1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: Vanessa crl be Minette is here with us. She is 2 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: the author of This Is So Awkward and podcast host 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: of Spilling the Pubert That is such a clever. 4 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 2: Banta credit. I can't. 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 3: My co host Kara and Anderson came up with spelling 6 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 3: the pubertea and she loves a pun. And if it's 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 3: a puberty pun, forget it. She's all over it. 8 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,759 Speaker 1: Anything better than a puberty pun. 9 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 2: I mean. 10 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 3: So the podcast we call it the Puberty Podcast because 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 3: it's an alliteration, and we couldn't help ourselves. And someone 12 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 3: was like, are you going to do like the porn, 13 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 3: penis and puberty podcast, And I was like, no, We're 14 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 3: going to keep it simple, yeah, And Spilling the pubert 15 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 3: Tea is our is our Instagram handle and our TikTok 16 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 3: handle where we talk about everything you can possibly imagine 17 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 3: having to do with tweens and teens and SEXI and 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 3: all of it, which. 19 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,479 Speaker 4: Is like such a distant memory too, and like such 20 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 4: a it was such a big part of life, but 21 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 4: in the rear view it didn't like I don't have 22 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 4: much of a memory of it, so it's kind of 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,559 Speaker 4: exciting to sort of relive it right now. 24 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 2: We're going to bring it all back. Don't you worry. 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're going. I can feel like a 26 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: ZiT coming through. Well, this is exactly why you are 27 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: here today. I was telling you before the podcast that 28 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,400 Speaker 1: Chip and I have been having these conversations over the 29 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: last month just about kind of what America gets wrong 30 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: with sex, right, and we could not not talk about 31 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: the fact that it starts when you're really young, Like 32 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: we just read the education at all about sex. And 33 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: so a friend of ours turned us on to your 34 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: your business because she had talked to you about possibly 35 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: coming to Nashville to do a workshop with her daughter 36 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: and their friends just about puberty and about actually having 37 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: these conversations to edge gate the kids. And that was 38 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: another thing we talked about, like where are they supposed 39 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: to learn this? So that's right, tell us about the 40 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 1: business before we get to anything else, because I want 41 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 1: the listeners to kind of have a foundation of what 42 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: it is that you do. 43 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 3: So we basically do everything you can possibly think of. 44 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 3: We're relating to puberty, educating kids, adults, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, 45 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 3: anyone who's involved in caring for kids between eight and 46 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 3: eighteen and beyond. We have resources, so we wrote the 47 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 3: book this is so Awkward. We have the Puberty Podcast. 48 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 3: We just launched a health and sex ed curriculum called 49 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 3: that Health Class that should be in Italics, which we're 50 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 3: now licensing to schools across the country because this is 51 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 3: not an easy topic and it's not a quick fix, 52 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 3: And we're actually going to be launching a parent portal 53 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 3: in the next couple of months to give parents all 54 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 3: of the information they need to have these tricky conversations. 55 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 3: And it's not just the kids who didn't get the education, 56 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:21,240 Speaker 3: the parents themselves never had it, and it's they're faults, right, Like, 57 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,959 Speaker 3: we grew up in an era. I mean, you guys 58 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 3: are younger than I am, but I'll just say we 59 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 3: where you didn't get you got like an hour sometime 60 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 3: in April or May to talk about sex. Ye, And 61 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 3: if you didn't have a family where like everything gets 62 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 3: talked about. I grew up in a family where everything 63 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 3: got talked about. 64 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 2: And we can explore that later. Possession, Where were you 65 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 2: going to get the information? 66 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 5: Right? 67 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 3: Your friends, your peers when you're like a teen are 68 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 3: not reliable sources of information. I mean, I had the books, 69 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 3: where did I come from and what's happening to me. 70 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys had any of those books. 71 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 3: I got no education for you got we got a 72 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 3: lot of work to do. We don't have a lot 73 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 3: of time, but we're gonna get a lot. 74 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 2: In time. 75 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 3: And then Kara, my co host and co author, wrote 76 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 3: The American Girl Karen Keeping of You books, which are 77 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 3: really gentle, really lovely introductions to puberty for girls. And 78 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 3: then she wrote Guy Stuff for boys. So those are 79 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 3: incredible resources, but one book doesn't answer the like millions 80 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,600 Speaker 3: of questions that people have about growing up and changing 81 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 3: bodies and later sex and love and all of those things. 82 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 3: So yeah, that's what we're here for. 83 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: Well, I think it's touched on such a good topic 84 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: to say that, like our parents can't give us anything, 85 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: they didn't get either, you know, and so if it 86 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: wasn't started generations back in your family, it's probably just 87 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: been repeated over and over. And I know my parents 88 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: had me at twenty five, like you know, they were 89 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 1: so much younger then we do it nowadays. But also 90 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: when I was prepping for this podcast, it dawned on me, 91 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm like sex and everything that teenagers are going through 92 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 1: now is so completely different than when I was a kid. 93 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: It wouldn't matter if I had all the education in 94 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: the world. You've still got a lot to. 95 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 2: Learn, totally. 96 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 3: I mean, it's incredible. One of the things we talk 97 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:33,799 Speaker 3: a lot about is not bringing your baggage into the conversations, 98 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 3: so like part of it could be, Oh, I know just. 99 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: How you feel. 100 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 3: I had my heart broken when I was your age, 101 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 3: and I cried myself to sleep for a year. And 102 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 3: now sometimes when your dad's asleep, I still sobbed silently 103 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 3: into my pillow. So don't worry, honey, It'll all be fine. 104 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: Actually, I'm like, can you imagine a teenager hearing that, really. 105 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 2: What from their mom? 106 00:05:59,600 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: Ye? 107 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 2: Shut up? 108 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 3: Like right, And it's like, I don't need your crap, 109 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 3: Like I am going through this is hard enough for me. 110 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 3: I don't need you to like dump your stuff all 111 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,719 Speaker 3: over me. And so part of the like the first 112 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 3: thing you need to do when you're gonna have conversations 113 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,479 Speaker 3: with kids, and this is everybody. This isn't just parents, right, 114 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 3: this is grandparents, aunts, uncles, mentors. There's so many adults 115 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 3: in kids' lives, particularly around this age, who can have 116 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 3: an incredible impact on kids who are not their parents, 117 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 3: because kids often like don't want to talk to their 118 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 3: parents or don't want to hear the advice their parents have. 119 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 3: And so you guys are the perfect example. You're like 120 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 3: the cool am and uncle who can give good advice. 121 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,119 Speaker 3: But we all have to leave our baggage at the door. 122 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 3: We cannot bring it in, We cannot dump it all 123 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 3: over kids, because Kelly, to your point, the. 124 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 2: World is so different. We don't know how they feel. 125 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 3: We didn't grow up with social media, we didn't grow 126 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 3: up with like Netflix streaming and thirteen Reasons Why, and 127 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 3: like all of the content they consume, and you know 128 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 3: Andrew Tate, and like all of the influences they have 129 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 3: in their lives. And so we have to just let 130 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 3: them be the experts in their lives because it's totally 131 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 3: different than. 132 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: It was when we were growing up. But how does 133 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 2: that work? 134 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: So they're obviously kids, so how could they be experts? 