaker 12: They're so boring.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like every time I've ever dated a conventionally hot guy,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, Like, yah, you literally are
Speaker 3: good for nothing but kissing.
Speaker 9: Like okay.
Speaker 11: But to counter that, we look back at your entire
Speaker 11: past year of dating and you're thinking guys that you're
Speaker 11: trying to not see, you know, and they didn't provide
Speaker 11: you with much.
Speaker 3: The thing is is like I don't totally think about
Speaker 3: like league so much. I mean, I have a friend
Speaker 3: who told me one time it's really important to her
Speaker 3: to date someone hot because of the like social clout
Speaker 3: it kind of gives her.
Speaker 9: And I think men are that way too. It's like men.
Speaker 3: Date for their like social standing a lot, I think,
Speaker 3: you know, and so whatever that is probably should just
Speaker 3: disappear because I don't know, it just it feels like
Speaker 3: you're sort.
Speaker 9: Of missing out.
Speaker 3: And I think men are always trying to like categorize
Speaker 3: who they can get and what that says about themselves.
Speaker 9: And it's like, wait, just literally experience someone.
Speaker 8: Let's see, beige flag.
Speaker 3: Excusing in a beige flag is like something that's not
Speaker 3: so bad, something that's like I.
Speaker 8: Can work with that.
Speaker 1: Maybe I think that's fine because you got to see
Speaker 1: what happens.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I am a little bit in this place
Speaker 3: where I'm like, I need to be aligned with the
Speaker 3: person I'm dating. Like forty four year old did not
Speaker 3: like subtitles close captioning when we.
Speaker 9: Were watching a show together.
Speaker 13: I don't like, oh, that's a shock for red flag
Speaker 13: get out, But do you know what they're saying when
Speaker 13: they're mumbling no, like okay, okay, but that's totally fine.
Speaker 9: You're my friend, not my lover.
Speaker 7: You know what I'm saying, Like what you do with
Speaker 7: a lover.
Speaker 9: Is you watch a show.
Speaker 3: That's what's amazing about having one is like you can
Speaker 3: like sit on the couch and watch TV all day.
Speaker 9: That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to make you turn off the subtitles.
Speaker 1: I just I feel like it takes away I'm not
Speaker 1: able to watch the full screen if they're subtitles.
Speaker 9: That's what he said. I just I turned them off
Speaker 9: for him.
Speaker 3: Though.
Speaker 8: Maybe that's why you like, what's going on? What are
Speaker 8: they saying?
Speaker 9: It's just like I miss them.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't always have to know everything.
Speaker 12: Remember what we were just talking to.
Speaker 3: Sometimes they say they use references like I don't know,
Speaker 3: like a lot of references and girls where I've been.
Speaker 9: Like, hm, I was that a joke?
Speaker 11: Speaking of girls? Great black cat boyfriend?
Speaker 3: Black cat boyfriend, which is kind of like spooky, scary.
Speaker 12: I'm imagining like em and.
Speaker 11: It's an archetype that's the mysterious, moody, quiet but deeply loyal.
Speaker 8: Oh I do like that partner.
Speaker 12: That might be my type.
Speaker 9: I kind of like female friends who have boyfriends like that.
Speaker 11: It's in contrast to the Golden retriever, right, But but
Speaker 11: it's not like a bad boy, right. It's like think
Speaker 11: about Conrad like Summurai turned Pretty Jessie Girl and then
Speaker 11: Chuck Bass Gossip Girl Will from Too Much.
Speaker 9: He's such a great actor, but that was a terrible show.
Speaker 8: Yeah, agreed, that's just your type.
Speaker 9: That's like your husband a little bit. Yes, Like he
Speaker 9: sort of sits and does.
Speaker 3: What you need him to do, and like he's very
Speaker 3: helpful and very reliable.
Speaker 9: And like, yeah, he's sort.
Speaker 8: Of he's that moody the way that like Ray is
Speaker 8: from Girls.
Speaker 9: Is Ray black cat, Ray is more oriented cat.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I feel like hearing all of these in
Speaker 1: succession and then the conversations we've had was just like
Speaker 1: everything is just this is just dating, This is just
Speaker 1: like this is just.
Speaker 12: We don't need to define it in this way.
Speaker 1: This is just the human experience.
Speaker 8: Right.
Speaker 9: I agree with you, Emily.
Speaker 3: I think like these words and these categories and these
Speaker 3: rules and these trends are amazing, but I also think
Speaker 3: that like fuck it, like you should sort of just
Speaker 3: be like walking around every day and seeing what you
Speaker 3: can get into.
Speaker 1: Done with like the algorithm. I am done with people
Speaker 1: telling us what we are and I'd rather just like
Speaker 1: live and figure it out. Be talking about me too,
Speaker 1: where it's like you just got to live and not
Speaker 1: be afraid of making the mistake of following the red
Speaker 1: flag or something.
Speaker 12: You just have to do it and figure shit out
Speaker 12: for yourself.
Speaker 3: I guess maybe like one rule that I do still
Speaker 3: think is a good thing to do, but it's to
Speaker 3: just like care so much less. I guess I was
Speaker 3: about to say about what a guy thinks, but kind
Speaker 3: of about what everybody thinks. Like if you're not like right,
Speaker 3: if you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting others, like
Speaker 3: you're not in like an extremely toxic relationship. Like that's
Speaker 3: a whole different story. But like you do not have
Speaker 3: to do the trend that everyone is doing. You do
Speaker 3: not have to date the guy everyone's dating. You do
Speaker 3: not have to like like you get to just like
Speaker 3: walk your walk. I mean, and y'all know, I'm like
Speaker 3: a little bit anti rules in general.
Speaker 9: And so yeah, y'all know about that. Like I almost went.
Speaker 3: To make myself a new set of rules for this
Speaker 3: year because I would like to maybe do what I've said,
Speaker 3: but I stopped myself because I was like, I'm not
Speaker 3: trying to make any decisions, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to like close any I'm trying to
Speaker 3: focus on what is good for me and follow connection
Speaker 3: and maybe like spontaneity or whatever, and keep putting myself
Speaker 3: in spaces where I like the people who are there.
Speaker 3: That's a big plus. Liking the people you hang out
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty six is going to be big for me.
Speaker 3: Since we recorded this episode, I've been thinking more about
Speaker 3: my own dating resolutions, and my resolution is to not date.
Speaker 3: As my older sister Anna told me, I don't think
Speaker 3: I'm allowed to be alone with a man this year.
Speaker 3: That is a pretty high expectation, but I'm hoping I
Speaker 3: can stick to it. We've got a lot of learning
Speaker 3: to keep doing in twenty twenty six, so I'm going
Speaker 3: to try, and I'm feeling pretty determined to be boy
Speaker 3: sob once again. I am today twenty six days strong,
Speaker 3: and I think I will keep going throughout this entire
Speaker 3: new year. Stay tuned and see how it goes. Thank
Speaker 3: you so much for listening, and we'll talk to you
Speaker 3: all next week. Boys Over is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 3: I'm your host, Hopewordard. Our executive producers are Christina Everett
Speaker 3: and Julie Pinero. Our supervising producer is Emily Meronoff. Our
Speaker 3: assistant producer is Logan Palau. Engineering by Bahid Fraser and
Speaker 3: mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. If you liked this episode,
Speaker 3: please tell a friend and don't forget to rate, review,
Speaker 3: and subscribe to boy Sober on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 3: and wherever you get your favorite shows