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Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome to the show Ridiculous Historians and possible Viking descendants.

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Speaker 1: My name is Ben, my name is Nuel. I used

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Speaker 1: to have a little red in my beard. Does that

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Speaker 1: mean I'm a possible Viking descendant? Well, it means you

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Speaker 1: definitely have the possibility of that red haired jean. You know,

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Speaker 1: we would need to we need to do some more testing.

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Speaker 1: I also have a red beard when I grow it out.

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Speaker 1: And in the part of Tennessee where I'm from, there

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Speaker 1: is this old folks saying about how you can't trust

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Speaker 1: someone who has two different colors of facial hair, So

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Speaker 1: like I have brown hair on my head and then

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Speaker 1: red hair on my face. Not to be trusted. What

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Speaker 1: about people with two different color eyes? Because I have

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Speaker 1: the different colored beard and two different color eyes, I

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Speaker 1: mean I'm super untrustworthy. No, no, no, not in not

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Speaker 1: in my part of the world, hetero chromia. They seem

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Speaker 1: fine with what they think. I'm a witch. I think

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Speaker 1: you might have to have a milky eye, very like

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Speaker 1: apparently different eyes. But you know who is super trustworthy,

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Speaker 1: knowl our super producer Casey Pegram, who is also I

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Speaker 1: believe not not a Viking. Is that correct? Casey is correct. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean he's not an active Viking. His rating days

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Speaker 1: are behind him, right, I don't want to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: fair enough, Okay, So we were we were talking about

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Speaker 1: Viking names a little bit before we went on the

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Speaker 1: air today and one of the questions, one of the

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Speaker 1: questions I have. We have one character in this story

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Speaker 1: named hostin the Raider, and the question is how many

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Speaker 1: raids do you have to accomplish? How many do you

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Speaker 1: have to rack up or have under your belt for

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Speaker 1: that to become part of your name? And I said

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Speaker 1: save it for the pod, and you did not like that.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like telling someone to shut up. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's it. Just no, it just means

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Speaker 1: this conversation would be best had it spontaneously in one go,

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Speaker 1: instead of doing it once and then trying to do

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Speaker 1: it again, because the magic is never the same. Man,

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Speaker 1: I see you're coming from. But it is like telling

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Speaker 1: someone to shut up. Okay, man, that's fair. But um,

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Speaker 1: but I seriously wonder though, Nola is like, do you

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Speaker 1: do one raid or do you do five? That's a

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Speaker 1: really good question. I mean, surely there's a metric for

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Speaker 1: these things, or maybe he gave himself his own nickname. Oh,

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Speaker 1: good call, that's interesting. I bet that's I bet that's

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Speaker 1: true because it is kind of a badass nickname. And

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Speaker 1: you can tell in a lot of these stories when

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Speaker 1: someone has a not quite complimentary nickname like Charles the

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Speaker 1: Bald or something exactly, that was probably bestowed upon him

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Speaker 1: by people that didn't care for him too much. Propaganda.

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Speaker 1: But why are we talking about Vikings today? Nol? Who? What?

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Speaker 1: What's this deal with Hosting the Raider? Costing the Raider

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Speaker 1: and his homie biorn Ironside, great name, also a great name.

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Speaker 1: They they did a little military blunder. That's a lot

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Speaker 1: of fun. Uh. It involves some sort of trojan Horse

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Speaker 1: like tactics. Uh, it involves possible decapitation of members of

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Speaker 1: the clergy and a whole lot of raping and pillaging

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Speaker 1: and raiding along the way. Yes, yes, yes, at least

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Speaker 1: that is if they actually existed. That's the strange part.

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Speaker 1: I hate that part about history where it's like, God,

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Speaker 1: this is so great, but it's probably not true. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: or it's or they'll try to make it a little

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Speaker 1: more optimistic and say they may have been real people.

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Speaker 1: You're thinking what. I am so invested in this story

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Speaker 1: right now, so take it with a grain of salt.

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Speaker 1: This was a long, long time ago. Hosting was a

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Speaker 1: Viking chieftain in the late ninth century, and some of

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Speaker 1: the characters in today's story are going to be familiar

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Speaker 1: to you if you are a fan of the television

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Speaker 1: series Vikings. Ye do you ever check that out? I haven't.

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Speaker 1: I watched a little bit of it here and there,

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Speaker 1: But I also know apparently it takes quite a few

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Speaker 1: liberties with some of these stories as well, and their

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Speaker 1: depiction of the character of yourn Ironside, he doesn't quite

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Speaker 1: do what he probably actually did in historical accounts because

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Speaker 1: it helped them with their storyline a little bit. Ah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. Was that on History Channel?

