WEBVTT - What's the Solve? 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.560 From the dark corners of the web, an emerging mindset. 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.040 I'm a loser if also we know what I'm paying 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:09.840 me either a hidden world of resentment, cynicism, anger against 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:12.600 women at a deadly tipping point. 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:16.160 In Cells will be added to the Terrorism Guide. I 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:18.560 see literally zero hope. 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:23.360 This is In Cells, a production of KT Studios and 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:30.479 iHeart Podcasts, Season one, Episode eleven. What's the solve? 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:33.800 I think that's the hardest part of it. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.680 You probably could have stepped in earlier, but it's almost 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:41.000 like you don't want to see what's really happening in 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:41.680 front of your face. 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:45.960 We're asking, essentially these kids to be really, really safe 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:50.479 and behaved in a live environment worth billions and billions 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:53.080 of people just saying all the things, posting all the things. 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.080 Do we have to give them a fully accessible outlet 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:57.280 to the world in the palm of their hands any 0:00:57.320 --> 0:00:59.200 earlier than necessary, I already know. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:05.000 I'm Courtney Armstrong, a producer at Katie's Studios with Stephanie Leidecker, 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:11.440 Gabriel Castillo, Connor Powell, and Carolyn Miller. Throughout this series, 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:16.600 we've heard from self described in Cells experts, journalists, victims, families, 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:20.319 and advocates, but from a different perspective. We wanted to 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:24.000 talk with someone who's witnessed the shift up close, someone 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:28.399 who's actually seen a young man fall into insuldom. Our 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:30.760 goal here is to share the early signs, to watch 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.080 out for the moments that may show up in the 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:35.840 lives of people you know, and how to step in 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:40.720 if possible. We also wanted to look toward prevention, simple 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:45.400 actionable steps families can take before any issues arise. Later 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:48.559 in the episode, we'll hear from digital safety expert Katie 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:53.040 Greer about what that can look like. But first, here's Weezy. 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.600 She works closely with boys and young men, often in 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:01.320 those critical years when confidence, identity, and below are being shaped. 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:06.160 I own a sports therapy practice and I'm basically it's 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.280 my job to recover athletes from sports related injuries. 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:11.120 So that's what I do for a living. 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:14.280 So self actualization through fitness is kind of my bag. 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:16.200 So I have a lot of young men that will 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:19.360 connect to me, that will be asking me questions. My 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.960 inbox is usually always open. Right now, I have about 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:26.400 six or seven kids that are asking me questions about fitness. 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:28.320 Well, they saw this on Instagram. What do I think 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:28.639 of it. 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.239 They'll come, they'll have questions, they'll want to hear something, 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:34.960 and they want to hear something positive from a woman. 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:39.080 So I leave myself open online. Probably not the best 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:42.640 thing in the world, but I do it anyway. 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:46.000 We connected with Wheezy after reaching out on Twitter looking 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:50.120 for someone who had witnessed these transformations firsthand. We wanted 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:52.040 to know what the early signs look like and what 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.160 the rest of us might take from her experience. Our 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:58.239 first question to her was simple, why speak with us? 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:02.200 I want to talk about these experiences from a kind 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:05.480 of neutral perspective because I actually saw one of these 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.080 situations go down in real time through someone that I 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:12.399 had connected with. I see what happens to these young men, 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.960 and it hurts my heart to see because I saw 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.600 somebody with potential destroy that potential all on their own 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:21.800 because they got in with the wrong people who were 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:25.799 feeding them information or just lies basically, and getting them 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.640 to think things that just weren't true. A lot of times, 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.679 these kids are lost, they're lost, they're broken, and they're 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:34.000 looking for somebody to tell them that they're not. And 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.040 the people that create these insults are the people that 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.240 are preying on them for their own gain, at least 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:40.360 from what I can see. 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.920 We knew Weezy's experience centered around one man in particular, 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.320 so he asked her to take us back to the beginning. 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.440 How she first met him. 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:54.800 It was online through discord and there's a Twitch channel 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.720 for the NHL team that I'm contracted through. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.600 I met him. He had just turned towards he was 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:01.080 in college. 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:04.000 He was talking about fitness because he had access to 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:06.280 the sports complex that was part of the. 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.480 College, and so we went over diet, We went over 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:13.000 all kinds of different things, and that was fine. 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.840 That was perfectly fine, you know, it was just kind 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:17.440 of lose weight and look better. 