135 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: You know, Like, where do you even know how to 136 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: start with this stuff? 137 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 3: Okay, so you start from the beginning. So for those 138 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:37,119 Speaker 3: of you listening who have like little kids in your lives, right, 139 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 3: toddlers even infants, you may be listening to this podcast 140 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 3: and you're changing your baby on the changing table and 141 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 3: you're like opening up the diaper and you're not going 142 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 3: to say to your infant, oh. 143 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 2: Look at your little peepee, isn't it cute? 144 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 3: Or look at your little pocket book? Isn't it cute? Right, 145 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 3: because I'm not making up a book. Is a nickname 146 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 3: I've heard for a volva? 147 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, pocab I've never heard that. 148 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 3: I mean there, it's incredible the creativity people will have 149 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 3: to come up with words that are not the anatomically 150 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 3: correct words for body parts. 151 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 2: But here's the kicker. 152 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 3: So you're staring at your baby on the changing table, right, 153 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 3: and you're like, oh god, I've never said this word 154 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 3: before in my entire life. But you're like, okay, I'm 155 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 3: going to clean your penis and you're like art is 156 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 3: pumping and like it feels like it's going to jump 157 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 3: out of your chest, or like, okay, you know, like 158 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 3: you're gonna make a wee weie and you're you know, 159 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 3: the pea comes out of your urethra. 160 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 2: Did you know that? 161 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 3: Okay, fine, you're freaking out, Except we have to use 162 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 3: anatomically correct language for body parts because the research unequivocally 163 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 3: shows us that children who knew the names of their 164 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 3: genitals and all of their body parts are safer from 165 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,439 Speaker 3: sexual predators than children who don't. 166 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: Why Why is that? 167 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 3: Because an adult who is I mean, I hate to 168 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 3: use this phrase, but grooming a child who realizes that 169 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 3: that child has an adult in their life who talks 170 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 3: to them about their body parts and who is in 171 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 3: conversation with them about their privacy, about safe touch and 172 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 3: unsafe touch, will realize this is not a. 173 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 2: Kid who I can groom. 174 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 3: Wow, someone is talking to this kid about their full 175 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 3: human existence and their whole body and this is not 176 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 3: a kid that I can groom. 177 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 2: It's crazy. 178 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 3: So for no other reason, anyone listening is like, oh, 179 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 3: I cannot possibly use those words. Use those words. It 180 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 3: will keep your kid safer. So it acts I guess 181 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 3: it about those words. It makes it so hard to say, 182 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 3: Like for me, it's easier to. 183 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,359 Speaker 1: Say really because that can just pocketbook. 184 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 185 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 4: I definitely wouldn't feel much more calling it a pocket box. 186 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: Oh loves to talk about vaginas that we talk about. 187 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,960 Speaker 2: This a lot. 188 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 3: So and the other thing like here's for example, a 189 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 3: lot of people don't know the difference between a vagina 190 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 3: and a volva. Right, So the volva is the eternal anatomy. Right, 191 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 3: it's the labia majora, the labia manora, the opening to 192 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 3: the vagina, and the clitteriss. And here's what's fascinating is 193 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 3: nobody tells girls that they have a clitterists, and nobody 194 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 3: tells girls that the only job of the clitterists is 195 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 3: that it feels good when it's touched. I mean, we 196 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 3: have done workshops where there are forty and fifty year 197 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 3: olds in the room who are like, I never knew that. 198 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,439 Speaker 2: What one told me that. 199 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,719 Speaker 4: I hope my mom's never been told that I'd put 200 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 4: money on it that. 201 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: Okay, See, I guess because just nowadays, because of porn 202 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 1: and all the conversation happening around sex, it seems so 203 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: obvious to me. But I guess if you were an 204 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 1: older generation, like older than them, maybe they just didn't. Yeah. 205 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 3: No, And and people aren't telling girls and it's like 206 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 3: girls going through life. Yeah, because here's the difference. For boys, 207 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 3: the penis is both about reproduction and about pleasure. Right, 208 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 3: So they talk about the penis because if at baseline, 209 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,959 Speaker 3: if if the kid is being taught about reproduction, they 210 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 3: have to talk about the penis, whereas for girls, if 211 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 3: you're only talking about reproduction, you really only have to 212 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 3: talk about the vagina and then the uterus and the 213 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 3: fallopian tubes and the ovaries. But you don't have to 214 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 3: talk about a clitteris if the only purpose is to 215 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 3: talk about reproduction. And so I think that can is 216 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 3: like a little bit the source of the inequity. I mean, 217 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 3: there's also like all sorts of inequity, but between how 218 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 3: people talk about boys having sex and girls having sex, 219 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 3: but I do think that's part of it. It's like 220 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 3: you can skip over it and still talk about reproduction. 221 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 3: And it's really important for girls to know. It's also 222 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 3: important for them to know about their vulvs because that's 223 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,679 Speaker 3: a place that needs to be kept clean in a 224 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 3: really gentle and safe way. And they won't necessarily intuitively 225 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,560 Speaker 3: know how to take care of that part of their 226 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 3: body if someone's not teaching them and teaching them the 227 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 3: different parts of that body. And so it's also about 228 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 3: it's not just about pleasure, it's about self care. It's 229 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 3: about going to the doctor and having a pain or 230 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 3: a sting or a rash and being able to say 231 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 3: exactly where that difficulty is. If no one teaches you 232 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 3: the names, you're kind of just like down there. But 233 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 3: the more in my pocket book, in my pocket book, 234 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 3: in the side pilot of my pocket book. Wait in Nashville, 235 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 3: do you guys say purse or pocketbook? Perse I thought, 236 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 3: I was like, I'm talking to a purse group. 237 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 4: I'm not talking to my mom's say my mom said pocketbook, 238 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 4: pocket book. 239 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 2: It wasn't about her down blow because your mom didn't 240 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 2: talk about her. 241 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: Down so you don't even know your mom had a down. 242 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 2: It's a Barbie part, Barbie. 243 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 4: Solid. 244 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: So it really starts as soon as we are born, 245 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 1: as soon as we're digesting words with just talking about 246 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: our body parts. That's such a good tip. I did 247 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: not even think about that. But the predators like, obviously 248 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: if you know the actual names of your body parts, 249 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: they also know conversation is open in that home exactly, 250 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,959 Speaker 1: and what's probably framing it. 251 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, And the other thing you can start when you 252 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 3: have little kids, like kids in preschool, Yeah, are conversations 253 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 3: about consent. So one of the things that happens in 254 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,200 Speaker 3: our culture is we start talking about consent when like 255 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 3: kids are getting ready to have sex or you know, 256 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 3: I shouldn't say kids teens and young adults are getting 257 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 3: ready to have sex. But the truth is you can 258 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 3: talk about consent when it has nothing to do with sex, 259 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 3: right Like can I braid your hair? Can I sit 260 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 3: on your lap? Can I stand next to you in line? 261 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 3: Can I have a bite of your sandwich? There's a 262 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,120 Speaker 3: million ways that we can teach kids to ask for 263 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 3: permission from other people and to require permission for themselves 264 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 3: when somebody is in their bubble, when somebody wants to 265 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 3: borrow something or use something or touch them. And if 266 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 3: we get to this topic before it's ever about sex, 267 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 3: it's like totally ingrained in their minds that this is 268 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 3: a requirement, This is about human dignity, this is about respect. 