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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend is allergic to my dog. It ruined our relationship.

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Speaker 3: That's my play by play of that relationship.

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Speaker 4: And that was a short play by Dade.

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Speaker 3: That's a one act play right there.

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Speaker 2: I twenty three female, and my boyfriend twenty five male,

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Speaker 2: have been together for two and a half years. We

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Speaker 2: met on Hinge and instantly connected and have been inseparable since.

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Speaker 2: When we first started dating, I told him that I

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Speaker 2: have a dog. His name is Theo. I got him

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty when he was a puppy. Theo is

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Speaker 2: four now. By the way, this comes from initial example

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Speaker 2: four four four zero And if you want to spit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to our slash Okay story Time

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Speaker 2: Separate it. My boyfriend is allergic to animal fur. When

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Speaker 2: we first started talking and dating, I asked if it

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Speaker 2: would be an issue.

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Speaker 4: He said no.

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Speaker 5: Uh.

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Speaker 4: Tale is old as time.

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Speaker 3: A lie as old as man's best friend.

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Speaker 2: He has family members that he visits on holidays who

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Speaker 2: have pets, so he just takes an over the counter

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Speaker 2: allergy med and that seems to do the trick for him.

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Speaker 2: So whenever he would come over to my place, he

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Speaker 2: would take his allergy medication. He wouldn't interact with the

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Speaker 2: so much like petting him, playing with him, and letting

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Speaker 2: him be near him much in general. I would also

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Speaker 2: make sure that THEO would leave my boyfriend alone and

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Speaker 2: give him the space that he needs so he doesn't

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Speaker 2: have a bad reaction even with the allergy med I

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Speaker 2: would also make sure to clean the house to limit

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Speaker 2: the amount of dog for around before he would come over.

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Speaker 2: Everything was perfect and we had a good system. If

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Speaker 2: I would go over to his place, I would make

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Speaker 2: sure to put on clothes that were clean and had

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Speaker 2: no dog for on them so I wouldn't be leaving

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Speaker 2: slash tracking it into his house. About six months ago,

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend and I decided to get our own place

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Speaker 2: together own.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: The thing is like, I don't think I could live

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Speaker 2: with a person who had a cat.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I've seen a lot of stuff about

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Speaker 3: treatments for allergies, like I've taken treatments.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and did you take them when I was in

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Speaker 2: middle school to high school.

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Speaker 3: So now you've got ten more years worth of science

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Speaker 3: behind these treatments. Maybe that all were probably better. This

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Speaker 3: is me right now, This is I was gonna say,

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Speaker 3: we should refer to our resident cat.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, cat allergic man.

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Speaker 2: So we rented a condo that was pet friendly, because

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Speaker 2: wherever I go, THEO comes with me. My boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: I thoroughly communicated about what that would look like with

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Speaker 2: his allergy, one being that he should get an allergy

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Speaker 2: medication from his doctor rather than an over the counter

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Speaker 2: and med so that it would be stronger.

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Speaker 4: And help him out more.

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Speaker 2: Our condo has two stories, so we put a dog

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Speaker 2: gate up so THEO doesn't have access to the upstairs

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Speaker 2: where our bedroom and bathroom are. I also vacuum every

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Speaker 2: other day to limit the amount of fur and keep

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Speaker 2: it controlled. I also give THEO baths about once every

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Speaker 2: week and a half and brush him nearly every day.

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Speaker 2: So far, for the past six months, this has really worked.

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Speaker 2: We have the system so THEO can have access to

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Speaker 2: the entire main floor and he's not just cooped up

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Speaker 2: in a cage or separate room all the time. I

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Speaker 2: know I do a lot of work to keep my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend's allergies down, but he helps out around the condo

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Speaker 2: a lot too, alsehold chores. Wise, we have things pretty balanced,

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Speaker 2: but recently, for the past month, my boyfriend has brought

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Speaker 2: up multiple times that he doesn't know how much longer

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Speaker 2: he can handle having THEO here. Yes, we have a

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Speaker 2: good system, and yes his allergy medication works well, which

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Speaker 2: I bring up every time he mentions it. I try

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Speaker 2: to understand what issues he's having, and all he says

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Speaker 2: is that he doesn't like having to constantly be worried

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Speaker 2: about his allergies and THEO being around. He's expressed to

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Speaker 2: me that he feels trapped in his own house having

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Speaker 2: to constantly worry. I try to see his side of

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Speaker 2: it all. But I also mentioned to him that from

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Speaker 2: the beginning he knew that THEO and I are a

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Speaker 2: package deal and that we have to work through this together.

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Speaker 2: Everything seemed to be perfect till out of the blue,

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend seemed to do to completely flip on things.

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Speaker 2: He does love THEO and loves going on walks with

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Speaker 2: him and interacting with him for just a few minutes

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Speaker 2: before he has to stop, and he's expressed this. We've

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Speaker 2: had this conversation multiple times and it always comes to

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Speaker 2: the conclusion of both of us not really seeing eye tie.

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Speaker 2: I got to a point where he would get home

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Speaker 2: from work, we would eat dinner, and then he goes

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Speaker 2: right upstairs to get away from theo. He seemed to

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Speaker 2: form a hatred towards him. Now, when I try to

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Speaker 2: have a conversation with him about it, he just shuts

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Speaker 2: it down and won't talk to me about it. Two

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Speaker 2: weeks ago, when he got home from work, I had

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Speaker 2: dinner ready and he didn't even say hi to me

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Speaker 2: or eat. He just went right upstairs again. When I

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Speaker 2: tried to talk to him, he shut me down. About

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Speaker 2: a week ago, that's when things took a turn for

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Speaker 2: the worst. My boyfriend said that one of his his friends, Mike,

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Speaker 2: and his girlfriend Sarah, would be coming over for dinner

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Speaker 2: and to hang out last weekend. I work from home,

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Speaker 2: so I was able to spend the afternoon cleaning the condo,

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Speaker 2: cooking appetizers and the meal, and preparing some mixed drinks.

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Speaker 2: I was excited to see them because I haven't seen

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Speaker 2: Mike in a while, and I haven't met Sarah.

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Speaker 3: Yet.

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Speaker 4: Usually when we.

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Speaker 2: Have guests over, I will put THEO in a separate

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Speaker 2: room so he's not in the way and disturbs our

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Speaker 2: guests too much. But my boyfriend told me I don't

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Speaker 2: have to do that for them. They love dogs. Once

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Speaker 2: Mike and Sarah came over, I instantly noticed the vibes

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Speaker 2: were a little off. They seemed to be paying more

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Speaker 2: attention to THEO and wanted to get to know THEO

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Speaker 2: more than spend time with my boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: And me, Oh, you didn't. You did not do this, boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: What are you doing? Do we see the ICU yet?

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Speaker 4: Oh no, come on, dude, Oh no, we're doing I

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Speaker 4: was adopting for you.

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Speaker 3: Why are you setting up the adoption?

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Speaker 6: Are ruining for you?

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Speaker 3: Who?

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Speaker 4: One stinner was over.

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Speaker 2: I started cleaning up and Sarah offered to help me

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Speaker 2: while the guys grab a drink and went to sit

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Speaker 2: on the couch. Sarah and I got to chatting and

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Speaker 2: I told her how much I love her presence and

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Speaker 2: she and Mike seem like an amazing couple.

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Speaker 4: She then replies with, yeah.

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Speaker 2: We've been taking some big steps together. We're getting an

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Speaker 2: apartment and THEO seems like he would fit really well

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Speaker 2: into our lives.

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Speaker 4: He's a really great dog.

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Speaker 3: What do you even say to that he's not up

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Speaker 3: for adoption?

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Speaker 2: I think I'd be like, oh, yeah, he is a

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Speaker 2: great dog. Where were you thinking about it going to

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Speaker 2: a breeder?

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Speaker 5: Were you thinking about don't shop?

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Speaker 2: I'm taken aback and excuse myself and ask my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: if we could talk him and I go upstairs and

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Speaker 2: I tell him what Sarah said to me. He admits

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Speaker 2: he invited the two of them over so they could

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Speaker 2: possibly adopt THEO. He did this all behind my back,

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Speaker 2: and I had no idea this was his intention. I

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Speaker 2: instantly snap at him and yell, THEO comes before you.

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Speaker 2: He is my priority. I take care of him and

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Speaker 2: the house to help you. If you can't be grateful

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Speaker 2: for that effort, I don't know if I can continue

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Speaker 2: with you. He comes before you. And then go downstairs

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Speaker 2: and ask mine can Serah to leave? I am enraged,

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Speaker 2: And you'll never be enraged if you listen to full

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Speaker 2: episodes of stories just like this. Well, actually I suppose

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Speaker 2: you might be enraged. You may you might be enraged.

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Speaker 3: However, we'd never be enraged at you for listening to them.

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Speaker 2: Uh and You can find them on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 2: or iHeartRadio if you just search up Okay, storytime, but

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Speaker 2: there is a little bit left to this.

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Speaker 4: Man, Oh man.

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Speaker 3: I leave now. If I'm the guy, yeah, if I'm

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Speaker 3: the partner, I'm like, okay, so you put the dog

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Speaker 3: before me, but I'm gonna go now.

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Speaker 2: The thing is that these were that was like it

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Speaker 2: was kind of a not perhaps like a ballad reaction,

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Speaker 2: but it wasn't It makes sense why op he reacted

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Speaker 2: like that because he went behind her back and tried

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Speaker 2: to get.

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Speaker 3: Rid of her dogs. Her I would have a very

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Speaker 3: serious yeah, that's no. One just really completely in the

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Speaker 3: right here in this situation.

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Speaker 4: No, I agree.

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Speaker 2: I think that all of this could have been solved

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Speaker 2: if there had been a really serious conversation about how

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Speaker 2: he was feeling. And you know her her thoughts on

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Speaker 2: the situation of saying like, well, I can't get rid

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Speaker 2: of my dog, so if you can't handle this, which

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Speaker 2: is okay, where do we go from here? I then

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Speaker 2: pack a bag for THEO and me and we are

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Speaker 2: now staying at my parents until further notice. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I can forgive my boyfriend for this. I

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Speaker 2: can't trust him to be alone with THEO anymore. My

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Speaker 2: boyfriend has been texting and calling me asking if we

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Speaker 2: can talk this out, but I'm just too mad to

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Speaker 2: say anything to him. Is it worth flushing two and

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Speaker 2: a half years down the drain because he tried to

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Speaker 2: sell my dog?

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Speaker 3: So?

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Speaker 2: Am I the a hole for telling my boyfriend my

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Speaker 2: dog comes before him? And there are some comments coming

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Speaker 2: or one not the a hole? You were crystal clear

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Speaker 2: from the start that THEO is family. Your boyfriend's sneaky

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Speaker 2: attempt to rehome him was a mass of breach of trust.