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:21.400 Okay. Well, over time, we're connecting and we were. 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:25.000 Talking and I noticed small things though it was here 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:28.960 there that's bitter of he was trying to date and 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:30.760 he wasn't having success. 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:32.000 And then he started. 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:34.640 Talking to me about how he didn't work out that 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.599 day because he was feeling this and that over something 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.920 that happened at a party, and that's when the discussions 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.960 went into that way. And sometimes that happens, Like you 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.280 have your your clients that you're as much a therapy session. 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.120 As you are a training session. 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:50.640 It was one of those things where he got into 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:53.320 college and I think he expected when he got to 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.160 college that he was going to just be like dating 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:59.360 and doing the whole frack boy thing. And when that 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:02.400 didn't have happened, one of the things that I did 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:05.480 with him and when we talked, was I said, well, 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:07.839 what's happening in your life? What's going on with you 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.719 right now? Where do you feel like you're failing? We 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:13.760 could have those conversations, but soon it reached the point 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.479 where the issue wasn't oh, well, maybe I came on 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:20.320 too strong with this, so the thing is, oh, she's 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:23.279 just a stuck up bitch. Once or twice you hear that, 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.560 But you started seeing it more and more that it 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:30.000 wasn't me, it was them. It's the no self accountability, 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.719 and the self accountability that was there in the beginning 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:37.599 gradually eroded to the point where every interaction was her 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:39.800 fault and it was just because she doesn't want a 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.640 nice guy, and it was always that nice guy or 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.600 women don't want to be treated properly. Okay, that's not 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:47.800 what that interaction was. 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:53.680 Weezy started to notice a shift. The self reflection he 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:56.160 once had was gone and when real life didn't match 0:05:56.200 --> 0:06:00.400 that fantasy, his frustration grew. Weezy tried to see him 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.160 toward working on himself. First. 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.159 It got to the point where we couldn't analyze the 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:09.760 interactions anymore and say where one or both people might 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.400 have went wrong or in a perfect world, how would 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:14.720 you have liked that to go? And okay, well why 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.760 do you think it didn't go that way? But he 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:21.520 reached the point where that analysis couldn't take place. And 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:23.320 it also haided when he was trying to get out 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:25.240 and dating, and he expected dating to go. 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:28.359 A certain way that it wasn't. And that's where I 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:30.520 think a lot of these kids go wrong. 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:36.279 They're given this idealized fantasy of what walking up to 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:39.560 a woman or dming her through an app it's supposed 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:42.240 to follow this script. And I was trying to convince 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:44.040 him that he had some stuff he needed to work 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:46.520 through before he considered dating, and maybe that's why things 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:47.559 weren't going so well. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:49.320 But instead he. 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:52.440 Was listening to these podcasts and I noticed his demeanor, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:56.440 the way he talked, the phrases he was using. It 0:06:56.520 --> 0:07:00.280 evolved or devolved, I would say, into something that was 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:04.880 just mean spirited nasty and misogynistic. 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.400 The podcasts Wheezy as referring to are just one slice 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:14.680 of the misogynistic media these young men often fall into. 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.800 And the shift she noticed in his demeanor is something 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:22.440 experts and parents consistently describe when a young man suddenly 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:26.920 adopts an new language, harsher attitudes, or an unfamiliar worldview. 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:30.760 Those are early red flags and they shouldn't be ignored. 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:39.160 It's almost like misogynistic alpha male, where it's about sleeping 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.440 with as many women as you can and treating them 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.280 all like garbage. It's more of she needs to be 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:46.520 submissive to you, and the bitch needs to know her place. 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.360 You can cheat on her as much as you want. 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.080 She better not even look at another man. She better 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.800 stay home, rely on you. You need to hurt be 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.680 her protector or provider, but she needs to toe the 0:07:57.720 --> 0:07:58.280 line and you're. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.800 Gonna kick her to the curb. Like just nasty stuff. 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:03.360 And I know to guide young men away from them, 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.520 because they're not teaching them anything that is going to 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.080 get them a good life partner. They're teaching them how 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:10.920 to be abusive to their life partner. 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:11.960 It's gross. 