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Speaker 1: I think it was like the weird, anomalous, like big

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Speaker 1: budget kind of Game of Thrones e type show on

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Speaker 1: the History Channel. That's right, Well, let us know if

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Speaker 1: you're a fan, and let us know what you think

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Speaker 1: they got right. We're wrong, But this is a as

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Speaker 1: much as we can determine an historically true tale that way. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So we don't know much about hostin the Raider, his

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Speaker 1: early life aside for the fact that you know, he

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Speaker 1: rated a bunch of stuff, that's right, It wasn't ironic, uh,

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Speaker 1: And he came from a well established bloodline. Yeah, all

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Speaker 1: signs point to him being the son of a Ragnar

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Speaker 1: loath Brock, and apparently that was also You're and Ironside's father,

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Speaker 1: so they were possibly brothers, possibly brothers, or because bloodline

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Speaker 1: was such a big deal in this culture at this time,

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Speaker 1: it is also completely possible that Hosting just said that

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Speaker 1: to try to get some more street cred hip cred

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Speaker 1: got it vikings. So these vikings, they they kind of

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Speaker 1: had a singular mission, didn't they. Yeah, yeah, they had.

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Speaker 1: They the raiding economy, if you want to call it that,

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Speaker 1: it's a it's a It's a huge part of the

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Speaker 1: life of this culture, so much so that of course

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Speaker 1: people would get appellations or names for their performance or

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Speaker 1: lack of performance in a raid, And if there was

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Speaker 1: a really well done raid, then it would become part

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Speaker 1: of this world tradition. It was a legend. So Ragnar

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Speaker 1: loath Brock one of his big claims to fame was

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Speaker 1: the sacking of Paris. This occurred in eight forty five

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Speaker 1: and five thousand Vikings led by Ragnar, took over Paris.

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Speaker 1: It was the largest, richest, most defended city in Northern Europe.

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Speaker 1: This this was this was like a very violent proto heist, right,

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Speaker 1: and the king of the time, Charles the Bald, paid

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Speaker 1: a huge ransom of seven thousand pounds of silver to

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Speaker 1: Ragnar just to make them go away. Yeah, that'll do it.

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Speaker 1: So that's what a sacking is, right. It's so interesting

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Speaker 1: that term because I think of it in the British

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Speaker 1: parlance as getting fired, but it also means like getting

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Speaker 1: kind of conquered, which I guess they sort of mean

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Speaker 1: the same thing. Yeah, yeah, completely, I guess I could

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Speaker 1: see that. Yeah, that's an interesting etymology. Well, seven thousand

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Speaker 1: pounds of silver did not work. They returned a decade

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Speaker 1: later to sack the city again. There's no honor among Vikings,

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Speaker 1: I guess, yes, yeah. And the French in that time

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Speaker 1: were prepared and they were able to fight the Vikings off.

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Speaker 1: But then in eight fifty seven bure and Ironside, son

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Speaker 1: of Ragnar, actual son, uh, He takes his crew and

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Speaker 1: they returned to Paris. But they noticed that Paris Is

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Speaker 1: is in ruins. Only after after they're done looting. Only

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Speaker 1: four out of the what thirty something churches were left standing.

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Speaker 1: And they were encouraged by this wanton mayhem, this gleeful destruction,

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Speaker 1: and they said, you know what, raids are cool. Raids

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Speaker 1: are super cool. But Paris has kind of been done.

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Speaker 1: Let's go for something bigger. Why was it in such ruins? Then?

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Speaker 1: So from to eight fifty seven, we're talking about three

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Speaker 1: different sackings. There's not enough time the city to really

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Speaker 1: repair itself, you know what I mean. You can only

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Speaker 1: squeeze so much. I was gonna see milk from a cow,

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Speaker 1: but that seems weird. You can't get blood from a stone.

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Speaker 1: Poor Paris. Yeah, haven't they had enough? I mean, So

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Speaker 1: that's basically what the takeaway was, right, That's what I mean.

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Speaker 1: They were literally like, you know what I think? Uh,

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Speaker 1: I think we're gonna leave them alone this time, right right,

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Speaker 1: pretty much right now. But we should probably really quickly

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Speaker 1: mentioned that Houstin was such a badass that he actually

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Speaker 1: had quite a few names, whether they were aliases or

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Speaker 1: other nicknames, but he was known a k A half Dan.

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Speaker 1: That's my favorite one. By this, I mean he's like

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Speaker 1: half he used to be half dan. He used to

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Speaker 1: be like that. He's also all sting and also hastening

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Speaker 1: with that really cool A e uh combined letter. What

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Speaker 1: do you call that? Ben? Technically speaking, it's a grapheme

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Speaker 1: formed from the letters A and e originally represented the

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Speaker 1: Latin dipthong. A just sort of got smushed into one thing.

