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Speaker 1: Double Elvis. Blood on the Tracks is a production of

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio and Double Elvis. Brian Wilson was a

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Speaker 1: musical genius and one of the greatest songwriters of all time.

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Speaker 1: He caught melodies like they were waves. He bottled good

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Speaker 1: vibrations like no one else, and he picked up bad

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Speaker 1: vibrations too. He broke down, he tripped hard. He didn't

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Speaker 1: just hear music, he heard voices. He tried to lose

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Speaker 1: those voices by making a teenage symphony to God called Smile.

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Speaker 1: But somewhere along the way, Brian Wilson lost his mind instead.

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Speaker 1: This is his story. I can't believe there's only a

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Speaker 1: couple more of these Brian Wilson tapes. Oh hello, by

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Speaker 1: the way, Rhonda Moss in here again. Like I was saying,

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Speaker 1: we're right at the end of these tapes. Now I

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Speaker 1: just found one that has Smiled two thousand four written

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Speaker 1: on it. But maybe that's for next time. First, there's

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Speaker 1: one that seems to be the final tape from Brian's

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Speaker 1: home recordings. Let's have a listen to this one. Every

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Speaker 1: record I make comes with pressure. There's that expectation. How

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Speaker 1: can you win if you only compete with yourself? Either

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Speaker 1: way you lose. I sit in my room a lot

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Speaker 1: these days. Dr Landy controls most things, but here late

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Speaker 1: at night, I have some autonomy. I'm free for only

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Speaker 1: a few hours. The silence is my companion, the darkness

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Speaker 1: my only bedfellow. Sometimes I wonder what it would be

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Speaker 1: like if I actually completely smile. What I'd be doing now?

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Speaker 1: Would I be happy? Would I hear these voices? Who knows?

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Speaker 1: It's the what if us that are hard to shake

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Speaker 1: when I'm in here. Someone once told me that you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be asking what if. You should be asking what's next.

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Speaker 1: But that's hard to do when all you've gotten. Rear views,

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Speaker 1: Blood on the Tracks, Chapter nine, Brian Wilson's Free. I

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Speaker 1: think of him when I see the tide going out,

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Speaker 1: when it's moving. That's when I see him, handsome, assured, happy.

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Speaker 1: It's strange you can go your whole life with a

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Speaker 1: relationship to something and that can change almost overnight. Before

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Speaker 1: he died, I would look at the ocean and feel nothing,

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Speaker 1: no emotional connection, no jolt in my gut. But now

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Speaker 1: all I see is his face. All I hear is

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Speaker 1: his voice, and all I say is his name. Dennis

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Speaker 1: recently I've been thinking about the album Dennis made. It's

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Speaker 1: called Pacific Ocean Blue. I loved what he was doing

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Speaker 1: on that album. My favorite song that he ever made

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Speaker 1: was on that one You and I ever heard that.

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Speaker 1: It's just beautiful. He was a great songwriter, a heartbreaker too.

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Speaker 1: The girls loved him. Dennis was the only beach boy

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Speaker 1: who knew how to serve. People always find that funny

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Speaker 1: when I tell them that, but it's true. Dennis died

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Speaker 1: when I was still under the glare of Dr Landy

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Speaker 1: and his people. It was too much to take. The

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Speaker 1: silence is my companion. We've been through so many tough times,

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Speaker 1: even before the band, The Darkness my only bedfellow. When

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Speaker 1: you get beat up as a kid by your dad,

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Speaker 1: it turns you into something, not always the same thing.

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Speaker 1: It turned me into one thing, Carl into another, and

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Speaker 1: Dennis into something different. But it did change us. How

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Speaker 1: could it not. When Dennis died, he'd been in and

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Speaker 1: out of hospitals for drinking. He didn't want to stop drinking,

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Speaker 1: or maybe he wanted to but couldn't. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I wonder what it would be like either way.

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Speaker 1: It caught up with him in the end. He would

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Speaker 1: drink bottle after bottle of vodka, and he got into

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Speaker 1: coke too. He walked right into that Fleetwood Mac twister

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Speaker 1: of cocaine that was whirring around for a while and

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Speaker 1: never came out of it. He got pretty caught up

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Speaker 1: with Christine McVeigh during that time, and she even wrote

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Speaker 1: that song about him. What's it called? Hold Me? That's it.

