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Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. If

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Speaker 1: you need advice and relationships on dating, on work, on sex,

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Speaker 1: on parenting, and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter and we

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Speaker 1: could be reading your letter live on the air and

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Speaker 1: helping you out, just like we're going to do for

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Speaker 1: this person right here.

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Speaker 2: Buggle up, hold on tight. We got it for you.

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Speaker 1: At all. All right, subject one big happy family or

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Speaker 1: nothing at all. Dear Stephen Shirley, I've been dating a

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Speaker 1: man for three years and we get along great. We've

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Speaker 1: talked about getting married, but we have to work out

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Speaker 1: a few kinks first. Both of us have teenage kids

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Speaker 1: from previous relationships, and I spend a lot of time

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Speaker 1: with his kids every other weekend. He is always around

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Speaker 1: my kids because I have sole custody of them. We

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Speaker 1: always joke about his kids like hanging out. Excuse me,

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Speaker 1: We always joke about how his kids like hanging out

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Speaker 1: with me more than him. If I am doing something

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Speaker 1: for my kids, I include his kids. I buy them

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Speaker 1: gifts for birthdays, Christmas, or just because I buy them gifts,

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Speaker 1: and there's no separation to me. But over the weekend

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Speaker 1: I had the strangest conversation with my boyfriend about the kids.

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Speaker 1: He told me that this Christmas he plans to focus

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Speaker 1: more on his kids and spend quality time with them

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Speaker 1: alone during the holidays. I was shocked to hear this.

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Speaker 1: Over the years, he's been good to my kids, but

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Speaker 1: I do see a difference in how he treats them

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Speaker 1: and how he treats his own kids. My kids love him,

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Speaker 1: so I never make a big deal out of it.

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Speaker 1: The fact that he is trying to make a big

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Speaker 1: distinction between the kids really hurts my feelings. Glenda. Families

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Speaker 1: are tricky and we've been trying to make it work,

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Speaker 1: but this was a harsh reality checks come first, but

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Speaker 1: I'm able to love his kids as my own. Now

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Speaker 1: I have doubts about marriage. Am I overthinking this? Stephen Shirley,

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Speaker 1: what do you think? No, you are not overthinking anything.

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Speaker 1: I say go with what you see and what you know,

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Speaker 1: because when people show you, and in this case, tell

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Speaker 1: you who they are, please believe them. I mean, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's look at the facts. This man that you've been

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Speaker 1: with for three years told you that this Christmas he

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Speaker 1: just wants to spend quality time with his kids alone

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Speaker 1: during the holidays. What else do you need to hear?

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Speaker 1: It's the holidays. That's a time when you and your

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Speaker 1: man and kids. You know, you guys are supposed to

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Speaker 1: spend family time together, not a part. So again, what

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Speaker 1: else is it that you need to hear? I mean,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to be with you, and he doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to be with you and your kids for Christmas. Okay,

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Speaker 1: in this relationship, you all you are just everything. In

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Speaker 1: this relationship. You have accepted his teenage kids. You spend

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Speaker 1: a lot of time with them, You remember their birthdays

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Speaker 1: and other special occasions. You buy some gifts and stuff. He,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, makes a difference between his kids

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Speaker 1: and your kids, and you're right. In order for a

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Speaker 1: blended family to work, you have to show love to everyone,

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Speaker 1: even if in your heart you love your own kids more.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's pretty normal to feel that way.

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Speaker 1: You have a special bond with your kids, you carried

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Speaker 1: them and all of that. But you know you're fair

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Speaker 1: and loving on the outside. But your man is not

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Speaker 1: doing that and he's not trying to hide it. Even

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Speaker 1: though you say your kids love him, and you haven't

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Speaker 1: made a big deal out of it. It is a

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Speaker 1: big deal because he sounds like he has checked out

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Speaker 1: of this relationship and on his way out of this relationship.

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Speaker 1: Someone who's thinking of marriage, of marrying you, would not

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Speaker 1: want to be without you on this Christmas Okay, sounds

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Speaker 1: like he's going to be with someone else.

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Speaker 3: Steve, Well, Shirley, agree with you now, So here we go.

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Speaker 3: This lady been dating this man for three years. Everything

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Speaker 3: going great, talking about getting married, but they need to

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Speaker 3: work out some kinks. You know, both of them got kids.

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Speaker 3: He spends a lot of time in He's always around

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Speaker 3: the kids because she got soul custody of them. And

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Speaker 3: we joke about how his kids like hanging out with

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Speaker 3: me more than him, you know. And then you know,

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Speaker 3: if I'm doing something for my kids, I include his kids.

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Speaker 3: I buy them gifts for birthdays, Christmas. Everything, no separation

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Speaker 3: to me. But over the weekend had a little conversation

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Speaker 3: with my boyfriend about the kids. He told me he

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Speaker 3: say this Christmas, he playing it on, focusing more on

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Speaker 3: his kids, spend quality time with them alone during the holidays.