269 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 3: And then when it comes time if they choose to 270 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 3: have sex, they know how to advocate for themselves. They 271 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 3: know how to ask permission from another person, and it's 272 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 3: like second nature instead of this moment where they're like, 273 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 3: oh my god, I have no idea how to do 274 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 3: this and I'm in this really intense moment. So that's 275 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 3: another thing that we can talk to kids about, like 276 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: really really early on, and that includes folks listening, grandparents 277 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 3: and aunts and uncles asking for permission for hugs and kisses. 278 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 3: So not saying but you have to give Mima a hug, 279 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 3: you have to give Mima a kiss. I'm your grandmother. 280 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 3: It's required. No, it's never required. A kid always gets 281 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 3: to choose who they touch, who they hug, who they kiss, 282 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 3: and vice versa, because again we're teaching them you are 283 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 3: the boss of your body. You are in charge of 284 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 3: who you touch and who touches you. And again that's 285 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 3: a preventative, really important preventative measure as we help kids 286 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 3: build these skills. 287 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that one's another really good point to just 288 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: how times have changed, because those are really basic boundary 289 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: lessons if you totally think about it, and I think 290 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: it is something I see a lot of parents doing 291 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: a lot more of, specifically with the hugging, Like if 292 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: you don't want to hug that person, not to be 293 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: rude about it, but it's your choice. But when I 294 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: was a kid, and I'm sure when you guys were kids, 295 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: it was like, have good manners and you do what 296 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 1: the adult is asking regardless, you know, And I think 297 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: that that can be very dangerous, thankfully, Like nothing happened 298 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: with me, But I've heard so many terrible stories of 299 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: family members you have friends of family like those being 300 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,960 Speaker 1: the actual predator. So I think that's a really good 301 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 1: lesson to start with. 302 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 3: And if you're worried about your kid being quote unquote 303 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 3: like impolite by refusing it, then give them another option, like, hey, 304 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 3: do you want to give Chip a high five or 305 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 3: an elbow bump, or do you guys want to come 306 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 3: up with a funny handshake, Like I know you really 307 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 3: love him, but you do what feels comfortable to you. 308 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 3: Maybe you guys can figure out a way, right Like, 309 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 3: So it's totally you can model for another adult that 310 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 3: kids can still feel great affection and connection to someone 311 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 3: else in their life without having to give them a 312 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 3: hug or kiss. 313 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: So that starts when they're really young, but as kids 314 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 1: start getting older, and I think for me, if I 315 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: was a parent, I would imagine that this is where 316 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 1: it would get trickier. Is when you are actually having 317 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: the real conversations, the hard conversations, and they have feedback, 318 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: or they have questions or they know bad boy hearts 319 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: are you know, like, when they're actually engaging in the 320 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 1: conversation I just remember looking at my parents when I 321 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 1: was little, thinking they know everything, and now that i'm 322 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: their age, I'm like, they didn't. 323 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 2: Know shit, They nothing. 324 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, so where do you even know how to start? 325 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 3: So the place to start often is actually while like 326 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 3: watching a TV show or watching a movie, and you know, 327 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 3: there's always that moment when kids are kind of like 328 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 3: in grade school, where there's like the kiss or the 329 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 3: romantic scene and they're like, oh my god, it's fast forwarded, 330 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 3: or like, oh, uncover my eyes right, because it's like 331 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 3: all of a sudden, it's uncomfortable to them and they're 332 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 3: not sure how to handle it. So you take the pause, right, 333 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 3: you literally pause, and you're like, so, what do you 334 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 3: think is happening here? Like and tell me why you're 335 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,359 Speaker 3: freaking out a little bit, Like I'm really interested. And 336 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,320 Speaker 3: they might say, oh, I don't want to talk about it. 337 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 3: Just fast forward and you can say, okay, like, I 338 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 3: think this scene is kind of interesting because these are 339 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,360 Speaker 3: two people who are clearly really in love with each 340 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 3: other and they're figuring out how they want to express that, right, 341 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 3: or your kid might say, oh, it's so disgusting, I 342 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 3: hate watching people kiss. 343 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 2: Right, And you're like, right, I totally get that. 344 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,359 Speaker 3: That tells me that kissing is probably not something you're 345 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,959 Speaker 3: ready to do, but maybe when you're a little older 346 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,959 Speaker 3: it might be something you're interested in, so we can 347 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 3: talk about it then, right, Like, you're totally validating whatever 348 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 3: their reaction is because that's their reaction and you want 349 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,679 Speaker 3: them to trust their instincts about what feels comfortable and 350 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 3: what doesn't. Now, the tricky thing is kids are exposed 351 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,120 Speaker 3: to so much media now, even if they don't have phones, 352 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 3: even if they're not on social media, Like the content 353 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 3: they can just stream is unbelievable, and the amount of 354 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 3: sexual content and just normal ordinary shows, there's a lot 355 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 3: of sexual content, and so you're not always going to 356 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 3: be watching with them. Sometimes you will and sometimes you won't. 357 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 3: But you also want to have a conversation that sounds 358 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 3: something like, hey, kiddo, I know you're like sick of 359 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 3: watching shows with me, So I just want to tell 360 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,119 Speaker 3: you in general that if you're going to, you know, 361 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 3: go binch a show on Netflix, there's a few things 362 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 3: we should probably talk about before you go and watch. 363 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 3: I don't know, the summer I turn pretty, for example, 364 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 3: And it's not just about sex. There's also like a 365 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 3: lot of drug and alcohol content that they're not ready 366 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,360 Speaker 3: to see. There's sometimes like violence, there's often like fights 367 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 3: or aggression that they may not be prepared to see. 368 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,959 Speaker 3: So that's a great way in. That's like a really 369 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:20,120 Speaker 3: gentle way into conversations about sex and intimacy. And one 370 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,399 Speaker 3: thing I really really want people to remember is that 371 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 3: when you talk about sex and intimacy, like you don't 372 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 3: just talk about like you know, protect yourself or like 373 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 3: this is how babies are made and you're ready to 374 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 3: have a baby, Like you can also talk about love 375 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,879 Speaker 3: like people talk about love, and we will get to 376 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 3: porn in a second, because I know you know you're 377 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 3: all dying to get there, so we'll get there always, 378 00:20:50,080 --> 00:21:00,360 Speaker 3: just like just like the thematic with love, Like what 379 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 3: you're trying to do is help your kid connect the 380 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,680 Speaker 3: dots between feeling connected to someone else, caring about someone else, 381 