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.000 It starts really really small you see a little thing 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:16.880 here and there, and you're like, oh, I'm just reading 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:18.920 too much into it. He's having a bad day, he 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.440 said something pissy. Okay, you overlook it, but it's something 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:27.119 that kind of snowballs. And where it's snowballs is really 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:28.960 just all of a sudden, you look up and this 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:32.040 person is just saying things. You're like, it's like it's 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:35.400 somebody you don't know. It's weird how fast it happens. 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:38.920 It seems like it's become his personality. He talks like them, 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:43.119 it's alpha, it's this, it's that, And whenever he gets rejected, 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:46.120 it's this long diatribe about how women just don't want 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:48.840 to be treated right. And it's a constant thing. And 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.800 it's like, oh, honey, no, you're creating the problem that 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.319 you think that this is solving. 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:55.520 It's like there's a point of no return. 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:58.640 And some of the young men that I've dealt with, 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.080 where they have these emotions and they don't know how 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:04.360 to channel them. I've noticed that when you discuss them, 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:07.440 you validate their feelings and you teach them how to 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:12.000 process them that they don't go down this path. This 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:15.240 particular kid that we're talking about that went down this 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:19.439 in cell path wasn't given that, and he found people 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:22.760 in his life outside that were willing to tell him 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:26.720 what he wanted to hear for their own self gratification. 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.320 The young man Wheezy had been describing wasn't getting the 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.440 guidance he needed at home, and he ended up finding 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:37.000 it from people who told them exactly what he wanted 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:41.040 to hear for all the wrong reasons. Wheezy says that 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:44.760 pattern isn't unique, and his story shows just how quickly 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.040 these communities can exploit kids who are already hurting. 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.199 They basically prayed on him. They take money from these 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.080 kids and they tell them that they need to be 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:59.200 hyper sexual, but then they shame them for it. They 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:02.280 create this problem, they shame them for it, and they 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:03.959 tell them, well, I had the way to fix it 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:07.240 as an outsider. It's just like you get so mad 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:10.040 at these people. These are the kind of kids that 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:14.480 these red pillars go after. They're broken, they're lost, they're hurt. 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:19.000 It's heartbreaking, it really is, because what these kids really 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:22.760 just need is someone to say, yes, you're worth being loved. 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.880 They're told that they can feel better and they'll heal 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:27.959 if they just fuck. 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:29.400 Enough women in a nutshell. 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:33.880 They're pips, and they want these boys to go after 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:38.400 the women like that because they sell cam girls. They're 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.360 just doing this to line their own pockets. They don't 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.000 give a shit about these kids. They'll tell them whatever 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:45.200 lies they want to hear so that they'll continue to 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:46.439 pay into their cam service. 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.680 Our last conversation was probably about. 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:55.920 A year ago, and his ideology turns something very wholesome 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:58.640 into something disgusting and toxic. 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:04.400 At first, it was subtle, repeating catch phrases from the 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.920 podcast he'd been listening to, mimicking the swagger of the 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:11.880 influencers he adalyzed little things she brushed off as a phase. 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:15.720 But over a few months it became his whole personality, 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.760 and the young man she knew was harder and harder 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:20.440 to recognize. 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:24.160 He had that kind of monkey see monkey doo attitude 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:26.280 towards what he was listening to. It was a lot 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:29.360 of the phrases that they use on these podcasts, and 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:33.040 then they became like his lexicon over time. It probably 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.200 took about six months for it to be like for 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:38.840 the final transformation. It's something that doesn't happen overnight. It 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.680 happens over time, and I think in the initial two 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.120 months or so, it's so gradual that I don't feel 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.400 like I noticed it as being a problem until it 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.320 got to the point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:52.480 And I think it's. 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:56.160 Because I knew what it was like before, and I 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:58.480 was thinking that, Okay, this is just a phase. He's 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.400 just having a bad patch. But it kept getting worse. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:04.440 And I think that's what happens in these cases, is 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:06.640 we see it getting there, but we know the sweet 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:09.839 guy that he used to be, and we keep holding 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.880 out hope that he's going to revert back to that, 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:15.360 But then they don't. I think that's the hardest part 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:19.240 of it. You probably could have stepped in earlier, but 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.360 it's almost like you don't want to see what's really 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.680 happening in front of your face, that you don't step 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:26.880 in when you probably should. 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:28.760 And if you do, is it going to do anything? 