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Speaker 1: Got it? Got it? So at this point, um, Hastin

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Speaker 1: and Bjorn decided to make their way to the south

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Speaker 1: of France on the Lower River. Ah, Casey on the case.

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Speaker 1: You know what usually we I thought it was always

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Speaker 1: vampire rules with you, Casey, don't we invoke you. I

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Speaker 1: thought we had to invite you in to jump in there.

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Speaker 1: He couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't let that that gross

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Speaker 1: mispronunciation stand. Just trying to save us all some emails.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it, buddy, I appreciate um. So so yeah,

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Speaker 1: so they're sailing, uh, I believe a fleet of sixty

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Speaker 1: two ships down the Loire River. Excuse me, case you

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Speaker 1: don't need to have you popping into my head again. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And they're going to the Iberian Peninsula. So, um, where

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Speaker 1: they are is in what isn't today modern day France.

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Speaker 1: And then they're going to um what is now Bane

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Speaker 1: in Portugal, and along the way. They don't always do

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Speaker 1: too hot because they're kind of persona on grata at

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Speaker 1: this point. They keep running around, sacking places and pillaging

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Speaker 1: and just having their way. So people are kind of

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Speaker 1: wise to them a little bit at this point, aren't they. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is all during this time. This is part of

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Speaker 1: the Umad Caliphate, and you can only do this kind

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Speaker 1: of thing so many times before people start realizing there's

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Speaker 1: trouble of foot, you know what I mean, unless you

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Speaker 1: kill everyone in the town you attack. So they did

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Speaker 1: not have a flawless record. In fact, when they were

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Speaker 1: raiding ships along the Galatian coast, they found that the

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Speaker 1: local resistance overall was just too strong. So they weren't

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Speaker 1: moving because they were maybe seeking greater riches. They were

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Speaker 1: seeking easier targets, easier pickings. Easier picking is sir, That's

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Speaker 1: how a lot of predators work, you know. And so

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Speaker 1: they moved on to pillage the west coast of the Emirate,

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Speaker 1: and there they started and cow entering more success. The

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Speaker 1: coast Guard of the time captured two long ships scouting

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Speaker 1: ahead of the main fleet and they found that these ships,

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Speaker 1: these scout ships, were already full of treasure and food

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Speaker 1: and slaves or captives that were destined to be enslaved.

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Speaker 1: So at this point they're almost in their almost switching

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Speaker 1: their tactics to more traditional pirate kind of right, right,

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Speaker 1: And they suffer another defeat when they land in southwest Spain.

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Speaker 1: The fleet next goes to the mouth of the guaddal

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Speaker 1: Quivier with the intention, maybe historians guests, of attacking Seville

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Speaker 1: for a second time, but then they get confronted by

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Speaker 1: the Moorish fleet. These were actual trained soldiers, They had

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Speaker 1: maritime war tactics. These were not just helpless fishing community.

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Speaker 1: And didn't they lose a whole bunch of ships and

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Speaker 1: men And in this confrontation, Yeah, because the Moorish fleet

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Speaker 1: had incendiary weapons, they were literally lighten them up and

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Speaker 1: the yeah, the ships burned, people died. What are the

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Speaker 1: Vikings used typically? Were they using like I mean the

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Speaker 1: access I imagine in close combat? But what what would

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Speaker 1: they use in c combat? Do you think? Well, one

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Speaker 1: thing we know for sure is that it was a

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Speaker 1: long standing rule of theirs to leave town, to leave

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Speaker 1: the scene if resistance was too strong. That's why their raiders,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so if we're if

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Speaker 1: we're guessing, we know that a lot of their fleets

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Speaker 1: had little to know cohesion, you know, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like more like a convoy on the road. Yeah. So

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Speaker 1: they didn't attack ships with the intent of destroying them.

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Speaker 1: They wanted to board them. So one of their common

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Speaker 1: tactics was to try to ram ships and then once

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Speaker 1: they're close enough, jump on the shore you go. And

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Speaker 1: then they probably go to town with those battle axes

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Speaker 1: right with them and they web. But I do believe

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Speaker 1: they also used bows and arrows and spears and things

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Speaker 1: like that. I could picture shooting volleys of arrows, you know,

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Speaker 1: onto other ships. Possibly, I don't know. I can't confirm that,

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Speaker 1: but it seems like that would be one way of

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Speaker 1: getting it done. M Yeah, yeah, agreed. So typically their

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Speaker 1: their aim was to get in close quarters to kill

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Speaker 1: enslave plunder. But this other fleet that is well, uh

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Speaker 1: well accustomed two maritime ship on ship warfare there, you know,

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Speaker 1: their woutang style. They're nothing to with for sure. No,

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Speaker 1: And I mean they were designed for that purpose of

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Speaker 1: ramming as well. I mean the way the whole the

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Speaker 1: whole ship was kind of built with that in mind.