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Speaker 2: A partner who truly loved you would never put you

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Speaker 2: in that position. He knew the deal from the start.

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Speaker 2: You're right to be furious. Another person says, right, what

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Speaker 2: would have happened if op wasn't home? Was boyfriend just

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Speaker 2: going to give away or dog without telling her?

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Speaker 4: I don't think. I don't think that's so it's an assumption.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 4: And she could talk to him and say, like, what

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Speaker 4: was your plan?

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Speaker 3: There?

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Speaker 2: Was it you know, bring them and show me that

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Speaker 2: you know someone else could provide them a home, or

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Speaker 2: was it you know I'm gonna take the dog? Opie says,

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Speaker 2: thank you? Comments like these have definitely helped me through

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Speaker 2: this and trying to process everything in my head. Part

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Speaker 2: of me regrets saying that THEO comes before him out

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Speaker 2: of undeniable anger, but it's been said. Can't take it

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Speaker 2: back now. Over the past twenty hours, I've had a

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Speaker 2: lot of time to think about everything we both did

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Speaker 2: wrong and where we could have tried to fix it.

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Speaker 2: We're both in the wrong for things that happened through

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Speaker 2: our relationship, but my boyfriend doing this was the straw

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Speaker 2: that broke the camel's back. I'm done with him and

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Speaker 2: I'm never putting myself an THEO in a situation like

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Speaker 2: this again. Being allergic two animals will be a deal

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Speaker 2: breaker for future partners.

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Speaker 3: Wow, I think that's a little extra. Not gonna lie.

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Speaker 3: You're free to make that boundary, but it seems a

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Speaker 3: little extra to me.

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Speaker 4: Common too.

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Speaker 2: The allergy excuse is such bull what I'm allergic to

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Speaker 2: dust stander and asthma. I have three cats and a dog, Okay.

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Speaker 5: Don't care. I hate I legit hate that.

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Speaker 2: I hate that people have different allergies.

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Speaker 4: It's like I'm allergic too. It's like saying, like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I have a.

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Speaker 2: Knee problem, people will eat wheelchairs or such bowl like

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Speaker 2: what comment three. I can understand him thinking he can

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00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,839
Speaker 2: handle it and discovering he can't. That's fair enough. We're

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Speaker 2: human and sometimes we don't know until we're in a situation.

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Speaker 2: I agree with that, But his response to get rid

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Speaker 2: of your dog without even discussing this with you is

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Speaker 2: unforgivable comment for not the ale. Think yourself lucky that

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Speaker 2: he showed who he is and you were able to intervene.

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00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,720
Speaker 2: Scene slash heard too many stories where someone comes home

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Speaker 2: and their beloved dog or cat has just vanished. Don't

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Speaker 2: go back and give him a second chance to get

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Speaker 2: rid of THEO for good. Theos a keeper your ex

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Speaker 2: boyfriend is last week's garbage.

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Speaker 3: Again, it seems pretty harsh for like, you know of

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Speaker 3: a jump to be like he's shut this up. He's like,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna have these people over, Like I don't think

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Speaker 3: it wasn't like he was like jump to that, gonna

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Speaker 3: take the dog to them without her knowing.

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Speaker 2: Like I think this could have been like avoided if

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Speaker 2: they had that actual conversation. The solution would have just

258
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Speaker 2: been to move out. But I think because he has

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00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,559
Speaker 2: broken that trust in the relationship that is kind of

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Speaker 2: when they went into maybe a point of no return. Hi,

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00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:43,280
Speaker 2: boyfriend's mother berated me last time we met. I refuse

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Speaker 2: to see her again. I twenty six female, have been

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00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,120
Speaker 2: dating Danny, twenty nine male for almost a year. We

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Speaker 2: moved to another city together a month ago so Danny

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Speaker 2: could pursue an education to advance further in his career field.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from a electronic Sherbert seven

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Speaker 2: to nine.

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Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to our slash okay story time severed it.

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Speaker 3: So.

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Speaker 2: I grew up in a big family, five siblings, thirteen

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Speaker 2: nieces and nephews, lots and lots of cousins. There is biggering,

273
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Speaker 2: lots of poking fun at each other, shouting over screaming

274
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Speaker 2: babies to be heard. Sometimes a totally normal conversation between

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Speaker 2: a sibling and I comes off as fighting words to

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Speaker 2: people who have not been around my family. My boyfriend

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00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,320
Speaker 2: has remarked that a regular conversation between my mother and

278
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,320
Speaker 2: I was coming off as aggressive. It cannot be a

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00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,439
Speaker 2: coincidence that multiple people have said so. So I realized

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Speaker 2: that we must be reasonably perceived as aggressive in tone.

281
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Speaker 2: He is an only child to a single mother fifty female,

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Speaker 2: twice divorced. His mother helped us move. It was a

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Speaker 2: stressful move and we were running bury behind. We moved

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Speaker 2: at the beginning of December in an extremely cold climate.

285
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Speaker 2: I really love plants and always have. I spend a

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Speaker 2: lot of time taking care of my plant collection. I

287
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 2: kept a garden for many years, and it was my

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Speaker 2: pride and joy. My prize possession is a giant monsterra

289
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,840
Speaker 2: that I brought to life after finding it wilting and

290
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,000
Speaker 2: pest infested some years ago.

291
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Speaker 3: A nice little monster, a little monster.

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Speaker 2: His mom picked up my Monsterra and was stepping out

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Speaker 2: the door with it into sub freezing temperatures. I shouted no, no, no,

294
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Speaker 2: and quickly ran to find some sort of plastic covering

295
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Speaker 2: for it so it wouldn't immediately pass away from the

296
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Speaker 2: cold shock. I covered the plants and explain that they'll

297
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Speaker 2: pass away from the cold. We continued packing. On the

298
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,520
Speaker 2: drive up there, I was reflecting back on that interaction

299
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,560
Speaker 2: and realized it propably came off like I was angry

300
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Speaker 2: and I snapped at her. I wasn't angry at all.

301
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Speaker 2: I just really did not want my plan to pass away.

302
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,200
Speaker 2: And my voice was louder than I had intended it

303
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Speaker 2: to be. My voice was also deeper than it normally is.

304
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Speaker 3: She goes no, no, no, no no no.

305
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Speaker 4: Wait wait wait wait wait.

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Speaker 2: Because I was on the first day of being sick,

307
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Speaker 2: yay sick while moving, I mentioned this to my partner

308
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,920
Speaker 2: and made a mental note to apologize to his mother

309
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:04,199
Speaker 2: later after things had gotten settled. We drove for twelve hours.

310
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Speaker 2: We got to our new apartment late at night and

311
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Speaker 2: spent a lot of time hauling boxes up the stairs.

312
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,360
Speaker 2: I felt like crap, but I was trying hard to

313
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Speaker 2: keep a good attitude despite being sick. After the last

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00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,760
Speaker 2: of the boxes was brought in, I started putting some

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Speaker 2: things away and making the beds. That's when his mother

316
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 2: confronted me, and that's when you gotta get ahead of it.

317
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Speaker 2: She was really angry with me, She said, I totally

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Speaker 2: overreacted and it was just a god dang a pliant

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Speaker 2: and she thought it was something important. She thought I

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Speaker 2: wanted to fight her. I immediately apologized to explain that

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00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,040
Speaker 2: I was not angry with her at all, and I

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00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,120
Speaker 2: was unhappy to hear that she stowed on this for

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Speaker 2: twelve hours.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean unfortunately, Yeah, you can't really control her

325
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Speaker 3: being like I thought you wanted to fight me. It's like, well,

326
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Speaker 3: I mean it was not right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why if you notice something about how you

328
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 2: said something and you're thinking about it, the person might

329
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,360
Speaker 2: be thinking about it too. Just best to get it

330
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Speaker 2: out of the way. I hadn't realized it was that

331
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,040
Speaker 2: big of a reaction, and that wasn't my intention. She

332
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,320
Speaker 2: demanded to know if I would ever throw such a

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Speaker 2: tantrum in front of my own mother. I was sort

334
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,400
Speaker 2: of surprised by this question, because, well, I interact with

335
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Speaker 2: my mother like that.

336
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:12,800
Speaker 4: All the time.

337
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,960
Speaker 3: She said, yeah, I probably would do that.

338
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Speaker 2: I gave an honest reply that yes, I do speak

339
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,560
Speaker 2: to my mother that way, but that's normal for my family. Well,

340
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,240
Speaker 2: I realized that's normal for my family. I also realize

341
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,600
Speaker 2: it comes off as aggressive to other people, and I

342
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 2: never want to make other people uncomfortable. I apologized again.

343
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,840
Speaker 3: She was not having it.

344
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 2: She kept repeating how it's just a plant, and thought

345
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 2: it was something actually important, and she likes my relationship

346
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:38,520
Speaker 2: with Danny and it.

347
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Speaker 4: Sure would be a shame if that changed.

348
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Speaker 6: It.

349
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 2: Honestly felt like she was braiding me. And Loki threatening me.

350
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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, you'd be right about that, I think.

351
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Speaker 4: Yeah.

352
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Speaker 2: I kept apologizing, and it felt like it wasn't good

353
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,480
Speaker 2: enough for I eventually asked if she forgave me, and

354
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 2: she said she did. That was the end of the conversation.

355
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,440
Speaker 2: That night, it kept bothering me. No, not the cycle

356
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 2: of doing.

357
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 3: Just let it go, Elsa.

358
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,160
Speaker 2: It felt like she was not interested in my apology.

359
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 2: It felt like she wanted a pound of flesh with it.

360
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,920
Speaker 2: My partner asked if I was okay, and I answered

361
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 2: honestly no. I felt disrespected and humiliated. I tried to

362
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,520
Speaker 2: get some sleep but couldn't. My cat was very vocal

363
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 2: about how upset she was over the move, and I

364
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,520
Speaker 2: finally just locked myself in the bathroom with my cat

365
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,080
Speaker 2: and slept on the floor with her. She stopped me

366
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 2: outing around four am. I came to the decision that

367
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 2: I do not want to address this conversation with his mother.

368
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,120
Speaker 2: I just wanted to leave it alone and I can

369
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 2: deal with my own feelings privately. There's no need to

370
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 2: have my own say, No matter how much I dislike

371
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,560
Speaker 2: the way she handled it.

372
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think that's honestly, probably the best like,

373
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,640
Speaker 3: all you can really do at this point is just

374
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 3: let go of that and move forward, knowing that you

375
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,360
Speaker 3: didn't do anything wrong. You know, you made a peace

376
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 3: with it, you tried to.

377
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,000
Speaker 2: I woke up the next morning feeling sore, sick, and

378
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: extremely I know if he's also like sick, well southing.