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:34.440 Weezy said, that's what makes this pattern so difficult. You 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.960 hope they'll snap out of it, but the shift keeps deepening, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.120 and beneath it all, many of these boys and men 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:43.600 are hurting far more than they let on. 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.480 I listen to them because if somebody's crying, they hurt. 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.880 Understanding the suicide rates in men, how high they are 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:53.440 is because they feel like they have no one they 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:56.760 can come to. That's a problem. There is no reason 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.079 why someone should be so out of hope that they 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.640 take their own lives. We need to get to them 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.520 and just be like, hey, reach your hand out and say, hey, 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:05.160 you're hurt. 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.079 I give a shit, come here. Most of the time. 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:12.000 Just sitting there listening to them, and I find keeps 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:14.480 them from going down this road. Really is just to 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:16.480 listen to them and let them know that they're hurt 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:19.760 and that's okay. How do we help you heal? Why 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.760 do they feel this way? And how do we fix it? 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:25.400 Is the conversation we should be having. We're just talking 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:28.560 about how it's toxic masculinity, and I don't think that 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:32.640 helps when someone is lonely and isolated. It has a 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.760 lot to do with the social media age, because we 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.960 are the most connected we've ever been, but also the 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:40.280 loneliest because. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:41.720 We connect online. 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:46.520 But those relationships are parasocial, They're not real, and I 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:50.120 think that we have lost the ability to create relationships. 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.480 I've been doing this for twenty five years, and I've 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.400 watched the difference in the way that the generations interact. 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:01.800 And I have kids that have panic attacks making phone calls, 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:05.160 and that's the conversation we should be having, is how 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:10.080 do we teach these kids to have healthy relationships and 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:14.920 to form healthy relationships in the insul conversation, That's the 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:19.040 conversation we're having, is that why are they so lonely 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:22.560 and lost? And how do we get to them and 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.520 get to that hurt place and help them figure it out. 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.040 Let's stop here for a break. We'll be back in 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:56.400 a moment. Here's a conversation I had with Katie Greer. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:01.320 She's CEO, founder, and keynote speaker of k L. Greer Consulting. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:05.840 It's an educational consulting company that talks to students pre 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:11.360 k through college, to parents, caregivers, law enforcement, and corporations 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:14.520 about how we can use tech in thoughtful, safe, and 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:19.480 productive ways to understand what prevention actually looks like. We 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:24.040 spoke with Katie about practical, actionable tech steps families can take. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:28.080 This goes from protecting young children to helping adults who 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:32.360 may already need intervention. We started by asking her about 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:36.400 kids preschool through second grade. Here's Katie Greer. 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:41.920 I think one of our issues is that we don't 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:42.880 start early enough. 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.280 No matter what you feel or what your. 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:49.360 Rules are around technology access, the reality of the situation 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.320 is that technology is all around us. So having these 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.120 conversations early and often around our expectations and rules in 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.560 our household and how this is going to work, or 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.040 you know, Mommy is going to make sure I put 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.800 my phone down when I'm driving, or that Mom's not 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.760 going to use my phone at dinner because it's not 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:10.120 polite when I'm trying to eat dinner and talk to you. 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:12.440 And we can start this stuff when our kids can talk. 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.760 Quite frankly, it's like, how do you cross the road? 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:15.040 Right? 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.560 I think it is vitally important given the technology a 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.280 driven world that we live in right now. 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.000 And that makes a lot of sense just literally leading 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:24.560 by example to start. 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:26.920 We have to be better about this too if we 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:28.360 want our kids to be good at it. 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.080 And I think if we can admit. 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.560 That without feeling shamed by the way, like, look, we 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.800 were given this stuff without any instructions, without knowing what 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:38.200 it was going to do to us, without knowing that 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:38.680 it was going to. 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:39.680 Sluck us in like it did. 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.880 Then we hit COVID, where we didn't know if we'd 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:44.920 ever be able to talk to people again in person. 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:47.680 So like, be gentle with yourselves, but like ask yourself, 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:49.080 can we be better going forward? 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.600 So moving on to more elementary school. 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.920 The amount of parents that don't know what these kids 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:58.680 have access to even as early as third grade is 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.840 something that is alarming and a bit. 