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Speaker 1: And so as as we said, noel uh, they encounter

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Speaker 1: professional naval forces and they get the horns slapped off

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Speaker 1: the helmets, which by the way, is a stereotype. And

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Speaker 1: and they were barely able to make their way home,

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Speaker 1: the few that were left alive. If we're forced to

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Speaker 1: pay a ransom to escape. But this defeat, this ignominious defeat,

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Speaker 1: did not scare or extinguish the thirst for vast treasures

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Speaker 1: and glory on the part of your and iron side

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Speaker 1: and hastin half Dan half I love half Dan. So

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Speaker 1: at this point they've had some wins, they've had some losses,

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Speaker 1: you know, but they still want more. That's sort of

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Speaker 1: the nature of this kind of life, right. You don't

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Speaker 1: really rest on your laurels, you know, otherwise you'll be

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Speaker 1: seen as weak, and then you won't be the toughest

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Speaker 1: viking in the sea, right And then what's the point

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Speaker 1: what's the point? Well, no, it's it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: mob rules, right, Like if it's as soon as you

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Speaker 1: let up and stop you know, kicking people's asses all

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Speaker 1: the time and taking collections, then all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: someone else is going to move in on your turf,

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Speaker 1: so they couldn't have that. And I think we've all

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Speaker 1: heard that expression all roads lead to At this time

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Speaker 1: that was especially true because Rome was seen as like

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Speaker 1: the crown jewel of sack Herble places, right, Like that's

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Speaker 1: the one that you would guarantee to have a crazy,

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Speaker 1: incredible haul because it was full of riches and wealth,

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Speaker 1: and like we had this whole you know, civilized society

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Speaker 1: with culture and like it was just practically the streets

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Speaker 1: were paved with gold right in the minds of these

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Speaker 1: vikings and the minds these vikings, And this leads us

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Speaker 1: to another character. We have to introduce the Norman monk

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Speaker 1: Dudo of St. Quentin. Doo dude, oh uh. We don't

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Speaker 1: know uh a ton about this guy, except that he

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Speaker 1: was born around nine, he was in the Norman court

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Speaker 1: Normandy for a while, and in his second stay in

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Speaker 1: Normandy he wrote his history of the Norman's And as

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Speaker 1: for the rest of his life, we know that he

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Speaker 1: died some time before ten forty three, So we don't

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Speaker 1: know a whole heck of a lot about him, but

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Speaker 1: we do know that he is the source of the

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Speaker 1: story that takes place. Next. Here's what happens. According to

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Speaker 1: the story Your Ironside and there's buddy half Dan. They

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Speaker 1: land in a place after they've been raiding the coast

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Speaker 1: of Africa and getting their butts whipped by some professional

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Speaker 1: naval forces. They land somewhere in Italy and they think,

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Speaker 1: this is the most amazing city. Holy smokes, bro, we

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Speaker 1: made it. We're in Rome and we're about to get down.

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Speaker 1: We are going to tear the place up. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: light it up, yolo time. It's total Viking yollosish. So

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Speaker 1: they want to use a little bit of cunning because

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Speaker 1: from everything they know about Rome, it's huge, it's home

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Speaker 1: to opulent wealth, and it's probably very well protected. Right,

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Speaker 1: So they said, there's no way we can take this

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Speaker 1: by force. Like we're we're great guys, half Dan, but

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Speaker 1: we we've got to think this through. Let's let's through.

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Speaker 1: Our usual bloodthirsty, ruthless kind of smash and grab techniques

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Speaker 1: are not going to serve us in this particular situation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: half Dan, that's how that went. This is uh So

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Speaker 1: then you say, okay, well, let's let's give it tonight.

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Speaker 1: Let's think on it. The next morning, a small group

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Speaker 1: of Vikings approaches the city walls and they say, hold on,

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Speaker 1: hold on, hang on. I know we look crazy, dressed

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Speaker 1: in furs, dirty and sea worn, but we have not

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Speaker 1: come to plunder you. We have no strength left. We're exhausted.

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Speaker 1: We've been traveling a lot. Could you just make peace

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Speaker 1: with us and let us buy what we need, you know,

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Speaker 1: like food and provisions are chiefs are weak and broken,

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Speaker 1: and uh, we need help. And our boy half Nan

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Speaker 1: here is not doing so well. Yeah, he is on

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Speaker 1: death's door and he has seen the light in the

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Speaker 1: way of Rome. He seeks the absolution of your religious leaders.