379
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 2: I went out into the kitchen to start unpacking boxes.

380
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,720
Speaker 2: His mother was in the kitchen. I said, good morning.

381
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,760
Speaker 2: She said, Danny says, you aren't over last night.

382
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,159
Speaker 3: Come on, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny.

383
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,439
Speaker 2: And I understand he probably is probably like mom, you

384
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:18,840
Speaker 2: gotta like make nice.

385
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, he probably came from a good place. But when

386
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,840
Speaker 3: she literally goes like, I don't even want to I

387
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,760
Speaker 3: just want to move on. Yeah, and you're like, I'll

388
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,720
Speaker 3: do the opposite that. Let me make sure that she

389
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 3: never moves on.

390
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,400
Speaker 2: I carefully said that I don't think we should talk

391
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 2: about it right now, and that I'm very tired and

392
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,399
Speaker 2: feeling unwell and I didn't want to say something I

393
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,680
Speaker 2: don't mean. She asked, what that's the best to mean.

394
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,720
Speaker 2: I reiterated that I was feeling unwell and didn't want

395
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,080
Speaker 2: to talk about it. She almost let it go well,

396
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,159
Speaker 2: Danny's really upset, so I think we should talk about it.

397
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 2: My first mistake was letting that slide. My second mistake

398
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,240
Speaker 2: was relenting to it. Danny then walks in. I start

399
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,200
Speaker 2: by saying that it wasn't just a plant. It was

400
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 2: very important to me, and I felt like she wasn't

401
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:02,600
Speaker 2: respecting my belongings. And again, no, no, but that wasn't

402
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,920
Speaker 2: the point of the car, that wasn't the original conversation.

403
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,400
Speaker 3: Well, this just isn't go It's a new argument. It's

404
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,119
Speaker 3: not gonna work at all, regardless. She blew the f up.

405
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:15,240
Speaker 3: She's starts berating me again, caricaturing me my reaction to

406
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 3: the plant, and repeating herself over and over and over again.

407
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 4: I start crying. She keeps talking over me.

408
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,720
Speaker 2: Danny says absolutely nothing, won't look at me and keeps

409
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 2: staring at the floor. Important note, I do not cry

410
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 2: in front of other people. I have cried in front

411
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,920
Speaker 2: of Danny only one other time, when my brand new

412
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 2: car broke down and I didn't have the money to

413
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 2: fix it. He knows I don't cry in front of

414
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,200
Speaker 2: other people. I excuse myself and I say I need

415
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 2: a break. She scoffs and looks at Danny like I'm

416
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 2: being ridiculous. I leave the apartment and spend some time

417
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 2: sobbing on the sidewalk. I call my mom and she

418
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 2: calms me down. My mom tells me that I should

419
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,879
Speaker 2: not talk to Danny's mother again. There's nothing I can

420
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 2: say that would make the situation better, and I should

421
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 2: probably get some sleep to ward off the sickness exhaustion.

422
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 2: I find Danny and let him know I'm going to

423
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,479
Speaker 2: get some rest. I slept around the clock, waking up,

424
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 2: crying intermittently, and taking more cold medicine. I don't hear

425
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,680
Speaker 2: a word from Danny. His mother leaves the next day.

426
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 2: We spent the entire next week in a deep depression

427
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 2: and a state of high anxiety. The apartment feels not good.

428
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 2: I feel like I can no longer trust Danny to

429
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 2: protect me or have my back. This is the first

430
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,879
Speaker 2: time I moved away from home. I don't have a car,

431
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 2: I don't have a job. My support system is twelve

432
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 2: hours away. I'm extremely vulnerable and effing terrified. Things have

433
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 2: gotten a little better since then between Danny and I.

434
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 2: I'm trying very hard to let my guard down and

435
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,359
Speaker 2: let Danny in emotionally. I stay at home every day

436
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 2: and unpack, clean the apartment, apply for jobs, visit the gym,

437
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,639
Speaker 2: and make all of Danny's meals. I don't know what

438
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: else I would do. Anyways, we live several miles away

439
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,880
Speaker 2: from town. I'm trying not to let the depression take over.

440
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,679
Speaker 2: We're going back home to visit my parents and his

441
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 2: mom for Christmas. I am extremely nervous as to how

442
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 2: this will go. If his mother beraates me again and

443
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 2: he says nothing, I don't think I can continue being

444
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,360
Speaker 2: in this relationship. And have you communicated that with him?

445
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 2: M hm, because we haven't heard you having a conversation

446
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 2: where you say, Danny, why did you say nothing?

447
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you don't talk, then Danny probably isn't

448
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 3: gonna as someone who grew up with that woman, who's

449
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 3: probably used to the way that she is, he might

450
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 3: not have the awareness that you are being affected this

451
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 3: deeply by it, even though you were crying in front

452
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 3: of him, even though that you are being impacted that way.

453
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 3: If you don't say it, it's almost entirely impossible for

454
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 3: him to know it.

455
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 2: What if I have to break the year long lease

456
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 2: I just signed? How would I even get back home?

457
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,919
Speaker 2: Do I just pack up a few boxes in my

458
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 2: cat leaving everything else I own behind? Do I move

459
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 2: back in with my parents? Do I just let her

460
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,919
Speaker 2: chew me out again and take its f am I

461
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 2: totally out of line here. I want nothing to do

462
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 2: with her.

463
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 4: I have this.

464
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 2: Horrible, sinking feeling that spending three days with her is

465
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 2: going to be the end of our relationship and I

466
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 2: will have nowhere to go. We leave tomorrow morning, and

467
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 2: I feel sick just thinking about it. Oh, how should

468
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 2: I handle this.

469
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 4: Conversation?

470
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,400
Speaker 2: I think there are some comments and an update, but

471
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 2: you gotta go to Danny and before before you go

472
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: on this trip. Absolutely, you have to have that conversation

473
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,479
Speaker 2: about how you felt in that moment, about you know,

474
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: wanting to be a partner or partner is now that

475
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 2: you guys are living together. I mean, yeah, it's just

476
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 2: not gonna work long term if you don't have this conversation.

477
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 4: Comment one.

478
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 2: If I'm understanding correctly, Danny told his mom you were

479
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 2: still upset, but he didn't tell her what disrespectful knucklehead

480
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 2: she was by dismissing your feelings about the plant and

481
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,119
Speaker 2: berating you about something you would already apologize for, and

482
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 2: then he stood there quietly while she continued to mock

483
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 2: you for caring about something until you cried, and you

484
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 2: did everything you could to make him comfortable, while he

485
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 2: still did nothing to make you feel validated secure part

486
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 2: of our partnership. One of the biggest reasons why moving

487
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 2: in with someone quickly is a bad idea is that

488
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 2: so many relationships are perfectly magical when you haven't run

489
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 2: into any real conflict yet the stress of moving the

490
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,880
Speaker 2: way his mother treated you, Those difficult situations are where

491
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 2: you see who your boyfriend really is. Anyone can be

492
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 2: caring and supportive when it's only words and gestures that

493
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: don't require sacrifice. When people have to make choices like

494
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,719
Speaker 2: whether to stand up to mommy or let her emotionally

495
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 2: one to you, those choices reveal their real priorities and ideals.

496
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,120
Speaker 3: Your mom is right.

497
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 2: You should not put yourself in a position where you're

498
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: going to be talked down to and insulted because you

499
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 2: misspoke and raised your voice in a moment of crisis,

500
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: especially when you already recognize your mistake and apologized. I'd

501
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: honestly just not go back and stay with your mom.

502
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: She sounds great, Opie says, I think I just made

503
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 2: my mind up on the matter. I'm not going I'm

504
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 2: way too vulnerable for that right now. I wouldn't even

505
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 2: have a way out of it if things went sour.

506
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 2: My parents and his mom don't live in the same town.

507
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: They live in the same US state, and it is

508
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 2: not one of the small ones. Reply, we don't know

509
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 2: what Danny said, Opie was not there when Danny talked

510
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 2: with his mom. However, we know that Danny said something

511
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 2: after first encounter and that made Mom escalate him. Telling

512
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 2: Mom something again would probably escalate the situation further. I

513
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: really don't see how Danny could possibly achieve anything good

514
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: by going to mom and complaining to her again. She

515
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: very clearly escalated after that info. Why would you move

516
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 2: to a place out of town with no car, no job,

517
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 2: no friends or family, and with a man you are

518
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 2: not married to or engaged and dating for less than

519
00:23:59,040 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 2: a year?

520
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 3: Really just asks like why did would you live life?

521
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 4: Why did you do that?

522
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 3: Why are you living life?

523
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 4: Why are you breathing air?

524
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 3: Why are you live?

525
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 2: Why do you know somehow you're gonna get there? I

526
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,159
Speaker 2: ask this because when you are completely stuck with no

527
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 2: money or protection. You are vulnerable to people treating you poorly,

528
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 2: plus they realize there is nothing you can do about it.

529
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 2: Highly suggests that you get one of your many relatives

530
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 2: to get out there with a moving truck and help

531
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 2: you move back home. You need to concentrate on your career.

532
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 2: He can go to school on his own, let his

533
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 2: mother take care of him. And please don't tell me

534
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 2: you co sign a least with a man and no job.

535
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 2: If so begged the landlord to let you get out

536
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 2: of it. If you stay, you will just be the

537
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 2: doormat mistreated. Dang made Wow, good luck to you, hope.

538
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 2: He says, I moved out of town with no car,

539
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 2: job or support system with a man I've been dating

540
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: for less than a year because everyone my support system

541
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 2: said I'd be crazy not to. I guess I thought

542
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 2: you're supposed to be vulnerable with your intimate partner. He's

543
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 2: He's never given me any reason not to be vulnerable.

544
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 2: He's done construction work for my parents free of charge,

545
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 2: thirty K worth of work all summer.

546
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 4: He handed me the.

547
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: Keys to his vehicle with no hesitation. When my vehicle

548
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 2: went toes up, he almost refused to let me pay

549
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 2: rent when I first moved in with him in September.

550
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 2: He'll surprise me with arranged visits with my closest friends.

551
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: He suggests we see my little brother's band performances. He's

552
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 2: never pushed or brouded me to do something I'm uncomfortable with.

553
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 2: He's been quick to apologize, he's been quick to say

554
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 2: thank you. He has many things, and he is now

555
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,120
Speaker 2: arguably without a spine. When it comes to his mother.

556
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 2: He is absolutely not a I've been with harmful men

557
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 2: and Danny is not cut from that cloth. Was it

558
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 2: stupid to move out here with no job, vehicle, or support?

559
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, big time. I'll cop to that. I'm not

560
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: a bang made And despite this huge issue with his mother,

561
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: no part of me believes he would treat me as such.