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 3: loving someone else, and finding physical expression of that love 382 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 3: if they choose to right, because that's someday down the road. 383 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: You hope that your kid finds someone who sees them, 384 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 3: who loves them, who cares for them, who respects them, 385 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 3: and if they choose with whom they have a really loving, pleasurable, 386 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 3: fulfilling sexual relationship. That's like that that's the end goal, right, 387 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 3: That's the finish line in the marathon. And to get there, 388 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 3: you have to help them connect the dots between the 389 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 3: physical expression of like what that looks like and love 390 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 3: and connection and respect and human dignity and laughter and joy. 391 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,719 Speaker 3: Because I gotta tell you, the world is not connecting 392 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,120 Speaker 3: those dots for our kids, right, And that's where that's 393 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 3: where porn comes in. Porn is offering a completely different 394 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,640 Speaker 3: free porn that kids are exposed to. I'm not talking 395 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,400 Speaker 3: about like the feminist ethical porn behind like a paywall 396 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 3: on only fans. Like I'm talking about the free porn 397 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,119 Speaker 3: that kids get exposed to is not the kind of 398 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 3: sex that we someday hope our kids will have. So 399 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 3: I don't know, Kelly and Chip, if you are ready 400 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 3: to talk about to you, well, well, I just almost. 401 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 2: Where I was going to lead to real quick. 402 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 4: Like I'm sitting here listening to you talk and it 403 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,119 Speaker 4: sounds very natural to you and like you're very comfortable 404 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 4: with this. I'm not a parent, you know, I'm an 405 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 4: uncle because I never got received this like I'm sitting 406 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 4: here being like, oh my god, like my anxiety is 407 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,679 Speaker 4: like coming up my throat, thinking like I want to 408 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 4: throw up, thinking about like actually having to have a conversation. 409 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 4: Because even if I did and I felt like, oh, 410 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 4: I've read the book, I'm educated, my sister would fucking 411 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 4: kill me for even she'd be like, that is not 412 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 4: your job. But I also know that she's probably not 413 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 4: doing the right things. I think she thinks she's probably 414 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 4: doing the right things, but I don't She had the 415 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 4: same upbringing as me, so I don't know that she 416 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 4: has the skills. 417 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 3: So so the first thing is just to acknowledge it, 418 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 3: Like we always say when we get to this part 419 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 3: of when we do our keynote, like anybody here have 420 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 3: like a little vomit in the back of their throat. 421 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 2: If you do, you're not alone. 422 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 3: And when you talk to kids about this stuff, and 423 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:46,439 Speaker 3: we'll get to the family like permissions and not pissing 424 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 3: off your family members, because it is a really important 425 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 3: point that you bring up. But let's say it's your 426 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 3: kid or the kid that you are in charge of 427 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 3: and in charge of giving this education to. You can 428 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 3: narrate how or feeling, so you can literally say, dude, 429 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 3: my heart is racing, my palms are sweating, my pits 430 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 3: are soaked, I feel like I might throw up. But 431 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 3: this conversation is so important for us to have that 432 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 3: I'm going to get over all of my discomfort and 433 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 3: I'm just going to start. And by the way, I'm 434 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 3: definitely going to mess something up, and that's totally fine. 435 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 3: I'm going to move through this because it is so 436 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 3: important that I talk to you about X. Whether it's 437 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 3: sex or fentanyl or whatever it is. You can totally 438 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,880 Speaker 3: narrate because there's nothing a kid likes better than when 439 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:50,359 Speaker 3: an adult acknowledges their own discomfort and their own fallibility. 440 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 3: Like kids are like, oh, all right, we're down, here 441 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 3: we go, we're going to do this. And they're like, 442 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,640 Speaker 3: you're not holding yourself on a pedestal. You're not saying 443 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 3: you're perfect. They can totally relate to it, because what 444 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 3: does the world tell them every day? 445 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 2: You're just a kid. 446 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 3: You're just a kid. You don't know how could you 447 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 3: forget your homework? Why did you lose your sneakers? You 448 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 3: didn't call grandma? Right, Like everyone is busy telling them 449 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,880 Speaker 3: all the things they did wrong. 450 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:20,640 Speaker 2: Me included. 451 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 3: I have four kids, and I spend ninety percent of 452 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 3: my time like reminding them of the shit they did 453 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 3: not do. But with us when we're like, we're not 454 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 3: up here, we are down here. We are in the 455 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 3: trenches with you, and we're going to do this, and 456 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 3: god am I so nervous, but we're going to do 457 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 3: it anyway. That just two things chip it acknowledges like 458 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,919 Speaker 3: this is not easy for me. And also it tells 459 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 3: them that they can be uncomfortable and move through discomfort. 460 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:56,639 Speaker 3: They can be uncomfortable and choose to go forth bravely 461 00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 3: and handle it because some things are that important that 462 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 3: we have to weather the discomfort. And I think it's 463 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 3: an incredible thing to model for kids. Do you want 464 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 3: to talk about the sibling permission thing? 465 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,199 Speaker 2: Do you want to? 466 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 3: Okay, So one of the things that's really important for 467 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:16,160 Speaker 3: kids this age. 468 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 2: Is probably starting. I mean it kind of. 469 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,680 Speaker 3: Depends when kids start to move around on their own 470 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 3: a bit, but like it depends what community you're in, 471 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 3: but you know, maybe around ten or eleven, you want 472 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 3: to help them make a list of who their trusted 473 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,159 Speaker 3: adults are besides you, someone they can turn to in 474 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 3: a pinch. 475 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 4: Right. 476 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 3: So it might be I lost my wallet and I 477 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 3: have no money for bus fare, or it might be 478 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 3: I think I might have sex with my boyfriend and 479 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,679 Speaker 3: I need you to like help me out right. It 480 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,920 Speaker 3: could be anything but helping kids come up with their 481 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,680 Speaker 3: list of trusted adults. So, for instance, to your sister 482 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 3: could be like, okay, you're on her list. You're one 483 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 3: of her trusted adults. I'm not so sure you should 484 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,720 Speaker 3: be on our list, but okay, a run with it, 485 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 3: And then you can say to her, listen, what are 486 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,719 Speaker 3: the no fly zones? Like what are you cool with 487 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 3: me talking to her about talking to your niece about 488 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 3: and where you like, this is a boundary. Don't cross 489 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,200 Speaker 3: the boundary, even if you feel like, oh she should 490 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,359 Speaker 3: really someone should really talk to her about this, Like 491 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,800 Speaker 3: it's your family and you love your family and you 492 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 3: want your family to keep talking to you, so you 493 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 3: know better to not be excommunicated than to cross the boundary. 494 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,600 Speaker 3: But you could say to her, for instance, hey, listen, 495 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 3: I just did this podcast and this woman was talking 496 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 3: about porn and how it's like really violent and really 497 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 3: aggressive and there's like tons of choking in it. 498 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 2: We can get to that. 499 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 3: And I sort of feel like someone needs to have 500 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 3: a conversation about more with my niece, Like, hey, sis, 501 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 3: it can be you. If you want to have that conversation. 