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Speaker 1: And you know, let's keep our opinions out of it

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Speaker 1: because he's the boss. So he needs to be baptized

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Speaker 1: if he dies here, he wants to be buried in

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Speaker 1: this city, a Christian burial consecrated ground. So and I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think you know that probably like the word conversion

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Speaker 1: is like catnip to these people, you know, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's like, okay, sure, the Heathens, you want one one

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Speaker 1: one will give one to God. Let's do it. Let

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Speaker 1: him in, open the gates. So if I guess he

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Speaker 1: and like a couple of his associates come in, and

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Speaker 1: you'll hear a couple of different versions of the story, right,

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Speaker 1: and one story hostin or half Dan is already dead

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Speaker 1: quote unquote, and they his followers take this coffin in

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Speaker 1: there to just get the burial and other versions of

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Speaker 1: the story. He is taken in and he's the technical

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Speaker 1: word is malingering. He's acting like he's a little more

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Speaker 1: ill than he actually is. And he sits through a

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Speaker 1: baptism ceremony right acpoint him with Holy apointment in oil,

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Speaker 1: and he's smiling and he falls backwards on a stretcher.

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Speaker 1: He's carried back to the ship by his companions, really

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Speaker 1: doing a real Meisner number. Yeah yeah. And after after

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Speaker 1: he gets carried back, they're doing a con right, And

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Speaker 1: so now the people trust that the Vikings are sincere.

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Speaker 1: And again, according to Doudo, I love the name. According

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Speaker 1: to Doudo, this is when half Dan says to his followers,

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Speaker 1: when night comes, you should say to the priests stand

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Speaker 1: the Duke that I am dead, and fervently pray that

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Speaker 1: I may be buried in the city. Say that you

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Speaker 1: want to give them the sword and bracelet and everything

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Speaker 1: that belongs to me. Spooky stuff right, treachery too right, indeed,

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Speaker 1: treachery most foul. And so they go back and they say,

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Speaker 1: our chief, as you have just named him, is dead.

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Speaker 1: We pray that you could be buried in your convent

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Speaker 1: and that you received these rich gifts he gave for

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Speaker 1: you on his deathbed. So hey, there's an upside for

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Speaker 1: you Rome. But what happens next? Oh well, my favorite

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Speaker 1: version of the story is when he pops out of

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Speaker 1: the coffin and uh slices off the head of a

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Speaker 1: priest and then says, you know, yolo, And then he

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Speaker 1: and his dudes charged back through the city to the gate.

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Speaker 1: They open it up to the horde, you know, the

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Speaker 1: remaining foot soldiers, I guess. And then something occurs to

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Speaker 1: uh Bjorn or half Dan or Hastine Hastin. Yes, it's

340
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 1: a terrible realization, quite embarrassing relation. And I'm not sure

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00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,439
Speaker 1: what did it for them, but something there was an

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00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: aha moment or like an oh moment when they realized

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Speaker 1: they had successfully sacked the wrong city, a completely different city.

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Speaker 1: They were Viking rubes from the wild. They had no

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Speaker 1: idea that they never made it to Rome. Instead, they

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Speaker 1: were in a different town. Yeah, it's called Luna. And

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Speaker 1: again these are all some questionable retellings of this because

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Speaker 1: there are two different versions. Will tell the other one

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Speaker 1: in a second. But in one version of this, they

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Speaker 1: were so embarrassed that they massacred the entire population of

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Speaker 1: the city. They don't take well to surprises, I guess, so, yeah.

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Speaker 1: According to this version, they turn into full on lunatics.

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Speaker 1: They kill everyone, or at least all the adult men,

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Speaker 1: and then they say, Okay, we're gonna keep sailing. We're

355
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Speaker 1: going southeast, maybe to Alexandria and Egypt or something, and

356
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Speaker 1: then they raid the Mediterranean for a few years. Than

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Speaker 1: they return home, never to tell people of their embarrassing

358
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Speaker 1: wrong turn. That's right. And then there's a whole another

359
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Speaker 1: conflict involving Alfred the Great, where the um forces of

360
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Speaker 1: Hastin and Bjorn are kicking and around um Europe, the

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Speaker 1: United Kingdom, specifically Wales. Um. Actually his family gets abducted

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Speaker 1: by the forces of Alfred the Great and he ends

363
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Speaker 1: up having to negotiate with him to get his family

364
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: returned to him, and one thing leads to another, and

365
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Speaker 1: he does not succeed, and he more or less disappears

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Speaker 1: from history around eight nineties six, usually no more mention

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Speaker 1: of hastin half Dan, all sting whatever you wanna call. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he you're you're correct. He disappears around eight nine six.