562
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 3: You know what, clearly you're in love. You have a

563
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 3: great guy. Everything's making sense, and there's just one element here,

564
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 3: which is his mom and his inability to stand up

565
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 3: to her. It seems an ineffective way.

566
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 2: I think that I don't think this is necessarily the

567
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 2: end of the relationship at all.

568
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 3: I think they just need have.

569
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 2: A conversation where she says Hey, I felt really abandoned

570
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 2: in that moment. Uh Like I felt alone, and I

571
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 2: don't want to feel alone. I want our relationship to

572
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 2: continue in a healthy way, and I want to feel

573
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 2: like you up my back. Let's call the place Danny's

574
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: mother lives in Endsville.

575
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,160
Speaker 4: My parents live in Snakewater. The skinny of things.

576
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 2: After initially holding firm to his decision that we'll be

577
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 2: going to visit his mother in Ensville, Danny reconsidered his decision.

578
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 2: I got the sense that Danny was inspecting the state

579
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,360
Speaker 2: of our relationship the same way a man would inspect

580
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: a table loaded with heavy, fragile material. At some point

581
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 2: during the inspection, Danny decided to look underneath the thing

582
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: and discover the table was bowing, worse cracking underneath the

583
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 2: weight he had seriously underestimated. Danny told me he wanted

584
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 2: to take me to Snakewater. He hadn't realized just how

585
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 2: uncomfortable I was with going to Ennsville, and hadn't realized

586
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: that breaking up was a very real possibility. Annie took

587
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 2: me to Snakewater and I spent some time with my

588
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 2: family and my best friends, which was wonderful and healing.

589
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: Danny went to Ennsville by himself with plans to join

590
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,399
Speaker 2: me and my family for Christmas. Even Christmas Day, he

591
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: swore he wouldn't resent me for it, and I believe

592
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 2: him for the most part. And that's just you know,

593
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 2: that's just on you and being vulnerable and stuff. It's

594
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 2: scary to take people at their word. You want to

595
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 2: make assumptions. But yeah, he can.

596
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 7: Only go off the information that they give you.

597
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 3: Yep.

598
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 2: Now for the other fun things, my father is very

599
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: unhappy with Danny. My father is a hardened Vietnam veteran

600
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: who has committed outrageous acts of violence in his ears.

601
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 2: But he was tearing up when he asked Danny to

602
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 2: take care of me after remove. He was very upset

603
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 2: to receive a phone call from me, terrified in tears.

604
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: The second day of being gone, my dad wanted to

605
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 2: have a talk with Danny. I asked him not to

606
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: to stay quiet for now. He gave me his word

607
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: that he would not say anything. I wanted to give

608
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 2: Danny the courtesy he did not give me. I don't

609
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: believe in scorekeeping or tit for tat dynamics in a relationship.

610
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 2: I talked to Danny privately about my father's unhappiness and

611
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 2: allow Danny the opportunity to initiate the conversation himself, should

612
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: he choose to do so. Danny talked to my father eventually.

613
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,400
Speaker 2: I do not know what was said between the two

614
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 2: of them, and I won't ask more fun things. Danny's

615
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: mother sent him a text message towards the end of

616
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: Christmas dinner informing Danny that his stepfather of ten years

617
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 2: is passing away of camp.

618
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 7: And has days to live.

619
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 3: Oh my wow. That is wow, really hard news to

620
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 3: compute in that amount of time.

621
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 2: This news was devastating. I quickly excused us from the

622
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 2: table and found a room for Danny to grieve in privately.

623
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: He called his mother and I could hear her sobbing

624
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 2: over the phone. I held him while he grieved with her.

625
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 4: Wow.

626
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: There's a lot of moving parts to this situation. Now

627
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,239
Speaker 2: we finish up Christmas and drive the twelve hours back

628
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 2: to our new home. Danny is acting well strange. I'm

629
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 2: not surprised by any of his behavior. People do odd

630
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 2: things when they are grieving, but some of it is

631
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 2: a little unsettling.

632
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 4: I feel like I.

633
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: Am constantly getting on his nerves, or if I'm not

634
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 2: getting on his nerves. I'm being used as a quick

635
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 2: dopamine fix. He has three moods lately, angry, sad, aroused.

636
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 2: He hadn't disregarded my consent or hurt me or anything

637
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 2: like that. I'm just not sure any of this is healthy.

638
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 2: He cries in the night and disassociates during the day.

639
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 2: His stepfather passed away earlier this week. We decided to

640
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 2: get him a plane ticket back to Ennsville so he

641
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 2: can assist his mother with the final affairs. The plane

642
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: ticket wasn't cheap and he couldn't really afford it, but

643
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 2: it felt like the right thing to do. He's still

644
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 2: in Ennsville right now and will be flying back tomorrow.

645
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 2: Danny acknowledges that me skipping the Christmas trip Endsville was

646
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 2: the right decision. He still does not recognize how bad

647
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: it was to let his mother retreat me. It feels

648
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 2: like he's doing mental gymnastics to not face the fact

649
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 2: that his mother was in the wrong. I asked Danny

650
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 2: how we will be handling parent conflict moving forward, and

651
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 2: he could not give me an answer. Until he can

652
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 2: give me an answer, I won't entertain the idea of

653
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: coming within a country mile of his mother. I didn't

654
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 2: want to admit it to myself, but I'm going to

655
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 2: His mother is an awful woman, and this is a

656
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 2: Freudian circus I want no part of. I don't understand

657
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: how Danny turned out to be such a social, outgoing

658
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 2: and ambitious young man being raised by a woman like that.

659
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 2: I'm not even sure where to start untangling this mess.

660
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 2: I had friends and family take me aside during Christmas

661
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 2: and quietly tell me that they will come and get

662
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 2: me out if I need. But you never get out

663
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 2: of full episodes stories just.

664
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 3: Like this, That's right, never.

665
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 2: You should get in them, and you can do that.

666
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 2: But going to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and searching.

667
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 4: Up okay, start time.

668
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 2: My father was initially outraged by Danny's lack of action

669
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 2: and wanted to move me back home immediately. My mother

670
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 2: and brothers think I should give it more time, that

671
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 2: Danny is worth the time and effort it will take

672
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 2: to sort this out. I feel guilty for allowing my

673
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: family to criticize Danny when Danny is vulnerable and grieving.

674
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 2: I feel guilty for feeling unsettled by the constant nitpicking,

675
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 2: zoning out, and being pot at. I picked Danny up

676
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 2: from the airport in the morning and will be immediately

677
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 2: taking him to his college campus to begin orientation. There's way, way, way,

678
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 2: way too much happening all at once, and that is

679
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 2: the end of the story. The thing is, whenever you give,

680
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,479
Speaker 2: whenever you tell your friends or family about a mistake

681
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 2: or something that's going on in a relationship, they will

682
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: have thoughts and feelings about it.

683
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 3: Why it's important to give them No, Jess, don't just

684
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 3: talk about your partner when like something is wrong. Talk

685
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: about them when things are good. Yeah, so that the

686
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 3: people around you don't just like your partner's bad worst.

687
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 7: Yeah.

688
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 3: Hey is John Og host. We're gonna get back to

689
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: the stories, but a quick free minute break of ads

690
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 3: from our sponsors.

691
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 6: My sister called me lazy for wanting to pursue my

692
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 6: dream March twenty seventh, twenty twenty five. For background, I female,

693
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 6: twenty eight, have been working for a bank as a

694
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 6: processor for the last ten years. And while I know

695
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 6: I'm lucky to have my job, my working pattern is

696
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 6: good and I have the option to work from home,

697
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 6: the job itself is boring and can be stressful, and it's.

698
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 4: Not what I want to do with my life.

699
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,239
Speaker 6: I could never decide what I wanted to do when

700
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 6: I was younger, and instead of going to college, I

701
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 6: decided to work and gain experience for maybe a year

702
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 6: or so until I could make up my mind before

703
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 6: returning to higher education. But I got too used to

704
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 6: making money and never did. By the way, this comes

705
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 6: from a brilliant novel eighty three eighty five, and if

706
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 6: you want to submit your own stories, go to the art.

707
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 7: Slash Okay storytime separate it.

708
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 6: So fast forward ten years and I've come to the

709
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 6: conclusion that what I would like to do is write

710
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 6: books full time. I've been writing and self publishing for

711
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 6: a few years now, However, I would like to be

712
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 6: able to dedicate more time to it, but up until

713
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 6: now that's never been an option. My husband, Mail thirty,

714
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 6: was promoted almost two years ago now and is literally

715
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 6: doing his dream job. He makes far more than I do,

716
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 6: but not quite enough to completely support us just yet.

717
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 6: But recently he took me aside and said that he

718
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 6: knew I wasn't happy in my job and it was

719
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 6: hurting him to see. He suggested that instead of working

720
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 6: a forty hour week, I reduce my hours and maybe

721
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 6: twenty five instead, as we can easily afford it. I

722
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 6: was completely over the moon at this suggestion and agreed.

723
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 6: Work was also happy to accommodate due to my length service.

724
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 6: My sister, Female twenty four, on the other hand, was

725
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 6: not so happy about my decision.

726
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 7: Why does she have a say in this?

727
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: In what universe? Does that really hold much weight?

728
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, on this one, that's for sure.

729
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 6: My sister and her husband, Mail twenty seven, both work

730
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 6: full time hours and have two young children. My sister

731
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 6: has a accuse me of being lazy and saying that

732
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 6: I shouldn't be taking less hours unless I have children

733
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 6: in order to do something that's just a hobby. She

734
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 6: says that even she has to work full time in

735
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 6: order to raise her children, and that me not feeling

736
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 6: like working isn't an excuse to sit around the house

737
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 6: and do nothing all day while my husband is out

738
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 6: making money.

739
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,840
Speaker 3: Damn is Opie's sister like extra jiggly.

740
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 6: I've told her that I've worked NonStop since I was

741
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,839
Speaker 6: eighteen years old and now finally know what I want

742
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 6: to do with my life, which got me the response

743
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 6: that if I took more initiative to find out. Before now,

744
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 6: I could have been doing what I love professionally for

745
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 6: years instead of just starting out. This is where I

746
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 6: think I might have been en able. But I basically

747
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 6: told my sister that while I could sympathize with the

748
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 6: fact that she has a lot in her plate, it's

749
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 6: not my fault that she has children and I don't.

750
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,720
Speaker 3: At this point, she raged at.

751
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 6: Me, saying I'm clearly too irresponsible to understand the sacrifice

752
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 6: and dedication it takes to have one child, never mind two,

753
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 6: and that if I want to be a part time

754
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 6: worker and write silly love stories, then I can go

755
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 6: do that. I've spoken to my parents, and while they

756
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:03,479
Speaker 6: don't think I'm in the wrong, they say I should

757
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 6: be more understanding of why me and my husband being

758
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 6: in a better financial position is a sore respond So

759
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,399
Speaker 6: am I the a hole?