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Speaker 1: I still can't listen to that song, not anymore. It's funny.

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Speaker 1: Dennis was such a ladies man, and being a ladies

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Speaker 1: man would kill him. Not in a literal sense, but

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Speaker 1: it would kill him. It all started one day when

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Speaker 1: he was on his boat, The Harmony. Dennis had just

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Speaker 1: split from Karen, a woman he twice called his wife,

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Speaker 1: and he was drinking, of course he was. He went

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Speaker 1: down to the cabin and saw a silver picture frame

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Speaker 1: that held their wedding picture. Dennis took a swig from

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Speaker 1: his vodka bottle. Then he took the picture above deck

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Speaker 1: and threw it as far as he could into the

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Speaker 1: Pacific Ocean. I have some autonomy. He ran back down

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Speaker 1: to the cabin and gathered everything that reminded him of

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Speaker 1: Karen and threw them into the sea. Necklaces, sweaters, more photos.

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Speaker 1: All of it went overboard free. Dennis fell asleep on

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Speaker 1: the boat that night. He slept the best he had

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Speaker 1: slept in months. I'm sure it was a cathartic moment,

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Speaker 1: but it was the beginning of the end. Three years later,

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Speaker 1: it's Christmas. He was still drinking. In fact, someone saw

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Speaker 1: him drinking with a load of homeless guys downtown. Expectation.

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Speaker 1: Dennis was a millionaire, but there he was, down on

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Speaker 1: skid row. He'd been in and out of rehab too,

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Speaker 1: the darkness, but now around Christmas, he was hanging out

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Speaker 1: with his buddy Bill Oaster on his boat, partying with friends.

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Speaker 1: Dennis had five bottles of vodka that day, along with

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Speaker 1: who knows what else. I don't know why, but he

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Speaker 1: was diving in the water almost constantly. Again and again

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Speaker 1: he'd go in. Then at one point he surfaced with

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Speaker 1: something in his hands. He started shouting at everyone on

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Speaker 1: the boat. I can't fucking believe it, he yelled. He

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Speaker 1: pulled himself on to the deck and showed everyone when

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Speaker 1: he'd found that silver frame with his wedding photo, the

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Speaker 1: same one he tossed into the ocean. He couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I wonder what it would be like. He must

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Speaker 1: have known it was down there, He must have been

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Speaker 1: looking for it, hoping to find it. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if he had missed Karen or what. Maybe he'd missed

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Speaker 1: his old life, his old love. The two of them

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Speaker 1: had a crazy relationship. But sometimes the past is a

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Speaker 1: safe place. If it's already happened, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: worry about it. Right would I be happy? I can

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Speaker 1: see at safety in the past. Maybe that's what Dennis

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Speaker 1: was looking for. Maybe he was trying to dive back

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Speaker 1: into his past. Who after he found the wedding picture,

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Speaker 1: he downed some more vodka, dove back in. Who knew

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Speaker 1: what else he'd find down there? That are hard to shade.

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Speaker 1: I remember the way Bill Oster described to me what

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Speaker 1: happened next. It stayed with me, and it'll stay in

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Speaker 1: here forever. I have no doubt about that. He said.

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Speaker 1: He saw Dennis come up towards the surface, probably with

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Speaker 1: about two ft to go before at the top, but

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Speaker 1: then he dove back down, swam around behind the boat,

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Speaker 1: out of Bill's view. He thought Dennis was playing a game,

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Speaker 1: But by the time he finished his cigarette and walked

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Speaker 1: around to the other side of the boat. All he

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Speaker 1: saw was air bubbles, the silence. He was already gone.

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Speaker 1: The silence is my companion. They found his body half

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Speaker 1: an hour later. That's life. I guess if you're not careful,

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Speaker 1: your present can be destroyed by your past. I missed

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Speaker 1: him every day. At first I could barely carry on,

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Speaker 1: but the band. The band did carry on without Dennis

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Speaker 1: and for a while without me. I guess it was

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Speaker 1: inevitable that I'd make a solo record. I mean that

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Speaker 1: sounds came together like solo record, and that it was

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Speaker 1: me writing and producing it. My first proper solo LP, however,

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Speaker 1: came out on Sire Records. It's self titled Looking Back.

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Speaker 1: I do like that record, even if I don't like

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Speaker 1: the circumstances of making it. Every record I made it

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Speaker 1: comes with pressure. It was a funny album. I suppose.