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.880 Frightening from my perspective. At least. 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:05.760 One of the things I think of immediately is like 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.919 gaming right online gaming and the amount of parents that 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:13.040 don't know that their kids can actually game with random strangers. 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.040 The amount of parents who just think that their kids 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:18.439 are gaming like we used to with Nintendo, or that 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:20.800 they're only playing with their friends, or like why would 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:22.120 they even want to talk. 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:22.640 To a stranger? 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:27.800 I think that that is wildly overlooked by parents. So 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:31.680 I think in this period is where parents really need 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.320 to start to like dig in a bit and learn 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.479 learn along with your kids. Right roadblocks. Right has had 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:42.879 a lot of issues lately, basically unknowingly exposing kids to 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:48.800 a bunch of really adult related stuff and parents also 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:52.359 not having any idea that these kids can join user 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:56.160 generated worlds that are super inappropriate. 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:01.479 With kids encountering these platforms younger and younger, we wanted 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.800 to know the practical side. What steps can parents take 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.040 right now to keep their children safe. 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.000 This is the time that parents need to do some 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:13.800 homework and learn about things, and by the way, really 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.040 great news technology can help us with that. 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:17.440 Go to chat GPT. 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:21.399 Hey, my fourth grader wants to hop on roadblocks with 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:23.480 his friends or her friends. What do I need to 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:24.360 know about roadblocks? 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:24.919 What is it? 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.520 What's dangerous about it? What's great about it? What are 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.600 some settings I can use to keep my kids safe? 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:33.720 Ask chatchept really really great resource for us to have. 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:37.520 This is the time that it goes from me telling 0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:39.159 my kids what to do or not to do, to 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.959 me being really involved in the stuff that they're starting 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:44.240 to do, because I think the earlier we have these 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.919 conversations and we set these rules and expectations, the easier 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:48.960 it is when they get older. 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:54.400 Are you a big fan of parents putting into place settings? 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.600 I am with the caveat that all of these settings 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.000 that are out there, there's some adorable twelve year old 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:03.879 that talks about how to get around those settings. So 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:06.399 we can't just slap those on our kids' devices and 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:08.600 think that our job is done, Like we are the 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.640 first line of defense. So while I think they're helpful, 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.040 I think there could be a tool, They're not the 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:16.240 only thing that's going to help the kids stay safe. 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:20.320 So knowing that that is an option and something that 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.239 can help you out is great, But relying on it 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:23.320 is where I get nervous. 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:24.879 What goes on in middle school? 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:25.760 What do people need to know? 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:26.560 Yeah? 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:29.320 God, where do we start? Bigger kids, bigger problems? Right? 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:33.800 This is when the settings and the rules really need 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:37.520 to come in because this is developmentally, not because kids 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:41.200 are horrible, and not because technology is horrible, but developmentally, 0:19:41.640 --> 0:19:44.080 these kids are going through a lot, and hormones are changing, 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:46.200 and friend groups are changing, and kids are getting more 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:49.400 access to devices earlier and earlier, and now they're getting 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:51.760 access to social media, and now we have to really 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:53.480 execute and our heads have to kind of be on 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:57.000 a swivel to hope that we can get our kids 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.639 to a place and practice what we preach. 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:02.160 These are when things that I start. 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.680 To worry about can happen, like group chats and access 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:09.240 to videos that we didn't want them to have access to. 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:13.560 Here's where the big conversations start to come in about what. 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:16.560 It is that we're seeing, asking them every day about 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:18.320 did you see things that made you feel good? 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:20.320 Did you see things that you had questions about? 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.400 Our kids are being pummeled at that age, that middle 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.720 school age, with so much information, whether it's from classmates 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:30.840 or the Internet or social media, that we got to 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:32.879 roll up our sleeves at that point and start to 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:34.720 really ask some of the tough questions. 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:42.040 Researchers have run tests creating accounts as twelve year olds, 0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:46.159 and consistently, in under half an hour, those accounts were 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:50.199 hit with alarming content they never searched for. It's almost 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.480 like the Internet was coming for them. I asked Katie 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:54.760 what our thoughts on this were. 0:20:56.680 --> 0:20:58.840 This has been replicated so many times, and you know 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.080