760
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 7: And there's an edit.

761
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 6: I'm honestly overwhelmed by the response that this has gotten

762
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 6: and incredibly appreciative of everyone's supports, So thank you all

763
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 6: for your input. I'm feeling a lot better about things

764
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 6: now and less angry overall as a result, which you

765
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,720
Speaker 6: have a slight update coming up, but is she the ahole?

766
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 7: What do we think?

767
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 3: No, And the parents are also being ales right now

768
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 3: because they're like, you need to understand why she's upset

769
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,399
Speaker 3: about the income thing, and it's like no, no, no, no, no.

770
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 3: She needs to understand that her being upset about something

771
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 3: doesn't entitle her to behave this way to someone like,

772
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 3: you know, her sister said that she should be supportive

773
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 3: and happy that she's able to pursue a passion.

774
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 6: I do agree that, like with things like that, they

775
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 6: can be a little sensitive for like anyone like bringing

776
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 6: that stuff up. But at the same time, yeah, like

777
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,240
Speaker 6: that doesn't excuse her response to that at all.

778
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 3: Zero percent. Just to a quick little personal references like

779
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 3: I was dating somebody and we were both actors, right,

780
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 3: and she had booked something, and like at first I

781
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 3: actually was like really jealous, and but then you know,

782
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: it dissipated. But then I brought up I was like, hey,

783
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 3: I just I feel like I had to tell you,

784
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,359
Speaker 3: like I got like really jealous about you getting that,

785
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 3: and then we just like talked it out and it

786
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 3: was fine. It wasn't like it needed to be like, oh, well,

787
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 3: you need to be a more understanding of why I'm jealous.

788
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 6: Exactly, but we have a slight update. I received a

789
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,240
Speaker 6: call from my sister's husband about an hour ago. For context,

790
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 6: the argument with my sister happened on Tuesday, not Wednesday.

791
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 6: He said that he'd noticed my sister had been off

792
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 6: for a few days but wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

793
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 7: She finally caved today.

794
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 6: He made it clear on the phone call that he

795
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 6: doesn't agree one bit with what my sister said to me,

796
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 6: and that he's told her that she needs to apologize

797
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 6: for being cruel and judgmental over what was supposed to

798
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:51,280
Speaker 6: be good news.

799
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 7: In my life. That's a great way to put it.

800
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 6: He didn't elaborate, but hinted that there was more to

801
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 6: why my sister reacted the way she did. He also

802
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 6: said he'd come over tomorrow with my sister so we

803
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 6: can talk. Hopefully we can sort things out because I

804
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 6: love my sister and ultimately want her to be as

805
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 6: happy as I am in my life. That am I

806
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 6: the a whole consensus, but Opie was not the ale.

807
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 6: According to the comments. Some of the comments are coming

808
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 6: right up coming to Number one says you are an

809
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 6: independent married woman. Why are you seeking approval? From your

810
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 6: birth family for your marital and life choices. Opie responds,

811
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 6: I honestly didn't think it would be a big deal

812
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 6: when I told them.

813
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:24,839
Speaker 4: It was more of.

814
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 6: A here is what's going on in my life, and

815
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 6: this is what I was met with.

816
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, there was no like seeking of approval. It was

817
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 3: more like I said this thing, and my sister just

818
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 3: got nasty. What do I do now?

819
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 7: That commenter was a silly bit.

820
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 6: Comment to number two says, not the a whole, but

821
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 6: is your sister in healthcare or retail? Something feels familiar

822
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 6: about that sentiment, Opie says, dental assistant, so somewhat healthcare.

823
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,800
Speaker 6: Comment to number three says info. It depends on your tone.

824
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 6: Good point, were you a matter of fact or matching

825
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 6: her energy? You should be shutting down your younger sister

826
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 6: immediately when she attacks you for sharing things happening in

827
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 6: your life. Rage is not a typical sibling response jealousy.

828
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 6: But you don't seem surprised by her reaction.

829
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 3: You should be.

830
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 6: I assume from your parents, what did you expect time response,

831
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 6: and that you waited longer than needed to say anything.

832
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 6: She is trained to receive no consequences. Or reaction to

833
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 6: tantrums and rage. If that's the case, what took you

834
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 6: so long diving in deep?

835
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 3: Why was that comment talking about Opie's sister, like it's

836
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 3: like a dog or something. I can tell by the

837
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 3: way that that it responded that it's been trained to know,

838
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 3: like it's like, come on, I would have.

839
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 6: Talked about honestly, probably today I was thinking about how

840
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 6: similar people are to dogs and how you have to

841
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 6: train them like that. So actually, I really disagree with you,

842
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 6: Like it was literally a passing thought in my mind.

843
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,880
Speaker 3: We literally had a story earlier where we were like,

844
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 3: this guy wants a girlfriend, but really he just needs

845
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:44,959
Speaker 3: a dog.

846
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 4: But Opie responds.

847
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 6: I would like to think I was being a matter

848
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,479
Speaker 6: of fact, but honestly, I was probably more just over

849
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 6: being in lecture mode. By the time I said what

850
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,280
Speaker 6: I did, it was on the same day I responded

851
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 6: this way. She'd come over for a visit in chat,

852
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 6: and for the most part we get on quite well generally.

853
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 6: I wasn't surprised she wasn't totally supportive, but her reasoning

854
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 6: for not being supportive baffled me. I had once said

855
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 6: jokingly before that I'd love to be able to quit

856
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,919
Speaker 6: my job, and here's hoping one day my husband would

857
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 6: be able to earn enough money for the both of us.

858
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 6: At no point did I ever think this could ever

859
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 6: be the case. But even then my sister said that

860
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 6: that wouldn't be a good idea. Though her reasoning at

861
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 6: the time was what if we ever got divorced, how

862
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 6: would I support myself?

863
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 3: That's a good point, just to ever think that, Like though, yeah,

864
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 3: hopefully one day my husband makes it up for both

865
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 3: of us, and then mean, like, I bet I'll remember that.

866
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 3: It's like not actually part of the plan.

867
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 5: My bad.

868
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 3: The wires got crossed there. Now my husband is not

869
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 3: going to support you.

870
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 7: Comment number four says, I bet she's pregnant.

871
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 6: Op says, my husband jokingly suggested this, but now I

872
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 6: have the fear.

873
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:43,760
Speaker 7: We have an update.

874
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 3: She's man stressed out, she's gonna have a third kid

875
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 3: to take care of.

876
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,879
Speaker 6: He's just like, what the heck, man, this is gonna

877
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 6: cost me tens of thousands of more dollars and you're

878
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 6: just like quitting this so you can write a book.

879
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,479
Speaker 3: Dang it. You can write these silly love stories. Write

880
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 3: a book about being a dental assistant.

881
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 7: We have updates.

882
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 6: March twenty eighth, twenty twenty five, the next day. This

883
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 6: is an update to my original post. I didn't think

884
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:08,879
Speaker 6: I was going to write an update to this at all.

885
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 6: They never think they're gonna write an update, but I

886
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 6: got a few messages and requests for an update, so

887
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 6: here we are. My sister and her husband came by

888
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 6: today as promised. They actually came over much earlier than

889
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 6: I was anticipating and left a couple of hours ago,

890
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 6: So I don't know if I managed to say everything

891
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 6: I probably should have at the time, but here's the

892
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 6: gist for those of you who wanted to know. It

893
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 6: didn't take a genius to see that my sister wasn't

894
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 6: doing too well. She normally takes pride in her appearance

895
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 6: and how she dresses well. I'm usually the one to

896
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 6: prioritize sleep or putting on a full face of makeup,

897
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 6: But when she turned up this morning, she looked as

898
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 6: if she hadn't slept in days. She had no makeup on,

899
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 6: and she was just wearing some lounge wear. Not overly

900
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 6: important details except that she didn't look like my sister

901
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,919
Speaker 6: at all. She immediately apologized as soon as she walked

902
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 6: into the living room and hugged me before I could

903
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 6: say anything. I hugged her back because she's my little

904
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 6: sister and no matter what, I love her to death.

905
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 6: It also occurred to me that it felt as if

906
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 6: she lost a ton of weight, and while she's always

907
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 6: been slim, this worried me a bit, and any residual

908
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 6: annoyance I might have felt dwindled quite quickly.

909
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 4: A lot of you guess that my.

910
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 6: Sister is pregnant with baby number three. Sorry to disappoint,

911
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 6: but this turned out to not be the case. As

912
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 6: it turns out my nephew, male four, her eldest son,

913
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 6: has been diagnosed with autism. I thought that was gonna

914
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 6: go somewhere else, that's why the tone.

915
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 3: But you're like getting ready for something real bad.

916
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 7: Yeah, no, it's like, oh okay.

917
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 6: And has been having some major behavioral problems as of flate.

918
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 6: He's always been a rambunctious kid and prone to a tantrum,

919
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 6: but I put this down to him being a child

920
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 6: and didn't think too much of it. Apparently, he's been

921
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,399
Speaker 6: having huge meltdowns at nursery school, leading him to being

922
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 6: violent with other kids and members of staff, and it's

923
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,359
Speaker 6: led to my sister having to leave early from work

924
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 6: on very short notice and has had to call in

925
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,399
Speaker 6: six several times when he's in a bad way. Due

926
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 6: to this, she's been called into a disciplinary meeting which

927
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 6: might lead to a formal hearing, and it's really worrying her.

928
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 6: She's also incredibly worried about what her son's life is

929
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 6: going to look like and how much support he'll need

930
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 6: moving from Her husband is there for her, of course,

931
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 6: but he works a job where he needs to drive

932
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 6: hours away at a time, so isn't always at home

933
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 6: in the mornings when things are at their worst. His

934
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 6: mother lives alone in another part of the country, and

935
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 6: our parents aren't able to do a whole lot of

936
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 6: babysitting as our mother still works and our dad has

937
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 6: bad problems with his back. She acknowledges that her behavior

938
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 6: was totally uncalled for, but that hearing about me being

939
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 6: in a position to be able to cut my hours

940
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 6: when she's worrying about even having a job in a

941
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 6: couple of weeks really triggered her, and that she's been

942
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,879
Speaker 6: on medication for her mood for several weeks now.

943
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 7: As it is.