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Speaker 1: Some songs were made from bits I had laying around.

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Speaker 1: One came from an old baseline I had hung on

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Speaker 1: too for years. You know, there are days when you

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Speaker 1: go in the drawer and it all looks like a junk,

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Speaker 1: And then there are other days when you find the

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Speaker 1: exact right thing you need. Expectation. That's what songwriting is

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Speaker 1: like sometimes. The song Love and Mercy came from that time,

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Speaker 1: and it stayed with me ever since. It's become a mantra.

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Speaker 1: I guess at that time in my life, Dr Landy

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Speaker 1: was still keeping me from health, love and happiness. Dr

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Speaker 1: Landing controls most things, and I needed Love and Mercy

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Speaker 1: so badly. I wrote it in forty five minutes, kind

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Speaker 1: of buzzed just sitting at the piano thinking of that

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Speaker 1: bird back Iraq and Hal David's song What the World

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Speaker 1: Needs Now is love. I don't know if I took

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Speaker 1: musical cues from it or message cues, but I wanted

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Speaker 1: to write a song about what the world needed, what

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Speaker 1: my world needed. We made that album all over New York, Boston,

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Speaker 1: l A. I was getting on a plane to go

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Speaker 1: to Boston and I bumped into Van Dyke Parks at

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Speaker 1: the airport. Where are you off to? I asked, It

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Speaker 1: looked at me strangely, I'm coming back, he said, there's

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Speaker 1: something I'm working on. I'm recording something. I don't know why,

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Speaker 1: but I could tell something was up, something was wrong.

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Speaker 1: Who knows. It's stuck with me on the entire flight

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Speaker 1: It was all I thought about. What was he doing

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Speaker 1: working on something new? You shouldn't be asking what if?

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Speaker 1: My mind veered from saying I didn't give a fuck

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Speaker 1: to crippling loneliness. I missed. My old friend Dr Landy

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Speaker 1: sat next to me for the whole flight. Of course,

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Speaker 1: he was listed as the producer for that solo debut album.

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Speaker 1: He wrote lyrics that I would have to put into songs.

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Speaker 1: He even wrote songs too. One was called Love Attack.

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Speaker 1: It was not good. When we landed, Landy held my

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Speaker 1: hand as we walked through the airport like I was

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Speaker 1: his child. I was fully ready to start recording, but

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Speaker 1: it turns out I would have to wait. I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize it that day, but it kind of perfectly summed

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Speaker 1: up what was going on at that point with my

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Speaker 1: life and career. You see, while I'm in the air

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Speaker 1: over here going to Boston, you have the Beach Boys

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Speaker 1: over here recording in LA. They were late and telling

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Speaker 1: me that they were recording at all right before they

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Speaker 1: had the session booked. It's too late for me to attend,

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Speaker 1: not that I would have anyway, because I have my

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Speaker 1: solo record to worry about, and I do mean worry

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Speaker 1: In l A, the boys sit in the control booth

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Speaker 1: the two microphones set up in the studio in Boston.

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Speaker 1: Dr Landy can see him feeling anxious, so he tells

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Speaker 1: me to whisper I love you to myself three times

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Speaker 1: as we walked through the airport. He used to make

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Speaker 1: me do that a lot. In l A, the Boys

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Speaker 1: and their producer Terry Melcher sitting around listening to an

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Speaker 1: instrumental cut of the song Kokomo. Everyone is smiling. Mike

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Speaker 1: collapse his hands together and says, okay, I think we're

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Speaker 1: ready at the airport. It feels like we've been walking

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Speaker 1: for miles, but then we finally see it. There's a

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Speaker 1: man dressed smartly and he holds up a sign that

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Speaker 1: reads Mr Eugene lay me in the studio. The boys

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Speaker 1: all waved through the glass to a man who has

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Speaker 1: just walked into the studio. It's Van Dyke Parks. He

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Speaker 1: smiles back at the boys and takes his place in

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Speaker 1: front of the microphone. As we exit the terminal building,

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Speaker 1: Dr Landy suddenly explodes what the fund is that he screams.