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Speaker 1: By then he is an elderly man. He's been described

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Speaker 1: as the lusty and terrifying old warrior of the Louis

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Speaker 1: in the Psalm, and we now know that he was

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Speaker 1: one of the most notorious and successful Vikings of all time.

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Speaker 1: But can't be that way without making enemies. So the

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Speaker 1: Norman monk Dudo of St. Quentin was incredibly critical of

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Speaker 1: our boy half Dan. He said, quote, this was a

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Speaker 1: man a curst, fierce, mightily cruel and savage, pestilent, hostile,

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Speaker 1: somber truculent, given to outrage, pestilent and untrustworthy, fickle and lawless,

378
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Speaker 1: death dealing, uncouth, fertile and ruses or monger, general trait

379
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Speaker 1: or fomentor of evil and double diided dissimulator. Goodness, gracious, right,

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00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 1: that is a war of words, right there, my friend,

381
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: fertile and ruses is such a great insult. He also

382
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: uses pestilent twice, which I couldn't help but notice that.

383
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, so he definitely lives on in infamy even after,

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Speaker 1: you know, disappearing from the record. You're right, he doubled

385
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: down on PESTI. It really did. M So the question

386
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 1: then becomes a matter of how much we can trust Judo.

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00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Is he just spinning tales

388
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,960
Speaker 1: to amuse himself or you know, what are his sources?

389
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: So we can say that this still counts as ridiculous

390
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: history despite the fact that many, many people died because

391
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 1: these guys, if we are to believe the story, were

392
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,439
Speaker 1: so intelligent that they figured out a trojan horse type

393
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: ruse or heist on their own, but still didn't know

394
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,640
Speaker 1: what city they were in. Yeah. Well, I mean it's

395
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: not like they had all the maps or anything. They

396
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 1: were kind of just like going by their gut, their

397
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Speaker 1: Viking guts. So thank you so much for tuning in everyone.

398
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Speaker 1: We hope that you enjoyed today. A man, every time

399
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 1: I thought maybe it wasn't gonna happen again, every time

400
00:24:55,160 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: it's time, gentlemen, Strickland a quiz or you guys you

401
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 1: like to call him the quizzler. I take his like

402
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: it's like using his name in vain or you know,

403
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: the Quizzler is a trademarked candy coming straight from the

404
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: chocolate shop. I also happened to run. Why are you

405
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 1: announcing that in such an archway? I mean, congratulations, man,

406
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: that's cool evil candy. That's do you sell those giant

407
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: gob stopper things like the jawbreakers you know that are

408
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: impossible to fit in your mouth? Is it like that

409
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: frustrating candy right? Yes, the kind that you have to

410
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: unhinge your jaw in order to put it in. Then

411
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: then you then you're just stuck with it. Edgy inconvenient candy.

412
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: We like to turn good kids into horrible kids and

413
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: then release them upon the world. That I don't go

414
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: in for all this nonsense of taking evil kids and

415
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 1: then you know, turning them into blueberries. That's just that's

416
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: amateur work. Okay, okay, this became a bit of an

417
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: exercise to throw some shade at Wonka. You get nothing,

418
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,679
Speaker 1: all right, you lose, Well, it's little early for that

419
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: good day. Say, let's find out if you will lose,

420
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 1: because we all know that I've been summoned here, and

421
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: that tis my wuant whenever I find out, when I

422
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: finally figure out who is summoning you, the woe be

423
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: unto them. I just say, there's a little button under

424
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: one of these desks, and when someone pushes it, a

425
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: light comes on at my desk, and I run over

426
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: here as fast as my little legs can carry, like

427
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: a bat phone kind of situation do you have, like

428
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 1: a red telephone? The blanks or teller? What joined the

429
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 1: twenty one century? Noel here? All right, So as I

430
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 1: understand what you're talking about, invasion, So I've come up

431
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: with my own invasion quandary. If you do not understand

432
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 1: those listening what is happening, I don't blame you. I

433
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,440
Speaker 1: haven't bothered to explain it yet. Oh let's do. Let's

434
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: do that part. So this is the This is the

435
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: part of the show where you, Jonathan Strickland the Quister,

436
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: arrive at the most unexpected moments, which tend to universally

437
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 1: be towards the end of the show, fully in disguise,

438
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 1: despite the fact that you have already established I am,

439
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,239
Speaker 1: in fact Jonathan Strickland the quizter. Yes, yes, these are

440
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: all true things, and you are here to once again

441
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: test our knowledge. You are going to give us a scenario,

442
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: Is that correct? A scenario, and then you will determine

443
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,919
Speaker 1: whether or not in fact the scenario I present to

444
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: you represents a true event in history, or if I

445
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: made it up. Seats, and you will have three minutes

446
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: to do so. In that three minutes, you will also

447
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 1: be allowed to ask questions of me, but only if

448
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: you first obey a rule of obitrary nature that I

449
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 1: will come up with at the time of the question.