944
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 6: I told her that of course I understood how her

945
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 6: position could be stressful and upsetting, But if she had

946
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 6: trusted me with this info and confided in me as

947
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 6: a sister, of course I would have been there for

948
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 6: her in any way I could have. Her husband cut

949
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 6: in at this point and assured me that they were

950
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,439
Speaker 6: both incredibly grateful for every time I and my own

951
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 6: husband had helped them out over the years, and he

952
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 6: didn't want this to be something that caused our families

953
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 6: to drift apart. My sister agreed, and again she acknowledged

954
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 6: her mistake and admitted that she feels like recently things

955
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,240
Speaker 6: have been really difficult for her, while my life seems

956
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 6: to be falling into place. She said that even when

957
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 6: I was at my lowest, I still did everything with

958
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 6: an air of confidence that she has always lacked, and

959
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 6: that even when I didn't know where my life was going,

960
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 6: I always held my head high and saw the positives,

961
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 6: something she is really struggling to do right now. She

962
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,240
Speaker 6: also told me that she told our parents about speaking

963
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 6: to a doctor and being on medication for depression, but

964
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 6: it had asked them to not say anything to anyone,

965
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 6: which is.

966
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 7: Probably why they wanted me to go easy on her.

967
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 6: Overall, I'm not mad at anymore, and I know that

968
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 6: deep down, my sister is happy for me. She's just

969
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 6: in an uncertain situation right now, and it got the

970
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 6: best of her.

971
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 3: Talk to the people who care about you and love

972
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 3: about you when you have problems and stuff. It's like,

973
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 3: come on, man.

974
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I feel like also another thing to pay

975
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 6: attention to is like the age difference, Like the sister

976
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 6: is twenty four and op is twenty eight. Like that's

977
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 6: not a big difference, but it's still like it's hard

978
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 6: to compare yourself to someone that's like got a lot

979
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 6: more experience than you or something like that, or has

980
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:54,399
Speaker 6: gone through more things.

981
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,760
Speaker 7: It's like, it's just things take time.

982
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 3: And it's a sibling dynamic I'm not familiar with. I'm

983
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 3: my only child, but it's like, you know, she's the

984
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 3: younger sibling, but she's the one with three kids and

985
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 3: her older sister doesn't have any, so she's feel like,

986
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 3: why am I the only one struggling to raise a family?

987
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:09,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're.

988
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 7: Also raising a family, Like that's hard.

989
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 3: Man, Yeah, all the trials and tribulations that come with that.

990
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 3: He's just being like, my family's so freaking sick and

991
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 3: we got raised so good, dude, feed him dirt and sawdust.

992
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 3: Send him to the freaking mill at ten veto. I'm

993
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,879
Speaker 3: gonna veto that one, all right, fine, just just saw dust,

994
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 3: not the dirt. Fun fact though, just a little bit

995
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 3: of sawdust edible. Don't eat that. Do not do that.

996
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 8: That's what the Germans did because they had to eat food,

997
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 8: and so they put sawdust in their food.

998
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 3: They would make bread, they would cut the flour with

999
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 3: sawdust so that it would last longer, and it tastes

1000
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 3: really bad. Yeah, there's a guy who made a video

1001
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 3: about it, and I watched it.

1002
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 6: You know what you could listen to is more episodes

1003
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 6: with stories just like this one. Just go to iHeartRadio, Spotify,

1004
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 6: Apple Podcasts and search.

1005
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 7: Okay, storytime, we got you.

1006
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 3: We'll hold you close in your ears.

1007
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 7: But there is a little bit more to the story.

1008
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I think the solutionaire is just to, like,

1009
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 3: you know, lean on the folks who tell you to

1010
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 3: lean on them, don't cut yourself out.

1011
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 6: And it's thank you all for the incredible suggestions and

1012
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 6: sources of support that may be able to help my

1013
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 6: sister and my nephew this is all still very new,

1014
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 6: not just to me but for them too, and no

1015
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 6: doubt we'll all be spending a very long time looking

1016
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 6: into the best options and seeing what is best going forward.

1017
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 6: I may not be the best when it comes to childcare,

1018
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 6: but if there's one thing my job has taught me

1019
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 6: this last decade, it's how to get as many details

1020
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 6: and as much info as possible. So no doubt I'll

1021
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 6: be putting that skill to good use very shortly. There

1022
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 6: are some comments quickly Comments Number one says, I'm sorry

1023
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,439
Speaker 6: she's having a hard time. To be honest, I still

1024
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 6: feel like they are trying to talk you into babysitters

1025
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 6: for her son. Helping your sister is important, but if

1026
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 6: they ask this, please think about what your means for

1027
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,759
Speaker 6: your dream op he responds, Trust me, I've been very

1028
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 6: clear about this with them, and honestly, as much as

1029
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 6: I love my nephews, I've never been.

1030
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 7: A go to for babysitting in general.

1031
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 6: They know my tolerance for kids is very low at

1032
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,720
Speaker 6: the best of times, and can say during my eldest

1033
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,919
Speaker 6: nephew's additional needs, I think we all know that.

1034
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:05,720
Speaker 7: That would be a massive disaster. Waiting to happen.

1035
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 6: Comment number two says, I'm glad she was able to

1036
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,320
Speaker 6: apologize to you. Her being stressed doesn't make it okay

1037
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 6: for her to take that out on you. You can

1038
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 6: do whatever you want with your time, it's not up

1039
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 6: to her. Also, I'm just curious, is it always your

1040
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 6: sister that has to take care of the kid and miswork.

1041
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 6: Being a default parent is super, super stressful, and it

1042
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 6: seems like her husband doesn't take time off to help

1043
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 6: the kids having issues. He's a parent too, It shouldn't

1044
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,439
Speaker 6: be on her every single time. Hope he responds. From

1045
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 6: what I understand, it hasn't been out of choice. It's

1046
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 6: been It's more that whenever there's been a call about

1047
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 6: my nephew needing to be picked up early from nursery

1048
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 6: because he's in the middle of a meltdown and no

1049
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 6: one can get him out of it, she's the one

1050
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 6: close enough to be able to do it, as her

1051
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 6: husband can sometimes be.

1052
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 7: Literal hours away bless a lot of.

1053
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 6: The time, he has to be out early in the

1054
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,399
Speaker 6: morning so he can be back at a decent time

1055
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 6: in the early evening, and it just so happens that

1056
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 6: mornings can be difficult If the little guy isn't a

1057
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 6: feeling it. This is all still very new for them,

1058
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 6: and they know changes need to be made and options

1059
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 6: looked into. To me, things easier coming to number three,

1060
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 6: says your poor sister. She seems truly remorseful. No one

1061
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 6: is truly prepared for a child with special needs, and

1062
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 6: having to work full time on top of that is

1063
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 6: incredibly hard. And let's be honest, life is easier without kids.

1064
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 3: Who's out there lying about that, who's out there being like, man,

1065
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 3: my life got so much simpler and easier when I

1066
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 3: had two.

1067
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 7: Kids, so much, so much easier.

1068
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, losing your job has a different meaning

1069
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 6: when you have kids who completely.

1070
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 4: Depend on you.

1071
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 6: I would look into all the programs in your area

1072
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 6: that help with special needs, and I know where I

1073
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 6: live special needs kids can start public school at age

1074
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 6: three where they can get the help that they need.

1075
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 6: I really hope things work out for your sister in

1076
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:35,720
Speaker 6: the long run, and.

1077
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 4: That does it. That is the end of that story.

1078
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 6: One time, when I was younger, and like the like

1079
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 6: after school daycare thing I went too, there was like

1080
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 6: a person with autism and he would have tantrums and stuff.

1081
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 6: He had like a person that was like assigned to him,

1082
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 6: special teacher that like knew how to deal with like

1083
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 6: special needs and stuff like that. She was like, literally,

1084
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 6: they are like for him, you know what I mean.

1085
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 6: That sounds expensive honestly, but it might be something that

1086
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 6: could help.

1087
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 3: For sure. I'm sure there, you know, depending on where

1088
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 3: you're at, you know, check what kind of programs are

1089
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 3: available to you, like on state level programs or even

1090
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 3: like school district level programs. Like you never know what's

1091
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 3: out there until you look. But that is the end

1092
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:11,320
Speaker 3: of that story.

1093
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1094
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1095
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 3: I was disowned by my parents. Now my sister wants

1096
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 3: me to reconcile. Sounds like that was your fault. Sounds

1097
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 3: like a skill issue to me. July twenty three to

1098
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 3: twenty nineteen. We've got background. I was a quote unquote

1099
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 3: difficult child growing up, to use my mother's favorite term

1100
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 3: for me, the oldest of five kids, never interested in boys,

1101
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 3: really into science and math. My mom especially kept trying

1102
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 3: to pressure me into more traditionally feminine pursuits, and starting

1103
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 3: in my junior year of high school started trying to

1104
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 3: set me up with boys from families she approved of.

1105
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,840
Speaker 3: Arranged marriages are common in my parents' culture. Needless to say,

1106
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 3: we fought a lot.

1107
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 8: I see you, op, he doesn't like boys.

1108
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 3: He might be onto something, folks. By the way, this

1109
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 3: comes from user r throwaway four or five to one,

1110
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1111
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 3: do it at the r slash okay story time subreddit.

1112
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 3: So I was able to get through all of that,

1113
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 3: and thanks to scholarships, I was able to go to

1114
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 3: college as well. My parents grumbled, but I have a

1115
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 3: passion for a field that happens to be very high paying,

1116
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 3: and my mom wasn't subtle about pushing me to get

1117
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 3: an mrs. Degree. Things came to a head when three

1118
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 3: things happened all at once. I got a terrific job

1119
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 3: offer from a major company in my field. It required

1120
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 3: me to move to another state, but they'd pay me

1121
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 3: to finish my degree. I took the offer immediately, which

1122
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 3: gave me the independence to do the two other things.

1123
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 3: I came out as somebody who likes the ladies.

1124
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 8: Called it dude or is like.

1125
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 3: My parents went back and forth between refusing to believe

1126
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 3: me and insisting that it was wrong and brought shame

1127
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: upon our family. I converted to another religion. At the time,

1128
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 3: I was getting serious with a woman of a different

1129
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 3: faith than the one i'd been raised in, and while

1130
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,120
Speaker 3: I didn't convert purely because of her, she was a

1131
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 3: factor my parents did not approve, to say the least.

1132
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,360
Speaker 3: In short, the resulting series of fights led to my

1133
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 3: parents declaring that if I took this job and continued

1134
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 3: on my course of being Saffok and converting to another religion,

1135
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 3: they would disown me. I let them disown me and

1136
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 3: completely cut contact with everyone in my family except my

1137
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 3: little sister. She was still living at home with my

1138
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 3: parents and we'd always gotten along very well, so I

1139
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:32,120
Speaker 3: quietly kept in contact with her. I haven't seen or

1140
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 3: spoken a word to my parents or anyone in my

1141
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 3: family except my little sister. In seven years. I'm still

1142
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 3: working for that same company, now in a higher level

1143
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 3: position that gives me a very comfortable standard of living.