502 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:02,120 Speaker 3: She's probably gonna be like, no effing. Or you could say, 503 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 3: I'm happy to give it a shot. I may not 504 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 3: do it perfectly, but I'm happy to give it a shot. 505 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 3: But like, someone needs to have that conversation, and that way, 506 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 3: you're giving her a choice. And she may say no 507 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,199 Speaker 3: one is having that conversation, and you can say that's fine, 508 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 3: but you should just know that if no one's having 509 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 3: that conversation, she's getting her sexual education from born and 510 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 3: from her friends, neither of which are accurate or reliable 511 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 3: sources of information. 512 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 2: Oh sorry, and TikTok and tick three sources. 513 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,920 Speaker 1: Oh the TikTok stuff. Yeah, for YouTube. I feel like 514 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 1: they're all over that too. 515 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:38,160 Speaker 3: It's everything everything, So chip, that's what I would do. 516 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 3: I would just sort of like raise it in a 517 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 3: more neutral way and. 518 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: Kind of see, yeah. 519 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 4: I mean it's funny because I was actually home this 520 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 4: week and it was my sister's fiftieth birthday party, and 521 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 4: I went and saw I stayed with my parents for 522 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,479 Speaker 4: one night and my mom shared this story that I 523 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 4: didn't remember. She said that when I was little, I 524 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 4: told my sister's twenty one. Mine's older than me, so 525 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 4: we were pretty close, and she said that I told 526 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 4: my sister that my mom. The way that my sister 527 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,960 Speaker 4: was born was my mom sat on an egg in 528 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 4: the corner of our dining room until my sister was born. 529 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 4: And my mom says she still laughs sometimes when she 530 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 4: goes to the dining room thinking of that. But she 531 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 4: said that when I said it, she goes, oh, good, 532 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 4: Now I don't have to have the conversation about the 533 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 4: birds and the bees with him because they this is 534 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 4: what they think. So it's funny that we're now on 535 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 4: that conversation because like that was my mom's like escape plan, like, 536 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 4: oh that's what he thinks. 537 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 3: Cool, right, oh, and reliable science based information. 538 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 4: Right right, that's what adults do. They just sit on 539 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 4: eggs until a baby is born. 540 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 2: I mean, you must have read Mother Goose. 541 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: Or something along the last, right, And it's actual education. 542 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 3: And I totally thought that story was going in another 543 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 3: direction where you're going to die, And then I realized 544 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 3: that we really needed to talk about how babies are 545 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 3: really made but apparently not right. But and here's the 546 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 3: other thing I do want to say, is like our 547 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 3: parents just did the best they could, just the best 548 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 3: they could at the time. And for anyone listening who's 549 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 3: like I've done that or my parents did it, like, 550 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 3: we all just have to remove shame and judgment, like 551 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 3: we're doing our best. 552 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 2: This is really tough stuff. 553 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 3: I know it sounds like I'm like, will happily sit 554 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,040 Speaker 3: and talk to you about this stuff forever with a 555 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 3: glass of wine and like a charcutery board, and I will. 556 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 3: That sounds fun, but I know that does some fun. 557 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 3: I'll come to Nashville, but most people don't. And that's 558 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 3: totally okay. Like, and the more you judge yourself for 559 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 3: not doing it right or doing it well, the harder 560 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 3: it gets. So just let yourself off the hook. And like, 561 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 3: these are tons and tons and tons of teeny tiny 562 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 3: conversations like thirty seconds, Hey, dude, I realized that we've 563 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 3: never talked about porn. Do you know the word pornography? 564 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 3: And your kid might be like, uh yeah, and you 565 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 3: can say, oh, what does it mean? I don't know, 566 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 3: and then you can give them two sentences on porn, right, 567 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 3: and if for everyone listening, who's like, okay, what are 568 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 3: those two sentences on porn? The two sons of on 569 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 3: porn or something like, it's when people or a person 570 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,479 Speaker 3: is doing something sexual in a video or in a photograph, 571 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 3: and it's not for kids. It's for adults. And if 572 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 3: anybody ever shows it to you or you happen to 573 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 3: see it, you just come and let me know. I 574 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 3: won't freak out, I won't be mad, but you should 575 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 3: let me know because it's really not for kids. 576 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,440 Speaker 2: And that's it, because here's what we know. 577 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 3: The average age of exposure to porn in this country 578 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 3: is twelve years old. Wow, and fifteen percent of ten 579 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 3: year olds have been exposed to porn. 580 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: That's crazy to think about. 581 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,120 Speaker 3: So the people who are like, oh, I'll wait till 582 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 3: they're like a junior in high school, know you. 583 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: They've been watching for years at that point. Yeah, they've 584 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: got their favorite stars, they're like all about it. 585 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 2: They're subscribed. 586 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that is so That's what I was 587 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 1: just thinking though that the one thing that I'm thinking 588 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: consistently as you talk would be how much emotional maturity 589 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,080 Speaker 1: is involved in all of these conversations and even from 590 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 1: such a young age. I love that you're talking about 591 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: starting to speak, you know, the real words, because that 592 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: makes us grow up, right, And like talking about my generation, 593 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: generations before, it's almost like we got to kind of 594 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,719 Speaker 1: sidestep these things, these growing up things, in these emotionally 595 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 1: maturing things, because like society wasn't necessarily asking that of 596 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 1: us yet, but it is now, Like there's just too 597 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 1: much openness so orn, there's like sad everywhere, and I know, 598 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: as an adult woman, I'm learning how to have a 599 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 1: different relationship with sex, just like we were talking about, 600 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 1: to enjoy the pleasure of it and like know that 601 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 1: that's okay for me. But there's a lot of unlearning 602 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 1: that I love that the younger generation of women may 603 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:11,800 Speaker 1: not have to go through. 604 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 3: I mean, the thing is the misinformation on social media, 605 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 3: you know, on YouTube, on TikTok, I mean, the misinformation 606 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,800 Speaker 3: about how to care for your body parts right, forget 607 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,840 Speaker 3: about like actual intercourse, just like the things that they're 608 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,360 Speaker 3: telling women to put up their vaginas, for instance, which 609 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 3: is like totally not right and not safe. So part 610 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 3: of the challenge is figuring out what is reliable information, 611 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 3: and that's for all of us. That's not just for kids, 612 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 3: that's for anyone who's looking for information and like figuring 613 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,320 Speaker 3: out where are my obstacles, Like what is getting in 614 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 3: the way for me? 615 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,880 Speaker 2: Is it? Listen? 616 00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 3: Some people had real trauma, right, Some people suffered sexual 617 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:05,320 Speaker 3: assault or sexual abuse. Like that goes into having these 618 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 3: conversations with kids about how you approach it, what your 619 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:13,120 Speaker 3: comfort level is. Some people had really loving, incredible first 620 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,479 Speaker 3: sexual relationships, and so they learned early on, like, oh, 621 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 3: this is what I can expect. Some people didn't have 622 00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 3: their first orgasm until they were well into adulthood. 623 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:21,879 Speaker 5: Right. 