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Speaker 1: At first, I think it's me he's addressing, but then

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Speaker 1: I see what he's looking at in l A, Mike

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Speaker 1: Love chats to Van Dyke, who lightly fingers his accordion. Okay,

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Speaker 1: when you're ready, take it away, he says. The big

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Speaker 1: red light goes on. In Boston. Dr Landy is standing

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Speaker 1: looking at a Lincoln town Car. He's furious this isn't

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Speaker 1: the stretch limo he requested. The driver tells us it's

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Speaker 1: what the record company sent over. Landy doesn't care. He

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Speaker 1: kicks the door in a rage, shouting that this is

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Speaker 1: no way to travel when you're a genius. I think

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Speaker 1: he means me, but he could be talking about himself,

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Speaker 1: just shouting in l A too. But it's Mike Love

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Speaker 1: shouting great job to Van Dyke, who has just laid

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Speaker 1: down his accordion part for the song Kokomo. Everyone in

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Speaker 1: the booth is clapping as he comes into the room.

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Speaker 1: In Boston, Dr Landy sarcastically claps as the driver tells

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Speaker 1: him this is the only available car. He looks at

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Speaker 1: it calls it a piece of ship. I look at

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Speaker 1: my watch and sigh. In l A. They listen to

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Speaker 1: the playback and al Jardine turns to Van Dyke and smiles.

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Speaker 1: One take, he says, they all laugh. They know they've

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Speaker 1: just cut a hit in Boston. It's a hit of

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Speaker 1: another kind. I'm worried about. Dr Landy is angrier than ever.

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Speaker 1: He turns to me and says, are you going to

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Speaker 1: take this, Brian? Tell the man what kind of car

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Speaker 1: you want to travel in? Tell the man which car

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Speaker 1: a rock star travels in. I'm fed up, tired of

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Speaker 1: all this ship, tired of the conflict, constant battles, the

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Speaker 1: battles with Dr Landy, the voices in my head, the band, everyone.

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Speaker 1: I just want to be free, to be with Melinda,

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Speaker 1: to make music, but that all seems so far away.

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Speaker 1: I'm here to record an album, but we're worrying about

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Speaker 1: a fucking car. I look at him helplessly. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I say, a Cadillac Melinda is all I can think about.

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Speaker 1: Dr Landy's eyes flicker. Forget it, he moans, and he

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Speaker 1: violently throws open the car door. We got to the

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Speaker 1: studio two hours late. I don't remember what we recorded

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Speaker 1: that day, but it wasn't anything memorable. Dr Landy was

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Speaker 1: in the studio the whole time. It was frustrating. In fact,

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Speaker 1: the engineers used to make up things to get him

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Speaker 1: out of the room so we could actually work in

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Speaker 1: l A. The Beach Boy has cut their first number

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Speaker 1: one single in nearly twenty years. That day, I thought

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Speaker 1: my solo album would get you back to where I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be. But it didn't. That album didn't do it,

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Speaker 1: but there was an album that would. And it all

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Speaker 1: started one Christmas. We'll be right back after this we

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Speaker 1: were once again. It's a very merry Christmas from all

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Speaker 1: of us here at one oh five point four b

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Speaker 1: R I A n f M. Happy holidays everyone. I

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Speaker 1: don't know about you, but the one thing I want

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Speaker 1: for Christmas is a little dr Lindy left the scene

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Speaker 1: by the time my solo career kicked into gear. I

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Speaker 1: can't lie and say I didn't miss him, because I did.

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Speaker 1: Someone told me it was Stockholm syndrome, which I disagreed with.

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Speaker 1: That's too simplistic. He did some terrible things, but he

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Speaker 1: helped me too, and I did miss him after he went.

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Speaker 1: After he was forced to go. After that debut album,

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Speaker 1: I made a few more records. I finished a record

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Speaker 1: called Imagination, which I could talk about all day, but

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Speaker 1: I don't want to open that door today. Every album

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Speaker 1: I made, Smile was in there somewhere, lurking in the background.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I

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Speaker 1: actually completely smile. I heard it as I moved the

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Speaker 1: faders on a mixing desk. I saw it in every

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Speaker 1: artwork pressing. I felt it in a glaring reflection of

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Speaker 1: every CD. It wasn't always overt, sometimes it was just there.

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Speaker 1: I could just sense it, like a low level hum.

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Speaker 1: How can you win if you only compete with yourself?

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Speaker 1: Have you over sat in silence and listened and heard

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Speaker 1: that slight ringing, that sound of silence that's always there.

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Speaker 1: Once you hear it, you can't help but notice it.