1144
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 3: I'm also now married to a woman, not the one

1145
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,280
Speaker 3: i'd been dating when I cut contact with my family,

1146
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 3: but of the same religion and faith, which is important

1147
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 3: to us both. I have a lovely little girl, my

1148
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 3: wife's from a previous hetero spicy related marriage and through IVF.

1149
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 3: If I'm now pregnant myself, congratulations. Our wedding was a small,

1150
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 3: private thing, mostly with my wife's family and some friends.

1151
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 3: No one from my family was present. Now we get

1152
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 3: into the present day. A few days ago, my sister

1153
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:16,959
Speaker 3: was in a car accident. It was a drunk driver

1154
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 3: and she's not at fault, but I was able to

1155
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 3: step in and cover her medical bills since her job

1156
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 3: doesn't pay enough for how badly she was hurt. Oh no.

1157
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 3: I was on the phone with my sister talking about

1158
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,399
Speaker 3: possibly coming to visit, and we were talking about whether

1159
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:31,480
Speaker 3: my daughter should come with me, when I suddenly heard

1160
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 3: my mom's voice yell daughter. My mom was apparently visiting

1161
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 3: my sister and grabbed the phone away from her. She

1162
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 3: started screaming at me about how could I have a daughter,

1163
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,840
Speaker 3: Why did I not tell her I was getting married,

1164
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,800
Speaker 3: How could I steal her grandchildren from her, et cetera,

1165
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:49,720
Speaker 3: et cetera. Eventually I snapped told her I have a daughter,

1166
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 3: you do not have a granddaughter, and hung up. Fair Predictably,

1167
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: my social media and phone have been blowing up with

1168
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,919
Speaker 3: my parents and relatives who think they have a right

1169
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 3: to my life and my day and child or children

1170
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 3: i'm pregnant with after they disowned me for pursuing a

1171
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 3: life of my own, being attracted to the same gender,

1172
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 3: and converting to another religion. Aka just live in your truth.

1173
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 3: And you know what, maybe in a world where the

1174
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 3: mom who's on the phone right there does an antswer

1175
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 3: say daughter, and then goes, how dare you do? All

1176
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 3: these goes daughter, I love you and I miss you

1177
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 3: so much and I'm so sorry for all the things

1178
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 3: that I said and did. Then maybe the door opens.

1179
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 8: It sounds like a cultural thing maybe too, like op situation,

1180
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 8: like their famili's like super traditional or like.

1181
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, family was like it very much like what do

1182
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 3: you mean you like girls? Like what do you mean

1183
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 3: you want to get? Like a job in probably like

1184
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 3: a stem field, Like what do you mean you don't

1185
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 3: want to date guys? Like what are we doing? And

1186
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 3: then it's like probably moving away from home because it's

1187
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 3: like you took the dream job offer that's like far

1188
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:52,840
Speaker 3: away and converting religion, Like dude, can you imagine Like

1189
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: what if you know, if you change religion, how would

1190
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 3: that go? Well?

1191
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 8: My family probably have a hard time with it. They

1192
00:52:58,040 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 8: have a lot to say, Yeah, they would have a

1193
00:52:59,520 --> 00:52:59,879
Speaker 8: lot to say.

1194
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:01,920
Speaker 3: That's just the nature of the beast when it comes

1195
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 3: to stuff like that, you know. So they have really

1196
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:08,239
Speaker 3: focused in on my daughter especially, and I'm apparently the

1197
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 3: first of my parents' children to have kids, and my

1198
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 3: parents have gone nuts with our granddaughter. I've blocked everyone

1199
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 3: I can, and my wife, who's been a champ about

1200
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 3: this whole thing, already took precautions to make sure no

1201
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 3: one can do something crazy like I've read about a

1202
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 3: strange parents pulling on this forum trying to pick up

1203
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 3: our daughter from school without us breaking into the house.

1204
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 3: Blah blahlahlah blah. Problem is, my sister thinks I'm being mean.

1205
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 3: She'd like to meet my wife and her niece without

1206
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 3: hiding it from the family and things. I can meet

1207
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 3: my family somewhere in the middle. My gut feeling says no.

1208
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 3: My family burned their bridges years ago, and I don't

1209
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 3: want my daughter exposed to people who think I'm sick, shameful,

1210
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 3: and sinful for living my life the way I've chosen.

1211
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 3: And my wife agrees.

1212
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 8: I think your sister misses you and wants you in

1213
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 8: her kid's life. She's trying to find a way to

1214
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,959
Speaker 8: make it everyone happy. But in a real world it's

1215
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 8: way harder than that.

1216
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,359
Speaker 3: It's simple to say, like we should just like get

1217
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 3: together and like move past our differences when they're like

1218
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 3: core beliefs like this.

1219
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, and your parents are gonna have to do a

1220
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 8: lot more work than you are. Sounds like they're not

1221
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 8: going to be able to do that.

1222
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 3: They want to be like, oh, pie, do you see

1223
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 3: that we're right? Yet? Like, are you going to change

1224
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 3: your life the way that we want it to be? Yet?

1225
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 8: Either our way or the highway? Nope, took the highway,

1226
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,280
Speaker 8: went to a different city. I would say, call the gut,

1227
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 8: trust your gun. Still from someone who's not intimately tied

1228
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 8: up in this mess. Am I being unfair to my parents?

1229
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 8: Should I hear them out? Or should I just keep

1230
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,880
Speaker 8: stone walling them? We have some comments, but before I

1231
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 8: read them, I want to give my take on that,

1232
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 8: which is, like, I think without the context of that

1233
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 8: phone call where she hopped on your sister's phone and

1234
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 8: the first time that she had basically spoken to you,

1235
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 8: and like why I think op said seven years or

1236
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 8: so her response wasn't like I miss you, like I

1237
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 8: want to know what's going on in your life, like

1238
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 8: what's happening?

1239
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 3: Like it was like how dare you? And it doesn't

1240
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 3: sound like there's an openness or like a vulnerability there.

1241
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,439
Speaker 3: It's just probably just bitterness and resentment. So I don't

1242
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 3: feel like that's a productive path forward.

1243
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 8: My other thought is I saw this happen one time

1244
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 8: where like this kid just like went to a very

1245
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 8: different country and stayed away from her parents, and then

1246
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,760
Speaker 8: they want her back into their lives. The first step

1247
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 8: she took was like a video call, like a skype.

1248
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 8: That might be a good way to kind of see

1249
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,319
Speaker 8: if it's worth your time, kind of you know, dip

1250
00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 8: your toe in the water. And then literally if it

1251
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 8: doesn't work out.

1252
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 3: Right, if she should, you go back to business as usual, right,

1253
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 3: And then you can just turn it off and it's

1254
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 3: pure turn the computer off. Yeah. Yeah, it's like baby

1255
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 3: steps and then you know, if you want to start something,

1256
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 3: start small steps. So top comment from icy Wheel, quoting

1257
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 3: she said she'd like to meet my wife and her

1258
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,480
Speaker 3: niece without hiding it from the family. She can do

1259
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 3: that without any action on your part to make up

1260
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 3: with your parents. Tell her she's welcome to visit you

1261
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,320
Speaker 3: and your family anytime she likes. Don't engage in discussion

1262
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 3: about these other people. Your sister is six years younger

1263
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 3: and has only heard your parents' side of what happened,

1264
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 3: and she was what twelve, She's plenty old enough now

1265
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 3: to understand that you've made your own decisions for your

1266
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,919
Speaker 3: life and she should respect them. Nice comment, and there's

1267
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 3: an update here. Let's go ahead and dig in. First,

1268
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 3: I had no idea my question. We get so much interest. Second,

1269
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 3: everyone was dang near unanimous. After talking with my wife

1270
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 3: about it, I did a version of what a lot

1271
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 3: of people suggested. I sent my sister an email explaining

1272
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 3: my feelings about our family. Oh, we didn't really address

1273
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,320
Speaker 3: the sister, were a dressing the parents.

1274
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 8: That's what the other girl did too, She like, sent

1275
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 8: a very detailed email, very formal.

1276
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 3: Here's exhibit E. Exhibit be exhibit See why this is

1277
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 3: how I feel about it. I know that you don't

1278
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:39,040
Speaker 3: because you weren't going through it. So here's the enlightenment.

1279
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 3: I am not completely set on staying no contact with

1280
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 3: my parents, but if there is going to be any reconciliation,

1281
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 3: they're going to have to make the first move. I

1282
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 3: am lover of women, a sapphik, a insert religion here,

1283
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 3: and a insert career here, and these things are non

1284
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:00,719
Speaker 3: negotiable under any circumstances. If my parents kennot or will

1285
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 3: not accept these parts of who I am, the rest

1286
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 3: of me and my life are off limits. They disowned me.

1287
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:08,800
Speaker 3: If they want me to be a part of the

1288
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 3: family again, that's completely on them to accept me for

1289
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,720
Speaker 3: who I am. I told my sister that I'm open

1290
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 3: to meeting her, but only on my terms. I live

1291
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 3: near a big city, and I'd be happy to take

1292
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,360
Speaker 3: her out to lunch or dinner in the city. My

1293
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 3: wife and daughter will not be present. Any discussion of

1294
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 3: where I actually live is forbidden. And if I see

1295
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:30,440
Speaker 3: my parents, I'm leaving immediately only if I'm satisfied with

1296
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 3: the first meeting, while I consider bringing my wife and

1297
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 3: daughter to another meetup. What I didn't expect was an

1298
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 3: email I got from my second brother. It was the

1299
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 3: middle child of the family and joined the military after

1300
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 3: high school. I can't say I ever knew him well,

1301
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 3: and he was on deployment when I cut contact with

1302
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 3: my family, But I got this email from him, quote

1303
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 3: here we go. Hey, Op, if you delete this email

1304
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 3: right away, I understand, but there's things I need to say.

1305
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 3: I know I didn't say anything to mom and dad

1306
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 3: when we were growing up, or you went on your

1307
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 3: own way in college. I should have. I guess I'm

1308
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 3: a coward. Dad respected my decision to join the Navy,

1309
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 3: but I didn't tell I'm a big part of why

1310
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,480
Speaker 3: I did it. I joined the Navy in part to

1311
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 3: get away from mom and dad and everyone else. They

1312
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 3: were just as controlling to me and brother and other

1313
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 3: brother as they were to you and sister, just in

1314
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 3: a different way. I didn't see it then. I didn't

1315
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 3: think about it that way back then, But I should

1316
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 3: have easier to pretend I agreed and just go along.

1317
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 3: And now it's easier to make up excuses for why

1318
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 3: I can't visit home. What they're doing now scares me.