450
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: So first I will give you the scenario. Then I

451
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: will tell you what the rule is you must follow

452
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: to ask any questions, and then we shall begin the

453
00:27:55,920 --> 00:28:00,439
Speaker 1: Great Grandfather clock timer. Okay, guys, have it touched that

454
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,479
Speaker 1: since Daylight Saving Town? Okay, look irritating me, it's an

455
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: entire hour. I don't. I don't support daylight Saving time.

456
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: For the record, I choose to daylight waster. Well, we

457
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 1: just spent so much money on this clock. Quick peek

458
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 1: behind the curtain. This was a television show originally, but

459
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: we blew the budget on this enormous clock and that's

460
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: my fault. And now we're a podcast. Still feel obligated

461
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 1: to wear the costume. Thank you man, Thank well. I

462
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: just want to apologize. I'm sorry, No, I'm sorry, Casey

463
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: I'm somewhat sorry, tights chafe, So where are the year

464
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: six hundred and twenty five saw an entire English invasion

465
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: of Spain called off on account of drunkenness. Allowed me

466
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: to explain for complicated reasons involving a Spanish princess giving

467
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,479
Speaker 1: the cold shoulder to Prince Charles, the son of James

468
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 1: the First, the Duke of Buckingham, wanted to use the

469
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 1: English fleet to put a hurt on Spain. James died

470
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: in sixty five and his boy Chuck became Charles the First.

471
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: Chuck dissolved parliament and Buckingham got to have his invasion,

472
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: except he forgot to supply the boats. So the fleet

473
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: attacked Cadiz, Spain, and takes over suppertuous fort, and the

474
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: commander of the invasion, seeing that he didn't have the

475
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: food and supplies needed to feed his invasion force, gave

476
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: the English permission to sack the fort's supplies, and so

477
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: the English began to drink copious amounts of wine until

478
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: the entire force of fifteen thousand soldiers were drunk as skunks.

479
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: Seeing no way to victory, the commander ordered a retreat

480
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: and Spain's invasion was cut very short due to public drunkenness.

481
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: Now your arbitrary rule is before you ask a question,

482
00:29:55,200 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: you must make a toast. Start the timer, all right?

483
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: Do you me running? Start? Oh far, and we're off

484
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: to the races. What do you think? Now? He's so

485
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: good at this, He's really good at this. And I

486
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: hate to say it. I hate to even give a

487
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: shred of a compliment to the quister, but he really

488
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: knows how to push my buttons. Yes, yes, uh, let's see.

489
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: That wasn't helpful for the questions. Here's valuable context. Man

490
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: um a toast, A toast to half Dan. Good enough,

491
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: he was in the episode that we just did. Okay,

492
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: So how common was wine at this time? Extremely? Well?

493
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: Wine is ancient. And then this was Spain, which is

494
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: not that far from I don't know if you know

495
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 1: your geography France. All right, Also a toast to Tuba solos.

496
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: You're not even trying, Mr, Buthea, they're great. Uh? Was

497
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: was Spain? Uh? A caliphate at that time? This is

498
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: immaterial of the question. And you know I've just I've

499
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: just tried to I can give you a lot more

500
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: details if you want. I can either make them up

501
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: seas or I can tell you real things about Spain.

502
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: That's true. That's an irrelevant question on my part. Older

503
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: you have a question. I just don't even know where

504
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: to start. I'm just so flamm x by this one.

505
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: I tend to lean towards I'm going with true. Okay,

506
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 1: it in three to one true. You are correct. Yes,

507
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: this actually did happen. Let me explain what was happening,

508
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: because the story gets so much crazier. But really that

509
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: was running a long already and I didn't want to

510
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: make it the super long one. So here's the story.

511
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 1: We have James, the first of England, and he wants

512
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: to make peace with Spain. There had been hostilities between

513
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: the two nations for quite sometimes you might have heard

514
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 1: of a little thing called the Spanish Matter, and Elizabeth

515
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: was all not having it. Anyway. To a secure peace

516
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: in the Renaissance really meant one thing, which is mary

517
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: one of your kids to one of the snot nosed

518
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: kids of the other place, and then hope that everything

519
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 1: turns out all right. So James reaches out to see

520
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: if perhaps they might be able to arrange a marriage

521
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: between a Infanta of the Spanish royalty and his son,

522
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: Charles the First or Charles at that point, and Charles

523
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: and Buckingham went incognito to Spain. That means no, they

524
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: weren't letting everyone know who they were. Are you kind

525
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 1: of sending to me, sir? So they go to Spain.