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Speaker 1: It can be overrun by other sounds and voices, but

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Speaker 1: it's always there underneath it all. That's what smile was like.

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Speaker 1: Some days I opened up a door in my mind

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Speaker 1: thinking back to my childhood and hawthorn, and all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, smile would creep into my consciousness, even if

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Speaker 1: it wasn't connected. Would I be happy? Other Times I'd

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Speaker 1: be thinking of something mundane, like what I should have

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Speaker 1: on my sandwich for lunch, and all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: I'd hear a smile melody of flashback to a session

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Speaker 1: in my mind for no reason would I hear these voices.

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Speaker 1: I tried to ignore these feelings or images, but there

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Speaker 1: came a time where they would spill out into the world.

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Speaker 1: I'd find myself humming our prayer while I walked around

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Speaker 1: the house, or if I was fiddling around with a keyboard,

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00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: I had all of a sudden find I'd programmed it

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Speaker 1: to sound like the Good Vibrations organ. By the time

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00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 1: Imagination came out, I was much more settled as a person.

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Speaker 1: Dr Landy had stopped me from seeing Melinda, but since

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Speaker 1: he was long gone, we reconnected and ended up getting married.

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Speaker 1: With these apparitions of smile becoming more common, I thought

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Speaker 1: I was going backwards again, starting to slip and slide

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Speaker 1: back to the old days. It got really bad. One Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I started to go back further. I kept thinking about

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Speaker 1: being on that plane all those years ago, about having

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Speaker 1: that breakdown. I couldn't bear to do that again, not

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00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 1: for me, not from Melinda. It filled me with such dread.

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00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,879
Speaker 1: I was scared, scared about the future all over again.

299
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: It felt like everything was falling apart again. I knew

300
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: something was going to happen. One night, we were heading

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Speaker 1: to a Christmas party that my keyboard is Scott Bennett's house.

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00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go. My head was spinning. All

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00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: those old voices were flying around. A Christmas gift for you, Brian.

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00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 1: In the car on the way over, Welinda turned the

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00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 1: radio on, and White Christmas by Darlene Love came on

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00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 1: from that Phil Specter Christmas record. I quickly flicked the

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Speaker 1: switch off. What's gotten into you? She asked, worried you

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00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: haven't gotten me the right present. She laughed, but I

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00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: could tell she was worried. She had been worried for

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Speaker 1: a few weeks. I just slumped against the passenger window,

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00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 1: my head against the cold glass. I just don't like

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00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: that song, I said, at least I think I did.

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Speaker 1: I may have just said it in my head. I

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00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 1: don't know. Sometimes I wonder. When we arrived at Scott's house,

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00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 1: it was hot. There was a sea of bodies inside, laughing, drinking,

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00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 1: telling stories. It's not my favorite situation to be in

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00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: these days, but Melinda she thrives in situations like that.

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00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 1: I watched her glide around the room, throwing witty lines

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00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 1: at some people, these little waves across the room at others.

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Speaker 1: The silence is my companion. She's almost a professional at it.

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00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: We all ended up in Scott's large living room. The

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Speaker 1: lights seemed so brightened there the darkness my only bedfellow.

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Speaker 1: The drinks have been flowing for some time at this point,

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Speaker 1: so the chatter was louder than usual. I remember someone

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00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 1: saying it's time for a song, and so we all

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00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: huddled around Scott's baby grand He took us through Winter

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00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: Wonderland and Oh Tann and Bomb and when they played

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00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: White Christmas, we Linda squeezed my hand. Phil Spector's face

329
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 1: flashed across my mind. Every everyone clapped as I started

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00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 1: to think about leaving, and then Scott looked directly at

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Speaker 1: me and said, do you want to play us something? Brian?

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00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: I froze. The partygoers seemed to all speak as one. Yeah,

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00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 1: someone shouting come on, Brian said another. I shook my

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00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: head expectation, Brian, Brian. They all began to chant. Well.

335
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 1: Linda looked at me. She knew I was anxious. She

336
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: began to tell the crowd that I just wasn't in

337
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: the mood for that. But suddenly I jumped in. I

338
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: don't know why, but I felt something, a freedom, a

339
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: sense that I could do what I wanted. Why not?

340
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: I felt safe here in this room with Scott and Melinda.

341
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: I felt like there was no judgment. I could play something.