624 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,480 Speaker 3: There's like so many different pathways we can take, and 625 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 3: a really important part of it is learning who we 626 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,839 Speaker 3: can trust, what sources of information we can trust, Which 627 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 3: people in our lives we can trust to talk about 628 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,120 Speaker 3: this stuff, who aren't going to laugh or shame us 629 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 3: or judge us for going through these journeys. So I 630 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,319 Speaker 3: think when you think about as kids get older and 631 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:48,839 Speaker 3: they're actually it's not just sort of preventative information. It's 632 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,600 Speaker 3: not just like get there first before the bad information 633 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 3: gets there. But then all of a sudden, kids are 634 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:58,480 Speaker 3: out in the world, like making choices about being intimate 635 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,720 Speaker 3: with someone and one of the things we talked earlier 636 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:05,600 Speaker 3: about what's so different today than it was? And hookup 637 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:11,879 Speaker 3: culture is like totally standard and normal in a way 638 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,320 Speaker 3: it wasn't like when I was single. So hookup culture 639 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 3: for people who don't know, is like you take the 640 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 3: order of operations of like being in a relationship or 641 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 3: sexually involved with someone, right, it was like it used 642 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 3: to be. The order of operations was like you met 643 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 3: someone at a party, you're at a bar, and then 644 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,680 Speaker 3: you went on a date with them, and then you 645 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 3: started dating, and then maybe at some point you had 646 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,920 Speaker 3: sex with them, or maybe you were dating and you 647 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 3: were in a committed relationship and then you decided to 648 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:42,879 Speaker 3: have sex with them. Now you like throw the order 649 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 3: of operations up in the air, and it's like mister 650 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 3: potato head, but instead of like the mouth being where 651 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 3: the mouth should go, like the mouth is on the 652 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,279 Speaker 3: ear and the nose is on the mouth, like there's 653 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 3: no order. And so young people are having sex with 654 00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:02,839 Speaker 3: someone they just met, and maybe they'll hang out with 655 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:07,359 Speaker 3: them after that, and then maybe they'll decide, I don't know, 656 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,000 Speaker 3: a few weeks later, they're not going to have sex 657 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,239 Speaker 3: with anyone else, But they're not dating, and they're not 658 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 3: in a committed relationship, but they're exclusive. And then maybe 659 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,800 Speaker 3: they're dating, but they're not you know, boyfriend and girlfriend 660 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,359 Speaker 3: or boyfriend and boyfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend. So it's 661 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 3: like everything we thought we knew is completely thrown up 662 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,800 Speaker 3: in the air, which makes it that much more important 663 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,640 Speaker 3: that kids understand how to advocate for themselves, to say 664 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 3: what they want and what they don't want, to understand 665 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 3: how to keep themselves safe, like preventing SDIS and STDs. 666 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 3: SDIS and a STDs are way on the rise, way 667 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 3: on the rise, and fewer kids are using condoms than 668 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,880 Speaker 3: they did twenty years ago. So and we now with 669 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 3: all the legal changes in our country, it's much harder 670 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,080 Speaker 3: to get an abortion. So all of a sudden, the 671 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:04,320 Speaker 3: conversation become that much more important on so many different 672 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,120 Speaker 3: fronts than they were. 673 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just completely different. 674 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,320 Speaker 2: If you had took scared. 675 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,839 Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, we're just like digesting it all 676 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,239 Speaker 1: because I think it's yeah, I think this is all 677 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: very relevant to what's happening. And you know, Chip and 678 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,399 Speaker 1: I neither of us have kids, and so it's something 679 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 1: I can observe from afar but obviously, like even hearing 680 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,320 Speaker 1: some of these conversations, I'm like, hads off to parents 681 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:33,160 Speaker 1: because parentsing sounds really fucking hard. I mean it sounds hard. 682 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 5: But I want to think about ourselves, Kelly, Like, if 683 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,799 Speaker 5: people are not in a committed relationship and they're out 684 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 5: in the world, like, this is not only the purview 685 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,000 Speaker 5: of kids, this is the purview of everybody. 686 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:49,839 Speaker 3: Like it's all changed, and so all of us need 687 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,279 Speaker 3: to know how to take care of ourselves and how 688 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:57,200 Speaker 3: to protect ourselves, how to find pleasure in our sexual relationships. 689 00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,879 Speaker 2: Like it's important for people of any eight. 690 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, the consent thing, all of that, that's still relevant. 691 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 1: I'm forty one. That's still very relevant amongst all my friends. 692 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,840 Speaker 1: You know that. That's like one of the conversations. But 693 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you when you're sitting in these 694 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 1: workshops and just from the work that you do, like, 695 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,520 Speaker 1: is there one overriding thing that you walk away from 696 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:20,239 Speaker 1: every time? And you're like, there it is again, like 697 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:24,840 Speaker 1: when we were talking about what America gets wrong about sex, Like, 698 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: is there an answer that you would have as you're 699 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 1: in the trenches with these kids seeing it so often? 700 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,839 Speaker 3: I think there's two things. One is about how we 701 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:41,120 Speaker 3: talk about sex, and the other is like how we 702 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,080 Speaker 3: the narrative we offer kids about sex. And I know 703 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 3: that kind of sounds like the same thing, but overall, 704 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,440 Speaker 3: when you talk to kids about sex, you're going to 705 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 3: mess up, Like you are one hundred percent at some 706 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 3: point in those conversations, you're going to mess up. And 707 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 3: so one of the things I really really encourage people 708 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,839 Speaker 3: to do is to take a do over, like own it. 709 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:08,200 Speaker 3: You messed up. So Chip, for example, not to harp 710 00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:11,320 Speaker 3: on your mother, but like, she's not gonna listen to 711 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:11,640 Speaker 3: the South. 712 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,839 Speaker 4: She doesn't even know I have a podcast, right, so 713 00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 4: we're safe or know what a podcast is. 714 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:21,320 Speaker 3: So let's say, for example, you're you said to your mom, yeah, 715 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,320 Speaker 3: so I know you like sat on the corner on 716 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,440 Speaker 3: an egg and my sister was born and great and 717 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:29,680 Speaker 3: she was like, okay, I'm clear, great, moving on. So 718 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 3: a do over would have looked like a couple days later, 719 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,319 Speaker 3: your mom realized, you know what, Chip should probably know 720 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,040 Speaker 3: how a baby is one of the ways a baby 721 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:39,799 Speaker 3: is actually made. 722 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 2: I'm gonna like revisit it. And she comes to you 723 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 2: and she. 724 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 3: Says, hey, Chip, you know when you said that a 725 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,319 Speaker 3: baby was made because a woman sits on an egg 726 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,360 Speaker 3: and then the egg is hatched. So I'm actually going 727 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 3: to tell you there's a different way that babies are made. 728 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 3: And then she proceeds to tell you right. So that's 729 00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 3: just like nuts and bolts, brass tacks information. I messed up. 730 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 3: Like I know an incredible sex educator who when her 731 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,239 Speaker 3: kid asked her when he was little what sex was, 732 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,840 Speaker 3: she told him it was a special hug. 733 00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: And she was like, I do this for a living 734 00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:15,600 Speaker 1: and that's due. 735 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,040 Speaker 2: Yes the cobbler's children. She was so mortified. 