1 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: Everybody's Bill Courtney with shop Talk number twelve. Today, we're 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: going to talk about something that I've known for a 3 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: long time, but actually this podcast has re taught me, 4 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: and I'm going to say I haven't fully learned my 5 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 1: lesson yet, but I'm working on it. And it's about 6 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: controlling a conversation and who does that? A lesson I 7 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: learned it early on in sales, and a lesson I 8 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 1: learned early on in doing this podcast. Unlesson I try 9 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: to remind myself every day of and I think it'll 10 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: be interesting who controls the conversation shop Talk number twelve. 11 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: Now a few messages from our general sponsors, but first 12 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 1: for our premium members, I'm about to have my yearly 13 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: call with the group on June eighteenth, So if you're 14 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: interested in joining in, make sure to sign up to 15 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: be a premium member today at normalfolks dot us and 16 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: join in on the June eighteenth group talk, where really 17 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: I'm just going to chat with the listeners who are 18 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 1: Premium members, answer questions, laugh, maybe tell a joker too, 19 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: and I might even let Alex talk. So June eighteen 20 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: is the group talk with all Premium members. If you're 21 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: interested join up and become a premium member today at 22 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: normal Folks dot us. In just a second, after a 23 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,679 Speaker 1: few messages from our sponsors, we'll be right back to 24 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:56,559 Speaker 1: talk about who controls the conversation. Hey, everybody but Courtney 25 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: back with you on shop Talk number twelve. So I'm 26 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 1: an inquisitive guy. I like people, I like stories, and 27 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: I love to understand or try to understand where people 28 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: are coming from, what their perspective is, what makes them tick. 29 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: It's just a natural kind of curiosity. I mean, I 30 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 1: am a real life curious George. When I first started, well, 31 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,679 Speaker 1: go back when Alex came to me and said, hey, 32 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,080 Speaker 1: I want you to host that this show called an 33 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: Army of Normal Folks, and we're going to try to 34 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 1: grow this group of people into a literal army of 35 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: people celebrating one another doing pretty cool stuff across the country. 36 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: We're going to promote it well, we're going to produce 37 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 1: it well. It'll be something makes you laugh, makes you cry, 38 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 1: makes you think, and hopefully also be inspirational. You know, 39 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: I said, okay, great. You know, I own a lumber 40 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: business and I'm a football coach. Never taking a journalism class, 41 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: never taken a debate class, never interviewed anybody. Been interviewed 42 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: a bunch, but never interviewed anybody. And I said, sure, 43 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: what's a big deal. Have some conversations, and oh my gosh, 44 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: Alex lined up our first three, four five interviews, some 45 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 1: amazing guests. We went to Vegas and talked to John Ponder, 46 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: and I'm still just absolutely blown away by that guy. 47 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 1: In anyway. You know, I approached the deal with having 48 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: a conversation, and in doing so, I might have interrupted 49 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: our guests one hundred and fifty times in the two 50 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: hours I was with them, stepped all over them, interrupted 51 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: their thoughts, didn't let him get their points across until 52 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: I was listening to something and chasing a squirrel up 53 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: a tree wanting to know the next thing. And good grief, 54 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: it was all I did such a bad job of listening. 55 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: I did a bad job of listening. And what frustrates 56 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: me most about that is, I'm a sales guy, and 57 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:17,920 Speaker 1: you have to listen to sell. I'm a father, you 58 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: have to listen to properly father your children. I'm a husband. 59 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: You best listen to your spouse. I'm a business owner. 60 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: You best listen to your customers, your employees. I'm a 61 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: football coach, you better listen to what your players are 62 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: telling them are telling you. And so listening has been 63 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: a paramount think of my life. But then I started 64 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: when these things went public and they went on air, 65 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: and I started listening to myself. What I started listening 66 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: to was me being a bad listener. So I did 67 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: my best to correct, and I continue to have to 68 00:04:56,040 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: push myself to correct because my typical curious and quiz 69 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: of nature, I can't wait to ask the next question 70 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: because I'm so interested, but I end up stepping on 71 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:09,239 Speaker 1: people in that. And I never really knew how poor 72 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,000 Speaker 1: of a job I did until I listened to myself 73 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: on a recording and found out how much work I 74 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: had to do. So why is this important? Because the 75 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: person asking the questions and doing the listening is the 76 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: one actually controlling a conversation. Why does that matter? Well, 77 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 1: because if you want to be successful in business, and 78 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: you want to be successful in sales, and you want 79 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: to be successful as a spouse, and you want to 80 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: be successful as a parent, you want to be successful 81 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: engaging in community, you want to be successful as a coach, 82 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: or whatever it is you do, you got to get information. 