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Speaker 3: I was shocked to hear this. Over the years, he's

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Speaker 3: been good to my kids, but I do see a

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Speaker 3: difference in how he treats them and how he treats

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Speaker 3: his own kids. My kids love him, so I never

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Speaker 3: made a big deal out of the fact that he's

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Speaker 3: trying to make a big distinction between the kids.

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Speaker 2: Really hurt my feelings.

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Speaker 3: Then the family's are tricky, Yes they are, and I've

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Speaker 3: been trying to make it work, but this is a

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Speaker 3: harsh reality check. My kids come first, but I'm able

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Speaker 3: to love his kids. That's my own. Now I have

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Speaker 3: doubts about marriage. Am overthinking this. I think you all

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Speaker 3: got to sit down and have a conversation something that

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Speaker 3: is happening, what he's feeling like. He's obviously not paying

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Speaker 3: close enough attention to his own kids.

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Speaker 2: So he decided this year he going to spend times

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Speaker 2: with his kids alone.

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Speaker 3: Somebody that says something to him. He didn't come to

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Speaker 3: this conclusion on his own. Somebody said something to him,

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Speaker 3: What do you mean, Steve.

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Speaker 2: Somebody said, you know what the kids feel like, You

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Speaker 2: just treat everybody better than them. They come in there

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Speaker 2: and they feel like your step child.

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Speaker 3: Somebody fed this information to him, or one of the

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Speaker 3: kids said something to him.

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Speaker 2: That's the only reason for he just suddenly go like this.

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Speaker 2: So he's trying to prove that that's not true. So

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Speaker 2: he gonna be spending a lot of time with just

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Speaker 2: his kids.

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Speaker 1: Alone on Christmas and he's been with her for three years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know how he thinks that's gonna be. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he been not Later, he'd better not say that. Nobody

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Speaker 2: didn lay down.

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Speaker 1: He's gonna miss them kids and then lay down.

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Speaker 2: He can't go to sleep in that house. He can't

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Speaker 2: make that statement and then't go get into bed and

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Speaker 2: start snooping. Now that's been being a temp on your

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Speaker 2: life and wake up.

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Speaker 1: But that was kind of cold though. I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he plans to focus more on his kids and spend

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Speaker 1: quality time with them alone during the holiday.

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Speaker 2: That ain't had his work. Oh and you said this

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Speaker 2: out laughed?

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve, Well hang on. Part two of your

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Speaker 1: answer is coming up at twenty three after the hours,

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Speaker 1: subject one big happy family or nothing at all? Right

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Speaker 1: after this you're listening morning show? All right, Steve, Uh,

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Speaker 1: this letter is crazy. Let's recap subject one big happy

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Speaker 1: family or nothing at all.

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Speaker 2: Well, it looked like nothing at all because he wanted

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Speaker 2: to spend this holiday with his kids spend more time

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Speaker 2: with his kids alone.

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Speaker 1: That's great time of making.

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Speaker 2: Your kids have happy Christmases. And my kids over here,

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Speaker 2: they live stuck out. Now, we're not gonna do that

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Speaker 2: this year, Michelle.

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Speaker 3: I want you to be the wife asking me why

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Speaker 3: we can't have this Christmas together, and you're gonna be

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Speaker 3: repeatedly keep asking me about this Christmas and I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: keep giving you different reasons.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, honey, I'm so happy the holidays are here.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to spend Christmas with you.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I wish I could say the same.

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Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean we are spending it together,

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Speaker 1: aren't we?

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, we're gonna spend it together, but it's

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Speaker 2: gonna be separate.

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Speaker 1: But separate is not together, Honey, We're gonna spend Christmas together, right, you,

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Speaker 1: me and the kids.

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Speaker 2: Hey, look, you need to keep saying the word together.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna spend it together.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna be together, but it's gonna be separate.

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Speaker 1: I want to spend it together, you know, you, me,

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Speaker 1: the kids, us, Well, hold on, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 1: hold on, hold on.

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Speaker 2: What key is you talking about?

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about our kids, My kids and your kid.

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Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, See your kids is your kid?

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Speaker 2: My kid? Me and my kids. Couse's been this holiday

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Speaker 2: together and alone.

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Speaker 1: But honey, we're together. You know, we're we've been dating

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Speaker 1: for it three years now.

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Speaker 2: See all this, all this important to you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I thought it was important to you that

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Speaker 1: we be together.

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Speaker 2: But not like this though, You talking about all the.

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Speaker 1: Time I'm talking about during the holidays. Yes, honey, I've

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Speaker 1: planned stuff, I've cooked, I've invited people over all of that,

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Speaker 1: you know, one big happy family.

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't you know, baby, damn you know you

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Speaker 2: don't ask me nothing.