342
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: I yelled, half excited, half nervous. It seemed to take

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00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: an age to get to the piano with all those

344
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,399
Speaker 1: eyes to me, I didn't know what to play. I

345
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 1: closed my eyes and everything seemed to melt away. My

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00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: hand felt like it was being moved by someone else,

347
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 1: by something else. I hit an E flat, and then

348
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: a G and then a B flat. I didn't know

349
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 1: what I was doing at first, and then I recognized it.

350
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,679
Speaker 1: There was my song, Heroes and Villains. My stomach lurched

351
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: forward as my mind flashed back to Van Dyke turning

352
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: up at my house all those years ago, with that policeman,

353
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: the schoolboy smile, the angry face of the officer. Then

354
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: I thought about how we sat and wrote the lyrics

355
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: for that song around my pool that night. I felt

356
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: a wave of fear creep over me as I remembered

357
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: how the single flopped faces of the people at the

358
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: record company, Mike Love's bitter look and Carl's arm around

359
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: my shoulder. How can you win if you only compete

360
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 1: with yourself. I started to panic, so I opened my eyes.

361
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: I was back in the room at Scott's house. The

362
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: people at the party were all looking at me, grinning.

363
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: I realized then that it didn't matter. That song didn't

364
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: control me, that album didn't control me. I controlled me.

365
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 1: I drew in a breath and sang the opening line

366
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Speaker 1: to the song. I was worried that no one would

367
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: sing along, but everyone joined in and we sang it

368
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: from start to finish. But Linda hugged me afterwards and

369
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: whispered in my ear, why did you play that? I

370
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 1: told her I didn't know. It just came to me.

371
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: When we got home later that night, Melinda went to bed,

372
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: but I went to sit at the piano. I played

373
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Speaker 1: Heroes and Villains all the way through again. After I finished,

374
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and

375
00:25:47,840 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 1: I smiled. Roy Simmons sits in his office at the

376
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 1: Martin Cadillac dealership in Los Angeles. He polishes his black

377
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: dress shoes as he does every morning, even though it

378
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 1: isn't company policy, it's routine left over from Roy's military days.

379
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: He doesn't serve anymore, but he treats his job as

380
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: a car salesman, just as seriously as he did his

381
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: time in the military. Suddenly there's a flash from out

382
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 1: of the main showroom of the dealership. But is it

383
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 1: that keeps catching his eye? He thought he was imagining

384
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: it earlier, but he definitely saw something this time, not

385
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 1: the morning sun, something else, a car's headlights. He jumps

386
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: up from his chair and walks over to the window

387
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: of his office. Sickis hum of you at the whole showroom.

388
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 1: Sure enough, the latest model, a Seville and sky Blue

389
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: is sitting in the middle of the showroom with the

390
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 1: slights going on and off. He walks back to his

391
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 1: desk to sit down, but quickly changes his mind. He

392
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: grabs the Seville's master key and walks out to the showroom.

393
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: Moments later, he's opening the cars door. As he does,

394
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: his blood runs cold. Five minutes earlier, Melinda Leadbetter brushes

395
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 1: her hair carefully while gazing into the passenger side mirror

396
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:36,199
Speaker 1: of that same Seville. Today is a big day. A

397
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: new car means a new selling point. It's not just

398
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: a car, it's a car that other people don't have yet.

399
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: Melinda likes to give her clients the feeling that they're

400
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: getting something that your average Joe isn't getting. She doesn't

401
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: sell new cars. She sells a key to a v

402
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: I P Room, a headstar, a moment of exclusivity. At

403
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,640
Speaker 1: least that's what she tells him. In reality, every Cadillac

404
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: dealership on the West Coast test the new Sevilles, not

405
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 1: that she would ever say that these Sevilles, well, these

406
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 1: are fresh off the line, sitting in the showroom a

407
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 1: day or two before they're available anywhere else. The sky

408
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 1: blue Seville she stands next to is spotless. It glows

409
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: in the l a morning sunshine. She climbs inside the

410
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: passenger seat and closes the door and sits for a

411
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: moment in silence. She always thinks about Brian Wilson every

412
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: time she sits in a car in the showroom, That

413
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: time they sat in a car together on a day

414
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: that wasn't that long ago. She replays their first meeting

415
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 1: in her head. Then she checks the clock on the

416
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: dash nine oh four am. Suddenly the back door of

417
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: the car opens. Melinda assumes it's her co worker Roy

418
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 1: coming to take a look at the new model with her,

419
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: but she's wrong. She sees the man in the rear

420
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: view mirror, just as he pulls his forearm across her throat,

421
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: and she knows exactly who this is. His name is

422
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: Dr Eugene Landy. I got your letter, he spits into

423
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: her ear as he tightens his grip. He throws the

424
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 1: letter under the seat next to her. She sees Carl

425
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: Wilson's name at the bottom of it, along with phrases

426
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: like unfit for practice, bullying in harassment in California law.