1319
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,439
Speaker 3: I met a wonderful woman last year, and we're thinking

1320
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 3: about getting married. We agreed that if we get married,

1321
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 3: we want to start a family. I see what our

1322
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 3: family is doing now to you and your daughter, and

1323
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: I don't want that happening to me, my wife, or

1324
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,160
Speaker 3: my children. I need to think about them not just

1325
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 3: about me. And while I've never cared much about religion,

1326
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 3: it's important to my girlfriend and if we marry, I'm

1327
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 3: going to convert to make her happy. I doubt Mom

1328
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,040
Speaker 3: or Dad will take it any better from me and

1329
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 3: they did from you, even though my girlfriend is religion

1330
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 3: A and your religion B. I see, Now this is

1331
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 3: how you keep a story actually anonymous insert career here,

1332
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 3: religion A, religion B.

1333
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 8: Now I'm in a niche filled industry in tennis balls.

1334
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 8: You know, it's like, oh, we could figure that one out.

1335
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:19,919
Speaker 3: Okay, I think I need to do what you did

1336
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 3: and cut our family out of my life. Mom and

1337
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,240
Speaker 3: Dad forced you to do it, but I think I

1338
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 3: need to do this now myself. And if you never

1339
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 3: want to see me again, I understand i'd feel the

1340
00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 3: same in your situation. But the next time I have leave,

1341
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 3: i'd like to apologize in person if you'd let me.

1342
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 3: Years too late, I know, but I'm sorry for not

1343
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 3: saying anything, and I'm sorry for not standing up to you,

1344
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 3: love brother. Okay.

1345
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:44,960
Speaker 8: I was scared at the beginning of this that they

1346
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,439
Speaker 8: were using him as a weapon to get close to OP,

1347
00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 8: but after this, I believe it and honestly, probably in

1348
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:54,040
Speaker 8: a zoom call just to kind of get the vibe

1349
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 8: to make sure that the parents don't have anything to

1350
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 8: do with it. I don't know how crafty the parents are,

1351
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 8: but it does sound like he's in a in a

1352
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 8: tight spot. I just think the parents are desperate and

1353
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 8: they want something from ope, so they may have used

1354
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 8: the sister for something. I don't know, because the sister

1355
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 8: is looking at it like the parents didn't really do

1356
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 8: anything wrong. The brother, I believe more because he's kind

1357
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,919
Speaker 8: of in the samular situation of the religion aspect, thinks

1358
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 8: that the parents are toxic and needs to come out

1359
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 8: so he can actually live his life.

1360
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 3: He's just realizing, like if they could do this to her,

1361
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 3: it's like, what would keep them from doing this to

1362
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 3: me or like my kids or my family. Yeah, I

1363
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 3: would say again, it's like you've already made up the decision.

1364
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 3: It's like if the parents are there where, it's like

1365
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 3: if your brother is like an ambushy or whatever with

1366
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 3: your parents leave, you know, that'll just be that you

1367
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 3: already haven't had contact with them all this time, and

1368
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 3: he feels guilty about and not speaking up. But we're

1369
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 3: just kind of unfair, because it's like as a kid

1370
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:42,000
Speaker 3: in that dynamic with a family where it's like your

1371
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 3: parents are kind of like really they dominate the household

1372
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 3: with their thoughts and their ideas and their beliefs, and

1373
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 3: it's like you got to fall in line or it

1374
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 3: creates problems. It's like when you learn in that environment

1375
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 3: that you can't speak up. I think it's unfair for

1376
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 3: the brother to be so hard on himself from not

1377
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 3: like doing anything. You're standing up and changing. It's like

1378
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 3: it is what.

1379
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:58,920
Speaker 8: It is, that's just how it was going up and

1380
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 8: you were stuck. It shows that he's a sweetye pie, though,

1381
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 8: I think.

1382
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 3: But let's go ahead and get in the story. We've

1383
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:06,400
Speaker 3: got more here. I was able to meet my brother

1384
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:10,280
Speaker 3: today and I think he's being sincere. He is horrified

1385
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 3: by how our family has been treating me because I

1386
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 3: have a child now that he's looking at getting married

1387
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 3: and having kids of his own. We were sitting together

1388
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 3: at the restaurant when he sent an email to the

1389
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 3: family announcing that he is severing, followed by him blocking everyone.

1390
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 3: My sister just told me she would think about it,

1391
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 3: and I haven't heard another word since. Thanks everyone, for

1392
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 3: the kind words and for encouraging me to stick with

1393
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 3: my gut. And we have another update. I believe this

1394
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 3: is a handful of months later, or maybe one month later.

1395
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 3: Grandparents forcing visitation rights.

1396
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:43,479
Speaker 8: You got grandparent rights.

1397
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 3: Let's read about I'm in Florida, my parents are in Texas.

1398
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 8: This is in the United States. Okay, everything it makes

1399
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 8: sense now. The religion is Christianity, and that one brother

1400
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 8: is definitely converting to Mormonism. Really, I mean, who knows.

1401
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 8: It could be literally anything. These are all guesses. I'm

1402
01:01:58,160 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 8: just like guessing.

1403
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the brother be came Zoroastrian and the

1404
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,440
Speaker 3: sister became a follower of the Bahai faith. Bahi is

1405
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 3: actually one of the newest religions on Earth. It's basically

1406
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 3: like a mixture of like all the things. It's like

1407
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 3: melting pot religion, and it's pretty chill. Here's the situation.

1408
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 3: Seven years ago, I severed all contact with my parents.

1409
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 3: They disown me because of my preference for women when

1410
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:21,120
Speaker 3: it comes to the boudoir and conversion to another religion.

1411
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 3: I have since moved to Florida and married. I have

1412
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 3: a young step daughter, my wife's from a previous marriage.

1413
01:02:27,680 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 3: Whom I am very close to. Two weeks ago, I

1414
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 3: was accidentally put into contact with my parents again, and

1415
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,240
Speaker 3: my parents learned that I have a daughter. I've maintained

1416
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 3: my complete silence with my family except for one sister

1417
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:42,040
Speaker 3: i'd been in discreet contact with and a brother who

1418
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 3: has decided to sever with our family overseeing how they're

1419
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 3: treating me and my daughter. This morning, my sister informed

1420
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 3: me that my parents are seeking legal options for the

1421
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 3: court to force them to have access to my daughter

1422
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 3: via grandparents' rights. My sister and therefore my parents do

1423
01:02:56,720 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 3: not know my daughter is not biologically mine and therefore

1424
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 3: not related to them. My wife and I are in

1425
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 3: a very stable, middle class situation and are working on

1426
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 3: having another child. As such, and because my parents are

1427
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 3: out of state and disowned me because of my way

1428
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:15,400
Speaker 3: of life, I'm pretty sure this is a bluff, but

1429
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:18,000
Speaker 3: I thought i'd ask here, do I have anything I

1430
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:19,800
Speaker 3: need to worry about legally?

1431
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,640
Speaker 8: So, since in of the United States, grandparents' rights or

1432
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:25,200
Speaker 8: a thing that is interesting.

1433
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 3: It's state by state, though, right there's a federal law level.

1434
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:31,680
Speaker 3: Here's what I'd say, Start document if you're worried, document

1435
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 3: their sort of you know habits, their behaviors in terms

1436
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 3: of like how they speak about you guys, which will

1437
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 3: be hard because you guys don't have any contact, so

1438
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to lean on I guess your sister

1439
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 3: to like get some you know, maybe like testimonies of

1440
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 3: like that they're home. I think I would gather evidence

1441
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:51,240
Speaker 3: that it's like these people are not people that would

1442
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 3: be even like safe, it would make any sense to

1443
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 3: bring around my daughter because like she hates that we

1444
01:03:56,720 --> 01:04:00,280
Speaker 3: are and would maybe like steal my kid or like

1445
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 3: hate crime US Like who.

1446
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 7: Knows, I've found something.

1447
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:06,480
Speaker 6: There's no US law for like legal rights for that.

1448
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:10,080
Speaker 6: But for Florida it says grandparents do not have an

1449
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 6: automatic right to visit their grandchildren. They must petition the

1450
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 6: court for visitation rights if they meet certain criteria.

1451
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 3: So I think outside of the state of Florida, they're

1452
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 3: out of the jurisdiction. What are they gonna do again,

1453
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 3: you'd have to get the Texas Rangers.

1454
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, and they have to go to court and a

1455
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 8: judge's gonna be like, wait, this kid's not related to

1456
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 8: you exactly.

1457
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:29,480
Speaker 3: And by the way, the Texas Rangers are honorable, so

1458
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 3: they would not do this, They would not support this.

1459
01:04:32,560 --> 01:04:34,280
Speaker 3: Let's get into these comments. Maybe they might have some

1460
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:38,560
Speaker 3: legally illuminating advice. So your parents are wishing to assert grandparents'

1461
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:42,480
Speaker 3: rights over a child that is not biologically their grandchild.

1462
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:45,120
Speaker 3: I don't see how they could be so confused is

1463
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,840
Speaker 3: to think they have any rights to a non biological

1464
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 3: step grandchild. If you adopt this child, then they might

1465
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 3: take a step closer to a legitimate claim. However, in

1466
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:56,760
Speaker 3: the same way that if I stand on the bottom

1467
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 3: rung of a ladder, then I will be one step

1468
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 3: closer to the moon. He replies. They know that she's

1469
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 3: not their biological grandchild. As far as I know, she's

1470
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 3: technically my stepdaughter, but I don't call her that, and

1471
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 3: she doesn't call me her step mother. She was only

1472
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:11,800
Speaker 3: two when I married her biological mother, so to her,

1473
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:15,800
Speaker 3: I'm short mom, to contrast my wife, who's tall mom.

1474
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 3: That's great, and there's a final update here in the comments.

1475
01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:21,320
Speaker 3: Let's get into it. Update for those who are curious,

1476
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:23,960
Speaker 3: my sister says, my parents talked it over with a

1477
01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 3: family friend who works in law, and the friend pretty

1478
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 3: much laughed them out of the room. And that is

1479
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:31,800
Speaker 3: the end of that. Story. So you know what, Op,

1480
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:35,560
Speaker 3: I think you have no need to reconnect with these people.

1481
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 3: They are like trying to strong arm you foolishly. They

1482
01:05:38,840 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 3: got laughed out of the room. Dad. You don't need

1483
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 3: none of that. And you know what else is crazy

1484
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 3: is that you can listen to full episodes with stories

1485
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:49,480
Speaker 3: just like this on Spotify or iHeartRadio or Apple podcast

1486
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:51,760
Speaker 3: wherever you listen to podcasts. Just search Okay story time

1487
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 3: and there you will have almost thirteen hundred hours worth

1488
01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:55,680
Speaker 3: of stories to listen to.