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Speaker 1: Well, we've been together for three years. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: a gift and that we spend the holidays together.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you ain't like, did nothing special for the holidays.

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Speaker 3: I've been out here lining the people up so we

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Speaker 3: can make our move.

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Speaker 1: Make our move. I thought we were gonna just be together.

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Speaker 1: We put the Christmas tree up and did the decorations

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Speaker 1: and everything.

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Speaker 2: Who all help put your Christmas tree? Let me ask

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Speaker 2: you this here.

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Speaker 1: Well, the kids, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Ain't nobody help. But the tall kid you don't know,

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Speaker 2: the name got to be by something cause Kia couldn't

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Speaker 2: help out. Ain't nobody help.

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Speaker 1: But the tall kids excuse me aside, there's an a side, honey, What.

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Speaker 2: Did you say, nephew, worry about height though even in

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Speaker 2: the letter it's a boy height.

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Speaker 3: We go.

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Speaker 1: We don't know the names.

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Speaker 2: They just deal with the shop kids. What is they doing.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what the shop kids they put all

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Speaker 2: on them.

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Speaker 3: It's on the bottom of the tree and they put

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Speaker 3: your skirt around it. And the the short kids waters.

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Speaker 3: We got plenty for shot people to do around. Somebody

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Speaker 3: got to plug it up every night. That way, you

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Speaker 3: ain't got the being over you.

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Speaker 2: It ain't nothing. Shot work ain't nothing for you.

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Speaker 1: Well, honey, And the tree looks so beautiful. I'm so grateful,

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Speaker 1: and I just wanted to spend it together, you know,

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Speaker 1: you mean us together.

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Speaker 2: And hang these balls on the bottom of that tree too.

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Speaker 2: I like. I like tree balls at the bottom of

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Speaker 2: the tree.

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Speaker 1: Okay, ornaments, yes, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Them ornament But the balls though.

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Speaker 3: I don't like Christmas ornaments as others, you know, acorn

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Speaker 3: Christmas tree.

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Speaker 2: I just like ball. Like all that angel don't look

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Speaker 2: like a figurine.

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Speaker 1: What about the lights that makes the tree look so pretty? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta have lights. That ornament you made in

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Speaker 2: school and brought home.

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Speaker 1: It hadn't matter what's on the tree's just as long

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Speaker 1: as we're together, honey, and I want to be together

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Speaker 1: for this Christmas?

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Speaker 2: Well, baby, that ain't that ain't what we fit to do?

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Speaker 2: No more?

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Speaker 1: Well why not? I mean, what's the problem now?

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Speaker 2: And see, you know you're just trying to make this

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Speaker 2: some mills.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to make this something else. I told you,

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Speaker 1: don't holler. Don't right here. You don't need to yell

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Speaker 1: at me.

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Speaker 2: You can't hear.

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Speaker 1: I can hear, just fine? Can hear? Just fine? Well,

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Speaker 1: you can be by yourself, but we're gonna be there.

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Speaker 1: How about that? That's alone? And then we're gonna be there.

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Speaker 2: They just won't you?

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Speaker 1: It's my house too, yes, clip back? What are you

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Speaker 1: talking about? I don't pay the mortgage and never will,

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Speaker 1: but it's my house.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who told you that.

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Speaker 1: I told myself that when when we first started living together.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, I'm gonna have to get a restrain and

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Speaker 2: on you.

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Speaker 1: Oh that works both ways. I can get one on

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Speaker 1: you too, you know. But we're gonna be together.

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Speaker 2: Say California, this califoroo? Oh you try and do me.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we're gonna be together. Well you want to be Cliff,

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Speaker 1: what what you do? You?

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Speaker 3: And I'm gonna do you? And probably had the best

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Speaker 3: Christmas we ever had.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't think so, honey. It's not gonna go

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Speaker 1: down like that. But we've been together for three years.

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Speaker 1: We've always spent Christmas together. We're gonna be together this Christmas,

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Speaker 1: whether you like it or not.

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Speaker 2: You cooking, bye, whoever you want. We ain't gonna make

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Speaker 2: it to folk that we ain't gonna make it too.

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Speaker 1: Do you have someone else?

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Speaker 2: Do I have someone?

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Speaker 1: Heard me? Because why wouldn't you want to spend it

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Speaker 1: with me? You've been spending Christmas with me? All of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, Oh.

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Speaker 2: So you want folk? Christmas is in a row?

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Speaker 1: There we go, will be together. We're gonna be together,

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Speaker 1: all right, Today's Strawberry letter. We got to get out

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Speaker 1: of here.

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Speaker 2: Steve.

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Speaker 1: That's right. If you need advice on relationships and work

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Speaker 1: and sex and all that, just go to Steve Harvey.

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Speaker 1: F M. You're listening to Harvey Morning Show