83 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 1: You got to get information that helps you craft or 84 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: form the best approach toward any situation that you want 85 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: to make better or be good at. And the only 86 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: way you get information is by asking questions. But the 87 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 1: only way you're going to assimilate that information is by 88 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: once you ask a question, shut up and listen. So 89 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 1: the other thing about controlling the conversation is by asking 90 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: questions the person you're talking to, you are actually directing 91 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: where that conversation is going to go. When I ask 92 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: a question, you're going to respond to me about that information, 93 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: and then if I ask another question, you respond to 94 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: me about that information. So the one who actually ask 95 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: questions and listens is the one controlling the conversation. Many 96 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 1: people would say the one talking is the one because 97 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: they're dominating the number of words being used, the one 98 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 1: talking is actually controlling conversations, But it's not. It's the 99 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 1: one asking the questions and listening, because they're directing where 100 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: the conversation goes by virtue of the questions they ask. 101 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: And I was doing a poor job of it. And 102 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 1: I've known this pencil on my whole life, and yet 103 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: I did a poor job of it. And so then 104 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 1: I went to my wife and my kids and I said, 105 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: you know, I'm hearing myself on this dad gum podcast. 106 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: I'm stepping over my guests. I'm doing a terrible job listening. 107 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: I'm really working on it. And they're like, yeah, like 108 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: what do you mean. Yeah, they said, of course you are. 109 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 1: That's how you do us. I'm like, oh, shut up. 110 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: So then I go to the office and I'm like, dude, 111 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: can you believe that I'm listening to this thing and 112 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: I'm stepping on my guests and I'm not really fully 113 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: listening to answer the questions for asking other questions. And 114 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 1: then I went to leasing the kids and they said, well, no, no, kid, 115 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: and dad, duh, that's how you do. And I'm like, 116 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: you know, I may need y'all to straighten out these kids. 117 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: And they're like, what are you talking about, Bill, That's 118 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: exactly how you interact with us. And I was like, 119 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: oh my gosh. The whole time, I have adhere to 120 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: this paramount fundamental that the person asking the questions and 121 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: listening is controlling conversations. And I know it in my brain, 122 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: but I wasn't putting into good use in and around 123 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: my family and my business and on this podcast, so 124 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: I'm working on it, trying to get better, trying to 125 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: let people complete their thoughts before going to the next question. 126 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: I'm trying to suppress my natural curiosity and inquisitiveness long 127 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: enough to actually listen to the answer that I asked 128 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: for in the first place. I got a lot of 129 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 1: work to do, but I got to remember listening is 130 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: how you control the conversation. It's where you've garner information from, 131 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: and it's how you get the information to craft the 132 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: best action response to anything you're working in. And I 133 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 1: wanted to share that with you. Guys. Are you listening 134 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: to your spouse? Are you listening to your kids? Are 135 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: you listening to your eployees? Are you listening to people 136 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 1: you're trying to serve or coach? Are you listening to 137 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: your best friends? Are you asking open ended questions and 138 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 1: then giving people enough time to breathe and give you 139 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: the answer to that conversation so that you can get 140 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: all the information you need and in fact control conversations. 141 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: So shop Talk number twelve is a little bit about 142 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: my own personal growth and I need to be a 143 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: better listener so that I can form better actionable items 144 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: in order to garner the information to be the most 145 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: effective version of myself. The one asking the questions and 146 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 1: shutting up listening, ultimately is always the one in control. 147 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: I hope you'll think about it. I'm Bill Courtney. I'll 148 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: see you next week.