736 00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,239 Speaker 1: Stress the pressure it gets to us. 737 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,520 Speaker 3: All we say dumb shit when we are stressed out. 738 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,040 Speaker 3: But then she went back at a quieter moment and 739 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,040 Speaker 3: she was like, dude, I am so sorry. You know 740 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,000 Speaker 3: when you asked me what sex was and I told 741 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,000 Speaker 3: you it was a special hug. Well there's a better answer, 742 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 3: and she proceeded to Tom. So for those of you 743 00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 3: who are like, okay, I'm going to have the sex talk. 744 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 3: And by the way, it's not a talk, it's like 745 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 3: thousands of tiny, tiny talks, which also takes the pressure off. 746 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 3: But so that's one thing, like you got this, you 747 00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,640 Speaker 3: can do it. You're gonna mess up. We all mess up. 748 00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 3: You take a do over, you have another chance. But 749 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:05,480 Speaker 3: the second thing is when we talk about sex to kids, 750 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:10,400 Speaker 3: to friends, to whomever, we have to talk about love. 751 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 3: We have to give them the expectation that when they 752 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,200 Speaker 3: choose to be intimate with someone, and maybe choose to 753 00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:20,399 Speaker 3: be intimate with someone and have it not be love 754 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 3: and it's just fun and it's pleasurable, and it's consensual 755 00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:27,239 Speaker 3: and it's respectful. Great like if all of those things 756 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:31,840 Speaker 3: are in place, awesome, But we hope for our kids 757 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:38,560 Speaker 3: that someday they will really be seen by another person right, 758 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:42,960 Speaker 3: and that sex is an expression of that person caring 759 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,719 Speaker 3: about them so much, respecting them so much, loving them, 760 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:51,279 Speaker 3: wanting them to feel pleasure that they are going to 761 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,840 Speaker 3: do for them in their sexual relationship what they do 762 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 3: for them in other parts of their lives. They're going 763 00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,920 Speaker 3: to cook them dinner, they're going to do their launch, 764 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 3: and they are going to make sure that sex is 765 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 3: a loving, respectful, pleasurable experience. 766 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 1: I love that we miss that we miss because it's 767 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,359 Speaker 1: either or the way society has it set up now, 768 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,680 Speaker 1: it's like you don't have sex until you're married. Because 769 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:19,440 Speaker 1: of exactly what you're saying, because you want to be 770 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,560 Speaker 1: loved and respected, but that doesn't work for all of us. 771 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,120 Speaker 1: And so then it's like, if you're not married, do 772 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,680 Speaker 1: you have to negate the rest of that? No, no respect, 773 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,280 Speaker 1: the care, the love, even if it's not the person 774 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,799 Speaker 1: you end up with forever, can still be there. 775 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,720 Speaker 3: And the foundations of that are like when we're younger, 776 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,399 Speaker 3: like think about close your eyes and think about your 777 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:47,520 Speaker 3: first crush, right, and you can feel viscerally, like the 778 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:51,720 Speaker 3: butterflies in your stomach and the sweatiness and the thrill 779 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,280 Speaker 3: and the excitement, and like the desire to just connect 780 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:59,440 Speaker 3: with someone on such a deep level you weren't interested 781 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,200 Speaker 3: in having some with them. Then you had the foundation, right, 782 00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:05,399 Speaker 3: you're in sixth grade, you're in seventh grade. You had 783 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,120 Speaker 3: the foundation of just connecting to someone else. And then 784 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,200 Speaker 3: if you think, oh my god, my, you know, my 785 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:17,920 Speaker 3: young adult or myself, if I can couple that deep 786 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:23,040 Speaker 3: connection with a sex life that actually feels like a 787 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:27,600 Speaker 3: companion to that deep connection, how incredible would that be 788 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:28,200 Speaker 3: for all of us? 789 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:32,319 Speaker 2: What a better world we live in? I mean, if 790 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,920 Speaker 2: everybody else, I. 791 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 4: Mean, if you think about back to the porn conversation, 792 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:43,440 Speaker 4: most of it looks selfish, and that is teaching kids 793 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,960 Speaker 4: that that sex is not about giving pleasure, it's about 794 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:52,040 Speaker 4: receiving it, and I mean taking it or taking it and. 795 00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:54,080 Speaker 2: You know. 796 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:58,120 Speaker 4: So it's just another reason that educating your kids on 797 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,839 Speaker 4: what it's the proper way of giving and receiving love 798 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,400 Speaker 4: during sex isn't just about like pounding somebody. 799 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:11,400 Speaker 2: You know, like totally, I will say the praise. 800 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,239 Speaker 1: I will say that never get off. 801 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,680 Speaker 3: One of the first conversations I had with my oldest 802 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,000 Speaker 3: kid when he was in high school, was like, Hey, 803 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,280 Speaker 3: I don't know if you know this, but your job 804 00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,879 Speaker 3: is to make sure your partner has pleasure before. 805 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:29,000 Speaker 2: You do. 806 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,279 Speaker 1: What a good mom and fond And. 807 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,440 Speaker 3: He kind of looked at me and he was like, okay, 808 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,600 Speaker 3: and then I said and then I said something else 809 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,640 Speaker 3: to him, and I said, also, it's okay to laugh 810 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 3: and talk when you're having. 811 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:43,120 Speaker 2: Sex with someone. 812 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, it's really important to communicate because you can't 813 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,360 Speaker 3: read each other's minds and you don't know what feels 814 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,600 Speaker 3: good and you don't know what hurts, and you don't 815 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,719 Speaker 3: know what they want to do next. So ask and 816 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,279 Speaker 3: it's much easier to do that when it's someone you 817 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 3: trust and someone you have a friendship with. I didn't 818 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,680 Speaker 3: say like someone you're in love with or someone you're 819 00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,200 Speaker 3: in an exclusive relationship with. I just said someone you 820 00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,520 Speaker 3: can have a good time with and who you trust. 821 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:13,880 Speaker 3: And he came back to me two years later and 822 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,240 Speaker 3: he said, you know, Mom, when you said that thing 823 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,760 Speaker 3: about like being with someone who you trust and who 824 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:24,960 Speaker 3: like you can laugh with, that is actually true. 825 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,359 Speaker 1: And I was like right now. 826 00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:30,560 Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, I finally did something right. 827 00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,920 Speaker 1: I mean, but that's like, think about if all the 828 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,200 Speaker 1: moms with sons did that, how much better off our 829 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:42,960 Speaker 1: society would be. But it's true about it, Ken, I 830 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,160 Speaker 1: know not and it's so hard. 831 00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,319 Speaker 2: It's so hard, but it's not impossible. I think that's 832 00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:50,560 Speaker 2: what I want to say. It's not. 833 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,360 Speaker 3: It feels impossible and it feels scary, but to anyone listening, 834 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,560 Speaker 3: you can do it. Start small, Start with like the 835 00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:04,680 Speaker 3: tiny things. Start with talking about respect, or talking about laughter, 836 00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,480 Speaker 3: or talking about something that feels comfortable, and then make 837 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,879 Speaker 3: your way in to the harder topics. Do it when 838 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,279 Speaker 3: you're not staring at each other, when you're on you're 839 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,080 Speaker 3: walking the dog, you're in the car. You know, where 840 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:21,040 Speaker 3: there's no eye contact, if you're braiding your kid's hair, 841 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 3: if your kid likes you to sit with them, like 842 00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,640 Speaker 3: outside the bathroom while they're taking a bath, like whatever 843 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:30,920 Speaker 3: it is where there's no eye contact takes the pressure off. 844 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,520 Speaker 3: Everybody can breathe a little bit. But pick one thing 845 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:35,800 Speaker 3: to talk about. 846 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:40,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, I've noticed one of the things I've always hated 847 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,239 Speaker 4: about being an observer of people raising kids. And I 848 00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,680 Speaker 4: don't know if this is because my mom talk to 849 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 4: me like I was a kid. I hate when people 850 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,359 Speaker 4: talk to kids like their kids they're humans. And all 851 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,600 Speaker 4: of my friends, who I think are the best parents, 852 00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:01,000 Speaker 4: talk to their kids like their humans. Obviously, you can't 853 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,920 Speaker 4: talk to them like they're adults, because they're not, but 854 00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,760 Speaker 4: they talk to them like they're humans. And I feel 855 00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:09,239 Speaker 4: like if you just start with that route from day one, 856 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,520 Speaker 4: it makes these things a lot easier because they're used 857 00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:19,080 Speaker 4: to being spoken to like they understand things, and I 858 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,640 Speaker 4: think it probably makes them more mike kids more curious 859 00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,400 Speaker 4: because they know that they have an adult that they 860 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,279 Speaker 4: can ask questions to and they're going to get an 861 00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,640 Speaker 4: honest answer, a human answer, and not just like, Oh, 862 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:30,600 Speaker 4: that's not for you. 863 00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:31,200 Speaker 1: You're a kid. 864 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,720 Speaker 3: I mean, that's why Judy Bloom was so amazing because 865 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:39,480 Speaker 3: she saw kids as whole human beings. She didn't see 866 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:44,799 Speaker 3: them as dumb down or not worthy of honest, forthright 867 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,640 Speaker 3: fiction and information. Right Like She's like, no, you deserve 868 00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,480 Speaker 3: a full human experience, and I'm going to give it 869 00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,520 Speaker 3: to you with this book. And I think we can 870 00:47:55,600 --> 00:48:00,960 Speaker 3: really learn from her that respecting kids, it's showing them, 871 00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,080 Speaker 3: I mean, obviously age appropriate information when we talk to them, 872 00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,440 Speaker 3: but like getting curious, like hey. 873 00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,319 Speaker 2: What do you know about this? Or like what have 874 00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,719 Speaker 2: you heard about this? Or I'm so curious. 