526
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: Nathan condescending means talk down to people. You're talking to

527
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: an expert. The Infanta says thanks, but no thanks, Chuck,

528
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 1: I don't think you're really revving my engines. And so

529
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: they were returned to England, Bucky him immediately. Bucking Him,

530
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: by the way, was one of James the First favorites,

531
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: possibly lover, and they wanted to immediately to create an

532
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: invasion of Spain. James the First didn't want to make

533
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: things worse, so until he died, which was in That's

534
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: how things stood. Then they tried to get Parliament two

535
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: agree to this invasion, but they were worried that perhaps

536
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: Parliament would agree to the invasion but then not pay

537
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: for it to happen, so they waited until Charles, now

538
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: Charles the First dissolved parliament, so Parliament is not in session,

539
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: and then they go and mount this invasion. They hire

540
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 1: a Dutch commander who was a brilliant land soldier take

541
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: up this armada invade Spain. They take over a fort

542
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: that doesn't remotely give them access to the town they

543
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 1: actually need to take, and the only supplies they had

544
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 1: any access to a wine. And then the commander says,

545
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: tell you what, why don't you guys go ahead and

546
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 1: get yourself something to drink because this might take a while,

547
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: And they got a rotten, stinging drunk they ran away.

548
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: One thousand English soldiers were left behind. Not a single

549
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: shot was fired in that invasion, and all one thousand

550
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 1: English soldiers were put to the sword. Cheerful, cheerful into

551
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: that story run through as it were, They probably didn't notice,

552
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: having been full of sack, which is a very strong wine,

553
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 1: we're back to We're back to sack, you saying, because

554
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: we were debating, we were actually we were trying to

555
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: figure out on the fly while we're recording the difference

556
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 1: between sack ran sack and looting, and there's not really one. Well,

557
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: and also sack isn't getting fired in Britain, and then

558
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: sack isn't taking over a city. Well, and there's also

559
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: a sack which is very strong wine, which I love.

560
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to refer to any cheap, cheap wine

561
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: a sack. Should Henry, Henry the fourth pot one false

562
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 1: Staff is known for his sack. That's a that's a

563
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: pun as well. I think we've okay, okay, good, so

564
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: very body middle school? Shakespeare's man is a body boy?

565
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: Middle school me? Was it completely off base? Jonathan Strickland's

566
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 1: also known as the Quister. Thank you for returning to

567
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 1: the show. I think we're still a little behind him,

568
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: one behind me at this point. I think we're almost even.

569
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: You know what that means? Yeah, going to get way worse.

570
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's possible. You're kind of the worst,

571
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: I think. I I think you're all right. I appreciate learning.

572
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use the word sack a lot more. I

573
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: feel like I never appreciated it. You're sort of a

574
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: Carmen san Diego type figure, you know, Carmen. It is

575
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: true that Rockafella sings wherever I go. So so, Jonathan,

576
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: I feel like we don't say this too often when

577
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 1: you are on this show. You can be found not

578
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 1: just here, but on your other podcast, Tech Stuff and

579
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: The Brink, as well as Large Nerve Drawn Collider coming soon.

580
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: Available wherever you find your favorite shows. So in the meantime,

581
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: we hope that you enjoyed this story. If you find

582
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: names as cool as half Dan or your and ironside,

583
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 1: let us know sac Man, sac Man, half half Sack.

584
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: We gotta get up. That happened. People can tell we're

585
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,439
Speaker 1: recording on a Friday. Yeah, let's so. You can find

586
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Join your fellow listeners

587
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 1: over at our Facebook page. Ridiculous historians. Dare we say

588
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: it's more than just a page, it's a family? Oh yeah,

589
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: I don't dare no go, you're there all the time. There,

590
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 1: I don't dare say it's a family. Oh, because that

591
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: would be nice because the holidays are coming up. But

592
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,839
Speaker 1: I already have a really low shopping list. That's fair,

593
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Well, thanks to all of you guys

594
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: out there in podcast land. Thanks to you Ben for

595
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,240
Speaker 1: being such a good co host and friend and happy

596
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: holidays and all that. Uh quister, thank thank you, thank you,

597
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: thank you. You know, um, I gave you a little

598
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: present as your desk. Don't drink it. I feel badly

599
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: about it now. Thanks for the heads up? What okay?

600
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: You know what we're a Family Show, so thanks to you,

601
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 1: Casey Pegraham. As always, thanks to Alex Williams who composed

602
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: our track and Chris frostiotis our research associate for this episode.

603
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 1: And stay tuned for the next episode where we talk

604
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 1: about the surprising roots of the Tooth Fairy. See you then,