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00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: She smiles, despite the fact that she's trying to grasp

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00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: for air, knowing that the man she loves is almost free,

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00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: even if she isn't. They're taking my fucking license away,

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00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: he says, his arm getting even tighter. You think you've won,

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00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: do you? You're gonna bleed him dry too, Are you

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00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: fucking slut? You're a fucking sales girl. He's a genius.

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00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 1: You're not meant to be part of his world. My world,

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00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 1: His words stuttered with a broken cadence that is lost

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00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 1: to his. Sheer anger up here, a white hot rage

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00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: she's never seen before, and that's when it hits her.

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00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: He could kill her. He could kill her right now,

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00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: right here in the Seville. He never really scared her

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00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: like this before, but now she can feel it. She

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00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: panics as she remembers the accusation of sexual misconduct that,

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00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: along with Brian's brother Carl, she brought to the attention

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00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: of the authorities. Her heart pumps faster and faster as

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00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: Landy continues, Well, Melinda, he says, I'm gonna fight you

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00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: so fucking hard. By the end, will be more messed

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00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 1: up than that fucking whack job used to call a boyfriend.

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00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: Her oxygen reserves are low now she can feel it.

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00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: Her head begins to ache as the blood drains from

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00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: her face, her eyes drooped as Landy's words start to fade.

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00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: Then the edges of her vision begin to go white

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00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: and distort it. She tries to kick and hit with

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00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: her hands and legs, but it's no use. He's in

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00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: the perfect position in the back seat. She can't get

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00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: anywhere near him. And then she has the idea. She

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00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: pulls her knee up and flicks the lights of the

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00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: car on, then off, on, and then off again, and

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00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: the headlights light up the show room and the giant

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00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: doors ahead, doors that she and Brian Wilson had driven

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00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: through on that rainy l a day on off, on off,

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00:30:55,800 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 1: and then her body goes limp and Landy stops. Fuck

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00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: may have gone too far. He thinks he's about to

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00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: pull his arms away when he hears the car unlock

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00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: and first to front and then the back door is open.

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00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: A man grabs his arms and removes them from Melinda's neck.

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00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: Landy is pulled from the car and toss like a

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00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 1: paper cup onto the hard show floor. He crashes against

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00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 1: the polished surface and lies there for a second, not moving.

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00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 1: He's relieved when he hears Melinda gasping for air and

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00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: talking to the man in front of him. His relief

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00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: disappears as the man turns around and walks towards the

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00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: former doctor slowly. Landy closes his eyes as Roy Simmons

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00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 1: draws his foot back and places that military grade polished

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00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: shoe right into Landy's stomach. Roy knows from his previous

473
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 1: life that's the place where the bruises show the least,

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00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: and he does it again and again, and then a

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00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,719
Speaker 1: final time, and Landy hears the contents of his stomach

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00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: slash around amongst the pain. He knows it's the sound

477
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: of come up. It's it's the sound of ut on

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00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 1: the Tracks. Blood on the Tracks produced by Double Elvis

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00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. It's hosted an executive

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00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: produced by me Jake Brennan, also executive produced by Brady Sadly.

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00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: Zeth Lundy is lead editor and producer. This episode was

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00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: written by Ben Burro, mixing and sound designed by Colin Fleming.

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00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: Additional music and score elements by Ryan Spraaker. This season

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00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: features Chris Anzaloni as the voice of Brian Wilson. Sources

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00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: for this episode are available at Double Elvis dot com

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00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: on the Blood on the Tracks series page. Follow Double

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00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 1: Elvis on Instagram at double Elvis and on Twitch at

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00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: s grayson and Talks, and you can talk to me

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00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: per Usual on Instagram and Twitter at Disgrace Land Pond,

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00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: Rock and Roll, d Graves our dand