875 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,160 Speaker 3: I saw this trend on TikTok and I have no 876 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,680 Speaker 3: idea what it means. Can you please explain it to you? 877 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,279 Speaker 3: Explain it to me, because you know so much more 878 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:23,160 Speaker 3: about this than I do. Right, Like letting them be 879 00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:26,759 Speaker 3: the expert, letting them feel like they have something to 880 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:30,880 Speaker 3: contribute and something to say, and not just being talked 881 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,959 Speaker 3: down to or dismissed or dumbed down. 882 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:34,920 Speaker 2: Because I got to. 883 00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:39,920 Speaker 3: Tell you, kids are so smart, they are so funny, 884 00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,600 Speaker 3: they are so interesting, and you guys probably get the 885 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:47,120 Speaker 3: best versions of kids like, I feel like parents don't 886 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,279 Speaker 3: always get the best versions of their kids because you're 887 00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:53,160 Speaker 3: dealing with like the daily slog the like mundane crap. 888 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,279 Speaker 3: But when you get to just like sit down at 889 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:59,040 Speaker 3: a family gathering with a kid and be like, what 890 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,759 Speaker 3: music are you listening to right now? Because I need 891 00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,040 Speaker 3: some new music. I'm dying to know what you are 892 00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,440 Speaker 3: listening to. And then they are going to turn around. 893 00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,040 Speaker 3: They're going to make you laugh, they're going to blow 894 00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:12,479 Speaker 3: your mind, They're going to teach you something new. So Chip, 895 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,440 Speaker 3: I couldn't agree more. I think it is so important 896 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,560 Speaker 3: to talk to them on our level and give them 897 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,520 Speaker 3: the respect of being really curious about what they think 898 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,160 Speaker 3: and what they know. 899 00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:22,520 Speaker 5: Yeah. 900 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, well the book is this is so awkward? And 901 00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,960 Speaker 1: we mentioned the podcast called Filling the pubert t It's 902 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:34,080 Speaker 1: p u b e r t e A for you listening. 903 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,680 Speaker 1: I love but no, I think it's the most clever 904 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,200 Speaker 1: name ever. Can you tell the listeners a little bit 905 00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,040 Speaker 1: about what they might find on the podcast? 906 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:46,520 Speaker 3: I mean the podcast we cover everything from how to 907 00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:50,239 Speaker 3: have conversations with kids about sex, to how to deal 908 00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:55,239 Speaker 3: with like the nightmare of homework, to things like youth 909 00:49:55,280 --> 00:50:01,799 Speaker 3: sports over specialization treating anxiety and mental health challenges. We 910 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:06,040 Speaker 3: cover every topic that affects kids between eight and eighteen. 911 00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:11,040 Speaker 3: We love listener questions. There's some awesome ones we did 912 00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,440 Speaker 3: in an episode recently about how to handle it when 913 00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,760 Speaker 3: your teenager treats you like crap. 914 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,080 Speaker 2: Which is a very common topic. 915 00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:23,319 Speaker 3: I'm sure, so anything you need when you're dealing with 916 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,279 Speaker 3: a kid this age, and we have tons of non 917 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,400 Speaker 3: parents who listen. We have tons of trusted adults and 918 00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:36,320 Speaker 3: educators and healthcare providers because we really combine good science 919 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:42,239 Speaker 3: based information that's super important with fun and funny and 920 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:46,120 Speaker 3: really tactical strategies for having all of these conversations. 921 00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:47,840 Speaker 1: I was going to say, you know what else you 922 00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:51,560 Speaker 1: do is you teach how to have conversation, which is 923 00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,520 Speaker 1: a skill that I think a lot of people in 924 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,640 Speaker 1: this world are lacking as well. Like communications seems to 925 00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,640 Speaker 1: be really difficult for some of this. 926 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:01,920 Speaker 2: I think it's really hard for people. 927 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,120 Speaker 3: So the book that we wrote, half of the book 928 00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:08,080 Speaker 3: is about how to talk about all of this, yeah, 929 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:13,920 Speaker 3: chapter by chapter, so everything from getting boobs to porn 930 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:19,480 Speaker 3: to friendships. Half the book is about having these conversations 931 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:23,200 Speaker 3: because when you are scared, and when you are freaked out, 932 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:27,840 Speaker 3: the words don't come right. It's like I have a block, 933 00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,280 Speaker 3: And so we give tons and tons of scripts because 934 00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,279 Speaker 3: all of a sudden you're like, oh, okay, now I 935 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:36,359 Speaker 3: know what I have, how I have to start, and 936 00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:40,600 Speaker 3: then it flows from there. So, yes, communication is so important. 937 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,120 Speaker 3: Communication between you and your kid, between your kid and 938 00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:48,160 Speaker 3: their peers, all of that is super important, and so 939 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:52,000 Speaker 3: we really really hope to help people have those conversations. 940 00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:55,440 Speaker 1: I love it. I'm going to put the description I'm sorry, 941 00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,800 Speaker 1: I'm going to put the link for both of those things, 942 00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,680 Speaker 1: the podcast and the book in the description of this podcast. 943 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,000 Speaker 1: And then if people just want to keep up with you, Vanessa, 944 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:05,120 Speaker 1: where can they find you? 945 00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,680 Speaker 3: So they can follow us on Instagram at spilling the 946 00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:15,440 Speaker 3: puber Tea and Tea or at Vanessa Croll Bennett on Instagram. 947 00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:19,000 Speaker 3: And if you have any questions for the podcast, you 948 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:23,000 Speaker 3: can email the Pubertypodcast at gmail dot com. And if 949 00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,279 Speaker 3: you want to check out all of the stuff we do, 950 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,000 Speaker 3: you can visit our website less awkward dot com. Because 951 00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,760 Speaker 3: everything we do is to make this stage of life 952 00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:33,720 Speaker 3: less awkward. 953 00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,120 Speaker 1: God, I wish you guys existed when I was in 954 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,839 Speaker 1: Jami High because I was the queen of awkward. 955 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,640 Speaker 3: Well, luckily you've grown into a beautiful, beautiful butterfly. 956 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:45,319 Speaker 1: So thank you so much. 957 00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,960 Speaker 2: There's hope for there's hope for all of us, Kelly. 958 00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:48,920 Speaker 2: If you are awkward. 959 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,120 Speaker 1: Vanessa, thank you so much for being here. I love 960 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,759 Speaker 1: chatting with you. We'll just have to have you back. 961 00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,440 Speaker 2: I feel like so fun. 962 00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:58,279 Speaker 4: I feel like we're going to get a lost A 963 00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,799 Speaker 4: lot of listener emails and questions. 964 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:01,440 Speaker 2: From this one so great. 965 00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,400 Speaker 3: Bring them on, bring them on and ship if you 966 00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,239 Speaker 3: If your mom wants to have like a. 967 00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,680 Speaker 2: One on one, I'm totallyable. 968 00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,320 Speaker 4: Claudia, I can't wait to make my sister listen. I 969 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,800 Speaker 4: should order the book for my sister. 970 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:16,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, well we'll see you guys will have the book 971 00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,200 Speaker 3: and then you can decide what do you want. 972 00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,800 Speaker 1: To do with that. But thank you so much, thanks 973 00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:21,520 Speaker 1: for having me. 974 00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:22,520 Speaker 2: It was so fun. 975 00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:24,919 Speaker 1: You guys go check out all of Essa's work again. 976 00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:26,760 Speaker 1: I will put it in the description of this podcast, 977 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:28,240 Speaker 1: And thank you so much for listening.